#$18 an hour to do fuck all!
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mf wants me here til 4.
first off. No... its Friday for one and for two I finished literally everything I was told to do by 1 oclock. And I got to go to the dmv and now im just sitting here
#$18 an hour to do fuck all!#theyre always bitching about how the shop doesnt always make it in the green and then they pay me to sit here. doing nothing.#im the only one here tho so. i guess they need someone here but like. only one person has stopped by#and that was it#and i know no one else is gonna stop by BC IT IS FRIDAY AFTERNOON#and people are getting ready to have a 3 day weekend#oh shit do i have monday off?#gotta ask that#anyway im gonna leave when i want bc this is dumb and I want to be home instead so I can get ready to do my penultimate day at spirit#oh yea im quitting spirit. I don't want to. but i can't keep up anymore
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I
know that voting for the status quo sucks.
To say it "sucks" massively understates the exact amount of suffering that exists under the status quo, an amount that I acknowledge I am too privileged to ever fully grasp.
I cannot magically provide some viable third-party candidate just barely a month before the election. I cannot solve Israel/Palestine Conflict that has haunted the world for over 70 years. I am a 29-year old transgender woman working her way through her own mental illnesses, trauma, and an undergraduate degree. I was never going to be the one to solve anything here.
All I can tell you is that regardless of whether you vote or not, there will be a presidential election. It's going to be a shitshow, regardless. Whether you vote or not, there will be a different president in January. Voting for the status quo may not be directly in your interests.
We had four years of Trump and we are still trying to unfuck ourselves from that. The beginning of my antagonistic relationship with the government was protesting in the streets of DC under his administration. I've fled from the Metro PD. I've put on a change of clothes and slipped out the back door of a gay sports bar.
Fucking vote.
Fucking vote.
Fucking vote.
Honestly, I
I don't want to see this voter apathy shit anymore.
People are going to keep dying under any president. Any president can, and probably wil, be morally culpable for the deaths of innocent people, both in the country and abroad. Carter might be the last president we had that wasn't overtly a war criminal and we still had foreign civilians killed by U.S. military involvement under the Carter admin.
I'm torn between asking you to block me, or asking you to message me, if you're taking the route of voter apathy. I'll tell you right away, here and now, that I probably don't have a solution to whatever problem is keeping you from voting for Harris. I can't even solve my own problems right, tbh. The government isn't really here for me, either.
But there isn't going to be some sort of miraculous revolution that results in The Ending Where Everyone Lives. If there's a revolution, then supply chains will falter and children and the infirm will die of preventable diseases and infections and complications in hospitals that would have otherwise been able to easily deal with such things. That's what happens in a revolution. I'm after the long-term idea where Humanity as a species lives. I'm after the route where we don't have an ending, we keep going.
Fucking vote, because exactly one of the two leading presidential candidates believes climate change is real, and it is the single greatest threat to all life on earth. We have spent the past 250 years, not just playing God with the environment, but actively creating an ecological niche in which future generations of humanity must continue to play God with the environment, dragging it back to a healthy place drop by drop, inch by inch, a degree at a time.
Or, I mean, don't vote. Either way, we'll all die at some point. Perhaps some of us will be lucky enough to die standing by our principles.
Those lucky few will become soil one day, just like I will.
I am begging you on my hands and knees to fucking vote, though, because our options are The Status Quo vs. Worse. That's
That's it.
There is no door number three right now. Our system, our flawed and broken and imbalanced and unjust system, does not accommodate for a third door. Whether you vote or not, you will be dragged through either Door 1 or Door 2 with all of humanity, as we whirl through the cosmos upon our tiny little speck of dust. The only other legitimate option is to allow oneself to become trampled; to become soil early. I don't say legitimate to give this option legitimacy, but to make clear that again, there is no door three. Door three is a casket. A one-way bed.
I didn't vote in 2016, and I'm hoping that you'll vote for the status quo this time, because that's the route that gives me the best odds of having a long and healthy life to regret my failure through inaction.
Just please
Fucking vote.
