rccovery - Tumblr blog

[rccovery]

which part of therapy will convince my dumb brain that i actually do want to recover????? seriously, by now I have the tools and understanding to cure all the eds in the world, but how do i apply it to myself???? 

[rccovery]

I feel like I go to therapy for everyone but me. I go because it makes my mum hopeful and it makes my team think I’m trying. 

I really want to try, and I want my trying to be authentic, but the ed is just so strong and convincing???? 

[rccovery]

in what fucked up world did what I eat and what I weigh begin to determine my self-worth?? seriously, what. the. fuck. 

[rccovery]

I was threatened with an inpatient admission, strangely validating but also motivation to quit fucking around and stop listening to the ed 

[rccovery]

I still crave being sick because I feel like it makes me unique and special and noteworthy, and without hospital admissions and bad behaviours I’m nothing. But the reality is that being sick cost me so much. It lost me so many friends - I’m the loneliest I’ve ever been because I became too weird and too hard to deal with. So no, being sick is not special or glamorous. It just makes people feel awkward and give up on you all together. So why the fuck do I want to be sick again?

[rccovery]

I don’t know why I exist today. I feel like I have no connections or worth. All I do is eat.

[rccovery]

I desperately want to be small again but I don’t want the hair loss, liver failure, low blood pressure, yellow skin, constant fatigue and low mood that comes with it. I just want to be small and safe again. Without the complications.

[rccovery]

I'm going for a job interview! What on earth do I wear?!

[rccovery]

reminder

Being asleep requires energy. 

Sitting around requires energy. 

Just EXISTING requires a lot of energy! 

Think of food as nourishing energy - that’s all it is. 

[rccovery]

[rccovery]

Lately I’m working on accepting my weight like I’ve accepted my height. Like our height, our weight is genetically predetermined and as such is actually very hard to alter. I’m trying to remember that I have a genetic set point and that’s where my body naturally wants to hover and that’s okay. I’m trying to remember that my size, big or small, does not determine my self worth. Does not make me a good or bad person. And overall, I’m able to LIVE at a healthy weight and that’s what matters. 

[rccovery]

coping statements

I have the right to say NO to the ED.

I have the right to be vulnerable and express how I feel.

I use each meal time as an opportunity to reset and follow my meal plan.

The goal of weight loss is incompatible with recovery.

My size does not determine my worth.

It’s just a feeling, not a fact.

It makes sense that I’m having these tough feelings and thoughts because I’m in recovery. 

I am not the best judge of my body. 

[rccovery]

Jess Megan

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Cozyness 🍁

(weheartit.com)

[rccovery]

Source: @kronfoto