linkman447

[linkman447]

Yang: I’m not the one who yells “load the chamber” during sex.

Ruby: *Helping Yang move* Where do you want me to put this box full of lotion and handcuffs?

Yang: Oh just put it in the dun- basement. Put it in the basement.

[linkman447]

Willow: she’s not but *pulls out 7 swans vodka* I am😉

Weiss: Can I help you?

Jaune: Are you vodka?

[linkman447]

Ruby: your just jealous I get the dreamy knight and your all alone with a cat

Yang:😡

Blake: when you put it that way…

Yang: not another word

Ruby:😏

Blake: are you willing to share

Yang: 🥺

Ruby: by the brothers yes, he’s too much. He can go for hours and I need help

Yang: don’t worry little sis your older sister and her, cat, will help

Yang: I don't trust knights.

Yang: First they show up all dorky and pathetic. Lulling you into a false sense of security.

Yang: And then one day, when you truly trust them. Then suddenly,

Yang: Bam! They fuck your sister.

[linkman447]

Blake: but I get to sleep with him in his bed tonight.

Yang: I’ll trade you for hoody time.

Blake: that’s a fools trade, now come on jaune your bed is calling

Jaune: oh man I just want my hoody back

Blake: and I want my back blown out but neither of us are getting what we want right now, but my situation can be easily remedied while yours

Points to her 3 other teammates fighting over a hoody

Blake: seems much harder

Jaune: Can I have my hoodie back?

Ruby: Can I have my virginity back?

Jaune: I gave you mine too! It was an equal trade!

[linkman447]

Jaune: holy cow they are big… weird I’ve never noticed before

Yang:…

Jaune: yang you ok???

Yang: mooo lover boy ❤️❤️❤️

Jaune: uuuuuhhhh

Yang: come over here 💋💋💋💋

Jaune: *laughs at one of Yang's jokes*

Yang: Do you actually think I'm funny or are my tits just big?

Jaune: ?

[linkman447]

Papa arc: you think this is bad you should see the people who did this

Point to pile of corpses

Jaune: *Running up to the destroyed Arc manor* Mom! Dad! Noooo!

Mama Arc: Over here Jaune!

Jaune: ...

Mama Arc: *Standing with the rest of the family, a little dusty but perfectly fine* Are you hungry? You look like you're wasting away.

Jaune: ...I could eat.

[linkman447]

Glynda: be that as it may Ms. Nikos. This is a public area

Glynda’s mind: son of a bitch I owe ozpin 1000 lein for this gods above why did I pick Ms. Rose

Pyrrha: oh so I just need to be somewhere private gotcha

Glynda: I’ll text the ship chat

Text: everyone with a heavy heart I must confirm that it is arkos

Bart: son of a bitch, I was so confident it would have been Ms. Sarclatina

Peter: oh I have failed I was so sure that Mr. Arc and Ms. Xaio long

Peach: well I had to pick last and ended up with the dark horse Ms. Schnee

Coco: welp I thought the bookworm belladonna

Peach: still don’t know how you are apart of this Ms. Adel

Coco: please this is totally my scene, matching up first years even if it was with my bun bun

Ozpin: well yes Ms. Adel be that as it may, I am the victor in this game of ours

Juniper: not so fast ozzy

Ozpin: oh Mrs. Arc nice of you to text us

Juniper: my bet still may come to fruition

Ozpin: your supposed harem route i believe you called it

Glynda: as much as ozpin winning pains me, I must admit your idea doesn’t seem feasible. Ms. Nikos is rather possessive of Mr. Arc

Juniper: only time will tell Glyndy

Peter: she’s only like this because she’s doesn’t have to pay up till she’s wrong… but if she is right and ozpin accepts his current winnings he’d have to pay it all to her, now that I think about it that quite ingenious

Juniper: 😈

Goodwitch: Are you two out of your horny little adolescent minds!?

Goodwitch: How could you possibly think this is an appropriate place to do... that!?

(Insert your ship here)

[linkman447]

Pyrrha: come on come on… where is my order

Nora: hey pyr-pyr what up

Pyrrha: nothing

Nora: you waiting for your new jaune body pillow

Pyrrha: what how do yo- I mean I have not clue what your talking about

Nora: one. I saw you throwing out your old one, and two. I’m the one who’s been selling them

Pyrrha:….

Nora:… anywho sign here please *holds out clip board

Pyrrha signs it: now where’s my precious

Nora: here you go, one deluxe jaune arc extra durable body pillow with special attachments

Pyrrha: YES MY PRECIOUS *manically runs off*

Nora: welp I got 7 more of these puppies to deliver now who’s next

List: ruby rose

Yang Xaio long

Weiss schnee

Glynda Goodwitch

Velvet Scarlatina

Cinder fall

Emerald sustrai

Nora: back to work. Mamas going to get some many pancakes hehehe

Blake: *Walks into Beacon's lost and found*

Secretary: Hello, can I help you?

Blake: I'm looking for my copy of L- *Notices the Jaune body pillow propped up amongst the lost items*

Secretary: Noticed the body pillow? Yeah, someone must've ordered it. There's a shop in the city that makes them.

Blake: ...Why?

Secretary: Because people pay for it I guess. Though really the better question is why the groin area is so worn out on this one.

Blake: ...

(Who do you think is the true owner?)

