#zero sense

[sideprince]

Canon: Harry overhears Malfoy intimidating Borgin and figures out that he's been branded with the Dark Mark

Steve Kloves: Harry sees Malfoy meet a bunch of Death Eaters in Borgin and Burkes and figures out it was a ceremony to give Malfoy a Dark Mark

No but what I love about the movie version of events is that it implies that any Death Eater can brand anyone with the Dark Mark or, even better, that Voldemort was there in Borgin and Burkes and no one saw or heard him and he just popped into a shop in Knockturn Alley, tatooted a kid, and peaced out. I know I talk a lot about how Rowling (boo, hiss) was thoughtless with her world building, but she has nothing on Steve Kloves. I'm pretty sure he wrote those scripts with a crayon stuck between his toes.

[saym0-0]

mcyt fandom is hard bc funny flirting is peak humour 2 me (aroace) but like real shipping i find rlly gross lmao. thats why i like the canon content bc depending on the creator its like 90% funny flirting and innuendo yk?

[mochasucculent]

Was looking at refs and since Viktor has two different leg braces I was wondering, do we think he wears them simultaneously?? The refs don't perfectly line up perspective-wise so it's hard to tell but parts of the one he wears during the Hexcore scenes look like they could maybe line up with the brace that he wears over his clothes, but also some parts really don't and look like they'd be super uncomfy. Also HOW does he take these on and off. Experts weigh in

[bellaciao-ciao-ciao]

[oobbbear]

I want to post this here too because I’ve seen it happen a few times

Please understand that there are cultural differences and language differences, if you see this happening let the person clarify what they meant, that person might just not be familiar with words the western side of the internet use

[egophiliac]

So.... what are your thoughts on Ace's UM, if you haven't been asked this already?

sneaky magic for the sneakiest boy

no but really, I think it fits him really well! I had thought his UM would probably involve something kinda sleight-of-handy or pickpockety! and I looooved that it made such a nice loop-around back to episode 1. ❤️ I was. kind of half-expecting him to just run out and punch Riddle in the nose again. but instead this time 'twas he who offed the queen's head! it was great! and he did it while stone-cold terrified out of his mind! because Ace is the only remotely normal or well-adjusted person at NRC and therefore the only one who is like "we're going to literally die, this is super effed up". but he did it anyway!!!! I AM SO PROUD

[awetfrog]

30 our home

[oifaaa]

AU where post Zero year Duke becomes robin instead of Tim

Considering Duke is somehow 7 in zero year he would officially become the babiest robin which he deserves honestly

[sunderwight]

Shen Qingqiu gets hit by a rare wife plot.

And it actually is a rare one because Airplane didn't even write this one down! He toyed with the idea before ultimately dismissing it as being too controversial for the tastes of his readers, and adapting only a few of the same elements for a subsequent chapter of PIDW.

But apparently the System can pull inspiration even from the author's thoughts, especially when there's nothing to contradict the concept and even a few threads of it still to be found in the original, and somehow Shen Qingqiu runs afoul of this previously-unwritten plot bunny.

The core concept was a cuck scenario, of all things. One of the Luo Binghe's wives gets afflicted by a poison that can only be cured by dual cultivation, but specifically can't be cured by by dual cultivation with anyone who has mastery over demonic qi. Something something conflicting energies, something bullshit something. Peerless Cucumber would have ripped the chapter to shreds if it had actually made it to publication, not just for the insult of implying that Luo Binghe should let one of his wives sleep with someone else, but also because why would Luo Binghe -- able to use both kinds of cultivation -- somehow not be able to keep his demonic energies from influencing the situation just in this one case?

Well it turns out that in his specific case it's because sex gets him too worked up to keep things strictly separate, and the degree of control required to treat the affliction whilst dual cultivating is extensive enough that even a little slip-up would be fatal.

Of course, in the actual chapter of PIDW, this same plot device was altered and used to create a harem orgy where Luo Binghe oversaw several of his wives "treating" one another's "afflictions", but Shen Qingqiu just had to go and get a fatal of dose of the more severe version (he didn't realize the risk, because again, this version didn't even make it into the novel).

Anyway, of course this ends up with Shen Qingqiu trying to figure out another way to cheat death, while Luo Binghe goes through the five stages of grief before accepting that he's just going to have to let someone else fuck his husband. This leads to an argument because of course Shen Qingqiu's not going to cheat on Luo Binghe, and he's especially not going to force one of his martial siblings to sleep with him, come on now, and Luo Binghe trying not to cry tears of blood while bringing himself to explain that a fair few of Shen Qingqiu's sect siblings would be happy volunteers for this task.

Shen Qingqiu's just like, well of course you think that, for some bizarre reason you think everyone wants to sleep with me. Bias is what it is. Really it's flattering Binghe but obviously every other person we know is straight, that's just statistics, and everyone in the entire cultivation world knows that Qi Qingqi would sooner chew glass than have sex with a man!

Luo Binghe, weeping now: Shizun please. This is serious. I need you speak words that make sense in the order you're saying them.

