#// *i just KNOW cartman has something ready for shit like this

[monmuses]

"Kyle, you poor poor soul. I thought you were better than this. Better than your people."

"Cartman, don't you dare finish that fucking sentence--"

"I didn't think you'd team up with other Jews to terrorize the townspeople. What, you got some secret phone line? You got other groups you're controllin'? Are you like a Hitler Jew, Kyle?"

"WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I'M IN CONTACT WITH OTHER JEWS FROM NEW YORK, YOU FAT FUCK?! WE DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER!"

"Lying about the truth isn't going to help you in your favor, Kyle."

"SHUT UP!"

(what i'm referring to)

[kaleidofreak]

really sorta random headcanon rmonday (maybe, i think already? idfk)

Kyle is VERY VERY INSECURE about his hair.

and i know everybody has sorta figured that out via episodes like ‘how to eat with your butt’ where Kyle gets his photo taken, etc idfk. but i feel the relation between Kyle and his hair needs to be further studied (or maybe i’m just crazy, like i said idfk)

like in my opinion, this bitch will look at himself in the mirror after an hour of trying to brush it, styling and making his curly hair look somewhat nice, etc. and then at the very last minute, something about the way his hair is presented will just throw him off and he’ll get really pissed. Kyle just ends up shoving all of his thick locks in to his lil green ushanka, give up and maybe try again the next day. my baby boy will stay furious when something isn’t done perfectly right and i can feel for him roflmao

of course, anyone who brings up Kyle’s hair like Cartman, he’s ready to fist fight him right there right now. but when his parents bring it up just out of curiosity or coincidence, i think he’ll just sit there silently angry and will attempt to divert the conversation at any given moment.

eventually he grows ups, becomes more mature, and understands how to tame his crazy curly hair but just gets tired of trying and ultimately just shaves it all off and keeps it that way as seen in the post covid specials. but i don’t know, i think he’ll still be really mad about his hair even in his 50s. probably has a habit of holding grudge over small things. very rarely will he ever enjoy seeing his hair.

again ignore me i’m high and like to rant the obvious and dumb

lmk if i should do more of this shit cuz i get bored and maybe these rants r dumb idk be brutally honest i don’t usually make hc posts

[kylelovskii]

I need him to awkwardly admit how he feels and then freak out cuz he's feeling things, it's a canon event- mean Kyle anon

yesss ik he’d do that fr

finally

so you’d finally broken up with cartman after he’d caught you in the act with kyle. it sorta went like this:

another party, great. kyle had backed you into a corner, but it was weird this time. he didn’t touch you, didn’t kiss you, just quietly begged you for..something.

"please, please— you have to—…" he stopped, not really wanting to say what he wanted to say. "kyle, what? i have to what? what’s your deal?" you asked, taking his face in your hands to make him look at you.

he placed his hands on your waist, shaking his head. "i— uhm..please. please..i want you to…"

little did you know, eric was looking for you all over the place. he was ready to go home.

"hey, ken, where’s (y/n)?" he asked kenny, to which kenny pointed to a corner. eric looked to see kyle, looming over someone. "kenny, that’s kyle, not (y/n)."

"no, dude, she’s with kyle." that made something inside eric snap. he stormed over to the corner, gripping kyle’s shoulder and whipping him around to reveal you in all your glory.

"oh— eric! hi, baby..are you ready to go?" you asked, giving him a smile. your smile faltered when you saw his face. "what the hell is this?" he barked, pointing to you and kyle.

"nothing..just, uh, talking!” you blurted, trying to make it seem like you weren’t cheating on eric. "yeah fucking right. are you cheating on me? how long has this been going on!?" his voice started to get louder, and the more he asked, the angrier he got.

"the whole time, fat ass!" kyle finally admitted, tired of listening to cartman yell. eric’s face dropped, looking to you. "what?" was all he could say.

"yeah. um, it’s true. i’m really sorry. i like you, i really do, it’s just that me and kyle have had something before you and i even happened, eric," you explained, talking with your hands.

"then why the he’ll didn’t you turn me down!? i can handle rejection, you know." kyle shook his head. "with your attitude and brattiness, i don’t think so, cartman."

"eric, i’m really sorry, i promise, but i don’t think this is gonna work out. i cant keep lying to you," you told him. he shook his head and looked at you. "forget it," he quietly said, then stormed off, leaving the house.

"that couldn’t have gone any worse," you said, placing your palm on your head. kyle looked at you. he thought hard about what to say.

if he didn’t confess to you now, he probably never would. do it now, he thought. while your pride isn’t getting the best of you. swallow it.

"(y/n), uh..i um..i want you to know that—..i like you. no, wait— i love you. okay, no, too soon, i’m sorry— just..will you be my girlfriend?" he rambled and rambled, but before you could answer, he kept going.

"shit, this is so stupid— i don’t…um—god, i’m dumb. i’m sorry— you should go. i shouldn’t feel like this, should i? i’m an asshole, right?"

"kyle."

"no, like, this is really, really stupid. you don’t like me, i’m such a dick to you. okay— i don’t feel like this, and this isn’t happening—"

"kyle."

"i’m sorry, just go home. you should go home. just go, okay? there’s plenty other guys out there for you— i mean, kenny—"

"kyle!”

"what— what?"

you smiled, shaking your head. "god. no, kyle. i like you. i really like you. i don’t care if you’re a dick, or an asshole. you’re my dick. okay, that sounds weird, but whatever! i’ll be your girlfriend." you took kyle’s hands in yours, looking up at him. he was too stunned to speak.

"i— um..really?" he asked, not thinking you were serious. you nodded. "yes, kyle, really."

"oh my god— just— whatever," he stumbled over his words before rolling his eyes. he took his hands from yours, reaching up to grab your face, pulling it to his and pressing his rough lips to your soft ones.

the kiss felt like forever, and it finally felt serious this time. it didn’t feel like some rage of jealousy, it felt like he loved you.

he pulled away smiling. "let’s get out of here, yeah?"

[yanderes-galore]

SOUTH PARKKK !!!

brainrotting timee

maybe a platonic kyle with a darling who seems like a sibling to him ?

Sure! I know I haven't done a general concept yet but I assure you it's coming :) Aged up as usual. Concept as not specified.

Yandere! Platonic! Kyle Broflovski Concept

Pairing: Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Overprotective behavior, Swearing, Manipulation, Violence, Social isolation, Obsessive best friend, Delusional behavior, Threats, Gaslighting implied.

Kyle would treat a platonic darling like a sibling at times.

A platonic yandere Kyle most likely would be best friends with his darling.

However he notices he doesn't view you like he does Stan.

He feels you're closer than that... but not romantic.

Kyle views you like a sibling similar to Ike.

Although even then your connection is different as you're so close in age.

Kyle's yandere behavior would be Overprotective, Temperate/Emotional, Manipulative/Easy to manipulate, and Caring as a platonic yandere.

His romantic counterpart is similar but has differences (which I will reveal when I do his general concept or any of the romantic Kyle ones I have.)

You're about the same age and he treats you like you are family in general even if you aren't blood related.

You often come over to his house and people speculate you may have something going on, including his parents...

Kyle is quick to correct that and says he sees you like a sibling to prevent any awkward rumors about you and him.

When his parents first heard about your connection they actually found it a bit adorable that Kyle is so kind-hearted towards you.

Kyle has known you for years and is very comfortable around you.

Kyle often says he cares about you and is always looking after you when you're together.

Which can get a bit suffocating due to him being overly protective about you.

Kyle gets protective of you as if you're a sibling.

If Cartman starts talking shit about you, for example, and Kyle is in ear shot then he's eager to throw hands.

If you had a romantic partner and Kyle sees you get your heart broken?

Kyle is, again, ready to teach them a lesson.

He's also hesitant on you having crushes after that, often bringing up your break up to try and deter you.

For your own happiness, of course!

Kyle gets very dedicated to keeping you happy as he is emotional himself.

He'll distract you from any sort of sadness or anxiety you have with a smile.

He promises to take care of your problems for you and to not worry too much.

Kyle is manipulative towards you and a bit delusional as he feels what he's doing is helping you.

He sabotages relationships and ruins any friendly ties you have with others even if you do something as small as having an argument with someone.

Then he's there to comfort you like he didn't cause your unhappiness.

Kyle sort of adopts you into his family even though you have one of your own.

He makes it so more of your time is spent at his house.

If you're not there then he's texting and calling you to set up dates and times to hang out.

Kyle is incredibly obsessive about you and your personal life.

Seeing himself as your close best friend he promises that he'll keep you happy.

Maybe he's not doing this just for your own happiness?

The facade breaks when you catch his temper flaring.

He beats up and threatens your friends... you soon become a witness to it.

Kyle has ulterior motives in what he does for you.

Kyle feels you'll be the happiest if you only have him.

When you confront him on it he urges you to think about it.

He'd always make you happy while others could hurt you.

Kyle is a hypocrit disguising his delusional behavior as "the right thing to do."

You try to tell him this and he simply brushes it off as you not knowing what you're talking about.

Kyle only wants to make you happy...

In his eyes that means getting rid of everyone else so only he can make you happy, as a best friend should do!

[kenlvry]

Main four come across one of Kenny's many corpses?

"wait.."

an, SOUNDS SO INTERESTING, also i kinda liked how this turned out

it was a saturday and they decided to spend their day in a graveyard, apparently there was a grave for jack tenorman who is allegedly cartmans dad. "dude its not here can we PLEASE go home" cartman whined "dude chil we've been here 20 minutes have some enthusiasm" kyle said while carefully walking through the headstones.

"dude here it is!" stan yelled a distance not too far from them. infront of them was a headstone written 'jack tenorman' and beside it 'ms. tenorman'. "dude sick" kenny said while laughing, "can't believe youre a ginger" stan laughed "shut up I'm still mad about that yk" cartman argued, while the three of them talk kyle saw something in the corner of his eye and followed it.

"where you going kyle?" stan called out following him. kenny and cartman looked at each other and shrugged then also following kyle. "dude,, what?" kyle said looking down which made them also look down to a headstone, it wrote 'kenny mccormick' the date was two months back meaning kenny had died two months ago. "um,, kenny?" they all looked up to kenny who looked panicked, he didn't want them to know more and was ready to leave "lets leave guys this place gives me the creeps" he said muffled "kenny, open your hood" cartmans voice was stern and the three of them was now a few inches away from him.

"cmon you really don't believe me?" he said jokingly "kenny." kenny sighs and takes it off which makes them less tense, "guess it was some sick joke" kyle looked back at the headstone "whatever it is, it isn't- wait." they all look over to stan who was now looking behind the headstone, them following. behind it was more headstones written 'kenny mccormick' they all look at each other again in shock "look guys this is obviously some sick joke lets go home" kenny was urging the others to go home, he knows his death is something everyone forgets but what if they saw his corpse?? is that something they'd forget? he doesn't want things to be complicated as it is.

"dude look at this one" cartman walked over to a headstone "holy shit, this was three days ago" kyle covered his mouth. three days ago the three of them was playing on the train tracks and one thing led to another and kenny got hit by a train. the funeral was held the next day and the coffin was buried the same day.

"guys this is really freaking me out lets go please" kenny whined at them tugging at their shirts. "im digging it" the three of them look back to see stan holding a shovel, "me too" kyle walked over to stan and grabbed a shovel, before kenny could say anything they were already digging. he was growing even more panicked and just wished to god that the corpse was already decomposed.

after digging for about an hour the shovel hit something hard and they all look at each other meaning the coffin has been found. they pull it out with the remaining strength they had. stan and kyle now has their hoodie tied around their waist from the digging.

"let's not open it, what if its somebody else's corpse?? cmon" kenny tried another attempt which failed as cartman slowly opened it. silence fell throughout the whole graveyard upon opening it was a corpse, kenny's corpse. he wore his shirt and his parka folded ontop of him as tribute for what he usually wore. his lower body gone from the harsh death, one of his eyes were gone and some of his bones sticking out of his skin. his body was skinny, slowly decomposing.

