campaignagainstlexluthor

[campaignagainstlexluthor]

Bonding with Batman is like dancing on glass.

You don’t get cut; Not at first. There’s a specific shard that does it. If you know where to step, it’s fine. Clark has the impression he’s only taking wrong steps, thought.

“Sometimes I think you had feelings surgically removed,” trying to joke rarely has positive outcomes, but the effort’s there.

A part of him has to, because if he doesn’t, he’ll focus on the bullet buried three layers deep into Batman’s stomach.

That he’s currently scooping out with a batarang, much to Clark’s fried nerves.

“I tried to.”

“That’s not reassuring.”

“Hn.”

He finds his voice through the bile. He doesn’t know why, — he’s seen gore before. On Batman, it’s different. He makes everything different.

“You didn’t have to take it for me. Kinda defeats the point of, you know, being bulletproof. Which I very much am.”

“To your knowledge.”

Very ominous. He chooses not to think about that, for his own sleep.

“But I appreciate it.” He has to push. It feels a bit — cruel, like he’s a dog biting someone into a corner. He wishes he didn’t have to.

“I know you’re scared of guns.”

The bullet is successfully plucked. Clark sees scarlet liquid fall like a ruby shower, and he has to avert his gaze, not from nausea, but from wrath.

“I’m scared of men with guns,” Batman corrects simply. “There’s a difference.”

Silence is always a third, between them. Clark wishes he had a superpower for that.

“Thank you for staying,” Batman grits, him, too, facing away from Clark, as if he knows he’ll see his own feelings in the blue sky of his eye, and he wants no part in it.

“I know you’re scared of blood.”

Clark gulps, and kneels down, and rips his deep red cape to gently soak in Batman’s wound.

“Not yours.”

[campaignagainstlexluthor]

The best part about DC canon being a sandbox is that you can combine different parts of different timelines into your Frankenstein ideal just to give Bruce Wayne more gray hairs

Observe

Bruce: Dick you know you’re 26 you can’t keep working as a gymnastics instructor on a volunteer basis you need a career.

Dick who has been working as a lawyer in nyc for 3 years now: hmmm yeah you’re totally right B maybe I’ll take some classes

Bruce: Tim you need to get your GED, I cannot allow you to give up on education at highschool.

Tim who got into ivy university and has been zeta-ing back and forth: …hmmm maybe I’m kinda busy

Bruce: I have no idea what Jason does in the day

Jason catholic priest Todd: … yeah I got nothing

-this shitpost was brought to you solely to remind everyone that JASON TODD WAS A CATHOLIC PRIEST IN ANOTHER DIMENSION THANK YOU

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Happy Pride Month! (: 🏳️‍🌈✨

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the ironbat friendship saga continues

previous / next

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grasshopper man

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SUPERSHARK!! 🦈👽

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You know what? Why do people keep drawing Barry as the young one of the justice league. Why is he the baby of the group. He should be the same age as or older than all of them for a change. Let him be the 30-40 year old dad he was always meant to be, hanging out with other superheroes and being a nerd

[campaignagainstlexluthor]

Starting to think a cooler headcanon for Clark’s upbringing might just be that the entire town of Smallville collectively decided to just go with it and accept that Martha and John's kid has superpowers, but we don't talk about it.

Someone's tractor gets stuck and nothing can get it out? "Be a dear and run down to the Kents, would you? Ask for Clark?"

"Why Clark, we need a machine--"

"Run along now."

Or if he kicks too hard and the football vanishes into the upper stratosphere, no it didn't, we all collectively saw it land over there *vague hand movements*

[campaignagainstlexluthor]

Time travelers have realized that Bruce Wayne will always, without exception, base his crimefighting persona on the first thing to crash into his window on a particular night. Now, they have an ongoing contest to see who can make him adopt the most ridiculous persona.

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for the hundredth time, ben's batman and brenton's nightwing fit so well TOGETHER. their personalities and fighting styles are somewhat similar.

even their ages irl fit perfectly; bruce would have been 27 when he adopted dick at age 10 or so with their 17 years age gap.

they would have been one of the sexiest duos ever. i cannot.

they're my batman and nightwing ALWAYS.

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begging dc to bring back the letters column (from the flash 1959 issue 168)

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Listen, if I had the time I would just make Justice Leauge the mockumentary, lol.

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"Speedsters are boring, they're useless they just run fast."

Wrong! Jay Garrick can make sonic bombs by just hitting his helmet at the right frequency. Barry Allen can disassemble and reassemble himself molecule by molecule at will. Wally West can freeze a person in time by removing their potential kinetic energy. Bart Allen can trap entities between molecules. Eobard Thawne can age someone to dust with a touch. Literally any of them can throw a grain of sand with enough force to go through any armor you care to imagine. Speedster abilities are not only endlessly creative, they're horrifyingly OP.

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some interviews

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Me: ugh another forced heterosexual romance

Justice League Unlimited:

Me: okay I can get behind that

[campaignagainstlexluthor]

a what-if scenario, as proposed by @lurkinglurkerwholurks and developed by myself, @audreycritter and lurker over on discord.

The original what-if: You know those delightful scenarios where Bruce is so pressed or scared or in danger that he yells for Superman and Clark POOF appears? Take alllllllllll of those, all that fear and pain and desperation...What would be required in that moment for Bruce to yell Clark’s name instead of Superman?

He’s so so so careful. Would it be an extreme amount of those emotions, like Jason’s death? Or is it something he specifically needs Clark for and needs him NOW? Like how much would that scare the living snot out of Clark to hear?

What if: Bruce finds Lois close to death -- maybe a few seconds away from dying, and it's a sure thing. Her heart is still beating, but she doesn't have long.

It’s kind of like a scene in a movie, where something happens that’s so big, so quietly awful, everything slows down and the rules don’t matter anymore. Internally, Bruce would go really still and hyperfocus to figure out how to fix this, but he’s not stupid.

Bruce sees Lois and knows. He clears the comms, kneels down next to her, and calls for Clark -- all in less than five seconds. Because there's no one else to make those snap judgements right now other than him -- or even knows why they need to be made.

Clark hearing his name shouted like that would make his entire world go staticky with panic. Because hearing Superman’s name shouted like that by Bruce Wayne has always meant the end of the world, and somehow this is so much worse.

He’d hesitate for a second because surely it’s a mistake? Why would Bruce call him that on open comms? Why is Bruce's heart suddenly pounding in his chest?

Bruce calls him Clark for two reasons: 1) Because he's about to give Clark the worst news of his life and 2) to remind him of his humanity. To remind him he's Clark at his core, because what he's about to see will shake those very foundations.

There’s nothing they can do. No medevac, Clark can’t take her anywhere. She will die, and it’s a certain thing. Lois just needs to see Clark. She needs to be able to say goodbye.

Bruce is both their friends and that’s what makes it worse. The weight of that grief -- grief for Clark, but also Lois because she is his friend too. He loves her, too, in a completely different way. And now he’s watching another person he loves die in front of him and he can’t stop it.

[campaignagainstlexluthor]

How To Be a Villain in the Batman Universe in 5 Easy Steps

select a theme

think up plenty of puns about that theme

buy a suit in a color that suits the theme

find something thematic to wear on your head

poison the water supply