#your guess is as good as mine what ill end up drawing lmao

[hinamie]

inside me there are 2 wolves one says itfs valentines the other screams for makoharu which one will i feed,,,, and let us not forget the wildcard the secret third wolf waiting in the wings with another fucked up gojo

[mrs-starkgaryen]

Well, well, well, dissecting time just so I can remind Maggie that I am in her walls (thanks you've passed your illness onto me)

1. "Afterwards, Mason pulls his clothes back on as you are absentmindedly drawing stars in the steam on the windows of his Chevy Silverado."

A) Even at home, she's dreaming/ thinking about the stars (Hollywood stars)

2. "It was good, not that you finished; you didn’t say anything, he didn’t ask, but even if he had you would have told him not to worry about it. It can take forever, especially with an audience. You’d rather wait until you’re alone."

A) Don't worry baby girl, Aegon is gonna make you finish in front of him and I'll you'll love it

3. Mason smirks and taunts: “I don’t know, with the way you talk about him you sound kind of obsessed.”

A) we all are Mason, shut up

4. “You ever feel like people are the best versions of themselves before you really know them? Then you get too close and all the cracks start showing.”

A) well I didn't like that foreshadowing

B) she's gonna get close to Aegon and we know he's a messed up man 😭

C) I'll she'll still love him though

5. “And it’s only until the end of the year,” your father adds. “Then the vacation is over.” Then the meager allowance they are funneling to you will stop and you will be ordered to return home to pursue an honorable course of existence. You have six months to succeed in Hollywood, or the dream dies."

A) Or when Aegon dies...

B) Maggie, are you in my walls? This is my family 😭

6. “Well, regardless of whatever you have going on in California, you’ll either have to get them done now or after you have children,” Mom says. “I love you and Clara and Tripp, but you destroyed my body. At least doctors can repair breasts. My bladder is still useless."

A) mother? What you doing here, loca?

B) how Sunshine is so sunny, idk. I guess you have to have rain to appreciate the sun

C) no wonder she think she needs plastic surgery- not just for Hollywood but she probably feels like she needs to live up to her parents expectations somehow (cuz she feels like she is disappointing them with her choice of job?)

7. Outside the sun is setting, and you gaze westward as the aging daylight turns the tall green grass and silhouettes of horses to gold like the mines that first brought settlers to California. You slide your phone out of the pocket of your denim shorts and take a photo, then post it to your Instagram story with the caption Home and a smiley face emoji.

A) Sunshines reminder that social media is fake lmao

B) but this is a mood- it gives crying whilst doing a thumbs up picture 😭👍🤳

Also those dogs? I love dogs but these ones are scary! The family and the dogs seem to hate her?! My God. Are they picking up on the family hostility to her?

If they don't shape up, unlike the bats- I won't mind if Jace steps on one of these.. (jk)

8. A minute later, you receive a DM. Aegon has typed: This explains the big horse girl energy

A) Aegon ever heard of playing it cool?

B) damn he's down bad

9. You have just finished ringing up a Like It-sized Apple Pie A La Cold Stone when Josh says: “Hey, there’s an old guy asking for you."

A) oh an old man, imagine if he meant Aegon-

B) HE DID! Mf ain't old

C) I also squealed like she did when I recognised the shoes 🥰

10. When Aegon begins to pull it away, you grab his hand and don’t let go until you’ve licked the spoon clean. He laughs hysterically as he watches you. “I haven’t had strawberry ice cream in forever,” you say.

A) and if I say 👀

B) foreshadowing...

C) also hello Simon Bassett from Bridgerton?

11. “Don’t tell me you’re a vanilla girl.”

A) for now Aegon...

B) He will show her the different flavours

C) also could symbolise that she is kinda naive and then as the story progresses- she's not so sweet anymore 😀

13. “It’s small,” Aegon warns. “It’s an episode of Grey’s Anatomy.”

A) said every man ever 😉😂

B) ooh will she be in season 56, episode 28?

14. “Because once you begin to treat scalpels and needles as prescriptions for everything you don’t like about yourself—or everything that other people don’t like about you—..... that are carving away your humanity one incision at a time. I’ve seen it happen to more people than I could count, and I don’t want it to happen to you. Because you seem very, very human, and I’d like you to stay that way. Which means you don’t cut yourself up because some agent or producer or casting director told you to.” Then he adds, perhaps as an afterthought: “And anyway, you don’t need implants.”

A) did he have to do something to make people (or him) like himself more?

B) omg did his dad make or encourage his siblings/ family to change to become more famous, to carry on his legacy in Hollywood? Did Aemond try and change himself and now he's took a step back into scriptwriting cuz atleast then he can control his own story?

C) she's gonna lose or nearly lose her humanity in this industry, I can see it. It's gonna break her down and then Aegon and her have feel better sex..

15. “Always so agreeable,” Aegon muses. So desperate is more like it.

A).... need I say more

16. “The Chinese zodiac. You’re a horse. So you’re the only horse I like.”

A) you're killing me

B) she's gonna like riding this horse 😭 (I'll let myself out)

17. His face is some amalgamation of emotions you can’t read, and this is unusual.“Why do you think I paid in cash?”

A) either becca is crazy

B) or his family are and they'll update becca

C) or both. Like I said before- maybe they set him up wirh becca to calm him down, to make him (the targaryens) look good in the papers

18. “I got you a vanilla latte, vanilla girl.”

A) a possible other nickname?

B) all her nicknames are cute and sunny, like her until this industry snuffs it out 😀

19. Then you are in the scenes under intensely radiant artificial light, and just like it did in your roles back in Minnesota, the real world vanishes and all that exists are these characters, these moments, and your body and mind become theirs, and perhaps even your soul too. Your husband is handsome and kind, and here in this liminal fictional space you love him, and when the surgeons wheel him off to the operating room you are full of blind naïve surety. Then the doctors update you on his condition and you are still hopeful, but it becomes a fragile thing, like something that shatters when it’s dropped from a height. And then he is dead, he has been taken away from you, he has been stolen, and you are eclipsed by a blood-red wrath that is animalistic and unforgiving. After each take when you are ripped back through the veil and into reality, you can’t remember exactly what you did or said, and the director doesn’t have many critiques so you aren’t sure how it’s going.

A) This whole thing felt like a summary for the story

B) at first she's whisked away in a world of Hollywood: glitter and glammer. She's "full of blind naive surety"..

C) Then it's she's less so but she still tries to be optimistic? As she realises this is not what she signed up for

D) husband is dead, Aegon is dead? Then she's full of rage

E) under artificial light? The Hollywood spotlight..

F) she starts to give them her body (plastic surgery), her mind (she starts to doubt and panic in fame) and then her soul (Hollywood kills her optimism and dream)

Also- Are the eyeshadows representing things?

A) In the first chapter she had shimmery, pink, warm brown eyeshadow (showing that she is warm, positive and sparkling with a dream, it's all new).

B) when she's with Mason, it's sparkly black. Like she's not 100% with him but that's okay because she still has her dream that she's gonna be able to be an actress and subconsciously be with someone better...

C) in the ice cream shop, she has bright pink- so bright in optimism still and pink meaning flirtatious feelings for Aegon?

Idk, all this is my crazy mind and I love whatever you come out with!

A Curse [Chapter 2: Harbor Gateway]

A/N: Thank you for the warm welcome you have given this series!!! I am sick with bronchitis currently so this has been a big bright spot in an otherwise miserable week 😅 I can't wait to show you where this story is going, I hope you're ready for it 🥰💜

Series summary: You are an aspiring actress. Aegon is a washed-up and disenchanted agent...at least until he sees something special in you. But within paradisical seaside Los Angeles you find terrible dangers and temptations, secrets and lies. Maybe Aegon's right; maybe the City of Angels really is a curse.

Chapter warnings: Language, a tiny bit of sexual content (18+ readers only), age-gap relationship, entertainment industry misogyny, some body dissatisfaction/dysmorphia, ice cream, judgmental parents, aggressive Akitas, we're literally in Minnesota!!!

Word count: 6.1k

💜 All my writing can be found HERE! 💜

Tagging: @lauraneedstochill @mrs-starkgaryen @chattylurker @neithriddle @ecstaticactus, more in comments! 🥰

🏝️ Let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist 🏝️

Afterwards, Mason pulls his clothes back on as you are absentmindedly drawing stars in the steam on the windows of his Chevy Silverado. On the other side of the glass is inky Minnesota night, a full moon dissolving away, glowing freckles of constellations. You’re staying with your parents and Mason has roommates, so the truck was the expedient choice. It was good, not that you finished; you didn’t say anything, he didn’t ask, but even if he had you would have told him not to worry about it. It can take forever, especially with an audience. You’d rather wait until you’re alone.

Mason glances down at the used condom on the floor of his Silverado, hastily discarded, viscerally slick in a way that becomes sickening in the letdown, as the endorphins and the adrenaline slip away and the blood pumps slow and unclouded. He smirks as he asks: “You sure you don’t want to get back on the pill?”

You sigh, drawing another star. You are still naked and sprawled across the back seat, glistening with sweat in the moonlight. “Well I tried three different prescriptions and had three miserable experiences, and I’m really not interested in playing side effect roulette again. And I can’t risk my skin going insane and random bleeding when I’m running around all over L.A. trying to get parts.”

“What about that little sperm assassin T-shaped thing?”

You look at him. “An IUD?”

“Yeah.”

You wince, engraving another star into the steam on the window. “I don’t think I like the idea of having a piece of metal shoved up inside me.”

He laughs. “But you’ll get silicone implants?”

You shrug; you can’t deny the irony. “I don’t need an IUD to be an actress.”

“Look, I’m not complaining about the tits thing,” Mason says, holding up his hands. “Obviously I’d enjoy them too. And you’d still have them when you move home, so it’s not a waste even if the acting thing doesn’t work out.”

You already know he feels this way, and yet still, it hurts. “When I move home?”

He smiles and crawls back on top of you, his Carleton College hoodie whispering against your belly and chest, soft royal blue cotton on damp skin. He had been a Political Science and International Relations major who took Theater Arts 195: Acting Shakespeare for an arts credit. He was beyond terrible and had no appreciation for the field whatsoever, but he was tall and strong and jolly, an earnest corn-fed Midwestern boy, and when one day after class he’d asked if he could take you to Culver’s for a burger and frozen custard, you’d said yes.

Here and now, in the back seat of his Chevy Silverado, Mason kisses your forehead. Then he ghosts his thumb over the ridge of your orbital socket and cheekbone, where your dark glittery eyeshadow has smudged like a spreading bruise: Galaxy by Anastasia Beverly Hills, Elysian by Natasha Denona. “I’m not saying you aren’t good. But how many people on this planet get to be movie stars? It’s just not realistic. And it’s about so much more than talent. It’s about who you know, and luck, and chemistry, and looks, and a bunch of other things that are mostly out of your control. You’re never going to be the type of girl who’s an influencer or winning Miss America, you’re just not. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t very, very pretty. And I loved you anyway.”

Loved, past tense. You and Mason stopped using that word a year ago; now the nostalgia is painting memories like the walls of an old house. His memories, anyway. You sit up and start yanking on your clothes: oversized yellow Santa Monica crewneck, black sweatpants with elastic cuffs at the ankles. “I think I’m going to get the gummy bear implants.”

Mason licks his lips. “Yum.”

“They’re a type of silicone, but they’re supposed to feel more natural and be less dangerous if they rupture.”

“Will you have scars?” he says as if the notion has just occurred to him, troubled, perhaps a little revolted.

“Well yeah, they have to end up under my skin somehow.”

Mason shudders, then he has another thought. “Who’s going to take care of you after surgery when you’re all sore and zonked out on opioids?”

“My roommate Baela said she would. She’s had friends who have gone through it already.”

“Okay, good. I wouldn’t want you to be alone out there.” Mason touches the back of your head, a quick fond gesture. He’s the only man you’ve ever been with, and even that took a while, months of trying to envision him undressing you before you were sure you could do it without flinching, without being afraid or shy or bewildered. But in the end it had been easy, always easy, which is why you keep coming back to him like a comet. Your elliptical orbit takes you far away and then close again, and such natural patterns are effortless to keep.

You say, the edges of your lips curling into a furtive smile: “I’m definitely not alone.”

Mason groans. “You’re going to hook up with that new agent guy, aren’t you?”

“What? No! No way, he has a fiancée.”

He rolls his eyes, but he’s more amused than annoyed. “Okay, whatever.”

“You know I don’t date anyone.” Which is why each time you’re home visiting, Mason gets a text: Want to get lunch at Culver’s? or Can you drive me to Target? or Pick me up around 9 p.m.?

Mason smirks and taunts: “I don’t know, with the way you talk about him you sound kind of obsessed.”

“I’m just grateful. Someone finally gave me a chance.” You look to the window; the steam and your hand-drawn stars have evaporated away. “And yeah, he’s interesting and he’s cute, and he’s kind of mean but then unexpectedly caring sometimes, and I think he’s one of those people who are really good at what they do but only when they’re inspired…but that doesn’t mean I’m into him romantically.” A pause. “And even if I was, there’s no harm in a super-secret, one-sided crush.”

“Okay. Have fun with all the adulterous sex.”

You chuckle. “Thanks, but that is not the plan.” You slip on your flip-flops, shimmy out of the back seat, and trot around the Silverado to the passenger’s door. Mason climbs into the driver’s seat and turns his key in the ignition. You ask: “What happened to that ballerina girl who was in your Instagram stories for a while?”

“Had to ghost her, she got super clingy and controlling. She was texting me at work all the time and got pissed off when I was putting a ton of hours into that election thing for CNN.” Mason is a political analyst. He turns to you. “You ever feel like people are the best versions of themselves before you really know them? Then you get too close and all the cracks start showing.”

“I think people are wonderful. You just have to find the ones you click with.”

“I should have figured you’d say something like that.” He steers his truck out of the otherwise empty parking lot in Lac Lavon Park. “I’m looking forward to you being home again.”

“I’m not.”

You both laugh, and then Mason drives you to your parents’ house.

At the dining room table, Mom and Clara are researching wedding venues, vast countryside estates and metropolitan historic hotels. Clara got engaged two weeks ago during a vacation to Turks and Caicos. In the living room, Dad and Tripp are watching commentary on the NBA Finals. Tripp’s name isn’t really Tripp; he is the third James in a row, named after your father and grandfather, and Tripp is short for triple. All over the house, there are Akitas lolling in plush dog beds and clicking around on Brazilian Cherry hardwood floors. They have faces like teddy bears, but their dark eyes track you mistrustfully, as if you are an intruder.

No one asks where you have been. They barely acknowledge that you are back. “Hello, dear,” your mother calls distractedly from the dining room, and that’s all. You jog upstairs to the bathroom you share with Clara before anyone can notice your smeared makeup and the unsavory post-car-sex sweat gleaming on your skin. You get into the shower, turn on water so hot it is nearly scalding, and close your eyes. With your back pressed to the jade green tiles, your hand wanders down over your belly and stops between your legs. Your mind cycles through fantasies, but nothing seems to be working.

It’s not real. It can’t hurt anybody.

You imagine that Aegon is the one touching you, and in under a minute it’s over.

~~~~~~~~~~

“I want there to be horses,” Clara says, scrolling through her phone and ignoring the food on her plate: roast chicken, homemade mashed potatoes, green beans sauteed in garlic and olive oil, panzanella salad. Mom prepared it all herself, not because there was no help available—your parents have a housekeeper named Angela who comes by several days per week—but to prove she could. In the living room are shelves heavy with books by Martha Stewart, Ina Garten, Cat Cora, Julia Child, Nigella Lawson. You hear echoes of ambient clicking, Akitas meandering down hallways and staircases.

“Horses?!” Tripp replies with a mouthful of mashed potatoes, gesturing to the sliding glass door. “Don’t you get enough horses in your everyday life? Don’t you have like five right out there?” Your parents’ house sits on ten acres of land, including a barn and several paddocks for Clara’s rescued Thoroughbreds.

“I want beautiful horses,” Clara insists. “Unusual, photogenic, so they can be in the background of all the photos. Maybe Friesians or Haflingers?”

“I’m not sure we can sort the venues by types of horses available, dear,” Mom says. All that’s on her own plate is a heap of green beans and a few pieces of skinless white meat chicken.

Clara moans and drops her face into her hands. “It’s so overwhelming!”

“You’ll find a place you like, Clara Bear,” Dad says mildly, painstakingly slicing meat off a drumstick with his fork and knife.

“And Owen is no help at all. Every time I ask for his opinion he just tells me to do whatever I think is best, but I don’t know what’s best, that’s why I’m asking him!”

Your mother pats Clara’s shoulder reassuringly. “Guys don’t care about weddings,” Tripp says, twisting around in his chair to see the television in the living room. On a rerun of E! News, the hosts are discussing Chris Hemsworth’s rigorous fitness regime and Meghan Trainor’s “mommy makeover.” You peek under the tablecloth. One of the Akitas, Yuki, is glaring as she waits for you to drop something for her to eat.

“You could do something like that,” Mom says to you, and you realize you haven’t been listening to the conversation.

“Sorry, do what?”

“You could be a wedding planner or a real estate agent. Those are actual careers, but there’s more creativity involved, isn’t there? And didn’t you take a design class in college? That would certainly come in handy.”

“Hm,” your father says with a frown, still dissecting his chicken. He would rather you go to law school like Tripp. You would rather lie down in traffic.

“I took a set design class, Mom. Because I was studying how to be an actress. And that’s what I’m doing right now in Los Angeles, trying to be an actress.”

“You could become an architect!” Mom bursts out with sudden enthusiasm. “Wouldn’t that be fun?”

You titter evasively. “I can’t draw, Mom. Or use the modeling software, or do math.”

“You know, you don’t need any specific degree to get into law school,” Tripp says, and your father gives him a nod of approval. “You could have majored in dance or bagpiping or Egyptology, it doesn’t matter. All they want is a high undergrad GPA and a 168+ LSAT score, and I bet you could get that if you studied. You can even retake the test a few times if you need to.”

“Why do you do that?” Clara snaps at him. You eat your panzanella salad and pretend not to be listening. Beneath the tablecloth, Yuki growls. You toss her a few cubes of Italian bread so she won’t bite you.

Tripp shovels mashed potatoes into his mouth. “Do what?”

“Why are you always wasting your time trying to convince her to grow up and get a real job? If she wants to embarrass herself, let her. I have problems that I’m trying to solve, so how about applying yourself to those instead?”

“Are you serious? You think I should be calling around to wedding venues asking about their selection of exotic draft horses?”

Clara aggressively stabs at her green beans with her fork. “Fuck off, Tripp.”

“Hey, hey, kids, no swearing,” your mother says. “It’s Father’s Day. Be respectful.”

Dad turns to you. “You could be an entertainment lawyer, how about that? You could work in intellectual property or negotiating contracts.”

You smile warily. “I’ll think about it, Dad.”

Clara says to your parents: “Well I hope all the money you’re throwing out the window to support her in California isn’t coming out of my wedding fund.”

You close your eyes and think: I can’t spend my life in a cubical. I can’t spend every minute of every day trying to forget who I am.

“Shh, shh,” your mother pleads, rubbing the back of Clara’s clenched hand. “You will get exactly what we promised you, that amount is still set aside for your wedding. Nothing she does affects you.”

“And it’s only until the end of the year,” your father adds. “Then the vacation is over.” Then the meager allowance they are funneling to you will stop and you will be ordered to return home to pursue an honorable course of existence. You have six months to succeed in Hollywood, or the dream dies.

Your father is now asking Tripp about his summer associate position at Latham & Watkins in Chicago. Your mother is advising Clara to get a wedding dress with a corset back so it can be adjusted in the event she gains or loses weight at the last minute. Underneath the table, Yuki is growling again; she noses your knees threateningly.

“I got an agent,” you say, and everyone looks at you.

“Really?” Mom asks, sounding a little perplexed.

“Who is it?” Dad says.

“Aegon Targaryen. He has a small office in Elysian Park.”

“Oh, I think I recognize the last name.”

“His family is in the industry.” You are beaming; you can feel the heat rising in your face. “But Aegon kind of does his own thing and tries to stay out of the limelight. He was an actor when he was my age. And I guess he thinks I can get roles, so that’s really exciting.”

Your mother seems concerned as she nibbles at a shred of white meat. “Is he an older man?”

“Not that much older. He’s thirty-five.”

“Well, be careful, darling,” your father says gravely. “Who knows what his intentions are.”

Clara evidently agrees. “Men can be so creepy. I had this one professor in pharmacy school who cheated on his wife with one student, then cheated on her six months later with a different student. And then he retired to Boca Raton and was never heard from again.”

“Oh, that reminds me!” Tripp says to your father. “We read about Clinton v. Jones in torts class, it was wild, I didn’t know he was such a freak even before the Monica Lewinsky thing…”

After dinner, while your father and Tripp are flipping through television channels in the living room and Clara is upstairs on the phone with Owen, you go to the kitchen where your mother is washing dishes in a bubble-filled sink. Again, she doesn’t have to do this; Angela will be here to clean the house tomorrow. But it’s part of being a perfect homemaker, and if she’s not good at this then she’s not good at anything.

She glances over when she hears you come in. “Did you get an appointment with one of the doctors your father recommended?”

“I did, yeah. I have a consultation on Friday.” You lean against the marble countertop and cross your arms so you don’t fidget nervously. From a dog bed on the floor, Mochi glowers at you. “Do you think I should get the surgery?”

She shrugs; you’re not certain if she is more indecisive or apathetic. “Your cousin Madison had a nose job the summer before college. Your old classmate Emma got a blepharoplasty and then met her husband three months later. Practically all of my friends have had breast augmentations, and I’ve certainly never regretted mine. I think if you’re going to get anything fixed, it makes sense to pick that.”

You try again to elicit a strong opinion, whether an endorsement or objection. “I don’t think I’d want to do it if I didn’t feel like it was necessary to be an actress.”

“Well, regardless of whatever you have going on in California, you’ll either have to get them done now or after you have children,” Mom says. “I love you and Clara and Tripp, but you destroyed my body. At least doctors can repair breasts. My bladder is still useless.”

You stare at Mochi distractedly. The dog huffs, unwelcoming. “What was the recovery like?”

“Oh, hell,” your mother says. “But once you heal up it’s worth it. I can wear square necklines and strapless dresses again.”

“Technically, you could have worn whatever you wanted.”

She gives you an impatient look, a you’re too old for that sort of frustration. “No one wants to see some sad flabby woman.” She is including your father in this statement. You remember being home for Thanksgiving Break during your freshman year at Carleton and inadvertently stumbling upon emails from one of the hospital interns when you used his laptop to buy movie tickets: indecent inuendoes, flirtatious photos, no smoking gun but certainly more than was appropriate between colleagues. You had tried to tell your mother, and she had deflected over and over again until you realized that she didn’t want to know; it was easier to be carried by the currents of momentum than to rock the boat until it sank. “This agent of yours…is he celebrating Father’s Day with his family?”

“No, Aegon lost his dad when he was in college.”

“That must have been difficult,” she says vaguely as she scrubs a pot with a green Scotch-Brite dish wand. Your parents are now at the age when their friends have begun to succumb to strokes and heart disease and cancers, and the lurking specter of mortality both horrifies and fascinates them. “What did he die of?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Mom?!” Clara shouts from upstairs. “Osaka is puking in the hallway!”

Your mother sighs and dries her hands on a dish towel, then leaves you alone in the kitchen. You linger there for a while, listening to the faint drone of CNN from the living room television, then leave the house through the sliding glass door in the dining room. Outside the sun is setting, and you gaze westward as the aging daylight turns the tall green grass and silhouettes of horses to gold like the mines that first brought settlers to California. You slide your phone out of the pocket of your denim shorts and take a photo, then post it to your Instagram story with the caption Home and a smiley face emoji.

A minute later, you receive a DM. Aegon has typed: This explains the big horse girl energy

You laugh and respond: They belong to my sister, I am personally very anti-horse

You hope he’ll continue the conversation. You don’t have to wait long. How’s Minnesota? Aegon asks.

You stop and consider how to answer, then decide not to overshare. Devoid of palm trees…but good!

There is a pause—perhaps thirty seconds—and then Aegon types: How’s the ex-boyfriend?

Is he curious or jealous? You smile. Still not standing in the way of anything :)

Aegon reacts with a heart emoji, then immediately switches it to a thumbs-up. You cannot ignore the wave of warmth and fondness and exhilaration that overwhelms you. Logically, you know he’s engaged to another woman. Emotionally, it doesn’t seem relevant.

You think: It’s just a crush. It can’t hurt anybody.

Then you remember what your mother asked, and as you stand outside in the fading dusk light you Google Aegon’s father Viserys Targaryen. He has his own Wikipedia page. You scroll to the bottom, where it reads in nondescript black letters: On October 27, 2009, Targaryen passed away at his Malibu residence after a long illness.

