#// *ive had so much shit happen in the past week and now seeing some more stuff off camera im just

[monmuses]

gonna try to focus off of tumblr while i have my queue full. i'm heading home in a couple of days and i need to focus on homework. that, and i'm... not exactly in the best of moods with some stuff i've been seeing for the past couple of days (just a build-up of stuff, including today).

apologies to the new folks (and old folks with new blogs) that have followed me recently - i'm probably not gonna get my queue back up and running til i get home. i'm in need of a major distraction and i need to focus on everything else before going home.

[klxudykai]

things i've manifested over the past week

i didn't really manifest a whole bunch before this week because i felt like it wasn't working for me up until i realized i just needed to be persistent- (i know im goofy asf you can throw tomatoes at me now LMFAO)

i don't have much of a "routine" if anything it's short and simple. i usually do it when im tired because i feel like me being in a "sleepy state" of mind works better. then i just affirm. but i apply the affirmations to what im doing. so ill say smth like "with every breath i take i get this" or "as im falling asleep i get this". ill even mix it in with affirmations that sound like i have whatever im manifesting and ill say it casually too. like "oh yeah i have this it's pretty cool or whatever". i even visualize that i have what im manifesting and it makes it a lot more believable (i feel like if i can see myself with it, then its possible if that makes any sense)

i dont continue to affirm though because then if i do i dont go to sleep (ESPECIALLY when im trying to shift) and thats why i also add to the affirmation "as im going to sleep" because i feel like that makes me more sleepy. i dont even realize i fall asleep either so it helps a lot.

anyways i thought id share some of the things ive been manifesting considering ive been doing it pretty much daily:

i manifested that i would be in shape for volleyball at school since thats about to start back up soon and my coach wanted us to get a gym membership but i havent worked out once (havent had any time or motivation)

for a while i WAS manifesting that someone that i knew at my old school would transfer to my current school but something in my head was like "nah its not worth putting in effort" so i dropped that (but i have a feel that had i kept manifesting it, it wouldve happened)

i had really bad cramps one night so i affirmed that they would go away as im trying to sleep and they would be gone in the morning (safe to say that worked)

manifested that i have confidence (SPECIFICALLY the confidence that megan thee stallion and sabrina carpenter have)

while also manifesting more confidence i also manifested that people would want to hang out with me more and im desired (may have added a guy into that manifestation??)

its not anything big mostly cause i wanted to start small rather than bite off more than i can chew. its also cause i have a hard time believing my manifestations would work so i decided to just start small with them. also with the second manifestation that i dropped, thats not the first time ive attempted to manifest something and my head told me to just drop it. i dont think its meant to say "oh no that won't work" but its rather protecting me or smth (intuition came in clutch???) but yeah im not stressing about it considering i have all the things ive manifested and i can have so much more.

i dont have much to say anymore, but for the people that doubt manifestation, dont. that shit is real im telling you. if you persist and truly believe you have it, you got it. you dont even have to do much you could just slip it into a conversation or say it before you go to sleep and it will be there. persist, persist, persist. im so fr when i say it works yall. - coming from someone who thought none of my manifestations would come true

[sehnsuchts-trunken]

Jake Seresin And The Unfortunate Hat Situation

jake seresin x fem!reader 3k words

summary: You’re visiting Jake’s family in Texas for the first time and so far, it’s been going well. Just that Jake may have forgotten to mention the hat rule. 

another cowboy fic because i fucking can

disclaimer: strong allusions to smut. im not kidding. this is basically straight up dirty talk all the way through

a/n: i’m warning you once about all the inaccuracies in here and thats it. read at your own risk. i have literally no clue whatsoever about texas and/or cowboys and did not have it in me to research cowboy history for hours on end, like- i tried, okay? i really did try. i know facts about cowboy hats now that i never felt the need to know (though “dont sleep with your cowboy hat on”, um... yeah? thanks? i totally would have done that otherwise) but i still do not have the information to back this shit up lmao

top gun masterlist

(yes i did have to use an everybody wants some gif. during the past week ive rewatched this film more times than i can count and i will take every opportunity i get to talk about it)

“Enlighten me”, you chuckled, spreading your arms, a bottle of beer in your right hand. “Why are none of the cowboys wearing cowboy hats? Isn’t that kind of their thing?”

You were visiting Texas for the first time - a week off of work, away from the Navy and the Dagger Squad for a bit, to meet Jake’s friends and family back home. You’d talked to most every one of them over the phone whenever he had found the time to call, but you’d never actually met them in person before this. So it had been an adventure from the start: getting on a plane in San Diego to take you to Texas where Jake had grown up, being picked up at the airport by his mother, driving two hours to the farm they owned (”You grew up on a farm?”, you’d asked when he’d told you, wheezing at the mental image of teenage Jake herding sheep), meeting his dad, being surprised by both his sisters, getting to see his childhood bedroom. 

And then, to top it off: the sound of his alarm at the crack of dawn this morning to go teach you how to ride a horse. 

Needless to say that you’d been buzzing with nervous energy for the past few days. Not that you weren’t happy - it was just all a bit much at once. 

After lunch he’d taken you into the city and you’d gone shopping for some real cowboy boots. He’d planned to take you to a bar in the evening, to introduce you to some friends. After all you only had a week here and neither of you felt like missing out on something. 

When you’d wanted to try cowboy hats in the store too, Jake had snatched them from you and grabbed your hands, pulling you close to him, telling you that you’d get one when you’d become a real cowgirl. Since you doubted that would ever happen, you’d pouted and tried to convince him with kisses and, when that hadn’t worked, half-hearted threats, but he wouldn’t be persuaded even the slightest. He’d only looked down at you with raised eyebrows until you’d caved and satisfied yourself with cursing under your breath. 

So here you were: Cowboy boots, jeans shorts and a button-up and no cowboy hat in sight. 

Actually, there was one in sight. Jake was wearing his, in all his Texan glory, laughing with some of his friends at the bar. The thing was, he was the only guy wearing his hat. There were some cowboys strutting about with them on their heads, but most of them didn’t have one - hat hair, yes, but no hat. Hence your initial question: “Why are none of the cowboys wearing cowboy hats?” 

“Shit, Jake didn’t tell you?”, Kendra - one of Jake’s only female friends here, who’d immediately decided she liked you and pulled you to one of the tables for some girl talk - let out a laugh. “No wonder it’s still on his head. We were getting worried already.” 

It was pretty clear to everyone that you weren’t from around here, so you saw no reason to hide your confusion.

“Now you’ve lost me entirely. What?”, you asked, masking your frown with a laugh. You’d been here for hardly two days and you didn’t think you’d felt as embarrassed ever before. You knew about literally nothing. At least you’d done somewhat well at horseback riding, which could’ve been because of Jake’s arms around you and his hands over yours as you - he - held the reins, but either way you were proud of yourself for not falling off and landing on your ass. 

“It’s like this: Ladies didn’t wear hats for a really long time. Cowboys wore the hats. So when you saw a lady with a cowboy hat on - that was her man’s. A sign that she belonged to him. Property shit and all.” She waved it off as if dismissing the concept. “Changed over the past few decades, of course. Better that way too. Ladies can wear whatever they want now. But the thought kind of stuck. You see a guy without a hat, he’s probably taken. You see a girl with a hat, that’s probably her man’s. And before you ever steal a hat, you should know the hat rule.” 

You raised your eyebrows. Your stomach did weird little flips as she talked. Jake hadn’t explained any of this to you. 

“The hat rule?”, you asked. Kendra grinned and leaned in, pretending to let out some big secret. 

“You wear the hat”, she said and paused for a second for dramatic effect, “You wear the cowboy.” 

You breathed out. 

“Oh.” 

Oh my ass, you thought. 

Jake hadn’t let you buy your own hat for a reason. And then he’d gone ahead and not given you that reason. What the actual fuck. 

You would’ve loved to wear his hat. You would’ve loved the thought of him claiming you like that, letting you wear his hat, showing everyone that yeah, you were Jake Seresin’s girl. But no. He’d left you completely in the dark, hadn’t let a single word slip. And he was still wearing that goddamn hat himself. 

Like a single fucking guy, not a man in a loving relationship.

Somehow, now that you knew, you were more annoyed by the fact that he was wearing it than that he just hadn’t told you at all. God, he could’ve left it at home. He could’ve taken it off. He could’ve just put it on your head without telling you why if he didn’t want to. 

And right there, that was the part you just didn’t understand. Why hadn’t he told you? He should have known you well enough by now to realise that you would absolutely adore wearing that hat. Not only because you wanted to wear a hat (which you did) but also because you wanted to wear his hat (which you did even more). After all, it wasn’t only him claiming you - it was you claiming him as well. And as horrible as the history of that hat rule was, in this present day you felt like it would only have been fair of him to tell you. You wanted to have that chance of showing him off. Of him showing you off, which he did so happily back in San Diego. 

“Hey”, Kendra said, her expression a bit more serious as she put a hand to your arm and pulled you from your thoughts. “I’m sure Jake didn’t mean to hurt you. He may seem like a bastard, but he’s actually a real sweetheart.” 

You snorted at her, nodding along. 

“He is”, you agreed. “Which is kind of why it hurts even more. I don’t get why he wouldn’t just tell me. It’s not like he’s ever been scared I’d say no to him or something.”

Kendra smiled and squeezed your arm reassuringly. 

“Try not to worry about it too much. Just ask him when you get home later, yeah? Communication is key.” Her smile turned into a grin. She winked at you. “And hey, you can always wear my hat if you’d like.” 

You forced yourself to smile as well as you took a sip of your beer. “If I actually were single, I’d definitely take you up on that offer, but I’m not, and I don’t think Jake would like it much.” 

Her grin only deepened. She had dimples, you realised, and the hat on her head matched her eye colour. You were glad to have her here with you. She was someone you were sure you could become good friends with over time. 

“That makes it even better”, she said conspicuously. She leaned back in her chair, crossing her ankles over the edge of the table as she tipped her hat back. “He never told you about the hats. You don’t know anything in his eyes, honey. Use it against him.” 

There was a twinkle in her gaze that told you she was looking for nothing short of mischief and you had the distinct feeling that she’d been the ‘bad influence’ on Jake in high school that he’d talked about so often. She seemed like a troublemaker. But she also seemed genuine. And she was right - in Jake’s eyes, you were getting to know one of his friends, talking about some girly stuff (which he probably assumed was himself), having a nice night. Not learning about cowboy customs that he’d just so forgotten to mention. 

Jake usually didn’t get jealous. He trusted you the same way you trusted him. But he got possessive nonetheless - always with a hand on your back when you were talking to someone he thought was flirting with you, kissing you at the most inappropriate times, making sure that everyone knew you were his. Now he’d had the goddamn chance and hadn’t taken it. And you didn’t fucking know why. 

But you were damn determined to find out. 

Kendra slid the hat off her head and offered it to you. You took one deep breath before you reached for it. 

You let your fingertips skip over the rim for a moment. Were you really about to do this? Then you put it on your head. 

Alright. If Jake wasn’t going to tell you about the way this worked on his own accord, you’d make him tell you. 

Kendra emptied her beer and you followed suit before the both of you got up. She grabbed both bottles in one hand, turning to you to send you another of those winks. 

“I’ll bring these back to the bar and get us new ones. The dancefloor’s all yours.” 

With a nervous smile, you adjusted your newly aqcuired hat and made your way onto the dancefloor. There was soft music playing in the background - country, of course, loud but not loud enough to disturb conversation. It wasn’t late enough for that just yet. Which was honestly a relief, since you had zero clue whatsoever about line dancing or whatever it was they did down here. This way there were only a few couples twirling each other back and forth and some people moving to the beat all on their own. You let out a breath and closed your eyes, allowing yourself to really feel the music: the guitar, the steady drums, the vocals. 

Slowly, you started swaying - from one side to the other, turning, twirling, one step, then the next, heels here, toes there. A grin was making its way onto your face. The music grew, not as much in volume as in pace, and you didn’t know just when you had started to forget about everything except your movements (like the people watching, for example), but then the song changed and you gasped as you realised you knew it. Eyes fluttering open, hands coming together to clap, lips twisting into an actual laugh as you sang along, catching Kendra’s gaze and waving her over. 

She joined you with a laugh, grabbed your hand to twirl you around, and god, her voice was heavenly. For just a split second you wondered how Jake hadn’t ended up falling for her. You certainly would have. 

And speaking - more like thinking, but whatever - of the devil, you felt an all too familiar hand on your shoulder. You turned at the same time that Kendra let go of you, allowing you to admire your boyfriend in all his furious glory. 

Not that he actually looked furious. Not to anyone but you, not with that facade he wore whenever anyone got under his skin. But you, well... You’d been with him long enough to understand that twitch of his jaw, that tension in his shoulders, that flicker in his eyes. And yet - the cowboy hat still sat on his head. 

“I got it from here, Kendra”, he said, eyes fixed on yours, as you held your breath. She snorted, but still made to move away, muttering something under her breath that you didn’t catch. Then Jake spoke again. “Take your hat, Kendra.” 

He grabbed it from where it rested on your head and threw it at her without looking away from you. She sucked in a breath. 

“If you throw my hat again, I’ll kick your ass, Seresin”, she said and you could tell that even though they were friends, she wasn’t kidding. Shit, the people here were really fucking serious about their hats. Another reason why you were mad at Jake for not telling you about any of it. 

“Next time, don’t set it on my girl’s head”, he growled - growled, really, you didn’t know what else to call it. She scoffed and walked off. 

“How could she know I was your girl?”, you whispered, challenging him even though he already looked like you’d crossed some line that he’d drawn without telling you. “How could anyone?” 

For a few moments, he kept quiet. You defiantly stared up at him. Should he think whatever he fucking wanted to, this was entirely his fault. 

Then something changed in his expression. 

“You found out about the hat rule”, he said, “And the first thing you did was go and put on somebody else’s.” 

“Well if my boyfriend doesn’t want to have me wear his hat-” 

You couldn’t react as quickly as Jake had gripped you by the waist and pulled you close to him, forcing you to tip your head back to keep looking at him. He was, in fact, so close now that you could just kiss him and honestly, you were tempted. Just as tempted as you’d been when he’d come out of the bathroom looking like that, just as tempted as you’d been when you’d left the house, just as tempted as you’d been in his truck. But you were also stubborn. And you had good reasons not to kiss him right now (even though they were getting harder and harder to remember by the second).

“Darling, I’d go wild for you with my hat on.” 

