cloudydidit

[cloudydidit]

i never know my gender or pronouns.. i always say “hell if i know..” and then when asked my pronouns i just go “uhh..he/they..sometimes she?” identity confusion really sucks. my closet is half fem half masc and a few enby items 😭 its so confusing and hard and really fucking frustrating. at this point i say im genderfluid with a more masculine lean

the constant “should i do T? what about my littles?” “should i chop off my chest? but then sometimes i wish it was bigger so that wouldnt work..?” “yay! trans tape in my amazon cart! *2 days later* wait i swear i had trans tape in here??” “i miss my long hair.” “ew my hairs so long i feel to feminine time to chop it all off!!!!”

its a CONSTANT battle.

DID is fucking with my gender rlly bad and my friend said I should reach out so. Trans systems with complicated genders reblog so I know ur out there???

I would love to hear ur experiences bc I’m getting my ass kicked by gender

[cloudydidit]

For any system that needs to hear this:

Experiencing periods of silence in your brain is normal. You’re not making it up or faking or actually just a singlet just because you can’t hear other alters 24/7/365.

[cloudydidit]

if you post to systemcringe, you are posting for neurotypical entertainment <3

i hope you’re happy with bullying people so others can make fun of them and feel just as pathetic <3

[cloudydidit]

I wonder how an endo would react to actual OSDDID distress. Like an intense flashback where alters are screaming and crying and freaking out, where you're hyperventilating and get forced out of front because you're in too bad a mental state, even though everyone is.

Or when you're being taken advantage of because of your amnesia, perhaps adding to your already huge pile of trauma.

Or being somewhere, no idea how you got there and completely lost, panicking because how the hell are you going to find your way home? Where is home? Who even are you?

*actual* OSDDID isn't fun. It isn't just having people in your head. There's so much distress involved in this.

-Jayden

(ENDOS AND PRO-ENDOS DNI)

[cloudydidit]

I know what you're all definitely thinking. What if everyone from Gravity Falls was a chair. Well, I was bored enough at 3am to think about that too

[cloudydidit]

Shout out to all the OSDD systems out there with a lower alter count, little to know fictives/introjects, and very little access to your innerworld/headspace (if you even have one at all). You aren't mentioned much if at all in system spaces, but you are seen and loved <3

[cloudydidit]

every now and then i’m like, “huh. these ‘system spaces’ aren’t very great. i wish there was a better place for systems where people are real and not tryna romanticize nor overly dramatize DID/OSDD.” and then i remember tumblr exists (at least the space i make it on here). i really should move here instead of sitting on twitter all the time but i’m such an old man when it comes to tumblr 😭

[cloudydidit]

Reminder that DID, like every mental illness, is on a very wide spectrum. There's such a strange emphasis in the community on stuff being a "DID thing" vs an "OSDD thing" or it's "P-DID actually". People get wrapped up trying to catagorize themselves when it really actually has no tangible benefit to you. Therapists make the distinction to formulate their therapy approach, but to you, the system, it makes no difference. Going "oh but I just have OSDD not DID" does nothing to help you cope, recover, or process your symptoms. Your symptoms are your symptoms regardless of if they're following these arbitrary lines in the sand. You and your system should be focused on healing, not on what checkbox in a book you fit best.

[cloudydidit]

Still loving your headmates while still not wanting DID can absolutely co-exist btw

Someone had the nerves to accuse our co-host of romanticizing DID all bc he vented about not wanting DID while still mentioning he still loves us despite it bc he didn't want us to see it and feel like we were hated

[cloudydidit]

yall wtf did endos do to you rhat their mere existence makes you hatw them

let's see!

1. cause the stigma against complex dissociative disorders to get worse

2. cause fakeclaiming of systems to get significantly worse

3. spread medical misinformation nonstop about a very specific type of mental illness that is already extremely misunderstood by 98% of the population

4. harass people for simply not wanting to interact with ableists that constantly try and invade spaces they know are not meant for them

5. have made it actively harder to get diagnosed or medically recognized with OSDDID. doctors are taking us less seriously because of their shit. and don't you dare tell me it doesn't happen because I have experienced it firsthand and so have multiple of my close friends

6. have boiled down what is essentially PTSD in its absolute worst, most intense form to just "OMG haha funny characters in my head! >//<"

