sixxunderground

[sixxunderground]

I did.

[sixxunderground]

August 14, 1932

Anaïs:

Don’t expect me to be sane anymore. Don’t let’s be sensible. It was a marriage at Louveciennes—you can’t dispute it. I came away with pieces of you sticking to me; I am walking about, swimming, in an ocean of blood, your Andalusian blood, distilled and poisonous […] I saw you as the mistress of your home, a Moor with a heavy face, a negress with a white body, eyes all over your skin, woman, woman, woman. I can’t see how I can go on living away from you—these intermissions are death. How did it seem to you when Hugo came back? Was I still there? I can’t picture you moving about with him as you did with me. Legs closed. Frailty. Sweet, treacherous acquiescence. Bird docility. You became a woman with me. I was almost terrified by it. You are not just thirty years old—you are a thousand years old.

Here I am back and still smouldering with passion, like wine smoking. Not a passion any longer for flesh, but a complete hunger for you, a devouring hunger. I read the paper about suicides and murders and I understand it all thoroughly. I feel murderous, suicidal. I feel somehow that it is a disgrace to do nothing, to just bide one’s time, to take it philosophically, to be sensible. Where has gone the time when men fought, killed, died for a glove, a glance, etc? (A victrola is playing that terrible aria from Madama Butterfly—”Some day he’ll come!”)

I still hear you singing in the kitchen—a sort of inharmonic, monotonous Cuban wail. I know you’re happy in the kitchen and the meal you’re cooking is the best meal we ever ate together. I know you would scald yourself and not complain. I feel the greatest peace and joy sitting in the dining room listening to you rustling about, your dress like the goddess Indra studded with a thousand eyes.

Anais, I only thought I loved you before; it was nothing like this certainty that’s in me now. Was all this so wonderful only because it was brief and stolen? Were we acting for each other, to each other? Was I less I, or more I, and you less or more you? Is it madness to believe that this could go on? When and where would the drab moments begin? I study you so much to discover the possible flaws, the weak points, the danger zones. I don’t find them—not any. That means I am in love, blind, blind. To be blind forever! (Now they’re singing “Heaven and Ocean” from La Gioconda.) ….

[…] While it thunders and lightnings I lie on the bed and go through wild dreams. We’re in Seville and then in Fez and then in Capri and then in Havana. We’re journeying constantly, but there is always a machine and books, and your body is always close to me and the look in your eyes never changes. People are saying we will be miserable, we will regret, but we are happy, we are laughing always, we are singing. We are talking Spanish and French and Arabic and Turkish. We are admitted everywhere and they strew our path with flowers.

I say this is a wild dream—but it is this dream I want to realize. Life and literature combined, love the dynamo, you with your chameleon’s soul giving me a thousand loves, being anchored always in no matter what storm, home wherever we are. In the mornings, continuing where we left off. Resurrection after resurrection. You asserting yourself, getting the rich varied life you desire; and the more you assert yourself the more you want me, need me. Your voice getting hoarser, deeper, your eyes blacker, your blood thicker, your body fuller. A voluptuous servility and tyrannical necessity. More cruel now than before—consciously, wilfully cruel. The insatiable delight of experience.

HVM

[sixxunderground]

Blown to fucking pieces.

[sixxunderground]

The world is a vampire.

[sixxunderground]

All the pretty horses.

[sixxunderground]

Let's shoot some heroin and fuck with the stars...

[sixxunderground]

[sixxunderground]

There are four basic human needs: food, sleep, sex and revenge.

Banksy

[sixxunderground]

Seize the day.

[sixxunderground]

Up with your turret Aren't we just terrified? Shale, screen your worry from what you won't ever find

Don't let it fool you Don't let it fool you... down Dancing around, folds in her gown

Sea and the rock below Cocked to the undertow

Bones blood and teeth erode They will be crashing low

Wings wouldn't help you Wings wouldn't help you... down Down fills the ground, gravity's proud

You barely are blinking Wagging your face around When'd this just become a mortal home?

won't

won't

won't

won't,

won't let you talk me Won't let you talk me... down Will pull it taut, nothing let out

[sixxunderground]

Venice, ‘96.

[sixxunderground]

Clouds in my coffee.

[sixxunderground]

[sixxunderground]

“Every day I wake up thinking today's the day I'm gonna see you. And one of those days, it will be so. And then we can ride off to somewhere. Somewhere far away. “ ~Ain’t Them Bodies Saints 

[sixxunderground]

Elliott Smith-Pitseleh

I'm not half what I wish I was I'm so angry, I don't think it'll ever pass And I was bad news for you, just because I never meant to hurt you...

[sixxunderground]

Where you’ll find me....

[sixxunderground]

If I tell you I need you, do not take it lightly. I do everything I can to never have to depend on anyone, to never show weakness. And if I say I need you, it means that I am trusting you to catch me when I fall.