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In my Zeus bag today so I'm just gonna put it out there that exactly none of the great Ancient Greek warrior-heroes stayed loyal and faithful and completely monogamous and yet none of them have their greatness questioned nor do we question why they had the cultural prominence that they did and still do.
Jason, the brilliant leader of the Argo, got cold feet when it came to Medea - already put off by some of her magic and then exiled from his birthland because of her political ploys, he took Creusa to bed and fully intended on marrying her despite not properly dissolving things with Medea.
Theseus was a fierce warrior and an incredibly talented king but he had a horrible temper and was almost fatally weak to women. This is the man who got imprisoned in the Underworld for trying to get a friend laid, the man who started the whole Attic War because he couldn't keep his legs closed.
And we cannot at all forget Heracles for whom a not inconsiderable amount of his joy in life was loving people then losing the people around him that he loved. Wives, children, serving boys, mentors, Heracles had a list of lovers - male and female - long enough to rival some gods and even after completing his labours and coming down to the end of his life, he did not have one wife but three.
And y'know what, just because he's a cultural darling, I'll put Achilles up here too because that man was a Theseus type where he was fantastic at the thing he was born to do (that is, fight whereas Theseus' was to rule) but that was not enough to eclipse his horrid temper and his weakness to young pretty things. This is the man that killed two of Apollo's sons because they wouldn't let him hit - Tenes because he refused to let Achilles have his sister and Troilus who refused Achilles so vehemently that he ran into Apollo's temple to avoid him and still couldn't escape.
All four of these men are still celebrated as great heroes and men. All four of these men are given the dignity of nuance, of having their flaws treated as just that, flaws which enrich their character and can be used to discuss the wider cultural point of what truly makes a hero heroic. All four of these men still have their legacies respected.
Why can that same mindset not be applied to Zeus? Zeus, who was a warrior-king raised in seclusion apart from his family. Zeus who must have learned to embrace the violence of thunder for every time he cried as a babe, the Corybantes would bang their shields to hide the sound. Zeus learned to be great because being good would not see the universe's affairs in its order.
The wonderful thing about sympathy is that we never run out of it. There's no rule stopping us from being sympathetic to multiple plights at once, there's no law that necessitate things always exist on the good-evil binary. Yes, Zeus sentenced Prometheus to sufferation in Tartarus for what (to us) seems like a cruel reason. Prometheus only wanted to help humans! But when you think about Prometheus' actions from a king's perspective, the narrative is completely different: Prometheus stole divine knowledge and gifted it to humans after Zeus explicitly told him not to. And this was after Prometheus cheated all the gods out of a huge portion of wealth by having humans keep the best part of a sacrifice's meat while the gods must delight themselves with bones, fat and skin. Yes, Zeus gave Persephone away to Hades without consulting Demeter but what king consults a woman who is not his wife about the arrangement of his daughter's marriage to another king? Yes, Zeus breaks the marriage vows he set with Hera despite his love of her but what is the Master of Fate if not its staunchest slave?
The nuance is there. Even in his most bizarre actions, the nuance and logic and reason is there. The Ancient Greeks weren't a daft people, they worshipped Zeus as their primary god for a reason and they did not associate him with half the vices modern audiences take issue with. Zeus was a father, a visitor, a protector, a fair judge of character, a guide for the lost, the arbiter of revenge for those that had been wronged, a pillar of strength for those who needed it and a shield to protect those who made their home among the biting snakes. His children were reflections of him, extensions of his will who acted both as his mercy and as his retribution, his brothers and sisters deferred to him because he was wise as well as powerful. Zeus didn't become king by accident and it is a damn shame he does not get more respect.
