#zoe x eric

[cursivebloodlines]

i just don't understand how you don't miss me. - for zoe (shh don't look that I sent two)

THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT - THE ANTHOLOGY BY TAYLOR SWIFT PROMPT LIST | @overnightheartbeats

“You really don’t get it, do you?” A puff of breath slipped through her lips; a watery, broken laugh followed suit. If she so much as looked at him, Zoe knew her resolve would inevitably crumble. She looked everywhere but at him. The broken clock on the wall, out of time and ticking too fast - or was that just the beat of her heart? The piece of wallpaper in the corner opposite from them looked like it was about to fall off at any moment. Almost poetic and maybe even ironic, since it mirrored exactly how she felt in that moment. Her gaze averted to the floor, but not before she stole a glance at him on her way down. The heartbroken expression in his eyes, the love she could still see that lingered beyond them. How devastatingly beautiful he was, even when he looked gutted. The painstaking reminder: she did this to him, to them.

Did he not understand how much it was killing her to be apart from him? To purposely stay away from him when all she wanted to do was to pull him in closer, hold on tight to him with iron fists and never leave. But time and time again, she had hurt him with weaponised words of venom and spiteful declarations she could not retract so easily. Eric deserved more than that, deserved someone who could give him everything with no questions asked and not simply the crumbs she was willing to give depending on the day and the situation. She supposed it didn’t help how she kept coming to him for stupid things, and they ended up in circles and circles. One step forward, then two steps back. Then two steps forward and one step back. 

“I do miss you, Eric. I have missed you from the moment I left you. Even now, with you sitting here with me, I still miss you. That’s the problem.” And there it was. Raw, brutal honesty. “It’s a problem because I shouldn’t - I shouldn’t be missing you. Look at us. I did this to us.” Zoe knew she wasn’t making sense, that Eric wouldn’t understand - he never did. They had done this song and dance too many times before: all it would take is a moment, on the cusp of reigniting the flame once more but they fly too close to it. A fleeting moment of weakness for the two soon turns into a moment of regret for her, the guilt a permanent mark and it’s inevitable that she retreats, demanding and reinforcing boundaries whilst poor Eric attempted to fight for their relationship once again. If she couldn’t get past how badly she’d hurt him not once, but twice and probably more than that since she told him, ‘the more you love me, the more I hate myself’ and ‘I’m suffocating.’  Her own words haunted her, especially in the dark when she was alone again.

The way Zoe saw it, she didn’t deserve to miss him because she was the one who held the responsibility for destroying it. Trying to defend herself, she ended up attacking him and her default stance of losing her temper and saying everything in the worst way imaginable resulted in saying awful things she could not so easily take back. “I lost the right to sit around moping the moment I broke your heart.” She left out the part where she absolutely, one hundred percent did exactly that. Moping, having a rage and sobbing until she fell asleep. But that was then and this was now. It was now, she realised, that she should have merely played along with it. Act like she didn’t miss him instead of confessing. Maybe he could move on quicker that way. It would break her heart, but her heart was already far beyond broken anyway. 

Having everything slip through her fingers was a familiar tale and maybe that’s why she seemed so indifferent; she had grown accustomed to life’s relentless game of losses, where each disappointment forced her to return to the start, at square one once again. Whether it was her parents’ letdowns or being screwed over by others, setbacks were her constant companion. Time and time again, she would gather the broken pieces and keep on forward, never looking back. It was second nature, muscle memory. But Eric? He defied her closed-minded processes with an undying love too strong to walk away from. He was the first person who made her feel safe. His love for her was sincere and sacred, a rarity in her world. Something that deserved nurturing, something that was worth holding on to. Despite her best efforts (‘best’ was probably an exaggeration, come to think of it) to safeguard it, she found herself inadvertently destroying the only thing she cherished. She was a tornado, chaos with every hurricane she brought and Eric was always the one trapped in the eye of it, bearing the brunt of her wreckage. How was it possible to ruin the one good thing she ever had?

“I don’t know what you want me to do. I can’t just -” Sighing in frustration, she rubbed at her temples. How could she articulate it all when she didn’t fully understand herself? “If I act like I don’t miss you for long enough, maybe one day I will actually stop…” she trailed off, hesitating as she tentatively peered into his eyes once more. And there she was, falling for him all over again with just one look. “And if I can do that,” she said, her voice wavering as she held eye contact. That felt like worlds away right now. A pause, an intake of shaky breath. “Then maybe one day, you will stop missing me, too.” Perhaps confessing her plan wasn’t the brightest idea. But when she looked at him, she couldn’t lie to him. “I know you refuse to listen when I say you deserve better but it doesn’t make it any less true. I love you and I know you love me, but we’ve seen how this ends, we’ve been here twice before. I’ll be damned before I do it to you again for the third time.” But with the words she spoke, it became apparent to Zoe that maybe she had just done exactly that. “I’m sorry, Eric. I just - I don’t know. I can’t keep doing this - we can’t keep doing this.”