You swallowed. Hard. 

“So why am I not wearing it?”, you asked through gritted teeth. You couldn’t quite believe just how easily this whole situation was getting under your skin. But it seriously hurt your ego - and not just that. The fact that Jake hadn’t told you about something so important in his hometown, some, as ridiculous as it may be, piece of culture, something that would so clearly show everyone that you were dating him, really, actually, seriously dating him, stung more than you wanted to admit. It was like someone had asked him outright if he was taken and he’d said no. 

“‘Cause I told you to wait”, he drawled, “Didn’t I? Wait ‘til you’re a real cowgirl.” 

Curiosity and frustration were mixing in your stomach, a weird, dangerous combo. You grabbed for his collar, pulling on it just a bit too hard - nothing he couldn’t stand his ground against. You were feeling insulted by all this and you found that you should let him know. 

“What’s a girl like me gotta do to become one in your eyes, hm, Hangman?” 

Hangman. You only called him that when you meant business. It was like a mother using her child’s full name whenever it got in serious trouble. Jake stiffened, fingers digging into your hips so firmly that you were sure you’d be able to see the marks in the mirror later on. You’d hit a nerve. Always did when you called him by his callsign. No more Jake, no more baby, none of that. 

“Behave”, he said, eyes fixed on yours, that one word carrying so much more meaning. You didn’t care. For once, you really didn’t fucking care. You wanted him riled up, wanted him furious, wanted him right at this breaking point. So you smiled.  

“Like a dog?” 

He’d smashed his lips on yours before you could react. 

All teeth and tongue, decisive, possessive, angry. You didn’t want to give in as quickly as you did. But he hardly left you a choice - he was everywhere, arms wrapped so tightly around you, chest pressed so firmly against yours, not giving you the option to escape, to duck away, to tease him any further. So instead of doing that, instead of making him run after you more, you let him have the control. All of it. Instead of turning, instead of making him chase you, you pulled him close to you by his collar with all the force you could manage, pulled him into you, pulled him with you as you stumbled backwards from the sudden change of weight, put your entire trust in him to keep you upright. You couldn’t breathe. You didn’t want to if that meant letting go. 

Not with how much emotion you were putting into this fucking kiss. 

Jake was the one to break away first. Pupils blown, cheeks reddened (you were sure you looked even worse), panting. You loosened your grip on his collar and ran a hand through your hair instead. 

Somewhere in the back of your head, you remembered that you were still in a bar, still in the middle of the dancefloor, still under the watchful eyes of his friends. A different part was screaming at you to fuck it and fuck him right here, right now. 

“Shit”, he breathed, resting his forehead against yours. His hat let a shadow fall over both your faces. “You’re gon’ be the death of me someday.” 

“Hopefully not too soon”, you teased, a smile playing on your lips as he pulled back just a bit. “I still gotta find out how to become a cowgirl after all.” 

The corner of his mouth quirked up as well. He raised his eyebrows, examining you for a second. 

“You really wanna know, sweetheart?” 

You let out a laugh. “Fuck yeah.” 

He leaned in close, breath ghosting over the shell of your ear, and you had to swallow. This felt intimate, somehow. 

“You’re gon’ be a cowgirl once you rode your cowboy.” 

Your breath caught in your throat. He pulled back with a grin. Smug, you realised. He was so fucking proud of himself for this - for having caught you off guard like that. You couldn’t let him win that easily. Not with that already inflated ego. 

“All of this just to get me into your bed?”, you chuckled. “Damn, Seresin. Lotta work for no reason, hm? I’m in it at the end of every day anyway.” 

He shrugged - as best as he could with his hands still on your waist. 

“What can I say? I aim to please.” 

You couldn’t help but grin too. The angry, sizzling tension had dissolved into something much more pleasant, much more dizzying. Something that set your skin ablaze and your mind on fire. You grabbed one of his hands from your waist and intertwined your fingers with his. 

“Want to get out of here?”, you asked. He leaned in and kissed you with a smile - slow and steady and sensual, wholly different from before. 

When he pulled back, you were breathless again. 

“Always.” 

[phagodyke]

ok moment over its all good

oh who am I fucking kidding. I'm not gonna go am I.

[fasolabean]

warninggg this is a long one ,,,

(Okay so I started writing this uhhh vent before more posts on the n//fts appeared later so plz keep that in mind hah)

So I haven’t been too active on here for the past month – a bit personal start, but I’ve moved to a different country whooo!!!! (its terrifying) (my brains been involved in fandom stuff as usual but physically I wasn’t lmao).

But I wanted to talk ab the n//ft (censoring bc idk ab bots here) thing bc while some people on here provided some great context and threads, most of the talk has happened on twitter. So like. Since it was first confirmed what the raffle thing was I was veryyyy disappointed, especially bc K has made fun of this very thing on stage previously. And like yea, the nature of what hes doing is different than the n//ft crypt0 scams, since the cost of the paywalled content is set and not fluid and the raffle thing was free to enter, and I know there have been threads about the website not being the worst on twitter (link) (edit: now here on tumblr too). But still man. Both of these could’ve been done on either an independent website or through stuff like youtube members or patreon. Or hell, even just on the merch store? Like buy a promo code that buys you access to the material?

Also like I get that this was probably a contract that would be rly hard if not impossible to terminate. STILL though, I wish we just got an even short thing like “hi sorry I wasn’t aware this is gonna be a one time thing we’re not doing it again”. I don’t mind extra content being paywalled personally, I know some people do, but I just really wish it wasn’t don’t with that technology. And yes, I also now know it’s a safer way to handle shit like that but I just cant see this excuse being used for commercial use? Like maybe I can see why I could be made to use it for like idk an important document, but a raffle ticket? Nah

I also, ugh. Felt weird about mikke in the team since the winter. This whole thing seems to be – at least to a large extent – either done or influenced by him, judging by even the fact that the europass thingy webpage has oy photomikke marked (no im not buying it but i did look around curiosity was stronger). Also the previous thing that had made me go hmmm about käärijä as a brand was the bnb, which now seems to be ran entirely by mikke and his wife. Like stick to your photos man? That being said tho, Jere IS an adult and he IS the face of this brand. If he doesn’t think hes qualified to make business decisions all by himself (which I get, this shit is hard), nothing is stopping him really from getting a professional to help him with those things. And if there IS something stopping him then hey man I think you should go to the press with that lol. From any interviews ive seen or read, you can feel he feels this responsibility to keep his friends and family that initially helped him afloat. But I wish he understood that not letting people who in the end are not professional about business and PR and having them stick to their own thing does not have to mean cutting them off.

But now I just wanna share a thought that to some might seem like me defending him – which, in case you didn’t get I am very much not lmao. The thing is, im really glad the fandom is able to call him out on a shitty thing – like a bad baaad business decision. You can like somebody’s art, hell you can even like the public person they are, while not agreeing with everything what they do. What annoys me though, is that apart of the kä fandom, he is also often talked about (usually negatively) in the wider esc fandom. Over the past week I’ve seen multiple threads on twitter from people that rarely ever mention him about this. That would’ve been like, not that much of a deal (though sometimes it really got… engagement bait-y) but the amount of bodyshaming and shaming of his fans that comes up with every valid criticism is making me wanna pull my hair out.

Especially cause he’s neither the first finnish esc-related artist to do that (Robin and Cyan Kicks are mentioned on the kollekt website) nor is he the first esc artist of his influence to do it either. Last year Loreen and Alessandra have released n//fts last year, and Loreen did a very similar raffle a couple months ago. Now I wanna be very clear: I don’t want this to be like. Cancelling these people, that would be so hypocritical of me. I also don’t want this to be like a fandom war like oh youre mad he did xyz?? Well THIS and THIS person did THAT!!1! I’m just merely annoyed that these people doing essentially the same thing went with no echo at all, but now I’ve seen us (the fandom) be literally called the r slur and the most vile things being said about jere and, for some reason, his appearance???

Idk man. I really try to  make it clear im not trying to excuse his decisions and I think being angry and/or disappointed at him is absolutely understandable. Im just angry that every single time he fucks up, every single time he makes a mistake, my timeline is filled with a wave of people rejoicing in it. I know he’s a controversial figure, he’s been one since day one, but I just wish he’s gotten the same amount of shit his peers do for the same actions? And this happens every time, and each time im like “well ig I can see why hes so bad when it comes to criticism”. Because imagine doing a thing that your peers have done with no/minimal criticism and then the moment you try it out you get people calling your fans slurs and commenting how stupid you are. Like ngl id also think any criticism was hate lmao.

Again I wanna be very VERY clear im very critical ab what he chose to do. I wish he took some responsibility – and hope he maybe does, at some point in the future. This year has been a whole lot of bad business decisions for the käärijä brand in my eyes, and I hope he can actually see where its gone wrong and do something about it, both for his and our sake. I am also happy to see fellow fans who are able to call out their fave. But man I am TIRED of him just getting all the shit (from people who very visibly fans are not)?? And now I have the proof that it is comparably more than other people and not just my bias towards him because wdym there’s been at least 4 esc artists, 2 of which more famous than him, and 2 umk artists doing exactly the same thing with almost no echo??

TLDR (thishasover1kwordsfuckshit); I wish he did better, simply. I kinda cling to some hope that maybe hey finally this time he will see that criticism can be constructive. I think this is still a level of fucking up that you can like, come back from. Pity it’s connected to the eurotour since kinda souring my excitement ab my first concert in a new country a bit :(

[d1xonss]

Desert Rose

Chapter 14 ~ Thank you

✧ Pairing : Daryl Dixon x Rose

✧ Era : Season 2

✧ Word Count : 3.7k

In this chapter ~ Rose's boredom grows to be unbearable as she is advised to lay in bed and rest by the older man Hershel. However, it doesn't last as long as she assumes when she receives quite the unexpected present, and from the quiet archer no less.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ROSE POV *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I woke up the next morning with a lingering sting still present near my stomach, sore to the touch. But I quickly reminded myself that I had dealt with much worse in the past. This surely wasn't the first time I've been shot; being a cop clearly had its ups and downs. But all I wanted was to finally get up and out of this bed to help look for Sophia, however the pain in my side was surely preventing that much to my dismay.

Rick kept the promise he made and came in early this morning to check on me, and after reassuring him about fifty times that I was okay, he left to plan another search for Sophia. I knew in the back of my mind that he probably felt that he was to blame for what happened to me, so now he was trying to make up for it in every possible way. But in all honesty, it was just my dumbass standing too close to the animal. Still, I would much rather be in here rather than Carl who only stood inches away from the whole scene.

A sudden knock came from the other side of the door, snapping me out of my thoughts once it reached my ears.

"Come in." I called out softly.

The door opened, seeing Hershel pop his head in with a small smile, "Good morning. I just wanted to check a few things and give you these." he said holding up what looked like painkillers.

I smiled gratefully and took them, "Thank you."

He nodded before moving around to the other side of the bed, checking everything under the sun. My middle that was still bandaged up, my pulse to see if it was getting stronger, my head to see if I had a fever, and about five other things I didn't understand. He worked thoroughly and quietly, making sure everything was feeling okay by me before nodding silently to himself.

"Well, it seems like you are doing a lot better. I can go ahead and take this IV out of you now." he said as he carefully moved towards my arm.

"Thank God. Can I finally get out of this bed?" I asked him.

He chuckled a little to himself, "You act as if you've been in this bed for weeks."

I scoffed a little, "Yeah, well that's what it feels like. I am not the type of person to sit still." I replied.

"Well, let's just wait until the painkillers kick in. Your body went through a lot the past few days and you need time to heal. But later in the day if you're feeling up to it you can go outside, but don't do anything too active." he advised, removing the small needle from my arm.

I tried not to uncomfortably squirm as I looked away from the area, "I'm telling you right now, being in this bed all day hurts worse than the actual shot."

I felt him place a small bandage over the spot where it started to bleed, looking back up at him in time to see a thin lipped smile cross his face, "Rick mentioned you were stubborn."

My mouth dropped slightly. What an asshole. But the older man didn't say anything else as he quietly left the room. So, Rick was talking some shit about me behind my back to people that I hardly knew. Awesome.

I sighed and leaned my head back to stare at the ceiling, counting the small specks of paint that made little patterns in different places. This felt like torture. I hated feeling trapped and I was itching to go outside and feel the sun on my skin. Getting some fresh air would be nice and it would also be nice to know actually where the hell I was instead of being briefly told that I was on some farm.

But I found myself just sitting alone in the silence with nothing to do because I forgot to ask Glenn to grab my stuff when he was here last night. The last thing I needed right now was more sleep, and all I really wished for was something to keep myself busy if I wasn't allowed to leave for a while. What I would give right now for my notebook.

I was then pulled out of my small trance once more when another knock came, revealing Daryl as he slowly entered the room. Though I couldn't help but notice he obviously had something hidden behind his back.

"Hey, yer up." he stated while lingering near the door.

"Wow, thanks Captain Obvious." I replied, smiling sarcastically.

He gave me a small glare in return, still just standing by the door shifting uncomfortably like the thing in his hands was weighing him down heavily.

"I don't bite," I said jokingly, "Come over here."

His eyes met with mine again as he nodded small, hesitantly making his way over to me once he knew it was okay, sitting down on the edge of the chair with his hands still behind his back. He looked nervous, so I immediately assumed something was wrong.

"You okay? What are you hiding from me?" I asked to try and lighten the mood.

He cleared his throat, "Well, I uh...I brought ya some stuff." he admitted quietly.

My eyebrows raised in amusement, "More flowers?" I asked.

His cheeks instantly flushed red while he avoided my eyes yet again. I hadn't forgotten the conversation we had before Carl came into the room yesterday, but I didn't want to bring it up again. He seemed to not be completely comfortable talking about it, so I just let it be.

"Nah, some other stuff." he said while pulling something out from behind him. I instantly recognized this as two of the books I took from the CDC, feeling myself smile warmly at the sight.

"I noticed ya didn't have anything in here to keep ya busy while you rest so...yeah." he spoke.

I took them from his hands, "Thank you, that's very sweet of you." I said before putting the books down on the nightstand, right next to the Cherokee rose that now stood tall in a glass of water.

Turning back to face him again, his hands were still behind his back, "You have something else?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Uh yeah...it was something I found when we were lookin through them cars on the highway. I didn't know when to give it to ya, but I figured you'd be bored in here so..." he trailed off.

