#zero sperm count

[palaktiwari-blog]

Azoospermia is a condition characterized by the complete absence of sperm in the ejaculate. It is a significant cause of male infertility, affecting approximately 1% of men and 10-15% of infertile men. Azoospermia can be classified into two main types: obstructive and non-obstructive. Obstructive azoospermia occurs when there is a blockage in the reproductive tract that prevents sperm from entering the ejaculate. Non-obstructive azoospermia is caused by a problem with sperm production in the testicles. Treatment for azoospermia depends on the underlying cause.

[phoenixyfriend]

Okay I have yet ANOTHER AU idea and it's vaguely historical fantasy setting where, due to their respective fathers' deaths and alliance, Jango is king of Mandalore with Satine as his heir (despite being less than a decade younger than him).

Jango arranges for Satine to marry the grandson of the Jedi count Dooku, which is fine, they find out they get along well enough, but they have trouble conceiving. Since this is a Dualsex Obi-Wan setting, the solution to this incredibly uncomfortable situation is for Jango to get Obi-Wan pregnant in hopes that Satine's the one with low fertility, because that's basically his stepsister and Jango does NOT want to fuck her.

Obi-Wan does get pregnant, but then they find out that so did Satine, and Jango's house is just full of his pregnant heir, her pregnant husband, and two under-tens with anger issues (because Obi-Wan brought his illegitimate half-brother with him, and the kid has some ongoing conflict with Bo-Katan).

I think that while Satine has zero interest in going through another birth, Obi-Wan... really wants more kids and Misses Being Pregnant so it's time for an awkward conversation with Jango about helping out again.

Satine's pregnancy was Korkie, and Obi-Wan's was Boba... plus maybe more. Not sure if the first two Obi-Wan pregnancies should be Boba+Cal, then Omega, Boba+Omega, then Cal, or Boba, then Cal+Omega, or if I should scrap Boba being the oldest Jangobi baby, and have his first be Alpha-17 or something. There's room for a bunch of kids, I think Obi-Wan wants a whole lot of pregnancies in this AU.

Satine's a bit uncomfortable about the sperm donor being Jango of all people, but whatever, that's what being royalty is like, and honestly when it comes to pregnancy, she's very 'better you than me' about it because ow.

[archangeldyke-all]

Ok so I have a bit of a strange idea, so hear me out.

MtF Sevika and reader both with a breeding kink, BUT accidental pregnancy? Whether this takes place in modern au or in the show, and obviously their kid will still be little fucker. Just kinda a funny thought of Sevika and reader being shocked that they’re suddenly expecting a child, especially if they had talked about having a child in the future but not planning for one at the moment if you kinda get the idea. Like Sevika telling reader she’ll breed her and weeks later is actually shocked that she actually gets reader pregnant lol

delicious

men and minors dni

it's not that you guys don't want kids, it's just... never really come up.

you've been married for a year. you suppose this is when most couples would typically start thinking about kids anyways. but... neither of you ever even considered it.

you were both under the impression that you getting pregnant was impossible. sevika's been on estrogen for years, her sperm count is basically zero. and you've been fucking unprotected since you started dating-- never had any pregnancy scares.

but this morning you woke up feeling... weird.

and when sevika came home from the grocery store with a box of pads for you, you realized that you were a week late.

when sevika had left to go to the gym, you sprinted to the closest pharmacy and back home. and now you're here, on your toilet, staring down at a little plus sign.

you scoff. "what the fuck?" you whisper at the test in your hand, bewildered.

...maybe you shouldn't be surprised. with the way you and sevika are always fucking, this has been a long time coming. hah, coming.

you chuckle at your own joke, then burst into tears.

sevika finds you on the toilet an hour later, still shaking with intermittent laughs and cries.

"baby?" she asks, running to your side. "what's going on?" she asks.

you just sniffle, and reveal what you're holding to your wife.

she blinks at it, her face blank. you gulp.

"i promise it's yours?" you try to joke. sevika's eyes snap up at you, and for a second you think she might be angry.

then she bursts into laughter.

you relax immediately, melting into her arms as she gathers you up into a hug.

"i fucking did it!" she laughs. you snort into her neck.

"that's not funny--"

"baby-- i've been tryin' to knock you up since our first date--"

"--we didn't fuck on our fir--"

"--and it finally worked!" she squeals. you pull your face away from her chest to blink up at her. she's grinning, vibrating in her skin, breathing like she'd just run a marathon. there are tears in her eyes, and she looks at you with so much love that it nearly blinds you.

before you know what's happening, sevika scoops you up into her arms and marches you to the bedroom. you burst into laughter in her arms.

she sets you down gently, then jumps on top of you, peppering you with kisses. "fuck, you're pregnant, baby. with our baby. holy fuck."

"y-you're okay with it?" you whimper.

sevika freezes, looking more shocked at your question than she did at the pregnancy test. "sweetheart, what do you mea--"

"it's not just kinky dirty talk, sev!" you cut her off, all the panic in your veins finally finding a release. you start to blubber beneath her, overwhelmed, and she re-adjusts until she's holding you to her chest. "it's a kid! i don't-- that-- sevika, i honestly always believed me gettin' pregnant from your dick was just as likely as you gettin' pregnant from mine!" you cry.

she chuckles, kissing up your tears and rubbing circles in your back. "there've been a few times i thought you might've succeeded, y'know." she mumbles. you let out a half-laugh, half-cry, and she continues. "'specially that time you tried that thick blue one out on me for the first time, you remember that night, baby?" she asks.

you groan, in no mood to be distracted by dirty memories but flustered by the reminder nonetheless. sevika kisses your head again.

"c'mon, babe. you never thought about havin' a little kid runnin' around the house with us?" she asks, nuzzling your scalp with her nose.

"course i have." you whisper. "usually when you're cummin' inside me, though."

she laughs. "well, think about it now. and whatever you decide-- whatever, baby-- i'm gonna support you." she promises.

you relax in her arms, breathing in her scent. you know this. sevika'd follow you off a cliff.