#ginger rambles#ginger chats about greek myths#greek mythology#It's Zeus Apologist day actually#For the record Jason is my personal favourite of these guys#The argonauts are extremely underrated for literally no reason#And Jason's wit and sheer ability to adapt along with his piousness are traits that are so far away from what usually gets highlighted#with the typical Greek warrior-hero that I've just never stopped being captivated by him#Conversely I still do not understand what people see in Achilles#I respect him and his legacy I respect the importance of his tale and his cultural importance I promise I do#However I personally can't stand the guy LMAO#How do you get warned twice TWICE both by your mother and by Athena herself that going after Apollo's children is a bad idea#And still have the audacity to be mad and surprised when Apollo is gunning for Specifically You during the war you're bringing to His City#That You Specifically and Exclusively had a choice in avoiding#ACHILLES COULD'VE JUST SAID NO#I know that's not the point however so many other members of the Greek camp were simply casualties of Fate in every conceivable way man#Achilles looked at every terrible choice he could possibly make said “Well I'm gonna die anyway 🤷🏽” and proceeded to make the choice#so hard that he angered god#That's y'all's man right there#I left out Perseus because truthfully I don't actually know much about him#I haven't studied him even a fraction as much as I've studied some of the other big culture heroes and none of this is cited so i don't wan#to talk about stuff I don't know 100%#Anyway justice for Zeus fr#Gimme something give me literally anything other than the nonsense we usually get for him#This goes for Hera too btw#Both the king and queen of the skies are done TERRIBLY by wider greek myth audiences and it's genuinely disheartening to see#If y'all could make excuses for Achilles to forgive his flaws y'all can do it for them#They have a lot more to sympathise with I'll tell you that#(that is a completely biased statement; you are completely free and encouraged to enjoy whichever figures spark joy)#zeus
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Someone killed my boss last night and he sent me this I'm so fired
god I can't wait to make this comic.
#not me making a prelaunch link so I can share it on art of them that I do and then immediately being like hm#feels kind of weird to link a comic that doesnt exist yet#HAHAHAHAH#theres just no pleasing me#oh well I'll stick to my guns. I thought about it a long time#and doing things that feel weird is kind of the name of the game when it comes to making art#we were legion#zagan#this is so funny to me#its like not even that funny but#I love him. idk I think because I know what the comic is gonna be like stuff like this is 1 million times funnier to me#he sucks so bad and it would suck to read if he were the only one in the comic but because luciel is also there#then its just funny. cause juxtaposition#I love luciel too but theyre less good for standalone drawings and memes without comic context#so my brains like erm... theres nothing there....#also my tags are bugging out when I type them on the ocmputer idk how to explain whats happening but its kind of annoying#jumping around all over the place. makes it hard to read while I'm typing them. its fine#if theres typos its cause somethings going weird with my computer#lately when I've opened firefox its just shaking all over the place#til I alt tab out of it and back to it. I have straight up no idea why#and my internet has been bugging out. the LAN connection keeps flickering and then going out...??#YES I switched the ethernet cable connecting the modem and the router NO I dont know whats going on#I dont wanna deaaaaaal wiiiithhh customer serviceeee its fine. I'll do it later if switching the coax cable doesnt help#uh. anyways none of that matters cause I can still make my fuckin comics babeyyy#as long as I've got my comics. I'm good. though it is annoying when I cant look up references or spelling of words cause I do that constant#but its fine!#love I can draw without internet I dont even notice when it goes out sometimes aughajkghagj#anyways I'm super excited about this comic and if you're intereted theres a presave link now so#yeay#I'll post places other than webtoon but I'm just doing webtoon early so TTA readers can switch over easier
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my favorite things abt fhr are the little details, like this change between Herald's regular description vs. when you're playing as an art thief
#fhr posting#fhr#fallen hero retribution#i wonder if theres any other little changes like this that i've missed... feel free to reblog with your favorites if you have any#fhr herald#daniel sullivan#feels wrong to full name him... he's the only romance arc i haven't done yet and my brain is like. We aren't on 'full name' terms with him#i Want to romance him because *i* really like him as a character but none of my sidesteps would be into him#and i feel too bad about like lying to him and stuff bc he seems so genuine#like what if *i* as a normal guy could just go get coffee and go to art shows with him hmmm? whats with all the drama /j#anyways. what are tags if not for rambling.
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Have any of you guys ever been doodling when suddenly you’re hit by the angstiest idea ever and so you start workshopping that idea into an au as an alternate timeline to see if it would fit with the au only to create an absolutely heartbreaking and depression inducing scenario, only for your brain to decide that’s not enough and end up creating that same scenario in your two other main aus so that you end up with three deeply traumatized versions of the same character?
Anyone?
No?
That’s fair
I call them the heartbroken trio.
We have a post-Everything Goes To Shit arc Scythe, around January ‘24 Bloody, and a post-Second Takeover Harvest. You may notice I called them by their actual names and not by their usual [insert trait here]!BM names, and that’s on purpose.
See, due to various circumstances in each of their respective timelines, their twins died.
They’ve all taken it very harshly, but express it in different ways, Scythe is more reserved yet more ruthless in her anger, Bloody has become extremely disconnected from everything, and Harvest is an anxious wreck. All their reactions are directly correlated to their twins’ death and how they perceived it.
Anyways, yeah.
New au//timeline thing. Yay?
