#~ * ~ We're The New Face Of Failure (Pictures)
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lactoseintolerentswag · 1 year ago
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Rise Characterizations Pt. 2!!
In the first part I went over my character writing notes for Raph, so we're doing Leo next!!!
Leo Character Notes
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Language Habits:
First the obvious, makes a lot of puns and one-liners. Think corny super hero movies
Does poke at New Jersey often in said one-liners
Mumbles/talks to himself out loud often
Starts a Lot of his sentences with, "Okay--"
Often will add on, "haha, you're hilarious", when he's trying to tease or antagonize someone
Similarly to Raph he will also verbalize his attacks/actions, "kick and punch"/"punch and kick", "land safely"/"and he sticks the landing"
Also will verbalize when he's trying to make a portal, "come on portal", "it's portal time", "portal power jitsu"
We all know "hachi machi"
Tendency to also make noises when fighting, "yah"/"wah!"/"hah!"
That little ohohoho laugh can signify as his battle cry/excitement, or his nervousness depending on context
Same case as the above with "hoh boy"
Will stutter on words to emphasize them, "l-l-l-l-lame!"
The first to jump onto an "I told you so" or "I was right"
Mixes Spanish into his sentences, most notably "bueno", "vamanos", "hermano(s)"
Messes up science terminology, "reprogramulating"
Says "indubitably" when he's up to something (which Raph recognizes)
Out of all the brothers, he does poke fun the most
Refers to himself as "Leon"
Refers to others (mostly strangers/acquaintances) as "bub"/"bud", or "chief"
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Personality:
Dramatic, Leo will always play things up 110%. Sometimes this is to cover up his insecurities, to cheer up his brothers, or to annoy said brothers. Also plays into his extreme responses to stressful situations
The fun brother, aka mikey's advocate. He takes his role seriously as the face man, who keeps things fun and cool for his brothers. It's an easy role, and he gets to make his family laugh or roll their eyes. He's. Sillay
Perceptive, this is why he knows exactly what buttons to push, but he's not a great communicator when it comes to the bigger picture. This also plays into his manipulativeness that he uses to put chaos into his family (i.e. lair games), puppet villains (i.e. Big Mama) into his motives, and change the battlefield
A closet nerd, implied to remember more jupiter jim lore than the rest of his brothers and has a ready to go impression of the reptiles of planet reptilica
Competitive to a fault, he tends to get lost in the competition when it comes to his brothers. Part of his dramatism is showing off, and he's weak to being called or associated with the term "champion". Competition is a way he gauges his self worth
Has a strong desire for the inherent admiration and trust of his peers, more than outright praise (both are wanted) unlike Donnie. This damages his communication skills because he just expects his brothers to trust him while he puts on a persona of nonchalance as protection from failure
Defensive, of himself through being snippy or sarcastic, but also defensive of his brothers' own well-being. He may be the one to poke the most fun, but he's also the one to jump to his siblings' defense out of any of the brothers. Sort of an "only I can do so and so to blank" mindset
Martyr complex, prioritizes the safety of his family over his own safety
Gets attached to people he considers family Quickly, those he doesn't consider a part of his family he has little sympathy for but once that connection is there he's already ready to use his body as a shield
Freeze response, tends to freeze up in response to danger or stress. Often shown to curl into a ball or stand silently (as opposed to his constant chatter)
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Miscellaneous:
The third to unlock his mystic powers
Nicknames: "baby blue" by splinter, "nardo" by donnie
Sweats an ungodly amount
Uses spit to annoy his brothers/enemies (licking an item to claim it as his, wet willies)
Can beat box
Always chooses left in mazes or when lost
Next up will be Donnie :>
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newwritergirl · 6 months ago
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Starting over | Part 14
Masterlist
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Summary: After y/n hears her two boyfriends talking about leaving her she spirals into memory lane. Fortunatley the two pilots can catch her before she falls deeper.
Trigger Warnings: 18+! Minors DNI!, past abusive relationship, some memories of previous abuse, migraine, blood, injury, au and ooc, poly relationship
A/N: I needed a bit angst and hurt in this chapter, sorry for that. Please let me know what you think and reblog if you want other readers to enjoy the story.
Word Count: 2.8k +
A loud shattering is stopping Jake and Bradley's conversation. Both men turn around in the direction of the sudden noise.
"Y/n!" Rooster shouts clearly shocked. The man's loud shout and the noise from breaking the glass vaults her right back to a time she so dearly hoped to be over and long forgotten. The sound of glass breaking was always a surety of an upcoming beating. Especially when she broke something. But on not so rare occasions her ex destroyed breakable pieces, in that case she always was quick to clean up the mess he made to avoid or better say lessen the inevitable pain whether from his fists or his words. Absolutely terrified she looks down to her feet, million pieces of broken glass surrounding her figurative for her broken heart. Will she ever be enough for another human being? Will there be a time when she isn't acting like a complete failure? Probably not.
"I- I…" Y/n's head is racing, she needs to clean up the mess otherwise it's going to be bad. She looks like a deer in the headlights, her gaze jumping from the broken glass on the floor to the two men at the kitchen island. "I- clean it…" The young woman stumbles over her words, the tremble of her hands slowly flowing into her whole body.
"No, no sweetheart, don't move. You gonna hurt…" Jake tries to gain y/n's attention but sprints into her direction at the same time.
She just hears static, the voice of the blonde aviator doesn't reach her subconsciousness so she takes a step forwards to bend down and clean up as her ex taught her, as fast as possible, as clean as possible, no complaining. Her legs are shaking so badly she nearly falls face first into the mess of shards when she feels two strong arms lifting her up. She squeals out of surprise and fear. The strong arms are hoisting her up, supporting her whole weight and entangle themselves under her bum, forcing her legs to wrap around the warm body that is carrying her away. She shuts her eyes tightly afraid to see the pure rage in the man's eyes. What had she done? Why is she screwing up so badly?
"Fuck, princess… Jake, she's bleeding, sit her down on the counter." Rooster speaks in a gentle yet panicked tone when he sees the blood dripping down onto the floor.
She feels her calves hitting something hard before Jake sets her on the kitchen counter but makes no move to release his gentle grasp he has on her. She shudders when her bare legs make contact with the cold stone of the countertop. In a protective manner and to keep some of her warmth she wraps her arm around herself, hugs them to her trembling body.
"Baby, look at me. Please open those beautiful eyes." Jake is so close to her she can smell his minty toothpaste and the faint odor of his shower gel but she can't open her eyes, too afraid of what might wait for her when she looks into his face. His hands wander from her waist to her face softly cupping her pale cheeks. A jolt runs through his body when she flinches and tries to hide her face from him.
"Babygirl, we're not gonna hurt you and we're not breaking up with you. Please look at me." The blonde aviator pleads, he needs to explain everything to her. He and Bradley need to explain it to her. His heart is breaking for the young woman in front of him. He knows of her past, knows that she was in an abusive relationship, but with every reaction she shows during a stressful or new situation another piece of the puzzle is adding up, creating a crueler picture of what she survived at the hands of her evil ex.
A warm hand touching her shoulder, she knows this touch. It's Rooster's hand. She always wonders how he can be so gentle with these big hands, hands that only ever brought her love, tenderness and passion.
"Princess, Jakey is right. Please look at us and let me see this foot of yours, you're bleeding. Please let us help you. We've never hurt you and sure as hell never going to in the future. We love you, princess." Bradley's voice cracks at the end a lump forming in his throat, tears threatened to spill out of his brown eyes. If he ever gets the chance to meet this monster that dared to lay a hand on the wonderful woman in front of him, he's going to kill him. With a deep breath he tries to calm himself and once more hide the pure rage he's feeling.
A sob is echoing through the open kitchen and finally the small woman opens her eyes to look at the two aviators who are towering over her. Jake doesn't waste any more time and cradles y/n's head into his broad chest, whispering words of endearment into her ear. Her breathing is increasing and already way too fast.
"Shh, baby. You're safe with us, always. We love you y/n, we love you so much." Slowly rocking her body back and forth, stroking her back and feeling her calm down a bit. The last thing they need right now is her spiraling further down ending in a full blown panic attack.
"I'm so sorry." She breathes out fisting Jake's shirt into her hands to ground herself. "I didn't want to eavesdrop or making a mess. I'm sorry…"
As if on cue Bradley takes a step to his lovers, stroking the smaller woman's back gently.
"Please, princess. Don't apologize. This is not on you. Please let us explain, we're not going to break up. Can I- can I have a look at your foot, it's bleeding really heavy." The brunette pilot explains in a worried voice. He knew that they have to calm her down at first before he can patch her up or even have a closer look on her injury. But when he sees that there's a steady flow of blood dripping from her foot onto the floor he knows he has to stop the bleeding and that fast.
Y/n nods her head and drops her gaze to her injured foot. A whimper tumbles out of her mouth, color immediately draining form her face when she sees the amount of blood on the floor. Her vision becomes fuzzy and wave of dizziness is hitting her. It’s not that she is overly sensitive when she sees blood but the whole situation hits too close to home. The blood drops steadily dripping on the floor, the small puddle that has already been formed, the broken glass, the fear, it all remembers her of the night her ex decided to use a knife against her.
"It's okay. Roo-y is going to help you." Jake tucks her face back into his chest kissing her head softly. He can see her rapid pulse on her carotid and feels her body swaying in his arms.
"Okay, there's no shard in the cut, but I need to bandage it. It's rather deep, but hopefully it will not need stitches. I pack a gauze on it and then Jake will carry you to the couch, so you can lay down when I look for smaller shards and stop the bleeding. Alright my love?" Bradley suggests. He too saw her pale complexion after she had a look at the amount of blood on the kitchen floor and he doesn’t feel any better seeing his love bleeding.
When Maverick requested Rooster to take a young woman in and let her live with him and Jake in their house, he was more than suspicious. Who just lets a complete stranger into their house? And why is Mav so anxious to give that unfamiliar woman a safe place to stay at the base? So after a long conversation Pete finally came out with it and showed Bradley the file the Navy had about her. Of course they had to check her background thoroughly even with Mitchell bailing for the young woman, after all she would work with highly classified data as an IT-specialist. Rooster saw the police report of the fateful night her ex nearly killed her. He saw the pictures the big puddle of blood she laid in. The bloody handprints on the kitchen table where she tried to keep her body upright after the attack. He saw the amount of destruction her ex did on the whole interior of their apartment. He stopped reading in the middle of the police report when they explained her multiple injuries and how she had several old injuries from previous beatings. Nearly every rib in her body has been broken at some point of her life, old and new bruises littered her body. From that day Bradley swore he will do everything in his power to protect this young and beautiful woman.
---
Finally laying on the couch with her head in Jake's lap and her legs on Bradley's thighs, slightly elevated to reduce the bleeding further and to gain back some color in her face. The shock of hearing that her two lovers talk about leaving her, the flashback of past memories and the blood loss now fully taking in leaving her drained and slightly nauseous. She fights to keep her eyes open but with Jake massaging her head and Bradley slowly stroking her calves makes it hard for her to stay awake. Before y/n can fully slip into a deep slumber she suddenly startles up with a loud gasp, her heart thundering painfully in her ribcage.
"Work…we have to go, we will be late." In a panic she untangles her leg out of Bradley's soft grip and sits up in a rush.
"Hey easy, Babygirl." Jake brushes his hand over her back gripping her shoulders slightly to prevent her from standing up. All color has left her face once more with her sudden action and her heart beating way too fast from the initial shock.
The brunette pilot cautiously changed his position and sits down on the hardwood coffee table to be directly in front of the panting woman afraid she would fall face first into the table. "We don't have to work today, princess. We called the base that you are not coming in today. With your migraine yesterday Mav even insisted you staying at home today and tomorrow. We all care for you." He tells her while holding both her hands in his stroking softly with his thumbs over her knuckles. His warm brown eyes looking directly into hers.
"But what about you… And- I-…you leaving?" The young woman asks confused in nothing more than a whisper.
Jake places a soft kiss on her temple to let her know that there is nothing to be afraid of. He wants her to be calm and feel safe when they explain to her why they have to leave in two days. Bradley locks eyes with his partner silently agreeing that he will break the news to their girlfriend.
"Princess, Jake and I are going on a mission. We have to teach and train the crew of an aircraft carrier. So, no real war mission, just us playing bad instructor, good instructor." He explained in a light tone winking at Jake who sits beside y/n stroking her thigh which is touching his upper leg.
"You don't break up with me? I'm so stupid… I'm sorry." The young woman looks down in embarrassment. She can't believe how stupid she is. She listened to a conversation and assumed all wrong, destroyed a glass, cut her foot and nearly had a full blown panic attack.
Jake says her name to get her attention, with cautious movements he puts his finger under chin tilting her head. Deeply looking into the eyes he had fallen for a long time ago, he softly kisses her plumps lips. The blonde aviator may look like a cocky bitch to outsiders, like a guy with too much self-consciousness who can't seem to shut up even if his life depends of it, but deep down he's an affectionate lover who wants to show all his love he feels for y/n and Bradley with his actions. He wants her to feel all his love before he uses his words to explain everything further.
"I- I'm sorry for eavesdropping and breaking the glass. I didn't want to make a mess…" She shudders at the thought of the breaking glass. "Ehm, in the past…breaking something always meant that - that he got mad at me. One time, he shoved me into the shards of a broken mug, sliced my entire hand. I bled so heavily that - I must've passed out and when I woke up there was a big puddle of blood… he beat me into a pulp before bringing me into the ER. Telling the doctors and nurses that I fell down the stairs with a mug in my hand." With a wavering voice y/n tells her boyfriends one of her many bad memories. Jake puts his right arm over her shoulders supporting her body with his broad frame. He can feel her trembling and when he takes a look at Bradley he sees the brunette pinching his eyes shut as he wants to get rid of the pictures y/n created with her story.