Or again, if you're taking the apathy route, probably just save me the time of blocking you, because you're not going to magically pull a viable third-party candidate out of your pocket less than six weeks before the election.
#us politics#2024 elections#can you tell i just blocked someone over this?#maybe i should've spoken to them first#maybe i'm hormonal and barely able to deal with the swords hanging over my head or the coals beneath my feet#i've explored my options for fleeing the country if trump wins; and i'm not sure if i'd follow through#maybe i'd stay here and die for my principles#but at least i'll vote to TRY and avoid that#they burned magnus hirschfeld's books before any other jewish literature#it's already too late to save the late; all we can do is salvage the present#i have to wake up and study the effects of anthropogenic climate change in less than six hours#my morning will be spent looking for; and documenting; dead birds#i love birds#they're my favorite animal#after that; i have a class on grant writing; in which i am working on a project on non-profit local agriculture#then metaphysics; because philosophy is like the only treat i have left in my education#and finally; climate storytelling; in which i and 18 other undergrads are trying to figure out how to get people to care about the planet#and i gotta tell y'all; that last one is a bleak fucking time#fucking vote#forty fucking minutes of being pissed about this#i still have to write an essay on modal realism#and research this country's failings on water resource management for my class on the same on monday#long posts#probably incoherent posts#rambling notes#political rambling
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time to prepare for my friends’ “Funeral Rites”. i lay down patroclus’ bloodied body in the bath tub and me and my war guys smear oil all over his chest and fill his open wounds withunguent
#patroclus#war boys#book 18#book 23#he does all this and then he just fucks off for 24 hours to go do violent revenge#as you do#sorry im pretty absent from here rn im working on my dissertation#once im done with her i will return to u……
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im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed
my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.
and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.
anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,
I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me
im going by metro which is quite safe
im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18
she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)
anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm
so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?
anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".
and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.
#in our house kids dont stay outside past 6:30pm'' but now all of a sudden its fine for my brother to play#till 10:30 at night#she literally stopped me permanently from going down in the evenings since i was in class 7-8#this is why ive never had any friends outside of school bcz she wouldnt let me leave ths fucking house#and now that my brother is in class 7#he's allowed to be out playing with his friends till 10 freaking 30#he comes home an hour late sometimes...45 minutes and almost always at least 30 minutes late at NIGHT and she says nothing except like#one sentence#yeah im only the villain i only keep u locke#up in the house its all my fault#this is just so damn unfair#like literally insulting#im not a child what is her problem#what sort of fucking solution is 'never leave the hostel' like ok even if i do that what happens then??? after i graduate?#i'll be a 24 year old who doesnt know shit about going from one place to another without a man present]#and then this woman preaches how she 'always raises her son and daughter equally' like srsly shut the fuck up#my whole life i've been told abar late?''#and for me bcz i would come home 5-10 minutes late nd i did it maybe once or twice she made me completely stop going down to play#5-10 minutes late from 6:30 wherein he comes an hour late from 9 fucking 30#and this sounds so stupid bcz im an 18 year old now and i dont give a fuck abt how long i got to play but its just unfair dude#with me it was always smthn or the other either exams or she gets miraculously sick every time i want to go out to play#im not even kidding she did a whole “i have fever and ur going to leave me like this and go play?” on me one time bcz i was adamant abt goi#after months of not being able to go bcz of exam or smthn or the other#she did not have any fever it was fucking bullshit#and how am i supposed to help with ur imaginary fever anyway im literally 12#its so fucking annoying man and then if i say anything at all she'll go on a tirade about how#like YOU DO THOUGH??????? im sorry ur feelings are hurt bcz i said you do smthn that u LITERALLY DO#istg not even 2 days ago she was having a fight with my dad abt how he should teach my brother to learn how to cycle so that he can go buy#groceries#i can cycle
