#// the group is 4 trans women and one cis dude

[cfgodsandmonsters]

// AGGRESSIVE SIGHING

just dropped my last d&d game because holy shit I am so tired of getting misgendered.

[spacelazarwolf]

i think you’re absolutely right about the cuntboys/make trans guys pregnant shit. it made me so uncomfortable too.

pregnancy has always been a giant fear of mine, and there are people out there who genuinely think forcing trans men to get pregnant will ‘fix’ us or some shit. like, sure, it’s fine to joke abt stuff that affects you, but that post didn’t read all that jokey to me tbh.

and the cuntboy thinf. seriously? that’s essentially just pushing us- (sorry can’t remember the right word for it lol) but it’s just pushing us down to labeling us by what we were born with and differentiating us from cis men

it's just blowing my fucking mind to watch them try to backtrack and claim it was "just joking about kinks between friends" because that is literally not what happened. they were talking specifically about a group of "cuntboys" they don't like, said that they should make those "cuntboys" they don't like "fat and pregnant" and then joked about making them "breeders." if they were joking about a kink between friends, they'd have made a separate post and used language that made it clear they were talking about themselves. they didn't though bc they were literally talking specifically about a group of people they don't like and specifically weaponizing a terrifying and traumatizing experience a lot of trans ppl who can get pregnant never ever want to experience.

and i put this in the tags of my other answer, but like. when roe v wade fell, i waited on the phone for 4 hours with the "women's health clinic", the only clinic in my area that took medicaid, to try to get an appointment to get sterilized and it took another two weeks just to get it confirmed. i remember the guy i was hooking up with texted me the day the news broke and asked if i wanted to stop hooking up because he knew how huge a fear pregnancy is for me. i had been trying to get sterilization surgery for years but kept getting sent away, and finally i had to just tell the doctor i had my appointment with "listen dude i am almost 30 i know what i want if i get pregnant and i can't get an abortion my only option will be to kill myself and i really want to fucking live so please give me this surgery." insurance ended up not even covering a hysterectomy so i had to opt for tubal removal. because even being on hormones and having a clear record of asking over and over again for sterilization wasn't enough to grant me bodily autonomy, i had to give them no other option. i got misgendered the entire time i was at the hospital and don't even remember how i got home because i was barely out of anesthesia and conscious when they loaded me in my sister's car.

a pregnancy is a death sentence for so many trans people. and for those that end up going through it, or even for those who want to go through it, pregnant trans people are treated horrifically. if your kid comes out with birth defects, you can be prosecuted for child endangerment because testosterone can cause birth defects.

you do not fucking make jokes like that about other people. and you do not turn around and tell the people you made rape/forced pregnancy jokes about that they're being too sensitive or that they're somehow making you uncomfortable for calling you out on your disgusting and misogynistic joke. this is not fucking 2016 reddit you do not have to be an edgelord to be accepted as one of the guys. making literal rape jokes is not protecting trans women. it's you being a misogynist. i am not changing my mind on this.

[runthepockets]

Honestly, as a man, I think most of my greivances have been with online leftism and the attitudes the queer and feminist spaces have towards men in them have been more damaging than almost anything else in my life. I've stopped thinking about my middle school bullies, and everyone knows my abusive mom and ex girlfriend are insane, but the attitudes I'd been faced with on the internet as a teen still seem to sit with me.

It's the constant judgement. The perpetual social hierarchy of how men are only ever oppressors and be wrong in situations. "Never trust a man who says all his exes are crazy, be wary of men who speak poorly of their mothers" while women who say all their exes are crazy and speak poorly of their fathers are only ever met with sympathy and the usual "lol yeah men are trash". Masculine hobbies and modes of presentation being put down to uplift feminine ones, "when you see a 10/10 girl with a 4/10 guy" comments just cus the guy looks like a dude who works at Target rather than a goddamn movie star, penises and facial hair and deep voices are yucky disgusting, The Ick, "hate when big groups of men are laughing, what's so funny, rape and misogyny?" Videos of dudes crying and talking about how they're having a hard time is just met with ridicule and emasculating commentary from both men and women who posture themselves as kinder and smarter than the status quo, "weh weh raise the male suicide rate they're all rapists and abusers anyway", other dudes siding with women who do this shit cus they're more concerned with being One Of The Good Ones than they are having a fucking spine or a sense of individuality, not realizing they're just the male equivalent of pickme girls.

Idk man it just hurts me. I've been abused by a lot of women, had my sexual advances blown wildly out of proportion because the women in question either regretted engaging with me later or wanted to keep running with this narrative that they have no agency and are perpetually victims in their own lives even though I haven't really done anything to make them believe this, and all it gets me in these spaces is blank stares and awkward silences, when I know if the genders were flipped I'd get nothing but endless support. I'm not as upset about one of my exes making false rape accusations against me as I was as a teenager, but I'm sometimes nervous around bringing it up in leftist spaces at all because I figure folks are just gonna find a way to warp it and make me feel like I imagined the whole thing and that my ex had every right to be a shit to me because she's a girl and girls doing anything is Girl Power, even when it's actively harming others.

I'm sure me being black and trans plays a big role in this too, but again, 1) I'm not a fan of putting emphasis on my marginalization for brownie points, 2) I actually am straight, masculine, gender conforming despite those marginalizations, so there's really no identifiers for me to hide behind and claim "false comparison" over, I actually am all those things that online queer and feminist spaces take issue with and it still sucks and has actively done damage to my self esteem over the years and 3) I've seen other men-- cis, white, whatever-- of all backgrounds talking about their frustrations with this too. It's just another form of socially acceptable bullying and I kinda hate it.

People ask why I go stealth irl, why I don't go out of my way to befriend a ton of queer and liberal people my age, and why I'm adverse to communities that pride themselves on being diverse and all accepting and shit, well this is why. Cus every time I talk about a problem or criticize reactionary sentiment in those spaces, I'm met with me just being ~a pathetic man who's too sensitive to letting marginilized people vent~, I'm told that I'm part of the problem, I'm told that if I stopped being so rape-y and entitled and if I just fell in line like a good little man that I wouldn't have any of these problems, no actual solutions or sympathy, just condescension.

Yeah, of course I identify with bro culture, speak highly of masculinity, and entertain playful douchebaggery after years of that. That stuff saved my life and isn't hostile to my existence or my desires. I'm loud, energetic, assertive, with a hazing / controversial sense of humor and morality, there is no timeline where I'm going to be defanged and docile and see it as acceptable to walk all over someone for things they can't help, no matter how "privileged" they are. These subcultures let me be a man in a way a lot of online (and honestly, irl) leftist spaces aren't really willing to allow or deal with.

[okadaizoirl]

ummmmm i want more mutuals post-twitter so uhhh

my name is alex, pronouns he/him, man who likes dudes, man that's transmasc, started T on 5/23/2023

i am unashamedly neurodivergent

my opinions on discourse are uhhh. 1) it's okay to reclaim slurs that apply to you, so i'll tag things with slurs in them but just know that. 2) where i live, america, is a post-capitalist dystopia that can probably only be fixed by a guillotine and gutting corporations. corporations are where the country is really ran, the government is nothing more than a band of puppets having their pockets greased by ill-gotten gains. there's no bigger criminals than the ones on our televisions. 3) weed is cool and should be legal and possession should not be a crime, the presidential pardon for those serving sentences for possession was great but where's the followup? 4) trans rights are human rights and the fact that gay culture is incredibly phallo-centric at times is a bit alienating, however there are strides being made in accepting trans men that i'm very happy about. we should see t-dicks represented as much as cis dude dicks. 5) i objectify myself due to trauma but i'm always going to be angry about the sexualization of minors and that weird shit some parents do with shirts for literal infants containing sexual innuendo. 6) terfs and radfems use women as a scapegoat for hatred for other groups which is inherently misogynistic as generalization of women based entirely off women you perceive as 'worthy' is kind of part of that whole thing buddy. terfs and radfems hate women. they just are more open about hating trans women, their 'based' form of woman-hating. it's pathetic imo. their mistreatment of trans men also stems back to sexualization of and a feeling of sexual entitlement to dfab people and wowee zowee that's a chauvinist classic! 7) that said i'm kink friendly and my content is more suited for adults only, so display your age in your bio please and minors DO NOT INTERACT.

i am currently converting to Judaism

i have a cat his name is link he is stinky please look at him

i'm in the southeast USA, save me, they were right when they said it's really hot in hell

i like anime, video games, dudes, jerma, justin whang, tom scott, breaking bad/better call saul, a lot of shit

i write dirty words for fun

i'm just okada izou from FGO irl. massive kinnie alert.

follow me ig

[teaboot]

Not to be that person but if someone doesn't want to date anyone, for whatever reason, they don't have to, you're not discriminating against anyone because they happen to not be part of your dating pool as far as you respect their rights and identities

Bluuuuuuuuh okay so this may or may not be a longass post depending on how coherently I can translate the concept in my brain into English words, so apologies in advance.