"tell me what you think about." you request. "about this imaginary kid of ours runnin' around your head."

you can feel her lips curl into a smile on your scalp. "well... completely hypothetically..." she murmurs, her hand not so subtly travling up your leg to rub small circles on your stomach. you snort. "i think about what they'd look like. i hope they'd have your pretty eyes. that smile of yours." she whispers. "all the little clothes they'd have to wear. gettin' to watch you breastfeed." she says this last part salaciously. you giggle against her. "i think about, y'know, when they're older. readin' to them at bedtime. makin' 'em pancakes every sunday. fuck, getting to curl up around her in this bed with you on the other side..." she trails off.

it's quiet for a few seconds, your smile growing wider by the moment as you picture your wife's words. something warm flops over in your stomach, and you know it's too early to feel anything but it doesn't stop your heart from skipping a beat.

"you said her, on that last one." you mumble after a minute.

"hmm?" sevika asks.

"'y said 'gettin' to curl up around her'." you repeat her words back to her.

sevika just chuckles. "just a hunch." she says. you pull away to look up at her. she grins.

"if i have this one, you have to have the next one." you say.

sevika barks a laugh, and swoops down to kiss you. "deal." she mumbles against your lips.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @leomatsuzaki @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai @vikasub @glass-apothecary @m0numents @macaroni676

[katareyoudrilling]

Evidence ✂️ (Tim Rockford One-shot)

Pairing: Tim Rockford x Female Reader

Summary: Tim knows a lot about vasectomies

Word count: ~1.8k

Rating: Explicit (18+ only. NO MINORS)

Content Warnings: Vasectomy kink (aka the opposite of breeding kink), unprotected PIV, vague detective work (don’t worry about it), destruction of important documents?

A/N: It has been a while since I wrote one of these! Big thanks to @veryprairieberry for sparking the idea and for patience while I pondered it for a very long time.  Also, thanks to @burntheedges for the beta and assuring me I was not crazy lol.  All my vasectomy kinks are marked with “✂️” and linked on my new Vasectomy Kink Masterlist!

Reblogs and comments are always appreciated!

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Taglist – link in my bio or ask me to add you!

“Think,” Tim admonishes himself, staring at the board filled with crime scene photographs and bits of evidence.  “What are we missing?”

“We’ve been staring at it for days.” You pull at your neck, trying to relieve the tension, a habit you likely picked up from your partner.  Sharing an office with someone will do that.  You sigh and sit down at your desk, leafing through pages of witness testimony you’ve gone over a hundred times already.  “Maybe we should call it a night.  Look again in the morning?”

A knock at the door interrupts you. “Excuse me, detectives, the medical records you requested arrived. Thought I’d drop them off on my way out.” A lackey from the records office holds out a manilla envelope in Tim’s direction.

“Thanks,” Tim stands up from the chair he had been straddling and takes the envelope.  He pulls out the stack of papers and begins to scan them one by one.

“I don’t know what you expect to find in there.” Your frustration over this case has made you pessimistic.

“You never know,” Tim mumbles under his breath as he continues reading page after page.  You go back to your testimony, looking for anything you could have missed.  Apparently, you’re not done for the evening.

“Got it!” Tim exclaims making his way over to you and dropping the stack of papers on top of your desk with a thud.

You read the top page.  “He had a vasectomy?”

“He had a vasectomy,” Tim repeats back to you.  “Five years ago.  He isn’t the father.”

“You don’t know that.  Vasectomies fail.” It’s compelling, but not the slam dunk Tim seems to think.

“No, they don’t, not if…” He shuffles through the papers some more.  “There,” he points to a test result a few pages later, “he gave a follow up sample and no sperm was detected.  The chance of a vasectomy failing after that point is basically zero. Men just say that to get out of having it done.”

“How do you know so much about vasectomies?”

“Well, I had one.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, long time ago,” he says distractedly as he makes his way back to the board of evidence, rearranging things in light of this new discovery.  He picks up his mug of, what has to be by now, very cold coffee and takes a sip.

You, on the other hand, are frozen at your desk.  Tim had a vasectomy?  Tim is shooting blanks?

This information is eliciting a strong reaction in your body.

It’s swooping through your gut.

It’s making your palms sweat and your skin prickle.

It’s…

Rage.

Burning rage floods your system, heating your skin and making your heart pound.

“You had a vasectomy?” you ask him again, trying to keep your tone even.

“Yeah, are you… angry?” Tim turns to face you, looking confused.  Maybe your voice wasn’t as neutral as you hoped.

“I’ll be asking the questions, Detective Rockford.”  You push back from your desk and stand up slowly. You take a deep breath in and exhale through your nose, keeping your voice deadly calm, as if you’re interrogating a suspect. His forehead creases in confusion, but he waits for you to speak. “When did you have it done?”

“Twelve years ago now, I guess.”

“Why?”

“I decided kids weren’t something I was interested in, seemed like the right thing to do.”

“I see,” you pace across the room, tapping your finger to your lips, rage still simmering below the surface of your skin.

His eyes follow you as you go.

“You made this decision on your own?”

“Well, yeah.  I wasn’t in a relationship at the time. I don’t und….” You hold up a finger to silence him mid-sentence.

“You found the doctor, scheduled it, all of that?”

“Of course.”

“So, you are telling me…” You turn to face him as he takes another sip of his coffee, “that I could have had you bare these past six months?”

Tim chokes.

When he finally stops coughing, he wipes his hand across his mouth.  “Is that why you’re upset?”

“Yes! We’ve been using condoms when we didn’t need to!”

“There are other reasons to wear a condom.”

“Do I need to be worried about any of those reasons with you?”

“Well, no.”

“You don’t need to be worried about them with me either.”

“I never thought I did.”

“You’re so fucking responsible.”  The words come out angry, but there’s a new heat growing in your core. Responsibility is fucking hot.

“I’m… sorry?” Tim apologizes as you make your way to the office door and lock it.