~~~~~~~~~~

You have just finished ringing up a Like It-sized Apple Pie A La Cold Stone when Josh says: “Hey, there’s an old guy asking for you.”

“What?” You look towards the ice cream freezer and there he is, dark jeans, green Nike Killshots, a yellow Hawaiian shirt that’s too big for him. “It’s my agent!” you shout as you rush over to meet him, loud enough that everyone in the shop turns to stare.

“Shh,” Aegon says, but he’s laughing.

“What are you doing here?” you ask from behind the counter.

“I got some good news, and I wanted to tell you in person.”

“Cool! Should I make you ice cream first?”

“Um, sure.” Aegon surveys the menu of Signature Creations. He seems overwhelmed; he actually looks a little panicked.

“Are you usually a chocolate or vanilla person? Or peanut butter, or coffee? Or mint?”

“Strawberry,” Aegon says.

“Strawberry,” you echo, surprised. “Okay, I think you’ll like Our Strawberry Blonde.”

“Neat.”

“Because, you know, it has strawberries and you’re blonde.”

“Sounds literally perfect for me,” Aegon says, smiling.

“What size?”

“Uh…” He reads the labels on the cups in the display case. “The big one.”

“No, you have to say the real name.”

He chuckles. His cheeks are pink, his turbulent blue eyes sparkling. “I’m not saying that.”

“Then I’m not making you ice cream!”

He groans. “I want an Our Strawberry Blonde in the size Gotta Have It.”

“Cup, cone, or waffle cone bowl?”

“Stop asking me questions or you’re fired.”

“Waffle cone bowl,” you decide. Aegon studies you as you work, his head tilted thoughtfully to the side: scraping a mound of strawberry ice cream out of the freezer with your metal spatulas, taking it to the cold countertop, and smashing in graham cracker pie crust, caramel, fluffy whipped topping, and fresh strawberries. You use one of the spatulas to expertly scoop the mixture into a waffle cone bowl, not spilling a drop. Then you hand Aegon his ice cream and ring him up at the cash register. He pays in cash.

You ask Josh, the manager on duty, if you can take your fifteen-minute break now. He frowns. “I thought you were going to refill the yellow cake and Oreo cookie mix-ins first.”

“Hey,” Aegon says. He waves a ten-dollar bill in the air to show it to Josh and then dunks it in the tip jar. “Do it yourself.”

“Fine,” Josh mutters to you. “But you don’t get a second over fifteen minutes.”

There’s no time to waste. You hurry to a small table by the window. It’s 8:30 p.m., and outside the world is indigo-dark and threaded with inorganic sparks of headlights, streetlights, kaleidoscopic neon signs. Your eyeshadow is vibrant and pink, because no one cares about that when you work at an ice cream shop: Push by Natasha Denona, Coax by Urban Decay.

Aegon takes his first taste of his ice cream as he sits down in the chair across from you. “You were right, this is delicious. A bop, not a flop.” Then he notices the bruise on your right wrist. “What the hell happened to your hand?”

“Oh. One of the Akitas bit me. Don’t worry, I can cover it up with concealer.”

Aegon is irritated. “Why is your mother letting her Akitas bite you?”

“It was my fault. I forgot that Oni doesn’t like when people pet his feet.”

Aegon sighs, stirring his Our Strawberry Blonde. “You want some of this?”

“I can’t,” you say reluctantly.

He raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean you can’t?”

“I already had a little cup when I got here this afternoon so I have regrettably hit my ice cream quota for the day.” And then, when Aegon clearly does not approve: “I try not to restrict too much but obviously staying the same size takes effort. That’s not a disorder, it’s just reality.”

Aegon seems to debate arguing, then instead scoops up a heaping spoonful of ice cream and holds it out across the table. “Come on. It doesn’t count if it’s on my spoon.”

You smile sheepishly and open your mouth for him. Your lips close around the plastic spoon: coldness, sweetness, the grit of pulverized graham cracker pie crust, the infinitesimal black seeds of strawberries that catch between your teeth. When Aegon begins to pull it away, you grab his hand and don’t let go until you’ve licked the spoon clean. He laughs hysterically as he watches you. “I haven’t had strawberry ice cream in forever,” you say.

“Don’t tell me you’re a vanilla girl.”

“I am,” you confess. “I know the joke. But I really do always get the vanilla-adjacent flavors. Cookie dough, French vanilla, sweet cream, cheesecake…”

Aegon smirks playfully. “Pathetic.”

“So you’re an enlightened being because you eat strawberry ice cream.”

“Boring people like vanilla. Kids like chocolate. Interesting adults like strawberry.”

“Do you actually have good news for me or did you just come here to be a ghoul?”

“I got you a part.”

“What?!” you squeal, and people are gawking again. This time, Aegon doesn’t tell you to be quiet. “Seriously?”

“Seriously,” he replies, grinning like he can’t help it.

“A part in what?”

“It’s small,” Aegon warns. “It’s an episode of Grey’s Anatomy.”

You scream; Josh scowls at you from behind the counter. “Oh my God, no way, no way!”

“You’re going to be the wife of a guy the doctors kill with negligence. Three scenes, two are pretty short and unremarkable but then you get to yell at the surgeon in the last one. Gives you the opportunity to show some range and make an impression.”

You can’t believe this is happening. “They aren’t going to make me audition first?”

“Well…it’s very last-minute,” Aegon says. “The actress who was supposed to do it has a drug problem or something, I guess, so she ghosted and they were scrambling for a replacement. And I completely fabricated your credentials.”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah, I typed up a resume and sent it over and they loved it. So try not to talk about your actual experience because none of it will match.”

You shake your head, stunned, amazed. “What if they try to contact one of my alleged former employers?”

“Then they’ll be talking to Aemond, and he will lie and say you were an absolute pleasure to work with.”

Aemond Targaryen: Aegon’s younger brother, a screenwriter, a philanthropist, a well-respected entity in Hollywood, and you know this from the Googling that preceded your first meeting with Aegon last week. “And Aemond doesn’t mind helping you commit fraud?”

“It’s not a favor I call in very often.” Aegon finishes his ice cream, then begins breaking apart the waffle cone bowl and shoving shard-like pieces into his mouth.

“When’s the shoot?”

“Very very early on Thursday, that’s the bad news.” Thursday is two days from now. “So I’ll have to pick you up at your apartment at like 5 a.m.”

“That’s fine. I’ll be ready.”

He smiles, gnawing on a chunk of his waffle cone bowl. “I figured.”

“You’re going too?” The hope is unmistakable in your voice.

“Of course I’m going.”

“I didn’t think agents usually went to film shoots.”

“Well, fortunately for you, your agent is imminently fleeing Los Angeles and has already parted ways with most of his clients and really has nothing else going on besides hiding in his office and playing a Nintendo 64, so I figured I could make it. And also if I’m going to be enthusiastically recommending you to people, I should probably see you work at some point.”

You wiggle your eyebrows flirtatiously. “Do I get to make out with my fake husband?”

Aegon is amused. “From what I understand, you get to chastely kiss him once. They’re sending the script over to my office first thing in the morning, so you’ll only have a day to learn your lines.”

“That’s enough time. I’ll make it work.”

“Always so agreeable,” Aegon muses. So desperate is more like it.

Thursday. “Is the shoot just one day?”

“Yeah, they should be able to get everything they need from you on Thursday morning. Why?”

“I have a doctor’s appointment on Friday and I was just wondering if I’d have to reschedule it.”

Aegon is immediately vigilant. “What kind of appointment?”

“Uh…” You smirk guiltily. “It’s just a consultation. No slicing yet.”

“And you’re going to cancel that,” Aegon says flatly.

“Seriously?”

“Do you want implants because you want them or because you think other people want you to have them?”

You hesitate. “Both.” That’s probably a lie.

Aegon leans back in his chair and studies you. “Yeah, you’re cancelling that appointment.”

“Why?”

“Because when I agreed to sign you, you told me that you’d do anything I say. And I’m telling you to cancel it.”

“But why don’t you want me to get implants? Everyone gets implants.”

“Because once you begin to treat scalpels and needles as prescriptions for everything you don’t like about yourself—or everything that other people don’t like about you—it’s very difficult to stop. First it’s your tits, then it’s your eyes and your nose, then it’s your chin and your cheeks and your neck and your ass, and it’s just this revolving door of painful, dangerous, unnecessary procedures that are condemning you for being mortal, that are carving away your humanity one incision at a time. I’ve seen it happen to more people than I could count, and I don’t want it to happen to you. Because you seem very, very human, and I’d like you to stay that way. Which means you don’t cut yourself up because some agent or producer or casting director told you to.” Then he adds, perhaps as an afterthought: “And anyway, you don’t need implants.”

You smile, then reply quietly: “You’ve never seen me.”

Aegon grins. “I don’t care if you have twelve nipples under there like a fucking beagle, you don’t need plastic surgery.”

You both laugh, and the tension evaporates, and even if you don’t cancel the appointment—Aegon is one person, the entertainment industry is omnipotent and eternal—you are glad he seems to like you the way you are. Behind the counter, Josh is waving manically to get your attention and summon you to return to work. You pretend not to see him.

Aegon asks: “Why don’t you like horses?”

“They freak me out. They’re all teeth and legs and they’re huge, I’m always scared they’ll step on me.”

“Your dad’s a doctor, right? I thought all rich girls had horses.”

“Where I’m from, a lot of women ride horses to distract themselves from the fact that their husbands are riding their receptionists or interns. I’d rather have no horse and no awful cheating husband.” And Aegon stares at you and turns serious, because perhaps you’ve inadvertently addressed the elephant in the room: he has a fiancée, and neither of you are acting like she exists. You swiftly pivot. “I’ll make an exception for you, though.”

He appears startled. “What?”

“The Chinese zodiac. You’re a horse. So you’re the only horse I like.”

“Oh, yeah. Right.” Aegon chuckles uneasily and gets up to throw his trash away, then stands under the florescent lights with his hands in his pockets, his blonde hair falling out of its gel and hanging over his forehead. He gazes down at you pensively; you are still seated at the table. “When does your shift end?”

“I’m closing tonight, so I’ll be done around 10:30 or 11.”

“Okay. Can I come back to pick you up and drive you home?”

You are puzzled. “Why?”

He gestures to the inky dark window, incredulous. “Because obviously you shouldn’t be walking alone in Harbor Gateway at midnight? You know there was a shooting a block from here last week. I looked it up.”

“I walk home all the time.”

“You really need to stop doing that.”

“You are being very dramatic for a non-actor.”

“Listen, I can’t go to my house and try to fall asleep while I’m wondering if you’re getting mugged or murdered.”

You look at Aegon. He does seem genuinely worried. “You can drive me home.”

“Great. See you in two hours.” He strides away and shoves open the glass door; the little metal bells hanging there jingle.

“Aegon?”

He halts mid-step and turns around. “Yeah?”

“Does Becca know where you are right now?”

His face is some amalgamation of emotions you can’t read, and this is unusual.“Why do you think I paid in cash?”

