pearls-gone-wild

[pearls-gone-wild]

Holy fuck, I have encountered a record number of broken job application websites this morning. Two of them errored out so thoroughly that I couldn't apply at all. And let's not forget the website I had to hack so that I could even click the "Submit" button - there was a footer blocking the fucking "Submit" button! Was that some kind of test? These are not coding jobs!

Fuck. That was a test. And I passed it, because I'm trying to be a Nac Mac Feegle in my job applications. Pass me the blue face paint.

[pearls-gone-wild]

This is why it's important to know that the current US administration is imposing so many cuts and funding "adjustments" on medical research that clinical trials are shutting down. Graduate programs for biomedical research are not admitting any students for the upcoming year. The NIH is being gutted. Oh, and let's not forget the anti-vaxxer we have as Health Secretary, who took an entire fucking month to even suggest that the very safe and extremely available measles vaccine might solve that measles outbreak in Texas and even then suggests folks would do better with vitamin A and cod liver oil. (He's still cutting vaccine hesitancy research.)

(For the genuine deficit hawks: the NIH's annual budget is $48B, 0.7% of what the federal government spends in total ($6.75T).)

Fucking yell at Congress, folks. This is not okay, and this is a price that's going to be paid today, tomorrow, and onwards.

No one notices the people who aren't dying until they start to die again.

i think we should be talking about the semi-recent advancements in cystic fibrosis treatment like all the time every day. there hasn’t been a drug like this since AZT medications for HIV infection it is truly fucking miraculous and very important

[pearls-gone-wild]

the suffering never ends

[pearls-gone-wild]

"That's a great knife, where'd you get it forged?"

"This? Oh, actually she's a foster, it's with me only for the next six months while getting acclimated to civillian life."

"Acclimated to..."

"The poor thing was previously the execution sword of a dread conqueror. They used her to publicly behead captured enemies, can you imagine? Fortunately, the conqueror was busted in that sting last fall, and this blade was young enough that we thought she could be retrained as a family knife."

"Retrained...?"

"Swords that have taken fewer than a thousand lives can almost always be repurposed for domestic use. The more aggressive ones can still find good homes with an experienced butcher, but this one is doing really well as an all-purpose kitchen knife. She's even good at soft tomatoes!"

"Huh."

"We're talking to a nice family right now that might be a good placement - eldest son wants to be a chef."

"Um, it seems to be glowing."

"Oh, that's just residual dark magic. The dread conqueror was a bit of a warlock as well. The glow will come off as it heals, and regains a nice healthy shine."

"Ok... yeah... I guess I always thought they just melted down any cursed blades they find."

"That would be such a waste! And listen to how she sings when dicing the onions. She's so much happier now."

Concept: cursed blade rehabilitation center. Destroying a sentient weapon is expensive and highly unethical, so adventurers bring them to the center where highly trained staff can care for them and eventually find them forever homes. It turns out most cursed weapons are products of trauma and are not strictly evil themselves. Some blades turn out to be fiercely protective companions. Others don't even want to be weapons at all, finding joy in simple work like blacksmithing or farming. Most blades just need to be loved.

[pearls-gone-wild]

New job hunting idea: pretend you're a Nac Mac Feegle.

I don't actually have any follow-up, aside from the wistful thought that no sentient creatures in fact or fiction have less embarrassment than the Nac Mac Feegle. No process is more socially agonizing than all the networking, self-aggrandizement, and general fuckery that is getting a job in the knowledge economy right now. If imagining myself blue and belligerent helps, I'm going to do it, even if a wee dram 'o Scots dialect creeps its way into my cover letters.

[pearls-gone-wild]

Also the queen in this retelling of Cinderella.

The defeated and bloodied king was chained to kneel in front of his enemy and he says weakly: "Is my wife still alive?" His enemy nodded. "You fools," he said smirking, and the king starts laughing as the sounds of explosions getting closer shake the room.

