#youtube research tab

[awaketake]

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[crystalverse-project]

was chatting to @themintman and this idea for the au just kinda...came into my head

csv!dan's sensory issues mean he feels REALLY uncomfortable wearing a lab coat and that's why he still wears his hoodie jacket when he's doing experiments, had the idea of trayaurus getting him a white one, probably not in the current arc but afterwards, maybe when he goes for his phd?

he ends up needing get (the same) new clothes after the next...adventure. rescue. incident. whatever anyway

w/ regular jacket

[spookberry]

I let my mom borrow my laptop to answer some emails cuz she broke hers and after i got it back I opened it to the sight of her having Closed All My Tabs😭

[shiranuigenma]

i closed 7 tabs earlier only to open up 12 more i have a problem

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

Something random to know about me is that, at least on desktop, it is entirely accurate to assume that I have at least 30 tabs open at any time, unless I happen to be preparing to shut down my laptop (which is a rare occurrence).

[halcyonminor]

should i cw that for scopophobia.... i dont really cw for that anymore even though i literally have it to some degree. i just scroll away but thats not really fair of me to expect others to do.. if anyone wants me to lmk

[fabaulti]

I think most of us should take the whole ai scraping situation as a sign that we should maybe stop giving google/facebook/big corps all our data and look into alternatives that actually value your privacy.

i know this is easier said than done because everybody under the sun seems to use these services, but I promise you it’s not impossible. In fact, I made a list of a few alternatives to popular apps and services, alternatives that are privacy first, open source and don’t sell your data.

right off the bat I suggest you stop using gmail. it’s trash and not secure at all. google can read your emails. in fact, google has acces to all the data on your account and while what they do with it is already shady, I don’t even want to know what the whole ai situation is going to bring. a good alternative to a few google services is skiff. they provide a secure, e3ee mail service along with a workspace that can easily import google documents, a calendar and 10 gb free storage. i’ve been using it for a while and it’s great.

a good alternative to google drive is either koofr or filen. I use filen because everything you upload on there is end to end encrypted with zero knowledge. they offer 10 gb of free storage and really affordable lifetime plans.

google docs? i don’t know her. instead, try cryptpad. I don’t have the spoons to list all the great features of this service, you just have to believe me. nothing you write there will be used to train ai and you can share it just as easily. if skiff is too limited for you and you also need stuff like sheets or forms, cryptpad is here for you. the only downside i could think of is that they don’t have a mobile app, but the site works great in a browser too.

since there is no real alternative to youtube I recommend watching your little slime videos through a streaming frontend like freetube or new pipe. besides the fact that they remove ads, they also stop google from tracking what you watch. there is a bit of functionality loss with these services, but if you just want to watch videos privately they’re great.

if you’re looking for an alternative to google photos that is secure and end to end encrypted you might want to look into stingle, although in my experience filen’s photos tab works pretty well too.

oh, also, for the love of god, stop using whatsapp, facebook messenger or instagram for messaging. just stop. signal and telegram are literally here and they’re free. spread the word, educate your friends, ask them if they really want anyone to snoop around their private conversations.

regarding browser, you know the drill. throw google chrome/edge in the trash (they really basically spyware disguised as browsers) and download either librewolf or brave. mozilla can be a great secure option too, with a bit of tinkering.

if you wanna get a vpn (and I recommend you do) be wary that some of them are scammy. do your research, read their terms and conditions, familiarise yourself with their model. if you don’t wanna do that and are willing to trust my word, go with mullvad. they don’t keep any logs. it’s 5 euros a month with no different pricing plans or other bullshit.

lastly, whatever alternative you decide on, what matters most is that you don’t keep all your data in one place. don’t trust a service to take care of your emails, documents, photos and messages. store all these things in different, trustworthy (preferably open source) places. there is absolutely no reason google has to know everything about you.

do your own research as well, don’t just trust the first vpn service your favourite youtube gets sponsored by. don’t trust random tech blogs to tell you what the best cloud storage service is — they get good money for advertising one or the other. compare shit on your own or ask a tech savvy friend to help you. you’ve got this.

[satureja13]

Have I ever told you how much I like these crime games? Some of you might know how much I struggle to keep up with something due to my ADHD (a glorious exception are the Boys ^^') But I was able to finish this book for my games/current case! I haven't been able to craft a bigger project for a while so I'm very proud of myself lol and I thought I show you.