Okay, so if a dude comes up to me and asks me out, I can say 'no thank you'. That's a thing I am 100% within my rights to do. It doesn't matter if I'm attracted to him or if I'm not attracted to him or if I think he smells bad and it turns me off, it's not important. I am allowed to say no to the king of France, I can say no to Joe Shmoe at the liquor store.

A step further is HOW I say no. Do I say, "no thank-you", or do I say, "ew, no, your face is gross"? One of these answers is polite and concise; the other, no matter how true to me, is something they're going to have to live with. 

For the rest of their life, every romantic interest they pursue, they're going think of that person who told them they were too ugly, and they're going to be ashamed or insecure or embarrassed. Maybe they'll shrug it off eventually, but maybe they won't. Either way, is that the impression of yourself you want to leave on people?

Now the fun question: what if he's a trans guy?

Once again, you can say no. For any reason at all, you can say no. Maybe you aren't attracted to him, maybe he has bad breath, maybe you're new to the concept of gender identity and your fear of somehow fucking up and hurting him is getting in the way right now. For any of these reasons you can say no! But you DON'T GET TO MAKE IT THEIR PROBLEM. 

Saying no-thanks to a trans woman because you aren't attracted to her? Totally fine. 

Telling her "NO, I DON'T LIKE DICK"- that's real sweet. That's something she has to walk away with, now- every time she meets someone she likes and wants to get to know, that person's first thought is going to be about her genitals. She'll never be good enough for anyone because all anyone cares about is her junk.

You're not interested in a trans person? Cool, you don't have to be.

You're not interested in a trans person because you haven't made peace with the reality of trans identities? Obviously not great, but sure, take the time to figure things out.

You've never been interested in someone you knew to be trans, and announce "I NEVER WANT TO DATE A TRANS PERSON"? That's a different statement. That's saying, "There is one defining characteristic that makes all trans people the same, and it's something I find repulsive!" And- Surprise!- THAT is Transphobic. Which is, at it's barest bones- say it with me now- MAKING IT SOMEONE ELSE'S PROBLEM.

And imagine, if you will, dating a lady for a few weeks. She's clever, funny, beautiful, kind- you're head over heels for her, until the very first time you have sex, and you see her vagina. And you think to yourself, "that's an ugly vagina", and break up with her.

If that was a deal breaker for you? Who gives a shit. Some would say it's a bit shallow, but so.long as things break off amicably, life will move on without anybody getting hurt.

Same situation, but you tell her "I can't be with someone who has an ugly vagina!"... Jesus fucking Christ, my guy. What the Fuck. Why the fuck would you tell her that? What on earth made you think your personal aesthetic preferences were more important than her sense of self worth? You entitled jackass. Who died and made you Empirical Minister Of Visually Pleasing Hoo-Has? Why would you SAY that to someone??

Same situation, but she's trans. "This isn't working out for me"? Sure. "I don't know anything about this subject, I don't want to move forwards until I know more"? Hard, but not cruel. "Bye honey, shlongs gross me out"??? WHAT KIND DICKBAG ARE YOU????

And that's kind of what gets me on "Can I say I'm not attracted to genderfluid people?". Because, like... I'd never tell a lesbian, "oh, you aren't attracted to men? Have you met every man on the planet? Sure, sweetie" because, like... Cis men are men all the time. You're attracted to women, whatever. Cool.

But someone who DOES experience attraction to men tells me, "Oh, I'd never DATE one!"- Then I'm sketched out. Because, like.... Why? What do you think all men have in common? You didn't say you weren't attracted to them, just that you'd never date one.

"Oh, I could NEVER date a trans man!"... Why...? The only thing I can conclude is that you're boiling down everything they are to a set of genitals, at which point, fuck, they're probably happier without you.

And by the way, how often do you hear, "UGH, I could NEVER date a CIS woman"? Think about that one for a sec. How does that one feel to a cis lady? Probably pretty shitty. Imagine hearing that from someone you have a crush on. Do you feel outraged? Embarrassed? Maybe you feel disgusting, like someone you admire is repulsed by your body.

Fucking *Ouch,* huh?

SO. Easy rules for not being a dick:

1. If you want to turn someone down, you can, no matter what your reasons are. BUT YOU DO BOT HAVE TO SHARE THOSE REASONS.

2. Their hang-ups are not your responsibility, but YOURS AREN'T THEIRS, EITHER. DO NOT tell someone you can't date them because they look like your mom, just say no and move on! DO NOT tell someone you don't want to have sex because you think their feet are gross, just say no! DO NOT bring up someone's voice or hair or eyes or genitalia, JUST SAY NO! TELLING SOMEONE YOU LIKE THEM IS HARD. BE POLITE, MOTHER FUCKERS.

3. Maybe you're already dating someone you like, and you discover new information that you weren't expecting. Maybe they're trans, maybe they had a hysterectomy, maybe they have a tattoo or a kid or a criminal record, maybe they wear a wig or have a disability or have a rubber duck fetish. Whatever it is, it's an emotional topic and you need space to process. Good! Think things out! If that ends it for you, okay, but none of these things makes someone a bad person or an ugly person or unworthy of love! Don't make them feel that way. Again, your hangups are on you, not them.

4. The next time you go to say something like, "I'd never date a trans guy", or, "I'd never date a black girl", or, "I'd never date a disabled person"- Stop, and think about why you feel that way. What is it about this group of people that you don't like? Is it a real reason, or a stereotype? Is it an aesthetic reason, and if so, don't try to dismiss is as "that's just how I feel". There's a reason. Keep digging for that reason, and once you find it, figure out if it's a belief you want to hold onto. Always ask yourself "why?". Never let yourself fall into the belief that any group is worthy of wholesale dismissal.

5. Breathe. Stay calm. You're not a bad person. Society has programmed us with a lot of biases- it's not your fault you have them, but it isn't a free pass to remain ignorant and hurt others. Be gentle with yourself, but be willing to reflect on your feelings and behaviors and rein in the ones that are harmful. No matter your feelings, at least be kind. We're all trying our best, and we all just want to be loved. Keep that in mind.

Anyhow, that's just my two cents. I hope this wasn't too winding or rambly, I'm still working out my thoughts on the matter myself. Being genderfluid doesn't make me an expert on trans issues, and I certainly don't have the experience to speak further.

If there are any corrections to be made, please let me know. Always learning!

Please take care.

[genderrelatedemotionalsupport]

Trans masculine clothing tips

@milkywaywishes-blog asked about clothing tips for all you handsome trans men out there so here’s this!!! I asked my genderfluid friend if they had any suggestions but the rest is from the internet. I may throw in one of my tips from agender days but that’s about it. This will be divided into two sections. Out and closeted. The closeted tips will be for people who can’t/aren’t ready to come out. Remember it’s totally fine to be closeted. Whatever keeps you safe. The sections aren’t strictly for closeted/out people but it’s categorized under the group that the tip leans toward more.

Out:

1. Button ups. They’re usually found in the men’s section so it may not be the safest for closeted people. They look super masculine too.

2. Loose shirts + a little slouching. (Slouching is very useful)

3. Shop at stores that have clothes for trans/nonbinary people.

4. Large old sleeveless shirts. My dad wears loose shirts without sleeves a lot. It can be one of those shirts you get from camps and that your parents order like 15 sizes too big with the sleeves cut off. Make it look worn. If you’re comfortable, cut some holes. The only problem with this is that it can expose a binder. If you’re not comfortable with that, just leave the sleeves on.

