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melthehoneybee · 18 days

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A God’s Best Friend

First of all, I’m not a writer so be kind 🥲

I decided to finally write a Hades fanfic based on a little story I’ve had in my head for years now.

This is a Hades x Reader fic centered around an adult aged reader who works in an Auradon animal shelter when the God of Death walks in looking for a new pal.

This is completely SFW and have no warnings. I hope you guys like it! I may continue it in the future depending on if it’s well received. Enjoy!!!

Another night stuck alone at the shelter, counting away the minutes while listening to the chatter of all the rescues in the back of the building.

Of course you loved helping the stray animals of Auradon, but this place is not your passion.

Your parents were just one of the many royals with a whirlwind, magical romance back in their younger days. Your father was a dashing prince and your mother was a lonely princess who animals flocked to when she sang. Once the king founded Auradon they gave up their titles to help the animals without homes find a place of comfort, adopting them out to loving families. Eventually you came along and they forced you in to the dream they had created, letting you work in the shelter once you were old enough. The years have flown by and, despite being a full grown adult, you are still stuck here’s

All was quiet, peaceful, and fully predictable.

Until the barrier dropped.

Most of the kingdom were on board with the decision made by Queen Mal and King Ben. The children over on that island deserved a fair chance at life, despite the decisions their parents made. It was an event that carried plenty of promise, but it wasn’t without its hitches.

Of course most of the Isle children needed to adjust to their new normal, but they had the youth of Auradon to help them. The problem were the adults on both sides. Plenty of villains were set free and all of the adults of Auradon still held on to their fears and anxieties of the past.

Your parents are no different. They are able to accept some of the villains have changed during their imprisonment without magic on that rotten spit of land. However, they were still plenty wary of the handful of the more powerful antagonists, none more so than Cruella De Vil.

It goes without saying, but running an animal shelter with that mad villain on the loose caused your parents to increase the scrutiny of the process of adopting pets.

Before the barrier dropped, they would allow most anyone to adopt simply by paying a small fee and signing a couple of papers. Now they demand to verify the person has no connection to Cruella and they require an inspection of the home the animal will be going to both before adoption and a couple of weeks after adoption.

So far, there have been no issues with the process. There was an influx of adoptions now that the people of the Isle could own pets, most seeking a fresh start with a new companion. All of the homes you and your parents have inspected were suitable to take care of whatever they may be adopting and there have been zero signs of Cruella intending on starting up her fur habits again.

You liked to think her kid Carlos maybe got through to her with his love of animals.

After a couple months of the barrier being down, the rush of adoptions began to slow and life returned to a steady pace of one or two adoptions a week.

The seasons were changing and the days were getting shorter, meaning you would be put in charge of the closing shifts. You often locked up and left well after the sun went down. Very few, if any, customers show up when night arrives. However your parents insist that at least one of the family members are present as often as possible to keep the animals company.

You sigh, tapping your pen on the desk and resting your head in your hand in boredom. Your mind drifted to your own dreams, wishing you weren’t tethered to this place and hoping to have a taste of freedom to explore your passions in the future.

Instead here you are, the clock loudly ticking away the minutes, broken up by the bark or meow of a rescue in the large kennel room behind you.

It’s been days since the last adoption, only a few people coming in to visit the animals and look around to break up the monotony.

You glance up at the frosted glass doors of the entrance to see a tall figure silhouetted in the glass. You sit up and put on your best “I’m ready to help” pose.

The silhouette reached for the handle and popped open the door, the bell attached to it tinkling with a friendly chime. In walks Hades, the villainous god of the Underworld.

Your smile immediately fades and becomes forced to avoid showing fear, looking closer to a grimace.

Sure you’ve helped plenty of VKs but this is the first VILLAIN to walk in to this building.

First he glances up at the tiny bell signaling his arrival then looks around, clearly uncomfortable with the bright surroundings. Finally he locks his eyes with yours. Your heart skips a beat and adrenaline causes a dull roar in your ears, flooding your face with a slight shade of red.

“Is this the place to get a dog?” He asks, his voice firm.

You sit there a moment, your mouth open in slight surprise and your brain trying to process how to handle this. You’re here alone and no one would be close enough to get to the shelter in time if you called for help.

He stands there, his hands finally softly shrugging out in confusion at the lack of answer.

You finally stutter out “A-ah yes this is the local animal rescue.”

He steps forward, his heavy boots sounding extremely alien to your ears “Ok, and you have dogs?”

All you can think to do is follow the script you had been taught to go through “If you’re looking for a dog, we are required to ask if you have or will have any connection to the villain known as Cruella De Vil.”

Your heart is pounding and you shrink a bit when he curls a lip up and narrows his dark eyes.

“Do you Auradonians just think all villains know each other or something? No, I don’t associate with Dog-Nappers.” He growls, rolling his eyes.

Your face turns red in embarrassment “S-sorry I just… it’s something we ask everyone now…”

An awkward silence fills the air and you can’t believe you break it with the question of “What sort of dog are you looking for?”

“I’m not sure yet, I used to have one before the barrier and now I’m looking for a new one.” He says with an air of exasperation, looking around the friendly lobby area.

“We… don’t have any with three heads if that’s what you’re looking for.” Comes out of your mouth before you can stop it. You scream inside your mind, wondering why you keep making presumptuous statements to the literal god of death.

He raises a brow in confusion “I didn’t say I was in the market for one of those did I?” He pauses and shifts a bit “So you already know who I am then?”

All you can do is feebly nod.

He sighs and puts his hands in his pockets “So I take it I’m not welcome then. Fine.” He spins on his heel and steps for the door.

You aren’t sure if it’s shame, embarrassment, or something else entirely, but you launch up from your chair and call after him.

“No no, wait… s-sorry… you are welcome to look at our dogs if you’d like. Everyone is welcome here.”

He turns and glances back “Everyone except Cruella.” He says sarcastically.

“W-well yeah… everyone but her for obvious reasons… we don’t want to risk the safety of our animals.”

He turns and crosses his arms “You don’t see me as a threat to your animals then?”

“So far so good.” You say nervously.

He accepts this answer and walks back to the desk, resting his leather clad hand on it.

“Alright, show me the dogs then.”

Every fiber of your being is screaming not to go further into the shelter with this intimidating figure, but your instincts of doing your job have kicked in and seem to be carrying you along on autopilot.

“Of course, right this way.”

You push open the small door to the side of your desk so he can walk around and join you. You sort of awkwardly shuffle backwards to the door that leads to the kennels, not particularly comfortable with turning your back to this man yet.

“Listen I’ve got basically 20 years of catching up to do on my work. I’m not going to add more to my plate by sending you to the Underworld. Especially when I don’t know you.” He sighs, clearly annoyed at the guard you have up.

You stammer a shaky apology and open the door for him.

“It’s alright. I get it.” He says, a bit less anger in his voice. He walks past, the smell of leather and some sort of cologne following behind him. You look him up and down, your eyes particularly interested in his tall, blue hair. You had always heard Hades had a head of hair made of fire. It certainly seemed to reach skyward in a wavy stance like flames, but it seemed like entirely normal hair to you.

You follow in behind him, the kennels suddenly eerily quiet. All of the animals have stopped chattering and are now pushed to the backs of their kennels, clearly terrified of the dark figure before them.

He stays silent, his hands in his pockets, and his eyes flicker a brief emotion. Disappointment maybe?

He slowly walks down the line of kennels, glancing back and forth at all of the animals who cowered away from him. They all clearly sensed that he was an ancient soul with the task of manning a place like the underworld. You always knew animals had a weird sense when it came to this stuff, but to see it so clearly in action made you shiver.

Despite how this should reaffirm some sort of discomfort with him, watching his reaction actually lowered your walls a bit. The man seemed to sink lower into himself, clearly hurt by the fear of all the animals.

“Maybe this wasn’t a good idea….” He finally sighs, stopping in the middle of the kennels.

You look around, silent and feeling a strange sense of pity for the villain.

Suddenly you’re hit with an epiphany. Your instincts kick in again.

“No hold on. Follow me down this way.” You stride forward with focus now, not fearing putting this man behind you.

You hear his heavy steps follow you as you lead him to the back of long line of cowering animals.

It’s a long shot but you have to test it.

Finally the last kennel lies in front of you and, to your elation, the dog within stands happily looking up at the two of you. The dog is a sort of dark grey-brown, scraggly patches of wiry hair poking out on top of his head down his spine, looking like some sort of excuse for fur. His mouth is open in a friendly grin, its long spotty tongue hanging out of the side. His tail is wagging and he watches you eagerly, eyes looking between you and Hades.

“What the heck is this…?” Hades asks with a tone of disgust.