[pearls-gone-wild]

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, I played a tap-dancing Stormtrooper in Star Wars: The Musical Edition.

The cast, and crew of any theatrical production always develop an irreverent attitude towards the material, a natural consequence of rehearsing the same damn lines 500,000x. If you're in a musical, you'll be filking backstage. If you're performing Shakespeare, you'll be filking in iambic pentameter while quick-changing elaborate hoisery.

Anyways, this is why I can tell you from personal experience that Stormtrooper striptease is 1) possible 2) hazardous, if you happen to be in the way of an erotically flung shoulder piece and 3) a really great way to end every rehearsal.

knight strip tease. is that anything

[pearls-gone-wild]

You really need to make non-tragic past for your characters, significant people and events that impacted their lives, non-dramatic mundane moments that shaped them, happy memories, bitter memories, embarrassing memories.

Like yes the space princess lost her whole civilization, but did she have friends before that? Favorite place? Does she miss the sound of her favorite music she use to listen to?

[pearls-gone-wild]

*snorts seltzer straight out her nose*

h/t @erkhyan

[pearls-gone-wild]

Someone explain to me why I can only hear the answers I need when my kids are asking the questions. A recent bedtime:

Secondus: Mama, I'm depressed and I don't know why. I feel as though there's something I want to do but I haven't done it yet. Me: Sweetpea, that's very common, but know this - tomorrow will be soon enough, both to figure out what it is you want to do, and to do it. Now go to sleep. Secondus: Ok, Mama. Primus: Mama, I'm depressed and I kind of know why. I feel like little things don't make me as happy as they used to. Me: Ah, yes, that's normal. You know how when you're little, your body needs less food because you're littler, but when you get bigger, it needs more food? Well, your brain is now bigger, so it needs more. Primus: Oh. Secondus: (clearly disappointed) Aww... Me: It's ok. Your brain being bigger means that you're also better set up to find the bigger things to give you joy. We'll work on that together.

Meanwhile, fireworks are going off in my head. Your brain is bigger, so it needs more, that's why you're not as happy as you used to be. Tomorrow will be soon enough to figure it out. These are the answers I've been looking for for DECADES! Have they been here all this time, inaccessible until my offspring were capable of expressing existential angst? What the hell is going on in the three pounds of fatty tissue I carry in my skull?

OMFG, I've become Arthur Dent.

[pearls-gone-wild]

"Submit your resume. We will parse it and autofill the application for you! But all the formatting will be gone and also everything is in the wrong order and we're going to be really confused about your degrees!"

*tries to set the online application website on fire with the force of her mind*

*realizes she could have done that if only she'd taken the coding classes her mom wanted her to*

"Submit your resume. Now fill it all in manually."

BITE. BITE. BITE. HATE YOU. HATE YOU. BITE.

[pearls-gone-wild]

Something something current political situation in America.

Future historians, this is a dispatch from February 15th, 2025. I hope you're saying "yeesh what a pessimist" or "I wish I could tell you how it all comes right" and not "let's follow their lives for the next three years as an exemplar of how it all ended".

Vetinari and Ridcully, bonding:

"People do not understand the limits of tyranny," said Vetinari, as if talking to himself. "They think that because I can do what I like I can do what I like. A moment’s thought reveals, of course, that this cannot be so." "Oh, it is the same with magic," said the Archchancellor. "If you flash spells around like there’s no tomorrow, there’s a good chance that there won’t be."

-- Terry Pratchett, Unseen Academicals

[pearls-gone-wild]

This makes even more sense of you recall, as per Masquerade, Mrs. Palm is old friends with Granny Weatherwax.

Can you just imagine Sybil Ramkin, Rosie Palm, Esmeralda Weatherwax, and Gytha Ogg on a girls' night out. The mind boggles.

