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No one can love me more than I love myself, I am the only one that has been there through everything and seen the effort it took to survive, and I love myself for my strength in a way that astonishes me. No one can love me more than I love myself, and if anyone ever does it will terrify me

caughtinthewaves

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Once upon a time I put everything of me into helping other people and lost myself in the mess. I’m scared of that happening again and me having nothing left, so I hoard it for myself now, locked in a cage of my own making, giving little and taking nothing

caughtinthewaves

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I just love those moments in life where the light bulb goes on over your head, where you finally connect all your problems from the present with your past . You see, subconsciously I’m much smarter than I ever realized, because I discovered early in life that my past was going to lead me to a future I didn’t want, a future where I didn’t like myself. So, instead, I did everything in my power to change my path, my future. But here’s the kicker, I did it too well, and all my fears of those negative qualities were so strong that I went too far the opposite way, and I created all new problems.

caughtinthewaves

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i am always the strong one, i’m always strong… i don’t know how not to be, i haven't been given the choice. You want me to let you in, i don’t even let myself fully in

caughtinthewaves

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I’ve avoided it on purpose, I didn’t want it, I’d seen what it did to people, how not all of them recovered, how most pretended they were ok... I have never been good at pretending.

caughtinthewaves

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I don’t know how to be vulnerable, I’ve never had the chance, never given myself that option. I have an armour and its how I’ve managed to exist, it's kept me strong, I’ve made it through everything… this is how I’ve survived, I know no other way

caughtinthewaves

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I just want to love someone that isn’t me

caughtinthewaves

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The future can't scare me anymore because I create it. It is not a 9-5 job at some place I hate with 2.5 kids and a spouse that isn’t honest with their feelings. It’s not being burnt out by the time I’m 35, spending my money on liquor and exhaling stale cigarette smoke in hopes of shortening my time on this planet. It is freeing when you realize the path laid out for you by society is not the one you have to take. I will never be the thing thats dead while still alive.

caughtinthewaves

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I like feeling small but i don’t like being small. This may sound like an oxymoron but give me the chance to explain. You are standing on a beach looking at the expanse of an ocean, you are on a cliff watching the strength of the sea crashing against your very feet, you lie under the sky and see the galaxy expanding beyond your wildest imagation, you sit at a fire watching it dance, knowing you can only tame it, never control it. Now, stand in the middle of a city, building towering around you, hundreds of people rushing by... Here's the difference: in one I feel small compared to the enormity of a universe that I somehow exist in and am a part of, in the other I sometimes question whether i exist at all.

caughtinthewaves

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I've taken care of myself for so long, I don't know how to let someone else take care of me.

caughtinthewaves

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I've never felt safe. I've always been on guard, alert, because I've always been the only one watching my back.

caughtinthewaves

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I'm scared of settling. I'm scared of wanting something, someone, cause I feel lonely. I'm scared that I am so scared of this that I don't let people in, because when you're always lonely, how can you tell if you want them or just want to not be alone.

Caughtinthewaves

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Part of being a good friend is the give and the take. I'm good at the give, not so much at the take. I can give my advice, my time, my patience, my love, but I can't take it. I have my own problems and don't let them in to see them.

Caughtinthewaves