"i,, what.. is this you kenny?" Kyle's face was shocked, stan was already gagging and cartman face was disgusted at the gore scene infront of him. kenny didn't know what to say, he has to really pick his words here. he decided to pretend he didn't know anything. "its a sick joke, can we go home im getting really sick of seeing that" "kenny, this parka has the same pin we gave you a week ago" kyle held the parka and pulled out a pin from the pockets. last week they ordered custom pins and each pin had all four of them as it's picture as a sign of friendship. "its probably just a random pin, cmon i posted that pic of Instagram anyone could've done that" kenny still didn't want to tell them, there was a big risk they're gonna remember this

"show us your pin then" cartman said looking at kenny, he panicked, that pin was the real one and he didn't have any copies "i,,i lost it" "kenny." stan was staring at kenny with fear in his eyes.

his last hope was desperation, he grabbed cartmans shirt looking down, "please, can we please go home." he cried out. crying and looking pathetic was the only way to forget about this. cartman stan and kyle looked at kenny who's eye's was filled with fear and confusion, they wanted to ask a million questions but they didn't want to push kenny. "o-okay.." kyle said, and they all just walked awkardly towards the gate leaving the coffin opened not bothering to rebury it. kenny was still panicking, he knew they'd remember this he knew their friendship wouldn't be the same if they remember this and they wouldn't trust him. there was another way, he killed himself. the gates of the graveyard was extremely sharp, without saying anything he climbed it and stabbed his face with it.

the three of them was shocked, stan and kyle saying their iconic line and then just leaving. its been 5 days since then and kenny finally revived, his mom greeting him to get ready for school, he anxiously put on his parka and slowly walked out of his house, from afar he saw his three friends talking about god knows what and his heart was pounding like crazy hoping it worked. standing beside stan he stayed there in silence.

"oh Kenny? hey dude why didn't you say anything" stan looked over to kenny and greeted him, kyle peeking over "oh hey kenny, okay we're having this debate whether-" the voice of kyle was drained out by kenny's own thoughts. they forgot, thank god. he smiled and joined in their conversation, cartman was awfully quiet on the other end.

when the bus arrived stan and kyle got on it first, still talking about their argument, then cartman. before stepping on the stairs he looked back at kenny, reached in his pockets and held out something to kenny "here, found this, i guess you dropped it somewhere" in his hands was the pin from his recent corpse. kenny's eye shot wide open and panic grew over him, his heart pounding. "don't forget it again" cartman said and looked at kenny with a dull face, as if saying "i know" then got on the bus. the day went out like any other day except cartman was always staring at kenny with a face that looks like he wanted to say something to him. even if he knew atleast he kept quiet about it, one person knowing doesn't matter.. right?,,,,

[drownedinlavender]

Just a random thought on the fic I'm currently writing, Be Nice to Me, cause I know as a reader I would be wondering, "what do you mean Eric changes? Are u fixing him? How different are we talking?" 🤔

So I wanted to clear that up a little in case anyone's wondering ^^)/

This fic is mostly inspired by the episode Tsst from season 10 in comparison to how the dynamic between Eric and his mom has changed now (in Streaming Wars & the whole real estate fiasco).

In Tsst, Cartman was shown that he is able to change with consistent effort from the adults around him, however, his mom is isolated. She has no friends so she treats her son more as a friend rather than her own son to parent and discipline. She spoils him to bribe him into spending more time with her which leads to Eric unable to consistently better himself since he isn't given the structure he needs. His mom wasn't ready for her son to change, very selfish but true.

More recently, Liane has shown being ready to become more independent. She takes steps to further a career and better her and her son's economic circumstances. However, her change of heart is too little too late. Eric is now the one not ready to become independent.

I wrote Be Nice to Me because I wanted something like Tsst to happen again now that Liane is ready for that change.

I also like the idea of the kids aging through the events we've seen as of now. In this AU, the real estate and DikinBaus fiasco happened while Eric was 14/15, freshman year of highschool.

I wanted to play with the idea of growing older and coming face to face with the fact that, "hey, I did some fucked up shit as a kid." And "Holy shit, that all happened to me?" That along with how cranked up to 100 teen emotions can be will play into Eric somewhat changing.

Eric is still Eric. The core of his personality is still there. I just wanted to play with how teen angst and the woes of realizing you're not the person you used to be when you were younger can change you. We change a bit as we grow older and in this fic I wanted to kinda toy around with that fact for both Kyle and Eric.

[shortkingkenny]

kyman :3c

I finished writing a thing today so I'm allowed to do these asks now

link to game

Wakes up first. Kyle, easily. until he's a Person With Job, Eric is staying in bed as long as possible. he insists he needs to wake up "naturally" in order to properly function. getting him up before he's ready is a fight. Kyle wins, but Eric reminds him of his crime every time he's a bitch during the day. "well kahl, maybe things would be easier for you if you'd let me wake up to my natural alarm." "there's no such thing as a natural alarm."

Sings in the shower. Cartmaaaaan. nothing to add to this. he does. we all know it. Kyle takes a 400 degree shower as quickly as he can but Eric is in there feelin himself.

Makes breakfast every morning. also Cartman. lazy bastard though he is, I do genuinely believe he's a great cook and enjoys the craft. especially for Kyle, because Kyle is picky and has dietary restrictions besides, so it's yet another Kyle-imposed challenge for him to tackle.

Is the first to think about adopting/having a child. Kyle. I think the popular consensus is that Cartman's the first to be like 'kahl i want 100 babies with you right now' but to me they go into their marriage thinking they'll be able to relax and travel and do shit and never be bogged down with children. so they're childless for a while.

but Kyle starts to feel like he'd be more fulfilled if he were a dad. knowing Cartman though, he has to think things like this are his idea, so Kyle gets wind of some people they don't care for having kids and is like damn Cartman, don't you think we'd make better parents than them? and the next day Cartman's like Kyle, I just had an idea! we should have a baby.

and then Mephesto whips them up a baby in his lab, as per our RPs.

Gets sick the easiest. Kyle, canonically this is so. if Eric or the kids bring something home, Kyle is going to catch and he's going to have it 10x worse than anyone. Loves to cuddle. Cartman outwardly. but when he's having a rough terrible no good very bad day, there is nothing Kyle wants more in this world than to sink into that stupid asshole's arms (and also a cigarette). Falls asleep on the couch while they’re watching a movie. depends on the movie. I don't think their tastes align much here. Cartman wants to watch cut-yourself-on-the-edge horror and Kyle likes documentaries and comedies that Cartman thinks are lame. Is super clingy. idk if 'clingy' is the right word, but they're both stupid possessive.

[urmomsspeciallady]

Chapter Eight- nobody knows what i see

harvey - her's

POV: Kyle Broflovski

I maneuver my way through the middle of the bus, swing my backpack off my shoulders before sliding into my seat. The weight of my backpack is placed on my lap, as I sink into the “cushioned” bus seat. As I lay my head against the back of my seat, I look to the side to glance out the window.

I could hear a handful of people file into the bus, most of them coming in groups but a few came in alone, like Stan. Lifting my head up, my gaze met with Stan's. I could feel a weight lift off my shoulders.

I scoot over closer to the window to give him some room. Stan greets me with that goofy smile of his. "Sup dude. No basketball practice today?" He slid into our seat next to me.

"No football practice today?"

He clicked his tongue, jotting his head to the side. "I guess we lucked out."

"I'd agree with you if it weren't for the group project Garrison assigned." I could feel the bus jerk to a start and begin its route. "I've got to go to Butters' place to work on it."

"Awe dude, that sucks. What book did you guys choose?"

"Kenny said 'Of Mice and Men' and we went with it. It is a good book though."

"Wendy wanted to do the play we read, actually. 'Romeo and Juliet.' Kind of not my favorite and really hard to read. I'd join your group if I could."

The bus came to a halt and a few kids got off, then it began again. I looked at Stan at the sound of his voice, but he was facing the seat next to us, talking to Cartman. I gave a grimace, but couldn't seem to look away.

The bus came to a halt again and another group got off. My eyes follow them for a second, gravitating back towards Stan.

The bus came to a stop then carried on with its route. Stan still sat turned towards the other seats. He'd talk with Cartman, then Wendy, then shout something across the bus at Kenny, and just keep talking. Normally, I'd join him but today I'm just.. Tired and ready to go home.

Stan pushes his dark hair back out of his face. That face… He has slender pink lips, a thin nose round at the end, a dimple on one of his cheeks, deep eyes, and perfect teeth. Eyes.. Teeth.. He's facing me.

I blink rapidly and snap out of it. "Sorry, did you say something?"

"Nah, thought I lost you there." He laughed. "Our stop is next."

"Oh? Oh shit, yeah it is!" I stand up bringing my bag up as well to swing across my shoulder. Holding onto the top of the seat, I maintain my balance as the bus jerks to a stop.

Butters and Kenny file out, then Cartman, then Tweek, then Stan and me. The gust of cool air hits me as the bus chugs off to its next stop. We all turn our separate ways: Cartman and Kenny heading one way, Tweek and Butters heading another, leaving Stan and me standing at the bus stop.

I began walking towards my street, soon hearing his footsteps beside mine. The crunches of the thin layer of ice under our shoes sounded almost cinematic. I turned to look at Stan who was shivering. In the bitter winds of February South Park weather, Stan had left his jacket unbuttoned.

"You look a little cold." I send a friendly smirk Stan's way.

Stan just laughs, "I'm freezing my ass off."

"Then button up your coat!"

He just gives me a cheeky grin and shoves his hands farther into his pockets, and continues walking.

I hasten my pace to catch up to him, reaching out to grab ahold of his jacket. Stan picks up his pace as well, his chuckle ringing through the air. We ran like this for a while, laughing as we did so. Eventually I caught up to Stan, grabbing ahold of his shoulders, turning him around to face me.

"Common dude, you're practically frozen." I reached over and began to button his brown coat. The smooth buttons and thick fabric passed through my fingers, cold to the touch. After finishing the process, I pat Stan on the shoulder. "There you go. You're welcome."

"Thank you.” He mutters, quiet enough I jist barely caught it. “Geez, it's like you're my mom or something." Stan rolls his eyes at me.

"Ew, no, don't say that!"

"You know what, I think you look a little cold too." Stan reaches over and yanks my hood over my head; it just barely reaches my eyes.

I frantically fix my hood back up. "Dude!" I muster out through my laughter.

We continue our walking, now reaching closer and closer to my house. No snow had fallen the entire walk over, it was just cool dry winter air. Soft whooshes of wind filled the atmosphere between us.

"Did you see Craig got a stick and poke? Man's got some willpower." Stan's voice spoke out into the peaceful ambience.

"Oh! Really? What is it?"

"Yeah, it's a planet; pretty much two little circles."

"So... It's Saturn?"

"Or some other ringed planet."

"You can just say I'm right."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

I feigned as though I was in thought before responding "Yeah. Yeah, I would."

Stan and I share a laugh.

We reach my front door and after unlocking it, I enter and Stan follows. The door shuts behind us with a 'click' and we venture to the living room after we throw our shoes down at the entrance. Coming from the kitchen, I hear some footsteps, and then my mom's voice.

"Boys, is that you?" Her voice clears the whole house at this point.

"Yeah, Mom, it's us."

My mom strolls into the living room with a wide smile across her face. 'Hello, dears. How were your days?"

"My day was okay, Mrs. Broflovski!"

"Pretty fine. We got assigned a project today, my group is going to meet at Butters' at 4. Is that alright with you?" I sling my backpack off my shoulders and onto the couch.

"Of course, bubby! But on Tuesdays we normally take Stanley home after supper. Are you fine with going home early today?"

I inwardly grimace. "Oh crap, I completely forgot about that. Sorry man."

"I don't really want to go home early. Is there a way I can come to Butters's with you?"

"Sure, I'll ask him right now." I pull out my phone, shooting Butters a text. In a few short seconds, I receive a response. "He said he'll ask his parents but it should be fine."

"Alright, boys," my mom checks her watch, "I'll take you to the Stotch's in about 45 minutes. Why do you two go grab a snack from the kitchen? I'll be finishing off some work on my computer if you need me."

It wasn't long until time had passed. We'd eaten a snack and just talked about anything we could think of.

We pile into my mom's van and buckle up. She sat in the front. I'd moved to the back to sit with Stan. Our bags were placed on the floor of the car in the middle of our seats.

The engine starts with the twist of it's keys. "You can go ahead and text Leopold that we're on the way. He does know Stanley is coming, right?"

I reach in my pocket for my phone. "Yes mom, he does."

"Alright, lovey, just checking."

I text Butters letting him know we're on the way and he responds with a simple thumbs up. After setting my phone down, I look over at Stan. He sat silently, just staring out the window as the pine tree lined sidewalks passed. I bit the inside of my cheek and I turned my head back.

With each bump and curve in the road, the van made a sort of squealing sound. I could never really tell if it was something to do with the tires or engine. All the same, the noises cut through the silence of the ride.

I open my mouth with a smack, only to ponder on my words for a moment. I turn to meet Stan's eyes and ask "Did you want to help with our project or..?" I drift off, hoping he picks up my sentence.

"Nah, I'll probably just work on my own homework. I'll try not to annoy you guys." A soft laugh escapes from his lips, I return it with a smile.

"Right right, you'd have to try pretty hard though. Are you sure you got it in you?" Raising an eyebrow, I sent him a smirk.