And before you can reply, he’s gone.

~~~~~~~~~~

On Thursday, June 19th, Aegon picks you up in his white Chrysler Sebring convertible while the city is still asleep. The sky is dark, the streetlights passing by overhead, infinite pinpoint supernovas. There are hardly any other cars on the road. Aegon’s hair is a mess and his eyes are bleary; he’s sipping a Starbucks coffee with one hand and holding the steering wheel with the other. He is wearing a suit, but he still manages to look unpolished, his white shirt half-untucked and his black tie too skinny. He sets his coffee down in one of the cup holders and passes you something venti-sized and iced.

“I got you a vanilla latte, vanilla girl.”

“Aw, thanks! Skim milk?”

“Nope,” he says, smiling. You smile back and take a gulp of it, cold and sweet and bracing. “What’s your hype song?”

“I can’t tell you,” you say, embarrassed.

“Why not?”

“You’re going to terrorize me.”

“Don’t Stop Believing? Don’t Stop Me Now? I Gotta Feeling?”

“Lose Yourself.”

Aegon throws back his head and cackles, his hair flying in the wind. “That’s definitely a fireable offense. I’m ditching you the second we finish this shoot.” But he taps around on his phone and plugs in the aux, and then Eminem is thudding through the speakers as the Sebring sails north and the red-gold dawn rises on the horizon, a celestial message from the East Coast, an omen from the future.

Aegon drives you to Prospect Studios in Los Feliz, just east of Hollywood. Filming will be indoors on a soundstage. You spend what feels like forever in hair and makeup, and the costume designer—who had prepared for a different actress—dresses and redresses you over and over again, frowning at your chest and waist and thighs, and you have a sudden pang of nauseating panic and dread: I don’t belong here. What the fuck was I thinking?

Then you are in the scenes under intensely radiant artificial light, and just like it did in your roles back in Minnesota, the real world vanishes and all that exists are these characters, these moments, and your body and mind become theirs, and perhaps even your soul too. Your husband is handsome and kind, and here in this liminal fictional space you love him, and when the surgeons wheel him off to the operating room you are full of blind naïve surety. Then the doctors update you on his condition and you are still hopeful, but it becomes a fragile thing, like something that shatters when it’s dropped from a height. And then he is dead, he has been taken away from you, he has been stolen, and you are eclipsed by a blood-red wrath that is animalistic and unforgiving. After each take when you are ripped back through the veil and into reality, you can’t remember exactly what you did or said, and the director doesn’t have many critiques so you aren’t sure how it’s going.

But when it’s over, while you are still standing on the soundstage with the other actors, Aegon puts on his sunglasses and smiles at you from across the room; and you remember what he said outside his office on the day you first met—you are so bright, sunshine—and you know you’ve done a good job.

[roodles03]

Hey I have a kinda grim update, last night I was working on that animation thing ive teased and while I was doing it my right wrist decided to give up on me. In other words my right wrist started hurting real bad. I'm strictly right handed, so this interferes with drawing immensely. I wasn't able to get want I wanted done despite me pushing myself to try.

I stopped and put one of my dad's wrist braces on, then ate and went to bed like "I hope this fixes itself in the morning," but no. When I woke up the pain had spread to my fingers and down towards my elbow, and thats what I knew exactly what this was.

Now this HAS happened to me before, serveal times, actually. To both of my wrists, too (not sure why it has happened to my left wrist outside of when I fell directly on it once, lol your guess is as good as mine) Its a certain kind of pain too that I can barely describe. I think it might be nerve pain?? I have no idea. Im only 18 so its not like I'd know chornic pain that well. But this time is one of the nastiest ones ive ever had to deal with. I think it might be carpal tunnel, but I can't say for sure. I'm tired of this happening so I plan to ask a doctor about it, so ill give confirmation when I see one.

Now I don't know why this happened so suddenly, because after my cat died and before my life started getting super busy 2 weeks ago, I was drawing A LOT, pretty much every day, there was one day where I must've spent like 15 nonconsecutive hours and pulled an all nighter just to draw for the picnic comic. I hadn't really drawn all too much in the past 2 weeks due to friends and family visiting, and when I finally get the chance to my wrist decides to die.

My theory is that I'm just rusty and I went back into drawing a little too hard, but that's my only guess. But even then, I didn't even draw that much, I just lined and colored Hunter's body and animated only the eyes and mouth for 6 frames. That was literally it.

Normally when this happens it resolves after a couple days, but I'm very upset because this is my last chance to have a lot a free time to draw for a very long time. I go on my annual trip to New York on June 20th, and don't come back until August 20th, and fall semester of college starts August 22nd or 23rd, (and I have a 5 day week now instead of 4) meaning I won't really have complete free time to draw again until December when winter break starts. It's not like I'll have no time to draw, I ALWAYS find a way, but it's still really upsetting.

I'll just have to try and rest my arm until its better, but I know myself, I'm gonna try drawing too early anyway. I do it every time this happens. So don't be suprised if I end up posting something anyway. Im such a bad art workaholic lmao.

Anyway I'll shut up now. Sorry for chatting your ear off lol.

[awhst-alt]

I HAD THE BEST BYLER DREAM LAST NIGHT AND I REALLY WANNA SHARE IT WITH YOU ALL

it's so long (literally 2k words) so im gonna put it under the cut haha <3

so basically this would take place after mike and will start dating or something, idk exactly the time frame (i picture them being like 18 or something and this is the summer before college) and will goes to this summer arts program for like 2/3 months (i dunno how long american summer is but something like that) and its all the way far from home so there is dorms and stuff and he's "not in hawkins anymore" (no pun intended)

mike and will decide after will finishes his school they'd go to college together (cuz they're gonna be comic book artists together bc thats boyfriend shit) so throughout these months he's practically just waiting for will (<333333)

so one specific scene i remember from my dream involved will and mike getting off the bus to the school and then they hug and then mike grabs wills hand and brings him behind the bus and then he gives will a biggg kiss bc he won't be able to kiss him for 3 months. then they say they love each other and will gives him another quick kiss and is like "two kisses". they agree they'd call each other every day.

so will goes inside and mike goes back on the bus and goes home.

and basically the whole day is a whirl, until the end of it, in which mike is sitting in the kitchen near the phone waiting for like 3 hours for will to call, and will doesn't end up calling.

AND THEN IT GETS SPICYYYYY

so meanwhile at the arts program will asks like the front desk or something if he can call mike and they say phone is offlimits and they don't let him call mike

so then will goes to sleep and he's paranoid that he thinks mike is gonna hate him or something like that

mk than the next day in class there is this girl (they didn't reveal her name in the dream, ill call her stella) so stella is basically looking at will the entire class but will doesn't know it

so when they exit the class stella's like "hi" and will says "hi"

then stella says "i like your painting."

will is like rlly weirded out so he goes "thanks?"

"i um- hope this doesn't sound weird but i have no friends, do you want to be mine?"

"sure"

and then end of scene (this does not sound like a normal conversation but it's my dream so it doesn't have to make sense"

so BACK AT HAWKINS mike is still sleeping even tho it's like 3 pm because yk depressed boyfriend shit but then the PHONE RINGS and mike gets out of bed frantically and goes to the phone and he picks it up and is like "will?" and then it answers "it's el, idiot"

i feel like this is important for context but el speaks english very well now and hoppers back and she lives with hopper and not the byers anymore. ANYWAYS

el says "how's will?"

mike says "idk he didn't call"

"he didn't?"

"no, he didn't"

"okay. well maybe he will call later"

"yeah mb"

"wanna come over"

"ok"

so mike hangs up and gets changed and goes to el's house bc they r a couple o' besties and when he gets there it's like a therapy sessions bc mike usally talks to will every single day and he can't for like 3 months (unless will calls, but he's not going to) so he accepts he's gonna be depressed for 3 months and he's just talking to el about how he's gonna miss him so much and no be able to see his face and that shit

so el's like "well do u wanna do something to take ur mind off of him"

and mike's like "no im not gonna replace will" (I SCREAMED IN MY DREAM SRSLY)

but than el says "okay. guess im gonna go to the mall by myself" (ig starcourt is rebuilt by now)

and than mike bolts up and is like "fine"

"we can by something for will"

"okay yay"

so then they go to starcourt yasss!!

anyways back at the art school will is having lunch and stella is with he friends (even tho she said she doesn't have any friends) and one of her friends is like "omg did you see _____ he's so hot"

and another friend says "YESS! but ____ is cuter"

"what abt u stella? who do u have ur eyes on"

she says "byers" BUT NOOOOOOO WILL IS MIKES MAN

and they say "ew that kid who came back to life"

she says "yea. but he's cute, and shy, and once i wrap them around my finger i can get them to do anything"

so then she goes to sit down next to will at lunch

"hi will"

"hi"

"hru"

"im good"

"okay. good." and she gets upset because will goes ask how she is but she keeps her urging rage inside. and than they have this weird conversation and will is uncomfortable the whole time bc shes all like flirting with him and will is seeing someone obvi

but then she puts a hand on will's shoulder and he's shaking and then says something (idk what it is it wasn't explaining in my dream) then will stands up and runs to the bathroom. so he's just sitting in the stalls crying.

okay back at starcourt this part wasn't shown in my dream but im just gonna make up that mike and el go looking around starcourt for something for will (sort of like the mike/lucas/will montage where they were looking for stuff for el) and then i guess they find something for will and i don't have the slightest idea what they could have got for him BUT THEY GOT HIM SOMETHING GOOD

so mike's all happy but they'res still that depression inside of him lol

so fast forward a week, it really isn't explained but ill just make up that will still hasn't called mike, and he's super sad and all sleeping in but decides to look through his good ol binder full of will's drawings and in the arts school will and stella have a few more interactions im sure which are still very uncomfortable

okay so it's lunch again in the cafeteria and somehow will and stella are talking again but somehow it ends in stella kissing will and will like pulls away immediatley and is like "what is wrong with you!?"

and she says "what?"

"i'm seeing someone!"

"oh i uh- i didn't know."

the whole cafeteria is staring at them

so will's freaking out almost on the verge of a panic attack "idk what to do, he's gonna hate me and-"

"he?"

will has the look on his face like shit shit shit oh fuck no

"you're gay?"

"i-"

and will runs off once again. and everyone in the whole cafeteria knows that he's day and ofc with everybody being homophobic will knows it's not good at all bc everyone's gonna bully him

so then the next day he goes to class and the teacher is like "does anyone care to tell me where ___ is?" (it would be like a math question like 'where x is' but in art idkkk) and then the teacher calls on "will? can you tell me where ___ is?" and they'res a pause and then the teacher says "or perhaps you'd want to find your boyfriend instead?" (giving me anne with an e vibes prolly cuz i did a rewatch last weekend but i won't explain more in case some people haven't watched it but) anyways will stands up from his seat, everyone is looking at him, and he's shaking and so concerned but then he goes "fuck. you" badass will yeaaaa thats my boy

so then he runs out of the classroom and out of the school in a really cool montage way but then he realizes he's like 2 hours away from home but he runs and runs and he goes to a random bustop (it's not even garanteed if it takes him to hawkins but whatever) he gets on and tries to go back to hawkins.

and soon enough, he gets there, and immediatley goes to the wheelers because he needs to see mike and apologize for everything. so he's at the wheelers, and rings the doorbell, realizing he's still in his uniform lol but karen answers and mike is upstairs in his room sulking (i picture it would be 8 pm by now) so will asks for mike and karen calls mike. mike groans obviously because he doesn't know it's his boy, but he comes down, karen gets out of the way and as soon as he sees will they have a really big hug and it's super sweet and my heart UFHEIOSKA

mike says his usual "are you okay?" and mike is still confused as shit but will says "i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry" and mike says "you don't have to be sorry for anyrhing" but will says "ill explain"

so then they go to will's room, side-by-side on his bed and will starts explaining everything

(this is mostly improvised by me but it's still pretty similar to the dream)

"i hated it."

"the school?"

"yeah. there was no you, (mike blushes lmao), everything was terrible, i felt so lonely, they didn't let me call you-"

"what?"

"they said the phone was off limits. i wanted to talk to you so bad and i thought you'd hate me"

"i could never hate you, will, even if i tried." will smiles

"and then there was this girl, and she hit on me and i didn't know what to do bc i'd be the face of the school if i told her i was dating you and was gay and today she kissed me"

"WHAT"

"im sorry im sorry i didn't kiss back and i was so scared bc i never was in a relationship before and i was so scared it was considered cheating-"

and mike LAUGHSS

"what? mike? what's wrong?"

"if you don't do anything back, it's not considerd 'cheating'"

"oh. good. are you mad at me?"

"what? no! no never!" so mike opens his arms and says "come here" so will and mike hug or something like that and then mike says "do you need me to beat her up?"

and will says "you can't even beat eggs. besides, your noodle arms wouldn't be able to do harm to even a fly"

so mike laughs and says "i'm glad your home"

so will blurts "i cursed out a teacher"

"you? cursing?"

"yes."

"might have to start calling you a bad boy now"

will just smiles and says "i love you"

and mike says "i love you too"

AND THEN END AND IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF BC I LOVE THIS DREAM LIKE I CAN'T BELIEVE MY BRAIN THOUGHT OF THIS BUT IM OBSESSED

ALSO ONCE I FINISH WYBMFFAE ILL PROBABLY WRITE THIS INTO A FULL BLOWN FIC BUT AHIHFUSAH

edit: i have no idea what mike did with the present him and el bought for will but i guess they ended up giving it to him lol

[calpalsworld]

Not "autistic anon," but also autistic, (being called maybe ableist made me want to put this out there before go to bed) i thought Zane was depicted that way purposefully by the writers. He has stereotypical traits like taking things literally, and has an actual humor switch. The writers have done things with Zane before like have him lose bodily autonomy (during that one Wu's teas short) and did something with his voice be it making him unable to be understood or talking too loud and the forced pirate voice by Jay. (what you're doing isn't too different from that, right?) I thought it was just a little iffy to distort his body and memory bc that could be interpreted as something not that I'm sure what exactly, it's some kind of disability. I dunno. I'm not good with putting this to words. I hope this makes sense.

Sorry I went to bed but now I’m awake 😭

Also I ended up totally spilling all my thoughts here rather than only specifically replying to you please forgive me context: my scary zane concept design, & my ninjago rewrite i refer to a lot 

Im a little confused but I think I get what you're saying? You're saying the Ninjago writers absolutely DON'T write Zane well (you listed examples of this) and you don't want me to fall into the same trap?

I had the opposite logic earlier. I thought: If Ninjago writers made Zane have stereotypical autisitic traits while also being a dehumanized robot, I may as well embrace it, say he is autistic blatantly, while also making him do funny/cool non-human robot things, so its clear as possible the two aspects of his character are literal and separate and not a metaphor for each other. But you're right! I do have a choice and I dont have to embrace things! :)

Like there were a couple ways I was gonna reject the original, for example, I never wanted Zane to have a funny switch, and I hated how other characters could fuck with Zane and he didn't even care 😬. I want to change that stuff. So youre right, if I am changing shit like that, it would be counterproductive for ME to GIVE him MORE traits along that theme. 😬😬😬 I should try to feel less obligated to portray Zane like he originally is. I still like the concept of "scary zane" (for reasons i explain below the cut) but I might tone it down a bit like with the claws and weird proportions and shit. I’d def make him look more skeletal and undead. That was my original intention, but i didnt execute it as good as I could have.... idk if anyone could tell thats what he was supposed to be like...my bad! But rn I dont wanna redesign him I wanna draw other stuff like normal alive Zane. Sorry LMAO 😳. Like I said in some earlier asks I think, I think Im gonna focus rn on how I should portray season 1 normal not dead Zane so thank you and feel free to share any other Zane thoughts ^_^ SOME OTHER THOUGHTS:

Also I Wanna Argue Some Stuff But I Understand its a Weak Argument Since All of This Context was Just In My Brain (so don't take this as an argument, just as me rambling): I don't want messed up things to happen to Zane and for it to just be ignored. I think if Zane is going to have fucked up things happen to him, as all characters must, its best for it to happen during a season where he actually addresses his feelings about being a robot (learning to accept that he will always be himself, regardless if hes "human" or the "original" or whatever. (thats how I always interpreted his emotions)). But I wouldn't have the other Ninja be very phased by Zane's looks because the whole point is they already love who he is (seasons 1-3 were about getting to know Zane) and now Zane himself just has to learn the physical, robot part of him is okay. Its about person-hood rather than humanity. Because the season focuses around Zane's soul, and because he lost his original body, I feel like I could mess around with his current, temporary body and have fun and make it scary. Because that body should be irrelevant. I understand it possibly being upsetting for an autistic character to be designed like this, but other people I talked to see it the opposite way. They find it comforting for him to look so different but still be himself and be so loved. SO IM ABSOLUTELY NOT saying its wrong to be bothered or to hate it or to feel any way. Just that I personally think it would be cool for Zane to be portrayed with a little spice lol, so thats why I like scary Zane for season 4.

Another Thing I Wannna Say But Is REALLY Hypocritical: (this isnt directed at anyone I just REALLY want to say this) I know I say "this is Zane but scary, he looks like fnaf" so he's obviously dehumanized, but I always felt like "scary" is more of an objective fact. Its an instinct. But what's "not human" is subjective. I think there is a problem with saying anything different from "average" human is dehumanized because that could extend to real people. Lol I know its bad for me to compare FNAF-ass Zane to real people, but I mean he could be real. People can have exposed teeth, and people can be shaped weird. And when someone first sees a person who looks like that they'll probably think "woah those features are scary" by instinct. And that surprise doesn't make someone ableist obviously. But bring that person’s humanity into question is NOT an instinct, and is fucked to shit. This is kinda a bad point for me to make since its about the fictional FNAF Zane I drew, and I am NOT implying ANYONE was thinking like this. [especially not the original asker anon who I am totally forgetting about at this point OOPS]. But I just thought it was an opinion of mine I couldn't go without mentioning when talking about dehumanization and disabilities.

^^^ I think you (anon) understand what I mean and might’ve said the exact same thing as me if you were writing a long ass response? I think this because you started to bring physical disabilities up and you said it was "a little iffy." ^_^ So we agree, but I don't see Zane's relation to real life disabilities as "a little iffy" I see it more like "complicated"? IF THAT DIFFERENCE EVEN MAKES ANY SENSE?????? I feel like a lot of things about Zane are really just complicated and need the right context, rather than the concepts necessarily being wrong -- NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT! THATS THE WHOLE REASON I DO THIS STUPID REWRITE! XD thats why a lot of my rewrite SO FAR has been the same concepts and plot beats, but different dialogue n specifics and such. I like a lot of concepts in Ninjago but I dont think they were presented correctly.....! :( So I guess all we can do is wait and see if I make Zane offensive or not....???

Also something about the memory part - yeah i agree i was surprised no one thought that was weird to make jokes out of his memory issues..... BUT I am like 100% firm on making his memory take longer to come back because I think its stupid how quick Zane was able to recover from literally dying. Like its just dumb to me. Hate it. (also bc memory & soul mechanics is ummm kinda important in my rewrite.... for reasons). Another memory thing btw, I was going to make his original amnesia come from hitting his head in an attack against the Skulkin when they stole his dads corpse, rather than his dad fucking choosing to make him forget. (its a sweet & iconic scene, but Um, WHY?!!!?!?!?!?) He has to follow data recovery instructions he finds in his dads diary. I think in that context it makes moments of memory loss somewhat different for Zane's character? Instead of loss of autonomy associated with disability, its a literal violent loss of autonomy associated with being traumatized by physical force. Idk how to phrase it exactly but I think that makes some vibes different?

Sorry, I think I got really distracted, and I don't know if I responded well to your points. Because uhhhh I think I agree with your stance actually? If I understand correctly? Fuck Ninjago writers for making the robot lose autonomy (a stereotypical robot theme) while also making him seem clearly autistic (NOT A HAPPY THEME FOR AUTISTIC PEOPLE) and not addressing it. And also auuugh Zane with a weird body is a difficult topic - kinda sussy pretty iffy.

Lol anyway idk if this made any sense and I REALLY rambled on you. but this was nice 👉👈 more Zane criticism pls love you and i love zane. i hope u dont feel mad at me because then it would be weird that im saying that lol. if you do feel mad at me tho you can send another ask (ILL TRY TO JUST LISTEN NOT RAMBLE NEXT TIME) but assuming ur chill rn, love you thnx

Take this page, don’t mind cole’s ass.

[thefeatheredcreature]

Me when your posts:

Hehehehhe alright

YESSS ESMP AND 100DAYS ARE SIBLINGS!!!!

I imagine godcicle getting lost in in an open space, which he can't get lost but he still manages to do it lol

esmp just cant say the world love without feeling like throwing up

100 days thinking that he has some kind of illness but he's just in love I guess sadly he just knows about zombies and fighting with zombies to survive

i love the headcanon that he likes to admire humans in villages, so he just got a crush on some human(definitely not a woman named Grace haha what) and he gets all sappy about that and if he tries to reach this human and talk to them he will just say "hm.. hi..i.. hi 👀"