[cursivebloodlines]

@overnightheartbeats

come get your man he's not doing anything wrong he just misses you

[cursivebloodlines]

No need to apologize 'Cause there's nothing to regret Well, this is not what I wanted Guess all the good things come to an end

So baby, bye, bye Wish you the best But most of all, I wish that I could love you less Well, maybe you're right, I'll find someone else You say it isn't me, but when did that ever help?

Hold me closer Although you'll leave before the sunrise Might be bleeding, but don't you mind, I'll be fine Oh, it kills me I found the right one at the wrong time But until the sunrise Hold tight, hold tight

Maybe it happened too fast I guess that I understand You say that you never felt this way for anyone And that's why it scares you to death

So baby, bye, bye Know it's for the best Still I can't see how that would ease the pain in my chest

Hold me closer Although you'll leave before the sunrise I'll be bleeding, but don't you mind, I'll be fine Oh, it kills me I found the right one at the wrong time But until the sunrise Could you just hold me tight? I know I have to let go, but just give me the night

'Cause tomorrow will hurt Hurt really bad 'Cause I'm about to lose the best I ever had

Hold me closer Although you'll leave before the sunrise I'll be bleeding, but don't you mind, I'll be fine Oh, it kills me I found the right one at the wrong time But until the sunrise Could you just hold me tight? (Hold tight, hold tight) I know, I have to let go But just give me the night (hold tight, hold tight)

Can't you see that you Found the right one at the wrong time? It was just the wrong time Hold tight, hold tight

@overnightheartbeats

[cursivebloodlines]

❝ don't worry, I'll be here when you're awake. ❞ - zoe

✷ 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ; FLUFF EDITION ( . 01 ) | @overnightheartbeats

❝ don't worry, I'll be here when you're awake. ❞

Even with his comforting words, Zoe couldn’t quite settle just yet. What kind of person invites their semi-not-quite-ex boyfriend to come over after persistently demanding space? Especially so late at night…but she didn’t know who else to call at the time. The only person she could think of was Eric. He plagued all of her thoughts, every morning, noon, and night. “I’m sorry…” she murmured, her fingers fiddling with the duvet, her eyes fixated on the broken clock ticking out of time on the wall. A loaded statement coming from her. After realising she never quite finished her train of thought with her apology, she cleared her throat awkwardly, a sigh escaping her lips. “Sorry for…” The words caught in her throat, like something was fighting her, weighing her tongue down heavily to stop herself from blurting out her pathetic apologies: Sorry for hurting you. Sorry for being the way I am. Sorry for ruining us. Sorry for all…this. Sorry for it all. Sorry for everything. “Sorry for getting you out of bed at this time for something that was nothing after all that messing around.”  

It was embarrassing, really. It had been at least two days since she’d managed to get any sleep and it was starting to make her irate (more than she already was) and paranoid. She could chalk it up to several different things but there were several times where she thought she was being followed… and when she came home from a late shift to find the door unlocked, it shook her up. Normally, she was ready for a fight, always ready to defend herself (something she could thank her ever shitty ass parents and the people they dragged in and out of her life for before she finally found her escape) at any cost but this had completely caught her off guard. After searching her place top to bottom, including every hidden nook and cranny, all of her hiding spaces and the hiding spaces within those hiding spaces to make sure nothing was removed, she sat there trying to devise her next moves listening to every single sound in the vast quietness and darkness of her home. Her place wasn’t very big, just small enough for the basics, really. It was only her after all. Since being back, it felt way too big. It was eerily silent, and the Eric shaped gap in her life forced by her made it only worse. It felt so very wrong after being accustomed to his place, after she moved in so they could stay together and ensure each other’s safety with the danger stemming from what was going on with Eric’s family. In the dead of the night, that was when it dawned on her - why this could be happening. A distraction, perhaps? If either one of them were in danger… being separated from him… the rush of panicked realisation was what had her scrambling for her phone, his number on speed dial. As soon as he answered, a sigh of relief escaped her and normally able to sound detached in her tone, she couldn’t conceal the concern. Quickly uttering things like ‘I just needed to check…are you okay?’ and ‘Me? Yeah, I’m fine… actually. No. Things really aren’t right around here. Can you come over? It’s okay if you can’t. I don’t even know what I was thi-you can? Okay then. See you soon. Thank you. I lo-See you soon.’ Why she felt the need to invite him over was another question entirely. She spoke to him…He was okay. And yet still something persuaded her to ask him over. A fresh pair of eyes, that’s what she convinced herself of in the end. Someone who wasn’t her…Problem was, there weren’t a lot of people she trusted. As for Eric, he was at the top of the list of those she did. Not that it was a very long list… then again, the list may have begun and ended with him. Even with their relationship tangled in knots, there was nobody she trusted more than she did with him; they couldn’t even come close. As expected, he arrived within minutes, he was here and Zoe tried her best to give him the rundown. The worry engraved into his features tugged at her heartstrings and instantly she wished she hadn’t bothered him. The words she once told him in desperation and anguish bitterly reminded her of the word she’d once inflicted: I’m not a damsel and I’m not in distress. Tonight was proof that those words couldn’t be further from the truth.