"The stupid clumsy girlfriend…that what he called me."
Rooster takes her left into his own inspecting the scar from where she had sliced her hand in the past. He places soft kisses in the palm like wants to kiss away her pain. All pain she's ever endured.
"Sweetheart, you're not stupid. You're the most intelligent, beautiful, sweet and sexy woman we've ever laid our eyes on. Of course we're not breaking up with you. We're just out on a small and uncomplicated mission. Like Roo-y said, a bit training here a bit teaching there."
Y/n let's out a sigh they're not really leaving her, even with her baggage they're still loving her. How does she deserve these two?
"When do you have to leave?" She asks while turning her head to look at Rooster.
"We're flying out in two days. Mav said we will be away for roughly two weeks. I'm sorry, princess. We really don't want to leave you here on your own. We will miss you. Jake really wanted to strangle the Admiral."
"I'm going to be okay. Just please come back in one piece, both of you. I- I love you!" She says, breathing the last three words, the most important words of the day. "Can we cuddle, before you have to leave?" The young woman suggests as she batts her eyelashes. Everything is going to be okay and two weeks will be over before she knows.
---
With y/n still recovering from her migraine attack the two pilots let her sleep on the couch after she fell asleep cuddled in between her boyfriends. So they make use of the time by preparing their departure. Even if they most likely don't need much if any civvies they have to pack and organize some things.
Small hands sneaking around Rooster's muscular body, bringing him out of his concentration. He turns around and envelopes y/n in a tight and lovely hug.
"I thought Jake and I made ourselves clear when we said that you're absolutely not allowed to wander around in the house with your injured foot." He mumbles against her head while placing soft kisses in her silky hair.
"I missed my boys. I needed a hug. You just sneaked out on me and left me alone on the couch na-" Y/n squeals when the brunette hoists her up with a firm grip on her bum.
"You, my dear woman, will be the death of us." Bradley jokes before he captures her lips in a passionate kiss, nibbling at her plump upper lip, eliciting a breathy moan out the young woman's mouth when he grinds his groin into hers.
Another set of hands sneaks around both of them kissing Bradley and Y/n on their cheeks.
"What did I miss?" The blonde aviator asks in a flirtatious tone.
"Well Lieutenant Commander Seresin, Miss y/ln went against direct orders." Bradley teases in a playful but dangerous tone.
Jake clicks his tongue, bringing his chest flush to the back of the smaller woman who is still clinging to the other pilot. "Miss y/ln, is that the truth? What do we do with such a tease, Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw?" His teeth softly grazing and nibbling y/n's sensitive neck, making her squirm in the other pilots hold.
"Well, Seresin. I guess we should think about an appropriate punishment." Bradley whispers seductively when he turns around and lets the woman gently out of his arms and onto the bed, soon following her and laying beside their girlfriend. She protests, missing already the touch of both her men. Jake lets himself plop on the other side of the squirming girl immediately stealing a heated kiss from her already kiss-swollen lips.
@djs8891
@darksparklesficrecs
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figs-and-cigs · 1 year ago
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Saw a post recently that said if you're not a good communicator you shouldn't be in a poly relationship. My first thought was, "right communication is an absolute MUST!" But thinking about it some more, I think there needs to be more nuance to the idea. What makes good communication? And who's to say who should and shouldn't do polyamory?
I'm an easily overwhelmed, agoraphobic, introvert - and at times communication IS hard. I often seek alone time with very little interaction with the outside world.
I had a girlfriend who HATED texting and wanted lots of in person face to face time. That relationship slowly unravelled and disappeared - without communication. I'm a texter and couldn't fit my schedule or find the spoons to spend more time with her - and she never texted.
I had to explain to a new person I'm dating that I'm not good at asking a lot of questions - which can look like a lack of interest and a failure in gathering information for a good match. The reality is I figure others will tell me what they want me to know over time as they get comfortable, and if it's important it'll come up. Meanwhile, I'm an open book. I communicate with lengthy paragraphs and stories to paint a picture of my world. Which often gets others to share similarly - through text, and more importantly get to know me on a deep level. In person I'm spastic mess, I get emotional about everything and excitement or frustration can jumble words into an incoherent rant.
When I'm upset, I cry... And trying to help someone see my point of view doesn't work well between frustrated sobs I can't control. With my husband we make an effort to take a pause with intense discussions and let me write/text it out. And while he can be a stoic type during emotional discussions - giving him time to process is important. But my anxious attachment will precieve it as if I'm doing all the communication and he's got nothing!
I also unintentionally go into circles and rants as I process which can be overwhelming to the other party. I've been in relationships where we'd talk and talk and talk and talk until we'd exhaust each other and that talking might turn into yelling or unhealthy silent treatments. Neither of us could understand each other or find common ground.
To prevent this with my husband we set timers. 5/5/10. We each get 5 minutes to share our thoughts, and then we'll have 10 minutes to collaborate on a solution - or to bond or support each other.
I have a FWB who I rarely hear from. Maybe every few months when he's in town and able to set a date to meet. He's not the talkative type unless we're alone in a room together - and I realized I'm ok with this. I don't need constant contact to enjoy my time with him.
I think a huge part of healthy relationships is meeting people where they're at and accepting each other exactly as we are. The good, the bad, the messy, and perfectly whole. And it's beautiful and wonderful! But it's also complicated and hard. Not every relationship is going to last. But the experiences together are valuable nonetheless.
When our communication styles and skills are different, what do we do!? Ironically, we communicate about it, and even a "bad communicator" can find work arounds. I think it comes down to boundaries and trying to understand each other. And if it doesn't work out between both of you - it doesn't mean we can't find someone else who it can't work with.
And while we can find total acceptance of each other one would hope each of us is working on personal progress and improvements in areas that we struggle.
Just like there's no one right perfect way to be poly, I don't think there's only one right perfect way to communicate. We each need to find what works best for us and our individual relationships. And it's going to vary and be different almost every single time.
The end.
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inkbyajm · 1 year ago
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of unspoken words
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masterlist: part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6
pairing: joel miller x f!reader
tropes: fluff, angst, hurt-comfort, slow-burn
warnings: 11 year age-gap (reader is 24-25, joel is 35-36), clothing description, arguing
word count: ~6300
author’s note: this took forever to put out because life got in the way, but i did have fun writing angst. this chapter takes course in a span of a year. goodbye, 2003.
————- ❈ ————-
Five
He found her in the crowd of the Auditorium shores.
Four
Her back facing him, she stood in front of Tommy as he looked down at her.
Three
Grasping her shoulders, Tommy flashed her a smile.
Two
He leaned down, his face disappearing behind her head.
One
Joel didn't have to see in the darkness to know what was happening.
Happy New Year!
"Hey!" Joel snapped out of his daze, frowning at Tommy who was behind the wheel. "You sleepin'?"
"No, just...thinkin' of stuff."
"Good, 'cause we're here." 
Tommy had begged Joel to go out drinking with him for some time, the latter never feeling up to it: he was either tired, busy, hanging out with Sarah, or whatever other excuses he came up with. The only reason they were walking up the steps to 'Lucky Luke's' was because he had lost the bet on how long their project was going to take. They finished much earlier than Joel had confidently anticipated. He had a suspicion his brother set him up for failure, but he didn't bother to bring it up, wanting to enjoy his evening after a successful job. They entered the establishment which turned out to be bigger than it appeared from the outside. The interior was old and rustic, everything from the chairs to the panels on the walls was made of hardwood. There were all kinds of lights strung up about the ceiling, the walls were decorated with pictures of patrons, sports-related posters, number plates, flags, and so on. The music, thankfully, was quiet enough for people to hear each other. The brothers sat down at the far end of the L-shaped counter, waiting for someone to take their order.
"Remind me why we didn't go to Buddy's?" Joel asked somewhat annoyedly. He wasn't the biggest fan of changing environments.
"Because fuck Luiz and his overpriced beer. Besides, I have a feeling you'll find this place a lot more interesting."
Rubbing his face, Joel scrunched his nose. "Christ, Tommy, we've never been here. How do you know their shit don't taste like flavored tap water?"
"I trust the person who works here." Tommy replied, looking ahead.
The eldest Miller followed his gaze and saw her there, rapidly getting two glasses from under the bar and serving a young couple their cocktails. Fumbling with her notepad, she made her way across to the pair, pen in hand.
"Hi, how can I help you?" and it was only then that she looked up to see Tommy and Joel with their arms folded in front of them, the former giving her a childish smile along with a wave. "What- how'd you find out I work here? Did you stalk me? Should I get the FBI involved?"
"Good to see you too, (Y/N/N). Heard some of the guys talk about a pretty lady workin' at Lucky Luke's. Description matched so I thought it was finally time to check it out and see your impressive skills for myself," he said, clapping Joel on his shoulder. "Brought this one along with me. You don't mind, do you?"
She looked at her employer, who only gave her a brow raise. They hadn't seen much of each other since the year started, since the countdown at the Auditorium shores, since she and Tommy shared a moment much more intimate than the one they'd had on Christmas Eve. He knew he shouldn't have involved himself, especially not with the babysitter out of all people; but she gave him a scarf, a scarf she took time to knit and embroider his initials on. It sparked something in him he hadn't felt in a long time, thinking she'd felt it too. Who are you kidding? She was young, she was ambitious, and he had no business involving himself with her unless he wanted to come off as a creep. So he stopped, and boy did it eat him up inside.
They watched as she looked at the clock and disappeared behind the door near the other end of the counter. They sat in confusion for a couple of minutes until the door opened again and she walked out without her apron.
“What are you boys having?”
Tommy squinted at the board next to them, “I’ll have a pint of Blood & Honey, pretty please. Joel?”
The other brother sat with his brows furrowed, having a difficult time making a choice. Possibly running out of patience, (Y/N) took three-pint glasses from the hanging shelf above her head and poured yellow liquids into two of them, the last one appearing brown. She slid the latter to Joel, then hopped up and over the wooden counter to take a seat next to Tommy.
“You have great timing, I happen to have finished my shift,” she said and raised her glass to clink it against his. “So, what’s new?”
While Tommy talked restlessly about the day they’ve had, the bet they made, and exciting events coming up, Joel quietly nodded along every now and then, but mostly he observed her. She seemed different in an environment made for adults than she did at home with his 12-year-old kid. Ripped dark-blue jeans, sturdy boots, a military-green tank top, and a plaid shirt – she seemed like she belonged. Looking was fair game, as long as he didn’t interact too much, everything was going to be fine.
One pint down, Tommy excused himself to the bathroom, leaving his brother in a situation he didn’t want to be in. The two sat in silence for a bit, looking at their folded hands on the countertop.
“We got married pretty young, me and my ex-wife,” he suddenly spoke, keeping his eyes low. “She was my high-school sweetheart, my world. Then we got married and it all went downhill. To be honest, I’m not sure what happened even to this day. Maybe she felt suffocated, overwhelmed; I remember how hard the pregnancy was for her. In the end, a short time after Sarah was born, we had…an explosive argument. She loved her, she did, but it wasn’t enough to commit to that life. So she left, and I never saw or heard from her again.”
(Y/N) sat unmoving, then took the last sip from her glass. “Why are you telling me this, Mr. Miller?”
The formal address stung more than it should have. “Thought you deserved to know.”
“Is this what you’ve been contemplating for the past three months you’ve been freezing me out?” she laughed bitterly, looking at him for the first time since she sat down. “’ Should I or should I not provide additional lore on the mystery that is Joel Miller’?”
“(Y/N/N)-”
“Respectfully, sir, you don’t get to move the boundary lines whenever and however you want. You don’t want to be friends? That’s perfectly fine, I’ll remain respectful from now on-”
“No, just- I’m sorry, alright? I didn’t mean to freeze you out, I-” he stared at the empty glass in his hand before she took it and hopped back over the bar to refill both of their drinks. “I don’t really have friends, and I certainly wouldn’t want our relationship to affect yours with Sarah-”
“You don’t trust me to do a good enough job despite my feelings?” she looked less angry then, more dejected.
“I do. I trust you to look after Sarah more than I do that meathead over there,” both of them looked at the far end of the room to find Tommy, with an already half-empty glass, talking with some townsfolk. “It’s myself I don’t trust.”
(Y/N) looked at him then, at the hint of sorrow displayed on his face, and leaned against the counter, their faces merely inches away from one another, “You were doing just fine, Joel. Just talk to me, okay? I promise I’m as reasonable and as patient as they come.”
He could beat himself up over having his heart squeeze at the sight of her smile later. At that moment, all he wanted to do was get to know another side of the woman he could proudly call a friend.
————- ❈ ————-
Summer came much quicker than any of them had anticipated. And while (Y/N) had already made plans to stay with her family until September, her schedule for the first half of June was empty. And thankfully it was because if there's one thing she did not have in her 2002 bingo card, it's a cruise trip in the Caribbean.
"What's this?" she said as she stared at the envelope given to her by Joel. Sarah sat in the living room, whatever she was watching on the television long forgotten as she tried to concentrate on the conversation going on in the kitchen. 
"Open it."
"Are you paying me early this month?" she chuckled as she began to carefully tear it open. Her hands froze when she pulled out the printed tickets.
"An all-expenses-paid trip to cruise around with us in June," he pointed at the black-and-white printing, noting her silence. "Shit, I didn't think of- You're not busy, are you?"
"N-no, I'm leaving on the 17th but," she looked up at him. "Joel, I can't take this."
"What do you mean?"
"I- this is crazy. It probably cost you hundreds of dollars, I mean it's too generous-"
"I bought the tickets at a cheaper price months ago. Think of it as the other half of your Christmas present," he explained, his body filled with dread at the idea of making such a bold gesture. "Look, I don't want to make you feel like we're forcing you into anything. If you don't want to go, it's fine. I can get a full refund-"
She jumped on him then, with her arms tightly wrapped around him, she was almost hanging off his neck. He gladly caught her, chuckling in relief. "Of course, I'll come, I'd be more than happy to."