He lets out an exasperated sigh, "You're right, is it too late to go back and stay at your place?"

My mother, clearly amused, speaks up. "Oh you two. We are on Leopold's street, but if you insist." She then pretends to turn the wheel back.

Once we make eye contact, Stan and I look at each other and start laughing.

The wheels crunch into the iced curb of Butters’ driveway.

"Alright boys. Here's your stop. Should I swing by to pick you up at 7?"

"Nah, I think Clyde can drive us home."

"Thank you though!"

We step out of the car, our shoes crunch onto the ice and snow covering Butters' driveway.

"Alright. Bye Stanley! Bye, Kyle. Love you, bubby."

"Love you too, mom."

"Bye, Mrs. Broflovski."

My mothers car pulls out of the driveway, I turn to look at Stan. "Why do you always try to impress my mom?"

"I do not! It's called being polite."

I let out a snort and Stan gives me a look, rolling his eyes. We walk up to the door and I press the doorbell. I can hear it ring from the other end and a pair of footsteps almost rushing to the door. Locks click and the door slides open, to reveal the one person I never expected to see.

"Goddamn it, Cartman. What are you doing here?"

Clearly displeased with my reaction, Cartman leans into the doorframe, eyes narrowing. "I could ask you the same, Jewboy."

"That stopped being funny the very first time you said it."

Stan cut in, clearly not in the mood. "Let us in, it's freezing out here."

"And if I don't?"

Over his shoulder, I can see Butters walking towards the doorway. Saved by the bell.

"Hey fellas! Come on in." His smile is wide as he ushers us in.

With this invitation, we push past Cartman and take our shoes off at the door. I place my brown boots next to the snow covered shoes that are Stan's sneakers. Cartman had already wandered off to Butters' kitchen, so I closed the front door he'd left wide open.

"Clyde and Ken are already upstairs. And I think Cartman went to the pantry to get more snacks."

Stan and I glance at each other. "Ken?"

Butters face flushes. "Oh yeah. Kenny."

"It's all good, I just forgot you called him that."

“It's not a first.. Is it?”

Stan shrugs, “No, I don't think so. I just don't think we've… Talked in a while.”

“Ah, alright.” Butters sways on his feet back and forth as a moment of silence passes. Suddenly perking up, he claps his hands together. I, admittedly, jump a little. “So, we can work on the project in the loft. Like I said: feel free to grab a snack if you'd like.”

“That's alright, we ate beforehand.” I say. “Thank you though.”

Butters looks over to Stan. “Uhm, you can do your homework wherever you'd want; the living room, the basement, the kitchen table.”

“Can I work in your room?” Stan asks, Butters thinks on that for a second. “You do have a desk, don't you?”

“Yeah I do! If you'd prefer that, you can! Just, let me tidy up really quickly.” Butters rushes upstairs, leaving me and Stan alone. We look around us, I take note of the changes.

Walking over to a photo frame and examining it, I take note of the dust on the edges. "It's been so long since we've visited Butters' house."

Stan wanders around aimlessly, backpack still slung on his shoulder. "I mean he was kind of.. Weird. And still is. I don't think he has many friends."

"Yeah… It makes me sad. I think Kenny's his only real friend, and even then I dont get why Kenny hangs out with him. They've got nothing in common." I walk around the back of the couch, sitting down on one of the soft cushions.

"I haven't talked to Kenny as much as I used to but I honestly can't tell if he genuinely likes him or just sticks around him because he feels bad." Stan reaches his arms up, stretching. He lets out a yawn as he does so, his shirt pulling up at his stomach. Our eyes meet. "It's just for this project. We won't have to be here for long anyways."

I press my lips together in a tight line. I hear a stumble of footsteps and see Butters' head peeking over the railing of the stairway. "I'm so sorry about that, guys. You can come on up now!"

Stan and I look at eachother once more, shrugging, and begin our way to the upstairs of the Stotch residence.

----- end of chapter

< previous ~ next >

[serenity-songbird]

May I request a oneshot with Kenny and Stan? Where the (gender neutral) reader has been bottling up their problems and emotions (like anxiety, family problems, stress, etc.), but one day they we're hanging out together after school and just broke. They started to just burst out crying, self depricating and just all the sad stuff. Sorry if this is too much, feel free to ignore this, have a good day <3.

(Trigger Warning: Mentions of suicide ideations;, anxiety, depression, self deprecating, self harm, family issus, and emotional trauma).

You hated feeling like this.

As you got ready you tried to look your best. But you felt that you were never gonna be handsome or pretty or drop dead gorgeous .

I mean, just look at all the others girls iand boys n the school. They were so beautiful, handsome, talented, perfect...

You wanted to he like that.

You sneered at the mirror.

Walking downstairs you went into the kitchen and grabbed an apple. At least try to eat something...

You're parents sat far away from each other lost in their own worlds.

It's bad enough you had to wake up to them screaming, but now they weren't talking.

Your mother spoke with an uncaring monotone voice.

"Don't embarrass us again today. If you don't have that math test, you will be grounded. Understand?"

"...Yeah. Sure."

"Excuse me?" You're mother looked up at you with a fire in her eyes."

"I mean, Yes Ma'am."

"Good. And stop with the mumbling. You know how I hate the mumbling." She turned back to her crossword. You rolled your eyes.

"Young (lady/man)! Watch the attitude." Your father looked up from his paper, eyes void of emotion. "Now get to school. Tardiness is one thing I will not tolerate."

"Yes, Sir..." You dragged your feet and slouched as you walked out the door. You stood there for a moment hand on the doorknob.

...Silence...

"Love you too Mom and Dad..."

As you walked to the bus stop you steadiness yourself and fought through the tears. As you got closer, you spotted your friends.

In that moment, you did everything to hide the pain.

Smiling wide, you waved to them.

They wouldn't know you were hurting through your grin.

"Hey Dudes!!! What's up?"

"Good morning, (Y/N). Why do chipper this morning?" Kyle smiled at you with his gorgeous green eyes. Damn, did you wish you were as handsome as he. (Oh n, my Kyle simping mood just came out. I apologize. 😍😍😍)

"I'm just happy to see my friends!" You were being honest and true at that sentence.

"Awww. (Y/N). That's sweet." Stan ruffled your hair.

"Mmph mmm hmph. (You look hot today!)

"Oooh. Nooo. I just...threw this on." That was a lie.

"Mmm hmm mmph. Oh (beautiful/handsome), You don't need to lie.

"Guys, it's too early in the morning. Shuuut uuup." Cartman yawned out.

"Shut up, Fatass.! It's a relief compared to you constant complaining!" Kyle practically barked at Cartman, giving him a glare.

"Why you dirty Jew I'll-wawawawa wawawawa"

You tuned out of the conversation. You looked up and for a moment, you thought you saw your mom shaking her head in disapproval.

You blinked and she was gone.

You suddenly didn't feel so good...

"Hey...(Y/N)? You okay? You look a little pale..." Stan grasped your shoulder making you flinch. He raised his hands in an apologizing manner.

Cartman and Kyle were stuck in their little argument and he talked so softly they probably didn't hear him.

"Mmph mmm humm Mmph? (Do you need anything? You look like you could pass out at any moment.)" Kenny suddenly felt overprotective over you after seeing the fear in your eyes.

Just what exactly did you see?

At that moment the bus pulled in.

Saved by the bus!

"Oh! Look! The bus is here! We'd better swaddle, huh?"

Before they could say another word you rushed into the back. The others finally noticed your strange behavior and glanced at Kenny and Stan. They just shrugged their shoulders and hopped on.

School was shit. That's all there is to say.

You probably failed your math test.

You fell face first into a pillar because you were distracted.

You got laughed at by the other kids with you tripped over a banana peel and tossed your lunch all over you and the floor.

And you completely embarrassed yourself in front of your crush, (Crush name).

At this point, you were beyond the point of no return. Everything was becoming too much.

Your breathing started getting ragged at you thought about the ways your parents would punish you.

You're a failure.

A disappointment.

Your parents are better off getting g a new (daughter/son).

Your friends definitely noticed the change.

You ran out into the schoolyard and sat on a bench. You were on the verge of a panic attack.

It was Kenny and Stan who chased after you and comforted you.

"(Y/N)! What's wrong? Talk to us..." Stan rubbed your arms.

"Yeah! We want to help you. What happened?" Kenny had pulled down his parka so you could see his handsome face. If you weren't so messed up right now, you'd appreciate the moment.

But no. Because the moment he asked that, the dam broke.

"My parents hate me!!! I can't be the perfect (daughter/son) they want me to be! I can't do anything right! I'm clumsy! I'm ugly! I-I mean look at all ofnyou. You Stan! Kenny you too! Kyle! Don't even get me started on Wendy and Bebe...gorgeous. Even Cartman looks better than me! I'm always anxious and I have to be perfect. If I don't get a 100 on this math test my parents are going to kill me. They are always fighting and it's always my fault. What if they get a divorce? W-who will I live with? Where w-will i go? I d-d-don't want to l-leave South Park!!! I l-love everyone in T-this t-t-town... I-Ican't do this anymore. It's j-just to m-m-much p-pressure. I just want to-to die. Everything will j-just go away If i die. The cutting doesnt work a-anymore and I b-bled all over my artwork a-and I h-had been working so hard on i-i-it!! I c-can't-" you choked. "I can't do this a-anymore...I can't...W-why w-won't it s-s-s-stop"

You were full on sobbing at this point. And there were moments where you said more, but you couldn't remember.

Kenny and Stan listened intently. They calmed you down, they comforted you.

When you were finished they spoke.

"I don't want to hear you say any of those things about you." Stn gently grabbed your cheeks and held your face in his hand. He was looking int your eyes.

You got a little flustered and for a moment you were just like..."Daaamn"

But then reality hit and you were back where you were.

"You are smart. You are (beautiful/handome). You are brave. You are strong. And if someone tells you otherwise, Kenny and I will kick his ass.

"Yeah! Don't compare yourself to us or the other girls. You have your own unique type of beauty that both inside and outside." Kenny smiled wide at you.

"Heck yeah! You always know what to say to make us feels better. You're a great friend. We need you all the time. If something is wrong we will go to you and it's honestly impressive."

"B-But...I'm not talented or perfect like everyone else..." you cowered against the bench.

"Duuude. Whatcha talking about? You're awesome! Dude, you play softball like no one else. We won state championship because of you!!! You sing amazing and your original songs rock!"

'And besides. Nobody at this school is perfect. We sure as hell ain't." He gestured to himself and Kenny. "Everyone makes mistakes or bad choices all the time. I know we have a whole list of all the times we've screwed up something."

"Yeah...I guess...I could've done better at the championship...My parents thought I sicked and got me a caoch. I'm still not as good as Wendy or Clyde." He put a finger to your mouth before you could speak another word.

"What did I day about comparing your self to other?"

"Not to...He ruffled your hair.

"Good."

You then proceeded to tell then about everything going on. When they could, they gave advice. When the couldn't, they would just nod and give their feedback.

After telling them, it was like a weight had been lifted from your chest. You felt free, unrestricted. It was great.

}"The world will try to tear you down. It will chop you up. Piece by piece, you'll feel some serious suffering. It would seem that it lasts forever. But it doesn't. Eventually, over time it will get better. But the only way to do that is to face it head on.

It's going to be tough and you'll run away a lot of times.

But one day with the help of anyone who supports you, you will face that problem, fear, or whatever. When you do, you will say, 'You can't hurt me anymore.' You tell the past that it is over and you are a changed man/women/other.

And reliving it sucks. And there are some situations where taking on the problem head on cannot be done. If you are in danger, run. Call a friend, anything to get you out and safe. You're personal safety is priority. Keep you chin up darling, no matter how hopeless it seems, you reach out to the good memories. Cherish them. Your brain may automatically want you to think of the bad memories, but you can't let it when. So make sure you squeeze the hell out of those moments, because just one memory, a simple word or two can save somebody's life."}

-Serenity Songbird

Thank you all for reading. I love you and you're amazing. You are brave. You are smart.

Here's your daily does of love.😘😘😘

[console-park]

Chapter 1

╚══────══╝

???: What happened?

???: Where did everything go wrong?

???: When did the console begin to break?

Wendy: It's almost as if he wanted this to happen.

Wendy: But then again, that wouldn't even be too far fetched.

Wendy: It's pointless anyway.

Wendy: I messed up.

Wendy: This probably could've been avoided.

Wendy: I mean, the chances of these happening are very slim, anyway.

Wendy: If I knew beforehand, could I have prevented this?

Wendy: I'm spending my last moments weeping pathetically.

Wendy: What would Bebe think?

