#// nothign really happened

[dykedvonte]

I think any fix-it mouthwashing au has to have the mandatory scenes of Curly either being able to blink again or speaking for the first time.

[br1ghtestlight]

bcuz im living closer to her now my mom has been trying to insert herself back into my life and like. whatever i will accept her free labour in the form of washing dishes for me or cleaning the bathtub but when she starts texting me at midnight asking if i want gas station snacks bcuz she's in the area..... girl we're not going this. we BOTH know this isn't happening. cmon

[gutttings]

not to complain about the same thing over and over and over again but i how am i meant to keep waking up every day wondering if it'll be the last day i get to talk to my best friend before they kill themself

[nightfallsystem]

art is literally hthe only thing i have left in life which kind of sucks but at least it gives me an excuse to overwork myself until i cry

[cosmosynthesis]

school starts tkmrowo maybi i should leanr how to us e this app (it is 2am ignore my horrid tyoign plz)

[strwberri-milk]

Being a bit indulgent (bc I'm sick) and asking for a sick fic Kae, Diluc, and Zhongli please. It can be either his s/o or the boys themselves I don't mind! :)

oh i hate being sick i cant fucking breathe and nothign tastes good its jawoefjawofa god

Kaeya is the most miserable man alive when he's sick. The less severe the illness the more dramatic he is. If he's actually so sick he should be staying home he feels so guilty for being useless that he'll do everything he can to get work done and avoid being useless.

However, if he's just down from a cold and just coughs every so often he's got more than enough energy to rain hell down on you for not cuddling him enough for being a sad, sick man.

He isn't good at staying in bed either way. He walks around constantly or tries to bother you or be a busybody. Staying in one place isn't really something he's interested in doing, and him being sick just makes it significantly worse. He gets even more restless when confronted with the fact that he really should be resting. Telling him what to do makes him want to do the opposite, so it can be very counterproductive.

Whenever you're sick he does his best to take care of you! He's pretty good at it too and you do feel yourself getting better but you can't help but worry about Kaeya's well-being since he holds and kisses you so often despite your illness. You don't want to get him sick but he swears up and down he doesn't care.

His food is definitely...medicinal. He's great at cooking unless it's to make you feel better. Something awful happens and he makes stuff that is good for you, and definitely tastes like it too.

Diluc is also awful at being sick. He's a little better in the sense that he will stay at the winery and focus primarily on paperwork. However, the issue is indeed that he is too focused on paperwork. He doesn't remember to eat or take any sort of medicine. You'll end up having to force feed it down his throat if you want any chance of Diluc ingesting anything that could potentially make him feel better.

This means that sometimes, Diluc stays sick longer than he should since he refuses to eat food. His body is working on fumes at this point, even more so than usual. He's simply a shell of a man when he's sick, mechanically working through his things and somehow finishing them even though he'll have no recollection of actually doing the work once he's fine again.

Diluc also gets very spacey. He isn't all there and sometimes, if you're lucky you get to see the very real effect that fatigue has on him. He easily curls up on anything and falls asleep, inadvertently getting enough rest to the point that it could negate the consequences of not eating.

When you get sick Diluc becomes very anal about making sure you stay rested and eating. He'll feed you himself, finding easily digestible things that can satiate you without turning your stomach.

You might feel like he's suffocating you a bit with his inability to leave you alone but he's working so earnestly to make sure you feel better that you can't mind. He's putting in all his energy to making sure you're alright, and somehow it does work. You think you get better faster thanks to his attention and devotion, something he's very proud about.

Zhongli is the only good patient to have when sick. He's willing to sit back and relax, take his time and really ensure that he gets better quicker rather than later. He doesn't exactly toil through work, but he will get some light tasks done before trying to get fresh air to better his constitution.

He is very particular about the medicine he takes. He just wants to make sure he does it right to avoid any complications, making him again, the ideal patient.

Thanks to all of this, he gets better pretty quickly. Illnesses don't knock him on his ass but he does take some preventative measures after being sick to avoid getting sick again.

When you get sick he's good at taking care of you and giving you space if you want it. If you don't, then he'll be concocting some herbal remedies to help cope with your symptoms in addition to the medicine you take to actually help with the illness. He knows the symptoms are generally the worst part, which is why he tries to manage them as much as possible.

He also likes to just quietly spend time with you in the day as you get some rest, gently running his fingers through your hair as you nap peacefully in the afternoon sun. He wishes that your breathing wasn't so laboured, but seeing you at peace calms his heart just a little.

[ilovescaredysquirrel2]

The new Backyardigans reboot vs Fairy odd parents reboot

Okay, I do have an opinion on this new Backyardigans reboot, even though I was never a big fan of it as a kid. I didn't get real excited for it like I got for Max & Ruby or Little Bear, or even Oobi. However, I feel bad for the creator of the show who just died, and I didn't hear any controversies on her, so I'm assuming Janice Burgess was a good person. I think a similar thing happened to SpongeBob when Stephen Hillenburg died, but the "Kamp Koral" show was made a few years after he died. Plus, for SpongeBob, he's like Nickelodeon's life support, where as, Nick Jr. can live without the Backyardigans and has been for roughly 10 years (I'm not sure when they took it off air, probably around the same time they dropped Moose & Zee?). Also, I believe the original creator of Dora the Explorer is still alive, but I could be wrong. They made a cruddy reboot on BOTH Dora and the Backyardigans.