Rapid steps were heard coming from the living room and just as (Y/N) had detached herself from the man in front of her, a smaller body crashed into hers. "You're coming! We're gonna have so much fun!" said Sarah, jumping up and down excitedly.
The young woman wasn't exactly sure of what there was to do on a gigantic boat in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico. However, she soon found out they had programs for the entirety of their 4-night stay, which included karaoke, dancing, games, and trivia nights. 
On the first day, (Y/N) found out the Miller brothers had pipes on them, singing and jamming to songs from Radiohead and the like. She’d never seen Joel that relaxed, carefree, or joyful; he moved as if nothing else in the world mattered but that moment they were living in. She and Sarah performed ABBA and Hallican Drops songs, riding on the confidence boost given by the crowd cheering them on enthusiastically.
Another day passed, and while Sarah went to join kids her age for ‘Youth Night’, the adults hit the bar for ‘Trivia Night’. The following things were facts: Joel and (Y/N) are equally competitive, Joel is a sore loser, (Y/N) gets loud when she’s passionate, and Tommy is there to have a drink and a laugh. Despite the small disputes and a few I-told-you-so’s, team ‘Lucky Jackasses’ managed to secure second place and win $120 worth of beverages as well as a three-course meal dinner for all the team members.
After the event, once everyone was settled with drinks in their hands, Tommy walked towards the railing to find (Y/N) leaning against it, gazing at the vast ocean.
“Whatcha doin’?”
Her head turned, the startled expression replaced by a smile as he put his jacket around her shoulders. “Just lookin’, admiring.”
“For such a nice lady, I didn’t think you could turn so intense so quick.”
She laughed, feeling a bit embarrassed at the amount of times she’d slammed the table or wildly gestured with her hands. “Yeah, I can get really competitive when it comes to games and such. I can take a loss, though, not like a certain someone.”
“Now imagine how I felt growing up. Thank the lord I was never like that, or else we woulda killed each other a long time ago.” he reminisced.
“Where is he anyway?”
“Went to put Sarah to bed. Think he might have hit the hay himself, the old man.”
There was a minute of silence where both of them just stared at the daunting darkness ahead of them.
“He ain’t the slickest when it comes to things like this. You gotta be more obvious with him, or else you’ll torture yourself for a long time until he finally makes a decision.”
She felt pressure in her chest. Of course, Tommy would find out. “What are you referring to?”
“Come on, (Y/N/N),” he chuckled, looking at her with sympathy. “You’re not exactly hiding it. Look, Joel’s a great guy, and I’m his brother, I’d take any occasion to shit on him.”
“Tom-“
“It takes a lot to get through to him. His fear from past experiences and the need to protect Sarah hold him back, he might not even know that you’re feeling what you’re feeling. You do what you want to do, but my advice is: show him what it is you need him to see and make no room for ambiguity.”
She wanted to share her thoughts, express her doubts to the man she considered a close friend. But she couldn’t, not at that moment. So she spoke the very next thought aloud instead:
“It is so crazy to think we’re floating on a piece of metal in the middle of a large mass of water. So many creatures underneath us, so many people on board. Have you seen Titanic?”
“We are not talkin’, let alone thinkin’, about the Titanic right now.” Tommy said as he began physically retracting himself from the conversation.
“I can’t help-”
“Don’t,” he said firmly, pointing at her like one would at a misbehaving dog. “I am not letting anything or anyone fuck up my relaxation time.”
The two walked back to their adjacent rooms, slightly tipsy. They noted the darkness as soon as Tommy opened the door to his shared cabin - Joel was asleep until he wasn’t. Woken up by the faintest noise, he noticed the jacket she wore and the tired smile her face carried, indicating they had been out there for a long time. His hands clenched under the blanket at the sight of her hugging his brother goodnight as she whispered in his ear before departing.
The next day, as the ship docked at Cozumel, an island just off the coast of Mexico, the family decided to go out and explore what it had to offer. The activities mainly consisted of scuba diving, which Joel had reserved in advance due to Sarah’s insistence, swimming in crystal clear water, and exploring ruins. The eldest Miller seemed content and at peace, or at least he did at the beginning of their little expedition. (Y/N) couldn’t help but notice the cold emanating from him, the way he’d be quick to glue himself to Sarah even when he didn’t need to, those moments he’d be more interested in studying the bushes than interacting with her. Tommy was right, she needed to be more forward. The trip was an opportunity she didn’t want to waste. Realistically, the worst thing he could do is reject you and/or fire you, she thought, then you can go back to living your life without this anxiety. Or you could curl up in your cabin and cry. 
It started with small gestures: offering him water from her bottle, asking to take pictures of him and Sarah on her film camera, and pointing at pretty things during their diving session. Then, once she felt there was less resistance, she moved on to bumping shoulders with him, exchanging facts about the ancient Maya civilization, and splashing him with water as they all played in the sea. Just before they went out to swim, Sarah asked her babysitter if she could help with her sunscreen application. When she turned back to her towel, her eyes landed on a shirtless Joel. Her soon-to-be-35-year-old employer was exactly the kind of fit she imagined a father who works in construction to look like. He caught her staring, and to avoid drowning in embarrassment, she offered to apply sunscreen on his face. The entire process seemed way more intimate than it was. He stood very still, watching her work with such focus, gently gliding over the skin on his chin, his cheeks, under his eyes, his forehead, and his nose. Upon making accidental eye contact, he saw her get visibly flustered, causing her to take a step back.
“Could you get my back too?” he asked tentatively. “‘Afraid I’m not as flexible as I used to be.”
Whispering a quick ‘sure’, she began rubbing the cream on his shoulders first. She believed she had the green light to ease the tension in his muscles while they were at it. Unbelievably stiff at first, Joel relaxed under her touch with every circular movement of her thumbs. Feeling like she’d been at it for far too long, the young woman pulled away, earning a genuine ‘thank you’ accompanied by a smile. She had made great progress that day, showing just the right amount of affection to not spook him away. He wasn’t put off by any of it, however, which gave her a great sense of relief, an indication she’d been going in the right direction so far. 
Once the evening came, the group split into two pairs: Joel and (Y/N) went on a stroll on the beach not far away from the pier while Sarah and Tommy went to quench their thirst at the bar further away. Though they shared a few jokes and remarks about the beauty of their surroundings, their walk was mostly filled with comfortable silence. At some point, Joel’s phone went off, prompting him to walk further away from the waves.
Something smacked itself against her leg and looking down, (Y/N) realized it was a straw-coloured boater hat.
“Sorry! That’s mine.” she heard someone exclaim above the waves crashing onto the sand. A young man, seemingly her age, jogged up to her with a warm smile. “Wind’s picking up, blew it right off my big head.”
His comment made her giggle, handing over the headwear, “No problem, it happens.”
“Are you from the Voyager?”
“I am.”
“Where’s your family? You didn’t go on a cruise all by yourself, did you?”
“No, that would be kind of sad,” she chuckled. “I’m here with the family I babysit for.”
“Wow, you must be a damn good nanny,” his brows raised in astonishment. “Do they need a cleaner by any chance? A driver, maybe? I don’t ask for much, I can live in the basement. Hell, a closet would do!”
This made her burst out laughing, triggering him to do the same. “I also do all of those things, not sure I want to compete with someone over a job I like.”
“Alright, so if we look at the CV of a successful nanny, we have,” he said, putting on imaginary glasses and comically squinting at the equally nonexistent paper in his hand. “Intelligent, talented, able to grow arms to flip pancakes and iron a t-shirt at the same time, strikingly beautiful obviously, excellent cook because of course you are, am I missing anything?”
“I happen to have a natural talent for board games,” she smiled, proudly. “You can actually ask my boss, he has yet to beat me.” 
But as she turned her head, she saw Joel rapidly making his way further away from them.
“Sorry, it seems I’ve got to go,” she muttered, giving him an apologetic look as she walked backward. “It was nice to meet you, take care of that hat!”
(Y/N) was forced to jog up almost 30 feet to catch up to the brooding man.
“Hey, why didn’t you call me? Is it Sarah? Is Tommy alright?” The latter’s name seemed to deepen his scowl.
“No, just thought I’d leave you and Harold Lloyd to yourselves.” he grumbled, looking strictly ahead.
“I’m sorry for getting caught up in the conversation. He was being nice, you know, friendly tourist banter?”
“He was hitting on you, (Y/N), and if you can’t see that then you’re more naive than I thought.”
He had never treated her like anything but his equal, so naturally being called childish not only hurt her but woke something up inside her as well, all of the pent-up frustration suddenly coming to the surface.
“Fine, so he was flirting. Is that a problem?”
“No problem at all,” he said unconvincingly. “Just doing my job as a wingman.”
It took her a second to realize what, or rather who, he was referring to. “What the fuck does this have to do with Tommy?” He didn’t answer her immediately, taking long and quick strides along the sand. “Joel!”
He only stopped when she abruptly tugged at his arm, finally meeting his eyes. “You like him, don’t you?”
The question almost came as a slap. Where was this coming from? “What? Since when?!”
“Since you first laid eyes on each other last Christmas. Or since your kiss on New Year’s Eve. I don’t know, I’m not exactly keeping track.”
Instead of tugging at her hair, a need she strongly wanted to give into, the young woman rubbed her face with frustration instead. "I know you aren't stupid, and Tommy did warn me about how oblivious you can be, but good God, to this extent?"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"I care about you, okay?" she shouted, sounding somewhat desperate.
Heavy silence passed, the only sounds being the relentless lapping of the waves accompanied by her heavy breathing. The two of them stared at each other as if truly seeing one another for the first time.
"I don't understand-"
"I like you, Joel. And I'm tired of tiptoeing around it." She sensed him battling with himself, his own emotions, his thoughts.
"You can't, you-" something resembling despair crossed his expression. "(Y/N/N), you're young-"
"Jesus, Joel, stop acting like you're decrepit!" she approached him then, noticing the way he took a couple of steps back. "You're just a guy in his thirties, raising a daughter, looking for...companionship in this messed-up world."
They were much closer now, chests almost touching, neither of them breaking eye contact. She caught him glancing at her lips for a millisecond, afraid to move even the slightest muscle. Her name didn't fully leave his mouth when she crashed her mouth onto his, shutting him up for good. She felt lightheaded yet more alive than ever, relishing in the feeling of his hands gently taking hold of her waist. They parted then to bring air back into their lungs as she pressed her forehead against his.
"You don't want to do this." he spoke in an almost pained whisper.
(Y/N) caressed his cheeks, maintaining eye contact. "Don't tell me what to do, Miller."
————- ❈ ————-
Was the concept of love complicated in and of itself, or was it the people involved that made it unnecessarily difficult? The question floated around in his mind for months, like a ghost that needed to be laid to rest. Jane Eyre had fallen in love with the ever-brooding Mr Rochester. Elizabeth Bennett, too, succumbed to her feelings for the stubborn and slightly awkward Mr Darcy. And while it was common for young women to see older men in that period of history, an age gap as large as theirs was harder to deal with in modern days.
The months that followed their shared moment at the beach felt like torture. Joel tried to balance out his life, spending as much time with his daughter as he did working to make it a fun break for her. If there was one thing he didn’t want to be remembered for it’s being a negligent parent, someone who put their work before their own child. He also spent those long suffocating summer days thinking about her and wondering what she was getting up to. She had only sent one letter to the Millers for the entire duration of the season - it was a beautiful postcard along with a picture of herself and her friends surrounded by greenery. The back of the card read:
Dear Joel,
I hope your summer is going well. Mine certainly is! I sent you a picture of me and my friends in the middle of a hike, which was very difficult but oh so worth it! The views are spectacular here, I wish you could see it for yourself. Many kisses to you, to Tommy, and especially to Saz.
With love,
She seemed so happy, her face beaming despite her sore limbs and sweaty skin. She deserved that kind of life, the kind where she would smile and laugh more often than she cried or frowned, the kind where she could rely on her partner at all times to have her needs met and her concerns heard, the kind she would feel supported even for the smallest things. Joel wanted to give her that life, but he wasn’t sure if he could. What she didn’t deserve was unanswered calls, postponed dates, tired exchanges, weird glances, constant worry, concerned comments, or countless excuses. It wasn’t a certainty that life with him would be like that, but it was a possibility, which was already too much of a risk. She might have reconsidered her feelings already, using her time away to really think about what she was getting into. He didn’t know when she’d be back, either, so instead of obsessing over it, he decided to occupy his mind with other things.
When his 35th birthday came around, it started just about how he expected it to. He woke up, feeling just as old as ever, got dressed, and went downstairs to be welcomed by the sight of Sarah setting up his birthday breakfast with Tommy’s very generous help. Afterward, they packed Tommy’s truck for the day, drove the child to school, and went to work. In the evening, on their way home, Joel noticed how weirdly non-talkative his brother was, letting the radio fill the silence instead.
“What’s going on?”
Tommy looked at him confusedly, “What do you mean?”
“You’re awfully silent.”
“What, am I not allowed to be?” he chuckled in response. “Do you want me to talk? ‘Cause I can. In fact, I was thinking about how Johnny-”
“Never mind, just- just forget I said anything.” Joel sighed, dismissing the conversation with a wave of his hand.
Once they parked in front of the garage, the absence of light in the house didn’t go unnoticed by the owner.
“Did Sarah tell you about goin’ to a friend’s?” he asked, suddenly anxious.
“I don’t recall. Maybe she went to bed.” his brother shrugged, prompting his brother to check his watch. It was only half past eight.
Carefully, he walked up to the door, its unlocked state rendering him vigilant, and cautiously walked into the pitch-black living room.
“Sarah?” he called out into what seemed to be an empty room.