5. Find a shirt that clearly states masculine in the lettering. Some sort of funny thing that says man or dude or boy or something else.

Closeted:

1. This is a personal one and how I have all my clothes I use for agender days. If you’re obsessed with something (for me its Star Wars) find a cool men’s shirt. If you need, you could ask a friend to get it for your birthday. For shorts, mine are just “nice shorts” according to my mom. They’re pretty comfortable and closely resemble “boy shorts”

2. Hoodies. I love hoodies. The fat ones are my favorites. They’re so fat that if you’re binding or wearing a sports bra or something similar you can’t tell your chest isn’t flat. And you can always pass it off as extra floof.

3. Higher neckline. I observe stuff a lot and I’ve found that all my shirts from the men’s section have a higher neckline compared to my shirts from the women’s section.

4. Zip up sweatshirts. Those things curve a ton. My cis male friend has zip up sweatshirts and he wears them all the time. They look cool. And if you need, blame it on the sweatshirt.

5. Jeans. Loose ones though.

YOU ARE ALL VALID!!!! I’m sorry I don’t have more tips for my closeted men but I hope this helps.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

5 Ways That Bi Erasure Hurts More Than Just Bisexual People

December 2, 2014 by Milo Todd

This year, Bisexual Awareness Day/Celebrate Bisexuality Day was on September 23rd.

That same day, the National LGBTQ Task Force thought it’d be a good idea to post an article entitled “Bye Bye Bi, Hello Queer,” in which leadership programs director Evangeline Weiss said “she is ready ‘to say bye bye to the word bisexuality.’

She said it does not describe her sexual orientation, and she encouraged readers to cease using the word as well as she felt it reinforced a binary concept of gender.

Let me drive that home a little more. The National LGBTQ Task Force not only thought it would be a good idea to publish an article insulting, misrepresenting, and forsaking the bisexual letter in their own name, but did so on Celebrate Bisexuality Day.

Rude.

And a fantastic example of the constant, ongoing erasure bisexual people have to deal with. This one just happened to be incredibly blatant.

What happened as a result of that article? People got pissed.

People got so pissed that the Task Force not only removed the article from their website, but posted in its place this non-apology (it keeps being referred to as an apology, but I’m not so easily pleased): “Having listened to a wide array of feedback on the timing and content, we recognize that this blog offended people. For this we sincerely apologize. It has been removed.”

In other words, “Sorry you got pissed off. Hopefully you’ll shut up if we take it down.” Which, as far as I can tell, isn’t much of an apology for a blatant disregard of an entire community of people.

Misunderstanding of the bisexual community has been the crux of biphobia’s history and the ongoing battle to erase bisexuality from the LGBTQIA+ community.

It’s a scary time to be bi, especially when your lesbian, gay, pansexual, and queer siblings and allies are calling for your blood simply because they’ve fallen victim to the mainstream agenda without realizing it. (Say what?! Jump to #5.)

It’s time for a change.

It’s time for all of us to properly understand one another and to — hope of hopes — become allies for our incredibly similar endeavors. To help initiate that friendship, I ask you, dear reader, to go through the following three steps.

Step 1: Look below. If I’ve played my cards right, virtually every reader should find at least one category with which they identify.

Step 2: Approach your designated section(s) with an open mind, an unprejudiced heart, and a desire to further enhance your own community/ies. It’s difficult for people to learn new things and see different views if they automatically approach them with resistance, which is often the case with bisexual topics.

Step 3: See how bi erasure hurts you as a person and, while you’re at it, likely hurts the people you care about. Because it really is happening.

So here are five ways in which bi erasure is hurting people of layered identities.

1. Female-Identified People and Feminists

Bisexuality is one of the only non-monosexual* identities currently recognized in the English-speaking world. If bisexuality is kept underground, it suppresses our limited, precious resources for open discussion about non-monosexuality. This hurts female-identified people and feminists regardless of their sexual orientation.

To this day, female-identified people can’t get a fair shake. Pay is unequal, birth control access is limited, and objectification is a daily thing. Non-monosexual women in particular are often not taken seriously because they’re seen as sluts, greedy, or unable to make up their minds.

Also, the general fetishizing of women is particularly intensified in the bisexual realm by (straight-identified) men, turning the very act of women’s sexual freedom, empowerment, and self-expression into nothing more than something for male gazes. (This is most often seen through the relentless prompts for female-female-male threesomes and masculine catcalls in bars when two femme-appearing women make out.)

By participating in or casually allowing bi erasure to happen, we’re ignoring the specific plights and abuses of bisexual women, thereby contributing to the ongoing problem of female inequality, objectification, and silence.

As feminists, we can’t pick and choose which women to fight for. The complexities of womanhood — and all of its cultural suppressions — are an all-or-none deal.

*Note: Non-monosexuality usually refers to someone who is interested in more than one sex or gender. (In other words, somebody who isn’t gay, lesbian, or straight.) Another way to say “non-monosexuality” would be “polysexuality” to help keep it from sounding negative.

2. Male-Identified People and Male Liberationists*

Just like with female-identified people and feminists, bi erasure hurts male-identified people and male liberationists regardless of their sexual orientation.

Allow me to make this pretty basic: Men continue to be fed the message that being gay is bad. Being gay means you’re not really a man, which means you lose your dude membership and the bulk of your male privilege. And since gayness equals the slightest shred of attraction to or intimacy with another male, all manners of bromance must be squashed.

In short, many guys live in a state of silent terror in this regard.

Bi men are afraid of being banished from the world of lady-loving, gay men are worried about losing all of their connections to hetero land, and nothing is worse for a straight man than being called a fag.

Constant monitoring, constant filtering, constant stress: Is this really the kind of world we guys want to keep living in?

By being able to talk about bisexuality — remember: one of our only non-monosexual identities — male-identified people can begin to break free from the masculine ideal.

Bi talk helps bridge the gap between being a man (straight) and not being a man (gay) and realizing, hey, having some manner of attraction to or intimate interaction with another guy is totally okay, masculinity unscathed.

Gay men can begin to regain their identities as men, bi men can finally start coming out, and “fag” will lose its strength as an insult from one straight man to another.

*Note: Male liberationists are more or less seen as allies to feminists and vice versa. Both will argue that patriarchy is bad, but while feminists talk of how it’s bad for females, male liberationists talk of how it’s bad for males. Examples include the inability to romantically or sexually love another male, the emasculation of men of color, and the physical, verbal, and mental abuse that comes from society’s expectations to be stereotypically masculine.

3. People Who Identify as Trans Sexual, Trans Gender, Genderfluid, Genderqueer, or Gender Non-Conforming

This one’s pretty easy. Some people on the trans spectrum identify as bisexual. But then they’re told they can’t or that it’s an insult to their trans siblings because bisexuality is believed to be trans-exclusive.

The problem with bi erasure is it adds to the ongoing problem of cis people — LGQ or not — telling trans people what to think. Cis people have a bad habit of thinking they need to speak for people on the trans spectrum even when trans people are quite capable of speaking for themselves. This is even more frustrating when it comes from a community supposedly meant to support them.

Despite the personhood for which they’re continuing to fight, trans people can receive backlash from the lesbian, gay, and queer communities as their identities and bodies are turned into political battlegrounds.

Sometimes, they’re used without consent by some cis individuals so that points can be made for non-trans-specific agendas, and sometimes they’re ironically used in the attempts for cis identities to help better the trans worlds.

For instance, automatically dismissing bisexuality as trans-exclusive and guilting any person on the trans spectrum that wants to identity as bisexual, if I may make so fine a point.

As blogger Aud Traher writes, “If you want to support trans people like me, don’t erase me or speak over me or cause me harm out of self-righteous biphobia. Look into yourself and deal with that internalized biphobia and then help others get over theirs. Don’t advocate for the destruction of a community in the name of ‘saving’ it. And, especially, don’t do it in my name.”

4. People Who Identify as Gay, Lesbian, or — Yes — Straight

Quite simply, it makes gays and lesbians (and straight people) look bad, too.

Bisexual people get a bad rap for apparently upholding the gender binary by saying they love only (cis) men or (cis) women, but isn’t that pretty much exactly what gays, lesbians, and straight people are saying when they identify as gay, lesbian, or straight? That they’ll only love either (cis) men or (cis) women?

