itsmemychelle

[itsmemychelle]

Why ...

I am not sure why, but the suicide of someone that I don’t know and only have seen on TV has really had an impact on me. Actually, for a while, I did watch a lot of Ellen’s talk show in the afternoon. I did watch a lot of it until I started reading articles on how mean Ellen was to her staff. Now, I am not sure if it is true or not, but that is the reason why I stopped watching her show. The dancing was always great, whomever did it. However, I never understood why this guy named T’witch stood off to the side of her show, often. And now T’witch is gone.

Being someone who deals with chronic pain, depression, and not having kids, I will not lie, I have thought about suicide. Once that ugly thought gets into my mind, it quickly dissipates because I know if I were to try that ... I would only hurt myself more and be alive, but in a worse situation than what I am in currently. 

I think maybe what is leaving me with such an impression about this one is that it just sounded like it was so easy for him to do. No second thoughts, no regrets, no worries. Of course, I know that probably wasn’t the case at all, but in the few articles I have read that is how it appeared. I want that level of assurance if I were to do something like that. My fear of not doing it correct will always over power the desire to do it.

[itsmemychelle]

Blow Your Nose

There is nothing worse than maybe hearing some eat, but runner up is listening to someone sniff their freaking nose. Can I go hand Miss Entitled a kleenex and kindly ask her to blow her gd nose?

[itsmemychelle]

It’s True

I am really having a hard time finding kindness. Kindness for those who are now living with me. 

It isn’t that I believe how I am feeling is wrong, it is how my partner believes there is nothing wrong. I would absolutely hate it if someone I knew told me that I am raising an entitled brat. This is exactly what they are doing. I can barely stand it. Since the time that she has gotten up all she has done is literally sit on the couch and luckily vacuumed. 

I am trying to keep quiet and maybe he will decide that this isn’t the place he wants to be. However on a good note, I am saving $50 a week because we are sharing bills. Maybe I could save enough to sell the house and he would have to move! 

Ok, I am down for now. Hopefully, Miss Entitled will leave the house soon!

[itsmemychelle]

Dealing With Things

Ok, as you know I am living with my partner, but I am not really sure that I am in love with him. For quite a while now, I had stopped taking an antidepressant because it was literally making me so tired or at least that is how I felt. 

I have really been battling rage within myself. It’s been horrible. I am getting so angry at a variety of things and towards peeps. However, I do think that there is one topic that I am totally on base about. And it refers to my partner’s daughter. She is f*&#&%@ lazy, period, end of story. The only thing she does in the summer is babysit, which is rare and usually for just a short time. Now she is saying that she needs new tires and something about her brakes. She has been given a vehicle to drive. Her parents do not hold her to be responsible to take ownership of paying a portion of anything. Maybe gas, but that might be a stretch. 

It drives me crazy because she will be 18 in October. All I can see another human who believes that she has some entitlement to various things. Does my partner see it this way, I doubt it. He has difficulty seeing things as it is. 

Thankfully, I think that my partner is finally getting it through her head that I do not want to go on vacation. There are a couple of different reasons for this. First and foremost, is COVID. I have seen or heard many people who have traveled on airplanes coming home only to get COVID. Secondly, if I were to go down there it is a drinkfest. Each and every day, drinking and eating. That’s not for me. Plus, even in September it is hot and humid in Florida. My pain flares with the temperatures changes. This past week my pain has been really high. Now why in the world would I want to be painful in Florida when I could be comfy at home. Then when I was talking to my Mom about the situation I realized that my body may not handle sleeping in a camper for a full week either. I truly think that I am making the right decision.

Alright, I think I have said all that I can think of as of today.

[itsmemychelle]

Needing to Vent

Chronic pain so sucks. Today I am doing alright just edgy with the teen that lives part-time in my house. She belongs to the guy that is here. Am I dating him? Some days I might be other days, I would say 'Hell no'. Today, I really despise everyone that crosses my path.

Let's go back a day ... I had extreme pain that lasted all day. I went out and got breakfast then came home. From that point on, I spent the whole day in my bedroom. Number one because I knew if I talked to others it wouldn't be nice. Number two, I am getting so freaking tired of these roommates. Man and teen, let's call them that.

The teen just sits around the house. No part-time summer job, few interests in going with friends. I have had to ask the man to suggest chores for her. They don't get done unless he asks her to do them. Essentially a teen with no responsibilities. None. She is always on the couch. Unless it is time for bed. We are only into the fifth of July. I can't do this the whole summer. She needs to find something to do with herself. Right now, she is sitting on the couch sniffing.

What pissed me off this morning is that she slept until 11. That isn't what upset me. Believe me, if I could sleep that late on the weekends, I would love to do so. My chronic pain will not allow me to do so. What upset me so is that she rose from the basement, not a word except to the man. Just made an assumption that she could hop into the shower without checking to see if anyone else needed a thing before occupying the bathroom. 99% of the time she comes and sits on the couch first and then eventually gets up and takes a shower.