Before he could take another step, all of the smaller lights turned on simultaneously as a group of people yelled ‘Surprise!’, each of them wearing some kind of silly party accessories such as a hat, oversized colorful glasses, or a boa. He also noted the sudden presence of confetti on himself, turning his head to see Tommy grinning with a party popper in his hand. The individuals standing in his home were all the closest he had to ��friends’: people he had worked and gotten along with, a couple of dads he befriended through Sarah’s soccer games and the Adlers. Everyone took turns to hug the birthday boy before engaging in conversations in separate parts of the room. Sarah was the last and he gladly swept her into the biggest and warmest hug, immensely proud of his little girl.
“Did you plan this?”
“Yeah, Uncle Tommy helped. Do you like it?”
It was only then that he really looked at the way the space was decorated with streamers, balloons, cut-outs, and a big banner that read ‘Happy 35th, Joel’.
“I love it, baby girl, thank you.” he squeezed her one more time before letting go and walking over to catch up with every guest. 
Everyone served themselves to the food put out on the coffee table, something the guests contributed to: deviled eggs, cheese pretzels, small cups of hummus and veggie sticks, fried shrimp, and a very well-assembled charcuterie board. After about an hour of chatting, Sarah announced it was time for his gift. His eyes were covered with a bandana then he heard her scurrying away towards the kitchen, turning the lights off on the way. He sat there for a few seconds and then heard it. He wasn’t sure if his ears were deceiving him, making him think (Y/N) was singing happy birthday to him. The pit in his stomach grew. She isn’t here, you’re making it up, you are losing it. But she sounded so vivid. When the song was over, he lowered the bandana with shaking hands and saw her standing in front of him, her face illuminated by the soft glow of the candles on the cake held by his daughter. Without thinking, he took a couple of steps and crashed his lips on hers rougher than he intended to. The deafening applause and cheering were drowned out by his emotions as he felt her flesh under his palms, desperately clinging onto her waist with one hand and her head with the other. Once they parted to catch their breath, he pressed his forehead against hers, wanting to keep her as close as possible.
“I missed you,” he whispered, the most vulnerable he’d ever been in front of others. “So damn much.”
“I missed you too,” she gently ran her thumbs across his cheeks, feeling many butterflies at the sight of his smile. “I meant what I said on the beach. I want to do this and a million more things with you.”
Their moment had to be interrupted by Tommy shoving a camcorder in their faces, asking to ‘say hello to the future’. Joel’s only response was to try and get the camera back (to no avail). The candles, long blown out by Sarah, were lit once more so he could properly make a wish. And all he could hope for as he stood there, surrounded by the people closest to him, was more moments just like it.
————- ❈ ————-
Things only looked up for the pair from then on. They celebrated every single holiday together, dressed up for Halloween (after much pleading from (Y/N), who did not spare Joel’s little brother from her shenanigans) to enjoy the festivities with Sarah, organized countless movie nights and board-game sessions, and even frequented Sarah’s soccer games together more often than not. Everything was going smoothly until after her graduation when both of them realized what it meant for their future.
The weeks that followed were nothing but tense. It started with Joel distancing himself for no apparent reason, which naturally caused his lover to start asking questions. She was frustrated she had to pry him back open after they’d spent so much time together. He was avoidant, he was cold, and he made excuses, leading to the biggest argument they’d ever had after she barged into his house one evening when Sarah was away. It was a lot of yelling, many accusations, and even more words neither of them really meant.
“I can’t do this if you don’t talk to me, Joel.”
“Then don’t. Go,” he was heaving. She’d never seen him so angry. “I warned you. At the very beginning. I warned you and you didn’t listen, so this is all on you.”
She stepped out into the summer night with her face stained with endless tears, her eyes puffy, and her throat raw, hiccupping all the way to her car. As soon as the door closed, she broke down again, pouring her grief onto her steering wheel. That night was the last time she would visit the Miller residence. She said goodbye to Sarah alone a few weeks later, just before hitting the road. She would, however, see Joel again months later.
————- ❈ ————-
September 26th, 2003.
09:06 pm
She walked down the street in downtown Austin, heading towards the bus that would take her on an hour-and-a-half trip to San Antonio. Vehicle in sight, she was only a few feet away from leaving the city behind before a voice called her name. She didn’t need to turn around to identify it. She wanted to be dramatic and petty and just get on the bus and not dwell on the past, but the past caught up to her. The past stood behind her as she stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, cursing her treacherous heart, her stupid heart, her naive heart that got her into this mess in the first place. Love and hatred pulled her in opposite directions, and she realized then that despite seemingly having made her mind up at the start of summer, she was to decide her future right then and there: standing at the border of two lives with little to no time. 
He called out for her again, and she gave in, owing herself a proper resolution to that affair.
“Hi, Joel.” she said, her tone flat as if talking to a stranger.
“I thought you left months ago.”
“I went on a trip around the country with some friends. They canceled my flight in San Antonio last week, and rescheduled it to 5 am tomorrow.” 
The rescheduling was a pain in the ass. It meant she had to either book a cheap hotel near the airport and pray she wouldn’t miss her flight, or worse, sleep directly at the terminal. She had a strange sensation the universe was trying to stop her from going anywhere.
“Oh, well,” he mumbled, his hands in his jean pockets, finding sudden interest in his shoes. “I’m sorry.”
Feeling like this interaction was going nowhere, (Y/N) bid him a good night and resumed her walk towards the bus. 
“For everything. I’m sorry for all of it.” his voice came closer. The feeling of deep-rooted sadness battled with the sensation of pent-up anger for control of her mind and body.
She scoffed, revealing a bit of that irritation, “And you call me difficult.”
“Look, I know, alright? I know I’m a stubborn asshole. I know that I can be cold and distant, I know I’m not very good at communicating. I wish-” he paused to catch his breath, or maybe think about his words before they slipped out. “I wish you hadn’t seen that side of me. God knows I haven’t felt so…at peace until I met you. I like who I am when you’re around, you balance me out. It’s selfish, very selfish, I mean you’ve got a whole future ahead of you, so many promising opportunities. And I guess I wanted to spare you from crashing and burning down the line, chained down to some guy going through a midlife crisis in Austin. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did that night and I won’t ever forgive myself for it, but I couldn’t bear the thought of you believing those words, so here I am.”
By the end of his monologue, small salty drops stained the ground beneath (Y/N)’s feet. Her heart ached for two reasons: the reassurance that he didn’t grow tired of her after all, and the grief of having to lose her love once again. She turned back to face him, noting his pleading eyes, and silently went up to wrap her arms around his neck, feeling his warmth, taking in his cologne, for the last time.
“I forgive you.”
“You don’t have to-”
“I forgive you, Joel. Happy birthday.” Her hands stroked the back of his head soothingly. She realized he was crying too, her jacket bunched up in his fists, his heart audibly breaking.
This wasn’t a fairytale, like the ones she used to read to Sarah. It wasn’t one of her period romance novels. Their story came to a bittersweet end; she felt thankful, however, that it had an end at all.
“Please be happy, okay? I don’t want you sulking around just because I’m not here to act as your personal cheerleader.” she spoke quietly, holding his face, her world, in her hands.
Joel chuckled through tears, “Don’t worry, Sarah can cover for you.”
The mention of her name caused another round of tears to pool in her eyes. “Tell Saz I’m sorry, and that I love her greatly. Tell Tommy I’ll miss him too; his snoring, not so much.”
After another beat of laughter and silence, the two reluctantly parted, acknowledging that her bus was to leave at any minute. Before he lost her for good, Joel pulled her in for one last kiss, sharing her pain and heartache.
“Be good.” she whispered into his lips before forcing herself to board the bus with a heavy heart.
She saw him outside her window, putting up a palm against the glass for her to mimic. As the bus drove away from its station, she watched as her lover became smaller and smaller before receding from her view. With the family she cared for behind her, the young woman observed the disappearing scenery of the city she called her second home with a fresh set of tears.
————- ❈ ————-
masterlist: part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6
tags: @elliaze @joeldjarin
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daturakillz · 2 years ago
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What do you need to hear right now? Pick an image!
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No. 1.
Cards: RIDER WAITE TAROT:
King of pentacles, the magician, 2 of pentacles.
MAGICK OF YOU ORACLE:
26: protection: set personal boundaries. 27: resilience: burn away the past.
WOODLAND WARDENS:
The chipmunk and Laurel: success. The hound and pear: loyalty.
You have or will be stepping into a time of strength, success, and stability. You may have faced some recent struggles surrounding fluctuations regarding finances, stability, home life, work and or status. This could've been due to an unhealthy or less than favorable work / group situation, causing you to set boundaries and walk away.
You have (or will have) the tools available for you to embark on a new venture in business or career! If you're a practitioner of the arcane arts, I suggest using what you have on hand to do some sort of protection and prosperity spell or ritual! And if you are into astrology, and have your birth chart, look at your money houses and see if there's any particular transits going on for you at this time.
You're headed towards more committed and loyal bonds, finding people you can rely on and who can rely on you. Though the past may have been rocky, you're more than capable of producing a glorious harvest! And a harvest that you can share with those you love ♡
🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯
No. 2.
RIDER WAITE TAROT
Justice. 9 of swords. Knight of wands.
WOODLAND WARDENS
The ladybug and sweet pea happiness. The bobcat and blackthorn patience.
MAGICK OF YOU ORACLE
4: doable: the key is within your grasp. 16: merak: embrace oneness with the universe.
I heard "it's time to reflect." For you guys who picked number 2. I see that you've faced some major difficulties recently (or even over the past few years.) Through these harsh and trying times, you've likely developed some anxiety which in turn has lead to some sleepless or restless nights. And for that, I personally would like to say that I'm truly sorry to hear this. However! Despite what you may feel right now this period will come to an end. And I know, you're frustrated and impatient. But there are just somethings in this life we cannot rush, no matter how much we try to speed run to the finish line...sometimes we aren't meant to get there when we feel we should.
You maybe younger, and you're comparing yourself to others online or in your community that have reached seemingly impossible achievements. Maybe you're older, and you are upset at the life you've lead up until this point. No matter the age, you may feel you're slower than your peers, or lazy, or simply not good enough. But the human experience isn't about followers, ridiculous amounts of money and a picture perfect image. Being a late bloomer or simply not getting the current social trend, doesn't mean you're destined for failure or that something is wrong with you. The world we're living in is complex, distorted, and layered in so much that it can easily overwhelm us.
You deserve to discover your passions again, to reach for the light again, to walk with life without pressure again. Take some time to reflect, to recover, and don't push yourself to be something you are not. Sometimes, you just need to slow down and reevaluate what you want, what you're feeling, or what you simply need.
Happiness will find you again, it may not be today, it may not be this month. But slowly, as you recover and regain your strength you will find that the key is within your grasp. And when you find it, I want you to GRAB IT! Take what is yours because you have earned it my friend. Embrace the darkness, let it carry you to the light.
Justice will be served.
🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯
No. 3.
RIDER WAITE TAROT
3 of cups. King of Swords. Wheel of fortune.
MAGICK OF YOU ORACLE
12: hex: be still and allow the enemy to reveal themselves. 10: firgun: become a loving mirror.
WOODLAND WARDENS.
The weasel and pine: introspection. The turtle and coriander: satisfaction. The coyote and datura: deceit.
You may have had an altercation between enemies or discovered someone in your circle isn't as loyal and true as they've claimed. You may have had your suspicions about someone around you who isn't faithful or honest and the truth about them will be revealed. You're being advised not to act or react and instead allow them to trip themselves up on their own words / actions.
Regardless if you're currently going through this, or this entire ordeal has already happened and is a thing of the past or will be a thing in the near future, the most important thing for you to do now is be there for yourself. A period of introspection is necessary for you to process this action/betrayal or falling out.
Now, on the other side of the coin, and for a few of you. Whether you want to face it or not. It may have been you who lied to and betrayed someone you loved. You may of, at least at the time. Felt justified in your actions. Maybe you believed you were in the right, or you had all the answers. Maybe your view of them was distorted and murky, or you fell for lies and deceit from another about them. No matter the case, whether you did this on purpose or on accident, it's been eating at you subconsciously. You need to find the strength to face yourself and say "I fucked up." It ain't easy, believe me I know from personal experience. But you can't just pretend it didn't happen. We as people are going to hurt those around us with or without realizing it, none of us are innocent and none of us are perfect. You gotta look at yourself and still love who you are and accept that we all make mistakes. If you're truly sorry, and you now understand that your actions weren't just or simply were shitty, then apologize if you can. And if you can't, then as the God of War kratos said himself: don't be sorry, be better.
Allow the one you hurt to find peace, and allow yourself to find peace.
And as for those of you who were hurt, you will recover from this. This was fated to happen not because the universe is cruel or something big like that, but because that is simply how people are. The truth comes out eventually whether we'd like it to or not in most cases.
For both parties here, when all is set and done, you will find satisfaction and move on.
🕯🌹🕯🌹🕯🌹🕯
If you enjoyed this reading or it was accurate to you and your situation then please let me know, be it a simple like, follow/subscribe, a comment and or save! I hope you found this to be helpful, and that you have a great rest of your day or night!
Take care ♡
(I apologize for auto corrections and typos)
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yakumtsaki · 1 year ago
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-Welcome to my ancestral Greek House, darling! -Oh baby it's so beautiful, huhu!🌞
I don't wanna know where the fuck you lived before, Meadow, but yes, we have arrived, part 1 here. And now it's time to christen our new household:
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Perfect! Cheerleader Kea why are you here?
-Are those Sophito's kids?
They sure are.
-Wow, really dodged a bullet there.
You sure did.
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-NOT ONLY DID I LOSE THE INAUGURAL FIGHT I'M ABOUT TO GO INTO ASPIRATION FAILURE
Wtf do you want me to do about it?
-YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT
NO WAY
-YES
NO
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-YES
I can't say no to my sims, it's an actual problem. HELLO GUNNAR, I HATE YOU
-Don't talk to him that way!!! -Nah it's fine, no worries, bro. Wanna get down?
GROSS. Barth seriously, please, WE CAN DO BETTER
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-Can you? They seem perfectly matched to me!
Felina will you please fuck off?
-Can't, Meadow got me super into bird watching.
At night in the rain??
-Ok busted, I just wanna watch Barfolomew flop yet again!
HE'S NOT GONNA FLOP. THERE'S NO WAY HE FLOPS WITH FUCKING GUNNAR
-Wanna bet?
STOP IT
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S T O P . I T .
NO WAY
BARTHOLOMEW YOU ARE THE WORST ROMANCE SIM OF ALL TIME HOLY HELL
-What you doing, bro?! -You said you wanted to get down! -I meant drugs! -What! That's not what that means, you stupid turtle-faced moron! -WHAT DID YOU CALL ME
Bartholomew if you end up getting beaten up by fucking Gunnar Roque I will legit die.
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-That's so hot, bro, call me more names!
GUNNAR WTF
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WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME, GUNNAR YOU WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM GO BACK TO THAT
-Oh Gunnar, in my family we value the exquisite Komei jaw, there's something so rebellious in your lack of chin! -Ya, call me a turtle again!
GOD
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OK THEN, we are officially turtle lovers. Bartholomew let me tell you, I caved this time because of your pathetic aspiration but this is NEVER HAPPENING AGAIN. I've worked hard to make you people attractive and I'm not about to throw it all away on Gunnar Roque's spawn!!!
-Maybe we'll be childfree!
I'll do you one better, how about Gunnarfree! Now Gunnar fuck off back to the gutter you crawled from. -Sure thing, bro, later. -You can't keep us apart!
I CAN AND I WILL
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Jojo's wolf mania has clearly inflicted some generational trauma on his family as Barth rolls this fear of Gunnar becoming a werewolf, which would clearly be an improvement on his looks.
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-STOP TALKING ABOUT GUNNAR LIKE THAT. Now back to my song.. I've got sunshine on a cloudy day.. When it's cold outside, I've got the month of May.. I guess you'd say, what can make me feel this way? My Gunnar, my Gunnar, my Gunnar, talkin about my Gunnar..🎵
Literally kill me.
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-You know what my favorite thing is about our relationship, darling? -What, huhu?🌞 -The way we both have appropriately sized chins!
Fel seriously why are you like this, what did I ever do to you??
-OH, LIKE YOU DON'T REMEMBER!
Remember WHAT
-THE WAY YOU JUST STOOD BY AND LET BARF RUIN MY PARTY
Are you serious, you're still not over that bs??
-I'LL NEVER GET OVER IT. AND WHEN THOSE CHINLESS BABIES ARE BORN YOU'LL HAVE GOTTEN WHAT YOU DESERVE!!!
Well screw you, I won't let that happen! I'll find someone else for Barth!! Someone who has a chin!!!
-IT'S NOT GONNA WORK OUT WITH ANYONE ELSE YOU DUMBASS, THIS IS BARF WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
YOU'RE WRONG AND I'LL PROVE IT
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-Zat's ein wunderbar eyepatch, Barthölömew, ja? -I HATE YOUR GLASSES. SLEEP WITH ME
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-So the funniest thing happened at class today- -YOUR PORES ARE HUGE, YOU NEED MAKE UP. SLEEP WITH ME
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-Oh, I knew your parents back in the day! -TERRIBLE HAIRCUT. SLEEP WITH ME
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-WAHHH I'LL NEVER HAVE A FAMILY -NO YOU WON'T. I WANT TO BEAT UP MY SISTER. SLEEP WITH ME
Oh my God you are USELESS
-My negging tactics will work, you'll see!
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-Soon I'll be the one making out in our front yard!
Ya idk Barth, this is the most pathetic picture of all time. I'm seriously considering cheating and changing your aspiration, like it's unreal how bad you are at it.
-I'm not bad at it, moron, I'm being strategic! Now it's time to invite them over and see my work bear fruit!
God you are so gross, maybe you do belong with Gunnar.
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FUCK ME IT WORKED. SARAH WTF
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I can't believe this is happening and neither can anyone else by the looks of it-
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-YET HERE WE ARE. 2/20 I guess??
-I told you! Stick with me and we'll neg every dormie on this campus!
That's not a goal I want to achieve, Barth!
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-See you later, Barth, I'm very satisfied, I'll leave you a 5 star review!
Now that I'm thinking about it, between Gunther, Cyn, Sophito and Barth we've really been operating a Greek House/Brothel for 4 gens, go us!
I'm still having a hard time believing Barth is actually good at being a romance sim, especially because Sarah has been completely desperate ever since Cyn stole evil wizard Matthew Hart from her, so I immediately invite over Sam Thomas-
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-AND IT WORKS AGAIN THO GLITCHED. WTF. Ok Barth so I guess you actually ARE competent?? Who knew.
-I knew! I always believed in Barth!
GET OUT OF HERE SUNSET
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And now, time for a tragedy in 3 parts:
So next day I'm feeling confident enough that we invite over Klara, my top pick for Barth spouse and she is INTO him, let's do this, Barth!!!
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SUNSET
-Heeeeeeeeey Barth, what's up?🥰 -Ich habe urgent hömewörk das dö.
KLARA DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT LEAVING THEM ALONE
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-Congrats on your great first semester grades, Sunset! -Wanna congratulate me on my first kiss, too? -What?
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OK THEN FML I GUESS. I mean I knew this would happen the day he brought her home from school and they were dancing for like 4h but still it's very upsetting.
Let's figure out the degree of relation here so we know how grossed out we should be, so they are connected through Daniel-Jojo. So her grandfather and his great-grandfather were brothers, which makes them 2nd cousins once removed. It honestly doesn't sound THAT bad, but I think the word 'removed' is really doing the heavy lifting here.
Anyway, we took a small break to kiss our cousin, now let's go back to our date with our future wife!
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-Are you enjoying this magical slow dancing in the kitchen, babe? It's a move my dad taught me. -Ja, ich was here to see your höe vater.
Oh right didn't Klara turn down Sophito LOL. But his even more degenerate son she couldn't resist, Klara wtf!
-Just give me 1 second babe, I'll be right with you-
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OH MY GOD COME ON. POOR KLARA
-Sorry, Klar, this is lasting longer than expected, why don't you put a movie on and hang out? -Ja, ök.
KLARA
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-All done babe, come here! -Ohöhö! -Blood is thicker than water, Klara!
SUNSET FFS
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B R O
Klara I can't believe this title goes to you of all people but you are without a doubt the biggest cuck we've ever encountered, I am legit shocked by this sequence of events.
-5/20 IN 2 DAYS. AND YOU THOUGHT I WAS A FLOP ROMANCE SIM. EVERYONE DID. EVEN MY GRANDMAS MADE FUN OF ME. WELL I'LL SHOW YOU ALL!!!!
Great! Barth is at 5/20 woohoos and I'm at 2/2 for supervillain origin stories this gen, it's all working out!
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falloutboylyricss · 30 days ago
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Fall Out Boy and Numbers
note: this post does not include the phrase "no one", ordinal numbers (first, second, third, etc.), or adverbial numbers (once, twice, thrice, etc.)
Evening Out With Your Girlfriend
"Like the oldest movie I ever saw was the one we wrote together" - Honorable Mention
"The only girl who ever gave me the time was the one who only wanted five minutes of mine" - Pretty In Punk
The World's Not Waiting (For Five Tired Boys In A Broken Down Van) (title only)
"Start the van, get me out of this one horse town" - The World's Not Waiting (For Five Tired Boys In A Broken Down Van)
"Excuse me if I'm rude, but I'd rather that we just strike from the record ones I'd see again without you" - Moving Pictures
"'Go to hell' is all I thought for seven weeks, but I grew out of that phase" - Moving Pictures
Take This to Your Grave
"Light that smoke, that one for giving up on me, and one just 'cause they'll kill you sooner than my expectations" - Tell That Mick He Just Made My List of Things to Do Today
"This is side one, flip me over" - Dead on Arrival
"In the meantime, I'll sport my brand new fashion of waking up with pants on at four in the afternoon" - Grand Theft Autumn / Where Is Your Boy
"And I'm coasting on potential towards a wall at a hundred miles an hour" - Saturday
"Two more weeks, my foot is in the door" - Saturday
"Tonight I'm writing you a million miles away" - Homesick at Space Camp
"Hating that look that's on your face that says there's another fool like me, there's one born every minute" - Calm Before the Storm
"A failure at everything, eighteen going on extinct" - Reinventing the Wheel to Run Myself Over
From Under The Cork Tree
"It's just past eight, and I'm feeling young and reckless" - Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn't Get Sued
"I'm two quarters and a heart down, and I don't wanna forget how your voice sounds" - Dance, Dance
"I'll be your number one with a bullet" - Sugar, We're Goin' Down
"Don't mind me, I'm watching you two from the closet" - Sugar, We're Goin' Down
"And if you say this makes you happy, then I'm not the only one lying" - Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner
7 Minutes In Heaven (Atavan Halen) (title only)
"I'm sleeping my way out of this one with anyone who'll lie down / I'll be stuck fixated on one star when the world is crashing down" - 7 Minutes In Heaven (Atavan Halen)
"'Oh yeah, you caught me!', but I caught you one worse" - Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends
A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More "Touch Me" (title only)
"Your secret's out and the best part is it isn't even a good one" - Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part To Save The Scene And Stop Going To Shows)
"From day one, I talked about getting out" - Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part To Save The Scene And Stop Going To Shows)
"Your remorse hasn't fallen on deaf ears, rather ones that just don't care" - My Heart Is The Worst Kind Of Weapon
Infinity On High
"Cry on the couch, all the poets come to life, fix me in forty-five" - Thriller
"And it's me and my plus one at the afterlife" - Thriller
"Every last time I come home, I take my last chance to burn a bridge or two" - I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I'm Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You)
"The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists intact is to realize two out of three ain't bad" - I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I'm Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You)
"And one day we'll get nostalgic for disaster" - Hum Hallelujah
"One foot in your bedroom and one foot out the door" - Hum Hallelujah
"One night and one more time, thanks for the memories, even though they weren't so great" - Thnks fr th Mmrs
"One night stand, one night stand off" - Thnks fr th Mmrs
"They say I only think in the form of crunching numbers / In hotel rooms, collecting page six lovers" - Thnks fr th Mmrs
"Take two years and call me when you're better" - The Carpal Tunnel Of Love
"The D.A. is dressed to the nines, in the mirror, he practices all his lines / To his closing argument, twelve hearts beat in favor" - You're Crashing, But You're No Wave
"He glances at his peers sitting seven to twelve stacked on one to six, the gallery is hushed / Boys in three pieces dream of grandstanding and bravado" - You're Crashing, But You're No Wave
"Take one for the team, you all know what I mean" - I've Got All This Ringing In My Ears And None On My Fingers
"I'm the only one who's gonna get away with making excuses today" - It's Hard To Say "I Do", When I Don't
"But the only ring I want buried with me are the ones around my eyes" - It's Hard To Say "I Do", When I Don't
Folie à Deux
"And when the two collide, it's no coincidence the lights are on and everybody's home" - She's My Winona
"Even the young ones become irrelevant, they always bring up how you changed" - She's My Winona
"Down, set, one, hut, hut, hike, media blitz" - America's Suitehearts
"And all I can think of is the way I'm the one who charmed the one who gave up on you" - What A Catch, Donnie
27 (title only)
"Oh, three, two, one, we go live" - Tiffany Blews
"I'm a young one stuck in the thoughts of an old one's head" - w.a.m.s.
20 Dollar Nose Bleed (title only)
"It feels like fourteen carats, but no clarity when I look at the man who would be king" - 20 Dollar Nose Bleed
"Only one book really matters, the rest of the proof is on the television" - 20 Dollar Nose Bleed
"Don't feel bad for the suicidal cats, gotta kill themselves nine times before they get it right" - West Coast Smoker
"Knock once for the father, twice for the son, three times for the Holy Ghost" - West Coast Smoker
"The drums are four on the floor / She's back to the bathroom for one more" - Pavlove
"It's three drinks too late to talk to anyone but myself / It's a three-and-two pitch to walk to anywhere else" - Pavlove
Save Rock And Roll
"One maniac at a time, we will take it back" - The Phoenix
"I don't know where you're going, but do you got room for one more troubled soul?" - Alone Together
"So let's fade away together one dream at a time" - Where Did The Party Go
"I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday" - Just One Yesterday
"Find yourself a new gig, this town ain't big enough for two of us" - Just One Yesterday
"Did you trip down twelve steps into Malibu?" - The Mighty Fall
"But if you ask me, two's a whole lot lonelier than one" - The Mighty Fall
"I know I'm the one you want to forget" - Miss Missing You
"She's his suicide blonde, she's number than gold" - Rat A Tat
"Are you ready for another bad poem? One more off-key anthem" - Rat A Tat
"But I'll take your heart served up two ways" - Rat A Tat
PAX AM Days
"Our days were never numbered, this is eternal summer" - Eternal Summer
"I have three drinks before I even start to count" - Caffeine Cold
American Beauty/American Psycho
"And this one might be a battle, might not turn out okay" - Irresistible
"You know I give my love a f-f-four letter name" - Irresistible
"And just one mistake is all it will take" - Centuries
"The blood of the lamb is worth two lions, but here I am" - Uma Thurman
"I'm the last one that you'll ever remember / And I'm trying to find my peace of mind behind these two white highway lines" - Jet Pack Blues
"I say, one day the valley's gonna swallow me whole" - Novocaine
"My nine to five is cutting open old scars again and again 'til I'm stuck in your head" - Fourth Of July
MANIA
"I'm here in search of your glory, there's been a million before me / That ultra kind of love you never walk away from, you're just the last of the real ones" - The Last Of The Real Ones
"Just tell me, tell me, tell me I, I am the only one, even if it's not true, even if it's not true" - The Last Of The Real Ones
"You were the only one that even kinda came close" - HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON'T
"One look from you and I'm on that faded love" - Heaven's Gate
"You're the one habit I just can't kick" - Heaven's Gate
So Much (For) Stardust
"Thaw out my freezer burn feelings for twenty summers" - Hold Me Like a Grudge
"6 AM, Mulholland Drive, Moonlight Sonata and I" - Heaven, Iowa
"I carved out a place in this world for two, but it's empty without you" - Flu Game
"One day, every candle's gotta run out of wax / One day, no one will remember me when they look back" - Flu Game
"Orange leaves, but we're the ones falling off trees / The first time I took the mask off, just had another one on underneath" - Baby Annihilation
"I spent ten years, ten years in a bit of chemical haze" - The Kintsugi Kid (Ten Years)
"It breaks your heart, but four of the Ramones are dead" - The Kintsugi Kid (Ten Years)
"Sometimes, you wonder if we're ever looking back at a picture of 2019" - What a Time To Be Alive
Misc.
