despairdaisy

[despairdaisy]

why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it why did i do it

[despairdaisy]

i have nothing to offer but my dead pretty eyes and stupid insane thoughts

[despairdaisy]

no but like do interact its ok im ok

dni I’m obsessive and insane

[despairdaisy]

it may sound corny but this is going to be the first valentine’s day in 6 years that I am alone.

all i’ll think about is what could have been and how much i wish i could go back.

i feel so lonely.

[despairdaisy]

& if not in this life, will you come to me in my dreams?

Annabelle Chapman

[despairdaisy]

i want more people to talk to

[despairdaisy]

the urge to do drugs, have sex with everyone, destroy my life, is so strong

but i wont, because i dont want to ruin my chances with him

i want him to come back one day, and he wont if i do all of that

[despairdaisy]

you had me under your control

anything you said, i’d do

i was like a dog, trailing behind you

now without my owner, i dont know what to do

im a lost puppy, whining on the streets

feeding on road kill, sleeping in the rain

i hope you come back, i promise i’ll be good

i’ll be good

[despairdaisy]

i have no desire to get better

i dont want to heal, i dont want to move on

i like this pain

the pain in my head, the pain in my stomach

god, i love it

with every ache, i’m reminded of what i deserve

i deserve pain

i deserve to suffer

it’s the only way to make it up to you

[despairdaisy]

i want to be skinny so bad

[despairdaisy]

“do you want to talk about it?”

no, i want to kill myself because of it.

[despairdaisy]

my brain is starting to surpass the feeling of sadness, and moving on to mania.

[despairdaisy]

on my drive to work, i pass the same thing everyday.

a deer.

this beautiful deer.

for a long time now, it’s been in some grass on the side of the road.

everyday, i look at it with a mixture of envy and pity.

when i first saw it, it still looked alive, like it was laying down to take a nap.

but as the days passed, it inflated, then deflated.

and each day, it sinks further into the ground.

its once beautifully brown coat, is now a sickening grey.

its eyes are gone. you can see bone now.

everyday, it decomposes more and more.

in front of an audience, watching it disappear into the earth.

my stomach turns when i look at it, but i always look.

i pity it, for the lack of privacy.

but i envy it, for i wish to die, and perform for others, even in death.

[despairdaisy]

i wish i were a better artist. i have so many ideas but i can’t execute them.

[despairdaisy]

my insides feel rotten, i dont feel like a real person