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Love one another, practice kindness and acceptance. 

Become aware of how often you might be holding or passing judgement. How is this serving you? What might it be costing you and you holding you back from? 

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Let’s Talk About Stress and How We Can Better Manage It!

It’s the holiday season and a time to give thanks, celebrate with our loved ones and partake in yearly traditions.

It’s also the time of year where your stress level is ramped up as you try to balance work with endless Christmas parties, holiday shopping, travel plans etc. Throw in family drama, financial strains and the pressure to find the ‘perfect’ gifts and life suddenly spirals out of control.

Exhaustion, anxiety, low energy, rapid heart beats, upset stomach, headaches, worry, lack of sleep, compromised immune system……the signs and symptoms of stress.

We are all aware of the dangers of stress and how it can lead to physical and emotional wear and tear. We are also aware of some of the best practices to deal with stress in the moment. 

As a reminder here is a great list:

Get more exercise

Use positive self-talk

Create balance in your life

Get more rest and more restful sleep

Eat a healthier diet

Know your work limits

Say, “No,” more often

Ask for help

Carve out time for more fun

Use positive imagery

Listen to music that calms you

Declutter- your life and your workspace

Practice yoga and mindful meditation

Keep things simple

And why this list provides important reminders of what to do when you are struggling with stress, I am here to help you PREVENT stress.

Here is the secret about stress that no one is willing to acknowledge or admit.

Are you ready?

We create our own stress. Us, not the world around us, our family members, boss or significant other. We create our own stress. Let me explain….

Nothing actually stresses you out- it’s the ‘meaning’ you put on something or on a situation that stresses you out. We are often unaware that we do this. Stress is a choice that we make--usually subconsciously.

Write a list of the stressors in your life. Where you are experiencing stress? What is the root cause of it? Think of the people, places, situations, environments etc. with which you associate stress.

Any of the situations listed above originated as a ‘neutral’ situation. What happens is that we create our own stories, reactions and judgements around these situations and therefore create our own stress. We apply stress to our life.

Stress creates the story that we feed into, it’s an interpretation and it doesn’t create the truth of what is actually happening.

Think of it this way:

Thoughts→ Feeling → Action

When something happens we have an immediate thought (create the story) which leads to a feeling (stress) and this causes us to react in certain ways (action).

If you are able to separate the story from the situation and change your initial thought you can change your feelings and reaction.

Stress is associated with storytelling and  judgement. If you are able to separate yourself from the judgment you are able to reduce your level of stress. When you think of a stressor in your life ask yourself who are you judging in this moment? Yourself? Someone else? The situation at hand? The environment? And who might you be blaming for this stress? If you are able to separate yourself from the story and from the judgements associated with the stress you can actually rewrite the experience for yourself.

Ask yourself instead ‘what do I want to feel in this moment?’ (instead of feeling stressed). Get super clear with yourself. And then ask yourself, ‘what is the positive story I need to write to get out of my own way?’

Keep in mind that often we feel stressed because we feel out of control. This is especially relevant to those of us who identify as ‘control freaks.’ You know who you are. If you are able to let go of some of the need to control every moment, and shift your perception of the situation at hand you reduce stress. In this case, perception is the source of power.

As you head into the whirlwind holiday season keep these tips in mind. As you juggle work, family, finances, traditions, parties etc. be open to embracing perception, letting go of judgment and not letting your interpretations of a situation take over and cause you stress. Take charge and re-write the situation so that you feel calm, peaceful and happy.

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Feel Drained After a Long Day Of Work? Discover Steps To Get Re-energized!

There seems to be a trend emerging among the clients I work with. After a draining day of work, they have no energy to put towards their personal goals when they get home.

Does this ever happen to you?

One client has a goal at the end of each day to work on his resume...but he never has the energy to do so and ends up scrolling through social media instead.

Another client wants to start living a healthier lifestyle and has the intention of hitting up the gym and then cooking a healthy dinner after work...only to be side-tracked by the couch and takeout.

Different goals and intentions. Same excuses. Lack of energy. Feeling drained. Exhausted. Lack of motivation.

How do you get re-energized at the end of a long work-day in order to tackle these life projects?

4 Tips For Getting Re-energize And Making The Most Of Your Personal Time:

#1. Get started as soon as you leave the office or get home. DO NOT SIT DOWN. And keep Newton’s law in mind...objects in motion stay in motion unless acted upon by an outside force.

If your goal is to get that workout in then change at work and head right to the gym, don’t swing by the house.

If your plan is to work on that pesky resume, write a cover letter or job search then create a quiet workspace either at your house or find a coffee shop/library and head straight there. Eliminate any distraction or excuse that might pop up.

Put your phone away.