“You should be sorry.”  You stalk towards him until you’re close enough to grab him by the holsters.  You watch as his adam’s apple bobs in his throat.  You pull yourself flush with his front, noting the bulge pressing against your thigh.

“How can I make it up to you?” he rasps.

“Fuck me on your desk, Detective.  Bare.”

“You’re so fucking sexy when you’re angry,” he growls, pulling you into a searing kiss.  His tongue invades your mouth as you both scramble with belts, buttons, and clasps.  You’ve come to love the taste of bitter coffee and Chinese takeout on Tim’s tongue.  Tastes you will forever associate with him as it’s never been very long since he’s had either.

Your clothes come off quickly in between frantic kisses, but you stop him as he moves to remove his shirt and holsters. “Don’t… I need something to hold on to.”

“Fuck, baby, when you say things like that…” his fingers dig into your bare hips as you set your ass at the edge of the desk and lean back on your elbows, opening yourself up for him with a smirk.  

Tim’s cock bobs eagerly in front of you, framed by his open shirt.  He takes it in his hand, stroking slowly up and down the thick length.

Pages of documents crinkle underneath you, but you can’t care.  Right now, all that matters is the beautiful man looking down at you with lust blown eyes.

“I want your cock, Tim. Now.”

He steps into the space between your open legs, cock in hand, and guides the tip through your wet pussy.  You both groan as he nudges at your clit and drags back through your folds.

“So wet,” he whispers, reverently.  He repeats his path several times, coating his cock in your slick before notching the head at your entrance.  “You sure you don’t want my fingers first?”

You vehemently shake your head and bite your lip as you look down between your legs.  He nudges at your entrance gently and you whimper.

“I know baby, I know,” he soothes you, and probably himself, from how completely wrecked he looks – slack jawed and panting.  With a guttural groan, he breaches your entrance.

You both watch as his bare length disappears into your wet heat.

“Oh god, fuck,” your eyes roll back in your head as he enters you slowly, stretching your sensitive pussy around his cock, working his way in inch by inch.  You feel the thick ridge of his head drag along your walls as your body gives way.  Without any barrier between you, the sensation is divine.

“Fuck, baby,” Tim breathes as he bottoms out inside you.  “I need a second.  You feel so good.”  He closes his eyes, overcome with the feeling of you. His hands flex against your bare thighs as he takes deep, centering breaths. 

After a few moments, he opens his eyes, locking his gaze with yours and, slowly, starts to move.

“Yes, yes, yes,” you whine with each slow thrust and drag of his cock.  Sex with Tim has been good, great even, but this… this is heaven.  You glance down to watch his clock slide in and out of you.  The sight of him veiny and glistening is almost too much to bear.  Your pussy begins to flutter.

Tim leans over you, pressing your knees into your chest. “Fuck, you’re amazing.  So wet and hot and tight. It’s been…. oh god… so long…”

The new angle hits just right and you can feel your orgasm building.  

“Yes, just like that,” you throw your head back.  “Fuck, your cock feels good.”

Tim licks his thumb and finds your clit between your bodies, speeding up your impending release.

“Are you going to come on my cock, baby?”

“Oh god, yes, please,” you beg, feeling the telltale pressure deep in your core.

“You have to be quiet for me,” he rumbles under his breath.  You’re not new to sneaking around at work, but until now you had saved the fucking for outside the office.  “Look at us,” he murmurs, rubbing your clit in time with his thrusts.

You look down and gasp at the sight of his thick cock entering your pussy. The last of your control snaps and you’re pulsing around him as you try not to scream his name and announce your relationship to the entire precinct.

When you come back to yourself, Tim is still slowly dragging himself through your sensitive walls, nostrils flared, clearly fighting to delay his own release.

Aftershocks zing through your body and you clench around him.

He hisses and pauses, “Baby, if you squeeze me like that, I’m going to come.”

You smile to yourself as he picks up his rhythm again, then squeeze as he pulls most of the way out.

He gasps and pulls out the rest of the way, pressing a kiss to your knee and laughing, “You have to stop that.”

“What if I don’t want to stop that?”  You reach between your legs with one arm and grab his holster, pulling him to you for a sloppy kiss.  “I want you to come.  Fill me up, Detective.”

Tim practically growls as he lines himself back up with your entrance and slides in fast and deep.  You bring your other hand up to grab the holster on the other side, balancing on your ass and holding on for dear life as he thrusts into you.  His strong arms cage you in and support you as he pants into your neck.

“You feel so good, what was I thinking not fucking you bare this whole time? Oh god… oh fuck…” he stutters as he empties himself inside you.

You wrap your arms around his broad shoulders, nuzzling into his neck and his scruff as he catches his breath.

“Who would have thought… responsible Detective Rockford fucking in his office.”

Tim chuckles into your shoulder. “Can’t be responsible all the time.”

You smile and pull his lips to yours for a soft kiss.  “Let’s get out of here.”  You peel your ass off the papers on the desk and turn to survey the crinkled mess you’ve left behind.  “That’s going to be a problem.”

Tim wraps his arms around your waist and kisses your shoulder, “Eh, I’ll just spill some coffee on it, no one will know the difference.”

You laugh, “Tim Rockford, you are just full of surprises.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Vasectomy Kink Masterlist

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[pugzman3]

Pay attention to what she says. Then keep reading.

This rides on the heals of the weather modification video I posted yesterday. This is another example of the truth coming out, but THEY do not care if you find out. Again, most will dismiss it, or ignore it out of convenience for their life. Others will make a change (which...awesome, you should), but then they won't think further. They won't put other pieces together. So here are some pieces. Contrary to many people's beliefs, we are not getting healthier (and it isn't just because of things like this). We are naturally degenerating with each generation, and have been since the beginning. And THEY know this. So add in this info, do you not think they know that they are speeding it up? Of course they do. We have been told for a while now that the sperm count in men is dropping and I think it was by 2050 it would be almost zero. Now....remember EcotoLife? The artificial womb that could grow a fetus? They sell it as an alternative option. No my friends. That WILL be the option. They are telling the world to their face that they are making us extinct, and it blows right past everyone. Remember Noah Hararri and all the things he said about the future of mankind? Less than 100 years if I remember right. And I think he was being generous in that it's likely less than that. Throw in transhumanism, gene manipulation of plants, animals, and man. Thow in the weather modification. CERN. D.U.B.M.'s, The alien disclosures. World wide government control of everything by a small group of luciferians who have sold their souls for their own survival and power Are you getting it yet?