Oh, and for your troubles
The guy who in his canon lost his twin being extremely conflicted about the newcomers. Cuz in one hand they are versions of versions of himself that he knows that he can relate even more to! But on the other hand they are versions of versions of himself that he knows that he can relate even more to.
Yeah :P
Might elaborate on these guys later
#heresy’s dump of horrible ideas#literally cuz this is like actually horrible in the sense of what the characters go through#I could write one shots for each of them#and still have enough untapped lore to dump them in the Chaos House and give them the closure they need#I’m gonna stop rambling now#tsams#sams#sams au#my aus#sams bloodmoon#sams bloodtwins#tsams bloodmoon#The Sunset and Moonlight Show#the scenario becomes obvious if you know who’s place she’s at#this all started thanks to her and her second design (which none of you are prepared for)#Quiet Throes in Pooling Oil#I’d like to give you some sort of assurance about this one having some sort of comfort but I can’t#I fucking cried thinking of this one#Get in Losers; We’re Family Now#literally no one would understand even a fragment of what the scenario requires (I really need to write that stuff)#while the others had character related reasons for the whole change in their timelines happening- these guys just got bad luck#angst#heavy angst#tw character death#tw implied character death#Original is concerned#also that tails plush is just a plush#like actually just a plush I swear over my writing motivation’s tomb
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Hi Bel,
I keep seeing comments about people complaining about the quality of destiny’s writing and story in the last few weeks. I haven’t really engaged with destiny since season of defiance, what’s currently gotten everyone so riled up? I thought that people were enjoying Season of the Deep/Witch in terms of narrative, why is Season of the Wish causing people to deride the destiny writing staff again?
I don't know!
Deep and Witch have been absolute bangers in every aspect to me. I've been enjoying all interactions and lore tabs we've received. A lot of them are stuff that we've never had before, a lot of reunions and closures, a lot of development and interactions between characters who you wouldn't really think would have much in common.
Sloane's return and healing from what she's been through has been fantastic, Drifter opening up with her to help her because he also got help from others was fantastic, Sloane reuniting with Aisha and Shayura brought me to tears (Shayura's descent into madness was triggered by immense trauma of Sloane staying on Titan and Titan disappearing), everything with Sloane and Zavala...
Witch was just incredible in every single way; the focus on Eris, the amount of Eris and Ikora content!!!!! Everything about Xivu and Savathun and their interactions together!! Eris finally fulfilling her goal she promised Savathun YEARS ago, getting that closure.
Wish so far has been equally great to me. All the new stuff about Ahamkara is amazing, finally giving us proof for long-standing speculation about Ahamkara and how they aren't universally evil creatures and expanding on them as a species. I love all interactions we've had so far; finally we have Petra back, Mara's singleminded focus on figuring out how to defeat the Witness and her continuous work to improve as a person, ALL SJUR MENTIONS!!!!! I won't talk about the "leak" because we have no context for it so I will wait for the full story to be revealed before I can pass judgment; something that I think should be a lesson to learn from this entire year. Maybe wait for the story to finish before judging the story.
Literally everything this past year that involves Osiris, but especially this season now that he's back in his element with the Vex. And of course every little detail we get of him and Saint. Osiris honestly shaped this year for me with everything that he's done to uncover the biggest mysteries. I think a big reason is that a lot of people just don't like Osiris, which I consider a massive skill issue.
Other than that, I don't know what are the issues people have besides just not being interested in any of these storylines and attributing it to a nebulous "bad writing" claim. I also genuinely believe that way too many people get wrapped up too much in fandom, imagine storylines they want to see and then get disappointed when the actual story doesn't go there. Almost like people forget that this isn't their story and these aren't their characters. A lot of it is also fandom completely warping characters into not what they actually are and then feeling like the canon story is the one that's wrong.
Whatever is the reason, I guess everyone is entitled to their perspective of the story and everyone is free to explore the story in different ways through fanfics and AUs and whatever. I do that too!
But I would definitely ask people to be normal with how they engage in criticism, especially in the current state of affairs. Writers are developers; they experience a ton of harassment and negativity from the community and also from inside the company. And they are online: they can see what we're saying. It's been documented that community commentary has been used to harass writers:
Imprint this into your brain and never forget what these people had to go through. Let's not forget also the way people treated Seth Dickinson on social media when he was active with Destiny fans. "Fans" were actively arguing with him about his own work (telling him that HE is wrong) and were utterly disgusting towards him when he tried explaining what he wrote. His works are now hailed as the best writing in Destiny and people want him back. If I were him, I wouldn't want to come back ngl, not with how he was treated and not with how fans are still treating writers (and hey, Seth wrote LF Collector's Edition! So he was back, technically, this year!). Let's not forget that a lot of writers are members of various marginalised groups. And I'd definitely not want to go back with zero support from leadership.