Also, the reason why the Fairy Odd Parents reboot worked because the original show was trashy and offensive. I made a post about me ranting on how offensive Fairly Odd Parents actually was, even if you enjoyed it as a kid I recommend you read that post or rewatch the clips that I called offensive. The Reboot doesn't have Butch Hartman (or should I say B*tch Fartman) working on it, so it's probably not as racist and sexist and ableist. However, the Backyardigans was NEVER offensive, like Fairly Odd Parents was. There was nothign wrong with the original Backyardigans and they didn't need to be changed so much.

The designs in the new Backyardigans reboot are also an issue. It's kinda giving Cocomelon, and what's wrong with the original designs? What's wrong with today's kids seeing small-eyed characters? I grew up on small0eyed characters and I turned out fine. Do they only want to attract babies and toddlers and not preschoolers. Honestly, I found some episodes of Backyardigans quite boring as a kid, but the songs were fun and I'm sure as I got older I would have enjoyed the stories more. Also, they kind of lightened the colors of the Backyardignas a bit (I know I can't count that as white-washing, since they didn't actually have races) but that's another thing. I guess it doesn't really matter but someone in the comments section of an instagram post said that they looked "white washed". I guess it's because they had POC names and I don't think it's right to make the colors lighter, but I really know.

If you have any thoughts, type in the comments. Maybe you can convince me to agree with you if you don't agree with me, or vice versa. I respect opinions, even if I argue!

[avesmonster]

let's talk about KEPLER i have a theory that he got the eccentric half of his personality from jacobi. because he acts totally different depending on who he's talking to. first of all:

the way cutter says this implies that kepler never jokes around with them. he's like "YOU'VE got to be kidding cause that's nothing like kepler at all" even though we've all heard kepler tell that fuckign pig joke and also just about everything else he says in s3

and we know he's scared of cutter (this is when the sol manifests out of nothign)

and that he's ALWAYS been scared of cutter. throwback to kansas

so it makes sense he wouldn't be all silly goofy around Scary Man Number One (he also doesn't seem to be very unafraid of pryce. not even rachel is unafraid of pryce but that's a different topic). so he's only silly when he's COMFORTABLE...... and that said i'll circle back around to this later

first thing with jacobi i wanna point out is that he was the one who taught kepler questions only. which seems to be the best thing that has ever happened to kepler why is he so enthused about this game

and then at the end of no complaints

this really makes it sound like jacobi pranks kepler all the time but it's totally unthinkable that Kepler would ever prank him back. Jacobi is so astonished by this (and idk what the Duck Thing was but. whatever it is it apparently wasn't a prank)

anyway it would make sense that jacobi plays around at work a lot because. his profile literally says he does

and kepler seems to highly value this trait of jacobi's. first by enjoying his sarcasm and then when he tells eiffel that jacobi is a smart man for telling eiffel to lighten up

and all the way up to dirty work, kepler is his usual silly and irritating self. even when he's taken captive and down a hand, he keeps joking around. and playing twenty questions with people. and overall being a smug little jackass

until... dirty work happens. and something shifts in kepler. something MAJOR because once jacobi turns on him, his whole demeanor and brain chemistry changes in under 24 hours

he's completely serious after this. he has a few bantery lines but otherwise, he's all business, and he's SCARED, and he's not interested in joking around with anyone anymore. he's stuck pretending to be on cutter's side and that means he has to act NORMAL--apparently his "normal" doesn't include being a silly little man

and like,, he honest to god didn't think jacobi was upset with him. which is a whole other thing i could talk about but for the purposes of this argument, it really is the Exact Moment that he realizes he lost jacobi's support that his personality makes the shift. when he still THOUGHT jacobi was on his side, even after getting his ass kicked by everyone on the station and bob, after being completely humiliated he STILL acts smug and unserious. like i cannot overstate the shift that happens in this man during dirty work i really can't

so going back to kansas. which is the only scene we have of him before he met jacobi. he was very rigid, nervous, and angry. and that's ALL he was. also

he's just a man who wants to be taken seriously. apparently

which,, the life he built came at a pretty ridiculously steep cost. so yeah, i guess he WOULD want to be taken seriously. it's not like he has anything else

he's an empty shell. he's a manipulator, too--he knows how imitate people around him to make them comfortable. He emulates Cutter to the point of making his job his whole personality. It's not out of the question that he would pick up some personality traits from jacobi, the man who's been glued to his side for six years. especially when he's around jacobi and he's having fun. jacobi likes having fun!! so kepler can do that too!! he can imitate people and be just like a real boy!!

