thewanderingwally

[thewanderingwally]

Got a Question Re: Psychotic Experience? Ask it...

[thewanderingwally]

The Verdict

And the verdict is.. It was a fantastic experience, at times truly eye-opening, and i would recommend to anyone.

I agreed to partake in the dryathalon through January with a colleague after having quite a heavy December - there was good times with Christmas parties, time off work and plenty of friends around but the fact is; it was mostly a blur, and an expensive blur looking back.

New years day i awoke with a slamming headache and a racing heartbeat. This was much like many of the mornings i had experienced through December, so nothing really new there. I was awaiting the arrival of my mum and step-dad who were traveling down from London to spend the weekend here in Falmouth. On there arrival we headed down to the new pizza place across the road and this is where i had my first drink craving. It was less than 8 hours since i had been standing (wobbling) at a bar ordering my last drink of the New Years celebrations but still the instinct reaction to my parents coming down was to take them for a drink - put headache and racing heartbeat aside. Hair of the dog had been a Christmas hangover cure but it's probably best for everyone to kick that particular habit if it persists. Anyway, we arrived at the bar of the pizza place; "What would you like to drink?" asked the girl behind the bar. "Lime & soda" i replied to my mothers and step-fathers amazement. "Oh yes, you are doing that Dry January thing aren't you?!" "That's right, so i have to start now.." I replied in an almost already defeated tone. "Are you really gonna go through with it? You know it will do your health no better" claimed my step-dad - right now at this present time i have his statement set clearly in my mind because boy was he wrong - who was enticing me to give in early and forget about it. These sort of quotes happened regularly, but after the first dry week i had already learned how to counteract them verbally as well as psychologically. So I managed to avoid the drink over that weekend and then in the following week I had to travel up to Derby for a funeral. The funeral wasn't so much a drinking do so i managed to resist temptations and then by that point i had made it through 1 week without too much hassle.

Week 2 i arrived back in Falmouth, and my drinking crave had returned. I was back to only working 2-3 shifts in the pub compared to the 5-6 i was doing over the Christmas period. I would have thought that by cutting down the hours around alcohol would help, but it didn't. This is where i discovered another factor of alcoholism; Boredom. I was bored and lacking social involvements, and this was frustrating me. Social invitations and even general conversation began to decline when people realised that i was taking this dryathalon seriously. They thought that by contacting me they would be tempting me back to the booze. This was only partially true, i really did miss hearing from them. This left me with little to do apart from sit downstairs in the basement/living-room watching Breaking Bad whilst freezing my ass off. It was extremely cold. I refer to this week now as the "going cold-turkey" week. To be taken literally as well.

Once i passed the cold-turkey stage, everything seemed to be brighter. Looking back at one of my previous posts Half-way Dry written on the 18th January (two and half weeks in) i can see how i had overcome a great challenge, it read; "We have passed the half-way mark, hurrah! It really isn’t that difficult is it?" Although, just 2 weeks dry doesn't really sound like a great achievement does it? But it was! Try it yourself and you will see - unless you are a monk, nun, amish or any other non-drinker stereotype. Sure, i've done dry runs in the past but the majority of them were due to medical reasons or money shortages so it's a completely different ball game doing a dry run in good health and in good wallet. 

It really was all downhill from that point, i barely noticed any cravings and dare i say began to enjoy not drinking! Time was flying and i was in very good health indeed. Until the 29th January.. That's when i was prescribed a weeks course of antibiotics due to a random small lump appearing just above my eye. It came from nowhere, literally had no idea. Within taking the first round of meds i was out sparko! Knocked completely out for the count for three days. 1st February had been and gone, still no drink. And you know what.. it didn't even bother me.

And so my verdict would be to recommend everyone (if you have a drink) to experience a dry run so you can see for yourselves. I think everyone's experience will be different from each others and different lessons will be learned. For me though, it proved that i had a lot of psychological connections to drinking that i didn't realise were there. Although, when i saw the bigger picture i was cured, and cured for good. For future benefit i will now be able to recognise these small triggers and choose what i would like to do to deal with them, as opposed to going blind-autopilot. It's all in your head.

But now it s time to move on to more important posts than dry january, thanks for hearing me out.

[thewanderingwally]

The End Is Near

So the three week landmark has passed and i am now cruising past third base, on my way past the post and home to a complete dry month. Was it really worth it though?

7 months ago i was skint. I was skint, i was in debt, i was homeless and on top of all that i needed to fork out the best part of £800 to put a deposit + 1 months rent down on a room. Things were at a low, the only positive that kept me going was that we had been awarded grant money to start up our business - 'Inner Beats'. I needed money and i needed it fast (dont worry, the next sentence is not going to involve prostitution). I signed up for night work in a fruit and veg place simply called "West Country Fruit & Veg" - it does what it says on the tin. 