Which is also an important aspect for all developers, including writers: sometimes they have orders they may not like, but can't argue against. They do the best they can with what they're given, the time they have and directions they receive. And with that in mind, I am enjoying everything we've gotten this year, obviously with some specific complaints about things I didn't particularly enjoy (like the universally mid reception of Defiance; I've spoken about my gripes with it before, a big one being the shafting of Suraya who should've at least been mentioned in a lore tab).
I can tell that there is passion in their work, even if maybe they would prefer to do more with it, but can't. Maybe even if they want to take different routes, but can't. But from what we got, I can feel that they care about this world and these characters. I can tell that someone lovingly wrote about Sloane and her friendships with two grieving women. I can tell that they deeply cared about Sloane's friendship with Zavala and that they loved showing us Saint and Drifter caring about a fellow trauma survivor.
I can tell that the writers are immensely careful and loving towards Eris; everything she went through was crafted with love and passion from both writers and her VA. Eris' story is such a fundamental aspect of Destiny and I can tell that this was important to the writing team and that they gave her everything they could to do justice to her character and her arc and her healing and her release from the cycle she was trapped in for so long.
I can tell that there are writers who care a lot about Osiris and Saint and their relationship. I can tell that someone cared a lot about expanding on Ahamkara and giving them more personalities. I can tell that someone cared DEEPLY about Sjur and Mara and that her repeated mentions are the passionate work of writers who want us to remember her.
I could go on. And I know that not everyone sees it this way, which is fine; we all have different ways of perceiving stories. I enjoy discussing things we in the fandom disagree on and I enjoy hearing different perspectives! Unfortunately, this has recently become rarer and rarer. And for the love of god, please try and treat writers with some respect, especially now, especially those who are still working and doing their best with the shitty situation they're in. None of the cries of "poor devs" ring true to me unless the same is given to writers, instead of treating them like punching bags.
#destiny 2#long post#for the record: yeah i also have some gripes with some writing decisions. it's normal#but i feel like those are things that i can learn to accept or let go or even have my mind changed with a different perspective#or by just accepting that the writing team was limited in some way and that this was the best they could do#it happens to every story at some point#and yeah capitalism is the death of art. destiny's story would be better from start to finish if it weren't a shooter mmo#but that ship has sailed a long time ago. like. in 2014.#it's honestly a miracle that we got even a fraction of the stuff we got considering the target audience of fps mmos#and it's fine if this just isn't good enough to some. happens#but i think we can move on without being shitty about devs yeah?#in all likelihood writers may even agree that some of the stuff they had to write isn't the best or isn't what they wanted#calling them bad writers over circumstances we don't understand is just shitty#just like it's shitty to do it to any other dev over bugs in the game or badly implemented features or whatever#none of these people are sitting at their desks maliciously laughing while deliberately creating 'bad' things#and this is especially bothering me for writers because of how atrocious people are to artists of all kinds#almost like writers had to strike this year to be respected and treated as people that matter
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Recent-ish things ~
#photo diary#1 - love this image of Noodle.. such a weird angle that makes his head look entirely round like a puff ball or something#2 - a more recent (still from months ago) collection of my pressed flowers and 4 leaf clovers I found.#3. Being one of the only people in 2024 still going 'hee heee I've just bought a new wii game!' but.. I have. >:3#It's kind of like Wii Sports Resort but is like.. open world? so your character can actually walk around and stuff. REALLY makes me#wish I had the type of set up where I could record video from my wii and stuff like some gaming youtubers have. I think it'd be a really#fun game to play on video and to DOCUMENT it!!! I keep wishing I could screenshot my little guy walking around but I caaant..#I've literally just been taking out my phyiscal camera and photographing the screen which always looks bad.. augh..#4. Something in the froxen food aisle called 'Wellington Bites' a play on beef wellington. suprisingly good actually. but I guess anything#with like beef and mushrooms usually is. But it seems like.. oddly decent for frozen food stuff.#5 - boye looking Round again.. 6 - updated score in the wii fit minigame again. This time less than 4 seconds#for each round? which may be a record for me? 7 & 8 - fat bird in the snow. fatt bird in the SNOW!! Hoping that climate change and H5N1#don't eventually remove all trace of birds and winter weather from my life in the future... -_-#9 - ..ough... a few paltry writings.. Except for the one day of 4000 words. But for the most part I have been making soo litte progress#because of the holidays and drs appointments and such a rush of all these other mind distracting things.. Or if I'm not doing something the#I'm feeling tired from having PREVIOUSLY done something so I waste the whole day being sleepy and headachey... GRR...