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you were a nightmare, disguised as my dream

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i can still taste your lips on mine. 

i can still taste your passion, your agression.

i can still taste the sweetness. 

the wetness, the stickiness.

but you can’t. 

and even if you could

that sheer memory

would be blocked out 

by the taste of her.

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i keep holding onto impossible fantasies

and even though i know i should

i can't bring myself to let go

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I love you.

I love it when you laugh sweetly when I twirl you in the basement of your house at 2am.

I love the way your hair shimmers in the moonlight when we take our nightly strolls.

I love your deep, green eyes, holding a thousand of the world’s secrets.

I love your warm hands, your pointy nose, your soft lips, sweet but wet.

I love the fantasies I have created in my head of us.

The fantasies that once were true.

But now they truly are mere fantasies

For although I love you

You love her.

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i met you the day i

thought the world

was going to end

and that the sky

would collapse onto us

the stars

spilling onto the ground

but everything

turned out to be okay

because of this lovely

handsome boy

i didn't know

the name of.

you.

i saw you that day

and how i wished

how i wished

that you were mine

until

you were.

i reserved the right

to call you darling

for you were mine

forever and always

your lips were mine

your arms were mine

everything.

but now I no longer

can call you darling

for you are not my darling

for you

belong to her.

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I am emotional boy.

I am weak boy.

I am scarred wrists and dried tears boy.

I am regret boy.

I am sad boy.

I am stay up all night crying boy.

I am dysphoric boy.

I am what is the point of life anyway boy.

But I am also strong boy.

I am trying boy.

I am hyper boy.

I am crazy stupid in love boy.

I am powerful boy.

I am life is for living boy.

I am not my feminine curves, my feminine body.

I am me.

I am boy.

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tell me why my face still lights up everytime I see you.

tell me why I still think about you all day and night, hoping you're okay.

tell me why I still savor the sound of your laugh and the sight of your smile.

tell me why my heart sinks everytime I see you holding her hand.

touching her.

kissing her.

loving her, but not me.

tell me why I still miss you, even though I know I shouldn't.

tell me why you had to go.

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are you there

are you ther

are you the

are you th

are you t

are you

are yo

are y

are

ar

a

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when you held my hand, I felt connected.

when you put your arm around me, I felt protected.

when you gave me a hug, our whole bodies touching, I felt a surge of pleasant warmth.

when you kissed me, your lips wet but sweet, I almost exploded from joy.

when I held your hand, when I rested my head on your shoulder, when I returned your hug, when I kissed you, you

you felt nothing.

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Your face used to light up when you saw me.

We exchanged kisses in the dark.

We cuddled and lay there together for hours on end, our breaths perfectly in sync.

Our laughs had echoed through the tunnels of the parks we had walked through hand in hand.

Now your sweet lips are reserved for her, not me.

Now your arm is around her as she wears your sweatshirt (the one I had to drop off at your doorstep).

Now the echoes have long since faded.

Now you're just another boy in my memories.

Another one who broke my heart.

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i want a girlfriend who will drag me outside at 3am to look at the stars