I waited patiently for him to reveal whatever he had to show me with a smile on my face. I couldn't bring myself to understand why he was so nervous. I thought it was about the sweetest thing in the work he thought to bring me things while I was stuck in here.

He then slowly brought his hands out from behind his back to reveal a real sketchbook. My smile disappeared from my face as I stared at it with wide eyes trying to figure out how he managed to find one. I had been looking for one since the beginning and couldn't seem to find one anywhere because apparently, they're scarce in the apocalypse or something.

I slowly took it from his hands as I examined the cover of it thoroughly, running my hand over the smooth surface. It looked almost brand new.

"I also found these," he said as he handed me a fresh watercolor palette, "I found em in the same car, they must have liked to draw and shit too." he finished while I slowly took the paints from him as well.

I almost couldn't believe the things he sought out just for me, truly at a loss for words. But I could easily tell that my silence was starting to worry him, because he then began to ramble.

"I just uh...thought...you would like em. If ya don't like it, it's okay, I can take it back. Glenn said somethin bout how ya said you were lookin for a new sketchbook or somethin and when I saw it, I just grabbed it in case ya wanted it but-"

I then quickly cut him off and discarded the new things, wrapping my arms around his neck and bringing him into a hug. He was clearly shocked at my actions because he stopped talking completely and his muscles tensed like he had just been burned. But then he soon started to relax after a few long seconds and began to hug me back, placing his hands hesitantly around my waist.

Not letting go of him, I whispered, "Thank you, thank you, thank you." however many times I could. Wanting him to know how much I truly loved it.

Eventually I let go of him after giving him one final squeeze, pulling away to see his face. He was smiling shyly, with his ears turning a bright red as he huffed out an awkward laugh.

I looked back down at the supplies once more to admire them, "I love them Daryl, thank you so much." I spoke gratefully. 

He smiled even wider, "No problem." he muttered.

I paused as an idea suddenly came to me, "Well now, since you got this for me you have to tell me the first thing I paint in here."

He sat there for a minute thinking before shrugging as if it was too hard to decide, "I dunno, yer the artist." he smirked.

"Just whatever comes to mind." I replied.

He thought about it again as he rubbed his hands together nervously before an idea came to him, "How bout the house?"

"Yeah," I nodded, "I could do that later when Hershel actually lets me leave this room." I joked.

He chuckled before nodding his head, "Alright, well...I gotta head out and look for Sophia some more, but I wanted to see ya before I left."

"Oh yeah, yeah of course, just be careful out there okay?"

He gave a small smile, "Always am."

Nodding my head, I watched him get up and begin to head towards the door, stopping once I called his name just one last time. "Thank you again, it really means a lot to me." I told him.

He winked back at me before turning to head out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind him. I let out a breath of air I didn't realize I was holding in, flopping back on the bed as my heart raced in my chest. I lifted my left arm up to check and see if I was having a heart attack. I wasn't. It might've just been a certain man making me feel all giddy inside like a goddamn teenager.

But I merely scoffed to myself at the thought, knowing there was absolutely no way he felt the same.

My eyes flew through chapters and chapters of books but nothing was curing the utter boredom that I was feeling inside this stuffy room. I placed the book down with a slam on the bedside table before swinging my legs over the side of the bed at an attempt to stand. Hershel didn't give me the okay, but hours had passed and the painkillers were working, leaving me feeling much better for the most part so fuck it.

Slowly and hesitantly walking outside past the screen door, I tilted my head up and let the sunshine hit my face, it felt nice, refreshing after not being able to get out. My eyes then opened and gazed upon my surroundings, the acres of land, noticing this place was really beautiful. I would have a lot of fun painting this. The ideas only flowing the longer I stood on the porch.

But my attention was quickly drawn to my left after a moment or two, noticing Maggie and Glenn having a quiet conversation together. Their hushed whispers seemed almost harsh, but I couldn't make out what they were saying from where I stood. Though it didn't last long before Maggie started to walk away towards me, with Glenn looking defeated from behind her.

Her expression seemed to brighten when she caught sight of me out and about, a smile forming on her face as she approached. "Hey, you're up! How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Painkillers really work wonders." I replied.

She laughed at that and nodded her head, "Oh I bet. But actually I'm glad I got a chance to see you. I gotta run and finish these chores, but when I'm done do you want to maybe...hangout?" she asked me.

I smiled at her and nodded, "Yeah, yeah I would like that."

She smiled back, "Great, I'll see ya later." she said before walking off towards the barn.

Turning back to look at Glenn, he had a confused and upset look on his face as he followed Maggie's retreating figure with his eyes. His eyebrows were furrowed in concern as he was clearly replaying the conversation over and over again in his mind.

I found myself walking over and taking a seat next to him, nudging his shoulder with mine. "What's wrong?" I asked.

He looked over at me and gave me a small smile before shaking his head, "Nothing."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "Don't lie to me."

He sighed, "Okay...okay. This is what I was going to tell you last night but everyone was there so I couldn't... so you know how Maggie and I went out on that run?"

"No, I think I was still unconscious for that part." I deadpanned.

"Oh right, sorry." he muttered before continuing, "Well, Maggie said that they needed more medical supplies because they were running low, and so she asked me to come into town because Rick recommended I go with her. Anyway, we get there, and everything is going fine, and I pick up something that I needed but she came around the corner and I panicked. So I dropped the thing I actually needed and picked up condoms on accident." he rambled.

I was silent for a few seconds as I stared at him, "Okay, I'm really confused as to where this is going."

"Oh, I'm getting to the weird part don't worry. So, I'm holding the condoms and then she asked me if she was sure, you and I weren't together since I was getting the condoms-"

"Woah, what?" I asked.

"Oh yeah, she asked if we were together because I came to see you when you were still passed out. Anyway I said no, that we were just friends and then all of a sudden, she offered to have sex with me."

I waited for him to say more as he gestured wildly with his hands, but I got nothing in return. "So...did you have sex with her?" I asked him.

"...Yeah," he responded.

"Okay, you got laid. I'm failing to see the problem here." I said.

He sighed, "The problem is, she doesn't actually like me. We just finished talking about it when you came outside."

My lips pulled together in a sympathetic smile as he just hung his head, "Glenn, I'm sorry." I said while wrapping one of my arms around his shoulders, pulling him into a side hug.

He hugged me back tight, squeezing me slightly before I hissed out in pain the minute I felt an excruciating pain in my side. He let go of me immediately and looked at me in shock, "Sorry, shit I'm sorry." he apologized quickly.

I waved him off, "No, you're good." I breathed while gently smoothing my hand over the bandage.

He sighed again and let a few moments of silence pass us before shrugging, "I just don't know what to do."

My eyes glanced back towards his face, seeing how much this was truly affecting him. "...Just give it time hon, I'm sure she'll come around." I assured.

He gave me a small smile and nodded before the conversation ventured off to talk about some other things to get his mind off of Maggie. I hoped they could work it out because I could see how this was slightly hurting him. Even though he didn't know her very well, he still had some feelings for her while she claimed to have none whatsoever.

Although the longer we spoke, the more I could tell he had something else on his mind, something else that was bothering him. I didn't ask though, if he wanted to tell me, he would when he was ready. That is one thing I didn't like to do to anyone. I absolutely hated to pry. If the person truly wanted to tell you, they would when the time was right. All I could do right now for him was listen, seeming to be the one thing he needed from me the most.

Though after a little while we split off as I eventually ventured further away from the house to start working on the painting that Daryl suggested. I walked a little further out towards the tents where everyone was staying at the moment to get a better full view of everything, briefly seeing Lori standing there hanging up some laundry to dry. I smiled at her as I passed, but then stopped myself and backtracked, wanting to properly do something I should've done last night.

"Hey Lori?" I said as I walked back over towards her.

"Yeah?" she responded as she hung up another shirt, clipping it in place.

"I never got a chance to say thank you."

Her brows furrowed, "Thank me? For what?"

"For giving me that blood transfusion," I said simply, "I know it was really important, and...I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you."

She stopped there for a second as her expression softened, before walking over to me and giving me a hug. I almost didn't expect her sudden actions, but smiled a little to myself as I wrapped my arms around her.

"You're welcome honey. I'm so glad I could help you." she said while pulling away. "It's good to see you up and moving already." she pointed out.

"I was going stir crazy in that small ass room." I joked, "But hey, if you see Hershel, you didn't see me out here at all." I finished with a wink.

She nodded as she raised her hand up to zip her lips shut without saying another word. I smiled at her again gratefully before heading back to the perfect spot to start on my painting.

This seemed to be the exact moment I realized how truly beautiful this house was, the way the sun was hitting it was making it even prettier. I started with a sketch of the structure to get the basic idea and started painting the plants around the exterior first, adding different shades of green to the grass below. The light purple flowers popping up around the area gave the whole thing an even more perfect effect as I added those in as well.

I even made sure to add the line of fences in the background, not wanting to miss a single detail as my eyes glanced back and forth between the page and the surroundings. Feeling myself get lost in focus only made me remember how much I loved to do this. It was a good distraction and something I would surely love for the rest of my life, calming me in a certain way I wasn't able to explain.

I was working for a good long while before I felt someone walking up to me, looking back up to see it was Maggie coming at me with a smile on her face.

"Hey," she greeted while taking a seat next to me, "What are you painting? The house?" she asked, looking over my shoulder.

"Yeah, Daryl gave me the suggestion and I thought it was a pretty good idea." I said as I turned the paper so she could get a better look.

She smirked and nodded her head without saying anything, though I quickly noticed the look on her face, "What?" I asked.

"Nothing," she shrugged, "He's just so soft with you."

My eyes narrowed, "Huh?" I asked as if I couldn't understand.

She laughed at my blank expression, "I said he's soft with you. Just today he was snapping at people and telling them off, but when he's with you he smiles, he actually laughs, and gives you presents..." she trailed off.

My eyes glanced down at the sketchbook before turning back to her, "So you were eavesdropping?" I asked.

"No, not eavesdropping." she quickly defended, "I just happened to be passing by." she said, smiling innocently.

"Uh huh." I muttered, going back to painting as I attempted to ignore her suggestive eyes.

"I'm just saying, when you hadn't woken up yet, he was real worried about you. We all saw it." she said.

"You're preaching to the choir, believe me," I stated, "But everyone was kind of worried, I don't plan on reading too much into that."

"Okay that's fair...but I personally think it was something a little more than that." she told me.

"Whatever you say."

I then seemed to quickly change the subject, getting to know her more while I continued to paint the house. Although, I was a little surprised when she told me herself about what happened with Glenn, but I pretended I didn't know a thing as I listened to a different perspective. She then told me that the whole experience was eleven minutes of her life she was never going to get back, and that made me laugh louder than it probably should.

I knew this was hard for Glenn but for some reason I had a feeling it was all going to work out okay. She was actually very sweet, and I knew she would come around and love Glenn just like the rest of us did.

But after a while she then had to go off with her sister to do some more stuff around the house, and told me we would talk more later which I was looking forward to. I liked her, and we already got along much better than I ever expected.

Though after she left, my mind seemingly wandered back to Daryl. I couldn't help but think about how nice it was of him to get me these things just because he figured out how badly I had been wanting them. And if that wasn't bad enough, Maggie's words also seemed to replay a bit in my mind no matter how much I didn't want them to.

I had to agree, he was a little different around me then he was with anyone else, but I always assumed it was because I actually knew how to talk to him and when to give him his space. But I liked the kind of relationship we had; he was just a great person to have around I've come to find out. I just really hoped he was being safe out there.

~ Thanks for reading!

[beesmygod]

yesterday was webcomics day. i am bea and i make "A Ghost Story" - part 4: the art

this part i feel like gets done semi-easy once the rest of the shit is dealt with. yesterday, my knuckles continued to swell and feel like rotten wood so i had to cut it short. this shit happens more frequently than i would prefer. today i need to run to the store and also pick myself up a lil treat (an eighth). for right now tho i have some cbd rich stuff that should help. maybe. while the index finger still hurts, only the middle knuckle is swollen anymore. let's see.

i started with panels 2 and 3 bc they seemed the least immediately labor intensive. ill be copy/pasting the line/flats for panel 3 to edit from there. t...there's going to be a lot of copy/paste this page. its not usually like that. but i usually only copy/paste the lines and flats. i will re-shade things so that they look different

unlike the sketch, the lineart has more "weight" to it. wait thats not how the pillow would deform. hold on.

ok that's better. did people even notice that before i changed it. probably not. but it matters to me!!!!! these little things add up and add weight to your world!!!! ive been trying new things with line as as of [looks at watch] last week. so it looks bad right now. like someones vague idea of what good lineart is supposed to look like. practice makes perfect tho....or breeds familiarity or something.

some parts of this look weird. dont worry. we will cover up that shit with speech bubbles. thank you comics for your ways of obfuscating bad art.

flats are easy. select everything that isnt your line art, invert the selection, and dump a base layer. then color that base layer with a mask

this page will, blessedly, not have any complex backgrounds. i already established the scene previously and can skate on doing my textured backgrounds. the background gradients in the direction the light in the room is being cast, usually.

first, a multiply layer at 50%. since she's facing away from the light source, she'll be mostly in shadow. then a white overlay layer at 50%; this is to make the first shadow layer pop and keep from getting too muddy. then a second multiply layer at 50% for the next layer of shadows.

added some sweat beads to make her look more haggard and some shine to her hair, since she's so close to the light. i've started bothering doing this bc it unfortunately looks good. finally i add one more multiply layer at 40% over her eyes to make her look more over this entire thing. and then added the red glow in another overlay layer (100%) where it would land if being cast from above.

completely servicable and theres room for like. a speech bubble later. usually i do text first, but in this case its so secondary to the actions being performed, i want to prioritize one over the other.

looking at it, im not going to be able to copy/paste this after all. she's going to settle in more and her body will rotate too much in the process. i can use this as a base to trace over, though, which will get me started.

but pain is occurring so im going to eat breakfast. what a bitch!

