#this got longer than i intended

[slimeyslimeyballsack]

Theo believing he's only good for causing pain and that he's incapable of being gentle, of receiving gentleness.

Theo believing he breaks everything he touches and he shouldn't be allowed to touch precious items. Liam being a precious item. The pack being a precious item.

Theo believing he's an attack dog on a leash, only being kept around for his use in a fight. Only so long as he is useful, so long as he's not a burden, so long as he's perfect.

Theo doing anything Liam asks of him. His inability to say no, to lie to him. Despite his attempts to keep his guard up the way he does with everyone else.

Theo believing he's irredeemable, evil, a monster, barely even human. Believing everyone feels this way about him. Liam feels this way.

Theo doesn't know what love feels like. There's an instinct in him, though. To protect Liam. In any way he can. To let nothing bad ever happen to him again. Even Theo.

[aelizel]

TOWL was such a rewarding watch because it reasserted what made the walking dead a hit from the beginning. in the first episodes of the show, Rick wakes up from a coma mid-apocalypse and is trying to get back to his family, and after that he is doing whatever it takes to keep them alive. "it's not about the zombies, it's about the people" was a phrase i remember hearing a lot about the show. then as the series evolved, the writers turned away from relationships and character-driven drama in favor of constant action and surprises and cliffhangers to keep people tuning in. they neglected the heart of the show, and it was starting to feel hollow. arguably, it passed the point of no return when they killed off carl. for rick, and by extent the show itself, carl was the hope for the future and the motivation for survival. without him, twd was never going to be redeemed.

so we needed rick and michonne fighting through hell to get back to each other, not knowing where the other was or if they were even alive. we needed them to get reacquainted and get through all the pain that went unacknowledged for so long. in six episodes i felt more humanity and family and love from this show than from any part of this franchise in the past six /years/. and all it took was getting back in touch with the grimes family and what makes them the stars of the show. because these characters shine when they are allowed to be romantic in every sense of the word and they fight impossible odds to stay together, and it is not about the odds themselves or the zombie kills or the big bads, it is about love and how survival without love isn't survival at all.

because when the world as you know it ends, if you have people you love then you'll always have a reason to keep going

[championsofthegate]

//I 100% subscribe to the headcanon that Gale was born a sorcerer. He talks about being able to manipulate the weave even as a small child, without any sort of study, which is something that's basically unthinkable for a wizard.

BUT he's also a born nerd. He wanted to learn anything and everything he could about magic and the weave, and starting reading and studying and identifying himself as a wizard from a young age. Which is what ultimately got him noticed by Mystra, but I think she knew that his powers weren't all wizardry. That underneath he was an incredibly powerful sorcerer, which is why she gave him the attention she did.

Mystra isn't stupid. A sorcerer with grand ambition is a direct threat to her (and has killed/almost killed her/other Mystras many times in the past.) But a wizard who is devoted to her? Who loves her? Well, that's slightly less dangerous.

Until he tries to prove himself to her and gets a netherese orb lodged in his chest, at any rate. Which I think ultimately solved her problem, actually. If he is a sorcerer, it would have fed on those powers as well, draining him of his innate magic and making him just a wizard. He's still a threat, but not as much. Especially not in the state he was in right afterwards.

[newsworth]

     @vlyuvdova​ from here.

     one behavior that chris has been commended for in the past is the active effort he makes to improve upon what few and far in between failures have helped shaped him,   so that he can never be defined by them alone.   such a remark has been about the only thing that coulson has extended to him in the way of kindness,  only to immediately follow it up with the directive to cross the threshold of field work where he’s certain chris will become much more familiar with failure well before he starts to really understand what success looks like in this profession.   tonights experience is done under the observation of agent romanova,  which is obviously going so ...   so well for him. 

     chris doesn’t have an appetite for this part of the job the way other agents do,   but he’s under the impression that he’s expected to develop one over time.

     amusement is the closest interpretation one could make of his expression when the thought yielded just about the same result he’d anticipated before deciding to say it aloud.   it’s subtle,  and gone by the time she’s joined him at his side of the table. 

     they should dance,  he thinks as he follows natasha’s gaze to the center of the room and perceives some darkened doorways through the fringe of his vision.   ones better seen from the vantage point of the dance floor,   and maybe better explained by the notice of which people are using it.

     “ that was an option this whole time? “   he rises out of his chair and smooths out his tie on his chest with the hand that isn’t offered to her.   

[rebelthree]

@myersbprd​

ellie is not some god-damned do-gooder. yeah, sure she sometimes gives constantine informational help if he asks her nicely though she mostly keeps her hands clean from whatever comes after. she owes him. maybe she’ll always owe him even after everything had been tore away from her because at least he’d tried. she knows it wasn’t out of the kindness of his heart;  that he saw the opportunity to have allies on both sides and took it but that doesn’t change the fact that he tried. it’s a quid pro-quo with constantine, most of the time. a bit of fun for her, information for him. it works for them and it’s certainly not her working on the side of the angels. screw them. what she does for john is a little different-- still not good-gooder shit-- even if it veers dangerously to the line of something good. she likes to engage with him, play out their little battle of wills and watch him squirm when she gets into his space and causes her desired reaction, even if he often fights it. so she helps him out at times. yeah, okay, she’s even put herself into the line of fire for him. not because she really cares about his well being beyond their little games, she tells herself. and yet, hasn’t she even admitted to him, with blood splattered across her face and a wound upon her body that while other lives didn’t matter, his did? okay, sure, maybe she cared. sue her. a person would be hard-pressed to beat her in a court of law. 

all that’s to say, it doesn’t make her a do-gooder. 

she doesn’t care if a demon goes for a joy-ride in the waitress from the corner diner or if she tempts an opponent on one of her cases into royally screwing himself on his companies decency by-laws and knocking him off the case. but.. kids were dying. targeted by a woman in a hat who thought her and her companions little gifts from the satan upon the earth. if it’d been the street musician from the subway they’d targeted she’d have said more power to them, but it wasn’t. they’d left a trial of pain and suffering across the western coast that was enough to make the bosses down below take notice. and ellie.. something within her.. twisted into uncharacteristic knots, leaving a bitter taste in her mouth as more missing posters were strew across light poles. she shouldn’t care. she doesn’t have a reason to care. maybe it was that little bit of her father that still lingered in her coming out to play. but.. demonic being or not, she knows the pain of loss. she’s felt a child being ripped from her and for all her misdeeds, there’s one group of people she never influences or seeks to harm: children. 

she could have called constantine perhaps, though she’s fairly certain he’s neck-deep in his own shit-show at the moment. maybe she could have called his precious little detective friend, though ultimately, ellie had concluded that her abilities were a bit too shiny to be tangled in this web. so she calls john and gives him enough information to get him to los angeles before hanging up on him before he could question her motives. she’s sitting in a chair in her apartment when he arrives and doesn’t make her usual moves to tempt him with her alluring presence when he enters. there’s a map on her coffee table with something that looks an awful lot like blood dots and blood lines crisscrossing it (a witch had owed her a favor).

“they’re heading north. already picked out their next victim i expect.” voice emits, expression serious. it’s the first time she’s brought him a mission. the first time she’s ever expressed any concern in front of him for someone that wasn’t, well, him or herself. she’s dangerously close to wearing a white hat and it makes her want to vomit. even so, she continues, gaze meeting his. “i don’t think you’re going to be able to bring normal agents. the knot is too powerful for that. they’d scrabble their brains.”

