cactusracoon

[cactusracoon]

So I watched the third season of Haikyuu in Japanese when it first come out. I'm watching it now in English, at the time I never realized how unhinged some of the lines are. Here are some examples.

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"Hello I'm Mr. Vanilla, your timed lag attack, it might have been able to trip up our feral child but it won't work on me. Continue to use it though" -Tukkishima Kei

"Well, Well, man, that chump with the glasses sure has a punch able face" -Tendou Satori

"Please keep tearing up the court you weirdos" -Tukkishima Kei

*Everyone yelling* *Noya: 'Bites Tukkishima*

"You were really taking all those things into consideration? Woah, you have real issues man" -Daichi Sawanura & Asahi Azumane

"Settle down now Hinata. I know he's incapable of displaying any form of emotion but he is now our beloved MVP" -Tanaka Ryūnosuke

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I love the anime about a very intense game of keepy uppy. <33

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Do you ever sit down to read a new fic and get jumpscared by some of the lines? I do, i was reading a haikyuu fic and they pull out the "Stay gold" line and I'm fucking sobbing. My brains goes "Stay gold ponyboy" everytime I hear or see that line.

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What is the popular ship that everyone else loves but you just can't stand? I'll go first.

KageHina from Haikyuu. Its toxic as hell. Like Kageyama literally hits and throws Hinata how is that a healthy relationship?

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I wanna go to bed so fucking bad right now. But no!! I have to live in fucking OHIO!! WHERE WE GET STUPID THUNDER STORMS THAT PUT US ON TORNADO WARNING!!! It's bot expected to stop till 5 in the fucking morning. I have school at 7 in the morning. So I'm sitting here at 12 am about to give you fanfic recs.

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These are mostly if not all Tim Drake centric

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This story is such a cute love story between Dick and Dana, Tim's step mother. I love myself a good rare pair. Dana adopts Tim after Jack dieds, she takes an interest in his gymnastics teacher Dick. She struggles with parenting Tim, he helps her through it. It's a great wholesome fic if your looking for some hurt/comfort light on the hurt. It's not finished though.

Another rare pair fic. This time it's between Talia, Bruce, and Janet. Not as wholesome as the last one but definitely a good one if you want hurt/comfort. Tim is Bruce's Bio son, Jack finds out and wants a divorce. Bruce is an awkward dad trying to parent 3 kids with one on the way. Janet is trying to survive living under the same roof as her exe husband with a drinking problem all while trying to keep Tim safe. Talia is just trying to get in Janet's pants and hating on Jack. Also not a finished book but it was updated in the last 2 months

Tim trying to not get caught smoking weed. That's the whole book. Stoner Tim is a very under used trope and I need more of it! Perfect fluffy book. This one is finished.

Yet another rare pair but this time it's cross Fandom. This one is Neal Caffrey x Bruce wayne. Neal and Bruce are dating, Bruce's kids find out. Neal and the white collar division now have to deal with the chaos of Bruce's far to many kids. Again a really good comfort book. This one is finished.

Tim's Uber hits Red Hood with his car. Now Tim feels like he owes Hood a favor. Then the Outlaws claim Tim as their child. Great hurt/comfort fic! Bit more on the angsty side. Deals alot with child Neglect but that's a given for a Tim drake centric fanfic. This one is also a finished fic.

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Duke: Bruce, I’m afraid.

Bruce: Just stay close to your siblings.

Duke: That's why I’m afraid.

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I'm sitting in my art class. My whole table is debating the dick size of corrupt Zamasu from dragon ball. My friend Zathaneil *he chose that name not me* is attempting to do the math for his dick size. The whole table got into it. But they can't figure out if you would multiple or divide to get the answer.

What do you guys think the answer is?

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(I will boop everyone who reblogs this post, for the record 💖)

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Then pull it back when the sibling yells them. And sticks out his tongue or makes a challenging face just to piss the sibling off.

Tim standing at the edge of Crime Alley while Jason glares at him because Tim knows that the Bats aren’t allowed there is basically the equivalent of your sibling standing right in the doorway of your room and going “I’m not in your room tho” when you ask them to leave

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does anyone have any good batfam fanfic recommendations? any ship, any dynamic, any genre, just your favorite fics featuring your favorite son of bruce wayne

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TIM DRAKE AU HEADCANONS!!

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Omega Verse

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Bruce is an Alpha

Dick is a Beta

Jason is an Alpha

Tim is an Omega

Damian is an Alpha

Cass is a Beta

Duke is a Beta

Steph is an Alpha

Babs is an Alpha

Alfred is a Beta

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Tim is the only omega because he's the Wayne Pack's Omega. Tim's nest is well The Nest, though he claims that it's not. He also has a nest in his room at the Manor where he normally spends his heats.

Tim can't take heat suppressants because of his antibiotics for his lack of spleen. He tends to hide his heats because that's what he had to do at Drake Manor.

Janet and Jack were going to marry him off when he got his first heat but Jason nabbed up after the scent of neglect, sadness, and fear filled the room one back while they were doing a school project.

Tim has stabbed a guy for trying to grab him while he was stalking Batman.