“This is a Xolo Dog. The only one we have ever rescued actually. They’re kind of rare around here.” I say proudly and look back. He is clearly unconvinced.

“He doesn’t seem to have the same instincts as every other animal here. Is he… I dunno… broken?” He asks, unconvinced that this dog was even a dog.

“It was a theory, but I thought maybe he would be the best option for you. I guess there’s an ancient legend that these dogs were guides for souls in the afterlife. Given that, I thought maybe… he would be… comfortable…” you trail off nervously.

Hades is silent for a moment and he finally steps forward, towering over the dog behind the metal gate.

“What’s his story?”

“His dad was a dog named Dante. I guess when the litter of puppies was born, this one here was kind of the outcast. The other two puppies of the litter were a bit stronger than him. The family that owned Dante thought he might have better chances elsewhere. He’s been here a while… unfortunately, since they aren’t the prettiest dogs to look at, they aren’t exactly sought after.” I explain, crouching down and sticking my fingers through the kennel to let the dog lick them.

“Outcast huh…?” Hades asks, his tone shifting.

I reach up and open the gate, so there isn’t a barrier between the two. The dog happily steps up to Hades and looks up expectantly.

Hades crouches down and looks him in the eye. Rather than shrink in fear, the dog jumps up slightly to lick his face.

Hades flashes an expression of disgust but you swear you see the ghost of a smile on his lips.

“Does he have a name?” He asks, not taking his eyes off of the animal.

“Ah… not a OFFICIAL one but… we um-” You pause, feeling a wave of embarrassment “we sort of took to calling him Cerb. Short for Cerberus, given the whole afterlife story. I totally understand if you’d prefer something else given the history.”

Hades snorts a scoff “Cerb? Really?”

The dog’s eyes light up and he jumps softly at Hades again, bumping his head against his chest.

Hades rests a hand on Cerb and thinks to himself for a moment.

He finally softly speaks “Well hi there Cerb.”

You smile to yourself, a sudden warm feeling flooding your chest. Just like you had seen a million times with other customers, you were seeing this dark, leather clad villain connect with their new friend.

You let them have a few moments and step back. Hades begins petting and looking over Cerb while Cerb happily pants away, his eyes staring off into space.

You kind of snort to yourself “I won’t lie, his dad wasn’t exactly the brightest bulb and it’s rubbed off on Cerb. He’s got a lot of heart though and you’ll never find a more loyal friend.”

“How does this all work?” Hades finally asks, standing up and facing you. Cerb steps up and leans against his legs, grinning up at Hades.

“Adoption? Well we get donations here so we don’t charge any fees. You just sign a few papers and you have to agree for us to do an inspection of your home at the time of adoption and a little bit after, to make sure the animal is comfortable.” You explain.

He raises an eyebrow and his expression sours “Really….? Is that the normal process or the villain treatment?”

You raise your hands in defense “I promise it’s the normal process now. We want to make sure the animals are just as happy with their owners as the owners are with them. It’s all about making sure they’re where they need to be.”

He sighs and taps his foot, thinking for a moment. He glances down at Cerb who looks back excitedly. Hades then locks eyes with you. It’s the first time you’re really looking him in the eyes since he arrived and you feel a momentarily rush of adrenaline. His icy blue stare analyzes you and his eyelids squint subtly.

“You’d do the inspection?” He asks.

“Myself or another staff member.” You answer, the idea hitting you that you’d be going to his lair when you’ve never left Auradon before.

He thinks for another moment “I want it to be you, since you know him so well.”

You feel heat rise to your cheeks but before you can think about it too much you nod in agreement.

He smirks a bit and looks down at Cerb “What do you think? You ready to go home?”

Cerb, who clearly has no idea what’s going on but who’s happy to be included in the conversation, wags his tail fervently.

“So, you’d like to adopt him?” You ask, a smile breaking out over your face. Despite the situation, you still feel a rush of satisfaction when you pair an owner with their new friend.

“Someone’s gotta take him.” Hades says with a shrug. He’s clearly covering up the fact he truly did bond with the dog on some level.

“Fantastic! Let me get him a leash and we will get the paperwork finalized.” You say excitedly, heading back to the front desk with Hades and Cerb following behind.

It only takes a few minutes and one flourished signature on the adoption certificate to officially hand Hades the leash for Cerb.

“Congratulations on your new friend, Hades.” You say with sincerity.

He smiles down at the dog and looks back up at you “So… this is the part where you come see my digs and try to see if I’m unfit for the task huh?”

Your heart suddenly stops and you feel a chill. Sure you’d brought it up several times and agreed to be the one to inspect his place, but now that the time had come it made you freeze.

He smirks when he sees the obvious hesitation on your face.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be back in Auradon safe and sound before you know it. I have no plans to do dastardly things… at least not tonight.” He says cooly.

“Alright … let me grab the keys and lock up.” You say, watching Cerb for any sign of discomfort or unease. You trusted the dog to protect you if Hades DID try anything.

Hades leads you to the door and holds it open for you, an unexpected gesture from someone like him. You feel a blush crawl up your cheeks for some unknown reason.

You jingle the lock closed and stare into the shelter for a moment, as if taking in the sight for the last time.

“Ready? It’s a bit of a walk. Unless you want me to magic us there.” He says raising his palm, blue flames erupting from it.

You jump a bit at the small roar the fire makes and you shake your head “N-no… walking is fine. Cerb needs it.”

Hades shrugs and gestures his hand to dismiss the fire “Suit yourself, Princess.”

You awkwardly begin the walk, feeling extremely small and fragile next to the stomping frame of this god. You know that, if he wanted to, he could just make that fire come back and poof you out of existence in the blink of an eye. You were no stranger to magic, given where you’re from. However, dark magic was an all new thing to witness.

You glance down at Cerb who is happily trotting next to Hades, leaning over to bump onto the side of his legs every once in a while. You smile and look up at Hades again, who’s staring straight ahead calmly.

Maybe he’s more like Cerb than you initially thought. A being that is easy to judge based on looks, but is just like everyone else deep down.

He looks over at you while you stare “Something up, Princess?”

You blush and quickly avert your gaze “S-sorry, I’m just-“ you pause for a moment and quietly continue “I’m not used to seeing someone who looks like you.”

He chuckles “Someone who looks like me? You mean devilishly handsome right?”

You feel another wave of heat rise in your cheeks and you stammer as you try to dismiss his comment “I-I mean someone who dresses like some sort of rock star I guess.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment. Listen Princess, the world is much bigger than the kingdom of Auradon. There are lots of different ways of doing things. This is just how I like doing it.”

You nod and timidly speak up “I just haven’t ever really been outside of Auradon. The barrier dropping is such a big change. I barely remember the world before it went up.”

“It’s been a change for all of us.” He replies solemnly.

You arrive at the bridge connecting the mainland to the former Isle of the Lost.

“You still have your place over there?” You ask.

“Yeah well… you get used to a place when you’ve been banished there for 20ish years. I’ve spruced it up with my magic and it works for what I need.” He responds, beginning to lead the way over.

As you walk, you take note of the way the permanent gloom that was once clouding the island has dissipated. You’ve never been this close to the island before and you stay keenly alert to your surroundings as you step on its land.

Compared to Auradon, it’s a vibrant mishmash of color, spray paint, and patches of junk holding it all together. It has a sort of charm to it. It’s a place a child would love to freely explore, if the island hadn’t been a prison for so many years.

You look around in wonder but catch Hades subtly grimacing.

“It’s not as fancy as you’re used to, I’m sure.” He says, almost apologetically.

“I mean it’s not what I’m used to but… I dunno… I like it. It feels very free over here.” You say, seeing troupes of VKs sitting around lazily and chatting.

Hades snorts a laugh “Free huh? Not the word I would use to describe it.”

You realize what you said and frantically apologize “No I mean… sorry…. I meant it seems like you can be yourself over here. Auradon has a lot of-” you pause to find the right word “-expectations when you’re there.”

Hades nods and smirks “You’re a prisoner of rules and societal pressures there. Trust me, I remember.” He looks around “We may be a part of Auradon now but I think this island will stay sort of separated in that sense. You’d be hard pressed to find a villain or VK who would want to give up EVERYTHING this Isle once stood for.”

You look around as you listen. You can’t help but wonder what your life would’ve been like if you had lived here all that time. Would you still be following your parent’s plan or would you be following your true passions?

As you navigate through a tiny marketplace, you look in awe at all the little items and trinkets for sale. Small Knick Knacks made from junk litter tables and shelves. You see a few of the younger crowd from Auradon browsing the shops mixed in with the VKs. It’s fascinating to see how quickly some people have adapted to the barrier coming down.