The hours were horrendous and the work was tedious, and towards the end of the shift it could become physically challenging. I knew this would be the case before i even started the job but i needed the money and there was no other choice i could think off at the time. I set myself a date, 2 weeks from day one, and this would be the day that i would pack it in take the money and run. Then when I arrived to sign the contracts i discovered a clause that says that "if the new employee leaves at, or before the two week mark then the wages will be reduced by 50%." Bastards, they clearly had me, and probably many other applicants sussed. Fine, four weeks it is. Just to make sure there was no funny business with the payment.

When i first arrived, i was greeted with a traditional west country 'wasson' (as in 'What's on?', a Cornish greeting) from the night shifting crew and then we were straight down to business, no messing around. They were hard people, proper working class grafters, the majority in their late teens/early twenties with a couple of kids under their belts already! I was not this, and they knew this. They looked at me and thought "what is this single bloke in his mid twenties doing here in this dump" i imagined. Anyway, fortunately i have had a history with 'hard graft' jobs so i knew how to put a shift in, and more importantly i knew the banter. Still, i hated it. I counted the days down every night, even repeating the number over and over on the mini bus on the way to the warehouse in order to comfort myself e.g. "repeat over, deep breath, only 12 nights to go, deep breath, only 12 nights to go etc etc."

Anyway, the reason for this story is because i can compare West Country Fruit & Veg to the dry month that i am on the verge of completing. At first, i was counting the days/nights until i was free and able to carry on life as before. This carried on for the best part of two weeks, but then something happened inside me. I realised that i had made it to the halfway point and the end was now in sight. A bit like riding a bike up to the top of a hill and then coming back down the other end, once you get halfway the hard work is over and you  can just glide down the rest of the way. And it's quicker than the first half too! Probably where the phrase "it's all downhill from here" comes from.

I found that i wasn't necessarily counting down the days towards the end anymore as i knew that it would come soon, all i had to do was be patient. In the first two weeks i was forcing the outcome and this made everything more difficult. In both situations, it was a mental challenge - the difficult elements were only created in my head. Now i come away from Dry January as i did from West Country Fruit & Veg. It was a strong life-lesson which shone some light on some particularly gloomy patches. And also i'm financially better off at the end! Couldn't recommend it more.

In fact, i would recommend challenging yourself as much as possible. Whatever it may be, it is you who is your greatest challenger. Beat them and you will both reap the benefits.

I'll speak to you again after passing the finishing posts!

[thewanderingwally]

Good work by SumOfUs.org! Sign up to get updates, sign online petitions, share ideas and generally help make change.

http://action.sumofus.org/a/doritos-video/?akid=9048.2562713.926YpF&modal=false&rd=1&t=2

[thewanderingwally]

Half-way Dry

Just a quick one to those who are following/taking part in Dry January. We have passed the half-way mark, hurrah! It really isn't that difficult is it?

The money i have saved is the key talking point for this post - having just had a peek at my bank balance and realised that i have already saved enough money to pay the rent this month! Fantastic eh? I don't think i had ever realised how much it cost to be a functioning alcoholic and this dry month has certainly enlightened me to this.

Keep on keeping on, more again soon

[thewanderingwally]

Ryan playing with the Inner Beats frequency test oscillator - plug your headphones in for the full R2D2 experience! What's the frequency Ryan?

[thewanderingwally]

[thewanderingwally]

You cease to exist until you fuck something up, and unfortunately this is how you will always be remembered. So there is nothing wrong with fucking up, in fact, it makes you feel more alive so just get on.

I'm feeling comically philosophical this morning.. and yes, I've just royally fucked something up.

[thewanderingwally]

It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.

Confucius

[thewanderingwally]

[thewanderingwally]

Is a global conflict looming? Propaganda begins..

It's scary when you see the corporate media depicting reality by using hollywood-esque footage to tighten their grip upon our thoughts and beliefs. Clearly something a lot bigger, possibly global, is about to erupt.

This is a video created by Educate Inspire Change which analyses the pictures that were fed to us by the media regarding the recent Charlie Hebdo shootings in Paris.

Doubt of official story of Charlie Hebdo shootings in Paris

Thanks to Educate Inspire Change for releasing this so quickly, it is important for us to be able to make our own judgements so we can structure our own opinions and beliefs, and not just share those of the corporate media.

We often forget that we are taking the coverage, footage and opinions of the mainstream media as absolute gospel, and we don't question it. That's wrong and we know that we must question everything because otherwise we are susceptible to control. We know this but we are choosing to ignore it. Remember that media is a business, a big fucking business that shakes hands with other big fucking businesses. And remember, war is good for business.