I can reuse this book over and over again for new cases and it's made out of stuff I already had at home: amazon packaging, printouts, envelopes, tea dyed paper, wallpaper, a belt, the lock is from an old suitcase I found, paperclips, stamps, fabric and the metal book corners are made from a tomato paste tube...

These games come with a bunch of documents and I like that I can sort them now and that I'm able to find them quickly instead of having them in a heap. It takes me a few days or even weeks (when I get distracted by someting else ^^') and with this book I can put everything quickly away and return as quick to my research again.

I also made little writing pads and a notebook. The most fun I had with the paperclips. You can make them so quickly and they are so pretty and useful (I use them as tabs and to keep the documents in place)! Just fold a strip of paper in a 'w' shape, glue the metal paperclip inside and decorate. Ready! If you are interested in doing sth like this, don't hesitate to ask, I'm happy to help and share links to to the amazing youtubers I learned from!

I came into crafting only late in my life and I have so much fun. I wish I discovered the joy of it earlier but I never thought it could be something for me. Art class in school was so discouraging and I always thought I don't have the patience/talent for it. Then I went into rehab and we crafted and I kept on crafting ever since ^^' (Maybe you remember when I posted about my tarot book I made a new cover for or my amazing tool case I posted a while ago?)

The box in the pic below is a chocolate packaging I glued some tea dyed paper on :3

I also made a little booklet:

Did you know that you can make tape out of almost everything by using doublesided tape? Here I used old book pages. The dangles are made from cardboard and napkins :3

That was a fun little project and it's also a nice gift. I printed out the AI edits from my Mount Komorebi screenshots to decorate the pages. When you look close you can see Kiyoshi and Kiri in the pic on the left.

[jimin-bangtan]

BTS Discography highlight: iBigHit.com

All 7 members are reuniting this year - 2025! Yaaay!!! Bangtan Year!! 2+5 = 7 -> Year '25 brings all 7 back together again! The remaining 5 members will be discharged in June, so let the festivities begin!!!!

One of the activities that has been talked about for years is BTS wanting to revisit and celebrate the HYYH era (Hwa Yong Yeon Hwa, which is Korean for "The Most Beautiful Moment in Life"). This was the breakthrough series for BTS that really started their successful rise to the BTS we know today. This year is the 10th anniversary since the release of the albums produced within this theme.

Rumor has it that BTS plans to use the celebration of this series in part of their comeback project. It's a great idea to use this important yet familiar theme for them and the fans, as we are all reuniting after such a long time. This series was also a turning point and significant topic for them personally and professionally.

So if the rumors are true, it would be a great time to freshen up or learn about this album series, which contains some of BTS's most iconic, early hits. Today's lesson will be useful whether you have heard the songs but aren't sure how or where they fit into BTS's discography or you just need a reminder of some details or you have never heard of this series at all.

There are many official resources provided by BigHit that document BTS's work. Today I want to highlight iBigHit.com, and I'll be using the HYYH series as my timely example to navigate the site.

To get to the opening black screen seen below, you will need to click the 3 line icon in the upper left corner (green), and if needed, select the appropriate language on the upper right corner (orange). [Your browser might automatically take care of the language translation for you.]

All photos belong to BigHit Music from the iBigHit.com website.

Once there, click BTS. There are several categories, but for today's purpose, under discography, your selections are BTS as a group or each individual member.

When you select BTS, you will see every BigHit-released album or single, each represented by the official album or single cover picture - from most current to past.

Scroll down to the older albums to find the 2 albums that make up the HYYH series, HYYH part 1 and HYYH part 2, in English they're called The Most Beautiful Moment In Life part 1 and Part 2.

If you click on each album, you will generally see a description of the album, official pictures, and the track list. Each selection could also offer additional items. Be sure to click around the pages because more items can often be accessed by clicking on arrows or words that don't appear to be links. You also can find BTS's first special album - HYYH: Young Forever, which concludes the HYYH Series (below). This album combines the 2 HYYH albums and adds new iconic songs like Fire, Save Me, and Epilogue: Young Forever.

Again, clicking on this icon will show the new album details.

iBigHit.com does not overwhelm you with a huge amount of information at once, but it does provide an overview of BTS's timeline. It provides official photos and allows you to see the progression of their amazing career so far.

