#& that channels into actually Feeling more things

[cogitoergoetc]

I think a lot of human behavior makes sense if you assume people are generally inclined towards punitive violence by default and will make up excuses to justify that after the fact. Because it's important to recognize "there might be a way to resolve this without harm but it is not the responsibility of the person being harmed to find that solution instead of harming back" is true and widely applicable, and there is some evidence picked out and lionized that punitive violence does sometimes actually fix the problem. But everyone inclined towards it anyway then have an opportunity to hook that inclination onto the idea "this is one of those times," and it's so hard to catch that kind of thought as it rips past unless you're looking for it, even as you're aware that the vast majority of times it's applied, it doesn't fix the problem, it causes new ones.

So we have people who have talked themselves around to the idea "direct and visible consequences for this decision will help these people not make that decision again." And the obvious problem is "these people", writing off other actual human beings as part of a monolith because the human brain likes shortcuts in more cases than just optical illusions.

I'm not saying that justifies any of it, because it is fucking awful to vocally fantasize about the suffering of real people as a baseline and there is a million miles of racist bullshit stacked on that. Don't fucking root for people to be displaced from their homes. It's never more complicated than that.

But... the underlying problem feels fixable. If pointing out that someone has arrived at a conclusion that's completely horrible was enough to stop it, most of human history would have gone differently.

It is not the responsibility of people currently subject to racist bullshit to try and socially engineer a stop to that bullshit instead of taking steps to protect themselves. But anything that can be mustered, should, I think. Conversely, though, "how can we channel, in a productive way, what might be a fundamental and irresistible human urge to punch someone else until that person believes the right things" is just a fucking minefield. I don't even trust the perceptions that led me up to that thought enough to try and take it further.

Complex fuckin' species, humans. Sponges don't have these problems.

if you're a white person taking pleasure in the idea that Trump voters of colour are experiencing racist violence from white trumpers because "they got what's coming to them" I don't think you're anti-racist at all, I think you were just waiting for an acceptable target, and you're also fucking weird.

Bad Person Deserves Punishment For Their Sins give me a fucking break and get yourself out of the fucking catholic church. you're all prison abolitionists until you see someone you don't like.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

America’s richest Medicare fraudsters are untouchable

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/11/13/last-gasp/#i-cant-breathe

"When you're famous, they let you do it": eight words that encapsulate the terrifying rot at the heart of our lived experience, a world where impunity for the powerful trumps the pain of their victims.

"Populism," is shorthand for many things: rage, despair, distrust of institutions and a desire to destroy them. True populism seeks to channel those totally legitimate feelings into transformative change for a caring and fair society for all. So-called "right populism" exploits those feelings, using them to drive a wedge between different groups of victims, turning them against each other, so that elites can go on screwing the squabbling factions.

The far-right parties that are marching to victory through a series global elections are different in many ways, but they all share one trait: they appeal to mistrust of institutions, claiming that the government has been captured by elites who serve them at the expense of the governed. This has the benefit of being actually true, and while the fact that far-right parties are owned by these government-capturing elites might erode their credibility, the fact that so many "progressive" parties have stepped in to defend the institutional status quo leaves an open field for reactionary wreckers:

https://www.politico.com/blogs/2016-dem-primary-live-updates-and-results/2016/02/hillary-clinton-donald-trump-slogan-219908

Why would voters turn out to support a "Department of Government Efficiency," run by a bully whose career has been defined by abusing the people he is in charge of? Maybe they're turkeys voting for Christmas, but they also have personal, traumatic experience with government departments that protected the abusive corporations that preyed on them.

Today on Propublica, Peter Elkind tells the incredible story of Lincare, the nation's leading supplier of home oxygen, a repeat-offender fraudster and predator that has made billions in public money without any real consequences:

https://www.propublica.org/article/lincare-medicare-lawsuit-settlements-oxygen-equipment

Lincare has been repeatedly found guilty of defrauding Medicare; in this century alone, they have been put on probation four times, with a "death penalty" provision that would permanently disqualify them from ever doing business with the federal government. In every case, Lincare committed fresh acts of fraud, but never faced that death penalty.

Why not? Lincare is far too big to fail. In America's bizarre, worst-in-class, world-beatingly expensive privatized health care system, even public health provision (like Medicare) is outsourced to the private sector. Lincare has monopolized oxygen, a famously very important molecule for human survival, and if it were disqualified from serving Medicare, large numbers of Americans would literally asphyxiate.

Lincare clearly knows this. Too big to fail is too big to jail, and too big to jail is too big to care. They are the poster children for impunity, repeat offenders, multiply convicted, and still offending, even today. Lincare has been convicted of fraud under the administrations of GW Bush, Obama, Trump and Biden, and they're still in business.

What a business it is! Elkind takes us to the asbestos-poisoned town of Libby, Montana, where more than 2,000 of the 2.857 population suffer from respiratory diseases from the open-pit mine that operated there from 1963-1990. The elderly, dying population of this town rely on Medicare and Medicare Advantage oxygen concentrators to draw breath, and that means they rely on Lincare.

That means they are prey to Lincare's signature scam: charging Medicare (and 20% co-paying patients) to rent an oxygen concentrator every month, until they have paid for it several times over. This is illegal: under federal rules, patients are deemed to have bought their oxygen concentrators after 36 months and contractors are no longer allowed to charge them. Lincare doesn't give a fuck: the bills keep coming, and Lincare patients who survive long enough have paid the company $16,000 for a $799 gadget.

When Brandon Haugen, a local Lincare customer service rep, noticed this and queried the company's home office in Clearwater, Florida (home to Scientology and the Flexidisc), he was given the brushoff. After multiple attempts to get company leadership to acknowledge that this was illegal, he quit his job, along with his colleague and childhood friend Ben Montgomery. Between them, Haugen and Montgomery had 14 children who depended on their Lincare paychecks. Despite this, they both quit and turned whistleblower, with no job lined up. Eventually, Lincare paid $29m to settle the claim, with $5.7m to the whistleblowers and their lawyers. For Lincare, this was part of the cost of doing business and the fraud rolls on.

Lincare doesn't just defraud Medicare, they also have a high-pressure commissioned sales force that has repeatedly been caught defrauding Lincare customers – overwhelming sick, poor, elderly people. Patients are pressured to accept auto-billing, then Lincare piles medically dubious gadgets onto their monthly bills, as well as useless, overpriced "patient monitoring" services. Customers with apnea machines are mis-sold ventilators by salesmen who falsely claim these are medically necessary.

Salespeople illegally auto-shipped parts and consumables for Lincare machines to patients, then billed them for it. To satisfy the legal requirement that they telephone patients before placing these orders, sales agents would call patients, put them on hold, then part the call until the patient hung up.

Salespeople are motivated by equal parts greed and terror. Make quota and you can get up to $8,000 per month in bonuses. Miss that punishing quota and you're out on your ass (which is why one salesperson ordered a medically unnecessary ventilator).

Lincare also habitually ignores requests to pick up medically unnecessary equipment, because so long as the equipment is on the patient's premises, they can continue to bill for it. As one Ohio manager wrote to their staff: "As we have already discussed, absolutely no pick-ups/inactivation’s are to be do[ne] until I give you the green light. Even if they are deceased." Execs send out company-wide emails celebrating regional managers who have abandoned pick-ups, like a Feb 2022 "Achievement Rankings" email that touted the fact that most regional centers had at least 150 overdue pickups.