No matter if it’s a VK or an Auradonian, the site of Hades tromping down the walkway makes everyone move to the side and dart their eyes to look at anything but him. You somehow feel incredibly small and yet hugely noticeable walking alongside him. A few people whispered to each other once you got past, surely speculating what you’re doing with the God of the Underworld.

“Don’t mind them. Reputation goes a long way on the Isle. Most people know to stay out of my way.” Hades says, waving his hand dismissively.

This should justify your apprehension of accompanying him, but you find yourself wondering if he still lives up to his reputation at all. So far, the god has seemed almost tame.

As you walk along, looking at all the shops, you slow your pace to admire a rack of sheer scarfs. Each one has a unique pattern on the fabric and is obviously only meant to only act as a visual enhancer, rather than keep the wearer warm. You have never seen fabric like this before, it’s obvious each one is hand made and no two are alike.

“Bet you don’t have anything like this over on the mainland.” Hades remarks, looking back to see why your pace slowed.

You shake your head “Not really. Everything here is so unique… all the stuff in Auradon is usually pretty similar to each other, outside of the dresses Evie makes of course.”

Hades looks a moment between you and the scarfs, he finally pulls a bluish one off the rack and flicks a coin to the eager vendor.

“Here. This one suites you.”

You feel a slight head rush from the unexpected move, your hands grasping the gift before you can truly process it.

“A-are you sure…?” You ask.

He waves his hand again and turns to continue walking “Yeah yeah. It’s repayment for the long walk.”

You smile to yourself and drape the fabric around your neck, admiring the colors and patterns.

“I have one from them myself. I like their stuff.” Hades states. “We aren’t far from home now. The entrance is just up ahead.”

The two of you round a corner and your met with a large, sinister looking gate decorated with scrap pieced together to spell “GET LOST”. Behind the barrier is the entrance to a cave. You look at Hades, feeling that twinge of apprehension come back.

He chuckles to himself and unlocks the gate “It’s all for intimidation. Don’t worry.”

Cerb happily bounds inside the cave which is the biggest factor that pushes you forward.

“It echos a bit in here, just a heads up.” He warns, leading the way inside.

You wind through dark tunnels, illuminated by scattered lighting strung together up on the walls. The ground where you walk has a small track system, indicating this used to be some sort of mine before Hades settled in.

“Nearly there, I promise.” He says almost apologetically.

At long last you enter the main chamber of his lair. It’s a large room where the floor rises and lowers at random places in separate tiers. The place is decorated with everything from old looking Greek statues to vintage music equipment. The walls are scribbled with various designs and writing, one notable wall clearly being a tally of his time trapped here. The sheer number of tally marks puts into scope just how long the barrier was up.

It’s like nothing you’ve ever seen before, things seem to be covered in a layer of dust and an eerie blue light glows throughout the room. In one corner is an old dusty sofa, in another is a large bed covered with tattered blankets.

“I know it’s not pretty to look at but… I am sort of used to it here.” He shrugs, taking off his large overcoat and tossing it on a coat rack absentmindedly.

You look around in awe, somehow fascinated with the lair. However you’re here to do a job and you carefully watch Cerb.

He already eagerly navigating around the room and sniffing at his new surroundings. He hasn’t seemed to have lost any sort of enthusiasm.

“It seems safe enough in here for him but-“ you pause and feel your heart race a bit, scared to offer any sort of critique.

“But what?” Hades asks, leaning against the wall and crossing his large, freshly exposed arms.

“Dogs need to go outside often. There isn’t really-“ you trail off feebly.

“Don’t worry. I already thought of that. Look over here.” Hades beckons.

You follow up to a large door with a doggy door carved out of the middle covered by a flap.

“Open it.” He says.

You reach forward and push against the heavy door, suddenly daylight spills in to the room. A beautiful grassy meadow greets you, a slight breeze tickling your cheeks and birds tweeting away. The faint smell of the ocean radiates through the air and you look at Hades in shock.

“I thought we were in a cave!”

He smirks, clearly impressed with himself “We are. As a god one of my powers is to make myself present wherever I wish. I put a spell on this door to open up here.”

Cerb bolts passed us and zoomies his way through the grass. This place is even nicer than the field you have for the rescues back home. You step out into the grass, feeling a nice warm sunlight hit your skin. Cerb is now on his back and thrashing around happily, clearly enjoying the way the grass feels on his skin.

“Not bad for a dusty old villain huh?” Hades asks, joining up next to you.

“It’s beautiful…. I’ve never seen magic like this before.” You respond, looking back at the door.

In the middle of the field is the doorway, inside is clearly the lair, but nothing appears to be holding the doorway in place.

“Thanks… there is an invisible barrier around the area that will influence anyone outside of it to stay away and for Cerb not to wander too far. I just have to teach him to use the door is all.”

You nod, clearly satisfied with the surroundings.

“I think I’ve seen everything I need to see. I assume you have food and water for him?” You ask, signing off the paperwork you brought while you all walk back into the cave.

Hades snaps his finger, a flash of blue sparks erupting from them, and a bag of dog food and water dish appear in the corner of the room.

You smile widely and hand over the adoption papers “Alright then, Hades. You’re officially Cerb’s owner. We will check back in about a month or so from now just to make sure he’s settled in and you’re used to his personality.”

“We? Or will the inspector be you?” He asks, looking over the papers.

You feel your heart skip a beat “D-Do you want it to be me?”

“Yes.” He answers firmly.

“I-I can make sure that’s notated for you. Um, can I ask why?” You can’t help but probe as to why he’s so specific to get you to help.

“You actually helped me. Sure you judged what I looked like right off the bat but… you changed your mind. It’s refreshing.” He says, crouching down to scratch Cerb’s head.

“Well you seem… nice.” You say softly.

Hades laughs and straightens back up, crossing his arms “Is that what I seem like? I guess I need to work on fixing that”. He winks at you with a cheeky smirk.

You laugh nervously “As long as Cerb’s safe and happy I suppose I don’t mind what you do.”

You look around the lair again and bring your gaze back to Hades, whose eyes are locked on to you.

“If you need anything make sure to reach out. I guess I should get back home, it’s probably super late.” You say, preparing to turn around and go back the way you came.

Hades steps forward a bit “Wait-“ he seems to stammer while finding his words “ah, are you hungry?”

You furrow your brow in confusion “Am I hungry?”

Hades nods, clearly angry with himself for blurting out such a random question.

“I mean it’s late and I haven’t eaten for a while, so I’m getting there. Why?”

“I just was about to cook something up if you wanted.” He says, scratching the back of his head.

If it wasn’t his treatment of Cerb or when he bought you the scarf, it would be this moment that fully convinced you this man was no longer the villain everyone made him out to be.

“Sure I could eat.” You finally answer with a smile.

#hades #hades descendants #descendants #hades x reader #descendants 3 #Hercules #disney

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theuniverseisaconspiracy · 1 year

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cooganbegs-blog · 4 months

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Tomorrow

So tomorrow I’m speaking with the Queen Bee from The Yield. I haven’t spoken with her for quite a few years and the relationship is, uneasy and silent.

The Yield is in the process of being acquired by Yamaha (yes the global fuxkoff automotive, robotics etc corporation). As a result of the mismanagement, ego and hubris of the Queen Bee, all shares except for Yamaha shares are worthless, zero, zip, nada. Everyone is walking away with nothing, except for Ros who has already ripped over a million dollars out, but that’s another story!

There were three of us who started The Yield. John, myself and Ros. We needed the skills and experience of all of us to get it off the ground. Without us, Yamaha would not have a company to be acquiring.

When we agreed to follow Ros when she begged us with words “I can’t do this without you.” we were offered shares, and in particular specified “Founders Shares”. We paid a nominal fee and they were supposed to be the final compensation where we would financially realise the years of underpayment and slaving that we put into The Yield when and if it was ever acquired.

We will get nothing.

John wrote to the chair of The Yield stating our case, he got a platitude filled response about the good of all shareholders bla bla bla.

The message is that legal advice is clear that our Founder shares, as ordinary shares, are useless. There will be no special recompense as an ordinary shareholder.

Ros finally called John yesterday and his response was that John paying $15 for 150,000 shares and me paying $5 for 50,000 shares was not an investment in The Yield but a mechanism to be repaid at a later date for “free”.

So Ros said to John: send her a letter stating (only) his case based only on a goodwill request for recompense for the 15 months he worked for fuck all. Which he’s now done.

Apparently this means that this now separates our claims as founders.