No politician is stopping this, they are in on it to the extent of their usefulness.

The days of Noah.

Genesis 6 all over again.

[janiedean]

@gift-to-literature replied to your post “I believe Jaime is a good person, but why do you...”:

the treasonous incest and the 3 bastards put in line for the throne are the prime cause for the vast majority of the destruction that occurs in the series.

​uuuhm... okay that's not exactly how I'd put it because like

with the premise imvho jaime has been an abuse victim/was manipulated by c./has issues for his entire life and that colors everything he's done/did up until asos and that's all I had to say on the question so it colors my view obviously

idt that those kids' existence is the cause for the vast majority of anything like not counting that if they didn't decide to overthrow robert and joffrey was raised decently no one would have cared at all about them and they'd have gotten on with their lives joffrey would have gotten the throne and nothing would have happened

tommen and myrcella's existence matters absolutely 0 in that matter because if joffrey hadn't existed and those two's personalities had stayed the same no one would have thought poisoning them was for the good of the realm

I highly doubt that jaime was thinking about possible consequences when those kids were conceived and again he had zero presence or responsibility in their raising so it's not on him also considering he did want to have a rship with them and it got shut down every fucking moment

I mean the vast majority of the destruction in these books is caused by the tywin/aerys generation having created a clusterfuck, rhaegar behaving like an idiot, robert not having realized he should have left ruling to someone capable, cersei being unable to play her cards smart and littlefinger not getting over being friendzoned plus both robert and cersei being shit parents to joffrey, not on jaime who at most didn't do anything because the one time he did the right thing after being traumatized for two years at 15-17 he ended up not giving a shit about whatever and ended up being - sorry for the crudeness - basically being cers's sperm bank so she could have children who looked like her that she'd see as her own property except for the first while his father manipulated him into ruining his brother's life XD like there's a lot of stuff that man needs to own up to/atone to starting with pushing bran out of the window but if he blamed himself for an entire war that he had no part in starting and for which he was barely present just because he had kids he barely even talked to and zero responsibility any person who ended up fathering/mothering someone who eventually turned out being a pos should feel responsible for whatever they did and like.... the war happened bc people plotted for robert to be taken out and no one would have figured out about joffrey if they hadn't done it and ned hadn't looked it into it and because joffrey was a little shit and decided to kill ned for fun, everything else is contingent XD

and I mean idk but following this reasoning then jaehaerys is at fault for his own house's downfall centuries later because he bought out the conclave to have them agree to targ incests being accepted and while we can argue forever about the actual thing, legitness and whatnot idt that it'd be fair to put it like that X°D

[spoopydooblr]

The Ken and Stella pregnancy blurb was so good could you write one where they find out that she’s pregnant?

ive been thinking about this scenario a lot and i cant really decide how i want this to go . . .

i think a year or so after they get married (stella is like 30ish) they start to really do their research and find the best fertility clinic in the city. its been almost 20 years since kendall and rava struggled to get pregnant, but still, he's not feeling optimistic.

stella gets a clean bill of health from the doctor, but ken isn't so lucky. just as he suspected, he was the problem. again.

was it the drugs? he was clean now, but he used so much...could he have ruined his chances forever?

stella assures him that it'll be okay, but she never went through what he had to 20 years ago.

they decide on a couple of treatments. they're both taking shots every day and pills at night and its exhausting. most of the meds go to kendall, but stella has to take some too, just in case.

they begin with intrauterine insemination, which is pretty simple and painless, but stella gets her period two weeks later. its hard on both of them, but especially kendall because he knows it's him, not her.

next they try ivf, which is a lot more complicated and expensive (not that money is an issue). now they both have to do injections and stella goes in for her egg retrieval.

the egg retrieval goes better than expected and they're left with 10. ken's sample has some relatively viable sperm so they pull the trigger and try to make some embryos.

the waiting is by-far the worst part, because deep down kendall knows there's no way those embryos are going to get made with his shitty sperm. he's right, unfortunately, and they're back to square one with zero embryos and ten now-frozen eggs.

kendall suggests a donor, like they did with iverson. stella's heartbroken, but they start to look into other options.

because they have the best doctors, however, they get into a trial for a new drug that increases sperm count and viability. stella is thrilled and insists kendall try it, but it's another injection and he's not super happy about it. nothing has ever worked for him, why now?

it's nice to have a break from more intense treatments, so they agree and kendall marks his torso up with injection pricks again.

three months later, ken and stella are enjoying some time off from surgery and tiny, microscopic cells that control their lives. kendall's in new york for the week, working on some financials for their production company (i imagine them making something rival to waystar and completely taking over the media scene), and stella is holding it down in los angeles, or at least trying to.

it's flu season and she's been to so many fancy parties in the last few weeks, stella is sick as a dog. she's a little worried, but the nausea, vomiting and headaches are typical for the flu, right?

she also chalks her late period up to stress. but it's been at least a few weeks...

the day before kendall is supposed to come home, stella drives herself to the hospital after she can't stop throwing up.

"when did the symptoms start?" the doctor asks.

"a week ago, i think, but ive been feeling kind of off for a while."

"and there's no chance you're pregnant? when was your last period?"

stella's heart skips a beat.

"um, i'm not sure. we're trying, uh, but it's been unsuccessful. my period is really irregular and i've been stressed so--" she trails off. "we've been trying for a couple of years."

"and are you taking medication?"

"i did, but it's not really..." she thinks for a bit. "it's not a uterus issue, it's my husband."