There is a great deal of official information on the Internet that allows you to research accurate information for yourself. In my past posts, we discussed the BTS - Topic playlist page that provides audio files for these albums: HYYH pt1, HYYH pt2, HYYH: Young Forever (only new songs).

We also discussed BangtanTV YouTube page [under Playlists tab] that provides video files for the entire HYYH series (music videos, photo shoots, dance practices, etc.).

I hope this is helpful to you. The guys are as anxious to get back to us as we are to get back with them. They want to reflect on their journey and celebrate this pivotal work that catapulted them into the stratosphere of success and achievement they've earned. And they want to celebrate with their fans.

BTS and the company have taken time to document the journey so that new fans can catch up and embrace BTS's efforts, and old fans can have resources to verify and share information with new fans along the way.

I'm so grateful that BTS and BigHit have shared so much information with us. I'm sure they'd appreciate seeing those sites being used and shared. It might cut down on some of the misinformation about them and their story, as well as provide a way for their lives and music to reach more people.

Enjoy!

💜

[writingquestionsanswered]

Is there a way for me to figure out speech & expressions in a specific past century? I've been trying to write a novel set in the 16th century but there are alot of expressions & idioms that I don't know if they existed back then or not. Do I just cut them out completely?

Researching Historical Lingo, Slang, and Grammar

Here are some things you can do to research the proper lingo, slang, and grammar for a historical setting:

1 - Google "slang (or phrases, lingo, grammar) of [era/decade] [location]" - I don't know where your story is set, but as an example, I Googled "slang of 16th century England" and got back 13 million hits, including things like "9 Elizabethan Words to Bring Back," "English Slang 1400 To 1680," "Elizabethan Swearing, Cursing and Vocabulary" and others. If you Google the era/decade and location of your story and take the time to sift through the results, you can get to know the lingo, phrases, slang, and grammar that would make sense in your story. (Just remember not to over rely on it... you want to avoid obviously modern phrases or words... no one in Elizabethan England would call something "freakin' sweet"... but you also don't want to write something so archaic sounding that it annoys the reader.)

2 - Go to YouTube and Search "slang (or phrases, lingo, grammar) of [era/decade] [location]" - YouTube can be a great source for learning how people spoke in a particular time and place. And in video format, this information is usually presented with additional information about the people and place that helps you understand why they spoke the way they did.

3 - Look for Books About Your Time Period and Setting - There are a lot of time/place settings that are popular enough to have books written about them. There's no shortage of books dedicated to life in Tudor and Elizabethan England, for example, and there are books dedicated to writing stories set in that time and place as well. Whether you go to your local library and ask, go to a local bookstore, or look on Amazon, books about your setting and time period can be a really helpful resource for learning about how people spoke.

4 - When In Doubt, Ask Google - If there's a particular expression, idiom, slang, or lingo you want to use but you're not sure if it existed in your story's time and place, try Googling the phrase plus "origin" or "etymology." That will almost always bring up something that will tell you the history of the expression, idiom, slang, or word that you're curious about. For example, let's say I wanted to know if they would have said "right as rain" in Tudor England. The very first hit on Google told me that while "right as rain" did originate in England, it doesn't seem to go further back than the 1800s. So, it wouldn't make sense for my Tudor character to say it. Some articles will suggest earlier variations, too, which can give you a fitting alternative. @definitely-not-julio suggested the OneLook online thesaurus which has an origin tab... and that actually leads to the Online Etymology Dictionary, which is a fantastic resource.

You can also use any number of idiom search engines or the dictionary to learn the origin of a particular phrase or word.

5 - Curl Up and Watch Stuff - One last helpful resource I want to mention is the great and powerful screen, whether that's the TV screen or device screen. There's a whole world of period dramas out there that take place in just about every possible time and place, so if all else fails, try watching a TV series or some movies set in the time and place of your story, and take notes! Just be aware that TV and movies aren't always super accurate, so it's a good idea to still double check anything you use, but they can be a great way to learn all kinds of potential words, phrases, lingo, etc. The Willow and Thatch web site has a list of period dramas by era (click on "best period dramas list") and it also has lists of period dramas by streaming service.

Have fun researching your story!

