system-venting

[system-venting]

mod whatever my name is note - I did not think we would get so many followers wha [36 followers]

[system-venting]

i don't know if you guys are still active or not, but if you are, i'm going insane right now and have nowhere else to go, so hi.

im losing my fucking mind. i'm splitting very badly and am in the middle of a BPD episode, so take everything I say with a grain of salt, but FUCK man.

our partner system got mad at us for making a friend. not even somebody we talk to necessarily, just a mutual. they *flipped* out on us and lost their minds, and are currently still flipping out on us as we speak, despite it having been over a day now.

i don't fucking get it. they have friends. why cant we have friends?? our relationship is already weird because we're minors with a three year age gap (us on the lower end of it, being 14). it's easy to make us uncomfortable because we have trauma and are paranoid we're being groomed and controlled, and they *know* of this paranoia and still do this kind of shit where they very blatantly try to control us.

ive brought this up with them, I told them it made us uncomfortable as soon as it happened and tried to communicate it, but they immediately shut us down and explained how we were somehow in the wrong for "waking them up to that." waking you up to WHAT?? I didn't give you any devastating news, I told you we MADE A FRIEND. CRAZY FUCKING CONCEPT, I KNOW.

i don't even know what to do with them at this point. I'm stuck comforting them after they threw us into an episode and trauma response. I honestly am just appalled that they're acting this way. this is something we've talked to them about a number of times and they continue to do it. gross.

We are still active- well one mod is, the other mod's system is going through smth so they can't handle the vent page. Anyhow-

We.. honestly understand that situation, and it is really difficult. We were lucky enough to get them to mostly listen, and when they started up again our protector was plain out like "nope. Bye. Goodbye. No more of this.". It's.. difficult to get out of, but I wish you the best, if anything you could try to break up but obviously I know its hard and isnt always on the table for most.

Also, Not to make it worse, but it might be grooming. Our system was groomed by someone three years older than us and they mainly would manipulate and gaslight or guilt trip, and honestly your situation reminds us of our own

Grooming by definition is:

"Grooming is when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a person [typically young but can be any age] so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them. Children and young people who are groomed can be sexually abused, exploited or trafficked. Anybody can be a groomer, no matter their age, gender or race."

[system-venting]

I feel so... Weird?

My system says I fragmented to the point I didn't existed anymore, that there was only a bunch of fragments of me going around. Some of them couldn't face the fact that I was gone so they try to help themselves to get through most of the damages that make me split into that many fragments and force fusion

I feel like I'm a copycat of who I'm supposed to be, sure I have my memories, my personality, I'm me, but because I don't feel like I was and because I look kinda different I feel like I'm just a copycat of who I was before splitting

All of this is so strange, people are very happy I came back, some of them even cried, not only in-sys but out-sys too... I thought people wouldn't miss me, I thought it was for the best me disappearing for the big amount of alters appear because of my constant paranoia, stress and vulnerability... But they were happy I was back

They were happy even though I'm empty, I didn't have any likes or hobbies outside my roles, I was just a "blank" alter who did his job and move on... But the find in me someone enjoyable, relatable? I don't get it...

I feel strange because I can't feel happy to be back, because I didn't even feel like I "went missing" for weeks, and I can't be happy because they're happy to see me

I can't feel it like I should feel it... And it's strange

Sometimes things feel strange, wether for a little bit or forever, but you'll probably figure it out.. we kinda understand because similar thing happened to our old host. Just know that there's always a way to figure these things out wether it's ""fixing"" the issue or just learning to live with it.

[system-venting]

✉️inbox empty, remember you are free to vent whenever!! ✉️

[system-venting]

tw suicide

i formed four years ago to stop our girlfriend from committing suicide every time she attempted. why am i back in front to stop our ps from fucking killing themselves. why do we keep getting tangled with bad people. im so stressed and anxious and our headache is horrible i dont want to know who else popped into existence in the innerworld. i want him to stop trying to fucking kill himself but hes just saying more and more stressful shit.

we were in a simmilar situation, sometimes the best you/yall can do is explain that you/yall can't deal with it currently and that it does affect you/yall a lot.

I don't know if I should recommend this but in the end our ps who did that ended up being quite bad so we cut them off.

[system-venting]

hey how in the hell do you bring up an issue with the ps when they dont FUCKING LISTEN. theyre so caught up in their own brain they refuse to listen to how we feel about stuff. it feels like its all about them every time. its easier to ask an elephant to knit than to get through to the ps sometimes

oof, I feel you there because we used to have a ps like that-. Depending on if you see them irl or not we've heard of some methods that work so we'll list a few we've heard but also a few we used

If you dont see them irl then maybe voice/video calling will help them understand more since they actually kinda.. see you there. This worked with our ex-ps because for some reason they only understood when we were visibly there.

If you do see them irl then I've heard of a method where there's an object like a feather or stick and only the one holding it should speak until the other person has the object passed to them, it's meant to get the full story from both sides, so maybe you could use that to figure out why they keep doing that?

