#zmediaoutlet

[mlobsters]

inspired by the archivist by @zmediaoutlet

Over the years he lost laptops, and phones, and pictures with them. It was hard to take philosophically, considering everything else he was losing at the same time. Just meant he had to take more pictures, whenever he could. Stash them places only he could find. Those times (months, years) he didn't have Dean—no matter what happened, no matter if he thought the reasons were good—he had those captured moments, at least.

digital painting ~40 hours process video here

[tgtbata]

eyy happy wincest wednesday to you too, bud. <3 a sort of tweak on your question: is there an episode that you think might've improved/gone different/just been funny if they had introduced a fanficcy trope?

heyy <3

here's the official list on how to make everything worse better:

s01e15 the benders - XY made them do it

s2e22 all hell breaks loose pt.2 - only one bed

s04e08 wishful thinking - undercover in a gay bar

s05e03 free to be me and you - coffee shop AU

s06e13 unforgiven - also undercover in a gay bar

s08e23 sacrifice - hanahaki disease

s09e13 the purge - amnesia

s09e20 bloodlines - snowed in/huddling for warmth (the episode doesn't happen, sam and dean are stuck in a snowstorm somewhere)

s10e03 soul survivor - accidental marriage

s10e22 the prisoner - animal transformation

s11e19 the chitters - fuck or die

s12e04 american nightmare - fake dating

s13e05 advanced thanatology - not a real trope but. cpr. jesus christ.

s14e08 byzantium - in vino veritas

s15e13 destiny's child - omegaverse

s15e20 carry on - magical healing cock

[alaynestone]

happy wincest wednesday! for the first wednesday of the new year and related to recent delightful shade, lol -- what are your favorite ways for Sam to find out about Dean/John, and what do you want his reaction to be?

happy wincest wednesday! this is a difficult question because there are so many different ways for this to happen and they're all incredibly interesting to me. i can't get enough of this trope, especially in combination with sam/dean and the new layers of familial dysfunction it unveils.

a classic is sam finding out after john's death in season 2. it feels like the most canon compliant time for him to discover this because by s1 they're still getting to know each other again as adults and sam still has quite a few gaps about dean's childhood. i do think that no matter how the discovery happens, sam will be able to look back on events from his childhood and teenage years and feel like a part of him always suspected. maybe he never consciously considered it but there was something about the closeness dean and john shared that always made him uncomfortable for reasons he couldn't name. partly because when john wasn't there that closeness was shared with him, but as soon as john was back dean would turn into daddy's little wooden boy all over again. i think sam always felt lonelier and more distant from dean when it was the 3 of them and that's one of the reasons why he never wants things to go back to the way they were.

so since we're talking about s2, his reaction is horror, revulsion, not so much because it's a shock but because when he stops to think about it it really, really isn't. i can't sugarcoat the fact that sam in the earlier seasons would often get angry at dean for "allowing himself to be treated that way", so he would be fiercely protective but bad at expressing it in a way that can't be misinterpreted by dean as disgust. i said something similar when you asked me about sam finding out that dean has done sex work. i think he'd explode at first and only later approach it in a more gentle way. i think he'd feel guilty for not seeing it (or not understanding what he was seeing) and hopeless with knowing that there wasn't anything he could've done because dean would have never walked away from john.

dean of course would defend john to sam and probably even insist that he started it. i can also see him getting vicious about it and generally treating it as not that big of a deal. whether this is a universe where sam and dean have a sexual relationship or not, sam would be terrifyingly familiar with wanting dean and feeling evil for it. and also familiar with the way they were so cut off from society that something like that could begin to make sense. if this is a version of events where sam hasn't acted on his attraction, it's easier to stay mad and keep a relative distance from the situation. if he has then it's confirmation that he is indeed wrong like his father is wrong, and is dean with him because john is no longer there? does he know what he wants? if things between them started long before s1, was dean only with sam because that was what he was used to? did john know? the sickest possibility to cross his mind would be that dean was with him with john's permission, or on john's orders. he realizes he's never hated his father more yet now feels closer to him than ever and still can't help but miss him terribly.

but just because they've both crossed these lines, doesn't mean he has to be like john. this could mean he ends his physical relationship with dean but even if he succeeds we know there's no getting rid of "whatever this is" between them, so he'd only be putting it off for some time. plus they both need that intimacy and there's nothing else to hold onto anymore AND IT'S ONLY S2 so as much as putting a stop to it appeals to me for angsty reasons, determination to treat dean better and love him harder would probably win out. for all that sam feels cursed, there's always a stubborn optimism that keeps him fighting the worst of his nature and that would be useful in a situation as messy as this.