Wendy: It's my fault anyway.

Wendy:...

Wendy: That's a lie. I know it's his fault.

Wendy: After all, he is the one that made this messed up world.

────────────────────

???: ...ndy.

???: Wendy.

Bebe: Wendy!

Wendy: Huh?

Bebe: Wendy, are you okay? You've been spacing out a lot today...

Wendy:...Oh. Sorry. I've just had a lot on my mind lately.

Bebe: Oh mon dieu, I'm sorry. I know how that feels.

Wendy: No it's - really strange. Really stupid, really.

Bebe: Stupid? My, your feelings aren't stupid, love! Tell me about what's happening.

Wendy: ...Right.

Wendy: Well, lately, I've been having these weird daydreams. It's like, I don't know. Of me dying. In different ways.

Bebe: Now, that's sort of... creepy, don't you think?

Wendy: Sort of?

Wendy: Well anyways, I'm always saying the same thing, like, over and over again.

Bebe: What are you saying?

Wendy: I actually don't really remember. It's sort of different everytime.

Wendy: But it's something along the lines of "It's his fault" and like... "He made this world"... or something.

Bebe: ...Je pense que- ahh, yeah. Don't worry about those things too much, babes.

Wendy: Kind of hard to...

Wendy: Ah, hey, stop that!

Bebe: Come on, lighten up! We're going to a party after school today, so just focus your mind on that, will you?

Wendy: Well. yeah, I guess you're right.

Bebe: Not guess, know!

Wendy: Right right, I know.

Bebe: Mhm~

Wendy: Oh, wipe that smirk off your face.

Bebe: Pour-quoi? You're smiling too, love!

Wendy: Oh, whatever. Lunch break is almost over, let's get back to the school.

Bebe: Oui oui!

────────────────────

???: Babe, I-

???: "Babe, I-" What, Heidi? I wasted hours of my streaming time helping you get ready so WE wouldn't be late.

Bebe: ...Is something going on?

Wendy: I don't know..?

Heidi: So GAMES are more important than me?

???: Fuck off, Cartman! Stop being such a dick to your girlfriend!

Eric: Shut up Kahl! This has nothing to do with you!

Eric: I am just sick and tired of how you-

Heidi: How I what, Eric? Why do we even date?! Whenever I try and break up with you, all you do is cry for me to come back together with you!

Eric: ....Baby, baby, you know that's not true-

Heidi: Yes, it is! And you always try and cover it up! I'm sick of it, Eric!

Eric: You're acting all pissy, what are you gonna do Heidi? Punch me?

Eric: AAAAAAAH W-W-WAIT--

???: Heidi.

Heidi: Oh.. I-

???: Your emotions.

Heidi: Sorry..

???: It's okay. Come with me.

Eric: SHE WAS ABOUT TO HIT ME!

Kyle: Holy shit Cartman, you're pathetic.

Eric: W-w-wait Kahl, where are you going?

Kyle: Away from you. Don't follow me.

Eric: KAHLLL- MY GIRLFRIEND WAS ABOUT TO ABUSE MEEEE-

Kyle: Dude what the fuck?! Let go!

Bebe: Oh mon dieu... if this isn't chaotic, then I don't know what is.

Wendy: I don't even know what Tolkien was thinking letting Cartman in.

Wendy: I mean, we all know how he is. Him in a public space?

Bebe: ...Oui, couldn't agree more.

Wendy: I'm gonna go check on Heidi. And the other girl that was with her.

Bebe: Ah, la noirette? I think I've seen her around. She was in South Park Elementary but that's all I remember of her so far....

Wendy: Oh, that makes sense. Well, I'll be back later.

Bebe: Alright love, text me if anything!

To be Continued

[tanzanite-zircon]

The Fractured but Whole: Freedom Pals Unite! Chapter 1: I’ve got just the ‘Toolshed’ for this problem

(… Well shit.)

I stare at the line of lava covering Cartman’s door step in annoyance. All I wanted was to play with my friends and now I’m a prisoner in Cartman’s living room. I was playing Fighters of Zaron with Kyle, Butters, Craig, Clyde, and Jimmy when Cartman suddenly jumped into his backyard dressed up as some sort of mutant racoon claiming to be from the future. Seriously, what the fuck is going on! He called us over to his house, saying that he needed help from the Fighters of Zaron and their king.

… It should be ‘queen’ since I’m actually a girl, but they’re not ready to know that yet. I might lose them and the others as my friends if they find out I’m really a girl. Cartman wouldn’t be that big of a loss, but losing Kenny, Butters, Stan, Kyle, and the others would be a huge blow. I’ll never understand why my parents force me to pretend that I’m a boy.

… Anyway, back to the flashback. I hear Craig say that they’re not playing that anymore and then Clyde said that they were all split up. What were they talking about?

(Now that I think about it, I didn’t see Kenny, Stan, Token, Tweek, or Timmy anywhere. And what did Clyde mean by they were all split up? Are they fighting again?)

I then saw Cartman holding poster showing a missing cat named Scrambles and that it would offer an award of $100 to anyone who finds Scrambles. It wouldn’t surprise me that the fatass would seize the chance to earn $100. I then heard him say something about a massive crime wave threatening our town. Some sort of crime syndicate. I then hear Clyde say that this would be too big of a problem for Coon and Friends. Cartman then asks the guys if they would rather let the Freedom Pals find Scrambles first and get the reward for their franchise.

I am just completely lost at this point. Mrs. Cartman then alerts Cartman that some sort of noise is coming from his basement. Apparently, it’s something called the Coon alert. The next thing I know, Kyle, Craig, Jimmy, Clyde, Butters, and Cartman all run out on me, Kevin, and the other two members of the Moorish tribe. Cartman just basically calls us dorks and says that we can’t play with them anymore. I try to follow him to see what’s going on but he stops me.

“Sorry Douchebag,” He snarled, “but I’m not going to let you play this game with us. Nothing you say will convince me, not even the fact that your dad fucked your mom.” He closes the sliding door of his kitchen.

(What that actual fuck! Why would he bring something like that up?)

And that now leaves me stranded in Cartman’s living room. Kevin and the others did invite me to hang out with them, but that mostly involved sulking and doing nothing. I left them at the gates of Kupa Keep and entered Cartman’s house. I noticed that there was a password lock on the basement door, so I won’t be able to get in without the code. Cartman probably has it written somewhere, but do I really want to get involved with Cartman again after last time?

I decide to try and leave his house, but that’s where the lava comes in. I can feel heat from the Lego brick lava pile covering the steps. Curse my dedication to the game. Mrs. Cartman is apparently calling the police to remove the lava from the door step.

(… Ok, we can get away with calling this lava because we’re kids, but come on! How gullible is this woman? … Come on Sally, stay focused. Maybe I can climb the fence of Cartman’s backyard to get out.) I turn on my heels and slowly walk back towards the backyard.

I suddenly hear the sound of crunching snow. I turn back towards the open door and notice a kid decked out with power tools talking into his wrist.

“Yeah. I’ll be there in five minutes Mysterion. Toolshed out!”

(Toolshed? … Wait. I recognize that voice. Is that… Stan? It is!) As he ends his call with this ‘Mysterion,’ he turns towards Cartman’s house and notices me.

“Douchebag,” I hear him say, “What are you doing here?”

The only answer I can give him is a quick glance at the lava. I had become used to being silent, since my family tries to isolate me from other people most of the time. They have been able to determine what I want to say by looking at my eyes or body language.

“Oh, that’s why,” Stan replies, “Ok, hang on. I’ll take care of it.” He then jogs over to Cartman’s garage and opens the garage door. He comes back carrying a small portable generator. I watch as he plugs in a large jack-hammer shaped tool and points it at the lava.

“Stand back Douchebag,” Stan warns, “My sandblaster is pretty powerful. I don’t want you to get hit with any lava.” I quickly nod and take two steps to my right. I hear the sandblaster reave up and the next thing I see is red bricks flying into Cartman’s living room.

“Oh, never mind,” Mrs. Cartman sings into the phone, “One of my Poopsickins’ friends took care of it.”

(… Damn this woman.)

“You can come out now dude,” I hear Stan declare. I pull myself away from the wall and walk out of living room. I greet Stan with a grateful smile. He smirks at me while twirling an electric drill with his fingers as if to say ‘You’re welcome.’ I get a better look at his costume and I have to say, it’s awesome. He’s equipped with yellow eye glasses, a white t-shirt, blue jeans, black and red tennis shoes, red and black gloves, and a utility belt.

(Hey! He’s not wearing his hat! That’s a rare sight.) I notice him looking me over.

“Dude, why are you dressed like that,” Stan questions. I wasn’t wearing the costume given to me during our raid on the Fortress of Darkness. I basically looked like Jesus without the beard he is usually seen with. My costume now consisted of black tennis shoes, blue jeans, a light blue t-shirt, a red cape, and a crown. I point towards Cartman’s backyard, showing Stan the castle of Kupa Keep.

“I thought we stopped playing that when Cartman threw the Stick of Truth into Stark’s Pond,” Stan replies.

(I thought it had more to do with the fact that Kenny became a Nazi zombie and nearly killed us.)

We didn’t exactly stop playing the game. After saving Kenny by farting on his balls, we ended the war and united the kingdoms to form the Fighters of Zaron. I was crowned a king, but I was considered lower in rank to Cartman and Kyle.

I then see Kevin and the other two boys walk out of Cartman’s living room.

“Well, I’m gonna go play Star Trek VR,” Kevin says with excitement, “Bye Johnny. Bye Andre.” He waves goodbye before walking towards his house.

(Oh. Their names are Johnny and Andre. Good to know.)

I guess Andre and Johnny don’t see me and Stan since they start walking in the same direction as Kevin, probably back to their houses.

“Who just switches games like that,” Andre questions.

“Yeah, we could’ve had an epic showdown between us and the king,” Johnny mutters. I slightly frown as I watch them leave. I guess Stan notices because he places his hand on my shoulder. I turn my attention back to him and give him a gentle smile, letting him know I’m alright.

“Sorry you got kicked out dude,” Stan says, “Honestly, I don’t know why Cartman didn’t let you in. You kicked some serious ass on our past quests.”

(Maybe he’s still butthurt that I fought for Kyle and kicked his ass during the raid of the school. I guess the fact that my class was a Jew didn’t help either.)

“Say, how about you join Freedom Pals with me and the guys” Stan askes, “I’m sure Doctor Timothy would welcome a new member. Stan holds out his hand to me and offers a warm smile.

(I always liked playing superheroes before moving to South Park. And it’s been a while since our last group game.) I grin and quickly nod my head. I grasp Stan’s hand for quick handshake and the next thing I know, Stan is leading me away from Cartman’s house and towards the Freedom Pals’ base.

Note: This is a fanfiction I started a few years ago that I want to get back into writing. It was on fanfiction.net but I haven't been back in years. These chapters will be slightly different due to grammer corrections or story changes that I thought were needed. If anyone has issues with these stories, please message me and I will fix them.

[hazelcephalopod]

The Eye of the World Ch 31-33

The Whump continues! This time it’s Rand and Mat’s turn. And I mean both of them. Very shippable worthy moments; not that friendship isn’t nice but, is not a stretch. But also, just when things seem to cool down they heat up.

Buckle up for a long one if you’re still with me.

Disclaimer: this is my first read thru but I’ve watched all of the show this far and been spoiled on some book things. So… I’m going to lean into that. Enjoy figuring out what I know, and what I think I know, and what I just don’t. Also s/x I add commentary when I edit.

Spoilers for the first book and up to the most recent episode under the cut. Potential spoilers for latter books.

Ch 31

Never thought I could be happier to see a Rand POV.

Like maybe Nynaeve would also be as welcome but I’m not looking forward to more damn Whitecloaks

I mean that’s nice. Guy has deep pockets. (Me later. Internal wailing)

I feel like he was like ‘here are some scarves. Good luck being bandits or whatever. Plz hide your faces dipshit’

No good very bad trip.

Cold hard ground will do that. And stress. Creepy dagger is creepy

And cursed. So clearly cursed. Don’t think I’d have missed it ever

So everyone’s trip is just getting worse then? (This is when I relaized this is all just whump. No I’m not going to stop callin it that)

“Who would I sell it to, Rand?” -Mat on selling the clearly cursed dagger. Gotta admit, he’s got a point there

Glad to see reason is had

Honestly the image of Mat trying to steal eggs and milk -from unattended field cows- is hilarious. Oh and getting chased by dogs up a tree. Excellent.

Ah paranoia

Food! Real food. Honestly worth those hours dude

Specifically Mat’s terrible no good life

Grinwell’s farm… hmm

Nine?!

