anselbun

[anselbun]

Hi there! I saw you made a post where you mentioned Dick's "very canon though not explicitly stated BPD"! I'm a very very big fan of characters with bpd and fictional diagnosing but I haven't read enough Dick runs and I don't have the bandwidth to diagnose several characters as one so could please elaborate on that pretty pretty please? I'm so curious 😭🙇🙇🙇🙇

oh yes of course!!! i love talking about comics and about dick especially!

first i have to say that im newer to reading comics as of the last few months, and have been working through things in a very strange order, so i am lacking a lot in terms of direct examples i can provide for my seeing him this way. overall, its simply something ive picked up about him through reading hundreds of comics from the 60's up to now.

one of the biggest, most clear examples of dicks emotional struggles would probably be some of the older teen titans stuff, specifically i think the "new teen titans" issues that took place around 1988, in the years after jasons death. of course, he was having a hard time at that point, but most of the comics feature him acting completely erratically, and struggling to understand why people are concerned about his actions and wellbeing.

for example- after struggles in dicks relationship with kory, he stalks her at one of her dates with another guy to try to apologize to her, and then appears at her apartment to beg her to come back to him and to marry him. when she says yes, he jumps to planning this wedding within only a few days, and when there's certain family members (such as bruce) he cannot reach to have attend the wedding, he cannot see this as anything other than them refusing to support him and his marriage. multiple people including kory herself worry that dick is making rash decisions because hes not doing well emotionally, but nobody knows how to help him. any sign of something not going "perfect" in his eyes becomes people not being supportive, to the point where he's even a little rude to lian when shes just being a kid, which ive never seen him do when hes in the right mental state.

another two examples that come soon after this are really similar, and are with donna and roy- both of them are concerned about him at separate points, and have noticed him making extremely rash choices and pushing himself much further than he usually does, in ways that arent like him. when donna tries to express her worry, he takes it as an insult, and turns it into a huge argument, because he feels that anybody being concerned about him means hes simply not good enough. when roy has to take over the titans due to dicks rash actions and disappearances, dick again takes this as a major insult, and believes this is roys way of saying the titans dont love him, never loved him, and that they dont want him there. he simply doesnt understand that they are concerned about him, and that his actions are having a negative affect on himself and the team, and that they arent rejecting him- they were simply trying to ask him to take a break.

theres other examples like this over the years- though most are a lot more "lowkey" as things get closer to present day. dick is still the kind of person to be smart and caring towards others, but time and time again we see him make rash decisions based on his feelings and worries without considering the consequences of those feelings. i think over time its either been an aspect of the writers not wanting to go too far, or not quite seeing this aspect of dick in the same way i do, but its clear to me in every comic i read that dick is in this constant state of flux with his feelings and worries, and that the slightest word of concern from those he cares about scares him. because them being worried for him means hes not doing enough to STOP them from worrying about them, which must mean he's not good enough. which must mean they dont care about him anymore if they'd even say that. his mind consistently goes down these spirals about him not being good enough, even if he doesnt outwardly say them as much anymore.

i still have to go through the batman 2016 run, but i know dick was considering adopting damian while batman was gone, and decided not to because he saw himself as "too untethered" at the time, which is a really specific way for him to refer to things. its a direct acknowledgement of his own emotional state and that he would not be in the right space to be a dad to damian.

sorry for the rant i love answering asks about my pookies

[anselbun]

Wait did I make that really sad post about dicks mental state right before his birthday oh god I’m so sorry dick

[anselbun]

Batman & Robin: Year One (2024) #6

[anselbun]

Thinking about dick graysons canon hallucinations and his also very canon (though not explicitly stated) BPD today. About how he was 100% in the throes of an extended manic episode during a lot of the older titans comics from right after Jason’s death. How even in the current day he struggles so horribly with all his huge pent up feelings that are constantly changing and just doesn’t know how to deal with, but has forced himself to learn how to hide them until they blow over. He has to hide them. He has to be the mature one. He has to protect the other kids from the chaos and pain that is this life.

Dick, who has to hallucinate the child brother he barely knew because that’s the only way to cope with his death. The only way to make his brain think he hasn’t been “abandoned” by another person he cares about.

How, when Roy had to take over the titans, all dick could think and feel was that Roy didn’t trust him or care about him anymore and that none of the titans wanted him here. That he was being rejected. That they didn’t love him. That this was just like when Batman fired him as robin.

It isn’t like that. It never WAS like that. But dick does not always understand that.