AWWW GARDENER BOYSS!!! No but its so funny to me the fact that you made headcanons for esmp!charlie that he likes to draw, or gardening, like because he is sound like such a prolematic person but he has this nice hoobies, maybe its kinda of a therapy for him

Well maybe 100 days doesn't like gardening that much, but does he like taking care of animals? Idk for me he wouldnlove taking care of more animals, because they would made him feel less lonely Like bessy, and bessy, nad the other bessy too 👍

Tbh i gonna share a hc of mine as well, i think godcicle and 100days really love cows And godcicle asked to bizly create the mooshroom cows :>

awww ninja turtles fjsnsksjsk

i always think about mr cycle being really good at chess like really I think theres a lot of board games in his "studio" fornhim to play, and he good really good at chess and checkers

But of course he will lose at dsmp or origins, because they will always end up eating the pieces lmao

(oh yeah its just because of this huh, it has nothing to do with you huh? 🤨)

epic smp be like: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYfB63QC/

mr cycle using new pants everyday just to show to dsmp and scare him

OHHHHH YES THEY DO ":O" They are ny little guys i love them omg

Yeah,,

- dsmp and originsmp would be like cats at the vet. Yes they go to the vet. And they hate it.

Luckily, the hybrids in originsmp don't know what a vet is,

But in Las Nevadas? Slime has nightmares.

- epicsmp and 100days are the two siblings who argue through the vent in the house

- Mr cycle repeats every week every new trending TikTok audio and epicsmp just wants to choke him

- godcicle has no sense of directions. If he can't use the commands to go around he'll need personal assistance to indicate where he should go.

- epicsmp would swear and throw up when he realizes he has a crush

100days would cry because he thinks it's something abnormal (never experienced normal things.)

Godcicle would just be super shy.

The rest are aorace. Mr.cycle hates everyone literally.

- epicsmp and godcicle like gardening, 100days did it to survive but dosen't enjoy it as much.

- dsmp likes turtles. He likes to call them ninja turtles.

- mr.cycle is a smartass. Just like every slimecicle, but he's just on another level.

- every slimecicle sometimes just says random words in Italian or phrases, or speaks in an Italian accent ( referring to charlie always saying things like "papà!" Or talking in an Italian accent in his videos :3)

- whenever they meet they act like they are in some weird cult and make sure no one is following, then the big party starts.

- dsmp actually still can't wrap around his head the fact that people know about him,

That not only his own little slimecicle family knows about him but actually there's humans and mortals who knows and think about him

He had a crisis every Tuesday about it.

- epicsmp thinks he can't go to a therapist because then he'll stop being a whore (he has never been in a relationship. Or touched the subject of sex.)

- dsmp knows about sex and WATCHED it happen, he just doesn't understand why people make a big deal out of it.

- dsmp has a fear of pants (canon), and so mr.cycle scares him with pants.

- no matter what, they all do :O when they are surprised.

- originsmp and dsmp have no idea how to actually be human, they always end up whispering to each other about how old they are supposed to be for humans and every time it changes

- epicsmp is the guy to somehow befriend the ghost , 100days would scream and Mr cycle wouldn't even notice it.

- when dsmp, or originsmp is about to fight with another mob, their ranboos always pick them up and drag them away.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #354

“swimming through the void, we hear the word  /  we lose ourselves, but we find it all”

The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? I never do. My hair is naturally pretty oily, and conditioner just adds oil to it. Do you prefer light or dark jeans? Dark. I never liked light-hued jeans. When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? I almost always just listen. Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yes. Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person? My first "real" boyfriend. I always do to varying degrees. How many cars are parked at your house right now? Just one. Do you have any Italian ancestry? No. Do you prefer water to be ice cold or at room temperature? The colder, the absolute better. I can barely stomach drinking water that isn't cold, like literally. Has anyone ever told you you’re a control freak? No. Do you know anyone who has gone missing? If so, were they ever found? I don't think so, anyway. What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? A certain hot sauce on the wings I used to get at Buffalo Wild Wings. It was close to the top of their little heat rating thing. It made me feel awful, and yet I enjoyed it still?? I think it was an adrenaline thing. I only get medium sauce now; I'm more interested in enjoying my food than feeling like I'm eating fire. Do you need to talk to someone? I'm ready for my therapy appointment honestly, but it's not 'til the start of June. Mom and I both don't want to go through the process of finding a new one, so I've chosen to just suck it up and wait. Is something confusing you at the moment? I'm always confused with myself and my feelings. When was the last time you had a real deep chat? Real deep, I'm sure that would've been during PHP. Who did you last see on webcam? My former group therapist. I miss him a lot and really wish he could treat me outside of the program, but he doesn't do that. :/ What’s your best friend’s pet’s name(s)? Doris, Martha, Crowley, Little Dot, Jane Marie, Buster, Beesly, Winter, and I believe only one of the fish is named: Raisha. Have you ever taken a picture while laying in the grass? No. Who’s your favorite Disney character? Dory, probably. Have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk? What the fuck, no. When was the last time you used a pay phone and who were you calling? I've never used one. Do you like being kissed on the neck? Whoa now buddy, we better be kind of serious by then for you to do that because it doesn't end "well" lmao. Have you ever had sex with someone you weren’t dating (but had feelings for) in the hopes that they would ask you out later? I almost deleted this question because I didn't want to answer it, but I try to leave more unique ones in, so... whatever. I haven't. But I would for "somebody." What’s the most you would be willing to spend on a good bra? Ugh, my relationship with bras is a hellish one because NONE FUCKING FIT ME CORRECTLY. Mom's tried so, so many places, so many different stores online and in-person, and even if the bra fits in the front, it won't go around my back comfortably. I guess my body is shaped weird, I don't fucking know, because I have literally ZERO bras that don't aggravate me. At some point, I'm going to some woman Mom knows who can size me properly and therefore buy some that don't piss me off. All that to say I'd actually pay more than the usual, but not a ridiculous price. Do you have any of your teachers’ personal cell phone numbers saved in your contacts list? My old Physical Science teacher, who is actually now a very close family friend and our landlord, is in my phone. Do you ever stalk peoples’ personal blogs, even if you don’t know them very well? No. What’s one thing about today’s generation that you just can’t stand? How ungrateful they can be. Be honest: how do you feel about abortion? I am pro-choice. Is there anyone you currently want to reach out to? There's a lot of people, actually. Old friends I miss. What is your favorite piece of art you own? It... sounds cocky, but it's probably the drawing I did in high school of Pyramid Head and the Halo of the Sun intertwined. I worked my fucking ass off and I'm extremely proud of it. What’s the one thing you apologized for this month? Hm. Probably just something minor, like bumping into Mom or something when passing her. My favorite color is ______? Pink, specifically pastel pink. I wish I had _____? A job. What did you buy today? Nothing. What has challenged your morals? Life, my dude. Live and learn. What made you pick up the last book you started reading? It's the sequel to the last book I read. What about your life concerns you the most? Concerns me, my physical health, especially just how weak my legs are. I'm terrified of them continuing to deteriorate. What do you find particularly offensive? Would you say you’re easy or difficult to offend? I cannot fucking stand the misuse of the word "retarded." Like just keep your damn mouth sewn shut if you have the audacity to say things like "hurr hurr this driver is retarded." ANY mental illness/condition is NOT to be mocked. Onto the next question, I'd say I'm more towards difficult to offend. It really depends on the topic. What was the last series you finished watching? Do you have any plans to begin another? I re-watched Fullmetal Alchemist w/ Sara. We're working on Avatar: The Last Airbender too, but I won't resume watching it again until we can do it together. What is one way in which you are different from a year ago? What is one way in which you are still the same? Well, I weigh a lot more. .-. I gained back almost all the weight I shed since quarantine started, and I'm forever fucking furious about it. I'm the same in most other ways. If you could learn about anything without the stress of grades or cost, what kind of classes would you take? Uhhhhh meerkat behavior? Idk. Name a song you’ve listened to today? I've got Halocene, Lauren Babic, and Violet Orlandi's cover of "Aerials" by System of a Down on loop right now. It's fucking gorgeous and so mesmerizing. When you were younger, did you have a swing set or a playhouse in your backyard? We had a small playhouse with swings and a slide. Is your mall nice? GOD no. You better accept the possibility of getting shot before you walk in there. There's nothing that cool at all there. Do you have a Sonic near you? If so, what’s your favorite drink from there? Yeah. I love the strawberry slushy, and the Reese's Blast thing if KILLER. Will you be voting in the presidential elections next time around? Yes. How do you feel about chocolate-covered strawberries? GOOD. STUFF. Did you ever stop having feelings for someone and then started having those feelings again for them? I think so. Do you hate the last guy you had a thing with? No, he's my closest guy friend. To whom did you last give the finger? Probably some idiot that ran a red light. I'm sure it happened in the car, whenever it happened What was the last musical instrument played in your presence? I've got no clue. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? No, I hate the texture difference. And just sprinkles in general. Honestly, have you ever crashed a party before? No. Do you know how to do the moon walk? No. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yeah, but I beg to differ. Onion rings or french fries? French fries. I'm not a big fan of the other. Has anybody ever described you as a heart breaker? Nope. Has anybody ever told you that you talk too fast? When I'm excited, yes, it happens sometimes. Who is the best cook that you know? Uhhhhh idk. Which meal throughout the day do you skip the most? I don't really skip meals. What’s the largest amount that you can juggle at one time? I can’t juggle at all. What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid? Swings. I'd dash to those at recess to try to actually get one. Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much? All I know is six pounds, no clue on the ounces. Which aspect of your daily routine takes the most time? What do you do? Sitting my ass at the computer, really... I don't exactly do much. Do you enjoy buying gifts for others, or could you do without this? It feels sucky of me considering whenever I do get someone a gift, it's because Mom is letting me use her money with me being without an income, BUT I still do LOVE the process of thinking of something meaningful for those important to me and hopefully seeing them love whatever I got them. I cannot wait until I actually can do that regularly. What is one thing you are expected to do, if anything? Take care of my pets. How do you tend to view driving? Monotonous or entertaining? I hate driving because you're in a speeding box of death, man. I do really want to start working towards my license though; I've long since reached the "enough is enough" point. But first I need new glasses so I can actually see five feet in front of me. Do you enjoy talking about music with others? Yeah! Is acting something you enjoy? No. I'm too awkward about it. When do you feel most accomplished? When I finish a big art pierce. Do you think Manwich is amazing or completely gross? I like 'em. Just messy, which I'm not a fan of. How many best friends do you have? One. Are you a smoker, drinker, pothead or none of the above? None of the above. If you have your ears pierced, when did you get them pierced? I don't remember exactly, but I was a kid. Do you own any exercise machines? No. I wish. On Facebook, do you have people listed as your siblings who aren’t really your siblings? Nah, but I used to do that. Have you ever drawn or painted a self-portrait? Painted, but only because it was a school assignment. Who was your last voicemail from? I don't get voicemails because mine isn't even set up. Have you ever been falsely accused of something serious? No. Did you ever set up a lemonade stand when you were a kid? No. When was the last time you spoke to someone in a different language? Not since I was taking a test in high school for my German course. My teacher was a Germany native, so she was a total pro and fun to learn from. Have you ever received an anonymous gift? No. Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day? No. That's always sounded miserable to me. When were you the saddest in your life? 2016 was fucking miserable. Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? I don't know if it's abusive, but it's toxic and dysfunctional as HELL. I don't know WHY she keeps going back to him, I feel awful for the woman. I'm definitely not, 'cuz I wouldn't tolerate that shit for half a second. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? They've both moved out by now. Have you ever gotten searched by the cops? Yes, as a safety protocol with mental illness stuff. Do you like fried rice? Yes. What was the last thing you drank? Would you believe me if I told you I have water right now?

[morgana-ren]

I just read your latest shiggy piece and it was so good. I also saw your note at the end. Obviously do what’s best for you but I’m going to miss your writing lol. And if it’s not too personal, can I ask why you’re done with it? Are you falling out of interest with these characters? Of course you don’t have to answer and you’re valid no matter what. But thanks again for the great stories!!!

Thank you! I’m really happy you liked it! 

So basically, there’s a few reasons I’m thinking of calling it quits, but most of it condenses down into my own self confidence issues and self esteem. I’ll put more under a cut cause frankly most people aren’t going to care about my self pitying tirade and I don’t wanna put some long ass thing they need to scroll past. 

I’ve been writing fairly consistently for a few years now. I don’t always post everything I write but on average I usually write at least 5,000 words a week. That might not seem like much but those are during the weeks where I’m still working full time and taking care of shit like cooking and laundry and other adult responsibilities. My googledocs is completely full of my bullshit and half baked ideas, and so is my drafts and the notebook app on my phone. It’s been a very large part of my life. 

Problem with that is that I don’t feel like I am where I should be as a writer despite it being such a large part of my life. I’m one of those exceedingly obnoxious people that doesn’t do things they’re not good at. I gave up guitar after two years because I got so frustrated of hearing myself suck. I don’t draw anymore because I hate my shitty work in comparison to other people’s amazing art. The same is starting to be said for my writing. It doesn’t make me feel good anymore. It just makes me feel bitter and frustrated.

I was able to ignore it for the past two years largely in part to the weird euphoria of finding characters I loved, but that’s quickly starting to wear off. The fandoms I write for are filled to the brink with amazing and talented authors, some of which have been writing for exponentially less time than I have, and already their work far surpasses mine. For some reason, it feels like my brain just is not wired to improve past a certain point, even if I make active efforts to do so.

Now don’t mistake that for me blaming other folks for anything, this has to do with me and me alone. A lot of it can be attributed to some of my illnesses and the fact I just flat out don’t like myself. I just feel like given how much time I spend doing this bullshit, I should be much, much better than I am. I essentially feel like I improved a little bit early on and ever since then, I’ve just been stagnating. My work doesn’t have the originality it did (if it ever did) and people don’t seem to enjoy it as much. 

There’s a lot of incredible authors out there who write the same topics and characters that I do, and when my work is put up against theirs, mine is basically just scraping the bottom of the barrel. I’m essentially throwing out these stories that have already/could be done better by other people and I’m just taking up titles and ideas that could be used for better pieces or concepts that could be done better by anyone but myself. 

I know that we all say “I write for myself” and for me, that’s true on a level. If I truly wrote only for myself, I wouldn’t be sharing it here on this platform or on Ao3. Sometimes when there’s a lack of positive feedback or any sort of acknowledgement at all, it feels like I’m just yelling obnoxiously into the void and cranking out this shit that no one wants and no one even asked for. I’m not entitled to people’s attention or time, and I don’t want to spam people’s tags or feeds with shit they have to roll their eyes and scroll past every few days when I post some bullshit no one really wants. 

I guess it comes down to the voice in my head every time I write or get ready to post something that’s steadily getting louder that says “Why fucking bother? It fucking blows and so do you and you just wasted _ days doing something that fucking sucks.” It feels like I’m just wasting time that I should be using on something, anything else to write these stories that no one gives a fuck about.

And nobody fucking @ me with some shitty insult like “lmao youre so self pitying” or some shit because #1) I am aware. My mental state, especially right now, is not great. I’ll be self pitying if I want, and if you don’t like it? Unfollow/block button is free. And #2) This is something I do mostly for free. You are not paying me to do it, so your input means exactly nothing to me. Start paying my bills or for my medication and I’ll start giving a single fuck.

[purplesurveys]

1145

What were your favorite things to draw when you were a lil kid?  I knew I wasn’t an artist the moment I started experimenting with pens and markers, and the only image I liked to keep - and was capable of - drawing on repeat was your usual kid’s portrait of a house with a sun and clouds lmao. I never learned how to draw anything else.

Do you think there is something with or around you, like a spirit, angel, ghost or something else? How does this make you feel?  No, never.

Imagine you’re a stranger looking at yourself. What things would immediately catch your eye?  Probably the way I’m scowling at stranger-me staring at me-me.

When did you feel the most confident in your life? Not sure when I’ve felt the most confident, but I typically feel so whenever I get something I’ve been desiring and working hard for, like getting a job offer or being accepted to my dream college or passing a really difficult exam.

Do you think love is needed to have good sex? For some people, no. For me, loving one another is an absolute must. < Yes, hits the nail on the head for me.

Do you think, or want to, die in the city you currently live in? I don’t think it would matter where I die, as long as it’s not from a terrible freak accident.

What is the strangest thing you have ever encountered?  That time I went to Singapore and a sex toy shop was casually blatantly standing in the middle of Orchard Road for families to stroll pass. It’s not objectively strange, of course, but it was definitely a big culture shock. Putting up sex shops in the Philippines is basically a game of who can find the best spot to hide them in.

Favourite soft drink? I never drink soda, so I don’t have a favorite.

What do you like to put gravy on? Fried chicken or steak.

Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking?  Yes, in Palawan.

What is one thing you know about your family history you’re proud of?  I come from a line of datus from both precolonial and colonial Philippines. The most exciting part about it is that it technically makes me a princess, or at least our local version of princesses haha. I’m also distantly related to one of the three women who sewed the first Philippine flag.

Who depends on you the most? Kimi and Cooper, surely.

Are you related to anyone famous or historical, if so who?  See two questions above. Coming from my datu ancestors, my relatives also continue to serve in the local government of our family’s province until today. Not that I’m particularly proud of them or show this off whenever I want because they are all very vocal Duterte supporters and regularly engage with him and his family, so *barf*

Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who?  If it ever comes down to it, I’d offer one of mine to my dad, Angela, and either of her parents.

What is the main quality you think makes a great parent? They recognize when they’re wrong and know to acknowledge it and apologize.

What three things do you think of most of each day? Tasks I have to do for work for the day, tasks I have to do for the rest of the week, and financial concerns.

Does/did your high school have pop machines?  No, of course not. Are there schools that are ok with selling soda? :/

Do you know anyone who’s won the lottery?  Not that I know of, but then again these things are shared in secret so there’s always that chance of possibly knowing someone who won the lotto at some point.

Have you ever slept in a water bed? Never slept but I’ve played on one.

How often do you use Flickr?  I haven’t visited that site since I was like 11. Not even sure it still exists.

Who is the last child that you took a photo with?  I think my cousin Toffe, but it was most likely a family photo that the two of us happened to be in. I don’t have a lot of photos with my younger cousins and kids in general.

How often do you wear hats? Never. I always think about getting a bucket hat of my own but I just never go through with it.

Would you ever get a nature tattoo? I never even entertained the thought before. But considering Hayley’s albums and songs have like a million references to flowers, it sounds like a good idea now :)

Is anyone in your family sick at the moment?  My paternal great-grandma was recently confined in a hospital but she’s been discharged. I have a grand-aunt who suffered a mild stroke a couple of weeks ago and is currently recovering.

Where do your siblings work, if anywhere? They are both still studying. If I had to guess, my sister would probably end up in the film, media, or advertising industry, if not a freelance artist.

Where is your favorite place to buy groceries?  If I had the money for it I’d get my groceries at Marketplace, but I’m content with getting ours from SM or Robinsons for now.

Who do you generally talk to the most? Probably my immediate family and my team at work.

Is anyone saved in your phone under a nickname?  Not anymore. I use nicknames on my friends more frequently on Facebook Messenger.

Whose birthday is coming up?  One of my cousins’ birthday is on March 31.

Have you ever ordered from an informercial? No, never.

When, where, and why did a needle last pierce your skin?  Around a month ago when I was embroidering. I usually accidentally prick myself from time to time.

Have you been to an escape room? Was it a success?  Nah, not really my idea of fun. I’m a little weak at problem/riddle-solving :(