"One awkward silence and two hopes you cry yourself to sleep staying up waiting by the phone" - Yule Shoot Your Eye Out
"You're the one true thing, you're the one" - City In A Garden
"Another trip around the sun, it was a good one" - Dear Future Self (Hands Up)
"I know this one for a fact, my phone, they got it on tap" - Dear Future Self (Hands Up)
"Fyre Fest, Black Parade, Michael Phelps, Y2K" - We Didn't Start The Fire
"Michael Jordan, 23, YouTube killed MTV" - We Didn't Start The Fire
"Michael Jordan, 45, Woodstock '99" - We Didn't Start The Fire
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kimberlyannharts · 2 months ago
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LAST TIME ON RANGER ACADEMY - Sage has had enough of this education thing, especially when "who am I" and "is my dad gay" aren't part of the curriculum (food for thought - does Ranger Academy have a tuition fee? Will she be hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt for the rest of her life?). So we're ditching school and heading back home.
It's Ranger Academy #10!
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= you know what, I'm just gonna come out and say it. Mathis should have been a Pink Ranger. Like I'll take their pink hair being inherited from Nadira but THEY HAVE A PINK BAG AS WELL. SAGE HAS A GREEN BAG. THEY ARE WAY MORE COLOR-CODED AS PINK.
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= HOLY FUCK IT'S NUGGET
= oh hey Tula you're here too
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= Like I already joked about, Tula basically ran to Sage's moon to be Rhianth's new daughter because she'd rather be at the planet she's almost died at than go home and face her actual family in the wake of her failure. She's just like me fr
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= they are so rhahrhghrhrhhgghrhghgh. Something about single parents widowed by their Green Ranger loves and their daughters
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= this is very Wes/Eric coded. You just know Rhianth tossed Zilan a note that said "get out of my school"
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= I feel like this was pointed out somewhere else but this issue gives us the colors of Rhianth's friend group: Rhianth was Red, Zilan was Green, Nika was Yellow, blue-haired kid was Black, red-haired elf was Blue, and black-haired kid was Pink. Obviously the other members aren't as important as Rhianth, Zilan, and Nika; but it would be nice to know where they are nowadays
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= cute little detail: baby Sage looking at a picture of the goat things she'll one day end up herding in the future. Sure hope nothing bad happens to her between now and then
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= THAT THING IS A KILLING MACHINE
= so yeah this is fucked up but again, part of me can't help but wonder if there will be one last twist that the sabotage WAS someone else
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= "Zilan, you're not a Blue Ranger!!!! You can't build machines!!!! Only Blue Rangers can be smart and solve problems with their tech!!! You're gonna mess up!!!!!"
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= sorry that Rhianth had to be traumatized but this doomed yaoi is goddamn STELLAR
= also I think Sage gets that same staff weapon. I like that she has a piece of both her dads
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= hey Mathis uhhhhhh I know no one's paying attention but....you good
(i saw #11's cover. I know they're not good.)
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= tbh I like how Ranger Academy portrays Dark Specter. I like how he's kind of a demonic entity that no one can really figure out because his motivations are beyond our human understanding so we just have to make our best guess. It makes him a lot scarier and more unique to other PR villains. I feel like in the main series BOOM ended up trying too hard to prove that they were going to make Dark Specter into the threat he never was in the show that they took out a lot of his mystery and intrigue, so he just ended up like a generic supervillain
= as for why he's still here in the future when he died so long ago.....eh. I'm kinda forming a headcanon that he can't really die forever - he eventually reforms after a certain amount of time. That's why he looks so different here, because he's in an early stage of his reincarnation
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= See? If Zilan was a Blue Ranger he wouldn't have died. Sucks for him
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phoenix-before-the-flame · 2 years ago
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Im sorry im sot sure how to word this right but, how do you manage to change the characters race while still making them look like well, them? I've tried but it never comes out right.... they allways look like a new character when i try.... again im sorry to ask....
Tis not a problem at all dear comrade! I'm always happy to try and answer art questions, but just a heads up i might get a lil bit rambly in some spots so i do apologize beforehand.
First off, change that negative tone!
I understand how you feel and its easy to feel down when the piece isnt turning out how you picture it but that's ok. You're setting foot into new artistic territory, something you havent tried before thats still a fairly big unknown. Instead of seeing it as a failure see it instead as a step in your artistic growth. No one starts off god tier right? Changing your framing of how you see your 'bad' drawings can really help you see em in a more positive light (and help with motivation when you attempt something new another time!)
Ok but onto what you actually asked about. How do you change a character but still keep them the same? Well in my eyes to do this, you have to
Break down thedesign
Let's take in the character we wanna redesign. We gotta really look at their original design and identify all their relevant features and shapes that make them easily recognizable as them.
Lemme grab my assistant Gajeel to illustrate my point.
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So we have our Gajeel, yea we know what he looks like but! What exactly are we looking for here? Well we're looking for the key features to his design, features important enough where if he had a completely different hairstyle and colour palette ( and perhaps even body type) would make you go 'yea that's gajeel'.
So in breaking it down we note that he has:
Triangular shaped eyes with a bit of a dark outline
Small eyes with slit pupils
Prominent cheekbones
Jacked up hairline
And of course the most noticable feature, the multiple piercings
These- to me- are the most important parts of his design so i leave them generally unchanged when i go about drawing him. Which means everything else is on the table to change!
Though for me when I got about my redesigns i focus on changing 3 things mostly- nose, lips and hair. These really push a race change design, specifically in this case, makin em black
Now of course with this you are going to change skin tone that's obvious but relying solely on colour palette change makes for a somewhat weak redesign. If you turn off the colour and you can't tell if the character is nonwhite then it needs some work.
Noses and Lips
Now there are a great many ways to draw wider noses and it can be a bit difficult figuring out to interpret em without em lookin janky but i find that less is more!
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I only ever really show the base of the nose where the tip part is and the nostrils, the bridge of the nose is only ever shown in my style when the head is a bit turned.
The same goes with lips, you only really need about 2 or 3 lines at minimum to emphasizs thick lips- one for the actual lip line, one for the top lip and one for the lower lip. Some people choose to leave out the line for the bottom lip and thats fine. Just don't do this-
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If you do that im putting you in the ground myself.
Hair
Hair is a bit of a 50/50 for me to change most times because i really enjoy drawing that spiky anime hair lol. But I think that the important thing to keep note of changing the hairstyle to a more natural one is to keep the overall silhouette of the hair recognizable.
The silhouette being y'know, the shape and all that. If you're a pokemon fan then you already know how much a silhouette builds recognition. So as an example, Juvia's first hairstyle was that straightened looke with the tight curls at the end. The shape of that hairstyle was mimicked by using braids with puffs at the ends to help with maintaining that silhouette.
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Gajeel has very big, spiky and wild hair so I tried to mimick that with dreads
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(Also to note with the Gajeel redesign is that his face is slightly wider with the features a bit lower but thats more of a liberty I took than anything hard and fast so dont even worry about that)
Again, if i am changing the hair then i try to follow the shape of the original design as closely as possible. Even with a design such as my Black Gray design with a vastly different hairstyle i still sketched out the shape of his og hair to maintain the overall spiky shape (with a few liberties lol)
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So uh, yea! I think that's the most basic breakdown of how to go about doing a black redesign. Identifying the key design traits i think really is the most important step to do as it really helps to cement what's necessary to keep and what can or cant be changed.
But some other stuff to be mindful of when redesigning:
Refs naturally are your friend. If you have difficulty with interpreting irl refs then theres no shame in using someone elses art as a reference to help you to learn and understand (just no tracing!)
Please for the love of god use saturated browns for the skin tone. I cannot tell you how often i see designs with a gray-brown skin tone. It makes the character look ashy. Please don't make them ashy.
Also speaking of skin tones, be mindful of being accidentally colourist, where all your darker skinned characters villains or angry, loud, violent, sexual, etc. Not saying you can't redesign characters who have those traits to be dark skinned. But if all the characters you redesign to be dark skinned have those traits while others with more positive traits are lighter shades you may want to step back and do some reflection.
Don't be let down if you don't get a redesign on the first try! You don't see behind the scenes for other artists, it definitely takes a few tries to get it right so dont get hung up on it!
These are not hard and fast rules, just really what works for me and how I do things. If you need anything clarified better or wanna ask anything else feel free to! Happy redesigning comrade!
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goblinpaladin · 2 years ago
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So Why Did I Ghost Everyone And Abandon This Blog? And Why Did the DSMP fall apart? And how are these two things related?
This is going to get long, but it's been eating away at me for years, so I think it's time to rip the bandage off.
So, in mid 2020, I [Dave] was introduced to a guy named Clay (who stated he was at least 21) by an at-the-time mutual friend. I didn't think much of him, but he managed to worm his way into my personal life and friend group.
Cut to late 2020, Clay manipulated my partner [K] into falling for him and coerced me into agreeing to polyamorously date him (also allowing the two of them to date). During this time, Clay was telling us that he was the minecraft youtuber, Dream, and provided us with screenshots (which were quickly deleted after we confirmed we saw them), and even seeing him log into the minecraft server we shared As Dream.
At the end of 2020, following the Dream Cheating Scandal, Mr. Beast bought out the Dream Name and actually replaced Clay (so this guy and the guy who face revealed are two different people) - after which he showed up to our home basically unannounced and moved in with us, without giving us any choice.
Notice that this is also around the time that the DSMP wound down and eventually fell apart, and all of Dream's friends mysteriously quit the SMP and started their own thing. Also notice that he did post a picture of himself sampling merchandise (I think it was a hoodie?) and think: This is NOT the same person who did a face reveal. It's clear that the bodies and hands are totally different.
Also note: The voices in his old videos versus his new videos are totally different. He was using an audio filter to pitch down his voice and "disguise" it.
Within a week of him forcefully moving in with us, Clay began raping me. Despite my having told him that I was asexual and not interested in sex (which he said was fine), he barged into my room naked after I had gotten out of the shower and DEMANDED we had sex, and proceeded to threaten me until I complied. The bedroom was on a second story and he blocked the door. I had no exit and no way to defend myself.
This is how I spend the next ~ 6 months of my life. Hostage in my own home, not allowed to leave without his permission.
He was with us for about 6 months, all of which was spent threatening us with legal action, doxxing, financial crippling, emotional and physical abuse, and assault. We lost thousands of dollars trying to house him while he freeloaded off of myself and my partner - we're both disabled and my partner is actually dying from kidney failure.
He held the promise of money, housing, and even a working kidney over both our heads. It also turns out that he had freshly turned 19, and he admitted that his brother had lied on all of his paperwork to get him his license early. So I have no idea how old he really was.
He isolated both K and myself from nearly all of our friends, tried to isolate us from family, and even went as far as to bring cocaine into our house, despite asking him many times not to bring any illegal drugs in. (We literally live in a city where weed is totally legal and he had no problem stealing our weed and alcohol, so what the fuck)
After several severe psychotic breaks, we finally managed to kick Clay out - but not after months of being severely traumatized, abused and gaslit daily.
Three years later, this shit still haunts me. I will never be the same. In truth, the person who originally inhabited this body [Dave] underwent such severe psychological trauma that he/we/I developed acute DID, underwent several splits, and the original person completely vanished. I'm actually writing this as a totally different person now [Derek]. He still sends my partner and I threatening texts, his parking tickets and violations in the mail, etc.
As recently as a few weeks ago (today is 4.5.23) he was sending K harassing texts.
TLDR: I got raped and abused by Dream Minecraft after he was bought out and replaced.
Please don't harass the current Dream over this, as he has nothing to do with what Clay did.
Shit he did:
Raped me and K
Financially abused us
Stole possesssions from us
Attempted to hoard animals in our home
Brought cocaine into the house
Threatened us with physical violence and assault
Threatened us with emotional abuse
Threatened us with legal action
Threatened us with Mr. Beast and his Youtube Connections
Tried to Bribe us with youtube connections
Gaslit us
Outed a closeted trans friend to his entire friend group
Beat K with a door
Chased teenagers and threatened them
Pretended to pull a gun on people multiple times
Reckless driving and endangerment
Stole food, items, money and alcohol
Promised to help financially support us, only to financially cripple us
Held the promise of money, medical support and housing over two severely disabled people
Refused to let people sleep if he was Upset
Purposefully triggered us in order to get a reaction out of us so he could turn around and yell "abuse"
PHYSICALLY Held K hostage several times
Tried to get us to both elope with him separately
I've also since connected with quite a few of his ex-romantic partners and friends. They confirm and corroborate the fact that he exhibited the exact same behaviors with them.