They argue, they reach an impasse, the clock is ticking. So Luo Binghe reluctantly turns to the most reliable source of information (outside of himself) on Manipulating Shen Qingqiu to Do Things That Are in His Own Best Interests -- Shang Qinghua.

At first Shang Qinghua is like, well I'm flattered Junshang but I don't think I could shoulder the baggage of fucking Cucumber-bro for you. But then Luo Binghe is like no I need someone who is way hotter and more capable than you, if Shizun is going to fuck someone else at my behest they're going to be TOP TIER so that when I fuck him better afterwards he's really impressed with me. Liu Qingge, obviously.

Not Yue Qingyuan, Shang Qinghua asks? (He'd take the insult a little more personally but honestly he's just relieved that he's not being asked to navigate this social minefield.)

No, Luo Binghe says. He's not 100% sure he could beat Yue Qingyuan in a fight even to this day, which in his mind also translates to not being 100% sure he could do sex better than him either, so Yue Qingyuan is an emergency last resort. He's way more likely to cry on Shizun too and Shen Qingqiu is into that shit, it's too risky.

Alright, says Shang Qinghua, and he thinks about it, and then he comes up with the beautifully simple solution:

Luo Binghe has to fuck Liu Qingge first.

Because of course the crux of the issue is that even with permission, Shen Qingqiu doesn't want to cheat on Luo Binghe. But in the twisted annals of his mind, Luo Binghe himself is still entitled to a harem, even if Luo Binghe is also happily monogamous in this life. So if he shacks up with Liu Qingge first then Liu Qingge essentially joins Luo Binghe's harem, at which point if Shen Qingqiu sleeps with him it's not an affair, it's the gay version of those fanservice-y 3P scenes that the wives in PIDW did. Shang Qinghua translates the concept as best as he can to Luo Binghe, who -- though slightly dubious -- must accept that so far Shang Qinghua's wisdom hasn't steered him wrong with regards to his shizun's eccentricities.

Luo Binghe's mission: seduce Liu Qingge, or at least convince him to have sex, or possibly to lie and (convincingly!) tell Shen Qingqiu that they had sex. That last one is the longest shot so he's probably going to have to just fuck him (Luo Binghe still underestimates how willing his husband is to believe that just about anyone would have sex with him).

Shang Qinghua's mission: convince Shen Qingqiu that he owes his husband steamy threeway gay sex or something so that this plan he pulled out of his ass doesn't backfire and get him killed.

[buckbedrivertooth]

I think it's about time I share this with the tumblr world

[threebea]

Plo: whoops, how clumsy of me I have dropped some inappropriate (wink) literature in the workplace, but zounds! I am needed in the next room. I hope no one accidentally picks it up and reads it! (Hurries off leaving suspicious pamphlet on the ground)

Fox: is your General trying to sneak you porn? (Takes nonplussed sip of caf)

Wolffe: no he's trying to get us to unionize.

Fox: (spits out caf)

[buggachat]

Part 178 of my bakery “enemies” au!

baking montage!

First / Prev / Next / All

Kofi

[anjellicles]

you who to me are father, mother, brother, and dear husband

[stars-and-birds]

no but actually the way the entire series lilia’s been getting random visions and was brushed off by everyone as this old weirdo but the show always stopped and TOLD us actually there’s shit going on here with her like when she saw those creepy visions in the first (?) trial and she’s vital to teen’s backstory like. lilia is actually so vital to the story. MCU historically has a misogyny problem but in aaa lilia, an older woman is not useless or insignificant just because she isn’t hot or all powerful

[babyb1ues]

xavier’s dynamic with mc is the most goated to me because first and foremost they chill with each other like friends do. Like that’s the foundation of everything, like sure it’s the nature of the game for it to be romantic but take that away and they would still get along so well—they’re friends and they meet each other in the middle as equals and at the end of the day it’s still love. sometimes no one else will know you the way a friend does

[spurbleu]

gnawing at my fist.

soap being so desperate for you he starts biting him self when he jerks off.

oh you’re such a delicate thing. fresh laundry, warm clay, tea set. a beauty.

but its when his weeping tip is snivels into your drooling hole that you claw and snarl and kick. the feral beneath floral shampoos pant like an animal, wakes to sex sweat on the back of your neck.

to his greatest pleasure, as he peels himself from you, he’s covered by red, flushed dents of your canines. can’t help but fuck you in front of a mirror just to watch as the wonderful marks you made stretch and break around the bulge of his shoulder.

but on deployment, he doesn’t have his little pet. no wild, wet pussy to squirm when he bullies himself inside. no little hands that scrape down his back. no teeth.

so he settles for the next best thing- pushing his forearm into his mouth as he muffles grunts- fucking his churlish palm in shallow, shuttering thrusts. bites like you would, cockdumb and desperate. thinks of the sweet little moans you’d make and how his name, a rarity in base, sounded so addictive coming from the wet of your lips, and-

cums when the pearls of his teeth break skin and blood swipes the top of his mouth.

freshens up with the thought of you still stamped in red ink on his brain and arm, but it’s not until the team is tucking over for the night when ghost sends him a look.

“fockin nasty.”

“‘scuse me?”

“t’ose bastards. never play fair.”

“….aye.”