[myalchod]

I remember looking at both of those polls for a good long while and being baffled by the first set of questions -- mostly because yeah, okay, I use some of those tags, but I'd never start a search with one of those. If I'm looking for something to read, usually it's:

what fandom am I in the mood for? -> start in that fandom's tag

do I explicitly want a ship or am I in the mood for a particular character or just whatever? conversely, is there anyone I don't want to read about? -> as appropriate, filter by ship/character (include/exclude)

am I in the mood for particular tags? -> as appropriate, include/exclude using the filters

scroll until something looks good -> read fic -> scream happily (ideal state)

Seriously, though, learn to use the AO3 filters to curate your experience. There are things that you'll have to work with -- the quirks of your fandom's tagging, for example, or when authors mistag (begging peopel to learn the difference between slash and ampersand in the relationship tags, and to not tag for tiny background relationships and gum up less popular ship tags), and you'l have to figure out what works for you (encouraging people to browse character tags as well as ship ones!), but the more you do with it, the easier it gets.

Also: experiment! Pick a trope that intrigues you and delve into it! Browse a ship tag backwards from the oldest fics! If you're lucky enough to have a ship tag with ... IDK, 327 pages (sounds fake, but okay), jump to page 189 and see what appeals to you. I promise you, there are all sorts of weird little gems buried in AO3 just wating for you to find them.

Explore! If you find an author you like, look at their other work. Look at their bookmarks. Look at the comments and maybe check out what people who have similar reactions to you have in their bookmarks, or what they may have written. (Taking a moment to shout out people who do share bookmarks and who make recs or even -- gasp -- write up rec posts here. Y'all are a gift to fandom.)

The lack of algorithm on this site is one of the best things about it. To me, AO3 is the same. And in both cases, once you carve out a comfy spot for yourself, it's so much better than any algorithm-generated experience could ever be.

thinking about that post of people assuming ao3 has an algorithm and also about how bonkers persistent the view is that ao3 is social media lite. like with startling regularity I get comments saying something along the lines of "it's probably weird to comment on a fic this old--" no it isn't!!!! this is an archive I am literally just assuming you searched for a selection of specific tags or sorted by kudos or looked back on my pseud or any other number of completely normal ways to use an archive site ?? kill the tiktok ghost in your brain and comment on old stuff it's NOT weird

[starrystevie]

it was all supposed to be a dumb joke.

the boys had been sitting around after rehearsal one night passing a bowl and more than a few beers, laughing about how unsuccessful the newest music based social media app would be. mere seconds of songs looping over and over with other songs mixed in would never work, especially for corroded coffin where the story, the buildup of their songs was part of the reason to listen.

it all started with jeff, grinning slowly ear to ear. "what if were to get in there and take some celebrity's name for a user name? like paris hilton or something."

then it moved to gareth, who paused with a scrunched up face. "dude, paris hilton? what the fuck kind of reference is that..."

then it was over to greg, choking on a smoke-laced laugh. "yeah, it'd be funnier if it was eddie's pop prince loverboy instead."

that got everyone's attention. eddie had protested to ears that didn't want to hear it as they cackled in their studio that they rented by the hour, bent over in their rolling chairs, leaning against the side of the mixing board for support.

"loverboy?! you know i can't stand steve harrington and his bullshit lyrics, what the fuck kind of suggestion is that..."

but come the next day, when the weed had left his system and his veins were alcohol-free, eddie stared at the mixr app home screen and the blinking red circle over his inbox with disdain after successfully acquiring a user name he never would have picked for himself.

'steveharrington', eddie's account says, along with an icon of himself and his tongue out.

if it hadn't been for being less than sober when the app dropped. if it hadn't been for his best friends egging him on with taunts and jeers and kissy noises and less than sincere dreamy calls of 'oh steve' in the background. if it hadn't been for the way that eddie secretly did think about a certain head of floppy hair and soft brown eyes and shoulders littered with constellations.

if it hadn't been for all of that he wouldn't have had the chance to have his celebrity crush, the steve harrington, in his inbox at 8am on a random tuesday morning.

"good morning!" the message says simply enough. eddie stares at the words, trying to process what they mean, looking at the verified username of 'steveharrington1' next to an icon of his most recent album along with it. his inbox is flooded with people all asking him random things, thinking he's the real steve harrington, but this one verified account has him shaking.

for all that eddie is, all big hair and black jeans and skull rings and leather, he's still a man. a man who can look at a pop star, annoying as their music may be, and see charm. he can see attractiveness. he can see that smile that steve harrington has perfected behind his eyelids and he can see them strolling off into the sunset together hand in hand and he can see steve all flushed and breathing heavily underneath him on a mountain of plush pillows and he can see-

the message pings again with a new addition. "i know this seems weird and my team advised against it but i'd really like your user name of... well, my name."

eddie blinks slowly. he pictures steve maybe laying in bed, maybe sitting at the breakfast table with a cup of coffee, with his phone in his hand as he types out a message to him. to think that steve has any idea about him existing on any sort of level is doing his head in. his heartbeat races a little faster as he types back with shaky hands and a pit in his stomach.

"is this real?" is all he can type out, leaning against the kitchen counter as he waits for his coffee to brew.

three dots pull up on the app screen before disappearing and eddie pulls his lip in between his teeth to focus his energy elsewhere. he tears his eyes away from his phone and looks out the window to watch the people out for their morning walks. he's just about to the point where he thinks about maybe taking up walking if nothing else to get all the pent up energy out of him when the app dings again. as he looks back, his heart sinks to the bottom of his stomach.

it's a photo of steve that can't have been released before. he's sitting outside in bright sunshine with sunglasses on, tousled hair and grin on his face. he's holding his hand up in a thumbs up and eddie can see the remnants of cream cheese on the side of his index finger.

he sucks in a stuttering breath through his teeth, trying to force his lungs to breath again. the dots pop up on screen once more and the message that comes through is instantaneous.

"real enough for you?" it reads. and then an additional message is tacked on. "need me to hold up a newspaper with the date on it?"

there's a winky face that follows and it feels fake even though it's very real. this whole morning feels wrong, unreal. he's just eddie munson, some singer in some halfway popular band in some kind of shitty neighborhood in los angeles that just happens to have not just some pop star in his dms. this doesn't happen to him.

"why did your team tell you not to message me? does my reputation precede me?"

eddie pulls his hand up to his mouth to bite at the side of his fingernail, watching the screen with rapt attention and waiting for the typing dots to disappear.

"according to this account your name is steve harrington and yes, i'd say his reputation does precede him."

eddie barks out a laugh, not exactly expecting that.

he didn't know what he was expecting out of any of this. he thought that it might help get the corroded coffin name out more if he got tangled up somehow with the steve harrington name. spark a little bit of drama to boost their visibility. but now here he is, talking to the man himself, cracking jokes and trying not to hyperventilate.

"how were you able to get this name so fast anyway? my team was on it right when the app dropped last night."

"i had the power of bandmates and weed on my side," he types back, side of his mouth quirking up into a smile.