Lincare represents a deep, structural rot in American society. They are too big to punish, and too powerful to regulate. A 2006 law meant to curb oxygen payments was gutted by industry lobbyists. Today, Congress is weighing legislation, the SOAR (Supplemental Oxygen Access Reform) Act, which will allow Lincare to bill the public for hundreds of millions more every year, raising rates and eliminating competitive billing. The bill is supported by patient advocates who are rightly interested in getting oxygen to patients who have been locked out of the system, but the cost of that inclusion is that Lincare will be even more firmly insulated from its corruption.

The Trump Administration will doubtless crack down on some of America's worst companies, and the furious voters who elected the only candidate who campaigned on the idea that America was rotten will cheer him on. But Trump has made it clear that he will select the targets of his administration based on whether they are loyal to him or stand in his way, without regard to whether they harm his supporters:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/11/12/the-enemy-of-your-enemy/#is-your-enemy

Companies like Lincare, repeatedly caught paying illegal kickbacks, know how to play this game.

Image: p.Gordon (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Smoke_bomb_with_burning_fuse.jpg

CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en

[hopelessdelusional]

matt sturniolo x influencer! reader

reader is grunge! a singer! and on social media (this is very niche i apologize) i will be building this AU more so stay tuned!

｡･:*˚:✧

hey so i’ve hyper fixated onto an CIS. STRAIGHT. WHITE. BOY. someone put me down i cannot do this anymore please this is a cry for help needs to euthanize me-

｡･:*˚:✧

enjoy ദ്ദി(｡•̀ ᗜ^)

join the taglist

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ homebase

to start, you have been close friends with jake for a long time, and thru him you met tara and johnny before meeting the triplets

jake pretty much always has you in his videos, so much so whenever you aren't in a video the fans have started to request for your presence on videos that don't have you in them

you're not all that active on social media, only posting random covers of your favorite songs on your youtube channel and random tiktoks

in jake's videos you are always making him laugh, and out of the two you're more calm with a dry sense of humor

'...do you like it?"

"yeah because me immediately spitting it out and chugging my drink after eating it obviously shows how much i love this fucking candy"

OR

"hey jake did you want to get dinner tonight-"

"..."

"why the fuck is johnny in a baby costume."

in tara's videos you and her literally talk for HOURS and the way tara could make four separate videos from one recorded hang out is ridiculous

with Carrington the two of you easily match each other's energy, always giggling in the back of videos

you've also done singing collabs with jake and johnny! there are a couple of songs that just have your background vocals and then others with actual verses

you haven't released any songs though due to stress and anxiety, feeling too pressured to write the

"perfect" song so you settle with being a feature

besides that you really just mind your business with college, your job, and hanging out with friends

tara was actually the one who introduced you to nick

and through nick….you met matt

.・。.・✭・.・✫・゜・。.

matt who was excited to meet nick’s new friend who he was talking abt nonstop

“hey guys! yn is here!”

nick swings the door wide open, smiling widely as he stomps in the house. you follow in quickly, nervous to meet nick’s brothers. your friendship with nick came naturally, having many things to connect with. that being said, you weren’t sure if you could create a relationship with his brothers as easily as you did with him.

fiddling with your clothes you wave politely at the boys, surprised to see both of them walk up to you and hug you. granted it was swift hugs, but it immediately created a softer environment, causing you to relax immensely.

matt who immediately noticed how you looked uncomfortable and took the first step to hug you

“i like your outfit,” matt said after chris broke away from you. he gave you a small smile, making you smile in return. before you could respond however, chris started talking to the group.

nick had already decided on having dinner at home, so you settled in leaning on the kitchen island watching nick and chris argue over what to make for dinner. matt walks over to you, putting his hands in his pockets.

“don’t worry i could never replace you guys,” you tease, when you see him across from you. he giggles in reaponse, his eyes never leaving your face.

“cool tattoos,” he points out which surprised you. looking down at your arm, you smiled admiring the work you’ve gotten done over the years.

“thank you! you also have some gnarly tats.”

matt smiled at you, flexing his arm a little bit to show off his whole sleeve.

“is that the only place you have tattoos?” you question, suddenly curious about his body art. matt nodded, then looked at you with a small smile.

“does that mean you have more?” the question made you laugh because he seemed almost shy asking you, so when you nodded enthusiastically and started to give him a quick tour all over your body. lifting your shirt up was funny for you, because you could tell matt wanted to be thoughtful and not look but when you reassured him he hesitated at first but eventually awed at them. his reactions were so lively, making you appreciate how focused and compassionate. he praised you for your own ideas and for the tattoos that meant something, and still thought your random and silly tattoos were interesting.

after you finished showing him you were practically gleaming, it had been a while since you had been able to speak so much of the tattoos that littered your body. every single one of them had meant so much to you and being able to share that with someone; especially someone as excited and appreciative as you are.

“you’re really cool, i can see why nick enjoys hanging out with you so much.”

you and matt were sitting down in the living room now, leaving chris and nick to prepare dinner for the evening. talking came easily after the tour of your tattoos, matt showing you his and the conversation flowed better than you dreamed it to be.

you chuckled at matt’s comment, finding his eye contact was making you squirmish in your seat.

“nick is so much cooler than me, but i don’t mind i really enjoy being friends with him. plus now i have two new friends so that’s a bonus.”

matt laughed at your response, running a hand through his hair now avoiding eye contact with you.

“yeah, i’m grateful nick brought you around.”

matt who couldn’t take his eyes off of you for the rest of the evening, which did not go unnoticed by his brothers

“don’t steal my new best friend from me matt!” nick yelled out dramatically after yn left, making matt shake his head.

“you should let matt have their number,” chris mumbled, still focused on the game he was playing. nick gasped dramatically before agreeing, making the boys laugh with how quickly he switched up his emotions.

“just don’t steal them!” nick threatened, but matt was already too excited to text you to listen.

matt who got your number and could not stop texting you, and he especially couldn’t stop smiling every time you texted him back

“matt i need backup,” chris said frantically, his eyes glued to the computer and fingers moving at the speed of light on the controllers. when matt doesn’t respond, chris huffs and repeats himself.

“matt seriously dude where the fuck are you?!”

matt finishes up typing and looks up, oblivious to the game that they were losing.

“oh shit,” he mumbled, putting his phone down and picking his controller back up.

“you weren’t even playing?” chris yelled out, frustrated with their status. nick pipes up from the bed, suddenly curious. he peaks his head over and sees matt’s phone light up, watching matt immediately lose his focus to look at his phone. matt straightens up, wanting to reach for his phone before chris cursed loudly, drawing his attention away from the text. nick squints, thankful that he was wearing his glasses and sees the name on his phone to his disbelief. yn sent a text, then another one, and then another one. his jaw dropped, and his gasp was so loud it startled his brothers.

“nick! oh my god,” chris started to laugh when his fear settled down. nick still had his mouth wide open, only causing chris to laugh harder.

“you’re gonna catch flies kid,” matt snickered. nick slowly turned his head to matt, mouth still open, in a very dramatic motion.

“yn? you stole my best friend?”

matt froze, a slow blush creeping up from his neck to his cheeks. chris eyed his brothers from his peripheral vision, jaw also dropping.