[horrorshow]

hi suzy, happy wincest wednesday :) I know we share a love of protective!Sam -- when do you think that started happening in their lives? Did Sam have to get taller first, lol, or was it some story/life event that precipitated little brother starting to watch out for big brother?

happy ww liz!

i don't think sam's height has anything to do with it actually! i don't think sam thought of himself as stronger or more capable than dean at all. as a kid, sam always looked up at dean, and sam never fully grew out of seeing dean as a hero, so, it's not about that.

easy answer is of course that john trained them from a very young age to never trust anyone but each other. so due to the way they lived and the amount of danger they encountered on a daily basis, sam has always been more protective of dean than other siblings would be. and dean was very protective of him, while sam tried to be just like his big brother, so he wouldn't hesitate to protect dean in turn.

but besides that, i think sam's protectiveness of dean specifically developed hand in hand with his rebellion against john and hunting. and i imagine that started when sam was old enough to stay home alone, while john took dean 'away from him' on hunts.

i can't imagine how horrible it must have been for sam, as a kid, to be all alone in a motel room, waiting for his only family to return, not knowing IF they'd even return, being fully aware of the danger they were in, how often he must have waited impatiently for the promised 'we're okay' phonecall that wasn't on time, or dean and john returning hours or days later than planned, not in one piece, sam running to get the first aid kit, wounds, broken bones, stitches, bruises, all kinds of injuries, dean either too hyper or too quiet or completely out of it, but never truly the dean sam knew. anyone who has ever been worried about a sibling like that, or saw a sibling in serious pain knows that stuff stays with you. it's horrible. and when that person is the only long term relationship you have outside of your dad... there's so much to lose.

i have one very specific mental image of sam coming home from school in the middle of the afternoon, to a bruised and bloodied dean - just back from a long hunt - in dirty clothes asleep on the couch, looking hurt and exhausted and vulnerable, with sam staring at him, at first VERY relieved that he's home safe, but that fast making place for an anger on how UNFAIR and wrong it all is, how NONE of this is normal, combined with sam's constant uncertainty and anxiety and fear, suddenly wishing fiercely for a normal life where he and dean are both safe at school instead of having to deal with any of this, i think sam felt FURIOUS in that moment and that it shocked him how much anger he could feel towards hunting and his dad for doing this to them.

basically, sam tried to win dean back from john. not because sam thought dean was incapable of looking out for himself, but because dean belonged with sam. because sam would love him better. because with john there was always the threat of danger. so... his protective streak started as a bit naive and selfish, but i'm 100% convinced that it came from a place of love bc he was aware of how messed up their lives were, and bc he cared for dean and wanted him to be safe.

(and of course, it was never simply just about that. sam felt lonely and an outsider in his own family and he missed how close he and dean used to be. and a part of him tried to embrace hunting the same way dean did, but finding himself unable to, and a part of him was jealous of dean's special bond with john, making him feel even more cut off. his feelings for dean and his dad were always complicated)

i think sam always hoped, and even expected, that dean would eventually see the light and join his side. that dean would stop seeing him as his kid brother, but would listen to him and agree with his reasoning, and whatever they'd do next, they'd do it together, as equals. and that dean would somehow be grateful for it. so if he convinced john to postpone a hunt or go alone, so he could have dean with him, and dean could rest and do some homework and they could have fun or even if he was just hanging around or they'd argue or if dean stayed out all night, sam knew he'd come back in one piece to him with jokes and stories to tell him and that's what mattered. every win sam could get for dean like that was also a win for himself. in sam's mind they were supposed to be on the same team fighting the same fight, even if he had to do all the work himself to pry dean from john's hands.

but, one problem: sam was a kid, and he only ever looked at it from his own perspective, he didn't understand why dean did what dean did or what dean needed. he naively thought nudging him in the right direction would be enough. sam didn't understand why dean kept choosing john's side, didn't understand why dean didn't stand up for himself more, couldn't rhyme dean's obedience to john with his concept of the heroic big brother who could do ANYTHING he set his mind to. and with every year that passed they only drifted further apart bc of this, until it exploded.

but despite stanford and all that happened since, i love how sam only grew more protective of dean, in newer and even more bizarre ways, and he eventually got dean exactly where he wanted him, safe and happy at his side😌❤️ so it all ends well when it ends well! for a while at least :/

[stanfordsweater]

happy wincest wednesday, o delightful ava <3 -- do you have any headcanons about the wincesters + early winter/first snows/etc?

happy wincest wednesday!! imagine, if you will, sam and dean staying in a motel in [googles snowiest states] new hampshire when they get SNOWED IN for the first time, oh nooo, and little sammy in grade four has a very important presentation on the declaration of independence that he doesn't want to miss ;~; dean's down to make a pot of coffee and listen to the radio while pretending it's hot chocolate ("this is how it's always tasted, sammy, you're hurting my feelings.") but he knows how important it is to sam so he begrudgingly bundles up in two of dad's jackets and forces the door open with his big-kid strength (they'll clean up the puddle of melted snow in the entry after), carves a path through the snow big enough for sammy to get through, and they make the trek to school together, snow inside their sneakers, only to find out that it's closed for the storm!! they stop into a convenience store that wouldn't close if hell froze over on the way home where they shove hot chocolate containers into their jackets and spend the rest of the day drinking lukewarm-tap-water chocolate and building igloos out of the bed sheets.