"oh so you're a musician? maybe i should be looking into your reputation then, mystery person."

eddie pauses and thinks about every option. he is semi-known in the metal scene, his outlandish stunts on stage and political speeches at shows that garner them becoming an almost brand for him. if he tells steve who he is, would he know? care? run away from the scary guy who may or may not use stage blood in every music video?

but the thing is, he's not a scary guy and he never has been. he might be a little intimidating and he guesses that's the armor he puts on everyday after being bullied in school but it's not an accurate showing of who he is. eddie is sweet, funny, kind of smart in that has random fun facts about dungeons and dragons kind of way.

and he wants the steve harrington to know that guy.

eddie flips over at his middle so his head is nearly touching the floor and ruffles his hair, giving it volume and calming down the frizz that comes from sleep. he shakes it out of his face once he's upright and grabs his garfield coffee mug if only to have something to do with his hands. grabbing his phone off the counter, he opens the camera option in their message thread and snaps a quick picture of himself grinning, mug next to his face with a matching cat-like smirk. he nervously presses send before he can even think about all the flaws with it.

"eddie munson at your service," is what he types out with a saluting emoji and a muttered prayer to whoever would listen to him that things don't end horribly.

it's not like he's expecting to sweep steve off his feet. he knows that steve has picture perfect partners, he sees enough internet news to know that gruff and dark isn't the kind of guy he normally goes for. but he looks back at the photo he sent and hopes that steve sees the kindness in his eyes, the scruff on his jawline that makes it look just the smallest bit chiseled, the whimsy and life that he embodies that comes from a tacky coffee cup.

there isn't an automatic answer and it makes whatever hope eddie has floating around his system falter. ''at this point you've probably searched me and i can reassure you, i'm not actually a vampire like google seems to think i am."

"holy shit."

it's short, two words followed by typing dots that disappear, reappear, disappear once more before reappearing for the last time.

"would you believe me if i told you that i am huge fan??"

choking on coffee hurts, eddie finds out. he coughs as the hot liquid goes down the wrong pipe and concentrates on the messages once he gets his bearings back. steve, the steve harrington, a fan of his? it's a prank, it has to be, there is no way that steve harrington-

"one of my exes took me to your show at the bowl and it quite possibly changed my life. you gave that speech about the pipeline before the encore and i went home and bought every single one of your albums that same night."

he's dead. the papers will read 'eddie munson found dead in his home in a ratty metallica shirt holding onto a garfield coffee mug and cellphone open to a chat where steve harrington tells him he's a fan of his work'. it's the only way that this is possibly happening. he's died and gone to whatever fucked up version of heaven has him still living in his shitty la apartment.

"are you fucking kidding me?" is what he types back, slamming his coffee mug onto the counter to have access to both hands. "you've heard my stuff?"

and then it happens, like out of a shitty teenage rom-com, his phone is lighting up with an in-app call from steve harrington. the steve harrington. careful not to drop his phone in his hurried movements, he presses accept faster than he thinks his fingers have every worked.

"hello?" he questions into the phone and there's no hello back, just steve apparently freaking out as much as he is.

"i hope this is okay," he says and god, does his voice sound wonderful over the phone like this. "but it's faster and i have too many things to say that typing it all out would be stupid."

eddie grins and his feet tap against the ground like an excited kid. "it's fine, i uhm... i get it. god, this is weird."

steve hums in agreement before laughing. and oh, that laugh. it has eddie floating up to cloud nine, heart thumping painfully in his chest, butterflies beating their wings wildly in his stomach.

"yeah, it's definitely not how i expected this morning to go. talking to eddie munson, wow."

"sure," eddie snorts, "you talk to celebrities all the time, i'm sure this is small fish for you."

he hears steve laugh again, soft and gentle, like it's meant just for eddie. "i might talk to celebrities all the times but not ones that i have posters on my wall of like a pre-teen. i'm properly geeking out right now."

eddie short circuits. that's the only way to explain the way his body shuts down as he slumps into an armchair in the living room.

"you, steve harrington, have posters of me on your bedroom wall?" eddie's mouth feels dry as he talks and regrets making coffee at all because he's wide awake now and feels jittery.

"well okay, to be fair, it's of the whole band and it's in my studio but you are shirtless so i contemplated putting it in my bedroom." something shifts on the other end of the line and it sounds like steve sitting down. there's birds chirping in the background and eddie closes his eyes to picture himself sitting with steve on a patio instead of in his dingy apartment.

"you're gonna give me big head, pretty boy." the pet name slips out before he can stop it and the pitch of his voice lowering is out of his control. eddie can't be held responsible for his actions at 8am especially when he's flirting over the phone with his celebrity crush.

"pretty boy, hmm?" steve murmurs back. "so does that mean you have posters of me too?"

the timbre of his voice shoots from eddie's ears all the way down to his toes, lighting his veins on fire as it travels down his body. the hopeful part of his brain supplies an image of steve smirking, relaxing in a pool chair outside of what must be a mansion, phone in one hand and cup of coffee in the other. it could be domestic, if eddie thinks about it hard enough. if he wants it enough.

and god, does he want that. domestic bliss with steve harrington.

"well i wouldn't exactly call picturing you in my dreams every night posters, but it's close enough i guess."

it's gutsy, it's brash, it's too forward for a tuesday morning but steve started it. he hears a shaky exhale on the other end of the line and lets out a chuckle. it feels like they're playing chess and there's no clear cut winner quite yet but if the match ends in a tie, eddie can't exactly say he'd be upset about it.

"i tell you what," steve says in an almost airy voice. "in exchange for giving me my user name, i'll give you my number and you can use it to see me in something other than your dreams tonight."

"...are you bribing me, harrington?"

"is it working?"

eddie takes in a deep breath and thinks about what possible plans he could have with the username 'steveharrington' that would amount to something better than taking the man himself out on a date with his phone number saved as a contact in his phone. he'd put a heart next to it and everything.

"of course it is."

the call drops away and it's quick enough for eddie to think everything that happened in the last 30 minutes could have been a fever dream but then there's three dots on the message thread and his hopeful heart starts to kick back into gear.

"213-555-5469. let me know when you've given up that username and i'll let you know when to pick me up. it's a win-win all around. turns out we each get to go a date with our celebrity crushes, how lucky is that?"

it's signed with a kissing face emoji and eddie's glad that he's sitting down when the last picture steve sends comes through. he's grinning in a way eddie's never seen before, blush high on his cheeks, sweaty shoulders and collarbones and pecs glinting in the early morning sun, and eddie thinks it's probably too early to be in love with someone but he's well on his way.

he texts the number he's sent without hesitation and without shaking hands this time. he signs the message with a black heart like it's a signature of it's own.

"lucky indeed."