“that’s why you’ve been so preoccupied? damn my boy has a crush,” chris started to chuckle, causing nick to scream and matt to drop his controller covering his face in embarrassment.

matt who gets jealous whenever you and nick go out like he wants to hang out with u too :(

matt who finally gets the nerve to ask you to hang out with him, after nick decides he’s had enough of matt complaining about how “you never invite me-or chris!” (he has to add the chris part to not sound too obvious)

matt stood nervously at the door, fiddling with his keys in his hands. he finally knocked, immediately hearing rummaging around behind the door. matt couldn’t help but smile, wondering what you were doing right now. were you just as nervous to hang out with him one on one?

suddenly, the door swings wide open, and you’re in the doorway smilingly widely.

“hey! come in!”

matt who had so much fun hanging out with you.

the two of you went to antiques and thrift stores, grabbed some dinner and went back to your place to spend the rest of the evening together. the two of you got along so well he ended up staying until 12AM because you wanted to finish watching the show you started, not that matt was complaining. he was tempted to ask to stay over (and you were tempted to ask him to stay over) but he didn’t want things to be awkward. so he left late into the night, after you gave him a tackling hug, asking to hang out again soon

matt who started to call you every night, and although you two texted all day you never ran out of things to talk about.

matt who is really starting to fall for you

.・。.・✭・.・✫・゜・。.

k bye ily🩶

[themoonhauntedmyillusionss]

𝑶𝒍𝒅𝒆𝒓 (𝑷𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝑻𝒘𝒐)

ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐞𝐫, 𝐖𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐚. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐭𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫, 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐡𝐞'𝐬 𝟑𝟒 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝟐𝟎, 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐨 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐖𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬, 𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐦 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝.

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: 𝐖𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐚 𝐌𝐚𝐱𝐢𝐦𝐨𝐟𝐟 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: 𝟏𝟖+ 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲, 𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐠𝐚𝐩, 𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭/𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭, 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐨𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐚𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐲, 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕: 5.4𝒌

A couple of weeks passed without knowing anything about Wanda. You didn’t dare ask your mother; you didn’t want to seem too interested in the woman, and sometimes that was also your doom. Sometimes you were worried that you pretended so much lack of interest to become even more suspicious. Either way, your mother never even mentioned the redhead in those weeks; you had no idea if she hadn’t heard from the woman or if she was intentionally not saying anything to you for whatever reason.

You had spent those weeks thinking and thinking again about what had happened that night, and even more, you had thought about what seemed to have been about to happen. You had the feeling Wanda was about to kiss you. You could still feel her breath on your face, you could still see her eyes darken in front of you, and you could still smell her sweet scent. You had no idea why she suddenly seemed to want to feel close to you; she had never given you even the slightest doubt about feeling something like that. 

Also, you couldn’t shake off the questions about the thing she had said about your thoughts, almost as if she were able to hear everything you had been thinking about. You shook your head at the thought; you knew it was impossible. Also, if she had been hearing everything, you were sure she would have already confronted you about those thoughts. After all, you were aware that those thoughts were absolutely inappropriate in general, even more so since they were about your mother’s best friend. 

“Y/N, you should be studying. You have the first exam in just a month.” You heard your mother in the kitchen; you were currently on the sofa scrolling through each channel on the TV, but you couldn’t find anything to pick your interest. Your mother usually didn’t put much pressure on you; she knew you were able to manage your studies since she and Wanda had put such effort into making sure you were ready for basically anything. The one who was actually putting pressure on the both of you was Tony, of course, and it was not because he was the one that made everything happen. It was because he was just waiting for the perfect opportunity to plan one of his usual big events. You had no idea why he wanted to throw something like a party for your first exam; it didn’t make much sense to you, but your mother had told you he was able to use anything as an excuse to plan something big involving drinks, music, and lots of people. 

You didn’t want a party, of course, and more so, you didn’t want the pressure of a party on your shoulders, but anyone who knew Tony was aware of the fact that you did not have a say in the matter. Your mother was the one who was going to find some dresses for the event because, for starters, you didn’t want to think about what you were going to wear and, of course, you had to study.

You had no problems studying per se, but your current problem was that all you could think about and focus on was Wanda. You also had no one to talk about it with because all of your friends, whom you had met during some of the many events Tony had planned in those two years, were sons and daughters of Tony’s rich and powerful friends. So you didn’t feel comfortable talking to them about Wanda; they obviously knew her, and it didn’t feel right. Your mother also was not someone you could talk about it with, so you found yourself keeping everything in. 

“I just can’t seem to focus, mom.” You finally gave up; you couldn’t hold it in anymore, at least the feelings. You had no intention of actually telling your mom everything, but maybe if she were aware of your current emotional state, she would ease up on you and even convince Tony to at least postpone the party. Mere seconds passed before your mother was on the couch sitting beside you, her green eyes studying you so intensely you could almost feel them digging into your skin.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” And there she was; you had not yet thought about a fake explanation for the way you were feeling, and now you absolutely had to tell her something or she was going to keep digging. 

“I just feel the pressure, I think. I don’t want to disappoint anyone, and now we need to throw a party for an exam I’m not even sure I will pass. You and Wanda have put so much thought into making sure I was ready for everything, but what if I’m not? What if I disappoint the both of you?” Funny how something that was supposed to be a fake explanation had suddenly turned into an explanation you hadn’t even considered. The idea of disappointing your mother and Wanda was terrifying; they had tried their absolute best to train you perfectly, and now, for a stupid crush, you were putting their faith on the line. 

“Lisichka, my sweet daughter. You could never disappoint me, not even in a million years. You could try to destroy the whole city, and yet you would never disappoint me. Nothing you could do would disappoint me, because I know who you are, I know how much of yourself you put into everything you do, and that’s all I want from you. If you fail, I’m going to be sad with you, because I know how important this is for you, but then I’m going to make you see that you have so many more chances and not to focus on just one little failure, because that doesn’t make you a failure. You don’t have to worry about disappointing any of us; you could never do such a thing.” Between your mother’s words and her intense gaze, you found yourself tearing up in less than a second. Of course, in even less time, you felt her arms wrap around you. At first, you chose to try and hold yourself together; you were old enough to control your emotions, and you didn’t want to worry your mother any further. However, feeling her arms hold you tightly, almost as if she wanted to be the one to hold you together, caused you to lose any control you thought you had. You started sobbing into her chest, and she just held you even tighter, stroking your back lovingly. 

Another month had passed by. You had thought of billions of excuses to call or text Wanda, even to drop by her house unannounced, but every single time you had failed to find the courage to do so. You missed the woman like crazy; you always had when you didn’t manage to see her for long periods of time, but you knew that this time it was different. You knew something had definitely changed; you knew something had broken between the two of you, and you weren't sure there was anything you could do to fix it. Each time you grabbed your phone, her number popped up on your screen, and if it was not her number, it was the few messages the two of you had exchanged. Rereading those texts was not enough anymore. You wanted to see her face, you wanted to hear her voice, you wanted to see those beautiful green eyes look at you, and you wanted to hear her laughing at those stupid jokes you made just to be able to admire her being carefree, even for just a second. 

You were sad, but also angry. How could she do that? How could she tell you those things and then just disappear as if nothing had happened? How could she not check on you even through your mother to find out how you were feeling for the exam? How could she just erase you like that? You had no expectations about her feeling the way you felt, but you thought, at least, she cared about you, even just a little bit. 

You were sad and angry, but mostly you were disappointed. 

Your mother had mentioned her a few times over the past month; sometimes she had even told you she was going over to her house, but she never asked you to join her. You just thought she had received the message from last time that you had your own stuff to do and didn’t need to be the one to check on her friends. But Wanda knew better; she knew better, and she apparently didn’t tell your mother to drag you along, and that hurt. 