[fandom-hoarder]

Not reblogging because I...don't actually like the show lol. But this made me laugh.

So true lol.

It was 14 gifs long and the whole interaction felt empty. A lot of generic dialogue to say nothing.

[queenklu]

hello! I don't know if you still are into Supernatural at all, but I just wanted to let you know that your story 'yellows, angles or silences' is absolutely one of my favorites and I think about it at least once a week. It just has this perfect blend of humor, tenderness, empathy for both characters, strong writing that doesn't insist on itself -- really an A++ all around. I'm really grateful you were into spn for a while there, because your understanding of the characters was superb. Thanks <3

Hey hi hello!! I FULLY thought I had replied to this but I just imagined itttttt OOPS

I have for sure fallen off the spn wagon but it was so fucking formative for my fandom experience that it will always hold a high place of horror honor in my heart. I'm so glad you enjoy 'yellows, angles or silences'! Fun fact, this title came about because I was desperate to find SOMETHING that had the word "yellow" in it to match Dean's magical abilities and I was too pretentious to use a song lyric?? Anyway,

THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH!! It's been actual ages since I've reread this, so I love the reminder! :DDD

[crack-in-the-chassis]

Just checking on the discord link -- is the 'Dean/Cas+ Stab Fest' the right server?

Yes! StabFest was the first event we put on, and we didn't realize it would become a habit. Once you're in the server, you'll be assigned a role specific to the event you're participating in at that time, so you'll see just the relevant channels.

[infinemmonstrum]

hi, happy wincest wednesday! what's the vibe that drew you to sam&dean?

me answering this ask four months (and two days) late? more likely than you think. wincest wednesday more like wincest everyday (lame joke sorry okay I'll carry on)

my answer is rooted in plain old horniness so I'll put that under the cut:

tbh I was hooked from 'easy, tiger', but what really caught my attention was the airplane scene in 1.04, where Dean hyperventilates and Sam just - orders him to calm down. and then calls him good when Dean does. just like me fr

but seriously I just found their push-pull power dynamic (at least in early seasons - I'm still only on s4) a) compelling and b) horny. honest to god that is why I started watching the show in earnest instead of keeping it as background noise!

without that dynamic, or indeed incest subtext in general (which I think is pretty blatant and requires rose-colored ray-bans to ignore) Supernatural would just be not-as-smart Buffy for straight white Texan men. thankfully it does feature those themes and brotherdomming to boot and thus it became a timeless cw staple upon which fandom's imagination has thrived, and for which we are all grateful (again I mean this sincerely, because omegaverse* has been one of my top fic genres since middle school)

*this is an aside, but back when I tried reading destiel (with only the knowledge that it had gone tenuously canon near the series finale and whatever insights I gleaned from heller gifsets) I was just completely unable to envision either of them topping. this changed when I witnessed Jomega Jackles in action and now I am completely unable to see top!dean unless it's a) weecest or b) deanna

[jamevaa]

Even knowing how this all ends, this moment is heart wrenching. :(

Sam marks time. Dean doesn't know why. Their watches still tick and that weird clock in the library still traces the hours and Sam writes them out on the chalkboard in the kitchen: one day and then two and then three and then—Dean doesn't keep track, doesn't want to look. The sun rises and midnight comes and it's another day in an empty world. He's not sure what the benefit of knowing how long it's been is, other than a hair shirt. Sam's good at constructing those but Dean's never felt the need. The hair shirt rides with him, inside his skin. Never really goes away.

Two remaining humans on Earth. Jack's a question mark. He spends a lot of his time split between his bedroom and sitting out on the side of the plant above the bunker. Taking in the air, or something. Dean would ask but he doesn't know what to say. When they failed—this bad. When it's their fault and there's no excuse to offer.

Sam would say it wasn't their fault but Chuck's. At least another Sam would. He tried on that first day after they came home, Chuck's glee searing some new kind of pain over every one of Dean's bones, and Sam's supposed to be the optimistic one but even he couldn't get through it. They could have, they should have. On that first night they both get very, very drunk, and Dean does have the thought somewhere between the last moments of lucidity and blackout that—okay, so they should've played their roles—at least Earth would be alive, at least there'd still be the old lady who worked the register at the grocery store and little kids selling chiclets in Acapulco and the Denver Broncos—but really, would that have been the end? If they'd gone full Romeo and Juliet. If he'd shot Sam in the head and then cut his own wrists and waited, the blood pooling into a lake, feeling every weakening heartbeat as the punishment he deserved. Would that have been enough? Or would the writer have realized that ending wasn't satisfying, either, and there'd be—shock, surprise—another sequel, the show renewed another year, and the Winchesters would be dragged back from death to enact some new version of melodrama? Dean watched a lot of soaps, back in the day, waiting through dull lonely days until he could dig a grave under cover of darkness. He knows no one ever got free, unless they got recast, and on an empty Earth there was fat chance of that. Which he explained to Sam, but Sam might've passed out by that point.