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the best thing about keeping an easily accessible gallery of your super old art is that sometimes you look at it and go insane when you remember how much effort it took you to make that shit and knowing it'd now take you a FRACTION of the time and effort to draw something significantly better now
#banebabbles#im looking at old pmd group art bc im reviving some chars for my adult stuff now#and im like damn all thse old comics... took hours.... days... blood sweat and tears...#and they look so bad.... not like AWFUL like. it's just like. i mean i was in high school! i wasn't even 18 yet!#of course they look bad lol i was sooo baby....#and now i look at them like. i could do this again in 30 minutes and it'd look 10x better. fucked up
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one thing about me is i have no idea what i know because i have no idea what is like a normal amount of knowledge about anything
#its literally not even that im insecure. i just dont know what people are as a general rule going to know#and specifically its always that i think i dont know something and it turns out i have a significantly larger amount of knowledge about it#ari opinion hour#literally one time my friend asked me abt community bands / how to find one to play with and i no joke genuinely started off my answer like#So disclaimer i dont actually know that much about community ensembles or have really much experience with them at all#and then proceeded to go on a nice long tangent complete with how to find them‚ types of ensembles to look for‚ what organizations might#run community ensembles or keep lists of them‚ and then provided this friend with at least TWO DIFFERENT LISTS where they could#find ensembles to check out#and then i stopped and realized id written a Whole Thing which in turn made me realize#that‚ Actually‚ I Have Like EIGHT YEARS Of Experience Playing In Community Ensembles. So What The Fuck Was I Talking About#particularly because i first started doing that in 5th grade meaning i have literally been playing in community ensembles for one (1) fewer#year than i have been playing my instrument. because the 8 years was counting by semester and doesnt include covid years#(at this point its 18 semesters / 11 years)
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Love how you can watch my descent into madness and hyper fixation with the clock 😂
She knows it's all an act as The Dark One. He can make himself look however he wants. He's just trying to look deranged and unapproachable for this reason.
That little snarl, calling her 'dearie' that isnt a term of endearment. That means you're just like everyone else.
No it fucking doesnt you liar.
That's right babe.
He's projecting just remember that.
She's holding back tears and so am i.
For ever rumplestiltskin. For someone immortal you'd better think about this twice.
#that douch kabob old man zazu or whatever the fuck his name was could change his looks to panhandle#why cant he?#he can he's just trying to put a BEWARE OF DOG sign up for a fucking pomeranian#or a bulldog#my bulldog sleeps 18 hours a day#not very threatening#he's just trying to protect the little shred of existence he has#dumbass#belle couldve been there to protect it with you#or ten times#or any number of times that doesnt make you do this#that takes it all back#gives her all the apologies kisses books flowers whatever she'll have to forgive you#ouat rumple#belle x rumple#ouat belle#belle#belle french#emilie de ravin#she's a phenomenal actress just from this damn scene alone#rumplestiltskin#1x12#skin deep#ouat#once upon a time
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as a huge spyro year of the dragon fan i Hate the reignited trilogy they took all the charm and nostalgia out of it BUT ... spyro's walking/running animation ? they perfected that.
#qktalks#world's most satisfying animation i could watch him hop around like that for hours. he's so ........ noodle-like#but they also took away his slow wing-flap animation from the original#like the one that's used when he's just standing there. he flaps his wings out very slowly in a constant rhythm#they took that away too. garbage game 0/10 /silly#they also made hunter .......so fucking ugly ?? whyd they do that to him . he didn't deserve this#for people unfamiliar with spyro look up spyro 3 original hunter vs reignited hunter you'll wanna vomit#idk i feel like reignited just didn't need to be made ?#a port of the original woulda been fucking BOMB. im of the opinion that old games don't Need to be remade#they just need to be ported/remastered or Whatever. and maybe tinkered with a Little if some aspect of the game was horrid for any reason#but also im of the opinion that u CAN do a good remake. if ur careful.