thedraconiclibrary

[thedraconiclibrary]

learns I have social anxiety

Me: oh now everything makes sense

learns I’m nonbinary

Me: oh now everything makes sense

learns I’m autistic

Me: oh now everything makes sense

learns I have PTSD

Me: oh now everything makes sense

learns I have ADHD

Me: oh now everything -

[thedraconiclibrary]

i fear i broke my friend last night

[thedraconiclibrary]

Nice post, are you perhaps

[thedraconiclibrary]

I don’t have any chronic illnesses but as someone with Mental Illness™��� jfc my body does this shit to me too

OOOHHH MY FUCKING GOOODD after living in a dirty FISH TANK for FOUR months my body FINALLY said "you have the strength to clean. right now." it's 2:19 am. I took a Hydroxyzine an hour ago. my family is sleeping. I said "now??" my body said "now." and if you have chronic ANYTHING you know I might never get this chance again so I just rode that wave for all it's worth.

[thedraconiclibrary]

I’M DOING IT I’M ENTERING MY NONFICTION GIRLY PHASE I STARTED LISTENING TO GENDER EUPHORIA WHILE I CLEAN MY DISHES AND I’M SO HAPPY ABOUT IT

[thedraconiclibrary]

we must act fast to revitalize the ecosystem by reintroducing megafauna. i suggest the tarasque. just a suggestion. i have 30,000 tarasques ready to go as soon as yuo give the word mr president. don’t be a coward sir. 30,000 tarasques. thiink of your country

[thedraconiclibrary]

april fools day is actually the most sensible day of the year because it's the only day on which people will read something on the internet and stop for a second to consider whether or not it's actually true

[thedraconiclibrary]

Truly having a ROUGH time mentally and am trying to channel “silly fun things should be silly and fun, remove cringe from your vocabulary” energy by listening to this song. Would highly recommend for just making you smile even when you can’t make yourself get out of bed.

[thedraconiclibrary]

Ugh. I’m so conflicted. Yesterday my hold for The Woods All Black by Lee Mandelo came in and I read about half of it, and it’s very good, and I love its transness and it being historical and just like so much about it. But there’s a romance arc in it and one person is 18 and the other is 30. And I just really wish the younger person was older, or at least in a less vulnerable position. I don’t even think the older person is actively taking advantage of the younger person, and they are both adults, but like with my own trauma shit it’s just putting me off so much. But I also really like the book and think it’s gonna have some great trans reflections in this romance arc that I want to read, especially cause I loved Lee Mandelo’s book Summer Sons and like their author thoughts.

I just idk what to think. I don’t want to be overly moralistic because like, this is also a historical queer book where ages were skewed differently whether that’s right or wrong. But also it’s a book I’m reading cause I want to be reading it so however I feel about it is fine and I can stop reading whenever? And my brain just hurts trying to figure out how I feel cause I could argue from multiple angles and all of them seem correct for different reasons but at the end of the day I feel uncomfortable but also can’t stop thinking about reading the rest of the story.

I feel like the way I read is shifting a lot since I stopped watching so much booktube, stopped my book Instagram account, and started this blog here. Like I feel like the structures my brain had for reading and how I judge and rate a book, what I classify as good and bad have shifted. It’s like I’ve begun deconstructing my way of reading and judging books. I don’t even necessarily dislike the way I did it before, and I still will probably return to watching booktube in the future. But idk, I feel like it’s playing a role in how conflicted I feel reading this current book right now and trying to figure out what’s just my personal hangups and what that means in terms of how I should feel about the book? If anything?

Man, I don’t even quite know the point in trying to make now, but I just sort of wanted to put my thoughts out into the ether. Why else have a tumblr account, right? Lmao.

[thedraconiclibrary]

My reading has devolved into chaos and I’m just trying to embrace it. I’ve started like 3 different books, got halfway through The Soulmate Equation by Christina Lauren before finally deciding I just didn’t give a fuck and DNFing it (no particular reason I disliked it, it just never locked in for me and I found myself bored), and now I’ve dived into a second reread of A Taste of Gold and Iron by Alexandra Rowland. But one of my coworkers is reading the First Law trilogy now and I’m like “but wait maybe I want to read that.” And I keep thinking about other books on my TBR I want to read or other books I’ve been meaning to reread.

I truly can’t find the mental energy to devote to attempting to “fix” this reading chaos at this point with everything going on in my life, so instead I’m just gonna keep listening to A Taste of Gold and Iron as I finally clean my dishwasher after looking at it every day for the past 3 weeks and going “hey I need to finish cleaning that” and give myself a gold star for effort

(I really do love this book though I love it so so much I love the main characters I love their romance I love how the dynamic is written I love the anxiety portrayal and how deeply it resonates with me, I love the author Alexandra Rowland and damn I really want to read more of their works maybe I should do that next instead of reading all the other things I want to read…)

[thedraconiclibrary]

pulled up behind this car at a light today and started hootin n hollerin

[thedraconiclibrary]

cop pulls me over little does he know my drivers license is written in elf hieroglyphics & blinds anyone who reads it

[thedraconiclibrary]

why are time loops always only like 1 day long?

the real horror is a months or years long time loop. no speedrunning your torture here. you have to sit with the consequences of your actions for a loooong time before the release of knowing the consequences and actions have been erased.

but oh, all the actions and consequences are gone. those relationships you built? empty. you can never build them again without the constant guilt of knowing that it's not as real the second, third, thirtieth time when you already know all their secrets and they none of yours.

but you can't hide. you can't isolate yourself because what if this is the time the loop breaks and then what? years gone by of missed chances with people who have changed you a thousand times and now circumstances have changed. you can never build back what was washed away by your own inaction. they'll never be able to meet you like they did the first time if you don't choose to meet them the first time every time

[thedraconiclibrary]

no sorry, i can’t hang out today, i’ve got to send an email. yeah it’ll take all day

[thedraconiclibrary]

"love is what makes us human" actually it's 'select all images with boat' but go off I guess

[thedraconiclibrary]

Y’all I’m finally about to get into therapy. Been wanting to do this for years and with everything that’s happened in my life the last few months now I REALLY need it and I’m finally in a position to be able to do so. There’s actually a queer-friendly clinic in my town (like at least half the therapists are queer themselves) that’s been highly recommended to me by friends, which is like, crazy good luck for me. Maybe now I can manage my anxiety, learn more about my autism, be horrified to learn just how deep my trauma goes, and sort out the mess that is my queerness. Truly have no idea what’s going on with my attraction anymore, I feel vaguely aroace spec and bi-ish, but the only thing I know is that whatever it is is gay since I’m nonbinary lmao.

[thedraconiclibrary]

i think you can be 40 and have a coming of age narrative