Thinking about the potential for Sybil Ramkin to have been utilising the soft power of her rank and wealth in a pre Guards! Guards! Ankh Morpork and have decided when Vetinari announced the creation of the Beggars' and Seamstress' Guild, Rosie Palm and Queen Molly both received an invitation for tea with Lady Ramkin. Does she fully understand what Havelock is doing? No, but she does understand that people like Ronnie Rust are furious about it....and yet If The Richest, Oldest Family in the city (as the Ramkins *are* - even if the only Ramkin left is eccentric old Sybil) openly accepts the move, centuries of believing that the more money and the more impressive ancestors a person has the more right their actions are will steer Rust and rest to follow Lady Ramkin's lead- at least for a while.

And yes, Havelock can take care of himself- that doesn't mean Sybil's not going to look after him where she can

[pearls-gone-wild]

I read once in a fan forum, and have never forgotten, that the way he handled this situation has all the hallmarks of Lady Alys. No matter how difficult the circumstances, carry on because Things Must Be Done The Right Way, And With Style.

I highly doubt she intended her life lessons to be used thusly, but I like to think she'd have been proud of him.

it’s always a good time to remember that time Ivan Vorpatril got discreetly dosed with Cetagandan anti-viagra right before being “invited upstairs” by 2 beautiful noblewomen, so he improvised some bullshit about it being a matter of Male Vor Honor(TM) to get a woman off 3 times before he himself came, and proceeded to foreplay so well and so thoroughly that he successfully exhausted all of them to sleep and snuck out; and the next day started getting a flood of invites to “private parties” hosted by more noblewomen, including at least 1 who was married.

[pearls-gone-wild]

It's very Miles Vorkosigan that this party includes several empire-threatening secrets and it's not even going to be his worst one.

Cetaganda ch. 5: The Party

Party here we go!

I love scifi words! Tecnomed! Vueloliviano (lightflyer?)! Comus (comms)!

Miles' "but what if they're incompetent, i better just do it alone and never ask for help and handle 300 problems myself" attitude is hm. Oddly relatable.

Oh. Perfumes and drugs. Because nothing has ever gone wrong with perfumes and drugs in the Vorkosigan family before. My bets are now on an allergic reaction.

Miles sent up a short silent prayer to the guardian god of fools, lovers, and madmen

XDDDD Poor Ivan. Doesn't deserve this slander. But it's cool that Miles worries.

Oh, we're profiling suspects! This is really Detective Miles: the book. So, Lord X (or Lady X, Miles), is our suspect. It makes sense that even if Yenaro was actively trying to harm them he needed help to make the sculpture.

My main suspect rn is the Emperor but we'll see.

Me: Too much drink description. Is it poisoned? Maybe it's like in the Princess Bride where... Miles: Ah. Yes. This could easily be poisoned in this and that way. Me: Miles I adore you.

A mysterious girl! A ba! Rian Degtiar here we go!

Btw how does one pronounce Rian? I've been thinking "Ryan" but it might be "Ree-ann" as well.

Why did Rian know Miles was gonna be there though?

Oh??? So the Key was being taken somewhere.

"Pentarrápida"! New word!! Fast penta has been translated as penta-fast. Good enough.

Aunt Alys mention!

"OH" IS SUCH A FANFIC THING TO SAY.

WOW I LOVED THIS CHAPTER'S END, WITH RIAN'S DESCRIPTION!!

[pearls-gone-wild]

(claws out of the other side of the chasm, battle scarred and trauma-laden, waving about their diploma with the weary cry, "What do you mean this barely makes me any more employable?")

the voice of the devil

[pearls-gone-wild]

When I was in college, I got into the habit of stress-baking cookies, and because I was living in a dorm, this would bring in anyone within the olfactory radius who wanted cookies. That's a lot of people! It was like I'd discovered the magical spell of Summon Group Therapy.

Anyways, when you're not living in a dorm anymore, you have to go around with the cookies yourself, but that's ok, the summoning spells still work, just a little differently as you get into different stages of life.