But where’s their rampant backlash from the rest of the community for upholding the gender binary? I’m just sayin’.

Even when these groups extend their definitions to include trans people and people on the gender non-conforming spectrum, it’s often still as long as those trans people exhibit some manner of gender representation that falls into the lover’s category of desire.

Now, I’m honestly not trying to rag on gays, lesbians, or even straight people. They have as much right to identify how they want as anybody else. And there’s nothing wrong with feeling primarily attracted to only, say, cis or trans men if your brain simply tells you that you only like guys. That’s fine. Go ahead and do that. I’m not saying you can’t.

What I am saying is you can’t be spewing bi hate or letting bi erasure slide because 1) it’s incredibly one-sided and unfair, and 2) in the end, it’s making you look bad, too.

What do you think will happen if bi erasure is a success? You’ll be next, dears.

*cue Jaws theme*

5. People Who Identify as Queer, Pansexual, or Another Fellow Non-Monosexual

In late October, Lizzy the Lezzy — who I quite enjoy, by the way — shared a photo on her Facebook timeline explaining sexuality in terms of guests at a BBQ.

This would be all well and good if it didn’t include a glaring misconception about bisexual people, especially when compared to pansexuals. While bisexual people were defined as getting both hot dogs and hamburgers, pansexuals were defined as getting hot dogs, hamburgers, “and a salad.” Oops. What year is this again?

I’m going to make something very plain to you, dear reader: Bisexual people don’t just love (cis) men or (cis) women. That’s not how the ballpark definition goes. The “bi” in “bisexual” does not indicate a binary. Well, okay, it does indicate a binary, but probably not the one you think.

Instead of “bi” meaning a love for only cis men or cis women or otherwise putting men and women at two opposite ends of a spectrum, “bi” means a love for identities bisexual people identify with themselves and identities that they don’t.

Or, as the popular Robyn Ochs definition goes: “I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”

Look at that very closely. That’s still a binary. That’s still “bi.” And there isn’t a thing wrong with it, no exclusion to be seen.

When compared with the general concepts of pansexuals and queers, our orientations suddenly sound pretty darn similar: We love everyone.

Bisexual people get a bad rap for apparently being transphobic. While we’ve already seen a little bit in #3 as to why we aren’t, I want to further drive the point home here. A large portion of the transphobic accusations toward us come from the queer and pansexual communities, which in turn seem to derive from some serious misinformation and misdirection by the mainstream.

For the record, queers and pansexuals are cool. I like them. But the fact of the matter is that the misconception of the “bi” in “bisexual” as meaning an attraction to only (cis) men or (cis) women — and therefore upholding the gender binary — was created and imposed upon bisexual people by the mainstream. You know, the people that want the gender binary to stick around.

And some queers and pansexuals ate the propaganda they were fed? That’s terrifying. It starts to show just how large and sneaky the mainstream’s gender binary monster truly is.

By defining and erasing bisexuality on the grounds that it upholds the gender binary, pansexuals and queers are not only reinforcing the binary they so sorely wish to dismantle, but they are losing important focus on where the problem actually resides: the mainstream’s insistence to force the gender binary on non-mainstream groups such as bisexual people.

Further, holding bisexual people responsible for the abuse they’ve suffered is simply wrong. All that’s doing is blaming the victim. But, by recognizing and respecting bisexual people as they truly are, bisexual people can not only help dismantle the gender binary and put a new definition on the concept of the spectrum, but finally be allowed to team up with pansexuals and queers to crush mainstream abuse on non-mainstream identities.

Doesn’t that sound nice? I think it sounds nice.

TL;DR

Dear non-bisexual identities, please stop shooting yourselves in the foot and then wondering why you’re missing toes.

We’re here for the same reasons you are: for the right to love whoever we want and for the right for others to do the same.

So let’s finally be friends. We’re never going to get anything done if we keep spending our time putting each other down.

[nothorses]

I have a sort of rambling question - I just figured out I'm a trans guy about.. 5? 4? months ago, came out to my family (awesome) and online (less awesome). I'm in a VERY cis VERY het space right now (on twitter, because I'm extremely into sports) and my friend group on there is... ah, subpar. I've been in a group chat for a few years and they can be really nice but they're also ALL cis and almost all het and it's just kind of awful because I'm like the ONLY trans person most of them know personally, and they keep hurting me without meaning to and excluding me without realizing it and I just am so tired of correcting them and teaching them and feeling so alone all the time and I'm so ANGRY and I don't know what to do about all of it. AND they're almost all cis women and I'm just like... not sure how to talk to them? I'm not sure what the social rules are? Because we share so many experiences but like I'm NOT a woman and I don't know how that changes the dynamic. And sometimes they'll talk about guys and I'll want to chime in bc I'm bi and I LOVE talking about guys but it'll be either a) a situation where they'll be talking about how much guys suck, which I feel like I shouldn't comment on, or b) they'll frame it like "LADIES, would you peg [this dude]" and I'll be like I don't know how to interact with this so I just don't!! Like I keep thinking about what everyone says about men butting in too much, and "reply guys" and stuff like that, but like. We're friends! I'm so confused. And I'm neurodivergent and talking to people has always been really hard for me and they're kind of all I've got at the moment, which in aware REALLY sucks but I just.. don't know what to do about it. Sorry this is so long

Oh man, I’m sorry. It sounds like you’re kinda stuck with a friend group that doesn’t really support you the way you need it. You can talk to them, and see if they’re willing to put the time and work in that it takes to be supportive for you in the way you need them to be- but if someone isn’t invested in being a good friend, you can’t really make them become invested. They have to choose that.

It sounds like you sort of already know this, but if they’re not willing to work with you, it may be time to branch out and find some friends that can support you the way you need them to. You don’t have to cut those ones off- it’s okay to have different friends that meet different needs- but you deserve to have all of those needs met.

Also, it might be a good idea in general to see if you can get into some trans-specific community spaces. Even if your cis friends choose to put the work in (and I hope they do!), they likely won’t understand what you’re going through the way someone who’s going through it can. That can be a really important thing when you’re going through big life changes.

[sugoi--sushi-blog]

Here's the Tea🍵

Please read this till the end before you judge it!!

I came out as ftm transgender about 4-5 years ago.

I thought that me hating my body and hating how everything looked wrong, was dysphoria.

Ive been to therapists and counselors, but not for my dysphoria.

My parents and family treated me like shit.

When my friend Carter came out as trans, he was the first in our group. And I do in fact believe he is ftm transgender, he's a boy, I know it deeply in my heart and I trust him.

Shortly after Carter came out.

Ethan came out

At first he thought he was Genderfluid, cool whatever, ya know?

Then I related to their struggles of hating their bodies, I did some research (not much, mostly just going to Pinterest and looking at pictures of different identities and genders.

And I related to Agender/Non Binary

Now this was during when the whole gender thing wasn't blown out of proportion. Trans-trenders existed but weren't as commonly known as far as I could tell.

Shortly after, I struggled and believed I was incorrect about being NB, and thought I was a ftm trans male.

Then Ethan came out as ftm transgender.

Then his twin came out as non binary.

Fast forward 3 or 4 years.

We have a few more friends, we met at cons or pride. I was beginning to question myself more than the usual dysphoria.

Our friend Grey, who always has perfect makeup, never discussed dysphoria, nothing that could que you into them being anything other than a girl.

They always announced they were proud to be a girl and wore (so super cute) dresses and skirts (I'm legit jealous)

Now, this isn't me hating on my friend or anything. I still respect them.

But has anyone heard the new saying, "the gays gather", like we all group up?

Like its cool! Support team of people understanding.

But 98% of our group, wasn't cis, and out of 12+ people that's pretty crazy.

What I'm trying to say

Is that I think some people are romanticized, relating, or using being in the LGBT+ community as an escape.

Like a coping mechanism.

Wanna know why I think that?

Because I (and many others) had very very low confidence or other underlying problems, I related to those who came out and told their story.

How they felt.

What they went through as a child.

What they're going through now.

Etc

I dressed masculine, I went by Jeremy and then Holden

I used he/him pronouns

I have always had short hair and I've always thought "Since I've always been such a tom boy, this makes sense!"

