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[the-new-mr-imagin8ion]

In all honesty, there's only one version of "Sherlock" that I have room to pay attention to.

It's an Australian graphic novel version where Sherlock is a fossilized tawny frogmouth and Watson is a nonverbal blue parrot, and even I only half-like it.

sorry

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the show:

Um, are we tight on money?

Don't worry, I make one thousand dollars a year.

I don't know what this is, but we're behind on our mortgage.

We're a working family, forever hoping to make ends meet.

I'm raising the rent!

the commercials:

it's the Giant Furniture Store's biggest giant furniture sale yet!

Sit-Down Restaurant: when you're here, you're well off.

get the new Heated Car, for the price of only one year's salary.

Excessive Supplies - because your purebred pet wants the best.

Pay dozens of dollars a month: get insured!

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Live-action remakes are the epitome of decline.

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There is only one valid book, and it's the book that will one day be written by me.

I really don't think reading the classics is important. Everything of value that can be learned through reading the classics can be learned more efficiently in some other way

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happy birthday to the version of me that lives in my parents' head.

now that that boy is 20, it has come to my attention how much the media wants to deny that 20-year-olds exist.

I cannot remember or identify any 20-year-old fictional character. TV is either adolescents or the working class; books skip from high school to adult; even the most college of movies show older students. supporting 18-year-olds I've seen, minor 21-year-olds I've seen, but no 20.

the only 20-year-old I can name in fiction is Jeff Fischer, and he's Jeff freaking Fischer.

this world is set up to keep new people out of it.

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The ability for people to afford a life of their own.

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I hate the word "neurotypical" so badly. the use of the word "typical" is literally just them saying: no, we're normal and you're not solely because there's more of us than there is of you. that isn't a healthy attitude.

besides, there's nothing typical about attributes such as vague questions or inability to work with the diverse. it should be called what it is: neuromajority.

[the-new-mr-imagin8ion]

The last sentence is my favorite.

Keep Honking

[the-new-mr-imagin8ion]

Boomers don’t believe in mental illness but start vibrating when you doubt god’s existence

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a post about "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs: The Series":

"mathematically, Sam should not have been in town yet at that age" and "dramaturgically, the role of 'the Sam' is a role that needed to be filled" are two viewpoints that can and should coexist.

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For all my fellow name nerds out there, I am very pleased to present the third annual "Gloyd Roberson Memorial List of Actual Human Children Who Wrote Letters to Santa in 1920s/30s Oklahoma".

These names aren’t all necessarily “weirder than Gloyd” but fall into three rough categories which I’ve dubbed: “that’s got a nice ring to it”, “if I used this in a novel it would be considered too unrealistic” and “you’ve got 5 seconds to name a character that lives in 1920s Oklahoma, GO!”:

Manford Armontrout

Buster Banks

Weldon Barnhart

Auvanelle Bartlett

Heartwell Bateson

Delbert Benson

Alchesto Blair

Garold Bowlby

Johnny Bristow

Eulalia Brown

Forrest Burns

Burley Bush

J. B. Buzbee

Claud Callaway

Carmelada Collins

Maudie Chipman

Arlee Chitwood

Vada Cockerham

LeRoy Cragar

Willis Cushenbery

Loralu Dean

Buster Boy Dennis

Opal Emberton

Luther Faulkenberry

Selwin Fite

Thornbrough Gaines

Dixie Lee Geist

Myrtle Goodpasture

Lurelie Greenwood

Oretho Gregston

Leola Gurley

Jewel Hunt

Woodrow Huff

Oveda Huffstutler

Jesse Leo Livengood

Imogene Lovelace

McJunior Martin

Junior Mayberry

Alesterine McBride

Bland McCraw

Grover McGee

Dorotha Mae McKeever

Odell McKerley

Verline McMurphy

Denzel Moon

Rex Murrow

Bobby Nuckolls

Cleotha Parham

Cleetus Penrod

Pearl Perkins

Cowell Peoples

Delton Phillips

Dilmond D. Postlewait

Darlington Potter

Nadine Pridemore

Waldo Proffitt Jr.

Harrel Quattlebaum

Roxy Rayne

Vinnona Revard

Wade Rigsby

Patsy Jo Sapp

Ellison Shaddrack

Opal Dean Schwennesen

Dillard Spradling

Erma Sternberger

Merle Sumpter

Hoyt Sweeney, Jr.

Stanley Swink

Claudine Thorpe

Tommy Threadgill

Sonny Boy Thurman

Tommy TIngley

Peggy Jane Tinker

Sammy Lee Truelove

Freeda Merl Tucker

Roscoe Vandolah

Otice Vanhoosier

Belva Jean Waddle

Taft Wake

LeRoy Welfington

Idabell Wheat

Ouida Wieder

Marjoria Worsham

Twila Zahniser

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I can't believe that in the year 2025, outrage directed at the right people resulted in the codifying of a new set of laws that effectually rendered it illegal to make more money or have more power than me!