You were now looking at yourself in the mirror. You had somehow convinced your mother to let you wear a suit to the party; she was definitely not very happy about it, but the two of you had compromised that you would wear at least a soft coat of makeup. You were not happy about it, but it was a small price to pay to wear what you were actually comfortable in. Looking into the mirror, you were still not convinced of how you looked; deep down, you were fully aware of the fact that you would never be convinced of it. But still, something was off about the whole outfit. 

“Mom! Can you come here for a sec?” You yelled from your room; you knew your mother was ready; she had chosen to kindly let you know every three minutes, so you were sure she could spare some time to help you out.  

“Y/n, I’ve told you we are already late, Wanda tex - oh, you look lovely, Lisichka. What do you need?” Your mother's expression and tone changed as soon as she saw you; that should’ve pleased you, but you were now focused on the fact that Wanda was going to be at the party. You hadn’t heard from her even after you took your exam; she knew what the party was for, and yet she had no idea if you had passed it or failed it. Your eyes stung at the mention of her name and at the thoughts that name brought on you, but you tried your best not to think about them. 

“Thank you, mom. I’m not convinced though; I think something’s missing, don’t you?” You looked at her with half a smile as you saw her run a hand through her hair. Your gaze then went back to your reflection in the mirror. You looked at yourself and wished Wanda was there with the two of you to help you, like she had always done with everything. You shook your head, convincing yourself that by doing so every thought would disappear. 

“Wasn’t there a vest with the suit when we bought it?” Your mother wondered, looking at you and then at the reflection as your eyes lit up. “I’m going to go grab it; you wait here.” You nodded your head watching her disappear from your bedroom and your eyes locked with the doorstep, your mind waiting for the familiar redheaded woman to enter your bedroom as soon as your mother left. Each and every thought you had in the past month or so was about Wanda. Part of you was so done with it; you wanted to erase the woman from your mind and, most importantly, you wanted to erase her from your heart.

“Found it!” Your mother yelled, rushing through the door holding the mauve vest in her hands and smiling at you. You immediately took off the blazer and put the vest over your blouse, looking into the mirror and finally being as close as satisfied as you possibly could. You smiled back at your mother, putting the blazer back on and gesturing for her to lead the way downstairs. 

The loud music was the first hint of the party having already started; the second one was the multitude of voices coming from the hallway as you and your mother made your way into the building. You had started playing with your fingers as soon as your mother had parked the car, anxiety building up rapidly with each step you took. You felt a hand on your shoulder as soon as you entered the room full of people. You raised your head, and your eyes found your mother’s sweet and encouraging gaze. You smiled at her, nodding your head as you left her behind, making your way to the host.

"Finally, the princess has shown up! Congratulations, dear. I always knew you were fully able to do amazingly in those exams." Tony hugged you while basically screaming; you would’ve heard him anyway, but you knew he was planning on everyone to hear every single word. 

An hour had passed; you had to make conversation with most of Tony’s friends and associates, your gaze always looking around for your mother, knowing even just the sight of her would’ve calmed you down. As your eyes roamed around the room each time to look for your mother, you had failed to spot Wanda even once; you had no idea where she was or if she was even there. It was weird not seeing her standing next to your mother, but then again, Tony was trying to get most of her attention for each time you would brush him off. You knew Wanda was not particularly fond of the man, so it didn’t seem that weird for her to avoid any contact with him. 

You had no idea why the thought of her not being there was making you sad; you had no intentions of seeing her, let alone speaking to her; she had hurt you way too much to just make small talk with her because you both were at a party. You had stepped into the building, making up your mind about ignoring her and avoiding any contact with her, alone or not. 

You turned around, thanking yet again another one of Tony’s friends, when your eyes met with those green ones you loved with all of your being. You felt your heart skip a beat as the woman smiled sweetly at you, but in just a few seconds that smile angered you. You had no idea what to do; for a second you wanted to greet her, even to hug her, but right the second after you wanted to scream at her and to cry and tell her every single feeling she had caused you.

You decided to do neither of the things you felt like doing; you just turned around once again and left the redhead behind you, trying once again to find your mother among those people. Your eyes just didn’t seem to reach her though; you looked and looked, but you couldn’t find her. Your chest started to feel heavy, and you began to have a difficult time catching your breath; your eyes became watery, and you had even a harder time finding your mother. You started to feel like a 3-year-old looking for her mother in a grocery shop.

Suddenly you felt two hands on both your arms, and you turned around panicked, but just as quickly everything stopped. Your mother was in front of you, her eyes worried and her hands grabbing at your skin tightly, letting you know she was there.

“Even if you don’t see me, know that my eyes are always on you.”

Crowds were not a favorite thing of yours. Having spent most of your life in hiding, all you had known was just the company of your mother, which was more than enough to make you feel safe but had made it even more difficult for you to adjust around lots of people. Your mother knew that, which was why she was willing to let you have your space, to let you deal with everything for yourself, but she was always looking out for you. You had briefly forgotten about that.

“Are you alright? Do you need to go home?” Your mother asked you; you noticed she was less worried now that she was beside you, but you knew she wanted to make sure you felt safe as well. You shook your head; you didn’t want to disappoint anyone, and leaving early from a party thrown for you seemed like a way to do so. 

“I’m alright, mom. Thank you; I just needed to see you to feel safe, and since I wasn’t having any luck finding you..." Your mother nodded; she didn’t need any explanation to know what was going on in your head about that; she knew you well enough to be able to almost prevent any anxiety attack. She held your hands tightly for a few seconds more, and then smiling at you, she went to find some other coworkers. 

 You decided to head towards the balcony to smoke a cigarette. You knew your mother would be upset about it the next time she was going to stand next to you, but you needed it more than anything at that moment. As you inhaled the first puff, you heard the glass door opening, and you focused your gaze on the flowers in front of you. Why did anyone need to be outside right that second? You needed the air to be yours alone.

“I knew I would find you here.” You closed your eyes as soon as you heard that voice; even from her breath alone, you could recognize her. Was she following you now? She had avoided you for weeks, and now this? “I saw Nat talking to you before, and I figured you were having a difficult time dealing with all these people. I still don’t know why Tony is so set on throwing this stuff for you when he knows how it makes you feel.” You heard some more steps getting closer to you, but you had nowhere to go without turning around and facing her; you were already standing close to the fence, and jumping wasn’t an option. Not a smart one, at least. “Anyway, I knew that a cigarette was probably what you needed.” Her steps got even closer to you, and you needed a way out; you needed a way not to be close to her. 

“Do I need to find a place where you wouldn’t know to look then?” Your voice came out harsher than you intended, but you just wanted to be alone. You didn’t need to feel her close to you; you didn’t need to go through all those feelings she had always made you feel but now mixed with the angry and hurt ones. All those emotions had you feeling as if you were about to go crazy, and you wanted them to just stop. You wanted your head to just stop thinking and remembering and making your heart hurt.

“Y/n… Let me..." Wanda tried to ease you into talking, but you didn’t want to; you didn’t know how. You felt all those emotions, and you were not sure you had the ability to control them all. You heard the woman behind you sigh, and once again you were reminded of her statement on your thoughts. 

“I’m not ready to talk to you, Wanda.” You put out the cigarette, and you made your way inside, leaving Wanda on the balcony alone.

Half an hour had passed, and you had managed to make some more small talk with the guests, but your thoughts were consumed by Wanda, by what she could ever tell you about what she had said and her recent behavior. Part of you desperately wanted to know, wanted to know what had happened and what was happening; however, another part of you still didn’t want to face her nor talk to her. You loved her, but she had hurt you deeply.