50/50 they’re just taking in kids off the road. That’s my bet

Blondes are also apparently very rare

“Perrin would know how to handle this… He’d make some offhanded comment, and pretty soon she be laughing at his jokes instead of mooning around where her father can see.” -Rand thinking to himself on Else’s staring and laughing and general. Attentions. Ok. This is just lowkey a comedy. I’m elated again.

And shoe drop when?

It’s just too happy right?

I can not believe it took them that long to try performing in an inn. I love these woolheaded babies so much

Ch 32 : Four Kings in the Shadow

Dark fang thing on this chapter. That’s what it’s called right? (I later learn why it’s here)

Rand POV again. Cool

In Four Kings. A village. Where it seems like the shoe will drop

See chapter name

Saloon town!

Immense. Kids are playing in the ditches so (future me- idk why it says immense. I’ve forgotten but kids were playing in ditches)

Hey winner! The Dancing Cartman. No music. Seemingly [foreboding music from the future]

Innkeeper- Saml Hake (btw he’s skinny)

Lovely man. Great. Just great /s.

Nice. Go in confident. Hope it works.

He’s still real fuckedup from the father thing huh? Which… fair I guess?

This place has two bouncers? There 6 customers

The plot is merciful. The rain waits

B/c their town is shit for starters.

Ah preparing to be a thriving bastard. Be ready to take turns sleeping boys.

Oh thank fuck he’s at least perceptive enough to notice that

Truly. At least get a meal

Ah the plot weather ‘no you sleep inside or I fuck you up’

Oh great creepy rich dude.

Creepy rich guy = Howal Gode, Whitebridge merchant(?)

Yes that’s weird.

And the shoe drops. Inns a trap

Oh I’ve read this getting bars off a window stuff before. It was uh… worse than this situation

Team luck is running out of luck tonight

Lol. Ok… if so, now they’d just pretend to, ya know. Do something else that could make lots of noise.

Gode is a fucking Darkfriend then.

Just stab him through the door

Mmm. I I don’t think you could just get away from them. Somehow. I doubt that

Oh shit lightening just struck that inn. And opened a hole to outside.

Oh those men are dead

That’s gonna leave a scar. An inside one.

Ch 33

Rand POV again

Sounds like he’s ill?

Where’s Mat?

Oh there.

Mmm quick illness huh? That’s not at all concerning I’m sure /s (flashback to an earlier chat between an Aes Sedai and a Wisdom)

Fuck. Whitecloaks? Oh no just militia. Yay! (Cuz that is better imho)

Aw Queens Guard specifically

Lol. The boys ‘what’s a queens guard and why?’ farmer dude ‘damn this kingdom has gone to shit’

The whole Two Rivers ‘what’s Andor -the kingdom they are claimed as- and why are they here?’

“…not like to rob or hurt anybody.” -Master Kinch (a farmer who helped them) to Rand and Mat. Yup! Sure. /s

Ah smooth Mat.

Cursed dagger. Also stress. Also trauma. But mainly? I’d bet it’s the cursed fucking dagger

“There are still some good people.” -Rand to Mat. Now I’m feeling things!

And more feelings!

Oh… that’s a trauma dream/nightmare. Yup. That’s what that is. Not gonna put that one here.

Suffice to say that man is burned badly.

And it also ol’ Balzo. Of course

“I belong to myself. Not you. Not ever. Myself.” -Rand to -Ba’alzamon- Balzo. Good for him!

Did still hit him with a fireball. And he woke up with sunburn. So… not good

More feelings.

“Suddenly, he [Rand] realized Mat was twisting and moaning in his sleep. He shook him, and Mat came awake with a whimper. ‘My eyes! Oh, Light, my eyes. He took my eyes!’ Rand held him close, cradling him against his chest as if he were a baby. ‘You’re all right, Mat. You’re all right. He can’t hurt us. We won’t let him.’ He could feel Mat shaking, sobbing into his coat. ‘He can’t hurt us.’ He whispered, and wished he believed it. What protects you makes you vulnerable. I am going mad.”

Wtf is the queen going to do? Well I guess she could like distribute food or something. But she can’t cure the cows.

… can she?

Everyone ‘idk what your running from and I don’t want to. I have a family. But I’ll help ya’

(I’m just saying if Mat and Rand touched each other this much in the show people would be feral. And I don’t say that as a bad thing)

Of fuck. I forgot we’ve been in a flashback for like two chapters until now.

“We never even saw you. You are a good man. The best we’ve met in days.” -Rand to some farmer who says he can’t really help them and to plz act like they were never anywhere near him but here’s some scarves to protect you from the road dust.

The pattern was like ‘oh right. People need? Hope and stuff. Uh… Here’s a guy with some scarves.’

Yes you are going to get pneumonia

Oh we’re in flashback again!

“The front door opened to let someone out, and a wave of laughter rolled out after him. Rand froze in the street, the drunken laughter at The Dancing Cartman echoing in his head.” -eotw. Rand’s perspective, as he leads half blinded Mat by the hand to an inn, after the previous no good bad time at tDC.

Oh… the Pattern- ‘crap. Crap. Ok he’s getting too fucked up too soon. Look. Nice inn. Its fine. Be ok. Damn it.’

“…he doubted he would ever again trust a skinny innkeeper.” -(Rand) relieved to see a fat innkeeper. (Hake was skinny. Bad times)

Innkeeper- Rulan Allwine

Thinking everyone is missing Moiraine at this point. ‘Specially team Luck. She had money, they do not (I later learn I am right)

“The innkeeper seemed surprised that they were retiring so early, but he made no comment.” -teotw. (Astonishing what making characters actually just get along and like each other will do to make me want the relationship, in some form. And then these moments too)

‘Ey! Mat got his sight back! Sorta.

“No more worrying about Darkfriends, once they were back with the Aes Sedai and the Warder.” -(Rand)

Paitr uh huh. Let’s skip to the betrayal huh? (Editor me- bad name. It’s similar to one on my list)

Love that Darkfriends truly can just be some dude.

Inn- The Queen’s Man

Mat assuring Rand. And convincing him to perform again so they don’t starve or freeze to death

Oh man. The old “one coin to crawl into a bed with some strangers to sleep” (and yes historically that was absolutely a real thing)

Yay. He bit

Nope Dragon isn’t in Caemlyn

Oh fuck. That’s not just stress is it? Chills?? /flashbacks to earlier chapters/

“Suddenly, Mat took his arm, pulling him to his feet. All of their things… hung from Mat’s shoulders with his bow. The innkeeper was watching them… Weaving, more than half supported by Mat, Rand let his friend steer him toward the back door. ‘S-s-sorry, M-m-mat,’ he managed. He could not stop his teeth from chattering.’” -Rand after all but collapsing when overcome with chills and brain fog. Being half carried out at an inn by Mat.

Now shivering in fetal position in a stable.

Emotions. Mat is like legit taking care of him. Noo. I don’t want these emotions! What I’m I gonna do with them?

Listen yes I am a shipper. But I also do actually appreciate just the friendship and caring for each other b/c of friendship

And now. Hot flashes.

“They don’t even know what a wisdom is.” -Mat. Also mentions a Mother Brune who is currently delivering a baby and therefore can’t help them. (Later me learns we don’t see her. Not for this illness far as I could tell)

Inkeep- Master Inlow.

And now Rand’s just straight up hallucinating.

What he sees- Ba’alzamon and two Fades; silent. Egwene, mournful; blaming him for killing the rest; at its end “But she turned into the shadows, and was shadow.” Moiraine, serene but deathly pale; insists he must go to Tar Valon and only Aes Sedai can save him. Thom, “smiling sardonically”, clothes charged and fighting a Fade; insists he not trust Aes Sedai -asks which Ajah will find him first red or maybe black? Lan, stone faced and face covered in blood; warns him, extremely ominously, that anyone can be a Darkfriend; at its end “He smiled a wolf’s smile, and blood poured out of his mouth. ‘Anyone.’” Perrin, Mistress al’Vere, Capt Bayle Domon, Master Fitch. “Min, screaming in a Trolloc’s clutches.” Others. Tam. [Tam frowning and shaking his head just standing over Rand].

… so just a bad time.

lol. Wondering the Ajah of a woman dressed all in green

Dark friend actually tho.

Oh fuck more cursed daggers

Sure you will buddy

Oh shit… I mean. I could be wrong. Been a bad time. He might

Sure they will. And I’m sure you’ll all sing and dance and be happy until you break time and everything is destroyed. /s

“Maybe you Darkfriends aren’t as dangerous as I’ve always heard.” -Mat to the darkfriend woman in the stables. After she nearly killed him

Oh no a Fade. (/Sardonic) Listen, yes it’s terrifying but at this point de we been care anymore? Bring it on

Bye other cursed scary dagger

Oh shit that channeling sickness -b/c that’s what it is- is no joke. Lasting a while isn’t it? I guess just a full night now actually?

And I think that takes us full circle. Met Hyam Kinch, man with wagon, seen earlier in the story.

[anauthore]

If the Rumours are True... (Kenny McCormick x Reader) {SERIES | Three}

Summary: The party at Wendy’s is more of a romp than you’re used to. The aftermath, also, is equally as unexpected.

Pairing: Kenny McCormick x Reader (she/her pronouns) - South Park

CW: implied sexual content / implied sexual content while intoxicated

NOTE: Every part of this series can be read as stand-alone, or as part of the series itself! If you don’t want to read each part on Tumblr, feel free to check out links to the work on the below websites:

Wattpad | Quotev | AO3

Fic Below the Cut | Previous Part | Next Part

South Park High, a school just as brutal (if not more) than any other high school peppered across the United States. There were cliques, clubs, boys, girls, and anything else you could imagine roaming the halls, ready to pounce.

You were luckier than most; you didn’t stand out at all. Sure, you had a small group of friends equally as normal as you, and sure, you turned in all of your assignments like a “goody-two-shoes”, but you blended in like camouflage in the forest.

At least, you did.

Your life has always been in the process of falling apart. You were used to the constant yelling and belittling of yourself, mostly from your parents. If anything, you’d used school- as hectic as it was- as an escape from all the shit in your day-to-day. You’d walk in, get noticed by no one, and stand in the corner, sit in your chair, get your work done, and leave. That’s how it’s always been, and the silence you’d brought along with you was always welcomed.

Today was different. Hell, last week was different. You weren’t one to go out and party, yet you took up the opportunity nearly as soon as it had fallen into your lap. You also didn’t ask for handouts or sleep in a stranger’s home, but when it was offered to you, you didn’t refuse. How could you? You needed help- Right?

You pushed open the double doors and breathed in the warmth from the heating system. You half-stomped, half-walked inside the building, getting extra snow from your boots before you found your usual waiting place; right around the corner of your class, conveniently in the front of the building just down the hall. You leant against the painted brick walls, trying to get your phone to connect to the school’s wifi before you gave up out of frustration- you understood why only teachers were allowed to connect, but that didn’t mean it didn’t piss you off some when you couldn't listen to music before class.

You took out your earbuds and wrapped the wire around your phone, shoving it into your pocket. You looked up just in time to make very brief eye contact with someone passing in the hall, and they snickered. Your brows furrowed, and you watched them slow down and whisper something to their partner before they pointed a thumb back in your direction. 

...What?

What could they possibly be talking about?

You didn’t do anything that would warrant gossip. You scoffed to yourself before a sinister thought crossed your mind: What did you do at the party? 

Anxiety built up in your chest as you racked your brain for any clue of something embarrassing you might’ve done. You just drank! You remembered playing beer pong, you remembered being really bad at it, but no instance of you completely embarrassing yourself came to mind.

You tapped your foot, waiting for the bell to ring and save you by ushering you and others to class. You wanted nothing more than to surround yourself in papers, work, and the silence that you’d grown to know as a friend, but you couldn’t. You, for the first time in a very long time, didn’t feel safe in the High School.

* * *

You sat in your seat- back corner, half-hidden by a structural mistake in the room that was a protruding wall. You leaned your head against your palm, leg bouncing as you tried not to stare at anyone that walked in after you. You heard mumbling and idle talk- it was Monday, and it’d been at least a few days before most people had had contact with their classmates. Greetings floated about before the teacher coughed and began his lesson.

You obediently pulled out a notebook and pencil, scribbling in the margins to distract yourself. You drew bottles and cigarettes, random circles, and a horrible rendition of a person. Before you knew it, class was over, and it was time to get up and leave.

You were the last one out of the room, and for good reason. The halls were crowded with people trying to get both here and there, but there was something else that you couldn’t put your finger on. You bumped elbows with some, and definitely were the subject for a group of laughing girls. Your blank expression didn’t change, but your pulse quickened, as did your pace. When you found a way out, you darted to your next class, ignoring anything and anyone that would possibly try and contact you.