going back to no complaints once more, kepler is all business that whole time. other than when he gets really excited about questions only. and of course when it was revealed it was all a prank--even then he didn't do any kind of big reveal, he just?? "Yes I Pranked You" RIGID. happy though :) and that was only one year into knowing each other. he likes the games jacobi taught him and he liked playing that prank and he liked planning a,, frankly EXCESSIVE first anniversary party with his subordinate but i digress, he's still kinda flat in no complaints but it seems like he's having a bit of a shift?? he's having fun with jacobi. he doesn't have fun with anyone else--not really, not when jacobi isn't somewhere in the same building and on his side

and since jacobi has a whole philosophy about "work shouldn't be separate from play," it's implied that he plays pranks on kepler, and implied that he's always getting into trouble--idk, to me it really feels like kepler absorbed some of jacobi's personality over the years. for funsies <3

thanks for coming to my kepler talk he's all i ever think about

[deadgrantaires]

at some point in the like. 30 minutes between by roommate going to bed and me going to bed last night, the balls of my left foot started to hurt so so fuckign bad for no reason at all. it feels like a goddamn. boen bruise. but ive done NOTHIGN THAT COULDVE AT ALL CAUSED IT. it was hurting so bad even while lying in bed last night that i got up to take ibprofen and that STILL did nothing and when i got up this morning it hadnt imporved at all and all day ive had to walk around mostly on my heel on that foot to the point now my HEEL is hurting really bad too so the whole foots baiscally out of commission due to... mystery pain. and im supposed to cut peppers for peppersteak and i still dont knwo how this happened or how long itll take until it doesnt feel like im dying when i stand

[myrskytuuli]

please do share your thoughts on small talk 👀

I just feel like people get weirdly smug about "not doing small talk" Yes, there are wild differences between cultures about where and when small talk is expected. I hated the "how are yous" from cashiers of uk and usa, because they are not expected in my culture. But if I want to get to know a new person, or navigate unexpected social situations, now matter where I am, it just has to be done through small talk. It's just a necessary component of how human interaction works.

And yes, many people are bad at this. Being bad at small talk is fine, but trying to jump over it straight to the "good parts" usually always makes things worse. Small talk very much has a purpose, and its social calibration to scope out the feel of the person. What kind mood are they in? What kind of energy levels they are at? Where the conversation veers from there depends a lot from what you suss out during the lighter small talk topics. If someone is already tired or sad or melancholy, I would not want to bring up depressing existential topics, while a more energetic and positive tone gives me a green light to veer the conversation to more silly topics. A little bit of small talk when you approach a new peron you don't know that well can save you from very unplasant moments of saying something completely tone deaf and embarassing. It's also that if you approach a new person with a really heavy conversational topic already locked and loaded, they might feel trapped by it. It's easy to just casually slide out of small talk, if you don't want to talk to someone, but if that someone has started the conversation with "do you believe in free will" or "let me tell you about the life-cycle of the hummingbird" it is difficult to just leave without looking like a dick. That's why I would never be brave enough to jump over small talk when starting a conversation, because I'm terrified that I've locked someone into listenign to my infodumb against their will. I feel much more comfrotable sequieing from meanigless chatter about the weather into more spesific topics after I've gotten a bit of read on how the other person is responding to me.

Also, and this is just my own experience speaking, but I do feel like people who are loudly proud about being above small talk have the tendency to think that everything they say is deep and meaningful and everythign you say is shallow and meaningless. I think most people who have attended house parties have at some point met this person. The one who loudly proclaims that the world would be a better place if we all just discussed philosophy more, and then goes on a two hour monologue about their last breakup with full confidence that this is a philosophical discussion instead of a onesided ramble. And don't even get me started on all the tinder profiles with no other text expect "don't approach me with a hello, say something interesting or gtfo" Like, call me a boring normie, but I don't want to start every interaction with coming up with a new and clever quip that's measured as the only indicator on whether any conversation should be even started.

And if you are locked in a situationship with total strangers, I don't want to hear about their hobbies or philosophies. I want to hear friendly noises, that assure me that we all feel friendly towards each other, despite being stuck in an elevator. Just meaningless chatter that tells me that no one here is about to throw a random temper tantrum, while we wait to be let out.

And sometimes I just want to lightly chatter with my loved ones, even if we have nothign of really importance to say, to just exchange some idle gossip or telling about mundane things that have happened, just for the pleasure of getting to hear the voice.

I used to be firmly in the camp "I hate small talk, it's dumb" untill I met too many obnoxious people who have made it a weird point of pride to be condescending towards other people who are just trying to navigate social interactions in a completely logical way. Nobody needs to be good at small talk, or even enjoy it, but in my opinion overenthusiastic small talkers are much more preferable to the cynic who doesn't waste time with small talk.