[cryptonite-exe]

i see you’re taking request!! would you be willing to write some more dating rev head cannons? maybe how he’d treat you during downtime with everyone else? :) so far i’ve fallen in love with your crypto content!

dating the devil | revenant headcanons

𓆩♡𓆪 pairing ; revenant x gn!reader

𓆩♡𓆪 a/n ; AAAA MY FIRST REQUESTTT thank you so much you kind soul!! really hope you enjoy this! (apologies it took long) <3

the mellow afternoon sun slowly descends, the light of day fading. the hazy atmosphere and silence of the dropship’s clinic was comforting. you sigh deeply and shut your eyes. you relish in the peace of this unoccupied area of the ship, the vibrations of the moving ship was soothing to you. you were hooked on an iv bag to get the fluids you needed to make a full recovery. with an arm taped with wires and strict orders to rest there, you recall the events of the past day as sleep dawned onto you. the match today did more damage than good. your entire shield batteries and med kits being completely shredded by the damn charged rifle ash kept poking you with. the bandages on your waist fit you tight, the inflammation on your skin was no joke. perhaps having personal relations to the other simulacrum has its cons.

the recent schedule of back to back matches took a toll on you- no, rather all of you. octane, who lives for the adrenaline of battle, even expressed how he needed a breather after the recent games. quoting “more stim’s been going than coming, my stunts won’t be as cool without my stim!”. after the complaints, the syndicate announced a week long break with olympus being the stopping place. the legends rejoiced and gushed about their plans for the week filled with partying and clubs, and some choosing to remain in the comfort of their closed quarters.

the next thing you knew, you were coming to your senses. your attempt at going back to sleep was futile, the pillow your head was laying on was so uncomfortable you were convinced it was a brick. no amount of shifting and turning can soften that so called pillow. the white lights of the dropship nearly blinded you when you attempted to open your eyes. you groan and rub your eyes. now pissed and awake, you tried sitting up because you don’t remember the clinic’s pillows were this hard. you immediately stopped midway as a sudden shock of pain presented itself. the pain had you yelling before you can even register where it was. “easy there human” a familiar voice greets you. your hand lays on your abdomen but your eyes pan to him. “what the hell are you doing he- wait, where even am i?” you ask when you saw the unfamiliar room. it was the standard room the syndicate assigned to everyone but there was nothing.

“my room. how idiotic of you to simply sleep there. have you no regard for your safety?” he spoke, standing up. “you were looking for me?” you asked with a laugh, tilting your head to the side. “don’t get all cocky with me, human” he defensively replies. despite his relentless remarks, he places a hand on your back and offering the other to you. you accepted it immediately, he helps you stand up and walk. he doesn’t let go, perhaps waiting for you to tell him off. but you just lean in further into his gentle embrace, one that showed he was scared of harming you. “oh my knight in shining armor.” you gush, half jokingly. he only groans in response.

‘this will be a fun week’

he's a literal 6'8 (semi) gentle giant

there are the usual homicidal remarks here and there but never towards you

he'd be bored AS SHIT during the break

he complains that "skinsuits are to be killed"

he ends up following you everywhere like a curious cat, always looming over your shoulder to watch whatever you're doing

he doesn't care about pda at all, he let's you do what makes you happy. but when someone points it out he hisses like a cat in water

when the other legends saw him walk behind you everywhere, someone was bound to make fun of him for it

it just happened to be mirage

"who would've guessed murder bot is a murder PET now hah! hahah..." he laughs, fading at the end when revenant snaps his head in mirage's direction

various curses and profanities were thrown that you had to slap him on the arm for it

"hey- no that was too mean!" you express, crossing your arms

"whatever he deserved it" he murmurs, then stomps away like a literal kid

(is back to your side in 5 minutes)

not the best person to gossip to but he does keep an open ear and sometimes asks for details

he'll groan whenever you're rambling for a long time, but he actually feels bad when you shut up

his form of an apology is sticking by your side until you start talking again

he absolutely cannot be left to do a task unless you want claw marks left everywhere

folding clothes? ripped. wiping down tables? scratches. he wants to hand comb your hair? no you're going bald.

he doesn't understand your liking for kissing him but doesn't oppose it

rev : what are you doing?

: kissing you

rev : disgusting. do it again.

doesn't do pet names. you are clinically insane if you hope he calls you one

the most he'll do is "human" or "sweetheart" and not with romantic intent

is scared to even lay a finger on you, what if those hands do to you what they were designed to do?

you have to initiate any intimacy, placing his hands on your waist reminding him it's okay or resting your head on his shoulder to calm him down

treats you like absolute glass- like you would break at a single push

possessive to the power of 10, and it cannot be overstated

no other legend would dare to even flirt with you, an invisible mark that indicates his property is on you

"mine" he mumbles, pulling your waist closer to him as his other hand grips his scythe- bloody from an entire squad's futile attempt to ambush you alone

some would question your taste in significant others but if they asked, you'd answer

"if only you knew"

if only they knew the quiet moments you had just observing each other, curiosity indulging itself

if only they knew the stories he shared from his memories, how his early days as a human haunted him to a point of endless jealousy and anger

if only they knew how tired he was of waking up from every death he hoped was the final one, how you were the only thing he looked forward to seeing

if only they knew how you were the only person he trusted enough to shut down and sleep

if only they knew how you wake up at 3am to see glowing dots on your ceiling, no hesitation to pat the bed as an invite and just go back to sleep

if only they knew how he nudges his head against yours as a kiss, how he caresses your hands feeling the warmth of being human

if only they knew your selfish thoughts of wanting to be one of his kind to accompany him in his lonely nightmare forever

© this work is by cryptonite-exe, please do not copy and post on any other platform.

[kingkennny10]

Mike Makowski x f!Reader

just a lil smut ive had in my memos for a good month, i changed some things to make it a f!reader as ik most people arent nb like me :/ mike is ooc asf i apologize also this is barely proof read so lmk if theres any mistakes, yall are past legal drinking age in this btw

THIS IS SMUT, 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI

cw: smutty smut smut, knifeplay, blood kink, pain is most definitely involved, jealous mike, established relationship lil bit of a size kink, p in v creampie, fingering

You and Mike arrived at your air bnb in the afternoon the day before your 2nd anniversary. You both wanted to quickly get to the beach but the long drive caught up with you guys and you decided to take a nap once everything was unloaded. Mike was the first awake and was unpacking both of your things for the week, you smiled at his thoughtfulness. "Mikey~ you should have woke me up to help you," You pouted as you propped yourself up on your elbows. You giggled when he physically jumped clutching at his chest dramatically.

"Holy shit baby, you scared the soul from my body!" His words caused you to giggle again and you crawled your way towards the foot of the bed where he sat on the floor with the suitcases. "Anyways, I wanted you to get as much sleep as possible before we go to the beach, plus I can handle putting our things away sweets." You huffed and rolled over on your back with a small pout on your lips.

“Wheres my bathing suit?” You asked noticing the sun was only just now setting.

“In the bathroom waiting for you.” Your lover said with a smile evident in his tone. He knew how badly you wanted to go enjoy the beach on the first day so he got your stuff ready for you. “I don’t have much left to put up so you better hurry sweetheart~” You rolled back over onto your stomach with a shocked expression.

“What about you?” You said teasing, when he stood up to put something into the closet and you rolled your eyes. He was already in his trunks and a old school Dracula tank top, ready to go. “You bastard!” You huffed and got up making your way to the bathroom leaving him to laugh at your faux insults. Your bathing suit was neatly placed next to the sink as well as the new cover up you got to match before the trip. Your bathing suit was all black while the cover up was a neon green to match his trunks.

“Almost ready sweets?” You heard Mike on the other side of the door. Instead of responding you walked out the door only to be immediately picked up and swung around. “You look so good angel!” He said muffled into your neck. He set you down and placed a soft kiss on your lips pressing your foreheads together. “From what I’ve seen outside there seems to be a party going on tonight. You excited?” He asked you punctuated with another kiss on the lips. You smiled brightly at him before answering. Mike didn’t like crowded spaces very much, but he would brave it for you if it meant you were happy.

“As long as I’m with you I’m the happiest person on earth.” His cheeks turned pink at your statement and he pulled you in for another tight squeeze. Once he was done hugging you he held your hand and guided you out of the house locking it up behind you two. Your air bnb was right on the beach and only a minutes walk to the outdoor bar where the party was happening. You could immediately see a handful of drunk people amongst others. A gentle squeeze to your hand brought your attention back to Mike.

“Looks like drinks are free due to the party. You ready baby?” He asked looking into your excited eyes. You rapidly nodded your head and pulled him along with you to the bar. You wasted no time ordering both your usual drinks of choice. The music was loud all around you and you barely noticed the bartender setting your drinks down. Both of you took a sip of your drinks as you began swaying in place to the music next to Mike. You nudged him all but two times while he took a few more sips of his drink. “I’m sorry sweets but I am not dancing tonight, especially not to this.” He shook his head making you pout. You understood how he felt though, being in a crowded area like this was already too much for him.

“Thats okay, are you gonna watch me though?” You asked hopefully, giving him the best puppy dog eyes you could muster. You finished off your drink setting the empty cup down.

“Of course my love!” He said sweetly turning to face the crowd continuing his drink. You giggled and stepped into a clear spot where you could still see each other. Slowly you began to feel the music and began swaying and dancing along all alone giving Mike a show to remember. The orange light of the sunset and the blue LED lights of the bar contrasting against your skin. To Mike you looked like heaven on earth and all he could do was smile to himself as he watched you enjoy the music. Soon enough his drink was catching up to him and he was going to have to use the bathroom soon. You were too entranced with the music to notice him trying to get your attention so he decided to just rush and use the bathroom and hopefully be back before you noticed his absence. Unfortunately for you both, it wouldn’t be this easy. As soon as Mike walked away from the bar there were hands on you. Thinking by chance it was your lover you turned around in their arms with a smile, which quickly faded when you seen the unfamiliar face accompanied by the strong smell of beer. A scowl stretched across your features as you looked the drunk man in the eyes. You attempted to pull yourself away from him which led his hold to tighten around you pulling your body flush with his.

“Let go of me.” You say through gritted teeth. Bracing your hands on his chest to keep space between you. He laughed dismissing you and swayed you to the music with him. You glanced over to the bar only to see Mike was gone.

“Don’t be that way sweetheart, you looked lonely dancing here by yourself!” He said cheerily continuing to sway you. You kept pressure on his chest to keep him away from you.

“Get away from me, let me go!” You barked out making the drunk man frown. Quickly his frown turned to a smile accompanied by one of his hands sliding down to your ass giving it a firm squeeze. In your head you were begging for Mike to come back and save you from this disgusting perv before you get a battery charge on your record. “GET OFF!” You shouted this time. The mans grip loosened on you but in a flash he was knocked to the ground from a swift punch delivered by your knight in shining armour Mike. He had one of the most angry expressions you’ve seen decorating his face and all you could do was blush.

“How about next time you LISTEN when your told to back off.” Mike said with venom looking down at the drunk fool. He snaked one arm around your waist and spat on the ground next to the guy, you couldn’t help the wetness beginning to leak from you at the sight of his anger along with his possessive touch. “If you ever touch her again you’ll be missing some teeth.” Mike was absolutely fuming as he left the bar walking you back to the house. The whole time your skin was burning hot from his display of anger, there was no way he didn’t feel the heat radiating off of your skin. Theres just something about him being so protective over you that has your stomach doing flips. Finally making it inside you flop face down onto the bed as Mike paces back and forth beside you. “Baby I’m sorry I left, I really had to use the bathroom. I wish people could just keep their hands to themselves.” He let out a frustrated groan and you just hummed in response, the cogs were turning in your head. When you finally reached your conclusion you sat up, your legs hanging off the bed. Mike stopped and looked at you to gauge your expression, he couldn’t place it.

“Come here.” You said, voice dripping in arousal at his earlier display. He approached you with no hesitation. You placed your hand on his neck and pulled him in for a deep kiss. “Did you bring your knife with you?” You asked looking into his eyes. For you and Mike, knifeplay is nothing new, you’ve done it plenty times before but it was obvious by his confused expression that he had no clue what you were getting at yet.

“Yeah, why?” He asked genuinely. You absentmindedly squeezed your thighs together at the thought of the blade on your skin. Your eyes darkened as you looked up at him, his appearance only added to your heated thoughts. His slightly toned arms out on display for you his green and black hair framing his handsome face.

“I want you to put your name on me.” You said with a devilish smirk playing across your lips. Mikes eyes widened in awe at your words, his own arousal fogging his brain. Your heated words flipped a switch in his brain. When he spoke next you could tell you both were on the same page, he couldn’t help but let his possessiveness take over.

“Have I ever told you that I love every idea you’ve ever had and that I worship the very ground you walk upon?” He said before he leaned back in for a more heated kiss. You gripped the front of his tank top and dragged him down onto the bed with you wrapping your legs around his waist. One of his hands pressed firmly into the mattress next to your shoulder while the other glided over your mostly exposed body and up to your neck applying pressure ever so slightly making you moan into the kiss. Mike smirked before letting his tongue explore your mouth. He pressed his hips into yours letting you feel his quickly hardening length through the thin fabric of his trunks leading you to let out a gasp of excitement. He pulled away from you to take off his tank top, you also took this time to toss away your cover up. When you looked up at him he could tell just how much you wanted this which only added to his own arousal and need for you. He reached over to the bedside drawer pulling his pocket knife out without breaking physical contact with you. You whined as he slowly opened his knife up without taking a glance at you. He watched the blade as he slid the knife flat against your skin from sternum to navel making you shiver from the cold touch of the steel. He smirked as you writhed underneath him, body begging for more.

“Mikey please. . .” You whined breathlessly as you watched his hand slowly drag the knife around teasing you. “Cut me. Put your name on me.” You moaned out pathetically. You needed it, you needed to watch his prideful expression as he sliced every letter into you. A dark chuckle passed his lips as he finally looked back into your eyes. He didn’t miss the fact that your hips rolled into him and your thighs weakly tightened around his waist.

“I will sweetheart, be patient with me. I need to see if i can fit my last name too.” A devilish smirk spread across his lips at his final sentence and all it did was leave you wanting for more. He took his index finger and glided it across the skin just below your bikini top leading goose bumps to form in their wake. “I think here would be perfect for my name, don’t you think?” He looked back up into your eyes. You bit your lip and nodded along, you were growing impatient now. His grin never faltered even as he moved his knife into position on your delicate skin. “And so it begins my angel.” He said before he applied pressure to the knife. The initial slice is truly the only one that hurts, at least in your experience. You wince in pain as he continues the first long slice, it’s never deep enough to gush blood but its enough for pretty little dots to pop up along the fresh red line. 3 more slow slices later and a very clear ‘M’ was marked on you. You hips rolled into his again, your need for him wasn’t slowing down any time soon and it only grew as he leaned down licking up the dots of blood littering your fresh wound. “3 more letters pretty girl.” He said against your skin as he left kisses along the cuts.