#the funny thing is that like many many years ago I wrote a note on my wall saying 'FOCUS! write 2hr a day or more or youre going to finish#your game in 2025!!!' - which back in 2018 when I wrote it was like unimaginably far into the future but now... ahem.. hem... I guess that#is quite literally the case LOL. To my credit I did parctically abandon it entirely since late 2019 and JUST now picked up really#trying to focus on it in mid 2024 but still... My '''ridiculous'' projection being actually likely the correct one..#10 - I just thoughtit would be silly to put a bunch of keychain things on the wii remote. imagine playing this way. getting constantly#jabbed in the hand by plastic bits. and the jingling clinking noise it would be always making lol#11 - sky.. huzzah for the sky as always. Clouds my beloved#Gr.. I just really want to wriiite. My new years hopes are to finish my game and to get stuff set up to start selling sculptures again.#AND then maybe do more game videos lol... I miss playing games. I dont think I've posted on that youtube for like 5 months#I've just had so much appointments and Things and Stuff and focusing so much on other projects. But that is the thing that really#feels relaxing and fun for me. so like.. 1. finish game 2. sell sculpture/make sculpture 3. play games 4. find more friends#and social connection and networking or whatever the hell people have to do to be successful 5. do more costume/outfits.#<( saying this all on a day where I did none of those things LOL... I got erm.. maybe 400 words done today.. >:'3c )#6 is MOVE away from the evil west coast (hot.. fires in summer. etc) but like. not happening unless I suddenly become a millionaire so. -_-
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do you think the mess in oshiros hotel is meant to signify that hes been letting his problems pile up until its become too overwhelming to handle.
im thinking about the fact that he's definitely the one who's been making the mess but he doesn't even realize it. he ignores the clutter until it becomes too hard to ignore you know? like when it starts actively blocking the way to the presidential suite. he insists that he and his staff will handle it and that madeline shouldn't clean up his own mess, but he still doesn't do anything about it. does he know that the staff is gone? that it's just him there?
mr oshiro is so hell bent on impressing madeline so that she'll stay in his hotel. he's so in denial of everything. he doesn't even realize he's dead, he still thinks his hotel never got shut down. I think his insistence on her staying is bc he really wants to believe that the hotel is open, and a costumer would affirm that belief. it could also maybe be a mixture of loneliness too. (also, him treating her as a costumer even after she says no is absolutely him being in denial. that man is very unhealthily attached to this hotel,)
and even though it was nice of madeline to clean it up, there's still parts of the hotel she can't fix. the plumbing. the windows. the, hole in the ceiling (oops.) she's not qualified to help him, and that's why I think the chapter ends on a bit of a sour note. madeline is of course not a bad person for wanting to help, the point is that she can't. it is unfortunate but true
anyways mr oshiro is a very good character i like him a regular amount. im normal about that old man
#celeste#celeste game#mr oshiro#oshiro celeste#character analysis#i guess ?#this is my first time making any post like this but i meeded to make it i need 2 talk about hom and his fuckin hotel !!!!!!!#one other thought i have is... i saw a few ppl say that mr oshiro manipulated madeline into cleaning or that he feigned incompetence ?#and i disagree with that. though this might just be me looking at jt w rose tinted glasses bc i do like him a lot#but first of all i dont think he couldve easily cleaned that whole mess himself. i know hes a ghost but like#there was stuff everywhere in the whole hotel.#not to mention he felt guilty when madeline did clean all that stuff up. of course it was also a little bit#because he didnt want to lose her as a customer#but he also obviously felt like that was his responsibility as the owner of the hotel and he felt fuckin bad about it#i could be wrong bc i dont remember everyting he said in that chapter but i dont think he ever asked her to clean either ?#and like yeah i think he can come off a little mean at times tbh#hes obviously going through some stuff. guysm cmon. he is not a bad person. none of these characters are. whevhhwveh#idk. i did my best here. *explodes*#thank you for listening to my insane rambles about peeing in a hot topic i hope u all have a goooood night#rambles#i honestly hope he gets a happy ending somewhat
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finally finished the priory of the orange tree after putting it off for like a year, and putting aside the fact that it's insanely boring, way too long, and the romance is lackluster, it certainly was a choice to, in a book at least in part about finding common ground and coming together, basically go "religion a is correct and good and its believers can continue on their merry lives, but religion b is a 100% incorrect wrong bad lie founded by a wrong bad misogynistic lying liar, and everyone who believes in it should convert and in fact we're going to end the book by heavily implying that the recently-converted queen is going to slowly but surely pressure the entire country to convert because their faith is wrong and bad". like that was certainly a decision that samantha shannon made.