"and what is he taking?"

she tells the doctor about the new medication kendall is taking. "it's only been three months, so we're still hopeful. or at least i am."

"i've heard some great things about that new drug. it's really changing people's lives." the doctor smiles, turning away from stella and writing something down. "i'm going to order some tests, but i think you're fine."

------------------

kendall, obviously, sprints to his jet when stella tells him she's sick. she insists she's fine, but wants him to come home as soon as he can, which stresses him out to no avail.

he bursts through the door four hours later, finding stella reading a magazine on the couch.

"stell!" he says, running towards her.

"hey baby." she hugs him, bringing him down to the couch with her. stella presses her lips to his, but kendall is confused.

"aren't you sick?" he pulls away.

her face breaks into a huge smile. "about that..." stella gets up from the couch and walks to the kitchen.

kendall looks at her quizzically, as she comes back with a piece of paper in her hands.

"i have something to show you." she says, holding the paper close to her.

"okay..." kendall smiles at her, utterly confused.

stella carefully sits next to him on the couch. "here."

kendall recognizes the picture immediately. he used to frame them when rava was pregnant with iverson.

"what is this?" he holds up the ultrasound. it's too good to be true, right? tears prick his eyes.

stella is crying already, and takes his hand. "that's inside of me."

he looks down at the black and white photo again. a fuzzy, bean-looking object sits, next to another, smaller object. he's speechless for the first time in his life.

"what is that?" he whispers, pointing to the smaller object on the page.

stella looks at him, and he really can't read her for once.

"this surprise comes with another surprise." she laughs.

kendall's crying, but he takes another look. "is that..."

"yeah."

"two?" he smiles wide.

"i'm pregnant." she finally says, putting her hands on his cheeks. "baby, we're having twins."

they both burst out into crying giggles, hugging. kendall kisses her all over, stopping at her stomach. it's still pretty flat, but he knows her body so well he swears he can see a tiny bump growing.

THIS WAS SO FUN AND LOVELY TO WRITE I LOVE THEM AND I HOPE U DO TOO

[tomato-puppy]

so like. i have 4 months (until the sperm count test) to find someone that will want me to fuck them raw. like ideally some freak with a straight up breeding fetish. but it could just be a tame... cishet woman who wants a regular fuckfriend.... or something like that.

like i have to make this thing worth it right. i gotta find someone who will be available and enthusiastically willing to get creampied immediately after i get the zero viable sperm confirmation.

holy shit this is probably the most difficult and unlikely challenge of my entire life o.O why didn't i just decide to go back to school and get an engineering degree?! no. i had to get a vasectomy so now i have to find a play partner. IN FOUR FUCKING MONTHS. the hubris.

god really does give the toughest battles to his stupidest something something...

[thelazybutler]

Can't wait for the social debate when fElons sex robots start harvesting and selling your data to 3rd parties without your consent. Imagine you reveal to your sex robot that you were abused as a child and then you get spammed with ads for his version of betterhelp, which is just the same zoom call therapy but you'll be browbeaten and gaslit into supporting Apartheid Andy's agenda while being given exactly zero actual comfort. Not even bringing up the ads you'll get if they detect your sperm count is low.

"Click here for the same horse tranquilizer and bull hormone regimen as the future king of mars"

I couldn't be less pathetic if I had 500 billion dollars and had made a bet with the devil that I couldn't die being the single worst human who ever lived.

What a fucking loser.

[itshype]

Avatar: The Way of Water

I saw this film the other day and I'm trying so hard to be normal about it.

....

Mission failed here we go.

Cannot believe the army paid for all their scientist puppets to have fully working reproductive organs. Sperm maybe but ovaries??? They have ovary money?

Every child to have prolonged contact with Jake Sully is fucking stupid. These kids are all so so so so so dumb.

I love how the best way to find the AVATARs is to count the fingers like they're fae or AI art.

Sigourney weaver once again kills it - best actor there.

I felt it was pretty clear that Kiri's other patent is Eywa? When they tried to merge Grace at the magic tree in the first movie? Seemed clear to me but apparently this is just a theory. It also fits though with her playing both characters - Eywa doesn't have any physical features for Kiri to inherit.

Atla did criticism of the military industrial complex so much better. (SORRY)

Best part of the film is the animals - the design, the animation etc so so good.

Lot of characters do a lot of cool things but none is scarier than Zoe Saldana screaming and crying over her child's body and then Jake says "they have our daughters" and she goes DEAD QUIET. THAT WAS INTENSE.

All the kids knowing human swears and military lingo was *chef's kiss*.

I knew that a kid would die. They had way too many kids for them all to live. And Kiri has magic powers, The Son Who Doesn't Die has literally all the plotlines (romantic interest, a soulbond thing, trying to prove himself etc) and Spider has Sequel Potential. So it was either the eldest or the Baby. Then the Eldest son had that argument when his brother said the Whale was his brother. And I was like "yeah he's about to die."

Them staying with the ocean tribe felt weird with the plot and I know they stay as Maori aliens in the end because of all the money spent on the special water motion capture technology.

COMPLAINTS ABOUT JAKE

I cannot believe that when looking at his two sons, dealing with their fights and misbehaviour and clashing personalities, there's zero reflection about his dead twin. What was that?

He's literally living in his dead twin's body (a body made from his twin's DNA) and there's zero reflection about that, about how his kids are more his brother's on some level. a fic author would never squander this angst.

IDK I overall enjoyed it, but for a film that took 12 years overall, there were too many issues with the storyline, script, emotional payoffs, plotholes and unearned or inexplicable character behaviour.