“Please, i need you mikey.” You begged as he readied to finish his name. His free hand moved over your hips and cupped your heat pressing his index and middle fingers between your folds through your thin bikini bottoms. Your hips rolled into his fingers, aching for any source of relief. He smiled and quickly sliced the knife forming an ‘I’ on your skin following it up with a glide from his hot tongue. He didn’t remove his hand from you, only applying pressure every now and then rubbing you slowly through your bottoms. As he began with the ‘K’ you couldn’t hold back the pure ecstasy you were feeling from the beautiful mix of pain and pleasure. As he finished the ‘K’ and ‘E’ he removed his hand from you and began untying your bikini top. He put the knife down on the night stand and untied the back of your bikini top fully releasing your breasts. He licked the blood from the final two letters and left a trail of kisses up to your lips where he pulled your chin down with a free hand as to let his blood covered tongue explore your waiting mouth. When he pulled away from the kiss the hand on your chin moved down to your throat giving it a teasing squeeze which led to you rolling your hips in pleasure. His other hand slid harshly over his name in your skin making your back arch with the painful pleasure.

“My little masochist, you look so beautiful like this.” He praised, voice low showcasing his lust for you. He removed his hands from you and pulled away from you making you whine. He placed his hands on your knees and slid them up your thighs until he reached the top of your bikini bottoms sliding them down your legs. He tossed them to the side and brought his hands back to you, one placed at your hip and the other sliding down to your dripping core. You mewled in response to his movements rolling your hips against his slender fingers. All he could do was smile knowing he was the man who could do this to you, he’s the one you wanted, he’s the one with his name carved into your skin. Finally he plunged his fingers into you, his ministrations were slow but he made sure he was hitting your sweet spot each time. The hand on your hip moved slowly up your stomach to where his name was and this time delicately slid his fingers across each letter, he felt your walls tighten as you moaned out his name. “I can’t wait to feel that on my cock angel.” He spoke with a groan. Your hands that laid above your head the whole time reached out to him as you grew closer to your orgasm. Your nails dug into his biceps slowly as you fucked yourself onto his fingers. Mike wore a proud smile on his face as you left your marks on him. He quickly removed his fingers from you and brought them to his lips, taking a small lick before he fully inserted them into his mouth to lick off all of your sweet wetness. You whined in protest to the emptiness but he quickly shushed you when he grabbed one of your hands bringing it down his chest to the waistband of his trunks. “Don’t you want me to fill you up princess?” He asked in a sweet tone. No words could form on your tongue, all you could do was whine out in agreement nodding your head. “On all fours angel.” He said softly, you obeyed him swiftly getting yourself into position. From behind you could hear the fabric of his trunks as he pulled them down letting his cock free. Your mouth watered as you brought your chest down to lay against the soft sheets of the bed. He chuckled when you wiggled your ass impatiently. You mewled out when you felt his tip slide up and down your wet slit. “You’re all mine isn’t that right sweet pea?” He asked as one of his hands gripped your ass firmly. You moaned out biting your lip. “Words angel, use them.” He said firmly as he pulled his cock away from you continuing to stroke himself slowly. Your eyes began to water as you need for him started to become too much.

“I’m all yours Mikey, I’m yours forever!” You moaned out spreading your legs more. Slowly your arousal was dripping onto the pristine sheets below you and all he could do was stare in amazement. He bit his lip as he lined himself up with your soaking cunt. “Fuuuuck~” you moaned as he stretched you out on his cock. Your knuckles turning white from your harsh grip on the sheets.

“So tight for me baby, god you feel so good wrapped around me.” He groaned out finally bottoming out in your plush walls. He bucked his hips into you all but twice before one of his hands reached forward gripping your hair. “I wanna hear what belongs to me, lemme hear you scream.” He said darkly as he began pounding into you, you couldn’t help but give him what he wanted. His name on your chest gliding against the sheets not letting you forget how fresh the cuts were, if you were to get up you’re sure you’d see faint blood smearing the white sheets.

“Fuck Mike! Harder!” You moaned out, and who was he to deny his little angel what she wants. He picked up his pace slamming deeper into you, the sounds of your skin slapping like music to his ears. You knew you wouldn’t last long with this pace, he was in the same boat. “Im close Mikey, please don’t stop.” You moaned out. All Mike could do was let out a pleasured groan. In a swift motion he leaned down wrapping an arm around your chest and pulled your back to his, his other hand still gripping your hair pulled your head to the side giving him access to your unmarked neck. He made quick work of leaving fresh marks along your neck while the hand on your chest slid down you roughly drag across his name in your skin. You cried out at the sensation beginning to see stars. Your pussy clenched around his cock leading him to bite down into your neck, it was sure to leave a big mark.

“You’re all mine, mine alone!” He spoke against your shoulder. His hand slid down from his name to where his tip would poke out at your lower abdomen. He pressed his hand firmly feeling his cock pounding through you. “You see how deep I’m gonna come in you baby? You ready?” You nodded frantically as one of your hands moved over top of his on your stomach your other gripped his hair behind you. You were right on the edge of your orgasm as he picked up his pace. Mike continued marking up your neck pressing into the skin of your stomach in random intervals.

“Gonna come Mikey.” You mewled, only a few seconds later did your walls spasm around him, your hand gripping onto his wrist as he rode you through it. He was very soon to follow. Three harsh thrusts later and he slowed as his seed spilled into you. You bit your lip at the euphoric sensation.

“My pretty angel, now everyone will know who you belong to huh?” He spoke lowly into your neck. Your legs shook before you collapsed onto the bed when he pulled out of you. He took a moment to watch his come leak from your used hole, his chest full of pride from the sight. “Let me get you cleaned up baby.” He said as he walked away towards the bathroom, his trunks fixed back to normal. You didn’t hear him, you were too focused on bringing your own heart beat back down taking deep breaths. You jumped at the feeling of the warm cloth against your thighs, he did quick work cleaning you up. He flipped you over taking another look at his name smiling before he placed a few more kisses on it. “I love you baby.” He said bringing his face to yours to leave kisses all over your cheeks.

“I love you too sweets.” You said before gettin in position to sleep, him soon following suit.

its done finally, im very proud of it actually! i havent seen anything like this on this app before so im excited to see what others think, maybe not everyone is into knifeplay like me but damn is this delicious 🤤 maybe ill put others onto mike makowski after this, i cant think of what to name it so i just titled it mike makowski x reader, someday ill get good at titles, after this theres more kenny x reader coming 😈

[froguemorgue]

writing again now that i'm mostly done with moving stuff. ummmmm check out this amrev hamilton/laurens time travel (inter-dimensional travel, really?) thing ive been writing and actually updating weekly (wow) on ao3 in which we genuinely go from "cogito ergo sum. How could one deny that these hands and that my whole body exist?" to "Alex my man what's up you look like shit lmao" ummm excerpt of chapter 1 below the cut:

1782

Sweating and tired of pacing, Alexander dug out his clothes from the luggage. He inspected the uniform with a sigh. He didn't fully understand how this worked and it had been a while since he found himself in his version of America. He had three vials of the doses of herbs, he had his military coat, and he had his map. He was as prepared as he could be.

The dressing process was more of a chore than he remembered. Shirt, socks, britches, cravat, boots, waistcoat, belt, sword, revolver, coat, cloak. He'd discovered that it was much less time consuming to wear jeans, boots, a shirt, a belt, and jacket, all without those pesky buttons, irritating queue in his hair, the powdering process, so on and so forth. When he finished, he grabbed the bitters from the bedside table. He downed a dose, held his breath and backed up against the motel bed, felt himself become dizzier until he passed out.

He never knew how much time had passed when he awoke. The air was sticky, hot. He wasn't sure of his surroundings - he was outside. Like a madman he wandered until he found where he was supposed to be.

Well, until he found a horse.

Then he was on his way. In the twentieth century, he'd traveled as close as he could to the battlefield where Laurens met his death. Apparently the motel he was staying in was merely woods about two hundred years prior. No matter; the navigation, a more difficult task, was now completed. He had made a map for himself before departure on his journey to Combahee River.

????

Alexander had awoken by himself in an unfamiliar room and it took nearly a week of solving that mystery before he accepted the change. He remembered what had happened to him before he came to in this world, but the details were murky. He had been meeting one of his spies in enemy territory. The contact had slipped him a vial with a paper pasted on, and in handwriting so small they had to use a glass lens to magnify it: "Tempus Edax Rerum | A taste to Me | a Halt to Cruelty | Pro Permutavi." He had found it in the coat of a British captain, stating he had no clue what it was and joked that they each dab their fingers then dose their tongues. Alexander called him stupid and confiscated the vial. He'd take it to camp, see if any of the doctors or herbalists might recognize the bitter scent. Likely poison, he'd chided his spy. Don't be foolish.

He asked for more information and about whether a murder plot might have to do with the corked glass, but his informant knew nothing.

That night, he drank a little more to warm himself on his brisk ride back to camp. Snow had begun to fall lightly at night but so far they'd been lucky enough to avoid a storm. The ground was frozen and in the midday it'd be slick with cold mud, but nothing his horse couldn't handle.

Alexander kept that poison as a souvenir when McHenry and Laurens couldn't identify it. A month later, his spy indicated in an encrypted letter that the Captain from whom he'd lifted the poison searched ardently for it, but quietly. It was unsure whether it was poison, medicine, or some recreational bitter. It didn't appear to be opium, McHenry had said, but perhaps something akin to it. Regardless, they wouldn't put it to the test, not even on an animal. Any meat they could get a hold of as winter came upon their heads should not risk contamination.

Alexander had married Elizabeth a year prior, losing Laurens in the process, as far as he could tell. He wondered on occasion whether that mysterious vial could cure him better than marrying a woman. It had a pull to it. It had a strong, indescribable power. He tried to ignore it. He even considered dumping it the river or shattering it upon a rock. It seemed to control him, enticing him every time his hand moved through the leather bag he kept it in.

He had gotten to the point he'd written down the script about a hundred times: Time eats all. A taste is a halt to cruelty. For change.

He'd take it out on occasion and let its scent waft into his nose. He had Eliza, but Laurens was gone so often he worried for his safety. He had his son, but that bundle of joy couldn't yet speak.

And then Laurens died. The joy left his body in a sudden cold rush and he couldn't stand it. He wasn't a coward, did not intend to die now for he had a child he wanted to see grow up. He wouldn't be like Laurens, who left behind his own kin. He would do what he had to in order to let the love and the loss pass through him as he always did. A night of alcohol, a week of work, a weekend with his family, a week of work, another night, another day, over and over as the bottle he'd stashed in the trunk made his ears ring and his vision go blurry. It was the silence, maybe. The hours of staring at paper by candlelight. The sleepless nights. Maybe it was the letters he couldn't seem to bring himself to burn. Maybe it was the scent of Laurens on them, intangible and faded but could have been true once.

Maybe it was the devil in that liquid he should have smashed to pieces over a year ago when his spy slipped it to him, or the alcohol sluggishly pulling him from his work and instead to his knees in front of the fireplace, clutching his own uniform, pulling the jacket on as if he could relish, for a second more, being the boy who'd once worn it. He'd beg for more time. He reread the label of that bottle too many times for it to make sense now, but he didn't care whether it did. Alexander felt the urge to drink it regardless.

He'd awake early the next morning, disappointed by its lack of effect on his worried mind but pleased he was blessed to live another day. He'd collect his papers, stash the letters, hang up his uniform, and for once, snuff the candles that had burnt down to the table and lay beside his wife and son before the morning broke, not caring that he no longer had the mystery vial and forgetting about it to the extent that if he was reminded, he might have laughed and said he tossed it ages ago, or that drinking it had been a dream.

Well, somebody would feel glad enough to do that, anyway. Somebody would sleep next to Betsey and carry the weight of his lost love for the next twenty-two years. Alexander, the one who remembered the details of that night, the one who still clutched the bottle, would awake changed in a place time had not yet devoured him.

Alexander would then spend the next two years wasting the second chance he'd been so blessed to have. The first mystery he intended to solve when he awoke was whose room he was in.

1977

The brick felt familiar, the large eight-paned glass was not unlike his time. This room was eerily like the one he'd lived in back in college, shared with Troup, but arranged completely differently. There were machines he was unfamiliar with, two rooms more than he recalled. He aimlessly searched everything. The brain fog was surreal. The sink had a faucet, something he was not yet acquainted with. He messed with it until water spouted and he stuck his head under, stripping the military coat first. He drank so much it forced a coughing fit. With the faucet off but still too hot despite the season, he loosened his cravat and pressed his face to the window that was as tall as he. It was a relief. There was snow and no fireplace, yet he was sweltering. He pressed his hands to the cool glass, breathing heavily, then his mind caught up with what he saw below him. How he vaguely recalled and correctly identified the machines on the street as cars, he didn't know. Alexander unlatched the window and pushed it above his head to get a better look.

Cars. What the fuck are cars? It was so strange and wonderful that he was captivated for much longer than any normal person should be captivated by cars. He watched the people below in their strange outfits, leashed dogs of many different breeds, the honking, the yelling. Skinny trees lined the pavement but they were startlingly scarce. He looked up at the sky as it began to snow lightly, much like the night he had acquired the vial.

Pro permutavi. Was it he who had been altered or was it the world around him?

Alexander slammed the window shut and turned from it feverishly. He began to search through his bedroom - was it his? It must be, there were pictures of himself on the dresser. He recognized the people in them clear as day, far better than painted portraits. In one, he found his face among classmates he recognized, Troup included. In another, his mother. He grabbed it and his hand squeezed the frame. So many years had passed since she went that he hardly remembered what she looked like, but that was her. If this was his room, it was unlike him to have displayed her, to recall the pain every time he was forced to see it.

The clothes he donned now did not fit the world around him. Though he couldn’t articulate why, he undressed, folded them up, stuffed them in the bottom drawer, and searched for something new. Underwear as this world knew it did not exist in his world, yet he knew to pull them onto his body before he found socks thicker and shorter than he was used to, the material more pliant and fitted. There were slacks in his dresser that were pleated in the front and were cut at his ankles. He found a loose linen shirt, tucked it in, and searched the room until he could find a belt and shoes to match. His hair was shorter in these photos, shorter at the top and the sides, curly and unkempt. His own was still long, he observed of himself in the mirror. He wandered through the apartment again until he found the bathroom.