[love-handel]

guess i have something to add to the "ai art" ~discourse~ and yes i will be using scare quotes every time

other people have done a better job than i could at explaining how it's just fundamentally built on theft and is deeply unethical from that lens alone so just take that as a given here (and additionally that i'm specifically talking about the passive, put-in-some-keywords-and-post-what-it-spits-out kind of "ai art" not things where you as the artist are playing an active and transformative part in the process)

but the additional thing that really gets me about "ai art" is that it feels like the natural conclusion of how thoroughly we've commodified the process of creativity and making things, which is arguably the number one intrinsic trait of humanity.

the whole point of being alive is making things with other people! and the whole point of economic and technological progress is (or should be) to make survival easier so we can get on with the business of living - which is making things with other people!!!

we've made such massive strides in technology for millennia, from the agricultural revolution to the dot com revolution, remade the world in pursuit of making our basic needs easier to fulfill. and that should have allowed us all to work less and live more.

but instead we're all working more than ever, most of us doing things shit that just completely doesn't matter at all except to circularly prop up the "economy" because rich assholes are happy when Number Go Up. meanwhile, the things that make life worth living - the painting and drawing and writing and music and creating and building - are being taken away from us and given to software models. all because the software models don't draw a salary or require any particular working conditions. in other words, to make art cheaper and faster.

it just stems from this completely consumptive view of art. the idea that art exists solely to be looked at, not to be made and participated in. and if that's the case, then we should just make as much art as fast and cheap as possible so there's more for us to look at.

in conclusion: make art! any kind of art! by yourself or with friends! it doesn't need to be Good, and in fact it's imperative that it isn't, because the real art is the making itself

and fuck off with the stolen shit

[sebdoesthings]

Sorry op I'm thinking about Reki.

The way Reki is the only one out of the main cast who (as far as we're shown, anyway) can make his own boards. Who can invent modifications, who can tell exactly what kind of board shape and type will suit someone's wants and needs best. Who is skilled enough in this craft that the boards he makes can compete with those of high ranking professionals and win.

The way Langa wouldn't be where he is if it wasn't for Reki making him that board. Sure, he would've learned to do it eventually, but never ever this quickly. And Reki even notices how quickly Langa's improved, but he never realises that he's the catalyst for that, both physically (through the board) and emotionally (through giving Langa the doki dokis when he watches him skate).

Reki doesn't realise any of that. He repeatedly downplays his skill and work as a mechanic, and sees it as something lesser to active skating. He's intimidated by Langa's skill, but fails to realise that Langa's skating is more than just his skating alone. It's his skill as a skater/snowboarder combined with Reki's skill as a mechanic/inventor. They are inseparable.

The show constantly shows us how Reki and Langa bring out the best in each other both in everyday situations and skating. They are at their best when they're together. It's not just Reki who needs Langa, or Langa who needs Reki - they need each other. And it's so heartbreaking watching Reki not realise that for so long.

Whatever you do don’t think about Reki.

Reki in his workshop, tuning up Langa’s board and murmuring all the ways he’s thought of improving it under his breath without realizing it.

All while Langa sits next to him, with his head propped up on his arm, staring at Reki all dazed and wide-eyed in amazement and adoration.

[mahoutoons]

i'm feeling controversial today so here's another hot take. and before you type away at your keyboards, know that this is all coming from a south asian.

white leftists have got to stop acting like christianity is the only religion that deserves to be criticized and you cannot touch any other religion because that'd be racist and bigoted. because as an indian who's watching my country progress towards hindu nationalism, this attitude doesn't help at all.

white people see hinduism as this exotic brown religion that's so much more progressive but don't know the violence of the caste system, how it others a large portion of the population on the basis of caste, literally branding them as "untouchables". they teach us in school that this problem is a thing of the past but the caste system is still alive and shows itself in violent ways. and that's not even covering how non hindus are treated in the country. muslims especially are being killed, have their houses bulldozed, businesses destroyed, and are being denied housing, our fucking prime minister called them infiltrators and there's this fear among hindu extremists that they'll outnumber the hindus in the country. portraying hinduism as this exotic religion does a disservice to all those oppressed by the hindutva ideology

similarly, white people see buddhism as this hippie religion that's all about peace but have no idea how extremist buddhists in myanmar have been persecuting the rohingya muslims for years and drive them out of the country.

if anything portraying these religions as exotic hippie brown religions is a type of orientalism itself.

and also y'all have got to realize that just because christianity has institutional power in america doesn't mean there aren't parts of the world where they are persecuted on the basis of religion. yes karen from florida who cries christophobia because she sees rainbow sprinkles on a cake is stupid but christian oppression DOES exist in non western countries where they're a minority. pakistani christians get lynched almost on a daily basis over blasphemy accusations. just look up the case of asia bibi, a pakistani christian woman who was sentenced to death on blasphemy charges because of something she said when she was being denied water because it was "forbidden" for a christian and a muslim to drink from the same utensil and she'd made it unclean just by touching it (which is ALSO rooted in casteism and part of pakistani christians' oppression also comes from the fact that a lot of them are dalit but that's a whole other discussion). and that's just one christian group, this isn't even going into what copts, assyrians, armenians etc have faced and continue to face. saying that christians everywhere are privileged because of american christianity actually harms christian minorites in non western countries.

and one last thing because this post is getting too long: someone being anti america doesn't automatically mean they're the good guys. too many times i've been seeing westerners on twitter dot com praise the fucking taliban just because they hate america. yes, the same taliban who banned education for women, thinks women should be imprisomed at home, and consistently oppresses religious and ethnic minorities in afghanistan. yes, america's war on afghanistan was bad and they SHOULD be called out for their war crimes there. no, the taliban are still not the good guys. BOTH of them are bad. you cannot pretend to care about muslims and brown people if you praise the taliban. because guess what? most of their victims are BROWN MUSLIM WOMEN. but of course white libs who praise them don't rub their two braincells together to make that conclusion.

this post has gotten too long and i've just been rambling so the point of this post is: white "leftists" whose politics are primarily america centric should stop acting like criticism of ideologies like hindutva, buddhist extremism, and islamic extremism BY people affected by these ideologies is the same as racism or religious intolerance because that helps literally no one except the extremist bigots. also america is not the centre of the world, just because something isn't happening in america doesn't mean it isn't happening elsewhere

[hardly-an-escape]

for @bucktommypositivityweek Saturday 8/17: nicknames and terms of endearment | naming conventions | 1300 words | rated T

Tommy wasn’t much of a nickname guy. He shortened names, of course – he wasn’t the kind of asshole who insisted on calling Hen Henrietta or Eddie Edmundo – but Howie was almost always Howie, not Chimney, even after they reconnected, and the handful of other firefighters they knew with goofy monikers were still almost always referred to by their given names.

Buck had asked him about it, once; he’d assumed that an Army pilot would have been all in on nicknames and callsigns. But Tommy had simply shaken his head and said something about how, in his experience, they always came from negative moments.

Haven’t you ever noticed that? He’d said. They’re almost always based on something bad. A mistake or a close call. I don’t know, I just don’t think people should be known for something they fuck up when they’re a probie, or a raw recruit. When they’re still learning.

And Tommy wasn’t wrong; most nicknames did stem from some kind of fuck up. Usually something funny or ironic, but not always. To Buck it seemed almost like a kind of hazing ritual – maybe rite of passage would be a kinder term – like, can you really join the club if you can’t handle a little joke? But Buck also saw Tommy’s point. Saw how the loss of a name could mean the loss of agency, loss of identity, loss of control over one’s own person in a context when so much control had already been willingly given up. To service, whether that meant the military or the LAFD or just being the guy always willing to step in and do something.

Buck saw that, even if he didn’t feel it himself. For him, getting a nickname had been freeing – had been an opening up, a door to an identity he’d wanted for a long time without being able to name.