When Dick saw he promptly beat the shit out of the guy and didn't let Tim go till he dropped him off at Drake Manor.

The other Wayne Pack members tried to intimidate Tim's boyfriend Bernard but it didn't work all that well. They couldn't do that to the poor kid after they smelled pain come from him. He now comes over for family brunch.

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High School/Teacher Au

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Bruce is the Principle

Dick is a senor

Jason is a Junior

Tim is a freshman

Steph is a sophmore

Duke is a freshman

Babs is a senor

Cass is a Junior

Damian hasn't been born yet

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Tim meets Jason and Dick though theater club. Tim joined to do back stage work while Dick and Jason joined to be in the plays.

Jason actually didn't like Tim at the beginning. He was to quiet, to small to be a freshman, and far to good at back stage work for a 14 year old.

Dick on the other hand latched onto the freshman. He basically adopted him as his school child which confused Tim immensely.

Tim has a habit of working himself sick. Once Jason warmed up to him he started aggressively taking care of him. Oh you didn't eat lunch yet? Here's a bag of chips thrown at your head. Haven't drank water? Ok I'll just shove it down your throat. You haven't slept? OK you are going to nap in the back seat of my car while I go run some errands.

Tim likes to help with set painting and costume design.

The rest of Dicks and Jason's friend groups noticed how attached they got to the small black haired freshman and promptly also got attached.

Tim is just confused through it all.

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GIVE ME MORE AUS TO HEADCANON PLZ!!!

[cactusracoon]

Sleep Deprivation Should Not Be The Reason Here

This is a prompt fill for this prompt from @stealingyourbones!!

Ao3 link: Here

Tim is fighting his body. The cursed thing needs sleep and he simply doesn't have the time for it. He just needs another day of being awake, he'll have the case closed by then and all the reports wrapped up. Wait, he has that investor meeting scheduled in what would be his recovery time. He can't push that back again. 

Tim blinks hard, pinching the bridge of his nose. He has been up for… three, no four days now. He entirely blames the death cult that had entered Gotham. If those bitches had just waited like a week to start shit he would have been fine, but no! Zatanna is off-world and Constantine has a curse on him that won't let him leave the house of mysteries, much less enter Gotham. Luckily, he can still call to get advice from both.

He can feel himself slipping into sleep like he can't fucking do. He snaps his eyes open and grabs for his 9th cup of coffee, only to find it empty. 

…

Fuck it! If this is how he has to live right now, he's gonna fucking change it! He can dabble with eldritch beings beyond comprehension too—and do it even better! 

The cult wasn't even up to date on what they were trying to summon. Unlike Tim, who just so happens to have gotten his hands on the instructions for the right summoning ritual for the Ghost King and was about to fucking use it.

He gets up from the Batcomputer and heads up to the kitchen to grab the supplies he needs. He was lucky Alfred was out grabbing groceries, otherwise he would have never been able to get anywhere near the older man's kitchen. He takes the leftover Alfredo from the fridge and puts it into a small pot to warm on the stove. All he needs now is to grab silver and gold sharpies, a small candle, and one of the giant rolls of paper he used to draft blueprints. If he was at his apartment he would just draw it on the floor, but he's not risking any more of Alfred's disappointment and wrath today.

He checks on the pasta, seeing that it's warm enough, then he prepares two bowls. If he was making a meal for an occult being he sure as hell was getting some himself. 

He puts the food aside and works on drawing the array in silver and gold. After he finished the center of the array he couldn't help but feel that it looked strangely familiar. Not that he has seen this exact array before this whole mess, but by the fact it looks like some type of writing he's seen… Holy fuck it's Gallifreyan. What kind of nerd is the ghost king if they are using Gallifreyan as their summoning array? 

He shakes his head. He needs to focus and finish adding the symbols on the outside of the Gallifreyan. He looks back at the instructions to make sure he was copying it correctly when he spots it. The last bit of this array is the First Ones language from She-ra. Tim has decided this is fine, and he just won't think about it. 

He was thinking about it.

Why was this summoning like this? No wonder the death cult doesn't have the right fucking summoning. Who in their right mind would think an extradimensional death deity would have their array be made out of fake fucking languages from different TV shows. He has so many questions that he doesn't have time for.

Tim takes a deep breath, clearing his mind the best he can. He just needs to get through this, ignore the fact that whoever set up the summoning ritual is a giant fucking nerd. He reads the next set of instructions. . . 

He is going insane, he is fucking sure of it.

The fucking instructions say that the array is in several different languages and that to finish the summoning he needs to translate. He then needs to say it out loud, starting from the outside going in. Looks like he'll need to break out the First One’s translator he has saved on his phone. Luckily, he has Gallifreyan memorized (for the most part). 

Tim sets the offering in the middle of the array, placing his own bowl on the floor next to him. He takes a deep breath. The translations weigh heavy on the tip of his tongue, despite how ridiculous all of this is. Now he just has to hold back his giggles.

“Pluto is a planet. Get fucked, losers.'' As the words enter the air the summoning circle grows a lazarus green. After a couple curious moments there's a popping noise, as if someone opened a wine bottle, and there is a figure sitting across from him. 