Maybe one day I'll compile all the discord chats and texts and shit into a google drive and post it for the world to see, but considering now I'm basically completely physically and mentally incapacitated - today is not that day.
Reblog this, don't reblog this. Blow this up, don't blow this up.
I don't fucking care anymore - I've paid my dues for this. I just want it off of my chest and off of my mind.
If you still have me on discord, feel free to ask about it.
Otherwise, people I haven't spoken to in over a year, I'll be removing you within the week.
Best Wishes to everyone except Clay,
Derek.
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hawkinsgirlnextdoor · 11 months ago
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Stranger Things As Songs From Speak Now (Taylor's Version)
This is my magnum opus. Should I do 1989?
Castles Crumbling - Steve Harrington
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"Once, I had an empire in a golden age I was held up so high, I used to be great They used to cheer when they saw my face Now, I fear I have fallen from grace
And I feel like my castle's crumbling down And I watch all my bridges burn to the ground And you don't want to know me I will just let you down You don't wanna know me now"
The first time I heard Castles Crumbling I immediately thought of “King Steve” and Steve’s quiet identity crisis. Steve has undergone this simultaneously tragic and liberating fall from grace. He constantly wants to show people that he’s good and valuable despite him not claiming the title he once had. He’s burned bridges with Tommy and Carol and everyone from the part of his life he’s no longer proud of. While personally he may be fulfilled with his new life he is aware that he is perceived as a failure. He had the entire world gift wrapped for him and still found a way to tear it all down. 
Nancy Wheeler & Jonathan Byers - Mine
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"Do you remember, we were sittin' there by the water? You put your arm around me for the first time You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter You are the best thing that's ever been mine
Flash forward, and we're takin' on the world together And there's a drawer of my things at your place You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes"
Mine is their song! It’s Nancy and Jonathan at their best. Especially in the early seasons both of them are very emotionally guarded but learn to open up to each other. In season 1 they both talk about not wanting to become their parents, wanting to stop the cycle of resentment and conventionality. Their relationship is almost defined by hardship, growing more intimate and personal the more they take on together. In their relationship it's them against the world especially because they are an unconventional pairing. They both have insecurities and baggage but ultimately they are there for each other and are better people for it (You can pry Jancy out my cold, dead hands). 
Max Mayfield & Lucas Sinclair - Last Kiss
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"I still remember the look on your face Lit through the darkness at 1:58 The words that you whispered for just us to know You told me you loved me So why did you go away?"
"Because I love your handshake, meeting my father I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets How you'd kiss me when I was in the middle of saying something There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions
And I'll go Sit on the floor wearing your clothes All that I know is I don't know How to be something you miss
I never thought we'd have a last kiss I never imagined we'd end like this Your name, forever the name on my lips
So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe And I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are Hope it's nice where you are"
This song can be read as two sided but I primarily see it from Lucas’ perspective, particularly in the time of his and Max’s breakup. This song is about being crushed by the sudden end of relationship while still having allegiance to the person that left. Lucas is very compassionate and still worried about Max ever after their breakup. He didn’t care if she ever was with him again, only that she was safe and happy again. On Max’s side it crushes her to keep the distance between them and she’s haunted by the memories of their love and the sheer fact that Lucas is a good person who still loves her. They both wonder how much of the others life they missed and if things could’ve been different.
Nancy Wheeler & Steve Harrington - Back to December
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"So this is me swallowin' my pride Standin' in front of you sayin' I'm sorry for that night And I go back to December all the time It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright I go back to December all the time"
"And then the cold came, the dark days When fear crept into my mind You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye."
While I am not a fan of the weird Stancy revival plot in season 4, this song really captures Steve's feelings towards Nancy. He deeply regrets the person he was when they were together and tells her that he didn't know what he had when he had it. She fundamentally changed him (which is why we should ALL be thanking Nancy for creating the Steve we know and love), and Steve wishes he could redo their relationship. The last line could also reflect Nancy's potential guilt about the way their relationship ended and her inability to reciprocate Steve's love because of her trauma and Barb's death. Also "I'm sorry for that night" is the night of the Halloween party. I don't make the rules. (Also Also Steve and Nancy dated for A YEAR that is so unfathomable to me :I)
El Hopper & Mike Wheeler & Will Byers - Superman
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"I wonder if he knows how much that I miss him I hang on every word that you say And you smile and say, "How are you?" I'll say, "Just fine" I always forget to tell you I love you, I love you forever"
"I watch superman fly away You've got a busy day today Go save the world, I'll be around And I watch superman fly away Come back, I'll be with you someday I'll be right here on the ground When you come back down"
Superman can be interpreted from three different perspectives. Mike to El,  El to Mike, and Will to Mike. In season 4 Mike reaffirms his love for El by saying that she is his superhero. Her strength is the thing that he admires most about her and he is constantly in awe at her power. The line “I’ve loved you from the very first day” parallels Mike saying that he loved her from the moment he saw her. He even voices his insecurities about her leaving him behind once she realizes that he’s not anything special.
El has the complete opposite perspective, seeing herself as the unworthy one. Because Mike is the first person who ever extended kindness to El, she believes that he is the best person alive and is incredibly lucky to have him. El and Mike see the other as their Superman. 
From Will’s perspective Mike is his Superman. He is the leader, the heart, the paladin, and the great hero. He idolizes Mike in way which is why is rejection hurts so much. He wishes the cards were from Mike. That Mike knew how much Will reveres him. In his case, “I’ve loved you from the very first day” could be about the first day he and Mike met in kindergarten.
Will Byers & Mike Wheeler - Foolish One
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"Foolish one Stop checkin' your mailbox for confessions of love That ain't never gonna come You will take the long way, you will take the long way down Foolish one Stop checkin' your mailbox for confessions of love That ain't never gonna come You will learn the hard way instead of just walkin' out
Now I'm slidin' down the wall with my head in my hands Sayin', "How could I not see the signs?" Oh, you haven't written me or called But goodbye screamin' in the silence And the voices in my head are tellin' me why"
The accuracy of this one hurts. I think the lyrics are self explanatory but the song reflects the anguish Will feels over Mike’s friendship and love slipping away.
Joyce Byers & Jim Hopper - Timeless
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"I would've read your love letters every single night And prayed to God you'd be comin' home all right And you would've been fine We would have been timeless 'Cause I believe that we were supposed to find this So, even in a different life, you still would've been mine We would've been timeless"
"In a crowded room a few short years ago And sometimes there's no proof, you just know You're always gonna be mine We're gonna be I'm gonna love you when our hair is turnin' gray We'll have a cardboard box of photos of the life we've madeAnd you'll say, 'Oh my, we really were timeless'"
Timeless is an affirmation that no matter how many times they are separated and torn apart, Joyce and Hopper will find each other. It's also about them wanting to stop dealing with interdimensional threats to their families and have a normal life together and live to see the other get old.
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disco-elysium-via-polls · 8 months ago
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🎵 Coastal Shack
4. Looks like this is my new home -- wonder where the old one went?
SHIVERS - Westward, across the canal, towers the Whirling-in-Rags. Door #1 on the second floor is locked, behind it lies a trashed room. One floor below, behind a counter, stands an irritable man.
In a small shack in the fishing village, a baroque heater hums quietly, emanating a sense of comforting warmth. A washbasin lies on the table, the water inside reflecting the sombre face of the world.
Far away, on the corner of Perdition and Main, a nondescript building, obscured in a haze. It's vacant and lost, just like its tenant.
"This feels like a cozy hideout."
Thank you, strange sensation, for a fair assessment of the current situation.
No, wait, I changed my mind, I want to choose again.
SHIVERS - Who are you talking to? There is no one here. Not even cold.
2. No, wait, I changed my mind, I want to choose again.
SHIVERS - There is no going back.
Outside, the howl of the wind has picked up. The waves crash against the stilts again. It's as if you think the thought, but in someone else's voice...
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LOOK UNDER THE FLOORBOARDS
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MIRROR - An old mirror hangs on the wall. You see the reflection of your face in it -- adorned with *The Expression*.
[Encyclopedia - Formidable 13] Dig deep into your mind to locate the source of *The Expression*.
We don't currently have any clothing that increases our Encyclopedia. Still, with Actual Art Degree, it's not as though we're short on skill points...
ENCYLOPEDIA [Formidable: Failure] - Like the rest of you, it comes from a bad place somewhere in the past. That's all you know for now.
3. [Let the mirror be for now.]
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BED - The bed is comforting, if a bit run down. Still you've earned a rest.
Go to sleep.
No time to rest yet. [Leave.]
BED - Across the room, the heating system hums its soft lullaby. The mattress feels soft and sheets warm. It only takes you moments for the world to fall away...
...
🎵 Tiger King
ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN - Thoughts, baby. A million little lights in the dark. You're one fine instrument, brother -- all those faces and all those names, all that laughter and screaming and scheming around... Every corner and every street...
LIMBIC SYSTEM - Recorded in you. Forever. On ferrotape.
Spinning in eternity.
Spinning on empty.
Spinning, spinning... tell me, am I dreaming?
ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN - No. You're spinning tapes at the discotheque. The great, unceasing disco of the mind. The flash! The bang! The endless *learning* experience.
Spinning in eternity.
ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN - On and on it goes, for untold hours. At the disco where you first asked her to dance. Rising -- rising! -- above the dark curvature. The great wingspan of sleep, studded with stars.
LIMBIC SYSTEM - Behold, there are *millions* of them down there. The first time. The last time. The smoke in her mouth, the potted flowers, the faces: turning, changing.
*What* is it?
ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN - It's the *world*, Harry-boy. And you're *made* of it. Every day you're out there you make more of yourself from it. I'm afraid you can't be *unmade* now.
You can never forget this shit.
The colors. The voices.
The rain, the snow... I don't want to. It's beautiful.
The endless visions. Erase them.
LIMBIC SYSTEM - All *stuck* on loop... Whirling, spitting out words and images.
ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN - You're the son of the World again. Harrister -- a ceaseless agent picking up litter and old newspapers, collecting your little bubble gum wrappers and idiotic picture post cards. Meaningless, meaningless keepsakes.
LIMBIC SYSTEM - Reading your awful letters and *recalling* things, aren't you? The endless names of the world... An address book, you are. The map of a city.
That's right. I *am* an agent of the world.
But what if I want to be the agent of nothing?
ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN - It's too late. You're not *made* of nothing anymore, you're something now, Harry. I tried to drown you in the black water but you re-emerged. Kicking and screaming. Running. And for what?
RHETORIC [Trivial: Success] - For the working class.
LIMBIC SYSTEM - Solving your little crossword puzzles? Doing your tasks, crossing names off your lists? Trying to become some sort of world-detector... It won't make it *okay*. It won't put smoke back in her mouth...
I'm building communism for all. This time we won't fail… [Pursue thought.]
Forget politics. I'll never sleep if I keep on like this.
LIMBIC SYSTEM - There he goes again. He's a real political animal, our Harry. He still doesn't see that it's the world that's changing *him*...
ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN - He's got no idea what he's in for.
Why?
Feel the pillow under your cheek.
LIMBIC SYSTEM - *Coz only love can break your heart...*
Feel the pillow under your cheek.
LIMBIC SYSTEM - Beep-beep-beep! The alarm is ringing, Harry. The disco circus goes on and on! You barely slept three hours last night.
VOLITION [Easy: Success] - You can do it. It's nothing. Do it for the city. Go.
SHIVERS [Medium: Success] - Do it for the wind.
LOGIC [Medium: Success] - Do it for the picture puzzle. Put it all together. Solve the world. One conversation at a time.
[Open your eyes.]
END OF DAY 3.
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rubywolf0201 · 2 years ago
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Even More Incorrect FE Engage Quotes
Panette: We can open a jar. *opens a jar* Easy. Now you try. First get a jar.
Pandreo: *holds up a bible*
Panette: Brother, that's a bible.
Pandreo: Yes!
—————————————————————
Citrinne: If you had to choose between Amber and all the money I had in my wallet, which would you choose?
Lapis: That depends, how much money are we talking about?
Amber: Lapis!
Citrinne: 63 cents.
Lapis: I’ll take the money!
Amber: LAPIS!!!!
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Framme: 24.
[Framme and Clanne giggling]
Clanne: Hey Framme, I just thought of something funnier than 24.
Framme: Let me hear it.
Clanne: 25.
[Both burst out laughing]
—————————————————————
Griss: What kind of cold, heartless person would break apart such a loving relationship?
Griss, with an evil grin: I would!
—————————————————————
Okay new theory, maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us.
Timerra, probably
—————————————————————
Goodbye, everyone. I will remember you all in therapy.
Past!Alear
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Alear when he first meets Diamant: Don’t be intimidated, Alear. Try to imagine him in his underwear.
*picture of Diamant in a very risqué underwear appears in Alear’s mind*
Alear, sweating and blushing nervously: *internally* OH NO, HE'S HOT!
—————————————————————
Rosado: It’s become increasingly obvious...
Rosado: I CAN DENY IT NO LONGER...!
Rosado: I am small.
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Jade: "Open twenty-four hours a day." What a stupid idea! Who wants a salad at three in the morning?
*Meanwhile*
Amber, turning off his alarm clock: Oh boy, three a.m.! *pulls out a salad under the bed and starts eating*
—————————————————————
Timerra: Ah, sunsets sure are beautiful. Eh, Princess Ivy?
Ivy: Yeah…
Timerra: Yeah, this is great, just the three of us. You, me… and this brick wall that you built between us.
—————————————————————
We can do this the easy way or the hard way. Or the medium way. Or the semi-medium-easy-hard way. Or the sort-of-hard with the touch of awkward-easy-difficulty-challenging way.
Yunaka
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Alfred: Do this for Firene.
Boucheron: FOR FIRENE!!!
Diamant: Do this because I told you to.
Amber: BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TO!
—————————————————————
Merrin: Let's face it Bunet, we're failures!