You managed to walk away from the room; you remembered your mother used to have her own bedroom at Tony’s house before they rescued you. You still had no idea why she would need that, but then again, you never met your grandparents, nor had she ever talked to you about them, so you didn’t know if they were still around and what had eventually happened between them. So maybe Tony was just a friend looking out for your mother when she had only herself to look after. 

Luckily your mother had shown you her old room once or twice, so you easily found it even if the building was more like a maze than a house. You closed the door behind you, and you leaned against it and sighed heavily. You looked around the room; it didn’t have much stuff in it; you didn’t know if your mother had taken everything to your house or if she hadn’t had much in her room in the first place. For some reason you believed it was the latter; you knew she had loved to decorate your house, but you had the feeling she hadn’t always been the person she was since you came around. 

You sat on the bed and took your phone into your hands. You looked for your mother’s number and sent her a quick text. 

Everything’s alright; I just needed some time away from everyone. I’m in your old room. Love you. 

In just a few seconds, your phone rang briefly; she had already texted you back. 

I saw. I’m just happy you told me. Love you more, little one. 

You smiled, reminded that she always had her eyes focused on you.

You laid on the bed; you felt exhausted and overwhelmed. You had no idea how much of it was because of the party and the room full of people and how much was because of Wanda. Your mind drifted off to the redhead once again; you wanted to hug her and yell at her at the same time; you wanted to kiss her and push her away. You wanted to tell her that you loved her and that she made you suffer like hell in just a month. 

But most of all, you wanted to fall asleep and forget about everything. 

“I know you don’t want to see me, but I can’t stand the thought of you hating me.” You heard the words before you heard the door opening, and you jumped from the bed. Wanda looked at you worried. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” She took some steps to get closer to you, and you sighed. You had no strength left to push her away again; being away from her took every ounce of strength you had in your body. 

“You hurt me, Wanda.” You stated without looking at her, you knew you would read all over her face the guilt she was feeling and the hurt your words caused her. You couldn’t see those emotions on her face; otherwise, you would cave in and apologize when she was the one who had started everything. 

The redhead sat next to you on the bed. You heard her hands move around, probably looking for something to do because she wasn’t sure she was allowed to touch you to comfort you. Finally, her hand rested beside yours. You felt your heart skip a beat once again because of her; she wanted to feel close to you, and you were the one preventing her from doing so. For once, you weren’t the one trying to control your impulses around her, trying not to touch her, feel her, or kiss her constantly. Even though what she wanted to do was nowhere near the things in your mind, for once she was the one restraining herself.

“I know. I also know I owe you an explanation for everything, but I don’t know how much I can actually tell you. There are some things that are not mine to say, some things that would require even further explanation, and I just can’t tell you.” You felt your heart beat faster, your blood boiling into your veins. She wanted to explain to you everything, but she couldn't. You felt as if she was messing with you again; you wanted to know; you needed to know everything she was hiding from you. You needed to understand what she was thinking and what she wanted with you. Her not being able to was just not a good enough explanation for you; you just couldn't bear anymore the thought of her not wanting to do anything with you anymore; you needed to know everything. 

“I don’t care, Wanda. Either you explain everything to me or you can go. I cannot keep playing games with you. You never even checked to know how I was doing; you knew how anxious I was about the exams, and you never even texted to see if I was ready for it. Fuck, you didn’t even ask if I had passed the exam!” Your hands flew in the air as you talked, as you exasperatedly tried to make her understand the way you were feeling and the way she was making you feel. You couldn't bear any more excuses; you only wanted the truth. 

“That’s not true; I checked with your mother every week. I needed to know you were okay and that you were studying. I just wasn’t ready to talk to you yet. I’m not, still. But I don’t want you to hate me, not when..." You noticed her voice get caught in her throat; she immediately stopped herself from what she was about to tell you. When what? What was going on inside her head? She began playing with her fingers once again, and you suddenly missed the light contact your hands were making just seconds before. “I can hear your thoughts, y/n. I cannot tell you why, because to this day I do not know. I have some information, but part of me doesn’t really care. I know who I am, and I am fine with that. I have managed over the years to control this ability; I can now hear people’s thoughts only if I want to. In the beginning, I always heard them, and it drove me crazy, but with some training, I managed to control everything.” You couldn't believe your ears; you didn't even want to believe her. Why would she have that kind of ability? You weren't living in a supernatural world; you would know if you were, so why? However, it made absolutely no sense for her to just make up something like that, something she knew you wouldn't believe. She wouldn't think of such a lie, knowing it would've just made everything worse. So if it were true, it definitely was a problem. A problem that made you very, very angry at Wanda.

“So you willingly hear my thoughts? How dare you?” You stood up looking at her with so much anger; you were so astonished by her words. You couldn't believe what she had done. How could she? Not only she never told anything, nor your mother, for that matter, but she also forced your mind and heard everything you had ever thought about.

“No, no! That’s the problem with you; I can’t help it. I have no idea if we have some kind of connection or if it has anything to do with your biological parents. Maybe your thoughts are just so loud, so intense that I can’t keep them out of my mind; I don’t know. I don’t know. I just know that I’ve always tried not to hear them, but I just never found a way with you.” She immediately rushed to you; she probably was already worried you hated her, and now that she had revealed what she could actually do, she worried she would lose you for good. Her hands found your arms, and she began stroking them, trying to calm you down. Part of you didn't want to feel her touch, but as soon as her hands were on you, they managed to make you feel safe and loved even.

“So, you know about..." The courage to speak left you in a few seconds; you didn't know how you could tell her. Even if she knew, even if she hadn't told you off about it, you weren't able to tell her that you liked that, that you even loved her. You blushed slightly, remembering what she had just told you—that she could hear every thought of yours, so she could hear you in that moment, and you tried your best not to think about anything.

Don't think. Don't think. Don't think. Don't think.

“I know about everything.” Wanda took your hands in hers and smiled sweetly at you. Of course she had heard you. You looked away; you tried to focus your gaze on whatever wasn't the woman standing in front of you. She knew everything—every stupid and filthy thought you ever had. You hated yourself now. “It never bothered me, Malyshka. Not once. You had no intention for me to know about it; you weren’t being intentionally disrespectful. At first it felt flattering; you know, I thought it was something that would eventually dissipate as you met other people. But then I realized what was really going on, and I was sad for you because you deserve all the love in the world, and I wasn’t able to give you that. ”

“I know that already, Wanda. I’ve been thinking these same things for a long time now; I don’t need you to reject me without me asking.” You whisked away your hands from hers. You knew she would reject you if she were to find out about your feelings for her, which was one of the reasons you never even dared to dream about telling her. But now that she knew, here she was, in fact rejecting you, but you never asked for this; you never would’ve told her anything, and you felt like you didn’t deserve her rejection this way.

“Let me finish. You wanted me to explain everything to you; let me do it.” Wanda tried once again to take your hands in hers, but you walked away. You couldn’t bear hearing any more words coming from her mouth; you knew they were just going to hurt you even more, and you were already hurting enough at the moment.

“I get it; I do. You have always been able to hear my thoughts, and so you decided it was time for you to push me away. I understand. ”

“You don’t. I don’t want to push you away; I just don’t want to feel the way I feel about you because you’re 20 and I’m 34; it’s just not right.” You stopped pacing around the room as soon as you heard those words. What was she on about now? What feelings was she talking about? You turned around and looked at her, shocked and confused.