If you are not following this post then i urge you to take a look at some of the propaganda techniques developed over the last 100 years; which still function within our society today.

[thewanderingwally]

Coffee + TV

Good morning bloggers,

I am writing to you this morning with a fully-functioning, clear and hangover free head - which is the first Sunday this has happened in too long a time!

It was the first 'real' Saturday night of the year as last week people were still recovering from New Years hangovers and skinny-wallet-syndrome as a result of xmas. People were hoarding out in great cluster-fucks to hit the bars and clubs along the Falmouth highstreet (where i live) with boozy chants and cackles ringing out across the town. I, myself, would usually be joining in along with these great boozy cluster-fucks but I managed to refrain for doing so last night in aid of Dry January, and all the money being raised for Macmillan in doing so.

After day-shifting at the pub i managed to leave the establishment quickly to cut-out that craving for a drink. Usually i would stay on with some of the locals who had been slumped around the bar for the couple of hours previous. I finished, i said goodbye, i left. Easy. After dinner i began to receive what i like to call "inquiry messages" from my beer-cronies. This is regular Saturday night activity at about 7pm so i was prepared with my reply: "unfortunately i will be remaining at home tonight in aid of dry January - raising money for charity." I didn't reply to any of the cronies with this poncey message in the end but they kindly understood and let me be. Then even my new housemate asked if i would like to join her and her girl friends up at The Jacobs Ladder for the evening which was extremely tempting..

Anyway, i rejected the offer as i knew the temptations and peer-pressure would eventually get to me and i would be spending the night resisting rather than enjoying myself. I stuck Red Dragon on the box and drank 4 cups of coffee eventually hitting the hay around about midnight. Success in my eyes, lame as it may sound. 

More through the week

[thewanderingwally]

Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to.

Bill Hicks

[thewanderingwally]

Day 9 - The big, bold, smelly f*cker

Booze free for over a week! Hurray!

And finally if feels like some progress is actually being made. As I write this post it is actually the 9th day without alcohol which means i am almost a third of the way through the dryathalon, hurrah!

Something strange is beginning to take place though, and i fully believe it is something to do with the alcohol leaving the system. Last week my thoughts were very much focused on coming to the end of this dry run - celebrating by necking several pints of Special and half a bottle of Jose Cuervo. Now that feeling of "I can't wait for this to be over so i can have a drink again" has perished and been replaced by "I am looking forward to going out and celebrating my success."

Now you may not see much of a difference between the two as they are both pointing towards looking forward to this all being over. The real difference is the contrast between fear and general excitement of each statement. Last week i was worried for the sake of not having a drink for an entire month, which sounds pathetic, i know. But when you work in pub a few nights a week, as well as drink in that pub a few nights a week (as well as it being within a stone throw in distance away from your front door) you end up with a habit that has crept up on you rather slyly and you only realise it is there when you try giving it the boot! "Christ where did you come from?! You're a much bigger, bolder, smellier fucker than i imagined! This is gonna be a little harder to kick you then i originally planned.." And that pretty much is alcoholism in a nut-shell.

Already this idea of a dryathalon through January has lightened a few dark corners in my mind so lets see what else is to come in the next coming couple of weeks.

Cheers for now

[thewanderingwally]

They call it the ‘American Dream’ because you have to be sleeping to believe in it

George Carlin (via innerbeatsgeorge)

[thewanderingwally]

There is no such thing as death; life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.

Bill Hicks

[thewanderingwally]

Day 5 - A months-hangover kicking me between the eyes

Having survived now 4 days/nights including two bar-shifts at 7 hours a piece it is safe to say that finally the last of the Christmas and New Year booze has left my system. Now looking back over the festive period the amount i consumed was borderline alcoholism and I can completely see how easy it is to fall into the trap!

Like smoking, there are withdrawal pangs from alcohol although they are, in my opinion, nowhere near the cravings received from nicotine removal. Even after a liver-slaying New Years Eve, would you believe the first pang i received was on New Years day! An old pub-goers trick is 'hair of the dog' which is strongly suggested and supported within The Oddfellows Pub (Falmouth). If you are not familiar with this technique it basically means to cure a hangover by consuming another drink - topping up the alcohol within the system and making you drunk again. Shamefully, i have taken to this technique on prior occasions particularly when the headache is seemingly incurable. This is probably why the booze trigger was punched when i woke up on New Years Day with a stonker. 

Each day has become easier to resist the temptations but in truth, i am not yet feeling the full health benefits that have been promised.. maybe this is just a Christmas + New Year lethargic-ness i am suffering? Or maybe the fact that i have not been sober since early December means this is a months-hangover kicking me between the eyes? I will soon see, more again later.