blackieundercover

[blackieundercover]

i need to stop €ating.

i need to stop taking up space.

i need to stop being lazy.

i need to stop being a disappointment.

i need to stop being f4t.

[blackieundercover]

It’s been a while. I think I forgot what it is like to be clean. To eat cleanly. I’d lose so much. And now I’m struggling with water retention and cravings and binges and stress and I can’t control myself no more.

Everytime I want to binge, I will binge. If not today, tomorrow or the day after that. It’s almost as if it pursuing me, or maybe I’m just dumb. I hate it. I need to get a grip but it’s so hard. Especially since I’m really not feeling well, I never really have but I’m at a low point.

You see, right now I’m already planning out my binge because I feel like I can’t do something about it. I’ll eat until I’m sick but never purge, because that’s where my brain puts the line 🤦‍♀️. It’s pathetic and embarrassing at the same time. Like how am I at the same weight as when I started all of this? I mean yeah I look different, maybe lost some fats but it’s still very embarrassing.

I wanna get back on track though

I really do. So if anyone can help I’d deeply appreciate it. And if not that’s okay. Thanks for reading all the way down here.

Love y’all, stay safe and have a really blessed day/night ❤️

[blackieundercover]

Me the past couple of weeks

felt

[blackieundercover]

"your hair will fall out!" I DONT CARE.

"you're gonna smell bad!" I DONT CARE.

"you'll get headaches all the time!" I DONT CARE.

"diet coke is so bad for you!" I DONT CARE.

I DONT CARE.

I JUST WANT TO BE SK1NNY.

[blackieundercover]

I’m gonna go crazy

[blackieundercover]

does anyone else feel like they’re faking an 3d cuz they’re not sk1nny enough?

[blackieundercover]

The day I learned about calories is the day I should have killed myself

[blackieundercover]

And the belly omg

will feel 10x better when my thighs don’t touch. i could probably stop after that

[blackieundercover]

This!!

"𝙸'𝚖 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞" :(

𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝙸'𝚖 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝟷𝟶𝟶lbs...

[blackieundercover]

I want my bestie to see my pretty self when she gets back. And my brother and just everyone. Just for one time in this fucking life I want to be pretty

going from being the weird fat girl to the cute quirky girl is why i'll never fucking let myself be fat again

[blackieundercover]

It's scary how fast the calories add up

[blackieundercover]

To get THEREEE

I just randomly tried on some pants I haven’t worn in a while AND OH MY FUCKING GOD THE CONFIDENCE BOOST I JUST GOT !!!!

The high waisted jeans which was too small for me is NOW A LOW RISE FUCK I FEEL SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL

food will NEVER taste as good as SKINNY feels LIKE NEVERRRR

[blackieundercover]

I’ll try this. I need to take pics tho, and measurements or else I’ll go crazy lol

3dblr who’s brave enough to tap in?

[blackieundercover]

Tf u mean 1200 cals per day isn't enough for a whole day? Dude I consider that a binge 💀

[blackieundercover]

By the end of November I’m calling it 🤞🤞🤞🤞

I will get a thigh gap, I will get a thigh gap. I will get a thigh gap. I will get a thigh gap. I will get a thigh gap. I will get a thigh gap.

[blackieundercover]

Y’all please help!! I’m on a plateau for almost 3 month s now. I’m not eating more than 1500cals even when I binge. What’s happening??

[blackieundercover]

starving myself to get hot ❌❌❌

starving myself to never have a period again ✅✅✅