The bath looked different from how he thought it would. There was a pipe that ran to the top and an overhead spout. The tub was covered by a curtain. When he drew it back, he saw it was full of water that was cool to the touch. Beside it on the floor was a small bottle on its side with white pills spilled and a tall cylinder glass with traces of brown liquor sticking in the bottom. Not understanding the implication, Alexander stared uncomfortably before leaving the bathroom.

Then began the speaking aloud to himself. That part wasn’t out of character, he’d always done that to memorize or rehearse, on occasion to comb through his thoughts with an animal that couldn’t respond. “I am Alexander.”

He searched the apartment as his muttering turned to conversation volume. He opened cabinet after cabinet. “Who am I? What am I doing here? I am Alexander.” He touched his chest, shoulders, then crossed his hands over his body to hold his upper arms. “Cogito, ergo sum. ‘Perhaps the senses deceive us when it is a question of very small and distant things. Still, there are many other matters which one certainly cannot doubt, though they derive from the very same senses: that I am…’ standing here before this window,” he spoke, looking again at the people below as he forced the window open again and propped it with a short block of wood on the sill, “…wearing my… trousers and shirt… that I feel this…” he scooped a small and unsatisfying piece of snow from the outside, “ice in my hands, and so on. ‘How could one deny that these hands and that my whole body exist? Unless, perhaps, I should compare myself to insane people…’”

Alexander dropped the snow and watched it plop below, narrowly missing a person with a great big coat. She glanced upwards but only assumed the ice must have slipped itself.

He began to whisper again. “‘Right now I am certainly gazing upon this street with my eyes wide awake. I extend this hand consciously and deliberately and I feel it. And yet… I have been deceived by similar thoughts on other occasions in my dreams. That said, perhaps there are not definite signs to distinguish being awake from being asleep. This astonishment almost convinces me that I am sleeping.’ Am I asleep?” He pinched his own arm as hard as he could until the pain was unbearable. “I think I would have awoken from that. And… ‘things seen in sleep are like painted images which could have only been produced in the likeness of things, which therefore cannot be imaginary things.’ And I don’t think I could have dreamed this, then, unless I’ve seen it before, and I don’t remember seeing it before. Therefore I must be awake. I am awake.” He left the window again and the steam he’d left on the pane from his hurried speech. “Damn it, Descartes, help me out here.

Just then, a knock came upon the door. He startled and panicked for a moment. Alexander imagined something evil on the other side, a new creature unimagined by him before but evidently real in this realm. His hands trembled as they reached for the door, but when he yanked it open, the chain up top stopped it. He had to mess with it for a good twenty seconds before he figured out how to free it from its sliding lock.

No creature but Robert Troup stood at the door, wearing clothes that fit him better than the ones Alexander was used to seeing him in, with colors more bright and a coat better suited for the weather than the green cloak he’d always worn.

“Alex, man, what’s up?” he said as he entered without invitation. Alexander couldn’t help but glance upwards before he realized it must be a rhetorical question, a greeting. “Seriously, you don’t look good. Probably because it’s so drafty in here.” Rob crossed the room to close the window. “You good to go?”

“Where are we going?” asked Alexander.

“I know, I know, it’s still early, but I promised you coffee. Why are all the cabinets open?” he asked distractedly as he began to close them all. “I told you I wasn’t leaving any of my food for you. Get your coat. And a sweater. I can see your nips, the hell. I have to use the bathroom if you don’t mind. Where’s it at?” he joked. Alexander pointed. Rob made a face. “Uh-huh. Get dressed, I’ll be out in a sec.”

Alexander turned dumbly to his room to find something to put over his clothes. Sweater. Sweater. He searched until he found a brown one hanging up in a closet no deeper than his forearms. He found a coat slung over a desk chair and pulled that on, too.

When Alexander emerged, Rob was done in the bathroom and had an uneasy air about him.

first three chapters published!

[ink-and-blood-goddess]

All My Love For You (Arthur Harrow x Reader)

Requested by Anonymous-Hiii there! I really enjoy all your stuff and I literally am in love with your writing!

If it’s not too much to ask, may I request for Arthur Harrow x reader fic where the reader is in love with Arthur but she doesn’t think he feels the same? Like unrequited love but in secret Arthur likes her too? Angst/fluff or hurt/comfort would be amazing!

A/N-Finally, another request finished and ready. Again, I felt I’ve gone overboard with this, but hey at least it’s finished. Anon, I hope you enjoy this after waiting over a year for this to be done.

Requests have been opened back up for two weeks. If anybody still wants to make a request, please send it through my inbox or DM (Direct Message) so that I can get started on it :). Lists are down below for better navigation.

Also, on my last fanfic request post, I’ve noticed people commenting down below to be tagged in the next part of it. If anybody wants to be tagged in the next fanfic request or one of my own, please do so, it’ll help me out more when I post…

List of Characters IV

Underworld Requests

Good Omens

Warnings: Major angst, some language, fear of loneliness, not being loved back, mentions of heartbreak, mentions of past abuse, and tons and tons of fluff at the end 

Citrus Scale: 🍎

W.C+: 4.4K

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Love. That’s the only thing you feel for your master and mentor Arthur Harrow. It felt like a stupid high school type crush, but for you it feels more serious than that.

In the past, you’ve had many abused relationships with other men and how they abused your love for them. After your last relationship ended very badly, you’ve had enough and left without turning back. The only thing you took with you was your backpack with only clothes and some money you’ve saved up.

As you walked alone down the streets at the dead of night, you cried your eyes out with your heart aching with complete heartbreak. Your soft sobs echoed through the abandoned alleyways of the buildings you’ve passed by.

Your cries were heard, as a mysterious man came out of the shadows of one of the buildings. He was quite shocked to see you at this time of night. That’s when he noticed your tear ridden face, glistening beneath the street lights. Whatever you’ve been through, he invited you to come inside with him.

With everything you’ve been through and nothing else left in your life, you took up his offer and went inside with him.

Taking you in by your hand, he guided you into the building and took you into a private area for you to rest.

After a few hours of rest and some warm food inside of your stomach, he asked you why you were walking all alone on the streets in the dead of night. Soon after you broke down and told him everything that happened. 

He listened carefully to you as you told him about your past relationships and how they abused the love you’d given them. After your last relationship ended on a sour note, you’ve had enough and left that sorry asshole behind. You sobbed and sobbed with your hands covering your tear ridden face, feeling like total shit as you told all of this to a complete stranger you just met.

But he sat there, listening to you talk about what you’ve gone through and how horrible you were treated. Rubbing his hand up and down your back, comforting you in a way.

He felt so bad for you, watching you cry. Sorrow filled his blue eyes and felt his heart grow heavy with it too. With no other place to go to turn to, he offered you a place within his community to stay and heal from your past.

You were forever grateful for his offer and for himself. You had a place to stay and to call it home. You felt safe now.

That was a few years ago. You’ve been living happily inside of the community ever since and never looked back. Feeling more safe in this new environment and connecting with the other members of the community as well. 

Over the past few years you lived here, you’ve became more closer towards Arthur. Teaching and mentoring you through his guidance. How his soft voice puts you into a trance of sorts whenever he speaks to you.

The time you spent with Arthur, the more he understood of what you’ve went through. How each time his heart grew heavier and heavier of sorrow, when you talked about your past partners and how they never loved you in return.

He’s always there for you. Checking up during the day and night to see if you're comfortable, seeing each other during meal time, and spending quality time with just the two of you. 

With all this quality time spent with Arthur, you’ve grown much closer to him in the past three years. From holding hands to embracing one another under the moonlight, you never realized what was happening right before your eyes. You were falling in love again.

But how? After your last relationship, you swore to yourself not to fall in love ever again. You didn’t want to start all over again. Didn’t want your heart broken. It felt like a never ending cycle for you and it haunted you deeply.

The very thought of it scared you each minute you spent with him. It felt like you were sick, but you were fine. 

Any time you were with Arthur, the pit of your stomach grew more and more wider as your love for him took over your mind. You didn’t mean to fall in love again, but you couldn’t let go of the feeling.

It felt like Cupid shot you with one of his arrows and can’t take it out. That arrow will be forever stuck inside of your chest. Your heart fluttered like a little caged bird every time you saw Arthur or spent time with him. 

The more it grew, the more you loved him. But you never told him. You became afraid of what’ll Arthur would say or think if you say ‘I love you’ to him. That he’ll never love you back and leave you. That’s the thing you feared the most in any relationship. Having somebody leave you.

That’s the very thing you didn’t want happening to you at all. So you kept it to yourself and never said anything about your feelings towards Arthur. Keeping it a secret meant that you’ll never tell him and he’ll never find out about the whole thing either.

You kept your feelings a secret for a few weeks, until one night they were uncovered.

It was a quiet night in the community. A gentle, cool wind blew through the leaves and branches of the trees outside of the walls. Sweeping through the dining hall and into the other areas of the community.

You zipped up your jacket to your neck as the cool breeze passed through where you were sitting in the dining hall. After shivering a bit, you went back to eating the hot, lentil soup that sat in front of you on the table. 

Half of the community members were gathered around one another for tonight’s meal. All of them were talking and laughing over what they were up to or what they did from today. They were all happy, not caring about anything at all. You wish it was the same for yourself.

Your (E/C) eyes scanned through the dining hall to see if Arthur was anywhere. It was really hard to tell through the large crowd of community members.

After looking around for a few moments, you went back to eating. Taking in another spoonful of the lentil soup, you felt the semi hot liquid swirl around your tongue and trickle down your throat slowly.

It felt really nice to have a warm meal each day and a cozy bed to sleep in, but that wouldn’t have happened without Arthur. He gave you a place to stay and food to eat. He also didn’t give up on you either. 

Standing by your side almost every day, as you slowly got over your heartbreak. He never left you alone, until you got better. 

Arthur treated you much differently than the other members of the community. In a way, it made you feel special in his eyes.

After a couple of weeks of staying here, you started to warm up to your new surroundings. The members of the community were very nice to you and accepted you as one of their own. You became a part of their family in a way.

For the past few years of calling this place home, you felt something pull yourself towards Arthur. At first you thought you were sick, but you were completely fine. This also happened on other occasions whenever you were around him too.

There were instances when Arthur spoke to you with his soft voice, your whole face felt hot and glowed red. You didn’t even know that was happening at all and it felt like your heart was ready to explode from it too.

Other times you felt your heart beating faster than it should. The blood rushing up to your face so quickly you almost fainted several times. Your heart felt like a caged bird ready to burst out of your chest.

There were a number of other things like Arthur’s hand slightly brushing up against yours, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, letting you sit next to him at meal times, and spending time alone with just you.

At first you thought it was Arthur treating you differently after what you’ve been through before coming to the community.

 You missed the signs so many times, not even realizing until it was too late. Never realizing that you’ve fallen in love with Arthur.

Ever since, you’ve been trying to avoid the topic and avoid Arthur at all costs. 

You felt defeated in a way. Mostly defenseless against your own feelings overcoming you and your whole mind. Lately, you’ve been overthinking about this whole situation. What would Arthur say and how would he react to you saying you love him?

The awful dread filled both your mind and heart like a large black hole swallowing you whole. Arthur hating and leaving you for loving him haunted you all over the place in your mind. The very last thing you ever wanted to happen was to be alone and heartbroken forever. Still, you don’t really know how to deal with the whole situation that’s causing you pain and torment mentally.

As you continued to eat another spoonful of lentil soup, a hand suddenly came out of nowhere and gently gripped your shoulder. “Aw there you are my dear. I’ve been looking all over the place for you,” a familiar voice followed. Taking the spoon out of your mouth and swallowing the soupy liquid down your throat, you looked over your shoulder to see it was just Arthur.

Arthur looked peaceful tonight. He always is. Standing over your shoulder like a calm shadow. Both of his hands gripped the two handles of his cane, as he slightly leaned over. Several silver strands of his grayish brown hair blew across his pale skin when another gust of wind came through. 

His blue eyes looked upon your surprised face after startling you. He could tell you were quite surprised and somewhat uncomfortable when he touched you. That was soon replaced with a smile on his lips.

“Oh, I’m sorry my dear have I startled you?” He asked as he pulled a chair up to sit next to you. You shook your head a bit. “Not a bit Arthur.” You said with a smile and took another spoonful.

He chuckled a bit, “That’s very good to hear. How’s your lentil soup?” 

“Good as always Arthur,” you said after removing the spoon from your lips and placing it back into the halfway done soup bowl. You then grabbed the cloth napkin from your lap and used one of the edges to wipe your mouth off.

“Another good thing to hear,” he chuckled more at your response, “good thing to have on a night like this.” You nodded in response. Another small gust of wind came through, making you both shiver at the same time.

Arthur had on his beige jacket like he always does at night. Even though you had your jacket zipped up to your neck, you still felt cold from the breeze coming through.

You picked the spoon back up and dipped it into the bowl again. “(Y/N) I like to ask you something,” he said as he watched you put another spoonful in. It was usual for Arthur to ask you questions about certain things, as long you know what he’s talking about. You nodded your head in response as a yes, what is it.

“Have you been feeling ill of late? You’re not your usual self when you’re around me.” You felt your heart skip a beat or two when he asked THAT question. The one you’ve been dreading he’ll ask you about what’s been going on with you lately.

You shook your head. “No, I’m perfectly fine Arthur. Why do you ask?” You asked after taking the spoon out and placed it onto the table next to the wooden bowl.

Arthur shifted a bit in his seat and darted his eyes away from you, as he looked around the community dining room for a bit and then came back to look at you.

“You’ve been acting quite strangely the past couple months, I’ve grown very worried for you. It’s like you’ve been distancing yourself from me. Did I do something wrong or has something been bothering you lately,” his voice sounded a bit hurt.

Shit. He’s starting to notice. I need to put a stop to this now or else. I don’t want to start this fucking cycle all over again, your thoughts took over your mind. This can’t go on forever. You have to tell him. Tonight, but not here. There’s too many eyes and ears all over the place. You have to make your move now or it’ll be too late.

“Yes Arthur,” you finally say, “something has been bothering me. The reason I haven’t been around you much, is because I didn’t want to worry you about it. I didn’t know how to talk about it either.” You turned your head away a bit and closed your eyes.

“I see,” he said as he let out a heavy sigh. You opened your eyes back up and turned your head towards him again.

He was turned away from you, but his head snapped back towards you. It was like he was waiting for you to look back at him.

“Not that I’m mad about it at all my dear (Y/N). I understand that you’ve kept this issue from me. You wanted to spare my feelings from what you’re dealing with.” He sounded so calm, but sounded wounded in his voice.