How many followers do you have on Instagram? I literally never use my Instagram except to lurk and look for influencers to potentially tap for work. The account was initially my one-photo-a-day-in-2020 dump, but I stopped in April last year and now we’re in 2021 it doesn’t even serve a purpose anymore lmao. But for some reason Bea asked for my account and still followed me (and is the only person following me), which I’m sure she already regrets.

What’s the most recent music video you watched? Thoughts?  Continued the next day. Jessi’s What Type of X. Killed it as always.

Have you ever recorded a cover of a song? Never.

What makeup products are your go-tos?  None.

Are you going to school this year?  No, not anymore. I did that for the very last time in 2020, and I don’t see the point in going back for an MA because I feel like I’m already covered.

What is your favorite water activity? I’ve only ever tried kayaking, but that was a very pleasant memory.

What are your favorite video games? I’m not a super passionate video game fan who’s always up-to-date, but I do have a soft spot for games I bonded on with my family when I was a kid, like Grand Theft Auto (very inappropriate for a kid to be playing, I know lol), Silent Hill, Resident Evil, Mario Kart, and Smash Bros.

Do you like jello? I never got over the texture, so no.

When was the last time you gave someone "the finger?" Not sure when exactly but it happened recently, maybe a week or two ago. I suddenly thought about my ex and flung both fingers around just for myself lol.

Have you ever held a snake?  Yes, I got the chance to hold and take a photo with one on my trip to Bali. I was the only willing one in the family.

Most unique place you’ve ever been to?  Baker’s Hill in Palawan is what I would imagine seeing if I ever took drugs and had a trip of some sort. Most random place ever.

If you were a superhero, what color would your cape be?  Continued from...I don’t even know anymore. Just know it’s been nearly a week since I first started this, lmao. Idk maybe gold.

Have you ever slept out on your porch all night?  We don’t have a porch. We do have a rooftop and I’ve fallen asleep there a couple of times. I only do so when the climate is cold, though.

Do you like horror movies?  Sure, but I haven’t watched any in years. Just have never been in the mood for it for a long while now.

What’s your favorite Coke product?  Blech, I hate soda.

Watergun or water-balloon war?  Water gun. I’ve never been hit by a water balloon but I imagine it hurts?? so I wouldn’t want to experience it if I never had to.

Do you know anyone that’s afraid of elevators?  I know my sister and grandma are claustrophobic but they’re not ~deathly~ afraid of elevators.

Is there anything in your room that belongs to a boyfriend, or a friend of the opposite sex?  I don’t think any of my guy friends have lent me stuff that I got to take home, so no.

Who’s your favorite Beatle?  I was never a fan. I remember pretending to be, back when liking The Beatles made you look all cool and hippy and trendy... but I honest to god just couldn’t get into their music.

Have you ever texted an ex whilst drunk? How’d that go?  Yeah just once, super super way back when I was still thought remaining friends with her was the way to go. It was fine, I didn’t message anything horrific and we were both chill about it the next morning.

Do you have to stand on your tip-toes to kiss your boyfriend?  I don’t have a partner anymore but yeah, I used to. I think? Maybe? I barely remember anymore. I definitely did have to tilt my head up quite a bit, though.

Have you ever been tackle-hugged? I can’t remember if I’ve received one. I’m usually the one who gives them.

Have you ever rejected someone’s kiss before?  I don’t think I’ve been in this situation before.

Is your mood or the overall tone of your day often affected by the dreams you had the night before?  Just for like the first half hour of waking up, especially if it was a nightmare or a triggering dream. The more I wake up the more the dream fades away, and the sillier it feels that I was affected by it.

Do you think that there are any positive aspects or outcomes of suffering from a mental illness? If you have a mental illness, do you think it has changed you for the better in any way?  No. Sugarcoating mental illness doesn’t sit well with me at all. I know I’ve learned to be gentle and understanding towards other people because of the emotional abuse I’ve received in my own relationships, and I absolutely hate that it’s because of mental illness. I shouldn’t have had to learn to be kind because I was treated shittily first.

What is your opinion on celebrity culture and celebrity worship? Have you ever been guilty of putting a celebrity on a pedestal? Do you think it’s somehow more acceptable/understandable to obsess over certain types of celebrities (musicians over YouTubers, say) than others? At what point do you think an obsession like that crosses the line?  I sometimes think it’s silly when fandoms fight and defend their favorites as if they know them personally, but I’m heavily into my fair share of celebrities and I honestly don’t see anything wrong with it. As long as you’re not hurting anyone or doing anything stupid like stalking your favorites, you do you.

If you were to pursue a career in photography and had the opportunity and means to photograph whatever you wanted, what would most like to photograph?  People.

Is there a certain type of clothing (outerwear, activewear, loungewear, etc.) that you enjoy shopping for more than others?  Cute tops.

Are you ever afraid to post your ideas, artwork, photography, etc. online for fear that they will get stolen or not credited?  No, because I am not even creative in the first place and can’t make any form of art to save my life.

When is the last time you did something sexual? Last night.

Who is the last person you showered with, if anyone?  My ex but that would’ve been ages ago. It was super rare that we absolutely had to shower together.

What do you think when you see roadkill on the side of the road?  Sad and kinda disgusted if the guts are out, but also relieved that they don’t have to suffer in pain anymore.

Have you ever had an ex that just didn’t understand that it was over?  Yeah, me. Luckily I came to my senses a few months ago and have felt better and been better ever since.

Are your fingernails currently short or long?  They’re unequal lengths because I’ve been either biting or picking at them over the last few weeks, but for the most part they are long enough to need to be clipped.

Would you rather have big or small dogs?  Big.

What is your favorite sports drink? I don’t drink any of them, so none.

What was the last compliment you gave a guy?  I told my dad the dinner he made tasted excellent.

Does your jaw ever crack, pop, or lock?  I don’t think my jaw has ever made a sound before, hahaha.

Have you ever thought of how you would give your kids “the talk”?  No, but I think it’s also relevant to note that I live in a very conservative country where sexual intercourse is never discussed, especially within families; and that it’s virtually unheard of to hear of people until my generation to have been given the talk. I had to find out all by myself, and I remember being very confused when we were being taught the reproductive system in fifth grade because they only taught about the organs and their functions, and never anything deeper than that.

Luckily the last conservative generation was Gen X, and younger generations have been a lot more open-minded. And if I had to guess, I’m fairly certain Millennial parents would be more willing to give their kids the talk.

Do you ever feel like you’re missing out on something?  I mean, my 20s, thanks to Covid.

Do you ever write/draw on windows that are fogged up?  Yes.

If you were married, and your spouse’s parents became ill, would you let them move into your home? Of course.

Have you screamed in a pillow before?  Probably.

What do you like more, acoustic or electric?  Electric.

Did you actually have a cookie jar?  No.

What’s worse, having someone mad or disappointed in you? Disappointment is more gut-wrenching. I feel more hopeless and helpless when someone feels that way about me.

What do you bite on more, your tongue, lip, or nails?  Definitely my nails. Lip-biting isn’t a habit of mine and I only ever bite my tongue accidentally.

Do you think that knowing when and how you’re going to die would ruin your life?  No. I would find that comforting, actually.

Do you have a favorite bromance? From TV or a movie.  J-Man and Channy’s from Friends.

Do you find flea markets and thrift stores enjoyable?  Sure.

What color is your wallet?  Pink, but I def have to buy a new one soon as I’m still using the one my ex gave me...

Have you ever been somebody's photography subject? No, and I would hate to be. I don’t like being in front of the camera.

Nicki Minaj fan?  I like a lot of songs by her but I’m by no means a fan.

Have you ever seen the Niagara Falls?  Nope but I would love to.

[thecardssayfuckoff]

Meet My Apprentices.

It’s the time, finally, and theirs. Let me just say to things, quickly:

First one, these aren’t finished, but I know that I won’t end them in the near future for school and so, and I’m impatient and want to talk about them already, so I’m throwing them here. They look… decent. Not good, just, decent. (Side note: If some colours look a bit weird, like their eyes, it’s because my pc got kind of fucked up so it doesn’t show the colours exactly as they should look).

Second, this is going to be lengthy. I’m gonna talk about them in their lore (?), and then about them individually. I also don’t know if there’s like, a format for when you publish your apprentices, so I’m going by heart. Fight me or teach me.

I really hope the damn “read more” works. Gonna post the drawing here to get some attention, and then the read more. Please work.

Now, the girl to the left is Crystel, and the girl to the right is Vitali. Let me give you some context: My best friend and I can’t work separated apparently, so after getting her to play the game, we (I) totally started to work in the story. Crystel is technically her apprentice, and Vitali is mine, but they share the story. What I mean is that one takes the place of the MC and the other would be kind of a side character, but not really. Just listen:

Crystel is the apprentice. She’s the one that dies and then revives, and gets involved in all the stuff. Vitali is her sister, who also gets involved in everything. I’m planning on writing a formal fic about this, but I’m lazy, so I’m just gonna be throwing things and facts and surely a lot of spoilers for said still-not-written fic.

The thing is, they’ll follow kind of Julian’s route, until they separate to Muriel’s (for Crystel) and Lucio’s (for Vitali). Crystel will end up with Muriel, that’s for sure, but to be honest I’m not entirely sure about Vitali. Neither of us is.

I screech Julian, she screeches Lucio, and I agree to this, but then she likes Julian more, and then Valdemar comes into play (we don’t give a fuck they’re aro/ace, it’s our story and we want them to shag), and so on and so forth.

Back to what I was saying… I tried to do kind of a, summary I guess, but I’m really bad at it so I didn’t feel like it was good enough to add. We’ll have to let things there for their story. I’ll proceed now to talk about them individually now. We starting with Crystel.

♡

Full name: Crystel Rhodes.

Nickname: Crys.

Gender and pronouns: Cisgender female, she/her.

Height: 1.72cm.

Body complexion: Normal really, but rather strong.

Familiar: Not designed yet.

Love Interest: Muriel.

Talent/type of magic: The same as the canon apprentice of course, although she has a thing for fire magic.

Arcana: Not sure, probably The Magician. We know nothing about this.

Personality: She’s a ray of sunshine. Easygoing, kind, has a good heart and a strong sense of ethic, justice, and morals. Extremely protective and caring. However, she’s kind of quick to lose her temper, mostly with people she dislikes. Very in contact with her emotions and feelings. Intelligent, although sometimes distracted.

Description (which I’m adding since I surely couldn’t capture it in the drawings because I’m bad at drawing): Has shoulder-lenght purple/reddish hair, bright blue eyes with long, curly lashes. Almost always wears a smile. Has little pigmentation on her lips, but her cheeks are naturally flushed, giving a more appealing look.

What would other characters describe her as: A beauty. Not only physically, but mentally.

Clothing: Not designed yet, probably something similar to Asra.

A curiosity: Her hair gets fuzzy when she’s angry.

Now let’s talk about her story, in a more freeform manner:

Crystel, as the apprentice, has experienced all the things the original apprentice has. She knew Julian and Asra, Julian failed to save her, she died, revived without memories, and all that jazz. When it comes to her backstory, however, things get better.

She’s older than Vitali for a couple years, but the other one is who took care of both of them since their parents had fallen ill because of poverty, which meant feeding badly and having poor living conditions; and latter on, they died because of this. It was hard for Crystel, who wouldn’t ever be really able to get over their death. She had no more option than to obey Vitali’s orders, who managed to find a place to live and a work for both. This all happened when she was around eight or ten.

They grew near the docks, and after some years, for reasons I’ll talk about in Vitali’s description, she separated from her, but maintained contact. She moved to a new place, and throughout more years, established a friendship with Julian. Her fascination for magic, though, lead her to also met Asra, and because of Vitali’s work, she met Nadia and Lucio. She became friends with all of them, excepting Lucio, holding a deep disdain for him.

Then she died, end of story.

♤

Full name: Vitali Worth.

Nickname: Vits.

Gender and pronouns: Genderfluid, and doesn’t give a fuck what you use to address her (although I mostly write about her using she/her).

Height: 1.80cm.

Body complexion: Thin, but has a slightly worked abdomen.

Familiar: Astaroth, a black fox.

Love Interest: Not sure, but has had encounters with Julian and Valdemar.

Talent/type of magic: Blood magic.

Arcana: Not sure, maybe Death.

Personality: Cold, methodical, stoic, and a tad of melancholic. She always chooses head over heart. Doesn’t really have morals, or ethic, but she’ll peruse truth to the end of the world. Easy to annoy her, but really hard, almost impossible, to get an expression out of her face. Mostly quiet and lost in thoughts. Extremely intelligent, observant, and sly. A bit malicious, too.

Description: Short, curly and puffy blonde hair, with pink ends. Deep green eyes, and death-pale skin. She uses makeup to make her lower lashes stand out more. Has a lot of pigmentation in her lips, making them catch one’s attention. Also, freckles!

What would other characters describe her as: An ice cube.

Clothing: Not designed yet, but mostly formal, yet not fancy.

A curiosity: If you learn to read her eyes, she’s kind of an open book.

Story time (warning for some strong things, kind of):

Her story begins the same as Crystel, but from her point of view, there was nothing to be sad for when her parents became ill and the died. The fuckers weren’t even good parents, not even before becoming so poor. On the contrary, they were abusive. Her father would beat them often and on one memorable ocassion, he almost raped Vitali; her mother, on the other hand, would punish them in horrible ways, like starving Vitaly for days or locking Crystel in the small trap door under their hose all night long, knowing that she was scared of darkness. So when they died, Vitali was happy. Crystel could’ve forgiven and forgotten, but she wouldn’t.

Hate would only lead her to nothing though, so she pushed herself to find a way of surviving.

At around fourteen, owning already a little house for her and Crystel, Vitaly began to learn about and practice magic. Forbbiden magic. The Red Magic, to be more specific. Magic fueled by blood. Vitali loved it. She didn’t care how much blood had to be spilled, either hers or some else’s.

But Crystel didn’t like this, and after a heated argument, she parted. Vitali didn’t stop her. She wouldn’t force her to like her things, but also wouldn’t change for her, so she waved goodbye and from time to time, they’d write letters to each other.

Sometime after that, having mastered the Red Magic, Vitali’s endless curiosity was pinched by science. The Red Plague was becoming more and more dangerous, and she wanted to know everything about it. So she became kind of an apprentice, learning from Street doctors until she moved on to doctors with license. At some point she was known by most doctors on Vesuvia, and after a little while,the Palace asked for her.

Working in the dungeons, she met Julian. They became fast friends, and she was a bit surprised when she found out he’d been freinds with Crystel for quite a while back.

And in there, she also met Valdemar. They established a solid and strong work relationship, since Valdemar took her under their wing, fascinated by her attitudes and fast learning brain. This evolved to a strange friendship, and then culminated in a stranger romantic relationship. However, this turned out to be a bad thing. Not beacuse they didn’t work as a couple, but because Vitale became an even worse workaholic. Trapped between her work, her thirst for knowledge, and her lover, Vitali was oblivious to Crystel’s illness.

And the Crystel died.

At the exact momento she did, at her house after a long night of work, Vitali suddenly fell asleep, and didn’t wake up until a couple of months later, barely remembering who she was. She did remeber clearly two things, though: One, her parents; and two, her Red Magic.

But deep down, below the headaches and fevers, her mind, or perhaps her heart, tried desperately to reach a forgotten memory, until it finally pushed hard enough: her sister.

♤

And there you have it. I hope I didn’t let any important info out, but I surely did lol. Not the end of the world though as I’ll be posting more about these two soon. Feel free to drop and ask about them if you’d like to know more. Also, reblogging would help a lot. I want them to be popular and cool, unlike me, lmao.

And be prepared for even more terrible art.

[comicteaparty]

November 13th-November 19th, 2019 Reader Favorites Archive

The archive for the Reader Favorites chat that occurred from November 13th, 2019 to November 19th, 2019.  The chat focused on the following question: 

When reading a new webcomic for the first time, what qualities are more likely to turn you into a long-term fan?

carcarchu

Definitely creativeness and how unique the overall concept is. If i think i can pretty much guess how the story is going to play out I'm less inclined to stick around and tune in every week (though i might queue up a bunch of chapters and binge it if i still like it enough). If a story keeps me on my toes and there's cliffhangers every chapter it makes me want to come back every week to find out what's going to happen next and that consistency makes me want to stay until the very end. Also i tend to read mostly romances so if i really like the ship that the comic is pushing i'm much more likely to keep reading it

Cronaj

For me, it's character development. While the art style or plot concept might draw me to read a comic initially, it is the characters that make me stay. If I feel like the characters have realistic enough motives or emotional journeys, I start to see them as real people. I cry with them, laugh with them, and mourn with them.

Batichi

I need to get a good idea of the 'hook' in the first 20 or so pages. I really need to know if the comic itself knows what it wants to do before it's really started. It can be through set up or character intros or world building like Chirault http://chirault.sevensmith.net/, or even a good random encounter like in Ghost Junk http://ghostjunksickness.com/ to get me into the action really fast, or starting In Media Res like O Sarilho http://sarilho.net/en/ . I need to know the creator knows where the story is going in some capacity or I'm worried the comic will quickly stagger into a hiatus. Technical parts can still be a bit wonky as I know from experience most creators need some practice, but I still need an idea they're getting to (without having to read the about page)

Most comics I've read that kept me going always seem to have really well thought out starting points that continue all the way till the end.

keii4ii

I look at how the narrative treats lawful characters. I usually have a hard time relating to chaotics, regardless of how well they're written (I may come to care about a chaotic character, but I'm gonna need something else to keep me reading until that happens). If the narrative portrays lawfuls as interesting and worthy of attention, and gives them compelling arcs that let them shine, yeah, that's probably my jam! Related to above though not the same: I love it when slow, quiet moments are given importance and handled well. (Related since quiet and lawful overlap?) Not just downtime so people can catch their emotional breath before the next set of busy scenes... but important enough to be seen as the focus of their own, if not of the story! This should show quite clearly in my own comic if I'm doing my job right...

keii4ii

Sombulus (http://sombulus.com/) by @Delphina is a notable example of treating lawful characters with respect, even though the comic as a whole has this wacky chaotic fun vibe. When I was first making my way through the archive, I greatly enjoyed the first adventure with townspeople turning into literal walking fruits, bread, etc. But then the trio went to talk to Tenge, and I was relieved that the narrative didn't "side with" the chaotic, irresponsible (though still 100% lovable -- I love you too, Astyr!!) main character. The comic managed to portray Tenge as being uptight without feeling unfair to me, a lawful. That is SO rare to see! (Sombulus as a whole does a great job at treating characters from the entire lawful-chaotic spectrum with both fairness and fondness. It is one of my favorite things about the comic. )

Delphina

(I saw I got pinged so I scrolled up to see what the question was, but I went too far and I thought you were saying Tenge was your favorite magical boy and I was dyiinnnggg @keii4ii )

keii4ii

(Tenge is totally my favorite magical boy too, now that you put it that way )

Delphina

Thank you! And thanks for the compliment on the lawful/chaotic dichotomy. Balancing how those kinds of personalities work together and how they're both strong in their own ways is really fun for me, and I'm glad it's showing in Sombulus!

DanitheCarutor

What can keep me reading depends on the comic. The hook can either be character interaction, the character's themselves, the setting, or the plot. With characters, how the they handle themselves and one another, how they think, how they talk, how they walk, how they DaNCe, how TheY LOVE! Lmao! But nah, I'm really big into character details, which individualizing characters to the extent that I like is rare in comics so I settle for standard stuff. As long as I can distinguish them, and they're interesting, I'm chill. Setting? A super fun thing for me, I love it when creators go batshit with their setting lore and world building. Of course even when the setting just pure aesthetic, when it comes to it being the hook for me as long as it's weird and crazy, something a little fantastical or cosmic I'm digging it! Plot. This is the one I least care about... as weird as that sounds. The story can be an insane mess as long as it's a fun and enjoyable mess, but when story does hook me it is usually an interesting, super intriguing take on a preused concept either with the use of visuals or writing. (Which every concept has been used, originality is technically dead) Some examples are: The Prometheite https://tapas.io/series/Prometheite - A sad Frankenstein story about a woman losing her partner to a fatal illness. Hookteeth https://tapas.io/series/Hookteeth - A lovecraftian/cosmic horror romance with merfolk. (Not much to say about this one, Lovecraftian stories in themselves are weird and awesome imo.) SUPERPOSE https://tapas.io/series/SUPERPOSE - A sci-fi comic heavy on character interaction, and looks to be something other than the usual in space, on a different planet, or a story where the sci-fi is just a setting. (To be honestly, I'm mostly into how the story is presented visually. It feels very theatrical.)

Sometimes I stick with a comic purely for the aesthetics, I'm a sucker for eye candy. LIke Seluda https://tapas.io/series/seluda - A normal-ass high school story, but the visual presentation is SOmething else! Very 60's-70's drug trip, the style of speech used by the MC is very surreal, if not a little long winded at times. I would chalk my interest in this comic up to characters and art, but mostly art.

