bastardiary

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People feeling entitled to my attention and energy because THEY are excited about my pregnancy, is not something I was anticipating.

Calling me unexpectedly, showing up to my home unexpectedly, because you want to give me something for the baby or just talk to me about the baby.

I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I want people to just leave me alone.

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my nightmare is living in the USA. thank FUCK I don't.

I'm going to lose my mind why don't healthcare places give you heads up on rough costs of things before you get slammed with the bill

So an MRI cost $1636 and I'm responsible for $748, which is a WILD number considering that the eye doctor was like. you may need another one

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ppl in fandoms need to understand that complaining abt the lack of something like fanfictions won't change shit. because who writes the fanfictions??? YOU DO! EVERYBODY DOES????? Nobody has a role to write fanfiction. like you can't complain when fics are written out of love. for free.

I really don't like it. when I notice the lack of something I want to see. I write it myself. or ask someone to kindly write it for me. and most of the time. it's always a yes 💙

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that is why: dear Internet users. you have to take arms. and WRITE for yourselves. the lack of certain fics or genres or something SUCKS. but everybody has to realise that for something to change you need to be brave and write something. even if it's 100 words. even if it's a tiny post on tumblr. you need to make the things you want to see.

you will find a f/f pairing that is extremely compelling and endearing and you will go on ao3 and you will find out they have thirteen fics and this happens to every f/f pairing and you just have to deal with it.

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as embarrassing as it is to admit: I have to say that I find it very difficult to do a lot of basic things because I get so terrified, so scared of being trapped in a box. because of gender roles.

(my parents raised us by assigning gender roles to tasks. so if I do something w my sister. my brother can't help. because he's a boy)

I still live w my parents. and I know I have to work through it in therapy.

but I already do lots of stuff at home, so the idea of me showing my parents that I can do something else convinces me they'll put that task or responsibility on my shoulders now. that now I have to do that certain task for myself AND for my siblings. like I may as well do it while I'm at it. And it sucks. it really really does.

and I understand that it's not great. and that it's not healthy. and the crazy thing. I always fantasies about a life where I do all of these mundane domestic tasks with my fave character. and it's freeing. when I do it in my head. outside of any judgement or comments from anyone.

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i feel like more people esp parents should understand that not sharing every detail of your life is not keeping secrets. like??? sometimes things don’t involve you and sometimes people like having privacy in their lives lmao

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the one celebrity that pisses me off so bad for no reason is cumberbatch. I hate to see him and I don't even know why. he's my nemesis. sorry not sorry.

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girl you're okay. you're not ageist.

there's nothing wrong with wanting good platonic friendship between male/female characters in media. it's actually one of my favourite things to write in fics. I love writing fics of my favourite pookie bear with a platonic friendship with reader causing havoc and eating toast together <3

but I also write male/female romantic relationships too with other characters.

it's not a big of a deal 🫶

man i made a post like a month ago talking abt how i hope daryl and carol don’t get together bc i love their platonic friendship and im still mad that someone reblogged my post and essentially called me ageist?? like hwat??? i made it very clear that i ship carol and ezekiel, they’re actually one of my favorite ships in the show and i HATE they didn’t end up together. plus i ship bethyl, duh! i emphasized the point that i think it’s really good to see a very strong platonic relationship between a man and a woman and they said eugene and rosita are a good example?? eugene was in love with rosita most of the time they knew each other?? not a good example at all????? they pointed out someone else too but who cares. in summary, yes i do hold grudges

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out of pocket Pinterest comments under Andrew Lincoln's photo (Rick Grimes from The Walking Dead)

the said image:

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p-d*ddy actually scares me. he gives me shivers. he's my personal boogeyman. now I need EVERYONE who's involved or behaves like him to GO DOWN. I'm sick of these abusers getting away with everything because they're rich and famous. they need to burn. in REAL TIME.

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another shitty thing about being the eldest daughter who based her worth on academics and how useful she can be to others is that it physically hurts to ask for help even when we desperately need it. it's an internalized belief that we should we able to figure out everything on our own and it sucks

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I hate you religious self-righteous pricks. I hate it when they think they're better than you just because they pray more than you do. Just because they dress more modestly than you do. that you should listen to them and do what they say or you'll go to hell.

Religion and faith is complex. not everyone's journey is the same. and it's awful when they start telling you how you should change your ways and that what you're doing is wrong and they don't stop even when you ask them to because it's none of their business.

I don't like it. I hate it in fact. and it's even more jarring when it's your sister. I hate it when she has to be in my business. I can't even get myself to pray in peace anymore because I feel constantly watched and judged. and when I do something different or when I try to. I always get a comment or get laughed at or teased. and it never makes me feel good or nice. it makes me feel awful because whatever I do, it's a joke to others. it's something to make fun of.

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Watched the Casino Royale movie (2006¿?). The james bond movie and it was.... meh. I really expected better but oh well. At least I got to see bad guy Mads torture Bonds Balls ☺️

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okay but why does the smut oneshots and fanfics I've written always do better than the non-sexual and safe stuff I write? I have a side blog and I don't even post anything anymore. don't even have an active queue on it and I still get notifications from ppl interacting with my old smut. it's uh.. a bit weird. I put the same amount of love in both crafts. and yet the mature one gets more love. idk man.

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sometimes I wonder if all the efforts and work I do for my family would ever be acknowledged and appreciated properly. I am terrified that in the future, my siblings will deny the sacrifices I've done and all the things I did to help them grow. This is mostly because at the moment, my uncle is refusing to acknowledge my father's sacrifices. and he was the oldest. they're always fighting because my uncle always wants more and more and is never grateful. I hate it. I don't want my siblings to ever be that way.

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dawg I've been shitting the whole day. is this normal? am I healing or getting sick?

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