...I'm out of ideas but I can get mod lemon to give some more in a reblog soon

[system-venting]

We’re thinking of breaking up with our partners and I don’t know how to go about it. They’re also systems but we never considered them our partner systems it was just individual alters dating individual alters from their systems and we’ve found that that’s just not what we want or need anymore but they’ve already said in the past that they’re not interested in that. Which is fine but it’s not what we need. We very rarely get to talk to our partners individually and it kind of sucks. We feel bad about it but we don’t know what else to do.

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[system-venting]

me whrn. i get told another pokemon trainer fictive tried saying hi to our friend and he said ‘first of all, im so sorry’ like I KNOW THE POKEMON FANDOM IS FUCKED, BUT THE FICTIVES CANT CHOOSE WHO OR WHERE THEY COME FROM 💥💥💥

This is so real [the second bit]. Factives don't choose their source, they aren't their source, they may be Introjects of that source but they aren't their source-

[system-venting]

i hate everyone here!!!!! they’re all fucking assholes!!!!!!!! yannick treats me like a child because i’m unstable!!!!! everyone makes jokes about my mom being ***MURDERED***!!!!!!! and i keep getting triggered!!!!! i didn’t fucking ask to be a persocuter did i???!!!?!!?!?!?!!?!!!!!!

— 🗡️ / rowan

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[system-venting]

I just want to fucking do the things I enjoyed in source but apparently our host hates those things and their psys got triggered by me mentioning it

It's a fucking normal thing, I'm not hurting anyone, why won't they let me exist in a way that makes me comfortable I might merge tonight, I'm so done

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[system-venting]

CW • long rant about a bad experience w the body's parent regarding system things. Idk how else to tag sorry ;;

I'm starting to think that people-pleasing is like. Embedded into our system as a whole. Because (with some exceptions) every single time someone close to us has expressed that they prefer a specific alter or miss a specific alter, it's like said alter is compelled to front.

Like it's hard for anyone else to front once that preference is expressed. And that fucking sucks. It's fucking exhausting.

Saying this because after discovering that Malachi is the new host, and that I, Levi, (who mainly identifies as being [body's parent]'s child) wouldn't be fronting as often, [body's parent] came into our room *crying,* asked Malachi for a hug, and then proceeded to make him feel super fucking guilty for (INVOLUNTARILY I MIGHT ADD) becoming the host. Said they "felt like [they] lost [their] child."

And like. On the one hand; I get it, I understand that this system stuff is hard and change is hard (especially because they're autistic), and I sort of get feeling like you've lost someone if they aren't fronting often. BUT MAN. It's like... an actual joke in the sys community to say shit like that. It's a widly frowned-upon thing to do/say.

And all that to say, I'm pretty sure Malachi now feels guilty for fronting, so he's trying to dodge front as much as he can, and I'm being compelled to front because of the whole situation.

It's just... rough...

Feel free to not post this for any reason at all. Just need to get this off my chest

Levi (It/Hy) - @sovereignsystem

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[system-venting]

Why is everything a constant struggle with these assholes in my brain?

We go to eat, and I grab a bowl, and Assface#3 decides "You know what? No, actually!" And refuses to let me move our arm to actually get the bowl out of the cabinet.

Or we go to continue writing a story that a few of us have been co-authoring together. Suddenly Fuckface#8 no longer wants to do that and will forcibly take front, sending us into a dissociation spiral all because he wanted to watch his source.

I know there are good times and bad times, but goddamn it seems like the bad times are really piling up lately.

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[system-venting]

My ex is trying to call the police on me but I'm too busy with an alter having a breakdown to deal with getting evidence against him ;-;

[basically a German fictive alter is having a breakdown because my teacher made us watch the boy in the striped pyjamas and B [the fictive] does not want to remember WW2™

ehe

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[system-venting]

Nothing to really TW here because it's just a bit of a rant about not having much communication with alters

So

In my system we just haven't figured out how to communicate from front to the non-fronters. So we'll wanna check on alters not fronting with us but they're just not able to respond- so usually someone has to dip from front to check on the others.

Does anyone have advice on how to get better communication or is this something we just have to deal with?

I personally don't have advice since my system has had good communication since the very start of us realising we were one, if Mod Lemon has any advice they can reblog this with it. If anyone else has advice feel free to reblog with it!

Hope you either can find a way around it or find a way to deal with it happening a bit better, anon!

-Mod Attic

[system-venting]

Welcome y'all!

To start this off, this place is a safe place to vent about anything, obviously make sure to add trigger warnings if its something possibly triggering. This place is made for systems, as I myself am a system and thought this would be a good idea, for all the plurals who want to vent about stuff going on, wether in your system or with that singlet who just won't fuck off- or anything else!

I'm Mod Attic , the host of my system.

We have a second mod called Mod Lemon, who is also the host of their system.

!!Be aware: we are closer to anti-endo and do not support non-traumagenics due to personal issues with it, WE DON'T DO SYSCOURSE EVEN THOUGH WE ARE ANTI ENDO!!

!!We use plural because it feels right for us, we do not support endos!!