lostillusionstuffs

[lostillusionstuffs]

😭

A very tough year for relationships and friendships man

[lostillusionstuffs]

17 years old would not believe that I'm alive, fine and that I did overcome that horrible phase... except the fact that I still remember the past and it still hurts, but yes, I'm happy...

14 years old me would not believe I'm still alive.. 

[lostillusionstuffs]

You don't have to force yourself to bounce back so quickly. I read something recently that said "when you come in from a rainstorm, you don't expect yourself to be dry and warm right away", and it really resonated with me. It's okay to take time to dry off and warm up. Take the time you need to process what happened to you.

[lostillusionstuffs]

So this is what I Feel? okay

Lack of emotional response in situations where most people would feel something, is often referred to as emotional numbness or emotional detachment. This state can occur for various reasons, including stress, trauma, mental health conditions, or even as a defense mechanism to cope with overwhelming emotions.

[lostillusionstuffs]

ok well im going to build a good future for myself whether i like it or not

[lostillusionstuffs]

Can you share you secrets to the sky once again and pretend like nothing happened?

[lostillusionstuffs]

LooP

what is it that hurts the most? even when the dawn sets in and the moon takes over the empty space, you don't feel weak.

then why is it now? when you want darkness to haunt you. when you want to devour yourself in the pain, in the sleepless night.

is it temporary? will you come out from it again? will you again go through the cycle? are you once again stuck in that loop? will it ever come to an end? or will it finish you 'once again' ?

[lostillusionstuffs]

but what if family constraints are a thing...

“Apply for that job. Date that person. Buy that plane ticket. Move to that city. Do all the things that scare you, because they’re worth it.”

— Unknown

[lostillusionstuffs]

I am pretty sure, even this time my luck won't work. In fact, there is no such word called "luck" in my dictionary... ~20.09.2024

[lostillusionstuffs]

Love how things do not work and I come here to vent my feelings...

[lostillusionstuffs]

I mean I thought I didn't like him the way he does, and I doubted whether I'll ever have feelings for him...

But...

Why do I have a change of feelings now? I'm doubting that I might have something now ... ughhhh!!

[lostillusionstuffs]

when you keep yourself small all the time (swallowing the words you want to say, seeing everybody else as though they’re automatically above you, downplaying your feelings and achievements), the entire world will constantly be looming over you. that’s not the way to live your life. you’re supposed to be experiencing it, not be subjected to it. (this is your sign to take up more space)

[lostillusionstuffs]

i got betrayed while my heart was pure, i will never forget that shit

[lostillusionstuffs]

... my story is taking a different turn now. Like wow!!

Why do I still have to tolerate him when I got hurt by him so much...whyyy???

Incase you wonder what happened after " 16 hours before I see him for one last time " ... well I got to know he wasn't coming and he didn't tbh.

We didn't meet for the last time,

We didn't have any conversations for the last time,

My story didn't get an ending, infact my story wasn't even a story- it was a freaking nightmare which I don't want to repeat.

It feels like it all came down to a - desperate junior trying to pursue a perfect senior ... but if the senior is so perfect, why would he torment me like this? Even after knowing I liked him?

[lostillusionstuffs]

Dear friend,

I know we're very good friends, rather best friends. I know we share so much, we talk so much and it feels like all our problems have been vanished. Sometimes we go beyond it hoping we would last long, but not just as friends... maybe something more than that ...

Being close to you has always made me feel special, but maybe it's not what we think...

You've made me feel special when everybody else demotivated me. You made me feel wanted when the person I loved betrayed me. You gave me the warmth when I lost my spark.... and I slowly fell into your trap. Pretty sure it's the side effect of THE heartbreak.

I thought I can love you, I thought I can give you the same treatment, you give me but it's all a rebound my dear friend. I can't believe you neither can I hurt you by making you belive in me.

Maybe I'll know when time comes...

I'll know I love you just the way I loved him...

Yours,

The person, who you see your future with~

[lostillusionstuffs]

What if I enter the hall and start shivering? What if I get the question paper and my mind turns blank? What if I forget everything, the formulas, the theories, the derivations? What if I'm about to write nothing? What if I score less again?

Even after 3 weeks of hard work? After falling sick but still working hard...

[lostillusionstuffs]