[blee-bleep]

tw: rape, pedophillia, canniballism; the regular aot shebang

"hi, welcome back to me screaming nonsense"

so i've been trying to gauge what age ymir and her daughters were when they got their titan powers, and theorists pointed out that with ymir standing with eren when he was ten yo (and when he recieved the titan power from grisha), it can also be assumed ymir was also ten years old when she fell down into the tree and had hallu-chan stuck to her spine. she's (possibly) 23 when the spear hit her and got transferred to paths

and we know that after gaining those powers, king fritz used her to expand the eldian empire and defeat the marleyans for a few years before giving her his "seed", basically fucking using her as a breeding cattle because he wanted his slave's power to continue. (oops, sorry i didnt mean to make a parallel with historia's story in uprising arc, she doesn't matter aheh, right yams </3)

so she gives birth to maria, rose, and sina in the 13 years she lived after encountering hallu-chan. by determining maria's age, we can also determine how old ymir was when king fritz r@ped her (im not using any other term aside from this regarding their relationship, i still stand that her "loving" fritz was a retcon and even if it wasn't, it SUCKS).

rose and maria are seen walking along with ymir in this page so its to assume that they are already toddlers, so it's been 2-3 years since they were born, and sina being possibly 6-12 months old. their age gap are just one year apart. so really he didnt waste any time using ymir as cattle.

on the day of ymir's death at 23 yo, it seemed that they only had three living children together so its been a few years since sina was born. the king couldn't produce more was possibly due to the fact that he is old as dick and his sperm count was probably approaching zero.

they're conscious at this point, and the whole event of ymir (their MOM) dying and having been forced to eat her by the king (who they considered as a father, seeing as he does acknowledge they're his daughters cuz he addresses them as such, tho by no means was it probably affectionate) was probably TRAUMATIC AS FUCK, as we can see from their devastated expression

and we all know how much that would probably affect their development (and i think this will fuck up anyone regardless of age and maturity). but seeing as they *did* consume ymir after her death, they only lived 13 years at most, and they *did* have children during that time, same as their mother; we could only form the idea that they forced themselves to enter the role of slave, the same as their mother; being heavily affected by the king's will without any regard of their own.

from sina's height and consciousness, we can infer that she was possibly no more than 4 to 5 years old when ymir died. rose was possibly 6 yo, and maria 7 yo. at 23 with 3 children, the king had taken advantage of ymir when was 15-16 yo. while he died of old age, he was probably DECADES older than her when he did which just makes me 🤢

from that point of ymir's body being consumed, maria rose and sina only had 13 years left to live, with maria dying at 20, rose at 19, and sina at 18.

if maria was only 7 when she got the 13-year curse of ymir, and seeing as the female reproductive could only have been fully developed when she's 13-14 yo, she would only have enough time to have 8-9 offsprings by the time 13 years passed. and that's if she starts YOUNG. rose and sina even less, so they wouldn't have had as many offsprings. possibly only three at best, just like ymir.

that means all three daughters used half of the 13 years as titan superpowers to expand the eldian empire, and the other half to create offsprings for the king's will

which is just... plain fucking tragic.

and realization of this just makes me SICK TO MY STOMACH GAHHHHSDHGJKSDJKGH

[renee-writer]

The Heart Don't Lie Chapter 1

AO3

He stares at her, his mouth open. Thank God that Anna wasn’t paying attention. His wife was busy whispering with his aunts, Geillis and Leticia.

 

What in heaven is she doing here? The last he heard she was in Boston. Now she stands in the same charity event he and his wife is. Is he with her?  He forces his eyes off her and looks for her husband.

 

His hands fist automatically at seeing him. There is the bastard.  Crips, he is putting his arm around her. Shake him off! He screams in his head.

 

“There you are.” He jerks at hearing his wife ‘s voice, “the auction is about to begin.” She takes his arm. He re-arranges his face before he turns and faces her.

 

“Aye, let’s get a good spot.” He knows she wants to bid on some homemade quilts to send to their daughters at University.

 

She smiles up at him and he returns it, praying it reaches his eyes.

 

“Come Claire. We need to take our seats.” Frank leads her to where the chairs are set up before the auction table.

 

“Alright.” Was that Jamie? She hasn’t seen him in fifteen years. The last time was right before they moved to Boston. Still, she would recognize his profile anywhere.

 

It would make sense he would be here. He would wish to support the charity if he was still the same man she knew. It was supporting the homeless after all.

 

“Is that alright?” She shakes her head, forcing herself to pay attention to her husband.

 

“Forgive me. I was woolgathering.”

 

His smile is tight. “I was asking if here was alright.” He gestures towards the chairs.

 

“Yes.” She takes a seat and he sits beside her, taking her hand. She tries to fully focus on him. This move back to Scotland was a fresh start for them. Their marital problems got progressively worse after Frank’s  infertility diagnosis.

 

He had insisted that it had to be her issue. It turns out her husband ‘s sperm count is almost zero.

 

Now they have gathered up their lives to restart them. Selling the house in Boston, the one with the big back yard and five bedrooms that was supposed to be full of children, for a flat in Scotland where they will come to after his job as a professor and hers as a surgeon.

 

“Rose has a new roommate.” Anna reports to Jamie, about their oldest. She is now a junior in university and living off campus.

 

“Female?”

 

Anna laughs. “Of course.  She wouldn’t wish to disappoint her da.”

 

Rose and her baby sister, Willa, are the apples of their daddy’s eye. He brought them up with strict values. Neither lass would dare live with a lad outside of marriage, even as a roommate.  Willa, is in a dorm as she is a freshman.

 

“Good.”

 

The auction begins.

 

She is bidding on the Ming vase while Frank is after some old history books. What is Jamie here for? She wonders.

 

She soon finds out. The quilts are first.

 

His hand flies up. How can she still recognize it?

 

A blush raises across her face as the memories return. His hands were the first to intimately touch her.  Oh, not memories to have here and now. She re-focuses her thoughts on the auction.

 

Anna claps her hands when they win the bid. Jamie smiles at her.  “They are for our lasses in university.” She explains, as they rise to claim them.

 

Claire feels something drop in her stomach. She knows that they have children but to be reminded, in such a public way, brings a feeling of sickness to her heart.