“The - The way you feel?" She possibly couldn’t mean what you were thinking about. There was no way the woman you loved so much felt the same way about you; there was no way she wanted to kiss you the way you wished she would. You suddenly felt hope in your heart, and you hated it; you were just going to get hurt again. You hated yourself for even considering that she could reciprocate your feelings. You hated her for making you doubt everything you were so sure about.

“Everything you feel, I feel it too. Everything you want to do, I want to do it, too. I have for some time now, and when I hear the things you think about me, I feel myself losing control. But I can’t lose control with you; you’re way too young, and you’re Natasha’s daughter. She would kill me.” Those words were spoken with such love and tenderness you felt your knees weaken. Wanda was in front of you once again in a heartbeat, her hands on your face and her beautiful green eyes looking into your soul. Her lips were much more inviting than ever now that you knew about her feelings for you. You felt yourself lost in your desire for her as her hand slowly made its way to your own lips, caressing them in a way that made you feel like she could almost taste them through that simple touch.

𝚃𝚊𝚐 𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝: @imaginaryblogger01 @unique0003 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵, 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨!

[keferon]

Well I just finished improvising chapter one of Mecha AU :D

I recommend you read it on BlueSky because the formatting and redacting there is better but you also can read it all here under the cut

Summary:

Jazz huddles in the cockpit, turns on the comm channel, and habitually ignores the static

“This is 1061. I don't know if you guys can hear me, but I have news. I've found other mechs in space! But..”

He taps nervously on the console panel

“I am not sure they're piloted by humans.”

---------

Jazz isn't sure at what exact moment his life turned into anime completely. It was probably when a huge monster appeared in the sky above his home? Yeah...it must have been then.

The big green thing blew up almost half the city before it was destroyed with so much explosives that the government probably had to empty their pockets to scrape together that much.

In the future, of course, they had to repeat the feat.

And then again.

And again.

Either the government of these monsters had a lot of extra money, or the monsters were free volunteers.

Jazz tried to watch from a distance. Ideally from a place where it would be hard to yank him out. Even with a stick. Even for a massive space monster.

%%%%

If you think about it. This wasn't anime yet. It was more in apocalypse film territory.

The anime started when a smiling man in a surprisingly expensive suit came to Jazz and offered to take a few tests to see if Jazz was suitable for some sort of special earth protection program of his. The pay was suspiciously good, and the list of medical forms was suspiciously long. But last week, a huge shark-like thing had trampled Jazz's last workplace and well...there wasn't much else for him to go to.

The man smiled and looked like a toothpaste advertisement as he shook his hand.

Yeah, the anime definitely started with that.

-----

It's actually amazing how a shitty thing like alien monsters and giant robots can become habitual. Maybe even beloved. Not monsters, of course. No.

But robots? Definitely.

Jazz is one hell of a pilot. One of the best, as his superiors like to say. They don't really have a way to test who's the greatest pilot in the world because the life span of the average pilot isn't usually very long. Jazz doesn't mind. He knows he's good, but he doesn't want to think about how good. Other pilots like to compete for the top of the charts. Numbers, kills, promotions and everything else that goes with it.

Jazz is mostly just vibing.

His early tests don't show very high or impressive potential for compatibility with combat mech technology, but once he's out of the simulator and into the real thing....

Jazz can't explain it. He just feels it. He just stops seeing the dashboard in front of him, stops thinking about how comfortable the pilot's seat is or how to hold the controls.

Jazz gets in the cockpit and stops being human.

Jazz gets in the cockpit and turns into metal and machinery. Rockets and joints. Hydraulics and thousands of sensors.

His hands become huge, able to crush a car. His legs gain new articulations. His body moves in ways completely impossible for a human and it feels so familiar, as if he's always been like this.

It feels like him. Like home.

Jazz isn't interested in promotions because important people aren't allowed to operate mechs. Not allowed to be mechs.

Jazz wants to be a mech.

He's just not ready to trade that feeling for anything else.

————

War gets crazier as time goes on.

Every time Jazz thinks it's going to end now, someone steps on Chekhov's gun in the ceiling.

The aliens aren't going to die out or leave.

Humans refuse to go extinct.

It's a tug-of-war that inevitably leads both sides to think that if they can't win with the ‘pull harder’ method, they should try something new. Something creative.

That’s how Jazz finds himself in the middle of developing a mech capable of travelling through space.

Because whoever is making the decisions up there has decided it's time to get more aggressive and start fighting on more than just their own territory.

The aliens have so far been too comfortable taking advantage of the fact that space is inaccessible to humans. They've always had places to retreat to. Places to hide to lick their wounds. Jazz thinks it makes sense. Sort of. If there's anything left in this world that respects logic.

The development department takes some time and an absolutely obscene amount of money to figure out how to launch a giant robot into space without the human inside it turning to paste.

They show an incredible ability to organize space and play a game of tetris where instead of blocks there are vital systems like air storage and provisions falling from the ceiling.

Jazz, as someone who has been forced to participate in hundreds of their tests and observe their tenacity, is genuinely proud of them.

His pride even overcomes the fact that they have been close to turning him into a paste more times than he is comfortable counting.

They stick him in hundreds of variations of different armor and plating and make him perform the same boring motions a million times to “make sure there's no risk of depressurization”.

Sometimes he's shoved to the bottom of a swimming pool and asked to perform mission simulations without coming out of the water. This is the only part of development that Jazz actually genuinely loves. Swimming is fun when you're metal and don't have to breathe.

%%%%%%%

At the end of the tests, Jazz is left with a hundred or so system upgrades, increased weight by almost half, nice new armor, and added height. His legs now have another joint in them. Some of the pilots complain that it hurts them to even look at Jazz's freakishly bendy legs, but their opinion fades under the weight of delight.

Jazz loves the new joints. New joints mean he can navigate even wackier surfaces now.

For the first official space mission, the superiors choose him without much hesitation.

Space is unfamiliar territory. And no matter how hard you try, you can't fully recreate its conditions without being there. This means that no amount of training and simulations can fully prepare pilots for what will be waiting for them there. They're going to have to adjust. Improvise. Find ways and solutions on the spot.

Jazz is good at that. Exceptionally and impressively good. He also has enough thirst for adventures in him to go along with the idea.

But most importantly, he's undeniably the best when it comes to controlling a battle mech. His ability to “ I don’t know I’m just vibing you know” is envy-inducing and wary at the same time. Mechs are huge and heavy, and in the hands of someone who doesn't fully know what to do, they're pretty damn clumsy.

Jazz is one of the few who can control a battle mech as naturally as his own human body.

In theory that means if he's thrown into a zero-gravity environment, he can handle it just fine. No worse than if he could do it without the mech. Or at least not fail dramatically enough to embarrass the entire engineering department.

Jazz promises to do his best, shakes all the hands necessary for pretty pictures, and uploads a file with simple instructions.

This mission shouldn't be anything too bizarre except for its location. He is warned that a lot can go wrong, but then immediately assured that a whole crowd of experts will be waiting and watching and will respond at his first call.

Jazz politely thanks them and does a few simple movements to make sure all the joints in his legs are working properly.

His boss smiles like he's advertizing toothpaste and promises him a nice big raise if he'll continue to work on space missions.

Jazz somehow manages to forget that this is where anime usually begins.

________________

Things are going very wrong very fast. Most unfairly, for a completely unexplainable reason.

Jazz is quite successful at getting around in space. The lack of gravity is incredibly uncomfortable at first, but he adapts. It takes time to understand the movement, but nothing beyond the plan.