Fourth day of an empty Earth they get in a fight. It's halfhearted at best. Dean's hungover and Sam's jittery and terrified because there's nothing he can think of to fix what's gone wrong and Jack's quiet, a kicked dog not wanting attention in case another boot comes its way. Dean drank the last cup of coffee and Sam's pissed at him and then Dean's furious. It feels pointless even as it's happening. Sam gives him that look like he expects more and Dean throws his empty mug at the wall and leaves the kitchen and every ounce of anger drains out as soon as he's in the hall. He takes a shower—by some miracle, they're still getting water and power and light—and leans his aching head against the cold tile and doesn't cry but maybe he'd feel better if he could. It keeps not coming. When he dries off he pulls on boxers and a t-shirt and goes back to the kitchen and the pieces of the mug have been swept up and left in a broken pile on the kitchen island. Visual metaphor. He hopes Chuck appreciates it.

Sam's in his bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed with a beer in hand. Ten in the morning. "Stealing my move," Dean says.

Sam doesn't look at him. Dean sits beside him on the bed and looks at the wall, too. Says, "Where's Jack?" and Sam says, all rusted edges, "Outside," and Dean doesn't know how the kid does it. When the door's closed on the bunker it feels—not good but not all that different than it used to. When they were alone down here, and the world could pass by overhead unknown. The silence down here is something Dean loved. The silence out there—

He takes the beer out of Sam's hand. Sam lets him. He takes a deep swallow. Then he sets the beer on the bedside table, and then he sets his hand on the back of Sam's neck, and then watches Sam close his eyes and his jaw flex. Dean doesn't want to ask; he doesn't have to.

They fuck. It's not good or bad. Dean's brain shuts off and when he comes to they're panting and it stinks kind of, Sam's sweat and the jizz in the air and two bodies sticking together. Sam's arm is curled under Dean's head and Dean turns his face down into Sam's bicep, hides his eyes from the light. His hangover hasn't gone away and may never. He says, "If we could've," and can't finish, but Sam knows what he means.

"We had our whole lives to learn how," Sam says. Very quiet. He lays his hand on Dean's belly and his forehead tips down against the back of Dean's head. Kind of hurts, bone to bone. "I never could. Could you?"

Sam's blood on his hands in exchange for seven billion lives, plus or minus a few. His gut aches. He can't respond but Sam doesn't seem to expect him to.

Refractory periods being what they are in a man's forties, Dean can't wipe his brain clean again the way he'd prefer. He leaves Sam's room and gets drunk again instead. In the morning he's hungover, and Sam's made coffee, and the chalkboard says it's day five.

[peach-coke]

hi peachy, happy wincest wednesday! in their 'hanging out in the arcade' days, what game do you think the boys played? who was better?

Ahhw~ Happy belated Wincest Wednesday to you too, Liz! I love that one! ;v; ♥ Sam’s favorite is Gravitar. It’s hard to find any arcade that even has it (and if Dean scours enough arcades to make sure the one they go to does, nobody really needs to know that). It‘s a challenge if Sam’s ever seen one and he loves the difficulty of it.

Dean makes fun of him for loving a game that’s not only super unpopular but even older than Sam himself ("Only by ONE YEAR, Dean!") when Turtles in Time and Tekken are right there.

Secretly, Dean’s impressed though, ‘cause he remembers everyone at school hating it because nobody ever made it out of first universe. Sam’s beaten the game twice.

Dean is all for action, shooting and beat-em-up’s – The louder, the better. (He does, however, have a secret obsession with Frogger which he’s gonna take to his grave.)

Street Figther, Mortal Kombat, 1942, Rampage… Dean’s played them all and is great at most of them, as smashing buttons is the best strategy and that? He can do.

Back in the days, Sam loved to watch him play for hours (and Dean reveled in the attention) - He stopped watching December 1991.

They don’t play together all that often ‘cause their taste in games differs way too much – If they do however, it’s Mario Bros (Because of course it is) as they both prefer playing together for a common goal, rather than playing against each other.

Once, they tried Bubble Bobble. That just felt like a bad trip (Not that Sam would know that then – But you get the gist).

[tgtbata]

hi busiest person frauke, happy wincest wednesday! I'm just gonna ask everyone the same thing this week, to wit: what's a good 'starter' wincest fic that you'd recommend to someone new to the ship? (bonus q: what fic would you rec to sam or dean?)

hey thank you for thinking of me!

i think i'd rec the same fics regardless of whether someone is new to the ship or not - maybe more focused on early seasons? but i'm also not very sure what makes a good 'starter' fic since i'm usually very quick to jump into ships (and not one who needs to get eased into incest ships or the like lol) but here's some fics i think that make for some cool base reading:

waiting games by nutkin

yellows, angles and silences by queenklu

have a cigar by deadlybride

lovetown by nigeltde

speechless by candle_beck

breathing hard by whereupon

as for fic to rec to sam and/or dean: i guess maybe gospel truth for the selfish joy of being perceived. other than that i have no funny or smart answer to this rip why rec something when they can live it. maybe the answer is smith/wesson porn as inspo for them. or something.