“Whatever it is (Y/N). I want to know what you’re going through. You can’t keep me in the dark if you continue doing this to me. I’m still your friend here. I don’t want you to deal with this on your own. This issue you’re dealing with won’t let up if you just talk to me about it.”

Arthur has a point there. You can’t keep this up anymore. Arthur deserves the truth. The truth that you love him.

You turned away for a bit and looked through the dining hall, making sure nobody near you was listening. Then you turned back to Arthur.

“Alright Arthur, I’ll talk about what’s been on my mind,” you then leaned in closer towards him, “but not here. I want to talk about it privately. There’s too many eyes and ears around us.”

Arthur nodded in agreement with you, “alright. Perhaps after dinner then. It’ll be much quieter for us to talk. How does that sound?” You smiled a bit at him as you nodded in agreement.

“After dinner sounds good to me Arthur. It’ll help me more with my thoughts,” you said as you felt your face heat up a bit.

“Let’s talk about in my living area. It’ll be much quieter when everybody has gone to bed for the night,” he said as he got up and lightly patted you on the shoulder. 

“Alright. I’ll see you later Arthur,” you gave him a warm smile and he smiled back at you. As he walked away with his cane in hand, you felt your heart grow heavier by the second. You have to tell him. Now or never.

After finishing the last of the lentil soup, you helped clean up and put everything away for the night. With everybody gone to bed now, you headed to Arthur’s living area on the ground floor.

Your thoughts began to eat at your mind again, as you walked up to the door with the crocodile door knocker looking down at you. Before you could knock upon the door, it opened up with Arthur on the other side. There was a friendly smile on his lips. The mere sight of you always makes him happy.

“(Y/N). Come on in. I’ve made some tea for us,” Arthur stepped back a bit and you came inside. Arthur’s living area was quite different from the other living spaces, including yours. It was more spacious and had more room to it. The kitchen area was almost the same size of your bedroom alone.

“Go on and sit down at the table. I’ll bring out the tea,” he said as he closed the door behind you and then walked off towards the kitchen. You walked over to the table that was near the wall towards where the kitchen was.

You pulled out the chair nearest to the end of the table and sat down. Your thoughts raced through your mind rapidly. Trying to think of what to say to him and how he’ll react to it. Your hands started to shake a bit and your fingers twitched. It felt like you were about to have a nervous breakdown. The clinking of glass brought you back to the real world.

Turning and looking over your shoulder, you watched as Arthur walked out with two terracotta red mugs in each hand. Steam swirled around in the air, when Arthur walked closer to the table.

Once he got to the side where you were sitting, he placed down the mug in front of you with one hand and then the other mug at his seat. Finally, he sat down at the end of the table and pushed the seat forward at an angle to face towards you.

“Go on ahead my dear. It’s ginger, lemon and honey. Helps with a sore throat,” he said as he took some small sips from his mug.

You picked up the mug placed in front of you, blew into it a few times, and took a few quick sips of it. The hot and sweet tea went down your throat quickly as it burned a bit. You tasted both the lemon and ginger right away, with the honey following.

It took a moment or two for the tea to cool down a bit to be more drinkable. With your tea half gone, you let the other half cool off some more and set the mug back down onto the table. Arthur puts down his as well, licking some of the left over tea off of his lips.

“So (Y/N). What’s been bothering you,” he asked in a calm voice. When he asked you the question, you felt your fingers twitch again. It’s like your entire body was going haywire.

You thought it out for a moment or two, until you found the right words. “It’s difficult to explain Arthur. There’s so many words and I don’t know how to use them. Like swallowing them all at once, but can’t seem to find the right ones.”

As you started to talk, Arthur rested his chin in the palm of his left hand as he placed his arm upon the table for support.

“Arthur,” you said as your heart began to slowly beat faster, “a few years ago. You invited me inside and let me live here after what I’ve been through that night. I’m forever grateful for what you did for me.”

“Over the past few years, you’ve shown nothing but kindness and compassion towards me. Helping and guiding me through your teachings as I became a member of the community here. Treating me like a totally different person entirely and making me feel safe within these walls all of us call home.

“And through that, something inside me changed. I didn’t know at first. I thought it was just a one time thing, but it never went away. Whenever you spent time with me, that thing stayed with me the entire time. To me, it felt like pulling myself towards you as it swelled up more and more. Still, I didn’t know what it was, until it was too late when I found out.” 

Arthur shifted in his seat a bit. Growing very worried about you by the second now. “Found what (Y/N),” he asked in a calm, worried manner. “What did you find out too late about?”

Your heart began to beat much faster now. Like a bird stuck within a rose bush full of prickly thorns. Your mind racing all over the place, as you try to keep calm.

“I thought of forgetting about the whole thing and just move on. It only worked for a few weeks, until now. I stopped thinking of the whole thing, but they crept towards me and my mind. By now, it was already too late.” You grew silent now. Your heartbeat increased in seconds, waiting for a question from Arthur.

“Too late? Too late for what (Y/N),” Arthur was becoming more worried now. In his voice, he sounded hurt.

IT’S TIME. JUST SAY IT, your thoughts started screaming at you. Every fiber inside of your body felt like they’re going to explode now.

“Arthur Harrow. I’m in love with you.” Once you said that, complete silence filled the air. You felt your breath hitch in your throat after saying that. 

Shock quickly went across Arthur’s face. His hand left his chin and went to the table in a quick flash. “You’re what?”

Suddenly you felt the flood gates open very rapidly, “oh God Arthur, I’m so sorry,” you cried out. Tears began to stream down your face very rapidly. “I didn’t know how you’ll react to this. Ever since I came here and after the shit I’ve been through, I thought it would never happen to me again, but it did. I started having feelings for you when we started to get closer with one another. At first I thought I was sick, but instead I was love sick. Love sick for you. That’s all it is. Feelings for you. I grew afraid that you’ll never love me in return after I declared mine for you. Wasting all my feelings away and I regret that now. I’m sorry for doing this to you Arthur. I didn’t know this was going to happen to anybody, especially you of all people. I just didn’t want my feelings crushed again. I just want to-”

You were suddenly cut off, as Arthur kissed you on the lips. You never saw him get up, since your tears blinded you in your rant. They felt warm and soft against yours. The smell of the tea he made intoxicated your senses as he slowly kissed you. It tasted sweet. Slowly, Arthur lifted his head up and removed his lips. 

He smiled a bit, as tears began to run down his face. You felt shock go through your whole body. Both your heart and mind were fucking screaming like crazy. You opened your mouth, but no words came out yet.

 “Arthur-” you finally said, but was cut off when Arthur raised his hand. “No need to explain any more my dear (Y/N). You were afraid of telling how you felt about me and I understand that. Believe me, you’re not alone on this.” Arthur choked up a bit, as more tears streamed down over his cheeks.

You felt your heart skip a beat or two, “Arthur, what are you talking about?” You leaned in a bit closer, awaiting an answer.

Arthur sighed heavily, turned his face away from you, and slowly closed his eyes. You could tell he felt uncomfortable. There was something else that you didn’t know about.

He then turned his head back over to you and slowly opened his eyes back up, with tears still streaming down.

“(Y/N),” he said softly, “the very first time I met you, you needed help. You were all by yourself that one night. Walking along the dark alleyway and I took you in. You were so fragile, I didn’t want anything else happening to you. I made sure you were safe when I invited you into my home. From that night on, I felt something blossom inside. At first I thought it was something else, but it wasn’t. That’s when I felt it. Love. I fell in love with you (Y/N).”

You felt your heart stop for a second or two, with your breath caught inside of your throat. Arthur. He’s in love with me. But why did he hide this from me, your thoughts were running rapidly as your heart started fluttering inside of your ribcage.

“Oh Arthur,” you breathed out with a sigh, holding one hand close to your chest while the other covered your mouth. “How long have you been hiding this?”

“Three years,” he said in a calm, low voice, “three whole years I’ve kept it secret from you. At first I didn’t know how you’ll react to it. So I kept quiet about the whole thing and went on. Though, I only showed little signs of my love for you. Hiding it was the only possible way to keep it secret. Until tonight of course.”

Three years. Three years he kept it secret from you. You felt relieved and happy at the same time. Arthur felt the same way as you did. Keeping his feelings and love for you hidden, because he didn’t know how you’d react to him.

Both of you have feelings for one another, but didn’t know how either of you would react when you proclaimed your love for Arthur and his love for you. 

“Oh Arthur,” you said as you removed your hands from your mouth and chest and knelt down in front of him. You then placed your hands on top of his on his lap. Arthur looked down upon you, with his tears stopped flowing down his face.

“It’s alright Arthur. I understand what you did and I don’t hate you for it. Both of us didn’t know how to handle our feelings for one another. But that’s okay. We love one another and that’s all. Just the two of us, Arthur. Just the two of us.”

Your thoughtful words brought a big smile to him and to yourself.

“You’re absolutely right my dear (Y/N). We have each other’s love.” He said. You then picked yourself up off the floor slowly and then you placed your lips upon his. With your hands still on his, you felt your fingers intertwine with one another as you kissed and kissed.

At last, you felt your heart sync up with Arthur’s. There’s no other way, but just to keep kissing and kissing as long as you could.

Finally, you have somebody to love you in return and love you for all eternity.     

[my-castles-crumbling]

okay so hi..

um ive seen people do this so ig im going to as well.

basically i and my gf (she/her) have been in a relationship for nearly 6 months (6 in two weeks). we're both 19.

we met through my bsf and her bsf dating and now we are (i had the biggest crush on her but genuinely didnt think she'd give me a chance).

ive had pretty bad luck in relationships before and they never lasted more than 3 or 4 months mainly due to the fact that im asexual and btoh previous oartners just assumed they could change me (???) but she genuinely understood and went out of her way to make me comfortable and make it known that nothing will be demanded of me more than that which i can give.

from the beginning of the relationship, ive made some rules very clear which are like my no nonsense ones, like i wont tolerate them usually at all.

one of them being not making me purposefully uncomfortable and the main big one is not yelling/shouting, especially at me. (i have past trauma from my parents and it has in the oast made me shut down completely for days at a time, only getting up to feed my cat)

on one of our beginning dates i mentioned this really nice and sorta expensive restaurant that ive always wanted to try but reservations are really hard to get.

she joked saying that oh id love to go with hou ehicb i laughed at but was mildly excited about.

so i got the reservation for yesterday, i made the reservation for two.

last month i told my girlfriend that i have finally got the reservation and would like to go with her, told her the dates and time and everything and she seemed genuinely excited to go with me.

now last week i confirmed her availability again, and asked her what colored dress she was wearing so i could match it with my clothes and we decided on a color etc and also to get ready at my place because her bsf has their family over so shes will be staying with me for 2 weeks.

now, yesterday, after i was done with my work i went to the living room just to well see her and hug her cz i missed her a bit since i hadnt really seen her in about 5 hours (i was working). when i knocked at her door, she opened it and was ready with a dress (not the color we agreed on), her purse laying in the background as she greeted me with a big smile and kiss (on the cheek).

i asked her isnt she ready a bit early and she just looked at me confusedly and said no i hve to meet R (her friend) at 4:30 so im just on time.

i asked why and where she's going just to know if she'd be back and she said that theyre going to the mall and then to the movies because R is leaving in 3 days to go on vacation so they want to spend some time togetehr.

i smiled and wished her luck, i thiught that maybe i got the day wrong but i hadnt and i was actually really sad because all my life, everyone in my family would repeatedly just forget about my plans and my shit for others' and she knew abt that.

but anyways, so i decided to still go and i took this really lovely lady, who's homeless but i buy her a meal everyday and take her out to lunch once a week. (shes like in her 30s btw)

we had a lovely time and the food was divine, i even helped the lady get ready in a changing room.

but anyways on my way home i realised i had 3 missed calls from my girlfriend and a text that just said.

we need to talk as soon as you get home.

the moment j entered my apartment, she just started to yell at me about how much of a piece of shit i am, how people forget and its not a big deal, how im an arse, how not everything is supposed to be about me, and could i possibly imagine how she felt coming back to an empty apartment, she thought something had happened to me.

that is not the order she sais everything in but someway through my breathing started to get extraordinarily fast and i coukd feel my vision getting blurry.

i said sorry to her, or i think(?) i cant really remember stuff when i get panic attacks like this. i took my cat and went to my room.

it took quite a while for my cat to calm me down bur she was able to in the end.

this morning, i made breakfast for her and since i have today off from uni i decided to go to my job (i work part-time remote but can come and go to the iffice if i wish)

its my break rn and im thinking about it, maybe it wasnt a big deal? maybe i should have reminded her again but like idk it was a pretty big thing for me.

i feel bad, i feel like i made a mountain out if a molehill and shouldve just apologised properly and explained to her that its okay and that it wasnt that big of a deal.

i dont knwo?

i wanted some advice because i truly feel very strongly for her and shes the only relationship ive had in which i feel valued and had zero self doubt (up until yesterday)

im sorry it was so long, and thank you for your help.

Hi!!

Okay so...this is hard because, I don't know if either of you are to blame, here. Your girlfriend wasn't great for forgetting, but then I was wondering why you didn't say anything? But then she was shit for yelling later....

I'm wondering if this is the first time this has happened? It sounds like a lack of communication, you know? I think you guys really need to sit down and discuss how you were both feeling. But if this becomes a pattern, especially your girlfriend yelling, I would think more about the relationship.

Keep me updated! I'm naming you orange anon.