I wonder how the working and rich populations will feel about the amendment that if they want to live, they will be required to start giving all the superfluous privilege to me.

(let's see what you got, Apollo.)

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Person Dies

A satirical news article by the Babylonion Clickbean

EVERYTIME, ANYPLACE - Recently in Celebrityville, known famous person A. Person has confounded fans and observers alike by engaging in an inconceivable process known as "dying". Nobody was prepared for such an occurrence.

Person was known to have one of many health complications, which historically almost never cause anything bad to happen, and lived until the age of ninety-bleven, which makes this especially sad, because humans usually live to almost four-fifths of that length of time.

One fan, who has never personally met Person and can't remember a single one of his roles offhand, called Person's death "heartbreaking", and within seconds, added his picture to the already-full heaven meme.

According to the tone of the responses of people, the tragedy is heightened because this is the first time in history that anybody has ever died. Person was later memorialized in a ceremony mentioning a lot of people, and buried in a very full place.

The event was made a little less surprising by the fact that the death happened to an Earthling, a species who is notoriously unfamiliar with the idea of mortality salience. One can only hope they learn to correct this memory lapse in time for galactic auditions.

The Babylonion Clickbean is your primary source for satirical news.

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"this implies the existence of that" memes imply the existence of a self-unaware, subsocial husk behind the computer, who's anatomically incapable of standing up or cleaning, and has no experience with language because nobody ever talks to that person.

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if I had a dollar for every animated sitcom named after a city in which it wasn't set, I would have two dollars.

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Dumpling Mix comics 2024

This is what I was trying to tell you.

The first storylines: In "Why Cat We Be Friends", Brunswick is reintroduced to Butter when he moves. In "Interview with the Fruit Bat", Brunswick is bitten by a fruit bat. In "I, Buttercake", Butter ventures to change his name. And in "Treeality Bites", Dixie lands in a tree while playing wingball. (Re-debut of Dixie, Brunswick, and Brandy, and debut of Butter, Tom, and Miss Treat.)

In "BrunsFit", Butter uses skiing to get Brunswick into shape. (Abilene, Parker, Bryant, and Crayne debut around this time.)

In "Oh, Brother!", Dixie's brother intervenes on her poem for Mother's Day. (Debut of Eugene.)

In "How to Lose a School in 10 Days", Dixie holds an elaborate countdown to the last day of class. In "Send In the Clouds", cloud animals cause a storm and scare Brunswick. (Approximate debut of Mr. Ximmerman.)

In "Welcome to My Bearl", Brunswick's old friends Bearl and Muffin catch up with him. In "Water Girled", Dixie starts a game of water polo. In "Let Writing Dogs Lie", Brunswick lies on an essay. (Approximate debut of Roland.)

In "Supplies! Supplies!", Dixie and Brandy go shopping for tortuous school supplies. In "Cool Cats Don't Cry", Brunswick and Butter battle over coolness. In "Terrier on the Roof", Butter helps Brunswick live independently. And in "Project: Dixie^2", Dixie works on a school project.

In "Touched by an Apple", Butter loses his life apple-picking but is reborn as an apple. In "The Dogfather", Brunswick's ancestor helps him with writing.

In "Requiem for Ice Cream", the animals attempt to save the Dairy*mar from closing for the winter. In "A Dixie-traordinary Merry Christmas", Dixie gets a gig job as the ghost of Christmas past, and goes to save Miss Treat's holiday spirit. In "Trees for Fears", Butter is haunted by a holiday tree.

Trivia: "Dumpling Mix" uses a visual narrative device: the panels have thicker outlines whenever it is based on a "Mutts".

Original Mutts strips: January 2024, February 2024, March 2024, April 2024, May 2024, June 2024, July 2024, August 2024, September 2024, October 2024, November 2024, December 2024

Original Dumplings strips: August 2023, September 2023, October 2023, November 2023, December 2023

Other original Dumplings strips: January 2024, February 2024, March 2024, April 2024, May 2024, June 2024, July 2024, August 2024, September 2024, October 2024, November 2024, December 2024

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Meet the characters:

Dixie Vanderdoozen: Doozy (of Mutts) meets Dani (of Dumplings). An animal-loving, school-averse 13-year-old girl. She has grown significantly since her punitive portrayal in "Mixed Breeds", and is trying her hardest to make up for the decades of leashes by introducing her dog Brunswick to all forms of fun.

Brunswick: Sparky (of Mutts) meets Benny (of Dumplings). A big guard dog who feels no need for toughness anymore. Ever since being unleashed in "Mixed Breeds", he's developed a new character trait in the form of a desire to get moving and go see beyond the world.

Butter: Mac (of Dumplings) meets Brutus/Loveycakes, the cat Doozy fostered in a lesser-known Mutts story from 2011 (image). A cunning cat who always has a plan to get anyone out of trouble, and Brunswick's new best friend, whose ownership is left ambiguous. As you may remember from his debut, his name is short for Buttercake, a label he wears with great shame.