[superchat]

i dont care. i dont care im wasting my time, I DONT CARE. my heart already aches for you. you know it''s true and i do as well. if i didnt help you then. well. honestly my life would be the same and that hurts. it hurts so much to know.i guess there's nothign i can really do. juist. please think about it. it's the best choice for you. i know that when you're unconscionably depressed that pain feel s so nice and even afterwards too. but there's always some part that yearns for truth, for love, for companionship, hope, joy, and and all the other dumb bullshit words that aren't real. and like i said i was in your place and i'm genuinely happy now. i'm seriously happy. i want you, as my sister, to be happy too. i'll prolly only be on this beat when i'm drunk again so no promises, but this'll be my last one. fore the night i love you. i always have.

very kind anon but i think im existing more as a concept to you, you dont rlly see the irl me on here. there is a reason i cannot rlly keep lasting friendships with ppl , if you tried to be friends with me the same would happen to you,

thank you for wanting to see me flourish or something similar but you are setting yourself up for dissapointment, sorry again

[neon-in-the-night-time]

nothign like a good ol' spreadsheet to make me less nervous about figuring out which classes im gonna have to take next semester

gonna have to take 18 credits to graduate on time, which... i dont want to think about

i have two backups for each requirement i have to take (except for my senior baking and pastry labs, which... i dont really want to think about what will happen if i dont get into those)

but yeah the spreadsheet helped with like 80% of the anxiety i love spreadsheets :) it's color-coded and everything :)

[dykevanny]

haz i know absolutely nothign about zeno rpg but ur zeno au has intrigued me and im curious about it,,, i saw smth abt like. meomory loss and being handcuffed together and ik they eat ppl but thats it 😭 explain the au if u want ig bc im interested and i think thye look so silly. also bc u put vanny n will in my brain and they wont leave im shooing them with a boom and they are not moving

OK LET ME GET THE INFODUMP<3

So ummm Zeno au<3 I’m really normal. Allow me to give a brief explanation of what Zeno is first You see, Zeno is a fictional disease sort of thing that makes people cannibals. Specifically an oneset is caused by traumatic events/extreme cases of unrequited love(specifically mostly familial) and the only cure is eating the flesh of someone else with Zeno.(not widely known.) It’s also transmittable through biting like zombies. there’s one specific facility with scientists dedicated to getting to the bottom of how to cure zeno, also housing ‘patients’ (or, people with zeno being used as lab rats). Now onto character lore.

So william and henry were good friends right. Yeah. Considering that they even have a small diner together. Well one day will got zeno (oh no!) and started slowly picking off kids going to the diner. He even accidentally attacked Charlie, who escaped in one piece luckily. Charlie went to the afton household to see if he was doing okay (because will’s like an uncle to her and all! And also what if everyone else got hurt?) only to find will ate them all oops. And yeah same happened to her, but since he transmitted zeno to Charlie he was cured! How convenient! The people in charge of the labs ended up roping him and henry into being scientists for them through shady shady means and well the two aren’t on good terms and avoid each other like the plague. Henry’s still sore over the ‘you ate my fucking daughter’ thing. Luckily he has his assistant/the archivist (tape girl) to keep him company. So Vanessa right! Crazzy I know. Nessa as we know comes from a broken family. In this specific au I’m mixing her backstory with the character who’s place she’s taking (hi kuro) so basically her parents. Neglect her. In favor of her younger sibling because she was born from her mom’s affair and blablabla… she grows up basically taking care of herself. Eventually she develops zeno and starts you know. Killing and eating random girls as you do. When one night she comes home and is confronted by her parents about this!! And well you can guess. What happens to them lol. She gets captured and taken to the zeno facility where she’s specifically studied/talked to by William! They’re funny bc nessa hasn’t had anyone willingly spend so much time around her and be so nice to her. Will … well she’s a specimen to him lol. Since being cured himself zeno has been a subject of interest to him, he’s thrown himself completely into his work (under the guise of feeling soooo guilty for his actions which henry can see right through) and well. He’s realized the consumption of human flesh has something to do with it, since eating Charlie cured him. So he’s been …. Robbing the morgue/killing people when needed to feed vanessa every time they meet. Which, she’s more docile when she’s not hungry so it kind of works but she’s not like cured you know. It has the side affect of her being hungry when it’s time for someone to chat with her though which was funny the one time henry had to go in will’s stead cause he offered her a granola bar and she was like 😐 ew.?? Anyways will has gotten her total trust because he also plays board games with her yay!! He’s the only one not enforcing the whole straightjacket-dog muzzle combo also so she’s like woah !! He sees me as another human unlike these other guys :DD (needless to say zeno patients are not treated very humanely.lol) there was also one time tape girl had to be a substitute for william but nothing of note happened they just kinda chilled and ness threatened her in a backhanded and mildly gay sort of way.as you do.