However, this leaves me and what I should or might do. Yes, I’m bitter and hurt and angry and want to tell Ros exactly what I think of her manipulative and selfish behaviour to get what she wanted and demand a share. The other half is terrified as I just don’t really believe I deserve anything. I was the gullible fool who listened and believed her when she told me she needed me, that no-one else could help her like I could, and that she would make sure that I was taken care of. Fuck that stings, after all I’ve learned, I fell for her honeyed words. I believed what I wanted to believe and heard what I wanted to hear.

But hurt pride and bitterness aside. I don’t know what to say to her tomorrow. How to ask for what I believe (maybe) I deserve, not to beg and grovel but to appeal to a better side of her that I have yet to see?

But then I know it won’t make a scrap of difference, she doesn’t a fuck, a global multinational like Yamaha certainly doesn’t give a fuck about a nobody like me. So do I swallow my pride and ask the same as John or shut up and keep my pride in tact.

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skyc47su · 1 month

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Topic: Concerns over making skycotl figurine sculpt commissions

Hi everyone! First of all, I'd like to say thank you so much over your comments and reactions to my two skycotl elder sculpts! I've worked hard for them, and I just feel so happy to everyone's comments on my work! Especially to some where I've managed to convince people they were real sky merch hehe (note: they aren't x'D). I think that's the highest honor I've ever received being an artist~

I'd like to address this topic, as I've been receiving a few comments on how they'd love to own one and perhaps commission me for custom skycotl sculpts. I hope it's alright with you guys for a moment of a very long text post ;u; So for starters, I'd like to state the fact that I am not a professional artist. I'm just a hobbyist with a background in veterinary medicine. ;w; zero background on art school. I was pretty much self-taught. So if I ever do create sculpt works for sale, they will be made by a hobbyist artist with no art background other than years of self-taught art stuff.

I'd like to state reasons on why I hesitate to make custom figurine art commissions.

I have never made nor sold physical merch/ sculpts -However I have made and successfully shipped sculpt works to friends! They were however made with oven-baked sculpey, which did not handle shipping well and had to be glued together. However, the elder pieces were made with quality air dry polymer clay. This clay, when dry, has the same feel as nendroid or SHFigurarts figurines. They are amazingly flexible and takes a lot to break. So I'm confident with these figures being able to survive shipping.

I cannot guarantee flawless, clean, uniform quality similar to goodsmile and other well-known figurine makers, or even indie makers -The results may be different every time, there may be unwanted notches here and there, I might see something during painting progress that I didn't spot while sculpting and cannot adjust it once the clay dries, my paint job may be flawed (uneven lines, color mistakes, etc.). These are my main concerns. Again, I am not a professional, although I do improve each time I work on something new. Currently, these two were the second time I've sculpted using air dry polymer clay.

From the images above, you guys may spot imperfections such as: -Tsadi's helmet and head being a little rough -Rough-looking paint details (especially the white "glow") my hands were shaky -Tsadi's gloves not being perfectly straight -Little dry paint "dirt" bits which leaves some little bumps here and there (Notice Tsadi's arm having little bumps) -The underside of Teth's hair was hard to reach and paint perfectly -Teth's hands looking a little odd (the clay air-dries fast and the more I worked, the more it risked their fingers breaking apart) -Teth's skirt should've been more flared-out, but the clay decided it doesn't want to hence the skirt flaps became a little limp -Accidental score marks I must've left from being pricked by something (like a fingernail or a tool next to me) before it dried completely 3. Price -Even if I consider my work shoddy, I'd honestly price Tsadi (Golden Wasteland elder) $200 and Teth (Hidden Forest elder) $150, without shipping fees and etc. I think that sort of price will turn people off, but these are completely hand-made, from sculpting to painting. No any sort of pre-made clay cast used. I did lose a lot of skin on my fingertips because of this project. I'm actually still in the process of growing it back ;; I was constantly checking my work everyday for 30 days, leaving the clay to firm up a bit and coming back to adjust it as it dries, so it did take a lot of time and effort. (I'm not complaining however, I really did have fun with this project!) 4. Material supply -The main concern is the clay. It's brand is "Modena" air dry polymer clay sourced from Japan. I've waited half a year just to buy it from one local art shop, and currently I've only seen 4 packs left in stock. I had to use 1 and a half pack of clay just for GW elder, because he's such a big guy x'D

So ah... Yes, these are my concerns if you guys do really want to commission me. I'd be willing, of course! But I'd like you guys to know first of what you guys may receive if you do so. Thank you all so much for your consideration and taking time to read my post! I hope you guys have a wonderful day QwQ your comments have made me so happy! Oh and I still do digital art commissions though :3

#moof art #skyblr

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mostlysignssomeportents · 1 year

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How Amazon transformed the EU into a planned economy

Amazon is a perfect parable of enshittification, the process by which platforms first offer subsidies to end users until they’re locked in, then make life good for business customers at users’ expense, until they’re locked in, then claw back all the value they can for themselves, leaving just enough behind to keep the lock-in going.

In a new report for SOMO, Margarida Silva describes how the end-stage enshittification of Amazon is playing out in the EU, with Amazon repeating its US playbook of gouging the small businesses who have no choice but to use the platform in order to reach its locked-in customers, making European customers and European sellers poorer:

https://www.somo.nl/amazons-european-chokehold/

The mechanism for this isn’t a mystery. Amazon boasts about it! They call it their flywheel: first, customers are lured into the platform with low prices, especially through Prime, which requires pre-payment for a year’s shipping, which virtually guarantees that customers will start their shopping on Amazon. Because customers now start their buying on Amazon, sellers have to be there. The increased range of goods for sale on Amazon lures in more buyers, who lure in more sellers, with both sides holding each other hostage:

https://vimeo.com/739486256/00a0a7379a

This flywheel creates a vicious cycle, starving local retail so that customers can’t get what they need from brick-and-mortar shops, which funnels sellers into offering their goods for sale on Amazon. The less choice customers and sellers have about where they shop, the more Amazon can abuse both to pad its own bottom line.

There are 800,000 EU-based sellers on Amazon, and they have seen the junk-fees that Amazon charges them skyrocket, to the point where they have to raise prices or lose money on each sale. Amazon uses both tacit and explicit “Most Favored Nation” deals to hide these price-hikes. Under an MFN deal, sellers must not allow their goods to be sold at a lower price than Amazon’s — so when they raise prices to cover Amazon’s increasing fees, they raise them everywhere:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/25/greedflation/

It’s not hard to understand why Amazon would raise its fees: the company has an effective e-commerce monopoly. Like Ozymandias, they have run out of worlds to conquer, and so their growth has to come from squeezing suppliers and/or raising prices, not from bringing in new customers. This is likewise true of mobile companies like Apple and Google, who have run out of people who are so excited about incremental mobile hardware gains that they’ll buy a new phone every year, which means that growth has to come from squeezing app vendors:

https://www.tbray.org/ongoing/When/202x/2023/06/09/Pixel-4-to-7

This is likewise true of the streaming companies, which is why Netflix is cracking down on “password sharing”:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/02/nonbinary-families/#red-envelopes

It’s true of the movie studios, which is why they want to zero out their wage bills by replacing writers with automatic plausible sentence generators that will write stupid movies that they think we’ll still pay to see because there won’t be anything else:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/06/people-are-not-disposable/#union-strong

It’s certainly true of Uber, which is why they’ve double the cost of a taxi ride and halved the wages they pay drivers:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/12/algorithmic-wage-discrimination/#fishers-of-men

Monopolies “grow” by making their customers and suppliers worse off. But they have to be careful about this: if it’s obvious that you’re using your market power to screw buyers, you can get in trouble with competition regulators. That’s because the only part of antitrust law that the neoliberal project left intact is “consumer welfare” — the idea that monopolies should only face enforcement when they raise prices and/or lower quality:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/10/play-fair/#bedoya

This focus on price-hikes has given monopolists a free hand to squeeze suppliers and workers, because a monopolist — from Walmart to Amazon — can claim that squeezing your workers and suppliers is necessary to enhancing consumer welfare. The less you pay to produce a product, the cheaper you can price it.

When a company has a lot of seller power, we call it a monopolist. When it has a lot of buying power, we call it a monopsonist. No one ever made a bestselling, family-destroying board game called “Monopsony” so most people haven’t heard of the concept. But monopsony is every bit as dangerous as monopoly, and monopsonists find it far easier to acquire market power than monopolists. Few suppliers can afford to have even 10% of their sales disappear overnight, so a buyer who accounts for 10% of your sales can demand deep discounts and other favorable terms.