#i don't think spyro needed all those graphic upgrades or that cartoonish realism#yeah the environments r pretty and they did a fine job w that i don't have an issue with the environments i have an issue w the characters#overall i think ?? bianca was done pretty well. she looks similar enough in face-shape to 3's original design#can't rly pinpoint anything in particular that's strange abt her. maybe her eyes? but idk what they coulda done differently#the sorceress is fine ... i kinda wish they made her head a little wider and kept the gradual change in scale color intact but#she's okay too#the fairies look bad<33333#spyro himself .... he looks okay ?#there's something Different about his face shape i kinda wish they'd kept everything a bit .... smaller? idk how to describe it#but it doesn't bother me that much i think they did a good job. lord knows they did better than skylanders .............#i also have an issue with the animations in general#idk how to explain it but the Way the characters move ............. it irks me#it's just so unnatural ? how they move and gesture when they talk? it's not Bad Animation it looks rly good graphically speaking#but idk. this isn't a spyro thing in particular it's just that animation style that i dislike#playing reignited just makes me sad. playing the original comforts me. playing reignited makes me sad that im not playing the original#u can remake an old game made of approximately 18 polygons and make it look good AND make it look like the original#u just have to be careful about the geometry and the level of detail and the eye shapes
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when will people understand tumblr is my safe space and if i wanted to see news i would just look it up on the three news apps downloaded on my phone
#maybe im wrong but idk i don't want to know and read about the war all the time yk because i can't fucking do anything about it sitting in#my room thousands of miles away???????#i am informed alright and horrified and sad i GET it#but so sick of these people saying you're horrible and have no compassion and are a baby for not keeping up with every news event#and not spreading information all the time#just saw a post that was like 'ppl saying uwu i have mental illness i can't talk about this all the time bc it makes me sad need to grow tf#up'#like oh please what 18 hours a day im awake and between everything else im supposed to keep up with the news 24/7???#sometimes i hate living in this world of internet sometimes i wish i could get my news from the newspaper in the morning once a day like my#parents
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instead of grinding for finals i lost hours to a one piece wiki spiral
#IT ALL STARTED...WITH CP9S INDEPENDENT REPORT#in the most predictable fashion. ive yet again fallen for the “dangerous murder bot villains are actually a found family and genuinely care#for one another“#PLSSS THE WAY THEY ALL WORKED SO HARD TO EARN THE MONEY TO TREAT LUCCI#thinking so hard about how they are one collecfive unit. they move together they work travel live thrive together#giggled so hard at kaku giraffe slide#SOEAKING OF WHICH I JUST LEARNED KAKU IS THE YOUNGEST OUT OF CP9#HE WAS 18 WHEN THEY PLANTED HIM AND THE OTHERS IN WATER 7#im not ok im ripping my pillow to shreds punchjng the wall screaming shaking good GOD DJFJ#KALIFAS DAD WAS IN THE PREV GEN OF CP9????? SO SHES RRALLY BEEN THERE THROUGH IT ALL#thinking about lucci and jabra and blueno trio...#yes i originally was devastated to discover my favourite shipwrifjts were actually undercover government assassins but like#the found family.....maybe not found family but FORGED FAMILY THEY MADE IT WORK#i still think it's so silly that. kaku is the youngest but hes second ij terms od power and he speaks like an old man#in my ideal world cp9 brutally murders spandam and they live their best lives after doijg whatever#attention span for stats and cs??? nonexistent#but yea sure i can spend 2 hours memorizing the key detaisl from the wiki entries of all cp9 agents and making a chart and timeline#maybe this is a sign...that i need to fix this before it causes bigger issues#rambling about stuff#wait omg no last thought is how when all the cp9 members reunite after 5 years and firsg thing they do is immediately check their doriki#and jabras upset by how both lucci ajd kakus are higher than his now but then u think about how hes the oldest in their group#heck five years ago when they were sent off to water 7 those two were 23 and FUCKIJG 18 YEARS OLD#OF COURSE HES UPSET THESE TWO FUCKING KIDS ARE STRONGEE THAN HIM#who holds seniority over them. im actually devastated and extremely entertained#the last time u see the youngest of your group hes some 18 year old kid you could best in a spar. maybe even leave some words of wisdom for#then he goes and leanrs how to build ships for 5 years and comes back stronger than u#they are a family to me... HE COULD HAVE ABANDONED TJEM?!?! THEM ALL HAD THE CHOICE OF LEAVING THE OTHERS BEHIND TO SAVE THEMSELVES#BUT THEY DIDNT. HE STILL GAVE KALIFA HIS SHIRT AND CARRIED KAKU ON HIS BACK ALL THE WAY TO ST POPLAR#biting my hands hitting the wall scratchijg the floors screaming shakijg not normal about these guys#THE WAY JABRA HAS A PET CHICKEN TO COUJTER HATTORI