#idk i don't love an entire religion being painted as objectively inherently bad and wrong#especially since none of the six virtue's actual teachings are that bad like#and also esp since the only other thing we learn about galian berethnet is that he was fucking r/ped by his own mother#and was so distraught upon learning this that he killed himself#the fact that aside from that its just like 'he was a lying liar who lies and hated women' just didn't sit right with me...#the priory of the orange tree#priory of the orange tree#the roots of chaos#anti booktok#samantha shannon#like the entire time before this was revealed i was like#'ah its so obvious - both faiths are going to end up being a little bit wrong and a little bit right'#'of course it will be revealed that cleolind and galian actually worked together to defeat the nameless one'#'and learning this will really press into the characters that they themselves need to work together to defeat him again'#but instead like????#and like even with the kalyba stuff it would have been so easy you can say like:#cleolind and galian worked together but kalyba (canonically posessive and jealous and willing to do horrible things to keep galian w/ her)#uses her magic to make cleolind believe that galian betrayed her which she then goes and tells her priory#+ in an effort to keep as low a profile as possible for herself while disguised as cleolind she makes galian believe that he did everything#and when her disguise falls he's so distraught that he kills himself and so the only one who knows the truth is kalyba#who certainly has no motivation to reveal the truth
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Why are so many people on Tumblr/Twitter claiming Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss are bad shows??? "They're not mid shows guys they're just bad" can y'all give me one concrete reason they're bad besides debunked "controversies" or things that other people told you were bad about em?
Like I'm halfway convinced all of these people claiming these are such bad shows and are annoyed about em haven't actually watched them - "I don't need to watch a show to know it's bad" pretty sure you do if you want to have an informed opinion, that goes for everything actually.
If you're annoyed by the hype and the fan culture?? That's fine we all got our things but that doesn't make the shows themselves bad I think y'all just like having someone to poke fun of without feeling like a bully and honestly?? That seems like a miserable way to live.
#This is specifically about that mid shows post going around#What other people like and consider good/bad/mid is none of your business and not a reason to make fun of them#Y'all think you're being SO progressive and kind when you're still being cruel to people online for the smallest shit#You don't like it?? Don't interact with it just block and move on#You curate your own internet experience it's not that hard#I don't like rwby or one piece and those come up on my dash all the time it's so easy to ignore and move on#I don't call those shows bad because surprise! I've never seen them so I don't know!#hazbin hotel#helluva boss#Y'all claim cringe culture is dead but still mock people who like “cringy” stuff like any of this is gonna matter in five years#And mark my words I'm gonna get called cringe or some shit for this post#When y'all should be thinking about why you take joy from calling people shit on the internet like it's gonna make you happy#Years long mutuals of mine are even jumping on the mockery bandwagon!! I've followed y'all for almost a decade what is going on
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I kinda really hate how I've been treated throughout my life
#Entire life of abuse and neglect and mistreatment only to always be told none of it happened. To the point where I really struggle with#thinking that I made it all up or that I'm overreacting or faking or playing the victim constantly#I honestly try my best to move forward and I want to be happy. I see absolutely zero point in wallowing. Others can if they wish‚ but I wan#to enjoy my life at some point. I think I've gotten better the past year- In great part of my dearly beloved- but it's still so#deeply difficult. Interactions so commonly feel like a trap and there is the perpetual sense of being watched and monitored#I often feel like a prey animal that is cornered and my only options are to take it in fear and die or to lash out and hurt the other party#I think I'm not as mean as others in this system though LMFAO. I'm not like Roxas who once compared a friend of ours to our parents during#an argument.#<- Not to say Roxas is a bad person. He's a severely hurt and traumatized kid who kinda only knows how to lash out to protect himself#Sighs. It's complicated. I do not wish to be someone angry like Roxas or Lexi. But they actually talk back and stand up for themselves. And#the system as a whole. Whereas I fawn and take it and then wonder why I always want to kill myself 24/7#I don't really know how to speak up for myself because it really feels like every single time I do (Or just voice an opinion confidently in#a group) it goes horribly wrong and people get upset and angry with me#And then people being angry at me causes major fucking spirals because it reminds me of my mother and then I start feeling like I'm going t#be fucking berated and have a metal crate thrown at me again 😭😭😭 Or get kicked out of the car or given the silent treatment etc etc etc#Which is a me problem I need to get over my fear of people being mad at me because it's an inevitable fact of life but. Hashtag severely#traumatized and still actively being traumatized by multiple parties#And also being in my own head and existing is very fucking harmful! Being in a mind that is so aggressive and destructive... It's difficult#to just 'get over' my issues‚ you know? So whenever they come up I try to just isolate so I don't cause any issues#<- Unless it's my histrionic stuff acting up. Then I'm complaining like hell because it feels actually fucking painful to not be receiving#attention during those breakdowns#Anyways! I kinda fucking suck and hate myself right now and want to kms. But that's how I am 24/7 so whatever#tw suicide#⛪️
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the 2010 film Centurion is deeply frustrating to me because it desperately wants to be about the Varian Disaster, every single beat in this movie would fit near-perfectly for the Varian Disaster, you could relocate this film temporally and geographically to Germania and not change literally anything except some of the names, and yet because Hollywood considers Britannia way sexier and more exotic than Germania it is set in Britain. this movie should be about the Varian Disaster! in every way but geographically including the drawback of the frontiers this movie is about the Varian Disaster! and yet. it is not about the Varian Disaster.