Amazon is a monopolist, but it’s also a very powerful and ruthless monopsonist. For example, its audiobook division, Audible, has a 90+% market-share, and it used that market-power to steal at least $100m from audiobook creators, in a scandal dubbed Audiblegate:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/09/07/audible-exclusive/#audiblegate

For Europe’s 800k sellers who rely on Amazon to reach their customers, the monoposony conditions are blatant and shameless. Take listing fees: Amazon’s “flywheel” pitch claims that as the company grows, it achieves “economies of scale” that can lower its cost basis. But Amazon’s listing fees haven’t changed, even as the company experienced explosive growth in the EU (remember, sellers whose Amazon fees exceed their margins have to pass those fees onto buyers, and also raise their prices everywhere else to satisfy the Most Favored Nation requirement).

Amazon books the revenues from these fees — and other junk-fees it extracts from sellers — in Luxembourg, an EU member nation that provides a tax haven to multinational businesses that want to maintain the fiction that they operate their businesses out of the tiny kingdom. There is sharp competition in the EU to offer the most servile, corrupt environment for multinationals, and Luxembourg is a leader, along with Cyprus, Malta and, of course, Ireland:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/15/finnegans-snooze/#dirty-old-town

But at least listing fees haven’t gone up, unlike other fees, which have climbed sharply. Amazon falsely claimed that its additional revenues from fees were the result of growth by independent sellers, which Amazon pegged at 65%. Later, the company admitted that the true growth figure was 22%. Meanwhile, fees are up 85%.

The true growth figure might be lower still. Amazon refuses to show the math behind its growth figures, or even say which sellers and sales are included in the figure.

The SOMO report cites research by Juozas Kaziukėnas of the e-commerce research firm Marketplace Pulse, who finds that sellers are now giving 50% of their gross revenues to Amazon, an increase of 10% over the past five years across the whole EU. However, different EU (and ex-EU) countries have experienced much steeper increases in fees — in the UK, fees have nearly doubled (up 98%), and in France, fees more than doubled (up 115%).

Many of these increases come from the Fulfilment By Amazon (FBA) program, which is promoted as an optional service, but which is really obligatory — careful research shows that sellers who warehouse, pack and ship their own goods get banished to the depths of search results, even if they have ratings, costs and times that are competitive with FBA. This is especially true of the “buy box” that lands at the top of most searches. The company refuses to disclose how buy box positioning is determined, but 90% of products in the buy box pay for FBA.

Amazon has used excuseflation to hike its FBA prices, blaming higher energy prices for price hikes that predated the Russian invasion of Ukraine, and blaming covid for price hikes that predated the pandemic.

Italy’s competition authority did yeoman service in uncovering the sleaze of FBA, publishing an investigation that showed that Prime and buy box made the notionally “optional” FBA into a must-have for merchants, meaning that Amazon could jack up FBA prices without losing business.

Another notable source of gouging came in response to the UK and France adopting digital services taxes, which were meant to make up for the tax-base erosion enabled by Luxembourg’s flouting of EU tax law. Amazon passed these taxes straight through to its merchants, without seeing a comparable decrease in the number of sellers using its platforms — an unmistakable sign of market power. If you can raise prices without losing customers, then, by definition, your customers have nowhere else to go.

I’ve previously written about how Amazon’s $31b/year “advertising” market isn’t really advertising — rather, it’s a payola scheme that auctions off the top of a search-listing to the merchant with the most to spend:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/28/enshittification/#relentless-payola

This is how you get a simple search like “cat beds” returning results whose first screen is 100% ads, and whose next five screens are 50% ads, many of them for dog products:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/interactive/2022/amazon-shopping-ads/

Auctioning off search results means that every time you search for something you want, you have to wade through screen after screen of listings for products whose vendors spent more on advertising, leaving less to spend on making quality goods.

This is as true in the EU as it is in the USA. The SOMO report shows that European merchants are required to spend ever-larger sums to show up in results for the exact products they sell, leaving them with a choice between making less money, raising prices, or skimping on quality.

But even the “winners” of Amazon’s gladiatorial combat among vendors can still lose. Amazon uses an automated product removal process that can delete some or all of a merchant’s products, without warning or explanation, and no one at Amazon will explain what a merchant did wrong. That remains true even if a vendor pays for Amazon’s “marketplace consultant” service — ask these paid Virgils why you’ve been cast into Amazon’s pit, and they’ll shrug their shoulders (and bill you for it).

And even if you can navigate the junk fees, the Kafka-as-a-service removals, the war of all sellers against all sellers for search primacy…you still lose. Merchants told SOMO that a product that survives Amazon’s gauntlet is likely to be cloned by Amazon and sold as an Amazon Basic or other house-brand product. Amazon doesn’t charge itself 50% junk fees, so it can always underprice the vendors it knocks off, and give its own products permanent top-of-search placement.

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos once testified under oath before Congress that this doesn’t happen — and then refused to return to Congress when multiple vendors showed evidence that he’d lied:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2021/10/18/amazon-congress-letter-third-party-data/

He definitely lied:

https://www.reuters.com/investigates/special-report/amazon-india-rigging/

Amazon has faced investigations and enforcement in the EU over this, and settled a claim with a promise to “not use non-public seller data to compete with sellers,” but given the company’s record of broken promises on this score and the difficulty of catching them cheating, it’s pretty naive to think they’ll stick to this.

The report quotes Thomas Höppner, a lawyer who has represented small businesses that Amazon screwed over. Höppner says the problem is that the EU evaluates Amazon’s bad deeds on a “case-by-case” basis, missing the big picture: “By the time one identified problem was seemingly solved, Amazon had long made amendments elsewhere with the same effect. We require a more holistic approach that considers the entire Amazon ecosystem and the various interdependencies within.”

But the EU’s enforcement approach is about to change significantly. The EU just passed the Digital Markets Act (DMA), which imposes a bunch of obligations on Amazon:

allowing sellers to offer their products on other marketplaces at different prices (Article 5.3),

not obliging business users to pay for one of its services in order to use its platform (Article 5.8),

limiting the way Amazon uses non-public seller data to compete with them (Article 6.2)

preventing Amazon from giving top billing in search results to its own products or sellers that have acquired extra Amazon services (Article 6.5)

The report concludes with a suite of recommendations for improving EU enforcement. First, they argue for a return to traditional competition law, abandoning the “consumer welfare standard” that is so friendly to monopsonies and their abuses of suppliers and workers.

They call for a probe into Amazon’s Most Favored Nation deals (“fair pricing policy”), the practice of sponsoring search results, and spiraling fees. They want the EU to adequately fund DMA enforcement, with “measures to prevent regulatory capture.” And they want Amazon to publish clear explanations for how search results, buy box placement, and other practices hidden behind a veil of secrecy.

Amazon will doubtless claim that disclosing how those systems work will make it easier for spammers and scammers to game their way to the top of search results. We should be skeptical of this claim — content moderation is the last domain where anyone takes the bankrupt idea of security through obscurity seriously:

https://doctorow.medium.com/como-is-infosec-307f87004563

Finally, the report calls for breaking up Amazon, forcing it to choose between being a platform seller or a platform user, calling this the only way to “prevent the conflicts of interest between its role as a platform intermediary, seller, and service provider.”

The technical term for this measure is “structural separation” — a rule that bans platform companies from competing with their business customers. This is the principle at work in the US bipartisan AMERICA Act, which would force Google and Meta to spin off the parts of their ad-tech business that put them in a conflict of interest. Right now, Googbook represents both publishers and advertisers, while operating the marketplace where ad sales take place, and they take 51% out of every ad dollar:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2023/05/save-news-we-must-shatter-ad-tech

Structural separation hasn’t really been applied in the US for a generation, but it’s gained currency in recent years, for the obvious reason that the referee can’t also own one of the teams. I was in Germany last week speaking to regulators and politicians, and they espoused skepticism that the EU would embrace structural separation anytime soon.

But they were wrong! Today, the European Commission announced plans to force Google and Meta to sell off their conflict-of-interest ad-tech lines of business, mirroring the provisions of the US AMERICA Act:

https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2023/06/google-may-soon-be-ordered-to-break-up-its-lucrative-ad-business-eu-warns/

Structural separation really is the policy we should be demanding. It’s amazing that lawyers who would never argue a case in front of a judge who was married to the plaintiff will turn around and defend the idea that Amazon can fairly operate a marketplace where they compete with other sellers.

With Amazon dominating online sales, and with in-person retail cratering, Amazon’s decisions have the power to determine the outcome of whole swathes of Europe’s economy. This is the “planned economy” that the EU claims it detests and seeks to prevent — but it’s an economy planned by distant autocrats in a Seattle boardroom, for the purpose of extracting the surpluses needed to launch an endless procession of penis-rockets.

If you’d like an essay-formatted version of this postto read or share, here’s a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/06/14/flywheel-shyster-and-flywheel/#unfulfilled-by-amazon

[Image ID: A desert ruin. In the foreground is a huge Amazon box, with an EU flag in place of its shipping label. Atop the box are the feet and partial legs of an Oxymandias figure.]