[alaynestone]

hey vicky, happy wincest wednesday! if you had to give Dean a 'special power' what do you think would be fitting for him? (how would Sam react?)

happy wincest wednesday on a wednesday!!

hmm, so many possibilities but i'm gonna go with SIRENING. we all know how dean's milkshake brings all the boys, girls, monsters and divine entities to the yard. it's something that takes his already supernatural seeming charm to a whole new level and creates a new bunch of issues for him and the way he relates to others. makes it all more overt and textual.

the way sam would react i think would depend on how young he is when he finds out about dean's gift. if he knows early on, it's something that connects them more and makes dean supernaturally freaky like him. difference is dean is freaky in a way john can exploit to make their lives and jobs easier while sam only has bad dreams and feels a persistent sense of wrongness he doesn't know how to explain. dean's non-yed related powers don't make john any more willing to share information with sam, so that part of their family dynamic largely remains the same. but i also think john still instills a sense of secrecy in them about dean's persuasiveness. they don't talk about it unless they have to. it's "you know what to do" and dean femme fatales the monster of the week. again, canon on steroids only with dean in a less vulnerable position.

that brings me to how possible it is that sam doesn't find out about it until later. the more i think about it the more convinced i am that it would be another secret between dean and john. when sam does discover the secret, it makes him look at their relationship in a new light and question whether any of his choices were his own. it's also incredibly tempting to attribute his own wincesty feelings to dean messing with his head. eventually this is something that brings them closer, but they have to go through a hell of angst and miscommunication first.

but wonderfully messy potential aside, there is no version of the story where dean has to use mind control to get sam to leave jess and go hunting with him.

[mlobsters]

via @zmediaoutlet (x)

via @galateaknife (x)

my two cents, I hadn't thought about that comment either. I read it as "normal person" which Dean will readily agree hunting life does not equate to being a normal person with a normal life. and popping it in right after the bomb from Dean's perspective that Sam does want to go back to school after all this, I think we (he and I? lol) all snagged on to that.

so anyway I think it's a really interesting observation on something that I always mentally glossed over and got me thinking about things which I hadn't considered ❤️

my heart was breaking for dean because of this fairly extreme emotional vulnerability in this conversation, and I also thought Sam was being pretty reasonable and letting Dean down relatively easy (though I do think Sam being even a little surprised that Dean is reacting this way to him leaving potentially is more for flow of the conversation in the show and less realistic. like in 5x16 Dean said Sam leaving for Stanford was one of worst nights of his life, this can't be a surprise that take 2 isn't going to be smooth sailing [imo].) since Sam leaving is such a regular theme I was paying attention to how he came around to wanting to be with Dean for the long haul on my first watch, but I'm definitely even more interested in rewatching to see how he gets from here to there. there's just so many hours of this show, I know I'm not good at holding even only the parts I'm really interested in (Sam and Dean's relationship) in my head all at once.

supernatural s1e16 shadow (w. eric kripke)

aka the first time i had a full-tilt meltdown over this show.

[stanfordsweater]

hiiiiii ava happy wincest wednesday, if you feel like it I feel like it is the new year and it would be fun to be unrepentantly hornt: just for fun, what's a kink you'd like Sam to have? Like, what makes the top of his head come off? [alternately if that's too hornt, what is his new year's resolution?]

i find it’s a lot easier to imagine sam having more unusual kinks than it is for dean, partly because he’s a lot more opaque and partly because it’s fun for me-- sam’s the kind of guy who might see something about a kink and go ew, what, watch a few videos to see what it’s about, like it, and then catalogue it away with everything else he’s tried. with that, though, i have a harder time imagining sam going 😳 because i think dean is more likely to be swept away by horniness where sam intellectualizes it.

one thing that i think sam is really into is voyeurism. this is not a new take, lol, but i imagine when he does watch porn he’d tend towards solo. the flip side of that is that i think he and dean could get to a point in their relationship where they pick up a third partner and trade off watching vs. participating, and sam would be REALLY into both parts. he knows he fucks well, and he loves having dean’s attention-- watching dean have sex is natural and hot as hell, but getting to show off and blow somebodies mind while dean sits there and watches and drools?? absolutely something sam would be into.

[preseriesdean]

if you don’t mind me asking, could you share some of your favorite fanfics or authors? thanks ❤️

oh hi hello!! yes of course!! i actually haven't read any spn fic in a while but i have spent a lot of time organizing my bookmarks. i'm going to assume that you meant samdean fic but i'll add a few non-samdean ones at the end.

authors!

