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wishing harm upon someone / telling people to kts over a (poorly written) book is kind of insane behaviour tbh 😭😭

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Is Nesta Archeron a Narcissist?

Disclaimer: I am not a professional. I am a university student who has been studying psychology for 3.5 years. A lot of research and time goes into this post. If you do have a personality disorder (PD), you are NOT a bad person. If you think you have a PD, do not self-diagnose from this post; please speak to a psychiatrist.

From afar, especially to those who do not like Nesta, it feels like a no-brainer to diagnose her with NPD. However, being one of the most complex personality disorders, it is important to consider context, background, and the full spectrum of her behaviour and motivations.

Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) According to the DSM-5, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is characterized by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following criteria:

Grandiosity: Exaggerated sense of self-importance.

Nesta has stated in several instances, especially throughout ACOSF when we see her internal monologue and self-hatred, that she does not deserve anything—love, kindness, etc.

“I deserve Eris.” Her voice cracked.

“I do not deserve you, and I never, ever will.”

“I am worthless and I am nothing.”

“...and still he somehow loved me. I didn't deserve it, but he did. And I let him die.”

While, yes, NPD is generally associated with traits like low-self esteem, Nesta’s expressions of self-deprecation and unworthiness point more towards a profound internalized sense of shame and self-blame, rather than grandiosity. This suggests a deeper psychological complexity possibly stemming from unresolved trauma or guilt, rather than the characteristic inflated self-importance seen in NPD.

Fantasy: Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.

I am not going to touch on fantasy or fantasizing, because it just did not occur in the book. But, if I had to say anything, it's that if anyone was fantasizing about great power or success, it was Amren, wanting to use Nesta's powers behind her back.

Need for Admiration: Requires excessive admiration 

Nesta has not once been seen canonically to fish for compliments, wish for compliments, or even respond well to kindness—because of, as previously mentioned, her self-hatred.

“Don't touch me. Don't- don't be kind to me.”

While we know that Nesta longs for kindness deep down, and that through the valkyries, she learned to accept it, Nesta is often seen rejecting kindness, rather than seeking it out.

Sense of Entitlement: Sense of entitlement 

This is the big one—the one that gets everybody up in arms. I would like to begin by stating that even I, someone who loves Nesta, can see a sense of entitlement in the first ACOTAR book, and to say otherwise would be silly. However, even if she a) showed this trait enough for it to be thought of (by psychologists) as a direct NPD trait, it is not shown canonically enough to constitute diagnosis (traits must be pervasive and consistent across various relationships and situations), and in order to diagnose NPD, as stated by the DSM-5, an individual must exhibit five or more of these traits to be considered for diagnosis.

So, while Nesta has been seen to exhibit entitled or selfish behaviours, it a) is not pervasive enough to constitute a direct correlation to NPD, and b) does not simply mean that she has NPD. Remember, exhibiting occasional entitlement ≠ Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Exploitative Behaviours: Takes advantage of others to achieve own ends 

This is another argument I commonly see regarding Nesta and NPD. For starters, there is one instance where we see Nesta exhibit something that could be perceived as exploitative behaviour, which occurs in the first book.

Feyre asks Nesta to chop wood, and Nesta requests Feyre to do it instead, citing that her hands are more 'well-suited' for the task.

I acknowledge that Nesta’s unwillingness to chop wood and her attempt to have Feyre do it instead can be perceived as subtly exploitative behaviour. However, in the context provided, Nesta’s refusal to help could be interpreted as a response to her deep-seated resentment towards her father's neglect and the influence of her upbringing. Her actions do not inherently constitute exploitative behaviour towards Feyre. Instead, they reflect her choice to withhold assistance as a form of protest or to compel their father to take responsibility for their well-being.

Exploitative behaviour typically involves taking advantage of someone's vulnerability or goodwill for personal gain or to avoid personal responsibility. In Nesta's case, her actions seem more like a stance against enabling her father's neglect rather than exploiting her sister. However, I acknowledge this could be perceived as subtly exploitative because, despite deeper reasons, she relies on Feyre’s assistance (even though she resents it, and would rather she didn’t).

Lack of Empathy: Lacks empathy; unwilling to recognize or identify with others' feelings and needs

Let’s start with Feyre’s own words:

“I think Nesta feels everything—sees too much; sees and feels it all. And she burns with it. Keeping that wall up helps from being overwhelmed, from caring too greatly.”

Beyond that, there are several instances where we see Nesta show great empathy for those around her, even when it brings her no real gain:

“What I care about is making sure no children—fae or human—are harmed.”