Becoming Buck instead of Evan had been – it was hard to describe. He’d always secretly wanted a nickname, wanted something cool and casual and jocular, something to show that he belonged somewhere. But Evan didn’t exactly lend itself to shortening or rhyming, and nothing he’d done in his youth had ever set him apart. Not in a way that mattered; not in a way that stuck.

He’d lived more than twenty five years of his life being Evan and feeling vaguely uncomfortable about it – until the fire academy, when someone had called him Buck and he’d just run with it, made it happen, finally carved out his own little niche in this world that suddenly meant so much to him.

And that’s how it had been – he’d just been Buck – until Tommy came along.

He hadn’t meant to introduce himself as Evan, when they met in the hangar. In fact, he hadn’t introduced himself at all; Chimney had been the one to make introductions. “Tommy, allow me to introduce you to your flight attendants for this evening’s little jaunt: Evan Buckley and Eddie Diaz. Boys, this is Tommy Kinard, formerly of the 118 and currently probably regretting picking up my calls.”

They’d all shaken hands, faces serious. The weight of the moment and what they were about to do was heavy on their shoulders, despite Howie’s wisecracking, and it hadn’t even occurred to Buck to throw out his usual line about his nickname. And later, during his tour of Tommy’s station, it hadn’t really registered for Buck until they were halfway through that the other man had exclusively referred to him as Evan. It felt too late to correct him by the time he’d noticed.

And besides, he’d realized – much later – how much he liked the sound of Evan coming out of Tommy’s mouth.

Neither of them were big on pet names. Tommy would throw out the occasional sweetheart, which always made Buck melt a little inside, but it wasn’t a regular thing. Buck sometimes went for baby in intimate moments – babe, with what Tommy called “a tone,” if he was being a bit of a brat – but it was often as much for comedic effect as anything else.

They mostly just stuck to names. For Evan, the novelty of murmuring Tommy as he kissed his boyfriend’s Adam’s apple or his stubbly cheek or down the line of his happy trail never seemed to wear off. The masculine body under his hands and lips. The masculine name on his tongue.

He asked Tommy, once, after explaining his own weirdly complicated history with his name – and his parents, and his dead brother, and his long unwitting search for an identity – why he went by Tommy, not Tom or Thomas.

“I guess it sounds a little juvenile, doesn’t it?” Tommy said. “For a guy in his forties.”

“I mean, I don’t think so,” Buck said. “I think – I don’t know, I think it fits you. Like, I’ve heard other people call you Tom, but if I called you Tom, I feel like that’s a different person, almost. Someone I don’t even know.”

“I feel the same way about Buck,” Tommy admitted. “Hen says it, I don’t even blink. I know it’s you. But if I say it? It’s like, who is that.”

“Yeah.”

Tommy shifted a little on the couch. Plucked at his jeans, wrapped an arm around Buck’s shoulders and then immediately shifted again so he could run his fingers through Buck’s hair.

“I’ve told you a little about my dad,” he said eventually. “About how we don’t… get along. Never did, really, even when I was just a kid.” He paused, for long enough that Buck looked up enquiringly, only to see Tommy staring off into the middle distance.

“But I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned that I was named after him,” Tommy continued eventually.

“Wait, really?”

“Really. I am technically a junior. Thomas Edward Kinard, Jr. He actually wanted my birth certificate to say “the second,” but my mom put her foot down.”

“Wow. I had… no idea.”

“I stopped using the junior a year or two into my stint in the service. Dropped it completely when I came out to Los Angeles. Changed my driver’s license and just… didn’t put it on the paperwork. I’m sure that won’t come back to bite me in the ass someday.”

Tommy laughed, short and sarcastic, and Buck frowned. He’d only heard that laugh a couple of times, but he didn’t like it. He wormed his way out from beneath Tommy’s arm so he could take one of his broad hands between his own, petting over hairy knuckles and a calloused palm.

“Have you ever thought about changing it? Choosing something new?” he asked hesitantly.

“No. Never. He took enough from me, over the years,” Tommy said harshly. “He doesn’t get to take my name, too, even if it did come from him. Besides, it pisses him off enough that I went by Tommy past the age of sixteen. Changing my name would feel like… would feel like giving in.”

“I get that,” Buck said thoughtfully.

He squeezed Tommy’s hand one more time, then put it aside and climbed carefully into his boyfriend’s lap. Tommy let out a soft grunt of surprise as Buck wound his arms around his neck and tipped his face up for a kiss.

Buck obliged him. “Well, for what it’s worth,” he said softly, lips brushing against Tommy’s, “I love your name. I love how it sounds when I say it. Tommy,” he murmured, and Tommy swallowed hard. “It fits you. I don’t know how else to say it. It’s you. And I – I love you. So I love your name.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d said those words, but it was still new enough that they tasted fresh and exciting.

“I love you, too,” Tommy said quietly. “Evan,” he said, and kissed him again.

this was supposed to be something fun and silly based on this post but then it developed emotions and that's why it's a day late.

[demon-country]

One of the saddest parts of the stolitz miscommunication debacle to me is that for all his bluster and all his denial, Blitz never managed to fool anyone into believing that there were no feelings involved and he was doing it solely for the book, including Stolas. That is, until Ozzie's, at which point he finally fooled the one person who he didn't even think he needed to.

For all we talk about how Stolas let his fantasies of romance run wild, which caused him to accidentally run roughshod over Blitz (especially at first), he wasn't exactly wrong, in the end. Blitz did develop feelings for him, and given how excited and enthusiastic he was that last full moon, their nights together were probably the only times he felt safe actually showing that. Because he could always tell himself and everyone else that it was just an act, he was just giving Stolas what he wanted and keeping him satisfied enough that he'd let Blitz keep the book.

Stolas thought, up until Ozzie's, that Blitz enjoyed their deal just as much as he did. Because Blitz did. If Blitz was showing up basically every moon as hyped and ready to go as the time we saw him, it's not really a surprise that Stolas didn't catch on to the times when Blitz was actually unhappy and uncomfortable because he felt objectified. After all, Blitz snaps at and is abrasive to everyone, and any annoyance probably seemed pretty par for the course, especially for someone as oblivious, ignorant, and autistic-coded as Stolas. But Stolas also got special treatment on top of that, and it's easier to focus on the stuff that stands out rather than the stuff that doesn't seem too far off from Blitz's standard behavior. He got times where Blitz was genuinely happy and comfortable and excited to see him, we literally see that in the memory fragments and Blitz's behavior during the last full moon. He got times where Blitz seemed to find him so hot he'd grab him and turn things sexual on a dime (Truth Seekers and The Circus). He also got times where Blitz was caring and attentive, and where Blitz accepted care and gentleness during aftercare (because there's literally no way that didn't happen, not getting aftercare after BDSM scenes can be legitimately traumatizing for both the Dom and sub).

Like, that's not to say that Stolas shouldn't have taken the numerous hints that his condescension and baby talk were highly unappreciated, because yeah that shit was very uncool of him and ignorance doesn't excuse it. But look at how Blitz gently caresses Stolas' cheek in Truth Seekers. Look at how thrilled he was to be with Stolas again in The Full Moon. Look at the photo Stolas has of the pony drawing Blitz seems to have made while at his palace. Look at the memory fragments where Blitz is so fucking into kissing him or gleefully showing off toys or making that big shiny eyed blep I'm dying to know the context of. How else was Stolas supposed to take all that every full moon and however many nights Blitz came over outside of that, and not be convinced that his feelings were returned?