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I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[x-v4mp3y3lin3r-x]

Yesterday I finished moving to Firefox so here's some extensions. First, the serious ones:

AdBlocker Ultimate: Your run-of-the-mill adblock. I chose this one instead of uBlock since I'm fairly sure uBlock was giving me problems on Chrome and I don't wanna repeat the experience. You can use the "Block Element" feature to get rid of all the new annoying Tumblr features, it's easy.

ClearURLS: Removes tracking from URLs.

Decentraleyes: Protects from tracking & targeted ads.

DuckDuckGo Privacy Essentials: More tracking, cookies, etc etc protection.

Privacy Badger: More tracking protection.

Shinigami Eyes: Marks transphobic blogs/accounts/profiles red.

Alright now some less serious, more fun ones:

Enhancer For Youtube: Gives you a highly customizable utility bar with features like simple screenshotting, pop-up players, volume enhancement, & other things. Also has the ability to alter your YouTube theme and toggle settings that'll stop pesky YouTube tabs from automatically starting.

Firefox Color: Custom themes for dummies! It doesn't customize everything but it gets pretty close. I think this would be a good tool for folks who need high contrast themes and can't find pre-made ones suited to their needs. Also comes with a few pre-made themes you can either use or use as bases.

LanguageTool: A spelling and grammar checking program that works in many languages and on all websites!

OneTab: Turns tabs into lists. Fantastic for when you're knee-deep in hyperfixation/special interest territory, or even for research.

Turbo Download Manager: Helps with frustrating downloads.

Video DownloadHelper: Gives you options to download any video from your tabs in multiple formats. Also has the option to download and convert to another format. [Update: This one requires a paid subscription AND externally downloaded program for these features. Nevermind.]

XKit Rewritten: Most Tumblr users already know of xKit but I'm including the link nonetheless! This kit makes Tumblr on PC enjoyable.

Custom Scrollbars: Makes your scrollbar pretty :)

Also, Firefox has their own page of useful add-ons, like Facebook containers and note-taking extensions. There's also a ton of themes. I don't think any of these are advertised on the main add-ons page? So I might as well mention it.

cheers :)

[ramblingsfromthytruly]

"You'll not always be motivated so you have to be disciplined."

day 29+30+31/50 productivity challenge - condensing 3 days into 1 post cuz of 2 all nighters in a row i- dw tho cuz i did sleep a couple of hours in between here & there.. still genuinely dunno how i survived. learn from my mistakes & don't procrastinate cuz that's the only reason i was stuck in this mess

23rd September 2024, Monday

[almost nobody from my class actually went to school (& i'm not an exception) cuz tuesday's a study break & wednesday's our chem exam]

💤: 8 hrs - i mean ig at least that's one plus side of sleeping in?

🕒 1 p.m.- *sigh*

afternoon morning skincare

duolingo

practiced playing keyboard

did some college-related research

gradblr intro post

took bath

studied + made notes chemistry ch: structure of atom (not fully)

did so much planning fml (not good, not good at all, i procrastinated a lot!!)

did an exercise video

🚰: 4 glasses

24th September 2024, Tuesday

[study break day]

🕒 6:30 a.m. - my "night" is over & the day has begun

morning skincare

revised chemistry ch: some basic concepts of chemistry

🕒 12 - 3 p.m. - napped

duolingo

had a mental breakdown, pathetically cried, felt like a failure, etc

studied chemistry ch: structure of atom

took bath

night skincare

packed bag for tmr

🕒 10 p.m. - 12 a.m. - napped

🚰: 3 glasses

25th September 2024, Wednesday

[chem exam]

studied chemistry ch: classification of elements and periodicity in properties

studied chemistry ch: chemical bonding and molecular structure

morning skincare

quickly wrote down all formulae + important values

🕒 8 a.m. - left for school sleep deprived asf but caffeinated & motivated to get through the terrible exam

chemistry exam: i will be in deep shit when results come out *sigh* obviously i'm not happy when my friends do bad but only one comfort is that we're in shit together (they're literally the only 2 ppl i talk to in school). i NEED to do well on all my other exams, like somehow make an extraordinary improvement to show that i'm good with the other subjects and will just prioritize studying chem in the future. also made a deal with my mom that if i get above 83% overall then i'll finally get my own tab and headphones. we've been meaning to buy it for some time now, and my mom agreed only because my first tests' marks was at 64% (cuz i didn't study..). not exactly an "academic weapon" just yet.. only yet hopefully..