keii4ii

Related: Astyr supplying the non-sequitur lines to keep that one machine going was also a favorite moment of mine. This is probably just me but I found it genuinely heartwarming to see him able to contribute simply by being his chaotic self, even without his magic. @Delphina

FeatherNotes

Honestly character design and a memorable interaction are easy hooks for me. I do like a good investment in world building however, it really helps for easy immersion and definitely makes it more enjoyable to read! The moment I see a creator indulge in some good backgrounds and lore, I'm pretty much sold! Phantomarine and o sarilho are really good examples of all those things http://www.phantomarine.com/ https://sarilho.net/en/

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I read a really wide variety of comics. I’m not sure I can pinpoint exactly what trait it is that hooks me, besides just ‘good writing’. I like comics that have believable, relatable characters, well thought-out plots, and good character development. I’m immediately turned away by heavy reliance on tropes, stale, cookie-cutter characters, or achingly slow progression. If it’s well written and well-paced, there’s a good chance I’ll stick around and keep reading. Also, a bit opposite of what Keiii was saying above- I love a good rogue. The better the chaotic character, the more likely I am to be drawn in. I love stories that explore the moral grey area, that have villains with good redemption arcs, and have heroes that are deeply flawed but grow and learn. If the hero is always 100% on the good side and the villain is always 100% on the bad side, I’m more likely to lose interest.(edited)

FeatherNotes

Ohh yes agreed on that

keii4ii

@Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios) I believe we may be looking at two sides of the same coin! I wouldn't be interested in reading about the Honorable and Immaculate Lawful Heroes Against The Forever Evil Baddies, either. Greyness -- or to describe it differently, "stories not picking a side" -- is something I like seeing as well, just through a more lawful lens. Back to the Sombulus example, it's one thing to portray a noble lawful hero. But Tenge was portrayed as being uptight, without making it feel like a jab at lawful readers. He has room for growth, but so does everyone else in the story. Reading Sombulus I feel like he can learn to become a happier person without becoming someone else. Lawful doesn't mean perfect nor boring, and that's something I really appreciate seeing.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

That’s very true! I like when lawful characters aren’t perfect, though I gravitate more towards chaos, lol.

keii4ii

(Tienar may not be my tippy top favorite Ashes character (not yet sure who my fave is!) but I am definitely partial to him and his lawfulness. )

Pakky

i love chaotic lawful characters. one of my favorite characters was from a long dead webcomic called destress where the main character was lawful but also psycho. it was pretty fun to watch

sssfrs

I dont read a lot of comics but I love loveable rogue characters

FeatherNotes

Love me those chaotic stupid types too My comic's main char is one of them and it definitely makes for interesting interactions!

sssfrs

I like the dynamic my characters have. The leader of the group is smart and responsible, the second in command is smart and kind of lazy, and everyone else is completely chaotic, evil, or stupid

So the leader is herding cats

Glowbat (Aloe)

I think what really grabs my attention and chains it to the radiator usually is when there's a noticeable overarching thesis or themes to the comic that the creator is mulling over via the story. Usually as a result it really tightens up the whole story and seeing characters of all kinds representing different stances on the thesis and acting in ways directly reflecting that is neat.

keii4ii

^ Cohesiveness!!!!

Glowbat (Aloe)

Yeah!

Cronaj

I think it's interesting how most of us are drawn in with character development, even if the specific types of characters we enjoy are different.

keii4ii

^ Yeah, I fully admit that just because a character is well written/believable, doesn't guarantee I'll be invested in that character. I definitely have my types, as well as a horribly narrow and specific taste range

Glowbat (Aloe)

also the other thing that really draws me in is if you put a hot character with pointy shark teeth in I will read the entire comic always

Cronaj

I think my taste range is pretty broad with the characters I like, narrow af in regards to art styles

It's a horrible affliction really

@Glowbat (Aloe) lol, do you read Castle Swimmer?

Glowbat (Aloe)

...maybe

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

I think what hooks me, when I start reading new webcomics, is how diverse and interesting the cast is and I think I'm more likely to stay on a superficial level if not everyone is conventionally attrative. Other than that, strong character writing and strong motivations for the characters that are already there in the beginning.

Cronaj

Character development!

Deo101

Things that keep me around are like... If I can read it, honestly. Like if i can follow whats happening consistently then i can get into it. Also! Depending on how it treats women, lgbt people and disabled people really makes or breaks my overall enjoyment. I like character driven stories most but I can enjoy other things and get into them, its nit very consistent for me

All about clarity and respect

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Oh, yeah, the author respecting their characters and / or groups of people is a big must for me.

So I agree with Deo 100% on that

Deo101

Oh, and also how much they respect their readers and trust that i can follow things without holding my hand through it!

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

^^^that too! I am not a fan of over-explaining(edited)

Cronaj

I will say, the way female characters are portrayed does affect my overall enjoyment as well. For example, if a woman is so boring and placeholder (i.e. just there to help a man or be a romantic interest), as I like to call, suffering from "girl" syndrome, I really hate it. This is why I can't watch a lot of anime, because often the female characters don't matter.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Also, @keii4ii I think you may be the first person ever to say you like Tienar!

keii4ii

omg noooo Tienar I WILL ROOT FOR YOU, MY EAGLE

It's not that I agree with him a lot. I just really appreciate that he's there

Cronaj

But yeah, if a comic can't pass the simple Bechdel Test....

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Hahaha, well, he’s definitely There

keii4ii

Re: the balance of clarity vs not over-explaining, that can be tricky!!

I too don't like over-explaining, but what I find to be just clear enough may be unclear to some, or too confusing,

Deo101

Yep :// so that one is really not on the author so much as just "if I dont know what's up or if I feel its dragging on i wont like it"

Jts not the kind of thing that you can do right for everyone

keii4ii

Agreed

Deo101

What my indicators for "is this respectful?" "Is this clear?" Etc are gonna be wayyyy different from other people's so its hard to say exactly what keep me reading

keii4ii

This is actually something I've been thinking about a lot. For Korean webcomics, the comment section generates a lot of engagement, and one result is that reading comprehension becomes a group activity. Particularly observant comments become highest voted, so even less observant readers can follow along by reading the comic and the highest voted comments. I feel that makes some stories more accessible than they would've been without that comment section culture.

Deo101

I wish that were commonplace lol

keii4ii

ME TOO

Their comment section is active enough that one time, a reader asked for toilet paper (they were stuck in a public restroom stall at Incheon airport, and only had like 20 minutes before their flight) and they actually got TP in time

But yeah, it's not just the activity level that I'm envious of. It's the group effort reading comprehension

I value it as a reader (I am not the most observant), and want it as a creator

Deo101

Yeah wow that sounds awesome and would also help me SO MUCH because I struggle a lot with following things...

keii4ii

OMFG

Before reading the sentence to the end

Deo101

Remembering, knowing what's going on or who is talking, picking up on subtle hints... Can't do that lol

keii4ii

I thought you were going to say "because I struggle a lot with public restrooms with no TP" sorrryyyyy

Cronaj

Hahahaha

Same

Deo101

Hahahahhaha

I usually just ask whoever is next to me if that happens

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I wish western audiences were that engaged. Usually the top voted comments I see are either puns (fair, because puns are awesome) or thirsty (less nice, but if it’s a thirsty pun I admit to laughing out loud sometimes)(edited)

Deo101

Yeah same lee :/

I've been getting like .1% of my readers commenting and ive been like. Is my writing just not conducive to an interactive environment? This convo should probably move out of reader favorites. Creator babble it is! Lemme go over there w it

keii4ii

There was this thriller webcomic in which the MC was trying to assassinate 4 corrupt politicians for personal grudges. He already got three of them. The last one receives a large, round-shaped flower pot as a gift from his supporters. 3-4 weeks later (IRL I mean), it is revealed that the third target/victim was cut up into pieces, but they couldn't find his head. One reader pointed out "THE FLOWER POT!!!!!!" and I would not have been able to make that connection without that comment. I mean the flower pot thing was revealed the next update anyway, but it was nice to have that comment, and another highest voted comment even specificed "go to [this specific update] for the scene in which he receives the pot"

(The head was in the pot)

Deo101

Thats so fun

Cronaj

Oh my God... It's brilliant

DanitheCarutor

@Pakky221 Distress by Blankd, right? I loved reading that comic back in the day! It's sad that the comic got discontinued, but I have to say I'm enjoying the WIP work for the stuff the creator is working on now. Regarding the conversation about characters, I think I'm the niche person in the crowd. Unless the character themselves or the situation they're in is an obvious mouthpiece thing for someone venting their racism, sexism, homophobia, whatever political views, etc. I don't reeeeally care how characters are treated or used? I've always seen them as tools, even in childhood I was disillusioned about seeing them as real people, so it's hard for me to get emotionally invested in how the author treats them. I don't even care about my own characters outside of portraying their problems, personalities, and situations decently. Probably not a good mindset to have, and it'll probably dox me some points on the "good creator" scale, but it's just my thing I guess. Lol

Bland characters are a pain, though! If you can legit replace your character with a rock, and it would have the same impact or be a livelier option, then... that's kinda sad. (Unless your character has some kind of legit issues relating to appearing bland, or they're sort of the butt of a joke.)

Pakky

@DanitheCarutor o: i don't have any way to follow the creator. the blankd tumblr has been inactive for so long but i agree. Bland characters are my least favorite. There's a lot of comics out there that have some pretty plain main characters that are realllllly hard to relate to.

DanitheCarutor

Aah! Blankd's Twitter is still active, they're working on a game right now, and they've done a few -ahem- adult comics since stopping Distress. https://twitter.com/blankd_ec

Yeah, with bland characters I'd like to think the author is trying to make that type of Sue that anyone can put themselves in? But it ends up turning into the opposite because they're so dead on arrival that no one can relate.(edited)

snuffysam

kind of related to the idea of "i should have an idea of where the story is going at the start", but one other thing that keeps me reading is "the story gets there". like if the comic opens with an old man telling a young knight that she has to travel across the land and slay a dragon, cool! if i continue reading the comic for six months and they're still in the same conversation, i'm probably dropping it! like i get that comics update at different rates, but if you have like one page every two weeks you should probably make sure something interesting happens in the first 20 pages. and the sorts of comics i absolutely love are when, like, the stories actually move forward. like, if i can re-read a comic and feel nostalgia for the earlier scenes, that's how i really turn into a superfan.

Capitania do Azar

The group effort in this chat already pointed some very important points: that not all characters are conventionally attractive (tho I like that, it's not something that would make me stop reading if it were absent), well developed women and LGBT+ characters, and characters with strong motivations that are apparent, make sense in the context of the story and are known to us from the begining. That said, if the comic consistently treats me, as a reader, as if I were not very smart (by constantly overexplaining things, pointing again and again at the obvious, making me go through walls of text because world is more important than character and you need to read a bible to get through chapter 1), I'll probably not engage for too long. I gotta say that the visual style is also a very important factor. I am willing to look through what I consider to be minor issues (like small inconsistencies in drawing/scenario or characters being offmodel) for as long as it doesn't interfere with my immersion in the story. However, some visual styles are a big no-no for me, and I discover that I can't look past those and enjoy a story

Q @CecilieQMT making WAYFINDERS

This chat is very good - also for a first-time webcomic creator. As a reader, I'm almost a little ashamed to say that I'm very picky. Not because I don't like comics, because I LOVE COMICS, but becase I'm so goddamn busy all the time. Everything is constantly competing for attention, and for a comic to be able to hold that attention, it needs to be something extra special. For me, that's an engaging and developed visual style, a plot that gets going quickly, and a sense that the story has been planned. I love that so many different comics exist, I just can't read all of them and also be a creator.

RebelVampire

As a reader, I'm almost a little ashamed to say that I'm very picky. Not because I don't like comics, because I LOVE COMICS, but because I'm so goddamn busy all the time.

I think that's an important sentiment all creators should remember. People are busy. And like, not even just comic creators. I'm talking about basically everyone. Which means good and bad things. Bad thing is that it makes creating a highly competitive market because people are going to be super picky just for lack of time to be un-picky. But the good thing is it means the people who do choose to read your comic are picking it out of all the other comics that they could read with their limited time. And that right there is pretty special.

Cronaj

@RebelVampire That really is a beautiful sentiment.

@Q @CecilieQMT making WAYFINDERS I am also very picky about comics, which is part of the reason I'm so picky about my own work. This is why if an artist doesn't seem professional enough for me, I don't want to waste my time reading the comic, because maybe the writing is unprofessional too. I know I'm missing out on a lot of good content, but as you said, I don't have the time to read a comic and be disappointed when I'm further into it.

keii4ii

I too am picky about stuff, and it's not even because of quality. My tastes are a far bigger factor. Just because I don't read something doesn't mean I think it's bad!!

Cronaj

That is also true

Tastes also play a huge role into why I read or don't read something, not just the "quality" of the art

kayotics

I don’t think I’ve answered the question yet but I’ve been lurking. The first thing to grab me that might turn me into a long term fan is the art style. I don’t think the art is the most important factor but I need to be able to follow along, and if it’s not a style I’m interested in I probably won’t start it. The second thing is the writing in general. I like characters the most, more than world building. So interesting interactions are where I get the most enjoyment. The story could go almost anywhere but if I don’t like the main character I really won’t like the story. So the thing that will keep me going the most is a likeable main cast. And I don’t mean flawless, because that gets boring, but characters that I enjoy seeing fail, and then pick themselves back up again.

DanitheCarutor

So I slept in it and realized when I was talking about plot for my answer, it was actually themes... because I didn't talk about anything relating to plot. Lol shows how professional I am. With pickiness, is it weird that I'm more picky now that I'm jobless than when I was working fulltime? When I was pulling 10-11 hour work days I was literally a drifter, so they never had anything for me to do. I would find anything I could get my hands on to make the time go by faster, so I read as many webcomics as I could. Now I have all day to catch up drawing pages, trying to find a new job, helping my mom with chores, and doing obligatory family bs. I also want to try making some kind of revenue off my drawings/comic, so I've been trying to get in the groove of doing more things. (Which is difficult because pages take almost all my drawing time.) It's hard to find the time to sit down and read a comic now since staying productive is mandatory. Uuuh Tl;dr: I can empathize with being picky due to lack of time.

Q @CecilieQMT making WAYFINDERS

THat's the creator struggle, right? In creating, so much time is spent creating, that it can be hard to find time to consume

Q @CecilieQMT making WAYFINDERS

Ooh, yay!

Deo101

I think also as creators, we tend to have a hard time -if not an impossible one- seperating our work from what we read. I Know I tend to look at other things as a learning experience in some way, either thinking "how would i do this different?" Or "what about this can i apply to my work?" Which makes reading a different, more tiring experience

We may tend to* this might just be me i will admit

DanitheCarutor

@Q @CecilieQMT making WAYFINDERS It is! Sometimes I get so focused on the creating aspect that I forget to do all the other important things like advertising, socializing, promoting other people. Like playing video games, reading comics is an absolute luxury time waster so I don't do it as often as I could anymore.

Aw man! I do that too, Deo! Although it's something I actually enjoy? Something about analyzing a piece of media, and applying what you would do with it is fun.

Deo101

Oh I absolutely do enjoy it! But it takes more time and is draining for me

Cronaj

Definitely makes it harder to enjoy what we're reading

DanitheCarutor

Aauh yeah, that's true. Analyzing does take a lot of brain power and energy.

Deo101

Yeah :/ so to find a story i can really get immersed in is incredibly rare now...

Cronaj

I do this with books I read too(edited)

It's an awful habit

DanitheCarutor

Over analyzing everything is something I've been doing literally since childhood, so I'm used to it. My brain never shuts off unless I'm drawing.

Cronaj

I find myself wanting to rewrite other people's stories

Don't be like me

Deo101

I do it too and i think its just kind of how you think about things when you're a writer

DanitheCarutor

Pff oh no, I've done that too. Not so much now, but in elementary school whenever I watched a show or movie I hated, I would rewrite it.

Deo101

When you pick apart what you dont like or analyze what you do iy lets you apply those things to yiur own work. Its a valuable skill to have and i think its kind of automatic

Cronaj

Even my favorite authors of all time... I end up going back on a reread and wanting to change things that didn't work out so well

DanitheCarutor

It's a really good skill that not enough people have... at least my coworkers are pretty lacking in the critical thinking department. They say it's healthy to question, analyze, and long to improve.

Deo101

Some people are, and that's okay! Those are the people I hope are reading millennium ;)

Jk lol

DanitheCarutor

Lmao! Yeah, it's okay to be a person of simplicity, as long as they don't tell me the hyper-realistic Lion King remake is better than the original.

Deo101

Ahhahahahaha

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I analyse every format of story I consume automatically . Comics, books, movies, etc. I find that it doesn’t take me away from immersion, but it DOES take away my emotional investment. I’m enjoying the story plenty, but I’m less likely to feel attached to a character or be sad when they die. It’s a very rare story these days that will actually give me feelings over the fate of the characters.

FeatherNotes

I can totally see that too though, esp with the crazy amount of works being produced, you def have to do some curating in a sense to see where you will make that emotional investment too

DanitheCarutor

Aaah I get that with horror movies! Lol But in seriousness, I'm the same way for the most part. My immersion is perfectly intact (unless something stupid happens), but my care investment in characters does waver. Usually it's easier when the characters are really weird, and catch my eye, like the corpse man in Swiss Army Man. I got super invested for some reason when he learned how to walk, then when he died again because his friend wouldn't fart in front of him. But normally, nah I don't feel much, especially for death but my views on that are kinda skewed to begin with.(edited)

So I realize I'm really into surreal comedy, if a character can actually make me laugh I'm more invested in their wellbeing.

keii4ii

Analytical reading is great. Though I rarely find myself wanting to fix other people's stories. I have creative tunnel vision and genuinely have no desire to work on anything other than the OTP (One True Project)

Same goes to my own ideas really? I get ideas but auto-filter them out, as I have 0 desire to work on them.

Cronaj

You are blessed lol

Every five minutes, I'm sitting there trying to convince myself to work on ONLY ONE PROJECT AT A TIME.

"Oooh! That's a cool idea! I should E x P l O r E that!

kayotics

I try to not analyze shows or comics unless I REALLY love them or I find them boring and want to be interested in them. For example: I’ll analyze the hell out of Full Metal Alchemist because I ADORE it, but the analysis stage came much later after finishing the comic. If I’m not engaged with a series then I’ll analyze what would make me more interested. I hardly ever try to rewrite other people’s stories

Deo101

Yeah i dony try to rewrite its more of a "what about this didn't i like and how can i avoid doing that in my own work?"

FeatherNotes

ohhh yes agreed Deo

kayotics

Oh yeah definitely. I will sometimes think about that, but usually it’s if something is really bugging me

Deo101

Yeah I partly do it because people sometimes just don't take "idk i didnt really like it" for an answer and I gotta explain. Also its kinda like a puzzle and I like puzzles

kayotics

Oh, on the topic of the question: one other thing that will hook me is whether or not the writing is exciting. For example, I mentioned being bored by some comics, but that doesn’t mean I’m looking for action all the time. What I’m looking for is for there to be something to latch on to. The most mundane story about laundry could be interesting to me if it’s written in a way that engages me.

A really good example of engaging writing in a mundane story is probably Sakana? https://www.sakana-comic.com/ The characters just. Work in a fish stall. But the story holds my interest even in the quiet moments because it’s crafted in a way that keeps developing the characters.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I can’t turn off my analysis mode. It just happens as I’m watching / reading in the background of my brain and there’s no control switch. Sometimes I wish there was so I don’t correctly predict the ending 1/4 of the way through and spoil it for myself. (I’m no longer allowed to make predictions along with my friends when we watch movies together).

Deo101

^^^^ SAME. BIG SAME.

My mom and sister are like that too so we all guess the ending and my dad gets lile >:( I Kno youre right and it's ruined now >:((