[linkman447]

Thus ensued a mass stampede of young dilf crazy huntresses and milfs horny of ideal father material

Pyrrha: here Jaune in here

Jaune jumps in

Jaune: wooo thanks Pyrrha I was scared for me and my little guy here

Pyrrha: it’s fine jaune *click* it’s going to be you…. Me… and our son…. And we’re going to make many more

Jaune walking around beacon with his Adrian " hi this my son but sense my baby mama is my sister in law his is also my newph. But me my sister and her wife won't have it any other way"

Amidst various reflections of getting lost in word salad and sheer disbelief, Nora cracks the question.

"Does that mean we can call you DILF now?"

[linkman447]

Ruby + Weiss: what the hell jaune

Jaune *in bed with winter and yang*: what they dragged me here

Yang: hush lover boy it’s too early

Winter: 10 more minutes arc

Jaune:…

Ruby: …

Weiss: … well you heard them *starts undressing* she said 10 minutes and I’m using them

Ruby: ditto *undoing corset*

Jaune: how, just how.

Yang+Winter: You seduced our sisters?!

Jaune: Let's be honest here. They seduced me.

[linkman447]

Blake: hey yang

Sees yang with jaune buried in her cleavage

Yang: sup Blake

Blake: jaune having a bad day again

Yang: yep

Blake: jaune you ok

Jaune: mmpph 👍

Blake: well ok you two have fun but my turn next ok

Yang: what to be in my boobs or have jaune in yours

Blake: well I’d say my ass is better but you know what let’s rock the boat a little

Yang: You're having a bad day?

Yang: Just play with my boobs for a few hours and you should start feeling better.

(Insert your Yang ship here)

[linkman447]

News: apparently Pyrrha calls out her husband for lying about saving a village and is claiming it was this unknown man named jaune arc.

Pyrrha: FUCK!!!!!

Pyrrha seeing news article reading “Pyrrha Nikos’ husband saves village from mass Grimm attack” and she gets annoyed and immediately tweets out “‘Hunter Jaune Arc saves village from Grimm attack.’ There, fixed the title for you.””

[linkman447]

Ruby: hey Nora have you seen my sister?

Nora: nope ask jaune!

Jaune: OH BOY, n-no nnnggg, I-i h-Haven-nt se-een h-her

Ruby: ok

Nora: damn that’s one thirsty dragon

Jaune: *hands darting under the table slamming yangs head against his crotch* OHHHHHHH

Nora:…

Jaune: *panting* damn

Yang:*crawling out from under the table hair a mess and a trickle of white stuff come down from the corner of her mouth* …. *swallowing* AHHH can’t beat milk straight from the tap, see you later new boyfriend. 😉

Jaune: woooo that was awesome… wait boyfriend

Nora: look at you, you lucky dog

Jaune: Sometimes I kind of wonder what getting a blowjob would be like.

Jaune: ...

Jaune: No I don't want one right- why are you crawling under the lunch ta-

*ziiiiiiiip*

(Imagine your Jaune ship)

[linkman447]

Nora: how do you know that feeling?

Jaune: it’s several long stories each and every one of them involving my mother.

The Nikos family home in Argus

Athena: Thank you for joining me Willow.

Willow: Well you did mention it was rather important, specifically dealing with our daughters at Beacon.

Athena: It is of the UTMOST importance. *Places a photo on the table* This is Jaune Arc.

Willow: Nice looking young man.

Athena: *sets another picture down showing the entire Arc clan* This is his family.

Willow: Oh my.

Athena: Do you see?

Willow: I see someone who is an obvious catch, my Weiss... wait... she rebuffed him didn't she.

Athena: She did, and rather callously at that.

Willow: I take you daughter is involved, somehow.

Athena: She is pining for him, but is, and I love her, don't get me wrong, I do...

Willow: No one can question that, Athena. No one.

Athena: Pyrrha is an idiot and a coward! There I said it. That felt good, actually!

Willow: So if I understand correctly, my daughter can't see this Jaune for the good man he is, and you're daughter is too sacred to try?

Athena: It's more nuanced then that, but basically yeah.

Willow: So do what do you propose? That we speak to our...

Athena: I think we need *taps Jaune's picture* to fuck him.

Willow: Oh! Damn!

In the Beacon Cafeteria...

Jaune: *stops playing with his dino-nuggets* Why am I suddenly scared for my health and chastity?

[linkman447]

Jaune: dad I wanna be a huntsman

Papa Arc: really name one huntsman

Jaune: you and mom

Papa Arc: that’s 2 and your mom’s a huntress not a huntsman, no being a huntsman for you.

Jaune: awww

[linkman447]

Papa Arc: soooooo

Jaune: to be fair it wasn’t my idea

PRW: 🥰

Mama Arc: I want at least 8 grandchildren out of each of you

Pyrrha: yes mom

Ruby: I’ll try

Weiss: oh no no no

Mama Arc: hmmm are you too good for children

Weiss: no mother in law. I am a schnee I don’t come in second I will beat your record.

Pyrrha: Shout out to the man that made me realize I was bi....

Ruby and Weiss each being held under the crook of her arms...

Pyrrha: AND into polyamory! 💕💕

Ruby: Eh?

Weiss: Huh?

Vanishes into JNPR's dorm room with them...

Pyrrha: 💕💕 Jaune honey! I found our WAIFUs!!! 💕💕

[linkman447]

It just goes to show how petty, jealous people can be. They can’t make any themselves or the like and so in order to make themselves feel better they feel the need to put others down

At some point "fanfic can be as good as professional writing" became "fanfic should be as good as professional writing" and that's caused major damage to fandom spaces.