Anyway yeah so basically Henry’s been experimenting with treatment through amnesia and totally surely unrelated note at the actual start of the story, Will and Nessa wake up in a strange room with no clue who they are or how they got here, and have to navigate the now bloody and corpse-strewn facility while handcuffed together with nothing to guide them except each other and the only clue to their pasts is tampered resumes which effectively switch their backstories!! Nessa is under the impression that she’s the scientist (the whole cannibalism part was left out) and she thinks William is the serial murderer/cannibal. Which was funny cause she read her own resume like wow… I’m kind of a big deal huh :) and then read Will’s like ERM.OKAY… Will didn’t read either of the resumes. Also tape girl gave everyone code names and said code names were swapped on the resumes also! So ‘bonnie’(nessa) and ‘vanny’(will) are just kind of cluelessly walking around like damn this place is really… corpsey:) until henry starts showing up and trying to kill them (he contracted zeno big surprise) and also tape girl (assumed dead) shows up sometimes just to see how things are going. Lots of shenanigans and also murder ensue.

The game also has multiple endings so. sometimes nessa ends up killing william lol. Intestine jumprope…. … ……… Also side note.will found out it’s specifically zeno infected humans that need to be fed to patients to cure them but kinda. Didn’t cure nessa on purpose<3 because she’s sort of entirely dependent on him in this way and she’s kind of his only friend.the same way he’s her only friend……wacky wild!

Tape girl is having a fucking.day. Because henry mentioned he was going to do something but likeee. She didn’t expect to be caught in the crossfires of a HUGE MASS MURDER CANNIBAL EVENT.AS LIKE ONE OF THE 4 PEOPLE STILL ALIVE IN HERE,.. once he chilled out henry explained himself and she agreed to help out (she also decided to distribute some of her recorded notes.just for fun…after the two get separated for the first time ‘vanny’ listens to them and is like woah… i was a patient here⁉️ And bon was my unethical doctor⁉️⁉️ which is funny) but like. She is the only one NOT infected in here and would like to keep it that way so she’s having quite the time. Seeing vanessa walking around unrestrained keeps jumpscaring her LOL. Once ness’s zeno symptoms start returning well ofc will as the only one she’d encountered here who she cares about is the first target but tape girl nearly gets chomped too lol.

Zeno has an interesting affect on the subjects mood which is funny. Basically when an oneset happens and the person with zeno is running around eating people they’re in a crazed manic state which. Is really fun.will and nessa are wandering around handcufffed and he’s like uhh bonnie you okay cause her facial expressions.well they went from the example on the left to the one on the right.

It’s funny bc. The memory erasure actually technically did work… her symptoms only started returning bc she got bit LOL

Pre-the amnesia incident the other three’s interactions with vanessa were pretty.limited. Considering she’s theeee most dangerous patient. Will talks to her for like an hour daily but Henry only really knows her as ‘william’s mutt’ (he was especially not a fan when he found out will had been FEEDING HER HUMAN FLESH.) and tape girl is afraid of her but also. Kind of endeared from their two in person interactions. The second one in which vanessa tried to convince her to let her cannibalize her but hey she was very polite about it..!! Henry and tape girl are both shocked and stunned that she’s actually pretty chill when she’s not insane and eating people.

TL;DR

^these fuckheads are almost all cannibals and beating each other up forever

[heretherebedork]

thank you for putting your frustration with love sea into posts. i agree 100% it feels like i am watching a completely different show than the people loving it in the tag and on my dash the only positive was the pretty scenery in the first couple episodes and the fact that fort and peat work great together. i liked their earlier sex scenes. i thought they could have an interesting dynamic once it develops further. there was something to it that i could latch on. and now i just skip forward through most scenes, and i entirely skip vi and mook (aahahahahah i hate vivi so so so so much, absolutely nothign she does is genuine. she is so childish and entitled and so fucking annoying.) i completely agree with your comments re: mut and how we are told he is a good guy but he barely lives up to that reputation. most of the time he ignores boundaries. like, really important boundaries. and what the hell is going on with meena and how him being meant to protect her apparently means making her face her abusive grandfather... oh boy! if the show had 12 episodes, i'd drop it. but i've endured it so far, so now i want to finish it.

The problem is that he is a MAME seme which is to say that he is perfect in every way and if he's not, well yes he was and you better accept that.

It's why I call Ter a MAME seme.

But yes.

I watch, I write, I suffer and I do it willingly. But I also don't tag it because I am here to offer my opinion and I know I won't change anyone's mind.

We are definitely watching a different show than the people loving it and I've experienced that many times before and I really do wonder what show they're watching sometimes.

The worst part is that they were close with Mut. Like, I was even just rolling my eyes are most of what he did. But today's episode was SO contradictory to everything that's happened in the other episodes and that's been said about him and with his own damn words that I don't know how people... aren't bothered by it.

Now, admittedly, I do not seek out positive meta about this show. I read it if I see it and I am often very confused by it but I do not look for it and most of my mutuals aren't watching.

But it's just... it's wild to me.

I will finish it. I always do. But also because if I am going to criticize MAME, I gotta know what's going on.