At one point he even has fun. He spots a satellite orbiting the Earth and waves cheerfully at it, hoping it is recording.

He confidently completes the exploration and is about to turn back when something huge and possessing an uncomfortable number of limbs materializes in front of him literally out of nowhere.

He is surprised and a little disgusted, but the monster's appearance wasn't entirely unforeseen. His instructions are simple. Anything larger than an elephant and not a human being must become dead.

A fight with a strange space thing is no problem. The problem is that the thing is losing very quickly and is clearly panicking about it. Jazz is just about to rip another leg off of it when an unidentifiable bright green light flashes around them and suddenly the whole world starts to feel bloody wrong. Space feels like it's stretching and shrinking at the same time. Jazz can't tell if he's feeling the pressure or if he's being torn apart.

He's screaming. Not from pain, but from surprise.

And finds himself standing in the middle of a crowd of similar monsters.

The one he was just about to kill makes some gurgling, panicked noises. The other monsters freeze, either surprised or frightened, it's impossible to tell.

Jazz manages to notice that he's inside some kind of room. His brain finds no suitable alternative for a quick description. He has never been in such strange places before

He doesn't even have time to take a step when there's a muffled click from behind and he's blinded by the green light again.

He doesn't know what to expect when he opens his eyes.

The first time, the strange green light dragged him through every possible sensation in just a couple of seconds, and that was enough to scare the hell out of him.

The second time, it feels like it lasts forever. He tries to look at his watch, but his eyes refuse to work properly. Which ones of his eyes? He doesn't know. One overlaps with the other. He feels terribly tiny but at the same time it's like his body is everywhere at once. Somewhere in the far corner of his brain, flickers the thought that mixing experimental technology with obscure alien magic is a spectacularly bad idea. The amount of things that could go wrong wouldn't fit in any insurance policy, even if they were writing small text under a microscope. Who ‘they’ are, he's not imagining. His boss and his advertising teeth probably.

Jazz clenches his fists, closes his eyes, and tries his hardest to at least just not pass out. The Engineering Department will owe him so much pool time for all of this.

That's assuming he survives long enough to see the engineering department again.

He tries to focus on the simple things.

Everything around him feels like ‘WRONG’.

He can't breathe.

Maybe the urge to stay awake has been overrated.

He's falling.

*********

When he wakes up, the first thing he notices is cold hands on his head.

Someone is gently turning it, probably to examine him.

There are voices above him. He doesn't recognize them and can't distinguish what they're saying.

The palms of the hands are hard. They feel like they're made of metal.

He hears more voices.

For a scary second he worries his brain is broken, but the more he listens the more he realizes it's just another language.

A completely...unfamiliar language. Unlike anything he's ever heard before.

Hands move away and he chooses that moment to open his eyes.

Long time ago, he used to go to all sorts of movie and art fan festivals. There were always a lot of cosplayers trying to outdo each other in the art of character creation.

The picture that meets him is actually a surprisingly strong reminder of those times.

The people crowded around him are extremely colorful. Also quite small compared to his metallic body.

The strange thin lilac creature is saying something. It sounds questioning.

The other lilac creature shakes its head negatively and judging by its intonation redirects the question to someone else.

Jazz tries to figure out if the green light could have made him see things. Because it's unlikely the afterlife looks like this.

Someone very furry peeks out from behind the backs of the lilac creatures and authoritatively pulls out a thing that looks like a regular tablet. They poke at it for a couple seconds and then show everyone in the crowd a picture of some kind of robot simultaneously pointing at Jazz.

The crowd disagrees.

One of them says something poking Jazz with his hand. He wonders idly if it's the same hand. No, it's the wrong size.

The picture changes to a different one.

The effect is the same.

Another round of poking and prodding later, Jazz's fried brain gets it.

They're trying to figure out what he is.

Little colorful things. Probably never seen a robot like this before?

He doesn't have time to process the thought properly when the floor he's lying on starts to shake violently.

The creatures shriek in frustration and Jazz, who until then had been sure he was in some kind of building, suddenly realizes that. Oh, shit. No. The surface is moving.

Is he being taken somewhere???

Jazz looks around in confusion, trying to figure out who it belongs to.

He makes an attempt to jump to his feet and all the creatures crowding around him all start screaming at the same time. He doesn't understand it, but it sounds hysterical, angry and so damn unpleasant to his poor head. Someone shrieks and from somewhere to his left there are sharp clicks and the floor shakes and Jazz wants to go back to the bottom of the pool where it's dark and quiet and

Someone picks him up under his elbows from behind. Not exerting much pressure or holding him down. Just offering support.

A new voice comes from the back of the room. Louder and much lower than all the previous ones and, notably...not from the floor.

And meets the gaze of another giant robot.

__________________________

Side note: to those of you who went to hang out with me while I was writing. Thank you hejdhfngn I appreciate the company❤️

Oh by the way I’m in the process of writing the Mecha pilot au right now you can read if you want :D

[spottedalienmonster]

A lot of us don't remember this, but the concept of "doomscrolling" was coined during the first Trump administration. In order to keep up with all the things they threw at the wall, a lot of us developed an unhealthy obsession with trying to keep up with the news and staying on social media.

This is a warning to everyone right now:

There is being vigilant and staying on top of current events and news to be informed on what's happening. There's caring about an issue and keeping your ear to the ground, staying in circles that let you know when/if you need to take action for particular causes.

The current landscape of social media makes it so that it's easy for this to start turning into actual, genuine "doomscrolling." There are people, accounts, corporations that benefit from blasting you with bad news incessantly on your timeline. Hate clicks, rage clicks, clickbait, and more!

Start curating your timelines for this now!

Block bad faith accounts.

Start following organizations that specialize in particular information you care about. Look for accounts that do share potential action items like bad bills that need you to call your rep, and consider following them!

Use bookmarks to keep track of things.

Make lists or feeds that give you reliable news.

Dedicate a small portion of the day to just getting caught up on news. Maybe that's not even 15 minutes!

Find places that you know will highlight good news so you know there's still good in the world.

Trump and the Republican party want you exhausted and hopeless so that when they're throwing everything at the wall to make something stick, there's nothing you or anyone will be willing to do about it. Get ahead of that now. Protect your time and energy, especially if you're prone to spiraling or going down rabbit holes.

I know this won't fix everything. I want to make a post about how Trump will use military units viciously to crackdown on protests, but I already feel I'm talking a bit outside of my area of expertise.

But do what you can. Do your best not to fall for misinformation and disinformation. Protect yourselves against conspiracy and outrage merchants. That doesn't mean you can't get angry, just know what you can actionably channel that anger into.

[puppyeared]

I made a lmk oc

[amelikos]

Friede, Amethio and Zeiyu..

[thedrotter]

re:kinder doodle dump part three !!! drawings with wildly different moods www they are more polished ans complete than my other doodles because. why not🥺!!!

[seventh-district]

not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go

(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)

[afaroffsong]

Thank you, @informedimagining <3

1. The last podcast you listened to? with reasons.

I have never listened to a podcast, actually.

2. What was the last fanfic you read? What did you like about it?

The last fanfic I read was Akdasshihchíleete by @thegreenleavesofspring and her Anonymous Co-author. Though it’s more of an original work at this point, I think. The characters and their relationships to/with each other make me feral.

3. Your favorite discord server?

The Chrumblr discord server. I mostly lurk in the prayer requests… channel? Area?