🕒 1-5 p.m. - came back home & slept like a log (no one's surprised)

(re) planned my day

took bath

ate my first meal of the day (how did i survive till here with just a coffee before school??)

played chess online (lost once, won once)

planned week after dussehra break

night skincare

decided to take a break today & wake up early tmr to start anew; i.e. operation proper sleep every night is green!

🕒 12 a.m. - went to bed finally

🚰: 4 glasses

🎧: a beautiful ravenclaw-themed playlist on youtube

[writers-potion]

Writing Webnovels 101

There is one key difference between printed/ebooks and a webnovel: you need to adapt your writing for a highly distracted audience.

Unlike a traditional reading experience, people reading on the web have a gazillion other tabs, windows and notifications demanding their attention. So, here are some things to keep in mind when you’re writing for a digital platform.

Short, To-The-Point sentences

Keep your sentences short so that the reader doesn’t lose themselves in the middle.

Keep descriptions short and to the point while focusing on the action of the story.

Fast-paced

Each chapter must have significant action that contributes to plot progression.

Use well-placed cliffhangers that wouldn’t lose the reader in between chapters.

Trope-Led Story

The function of tropes is to provide a distracted reader with a ready-built framework to understand the story.

Using the right tropes is also important to attract your target audience since it tell up upfront about what kind of experience they’re going to have.

Emotion-Led Story

Deliver emotional highs and lows right off the bat, because big, intense emotion is what the readers are looking for.

Emotional information is easier to digest and retain than technical description.

Big emotions are easier to hook into and relate to.

Linear Storyline

Keep flashbacks, flashforwards, time skips to a minimum.

For a distracted reader, a straightforward timeline is a lot easier to understand and return to after a hiatus.

Focused Plot

Having multiple subplots weaving in and out of each other is probably not the best idea.

Keep delivering the emotional experience that the reader is looking for and provide only relevant information.

Technicals

Choosing the right platform

There are so many ways you can write online, from building your own website to writing short episodes on social media platforms.

You can use: novelfull.com, readlightnovel.me, Ltnovel.com, Wattpad, Webnovel, Wuxiaworld, etc.

Before you start posting on a platform, research into the kind of readers it has, what are the most popular genres, etc. Make sure you are pitching to the right audience.

Promoting Your Work

Many writers now promote themselves through newsletters, Instagram, YouTube, etc. but for someone just starting out, creating digital content on top of writing can be tough.

Join a webnovel community and get to know some of your fellow writers! The goal here is not to span other established works to links of your site. As time foes on, linking to one another and making recommendations would come naturally.

Set a Realistic Posting Schedule

Your posting schedule determines how often your readers get to interact with the story world and with one another. It’s how often life gets breathed into your story.

However, going for five days a week isn’t going to be sustainable, unless your story is already finished.

There is no magic number, so figure out a consistent, regular schedule that you can stick to. At least once a week is recommended.

If you like my blog, buy me a coffee! ☕

References:

https://creators.wattpad.com/writing-resources/write-your-story/what-is-a-webnovel-indepth-guide/

https://www.drewhayesnovels.com/blog/2014/1/25/shit-i-wish-id-known-before-starting-a-web-novel

[spacedustpan]

I wanted to make my own separate post as opposed to commenting on the other one.

I get that sometimes when you see a bunch of people laughing and having fun with the funny part of something important it can sometimes feel like they missed the point of the important thing.

But just because people are talking to each other about the funny part on tumblr and Facebook and Twitter doesn't mean that they didn't pay attention to the important part.

It means that they probably didn't have anything substantial to say or add about the important part.

And in the case of the hbomberguy video where the important part is properly giving credit and payment to researchers, writers, and artists whose material is used for creation of youtube videos and other paid creations:

He stated it pretty clearly and provided a great playlist for people to take immediate action with by checking out those creators and subscribing to anyone they vibe with.