It felt right

But it also felt wrong

I couldn't figure out why, I thought it was just my dysphoria talking.

It wasn't until the last few months of my senior year (I graduated this year, 2019) that I noticed I genuinely enjoyed dressing androgynously or just super cute in general

Baby blues, pastel ya know all that

I didn't mind when people called me they/them

I thought, hmm, maybe I'm non binary?

I let that sit for a while

Now I have a boyfriend I met about a month after graduating, and he respected my gender identity, because he's a good egg

Anyways, I told him about my possible doubts and that maybe it was just my dysphoria talking

It wasn't until I hurt myself by wearing my binder too long that he encouraged me to wear a sports bra during my work shift because I worked 'behind scenes' anyways and I have to wear cook clothes and it would be beneficial to my health. I finally bought a sports bra

I found one thats kinda concealing and almost had the same shape as a binder so I thought it was perfect

But that hurt me too

My ribs were bruised, my lungs aches, I was short of breath, etc etc

((Man I'm so sorry if you're reading this and you're just confused because I definitely didn't plan my life story out and uhhhhhh its all over the place))

He did some research and suggested I just take a week long break from my binder. I didn't have many hours scheduled at work, so it was a good time to just stay at home

After all that, I questioned myself more about my gender

I recently purchased a pink tutu cuz I thought it was cute

I wore that so often, just around my house

I thought I was so cute oh my goodness

I questioned more

My boyfriend brought up his Theory to me, his theory about how all my past abuse, neglect, and overall bad childhood, my lack of confidence, depression and anxiety, possibly played a role in why I believed I was trans

He was terrified to tell me, he thought I would get pissed at him and break up with him

But everything he told me

Was exactly how I felt and completely accurate.

He wasn't pressuring me to change or anything, but I took what he said as motivation to experiment and figure out who I am

A few months later I can confidently say that I am a woman, and all I needed was confidence and support

Now, I've gained so much confidence through my experimenting

I feel so good, and beautiful

It feels so nice (((:

A few days ago, a video popped up on my boyfriends YouTube, it said "Hundreds of Transgender People Trying to Return to Birth Gender" (or something similar)

We watched the video (which was just a dude reading the article)

There are 'ex-trans' people trying to save money to detransition.

Their mental health and physical health problems led them to believe they were transgender

I believe people are being romanticized into believing they are part of the LGBT+ community

Cis people saying "only women can do that" or "since you like to do (masculine thing) you must be trans!", is very hurtful!!

My name is Genevieve, and welcome to my Ted Talk

Please message me your thoughts!!!!

[soulvomit]

I feel like identifying as non-binary would totally be impossible with how my life is set up. I do business with fairly square people in my own age group and older. I'm in a heterosexual-presenting relationship with a heterosexually identified man.

In the social group I'm adjacent to that's accepting of and encouraging of non-binary identity, I'm "othered" for other reasons (being Jewish, being over 35, and actually not being geeky/fannish enough.) And I'm not androgynous the "right" way (the young, skinny, Manic Pixie Dream Person art student way) for them.

I don't know, sometimes, where I fit.

It might have been different 20 years ago when I was mostly among LGBTQ people, except *then* I wondered if I was trans (possibly because this conversation was just not happening yet).

Even then, I wasn't gender non-conforming in the *right* ways. I wasn't a butch lesbian with a nonetheless homosocial social setup, who prioritized women in every part of my life. I was a snarky bisexual computer nerd who had mostly male friends and liked lots of "guy" media. I felt pressure to identify as lesbian from my 20s, believe it or not, mostly for the sake of the comfort of women - especially my male friends' spouses and partners - but also because of the "sibling" dynamic I had with *men* and not wanting to give that up in order to date them.

One reason I didn't date much is because it was a confusing mess and being in *any* relationships, fucked with my sense of identity and self, even though I've no desire to change my body or dress like a man. I dated a lot of guys in my teens but had fucked up dynamics with them, because I wasn't the kind of woman they were expected to be with by their entire social world. Whenever a guy liked me, he also expected to change me. It was just constantly humiliating and debasing and I got sick of it and preferred a sibling dynamic with men. But then I discovered that I wasn't womaning right for lesbian and even bi women, either. Whenever anyone did like me it so often conflicted with their assumptions about themselves and their sexual orientation and *that* got old quickly.

For a long time, my gender was my job, as long as I picked the right job. I couldn't do front-facing service jobs without being nitpicked to death about gender conformity stuff and I wish people understood that this is not about how one wears their hair. It's about stuff like facial expressions, body movements, how one speaks, etc, and when you're a woman who isn't gender conforming then you risk being seen as uncooperative/unlikable. My voice was nitpicked to death. It's a reason I thought I had Asperger's for a long time.

What helped was discovering that I got on better in environments where women are allowed to have a "serious" persona. Computers in the 90s, were a great environment. But a big reason I couldn't go back in, is because of the MPDG persona being so compulsory among women geeks/nerds now in ways that it wasnt in the 90s, and it being reeeeeally amplified in nerdy/geeky environments. The one environment I was accepted in, I now feel chased out of. I feel like I'm supposed to have a bright hair color, giggle a lot, talk like I've been sucking helium, and bounce around like I drank 4 Rockstar drinks. (Has anyone considered that this is ageist, btw, and an ageist performance that's required of lots of LGBTQ people and women in some environments, but *not* cis men, *ever?* In every environment I've been in where this is expected, cis men got to just be reserved dudes in polo shirts. There is NO unmarked manner of presentation for any other group. Maybe I'll even venture as far as to say cis het men.)

Another great environment was health because tbh I experience much less of the skin crawling in very ethnically and socially diverse spaces, less being held to one specific (white, upper middle class) behavioral standard. The women I did work with in those spaces? Super down to earth, we got along great! I could be a totally serious person. The requirements for being seen as nice and likable as a woman in health care are different from the requirements in customer service. Also: SCRUBS AND UNIFORMS. Some women wear hypergendered scrubs, but I could wear black, tan, or blue and it wasn't a big deal because plenty of women wore those, too. It was the only space where there was actually a gender neutral standard of any kind.

I'm in art now and it's a *major* cause of absolute skin crawling discomfort, because male artists can look like anything but there's a *very* gendered performance that's popular with female artists - the young manic pixie dream girl with a high voice.

And I have to market *myself* which is filling me with absolute dread.

I want to disappear from the world, I can't just be in the world as myself as any kind of public figure (and I can't just be in the world as myself anymore, anyway, because of the social space I now move in. At least business clothes and business spaces give me a way to make my private self private, because of weird social rules around people in business dress and business spaces. A businessperson or professional is allowed to be impersonal and have a closely guarded private self, to a much greater degree.)

[runthepockets]

thanks for posting a free link to that trans article, i would love to hear some of your expanded thoughts/reactions on the piece if you ever had the time. you always are posting well spoken real shit man

Haha thanks dude. Tbh I thought it was a great article, I think it spoke a lot of truth that a lot of trans guys are afraid of confronting either because of their own fear of what the subconcious mind is capable of, and honestly it's nice to see another trans guy who's sympathetic to what turns young boys into incels / right wingers instead of shrugging it off and painting it as "cis man behavior", as if we're not all pretty active participants in patriarchy and internalize a lot of that thinking whether we benefit from it or not (some cases worse than others, there's a difference between a guy who refers to women as "females" and dudes who shoot up schools cus their crush rejected them.)

I also liked how he refers to himself as a boy getting hazed by other boys instead of doing the whole "AFAB socialized" thing. Not every guy has to fall in line with binary thought in context of their transitions but I think the former perspective sheds light on how the way trans men are treated by their cis male peers isn't really that unique to trans men at all, it happens to nonwhite guys in big groups of white people and neurodivergent guys in big groups of neurotypical guys, and, fuck it even happens to like, straight guys who dress goth and still sleep with stuffed animals. I like that he ties it all in with the oppression of trans women too and how it others them from womanhood in some weird shitty impulse a lot of guys have to misgender themselves in order to avoid accountability. I think it's important to identify how hate movements start and how all struggles are connected and I think the writer does a good job of conveying that while also putting emphasis on how trans men's experiences under patriarchy are still unique, just like a black or Asian dude's are.