It was a relief to see him, to see him up close and real. Not just the familiar voice over the phone, or a text message here and there. It felt like an eternity had passed since she last saw him and seeing Eric again stirred up all of the emotions she tried so hard to burrow down deep inside her. He didn’t look like he’d been sleeping much either. Like he was feeling just as rough as she had. His hair a bit out of place, the shirt he was wearing slightly rumpled up from what she assumed he’d been sleeping - or trying to - sleep in. And yet he was still the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.

It was like he’d literally jumped right out of bed to see her, which both warmed and broke her heart at the same time. How willing he still was even after everything she put him through. In the dead of night, they had a second look around to make sure nothing was out of place or that nobody happened to be lurking around. They searched every room from top to bottom, two pairs of eyes on everything this time. When they were both satisfied that all was well, and that maybe Zoe was running on fumes due to overexhaustion and that maybe - though Eric never explicitly stated it - she was well and truly paranoid. Which led to this moment, Zoe sitting up, her body under thick blankets with him perched at the edge of her bed, close enough she could reach out and touch him but it wouldn’t be enough. “I just feel like an idiot,” she muttered under her breath, “Getting you out of bed in the dead of night for nothing but to prove that I’ve finally lost it and...” Finally, she looked at him, rushing her words out a little before he had the chance to reply. Judging by the look in his eyes, he disagreed with her, about being an idiot at least. She shook her head in silent protest, a sigh combined with a yawn escaping her lips. Funny, how despite everything, they could still have a conversation without words. 

That was the problem though, wasn’t it? When words weren’t involved, they could communicate perfectly. It was just words that were difficult. But not even that… the problem was Zoe’s inability to handle problems like a normal person. Her problem was not being forthright and as open as Eric had been with her. And immediately jumping to the defense over the smallest thing, which inevitably landed them in their current predicament. Which was why she was trying to sleep - and failing - in her own damn bed and not his/formerly theirs anymore. At a loss of anymore words, she couldn’t tear her gaze away from him, like he might evaporate into thin air the second she averted her eyes. Even though he literally just promised her he would stay until she was awake. He deserved so much better. Those wretched thoughts of self hatred racked her brain once more, begging to swallow her whole. It was like trying to walk through the fog but never reaching the clear. But Eric was like the light that would lead the way, guide her to him. 

“You should sleep with me.” The words were out before Zoe had a chance to word them in a better way. What she said never even clicked until she saw his face contort with confusion, mouth opening and closing a few times like he was scrambling for something to say because he hadn’t expected it either. “Oh. I didn’t mean…” She could blame the exhaustion seeping in. She hadn’t slept in days. That was a perfectly acceptable excuse, right? “I meant…you said you’d stay until I woke up and I know that shitty couch is uncomfortable as fuck from my own experience. You’ll get a bad back, so…” She paused, clearing her throat as her memory brought her back to their last moment as a them, involving a couch - his - and how less comfy hers was compared to that one. Being snuggled up in his arms, his hands on her skin, both love and despair brought on by her own wrongdoing and misunderstanding. The last time she felt whole. Back to reality. “So, um. You’re not sleeping there. I know we’re not…but you can sleep here. Much comfier. Just…take off your shoes.” A slight hint of a smile pulled at the corner of her lips as she shuffled over, pulling the duvet down for him and patting it in an attempt to beckon him. 

It was then, and only then, Zoe felt like she could finally settle down. The calmness his presence brought to her, the sound of his breathing put her at ease and quietened all the noise in her head. She faced him as he settled down beside her, watched how he had no problem getting comfy, but it was like he was somewhat trying to keep a distance. She couldn’t blame him for that, she ended it after all. But instinctively, she urged slightly closer. It was selfish, really, but she couldn’t help herself. Sighing softly, she let her eyes close as she sank down into her pillows, into well needed rest. “Thank you, for being here, for coming here,” she murmured like a hushed secret, like the darkness would hold her secrets close to her chest. “And for what it’s worth, I really have missed you,” she trailed off as sleep called out to her, unsure why the words slipped out but it was the truth. If she’d been less exhausted and more lucid, she probably could’ve stopped herself. It was selfish, it was unfair of her to say this to Eric after all she’d put him through. But it was the last thing she’d uttered before she fell asleep, and by the time she woke up, she probably wouldn’t remember. 