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

But agreeing with the above, I don’t want to fix another person’s story. I’m just always asking ‘What made this scene so effective?’ and ‘what made this part not so effective?’. I also map writing patterns, formulas, and file away ‘tells’ in my head as I go.

Me and my friends all like to talk during movies: making snarky comments or predictions. I’m just no longer allowed to do the latter because I will ruin the ending. XD

Deo101

Ahahahahahaha

Yeah I can't go to theaters I've been shushed so much. But its so hard not to talk for me

FeatherNotes

that's a very important skill to have with analysing things to the point of deconstructing them in your own work and making more effective narratives too! it's good to be aware of the content that you consume and really understand what made the work speak/effect you the way it did. Honestly these conversations are much more enjoyable to have than just 'my fave character is that bc they are funny' and it ends there (no shade on simply enjoying things here tho! I def do the same) but yea! being aware to that degree is a good skill for writing

sssfrs

@Glowbat (Aloe) You should read my comc

I’m sorry I’m like this I’m just so focused on what I’m working on its the only thing in my whole brain right now.

You said you like stories with themes and my mind was like themes? my story has themes

keii4ii

Calm down man! XD Though I can relate to brain being 100% focused on your OTP (One True Project)

sssfrs

I love analyzing media. I get bored of reading or watching things really quickly if I feel like I’m starting to understand the central message. Or maybe bored isnt the right word- more like satiated? If the work is really cohesive and Ive gotten the overall message I feel like ive fully enjoyed the media and had a good time

Like analyzing it is enough and then reading is just bomus

bonus

I’m so sorry

FeatherNotes

it's okay to be really into your own work haha! love that passion to keep you going--!

also the OTP acronym is rly cute omg

sssfrs

One True Project I just realized you saidb that that is really cute

Like I said I stop reading if I feel like I have the gist of something(edited)

I think its cool that a lot of us are saying we analyze things all the way and were also making our own stuff like does working on making your own thing cause you to view the details of the construction of the story in a different way?

DanitheCarutor

Like, does being analytical make us construct our stories differently than others? If so I wouldn't say it does for myself, but my visuals tend to get way overly detailed. To the point where important stuff tends to get drowned out, which is something I've been trying to work on. <_<'

keii4ii

It would definitely help with self-editing/ revisions, for one thing.

I don't think you need to be analytical every time you consume a story, but it helps to be able to turn analytical mode on?

Deo101

yeah for me its kind of always on unfortunately. if not when im watching then definitely after having finished

DanitheCarutor

Yeah, turning it off is near impossible. Ah thinking about it, I guess being overly-analytical kiiinda affects my story? (If that's what sssfrs meant) I remember some readers who've said they go back and forth to connect plot details, and the guy who does Webcomic Relief did a super small review where he went nuts analyzing everything. Even down to the reason behind my use of medium. Since I like analyzing I guess I subconsciously made a comic that can be analyzed, or something. Or maybe it's not actually that deep.

keii4ii

That makes sense, though. That we make comics that can be enjoyed the way we enjoy other stories.

I'm not much of a theorizer, so my comic isn't really optimized for theorizing. Though some people have still managed to come up with really cool theories!

DanitheCarutor

Pff I think every piece of media has those theorizers, it's just fun to do for some no matter if they're analyzing some deep piece or Blues Clues. I imagine those types of fans are fun to watch as a creator whether your work is geared for analysis or not.

Oh uh, I forgot to mention. Let me know if I'm getting a little out there, or getting off topic too much. Socializing properly is still something I'm trying to work on, along with the etiquette.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Yeah, I can’t turn off analysis mode either. It’s always running in the background.

sssfrs

I was saying more the other way around, like having experienced the process of creating a story, you think more about the work that goes into it and how the various pieces all come together in a different way than someone who's only ever consumed media linearly would be used to seeing it.

It could go the other way around too though that's interesting, then it's like "what drives people to make stories"?

RebelVampire

For me, there are three qualities that usually hook me in with a new comic. 1) An interesting premise. Not to say I think premises need to be unique, but it's more of a question is do I think it'll explore the premise in an interesting way. For an example, Maiden of the Machine https://maidenmachine.com/ It's not like steampunk is new or anything, but I really wound up liking the premise of it both being a romance and about high society politics with the steampunk setting. So, that drew me in a lot to keep reading. 2) A good balance of themes and story. I'm not a huge fan of comics that are more interested in exploring their themes over their story. I prefer stories where the narrative is the focus, and the theme feels like a natural consequence of the narrative. My example for this is actually the recent Week Long Bookclub comic Missing Pieces https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/missing-pieces/list?title_no=192867 I actually wasn't sure I was going to like it first, but I was super hooked once I started. There were lots of interesting themes to explore around death and revenge, but at the end, the story let me decide how to feel and focused on the narrative. 3) Theory-fodder stories. If there is lots of stuff to theorize about and that is easy to overanalyze based on the most miniscule of evidence, I'm pretty sold. This is the fact that really got me with Galebound http://www.galebound.com/ There were so many small hints and tidbits, both in the story and supplemental material, that I overread and overthought the heck out of this comic. I do wanna note, the things I look for and what hook me are arbitrary and based only on my personal preferences. There are a crap ton of objectively great webcomics out there that I have no interest in reading as a long term fan. Not cause they're bad, they just don't have things I'd personally enjoy reading in terms of being part of the comic's fandom.

[crushimaginesandsuch]

Enough

been a while lmao i swear i’ve been trying to keep up, but we’re in the middle of a big move and whoopsies

I’d never considered myself “boy crazy.” I mean, I had, of course, had my fair share of ill-advised and slightly obsessive crushes, but I’d never thought I crossed the line separating crazed and captivated. Two months ago however, I’d began to wonder just how accurate that was. 

C/N fell into the seat next to me, pressing his side against mine. It was a thing he did often, a way to calm himself, I knew. Though he liked to pretend it was because he had to compensate for not being able to kiss me. 

Maybe it was both. 

“Hey,” he smiled at me. A smile I fell for every time he used it. 

I kissed his cheek, widening both our grins. “Hi.” 

As the lunch table filled up with our friends and conversation lifted to matters not really concerning me, I let myself remember two months earlier. 

I had had two major “crushes”--C/N and James--both frighteningly different. For one, C/N had the whole “asshole who cares” thing going for him, while James was just an ass. Plain as that. And then there was my “type”. I’d only ever found myself interested in unbearably attractive guys, and James was possibly the most maddeningly perfect boy I’d ever laid eyes on. Warm honey hair, bright blue eyes, a smile that could end wars. And don’t get me started on his athletic build... 

C/N, though? Well, he wasn’t exactly ugly. He had a great smile, bright eyes. Tall and strong, he was just a head above me. But he wasn’t anything special, really. Completely average--in fact, some people might call him under average. At least, compared to James. 

I had no idea why I was so attracted to him and why all I ever wanted to do was sit with him. Talk to him. Be with him. The only theory I could muster up was the way he could tease me endlessly, but still cared about the smallest things that might hurt me. .  

So, when C/N asked me out one day as we were leaving school, with little hesitation I agreed. And our relationship had only grown from there.  

C/N’s hand covered mine under the table, drawing my attention up to his vivid eyes. “You okay?” he whispered to me. He was smiling, leading off of some stupid joke the others were still chuckling at, but his eyes were concerned. I could tell. 

I pushed my side closer to him, not bothering to contain my grin. “I’m great, thanks.” He squeezed my hand. 

“It’s cause I’m holding your hand, isn’t it?” C/N smirked. 

“Eh...” I shrugged and bit my lip. “No. Not at all.” 

He raised his eyebrows, feigning shock. “Wow, you don’t hold back do you?”

“Nope.” 

With a few chuckles, we both joined the group’s conversation. 

The lunch hour passed quickly, carried by light conversation and inside jokes. As I threw out my trash and prepared to walk to my next class with C/N--we were lucky to have three classes together--I felt a light hand on my shoulder. I was surprised to see the person behind me.

“Hey, Y/N.” James tucked his hands into his pockets. He wore his signature smile.

James and I had mutual friends, but he had never really sat with our group regularly enough to be considered a part of it. Pair that with my deathly fear of attractive men and you can easily imagine how awkward the following conversation went. 

“Oh, hey.” 

My feelings for James had disappeared after just my first date with C/N, but it was still oddly exciting talking to him. He was, after all, the closest our small town had to a local legend.

But truthfully, I hadn’t had a thought about him in weeks. 

“How have you been?”

“Good...” I paused. “You?”

“Great. The season’s going amazing.” 

I offered him a small smile, nodding. “Great.” 

“Yeah.” 

Why did he come up to me? It wasn’t like we had some unresolved conflict or any past that might warrant this. So why? 

“So I’ll see you soon, yeah?” He offered with a shrug. 

“Um, yeah.” I suppressed a chuckle at how awkward the interaction had been as James walked away and as I joined my boyfriend back at our lunch table, I knew I was happy how those two crushes had turned out.

---

Two weeks had passed, and James had formed a pattern of coming up to me just as I was cleaning up my spot at the table. Our conversation, though still shallow as hell, had fallen into a comfortable rhythm and I had come to enjoy the small chat we made by the trash can in the school cafeteria. 

C/N hadn’t mentioned anything about it to me, but he had begun waiting for me at a table closer to us. And I caught him glaring at James a few times, but every time I brought it up he’d smile, shake his head, and promise me it was nothing. 

So one day, when James had been especially friendly, even bordering flirting--though I quickly shut him down--and went in for a hug after the conversation ended, C/N was right there to grab my arm and lead me away. 

“Sorry, man, we gotta go.” C/N said, his forced smile nearing a sneer pointed in the other boy’s direction. He brought us into the hallway outside of the cafeteria, into a solitary corner. 

“C/N!” I almost laughed at how ridiculous he was being. “It’s fine, calm down.” 

He let go of my arm, not that he had been gripping it tightly, and ran a hand through his hair. “He was making a pass at you, Y/N.” 

“I know.” He shot me an annoyed look. “But I wasn’t reciprocating it!” 

“Do you think that matters to him?” C/N threw his hands up in the air, almost frantic. “All he cares is that you let him do it.”

“I let him do it?” I scoffed. “C/N, I never ‘let’ him do anything. He was flirting with me, I didn’t flirt back. However he takes that is out of my control, but I didn’t give him anything to say it was okay.” 

He stared at me, silent for a moment. “So don’t get mad at me when I tell him it isn’t.”

---

C/N and I didn’t talk much for the rest of the day. We’d decided as we walked to class that it was just a fight and nothing to let come between us. And though we both agreed, we were still a little annoyed with each other. 

But as we were walking out of the school in silence and James came running up to me I knew there was more to come of the topic. 

“Hey, Y/N,” he smiled at me, “C/N.” The two exchanged curt nods. 

“Hi, James.” I offered a small smile. 

“So,” James stepped forward. Closer to me than I liked. “do you need a ride home?” 

“No. She doesn’t.” 

James rocked back on his heels. He shot a glare at C/N. “And why don’t you let her answer for herself?” He bit his lip as he turned back to me. “Y/N?”

I shook my head. “C/N’s going to take me home.” 

He smirked. “You don’t have to go with him though, babe. I’m sure I’m much more fun.” More fun? Oh my God how sleazy was this boy? 

C/N took a step forward, nearly coming in front of me. But I stopped him before he could. “Actually,” I glared up at James, much shorter than him but hoping my stare was at least somewhat intimidating. “I’m pretty sure you’re not. So if you could leave us both alone from now on, that’d be great.”

James frowned, his lips turning into a snarl. “You weren’t that hot anyways. Too fat.” 

I rolled my eyes, grabbed C/N’s hand--his hand that was about to slug James in the face-- and walked us to his car. Once we were both seated and the heat running, C/N turned to me. “I’m sorry.” 

I grabbed his hand. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have been as nice if I knew why he was talking to me.” 

He shook his head. “No, no. It’s not your fault. I should have trusted you could take care of it. I mean that out there was...”  He chuckled, shaking his head. 

I smiled and squeezed his hand. “It’s okay. I’m sure if there was a girl trying to jump your bones I’d be pretty worried too.” 

C/N shook his head. “No, you would have trusted me. I should have trusted you. I just got scared.” 

Scared? “Of what?”

He sighed. “It’s not a big thing, okay? We don’t need to talk about it.” 

I shifted forward in my seat. I was nearly sitting on the center console of C/N’s car, my face close to his. “I want to, though.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to”--

“C/N!” I laughed, grabbing both his hands in mine. “If you apologize one more time for opening up to me I will kill you. And then I’ll never know what you’re scared of.” I paused. “Plus I’ll probably end up in jail which would be unfortunate.” 

He rolled his eyes teasingly. “I hate you.” 

With a soft smile I brought his face to turn to mine. “What’s wrong?”

“Look...” he pulled his hands away from mine, running one through his hair. “I know I’m not the most attractive guy”--

I frowned. “C/N”--

“Y/N, if you don’t shut up I’ll have to kill you.” He smiled at me, endearing and oh-so-captivating. 

“Fine. But know that I find you intoxicating so shut the hell up.” 

C/N chuckled and grabbed one of my hands. His thumb traced patterns in my palm absentmindedly. “There are guys more attractive, funnier, kinder, and just better than me in every way. And James is one of those guys. In fact, there are plenty of those guys at this school which is just annoying.” He chuckled again, but quickly sobered up. His eyes were focused on our hands. He was afraid to meet my gaze. “I... I guess I was afraid that you would see James was interested in you and...” C/N’s eyes flicked up to mine. His face was beet red, and he looked so small in this moment. “realize you could have him instead. Have anyone instead.”

It was at that moment I shook my head, unlocked my car door and walked out. 

“Y/N? What are you”--

I marched over to C/N’s door and threw it open. I climbed inside, straddling his waist as I sat. Throwing my arms around his neck, I pulled him close to me. 

“You, C/N, are not a placeholder for me. I’m not with you because I’m waiting for someone ‘better’ to come around or because I’m bored. I’m with you because you make me happy.” 

“Y/N, seriously. You don’t have to do this.” C/N’s eyes looked red, as if he might cry. I personally was nearing tears.  

“I want to.” I sighed. “The truth, C/N? James is attractive. There was a time before we got together I was interested in him. In fact, if he gave me half this much attention three months ago I’d probably be a ‘wooed’ mess lying on the floor.

“But that didn’t happen. He didn’t notice me. And I couldn’t give a crap if he does now. Because two months ago, you asked me out. And may I tell you I’d had a thing for you for a while too, so don’t go thinking this” I swung a finger between us “started because I was bored. We’re together now because you make me laugh and you can make fun of me when I’m being stupid and can tease me while still loving me. We’re together because I love you and if you were to leave me, I’d be a mess. I’m not going anywhere unless you tell me to. And that’s the end of my ‘you’re great’ rant so shut the hell up and fricking kiss me.” 

C/N didn’t hesitate to crush my lips with his. We’d kissed many times, but this was different. We’d never had so much passion, so much tension waiting to be cut.

When we’d decided air might be essential to our survival, we finally broke apart. 

“I love you so fucking much,” C/N whispered against my lips. 

“You better,” I chuckled against his. 

--

Not my best work but I think the ending’s cute so 

[theday]

mx in sg: the experience

FHJGDGHSHGFGGHD as usual starting off with the keyboard smash anyway! ill be talking about my experience seeing mx live yesterday (3/3) second part is abt when mx were on stage but its quite dry bc i dont remember much

ill be going in chronological order so [jooheon voice] lets get it

i was gonna meet my friend (karissa) at 3:30 because we were going to meet the person selling us our tickets at 4pm but that got delayed until like 5pm which was fine though

anyway i met her and we started queueing because although official queuing was supposed to start at 6pm they pushed it forward to 3pm (which was unfortunate for those who were busy and couldnt come until much later - the organizer never released an official statement saying the queuing started earlier) 

so as soon as karissa and i arrived at like. the place (near the venue) we got lost for about a whole 5 minutes lmao so i texted james asking him where the hell . they were and we made it and joined the queue immediately (we were the last few people of the second batch) 

we just sat there and. collected freebies and our banners (for the fan events) while we waited for the seller to come give us our tickets 

when they came i was like . fucking screaming because one of the seller was someone i knew from primary school (4 years ago) and i was likeudghdgghdhsh??????? that was the highlight of the daydhfhs

after we bought the tickets and shit we were slightly concerned they wouldnt work lmao but they did god bless

while we waited for the doors to open and stuff a group of people did dance covers of mx songs and later other groups too everyone was cheering for them which was nice fgfghdgh

the hype died down and we just waited quietly until it hit 6pm and i started listening to the day6 stream LMAO but after 4 songs i had to stop because suddenly everyone was standing up?? 

for nothing though because we sat down like 30 minutes later at around 7? 7:30? everyone stood up again and this time people were given wrist tag things u kno.. ya there were three (?) kinds i think gold for those who held a superfan ticket, pink for general admission and some other colour for those who got tickets for free and could sit on chairs dhdghs 

it was a free standing event in an outdoor space so superfan ticket holders got to stand closer to the stage? and those with general admission had to stand behind us and it was separated by a barricade 

we entered at like 8pm because we were the second batch (there was a third batch behind us) and it was already filled?? not exactly but from where we were standing we couldn’t really see the stage 

in the end we were in the middle which wasnt exactly the best but its definitely better than those standing all the way at the back rip 

i think at like 7:45 they started playing the music videos and everyone was shouting the lyrics it was cute i loved it but my throat told me to die after i yelled for like all of their mvsjhdgdghd 

also when all in played u bet my ass i jumped up and downdhg

also water wasnt allowed inside which i think is normal so i chugged mine down as fast as i could before entering (i had a little left and the lady let me in with it thanks queen) (i drank it all before they even came on stage)

the hype was real though and it was great 

when it hit 8:30pm the introduction video started and suddenly i was getting pushed forward and wow . dont go if ur not a fan of people invading your personal bubble. i wish fans had more sense to Not push around and stuff but what can we do rip 

other than that when they came out oh gOD when they came out i was likebfhgddgs??!?!??!?! i had to stand on my tip toes to see them

they started with beautiful and i was liek. dissociating i jsut sang along and shit it was amazing?????? 

the first person i saw was kihyun and then minhyuk?? i dont remember who else i saw but iw ss losing my fucking mind over how good everyone looked

anyway after that was um.............. fuck. .... i dont know..........

IFMFHGHSGF IM CRYING MY BRAIN TOLD ME TO DIE

white love maybe? i think they did like an introduction of themselves ??

anyway ill figure the songs out later they started playing games i think or was that another time im bad at this clearly 

ask james for the details of the songs i dont remember shit from that i just remember singing along to the songs badly and moving my arm back and forthhfgsgh 

also team work makes the dream work because karissa was recording and i helped her to zoom in and ensure they looked human with the brightness and stuff fhjdgsgh 

but !! everyone did the fanchants really well it was so heartworming 

also during white love they made us do that one part u know the one and it was awesome!!!!! during white sugar they threw m&m’s and i got to get a good look at their faces without having to look at the screen!! 

honestly was good too god im so happie 

hm. they did a mon-story time and showed us pics from previous eras (trespass > i dnt remmeber fuck > beautiful world tour > mxray > first win) ?? might be wrong dghdgs and they talked about stuff that happened i blanked out though so i dont know what they said 

also when they flashed the first win part they started throwing hands @ each other usual mx shit dhjgsgd

we chanted monsta x and they chanted monbebe back at us :-( i love them

i think changkyun said he doesnt wnat to do another season of mxray LMAODHFGHHGS fucking loser 

the translator made me laugh he was super monotone fhgdghfsh

then they played mon-ccaso dghghfsh and drew what they wanted to eat with singaporean mbb!!

there was a bug in front of wonho and he got !!!! fhdgh cute .

shownu: ????? what was it ?? a drink it looked like a cocktail and kihyun was like “non alcoholic” dghffsgs

wonho: ice cream!!! hes so cute his drawing was so cute also he wrote monbebe before they announced the game his handwriting is so pretty tf

minhyuk: ramyeon lmao (in his words: traditional korean noodles) 

kihyun: uh oH HE DREW A CRABFGHGSHS and said chili and pepper crab!!!

hyungwon: he drew a shrimpfhggdgs fucking . it was so cute

jooheon: mandu!! or dumplings :D

changkyun: water. JHDHGDGSG KING HONESTLY IW AS LIKE JUMPING UP AND DOWN IN EXCITEMENT!! love me a water stan 

anyway they talked about what they drew and when it came to minhyuk’s turn he was like guess and everyone just shit on him DHJDHSHG 

some examples: “hair” Gghdhg and some fans (including me) screamed cucumberhjfghgs let this man live 

minhyuk also tried to make fun of jooheons drawing but it failed bc none of us understood his joke

so they made us vote by screaming and they each stood up while holding their sketchbooks and we’d scream

winner was changkyun (i yelled my heart out and jumped bitch)

FHGSGG W INNER HAD TO DO AEGYO THOUGHDG played urself

they did oppaya and i think there are fancams somewhere

then they made wonho do it hhdggs best 1 minute of my life