Tbh though I don't necessarily relate to or agree with the whole "being wary of men despite being one" thing. Just kinda makes me roll my eyes. Idk when guys are dipshits to / around me I either tell them to shut up or stop hanging out with them. I've done it to friends and family, I once walked out on a job in the middle of a shift cus both of my male bosses were assholes and one was an annoying pervert on top of it. I'm stubborn and confrontational by nature so it's kinda annoying seeing this sort of universal helplessness everywhere in trans guy spaces, despite living as men full time and especially from guys who spent most of their pre transition days complaining about men not holding other men accountable and spend most of their current transition (rightfully) talking about being self made men who choose their own destiny, so I'm kinda over it. That's no fault or flaw of OP's though that's just my opinion.

I also honestly don't care if misogyny is different whether it's a trans or cis guy doing it, I don't care if we don't "benefit" from doing it, I don't care if it's a trauma response, a lot of shitty people have trauma and use it as an excuse to be assholes, I don't care if they're cis or trans, a dick is a dick. Misogyny is a concious decision and it's the wrong one. Again I appreciate him explaining where the hatred comes from and I suppose a bit of elaboration is necessary to garner sympathy from the types of people who like to paint trans men as uniquely misogynistic but I don't think we need to coddle these guys anymore, especially when 4 years prior they were complaining about cis dudes who do the same shit. Not only are they assholes, they're also hypocrites, and I don't have the patience or sympathy for it.

None of that was a big enough deal to not reblog though, it's still a great article and OP made some wonderful insightful points, it was nice to just see a trans guy be honest instead of telling everyone what they wanna hear. Trans guys really like doing that for some reason.

[kidsfromyesterdaypod]

Here Come the Emo Girls

We’ve made two episodes about misogyny in emo music; the first one was Episode 4 ‘Girl All the Bad Guys Want’ and the second Episode 8 ‘“All Panic, No Disco’’’. We wanted to highlight how sometimes subcultures like emo or punk or scene are believed to be made up entirely of men, with women as secondary features or afterthoughts. There’s been tonnes of studies over the years on women in punk music, and we wanted to talk about women* in emo because we believe the girls buying tickets and merch and setting up fandom spaces and creating and believing in these bands are what makes emo such an amazing movement.

In episode 4 we talked about “if you can’t see it, you can’t be it” which is to say, if you don’t see yourself represented on stage, in the crew, in the industry in general, it’s much harder to see yourself doing it because you have to be your own idol. You have to be your own inspiration, and that’s hard. In episode 8 we included a list of women in emo that inspired us – though this is a non-exhaustive list as even now I keep thinking about people we left out. We included women like Avril Lavigne because she was the first example of an alternative woman we saw in the early 2000s, and women like Billie Eilish because we think she is the future of the 4th (or even 5th) wave of emo. A lot of people had an issue with this, but we talked it through in the episode. Not only that, in 2006 when Panic! and MCR were becoming what we think of as emo today, the emo fans from the 90s/early 00s were all too keen to say: “that’s not emo it’s just ____”. Not only that, but there hasn’t been a single emo band in existence that has been happy to be called emo or that embraced the label. Not a single one.

Tay Jardine /SAINTE: we actually played a round of Real Lyric, Fake Lyric using Tay’s songs. She arrived on the scene around 2011 (I think) with We Are the In Crowd. She was dismissed a lot as wannabe Hayley Williams, but her music was just the style of the time and we think a lot of the flack came from the fact that there weren’t many female-fronted bands around. (Plus, nobody is out there telling those groups of white cis dudes that they all sound the same, even though they all too often do.)

Cassadee Pope: former frontwoman of Hey Monday, Cassadee is now a country music star and she’s still emo af. We don’t make the rules. Hey Monday were synonymous with bands like All Time Low and hung around in that scene. We also featured Cassadee songs in Real Lyric, Fake Lyric.

Hayley Williams: the OG. Comparison is the thief of joy but it didn’t stop anyone comparing every single small white emo woman to her. If you’ve ever listened to our episodes you’ll know we love her a lot.

Jess Bowen: Kickass drummer formerly of The Summer Set. I remember the first time I saw her play, at Slamdunk (UK). I knew some TSS songs but I didn’t know anything about the band; it’s weird to be surprised by a musician’s gender. I kind of hate it, it shouldn’t be a surprise, but it doesn’t take away from how awesome Jess is.

Nicole Row: current Panic! at the Disco bassist. As Clodagh said in episode 8, how incredible to feel like you could play with one of the most famous emo bands in the world. She’s awesome.

LIGHTS: I was never into her music but a lot of emo people I knew when I was in school loved her. Her music is kinda electro-synth but still pretty cool, and her aesthetic is like quintessential emo girl.

Hey Violet: described occasionally as pastel goth, we think HV are the emo sound of the future. Or the present. Is this the future?

We talked about tonnes more; if you’re interested, listen here to the episodes

Much love from Dark Basement HQ,

Courtney ^_^

[*this is not to exclude nb people, we focused on the binary because we were retrospectively looking back on emo from the late 2000s. Although obviously nb/trans people existed then too, the LGBT focus was on sexuality. It hasn’t been that long but LGBTQ+ inclusion in alternative subcultures has changed a lot since. In our upcoming 9th episode we talk about the focus on gender binary in emo a little more. We are two cis girls and don’t want to speak over anyone’s experiences, especially as we can only speak to our own. In fact we totally invite you to email us (kidsfromyesterdaypod[at]gmail.com) and we would love to chat with you if you have anything to add, whether that’s about being LGBTQ+ in emo or specifically about being nb, or something else entirely – we’d love to hear from you!]

[bjro233]

The Life of a Gay Man and His Need To Prove It

#1 The “Gay Gene”

               Although it has only been found in males, a linkage to males and homosexuality has been discovered by Dean Hamer and colleagues. On X chromosomes there is an unidentified gene that these scientists have named Xq28, which they relate directly to homosexuality. It’s a very controversial theory but ultimately purposes so many answers.            

#2 Evidence is Mounting for Homosexual Men

               “In 1993, genetic variations in a region on the X chromosome in men were linked to whether they were heterosexual or homosexual, and in 1995, a region on chromosome 8 was identified.” says Andy Coghlan from thenewscientist.com. This just proves that no, gay men don’t just wake up one morning and say “Hey, I wanna try dick today.”

#3 The Third Gender: Muxes

              In southern Mexico, the Zapotec people recognize a third gender called Muxes. In our culture, they would be known as homosexual people and transgendered people. This just makes me realize that some cultures, although so old, are so ahead of their time, open-minded, and progressive. Another reason to yell @ Donald Trump, don’t build the damn wall.  

  #4 We Are Not Alone

              Listen, science isn’t the only thing that proves this theory. Look at our environment and what isn’t directly affected by or altered by humans. “Homosexual behaviour is a natural biological feature and is common among non-human animals. In at least one species – sheep – individual animals have been known to form lasting preferences for same-sex partners.” says Australias Science Channel. Fun Fact: the oldest living tortoise who was thought to be female but was actually male only mated with males. Thus showing why no babies were being born.

#5 Should We Care About Giving Reason To Being Gay?

                Of course, being gay myself, you’re faced with a lot of harassment, questioning, judgment, and bigotry. Religion really attacks you, and you’re forced to feel like an outcast and forced into a stereotype. So, given the chance and these scientific findings, it can help explain to people who don’t believe/understand. It normalizes sexuality, it lowers being/feeling like a minority. “It adds yet more evidence that sexual orientation is not a ‘lifestyle choice’. But the real significance is that it takes us one step closer to understanding the origins of one of the most fascinating and important features of human beings.” says Dean Hammer from newscientist.com.

#6 Being A Watermelon in A Sea Full of Cacti

                      One word: Grindr. If you’re a gay male, you either gagged or hid your face in shamefulness for using the app. My need to prove myself starts here, it completely drains lives of romance and relationship oriented people. It sends a message that all gay men are they same, they’re horny and only want to bone. “The mental health professionals I spoke to are seeing problematic Grindr use in their clinics. And there is little published guidance on how to help those who are struggling.” says Jack Turban with Vox.com. This app is notorious for only being used to have sex, and it’s showing and obviously causing detrimental effects on gay men.