Image: Rama (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Gladiator_with_sword-Louis_Ernest_Meissonnier-MG_1216-IMG_1223-white.jpg

CC BY-SA 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/fr/deed.en

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arkaloans · 2 years

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https://www.arkaloans.com/blog/personal-loans-in-vivekananda-nagar-hyderabad?utm_source=pocket_saves

#Home Loans in Vivekananda Nagar #zero processing fees #Banks in Hyderabad

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cinnasaur · 1 year

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hey, i've been Going Through A Lot and i really need help getting back on my feet.

there was a huge leak in the basement room i'm renting that took a while to get fixed, and a lot of my stuff got ruined and had to be thrown out in the process of cleaning out my place. the fridge and freezer also broke and mice got into the pantry so basically all my food had to be thrown away... it really sucks to have to start from zero for groceries when they're so expensive ):

i'll need to get a few things to help me settle back in, and now there are ants everywhere that i need to deal with because nobody else is. on top of all this, my landlord decided to raise my rent going forward x_x

i really wanted to start T as soon as i can, but it's not covered by my benefits so i'm kind of resigning myself to having to keep putting it off until i know how i'm going to afford it...

all this to say, i would immensely appreciate monetary help so i can recover from all this and take some kind of step towards more positive change in my own life ;;

i don't have a set goal, but anything would be such a huge help.

you're free to request a pokemon for me to draw if you send a ko-fi as always, but i'm pretty backed up on these since i haven't had a lot of time or energy to draw amidst everything going on.

i'll probably need to start a bigger fundraiser soon because i honestly need to get out of here as soon as possible (among other things, the landlord kind of just painted over the mould on the walls with regular paint after he fixed the leak...) but for now i just need to hang in there. i don't really have any kind of cushion to help in emergencies like this nor family able to help me financially right now.

reblogs would help a whole lot too. thank you so much for your patience and support, and take care

#ko-fi #trans crowdfund

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vaspider · 7 months

Note

I have two friends who urgently need posts boosted, if you're able. The first has less than seven hours to come up with about $300 more to cover a credit card bill a relative of theirs is no longer able to cover without more punitive fees. They also need help getting new eyeglasses, keeping their partner in therapy and getting food. They're post is up at https://www.tumblr.com/chingaderita/743152620092489728/we-have-less-than-8-hrs-please-sorry-to-tag-i

The other friend needs just over $250 or so to finish paying a bill to their college so they can graduate this year. It's not as urgent as my other friend, but they need it before sometime in March and are getting zero traction on their help post. It's up at https://heavenssexiestangel.tumblr.com/post/742232929080688640/so-the-goal-is-currently-10301125

(As for me we're doing good and might get into a transitional housing program next week. Fingers crossed we can get our own housing within a month or two, then my daughter can REALLY start her transitioning process.)

Glad to hear you're doing well. Boosted. :)

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jacobnordby · 3 months

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'Spiritual’ Red Flags to watch out for (AND THEIR MEANINGS):

1: To 'hold space' for someone = To sit and stare at someone with emotional issues for an uncomfortable amount of time, then pat yourself on the back for basically doing nothing while your homie has a breakdown.

2: I'm in transition = I'm unemployed and totally fucking lost, so I have created an identity out of being an opportunist. Maybe you have some trim work for me or food? Or a trade? I do crystal readings!

3: I'm processing a lot of downloads from the Universe = I smoked too much DMT and can’t afford therapy. By pretending that my fragile brain is a sacred record keeper, I receive validation for speaking gibberish.

4: I'm a lightworker/empath = I am depressed and unstable and take zero responsibility for my own self-destructive tendencies, and need to focus on condescending your dark shit to avoid my own. (PS: I'll diagnose you as a narcissist)

5: I am a Reiki Master= I crave human contact, And this makes me feel less insecure than Tinder. I can cross personal physical boundaries with ease if I so choose, depending on what my client looks like, or I can think about random things while getting paid handsomely to hold my hands awkwardly over someone’s body.

6: You have an amazing Aura = I would love to bang you.

7: I am writing a travel blog = I don't want to go home, I no longer fit in: I never have. I don't know where I will end up, but I’d like to get paid to figure it out.

8: I'm not looking for a relationship/ only deep soul connections = I have commitment issues and fear of intimacy so I collect partners with compatible insecurities. I understand you will head off to Thailand soon anyways. “Bread-crumbing my love keeps me safe” is my mantra, while I dip my dick like a candlestick in every Shanti ratchet priestess in town.

9: 'Inner Goddess Within' workshops = An understanding of daddy Issues and a way to overdevelop the masculine side to protect the little girl within. Helping participants to surrender to the bias that all men are shit ( all of this for a nominal fee). The level 2 masterclass will teach you how to galactivate your man’s scrotum chakra enough to make him forget that you pay for bullshit workshops with his harvest money.

10: A guru = Someone who has overstepped the threshold of self-development into supreme egotism and found a niche market. Carries a flute and has a name you can't pronounce (though his driver's license says Steve) and chants words he doesn’t understand. But interesting tattoos...right?

11. A shaman = see above.

12: Worshipping the Beloved = Classic scenario where a cluster B personality type convinces you at a festival that you are their twin flame, lost for centuries in the ether. If you have never been loved by your primary caregivers, this is paradise on earth as your fear of abandonment gets spanked with a mala on the magical, mystery tour of self-deception.

13: In the flow = I never commit to anything, especially plans to do anything with anyone, so that I can completely flake out and not take any responsibility for it; ie I didn’t pay my phone bill this month.

14: Co-creating a retreat/gathering = my borderline personality friends and I have exhausted all other means of making an honest income, and have decided instead to use our social media clout (aka naked buttcheeks) to radically overcharge a too-large group of saps for 2-14 days of mediocre vegan food, awkward group encounters, and real-world-style sexual politics.

15; Substance Free Event = Powder drugs are fine but if you bring alcohol, we’ll judge the shit out of you. Tobacco’s cool if you snort it and call it "ceremony" or roll your own.

16: Speaking My Truth = I reserve the right to be an asshole in this conversation and you must honour it, regardless of how deep my delusion may be. I’ll probably use this phrase every time I don’t want to be called out for my phone bullshit, because it’s all perspective man...

(Author Unknown)

#spirituality #new age #shadow work #lol

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toinfinitywinning · 8 months

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this is get to know you time. the cringy name game at every camp in the world you do with toilet paper. enough.

Conversations and thoughts resembling the same level of random and incongruence of my Apple Music library. like Josh Groban is to Eminem: Mercy Me. a lot about everything that’s not a hashtag bc it just needs more attention.

Let the first (post) be first:

Hi. I’ve never done this before (like a seriously grown up blog on purpose. Just when just followed sad somewhat desperate poetry with a random live-laugh-love meme in there somewhere.) and Pitch Perfect.

BUT.

For 2 years I’ve had Long-Haul COVID. It’s a different kind of lonely

Thanks so much, amirite? —Gen-Z apologies if I didn’t use that jumbled acronym-word correctly.

It’s hard to keep up.

See? What am I talking about now and how did I get there…

Due to a very common symptom of LHC…

Again—hard to keep up. It’s there. Tho

And I have a lot of quirk so it’s possible I think you’ll “get” but are just nice not to tell me

BUT.

It’s already gone. Train left the Station yesterday.

Slipped on a penny.

Not Good. not even funny.

Teens with the gorgeous graffiti have to Go elsewhere. I’ve always been jealous of that kind talent.

Whole lot better than something else shiny thrown on the track and it’s derailed. There’s at least some innocence in a paint can.

WOW.

I have major attention and Brain Fog hurdles to conquer or shortly bypass. You might not be able to tell b/c of how My writing jumps around so infrequently.

Not true but still easier.

Mostly innocent and playful.

Sadly the attention part is this many years young.

Writing comes naturally. As it always has, strangely...

And why is healing so exhausting? Writing is therapeutic but My body says—can you not?

i know im not the only one asking that!

As if I have time for that too.

find a community of people suffering just as similarly and gain strength, tips and tricks.

Just, speak-screen edit my writing for me. Maybe a clarification fact-✔.

Just not wherever Tr*mp gets his.

Could be Truth Social. Monthly fee tho will cost you your Red Hat.

MYGAbad

Speaking I struggle with processing w/e skills I must have held onto.

BUT.

Since 2 years is quite. some. time.—I’ve shared many struggles and victories.

Like a Bell curve. Or a punk Domino falling then lining them up takes longer just to go down again in half the time. Repeat.

It’s very likely I Will try to talk about many things at once.

I really can’t help that. LOL.

Jury’s still out but I get most of my writing and miscellaneous musings from mom.

