alecthedevil

[alecthedevil]

Bat cow in the dining room during breakfast! (No this is not my guess for cluedo its context.)

Jason: Well well well. Look who's too good for cereal now!

Tim: He's trying to impress the cow.

Damian: Don't be ridiculous!

Bruce: Damian I am not comfortable with this situation.

Damian: Father what was I supposed to do?! I had that crazy dream and it was raining!

Bruce: Well I had a crazy dream there wouldn't be a cow's A- S- S in my face when i'm eating breakfast!

Jason (to Tim): I know what that spells

Tim: Ass

Jason: Ass.

Jason: Hey Bruce! ASS

Bruce: Stop it!

BONUS

Duke: One breakfast. I want one normal breakfast.

[alecthedevil]

Liam: Why do you have 2 phones?

Y/N: Oh, well the iphone is for the people I like. The flip phone is for people I don’t like

Liam: I don’t get it...

Y/N:  If the iphone buzzes, I know I need to answer right away. If the flip phone goes off, I ignore it for 3 to 5 business days. 

Liam: How do you decide who gets the iphone and who gets the flip phone?

Y/N: Well, I text people like Brett on my Iphone because I like him, and I text Hayden on my flip phone because I hate her.

Liam: Ok...Which one do you text me on?

Y/N: 

Liam: 

Y/N: *flip phone buzzes with a text from Liam.*  I think you know...

[alecthedevil]

This will never NOT be funny

[alecthedevil]

ok so when were yall gonna tell me that pacing around the room while listening to a song and aggressively acting out scenarios with fictional people is a mental illness??????

[alecthedevil]

Bruce: Damian’s at that very special age where a boy has only one thing on his mind.

Selena, winking: Girls?

Damian: Homicide.

[alecthedevil]

Bruce: Children, why do you hate the baby?

Tim: We don’t hate him, we just want to play with him.

Jason: Especially his head.

Bruce: Children, do you think I love the baby more than I love you?

Jason and Tim: Yes

Bruce: do you think that when a new baby arrives, one of the other children must die?

Jason: Isn’t that what happened to me when you got Tim?

Bruce:

Dick: He’s got you there...

Damian: FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT A BABY!

[alecthedevil]

*Jason and Duke Standing on the roof*

Jason: “Duke, the baby weighs 10 pounds, and the cannon ball weighs 20 pounds. Which will hit the stone walkway first?”

Duke: “I’m still on fractions...”

Jason: “Which do you think?”

Duke: “the cannon ball?”

Jason: “Very good. But which one will bounce?”

Duke: “the baby?”

Jason, ominously: “theres only one way to find out...”

Damian, tied up next to the cannon ball: “Honestly, fuck you guys.”

BONUS

Bruce, annoyed with the antics of his children as he opens the window: “Universe send me a sign if I shouldn’t adopt anymore children!”

Damian, landing in his arms: Hello Father.

[alecthedevil]

Jason: I did the thing.

Bruce: The thing I specifically told you not to do?

Jason: Yeah

Bruce: The thing I lectured you in absolute detail that you were NOT allowed to do?

Jason: Thats the one

Bruce: Okay, thats it I’m done! I can’t take it anymore, I am punishing you! You are being punished!

Jason: oH i’M beINg PUniShEd 

Bruce: I didn’t want to do this. I really didn’t want to have to go this far, but you have pushed me! It needs to be done! You are going to give me a hug now!

Jason: What?!

Bruce: You heard me.

Jason: Bruce no.

Bruce, unflinching: Now

Jason, hugging Bruce reluctantly: this is the most evil thing you’ve ever done. 

[alecthedevil]

*About Brett*

Y/N: 10/10 would date.

Mason: That’s Brett.

Y/N: Yeah I know. So?

Liam: It’s Brett! My arch enemy! That Brett!

Y/N: ... Still 10/10 would date.

Liam:

Mason: Well they’re not wrong...

[alecthedevil]

REBLOG THIS IF:

- you support trans kids under 18

- you support trans kids getting surgeries before 18

- you support trans kids starting hormone therapy before 18

[alecthedevil]

For those who didn’t hear it the first time: BEING NON BINARY IS NOT ATTENTION SEEKING!

Non binary isn't trans it's attention seeking

Hey anon? Why don’t you shut the fuck up?

Please reblog this if you don’t think being non binary is “attention seeking”

Non binary folks are welcome in this blog and enbyphobics can unfollow me right now

[alecthedevil]

Bruce: I love all my children equally.

Tim, from outside: Bruce?

Bruce: Some of them are adults now, and don’t live here.

Dick, trying the door handle: Bruce!

Bruce: But they’ll always be welcome in this house.

Jason, banging on the door: BRUCE!

Bruce, whilst his eye twitches: They, uh, don’t bother me much anymore. I guess they’re busy...

Dick, Tim and Jason, struggling with the locked door: BRUCE LET US IN!!

[alecthedevil]

*Damian ranking his brothers from best to worst*

1. “Average.” 2. “A disgraceful idiot.”  3. “Truely pathetic”.  4. “Gross, pathetic, disgraceful, an idiot, disappointment, dishonourable, clumsy, shameful, why was he even robin?, Honestly Father, your standards must have dropped for this one, I am so much better, He’s my absolute least favourite.”

Jason: Hey are you serious?! Not cool Damian, that’s really uncalled for. We’re your brothers you know! ... who was the last one?

Damian: Tch, Tim. I had more to add.

Jason:

Damian:

Jason:

Damian:

Jason: alright keep going.

[alecthedevil]

This is just awful. How anyone could do this is beyond me. It’s disgusting.

[alecthedevil]

*During a bat family meeting*

Bruce: The way I see it, we’ve got three options; 1. Evacuate the city. 2. Call his bluff, or 3. Engage Two Face directly and defuse the bomb. What are your thoughts?

Jason: I agree.

Bruce: With which plan?

Jason: Killing the Joker.

Bruce: Jason that wasn’t an option.

Jason, already loading his guns: No, no, you’ve convinced me.

[alecthedevil]

“Get in loser, we’re gonna make Bruce regret adopting us”

- Jason Todd to one of his brothers, probably

[alecthedevil]