“Neither of you is to blame for what happened. Neither of you failed anyone.”

“It’s the only way,” (willingness to give up her life for her friends during the rite).

Unwilling to leave Cassian at the prison, or during battle in ACOWAR.

Willingness to do anything to keep Elain from falling further traumatized, even if it was overbearing at times. 

It is seen time and time again that Nesta has empathy and the capacity to show great care for others. I do agree that the way she treated Feyre was not how I would treat my own siblings; however, that does not make her apathetic—especially when she has shown care for Feyre since. (The fact that it didn’t happen until Feyre nearly died does not matter in the context of NPD, sorry).

Envy: Often envious of others or believes others are envious of them.

Throughout the series, we do not really see Nesta show envy towards others. She may have potentially envied her wealthy peers after falling into poverty—though this is more a case of resentment towards their refusal to assist her family. Additionally, there is a sense of envy towards the Inner Circle and Feyre’s new family, though it’s more accurate to describe it as longing.

From Nesta’s perspective, Feyre starts a new family—one that has treated Nesta poorly from the beginning. Nesta does not feel comfortable around these people, especially those who treat her disrespectfully (like Mor). While Feyre had every right to extend her family to those who love and care for her, it is also fair for Nesta to long for the sisterly bond she witnesses between Feyre, Mor, and Amren.

Whether or not Nesta should have handled her relationships with Feyre better in the earlier books has nothing to do with a diagnosis of NPD.

Arrogant: Shows arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes

And finally, we have another of the commonly used explanations behind Nesta’s tiktok diagnosis of NPD. Arrogance, much like grandiosity, is not canonically demonstrated by Nesta throughout the series. Nesta is seen to carry herself with a sense of purpose, composure, and confidence—this is not inherently arrogance. Nesta was raised from a young age to marry someone of high social status; a lot of her behaviours are a result of social learning (where behaviours are learned by observing others and the consequences of those behaviours) or conditioning (where behaviours are learned through reinforcement and punishment) rather than arrogance or entitlement.

As mentioned earlier, we see just how little Nesta thinks about herself, and if we look from Cassian’s perspective that is seen by the others as well,

“He’d seen her self-loathing and anger, but hadn’t realized how much she’d been aware of it.”

Nesta does not expect to be treated with high status by others; instead, she often allows others to speak down to her, internalizing it as a learned response from her upbringing and experiences. This behaviour reflects complex psychological dynamics where individuals may internalize negative perceptions of themselves due to past experiences or societal conditioning.

Finally,

This post is not meant to be an excuse for Nesta’s past behaviours, nor is it an attempt to get you to like her—you not liking Nesta does not disrupt my inner peace at all, please feel free to continue. However, throwing around serious personality disorders after a simple Google search is harmful. With NPD being one of the most complex personality disorders, it is imperative to approach discussions with nuance and understanding.

Additionally, claiming Nesta has NPD simply because she is someone you don’t like, or a ‘terrible person,’ is harmful to those who do have NPD and perpetuates negative and prejudiced ideologies of the disorder. Please remember that this is a fictional character. There is no need to tear down real people to try and prove your dislike of Nesta Archeron.

(This information is all from either my Abnormal Psychology courses (year 2 and 3), from the National Institute of Health, or from Psychiatry.org).

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'you can't like Nesta but dislike Rhys!'

I can, and I will. If Nesta ever sa'd someone, you would most definitely see me displaying these same feelings towards her.

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so it’s okay for Rhysand to have constant sex (in inappropriate places) despite him being a SA survivor, but it’s not okay for Gwyn to have sex because she is one? ok just making sure I had it right.

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I love ACOSF in the sense that I ignore everyone being a part of it EXCEPT for the Valkyries

(and the small snippets of Eris & Lucien)

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Components of a Proper Intervention

Clear Objectives: Defined goals for what the intervention aims to achieve.

Respect and Dignity: The individual's feelings and autonomy are honored.

Supportive Environment: A safe, non-judgmental space is provided.

Qualified Facilitators: Trained professionals lead the intervention.

Collaborative Approach: Involves the individual in the process, ensuring they have a voice.

Follow-Up Plan: Establishes ongoing support and resources post-intervention.

Informed Consent: The individual is fully aware and agrees to the intervention process.

Cultural Sensitivity: Takes into account the individual's background and personal circumstances.

Tell me where you see any of these things in the ACOSF "intervention."

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Rhys talking about how Nesta owes Feyre anything in ACOFAS never fails to piss me off

Nesta owes Feyre for what? Getting thrown in the cauldron? Getting stuck in the night court as a war refugee with nowhere to go? Watching her father die in front of her? Nearly dying multiple times?