@zmediaoutlet (deadlybride on ao3)

candle_beck (ao3)

@goshen-applecrumbledore (ao3)

whereupon (livejournal)

Linden (ao3)

sevenfists (ao3)

there are so many more great authors but these came to mind :)

fics!

i am going to list my forever-favorites first - the ones i would recommend to anyone and everyone, screaming-from-the-rooftops kind of love - and then many many more under the cut.

beloved by urchinesque (2016, 1.9k, NR, warning: death) It might be the gentlest thing that's ever happened to them.

in my opinion everyone should read this once. it's quick. they die. it's-- happy, somehow. beautiful. i think about it all the time.

Last Day on Earth by candle_beck (2009, 10.8k, E) A list of things to do if you only have one day to live, presented in inconvenient non-list form.

last year my best friend and i were pondering which fic felt quintessential to samdean for us and somehow settled on this one. i still agree with the choice.

Odysseus, American by coyotesuspect (2010, 10k, M) Dean finds Peter O'Toole's recording of the Odyssey in a bin marked “Audio" in Casa Grande's only used bookstore. The place smells like cigarette smoke and old books, and it reminds him of Sam. Stanford era.

my favorite stanford era fic. i think it captures dean's loneliness and desperation beautifully.

A man with his insides out and his outsides off by britomart_is (2016, 5.3k, E, time travel, underage) They say there are only two stories in the world: man goes on a journey, and stranger comes to town.

another fic i want everyone to read. it's so short and feels like a novel. sam is messed up and dean is in love and everything is miserable.

Breathing Hard by whereupon (2009, 9k, E) The day Dean figures it out.

this is so simple and yet-- everything to me. i can't think about dinosaurs without thinking about this fic, which doesn't tell you much, but you'll see. sometimes this is really all you need.

The Last Outpost of All That Is by gekizetsu (2008, 59k, E) The world ends while they’re asleep.

this fic has stayed with me my whole life. i thought about it even during my years away from spn and fandom entirely. they're alone and you don't know why and they build their life together and you end up wondering, is this hell or heaven? whenever i come across a screenshot of the last couple of paragraphs i want to cry.

see things so much clearer by deadlybride (2020, 11.7k, E) Sam's been acting oddly. Dean learns how to use the history on an internet browser and finds out why.

this is a fic that hits the spot for me personally so well. another favorite preseries fic. i love the idea of sam using livejournal, and of dean finding out this way.

Stay The Distance by lazy_daze (2011, 24k, E) Sam is dependent on Dean's touch and closeness after the wall falls - Dean's presence reminds him of why he chose to wake up, and keeps the memories at bay, allowing Sam to function.

i love enmeshment, and i love that here it's literal. i love that they're just sort of fine with it.

more fics below!

in absolutely no particular order whatsover. please check the warnings and tags on these before reading!

Recall by De_Nugis (2012, 6.3k, E) Sam's having a hard time telling what's real and what isn't, especially when it comes to some voicemails from Dean.

Living in god's blind spot by applecrumbledore (2022, 25k, E) Of all the situations Dean didn’t need his dad to see him in, ‘getting off to being pushed around by a guy’ was in the top three. And ‘a guy’ was a massive glossing-over of reality. Any guy—any other guy—would be bad enough, but Sam was fucking cataclysmic.

Almost At Home by balefully (2008, 24.3k, E) Sam graduates from high school in early June in rural Tennessee. He and Dean start the summer with an all-nighter of celebration; the day after, while both fight hangovers, John calls to assign them their first hunt by themselves.

they said it was the fall of man by jukeboxhound (2016, 7.4k, M) Sam gets his soul back on a Monday.

When I Fall Asleep It Is Your Eyes That Close by britomart_is (2009, 1.9k, E) Post-Season Two. Sam is alive. Dean is happy.

Life As We Know It by sevenfists (2007, 13.7k, M, curtain fic) On the morning that Sam woke up, Dean ran five red lights on the way to the hospital, his half-empty coffee cup sloshing in the holder.

tied up like two ships by orphan_account (2014, 3.1k, E) Dean liked to hold hands.

Gospel Truth by Cerberuss (2020, 15.2k, E, case fic) ‘DOES YOUR BROTHER KNOW THAT YOU WANT HIM?’ Individually placed letters, bold and tinged brown with the weather. Sam can’t look away and he prays, dream dream dream.

Buy You A Mockingbird by candle_beck (2011, 10.3k, M, underage, outsider pov) A genuine horror story.

because you want to die for love by hathfrozen (2021, 27.3k, E) Sam and Dean settle into their Heaven—and into each other, too.

the constant vow by deadlybride (2022, 119k, E, fem dean-ish) They've just finished up a pretty standard job and are killing time in snowy Wisconsin when Dean wakes up no longer looking like Dean. That's just the start of their problems.

This Fortress Made of Us by mickeym (2009, 10.8k, E) Sam really didn't do very well without his brother. Coda for Mystery Spot.

State of Love and Trust/As I Busted Down the Pretext by cormallen (2010, 2.9k, M) When you know exactly what your brother's thinking, there are some chances you just don't take.