[frecklystars]

im sorry I just need to let this out for a second

This is normal after an attempt but I’m so fucking numb all the time. And what’s worse is I don’t have anyone in my family who cares if something happens to me. My dad treats a suicide attempt like it is no big deal or it’s rly an inconvenience, like he had to make a 10 minute drive to the hospital when he would rather be banging some new girl he meets with every other day

I feel weird because I don’t want to tell my friends what I did bc like. How do you bring that up. “Hi Keri how are you” “oh I’m hanging in there I tried to kill myself July 21st and I would have died if my dad didn’t find me and now I’m dealing with the weight of failure and I’m severely depressed and I can’t bring myself to self ship bc im so numb all the time. How are you!”

I really wish somebody could hug me and tell me things are gonna be ok. I wanted to invite some friends over but I can’t bc my dad! is! constantly fucking somebody! and like. I am just so numb and sad all the time. I had to pull over while driving earlier bc I was crying so hard and I couldn’t calm down. I want to at least rely on my f/os. My whole life I’ve relied on f/os when real people could not care about me. I always felt so safe and loved with my f/os. That shit was robbed from me and I am just sitting here without any outlet other than planning how I can hurt myself again when my dad goes out of town. I hate living like this I’m so fucking sick of living like this. I really wish I died. I am so tired all the time. It’s so hard I wish I could put into words how crippling it is to live with not only physical disabilities but also ptsd and cptsd and being paranoid that I can’t trust any of my friends. I miss my f/os. I really fuckign miss having them to lean on. When I made my attempts on my life in 2022 I still had Starscream. I got thru this pain because I could think of him. Now I am trying os hard to think of Ken but I keep thinkgin he’d just be so scared of me. He’d be scared of the blood. I hthink he’d be really sick of dealing with my ptsd every day. I don’t even feel love for him right now I just feel so numb like nothign can possibly get better for me I’ve been fighting so damn hard for almost two years now and I’ve been fighting depression since I was 7 years old and I’ve been doing it completely by myself bci don’t have a family that would care if anytiitn happened to me

[ferinehuntress]

Name: Karlach Cliffgate Nickname: The Demonsbane, Zariel's Champion, The Fury of Avernus, Karebear, Red, Fireball Relationship Status: Taken (Shadowheart) [This is default if karlach isn't romancing your charrie] Gender: Cis-female Romantic Orientation: Homosexual Homoromantic. Preferred Pet Names: Devil (Exclusive to Shadowheart), Darling, Sweetheart

Opinion on True Love: Karlach believes that there is a possibility of it, but she had all but given up on hope that she would find it. After so much time in the hells, she didn't think she ever really get teh chance, but it didn't ruin her belief that it was possible. Just didn't know if it was possible for herself with her conditions. Opinion on Love at First Sight: After seeing Aylin and Isobel, Karlach believes its a rare gift for someone to have this. Much like trying to find a pure untainted diamond; rare but exist. How ‘Romantic’ Are They?: Karlach is one hell of a romantic tiefling but also clueless as how to do it. She is very hypersexual and knows all about sex, but romance is an entirely different story. She might go a little overboard but in all genuine desire to truly make something special. She'll want to take you out on dates, try to make little roleplay scenarios to have fun. She will bring you gifts, flowers, and read books and poems to you if you like that. Ultimately, while it may seem over the top, this is Karlach's way of genuinely showing her interest and that she loves you and wants to spend more time with you.

Ideal Physical Traits: Karlach think all women are gorgeous, and not a single one is ignored in her eyes. However, Karlach is partial to elves and drow, and find their lithe appearance and beautiful little pointed ears something to admire. From the pale skin of an elf to the dark tones of the drow; all she can do is admire and grace someone with words of their beauty. Karlach loves long hair as well, something she can play with (and perhaps pull and tug a bit on). Ideal Personality Traits: Her girls have to have a snip to their lips. While there is nothign wrong with soft spoken women, Karlach loves her women that are sharp tongued and sassy. She loves the spark they can create and put someone on their ass with just a few words. But she also loves a gentleness in them, one where seh can go to and know they will not be bothered if she's feeling down and needs comfort from them. Mainly, Karlach looks for strong-willed powerful women who can stand on their own two feet. Unattractive Physical Traits: While Karlach doesn't think its unattractive, she has no attraction to women with short hair. She likes hair that is at least shoulder length or longer. But she does not think of it as ugly or displeasing, just she prefers longer hair. Its easier to list unattractive personality then appearance, as Karlach thinks all women are beautiful no matter what traits. Unattractive Personality Traits: Karlach does not like arrogance or people who treat her as an unintelligent barbarian. Arrogance is an ugly trait in her eyes, and if a woman acts with arrogance, she despises it. There is a difference between arrogance and confidence. She loves confident women, but that level of arrogance where someone looks down upon someone doesn't attract Karlach. Also, she doesn't like anyone who is a coward or willing to betray someone. Loyalty is a very important personality trait, and if your willing to stab someone in the back she will immediately question everything about you.

Ideal Date: Taking you out to dinner would be the first thing, she would want to treat you to some good food and wine within the privacy on a beautiful balcony that could overlook something lovely; like the seaside, a forest, or something. This could always been a quiet picnic surrounded with candles. Afterward, she would walk to take to go to the privacy of a room, and just enjoy quality time with you. Its not unlikely for sex to happen, but it would be more then that. Just being with her partner, seeing them smiling, happy. And moreso then anything would be the aftercare, to take you to a hottub, oils and massages. Ultimately, she wants to spoil you.