#2. Reset your brain. Studies show getting off the couch and moving your body by taking a walk, working out, practicing yoga etc. boosts endorphins and gives you a natural energy boost.

You can also reset your brain by meditating for 10-15 minutes. Take some time for yourself, breathe, quiet your busy mind and just be for a few minutes. You will feel revived and refocused to jump into your next project.

I personally use the Headspace App on my phone to practice mindful meditation.

#3. Create small increments of time to work on these projects so they feel more manageable and less draining. Commit to working on your resume for 15 minutes, three nights a week. Spend 5 minutes every afternoon scrolling the job boards. Carve out 30 minutes to tackle that workout.

Schedule smaller chunks of time to tackle personal projects so that you don’t feel as overwhelmed or burdened by the task at hand.

#4. Get yourself pumped up with affirmations, inspiration quotes, music, reminding yourself of the eventual outcome of your efforts... Whatever it takes to to get inspired and feel excited! Reach out a friend, coach, peer or partner to help hold you accountable to the goals you have created for yourself.

And remember, forgiveness. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you stumble at times and aren’t always able to follow through on your plan. Sometimes your body really does need a break. Listen to yourself, and don’t be too hard on yourself.

Tori Hallowell

Certified Life Coach for Young Professionals

Explore www.hallowellcoaching.com for additional resources and educational videos

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All of the sudden the dogs front paws go through the ice and he is falling, becoming consumed by the icy cold river..... 

 That's when I woke up. In a bit of a panic. 

 Anxiety filled stress dream ✔️ 

 I am dog sitting this week and there is something about taking care of other people's most prized possessions and loves of their lives that is terrifying. I have been on edge for 2 days now👀 . 

 What makes it worse is that the dog sleeps upstairs in it's giant bed, while I am downstairs in the guest room. Every noise could be him, wanting to go out? Choking on something he ate? Going through the trash? Getting abducted by aliens👽 ? 

 Yes, I created my own anxiety and stress around this situation. And I have made it worse by coming up with worst-case scenarios (see dream above). 

 So after two nights of fitful sleep, worry, anxiety and awful dreams I came up with a solution. 

 I moved the dog bed downstairs💪 

 Yes, that was it.

 The easy solution and end to my doggy nightmares. What are you stressed or worried about in your life? 

What stories have you started to write around your anxiety? Are they even true? If you were to take a step back, get out of your head, could you find an easy solution? 

I encourage you to try this, see what comes up for you! 

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Why It’s OK To Ask For Help And How To Do So Confidently

Why is it so hard to ask for help? This is something we all struggle with, myself included. We feel insecure in our abilities and vulnerable when we can’t figure out a solution to a problem and are stuck. Often we judge ourselves for being ‘weak,’ and get caught-up in the mindset that we are the only one who can do the job the right way. Think of how much our pride is costing us!

I understand, there are lots of fears associated with asking for help. Fear of being a burden to the other person, of taking up too much of their time or imposing. Fear of overstepping friendships or boundaries. There is also the fear of admitting to someone that we are out of control and needy (there goes our pride again). And lastly, fear of rejection. A big one.

We create these interpretations and stories in our head of how we think the other person might react and that prevents us for reaching out.

If the tables were turned and it was your friend who was needing help, what would you tell them? You would tell them to go out there and get it! I bet if you were able to give them a hand you would gladly step up. Why? Because it allows you to utilize your gifts and strengths. It feels good to help others!

When you ask someone for help you are opening yourself up for new opportunities, solutions and knowledge. It lifts the stress and burden off your shoulders and allows others to share their gifts with you.

What I have learned from starting and growing my own business is that you can’t do it all alone, and you learn so much by asking others for help! Plus, it makes them feel good.

4 Steps to Confidently Ask For Help:

First off, don’t be pushy or demanding when seeking guidance. No one responds well to that. Be genuine in your request, listen to their answers and advice, learn from the feedback they provide.

#1 Show the person you are asking for help that you have already tried to figure out the solution to the problem yourself but just can’t seem to grasp it. This will demonstrate that you have already tried to problem-solve on your own and aren’t just dumping extra work on the person.

#2 When you are approaching someone to ask them for assistance consider the timing and be specific in what you are asking. Don’t wait until 4:55 pm to ask a peer for help with a work project you have been scrambling to solve all day. The more specific your question are, the more respectful you are being of the other person’s time and energy.

#3 Be detached from the outcome as they might say no. If you ask for help and the person isn’t able to come to your rescue don't jump into interpretations about why. There might be a lot going on behind the scenes you are unaware of. Just thank them for their time and move on. The reason they aren’t able to help is probably not about YOU.

#4 Pay it forward. Offer to help others who are in need or struggling. Extend your strengths and gifts to others who would benefit. You can’t expect to only accept help from others without paying it forward.