(the movie itself is fine. like, it's Agricola slander and Tacitus is rolling over in his grave, but my tolerance for historical inaccuracy is pretty high these days. don't go out of your way to watch it, but like, it's fine. if I had a nickel for every time Olga Kurylenko has played a Roman-hating British woman warrior I'd have two nickels, which is not a lot but it's weird it's happened twice etc.)
#hollywood desperately wants to do the varian disaster and they desperately want to do spartacus#but they don't ACTUALLY want to do the varian disaster and the true story of spartacus is depressing#which is why we keep getting stuff like this and gladiator (which wants to be spartacus)#not remakes of film spartacus but actual historical spartacus#minus the mass crucifixions#hollywood likes the whole 'rise up against roman imperialism!' thing but the problem is that historically none of that actually worked out#except the varian disaster. which they don't want to do because germania isn't sexy#bedlam watches movies#(I am going to watch boudica: queen of war but tomorrow because I can't do another one of these tonight)#I'd like to see hollywood tackle the fact that the roman army was the most powerful military technology that the world had ever seen#for a good few centuries. the problem is that that does not actually make a good story from a modern point of view due to. you know.#imperialism being bad.#(look I am a roman historian and MY WHOLE DEAL is roman imperialism. it wasn't great! I'm under no illusions here!)#I think that LITERALLY the only point you can actually pull that off for a modern 21st century audience#is the second punic war. which by the way would make an incredible television show.#(partially because rome's on her back foot through the whole war)#I think you could maybe do it for the year of the four emperors#but that has more complications due to like. the three other revolts rome had going on besides the civil war.#but the year of the four emperors would also make an incredible television series.#(I am BEGGING HBO to bring back rome as an anthology series. they won't do it but I'm begging.)#(I want to see jared harris play vespasian)
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begging people to realize that the back warehouse of a grocery store is not a second, secret grocery store that has everything you need plus some extra secret items the first grocery store does not have
#look it probably varies from store to store#but at least where i work the back is a fucking mess.#like. you're imagining neat tidy shelves and specific sections for each product#that is not what the back is. it's a disorganized hellhole with every type of product piled haphazardly on top of each other#wheelers lying around with the most random items.#you have to understand that if a grocery worker were to 'check in the back' for something#it would likely take 10ish minutes if it WAS there.#and like. stuff like produce isn't just going to be kept in boxes in the back either. or meat or seafood.#if they have sellable meat or produce they're not just going to stick it in some deep freezer in the back#and wait for it to become two days away from unsellable before they bring it out.#with those departments especially if they have something you want it is going to be on display#and if it's not they don't have it.#stuff like soda is a bit easier to find usually#but even then there's so many different brands all piled together in crates on the same wheeler#not even opened#and i hate to say it but most grocery workers honestly just have more important things to do#than go rooting around like truffle pigs in the back for the stuff you want.#they might be doing price change or they might be stocking a new product#or they might be trying to fill a central display case#or they might be filling an online shopping order and thus on a time crunch#and even if none of those are the case a grocery worker can get called away to a different task on a dime.#they can't just drop everything to hunt in the back for whatever fucking granola bars you want so bad.#absolutely we can tell you where things are#and we can recommend alternatives to out of stock items. sure. but you'll only be wasting your time and ours#if you ask us to check for something in the back.