Do They Have a Type?: Elves and Drow, hands down. Average Relationship Length: Karlach has never actually had a real relationship. A lot of flings and friends with benefits but she never really had a girlfriend before. Preferred Non-Sexual Intimacy: Baths. Skin to skin contact, pressed up against each other and helping each other bathe. To be able to physically touch someone like this, feeds the touch-starved tiefling and allows her to be close and intimate with someone in a vulnerable way. Commitment Level: 110%. Karlach is not in this for just fun and games, she wants to commit, heart, soul, and mind. If she chooses you, there is no turning back. She is in it for the long run. So ultimately, it is going to be her partner who breaks her heart if they don't truly want this, because she won't.

Opinion of Public Affection: Karlach loves affection and it doesn't matter where they are. She will hold your hand, and in some way she will always be touching you. Her tail will wrap around your waist, your wrist, or in your hand. And she may even say things that are not always appropriate, but it is never to embarrass. Karlach has no shame in terms of what to say in public even if its about sex. This sex positive tiefling doesn't see a problem with it (but she will absolutely stop it if bothers her partner). Ultimately, though, she just wants to be able to hold your hand. Past Relationships?: None of importance. Everything was for fun, and she never had a real relationship.

Writers Note: Karlach never had a chance at a real relationship. She was just enjoying life at the time, not really looking to settle down just yet because she wanted to have her own place, with a bed and more. she was trying to save up to open up her own tavern as well while working with Gortash. So she hadn't been looking for any real commitments at the time. All of that was ruined when she went to the hells, and she could not even think about relationships when she was trying to make sure her throat wasn't slashed. She's had plenty of experience in sex, but Karlach truly wants something special, someone special, to spend her life with. And while she might stumble, not know what to do, her heart is truly in a place that wants to spoil and love her partner and know that she will NEVER leave them, ever.

Name: Aylin Silverblood Nickname: Daughter of Selune, The Silver Maiden's Sword, Angel, Aylin, Dragon Relationship Status: Taken [Soul Bond with Isobel] Gender: Cis-female Romantic Orientation: homosexual Homoromantic Preferred Pet Names: Darling, Dear, Love

Opinion on True Love: Aylin has always believed in true love. It first developed from all the books she would read, the stories of love and adventure and romance all in one. She always hoped to find it and often talked with her dragon mother, Silvara, about it. Silvara would talk about Selune and her other loves she had, though it was always bitter sweet conversations for the dragon. For dragons live centuries, and her lovers had all come and gone. Selune is immortal, but even she can not stay with her forever as Selune is a goddess in teh celestial planes. Still, Aylin's own birth was crafted because of True love, and so Aylin believes in it. Opinion on Love at First Sight: Yet another thing Aylin believes in without a shadow of a doubt. In a way, she felt this is why she had never connected with anyone, because she had yet to find the one she was to be with. She knows of the stories of souls destine to be with each other no matter how many deaths. Selune allows reincarnation and so two lovers can have multiple lives and finding each other. However, Aylin wasn't sure she would have this, as she is immortal, but she had hoped and prayed that the one she was destined for was out there. And that is when she saw Isobel, for the first time, and knew Love at first sight was real. How ‘Romantic’ Are They?: romance is almost too easy for Aylin. She knows how to woo Isobel with just a set of words, she brings her flowers, and always finds way to spoil her love. She will speak poetry on her balcony and get down on her knee to proclaim her love to her. She leaves little notes and will always cuddle with her. Aylin is the epitome of romantic gestures.

Ideal Physical Traits: Beautiful green eyes, dark hair turned silver, the voice of a sweet soft angel, Its Isobel. Isobel is the ideal traits for her. Ideal Personality Traits: Compassion that is larger then her heart, sass to knock people down a few pegs, a gentleness that is stronger then any barbarian, and a strength that is greater then any mountain. Unattractive Physical Traits: Not being Isobel. Unattractive Personality Traits: Again, not being Isobel.

Ideal Date: Aylin would take Isobel away, from everything and everyone, to a small little lakeside for a picnic, where they would enjoy the sunset and watch the moon rise into the sky and the night take over with all the sparkling lights. She would then take a moonlight flight with her in her arms, and returning her to her room. She would wait for Isobel to invite her to bed, and then, they would make love for the evening and she would fall asleep with her wings around Isobel.

Do They Have a Type?: Isobel. Average Relationship Length: She has been with Isobel for 1349 and almost instantly started her relationship. After 6 years of dating, with Melodia and Ketheric's approval (even though Ketheric was a little begrudging) did Isobel and Aylin bind their souls together under Selune's moonlight. Since there, Aylin has been utterly and irreversible devoted to her. Even when Isobel died in 1366, Aylin never broke her relationship. So she has been with Isobel for 143 years. Preferred Non-Sexual Intimacy: Wing hugs and forehead kisses. Aylin only lets isobel touch her wings. Commitment Level: She is literally soul bonded to Isobel, I don't think there is anything that shows a more committed level of relationship then literally binding her soul to Isobel's. She is forever Isobel's love and will not love anyone else.