Brandy Bushenwitzer: Bushy (of Mutts) meets Franny (of Dumplings)... except in school situations, when Dixie takes Franny's place and Brandy takes Dani's. Dixie's best friend ever since her debut in Mixed Breeds comics like this one, who's more motivated to get schoolwork and athletic work done. The friends' relationship is quite the opposite of what it was back in Mixed Breeds, with Brandy wanting to lock things down and Dixie talking her back to reason.

Tom: Tom-Tom (of Mutts) meets Leo (of Dumplings). Brandy's cat who she's had since Mixed Breeds, and the mayor (whose authority is in name only) of the characters' new hometown of Self-Determination Falls, Maryware. He's curmudgeonly and hates the other characters, but will still gladly associate with them. It was his idea to move himself and Brandy to Self-Determination Falls: she hated it.

Roland: Counterpart to a fish from "Dumplings" who has yet to be properly introduced. A liberated tuna that Butter once wanted to eat, who is now a total libertarian and lets nobody tell him what to do.

Beldrich and Tobi: Counterparts to two equally anticipated Dumplings characters. Roland's really loving, doting parents. They have made no appearance in "Dumpling Mix" so far.

Bryant and Crayne: Doozy's classmates meet Dani and Franny's teammates. Bryant is a bully who plays wingball and is skeptical of everything he sees (and he also has albinism because we feel like people with albinism are underrepresented in media). Crayne is a more considerate, compliant boy who's also Latin.

Miss Treat: Counterpart to Ms. J from Dumplings. Dixie and Brandy's demanding, obstinate teacher at Ashly Burch Middle School. She is also a total prepper, insisting that work gets done before the end of the world. It is made clear that Miss Treat is not her real name, but something that is easier for her students to pronounce.

Eugene: Doozy's lesser-known brother (from a 1998 Mutts story and its corresponding Mixed Breeds) meets any combination of Franny's four brothers (from Dumplings). Dixie's little brother, who admits he's always felt overshadowed by her, and now wants to be an attention-getter but avoid trouble. Whenever he shows up or is name-dropped, it is accompanied by a guitar riff.

Mr. Ximmerman: Counterpart to the owner of the Dairy Mart from Dumplings. A man who runs the Dairy*mar, the town ice cream shop. He believes himself to be an alien and the Dairy*mar to be his home planet - it is mentioned he's a bit off his rocker, but it isn't clear how much of it is right.

Abilene: Counterpart to a forthcoming Dumplings character. A dachshund mix introduced as a love interest for Brunswick. She's duplicitous, and helps others to help herself; she speaks exclusively in rhetorical questions just so she can say that she never lies.

Parker: Counterpart to a forthcoming Dumplings character. A tiny dog appointed to Dixie and Brunswick to help teach them everything they need to know about their new hometown. He wears an algorithm-powered set of glasses whose lenses change color depending on his mood.

Strazzini: Counterpart to a forthcoming Dumplings character. A ferret (apparently) who has a special brand of help that makes things more unhelpful. He (or maybe she, we do not even know that much yet) has made no appearance in "Dumpling Mix" so far.

I shall see you tomorrow.

Dumpling Mix: a spinoff

Developments happened in 2024. After Guard Dog from Mutts, and by proxy, Brunswick from Mixed Breeds, was unleashed, "Mutts" suddenly went into sabbatical and turned into reruns from twenty years ago.

I thought that meant I was done and finished with my soon-to-be famous comic rewrite project "Mixed Breeds". I thought that and thought that and thought that until I could think no more. But a few new things came up. First, "Mutts" still did occasionally produce new strips comics drawings, all completely nugatory vacancies that almost made "Mutts" look like a comic, showing the guard dog's loving but completely facile new life. Second, a new comic arose, "Dumplings" by Victor Van Acker, also coincidentally about a young girl and her dog who befriends a cat, just as empty but thankfully less preachy. After, I lost my password, losing my demonstrability with it. Finally, December came.

Altogether, I reached one big conclusion... If anything can prove that this is still me, it's this. Within the Mixed Breeds canon, now that "Mixed Breeds" is finished, its time-traveling artist Notrick McDon'tell hops forward in time once more, to rebirth himself under the name of Victory Van Altered, unwrite "Dumplings", and create a spinoff titled "Dumpling Mix".

In "Dumpling Mix", a schoolgirl and her recently unleashed guard dog move to an observatory town, meeting new friends and old, and taking the biggest slices out of life.

It will still be based on Mutts, but only whenever there is a Mutts to base it on; it's based on Dumplings the rest of the time. It will feature the same hilariously warped witticism, thrillingly heightened stakes, and increased gimmickry of its parent series. (With a side dose of magic to make up for the loquacious egomania of "Phoebe and Her Unicorn", in much the same way Mixed Breeds made up for Calvin and Hobbes.) It will last as long as its inspirations decide is fit for their things to last.