st4rvingstar

[st4rvingstar]

im gonna fucking kill myself i was literally about to pvrge and then my mum ‘heard’ it and i said i was just coughing. fuck how am i going to do this. Shes going to talk about this with everyone. im actually gonna jump.

[st4rvingstar]

after Tuesday (my sisters bday) or when i have devoured all of my easter eggs ill get back to posting my daily logs, the cals in everything im eating rn are just too embarrassing to post they are too high, but i promise im pvrging it all or over exercising to cancel it out. I just hate posting anything above 1200 cals and even then i don’t want to post about me eating 1200 cals unless i have burnt half of it off. It makes me feel invalid and not sick enough 😞

[st4rvingstar]

um what the fuck!! its easter and my family have commented so much on my body today??

at this point i don’t care if this is too specific to who i am and friends find out this acc is me because im just so pissed i can’t.

“When i saw you the other day it looked like you were withering away.” OKAY? IM DOING SOMETHING RIGHT?

“You are so pale, get some colour in you.”

“Maybe if you had more fat on ur fingers you would be able to open things.” YOUR JUST MAD IM FUCKING DOWN IN POUNDS.

“Just because you weigh 8 st” WHY WAS MY WEIGHT BROUGHT INTO A CONVERSATION ABOUT MY BROTHERS HEART BURN?

“You probably weighs less than your 9 year old sister” ok thats just dramatic.

the way they say all of this and about me being “too thin” when i just fucking SCRAPED the healthy section on the bmi calculator app (from being ow to healthy not from being uw to healthy). They are so dramatic for no reason and i guess i should take these as compliments? But its so annoying the constant talk about my weight.

[st4rvingstar]

i just had to eat a 900 cal mcdonalds meal and i want to purge. but im at my grandmas house. the walls are so thin and theres so many people here. im going to crash out.

i was meant to post this at 2pm ignore that its now posted at 6 lol

[st4rvingstar]

im still so mad about my fast 😞

i could have beaten my highest, i still have time but ugh i hate this why does my blood sugar drop so quickly. Fucking knew i should have taken electrolytes and water the night before to prevent a morning fainting episode.

But i did manage to burn around 500 smth calories yesterday during my fast and u burn more in a fasted state so 🙏

But omg i actually hate myself its been 2 hours since my fast ended and I’ve already consumed 473 cal 😞

[st4rvingstar]

overestimate what you’ve eaten

underestimate what you’ve burned

overexercise in private

& undereat in public ♡

[st4rvingstar]

I dont want to look like a skeleton, i want to look healthy. I dont want people to ask me of I’m okay, i want them to ask for my workout routine

[st4rvingstar]

sometimes i feel like i’m just a bed girl trying to be an ana girl

[st4rvingstar]

I will reach my gw by my birthday

I will reach my gw by my birthday

I will reach my gw by my birthday

[st4rvingstar]

being disordered is crazy cause i get angry when my parents notice me starving myself but get upset when they don’t

[st4rvingstar]

i just had to end my fast early because i nearly fainted im going to cry why is the 30 hour mark the hardest 😞

[st4rvingstar]

stuck here again ughhh

[st4rvingstar]

I wanna smoke a cigarette. I wanna cut. I wanna kill myself. I wanna starve. Everything I want rn is self destruction.

[st4rvingstar]

"It's not an addiction, it's a habit"

I muttered as I reach for my blade then stick my fingers down my throat

[st4rvingstar]

no cal intake / log for today because i fasted! 29/61 hours!

[st4rvingstar]

on it 🫡

planning a fast starting today and ending on easter??

total will be a 61 hour fast!

Fasting rule!:

- It will ONLY end if someone offers me food

> because i will be going out for the next 2 days and i have a feeling on day 2 a friend will offer me food (ill feel bad for saying no).

[st4rvingstar]

planning a fast starting today and ending on easter??

total will be a 61 hour fast!

Fasting rule!:

- It will ONLY end if someone offers me food

> because i will be going out for the next 2 days and i have a feeling on day 2 a friend will offer me food (ill feel bad for saying no).