Remember, you are strong and resilient. You have your own strengths, skills and gifts. Learning to ask for help serves you and makes others feel good!

Tori Hallowell

Life Coach & Mentor for Young Professionals

www.hallowellcoaching.com

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4 Steps To Get Motivated When You Are Feeling ‘Lazy’

We hear the word ’lazy’ thrown around all the time, we might even label ourselves as ‘lazy’ from time to time. But laziness is just a cover up for something much deeper that is going on. Usually, we are actually be feeling overwhelmed, stuck, exhausted, uninspired or unmotivated.

Sometimes we actively seek laziness because it is more comfortable, safer and easier than being pushed out of our comfort zones or taking a risk. We cover up our insecurities and lack of self-confidence by defaulting to laziness.

Laziness can be a dangerous cycle. We have intentions to make a change in our life but feel overwhelmed and decide not to take action and blame it on ‘laziness.’ We then feel guilty for not being productive and not taking ownership of our life. This leaves us feeling bad about ourselves and drained.

It’s time to break this cycle. Get out of your head, find purpose in your actions and put your time and energy to good use. 

Here are 4 simple steps to break the ‘laziness cycle’ and get inspired.

#1 Release judgement: Recognize that something in your life is preventing you from getting motivated. Be kind to yourself in this moment, let go of any judgment or criticism you have placed upon yourself.  Recognize what it is you are really feeling and then let it go. Know that it is ok to take a misstep in life, to make mistakes and to fail. This is how we learn and grow. Often fear holds us back and instead we blame it on being ‘lazy.’

#2 Set a goal you feel inspired by: This does not have to be some ginormous, earth-shattering goal. It can be small and simple. I will spend 10 minutes today looking at job boards. I will contact 5 people on LinkedIn to start networking. I am going to do yoga for 20 minutes three times a week as soon as I wake up.  I will take out the trash and wash the dirty dishes that have piled up. I will message one person who I like on OKCupid and ask them out for a drink. When we set goals for ourselves we give our word to a cause, and now our integrity is at stake. As humans we tend to work harder and feel motivated when we are living up to our word.

As long as the outcome inspires you, gets you feeling excited and energized you are on the right track. Often we are afraid to make a goal because we are afraid of failing. It’s ok! This is a normal reaction. But if you don’t try what is this going to cost you in the long-term? Is it really worth it to not take a simple step towards making a change? And really, what is the worst that will happen?

#3 Schedule Everything: We are busy people, our lives are packed to the brim. It can be overwhelming and exhausting to find time to accomplish personal goals. It can be even more of a challenge to make them a priority. Once you have a goal in mind start scheduling time to achieve it. Work backwards. Figure out how much time it’s going to take. Can you break the steps down into smaller, easily mastered chunks of time? Remember, it’s ok to start small. Create a calendar reminder, or write in your planner when you are going to tackle a step to reach your goal and for how long. Taking control, feeling confident in being able to produce the desired outcome without feeling bogged down by the time commitment and will create an opportunity for success.

#4: Accountability: Now that you have your goal in mind, you are feeling inspired and motivated by the thought of being productive. You have scheduled out when and how you will start the first step towards achieving your goal. The next step is holding yourself accountable. Tell a friend, partner or peer what it is you are trying to accomplish. Write yourself a note as a reminder and put it somewhere that will remind you. When you jump into action do so with limited distractions--put your phone away. And remember, be kind to yourself. Be forgiving.

If you agree with the steps above but are still hesitant to implement them let me ask you this. How will your life look like if you don’t attempt to make a change and stay on your current path? How will life become worse for you and the people around you? Paints a pretty bleak picture, right?

Now ask yourself, what will my life look life if I were to get started? Even on one simple step. How will my life improve for myself and those connected to me? Feeling uplifted and re-energized now!

It’s time to stop using the word ‘lazy’ and instead feel motivated and inspired to take charge!

Tori Hallowell

Certified Life Coach for Young Professionals

www.hallowellcoaching.com

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Get Out Of Your Head: 5 Ways How

Do you ever feel overwhelmed and burdened by the voices circling in your head. The nonstop chatter of negativity, judgement and self-doubt.

The inner critic who replays events in your head that happened in the past and ways you ‘should have’ responded. Leading to guilt, anxiety and worry.  

Or maybe you get caught up dreaming about how you wish you would act and handle situations in the future. You spend your time creating stories and interpreting your own version of reality--only it’s all in your head.

Getting caught up in our heads leaves us reliving the past, or creating a false picture of the future. It is more productive to spend our time and energy in the present. This will allows us to be open to new opportunities, without getting bogged down with negative and unrealistic thought.

I know, easier said than done.

Here are 5 easy steps to help you get out of your head. Mix and match, pick and choose whichever steps feel the most comfortable and productive to you.