Because they were. Not immediately, of course, but the were. They were on the same page about that. There were plenty of things Blitz didn't like, related to Stolas' unconscious racism/classism. There was plenty of "things for [Blitz] to teach and [Stolas] to learn". There were plenty of things that went unsaid and unheard and misinterpreted on both sides. But the love was there, Stolas didn't make it all up. It wasn't the perfect fantasy he was initially picturing (although I'm pretty sure that illusion didn't actually last very long, not with how dejected he looks in a few of the memory fragments and at the start of Ozzie's), and Blitz had a lot more hidden under the surface than Stolas knew about (although he did know Blitz had walls he hadn't seen through yet), but the love was there. You don't have to know everything about someone to start falling in love with them. Blitz couldn't fool anyone, but he especially couldn't fool Stolas, who he showed his heart to again and again thinking he was safely hidden behind the alibi of the book deal.

Until Ozzie's. Until the disastrous "date", after which Blitz couldn't hide the hurt he felt thinking that all Stolas wanted him for was sex, when Blitz wanted more. Except Blitz didn't say that last part. So all Stolas got was Blitz ignoring him on their date, Blitz rejecting his offer to go inside, and Blitz tearing up while saying in a wounded and borderline angry voice that their deal was strictly about sex, which finally clued Stolas in that his actions hadn't been taken as cute and flirty like he had intended, they had just served to hurt Blitz and convince him that all he wanted was to use Blitz.

Blitz's pain changed everything for Stolas. He stopped flirting, he stopped calling him Blitzy save for one time, he stopped most of his interactions with Blitz, and he started trying to give Blitz outs. He looked at all the times Blitz was annoyed at him, at how umbalanced their deal was, and at how it may have been just as cruel of a chain as the one binding him to Stella, and quite correctly came to the conclusion that the deal needed to end and Blitz needed to have a way to do his job without being dependant on Stolas. But he also looked at all the memories of Blitz being happy with him, and all the times Blitz showed up excited, and came to the incorrect but reasonable conclusion that it was all probably just an act Blitz put on to keep the book. Just like Blitz had been hoping to convince everyone of.

And then Stolas ended the deal, and Blitz couldn't figure out why so he started to panic. The deal was his safety net and his shield; it was the only way he felt he could get something close to the real relationship he wanted, it was what allowed him to be open with his feelings, and what gave him the courage to let some of his walls down. It probably felt like such a betrayal that Stolas would take it away.

Even though he was the one who dodged all of Stolas' offers to talk, out of fear that things would become complicated if they talked about it, out of fear of rejection after Stolas hid during their "date", and later out of guilt and shame for how he failed to save Stolas. Even though he was the one who was hiding behind the excuse that it was all just for the book. Even though he was the only one convinced that Stolas could never care about him for anything other than sex. Even though Stolas flat out told him he cared about him and wanted him to stay, just without the deal in between them. Even with all that, Blitz still couldn't see Stolas ending their deal any way other than Stolas abandoning him and rejecting him and taking away the only way he has ever been able to openly show that side of himself.

It was more than just his self-hatred talking, it was more than just his insecurities getting the better of him. It was a perceived betrayal of trust and an inability to see how much the deal limited their ability to get what they both actually wanted. The reason it hurt him so much was because Stolas hadn't actually been wrong. Blitz did care, Blitz did enjoy their deal, Blitz did want Stolas just as much as Stolas wanted him.

The tragedy of it all was that the love was real, but the only ones who were convinced it wasn't was the two of them. So it's a good thing the story isn't over for them yet, because I couldn't take that ending for them. After all the shit they've been through in their lives, they deserve their happy ending together, they deserve to have their mutually requited love be realized.

[nickfowlerrr]

all i want

pairing: andy barber x curvy!reader

words: 1.7k

warnings: 18+ only. cockwarming. little tiny bit of teasing. liiiittle bit of a daddy kink.

notes: shockingly enough, this was meant to be a drabble. it very much is not. enjoy!

inspired by this txt post, this is one of seven characters i’m writing this prompt of sorts for. thank you in advance for reading and as always, reblogs and comments and welcome and so appreciated.

It’s all perfectly innocent to start the night, really it is. Your yearly tradition of watching Miracle on 34th Street after trimming the tree is one that neither of you would want to skip out on. And so far this season, between the trial that has had Andy so stressed and your long shifts at the hospital, there has been quite a bit you’ve ended up skipping.

You paid to have the Christmas lights strung up instead of decorating yourselves, the Christmas tree this year came from the grocery store parking lot Andy passed on his way home yesterday instead of the tree farm you always went to to chop down your own, and your annual Christmas Eve party is a no go this year, too. You’re both too busy, too stressed, too tired.

Andy sits on the couch, getting the movie ready to play, while you’re in the kitchen. You slide the bowl of cookie dough you whipped up into the fridge to chill for an hour or two before baking right as the kettle begins to whistle.

You walk back over to the stove, moving it off the burner before carefully pouring the boiling water into the waiting mugs of coco powder.

“Andy, do you want marshmallows?” you call, knowing your voice will carry into the next room. You stir the powder as you wait for his response, plopping a few mini marshmallows into your mug before your face scrunches up a bit. You turn, ready to peek into the living room to repeat yourself, and jump a bit as you’re met with Andy leaning in the doorway.

His arms are crossed over his chest and you are momentarily distracted by how big his arms look in his sweater. You know it’s soft and you can’t wait to cuddle into him and finally have a chance to relax while you watch the movie.

Your eyes flit to his and then you finally see the look of incredulity on his handsome, bearded face. You’re about to ask him what’s wrong, but he speaks before you can.

“Did you just call me Andy?” he asked, sounding disgusted and a little distraught.

You gape a moment, thinking back to what it was you said, and almost immediately realize that you indeed did. You flounder for only a second before shaking your head, “No,” you lie, “I dont think so.”

“Yes,” he states, pushing off the doorframe and starting toward you, “you did.”

You back up, bumping into the counter behind you as he stalks closer. You fight your smile as a thrill runs through you when he cages you in, his arms either side of you as he stands right before you. He leaves almost no space between you and you can see in his eyes what you’re sure he can see in yours.

Longing, desire, and maybe just a hint of desperation…

It’s been two weeks since you have had anything close to alone time together. Your shifts have been all over the place and you’re either heading to work as Andy is coming home, or leaving just as he gets up to start getting ready for his day. Even your weekends have been taken over. Andy has been working nonstop, but you both promised each other that this weekend would be just for you two. No work, no parties, no distractions. The closest thing to intimate you’ve gotten in two weeks has been your parting kisses. You’ve only shared the bed a few days this past week and you’ve both been so exhausted that the furthest you’ve gotten has been cuddling.

So right here and now, that look in his eyes, you know you’re both thinking about the same thing.

“I’m sorry,” you offer in your attempt to appease him.

“You’re sorry …,” he prompts, waiting for you to address him.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” you press against him, a smile playing on your lips. “Babe…honey…love,” you continue with the pet names, your fingers dancing across his sweater clad chest before you lean in real close, your lips against his ear before you whisper breathily, “Daddy.”

The sharp breath he takes at the title has you biting your lip to stop the smirk threatening to break out.

