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Ur daily reminder: u are not a pig!!!

Control urself. Do u need all that food? Fuck NO

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i rlly hope u kno how loved u are my sweet boy

with soft lips (sometimes they’re rough)

and tired eyes (sometimes they light up)

and strong, protective (sometimes destructive) self

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i wish you would leave me alone. stop calling and texting me, i can’t even block your number because you just call or text from someone else’s phone. i can’t get rid of you. i see you whenever i see a blue ford. i see you whenever i smell my vanilla pumpkin chai perfume (you almost ruined it for me, actually). i hear you whenever someone says “moth” or “matthew”, and i even respond to those now because of you. boy has that been confusing with the matthew at work at times. i hate you for the added confusion, by the way. i still see a broken shell of a person when i look in the mirror because of you, not that i look in the mirror that much anymore (also because of you). at least your initials have faded, where you spitefully carved them into my body. i hated explaining the initials on my thigh. someone kissed them tho, to try to make me feel better. to try to remind me that you’re gone. that you can’t do that to me again.

part of me wonders if you actually do feel guilty over it, and part of me wishes you had killed me that night. you cried over my body until i woke up, after you held my throat in your vice like grip — accusing me of cheating on you (i didn’t. i never cheated. you did though. i hate you for that too, because now i have it in my head that nobody can be trusted.)

i want you to leave me alone. stop calling. stop texting. stop reaching out. stop following me when i’m in the city. i don’t want you near me.

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i hate the way you treated me. i hate how i would send you paragraphs apologizing to you for what you did to me.

you tried to kill me. and i apologized for upsetting you.

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great grandma made it to thanksgiving today by putting her favorite dancer from dancing with the stars on my radar again. i see you.

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i’m so full of fucking love. i will love until every single piece of me aches. i don’t care. be mad. i’m so angry, yeah, but why not use it to love harder. maybe it’s spite that i’m made of. spite. love. same difference. same fucking thing sometimes. i will love and live out of spite.. actually. yea. that’s it. there we go. i am here. i am angry. i am so loving. you will never see my anger as anger. i am so fucking full of love.

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my chest do b fuckin hurting

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i hate her on your behalf because you’re incapable of seeing how much of a monster she truly is. none of what you did to me compares to what she’s doing to you. i’m so sorry you’re going through this. i really wish i could walk away, but i refuse to walk away from you while you’re in a domestic abuse situation. my heart holds so much love and care for others. i could never be a therapist. i know i can’t save everyone, but it still hurts when i try and they don’t make it.

i’ll be here for you always. i made that promise a long time ago. i always scraped together the gas money for you, even denying your offers to pay. i am here to help you. whether we’re together or not.

my heart is kinda on the mend though, i found someone that doesn’t mind it. i can’t forget some of the things you said, and i just want to tell him all about you. you told me i was your favorite person. i don’t have one single “favorite person” i think, i have 2. one that’s been by my side since kindergarten, he’s like a brother to me. i wish you would meet him. you’re my other favorite person.

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please come back. i can’t do this without right now. i’m not doing alright and i only felt almost alright when i was with you. i’m sorry for all the mistakes i made. i’m sorry for being so grimy at first. i’m sorry it had to hurt you too. i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’ll do anything for your love. please come back. please i miss you. please i need. please i’m going crazy. i need you. please. i understand why you left but i don’t understand why you left the way you did. i understand why you treated me the way you did sometimes but i really don’t understand sometimes. i really never did anything to put you in danger and never did anything sketchy.

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i love him

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would jesus have a massive cock or light where his dick would be

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I wish I could fucking go through with killing myself

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I want to kill myself. I will never be good enough.

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I’m not worth it anymore. I guess I never was really worth anything.

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