4. Open pinterest and show the first thing it recommends you

Is this AI? I don’t know. *sigh*

5. If you’re comfortable, show me something from your notes app!

Uhhhhhhh, here’s a poem I wrote Monday night. (Apparently I was better at poetry when I was more anxious than depressed. 🙃)

Time-Loop

I’m stuck.

Every night

I stay up too late

And set my alarm

For five.

Every morning

At two or four

I turn off the alarm

And go back to sleep.

I wake up at

Half past six or seven

And I lie for too long

In bed.

I feel depressed.

I get dressed

Make my bed

Drink some water

Say a prayer.

I go to work.

I survive

Somehow

And go home.

It is always the same

And I can’t change

And I stopped trying

A while

Ago.

6. Show us who you last gave a like to on Tumblr! And why?

@informedimagining

She screenshotted some words I left in the tags of a post for her.

7. Show us a picture that's in your gallery that you are proud off/like/are comfortable sharing.

Mushrooms!

8. Final question, what was the last YouTube video you watched?

I have no clue. I don’t go on YouTube much.

Tags @sheet-metal-memories @awwyeah-rambles @hwestalas @muse-write @thegreenleavesofspring (no pressure)

Thanks for the tags @dangerously-human and @womaninwinter

1. The last podcast you listened to? with reasons.

Podcasts are actually the worst thing ever, sorry.

2. What was the last fanfic you read? What did you like about it?

The last fanfic I read I dnf'd because I didn't like the content. But the one before last was SO good, it was called there's a touch of you in me by cameliawrites and tough_n_dumb. Such a beautiful fic about 5 times someone showed affection to Kaz without touch and one time Kaz offered it himself. I was kinda emotional reading it.

3. Your favorite discord server?

The 2020 chaos server with my now IRL besties which is barely used now is probably my fav. Nearly everyone there is a good friend of mine and I see them all at least once a year.

4. Open pinterest and show the first thing it recommends you

oop it's sad Nina

5. If you’re comfortable, show me something from your notes app!

6. Show us who you last gave a like to on Tumblr! And why?

@igotthisaccountunderduress liking my swords post

7. Show us a picture that's in your gallery that you are proud off/like/are comfortable sharing.

took this in like July

8. Final question, what was the last YouTube video you watched?

it was titled the office cold opens that brought even together

Tags:

@brb-on-a-quest @ladyartichokie @partlysunny15 @thoughts-of-caly @igotthisaccountunderduress

[carlottastudios]

So I think I'm making some decent progress on my unhinged Kaeya lore thoughts post

The WIP of the mindmap is below the cut

I'm really scared that I'm still missing a lot of stuff, but it's past midnight now so I'll be stopping for now and actually get some sleep

[mumblesplash]

back on my amv bullshit :)))

song is beat the love by autoheart (lyrics included under the cut bc they're like 90% of the reason for this song choice and also kinda hard to hear)

[Verse 1] Been shocked into a state of delirium words cannot describe I am Jekyll filled with disagreement, you are Mr. Hyde Yeah, there's something running through me, it's incredibly strong An electrifying feeling that I've known all along A burning realization that our incoordination is corrupt

[Chorus] I cannot be what you want me to be Let our cannonball, rise up and fall I cannot see what you want me to see So you beat the love right out of me

[Verse 2] I've had a fistful of your knee jerk reactions, always jumping the gun I can't be accountable for everything that you have undone There's a window of opportunity for us to move on But you're constantly reminding me of what I do wrong Pot calling kettle black, here’s to yet another attack, and that’ll be that

[Chorus] I cannot be what you want me to be Let our cannonball, rise up and fall I cannot see what you want me to see So you beat the love right out of me

I cannot be what you want me to be Let our cannonball, rise up and fall I cannot see what you want me to see So you beat the love right out of me

Oh, yes, you beat the love right out of me Oh, yes, you beat the love right out of me

[paperstarwriters]

*Sigh* Ok, ok, firstly, I just wanna know where the people who don't mind the culture shift, but also still don't really like the show are. Like — I actually really like the casting choice for The Addams They're really cool and I really like them. Personally, I'm particularly fond of Wednesday and Gomez but still.

I just… don’t really like some aspects of this remake. One being that the actors for Gomez and Morticia felt so...uncomfortable while performing. Like the 1991 & 1993 movies, Gomez and Morticia were so clearly and so fondly in love and were very comfortable with expressing that, with their over-dramatic expressions of love feeling very easily expressed and normal for them. Here, I don't think the actors were quite as comfortable in performing that kind of expression of love, which just kinda made their romantic interactions just uncomfortable to watch.

Also, it's disappointing that they kind of just... abandoned the murderous core of the Addams? Like, I understand that there may be more appeal in having the Addams keeping the torture to themselves rather than bestowing it onto unwilling victims, but I think it just feels a lot like... telling us that they enjoy torture and fighting rather than showing it. In all the scenes where we see them, the Addams seem so uncomfortable when it comes to causing or receiving torture or harm. They flinch at needing to kill someone, and yet they say that they revel in it? Gomez takes insult at being told he isn't a person capable for murder and yet as far as we know, he is?

It makes their whole torture ordeal seem like it's just for show which feels disappointing and sad. It just makes it feel like this show is trying to call the old 1991 Addams family fake. As if they too were only ever really putting on a show to impress or (more accurately) surprise people, which I just really, really hate. Originally, the Addams family felt like a group that cried out that you did not have to conform to the ideals of the people around you to be happy, which speaks a lot to queer communities and neurodivergent people—even people of color. By implying that they're just... faking being strange or odd, it just makes me feel like I'm attempting to exclude myself.

Thing, I think is practically their only indication for being odd or strange and yet he's often set aside, and just acts like a strange yet funny sidekick amidst these Addams. He kinda feels like the token character to remind the audience that these are the Addams who have very strange and murder-y things with them.

I think, largely the issue here is that we don't know these Addams. here, the Addams are an entirely new set of characters separated from the older 1991 and 1993 movies, but because of the opening with Wednesday and Wednesday's typical demeanor amidst the entire thing, I kinda felt like I was led to assume that it would comply with the older movies, only to be unpleasantly surprised.

I know they're trying to set up a huge mystery surrounding who the Addams are and how that's tied into this school and the town, but with the way the story is currently going, I feel like we may never know.

It feels like I'm reading an alternate universe (AU) fanfic where the characters are represented differently than in the original source material, but it is not readily obvious. Like sure, the setting is a little different, and their situation seemed to have changed a bit, but the story implies that it's the same characters who have lived through the same events as they did in the source material. While some people may be interested to witness or understand why this change exists, most people will feel like the characters are being OOC and will quickly abandon the story because they don't understand why their favorite characters are so different.

Because this story is so clearly different from the 1991 Addams family, the show probably should have established not only how and why the family was different but also how they are tied into the original Addams. They should have been introduced as if they were entirely new characters. Show what they're like when they're in their element. When they're killing and murdering or if not that, torturing and being tortured. If they don't kill, establish that. Maybe make a statement along the lines of, "Addams don't Kill, we don't want to cut their torture off short, do we Wednesday?" which would help us to better understand why Gomez and Morticia would react that way to a murder.

Idk, maybe I'm just biased because I liked the 1991 Addams family and the 1993 Addams family values movies, and because I know that version of the Addams family so well, I just can't appreciate this new iteration of them.

[pleafyistired]

this thing i do when i have not consume anything about a media but this guy who makes art about that media is really good and im gonna follow them. And also its probably because of the sunglas- [I AM SHOT DEAD]

[kurthorton]

im just saying i could do aria justice better than the show ever did and i dont even like aria