You let a hand come up, squeezing the back of his neck gently before your fingers find his hair, almost playing with it as you massage his neck a bit. Andy drops his head as his eyes close under your touch, pressing you back against the counter as he leans into you. He lets out a heavy sigh as your other hand comes up to cup his cheek.

“You’re so tense,” you say, leaning in to kiss him softly. He returns the kiss, his arms coming closer and wrapping around you, pulling you flush to him.

“I’ve missed you,” he murmurs against your lips, your noses brushing.

“I’ve missed you, too,” you kiss him gently once more before letting him go, turning back around to the mugs of coco waiting for you.

Andy doesn’t let you go, just watches as you finish making the cups.

You lean your head back, “marshmallows?” you ask again, earning a smile and a nod from him.

-

The still warm mugs of hot chocolate are on the coffee table before you as you snuggle into Andy.

That tingle you got earlier in the kitchen still hasn’t gone away as you hug Andy, his arm holding you to him in turn.

You don’t want to force anything. You’re both tired, that’s obvious, but god, you miss him. All of him.

You don’t even really want to have sex right now, you just want to be closer. You need him closer.

His eyes are open but you can see the exhaustion in the slightest squint of his eyes as he watches the screen. You lean up, pressing your lips delicately against his exposed throat, once, twice, three times as you work your way up.

“Mmm,” he breathes deeply, holding back a moan under your attention. “Baby,” he warns.

“I know,” you say, a hand rising to stroke his hair as you sit up and move into his lap. “I know, I’m tired, too. We don’t have to do anything,” you let your head rest against his, your noses brushing once more, “I just… I just want to feel you,” you speak so quietly but he can hear the plea in your voice and it squeezes his chest. And he can’t lie and say that the desperation he hears isn’t turning him on a bit, either.

If you want to feel him, he’ll make sure you feel him.

Your hands are lightly in his hair, holding his head as you lean in to kiss him. One kiss, you breathe into him as you pause against each others lips, then another, and another, before your tongue licks into his mouth. He sucks on you lightly before his tongue takes over, his effortless dominance always winning out.

You can feel him growing beneath you and you feel yourself growing slicker in turn.

You pull away from his kiss reluctantly to stand and rid yourself of your pajama pants, while he drags his sweats down. His cock is hard and you inhale sharply at the sight. It’s only been two weeks but you’d almost forgotten just how big he really is.

You hold his shoulder, his hands coming to your chubby waist as you come back to your spot on his lap. You’re on your knees, straddling him as you position yourself above him. One of his hands comes to his cock, the other sliding down your curves as he grips your hip.

He moves his dick up and down your pussy, playing with your wetness as your eyes shut in delight at the feeling, your hands squeezing his shoulders.

He gets himself wet with your slick before he lines the head of his cock up to your entrance. His hand on your hip urges you down, and you slowly sink onto his thick length. You moan in unison as you take him in, a “fuck” leaving Andy’s lips when the first inch of him was finally inside of you.

His hand is holding you, his thumb rubbing the soft, blemished skin of your hip as he urges you to take more of him with his sweet praises.

“You take me so well, baby. Just a little bit more, I know you can do it. Doing so good, sweetheart. Always so fucking good,” he full on moans the last few words as you sit fully on his strong lap with a whimper. He’s seated completely inside of you as you bury your head in his neck.

You feel his lips as he kisses your head, his hand rubbing your back soothingly while the other lightly kneads your thick thigh.

You sigh heavily, relaxing into him as you rest your head against his chest, your velvety walls squeezing his cock of their own volition every so often, earning moans from both of you as he keeps you full of him, the movie still playing as you try to focus on that instead.

But you’re so tired, and so content in Andy’s hold, the pleasure and closeness enough to lull you asleep, you do just that. The cookies can wait until tomorrow.

Andy is smiling to himself as he holds you, he hasn’t been this relaxed since before the start of his current trial. Because with you this close, he’s calm and more than content. This is what he’s been needing. You.

He tenses just a little when your walls squeeze him again, a soft moan slipping past your lips. He moans quietly in turn, still holding you tight.

A moment passes and he has to laugh at the soft snore that leaves you next. He doesn’t want to leave your warmth just yet, he wants to feel you - it’s been too long. So he’ll finish the movie and then he’ll bring you to bed. You’ll cuddle and sleep in each other’s embrace, and all the while he’ll be sure to keep you full of him.

And when you wake up in the middle of the night with his cock still inside of you, your wetness leaking out from around his thick length, he won’t mind one bit about getting woken up by you fucking yourself stupid on his cock. He’s all yours, whenever you want him. And he still owes you for your teasing in the kitchen. He’ll make sure to show you exactly just how much Daddy has missed you.

[someiicecube]

I had this post sitting in my drafts for a while and I was suddenly reminded of it haha. 

Anyway, we all know this line from the main character synopsis, right? 

Only humans?

Is this purposeful on the writer's part to specifically mention the curse can only affect humans? Or are humans the only creatures mentioned because that's all the main character has had the chance to... curse with their touch?

Can the curse affect monsters?

Currently, we can't know one way or the other. 

Even if we did touch Leander, bare hand and all, it's Leander. The main character is under the impression that, because he's such a strong and powerful mage recommended to us by the mysterious doctor Kuras himself, it's just something he can do apparently—  although, we as the players know that's not all there is to it... just what is it? Is it part of his supposed monsterous-ness? Does he really know a spell that can protect against our curse? What's Leander's Jungle Juice really made out of? We can't tell yet...

Chosing Leander in this context is such a strategical plot point because he cannot answer our initial question. Is Leander not affected because he cast his little protection spell? Or is Leander not affected because he is/has become a monster?

However, we still can assume that the main character doesn't have full knowledge on what they are capable of with their curse— ya' know, probably being mostly surrounded by humans and such. So, the idea of touching even a monster is probably not a theory anyone wants to test (unless you're a mage, then please do it on some random monster and not the LIs for funzies... unless you want to).

Could this be a seed the writers are planting? Maybe, maybe not. But leaving the question unaswered (by Leander), again, makes the player and main character cautious by nature.

But what if they did slip up?

What if they slipped up and it happened on accident? 

Your bare fist colliding into Ais' chest, skin-on-skin but still a solid blow. Your hand desperately reaching out for Kuras' own, just wanting to feel his warmth once more only for a moment. Your palm sweeping against Vere's shoulder, pushing him away, your skin brushing along the thin translucent fabric. Or your fingers digging into Mhin's wrist as their dagger hovers right above you, their pulse hard against your uncovered touch.

It's startling. It's something you didn't mean to do. Fear grips you immediately; dread rises as your stomach falls. You are as quick to let go of them as your eyes are to look them in the eye and...

Nothing.

While, it wouldn't come as a shock to either Vere or Ais. Kuras, who the main character wouldn't know is an angel at this point, and Mhin are another eyebrow raiser for sure. It didn't affect them, when you know it should. If it doesn't affect them... that would only make the MC raise many more questions about Leander in turn. Ah, what a dramatic way to reveal the fact that the person you fancy is a monster.

Other notes and thoughts:

While, yes, an interesting idea to think about. I'm torn between wanting the monsters to be immune and 'fuck it, this curse affects everyone, even your pet rock ain't safe'. I can't help but feel this idea also lowers the stakes of the MC's curse... if done wrong.