#7 Breaking Stereotypes One Straight @ A Time

                    Growing up, I only had girlfriends. Instead of playing basketball or throwing a football at recess, after school, in college, etc... I jumped rope. I learned how to french braid, I sang and danced. I yearned for the male on male friendship, or bromance you may say. I never got it because theres a stereotype, “I don’t have a problem with gay guys, but if he hits on me its game over.” Now, I can say once straight cis men give me a shot, they realize the stupidity behind it. I always here, “I’m not gay, but you’re one of the coolest dudes.” which isn’t ideal, but it’s progress.                    

#8 Trouble in the Workplace

                     When I bring up LGBTQ issues to acquaintances, a lot of the times i’m faced with “I don’t think gay people have a lot of issues nowadays”. But we dont, thats why I feel its so important for me to prove myself, my life, and what comes along with it. The facts, the struggles, the ugly truth. “59% said that where they live, they are less likely to be afforded employment opportunities because they are part of the LGBTQ community. One in five stated that they have had difficulty when applying for positions.” says victoryinstitute.net

#9 Let’s Prove Stats Wrong!

               Statistics can be demeaning, not all the time are they helpful or good. Sadly, for the LGBTQ+ community, the stats are disheartening. For example, LGBTQ people are 5X as likely to commit suicide than heterosexual people says thetrevorproject.org. 77% of LGBTQ youth reported are depressed, have anxiety, and/or have feelings of worthlessness says hrc.org. So, to all the heterosexual people out there wondering where their “Straight month” or “Straight parade is”, you have it, 11 months out of the year because you dont have struggles like that.

#10 Trans People are Simply, People.

                  Working with white, privileged, conservative, middle-to-upper class women, i’m forced to hear a lot of what they believe and how they think and what political decision they have recently made. Now and then, obvious and not so obvious transgendered women come into the store to shop and they outwardly treat them different or question the “real gender” of the person. I ask myself why whatever is under their clothes matter so much to them. When I tell them they are a woman, and that’s all they are, they are confused and partly agitated because I didn’t give them the answer they wanted to hear. Saddening fact? In a national study, 40% of transgender adults reported having made a suicide attempt. 92% of these individuals reported having attempted suicide before the age of 25 says thetrevorproject.org. Maybe if we stop making people feel so different, and start working toward progression instead of sticking our nose where it doesnt belong, we could actually get somewhere. Proving myself, to help the Trans community.

#11 “Gay People Can’t Naturally Reproduce”

                          I want a family, I want someone to call my husband. My son or daughter, my family. I need that in my life weather it is “natural” or not. People are so pressed about the natural way of things, but they can’t see that a majority of LGBTQ people who don’t reproduce via a man and a woman, help reduce the amount of foster children.14,000 foster children are being raised by Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual foster parents says Movement Advanced Project. Just because I am a man, married to a man, with our own children doesn’t make us any less capable for raising a family. 

#12 LG(B)TQ+

                Another group of people that are drastically hated on for being themselves. Human beings can’t grasp that someone may actually be more concerned about someones personality rather than their sexual organs. According to 2013 research by the University of Pittsburgh, 15% of people did not categorize bisexuality as a legitimate sexuality, with straight men being three times as likely to think it's "not a thing." People looking at you and just thinking you’re fake or just too horny. It’s pathetic, hence another reason to prove myself, my sexuality, for the other groups in my community.

#13 You Can Be Cured With Some Treatment & Religion - Mackelmore

                     Ever since before me, for a very long time, we were taught that there are conversion treatments, that being gay was a mental disability, a deformity. There were actually shock therapy treatments and conversion camps for LGBTQ+ people, people were killed in the midst of these treatments. But heres, *tap tap* the mutha f*ucking, *tap tap* TEA! American Psychological Association undertook a thorough review of the existing research on the efficacy of conversion therapy and their report noted that there was very little  research on sexual orientation change efforts (SOCEs) and that the "results of scientifically valid research indicate that it is unlikely that individuals will be able to reduce same-sex attractions or increase other-sex sexual attractions through SOCE." says hrc.com. Today there are still states that legalize this method!! Stop this!!

#14 The Importance of PRIDE

                   This isn’t just a time for LGBTQ+ people and allies to strut down the street in cute colorful clothing. This parade we participate in is a lesson, its teaching others about what we’re trying to do. Policies, laws, and other arguments we want and need heard. During the 2000s, battles at local, state, and national levels were being fought for marriage equality. Pride parades were utilized to educate the public, generate support, and encourage lawmakers to vote in favor of LGBT rights says thegayfamilylawmaker.com. We need to educate people on the education pride parades actually do. If it wasn’t for these parades, we wouldn’t have made the progress we have today. 

#15 The Audacity!?

                 My need to prove myself may be... borderline pathetic. HOWEVER, it’s so important and necessary in today’s society. The fact that just in 1982, it was okay to openly discriminate against LGBTQ people. IN 1996, it was BANNED to marry unless it was between a man and a women. Only in 2011 was “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” finally repealed. This may sound like good news... but then BAM! THIS YEAR, President Trump banned Transgender people from being in the military.(CNN.com) Every time we feel like we’re ahead, we get knocked back down a few steps. This is why it is important, this is why it is necessary, this is why i’m doing it. 

REFERENCES

https://australiascience.tv/science-of-sexuality/

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/cross-cultural-evidence-for-the-genetics-of-homosexuality/

https://www.newscientist.com/article/2155810-what-do-the-new-gay-genes-tell-us-about-sexual-orientation/

https://www.sciencenews.org/article/genetics-dna-homosexuality-gay-orientation-attractiveness-straight

https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2018/10/giant-study-links-dna-variants-same-sex-behavior

https://www.cnn.com/2015/06/19/us/lgbt-rights-milestones-fast-facts/index.html

https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2018/4/4/17177058/grindr-gay-men-mental-health-psychiatrist

https://victoryinstitute.org/issue-at-a-glance-lgbtq-employment-discrimination/

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/preventing-suicide/facts-about-suicide/#sm.00001tfv8n5yekdvsq5f6al6h6i7u

https://www.hrc.org/resources/2018-lgbtq-youth-report

https://justlists.wordpress.com/2012/01/18/familyequality/

[tetraspace-west]

I posted 89 times in 2021

10 posts created (11%)

79 posts reblogged (89%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 7.9 posts.

I added 39 tags in 2021

#pmmm - 7 posts

#deltarune - 6 posts

#kirby - 5 posts

#terra ignota - 4 posts

#omori - 4 posts

#madoka magica - 4 posts

#homestuck - 3 posts

#me - 2 posts

#omori aubrey - 2 posts

#chubby white dudes - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 45 characters

#had this as a draft when the chapter came out

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

diluting the homeopathy in non-placebo medicine to amplify its effects even further

3 notes • Posted 2021-11-27 14:00:31 GMT

#4

this really tetraspaces my grouping

3 notes • Posted 2021-09-21 19:03:04 GMT

#3

I went over to the Schelling point but there was nobody there, what gives?

3 notes • Posted 2021-07-11 20:20:01 GMT

#2

You mentioned, in a post about infohazards, "detailed gender" and "monocameralism"

Is this referring to the idea of gender in general (as opposed to, e.g. a sort of neutral genderless tabula rasa) and single house legislatures, or is there a deeper meaning?

“Monocameralism” is in the sense of Jaynes’ The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind - that book claims that humans once experienced decisionmaking as an actual voice in their head issuing commands, that’s why religion and literature in ancient times was like that, and that in about 1,000 BC this stopped and people started experiencing consciousness as they do today, as a cultural adaptation to allow them to trade.

If this was the case (I don’t think it is, it’s just a very fun theory), then from the point of view of the last people with bicameral minds, monocameralism would be this terrible thing killing the gods that one could catch just by listening to a monocameral person talking too much about their internal experience.

“Detailed gender” was mostly about some thing I read a while ago where a trans woman learned more facts about cis women and then felt sad because she was a statistical outlier among women and those axes. Maybe this generalises.