Yeah. blah blah blah Feyre saved Nesta’s life in the cabin. She then proceeded to endanger it tenfold during the events of the books. I think they’re pretty fucking even now.

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The “Nesta would hate you for wanting Cassian to die” crowd is sooo LMFAO

Have y’all never had a friend irl who was dating a loser? It’s the same thing.

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If SJM has it revealed that Rhysand was always the villain he was in the beginning and Feyre has a realization of how much he used/abused her I may have to admit that she’s a much better writer than I give her credit for.

The bad guy who pretends to be the soulful sweetheart was putting on an act plot twist I would love to see.

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"Keep reaching out your hand."

Is one of the most hypocritical bullshit lines, in the entire fucking series.

They say it multiple times, as in keep reaching out to help Nesta.

When they all pretty much say they left her alone!!

They did literally nothing.

Inviting her to things that you want her to do. Is not reaching out.

You only want to attempt to help her as long as it's on your terms.

Offering pity jobs for the IC when she said numerous times she didn't want to be a part of..

Elain refused to go to a tavern because it was basically beneath her. Then Feyre scoffed at it.

Bitch, two years ago you lived in a hovel!!

Cassian pulled her out of a tavern because *checks notes* She was listening to music..

How telling someone they're a waste of life is considered "reaching out your hand" is fucking beyond me.

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you guys ever think about how cassian’s insecurities were completely made up by the voices in his head while nesta’s insecurities are affirmed by cassian at every presenting opportunity

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the amount of times nesta is told by her sisters and cassian how she "isn't trying" to get better is kind of ridiculous especially considering how all of them behaved after their own traumas. feyre was wasting away in acomaf and couldn't get out of bed, elain wouldn't eat and was basically in a catatonic state throughout acowar, and cassian admits it took him years to get over the aftermath of battles/war. nesta is the only one who isn't allowed to fall apart. and the worst thing about this is that nesta takes their words to heart, internalizes them and then hates herself even more after every single one of these interactions.

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My harsh SJM opinions

-- I disappeared for a minute, but I'm back and ready to shit talk sjm books again. --

Rowan vs. Chaol: 

If you can forgive Rowan for punching Aelin and being vile towards her, you can forgive Chaol too.

Nesta's New Family: 

Hating Nesta for finding a family that understands her more than her biological family is weird. She hasn’t disowned her existing family; she’s added to it.

Valkyries and the Rite: 

Claiming the Valkyries shouldn't have won the Rite because it's unrealistic makes me laugh. THAT is where you draw the line? Really?

Character Behavior vs. Plot: 

SJM writes weird, shitty plots, but that doesn’t excuse the characters’ behavior. Rhys fingering Feyre in a place for SA victims was, yes, a weird plot written by SJM, and it still makes him WEIRD.

Rhys and Hypocrisy: 

If you claim Rhys couldn’t have sa’d Feyre because he was sa’d himself but then say Nesta’s abuse doesn’t excuse her ‘abuse’ towards Feyre, go sit in the corner and think about your hypocrisy.

Rhys in ACOSF: 

“Rhys only looked bad in ACOSF because it was in Nesta’s POV." Rhys looked better in Nesta’s POV than in Cassian’s. He is the problem.

Nesta and responsibility

Nesta did not neglect Feyre. You cannot neglect something that is not your responsibility.

Nesta antis

Nesta antis who bash her and bring her up in any circumstance are weird as hell (especially in vids talking about how ACOSF helped someone’s mental health).

Valkyrie Hate: 

Hating on the Valkyries is weird. Emerie and Gwyn are LITERALLY the least problematic characters in the entire SJM universe. 

If you don’t like Gwyn because you ship Elriel, try respecting women for more than their potential partners. And then going and fucking urself :)

Amren Sucks: 

Amren sucks as a character.

That’s it. That’s the opinion.

If I hear ‘girl’ one more time, I’m burning the book.

Feyre and SA: 

Saying Feyre wasn’t sa’d because it saved her life is WEIRD.

sa is sa regardless of the circumstance. Are we forgetting that Rhys admitted in ACOMAF that he kissed her because he was jealous, and in ACOTAR when he said the only reason he didn’t take advantage of her was so Tamlin wouldn’t kill him?

Minimizing SA so you can love on an attractive man is problematic and gross. Please don’t talk to me if you do that because, EW BRO UR GROSS.