 

He can’t help but turn his eyes to Claire. The look on her face causes his heart to drop. Feeling a strong glance on the back of his head, he turns sheepishly back, worrying it is Anna. It is worse. It is his Uncle Colum. He is slowly shaking his head.

 

She wins the vase. The only good thing to happen at the auction. As she and Frank walk out, she sees Jamie with his arm around his wife.

[pugzman3]

People will see this and think Elon is on the good side because he is telling the truth....exposing the plan. Fool, he is part of it. They are telling you what is going to happen and play a side to keep you from preparing yourself...and more importantly, your kids. Because this isn't going to happen in our lifetime. It's going to happen when your kids are adults, and their kids will grow up in this mess.

Remember a couple other things, Noah Yuval Harari has also told us this near same thing, and that happiness will be found in video games and drugs (notice how we are primmed to get medicated for everything). Also notice how legal Marijuana is spreading across the country slowly. We are also watching the systematic destruction of natural food (obesity is about to become the leading epidemic in all 1st world countries). The sperm count in men will be almost zero by 2050. Climate change will be an excuse to move people into 15 minute cities, front door delivery is available for almost anything now, we are all wage slaves in debt until our death, and so much more.

But what is everyone focused on? They are focused on the reality tv show that is trump in court, biden not knowing up from down, and any other thing the news says.

Yall....it's over. People need to start preparing their kids to face some very hard decisions and realities that are about to take place. The longer you keep hope that some man is going to rise up and destroy the deep state or whatever you want to call it, the longer you are procrastinating preparing your kids. This has been in the works for centuries and it isn't going to stop. But this is an election year, so everyone believe the same things that are said every four years, get out and vote because it hasn't worked so far...but this time it will.

And this isn't even the end game. Because the end game isn't just a one world government/religion/currency/military. It is the one world worshipping the antichrist. It's biblical. It has always been biblical. And the devil didn't just want to be a ruler of the nations, he wanted to worship that God was getting. And Revelation says he is going to get it for a moment. Seek Jesus before it's too late for you. Lead your children to Jesus and prepare them for tribulation because if you think it's crazy now, this is nothing.

[bluepotato81]

on anime

Humans have 46 chromosomes, and since 2 of them are pairs, there are 23 pairs of chromosomes that a human has. 1 of those pairs is the se!x genes, but since genetic illnesses can be transferred through s@x genes, I will count them as well. Since humans reproduce sexually, one chromosome in a pair is received from the father, and the other from the mother. Ignoring genetic mutations(which is already far-fetched because look at their eyes that's not what a normal person has), would require Aqua to inherit one chromosome out of 23 pairs, and Ruby to inherit the other out of the pairs. Since the creation of the egg is an independent event, the odds of that happening are 1/2^23. we have to multiply that by the chance that the child of aqua and ruby will get the exact half of the genetic material that the two got from their mother, which is 1/2^23 times 1/2^23 = 1/2^46. multiplying all that, we get 1/2^69(nice), or about one in 500000000000000000000. which means that for one identical copy of ai Hoshino to be made from aqua and ruby dating, they will have to get 500000000000000000000 children. for comparison, the current earth's population is 8000000000, and the total number of all humans that ever lived is around 100000000000. Since a female can have 1 child every 9 months, we arrive at the conclusion that it will take Aqua and ruby 375000410958904115200 years to get an identical copy of their mother. even if all of them were triplets, it would still take them 90 million times the age of the universe to achieve their goal. fortunately for them, there is an easier way: if you cover all of the earth with test tube babies at the density of the Kowloon walled city(the densest population center in the history of the world), it would be possible to grow 6402500000000000 babies at once. this is incredibly stretching the limits of what is possible since humans aren't able to generate that many sperm cells or eggs at once, but let's say that we manage it with the magic of technology. doing the 9-month calculations again, it would take the couple 58,570 years to get an identical copy. this is still way too big, so if we used the sun instead, you would be done in a bit less than 5 years. great, now you have an identical copy of Ai Hoshino and half a sextillion unwanted children. what now? well, it would be impossible to fit them into the Earth; if you tried, you might create a catastrophic asteroid impact with all the mass you're throwing into the Earth. colonize the galaxy? that might work; there are 400 billion stars in a milky way, and if we assume that all of them have a habitable planet, each planet would have to sustain a population of about.... 1 billion! that's pretty doable, right? but, we have to consider the possibilities of genetic illnesses. when inc!st occurs, the offspring has a significant chance of getting a genetic illness. and considering that we have 5-with-20-zeros amount of kids, there's gonna be a lot of deformed and mentally ill children. is it really worth bringing suffering to a whole galaxy's worth of people just to get a copy of your mother? what do life and parentage even mean? is anything societal real at this point?

lmao its 12 30 in the night and I'm writing bullshit about a stupid anime that I never even watched help me

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here friend to (belatedly) celebrate the success of our "zero expectations" attitude for 911 this week!! We got a lot of fussing over Buck and a whole Buddie scene on OG (honestly I would easily skip most 6x11 and go straight to this episode if I could) and some amazing backstory for Marjan and family moments over on LS. So yay to keeping our expectations in the ground!! I have nothing to expect for the next OG episode since every plot line seems kinda closed right now (I guess not the Denny stuff but its barely been around so 🤷‍♀️) so keeping that up when it returns seems easy enough (knowing KR I'm sure we'll get some promo eventually to sink them) but I'm actually looking forward to seeing a paramedic focused episode on LS (not that there's been much of a firefighting focus lately 🙄) so I should start tempering that.

Anyway, the main point right now is that its finally song time!! And look, I know we've done this one a LOT, but you cannot convince me that the Buddie of last episode was not the literal embodiment of Two. Its almost word for word perfection from "sweetheart, you look a little tired" to "calm waters if that serves you best". The way Eddie doesn't push, just gives the space he Buck needs and says what he needs to hear when he wants to hear it, and the little hints of their shared traumas and both want to "get around to fixing myself too", I couldn't resist, so enjoy!!