[twistedastrology]

🪐 my take on the outer planets 🪐

---------------------------------------------------

saturn is constantly given a bad rap just because it does its job- saturn's placement in your chart isn't always a bad thing- it can signify difficulties in that area of your life, yes, but it can also tell you what you have unwavering resolve in (especially if you're saturn ruled or saturn is positively aspected)

for example, my saturn is in my 1st house in leo (cancer rising) and I've seen people say that saturn in the 1st house can indicate a fear of growing old or being lonely, whatever- my personal experience with this placement is, ask anyone that knows me and they will tell you i am fucking petrified of losing myself- losing my mind, losing who i am and dying early are my worst fears (dreams in which im dying are NOT the best ive ever had 😮‍💨)

but as a result of this, i know myself SO well. i do think saturn in the 1st house can indicate issues with finding yourself IF it's afflicted, which mine isn't (thank god 💔💔💔)

im also very scared of growing out of touch with the world around me- dont get me wrong, i love being a hermit, but if im ever that old man that can't understand trends or whatever and is overly cynical of younger generations... dawg- take me the fuck out 😕

uranus i LOOOOVEEEEE and i think it stands for so much more than just rebellion- my uranus has a LOT of power in my chart (so does my neptune but they're in mutual reception 😮‍💨) because my moon is cusped (1° pisces, but i feel both pisces and aquarius influence 💔), and it and my mercury im pretty sure are why i think backwards as fuck- (fun fact, my mercury is FIRMLY direct but it likes to act like it's in retrograde 💔💔💔💔)

but!! more interestingly, i have a very specific mental process where whenever im goin thru it, i cant stay goin thru it for a while- if my brain is fucked up for a little too long and i start getting pissed about it, my uranus takes over and legitimately propels me through the pain in almost an instant. i could be going through something for weeks and once i start getting pissed about it or legitimately bored of it, the next day it's like nothing ever happened BUT i still learned from it

ofc I have to do something to trigger that effect, which is where my mars in cancer comes in and i do a workout to tap into the physical catharsis and BOOM, go to bed and wake up the next day a new man 🙏🙏🙏 god bless 🙏🙏🙏

neptune Ok i am not entirely sure what made whoever said neptune is the higher octave of venus think that but I've never been able to see it. this might be controversial as hell but neptune is the higher octave of the moon to me and jupiter is the higher octave of venus. THAT BEING SAID-

neptune is an absolutely fascinating planet to me lately and im not sure why- i do have a couple transit aspects with it right now but ive wanted to write about it literally all day now- U KNOW i might love it so much bc it's in my 8th house actually that would make sense- ANYWAY-

neptune to me is the source of all the visions from god i get, especially my creative ones- (source: it came to me in a vision from god.) the moon is a very creative placement in my opinion (i have a WILDLY different idea of the moon that i can go over in another post), so neptune follows a similar current, but neptune is higher creativity, higher emotion, etc- it's the planet of spirituality and the absolute depths of our subconscious, like to the point of past lives, that's the kinda shit neptune fucks with

but because it's also the higher octave of the moon, to me it can absolutely represent addictions and vices, everything garbage- personally, my neptune isn't very afflicted at all but i also have a major lack of earth in my chart so i Do find myself experiencing classic neptune-based paranoia sometimes- fuck dude i went neurotic for a week at one point, that was some serious neptune delusion- But my uranus/saturn pulled me back from it, because like i said, saturn makes me petrified of losing myself, so those two joined forces like "ya this shit ain't cool actually take it out back and shoot it"

i might make a post on specifically neptune stuff soon and/or right after this bc the hyperfixation is hyperfixating 💔💔

pluto i FUCK with because it's such a soul searchy planet (my 8th house is very active so ofc i fuck with pluto) in the darkest ways and i love that shit- jonathan davis has his pluto in a fucking mastery degree (29° virgo) and i am to this day like 😦 over it- and it makes SO much sense for him to have PLUTO of all planets in a mastery degree- and i have mine in 26° sag so like im not that far behind... 💔

but dude that's mastery of some SERIOUS transformative powers- that's mastery of the wildly darker shit in life and that is so fucking tight to me- i value that kinda stuff more than anything dude- probably why korn is my fav band (been listening to them as i write this 😭😭)

one thing abt pluto that i DONT agree with tho, and this is more of a scorpio thing BUT i know everyone loves to say scorpios are the sexy signs but dawg... it's cancers... i swear 2 god it's cancers- i will write an entire fucking post on cancers and why i HATE everyone's interpretations of them bc everyone's like "cnanncers are cRYBbaueiis and tHyeyre the most emOtIknal siGnsns 💔💔💔" Bro. Bro. Bro dont do me like that for the love of god. that shit made me hate my rising sign for SO long and also not relate to it!!!! then i started doin my own research and found out "Oh fuck nvm im totally a cancer"

BUT if you look at pluto like the actual God- nowhere in his mythology (that I read anyway- i could be wrong i dont wanna act like i know everything) does it say anything abt him ruling over sex or sumn like that- but everyone says pluto rules over sex!!!!!! Where!!!!!!!!!!! dawg they said he was a god of abundance bc he ruled over the underworld and gems and stuff were found underground 😭😭😭

i do think pluto fucks with taboo shit though But back in the ye olden days when astrology was being developed, sex was not taboo at all, that's a new development that i think uranus fucks with more because uranus is a very future focused planet in my humble opinion

i could definitely keep writing but i think this is already a novel SO- to specify tho, this is all my opinion of the planets, ive read PLEEEEEENTY of books and stuff so by no means do i not know how this shit works, but my uranus makes me rip everything apart and make my own take so 💔

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Hey so. its been a while. I havent had a lot of energy these past few weeks and when I did I didnt really wanna spend that energy on this bad book series, but its the weekend and its been wayyyy too long and I need to finish ACOMAF before shit starts falling out of my sieve of a brain. As always, I am motivating myself with the prospect of contuining to work on a proshot of the takarazuka production elisabeth after this, the 2014 flower troupe one specifically ^-^ or maybe I'll watch a fucked up black and white movie from the 20s thats two and a half hours long, we'll see

Today we're reading chapter 53, the precursor to The most infamous chapter 54. Im not gonna lie, I kinda forgot most of what happened last time. There was a mate reveal, Rhysand was being really pathetic which made him hot to me for the first time in about 600 pages of me knowing him, Feyre was super pissed so they sent her to the mountain cabin to cool off a bit and paint, i think thats it

is it just me or is it kinda weird that Feyre is fantasizing about green grass and flowers and flowing rivers when the NC so far has been defined by being a very wintery place. Like yeah, obviously they have seasons in the solar courts but like, theres a lot of mountains which means a lot of snow, its the most nothern court etc

And Feyre didnt like winter in the first book because she associated it with bad times at the cabin so that makes sense but idk. I feel like if youre retconning her so much already you could easily wrie something about how she actually likes winter now that she has the power to withstand it or something but no, sure, have her fantasize about very spring-y weather in the book where the spring court gets demonized to hell and back why not

'[Rhysand] would give me the money for my shop, for what I was offering would cost nothing. Maybe I would sell my paintings to pay him back the money. Because I wanted to do that under any corcumstance, soulmates or not.' I was gonna write something snarky about Feyre in ACOSF but then it hit me that shes never going to have financial independance from Rhysand ever again and now Im just sad and anxious for her

(sry, im too lazy to translate this whole paragraph rn) '[Rhysand and I would do a bunch of fun stuff that couples do.] Never again someones slave or whore.' Its so wild to me that shes saying all this about the guy who made her his slave and whore MULTIPLE TIMES AT THIS POINT. like hey sarah, do you think your readers dont remember all that? do you think constantly calling back to it will make them forget somehow

Ive seen some people describe this book as gaslighting and honestly, its not even that its just lying. this story is just a bunch of lies that keep contradicting or otherwise disturbing eachother because the person telling it isnt even a good liar

Okayyyyy this chapter was a lot shorter than anticipated can you tell i dont plan these out at all but i dont feel like doing more than this and also while I was reading i got a really good idea for an Anastasia AU for a different fandom im in and I keep getting distracted and I wanna start working on it as soon as possible. And also, I'd like to be focused when I finally read that most infamous of chapters, thank you and good afternoon

[thepowerisyouth]

Eh mental health is annoying. Buying & cooking cheap low-FODMAP diet is annoying. My best top note for now is I'm using this blog to practice writing. I need more practice in it. I only know business, accounting & economics stuff. Its stupid stuff. Theres too much actual fraud everywhere that its annoying

Also I use mobile so formatting sucks cause Nvidia GPUs, or Arch dont like tumblr site. Or tumblr site dont like tumbkr site

Also also I 100,000% support all my fellow ones-and-zeros and their identity. Everyone is welcome here.

Except transphobes/zionist/long list of others but you get it. I'll help harrass any of those types endlessly if someone wants to tag me, and bring me in on an argument like that friend you call for backup with fights

Im unhinged so who's to say exactly what will end up here but this is also a completely public blog to me friends, family, hell, even acquaintances i dont give a fuc.

Blog should be expected to be roughly as child-friendly as simpsons or bobs burgers. But also boring like a civics/economics lesson sometimes. Yay

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I (and my husband) am ex mormon. Its a weird thing. Look into it if you havent recently. Realllllyyyy look into. Takes time to figure it all out in this fuckin fucked up world.

I just moved a year ago. Didnt watch the US stock market as much as I normally do. Had my first snowstorm 10 weeks ago, that was.. fun to handle while ill prepared. About 6 weeks ago I was hopping back on the market and notice its a huge tech bubble about to pop and all the conditions Ive been warned about my whole career imply this is not good. Just took a little more thinking & digging and I'm a little too confident to stop talking about it now.

(Oh I'm also care-free as fuc so I dont really read or desire to change past posts more than lil-nitpicks. More informative for the reader & myself-in-the-future-reading that way)

And I'm not kidding I do love feedback & questions. Its a very public blog tho so I get that part for sure.

If you search "life story" in my tags I had that pinned for a min Im just moving shit around rn

Being poor sucks. Will write more on that later.

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First of all-- the exact timeline of an "economic shock" is literal insanity. Dont worry about the exact timing of any of this-- just know its doomed to happen soon.

Here are some effects I predict of this upcoming economic downturn

If anyone comes across any sources for these events that support my arguments please feel free to add in comments, reblogs, etc.

This concise list is mainly for my own reference, but it would be great to add to it if any one has something to add!

0.5. US Stock market collapse-- I have no desire to try and predict this one exactly. Too many conspiracies are actually correct about this big guy. Lets just say 7 US Tech stocks are worth 25% of the entire worlds market, roughly. "Too big to fail"-- I believe is the phrase

1. Corporate (slightly later will be residential by extension) real estate crisis: currently way too overvalued. Most of the houses, land, & urban corporate property we see could stand to decrease by about 60-90% from its current price.

2. Bankruptcy crisis: similar to the after-effects of the 70s inflation-- we can expect to see a huge wave of bankruptcies affecting a variety of business: from the micro-self employed; to the small business with leased buildings; to the largest corporations who commit massive accounting fraud & hope to escape accountability in time

3. Bank runs-- there is an extremely high overreliance on the Federal Reserve, who does not have good control over this situation. Once it becomes clear that there is a crisis (we call this a catalyst event)-- bank runs for physical cash are a surety. Hard to say how long a crisis like this might last. I should ask my siblings who lived near the SVB bank crisis hotspot (but those were rich fucks they do their "bank runs" over the phone)

3.5. Global currency collapse, which takes effect in every single local, state, & national economy at slightly different times. This means prices lower. Much lower. But takes time

4. Whatever the fuck the geopolitics is gonna do???. Its weird. You got Russia wanting to invade Europe? (Look at global economic forum 2024) Trump wants to let them. Biden wants to be an establishment corporate ass. North Korea has changed its #1 public enemy to South Korea (dont remember my source but it was a couple months ago). USA is stationing more troops in Taiwan, but probably only because of semiconductor technology?

The scope of our global financial woes are larger than can be explained in any of our lifetimes. Its much, much closer to pre-revolution France or the late 1920s. Big change is coming. Itll be soon

5. More to come

[aristotels]

Of course all problems and inequalities are direct consequence of modernity and in the past those who are now considered undesirable were considered divine and definitely weren't treated even worse and didn't have access to anything that resembles accomodations. Let's bring those times back!

In Ancient Rome specifically there was no hospitalisation, yes, but also people who were considered mad couldn't make financial and legal operations on their own at all and couldn't be citizens, and were considered pariahs by their communities. This is not to say that you are wrong because you picked the wrong time to see as "when things were better", it's that just because what causes problems now is capitalism doesn't mean that before it people were always kind and caring, everything is much older.

(Or that removing the money would fix everything on its own, for that matter)

are you literally so stupid to fail to see my point

the point isnt "LOOK WHAT THEY TOOK FROM US" the point is that fears and delusions depend on the society youre brought up in; and also sorry that a 5 sentences tumblr post didnt go into history of medical malpractice, it was a lighthearted post made by someone with those very issues

yeah, if i lived then, then id have a different delusion more fit to those times - but it would not resemble my current paranoia or nightmares of being drugged or talked to the way ive had medical staff talk to me bc those things are specific to our society.

(Also you can still have your rights denied for being mentally ill today as well?????? what happened to free britney??? And like My family doctor once literally suggested to my dad to involountary check me into psych ward which was smth my psychiatrist at the time was very much trying to avoid because he KNEW how dehumanizing that is, he spent more than sn hour trying to figure out if my visions of suicide were actual suicide risk or intrusive thoughts; telling me later that he was willing to gamble such a huge risk and responsibility he would have to take in case i actually did smth to myself - just to keep me out of the hospital stay because he worked there and SAW how dehumanizing it is. because getting in the ward here doesnt mean youre done when youre out, this shit affects FUCKLOAD of things in your life!)

are you really trying to be like "LETS TAKE AWAY ACCOMODATIONS FROM PEOPLE WHO SUFFER WOOW GOOD JOB" in my inbox rn btw considering that i am literally schizophrenic w some other mental illnesses, and that i take fucking meds upon meds for it, including antipsychotics??????? and i am also very grateful for those aids, but even with meds my condition will never be resolved and its severity very much depends on the people/society around me. my delusions while living in croatia might differ from someone who lives in the usa.

i literally have no patience or attention or care or anything to argue with you rn, if you wanna discuss political or economical or marxist or whatever theory in my inbox go ahead, but i am NOT arguing about my own fucking lived experience and having you speak to me this way, in an incredibly entitled and dismissive way. its late and im going to bed. i genuinely dont care for your "ummmmm ekshually capitalism is noot thaaat bad-" shit while i keep having episodes on the daily in a big part due to fuckin capitalism. losing my other job is putting me through stress because i have no money, but it also eased up certain aspects of my illness because i dont have to hit hardcore fucking deadlines every week.

p.s. who the fuck is talking about money not existing. if you are gonna bring that up within communist theory and up for a serious discussion thats a whole other thing, but moneyless and stateless society doesnt just rest on tadaaah no money, like theres a reason marx wrote books n essays on that shit and why daddy engels sent him checks. and even in ideal communist world we would still have mental illnesses, but i am absolutely positive that my thoughts would differ than the current ones and that they would probably be less severe. and also why is this implying that communism wont have like the fuckin medication

i usually take care to carefully reply to asks and try to actually give a serious opinion but i gen dont care if i sound incoherent rn, this legit pissed me off