There are 4 obvious actions in response to the video:

Dunk on the bad actors listed in the video - easy, funny, low effort, and it gets more people to watch the videos by Harris and Todd that not only inform on who is plagiarizing but what it is and why it's bad

Subscribe to smaller creators whose work is good and is often jacked by larger creators - easy, fun, low effort but medium time investment

Provide information about another plagiarizer/someone that doesn't give meaningful credit - high effort, requires time to research and compile evidence, has a risk of backlash

Put together a post highlighting writers or artists whose work could be used as a resource for youtube videos or written essays - could be low or high effort, takes time to compile and link examples of the work you'd like to highlight, likely may not be seen by anyone that would actually use those resources and may end up as wasted effort

You're going to see a lot of #1 because it's normal to joke about things and discuss things on social media. And #1 does have the benefit of exposing a larger audience to the videos and informing them on the topic.

A lot of #2 IS happening, but most people don't post to Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr when they subscribe to a new youtube channel or follow a new writer on social media.

Most people don't have the time or energy to create something for #3 or #4 and the ones that do might be drowned out in the circulation of the easiest one which is #1.

Because #1 is easiest there's going to be a lot more of it.

I get the gut urge to assume that people are missing the point because they're not shouting out artists and writers they like.

But realistically that's not the only action to be taken and the easiest actions with positive effects have likely already been taken, in that the actual creators of the stolen content have gotten more traffic and hopefully will get more credit and pay in the future and other creators that needed a spotlight have been spotlighted not only by Harris but by other creators as well.

For example I recently followed La'Ron Readus by reccomendation of FD Signifier who likes La'Ron's content and gave the shoutout in his community tab in reference to Harris's video in order to get La'Ron some more subscribers.

If you have someone cool to show off in your back pocket and you have either an audience that will take a quick link and click it with just a simple "they're cool check them out" or if you don't have an audience but do have the skills to make a convincing pitch about why someone should check them out as a resource for their business or paid creative endeavor please do so! Now is a great time!

TLDR

People at large/the crowd are gonna have some fun with this, but the positive actions that are easiest to take are personal and private so you likely won't see them other than in follower counts --- or (hopefully) a greater shift in youtube etiquette to better credit, pay, and direct an audience and other creators (as potential employers) to the people that made the resources used in videos.

Shout out posts that hype up an artist or writer are great but not everyone is equipped to make them. Not everyone is a hype person or sales person.

If you aren't, then no sweat. It's fine to just bring attention to Harris and Todd's videos through jokes so that more people check them out and get informed.

[bowtiepastabitch]

A Messy Love Letter To TikTok (yeah, I know, hear me out)

cw: mental health mentions, ED mention, religious homophobia, Covid

It's 2020 and I am 16 and I am not allowed on the internet or social media and I've just finished the last day of classes before spring break. I've hugged my best friend and brought my bassoon home to practice and figured out a weeklong sewing project to work on.

A few days later, my mother grills me on my straightness. I deflect, tell a partial truth, tell her I'm ace. Then explain what ace means. Then explain why being ace doesn't aaaactually go against the Bible. After she goes to bed, I cry and email my friend, because my mom reads my texts, and tell her I was almost outed as queer. It's on our school hosted email, so it should be safe, right? We can't sext or trade drugs on a school monitored email. Right? I'm required to leave it in the kitchen to charge overnight as always. In the morning, she needs to pick up a grocery order and asks if I want to get out of the house. She pulls into an empty parking lot and tells me she's read my texts and when she didn't find anything she read my emails, and she knows. What does she know? Nothing specific, but it's time for me to tell her. So, after three years in the closet, I break down crying and tell her I like girls. I'm ace and I like girls and also my mental health is not the greatest (general, low level depression, I say, though it's far from the truth. it takes some of the pressure off but not enough).

Spring break is extended another week. She forces me to tell my father what I'd told her. I don't remember much of the next five months, but we can put the pieces together easy enough. School never starts back. I am locked in the house with my father who now hates me and my sisters who I'm not allowed to tell and a shitty school-owned laptop that now contains my entire world. I hang out with my friends on zoom before and after classes when I'm allowed to be in the closet-turned-office with the door shut, I write a massive research paper on why the bible doesn't ban queerness for my father (who won't listen), and I work on my sewing project. I convince my mom that youtube isn't a real social media and that sewing content poses no danger to my spiritual wellbeing and start watching a lot of youtube. Start a channel too. Hard to make friends with just a youtube account and nothing else, but there's a sense of normalcy to watching Rachel Maksy's new video the hour it drops every week, almost like having a friend, and in responding to the rare comment that finds its way to my videos. I get my own computer at some point, another shitty chromebook but it's mine, and since I'm not allowed to have it in my bedroom anyway my parents never think to disable private browsing. In June, I start getting recommended queer tiktok compilations for pride month because of my obsession with Jessica Kellgren-Fozard, and I open them in a private tab.