Dad can write the best, longest, and precious prayers and notes.

Almost delicately but like you KNOW he’s giving you a hug.

A Good mix tape’s paper Version.

Enter Run on sentences. Truly a stream by now.

Although my brain muscle is weak I’ve been encouraged by several people to Start a blog. Someday I’ll include the past 2 years of w/e pics are on other SocMed.

I can’t think of anything worse.

Yea, okay LOL.

Judgment free. Occasionally… like normal doses then have to work through that.

Mostly that’s because I knew nothing about anything before I opened My computer and started sharing My thoughts under zero context ridden or form at all.

More likely as well to offend and piss someone off. Well done you’re now one less friend popular. There’s an App for that tho-tracking people Who don’t like you.

Not sure where I’ll land with this. It may not land you either.

Because like a lot of us. Sometimes you don’t get to talk actually. No Room.

I like routine; that’s out. So it gets dull.

I’ve learned I hadn’t yet given myself the space to see all of things I can do sitting down.

But. By “given” I mean to say that perhaps I didn’t know it was there.

One Good thing I’ve gathered from this Hell.

Hell fresh by the Day! Never frozen.

So at that time and in this case of my life; sitting is fine.

Some of it isn’t too bad. The writing. You will find questionable punctuation. Run on sentences that I was running.

Relevance at all.

All around Confusion…altho connect the dots could have been seen as practice.

Or annoying even. I’d have no words.

I truly don’t set out to be funny. I could never do stand-up or improv. Or act.

Humor forced just takes and receives too much energy that might come off insincere.

Nothing on command.

Like Matt Perry’s brilliant improv wit it just doesn’t hit the same.

B/c it was scripted.

A syllabus for it Imagine.

The horn to jump off the swim block.

It’s when Life feels more scripted a lot of people close up.

That’s because you’re not in charge anymore. I’ve lost the Power.

Don’t prefer caring about whether someone likes me like I used to.

I believe you can snooze me for 30 days or say ‘I’m done w/ her’ and send Me to the cyberarchives.

Okay. Okay.

So—90% of the time I’m witty and sarcastic with a bit of cynicism, discomfort (for you), and pettifogging.

I write primarily about the questions of intersectionality.

How do things fit.

Let’s Fit it.

Until I figured out physics and calculus and basic math were behind a career in architecture and the classes I would have to take, I enjoyed taking things apart to make something else.

Not always pretty.

Could be Good what I took apart was the best thing we can’t see.

Like I’m writing questions but with wisdom not meaning to do that either,

A lot of people don’t like that. You do you! Baby.

I don’t mean to be at all harsh or hurtful. I try not to say that anything vainly.

I say it b/c a lot of what I’m writing is all of every piece of stream of consciousness tallied.

And it was a synapse connecting another.

Maybe that’s the creative part? The other side of My Brain is telling Me to ✔ on the other side so I’m like…crickets.

What I write is stream of consciousness, brutally honest and to some might be lightly offensive. In College writing this Way would’ve absolutely driven Me crazy.

Then life steps in and bonks u on the head with a newspaper but 15 years later returns the favor with an iPhone.

Or too blunt. And comes across as harsh. And that’s mostly because if I don’t have an emoji to match my real-life broken ღ I’m breaking up with you.

Self reflection: impulsive

I used to journal so much growing up.

When did I lose that innocence?

We can’t talk about folding paper into cranes and witchcraft finger fortune games anymore?

No more MASH?

Huh, maybe you weren’t born this Way. Ur Parents just drew circles nearest each other or your apple stem twist broke too soon and you want a partner whose name starts with P.

Very often I overshare. If you’re reading this this is not brand new information. No ability to say things simply. Think I’ve already. That can put me really vulnerable to more bitcoin hacks.

And then you need to figure out what bitcoin is. And whether Mario can collect coins as well in place of the hackers.

I’d say ask Tom Brady b/c of his investments but since retirement he’s been pretty deflated.

Mean people that mean to hurt.

First of all I feel sorry for you. Not in a poor you tho.

People Who hurt on purpose don’t often have any Way to vent or get a rise other than evoke feelings in and deflect toward a schoolmate.

Skip back to the part I tried talking about vulnerability. It truly is the invisible cloak and no one can see you but nothing makes sense still and you’ve only fixed what’s on the outside. Now you’re peeved AND cloaked.

At this conjunction junction next I’d suggest try shopping at Target opposed to Abercrombie then.

Feet in the water right above bankruptcy to see how things could be different only what…if?

Good ♧ seriously.

So there’s more grace given when you fall. When it’s not your month Day or even year!

Nobody is there for you!!

And My cloak is getting rained on.

Maybe gathering strength from falling will come a common sense with a 6th one but with seriously meaningful things I’ve learned and less hard knock’s Life for us.

The hard Way.

The bottom’s still there and it actually stinks stinks. Discouraging b/c there are two sides to the bottom of the cave full of stalagTITES and mites.

All the up’s and down’s. Right there. And the COVID-19 bat OMG!

You know you may not be able to fall any further further but once you’re up again you’re wondering whether you should get some cement to close that thing off.

Choose to live! But welcome to the real world—it sucks—ur gonna Love it.

Almost 4got. In the cave you dont always have to wait for Jesus to be resurrected if that metaphor comforts you but if change comes and it requires a whole new worm can of Life we already can’t handle that gets us outta the dank I don’t think we need to ask permission to the rights of that Bible passage.

BUT.

Until YOU are ready for change...

Forget it. At least you meant well. Someone can guide that horse to water but it stays pretty hydrated, so he says he’s Good. Promise. The only talking animal and it was Me Who got to hear it. More importantly, who’s gonna ☊? Care? There’s a country song finding out Who your Friends are. A lot stay lost and it’s not helpful all our Friends aren’t the same.

Missing a Good chance to find out if you’re in a similar predicament and that not always a bad thing.

At times I have literally had to be lifted off the floor.

I don’t do this at all for pity. As you read, My Pride is the biggest obstacle to let Go.

When you do?

The hard way through this.

I am angry and irritable for bouts. Sometimes I’m silly and invite karma punishments.

Go all Brimstone and every type fire and the Old Testament has nothing New-thinking and no one new to add to it. SMH. Nail a list on the wooden church door reading it is nearing endgame. Or, Just open your hotel drawer and tear out the back half.

So change then— If it were Me and it has been just not an actual hole I’d be outta there due to the spiders and crickets alone. Jiminy’s Cool.

If u can’t change and just stay a novice bunny hill—fine! Stay there. Build some confidence through experience.

And isn’t that another thing? Something specific motivates the fire under your (cuckoo!) and before you’d see the dark without any End of the tunnel and more importantly with the light aspect. All the sudden you care b/c what? It applies to you of course be selfish. Fascinating yet humbling.

Then there’s the ‘Why Me’ (?) phase? Not fully pitiful but just pretentious enough to resume the trailblaze. Bad attitude with a healthy dose of are we there yet and trying to Balance whether someone is saying …’they get it; you always feel bad’ so…KY Basketball banter? Ashamed accompanies too bc thing is a few times I did kind of scoff at phrases like I always feel bad. Like, here’s 2 Extra strength Tylenol.Alright, Ok, come test for Covid 1/29/22. It shouldn’t take going through something to empathize with or change but you could’ve listened for longer with a clear mind. Just cannot wrap your head around it and I think sometimes that’s okay. What’s next I’ll try so hard.

+ It’s 12:01am of 1/29/24 (so last night), you still can’t do math and/or struggle to add or subtract 12 so aren’t entirely sure its your sophomore year orientation, and you already surrender to what you didn’t want to get up for in the first place. Kind of silly u set the alarm! B/c Pain, confusion, Discomfort and a Deep loneliness that has very little to do with people awaits. That whole scenario is a disaster but look who’s standing and GOT. UP. period. 15 years ago that’s where I’d be. Just defeated.

THAT. Is enough some days. I say that to you struggling to believe the same but know Deep down.

Year 2 longhaul and youre wondering why there are anniversaries at all given about half are always sad or tragic. Evoking the worst on what could be the best. Might be something To think 2 minutes ago you’d ended your prayer to have a better Day. Of anything is true about everything happens for a reason I’d say having to chooose how to respond given you have the privilege at all to that just means were normal. B/c ill be honest I would not

I’m angry. WHAT is so complicated about your lack of Faith or belief prayer must go into an encrypted iCloud even the FBI can’t retrieve or interpret. Never had a chance! But I’ll add that it’s worth noting prayer doesn’t deal with its existence in transaction currencies..

Feel less Pain but feel more with it or stronger now. Or, just plain ‘ol numb. Similar to Addiction I suppose people get so used to being healthy one Way or another they don’t even notice better OR worse and no one is getting married.