Quiet with the Rain by Linden (2014, 5.3k, T) Dean can spot an undercover cop at thirty paces, a hooker at twenty, and rims that will match his baby's at ten. But the fact that his little brother is in love with him—that, he can't see worth a damn.

have a cigar by deadlybride (2020, 5.6k, E) What happened with Andy and Ansem unsettles Sam. Dean doesn't seem worried.

Heart Shaped Balloon by winsive (2022, 18.5k, E, underage) Sam and Dad are fighting. No surprise, but it's the weekend before Valentine's Day and Dean isn't missing out on the chance to bang a cheerleader just to console his bratty little brother. He does bring back a heart shaped balloon for him, though. It's not supposed to be cursed.

Bare by gracerene (2022, 2.2k, T) Of all the things Dean hasn't done before, Sam never expected something as innocuous as skinny dipping to be on the list.

Speechless by candle_beck (2008, 11.2k, T, case fic) Dean loses his voice and their rapport is only moderately impaired.

Like It Was Yesterday by nomelon (2014, 4.9k, T, fem dean, amnesia) Sam can't remember a time when Dean wasn't there. Dean is always with him. Sam's whole life, there's never been anyone else.

Like a Ghost with Two Voices by Dyed_Red (2022, 46k, E) To cure Dean from the Mark of Cain, Sam has to let Dean, in all his demonic glory, possess him for 28 days. It goes about as well as expected.

Breathe You In (Choke You Down) by orphan_account (2021, 5.9k, E, pwp) Dean really likes the way Sam smells.

lost in yesterday by margaryes (2023, 1k, NR, john pov) John hasn’t seen his youngest son in 18 months.

Unraveling by Linden (2017, 855 words, E) No, he’d said, the first time Sammy had tried to kiss him, sixteen and half-drunk and stupidly beautiful, even though he’d wanted so badly to say yes.

pack up the moon by deathdreamt (2021, 5.9k, T, pre-slash) Sam storms back out from their room, his backpack on and his duffel hanging off his shoulder and isn’t it kind of tragic that his whole life fits in two bags. He looks suddenly much younger than he is, eyes shining. John is back at his guns, whiskey at his elbow, and Dean can hardly believe how rapidly his life is cracking down the centre.

Yesterday, minnesota by applecrumbledore (2022, 30k, E, case fic) Any initial awkwardness filtered away over a hundred miles of highway as Sam thumbed through the missing witch’s diary again. Some people had secret coke habits or secret second wives, and some people had passionate, pitch black, no-kissing sex with a family member every four to six months and never talked about it. You had to find ways to cope.

All Heartless Spectres, Happiness by orphan_account (2021, 5.6k, E) Lisa Braeden receives an email with the subject line, "You Deserve to Know." It contains a single video file and nothing else. (soulless sam)

The Palm Oasis by fictionallemons (2022, 12.3k, E, underage) John strands Dean and Sam at a middle-of-nowhere motel while he investigates possible demon omens in Arizona. The place is nothing to write home about, but at least it has a pool. Dean resolves to think of this as a vacation for him and his studious little brother, but when their money runs out sooner than expected, he considers turning tricks at a nearby truck stop so he can feed Sam.

Other Brothers by homo_pink (2020, 7k, M, underage, outsider pov) A callow boy can go from infancy to someone’s lover in the space of two wildflower summers.

Leader of the Pack by astolat (2007, 14.9k, E) Teaching old dogs new tricks.

Underground Wires by eggnogged (2012, 15.8k, E, fem sam, underage) It’s hard enough being a teenage girl even without all the extra crap: they move around all the time, her family is as far removed from normal as it’s possible to get, and she’s in love with her older brother. Sam has no control on any of it, she’s just trying to stay afloat.

Multitude of Sins by Linden (2015, 4.4k, T, outsider pov) Every now and again, Jim Murphy would look up from his altar and find the Winchester boys at the back of his church.

Like Arrows in the Hands of a Warrior by ADeedWithoutaName (2018, 10.3k, E, underage, dub con-ish, john pov) John Winchester loves his boys, and would take a bullet for either of them. He knows that he's doing it right, the way he's raising them, the things he's teaching them. Not every problem, however, has an easy answer. Like what to do after an incubus case in which their target got his pollen all over both of John's sons.

You Can't Lose What You Never Had by nigeltde (2016, 5.6k, E) You can't spend what you ain't got, and you can't lose what you ain't never had.

Flagstaff by Linden (2014, 7.3k, T, pre-slash, john pov) John tracked Sam down in Flagstaff, four days after he got home to find him gone.

I'll take my chance on a beautiful stranger by fleshflutter (2007, 3.8k, M, outsider pov) If Chase were a better friend, he might try to end the game now, before Brendan loses even more money. But if Brendan is a dick at Stanford, it’s nothing compared to how he is on break.

Cupid's Got A Gun by geckoholic (2012, 13.5k, E, non-con) Fuck-or-die, set in early S4. But they've been fucking for years, so that shouldn't be a problem, right? Wrong. Ever since hell, Dean's in no hurry to get that show on the road again.