7. have tried to treat and compare literal medical disorders to being trans when both trans people and disabled people are actively going through genocides at the moment. if the term "sysmed" does not make you violently repulsed, every single trans person and especially every single xenogender user has the right to throw rocks at you

8. repeatedly refuse to respect the most simple and basic of boundaries

I could go on but it's 8 in the morning. you want a longer list? cuz I'm not afraid to give it. do not piss me off today I think it should be VERY fucking obvious why the visibly disabled transgender RAMCOA system doesn't like endos. either come here to learn something or get off my blog, thanks

[cloudydidit]

"you have a lot of introjects" you say that to me in a bad way because apparently it bothers you more that I am a system with several introjects than that I was (and i am) traumatized

[cloudydidit]

Real talk time and I'm putting it blankly. So sorry but not sorry if your feeling get hurt.

If you post your front triggers and general triggers online, whether it be in a bio or introduction or post. Your fucking stupid. Especially as systems. Having such vulnerable information just out there is a downright horrible idea. People can and will use that information against you and for their own gain. Don't post your goddam triggers on the internet. And i know you lot will get mad at this post. But personally I don't care it needs to be said I've seen too many younger systems especially on discord heavily detailing their triggers in their introductions n all.- Apostolis 💛

[cloudydidit]

Fun fact, systems can be weirdos! Systems can be losers! Systems can be bad people! Systems can be annoying!

But, they are still systems. Just because you dislike someone doesn't mean their trauma or systemhood is no longer real. They don't just stop being a system when you decide they're a bad person.

👏 Stop being ableist, even to people you dislike 👏

[cloudydidit]

Occasionally I scroll the syscringe reddit page just to see other system content because tbh it’s hard to find for me anymore. I seen a post asking how you can tell if someone genuinely has DID.. This comment was top upvoted. This idea is so stupid? Just because someone posts about something you don’t believe they should post about doesn’t mean they’re fake. There is this thing called.. and just here me out for one second I know it’s so hard.. freewill!!! 🤯 People will post whatever the hell they want to. You can absolutely say you don’t want that content and block them.. But making an entire page to hate on traumatized people? Whether or whether not they have the disorder is no ones business but theirs. Most of these people are young adults making fun of people who have gone through hell and just want to post online like anyone else. Their choice of content shouldn’t be triggering you to the point of a hate page. These people are the reason DID is so stigmatized and so misunderstood. I understand they might just think things are cringe, I absolutely do agree that there’s some videos on the internet I just can’t with 😭 but I take the mature route and block them! Or click “not for me”! Not take the time out of my day just to edit a video hating on someone? That is absolutely obsessional behavior, the fact you SEARCH far and wide for these videos just shows you’re the one with the mental issues and need to seek help instead of bullying people online.

For anyone with the fear of being fakeclaimed; I hear you. I have the fear of being told I’m doing anything wrong because of how I was raised/because of trauma I went through. I believe I should be making everyone feel happy and positive around me and if they think I’m faking anything I just shut it down around them. I’m learning to open up and be myself no matter what people say, you should too! Be yourself. Online and offline. You deserve to post online just as anyone else, no matter what you’d like to post. It’s YOUR choice, no one elses.

[cloudydidit]

It’s so extremely rare that I come on this app. Someone teach me the basics, I’ve gathered that many systems/pwDID-OSDD crowd around this app. I’d luv to get involved in the community more.

-Ivan

[cloudydidit]

we have a ___ fictive in our system

‘OMG LET ME MEET THEM THEYRE MY FAVOURITE CHARACTER’

our headmate is not a character, the alters in our system are very much real people who mostly don’t associate themselves with their sources.

don’t be weird towards fictives just because you like their source it’s really uncomfortable

[cloudydidit]

if youre someone im ok with asking us whos fronting, id let you know.. otherwise never ask, let us tell you on our own terms if we want to. just call us cloud with they/he and masc-andro terms as a collective thing

we will mask unless we know you or maybe in a dc server we will use pk but we still mask tbh 😭

When the hell did "ask who's fronting" become part of "basic system respect?" When did that happen because I don't think people get how damaging it actually is for some people to push that as the right thing to do when you talk to systems.

I don't WANT you to know who is fronting. In the past when people knew that it put me in danger. I've been abused because I told someone who was fronting. I'm not comfortable with that anymore.

How about instead of making these threads on "basic system decency" we let systems decide for themselves what they are comfortable with?