As he’s gotten older, he hasn’t quite “mellowed out”. He’s still the intensely emotional, struggling person he was in the older comics. He still has deeply impulsive thoughts and constantly tries to put the perceived needs of others above himself, over and over and over. But he’s learned that he cannot show these feelings to others. That he HAS to keep them in, because if they see that he’s struggling, the rejection will just be worse. That he’ll ruin more relationships, that he won’t be able to be there to protect those people when they need him.

And then there’s Jason after he’s returned. Jason who always feels that dick is judging him, now. How he thinks dick is always looking at him as if he’s about to blow up, about to have some crazy plan that will get others killed. Because, well- that’s what dick DOES expect. Because he saw Jason, with the “same” big feelings that dick had at that point in his life, but Jason “never” hid them. He went out there and expressed his rage as red hood and got it all out, and dick never really did that without immediately regretting the consequences and having to fix it.

I think, in dicks perspective , everybody else has these same huge feelings he has all the time. The constant back and forth, the constant fear of rejection. He sees Jason being angry and violent and thinks- “why can’t he just hold it all in like I do?”. He doesn’t get that this is a different situation, different feelings. That dick holding in all this violent anger and need for reassurance isn’t good for him, that Jason learning to do that wouldn’t be good for him either.

I think, as much as dick probably wouldn’t want to admit it, he projects onto his family a lot like Jason does. Jason and his comments about how the other kids only ever became Robin so that Bruce would love them. Sure, there’s some truth in it when it comes to damian, who had no connection to Gotham other than it being where his father lived. But there’s more nuances to that that Jason doesn’t understand about his siblings because he’s not in their head. Just like how there’s nuances to all of their feelings and trauma and reactions to things that dick will never understand.

He’s forced himself to mature, to grow and bury these feelings because he knows he has to be the responsible one. He has to do what his family and bludhaven and Gotham and his team all need. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t still have those feelings of anger in him. That doesn’t mean he stops looking at Bruce sometimes and thinking- “god, I think he’s a monster” after seeing everything Bruce has done to the other kids. That also doesn’t change that dick looks at Bruce and thinks “he’s my father my mentor my hero, my brother, my saviour, my partner, my everything- my god. I’d die for him. I will never be him. I will never be good enough for him. I need him to be better for everyone else.”

Dick will never stop feeling these constant sways of emotions. They’ll always be a part of them. He’s just had to bury them. Until Bruce fucks up too bad again or someone hurts one of the kids dick’s sworn himself to protect. Until he has no choice than to let it all boil over.

Dick isn’t the angry robin. He isn’t the happy robin. Boiling him and Jason down to either one of those characteristics is just damaging to their characters and what they’ve been through.

Dick is bright and happy and loving and charismatic. But he’s so angry. He’s so tired. He wants to be loved and he wants to be safe. He wants to protect others. Needs to protect others. Needs to be the one whose always there to do it because he trusts nobody else to handle it all. He has to handle it all. He doesn’t want to handle any of it. He’s so tired. He’s so angry. He loves so strong and it’s killing him.

He spends so much of his time seeing how being Batman is killing Bruce. How much of his life Bruce has given to the thing that will kill him.

I think dick refuses to accept that being robin, being nightwing, is killing himself too. That he’s not immune to this. That pushing himself harder and harder and trying to “prove” himself that he CAN handle everything over and over again doesn’t mean he should. That he’s torturing himself in ways even Batman cannot see.

[anselbun]

It’s even worse when dick is Batman and for some reason one of the robins needs to be involved. Because usually, maybe damian, specifically isn’t super affectionate with the “usual” Batman, but they DO occasionally hear the little boy call Batman Dad.

And then Dick!batman is doing JL stuff and suddenly robin and Batman are hanging off each other and Batman is carrying the little robin around and chatting and laughing and PLAYING and then there will suddenly be an “EUGH YOUR NOT MY DAD BATMAN” and everybody is just even more confused.

They need to start keeping track of what the hell is going on, here.

Or little robin walking up to superman like “hey can superboy come over for dinner tonight and a sleepover I want to show him this new game I got”

And superman is just “sure kid, but you should ask your da- I mean Batman”

So Robin just pulls out his cellphone or smth and calls someone and then goes “father can superboy sleep over tonight I want to show him that game you got me” while Batman is just standing there grinning and looking like he’s on the verge of tears bc OMG damian wants his friend to sleep over.

All these little casual slip-ups that reasonably these kids would never make, but it’s so easy to have random little mess ups like that constantly when you mix your family with your Super Secret Identities

Dick having to be Batman for the first time at a JL meeting and he’s so good at it that almost nobody notices. He’s studied and watched Bruce for years, and when he’s focusing hard enough it’s impossible for anyone who isn’t specifically looking to tell the difference.