The other day, she comes talking about this guy who is living at her Mom's house (and not her Mom's husband) who did this or that to her vehicle, but complained that it still isn't working right. She's complaining, so I asked a few questions and said it sounds like he didn't do this one thing. Told her dad, and he agreed. He said he could fix that problem for her. Has she asked him to do it? Nope. Apparently, it's going to get fixed on its own? She lacks responsibility. That's all that can be said about her sad situation.

The man. He annoys me by looking at me. I am getting angrier at him by the day. I am angry because I feel like my house has been invaded. I am angry because I don't feel that I have the peace in my own home that I deserve. I am angry because I don't feel like I can get away from him. I am angry because he is here every day.

Then the one time I did tell him true feelings I felt like he turned the tables on me and it was all my fault. Everything is all my fault. My fault that he can't find a place to live, my fault that things are too expensive and so now I am stuck with him being here. I don't feel like I have my own space for my own well-being. How do I tell them it's time to go?

[itsmemychelle]

Feel free to use kisses to shut me up at any time.

Unknown

[itsmemychelle]

I am yours. No refunds.

Unknown

[itsmemychelle]

Monday Funday

Today, of all days is Monday. Where in the world did the weekend go? I had an amazing week. MLM spent most of the week with me. Leaving my house for work and coming back here at night. It has been really nice. Today is the first for a while that MLM will be gone for a couple of days.

I am not sure that I have mentioned here that I have new neighbors in the white house next to me. They are a young couple. I call them J&J. Her name is Jezebel from day one, in my mind.Jezebel ruined her first chance with me, when she introduced herself. 

Over the weekend, Roundup man, came to kill the grass at his son’s house. Roundup is the father to the young man that lives next door.He attacked the lawn with a vengeance. His wife brought him more roundup to the house and he asked her to open a bottle. She stuck her key into the spout to open it and then proceeded to wipe her key on the lawn. I thought that can’t be good.

So I watched him with his happy juice, Roundup, and he started to go at a vengeance again, this time in the back yard.So I let the dogs out and stood there watching him. The Roundup man made idle talk with me, and then I said I was concerned about that with dogs. I told him what I saw, and he then repeated I know its not good for dogs. I will stay away from the fence. I said, ‘Thank you.’

[itsmemychelle]

Whoa … It’s Tuesday

I feel like time is really flying off the shelf. It is already Tuesday. I feel like yesterday was Sunday and I am alreardy approaching the early weekend beginning Friday.

Mom was having a harder day than usual, but I think she is set for the night. The neighbor is bring her Mexican for dinner. She will have to figure out Wednesday, but I am sure her friend, Mike, will figure out their dinner for Thursday. On Friday, they have a full day of errands to run. I like seeing that! 

PLUS, Mom gave me Friday off. I don’t have to work, I don’t have to worry about her. I just have to run to Target and Ulta for her. I will figure out Saturday cause that’s my day with MLM. I just realized that I need Mom to designate someone who will over watch her while I am out of town in later this year.

All of this will come together, I have no doubt!

[itsmemychelle]

Last Day of the Weekend

Sunday should be a fun day, but for me it is going to be a recovery day. What I mean by that is yesterday, I totally over did myself with MLM and his daughter. We had the best time though. Lunch  at a local place in town that we hadn’t been to in a long time. Then a beautiful hike that overlooks the town. It felt like we could even see water towers of some smaller towns around the area. 

Today, lovely, today, I have to get some of my yard mowed. Although we haven’t had much rain at all, my backyard is getting really tall with weeds or grass. Something green is growing in my yard and it needs to be taken down! 

Well, I sure hope ya’ll have a great Sunday!  

[itsmemychelle]

Happy Cooler Saturday

We have finally made it to the weekend, yay! My hopes for this weekend is to get my yard mowed. I don’t think that I will have to move the front, but maybe at least do some trimming. 

I think my MLM and his daughter and I will be going to have lunch this afternoon. I am really grateful that Cracker is no longer living with me. I really do like having my house to myself. Well, me and the dogs. 

I also want to cut out a design that I created for MLM, Just an emblem of one of his favorite football teams. Actually, probably his only favorite sports team. SO I am looking forward to doing that as well. Quite a few things to get accomplished this weekend. 

That’s about all I have for now. Have a great Saturday! 

[itsmemychelle]

Hey Ya’ll

I am back .... I really have missed writing, so I thought I would reopen this blog up. My life is the same crazy life as it has always been just new characters! 

That shouldn’t surprise anyone. My current state: home owner, no roommates, just my two dogs. Love Life: Good. I had been doing a bunch of Tiktoks, but decided to give that a break for a while. I really enjoyed it when the winter was here and it wasn’t as easy to get outside. Now that the summer is here its really dang to hot to do much outside. The life of a Midwestern’er.

