slapyou-intheface-blog

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Bulma: Vegeta, say one nice thing about Goku.

Vegeta: Well, he’s alive.

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*The genin all nervous about the Chunin Exam:

Asuma: Whose turn is it to give the pep-talk?

Kurenai: *sighs* Kakashi.

Kakashi: Fuck shit up out there, but don’t die.

Guy: *wiping away a tear* So inspirational.

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Rex: If General Kenobi and I were drowning, who would you save?

Cody: You two can’t swim?

Obi Wan: It’s a hypothetical question, Cody! Who would you save?

Cody: My time and effort.

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Rex: I sleep with a blaster under my pillow.

Anakin: I sleep with my lightsaber.

Obi Wan: Both of you are pathetic.

Anakin: Oh yeah? What do you sleep with?

Obi Wan: Cody.

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Cody: General, I think it’d be best if Captain Rex joined us on this mission.

Obi Wan: Alright! My fantasy threesome!

Everyone else: *blank stares*

Obi Wan: …Of people on a team.

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Obi Wan: I’m not feeling so good.

Cody: Why? What’s wrong?

Obi Wan: I keep getting a headache that comes and goes.

*Anakin enters the room*

Obi Wan: There it is again.

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Obi Wan: From now on we’ll be using code names. You can address me as Eagle One.

Obi Wan: Asajj is “been there, done that”

Obi Wan: Jango is “currently doing that”

Obi Wan: Hondo is “ it happened once in a dream”

Obi Wan: Cad is “if I had to pick a Duros”

Obi Wan: Anakin is…Eagle Two.

Anakin: Oh thank The Force.

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Sam: You bought a taco?

Dean: Yes.

Sam: From the same truck that hit Castiel!?

Dean, with a mouthful of taco: Well, me starving ain’t gonna help him.

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Castiel: What’s sexting?

Dean: I’m not having this conversation with you.

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Dean: I am so cool. I am an absolute Chad. I am the epitome of coolness and awesomeness-

Castiel: Hello Dean.

Dean: *Melts down in a flustered heap of softness*

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Five: I have the sharpest memory here. Name one time I forgot something.

Luther: You forgot me, Diego, and Klaus at the Walmart parking lot at 2am a day ago.

Five: I did that on purpose, try again.

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Viktor: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?

Alison: Maybe a bit tipsy.

Diego: Drunk.

Five: Wasted.

Klaus: Dead.

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*Reaction to being told they’re the Chosen One*

Luther: I won’t let you down.

Diego: Sounds fun.

Alison: K.

Victor: Do I have to be?

Klaus: No the fuck I’m not.

Five: Please God, I’m so tired.

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Gilthunder: Do you cook?

Meliodas: I made a cake once.

Elizabeth: Yeah, it was good.

Meliodas: Really?

Elizabeth: Don’t make me lie twice, Meliodas.

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*Diego, teaching Klaus how to drive*

Diego: Okay, you’re driving and Five and Luther walk out in front of you. Quick, what do you hit?

Klaus: Oh, Luther for sure. I could never hurt Five.

Diego, messaging his temples: The brakes! You hit the brakes!

Diego: …But yeah, definitely Luther.

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Five: Could you guys at least try to see things from my perspective?

Diego: *Crouches down*

Luther: *Kneels down*

Klaus: *Sits on the floor*

Five:

Five: I hate all of you.

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Luther: For self defense reasons, I’m going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely.

Diego, Five, and Klaus: Alright.

Luther: If you don’t want to die, give me all your money.

Diego: Bold of you to assume I have money.

Five: Bold of you to assume I don’t want to die.

Klaus: Bold of you to assume I can die.