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#ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck#just scream cried into a pillow for the first time in a decade#i just picked my ex up from the airport#first time seeing her since we broke up since she was overseas when i did it#and now im kinda maybe regretting it?? idkkkkkkkkkk#so i repeat#ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck me#she just had to show up after 18 hours on a plane looking absolutely gorgeous#and smiling at me like she used to like nothings happened#i just wanted to hug her for the next 93 hours straight#but.#thats selfish#because i still dont know if we could have a future together#and she still wants to see the world and travel but im kinda ready to settlw down a little#and i know if i asked her shed abandon all her plans and move to nz permanently l#but i cant do that#so#ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck me#sorry for the rant#being single is so simple#was* simple
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🤕
#I'm on like hour 15ish of this migraine and nothing has helped#I'm slowly checking off as many things as i can so when i get in to see a doctor specifically about treating my migraines#i can be like ''yeah I've tried all these lifestyle changes and other medical stuff that was within my control (like new lenses)''#and maybe ''can we please do some tests and figure out a treatment plan now''#i am so fucking tired 😭#i did manage to sleep a bit but i dreamed i was having a migraine and woke up with it just as intense as last night#(it's normal for mine to last 18+ hours but I've had a migraine almost every day this year so far and I'm Done)
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I have a week and a half of finals left and I am not making it through y’all 🙏
#I js finished my aps on Monday and ap studying is a whole different kind of beast#and so were finals last year#this year finals are light as fuck and that means I will not be studying much this week cuz I cannot get myself to take this shit seriously#like Monday? hell. ap gov and apah on one day#I had to cover 40 percent of apah on my own in the weekend before the exam cuz the teacher didn’t 😭#I also still had to review for gov#so I was spending like 18-20 hours a day on studying for those classes last weekend#and then taking the tests were fun but also horrible experiences#cuz of all the fucking writing#l got to near 20 pages of writing that day#and now I’m spending like an hour and a half max reviewing for anything#I have a final tomorrow and I’m so unserious about it#the only kinda stressful thing is Spanish and bio both being next Thursday#and ig math on Monday#but they’re still pretty light cuz I hv so much time to study#when we don’t hv tests it’s all study hall#so I’m just sitting in a room for 5 hrs working during school#and that’s more than enough time for those exams#like I just have to do 80ish practice problems and make flashcards for Spanish everyday until Sunday#and then I’m gonna check my math study guide on Sunday#and then continue studying Spanish flashcards every day leading up to next Thursday#other than that I have to make lang flashcards and study a bit for lang (prob like 2ish hours) next Monday#and like 6-7 hours of studying bio#like this is not that bad???#and I’m so excited for summer!!!#I alr have so many things prepped I wanna do!!#imma try to read for 24 hrs straight & draw more & get back into printmaking & do an internship & work on speech and debate#& volunteer at a library with my friends & study for next yr & learn to knit/crochet#& listen to music more & get back into piano fr & exercise#ares.txt
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my dad brought home a stray kitten 😑
#he is magnificent at finding stray/abandoned animals and bringing them home and unloading the responsibility on us#and having us get attached to the animal unneccessarily because they usually. well i'm not gonna say it#i don't wanna jinx it#it seems mostly healthy and we do already have flatbread so we have cat food luckily but he always fucking does this. it's so annoying#esp since this is only a few months after our family cat of 18 years died. like dude if anyone shouldn't be picking up strays it's my dad#because he never has time or money to take care of them#i cannot tell you the amount of short term pets i've had because of his antics#anyways. i have to go back to sleep now bc i only got 3 hours when my brother woke me up abt this 😔 gotta stop reading manga till 6am#since we got a new little guy to take care of now#sigh.#ik if i was like 12 i'd be getting all excited but i don't wanna be destroyed if smth happens to it so i'll manage my expectations#anyways. pics later when i wake up more