[itsmemychelle]

I allowed myself to open to someone and now I think that he is going to hurt me. How? Well, it has been at least three days since he told me that he was feeling overwhelmed. Just a day before this we were talking, laughing, and having amazing sex. All of a sudden, its all stopped and that makes me feel a little lost. RIght now, I am so tired of dating, it is what it is, and I am feeling like another man has shown me that he is just the same as all others.

I have been through the first couple of furlough days. This days off are just fine, but the lack of pay is hitting me. I am going to have to go into my savings and grab about two hundred and fifty dollars just to make it through the month. Then that doesn’t include the potential of needing more money around the time to pay my mortgage. What is kind of frustrating is that I am looking at my hair getting very close to wanting to go back and get my hair done. That alone is a two fold issue. I don’t know that I have twenty dollars extra to spend every four weeks. More importantly, I am not sure that I am ready to go back to the same gal that I was going too. Baseball caps are just fine until I do decide what will be right for me.

The neighbor is yelling once again. He decided to yell about his bricks by the driveway. So I put up my camera in the rear. He called the police and the officer if the neighbor would discontinue yelling, I would remove the camera. Well, he did it again, so the camera is up once more. There is a part of me that wants to go put up a sign stating ‘Keep Quiet and I will remove the camera’. In my mind, it is as simple as that.

That is about all I have to say for now. I hope that your Saturday is amazing!

[itsmemychelle]

Off My Chest

Ok, I need to get this off my chest because it is literally driving me crazy. Maybe not literally, but it is in the back of my mind. I guess technically, MLM and I are still seeing each other. But we haven’t spent anytime together. Like this past weekend, when he didn’t have his daughter, I swear he spent most of his time at home drinking. I am not sure as I wasn’t with him, but I had a conversation on Sunday with him that made me think that was what he was doing. 

A year or two ago, I met this guy I call Cracker. He is super funny, kind, just an all around nice guy. We have met, talked on and off for a while, but just recently started chatting again. The other night, he said something that he would come over to my house, but it would be late. I said that was fine, I would be sleeping, but the back door would be open. 

It was crazy, I was sound asleep and the next thing I knew the dogs were barking and then I heard my name. It was Cracker. He came over to sleep with me, literally, sleep with me. We snuggled it was so awesome. I haven’t snuggled with anyone in a long time, it felt good. Then that morning we had sex, oh my gosh, it was amazing. And we sat around talking and talking (this was my favorite part). 

We will see what happens with this situation. I find myself attracted to Cracker because he does talk a lot! Time will tell. Anywho, I had to at least get that much off my chest. I will chat more later!

[itsmemychelle]

What Day Is It?

I feel like this is day number 54688573 in quarantine. When in fact it really is day number 2659782. I don’t see much of a difference, it’s days to me! I have had some variance of work to do this week, but something in the process has broken and I am waiting it for to be fixed, so I can process these orders. Plus we are starting our furloughs this month. I almost wish we could have done our two weeks back to back, but they didn’t ask for my opinion.

I do have my first one on one with my new manager. Well he has been my manager for sometime now. It’s just the first time we will get to talk. Hopefully there is nothing but great things to say about me. Cause I know I am that spectacular! 

I am off to continue my day! I hope that you have a great one!

[itsmemychelle]

This is really wearing on me ... the being at home, no contact with others than your own family. I am ready to start this all over, but I know that’s not logical. I just talked to my Mom and she almost has everything out of her old condo. I am so excited for her.

Lately, I have been thinking about finances and, of course, my love life. Which is has been non-existent while this virus has been going on. I am going to refinance my car. My credit score has gone up so much its crazy and I am really proud of myself. Then the other night the short man and I were texting. He said something that really hit me wrong. I realized that I don’t need those kinds of words, sober or drunk (his case). I have all the control in deciding how I react.

Ok, I am going to sign off for now. It really felt good to get this off my chest.

[itsmemychelle]

Forever Ago

It’s been quite sometime since I have actually blogged. Life has been moving forward despite being locked down in my house since 3.17.20. Now don’t get me wrong, I have gone out to get groceries, and the things I have needed, but I always return home in a quick fashion. 

Work has been very slow for awhile and that really concerns me. We were told about a voluntary retirement program that has been offered to those who are over 55 and have been at the company for more than 10 years. I have the ten plus years, but I am not at the right age. It is still scary. 

I thought my neighbor had taken a turn for the better, BOY, I was wrong. For the past couple of weekends, there has been a Saturday night cruise along the ave. I can see the avenue from my front door steps. So Saturday night, a little after 7 or so, I stepped out to see if I could still see some cool cars. Unbeknownst to me, my neighbor was mowing his lawn. He started flipping me off, and cursing at me while I am watching the cars go down the avenue. That totally pissed me off, especially since, I had removed all camera’s from his direction. He is a real winner (said with great sarcasm). 

Well, I am off to figure out something for my day. I hope yours is a great one!