It was like that for most of your day. Head down, dart to the next class. Do your work, turn it in, hide. You wanted nothing more than to be home right now- or at the very least, outside and away from everyone else. 

The period before lunch was the thing you were most looking forward to; Wendy Testaburger sat two seats down from you, and though you didn’t talk much with her, you knew she was at the party. You knew she had answers. She had to.

You left your stuff at your seat and waved to Wendy as she walked in. She smiled and waved back, as usual, but didn’t say anything important to you. You didn’t like to speak up when it was so quiet, but this was important.

“Hey, Wendy,” you called her quietly, hoping that she heard you.

She turned her head around and raised her eyebrows, letting you know that she heard you. “Yeah?”

“Uh, I need to talk to you. About the party. Did-” you quieted down some more, now that you knew she could hear you just fine, “did anything happen? Like, anything I should know about?”

She shook her head before she stopped herself, and started to laugh. “Well, actually, there are a few things you might not remember. Nothing bad though! I promise.” Her unfaltering smile calmed you some, but it could only give you so much comfort.

You nodded, waiting as she told you things you already knew. She told you just how much you sucked at beer pong, and how Stan- that was the black-haired boy’s name- made you drink every time you missed instead of every time you made a shot in. She laughed about how drunk you’d gotten, stumbling over and then nearly falling into Bebe when you realized you’d finally scored a point for them.

You nodded, but none of this helped. “So, I just got shitfaced and then went to sleep on your couch? That’s all that happened?”

She started to nod, but then stopped herself. “Well, no.”

When she didn’t elaborate, you pressed further. “Well, what? Seriously, Wendy, there are groups of girls I’ve never seen before laughing at me in the hallway. This is important.” You pled with your eyes and she bit her lip, giving in.

“Okay, but you didn’t hear this from me. Bebe didn’t want me to tell you. Girls’ oath, okay?” She stuck out her pinkie for you to take in a pinkie promise, and as childish as you thought it was, you humoured her and did as she asked.

When it was over, she nodded and leaned in, her voice now just a whisper. “Okay, so you already know you were very drunk. You had trouble walking up the stairs to go sit down and sober up, so I tried to help you but it wasn’t working out. Kenny- you know him, Stan’s friend who always wears orange?- Yeah, he took you upstairs and took care of you. He has more experience than anyone else in that matter, so it was better for him, you know?”

You blinked. Kenny helped you, again? You didn’t think he’d want anything else to do with you after you literally slept on his floor, but, as per usual, you were completely wrong in that regard.

“Wait, so Kenny ‘took care of me’? As in, gave me water and stuff, right?” Your intense gaze never once parted from hers, determined to scrounge up every piece of evidence you could on this case.

“Well, yeah. I don’t know exactly what he did, but I know he didn’t hurt you or anything. At least, not really.”

Confusion once again weighed on your eyebrows. “What do you mean, ‘not really’?”

She opened her mouth and then thought better of it, swallowing her words and looking to the side, as if she were being watched.

“Well, you know him. You know what he does.”

You shook your head. “No, I don’t know Kenny. You know him, and all of Cartman’s friends. I’ve only heard of him, and until the party, I haven’t really had anything to do with them!”

She seemed taken aback by your sudden outburst. “Jesus, (Y/n), you know what I meant. He’s a player. You know what they do- they sleep with girls and brag about it.”

Your stomach dropped and you could feel the butterflies of anxiety flutter through every part of you. “But he didn’t sleep with me.”

Wendy shrugged. “He didn’t have to. All he had to do was say he did.”

Your face scrunched up and you plopped back into your chair completely, Wendy turning back to face the front of the room. You had never been so angry, nor felt so used. You’d also never felt so forced out in the open.

Fuck it, you thought, endorsing your impulses for once, if he’s gonna push me out there, I might as well be out there.

* * *

The lunch bell rang and you practically leaped from your seat, fueled by anger and adrenaline. Maybe you were feeling excitement, too, but you couldn’t tell with the rising anxiety that accompanied your other feelings.

You walked past the lunch line and sat your bag down at your usual table, reserving your seat before you spun on your heel and searched for that orange wearing fucker. He was easy to spot, especially considering your town was small and the school even smaller. You stormed toward him, your feet flying across the cafeteria tile to meet him before he sat down.

Cartman was the first to notice you coming at them, his confused expression turning to one of annoyance before the others noticed you as well. You didn’t give anyone a chance to speak, however, before you opened your mouth and spat pure venom at your perpetrator. 

“What the fuck, McCormick?”

You grabbed his shoulder to make him look at you, but he must’ve sensed you coming because he was already staring you dead in the eye. He had one eyebrow raised, a dumb look on his face like he did nothing wrong at all.

“Hey, who the fuck are you calling McCormick?” Annoyance laced his words.

“You! You can’t just go around telling everyone we had sex! What kind of douchebag does that?”

Cartman snorted opposite you and Kenny looked at him for a brief moment before he turned his attention back on you. “Look, can we talk about this later? I-”

“No.” You interrupted him, tired of hearing his voice. Maybe he was right- everyone knows his name, everyone knows his game; everyone but you, apparently. “We didn’t sleep together. I’ve talked to you a total of two- two!- times, and you tell everyone we fucked? There’s gotta be something wrong with you in your head. Does your mom not give you enough attention?”

You could tell you struck a nerve with him, because his face got red and he clenched his fists under the table. At this point, the surrounding tables got quiet. No one was laughing now- just wide-eyed stares and confused glances from one friend to the other.

“Dude, don’t talk about his mom.” The ginger spoke up, his tone about as serious as the air in the room. Kenny didn’t even comment on his friend trying to back him- instead, he clenched his jaw to keep from saying something incredibly stupid.

“Maybe he should’ve thought about that before he spread rumours about me! Kenny-” you softened, suddenly overcome with a wave of emotion. Fuck, not now, please, you thought, damning your inner waterworks. “you let me stay at your house when my mom kicked me out. I don’t even know you, and you put me to bed so that no one else would take advantage of me when I was intoxicated! And- and now, come to find out, all you wanted to do was tell everyone you tricked another girl into giving you some pussy? What kind of fucked up person does that?”

Tears pricked at your eyes and you finally looked away from him. You sniffed, wiping your eyes with the backs of your hands before anyone else could comment on them.

You were too late, though. Cartman piped up, as usual; “Fuck, no one cares, lady. So, you slept with Kenny, big deal. Don’t think you’ll get famous for it or anything. Jesus.”

You scoffed, shaking your head before muttering to Kenny, but mostly to yourself. “I thought you’d be better than this. I just- fuck, nevermind. Fuck you.”

You walked away, leaving him to do whatever he did while you had your back turned to him. You didn’t know, nor did you really care. You picked up your pack and rushed to the bathroom, locking yourself in a stall and crying as much as your body was able to. It wasn’t fair- life wasn’t fair. You knew that, but God you’d thought Kenny was a good guy. You thought maybe that deep down, he was just misunderstood. 

And your heart broke, because it was so obvious that you’d thought wrong.

[derivativealigner]

Crenny (Craig x Kenny) Blush

Thank you for the prompt! I really needed a break from crenny angst so here’s just a good old-fashioned story where everyone has a good time. I hope you enjoy!

*

What would make Craig Tucker blush?

Kenny had a bad habit of accepting bets without a thought. It was easy money, accepting bets. Do something outrageous, get ten dollars. Who wouldn’t go for it? That could buy groceries! And the reward for causing Craig to be undone was too good to pass up. Thirty dollars for a simple blush.

“That’s kind of unfair,” Stan said after Cartman had laid the bet out. “You should pick someone else so it’s at least doable.”

They were gathered around a table in Kyle’s dorm room, ready to head out to a party. A party where, rumor has it, Craig would sulk in a corner because Clyde had dragged him there and Craig had presumably made a blood pact to always be a wingman.

“Thirty dollars.” Cartman laid three ten-dollar bills on the table, one after the other. “Thirty dollars if you make Craig blush before the party’s over. Come on, Kenny.” He flaunted a bill. “You know you want this. Thirty dollars, Kenny.”

“Stop that.” Kyle snatched the bill and returned it on the table beside the others. “Why are you so obsessed with playing matchmaker? Didn’t you learn anything from the time—”

“I’ll do it,” Kenny said. Obviously. He would’ve done it for five dollars, or for free since it was Craig—not because he had any special feelings for the guy, but just because a blush on that stone-cold face would be a sight to behold. “Throw in twenty more and I’ll blow him under a table.”

“Don’t,” Kyle said when Cartman looked like he just might.

“Yeah,” Stan said. “You can’t play with people’s feelings like that.”

So the bet remained simple: for thirty dollars, make Craig Tucker blush before the end of the night. It was for the best. The added incentive of twenty dollars would’ve had Kenny on his knees, which would force some serious introspection about his sexuality that he’d be happier contemplating outside the realm of a bet. For now, he considered himself a thrill-sexual whose life’s mission was to get a rise out of Craig. For thirty dollars. Only because of the thirty dollars.

And because it’d be a treat to see Craig Tucker reduced to a blushing mess, but really it was for the thirty dollars. The blowjob remained optional.

+

The frat house looked surprisingly nice for a frat house in Boulder, Colorado. A couple drunk girls giggled beside the steps leading to the house, ducked out of view behind a vine-covered lattice. They yelled out giggled greetings as Kenny opened the door to the party, but he was on a mission and no amount of giggling could distract him.

“Where’s Craig?” Cartman asked as soon as the door closed behind them, so Kenny wasn’t the only one invested in this bet.

It would be hard to spot Craig even in a well-lit room full of respectful partygoers, but in a crowd of drunken bastards and flashing lights of too many colors in the otherwise dark room, it was tricky to find a man who didn’t want to be found.

“There.” Stan pointed at a white couch in a moderately secluded area behind a horde of people. “He looks bored.”

“No shit,” Kenny said. Craig had a serious case of RBF, or Resting Bored Face, alongside an even more deadly affliction of being effortlessly handsome. Really it was the perfect combination for the blush of a lifetime; a little pink on those perfectly sculpted cheeks would make anyone’s knees weak.

“Go, Kenny!” Cartman gave a push that only made Kenny stumble. “Thirty dollars, Kenny. Thirty dollars!”

“Shut up. I’m strategizing.”

What could make Tucker blush? He didn’t seem like the type to blush at nudity, so pantsing him was out of the question. Anything quick was unlikely to work against such a calm and restrained person. No, this was an endurance sport. So heavy flirting with a side of groping? Respectfully, of course. No hand on dick allowed.

Yeah, that’d do the trick.

“Okay,” Kenny said. “Keep those dollars ready for me.”

Craig sat on the couch, deliciously detached from the party around him. Surely he wouldn't mind company. Kenny headed through the crowd of people and sidled beside his expressionless target.

“Hi, Craig,” Kenny said with a smile because if someone came up to him with a smile and his name on their lips, he’d already be on the fast track to a red face.

Craig, however, barely turned his head. “Hey.”

Clearly this would not be a straight road to victory. What kind of flirting produced the most blushing, anyway? For Kenny, a compliment would get the job done, so that was his next angle.

“Have I ever told you,” he started with the sultriest voice he could summon, “that you're ridiculously handsome?”

Nothing. No blush or even a vaguely bashful blink. Craig barely even acknowledged Kenny. If the roles had been reversed, at least Kenny would have the common decency to become a blushing mess.

“You haven't,” Craig said.

“Well, you are.” Kenny moved closer. He would get a reaction, no matter what. He nudged Craig’s chin. “Look at me for a second. Just real quick.”

Craig looked. “Why?”

“Because I, uh.” In this closeness, staying focused was not easy. “Just. Your eyes. Nice color.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

“And, and!” Kenny booped Craig's nose. “I've never seen anyone with such a powerful nasal… part. Like the bridge. And it's so well-placed, right in the middle.”

He might have been grasping at straws. He was warm and tense and his heart wouldn’t calm down.

“Did you do shrooms?” Craig asked.

“No. I'm just admiring your gorgeousness.” Kenny shimmied closer, smushing their legs together. “If I were gay, I'd let you do whatever you want to me.”

Craig didn't move away. Not that he had any space to move to, but it still stirred something in Kenny's stomach—knowing Craig could’ve gotten up if he didn't find the advances flattering, and yet he stayed right there.

“If you were gay?” Craig asked.

“Yeah.” Kenny dared a hand on Craig's knee. “I'd lay down and let you do me.”

“That makes you a little gay.”

Kenny faltered. “Yeah, well, everyone's a little gay. I'm just saying you could—”

“No, that makes you a little gay. Unless you're only saying it because that fat fuck who's watching us dared you to do this.”