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one of my main life goals is to not become one of those adults that dismisses every problem that kids/teenagers have as silly or ridiculous. even if i can see that the problems won't matter in the long run, i have to keep the ability to see that it's real for them in the current moment
#green speaks#like its the bare fucking minimum but. its weirdly not very common for people to see kids and teens are Real Human Beings#like even if the problem *is* small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things. its real to *them* in the Right Now#also this might be a Zoomer Take but like. teenagers especially are expected to act like adults#without the rights or respect or basic control over their lives that adults have#like jfc no wonder teenagers are rebellious and miserable. theyre expected to have a job and do school and do chores#all on a schedule determined by Someone Else that like. they cant change. and usually its more than just the schedule#a lot of my friends (mostly 16-18) arent allowed to dye their hair. or go see a movie without permission. or even dress in a way they like#but theyre expected to have a job? and do schoolwork (which is a whole other can of worms)?? and chores and responsibilities??#all while never being resentful or upset even though like. hey actually maybe if your kid can have A Job they can also#have control over other aspects of their own life#like jesus. if you expect your kid to be responsible enough to do Activities and Tasks for like 12+ hours straight per day#then maybe also they can get the haircut they want. or go hang out at the park once in a while
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do you want me to fucking go off on you? do you truly fucking want that mother?
#“oh you and your sister never listen to me and blah blah blah” we fucking do (or at the very least i do)#“you guys never help out” does me doing the litter and taking out the trash and on occasion hand washing the dishes mean#fucking nothing to you? does me sweeping the floor every once in a while because you chose to keep us in an area that is ALL SAND/DIRT ROAD#for whatever stupid ass reason also meaningless? does me doing my damn best to help out mean fucking nothing?#do you want me to kill my self. do you want to lose your eldest child to something YOU could have fucking prevented all because you can’t#stop being a bitch to him all the time? do you really fucking want that mom? because at this rate i am once again on the road to fucking#attempting it. i’m so god damn sick of how you treat me. the only time i can do anything i want is at night. i stay up super late playing#games with my friends because its the only time in the day when you aren’t bitching and whining for me to do something you don’t want to do#for the past several days i’ve been up until five in the damn morning just to do something that makes me happy.#you misgender me. you deadname me. you refuse to accept any aspect of my identity. you don’t treat me like a god damn person.#i have so many different ways i can consider attempting if i truly wanted to. the only thing keeping me alive is my friends. because they a#least show that they fucking care and actively want to do things with me. like group drawing or playing video games.#YOU on the other hand; mother; yell and get mad at me over the stupidest shit and never fucking apologize.#i cannot recall a singular time you’ve apologized for being a complete bitch to me over something so fucking unimportant.#and yet i’m expected to be completely fucking fine and happy all because you provide me with the bare fucking minimum.#”i clothe and feed and provide a place for you to live” THAT IS THE BARE FUCKING MINIMUM. sure you could argue over the fact i’m 18 and#should be out working somewhere. but you give me so few opportunities for going places and even considering getting a job or finally gettin#my driver’s license. plus i would rather fucking die than work any food service or customer service job. because i’d be going somewhere#where i’d mostly get talked down to or yelled and then come home and have the same shit done after working for hours and getting minimal#pay. i’d rather work on my own fucking terms with commissions than go into any job where i have to interact with others in public for any#reason. where i’d be treated just the same as at home. like someone who isn’t a person and doesn’t deserve anyone to be nice to them.#i constantly so desperately wish that maybe one day soon i’d find someone to be with romantically and that i could maybe live with them and#get out of this hell hole that i’m supposed to call home. to go somewhere and have my efforts appreciated. to go somewhere where i’d#actually fucking be loved. i shouldn’t have to wish so god damn hard for a better life all because my mother can’t fucking treat me like a#person with hopes and dreams and thoughts and feelings.#i’m ending this rant here before i get too angry and upset. see you all in maybe an hour.#suicide mention#ask to tag
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