It reaches a point where I'm watching at least an hour or two of queer tiktok videos on youtube every day. My parents are the "representation is propaganda" type, so youtube becomes the only access I have to be reminded that it's not just me alone. I get a job at the local grocery store, becoming a "front-line worker of the pandemic" during those odd six or seven months when people pretended to care about the working class, and I meet a queer adult for the first time in my life, one of the managers at the store, a gay man in his 20s. I don't really connect well with my coworkers, but my best friend is there sometimes, and I'm good at my job.

In the fall, I watch a TikTok video in the app for the first time, on my best friend's phone. They've graduated and moved away, but they're back for the homecoming game, and they show me all the cool gender non conforming people they follow on TikTok. I am entranced. It's less filtered, more real than the stuff that makes it into compilations. They come out to me as nonbinary on that day too, at some point. It's a good day.

I am 17 and it's the spring of 2021 and I am close to graduating high school. Finally, I am allowed to make an instagram account a few weeks before graduation. I write a bio I will not change for at least four years and follow all my friends. I start watching reels, most of which are, of course, recycled TikToks, but it's close enough. There are gay people in my phone and when I leave for college there will be gay people in real life and it will be enough.

I take a gap year at the last possible minute to fix my mental health. Medical reasons, officially. I spend a month and a half in a residential treatment center for severe disordered eating and depression. The grad students who do the menial tasks of staring at us all day are really nice, and one of them does the berries and cream dance for us one day during downtime. I'm extremely fucking confused, but a couple of the girls who got there after me seem to know exactly what's going on. By the time I get out of rehab, the berries and cream trend is solidly over again and the world has moved on to sea shanties. One of the friends I made there teaches me a TikTok dance I don't remember anymore, and it's not like I can ask her now. Aminah, if you're out there, I love you.

I make a TikTok when I turn 18 a month later, and once it realizes I'm not into whatever the MrBeast of TikTok is, the shit it shows blank accounts, it starts showing me strippers, counting their money or demonstrating tricks. I'm told this is normal. It's fun, I'm having fun. Of course, it eventually starts showing me gay people. That's when shit really starts getting good. Eventually I start making videos, because I miss youtube but it was too much energy, and TikToks are easy. I'd tried reels and hated them, but TikTok's setup makes it so easy. Mostly sewing stuff, some cute trends as the mood strikes me. Lots of body positivity and ED recovery stuff too, because that's where I'm at in life, and it shows the same to me in kind. I see beautiful people of every variety and it's all lovely. I learn what doomscrolling is. I learn to doomscroll. I get exposed to leftist ideas and kinds of queer I've never seen before. I learn that maybe the psychiatrist who asked if I was autistic but never tested me was probably onto something. I learn what that means and how to understand myself as an autistic person and meet my own needs. I cry the first time triggering content pops up, and then I block the creator. I spend a lot of time parallel scrolling with my girlfriend. Scrolling replaces aggressive wall-staring as the filler for my long sleepless insomniac nights. I try not to think about gender too hard, but the harder I try not to think about it the more cool trans people my fyp shows me. Happy trans people. Alive, adult, happy trans people. I try not to think about it. I start college, I start to make new friends again, I spend less time on TikTok but never zero. I get more effective news updates from queer creators on TikTok than anywhere else, and I learn which sources I can trust. I track anti trans legislation in the US that nowhere else is thoroughly reporting on.

I am 19 and going through a breakup and my TikTok still shows me wedding dresses. I cry a lot. It starts showing me fandom content instead, eventually, edits for the gay angel/demon show I'd finally caved and watched the month prior. It makes me feel better, weirdly enough. I open the empty tumblr account I'd never been able to really get into before and start posting about my new blorbos. I learn the word blorbo. My TikTok becomes overrun with fundraising for refugees and war news I can't cope with for more than five minutes and I stop visiting for long swaths of time. I start spending more and more time on tumblr. TikTok becomes something I check in the evenings for twenty minutes or so and that's it. My best friend sends me cute cat videos, and I smile. I eventually get them into the silly gay angel/demon show and then send them almost a hundred videos in a show about it that I had been saving.