Let's say this, the curse doesn't have an effect on monsters, right? But for each monsterous LI there will be a catch. Say, Vere, for example; a monster who lusts for power beyond him... having a human like yourself with such a deadly curse, well, who's to say it wouldn't give him a few ideas on how to use you it. What? You're still planning on finding a cure? Oh no, but you have him now, don't you? Why need a cure when you have him, your curse, and your soon-to-be mindless worshippers at your feet?

(Won't lie writing some of Vere's points made me think of Leander, but that's manipulation for you)

Or think Kuras, a doctor, an angel who passed through the shroud to watch over humanity. How would Kuras feel if the person he's grown so close to decides their curse isn't worth getting rid of now that you have him— can't you see the danger in yourself anymore?

Or try with, like some previous theories once said for us touching Leander: it doesn't affect him now... but eventually he will devolve into madness like the rest of everyone. But don't just apply that to Leander, now think of everyone else. Imagine finally finding someone you can touch without consequences. It's something that gets your blood rushing and heart pounting with a feeling your haven't felt in a while! However... the more and more you do so, you've noticed they've changed. They're more irritated, they've been having more headaches than normal, and their once beautiful smile twists into something dreadfully familiar. Congratulations, you've made your beloved mad with love! Here's the bad ending! Yipee!

Really, in the end it's all a balancing act, the stake were there and you don't want to take them away before the climax. If you do, place something else in its steed— something to raise them even further than what was initially thought possible.

[murdockcastleslut]

Can I request a Benedict fic based on enchanted by Taylor swift?!

omg this is so fun! this is kinda be what should be around season 4! i know they have a masquerade party i don't anything about the plot of the plot so this is just my imagination! hope you like it! | info about request here!

violet bridgerton has out down herself with her enchanted forest masquerade ball, a theme requested by her youngest hyacinth.

florals, woodwork, and vines covered the bridgerton home. guests entered in florals and pastels their faces covered with masks.

this ball was so full you couldn't turn around without the possibility of bumping into another person.

you were having fun dancing and conversing with guests whom also decided to join in on the festivities.

though dude to the number of people attending and the fact that although lovely your gown was very tight. you move through the home hoping to find a place to catch you breath.

you stumbled up on the empty drawing room and a man admiring the paintings among them.

"oh im sorry to interrupt." you say noticing him.

he turns to face you. his light blue eyes shine bright contrasted against his dark blue mask.

"no, no, not all. just admiring my families paintings. i never quite noticed how detailed they were." he smiles towards you.

your eyes widen as you realized who you were talking to, benedict brigderton.

"are you alright?" he asks concern.

you snap put of it and shyly nod.

"oh yes, i am sorry. i just needed a second from the party, although lovely it is quiet hot with the amount of people attending tonight. your mama must be quiet proud." you smiled.

"oh yes she is," he nodded. "please have a seat if you need."

"oh thank you."

"do you like art?"

"i do. i paint. my papa was kind enough to allow to have lessons and teach me about different artist. do you paint?"

"i dabble, though i think i might be better at sketching."

"do you have favorite thing to sketch?"

"people, whist their unaware preferably, there is something about people when then don't think anyone is paying attention them."

you smiled at his answer. he was quiet interesting, there was something about him you couldn't explain that pulled you in.

the two of you chatted about whatever came your minds and it felt like no time had passed at all.

the sound of clock stricking the next hour is what drew you out of you trance. you realized you had been talking for almost fort-five minutes. you quickly stood.

"i am so sorry, i hadn't relized so much time had passed. my mama must be looking for me. i do hope to see you again." you nervously rushed.

he stood up and smiled. he took your hand and laid a kiss on your covered knuckles.

"i was enchanted to meet you. i hope to see you again as well." he smiles looking at you with those blue eyes.

that night, the two of you laid in you respective bedrooms counting down the moments til you could see one another again.

[jutebaby]

This is very relatable for us. I kind of expected my alters to just...know things about themselves and the system as a whole when I first got diagnosed. Some came pre-installed with a bit more internal knowledge than others, but for the most part the answer is "I don't know." It's like. If you haven't even been aware of yourself as a separate entity for most of your life, of course you don't have a well-defined sense of self.

In reality, there are subtle differences between different parts in our system. But like you said, it's not as clear-cut as, "this alter likes this food and this one hates it," or, "this alter has x hobbies and this alter has y hobbies." There are some now that I'm starting to be able to recognize by body language, tone of voice, or their overall vibe, but it's taken a few years of built up observations to get to this point. The rest are still a fucking mystery.

At first most of those differences showed up as different parts having different perspectives on the same problem, considering different things important, etc., which overall just gives the inpression of us being very wishy-washy, lol. It felt like "I" was doing a lot of waffling back and forth on a situation until I figured out those were in fact separate "I's" who tended to have their own consistent thought processes and approaches over time.

Idk if you're looking for advice or just commiseration, so I'm not trying to be overly preachy by sharing our experience. The main thing that's helped is putting in conscious effort into figuring out what I'm feeling at a given time. What do I want right now? How do I feel about xyz problem? What do I like? This is no different than if we had grown up singlet with just a poorly-defined sense of self. It honestly reminds me of the process of autistic unmasking, where you have to pick apart what is natural and good for you vs the way you've internalized you should be, and consciously choose to follow what feels good for you, even if it feels tenuous and like you're "faking" at first. Over time, we've discovered different things about ourselves through the process of just fucking around and seeing what hits.

I sooo relate to not knowing who is fronting the majority of the time. I went to a plural meetup irl recently (I ended up leaving early cause it was. Yikes.) where I was the only one who described experiencing this. Every one else was introducing themselves as a specific alter, and I was like "dude I don't fucking know and it would be too much effort to try to figure out." I was treated as kind of "other" for no knowing. It was a weird, alienating space to be in.

I've come to find that there is not a single resource I've been able to find online that talks about how the fuck you figure out who and what your alters are. Like from complete scratch, essentially. Where you just know absolutely nothing and most of your alters don't know anything either, they don't know themselves any more than other parts do, and you have to do so much detective work trying to overanalyze your behaviors, feelings, etc. just to look for patterns. I have yet to meet another system that has had to struggle with this.

It's always advice about internal communication and journaling, but every single one of these relies on you already knowing your alters. What if you literally don't know a single alter of yours? What if your internal communication is practically nonexistent? I find it so frustrating. And they always rely on huge overt differences too, like it feels like every system online trying to give advice expects the reader to already know who their alters are and to already have some kind of communication and to even have HUGE, overt differences.

Like I'm sorry but alter differences are more than just "this alter likes this name and this alter likes these hobbies and this alter likes this set of pronouns"

I'm, like, 2/3 years into still trying to figure things out (I was questioning until in recent months got diagnosed) and I still couldn't really tell you who I am at any given moment. I am just Ethan? I am a guy. I just exist I guess, I am navigating the world. I am here. What specific alter I am is completely up in the air, fuck if I know, fuck if I ever know. I never see people talk about this - I see people talk about not knowing who they are and blurriness, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about Literally not knowing any of yourselves at all not even a little bit. Not knowing your name, if you have any, if you're a specific alter different from others, what your "function" is, just literally anything. I don't know how anyone knows this stuff about themselves/their own alters right off the bat or how they were able to figure out this stuff without already having some kind of knowledge about themselves/their system/alters.