Kenny glanced over at Cartman, who was not being subtle about his giddy voyeurism.

“No, he just, uh.” An unfortunate warmth spread around Kenny’s cheeks, and the only excuse he could think of would only make it worse. “He knows I have a crush on you. That's why he's watching.”

“Oh,” Craig said. No blush, not even in the face of a love confession.

But the difficulty only made it more of a thrill. This was the time to commit, and commit hard.

Kenny rubbed Craig's knee. “Yeah. I have a huge crush on you. Because you don't take any bullshit and I find it really hot.” It wasn't exactly a lie, and Kenny didn't have time to untangle why it was so easy to say these things to Craig.

“And that's why you're touching me?”

Kenny's hand ventured toward the inner thigh. “Am I being too forward?”

Craig put his hand over Kenny's and leaned closer. “No. Go as far as you want to.”

Kenny could barely breathe with that gorgeous face so close to his. “You’re into this?”

“I am. You're kind of handsome yourself.”

Now Kenny's face was properly burning. “Really?”

“Sure, why not.” Craig moved their hands to Kenny's leg instead, to a danger zone that immediately made Kenny's blood rush. “I could take you out someday. Just us, a couple drinks or a movie.”

A movie and perhaps a blowjob in the parking lot. Knees on gravel, hands in hair, a messy scene of desperate—

Kenny blinked. "Wait, are you fucking with me?”

“Are you fucking with me?” Craig took his hand away and left a need in Kenny's body. “Because that'd be messed up.”

“I'm not,” Kenny said, and somehow it was true. “We can go on a date if you want.”

For only a moment, Craig seemed uncertain. “You’re committed to this act, aren’t you?”

Maybe a bit of making out would leave Craig red in the face. Kenny leaned closer. “What if we kiss? Would you believe me then?”

“Only if you're convincing.”

That sounded like permission. Or another dare.

Some might say Kenny was at the whim of his impulses, and when Kenny found himself climbing into Craig's lap and wrapping his arms around his neck, he started to think it might be true.

“I won't get up,” Kenny said, “until your face is bright red.”

Craig's hands landed on Kenny's ass. “Good luck.”

Kenny's heart hammered as he leaned in and he didn't have the restraint to pretend he could take this at any pace. The second their lips touched, Kenny melted into the kiss and pulled Craig closer by the collar. For years, Craig had been a distant fantasy, a gorgeous face teasing Kenny’s dreams, too good to be true. Kenny started moving his hips, rocking into the kiss, then decided he was still only doing it because of the dare. This was only to make Craig blush. And writhe. And put his cock in Kenny's mouth later.

“Ah, fuck,” Kenny moaned into Craig's lips. “Craig.”

If they hadn't been in the middle of possibly watching eyes, this would've been the moment it got serious. A clothes off, cocks out, messily making out kind of serious.

Craig pushed Kenny only enough to force them to part. “You’re not pretending?”

Kenny was about to dive in again, but—

A blush! The tiniest smudge of pink had spread on Craig's face, which made him look so fuckable that ‘a little gay’ was dangerously close to becoming ‘very fucking gay’.

“I guess not.” Kenny brushed his thumb against the pink cheek and admired his handiwork. “You're gorgeous, Tucker. How was I supposed to resist?”

The blush deepened. “So we're really going on a date?”

A date with Craig Tucker? Holding hands and kissing and just being together until sunrise, lips sore from exploring. Kenny’s heart rate climbed at the mere fantasy.

“Yes, please.” He punctuated his words with a quick kiss, and he stayed close as he whispered, “I need to get you alone.”

“Okay,” Craig said, a bit breathless, and it took all of Kenny's willpower not to spend the rest of the party trying to reduce Craig into a blushing mess.

+

Later, Kenny met Cartman on the outskirts of the party.

“I'm going on a date with Craig Tucker,” Kenny said with a smile that just wouldn’t go away. Then he held out a hand, palm up. “And he blushed, so pay up.”

After he had paid for popcorn with Cartman's money, he kissed Craig in the dark theater. Not because of a bet, not for a dare, not for anything other than the need to feel those lips against his again. And later, in the cozy darkness of Craig’s bedroom, he got the blushing mess he had fantasized about long before the bet.

[stupidjewkyle]

request from @im-just-star-dust

cartman x reader

my friend, eric- part 1

TW: abusive parents (mostly verbal abusive, no physical abuse) please don’t read before and after the ‘*’ mark if this is triggering to you. thank you :)

NOTE: this is set in 7th grade, they are all 12 and 13

y/n pov:

my whole life, i’ve been quiet. every school i went to, i was known as “the quiet kid.” growing up, i never had many friends. i mean, how could you even make friends without talking to them. and even if i made a friend, it wouldn’t last long cause of how much i move. my parents work in...a strange business. drug dealers. they’re always scared of getting caught, so we move once every 4-6 months. i hate my life. i hate my parents. i hate not being able to speak up about anything. i never get to have a say in anything that happens in my life. for example, today my parents decided to move again. since we have quite a bit of extra money to use, i asked to move to hawaii, or a nice place like that. they laughed and then handed me a paper with the moving information. 467 cliff drive, south park, CO, USA ‘you have to be fucking kidding me.’ i mumbled. “what’s wrong with south park?” my dad said. “it’s not a very known town, so we would be safe there. we could probably stay there for at least a year and a half.” “now you could finally make friends!” my mom said smiling. i rolled my eyes.

*

“you know what? if you’re gonna be a bitch about it, just go to your room and start packing. i don’t wanna hear anymore shit from you. got it?” my dad said, pulling me by my hair.

i wanted to say something so bad. but i was scared. i turned around and started walking upstairs.

*

1 week later

we were finally here. south park wasn’t as bad as i thought it was gonna be.

i haven’t left my house since we got here. all

the kids in my neighborhood are always outside, i cant risk them seeing me. i don’t want to meet them. i’m too scared to talk. they might think i’m weird. i just can’t risk anything. plus, school starts tomorrow. i don’t want anything to be anymore awkward than it is for me on the first day.

cartman pov:

i woke up early like normal. i got dressed, like normal. i talked to my stupid bitch mom, like normal. i walked to the bus stop, like normal.

“god why is everything so fucking boring all of a sudden?? has it always been like this??” i said while standing next to kyle and kenny.

kyle glanced at cartman. “yes, it’s always been like this fatass. i don’t see a problem with it though. it’s nice to have a routine-“

“SHUT THE FUCK UP KYLE. JESUS CHRIST YOURE MAKING IT WORSE.” cartman yelled at kyle.

“you know what? i’m leaving. there’s better and less stupid things to do than school.”

i started walking away from the bus stop. stupid fucking kyle always ruining my day.

i started walking to token’s house.

on the way there, i saw a girl walking down the street. she had y/h/c hair that went down to her elbows (sorry if your hair isn’t that length LMAO). it caught my attention. she was wearing baggy jeans, an oversized tye-dye t-shirt, and a pink un-zipped jacket on top. she looked so pretty and bothered while she walked.

“woah.” i said out loud.

“dude can u move? i need to get to school.” token said standing behind me.

“cant you see i’m busy token? just walk around me.”

“i would if you weren’t so fat!”

y/n pov:

shit! i think those two boys saw me. i need to get to class fast before they say anything to me!

after what felt like hours, i finally got to my class room. i walked up to the teacher and she assigned me to a desk. “go sit next to stan, he’ll tell you about the school.” i nodded my head.

“oh hi you must be the new girl.” stan said, holding his hand out for me to shake. i blushed and didn’t put my hand out. he looked confused. “okay then... meet me after 5th period and i’ll show you around.” he said sitting back down.

cartman pov:

time skip, lunch time

i sat down at my usual table with kenny, kyle, stan, butters, craig, jimmy, and scott malkinson.

“holy shit guys, did you see the new girl?” i said excitedly.

“oh yeah i did. i think her name is y/n? i’m not sure. she’s pretty hot tho.” kyle said taking a bite of his sandwich.

“fuck off kyle, she’s mine!” i yelled.

“woah calm down fatass. she’s not yours. she doesn’t even know who you are.” kyle replied.

“and i’m about to change that...” i said grinning.

y/n pov:

i sat down outside, alone. it’s only the first day, and i already made it weird. why couldn’t i just shake his hand? he’s probably telling everyone i’m an awkward, germaphobe who doesn’t talk.

i sighed and put my face in my arms.

“uh hi. your the new girl right?” a boy said looking down at me, his hands behind his back.

something about him made me feel..safe.

“um yeah... i’m y/n...” i said quietly.

“y/n... i like that name, it’s pretty. i’m eric, but most people call me cartman.” the boy said, sitting down next to me.

“well nice to meet you eric.” i didn’t know what else to say. i wanted to keep talking to him but i had nothing else to say.

“um... are you friends with stan?” i said, hoping we could continue talking.

cartman pov:

goddammit. she likes stan. great.

“oh yeah we’re friends. he uh has a girlfriend though in case you were wondering. i’m sorry.” i said.

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?! WHY AM I BEING TO NICE TO HER?! WHY AM I BLUSHING AND SMILING?? AND WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH THAT SHE LIKES STAN??

i didn’t realize what had happened to me until it was too late. i had a crush. this isn’t gonna end well. i swore i would never like anyone again after the whole heidi thing happened. i should just leave and call her a bitch and ignore my feelings. yeah! that’s a great idea!

i stood up.

“well, i have to get ready for class. it was really nice spending lunch with you. maybe we can hang out after school on friday?” i said.

“yea sure! i’d love to.” she said smiling.

GODDAMMIT WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY?!

to be continued...

[sparkles-and-trash]

South Park Main 5, Headcanons Masterpost  ~

Stan Marsh 

Looks: 

hair is actually nice and somewhat floppy naturally, but because he wears a hat most of the time, it’s usually flat and a little greasy kshdhsd

hair is that blue-ish black color

eyes is piercing ice blue 

skin is light, kind porcelain like, but he also tans really fast?

soft sweaters are the only thing he’ll wear from early autumn to late spring

in summer he’ll literally only wear band shirts and flannels lol 

Personality and General Trivia:

totally cares more for animals than most people let’s be real 

sometimes he struggles with seeing things from others point of view and ha can come across as a little self centered 

he is aware of it tho and tries to be better at it 

his instagram is filled with Sparky haha 

let’s Sparky sleep in his bed every single night even tho Sharon tells him not to 

likes reading and writing, has a tiny obsession with dark themes and Lovecraftian stuff 

he and Kenny volunteers at the local pet shelter and homeless shelter together 

the pet shelter was Stan’s idea, and the homeless shelter was Kenny’s 

wants to be edgy but is really just very soft

“Kyle said...” 

believes everything Kyle tells him lol 

enjoys video games a lot, prefers single player, story based ones tho 

also still enjoys boardgames a lot, and when the big group isn’t up for hit, he, Tweek, Jimmy, Butters and Cartman groups together to nerd it out 

has clinical depression, but is managing it with help of a therapist, his mom and friends

sometimes things gets pretty dark, but he is getting better at reaching out and asking for help in those times 

Friendships:

like I mentioned above, he struggles a bit with seeing things for other’s point of view 

but he is aware of his flaws and is trying to be better

can get a little bit caught up in his own drama, but listens when his friends tells him he needs to get over himself 

will always stand up for his friends, especially if they’re not there to do it themselves 

when he starts getting closer with Butters in early high school he gets really upset when he realizes how much he gets shit-talked 

enjoys spending time with his friends individually, probably the most of the group, and takes initiative to do so a lot 

which is very important to Kenny, since he tends to feel a little overlooked sometimes, and it makes their friendship really strong 

same with Butters, except Butters doesn’t usually doesn’t mind mainly being in a group, but the first few times and Stan hangs out alone it’s obvious he really appreciates it 

Family:

daddy issues 

sorry I don’t make the rules lol 

has a decent relationship with Sharon tho

she’s a good mom 

and he wants to be a good son 

Shelly is still kinda angry and scary

she keeps the “only I can beat you up bro” attitude and there is secretly mutual respect there

but we don’t talk about that!!! 

Ships and relationships:

okay so my main ships for him are stutters (Butters), stenny (Kenny) and Style (Kyle) 

my fav is stutters tho 

I usually head canon him as bi or pan, but as with everyone in SP, I’m open to different interpretations if different Au’s and stories! 