5 notes • Posted 2021-01-13 18:36:07 GMT

#1

a christian atheist is someone who professes belief in atheist god, a jewish atheist is someone who’s mother was an atheist

31 notes • Posted 2021-07-11 16:33:50 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[wide-worlds-joy]

Had a friend who works at a store I shop at ask me if I watch RuPaul's Drag Race. She assumed that because I'm trans that of course I do.

I told her no. That I hated the show, that I would turn it to the worst Z-movie in the world before I'd watch it. She laughed and asked me why.

I know other transwomen have talked about RuPaul's tragic Transmisogyny, transphobia, disparaging remarks and more. I won't rehash that. I will also say that I loved the character of RuPaul many years ago. Here's an elegant woman who PASSES, 6' tall, in 6" heels looking FANTASTIC. I loved it. Then I heard from the Drag community that I'm not a woman.

That was a shock to say the least. One would think that a group (gay men, crossdressers, and performers) who is marginalized and made fun of would go out of their way to include others who were also marginalized for the very same reason, instead of going out of their way to hurt them. Especially when a transwoman was responsible for starting their Gay Pride and getting them most of the rights they now enjoy.

But it comes down to a few key things:

1. Hate does not belong in our community at all. 2. They are performance artists, and exaggerated. 3. They are purposefully doing all they can to look extreme. 4. They say they are celebrating femininity, but I know of no woman, cis or other, who wears screaming green neon eyeshadow up to their hairline and out to their ears. 5. At the end of the day, THEY are the man in the dress. 5a. They get to go home and untape themselves 5b. They get to take their tits off and put them in a box. 5c. They get to say all they want about me and my life.

6. I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THEIR DISPARAGING REMARKS ABOUT ME.

I am not a man in a dress. I live as a woman all the time. I have extra body parts that I don't want, would cut off if I could, will have cut off if I get the money, DESPERATELY want to have transplants from any transman who has body parts they don't want. I want all of being a woman. I don't care about the bathrooms, I want to get rid of feces and piss when I go in there, or to put my makeup on.

But because of what RuPaul, Dame Edna and many other drag actors have said over time, I'M the one who gets punched, I'M the one who has a woman scream "DID I COME INTO THE WRONG BATHROOM" when I'm doing my makeup, I'M the one who watches a woman walk backwards away from me while I do the makeup because I'm in the Lady's room. I get to have that happen. I get "Dude Looks Like a Lady" sung at me in bad a bad voice while I walk down the street (which has totally destroyed Lola and that song for me, I cannot enjoy them).

Yes, I am gay. I am a lesbian. I love women, my wife, and I have had bi leanings sometimes. But I'm not trying to peep on your wives or daughters, I'm in the fucking bathroom to piss.

At the end of the day, the Drag Performers on Drag Race are men pretending to be an exaggerated form of a woman, and they get to go back to being male and having male privilege. I lost all my privilege when I started this 7 years ago. I and ladies like me are at the BOTTOM of the empowerment chart.

RuPaul and others like him have sacrificed little, really, to disparage me.

There's a saying among men, "I'd give my left (or right) nut to have ________________." Meaning they would sacrifice something they love dearly to get what they want.

This is me. This is who I am. I am a woman, and I have LITERALLY tried to give BOTH nuts to be this.

RuPaul, the Drag Race, transmisogynists, transphobes and all those who can't see that, can suck my left tit.

[dekuinthelake]

Are you a Boy or a Girl?

I’ve been getting this question a lot since I changed my header to include gender, where as it didn’t before. This is hardly the first time the question of sex has be posed at me. People have been asking me this since I was six years old.

And the answer? Well, it’s a little complicated...

From a very young age I was classified as a “tomboy” by my immediate family. One of the few positive things I can say about my mother is that she tried to raise my sister and I rather gender neutral considering she’s a Mormon. My interests were (for the most part) aloud to be explored and what I ended up liking were animals, swords and video games; Any and all “boy stuff”. No one was particularly surprised or unsupportive, as many of my friends were boys. My Grandfather even called me Mikey, the male version of my name, and still does to this day oddly enough.

Before I went to grade school my preferences weren’t challenged by anyone. Except my actual male friends. Kids under the age of 4 tend to just take their clothes off, and so I got my first lesson of biological differences when my childhood friend and I decided to strip naked and run around the yard, as kids to.

It was incredibly confusing, and I hadn’t learned the term Tomboy wasn’t literal. So for a long time in my youth, I just thought I was a different type of boy.

When I went to school at 6 years old, people would question why I was wearing boy stuff, or why I had my hair cut short once I spoke and they realized that I was actually a girl. Most of the time, people just shrugged it off, especially adults. But kids were absolutely volatile about -any- aberrant behavior for a “girl”.

I got made fun of, a lot. He-she was the most common thing in elementary, but as I grew older, naturally the insults and bullying got much, much worse.

It was particularly bad in church. Women are not treated like equal citizens in general by young boys, and putting a superiority complex on top of that which is enforced by Mormon ethics was miserable. Girls -had- to wear dresses and act meek or wise. Up until this point, I’d been doing the opposite of what I was expected to do because for all intensive purposes, I’d been treated and raised like a guy. Suddenly my mother had these weird feminine expectations for me that coincided with Mormonism.

And that just wasn’t me.

I wasn’t raised on dresses and dolls. I was allowed to play with dinosaurs and go digging in the mud. All of my friends were boys and they treated me the same as the other guys.

Puberty changed that entirely in most situations. Sure, I still had a lot of dude friends who I was just one of, but increasingly I felt displaced because the comfort zone I was aloud to grow up in was drastically changing.

Highschool was absolutely the worst for this. I was desperately trying to fit in to the mold that was set out for me. Being a woman is important, and it alienated me from both men and women because I’ve never felt like a girl, but I’m not biologically male and it’s instantly recognizable from my features and voice.

There were days I’d skip home to just lay in my bed and cry about it. I wanted to rip off my own damn skin because I felt so -wrong-. I turn, I lashed out at a lot of people trying to figure out who I should be, or who my mother wanted me to be, or even the church I’d been forced to follow for most of my young life.

It’s scary now looking back, and even more frightening looking forward. I know now that I’ve never wanted to be the sex I was born as— ever. Over time this feeling as just kept getting stronger and stronger.

But what can I do about that? There are a lot of complications being transgender. I worry that many of my friends will find it awkward and stop talking to me, or that my father will be weird about it being the cis male republican he is. Dating would be a thousand times more complicated because fairly, a lot of gay men (men are my preference) won’t date people who aren’t naturally born men. How would you even bring it up in conversation? It’s reasonable to predict a lot of people would be incredibly rude, and to be honest when you take shit for just being you all of your life it gets harder and harder to even want to try socializing.

But by far, the most difficult part about all of this is the reality of it. There is nothing I can do to have what I’d like in this situation. No matter what, I’ll always be stuck with what I was born with, and people will find that repulsive. In fact, no matter if I had the inconceivable amounts of money and time to transition, people would still be upset. No matter what I do, it’s impossible to get comfortable in my own skin around people because I’m taking shit from all sides.

And that’s why I like the internet. Everyone starts out neutral when you can’t see a face or hear a voice. For the most part, people will judge you based on your actions and what you say... that’s ultimately what I want. When it comes to friendships or social interaction, I want people to come out of it liking, or disliking me for who I am as a person, not what genitals I have.

Online games in particular point out just how grossly people equate gender to skill. No one ever is nasty to me until I speak up in a voice chat and reveal I was an ABERRANT WOMAN the entire time. I always feel betrayed, especially because I feel like they constantly misgender me. I did some competitive WoW PvP earlier this week and I haven’t felt this isolated, this disgusting about my body in a long time.

Seriously, if you are a dude who plays games, please never immediately point out a female voice and make it a joke. It really fucking hurts to be singled out all the time, even as an adult.

Especially if you are trans and afraid to ask them to call you male pronouns because of how homophobic, racist and sexist the randoms you are grouped with can be... I mean, I can never be happy with my body and having men constantly point out how much worse women are is equivalent to skinning a person alive and rolling them in salt for an hour....

So, the short answer? The gender I identify with is male. Please call me male pronouns.

I don’t want any more special consideration than that. I don’t expect people to bend over backwards for me... but it would be nice to at least be comfortable for once in my god damn life.