Bunet: I can live with that.
Merrin: Let's change our names to "Why" and "Bother".
—————————————————————
Fogado: Want to see me run to that mountain and back?
*runs back and forth to the mountains via his horse*
Fogado: …Want to see me do it again?
—————————————————————
Céline: And now poetry by Sommie.
Sommie: *unintelligent barking*
Alcryst: *sighs*
Alcryst: Sommie has such a way with words…
—————————————————————
Framme: Vander?
Vander: Yes, Framme?
Framme: Can I be excused for the rest of my life?
—————————————————————
Louis: *slaps Corrupted*
Chloé: *facepalms* Louis, you have to ask him a question first.
Louis: Oh yeah…. What color is my underwear? *slaps again*
—————————————————————
Kagetsu: Zelkov! Zelkov! I've gone blind!
Zelkov: *Turns the lights on*
Kagetsu: Oh, thanks, Zelkov.
—————————————————————
A five letter word for happiness? M-O-N-E-Y.
Engage!Anna
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bintadnan · 2 years ago
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What is Success, with a Capital S?
If you're someone like me who's in a quest for the actual definition of success and what it looks like especially in contrast to the narrative that we're constantly fed by the Western society, please do yourself a favor and study Surat al-'Asr. I'm not kidding. Please spare some time and spend those hours with this Surah and your worldview and perspective will shift 360°. Wallah, I generally do not compare myself in any aspect to other people because that only serves to aggravate my anxiety and self-esteem issues but when people around me constantly tried to paint a different picture of what success in this lowest life looks like than what I believed, it started to spur my thoughts for the worst. I wasn't seeing anyone who held the same fikr (thought) as mine around me and that only compounded the matter. I was even “counselled” by a close relative because in their opinion, I as a Muslim woman who dressed modesty with khimaar and niqab, had an extra degree of responsibility when it came to how non-muslims considered Islam as a whole. That conversation had a severe impact on my thinking to an extent that I had to leave the room bawling. Then somehow with the help of Allah I gained my composure and continued with my life until that narrative started to resurface through relative and people's indirect comment on how I was living my life (as a student of the Qur'an) and that it wasn't getting me anywhere in my future. Wallah, it was only getting worse and I use to make abundant du'as to Allah until Ramadan happened and I remember crying my heart out at night to Allah, that I feel so worthless and a huge failure. It felt like everyone around me has achieved something unlike me. How many degrees have I acquired? Here I was learning Arabic and Tajweed among other things and people has a look on their face that shouted, loser! I cried to Allah, that I know ya Rabb, I cannot be worthless because you have certainly honoured Bani Adam but I don't feel that in my heart. I want to live my life according to Your definition of success and not what other people shove down my throat. And SubhanAllah, today despite being preoccupied with other stuff, I randomly decided to watch a lecture on Surat al-Asr (by Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan). and Wallahi, that was the answer to my du'a. It felt like my Rabb was shaking me by the shoulders and conversing with me through it. It sent a wave of relief upon me like I hadn't felt before. I started to understand why so many people claim that this particular Surah brought them back towards deen and changed their life, which i didn't use to appreciate back in the day. i was struggling to resist my tears. And although I haven't finished studying it yet (one can never get enough of the Qur'an) that one lecture just brought so much confidence to me. I can proudly claim that yes my definition of success differs from yours because I live according to the definition of the All-Knowing and All-Wise. I don't have to join the rat race like every other person to feel significant and worthy. This religion started as something strange and it will become something strange. Good news for the strangers!!
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screamingrath · 2 years ago
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#GoodbyeGoro!
20/12/2022
The loud, angry thumping with every step, echoing through the empty stairwell. Finally feeling a sense of relief from not having the world's eyes on him, our Detective Prince gave up on his goal. Instead of reaching his apartment, pouring himself a glass of something strong, and reminding himself that second was still higher than what Joker had achieved, Goro sat down on the cold concrete step. He fumbled his keys with his right hand, as he continued to scroll through Twitter with his left. #GoodbyeGoro trending, again.
He couldn't even win against a fucking child. 
It worked for his publicity team at least. "I wouldn't dream of taking the win from such a cute kid, she deserves it after all. I would have opted to vote for her, had any of us been given the chance to do so, but that would be against the rules of the competition." The lie worked so perfectly well for the cameras. The Prince Detective wouldn't have dreamed of doing something so dastardly. 
Goro Akechi however, would have. If it were a contest of strength or wit, something he had control over, he would have gladly ripped victory from the awfully gleeful and kind child. She didn't deserve to win. He did. He was the one who perfectly refined his public image. The calm, polite, intelligent detective that the world knew him to be. How could that lose to a child?! Was he not the picture perfect incarnation of justice!? What could have that 7 year old possibly done to endear herself to that many people?
The warmth from her infuriating hand on his shoulder still lingering. Reminding him that in the face of his latest failure, he still forced a smile, and hoisted her up in celebration. Her innocent smile, her chirpy voice: "I think we're both winners!" It made him sick.
Another tweet, another celebration of his loss. "EVERY DAY'S GREAT" Fuck you @ScreamingRathalos. You deserve the bullet between your eyes.
A younger him would have thrown the phone against the concrete, shattering it against the stair. But he no longer had Shido's money backing him, and phones had been getting expensive. The sound of his keys smacking against the wall in front of him would have to do. 
Picking them up at least got him back in motion again. One foot dragged in front of the other, he grabbed his keys, and then dragged his pathetic self towards his apartment. A shot of whiskey, a dash of syrup, with an orange twist. That would calm him down. 
Opening his apartment door, he expected the lights to be on. He expected noise, whether it be the sizzling of something being made in the kitchen, or some 80's high beat workout music rumbling through his apartment. He didn't expect the giggling he was welcomed by. Kicking his shoes off, not in the mood to go through the effort of properly untying them, he forced the words through his mouth; "I'm home."
"Welcome home!" they shouted back. He at least had comfort that they also lost. This wasn't Arsene vs Loki, he at least won against Joker this time. Walking into the apartment proper, he found them together on the couch. Sumire and Akira, watching the news of his defeat. "Right there!" Sumire shouted, so much excitement in her voice. Pausing the steam they were watching. "You can see it right??"
Goro couldn't figure out what she was trying to point out. It was mere seconds after the announcement, after he shut his eyes and regained his composure, his hands were about to be around Nanako Dojima's waist, as he was making eye contact and trying to ask for her permission to lift her into the air as a celebration of her victory. He remembered it well, remembered the screaming cheers that marked his defeat, so many people, so overjoyed. It was only 46 minutes ago afterall, the pain was still fresh.
Akira snapped his fingers, letting out a low chuckle; "Yeah you're totally right!"
Putting his keys in the bowl Sumire insisted he used, sliding off his jacket. Goro still couldn't work out what they were talking about.
"You can really see the moment he wants to rip her in two." 
Goro snorted. "I do not want to 'rip' a child in two."
Sumire giggled again, "Maybe he just wanted to hit her with a sword. Scream 'LEVIATHAN' while he watches her fall to her knees" There's her mocking tone again. Always so quick to put on a voice and mimic his metaverse behaviour.
"Just because you lost to her, doesn't mean you need to project onto me." Goro snarled, only to be laughed at again.
Sumire finally got out of Akira's arms, walked over to Goro and wrapped her arms around his neck. This wasn't the time to wonder why she was only wearing a shirt, Goro was too distracted by the heat being pressed up against him. Great, just what he needed, more human contact. "I'm sorry you lost Goro. I know this meant a lot to you after last time."
...Fuck. That is what he needed. 
He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. Her warmth, unlike Dojima's, was welcomed. "At least I beat Akira this time."
Goro Looked at Akira. Hanging over his couch, Akira sat there, shirtless, and with an infuriating grin. "Yeah, I was really surprised. Guess I could have voted for myself after all."
Sumire took her head from his chest and looked towards their third still on the couch. "...We weren't allowed to vote Senpai."
"..." Akira didn't reply. He just stared at her, his face overwhelmed with confusion. He knew he wasn't allowed to vote. His confusion stemmed from the idea that Sumire thought that would stop him.
"I did notice that you didn't enter as Sumire. I imagine that wasn't particularly pleasant for you." Goro ran his hand through her luscious, soft, silky hair. The conversation needed to be off him, and if that meant pointing out Sumire's terrible decisions to the rest of the group, he'd gladly throw her under the bus this time.
"...It wasn't. But..." Suimre stepped back, glancing between himself and Akira. Her voice became much lower, much harder to hear, as if she were ashamed to say the words out loud. "It was really cathartic to see Kasumi Yoshizawa lose to a 7 year old girl." The smile on her face betrayed her though. As fucked up and twisted as that was to say about her sister, Goro was really proud that she could finally voice these thoughts, instead of bottling them up. Their new therapist was doing wonders.
"Sumire Yoshizawa would have crushed the 7 year old." Akira boldly stated as he jumped over the couch. Oh good, he also wasn't wearing pants.
He looked good in just his underwear though. Very good. No matter how many times Goro saw it, Akira's chiselled abs always forced his eyes downwards. 
"I'm not sure about that Senpai. She did beat Goro somehow. I guess people really like her." Sumire shyly replied, but the blush on her cheek screamed a 'thank you' towards Akira for the support. 
Akira had finally made his way over to them, making their hug a Sumire sandwich, as he wrapped his arms around the both of them. 
His arms were tighter than usual. More tension in his grip around Goro's waist. "I wonder if next time I can enter under my actual name? Narukami gets Yu, and I get Joker? Shouldn't he have gotten 'hero' or something?"
The tone in his boyfriends voice couldn't be mistaken. It took Goro by surprise, but as his jaw dropped, he could only utter; "...You're jealous." Akira Kurusu didn't get jealous when Goro fucked his girlfriend. Oh no, he smiled and threw off his shirt to join. But apparently, Yu Narukami, the lightning god himself, got under his skin.
"I don't like the way you look at him." Akira was blunt. His eyes shooting daggers towards Goro, a warning that their polyamory was closed, and Goro wasn't allowed to make eyes at the handsome man he wound up tangling with in the semi finals. 
Sumire giggled again. "He was pouting so much. I wish I could have recorded it for you Goro-Senpai."
"I was not." He definitely was. 
As Goro felt Akira's arms tighten around him. Sumire hummed into his chest, as she snuggled against him. Anger dispersing, the thoughts of GoodbyeGoro#2 falling away. Reaching over his girlfriend's head, Goro planted a kiss on Akira's forehead. He rested his head against Sumire's, as he grabbed at Akira's waistband  and held his boyfriend tight.
"I'll take you two as my consolation prize."
Dojima could have first place. Goro didn't need the praise from the mindless masses. He had everything he needed right here. 
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mariacallous · 2 years ago
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The tragic shooting at Club Q, an LGBTQ club in Colorado, is the latest event to transpire in a year marked with a jump in anti-LGBTQ legislation and sentiment, according to LGBTQ advocates.
The shooting, the deadliest attack on LGBTQ people in the U.S. since the Pulse shooting in 2016, occurred on the eve of this year's Transgender Day of Remembrance. Just days earlier, the National Center for Transgender Equality released a report finding that at least 47 transgender people were killed in the past year.
And research is painting a bleak picture when it comes to the lives of LGBTQ Americans: The rate of suicidal thoughts among LGBTQ youth is also on the rise, and is particularly affecting both queer people of color and trans youth.
Meanwhile, across the country, legislators introduced more than 300 anti-LGBTQ bills across 36 states in the past year, according to the Human Rights Campaign, an advocacy group.
Some advocates say violence can be the end result of political efforts geared toward removing protections from LGBTQ Americans.
"You tolerate hateful language, it leads to hateful legislation and it leads to hateful violence," Kevin Jennings, the CEO of Lambda Legal, an LGBTQ civil rights organization, told NPR. "This is not an accident."
In Florida, legislators passed the controversial so-called "Don't Say Gay" bill into law, with Alabama following suit with its own version. In Virginia, the education department's new policies reverse the rights of trans students in bathrooms.
And in the courts, the Supreme Court's reversal of Roe v. Wade is putting gender-affirming health care in jeopardy.
The year of political action was a strategic move, according to some advocates, ahead of the year's midterm elections.
"It is so cynical, but it is true," Sam Ames, the director of advocacy and government affairs at the Trevor Project, said. "LGBTQ youth, particularly trans youth, have been identified as a very effective wedge issue in a very contentious electoral season."
A year of gains and setbacks
But the year has also been one with other milestones, including a "rainbow wave" of openly LGBTQ candidates who ran — and won — this election year, including the first out trans man to elected to a state legislature.
The number of people identifying as LGBTQ also rose to 7.1%, according to a Gallup Poll, from 5.6% in 2020.
"One thing we've seen is the number of queer and transgender people who feel comfortable and safe to come out continues to grow even in the face of an escalating and violent backlash," said Gillian Branstetter, communications strategist at the ACLU's Women's Rights Project and LGBTQ & HIV Project. "That's because people see more hope in living an authentic life than in living an inauthentic one."
Some advocates say backlash is a standard response.
"In this country, we go two steps forward and we often end up going several more steps back," Ames said. "We have seen incredible gains made legally in the last 10 years, 15 years. And we're starting to see the backlash against those gains and backlash so often falls heaviest on the least powerful."
Jay Brown, senior vice president of programs, research and training for the Human Rights Campaign, said that it's typical to see "this kind of vitriol rise" during an election year, though it seemed less effective this time around.
"We saw millions of dollars be poured into anti-trans campaign ads during this election," Brown said. "Fortunately, many of those elected officials lost their races."
And that is enough to inspire others to keep going.
"People, as what happened in Colorado Springs last night, are literally dying because of our society's failure to do the right thing," Jennings said. "We can't accept that. And we have to keep moving forward. It would be disrespectful to the memory of the people who died."
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