Of course, that’s except for superman. Who has memorized Bruce’s AND dicks heartbeats and knows obviously how to tell the difference between his best friend boyfriend colleague and dick his son who he’s known since the man was a child. So at the end of the meeting they’re sitting around talking and dick and Clark fall into some old natural banter, since of course dick realizes Clark knows and he’s not going to bother to try to pretend otherwise when he’s talking only to him. And maybe it’s Oliver or Hal or one of the other members who just don’t know Batman’s identity yet, but know that superman and Batman are really close and have that whole homoerotic thing going on. So someone makes a joke about how “superman and the bat are flirting again” and superman just. Scrunches up his face in this most grossed out look anyone has ever seen and just goes THAT IS MY CHILD???

And that’s how the JLA gets confused and thinks that Batman is actually supermans son. It takes months for them to realize that’s definitely not the case when they find superman and Batman (actually bruce this time) WAY too close in some closet somewhere.

Poor jla hero’s never able to figure out what the hell is going on here

[anselbun]

Having to re-outline and possibly rewrite big chunks of the first few chapters of my fic the night before I planned on posting the first two is. Well. That’s an experience

[anselbun]

I made those superbat bodies so sexy even without it showing anything below the belt and I can’t even show it to you guys that’s so tragic.

[anselbun]

They’re in love

Reposting this to test a theory about why it wasn’t been shown to people lol

[anselbun]

Deleted that last post bc I think Tumblr was hiding it for some reason idk lol

[anselbun]

a moment of rest

[anselbun]

"just a trick i picked up from some tibetan monks" is bruce speak for "not telling"

"not telling" is jason speak for "just a trick i picked up from some warrior monks"

[anselbun]

Humanitarian Appeal

‼️She will die at any time‼️😭Emergency, read my story and help me 🚨

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We kindly appeal to compassionate individuals to donate and support us during this difficult time.

Thank you for your cooperation and generosity.

I am asking for $25 or 50$ , which will make a significant difference in my life and my family’s🙏🏻💔

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https://gofund.me/8dce001c

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[anselbun]

i get bruce is emotionly unavailable as fuck but if he can do a big personality shift into Brucie, why cant he love his kids that way? sure, Bruce struggles to show his affection and Batman is a brick wall, but Brucie? Let Brucie be how he shows love when his other mindsets cant. Let Brucie be known for kissing Dick's cheek at parties before he walks off, for calling Tim 'sweetheart', for always having an arm around Cass or Babs, for always having a hand on Steph or Duke or Damian's shoulder. When he later cannot use Brucie to initiate affection with Jason, he tries his best to make the step as Bruce.

(despite this, all his children know that when they receive affection from Brucie, it is also from Bruce. it looks like a performance but at the end of the day these are two parts of the same man and Brucie is just as real, just as much their father, as Bruce is)

[anselbun]

You guys vs liking my half asleep thoughts damn

Battinson now being my fav live action Bruce ever is so funny bc like his personality irl is also way too perfect. Shows up in pictures and famous ppl events like a fucking cryptid. Falls asleep at award shows. Took his stalker on a date and complained about his life so hard she now hates him. All stuff Bruce would do in very specific brucie ways I need to see ten more movies of battinson adopting his kids and growing as a person forever

[anselbun]

I'm telling you guys the playboy billionaire thing is not the act.

[anselbun]

Bruce has a code he uses for his kids during galas and other events. He has had it since Dick was little it's used for how much chaos the kids are allowed to cause.

When Bruce dismisses them with a "Have fun" they all know that they could basically burn the place down, as long as they have a solid alibi. It's usually said when not even Bruce wants to be there and is hoping that whatever mischief they cause will get him out sooner.

When "Be polite" is used the batkids are allowed to mouth off to anyone if it's passive aggressive enough that any insult could be excused as a misunderstanding or hide away if they want to. Damian once made creepy old man cry and when recounting the conversation it seems like it was just smalltalk.

"Behave yourself" is what Bruce says when they all need to be at their best. No back talking, no pranks or news scandals. It's something Bruce uses rarely but every batkid adheres to, since it's usually charities directly connected to their name or a semi undercover mission.

[anselbun]

Haven’t drawn much in the last few days bc I’ve been focused on a royjay a/B/o fic. Should have the first chapter ready to go up by early next week, but we’ll have to see. I’m trying to build a bit of a chapter backlog first. Will post about it here once it’s up