writinghealsaddictionkills-blog

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Fear and Uncertainty in the Midst of a Pandemic

I have been so fearful of late that I haven’t even been able to write. Often that is a form of stress relief for me but with all that is going on both in my family and in this world, nothing seems to relieve the stress and fear I have.

There are many positive stories out there if you look for them. People leaving stuffed bears in their windows for kids to see when they go on drives with their…

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Sweet moments....well kinda lol

Sweet moments….well kinda lol

I love this photo but I gotta be honest. This was such a sweet moment where we laughed and took pics, but immediately after I snapped this sweet photo he hit me in the mouth with a fistful of crayons…. That’s what Autism sometimes looks like. You can say what you would do but unless it’s you it really doesn’t matter. Every child is different and every child on the spectrum differs from one…

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In times of need

I’ve never been one who likes to ask for help. I became a mother at the age of 16 and my entire life I’ve strived to be independent. To not need anyone. To take care of my family on my own.

I’ve always worked and provided for my family and my children. I refused to just be a stay at home mom. I wanted the time with them but I feared being dependent on anyone. Two bad marriages with abusive men…

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From Bitter to Blessed

I’ve owned my own home and been homeless. I’ve had good jobs and jobs that I barely made ends meet. More often than not I’ve struggled through life to try to provide for my family.

Through two failed marriages and years of drug abuse I hit rock bottom as broken and destroyed as a person can be. Found myself in the psych ward of the hospital after a failed suicide attempt. That was the 2nd time I…

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To My Daughters' Mothers

To My Daughters’ Mothers

You hear of blended families but rarely do you hear of blended families quite like ours. As Thanksgiving approaches and I think of all I have to be thankful for if course one of the first things I think of is my family.

When I met the love of my life he came with a little “baggage” you could say. He let me know right from the start he had 4 ex wives, 3 of which he considered close friends. He…

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All Gods Children How do you react when u get a knock at the door and see someone of any religion standing there?

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Speak Love

How often do we respond harshly to the ones we love the most?

Last night while fighting with my vaccuum cleaner (it’s new and we couldn’t figure out how it went back together, my fiance and I bickered like we often do. I immediately got offended and admonished him for speaking harshly to me. Then moments later I did the same to him and he called me on it.

That had me thinking today of how often…

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Moments Like This

Tonight I had the joy and pleasure of watching my daughter perform in the Dancing with our stars of Owensboro competition. Although she danced in high school on the dance team, this was the first time I have ever seen her dance. Of course I saw her little goofy dances she did around the house, but never anything like I saw tonight.

During the time she was dancing in high school, I was in federal…

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Never Stop Parenting

When we think of being a parent when our kids are young, we think in terms of the 18 short years we get with them before they are considered adults. However, as we grow older and so do our kids, our view of that changes. My children will forever be my baby’s and no age achieved will ever change that.

I like to pick at the kids sometimes for their silly questions or interpretations of things life…

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Turning 40

Today I told a friend I was turning 40 this month. They remarked, “Congratulations, by rights you never should have made it that far!” After a long but blessed day with family and my moms birthday celebration, I keep thinking back to what he said.

By rights I shouldn’t have made it this far. In so many ways, so many times, I should have died. I took life for granted, and most of the time I wanted…

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Stop and Smell the Roses

Life has a tendency to get in the way of living, doesn’t it?

As I approach my 40th year of life, I find myself looking back on my life. Realizing the times I took for granted, the moments I was so swept up in that I failed to cherish them as I should have.

A moment is all we really have on this earth, and if that’s the case I don’t want my moment to be wasted.

My kids are grown and I can’t go…

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Boundaries

Why does it seem to be a sin of great proportions, to think of oneself or ones own needs before others? As a mother I always tried to put the needs of my children 1st. As a child, the needs of my mother came before my own, at least in my mind.

Maybe that’s hard for some to believe, considering I am an addict and we are all selfish and self centered right?

However, I have discovered that much of…

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Purging the Pain

Lately I have begun writing my book. Much of it I would love to share on here and maybe I will one day. I have found it to be so therapeutic to write down pieces of my past. It’s almost like I am purging it from my soul, ridding myself of the dirt and horror of it all.

My only concern is that when I publish it my family will hate me. Many of the stories that are contained in my book, involve…

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A junkies place

In my place

my place I called home

was nowhere to find solace

nowhere to call my own

beer cans litter every surface

even decorate the tree

there was no maid

but there was me

“fetch me a beer”

with the quickest of feet

I dare not deny

each demand I must meet

for here children listen

they must not cause a fuss

nowhere could I turn

no-one could I trust

while around me men leer

they’re desires in…

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New Beginnings

Almost 5 years ago I bought a house. I was so excited and happy. Finally I had my forever home, and my children would always have a place to come to.

Life happens though right?

During the five years I was there we had some amazing times. I regained custody of my middle child. My oldest returned home. Three of my stepdaughters and one of my grandchildren lived with us for awhile.

Then I lost my…

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Make Your Mark

When you die, when you leave this world, what mark do you think you will leave on the world you leave behind?

My aunt passed from this world on Monday after a heart attack on Friday. She fought a hard battle for 3 days on life support but her heart could take no more.

The preacher made a statement during her funeral that it’s odd that her physical heart was what failed her when her spiritual and…

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The unknown

Guardedly optimistic.

Those are the words the surgeon used after my Aunts triple bypass. As I write this I can hear the machines working for her heart and lungs. Just a little over 12 hours ago I kissed her and told her I loved her as they wheeled her out, expecting, praying, that she would come back to me whole.

Now we wait, pray, and worry.

My aunt is the backbone of my father’s side of the…