The figure is a humanoid male with short, shaggy white hair that blows in a nonexistent wind. Their long legs are crossed as they hover a few inches from the floor. The clothes weren't too strange, just a black tight fitting jumpsuit with gray accents. It showed off their lean muscles, which Tim shouldn’t be focusing on. He has a deal to make!!

Their burring green eyes gaze around the room before landing on the offered food. Their face lights up with a fanged grin. The other’s excitement was almost contagious as they start eating. Tim follows the other’s lead and dings in himself. God, Alfred’s cooking is so good.

“Oh, fuck yeah!! I was craving alfredo!” They say around a mouth full of food.

“I’m glad it was something you like. I was worried that you’d hate it and this whole thing wouldn’t work,” Tim’s voice seemed to snap the being to full attention.

“Shit. Sorry about getting distracted there. You summoned me?”

“Yeah, I want to make a deal to-” 

“Okay wait,” the white haired being interrupted. “Before we get into this I have to place some ground rules.” 

“Of course.” Tim expected this, Nothing came without compilation after all.

“Good, first I am allowed to deny any request and or offering. Second, all deals are final once fulfilled. Finally, anything relating to the manipulation of time is off limits. I’m still cleaning up from the last time I did one, and I’d just rather not deal with that,” the other said while gesturing with his hands almost spilling his bowl.

“Is that all?” Tim asked skeptically. 

“Yep! You can make your request now.”

“I want to not have to sleep ever again. I need to make myself clear with you on this, I still want to have the ability to sleep but for it to not be something that I need to do to live healthy,” Tim stares the (presumed) ghost in the eyes, waiting for their response.

“Oh, that’ll be no problem, but what will you offer in return?” They stare back at him, burning green into his soul.

Something in Tim knows that the king wouldn’t accept his soul as an offering. After all, they didn’t even ask for any blood in their summoning, why would they want something like that now. He has to think of something different and quick, Alfred should be home soon. He should have moved this out of the kitchen… Wait.

He has an idea.

“How about in return, I take you out to get food? It can be from anywhere you want in the whole world, just give me time to set up reservations.” Tim offers, hoping that’ll work.

“And you’ll be paying,” the other asks with a raised eyebrow and soft grin.

“Of course!” 

“Deal!! It’s a date,” Tim blinks a couple times before the meaning of the other’s statement fully hits him 

“Oh! Yeah it is. I’m Tim.” He offers out his hand.

“You can call me Danny. To most I'm High King Phantom—but you know that.” Danny banters, taking Tim’s hand. 

Their hands are bathed in green flames that warm Tim’s hands pleasantly. The deal has been struck, and Tim can’t help but notice the nervous excitement coming off the other man.

Tim likes him more already.

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I feel like it probably is made of fake metal. I think Tim is allergic to it, not in a severe way it just makes him itch a little. He never told Bernard about him being allergic to it and he never will. Bear collared him, he's gonna keep that shit on forever because he's Smitten.

goddd i just know that tim never takes off that fucking necklace. and you know bear doesn't have that much money so tge necklace was kinda cheap and it wasn't anything the bear meant for tim to wear regularly it was just like a keepsake y'know? wear it on a date or a nice outing. maybe when they're both home together. but tim is practically feral over it. like straight up refuses to take it off. it's turning his neck green at this point and everybody is soo done.

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(x)

[cactusracoon]

Very late entry for day seven of Timber Week 2023; “I need you to let me protect you for once”! Yeah it’s a bit of a loose interpretation but hey at least I finally got it done

also, to reference one of the other prompts, “meeting the team/friends/family”, I thought I’d link one of my fics below - my very first fic, actually, lol, from earlier this year. It would have also fallen under emt! Bernard tbh. Meet the Family (3444 words) by roseandgold137 Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Batman - All Media Types Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Bernard Dowd/Tim Drake Characters: Bernard Dowd, Tim Drake, Cassandra Cain Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Gunshot Wounds, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, cass shows up for like one scene sorry, background ocs for plot purposes, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Bernard Dowd-centric Summary: Bernard was not nervous. He was just… over-caffeinated. He’d just finished a late evening EMT training class, he had needed the coffee, that’s why his hands were shaking. No other reason. Besides, Bernard had fought a pain cult. He’d survived a gang war. He was training to be an EMT in Gotham, of all places, so he was not nervous about meeting his boyfriend’s family.

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"Dick…who is that?" Bruce asked, as he heard Alfred behind him coughing, probably to suppress the laughter.

"It's a baby."

"I see it, Dick. But who is he?"

"Timmy. My little brother."

Oh, my. That wasn't in the parenting books Alfred had given him.

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I just went through like 4 pages of the Ocean Gates fandom tag on on Ao3. I'm not reading any of them because gross but here are the ones I found the funniest!

There's so much smut omg. 🤣🤣

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Summary:

The coronavirus has hit Gotham, and through a boredom induced decision, Tim decides to make a Tik Tok account and have some fun.

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I’ve no idea what this is, but whew, I’m having fun.

(Edit: October 31st 2020, I know exactly what this is, and man I had so much fun guys)

My thoughts:

Also known as one of the funniest fics to ever exist, very delightful with a little angst