fragile-antique

[fragile-antique]

Card declined in therapy so they made me watch second episode of skins, eat konjac jelly and see my pictures from november 2023

[fragile-antique]

It actually hurts so much to think about the fact that people my age have dreams and plans on future and I'm just sitting here trying not to break down over feeling like nothing without anorexia. I'm wasting my youth on something that's going to kill me eventually. I don't want everything to end like this but I don't know how to stop

[fragile-antique]

𓆩♱𓆪 Hello! 𓆩♱𓆪

I'm writing this on january 13th 2025, the night before my planned relapse, but I think I'm gonna post this in the morning. I don't really have a plan. I think I'll start with a limit around 800 calories and slowly go lower. I won't be focusing on getting as skinny as it's possible because it doesn't seem to be as motivating as enjoying the hunger. I'm so excited I feel like me again!! I'm so desperate to get into this shit hole again and I hope my motivation doesn't disappear in the morning. I want it to be serious this time. I want to be hungry and able to touch my bones.

May I stay in this illness for as long as it's possible.

Completely off topic but I also need to get my lazy ass to start dressing goth again because I've been dressing like a homeless man for the past 3 months...

[fragile-antique]

I want to feel worthy of love for once. Even if it costs me my health.

[fragile-antique]

I miss being sick, I don't mean that miss being skinny. I miss the starving high. I miss the feeling of control. I miss the feeling of validation. The feeling of being actually sick. I used to be so in love with hunger. Anorexia was something beautiful and precious to me. I don't even know why I feel like this. I don't understand the point of this illness, yet I'm still craving for it to come back.

[fragile-antique]

Forcing a relapse after convincing yourself you've been doing so good in recovery feels pathetic

[fragile-antique]

"Mental health matters"

until it's someone who's terrified of weight gain

[fragile-antique]

"You're pretty"

I've heard that quite a few times in my life, but I can't seem to be able to find a way to belive these words. How can I be pretty and fat at once?

"You're not fat"

The mirror and the scale are telling me something else. Everytime somebody tells me something like this it just feels like they either feel bad for me or just don't want me to get skinny.

[fragile-antique]

𓆩♱𓆪 Introduction 𓆩♱𓆪

About my ed:

I've been struggling with an ed ever since I was a child. I'm craving to be disgustingly skinny. I've gained 10 kilograms in recovery and I want to relapse so bad. That's why I made a new tumblr account!!

About me:

My name is Gigi and I'm 16 years old (^-^) I'm a part of the goth subculture and I'm really into movies and art. I enjoy playing guitar (bass and electric). I'm from Poland and I've been learning english since 2012. My goal weight is 30kg.

I'm looking for moots!!