I am 20 and then I am 21. The world changes and the world stays about the same. My best friend becomes my partner. They still send me cute cat videos, sometimes accompanied by "us<3". My mileage on TikTok varies wildly. I still find myself doomscrolling sometimes, but that's life. There is still good news and bad news. I get more comfortable with transmasculinity through seeing other people live it, in online spaces and irl. Life is pretty okay, really. I think we'll be alright.

It's January 2025 now, as I write this, and TikTok went down last night only to reappear with a shiny "thank you mister trump sir" message this morning. It's just an app, but it's also not just an app. They aren't banning it because of China or because it's bad for our dopamine circuits; they're banning it because it's a form of community and communication they can't control as thoroughly as they can Meta, which also makes them loads of money. Them being the Oligarchy that is the American political powers that be. Sure, it's had some pretty nasty effects on the way we interact with content especially for kids and younger teens that have unrestricted access way too early, but don't mistake that for it having no redeeming qualities. I don't know what happens to TikTok now, if they'll find a way to stop us from criticizing the government on there. Who knows. Trump takes office tomorrow. We have bigger fish to fry. But I just want it to be remembered that TikTok did matter. What we did matters.

[dreamwatch]

Get to know me tag game

Thanks for the tags @gleek4twd and @tinytalkingtina! 💗

Favourite colour: I genuinely can’t settle on one. I think I’m mostly drawn to blues and greens, teal and lavender colours.

Last Song: Hotel California by the Eagles. (On my Eagles bullshit again, brewing a Steddie WIP…)

Currently reading: Pfft, what am I not reading? I’ve got 200 tabs of fics open on my iPad and I’m jumping around all over the place, but mostly Steddie Big Bang fics at the moment.

Currently watching: Season 4 of Slow Horses, and going down multiple YouTube rabbit holes. Current obsessions include wood turning, submarines and air crash investigations.

Currently craving: PPIs. No joke, I have severe GERD and I need to do a test that requires me to be off my meds for 10 days minimum so they don’t fuck with the results. It’s agony, and all I can think about is chomping on Omeprazole on Friday.

Coffee or tea: Coffee, vats and vats of it. I’d mainline it if I could.

A hobby you would like to try: Shit, there’s not many I haven’t already tried tbh. Dressmaking/sewing/quilting I think, quilting in particular. I’ve always said if I ever move anywhere with enough room I’m going to buy a sewing machine.

An AU you’re working on/thought of: Okay, none of these are being worked on, I’m not committing to another big fic until I finish the ones I’m already writing, buuuuut…

An Officer and a Gentleman. That ending gets me every fucking time, and I don’t know how I would Steddiefy it but I’d try. Steve in the Zak role and Eddie would obviously be his Paula. ❤️ I like it too because there is plenty of angst in the movie. Lots to play with.

A Star Is Born. I mean, pretty self explanatory that one, but it hit me recently that this would be perfect fodder for Steddie. Eddie in the Jackson Maine role (I mean, you could do the 1937, 1954 or 1976 versions instead, but I’m thinking 2018), and Steve in the Ally role. Full of romance, angst, drama and a bit of whump, delicious.

Ok this is the one I really want to write: Vietnam War. It’s a special interest for me, I have a lot of books on the subject, I’ve watched the Ken Burns doc more times than is healthy, and my first major fandom was The A Team, which was pure 80s action entertainment for the family, but the fanfic… oh, the fanfic. ❤️ This is the one I’ve given really serious thought to, but it’s also the one that needs a lot of research. I have a starting point, Eddie receiving his draft letter, coming home from work and Wayne at the kitchen table with the letter in his hand, absolutely dejected because he knows what it is. Thing is, I’m not sure that it’s a big sprawling epic of a plot that I want to write, more moments in time, vignettes, and maybe not all Eddie POV either. I have an idea for Jonathan meeting Nancy, who is an army nurse, and them falling in love. I think a series might work better, I dunno. But yeah, it’s always rattling around at the back of my mind.

God, I really waffle, don’t I?

No pressure tags as always, apologies if you’ve already been tagged and apologies if you really don’t want to do this.

@jo-harrington @the-unforgivenn @thisapplepielife @kikidoesfanfic @vthx @occasionaloverboy @hitlikehammers