Someone Else's Blood by sevenfists (2006, 6.7k, E) The first time, of course, was an accident. (pretend dating)

How Many Floors to Realize by lazy_daze (2009, 26k, E, swesson) AU from the end of It's A Terrible Life, in which Zachariah decides to keep stringing them along a little while longer, because damn if they aren't somewhat entertaining, right?

Worthless cartography by applecrumbledore (2022, 15.6k, E) Dean didn’t know what finally made him go for it. The djinn’s dream was a catalyst, but the call was coming from inside the house, and he’d been letting it ring for a very, very long time. (They get one night together right before Sam is taken to Cold Oak. Dean has to deal with that.)

The Space Between Sense and Memory by orphan_account (2021, 4.8k, T) There are a hundred unwritten rules on all the acceptable ways brothers should touch each other. There are hardly any ways at all to break them. Or; five times they follow the rules and one time they don’t.

Ions in the Ether by nigeltde (2019, 10.9k, E, case fic) When was the last time you trusted happy.

Crossed Wires by rivkat (2015, 10.9k, E) Dean thinks Sam is dead.

Crown and Anchor Me (or let me sail away) by Sena (2010, 23.7k, E, underage) Sam Winchester is fifteen years old, at yet another new high school in yet another state, he doesn't get along with his distant, distracted father, he's figuring out that he likes guys just as much as he likes girls, his clothes never fit and his limbs ache at the joint ever since his growth spurt started, he has to study for the PSAT and, oh yeah, he's a little bit in love with his brother, Dean, who's taken a break from hunting monsters to work at a local garage for minimum wage.

Wear Him Lika a Habit by sevenfists (2008, 2.2k, M) Their first kiss isn't an accident. It's anticipated well in advance, discussed for weeks, argued over, second-guessed.

Amor Prohibido by phoenixflight (2020, 3k, M, underage) They spent the spring of Sam's sophomore year living in a shitty apartment south of San Antonio. Every Friday night the clearest channel played three hour marathons of a Spanish soap called La Casa del Corazón. There was a mutually understood truce about watching it, because the alternatives were infomercials or creepy kids’ cartoons that futzed into static every fifteen seconds.

Open Road by Mollyamory (2010, 2k, T) Sam's old enough to know what's good for him.

It's the Blueprint of Your Life by queenklu (2011, 38.4k, time travel) Sam jerks awake in the middle of the night and everything goes to hell. Well, not literally, though Dean is staring down the barrel of less than a year before his deal comes due. In the midst of dealing (or not dealing) with his impending death, a killer ghost ship, and Bela showing up out of the blue, Dean also has to figure out what’s going on in Sam’s head to make him so twitchy, why he’s suddenly breezing through this case while writing endless notes in a notebook he won’t let Dean see.

North of Wednesday by Mollyamory (2008, 3.5k, G) Sam's behind the wheel before he realizes he doesn't have the keys. Coda to Mystery Spot.

non-wincest fic.

dean/omc. We Drank a Thousand Times by glorious_spoon (2010, 43k, M, warning: death) They meet in a bar fight in North Carolina when Dean is nineteen, broke, and desperate, then again when a hunt brings the Winchesters into town a few years later. Neither one of them ever puts a name to it but every once in a while, through the years, Dean finds his way back.

dean/cas: terror & desire intertwined by rupertgayes (2022, 39k, M) Faced with Castiel suffering a fate worse than death, Dean makes the decision to let Cas use his body as a temporary vessel. All things considered, Dean thinks, it could have gone worse.

gen, sam&dean: what lasts by deadlybride (2021, 17.2k, M) Not long after they move into the bunker, Dean loses a leg. Most of a leg. After the hospital, Sam brings him home, and they figure out how to live with what remains.

gen, dean-centric: To Repair Broken Men by procrastin8or951 (2015, 3.1k, T) Dad and Sam keep fighting. Dean can't fix his family, so he fixes things around the crappy apartment they are staying in.

dean/michael: our hour came round at last by orphan_account (2015, 1.8k, NR, pwp) "I want to be inside you," says Michael, low and velvet and hungry and that really shouldn't turn Dean on but it does.

dean/lucifer, dean/cas: exploratory by sp8ce (2022, 4.9k, E, non-con) One night, Castiel proposes he and Dean have sex. Except it's a little more complicated than that.

dean/cas: for a healthy heart by Askance (2013, 2.4k, T) A strange black box appears in Castiel's bedroom one afternoon.

gen, sam&dean: charmer & gentle by Askance (2015, 3.7k, G, outsider pov) The afternoon girl calls them Big and Tall, the strangers who come in late every now and then, buying this or that. The night girl doesn't think those names fit quite right.

dean/cas, past sam/dean: whose wings, though tattered, shall carry me home by fleshflutter (2009, 2.2k, T) There is a breeze moving across the field. It stirs the long grass in lapping waves like the sea. Castiel runs his fingertips through it and remembers flying.