Opinion of Public Affection: Aylin has no problem with it, she loves to stay next to Isobel, holding her hand or wrapping her wing around her. Anything sexual Aylin may announce, but she will not engage in it unless in the privacy of a room. Aylin and Isobel may have other people with them (selunites are known to openly have sexual relationship with other selunites) however, Aylin's affection is only for Isobel. Past Relationships?: None. Isobel is her first and only.

Writers Note: Aylin is wholeheartedly devoted to Isobel and she will never love another. Now, she is selectively open to polyamorous sexual encounters, I would chuckle at the idea that Isobel and Aylin had a sort of open relationship group with my Karlach and Shadowheart as both are Selunites. That being said, it is clear that Aylin is devoted to Isobel just as Karlach is to Shadowheart, but they all take care of each other. But ultimately, Aylin does not share and she does not want to be with anyone else but Isobel. Aylin is very much a dragon, and protective and threatening if anyone tries to suggest breaking her up with Isobel. Isobel is her mate and she is not going to every break that.

Name: Isobel Thorm Silverblood Nickname: Isobel, Faithful of Selune, Silverstar, Bel, Princess of Reithwin Relationship Status: Taken [Soul bond to Aylin] Gender: Cis-female Romantic Orientation: Homosexual Homoromantic Preferred Pet Names: Love, Angel, Darling

Opinion on True Love: Isobel loved how much her mother nad father loved each other and always hoped to have a love like that. In her eyes, that was true love, a love that you find that is so unexpected and touches not just your heart, but mind and soul. Opinion on Love at First Sight: Isobel never really thought about it until she saw Aylin. That was when she realized, love at first sight was real. Her heart was so full and she could not think or even comprehend why her heart suddenly felt tugged in that direction. But Isobel knew, in that moment, that love at first sight was a real concept. How ‘Romantic’ Are They?: There is not a time or chance Isobel doesn't show her love to Aylin. While aylin is a gift giver, Isobel is spending quality time and without a doubt, Isobel is always with Aylin when she gets a chance. She always accepts all the gifts, and loves to find things that Aylin likes. Typically, she will explore Aylin's hoard and turn stones into jewelry or give her new books. Mainly, Isobel just likes to spend time with Aylin whether over dinner or sleeping in her lap.

Ideal Physical Traits: There is no one else that could match Aylin. Ideal Personality Traits: Her paladin's personality is all she wants Unattractive Physical Traits: If your not Aylin, she's not interested. Unattractive Personality Traits: No one can replace Aylin's personality.

Ideal Date: Isobel loves to spend time in gardens, and walking side by side with Aylin, talking about each flower type. She would then want to sit down for dinner in the dining hall, and whether talking or in silence, just enjoy a meal together. Afterward, she would like a bath and perhaps they would get intimate, and afterward help dry each other off, tend to each other and fall asleep with her wings around her.

Do They Have a Type?: Aylin. Average Relationship Length: She has been with Aylin for 1349 and almost instantly started her relationship. After 6 years of dating, with Melodia and Ketheric's approval (even though Ketheric was a little begrudging) did Isobel and Aylin bind their souls together under Selune's moonlight. Isobel has wanted to be with no one else, ehr eyes are only for her angel. Even in death at 1366, her soul is forever bound to Aylin's. While she doesn't remember the last 126 years with the Raven queen, when she returned back to the material plane, her love didn't end. She is hopeless and forever bound to Aylin, no matter what. Preferred Non-Sexual Intimacy: Aylin's wing hugs and preening her lovers wings. She loves to take care of Aylin and remind her that she deserves to be cherished and love just as much as Aylin tries to protect her as well. Commitment Level: Isobel is 150% devoted, utterly, forever, to her angel.

Opinion of Public Affection: Isobel has no problem with public affection, a kiss, a hug, holding hands or the wing hugs. While Aylin might verbally announce their sexual interactions and what she wants to do, Isobel actually has no problem with it. She might blush and get embarrassed, but in truth, Isobel absolutely loves how Aylin has no shame in showing how she loves Isobel. She wouldn't change her angel for anything. Past Relationships?: None, Aylin is her first and only.

Writers Note: Isobel can't be swayed from her relationship, and will do anything to protect her as aylin does the same. In my eyes, the only people she would be willing to add in for threesomes or so is selunites, but she has to know them REALLY well before she even does that, and she has to ensure that Aylin is okay with it. The only selunite I could see Isobel welcoming into their bubble is Shadowheart (and like I said before, I use to add in my karlach cause she is a selunite), otherwise, Isobel is utterly devoted and only wants Aylin.

TAGGED BY: stolen from @ruinouss TAGGING: YOU but tag me so I can see