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the thing about the hike that will always make me get angry is that it wasn’t about feyre or even rhysand. it happened because cassian felt he had the right to punish nesta.

feyre says that rhysand had no right to threaten her sister and that she wants them back home and cassian says that would be her punishment and he gets to decide when they come back.

the only person who has the right to be mad at nesta is feyre and she isn’t. nesta didn’t commit a crime. she didn’t threaten anybody (unlike rhys who wanted to kill her). she didn’t even tell feyre to hurt her, she told her because of the parallels between their situations.

so why exactly are you punishing her, cassian? other than taking your anger on a person who was already reaching her breaking point and passing out from dehydration under your care? all while noticing her suicidal intentions and instead of taking her to a safe place, you didn’t even bother to pay her attention for hours?

it comes from a place of power. cassian has the power of punishing nesta so he does and it’s disgusting, especially when he is her endgame and she deserves so much better.

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Nesta is selfish!

Nesta is not selfish; you guys just suck.

I have an entire post about Nesta’s selflessness, so I’m not going to touch on the broad things she did. Instead, I want to talk about something in ACOSF.

Nesta has never wanted to be alive a day in her life. Abused emotionally, physically, and verbally by her mother and grandmother, Nesta wore a tough skin and often acted in harsh, isolating ways to protect herself. However, in ACOSF, Nesta wants to live. For the first time in her life, she wants to live—to see the good and bad and beauty in the world.

After this, Nesta is still willing to die for her family (Feyre, Rhys, and Nyx, and YES, all of them, not just Feyre, but all three of them, as you like to pretend wasn’t acknowledged in ACOSF), Cassian, and Gwyn and Emerie. Despite wanting to live and live well, as she had stated.

Think about how monumental this is—finally wanting to live, but willing to give up the life you just started valuing, that you finally saw as precious, for those you love. This is the act of true selflessness.

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Just another rant about ACOSF :)

The 'intervention' scene in ACOSF makes me roll my eyes just thinking about it. Let's break this down. Cassian, who is supposed to care for Nesta, sides with the IC in a high-handed intervention as if she's a wayward child. Excuse me, but where was this energy when Feyre was self-destructing in ACOMAF? Oh, right, everyone was bending over backward to help her heal.

Nesta has been through unimaginable trauma, and yes, she's coping poorly by drinking and pushing people away. But instead of offering genuine support or understanding, they ambush her with an ultimatum. Rhysand, of all people, should know better, considering his own struggles with trauma and control issues. But no, they decide that tough love and isolation are the best methods. Lock her up in the House of Wind, force her into training and chores, strip her of dignity and autonomy—because obviously, that’s the way to help someone heal.

What's worse, Cassian's complicity in this is a massive betrayal. He claims to care for Nesta, yet he stands by as she's humiliated and coerced. How about showing some empathy, trying to understand her pain, or, I don't know, talking to her like an adult? Instead, they treat her like a problem to be fixed, not a person in pain. And then, when Nesta starts to slowly, painfully rebuild herself, it's portrayed as if their harsh methods were justified. Newsflash: healing isn't about breaking someone down to build them back up. It's about support, compassion, and patience. Something Nesta was severely lacking from the people who should have been her biggest allies.

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A moment that had me seeing RED.

The part in ACOSF where Elain accuses Nesta of only caring about her trauma affected her instead of considering how it affects Elain really gets under my skin. 

Throughout ACOWAR, Nesta was practically bending over backward to make sure Elain was alright. She was there for her sister, pushing aside her own turmoil, neglecting her own mental and physical well-being just so Elain could heal. Nesta went as far as facing the High Lords, engaging in scrying, all while silently battling her own demons. 

But the moment Nesta dares to confront her own pain in a way that's not glorified or picturesque—no, she's drinking and fucking by herself, emphasis on BY HERSELF (not hurting anyone)—suddenly she's the villain? Let's not forget they barely even acknowledged her existence for two whole months before locking her up in the House of Wind. And where was Elain in all of this? Nowhere to be found. Nesta, who has always been there for her sister, got nothing in return, not even a conversation. Instead, Elain packed her bags behind Nesta's back, and then has the nerve to claim she only cares about herself? Seriously? 

And let's clarify something else while we're at it—Nesta wasn't locked up because she was some sort of alcoholic. There's no evidence in the text to suggest she was dependent on alcohol or experienced withdrawal. She left the House of Wind maybe twice because she wanted a drink. Just because a relationship is unhealthy doesn't automatically mean it's an addiction.

Before you jump down my throat, I genuinely do like Elain, I have no problems with her (aside from this moment), and am excited to see what she has coming for us.