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yeah I feel like I did attempt to join that fandom at the Wrong time
#jeremy lore post#it sucks so bad bc i think that tnmn is so cool. like as a concept. then i go to try to connect w other fans and HELL ON EARTH is going on#like jesus christ everybody is so MEAN#none of that applies to any of my.mutuals hi mutuals i think you're wonderful it's Everybody Else that scares me#there are exceptions very obviously hi waves at you but GUYS. GUYS#i still want to make stuff for it bc it's so cool but I don't know if I'm gonna like . try. to actively engage anymore#i feel like there's a Lot.going on that i dont have any context for i literally got here nine minutes ago#can we be normal. can we be normal#not a vaguepost at all i dont know who anybody is im just OVERWHELMED 🦅🦅🔥🔥🔥🔥‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
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watching a youtuber talking abt a horror movie and itis so obvious when somebody has only talked to mental health professionals for like. depression or anxiety* . bc shes sitting here like Woah i dont understand this guys like engaged to a therapist why doesnt he understand that someone being mentally ill doesnt mean theyre an evil scary person... I am sorry to say this but even being a mental health professional doesnt mean you dont think mentally ill ppl r evil and scary and gross
*this is an assumption on my part bc this yter has never talked about having anything other than those afaik Obv its her right not to just in my experience and the experience of other ppl ive spoken to . it seems like if you have pretty much anything other than those and talk to a therapist you would not have this idea that mental health professionals are like. inherently understanding and whathaveyou
#idk if im wording this right. what i mean is i was having a conversation with my most recent therapist and i planned to talk abt some of my#thangs and then she started talking abt how psychopaths r sooooo fucking scary and shes glad none of her parents r psychopaths and i was#like ohhh this is not a safe space suddenly . <- idt i personally am a psychopath but i think its 1. just disgusting to say something like#that ever 2. esp as a mental health professional 3. why r u telling me at all abt yr other patients its . unprofessional to me. but idk.#that combined with some stuff she said abt bpd and etc. rly made me like Oh i can not talk to this woman abt any of my actual serious stuff#and that wasnt the first kind of experience ive had with a person like that like. ive talked to therapists abt my dissociating in the past#and like. ive never felt safe to discuss my hallucinations even when they were rly rly rly bad last year bc i like. some of these therapist#were surprised when i said i struggled with hygiene bc of the depression like. guys cmon ... idk. thisis not a particularly thoughout post#i just thought abt it while watching the video#idk so many youtubers i watch talk up therapy sm and im like Happy it helps them and im happy like. etc. and obv idk what all goes on in#their lives but im kind of sick of ppl talking abt talk therapy like itll fix everything for everyone ever. like im not talking abt just#being like Oh therapy helped me etc but a lot of ppl r like I dont get why ppl dont go to therapy like 1 money 2 like. idk man. the psych#industry is so evil it like. makes me so mad. IDK all of this is halfthoughts im just talking recreationally#oh another disclaimer bc i worry i came off weird by specifying i only mentioned idt im a psychopath bc the sentence b4 that seemed like i#was implying i was. i wasnt trying to be like IM not one of THOSE GUYS i just didnt want anybody to get confused. ok sry
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One of the best things about the various iterations of tmnt is how different yet similar each variation of the brothers is. None of them are better than past or future versions, they just go about the same things in their own way. None are abusive, none are perfect, they’re all brothers with their own set of weaknesses and their own set of strengths.
Each variation has some eye brow raising moments where you’re like “hey that one went a little too far there-“ but nothing makes them irredeemable or bad brothers. They’re just brothers - and family isn’t perfect.
#tmnt rant#tmnt#LUCKILY the rampant accusations of the 2012 bros being abusive has died off some but it’s still annoying#no guys none of them are abusive they’re just different dynamics#and tbh!!! not even super different at that!!!#lol I remember seeing so much stuff for how the 12 bros abused Mikey but nah guys#my guy was a MENACE he provoked it a good 80% of the time and also often fought back too#did they sometimes go too far? sure. still not abuse#I’d argue rise leo gets about the same treatment as 12 Mikey did or even worse in some aspects but no one’s saying THATS abuse#because it’s not#sometimes brothers pick on each other#sometimes brothers push and push until another one snaps#sometimes brothers go too far#and sometimes ragging is just the way the group works#it doesn’t automatically make it bad#or abusive or terrible#and something to make note of too is that#for all the focus that goes onto the bad there seems to be a lot of sidestepping the good#i mainly talked about 12 and rise in the tags but this applies to each variation#families aren’t perfect and an imperfect family isn’t automatically bad#actually tagging this one bc I feel it’s less rant and more just stuff I feel like sharing lol
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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