1. Build Awareness: Most of the time we aren’t even aware of the ongoing conversations in our heads. We unconsciously slip into these unproductive thoughts and dialogues without even realizing it. The first step is to become more aware of when we are getting caught up in our heads and STOP. Just by noticing and pulling ourselves out of our minds and back into reality we avoid falling into the trap.

2. Get It Out: Whatever you are obsessing over, reliving, analyzing or fantasizing about isn’t productive. And usually it leaves you feeling exhausted and disappointed. Try writing out whatever it is you are caught up thinking about, or call a friend and vent it out to them. Just get it out of you! This way you won’t spend additional time or energy getting caught up.

3. Observe: Bring yourself back to the present moment. Observe your physical surroundings, what do you see, smell, touch? Get up from where you are, stretch or go for a walk. Talk to a friend, peer or mentor. Give someone a helping hand. Pet your cat or dog. Do whatever you need to do to get out of your head and back to the physical world where you can shake off any draining emotions and lingering feelings of guilt and doubt.  

4. Practice Gratitude: Remind yourself of 3 simple things you are grateful for right now. Maybe it’s the cup of coffee you are holding, or the reminder that you are meeting a friend for drinks later on. Whatever it is, take a moment to recognize the goodness in your life. And then reflect for a moment on how far you have come. What you have accomplished so far in life, who you have met, what you have experienced and seen. Practicing gratitude and reflecting on your journey can help boost your mood and re-energize you.  

5. Visualize: Practice visualization to help you better define your goals in life and remind you what it is you are working towards and how you might get there. This is a productive way to determine what it is you seek in life.

Mix and match these simple steps and figure out which ones work best for you!

When you notice yourself slipping back into your head and you hear those voices stirring up trouble ask yourself ‘is there a theme or connection when I find myself getting caught up in my head?’ By pinpointing the trigger you can learn to confront the issue head-on instead of letting it lead you down the slippery slope of negativity.

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Exhausted, struggling from lack of energy and passion? It’s crazy how common burnout is becoming, especially among young professionals.

What ways do prioritize self-care and fight off burnout? 

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Facing my fears and taming my Gremlin through blogging

Here it is. My first ever blog post as a life coach. I have been putting off writing this for days. Why, you ask? It’s not that I don’t have a lot of great ideas of things to write about and to share with you. Tidbits of wisdom and inspiration. Nuggets of advice and intention. It’s FEAR. Fear of being judged, for writing something stupid, for having a comma in the wrong place or a misspelled word. Everyday as a life coach I help clients identify their fears. I help them describe them, name them, confront them, break through them. I hold them accountable for making a change, support them in making small steps to letting fears ago. I help them retrain their brains to not turn away from their fears but to acknowledge them and release them. It is incredibly empowering to witness and experience.

Why is it so hard to take my own coaching training and apply it to my fears?

I kept thinking it over, worrying about what the perfect first coaching blog should be about. I realized I wasn’t going to get anywhere because I was focusing all my energy on the negative. I had already closed the door on my first blog post without even putting a word to paper. Instead of worrying about being perfect, I decided instead to focus on being authentic.

Here I am. My name is Tori Hallowell, and I am a life and empowerment coach for millennials who are struggling with burnout, lacking work/life balance, and have no idea what their purpose in life is. I help the stuck get unstuck. I help the directionless find a new path. I help those whose batteries are running on low get recharged. I love what I do, but it took me a long time (and a bit of coaching) to find my own passion and purpose.

I write like I talk. I add jokes, puns, sarcasm, sass and try to make it entertaining and fun. I also like to teach, inspire, and share. I love how writing can push you to be vulnerable. Therein lies the second fear. I am afraid of not being perfect and of being vulnerable. What’s the best way to get over this fear of being less than perfect and being vulnerable while promoting yourself and your writing on the interwebs? Just go ahead and do it. Write something and post it. So here I am. In my complete, raw, imperfect, and authentic self.

Are you tired of being held back by your fears? But you aren’t sure how to break through them? In coaching we refer to your fears as your Gremlins. The Gremlin is a metaphor for the part of yourself (that internal thought) that is triggered from self-doubts or negative experiences that happened during childhood. Gremlins are there to protect you: protect you from getting hurt, from being let down, embarrassed, or misled. But they also prevent you from living, from taking risks, and seeing new opportunities. I encourage you to take a moment and reflect on your own Gremlins. What would it take to release them? If you were able to tame and control your Gremlin, you would be surprised to learn that they can turn into powerful allies and means of support.

To learn more about how to tame your Gremlin stay tuned for my next blog post…..

And THANK YOU for taking the time to read this one. I am already kicking my Gremlin to the curb and feeling more confident and empowered :)