sadwitty

[sadwitty]

I wanted a boyfriend.

All I got was a Sam.

[sadwitty]

[sadwitty]

If you’re ever around me, date me, or are my friend, you will be happy. Not because I myself am happy, but because I have made it my life’s purpose to make others as happy as they can be. So when no one is around, I become terribly depressed and anxious as I have only ever known how to make others happy, never myself. I don’t known how to make myself happy.

[sadwitty]

Life is so good when it’s warm and the sun is out.

The voices in my head aren’t as loud.

[sadwitty]

Of light and dark.

[sadwitty]

First snow of the season.

[sadwitty]

[sadwitty]

[sadwitty]

After 3 months of having unprotected emotional vulnerability, I have now carried melancholy for a full gestational period of a human fetus. I have been pregnant with misery and now I carry it in my arms like a child.

I fear I will have to raise it which will require me to slowly feed it parts of my soul until I am nothing but an empty shell. Void of a personality and wearing only high-waisted, cropped jeans.

[sadwitty]

For once I want to be the muse.

I want to float through the experience and leave unscathed.

I want to feel in the moment, and then disappear as if you nor I ever existed.

I want the easy way out, but without the pain I wouldn’t know who I was.

[sadwitty]

I had a dream about you last night.

We kissed on the stairs.

It made my soul melt.

I wish I could just forget about you.

Forgetting would make my life so much easier.

Erasing the memory would erase the pain, but it would also erase you.

[sadwitty]

I just want to know peace, love, and safety.

I want them to be my best friends.

[sadwitty]

September is a lovely, nostalgic month that I really never appreciated until I was in my 20s. It’s truly magical. There are things to look forward to with Halloween and the holidays, but the month has none of the stress of the holiday season. The weather isn’t freezing or boiling hot. It’s sunny and the leaves are still green, but the crisper morning air smells like fall and change.

September feels like an old lover come to give you a kiss goodnight; warm, safe, comforting, and full of innocent, wholesome love.

[sadwitty]

The moon will always remind us why it is crucial that we look up.

[sadwitty]

[sadwitty]

I feel like I’m still full of bullet holes. Some have healed over, while others are just full of cotton to assume the appearance of healing. If I move the wrong way, the cotton will fall out and the bullet holes will be revealed.

[sadwitty]

Massachusetts

You had me longing for the sea

Every lighthouse and rocky edge reminding me of you

As I throw myself against the formation, like a wave hits the shore

A beacon in the dark, slowly turning me mad;

Like a lighthouse keeper

One of your favorite films, now a symbol of your absence and my inevitable decent into madness

I release you into the sea as I become one with the edge

Defined and rough to the touch

I become the base for a structure that withstands the erosion of seawater

As you steadily float from the shore, falling into familiar depths you will never come out of

Do you feel safe now?