after that was uhh??????? brain machine broke i dont know im not even going in order anymore

they either did from zero first or the fan videos were shown first

if so the fan videos were of fans talking about how much they love/appreciate mx and it was sweet after that we raised our banners for the fan vid

and then the CAKE came for wonho and we sang happy birthday to wonho (kihyun asked us to sing once too at the start hjdghgsg we did that in english this time it was in korean) 

also funny hfgdhgs thing... they talked in korean and a lot of people replied in korean so they got shockedhfgh FUCJ DAY6 ok safe im listening now

i think they (minhyuk?) asked who thought/if he was handsome and got rly happie when we said yea

after him someone asked too LOLJHDGSG

back 2 whatever fdsh um oh yeah the cake was done to look like ramyeon in a pot :D ill add a link

wonho cut himself with the knife D-: babie 

he kept wanting to eat it though so hopefully he liked it 

maybe after that they did from zero???? ufhffghsgghdg idk

after that was hero!!!!!!! god we were all so pumped 

shine forever next 

and then they stopped to take a break i thinkfhgshgd 

at some point they asked fans (a jooheon stan and a wonho one) what songs they liked :-D the jooheon one said beautiful and the other said ill be there if im not wrong

they also made the rappers sing bits from some songs hfgsg i dont remember which songs tho hdhs

changkyun tried his besthjdg

they did their ending ment and went to dramarama!! 

after that it was silent for like 5 minutes max as we chanted mx and for encore

they came out and did ill be there (?) (first verse to chorus) and talked again before doing 5:14! 

they were dressed in casual tshirts which was a relief hjghgdh because it was reallly fuckng hot hdh changkyun mentioned the weather too sorry dude thats life

they waved at fans and played amongst themselves kihyun dumped water on jooheon LMAO i got a clear view of that

stay hydrated !

they just kept dumping water on each other i love a family :-D

and then they said bye and left

jooheon kept going byEE though dhgdhs hes so cute :-( 

ok heres what i thought abt the monstas themselves

kihyun looked especially good with that tie by the way 

jesus i got to see wonho with dark hair i truly. died

ALSO SHOWNU LOOKS SO HANDSOME IRL!!!! MY WIG WAS SNATCHED!!!!!!!!!!!

hyungwon was rly cute too when he interacted with the fans :-(

there was one time wonho smiled and it was caught on the screen i . felt my heart burst in that moment

alsowwhen minhyuk took center position for their choreos he has this ?? charisma ??? its amazong like the one smirk/grin he does u know that? yeah i saw it in beautoful and died

joohoen and changkyun also did their best hyping mbbs up by yelling to sing along and stuff ihdjgf i love them

this is just mx loving hours 

also kihyun did the DHDHHSH EYE SMILE!!! HE DID IT SO MANY TIMES HE WAS SO HAPPIE I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!

i didnt get to see jooheon much but he was so playful with minhyuk it was so cute!!!!!!! 

they all look so good and sound even better live!!! kihyuns adlibs god help me. 

i love them so much. i really do fhhdghghs im happy i went no more regrets and no more telling myself i didnt have a blast because i!!!! i loved every second of it even when i got someones hair stuck to my arm LMAO 

after it ended we immediately left for the exit andggdghs WOW standing up i was fine but moving?? moving was HELL my legs hurt so bad

ok so we got home and thats that but like.... heres where my self reflection comes in

so you dont have to read this part

i think. the reason i dont remember much is because.. i dont want to? like. at some point i got a clear view of wonho in the Flesh and i was thinkng about how i was really seeing them? for real????? and i got. really sad i think?? 

so to prevent myself from getting sad i probably tried to forget? everything?? theres also my bad memory of course but i cant even remember their faces i feel like its because im trying to forget or some deep shit 

anyway i think im also makig myself not be happy??? this is phrased v bad but its like im trying to kill the fun and only think abt the negatives of the whole event

which wasnt even much so its like. my minds blankfhjfhd

talking about it here helps though like i get to. share and actually talk about what happened so yeah i can say that i had fun even though i couldnt see them i had a blast singing along it was awesome

the only bad part was how i didnt like watching from the screens because it felt like i wasnt seeing them live?? ooMGHDDS DAY6 ARE DOING BETTTER BTTER

tldr; im not that upset over it now thank god and i can proudly say i had fun and although i cant remember much it was a great experience

thank you for coming to my tedtalk if you did <3

[byunbells]

11 Questions Tag

Rules:

Post the rules

Answer the questions given to you by the tagger.

Write 11 questions of your own

Tag 11 people

I was tagged by @vanillabyun @freckledksoo and @ratbyun thank u loves !! <3

This is super long so its all under the cut!

Questions from @vanillabyun (im screeching u did 12 questions on accident dw ill answer them all)

1. What is your middle name?

lol its Nicole <3

2. Favorite season?

FALL!

3. Favorite EXO album or repackage?

its complicated.... i would say the lmr repackage but i feel like power of music is abt to destroy that so ??

4. If you could only spend the rest of your life surrounded by one other person, who would it be?

I was gonna b sentimental and say my mom but...... bbh

5. Breakfast for dinner or dinner for breakfast?

ahhhh it depends on what the food is oops i dont eat breakfast ever so i would probably go with breakfast 4 dinner

6.  A place you want to visit?

I’ve already been but my favorite place to visit is Paris (im a hoe 4 history)

7. What would you change your name to if you had the chance?

honestly? would just change my name to my middle name (nicole) mostly so ppl dont ask me what gwen is short for anymore (its not short for anything)

8. You biggest dream? 

realistically... being able to travel as much as i want n have money i guess. the biggest dream is me snuggled up on a couch with hot chocolate while bbh plays the piano and sings 4 me tho

9. You favorite dessert? 

cheesecake! or anything mango flavored 

10. Movies or dramas?

dramas! I’ve never rly liked movies bc I dont get attached to the characters

11. Favorite color?

dark shades of purple.. i feel like purple is underappreciated

12. The eve or artificial love?

i would say the eve, but i’m a fake and artificial love is probably my most played exo song to date so idk

Questions from @freckledksoo

1. How did you get into exo? 

I slept on them until lmr comeback and then cried over the album until Ex’act came out and then i joined the fandom... the #1 reason i got into exo though was bc of bbh (also jongin a lil bit) in call me baby so yeah

2. Favorite genre of music?

R&B, but i’ve gone through numerous alternative phases, pffft i only listen to exo atm tho

3. Are you an organized person? 

im that person who tries to be organized and is motivated by cleanliness and boxes to put ur pens in, but eventually it turns into chaos.. the only consistent organization i have is not leaving things on the floor

4. Most underrated exo song?

HEAVEN 

5. Who is your bias wrecker and why?

erm im the most loyal so i dont really have one, but ksoo. yixing and pcy are the members i cry about the most besides bbh

6. Do you believe in personality types, astrology etc?

i definitely believe in personality types and to some extent in astrology, but we shouldnt put expectations or judgements based on types or signs (sometimes ppl take it too far n its annoying)

7. Favorite thing to drink?

water!!!!! <3 im not healthy though im a fake

8. Growl or Call Me Baby?

growl.. bc i still get overexcited about it when it comes on n i do (a really bad version of) the dance

9. What are some of your talents/achievements?

i draw things sometimes and im in uni so thats an achievement i guess

10. Best and worst hairstyles on your bias?

this is impossible .... the best hairstyles on bbh were all the ones from exo’luxion and i have to say the worst was the perm from wolf, but lbr.. bbh can pull of any hairstyle

11. If you could pick one of the members to be your friend, who would it be?

besides the obvious answer of bbh... minseok or ksoo 

Questions from @ratbyun 

1. If you had to get any exact tattoo that a celebrity has, what would it be?

i just realized most celebrities dont have like.. any good tattoos? so i guess it would be some thing like that flower eyeball tattoo that brendon urie has.. but honestly not even that lmao

2. Washing dishes or folding clothes?

I used to love washing dishes but then i learnt how to fold clothes real fancy and since then i kinda like folding clothes.. but also..... i avoid both

3. If they already aren’t, would you think your ult would make a good leader?

i think bbh is better at setting the mood and making sure everyone is happy than keeping people under control.. so absolutely not. i also wouldnt want him to have to sacrifice any part of his personality to be a leader (bc his wild self is perfect)

4. What’s the first song in your music library? The last?

its alphabetic so its starts with 4 Walls and end with a Monsta X song with a korean title. but out of the playlist i actually listen to (not alphabetic) its starts with artificial love and end in hey mama!

5. If you had to choose one your favorite celebrity hairstyles to have for the rest of your life, what would you choose?

idk i really like my hair :( but so i guess whoever has a better version of my hair then.. long wavy dark brown/black hair and doesnt look like its dying of thirst

6. Would you ever get a face tattoo? If so, what would it be?

the closest i would probably get would be behind my ear n it would be like some boring flower thing or smth

7. You have a choice of two piercings on your whole body, what are they?

erm a regular ear piercing (i never had mine re pierced so i just dont wear earings lol) and a lip ring

8.  What is your laptop/phone bg?

pfft on my laptop its the group pic from kokobop and my phone lockscreen is bbh from that one recent magazine photoshoot i think and my homescreen is the bbh teaser photo 4 pom

9. Was the last thing you ate a meal or snack?

snack!! i ate popcorn

10. What song got you into your favorite band/group?

idk whether it would be call me baby or lmr, i dont really remember that well

11. Last movie you saw at the cinema? Rating?

Guardians of the Galaxy 2 i think 10/10

Now here’s the hard part where i have to make up questions...

1. Favorite solo/collab song from any exo member?

2. Favorite slow exo song? 

3. How many pillows do you sleep with?

4. Favorite disney movie?

5. How many albums and posters do you own?

6. Something about your ult that is underappreciated and you wish more people paid attention to?

7. Have any unpopular opinions about biases or ults? (Ex. bbh stans and mullets)

8. Do you like going to the beach during the day or at night (or not at all)?

9. What concerts have you been to?

10. If you had one day to spend with a person of your choice, who would it be and what would you do?

11. How often do you dream and what do you normally dream about?

I tag @oshnverse @poutydaes @squishy-do @94-hun @ylxlng @baekhyuneeeee-exo @ehanyeol @starsehun @royalyeol (totally not 11 people but its 3 am) sorry if u didnt want to be tagged, only do it if u want <3

[insertdisc5]

hey adrienne i really love all your comics, and it makes me wanna make more of my own. do you have any tips on staying motivated and structuring the overall comic (story/pages/etc) ? thank you !

Thank you so much!!!

And hmmmm, I guess my way of staying motivated is… giving myself strict deadlines? hmmmm ill just go over how I write a comic and maybe you’ll pick a tip or two hopefully

✨✨ INSERTDISC5′S REALLY LONG “HOW DO I MAKE COMICS” EXTRAVAGANZA (WITH PICTURES) AFTER THE CUT. ITS KINDA LONG SORRY ✨✨

STEP ONE: GET A DANG IDEA (the hardest step, obviously.)

This one is pretty simple. Get a dang idea. Sometimes I wrack my head for weeks trying to find out an idea that could sorta work, and sometimes I’m just chillin and dreamin and I get the full story and I have to wake up and write it all immediately. I have no tips on that one my brain is a capricious fuck and will just do whatevs

this step takes me between a day and three months

STEP TWO: DEVELOP YOUR IDEA

Now you got your idea. Could be something as simple as “hey what if a hero and a villain met and became friends n stuff” or you could somehow have the whole dang story figured out already, lucky you. 

Anyways I just write it down first. Usually it’s like “this happens and THIS happens and this other thing happens” but there’s nothing bridging those lil perfect moments together, so thats when I start figuring it out, embellishing it! It’s the world-building part, the figuring out your characters part, the “im having fun!!!” part. I just write everything down, all the things that could happen, the moments where I HAVE to have a panel of the heroes looking at each other, JUST WRITE IT ALL DOWN!!!! MAKE DIFFERENT PATHS!!! DIFFERENT ENDINGS!!! WHO CARES YOU’LL WORRY ABOUT PICKING OUT THE BEST ONE LATER

(featuring my great handwriting)

I also make a folder with all my visual inspiration+references I’ll need later. If i know I’m gonna have battle scenes, I make a folder with a bunch of shonen manga pages. If I’m gonna need to draw a forest, just shove forest pictures in there. Oh the hero is gonna be a buff knight? JUST FIND PICTURES OF BUFF PEOPLE AND COOL ARMOR!!!! REFERENCES ARE IMPORTANT!!!!

(those are the references folders for Change)

A note: finding the ending is always the hardest part. Just do your best and pray

this step takes me between three days and two months

STEP THREE: ERASE LIKE HALF OF IT

By that point I have a buncha pages of story and backstory and useless trivia written down, so it’s time to delete half of it. Yup. GOTTA MAKE YOUR STORY SIMPLE AND EASY TO UNDERSTAND

The rule I have when I’m at that point is: “is it useful to the story? If I removed this specific moment/piece of dialogue/whatever, would the story still make sense?” and if the answer is “eh, it’s not that useful”, I remove it. Just to make the story as self-contained as I can! (exceptions to the rule: it’s a REALLY COOL MOMENT and I know I’d have fun drawing it/reading it. THEN i keep it)

As an example, for Change I had the queen of the kindgom the hero came from appear for like, 4 pages, so she could explain what the hero’s goal was, and also to look real intimidating and show the hero didn’t really have a choice in starting their journey, but after looking at my story I decided she wasn’t? Really important to the story? That there were other ways to show the hero didn’t really know what they were doing without adding a whole new character. So BAM i deleted her from existence so she doesn’t appear at all now.

this step takes me like. two days. At this point I know I have a good idea so I know I’m DOING IT DUDE IM MAKING THIS COMIC so it starts going faster

STEP FOUR: LOGISTICS N STUFF

Time to make an excel file! This is how mine usually looks

I always make an excel file so I can have an easy way to know: what each page is gonna have/what each page’s status is/what reference to look at or what I need to remember to draw. Also the notes are sometimes to say “HEY DUMMY YOU FORGOT TO COLOR THE EYES” so its a very important column. Sometimes I add a column with when I need that page to be done by, or a column saying HEY YOU’RE ¼ OR HALFWAY OR ¾ THERE for encouragement or whatever lmao

This is also usually at that point that I give myself a deadline+schedule that I stick to! For 199 Years Slumber I gave myself 3 weeks (knowing I’d be done before), and gave myself a specific number of pages to do every day. I know I draw fast so I gave myself something like 3-4 pages to do per day from Monday to Friday, and double that during weekends, but that’s my speed and you should tailor that to yourself and do less/more!

This is ALSO the step where I start doing thumbnails! I usually made a few already when I have a clear idea of what I want certain moments/pages to look like, but that’s when I make lil thumbnails for each page. I just use post its it doesnt need to be all pretty n stuff

I ALSO ALSO figure out the style, the character designs, etc. I make some doodles, some page examples, so when I ACTUALLY start I’m not looking at a blank page like “oops”. I most likely already thought of it before but that’s when it solidifies itself in my mind! 

this step takes me. a day? three days?

STEP FIVE: JUST DO IT

Just draw the comic. By that point I have my story, the pages+ their description, references, a schedule, etc, so it’s pretty smooth sailing from here on out. JUST DO IT!!!!

Don’t forget to buy yourself some takeout. I never wanna cook for myself when I start drawing comics lmao, make this period of time where you’re gonna draw comics as stress free as possible!!!

this step takes me a week or two??

STEP SIX: ????

EDIT: wait no its not ??? it’s polishing and editing and reviewing it. it’s an important step. so important i forgot about it. thanks @spookyram for reminding me lmao

STEP SEVEN: PROFIT, YA GOT A COMIC

anyways that’s how I do it! Maybe this way will work for you, maybe it won’t, but now you know how I do it so you feel filled with knowledge and power.

[hisuuuuuu]

I was tagged by @tvvy and @dallyingdivergent thank youuu!! 💕💕

1.) If you had one, what was your ‘stereotype’ in school? (jock, nerd, goth, etc)

idk if it has a name but I was like the sweet quiet one that was kind to pretty much everyone. like the krista of the school pretty much aha. like I remember one day I was helping the school sell chocolates and my friend wasn’t going to but she said I was too cute to say no to ahaha aw I miss the days at school when I wasn’t ridden by mental illnesses rip


2.) What are your favorite and least favorite foods?

favourite: aw man idk maybe bacon? bacon hasn’t let me down in a while now least favourite: peanuts maybe?


3.) Who is your favorite character from your current fandom and why?

leviiii ackermannnn. I won’t say all the reasons bc this will go on for too long but this man came from nothing (he literally would have died if it weren’t for kenny god bless him) to a well known hero. and like he never once got cocky about this or his title (in fact I think he hates the burden of it but is willing to sacrifice that part of him for humanity). despite all the shit he’s been through (which is a lot of shit) he still remains kind and untainted (to a point. like he’s willing to get his hands dirty for what he believes in. he’s definitely not pure). but yea all he wants is to protect and save humanity and his friends from the titans. he literally just wants to get rid of them all so they can rest and find peace (probably bc he knows he won’t be able to so he’s willing to die so others can 😭) I’m gonna stop here bc I’m gonna cry and bc this is gonna get too long but I just love everything about him!!


4.) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

my fear of some social situations & risk taking (I’m getting better tho!)


5.) What are your favorite hobbies?

video games, video editing, listening to & playing music, dancing (I’m planning on taking lessons soon if my anxiety chills)


6.) Spring, Summer, Fall, or Winter?

fall


7.) What’s one obstacle you’ve overcome recently?

I think I’ve finally found peace with myself and I don’t take many things as much to heart anymore. it’s actually a really big thing I don’t know why I’m not celebrating lmao


8.) Yes or no:

Pineapple on pizza? it’s not too bad. honestly it used to be my favourite but now I’d rather not but eh it’s ok

Fries dipped in mayonnaise? omg haha possibly? I haven’t had mayo in so long bc it used to make me sick. I mean the thought makes me sick but I guess for like three fries I could handle it lmao

Ketchup on eggs? my dude!!! it’s not a bad taste but the yolk goes pink and it’s so cute!! 


9.) What is your most resourceful skill?

remaining positive, optimistic and calm in stressful situations (most of the time)


10.) If you could pick three fictional characters to bring to life, who would they be and why?

ymir so Icoulddattteeherrrrrr erwin smith bc I want him as my dadddd xander from buffy bc he’d be a good friend and he’s got that dorky humour which I love


11.) What is the end-goal for you; What do you want to do with your life?

I’d like to move to some nice lil city and have a job that I adore with a nice circle of friends, a beautiful home to share with my beautiful gf and beautiful dogs, and to just be happy and at peace with my life that’d be cool

1. What is your LEAST favorite color?

purple maybe? I like most pastel purples tho

2. Which trope in a fanfic do you absolutely hate and want to die?

omg uke/seme tbh

3. Pick a favorite character from your current fandom and write at least one headcanon about them.

oh my gosh ok it’s levi but I’m gonna use this to write about the beautiful rare pair that is moburi haha

when moblit isn’t busy making sure hange is still alive and breathing, he and levi chill out together. they bond over their love but stress and concern over hange. levi drinks tea whilst moblit drinks coffee (which is more than often mixed with some alcohol) while they chat and unwind with the other. they’ll often light heartedly complain about the day they had or something

levi admires moblit’s artistic skill (he literally in canon calls them masterpieces) and likes to just quietly watch him sketch or doodle. as someone with little to no artistic skill he finds it fascinating to watch how effortlessly he can bring something to life. it’s also very soothing and relaxing for him. it takes both their minds off of things or on whatever it is moblit is drawing

moblit at first was flustered by this because of the amount of attention he was getting and the pressure of not messing up because someone is watching. soon enough it became routine for them and moblit could truly relax around levi as he drew

if levi finds moblit drinking on his own (which is quite common) he’ll often join him and work on paperwork as it has no effect on him while they silently enjoy each other’s company

levi likes to if he can to include moblit and any other cadet that’s often left out in conversation or something social bc he loves all his soldiers and wants them to at least have some gOOD MEMORIES BEFORE THEY DIE BYE I HATE THAT THIS ENDED IN ANGST IT WASNT MEANT TO BUT FCK IT IF IT INVOLVES LEVI OF COURSE IT IS I HATE

ALSO IM SORRY THIS GOT LONG I JUST LOVE MY BOYS AND LEVI I’m so gonna use this as a ref to write a moburi fic btw omg

4. Which movie universe would you like to place the characters of your current fandom in?

movie universe.. I was gonna say life is strange bc of the high school au but that’s a video game rip. kingsman maybe? or pmmm. actually nvm just the happiest movie universe where no one dies thanks like some fun college movie or something lmao

5. Enemies-to-lovers or Childhood-friends-to-lovers?

enemies-to-lovers probably but childhood-friends-to-lovers is pretty cute too

6. Who would you switch bodies with, and why?

I don’t think I would tbh I don’t know I don’t want to mess with another persons life like all john malkovich style haha. I always wanted to be mystique tho so I could change the appearance of mine like to just improve little things and cosplaying would be so heavenly and easy I could become all my favs aha

7. Favorite book genre?

mystery/suspense maybe

8. Which video game universe would you like to live in, and why?

animal crossing: new leaf! bc everyone’s so nice and cute and you’ve got everything you need within walking distance like a convenience store, retail, a museum! a coffee shop like bruh

9. Where would you like go on a first date?

probably the movies bc then if you don’t like the person it isn’t as awkward bc you can just enjoy the movie lol

10. For you, what is the right age to get married?

21 and up probably

11. Favorite ice cream flavor

neapolitan bc I can’t pick haha

I tag: @tatakaeeren @apetitan @yaboylevi @sanspert @eren–gayger @micasaas @piecks @reibertx @sarianapng @kenny-ackerman @drunksara

and my 11 questions are:

1. favourite album: 2. favourite time of day: 3. a song you could listen on repeat and never get tired of: 4. favourite rare pair/s: 5. a song that never fails to make you happy: 6. if you had to cosplay anyone who would it be? 7. what would you say your 'style’ is? 8. if you had to get a tattoo what would it be? 9. favourite video game: 10. a ship that is similar to your relationship goals: 11. what was your first plushie/soft toy/teddy’s name?