Hello my friend! I'm glad there's no episode today because between having my niece visiting and the head cold I have, there was no way this was getting done before tonight. 6x11 letting me down SO HARD in regards to Buddie/firefam focus and feels meant that 6x12 was so much sweeter when I was watching. (It still had some issues, one of which being that after telling us all about how Bobby and Buck are father and son we got nothing with Buck being worried or concerned about Bobby. I swear the pacing and planning is just all over the place with no consistency, but that's for another post.) I'm also confused about what we're doing for the rest of the season because everything but the Denny thing seems to be in a good place (I'm steadfastly refusing to think about the sperm donor thing because it's stupid and I hate it and IDK what the point even was if they weren't going to have Buck struggle at all. Still manifesting it's not his baby because I need this plot to GO AWAY and NEVER. COME. BACK.), but I know we have Ravi's return and some good Madney stuff to look forward to! Aside from the whole thing about L coming back (seriously, that more than anything else TANKED my excitement for the season. I hope they cut absolutely everything possible. Zero dialogue, just let her be present in the background and then fuck off forever), there looks to be some exciting stuff and the finale looks good! So it's a mixed bag. (I'm still not convinced that Buddie poker picture is real and not something that person did to show off some editing skills 🤷🏻‍♀️

For LS, oh man that was an EPISODE! I think I would mind less about them doing one-character focused episodes if they were more spread out so we got lots of everyone, every week and then once in awhile we got a "begins" type episode but I'm taking all the Marjan content where I can get it because we never get enough! And I'm excited to get back to the team responding to emergencies and tomorrow's episode looks really exciting on that front!

Okay, song time!! And look, it's not our fault Two is such a banger! It's just sooooo good! And if the show would quit robbing us of opportunities to do songs like Learning Curve and January White, we wouldn't be in this position, but here we are 🤷🏻‍♀️ So lets get to it!

sweet heart, you look a little tired. when did you last eat? come in and make yourself right at home- stay as long as you need. tell me, is something wrong? if something’s wrong you can count on me. you know i’ll take my heart clean apart, if it helps yours beat.

it’s okay if you can’t find the words, let me take your coat and this weight off of your shoulders.

Okay but YES this is EXACTLY the kitchen scene!! Eddie noticing Buck looks tired and welcoming him in, letting Buck make himself right at home, and not minding that it's already late and dark out. Then the whole "Am I allowed to ask how you are now?" because Eddie was going to give Buck space, but he is also desperate to know and to help and to be there for Buck like Buck was there for him after the shooting. AND THEN you have Buck bringing up the shooting and Eddie being willing to confront that memory, to take his own heart apart, to give Buck some peace of mind, and being willing to listen as Buck struggles to find the right words, and helping carry the weight for a bit so Buck can rest. I just... *screams into pillow* this whole first verse just...perfectly captures that whole scene. And there's something to parents often mis-typing as Twos because that's the state they revert to in times of stress and needing to protect their loved ones, and the Chris of it all being present in the food Eddie is making and Eddie taking that care and applying it to Buck too. Hold on a minute, I need to go cry about this scene again.

like a force to be reckoned with, a mighty ocean or a gentle kiss, i will love you with every single thing i have. like a tidal wave, i’ll make a mess. or calm waters if that serves you best. i will love you without any strings attached.

Ahhhhh, this is the 6x10/6x12 parallel just laid out in front of us too! When Buck was suspended in air, Eddie was a force to be reckoned with, fighting to get him up and when that failed, getting him down to safety, and forcing Buck's heart to beat until it could do so on it's own. When Buck spent the whole day hosting people and putting up a front that he's fine (because he doesn't want to be a burden), Eddie is the calm waters Buck retreats to where he can rest. Eddie sees what Buck needs and makes sure he's able to give what serves Buck best in the moment. And how "love me anyway" coded is "I will love you without any strings attached"?!

it’s okay if you can’t catch your breath, you can take the oxygen straight out of my own chest.

Oh man, we were just missing a scene of Eddie giving Buck mouth-to-mouth and this would have fit PERFECTLY but they knew they would never recover from that 🤣 This also fits the shooting conversation scene (both this one and the one from season 5 at the stables but in reverse), where Eddie sees that Buck is struggling and pulls his memory of that horrible day from himself to give Buck a moment to breathe.

i know exactly how the rule goes: put my mask on first. no, i don’t want to talk about myself- tell me where it hurts. i just want to build you up, build you up ’til you’re good as new and maybe one day i will get around to fixing myself too.

Oof oof oof. I'm thinking about that little wrinkle in Eddie's brow after he says "you DIED, Buck" like he can't bare to think or talk about that moment. Which is fine because right now it's NOT about him and how he's feeling, he wants to get to the bottom of where Buck is hurting so he can help him feel better. I would LOVE if this comes back around later because Eddie has been doing so well, but I would strongly suspect something like this, especially with him being the one holding the rope, to throw him for a loop. I don't expect to see it, but it's what makes sense in the narrative.

i don’t even know where to start, already tired of trying to recall when it all fell apart. and i just want to love you, to love you, to love you well. i just want to learn how, to somehow, be loved myself.

This is just...the Buddie thesis statement. I want to love you well, I want to learn how to somehow be love myself. That's it! That's Buddie in a nutshell.

like a force to be reckoned with, a mighty ocean or a gentle kiss, i will love you without any strings attached. and what a privilege it is to love, a great honor to hold you up.

like a force to be reckoned with a mighty ocean or a gentle kiss, i will love you with every single thing i have like a tidal wave, i’ll make a mess. or calm waters if that serves you best. i will love you without any strings attached, i will love you without a single string attached.

While 6x12 made this chorus very much fitting for Eddie, it's also just so true of both of them like, all the time. They are always there to balance each other out, to give what the other is needing in the moment, whatever serves them best, and they love each other. Full stop. Without a single string attached, that love is there for the other's taking. Aaaaaaand now I'm crying again.

PERFECT choice this week with everything we got! Fingers crossed we can get at least one more song out of this season!

[allhealthsolution]

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