[illyanarasputinfan]

Artist Spotlight- David Nakayama

[cursivebloodlines]

@overnightheartbeats

“She sat on the kitchen floor with broken stars in her eyes and burnt promises on her tongue, and she told him, “Your life would be so much easier without me.” So he sat by her side, close enough that their arms and hips and legs touched, and he said, “But not better.””

— excerpt from a book I’ll never write

[silverflameataraxia]

I absolutely love the man-punches-someone-to-protect-his-love trope 😘

[therookiedc]

The Rookie Discord server

The best and most active fan discord server for The Rookie and similar shows!

Have a good time!

[rookieoneil]

Zoe: nice work

Lucy: good, thanks mom….why is everyone staring at me?

Jackson: you just called Captain Anderson mom. You said thanks mom.

Lucy: what no I didn’t. I said thank…man

Zoe: do you see me as a mother figure Chen?

Lucy: no! If anything I see you as a bother figure cause you’re always bothering me

Wade: hey! Show your mother some respect.

Lucy: I didn’t call her mom!

Zoe: no no no Lucile, I take it as a compliment

Smitty: it’s not a big deal, I called *insert name* mom once and she’s my fiance.

Lucy: guys jump on that! Smitty has psycho - sexual issues!

Tim: old news. You calling Captain Anderson mommy

Lucy: hey, mommy isn’t on the table here

Perp: but you did call her mom dude

Lucy: you shut up, you’ve done nothing but lie since you got here

Perp: , all right I was lying about the holdup, but the Mom thing, that happened



Lucy: AHA Admited his albi was a lie. It was a trap. It was all part of of my devious plan.

Zoe: I believe you…

Lucy: thank you

Zoe: daughter.

[cursivebloodlines]

@overnightheartbeats

LOVE

[skeletonfumes]

Killing Zoe (1993) Roger Avary

[boardchairman-blog]

**Shots of the Episode**

Shadow and Bone (2021)

Season 2, Episode 6: “Ni Weh Sesh (I Have No Heart)” (2023) Director: Karen Gaviola Cinematographer: Petra Korner

[overnightheartbeats]

📷 - eric <3

send 📷 for my muse to post the “ this is her / him / them ” photo of your muse. — meaning ; the go-to photo that one’s significant other pulls up when asked about their partner. // @cursivebloodlines

definitely these two pictures! He is always ready to gush about Zoe, talking about her to anyone who will listen basically. Eric loves sharing their silly stories, her quirks, the things that make her the cutest woman in the world. Showing only one picture of her is impossible, he never knows which one to pick. Something fun and filly to prove his stories are real? Or where she looks otherworldly so no one believes she is actually with him? Of course, he goes with both pictures and continues talking about her without skipping a beat.

[cursivebloodlines]

@overnightheartbeats

“How do you look At the person You love And tell yourself That it’s time To walk away?”

— inky-tears

[cursivebloodlines]

We come in from the cold, your hands are frozen I could keep you warm, let's start again I still wanna be your superhero But you keep saying we just can't be friends

Feels like two minutes ago you were laughin' at all my dad jokes When did it change for you, my love?

Is it alright if I lay with you Just for one night? Let's evade the truth And go back to first time that we both felt the same And we were just fallin' like tears in the rain

Is it okay if we play pretend Just for more day or one more night? Is that alright? 'Cause I'm not doin' so well

I need you like the pills that I've been takin' Give me half a chance, let's start again My eyes are on the floor, I'm devastated 'Cause I know how this goes if you walk away

Feels like two minutes ago, it was you and me against the world Now it feels like my whole world is ending

Is it alright if I lay with you Just for more night? Let's evade the truth And go back to first time that we both felt the same And we were just fallin' like tears in the rain

Is it okay if we play pretend Just for more day or one more night? Is that alright? 'Cause I'm not doin' so well

Oh, don't leave me now I said don't leave me now, oh I said don't leave me now, don't you leave me I said don't leave me now, oh, oh

Is it alright if you lay with me Just for more night? Let's evade the truth And go back to first time that we both felt the same When we were just fallin' like tears in the rain

Is it okay if we play pretend For one more day or one more night? Is that alright? 'Cause I'm not doin' so well

@overnightheartbeats

[rookieoneil]

Queen Clarion and Zoe Anderson give me the same energy I can’t explain it

Which of course makes Lucy and Zoe - Tinkerbell and Queen Clarion coded