Truth is.

Yea.

I’m in Hell, but I’m not on a ventilator. I’m not without relentless Support.

I still can smile but laugh just a bit before it hurts.

Something is always worse.

SomeONE is doing worse.

Somewhere and definitely rn.

I never knew I’d be dealing greed of perspective for this Long.

Something you’ll never find out about that changed your life’s trajectory where an explanation would have only confused things.

Then we still have the chance to be astonished and then genuine bc of that. Thankful. Expectant. With Faith somehow. Maybe carrying someone else’s Hope for a while might burden you less for a short time.

You dont need to see eye struggle and suffering. You dont need examples. You just know. There’s a fleeting peace u might not see again for 2 days but in knowing it’s not just you with the same bs going on.

Like here. Here is someone who needs support but in a different Way but how unique it could be to trade just for a bit. It’s not leg day this time remember u agreed a temp trade.

We don’t have to know everything. Most of the time I don’t give God the time to keep up w/ Me let alone do anything miraculous before I just hang up.

Although My Life was headed in a completely renewed direction in so many ways of recovery—

I got sick. Not because it was meant to be.

Because COVID. Possibly a rabid bat. Cracked vile or petri-dish

Everything does not happen for a reason and ppl dont like hearing that bc its an easy out. Says time might go on but this thorn wont ever heal. How do we respond? that’s the most authentic and a strength yes or no wand.

I hate cliché. Thing is tho…I think we all hate it b/c it doesn’t hold us accountable. Eh it’s fine.

Unfortunately we wouldn’t have the pretty, surprise, one of the Walk to Remember walks. All up to the of healing and forgiveness individual to each of us.

If for Me that means ive healed all I can and I’m counting on research to help Me out some more maybe I just keep going. Trust Me nothing is forgotten but you do know now that at least you were strong and capable enough to figure all that at all. And—I can do that. Some days aren’t that kind.

Maybe it becomes a goal we never anticipated but ✔ your resilience at the ticket line and saddle up, honey.this donkey only holds ____ lbs. let some things Go. That thing will still only walk in a circle but you’ve evenly distributed your baggage.

The feeling of pure joy. Which btw does still require a thesaurus b/c it is NOT the same as joy. Like a preventative Med to an acute one.

Then feel Accomplishment.

Not knowing what’s next but trying to be prepared.

It’s a surprise party we never RSVP’d and don’t regret it.

And it’s a Good thing u got outbid for that yacht.

Hell, tho, you won’t be forgotten but pushing helps the donkey move faster for now that is acceptable.

Unshun. Reshun. (This will make sense if you Watch the Office)

Flee fly. Be gone. Thankfully we hope to come out more resilient after the rip and tear and often not fully repaired sewing lessons.

But perhaps the biggest trait I’ve had to work on is My Pride. I want to do it.

I’ll give myself 3 strikes. 4 balls.

Then I walk to First.

Please do not get Me a gift.

I Love you and that was so sweet.

Would I be as generous?

Do u work, yea. It’s just one really hurts more and being tough isn’t tough at all if it’s not helping the worst hurt.

Those are sitting down, timeout thoughts.

The compression socks need to breathe.

But once the Pride slides over, let go, I get to know how it feels to very tangibly be taken care of and watched over.

Patience. The other side of a rant.

Later on that.

My main goal is to learn. Connect. Be called out if something comes off really tasteless.

Laugh at things that don’t have anything to do with being chronically sick. Laugh about what Medicine u had to administer and royally failed.

Sometimes all coupled with a handicap car-tag. No crutches either b/c I don’t like hearing I Will get better. It is a nice statement but it is impossible to be sure. Ive struggled with that b/c I know everyone believes that and means well I’ve just taken prior sick Gentry’s generalization and multiplied.

I am not making light. I think part of me is using the sarcasm as a coping mechanism.

Praise God there is something that does help the pain or at least distract from that Pain just not the one in your legs.

A codependency just a bit less severe. Embarrassing. Reason for judgment. Too easy.

If you can believe it—-I am not the same person I was 2 years ago.

For now I truly don’t know how. Pain can leave, anything traumatic can be worked on. You’ve got your scars.

I actually really think a scar is just unique as a snowflake or fingerprint. Telling so many stories. B/c a scar does mean something has healed. And it never forgets at one time it was painful. I’d prefer to see what I accomplish but I see wonder and beauty in them.

Things get pretty deep, complicated and downright pitifully sad. Vulnerable. Frighteningly true and relevant.

So I take what Good I can get in that day and pray those with LHC (Long-Haul COVID-19)

Be released.

However. On the flip tail’s side.

I’m 35 years aware there are some people who just don’t like me.

Until recently I wouldn’t have meant ‘sorry not sorry.’

I do now. To a respectable extent.

Reader discretion is advised. I promise I never set out to hurt anyone.

definitely not on purpose.

Because. Idgaf. Not bars being held. Que sera, sera.

complete transparency and seriously tho this doesn't mean i dont care. i wear my heart on my sleeve like a ding-dong ready to get hurt.

call it a diversion. we were on a break.

i just might take all of whatever hits wrong and turn that in to whatever ounce of assurance I can with the openness and to the best capability to learn new things and grow with compassion.

And back to writing—may already be just engrained but I don’t ever have a thesis, 3 supporting ideas or a better word then a conclusion.

You might find yourself confused. Reading it again prob won’t help.

Some will be really bad. Ugly. Waste of time. it was at least therapeutic for me.

Already is.

Even more might not make sense.

Read at your own risk, basically.

I have confidence but not really. Just enough not to care to change.

But I think about it. Because I’m wrong a lot.

challenge me. ill try to get through the fog.

But a lot of things have changed. in ways i might not even know Beauty in the Mess.

To sum up the above (sorry, there won’t be another summary after this disclaimer’s commercial intermission.)

I want to be as positive as possible.

Be in control of what I can. Ask for help for what I cannot.

I’m so ready to get My Life back. Trust Me and trust anyone Who tells your theyre in constant pain.

Really embarrassing I used to kind of scoff and be empathetic.

Funny how youre so sure of things.

Until it happens to you.

Suddenly it’s back to the drawing board and humility.

I wear my ღ on my sleeve. My greatest superpower and kryptonite.

What you read is as close to what you get as possible.

Balance can be unfair.

Please know that I care. I try harder than I ever had before. There are things I didn’t even Imagine could happen to someone when sick.

In all the ways I want to come out of this even better than what I envy I was entering into when I got sick.

There will be a WIDE range of thoughts similar to how i write. Mostly Sports and public figures and the politics I can comprehend.

B/c I know there’s someone out there who’s homeless because of this diagnosis. Or was deadly. Fired.

Divorced.

Ive become a bit of a nerd. Childish in some ways b/c you have to be creative…to be creative.

How do I even Start philosophizing that? So I don’t.

So I try My best to be the best I can. Inspire. Elicit laughter and new ways of thinking.

Questions.

Really tho? I just wanna be me.

thank you so sincerly to anything fromn a meme to a gift to a hug a prayer a smile, company, vibes if they can travel

but most of all

for holding hope when ive not been strong enough to.

For better or worse

for loving me.

making me feel heard.

idk what tomorrow holds but if its the same as today ill know at least i can make it and i am still beyond blessed and cared for and loved unconditionally.

even if forever.

wanna feel free, free.

to be me unabandoned.

changed for the better without knowing it.

some people dont have that option.

or even less the resource or safety to write about it.

Lastly mostly—I’m thankful for Insurance and the ability and privilege to work from home. And. Still have a job in general.

A Family and Family reserves holding me.

gentry.gonna.gents/g3

next. and if you made it this far, bless you.

thank you.

you mean more than you know to me. to anyone miscellaneous thanks as well and to my family and extended family and friends and job and insurance.

im in better shape than a lot. perspective sucks in the throes. selfish not selfish but my gosh turn the lights off. each journey is sooo different, but idk find the goodness and inspiration inbtw. There will be a rainbow soon enough, I wont make the bold claim and promise you one tho,

semi lastly and vulnerably, we've all been hurt. all going through something.

I say this every time something really bad happens. Ya know the ‘this is even worse,’ talk.

This one holds every candle.

Funny not funny none are the same and you’re never fully prepared.

and no one knows what it is you’re dealing.

give grace when I can’t sometimes.

cliché’s be damned lets just golden rule it b/c that one’s hard to do too but it sounds cute and Idont see a periodic table saying A! U! Be nice and welcoming.

I know I’ve forgotten something.

So I’ll fight.

But I still get to complain.

Feeling so entitled to this ill.

Sincerely,

Gentry

no ps you're welcome

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