I just really like the idea of them learning to balance facing their issues AND celebrate the good things in life together 

I def think he can be a bit insecure in relationships, struggling with feeling like he’s not enough, and would need a partner that naturally will be affirming and positive 

that’s not to say he’s super needy or clingy, he’s just a bit insecure 

but I really think he would truly be a good partner 

he’s caring, kind and very appreciative 

which is again why I really like him with Butters offh 

Kenny McCormick 

Looks:

sandy blonde hair that’s always messy and floppy/softly curled 

teeth is kind of crooked due to lack of funds for braces 

his front teeth are kinda big and has a significant gap 

lots and lots of freckles man 

all over his face, shoulders, back, hands and arms 

tans fast 

I actually really like him with brown eyes? like, soulful deep brown eyes 

but also very, very clear blue ones, like almost unnatural (yes that’s a mysterious thing) 

medium tall 

wears his hoodies, usually with the hood up, no matter if it’s freezing or a heatwave

not conventionally attractive, but charming looking lol 

likes to wear some eyeliner every now and then

and nail polish, but it’s like super clumsily put on and always chipped

Personality and General Trivia:

falls asleep in class a lot, but always seems to know the answer if the teacher asks him something

also has decent grades

I think he’s way smarter than he gives himself credit for, both socially and school wise 

the therapist of the groups 

actually, the therapist of the whole school 

knows a lot of secrets due to this, but he always, ALWAYS keeps them 

I see him as very friendly and approachable, but terribly hard to get close with

lots and lots of walls, man

very much an observer type? 

quietly stays in the background if that’s an option

but if he is talked too, or feels like he has something to really contribute to in a conversation he’ll jump in and be comfortable talking and taking up space if he is with friends or people he knows 

if not, he’ll just stay in the background with that.... look on his face that just makes you know he knows more than he says 

works at Tweek’s parents coffee shop, is kinda close with Tweek because of this 

zones out a lot 

“…what?” 

can fall asleep anywhere

Friendships:

is pretty close friends with Butters! 

Butters used to have a little crush on him, but Kenny didn’t find out until years later lol 

he also has a lot of patience with Cartman compared to the others

which is why Cartman actually cares when Kenny sets him in his place 

likes learning new things, and does that with Kyle a lot! 

both school and homework stuff, and things like cooking and other homey stuff, the two of them really bond with this 

him and Stan volunteer together, and I already mentioned, and that time means a lot to Kenny 

since he works with Tweek, the two of them are pretty close and good friends 

is the one of the main boys who gets along the best with Craig and those guys

actually hangs out with them from time to time, so does Butters

it low-key drives the others crazy

Family:

I often like to think his parents would keep having these bursts where they try to get their shit together? 

and it’s slow, and one step back and two backwards, but the fact that they’re trying at all means a lot to the kids after years of them... not 

I can also see Kevin stepping up and taking more charge, Kevin get’s way too little love in this fandom! 

Kenny usually never fights with his sibs

but when he does it’s with Karen, usually because he’s worried about her and it’s nor pretty

none of them can stay mad at each other for long tho

Kevin trying to be all “big brother” and kinda failing because he is chaotic, but he really wants to do right and Karen and Kenny knows that and appreciates it 

Ships and relationships:

ohhh kay here we go, unpopular opinions ahead! 

first, my main Kenny ships are Tokenny (Token x Kenny) and Stenny 

rn Tokenny is my main, I love the potential dynamics, both with their personalties and backgrounds and families 

I tend to head canon him as pan or bisexual, and demiromatic 

I know the demiromantic part is... controversial, at best 

but hear me out! 

I see him being very comfortable with discussing sexual stuff, and being attracted to someone physically is never something he feels awkward or bad about 

but when it comes to more emotional connections, he is way more awkward and fumbling 

for those who doesn’t know, a demiromatic person (like myself! surprise!) won’t have crushes or romantic feelings for someone they don’t already have some form of emotional bond with! We can still feel sexual attraction tho, and some of us are comfortable with casual sexual encounters (like me!) and others are not, and both are very valid! 

I usually have two ways of writing him 

either him being comfortable having casual sexual interactions, but struggling with the romantic aspect and having to figure out how this works for him 

OR 

him having some trauma related to debating sexually very early, thinking he was all ready and it was just sex, but getting his emotions caught up in it and being very heartbroken and confused, and therefore having issues with being intimate with people for a while 

I mix them up depending on the story, but the first one is usually my go-to! 

Kyle Broflovski 

Looks:

he still covers his hair a lot, either with hats or hoods? 

because I really see him being insecure about it 

it’s a medium sort of red, and like, really curly and fluffy 

not frizzy, big like... big 

I usually give him green eyes, but I also could see him with a light brown or hazel! 

some light freckles on his face that only really shows up if he’s spent time in the sun 

pretty tall, kind of lanky 

d i m p l e s 

Personality and General Trivia:

big nerd energy

in every way, board games, video games, loves school, like genuinely, enjoys studying for tests, loves fantasy books, the longer and more complicated the better 

co-captain of the debate team with Wendy 

is good with arguments unless he gets too passionate on the subject, or if someone knows his weak points and uses them to tick him off

it’s usually Cartman  

his mom wants him to go to an Ivy League but honestly he just wants to go to the same one in Denver as Stan, Butters and Cartman are planning on, and now that Kenny is also considering it he seriously think he’ll die if all his friends go to the same college without him

he struggles with FOMO, which is kind of an issue since he’s a busy guy, and some of his friends are not lol 

if any one of these kids become a jock, it’s def Kyle with his basketball change my mind- 

but not like, a letterman wearing fuckboy type of jock, but like, is obsessed with his sport and his team and works really hard to do well type of jock

Friendships:

very loyal 

he and Stan walks Sparky together at least twice a week, just to be sure they’re always caught up with each other even when they’re busy with school, sports and dating

yeah they’re still super best friends 

when they started high school he got closer to Wendy as she’s also on the debate team, in all of his AP classes and they share a lot of the same interests  

they’re still good friends, but nothing more

the first time Cartman got really drunk was at a party freshman year, and at the time everyone was pretty fed up with him, and he ended up crying and Kyle found him, and Cartman thinks Kyle doesn’t remember, but he does 

that was the first night Kyle really kinda understood why Cartman was the way he was, and even though he still thinks he’s a dick at times, he tries to remember everyone have a story, and to give people time 

but he often gets too riled up to remember that lol 

good pals with Jimmy, they share a lot of interests in fantasy stuff and have the same humor 

he also start to go along well with Craig when they are around middle school age, but they’re both kinda too stubborn to admit they’re friends until a year later lol  

Family:

even tho Sheila is pretty overbearing and can be too much, he is a mommy’s boy deep down 

tense relationship with his dad 

enjoys cooking, so that’s where he spends a lot of time with his mom! 

tries his best to keep up with Ike and his life

sometimes he is a tad cringy when doing so, but Ike appreciates the gesture 

Ike is pretty confident and strong in himself so he doesn’t care if Kyle is a bit awkward lol 

the type of brothers who genuinely enjoys spending time together 

Ships and relationships:

I like Style, Kyman, K2 and Kyvid! 

I think he’d be a late bloomer when it comes to love and dating

struggles with opening up and letting himself feel these things 

I often think of him as biromantic asexual, but I’m not always set on it! 

he’d enjoy traditional dinner and a movie type of dates a lot, such a nerd 

Eric Cartman 

Looks:

keeps his hair cut pretty short and styled

has heterochromia iridium (different colored eyes), one blue and one brown

also he has a real nice smile when it’s a genuine one

which is rare but like 

it happens 

is kinda insecure about his weight and tries to compensate with always having the newest stuff and pretending not to care

sometimes tries to diet in secret

he isn’t huge anymore, but is still sort of broad, and isn’t skinny, but like..

kinda bulky, if he wears the right type of clothes it’s hard to see if he’s chubby or buff

but he is def chubby 

Personality and General Trivia:

spends way to much time on reddit arguing with randoms

angry gamer, will call you a slur on voice chat 

after almost getting dropped by his friends in middle school he tries a little harder to be a more decent person

still an asshole at heart, but like, an asshole who sometimes cares about some people 

always tells people that’s he’s seen that meme before, even when he hasn’t 

nothing is ever his fault and the only ones who can get him to admit he’s wrong are Kenny and, very, very rarely, Kyle

he wears supreme hoodies for a full year of High School and stands in line all night for the new ones and never shuts up about how he is the first in South Park to have the new stuff 

Kenny finds it hilarious to buy the fake supreme stickers and put then on his own worn out hoodies

Kyle makes it his main goal in life to put things (everything from used gym socks to old food he finds in his locker) in Cartmans hoods and see how long it takes for him to notice 

can’t handle alcohol, is constantly being teased for it

sloppy drunk lol 

one of the main reasons the other bothers with Cartman trough middle school, when he is at his worst, is because of his big basement, the old Coon Lair, who got a big renovation around 7th grade and is an awesome, private hangout spot with a big TV and wifi and gaming systems

Friendships:

constantly says he hates his friends but would die if everyone left him 

is secretly terribly jealous of Kyle, both his closeness to Stan, his basketball skills, his grades and his family

but they had that thing in Freshman year when Kyle found him drunk, alone and sad, and Cartman himself barely remembers it, and doesn’t think Kyle does because he never mentioned it 

but he does

so much tension there, but also co-dependency 

sees Kenny and Butters as his best friends, and knows deep down neither of them feel that way about him and it secretly kills him 

is in the same board game group with Stan 

is low-key terrified of Tweek lol 

Family:

big mommy issues 

but also very protective of her

I really enjoy the AU/headcanon that Liane marries Clyde’s dad 

it’s not like, the only version I like, but I put it in as many au’s and works of mine as I can 

I def think both boys would be mortified right away 

but Clyde comes around first, because he really wants a brother, even if that brother have to be Cartman 

Cartman would never admit it, but after some time he really starts to see Clyde as a brother and genuinely cares for him 

Ships and relationships:

I mainly see Cartman as gay 

sometimes I start of AU’s and stories with him not being out to himself or anyone else tho, I think that whole journey for him will be very interesting and help him grow as a person 

I def think he’d have a few girlfriends before he comes out tho? 

he can be very charming when he wants too yanno 

my only Cartman ship is kyman atm, but I’m def open to explore more of

Leopold Butters Stotch 

Looks:

I really really really like T A L L Butters??? 

like tall and gangly and adorable 

I know it’s very popular to head canon that he bleaches his hair, but I like to think he has very light blond air naturally! 

keeps it short on the sides and longer on top, with cute ass curls 

soft sky blue eyes 

also dyes his bangs light blue in high school!! 

Pete the goth helps him because he is a pro of dying bangs 

I like to think he’d be into pastel grunge, and keep his love for Hello Kitty and Sanrio etc, but still be a bit more... edgy? 

Personality and General Trivia:

one of those people who’s friendly with almost everyone

but that doesn’t mean he’s friends with them, yanno? 

gets drunk from one wine cooler 

loves the theater and is in the drama club, but likes to be behind the stage, not on it 

wants to be a director one day 

watches Netflix on his phone every single time he has any time to spare, because he’s always binging a show

is usually pretty positive and kind, gives people the benefit of the doubt 

but can be very stubborn, and if he has decided he dislikes or doesn’t trust someone, it’s almost impossible to change his mind 

Friendships:

Butters put up with Cartman for so long because he genuinely thinks he can be fun when he’s not horrible, and he really tries his best to believe in people

he was also the first one to forgive him after the others cut him off 

a very loyal and fun friend

takes a lot of initiative to do stuff, and loves hosting movie nights 

thinks of these boys as his closest friends, but is also real close to Wendy, Bebe, Jimmy and Tweek

Family:

I just hate Stephen so much you guys

so tbh I usually like to just... have Linda leave him, or straight up kill him off oops 

I know Linda is terrible too, I do, but I think she could possibly have a moment of realization if something happens like Butters potentially being taken away? 

idk I’m not gonna go too deep into this, I know it’s such a heavy topic and I don’t wanna seem like I just ignore it, but I personally don’t usually include Stephen directly in my stories, and this is why, I hope y’all understand and respect that! 

Ships and relationships:

my main Butters ship is Stutters (Stan x Butters) 

I mentioned a lot why in Stan’s headcanons? 

but idk, I just really think they’d balance each other well, and could have a very interesting and cute relationship! 

I usually headcanons him as pan or gay, and genderqueer, but I’m open for other interpretations too! 

he does date a little bit, but have never been in a real relationship and isn’t stressing about it! 

he did have a pretty huge crush on (a very unaware) Kenny during middle school, but then they started hanging out a lot more and became really close and Butters didn’t really bring it much thought?

that’s until Cartman gets jealous and throws out a “what are you guys dating and fucking and being gay huh???” and Butters mind immediately goes to “omg ew no he’s like my brother!” 

aaand that’s how Butters realized he was over his crush 

they two of them stay close friends tho, Kenny makes Butters laugh and helps him be more sure of himself and Butters helps Kenny remember that they’re still just kids and should have fun and be good