#your experiences are not universal and i am really being confronted with that today

[maddicsldthoughts]

Week 12 - Development of Faith and Spirituality

I had many thoughts this week while reading the Mayhew, Rockenbach, and Dahl article because it covered a lot of ground and made me reflect on my own upbringing and college experience.

The first thought I had was about the observation that “students who had more interfaith experiences in high school were more likely to develop their self-authored commitments than students with fewer of these pre-college experiences.” I immediately thought of people I know who were raised in the church, went to religious private schools for their K-12 education, and then went to Baylor, a Baptist school, for college. I went to public high school and I do not recall hearing about other peoples’ religious practices much aside from Christianity, so I imagine that in a private, religious, K-12 school, there are few to no students who share openly about their religion if it differs from that of the school. I wonder if these students will ever have interfaith experiences since they would be surrounded by the ideals of the schools for years on end. Perhaps during a mission trip, but then we must discuss the ethicality of those. I am specifically thinking of people I know who grew up in religious schools, attended a religious college, and then returned to their hometown or nearby. What opportunities for faith development are there when all you know is the same? And then how can you be sure enough to commit to your faith when you don’t know anything else? 

That said, my ex-boyfriend (evil) went to a Baptist high school (against his will) and then attended a Methodist university (Methodist is used loosely here) and is now a devout atheist. But, he will not hear anything about others’ religious ideals and is committed to disrespectfully squashing even the belief in afterlife, so while he was able to make a commitment, he obviously has trouble accepting others’ beliefs.

Another thought I had was about the observation that “provocative encounters with worldview diversity … stand as pivotal moments in self-authored worldview development.” Reading this made me glad that I left Texas. Living in New York, I feel like I am experiencing so many things that are foreign to me, whether it is the magnitude of diversity or something as random as professors cussing in class (which was jarring to me at first and I was shocked that no one else felt the same– even some of my Texas friends). I feel like I really have had to reckon with some ideals I’ve held forever and confront some biases that I’ve had because of the people I’ve met here. I share some thoughts with my friends and they’ll tell me “that’s very Texas,” and some of those thoughts I stand by, but others, I didn’t realize I could think otherwise. I feel like in this transition to New York and graduate school, I have made more meaningful commitments to my worldview than maybe ever in my life.

I also noticed that the observation that “where campus racial climates are more hostile, students of color often become more aware of and committed to their racial identities as they navigate the negative environments of which they are a part” is similar to the experiences that LGBTQ+ individuals face. I believe that some of our readings and discussions that I’ve had with friends mentioned that LGBTQ+ people often have to develop faster because they have to learn what it means to defend their identity to others. It is so sad that people with minoritized identities find themselves in these situations because of the shortcomings of straight white people. I am glad that these issues are really being reckoned with in society lately and that people are becoming more accepting so that hopefully in the future, students with minoritized identities won’t be forced to grow up faster. I am so curious as to what the culture of higher education will look like in the next 5-10 years.

Also, I enjoyed the “Beyond the MA” presentation today. I told Dr. Spencer in our advising meeting that I would be interested in helping out/dipping a toe into research but he wasn’t sure if there were any opportunities for that. I know you mentioned you may have some during the presentation, so I would love to help out with that!

[the-joy-of-knowledge]

Writing Therapy

This is will be a guide for you to overcome anxieties, be more courageous, and optimistic. Writing is one of the beautiful ways to express our emotions and have a conversation with ourselves.

Write it down

Take a blank sheet of paper and write down how you feel now. This is not an essay, you should not be concerned about the words. Your thoughts should flow and all you need to do is write out out as it comes out. This can happen at any moment, don’t set a time or a schedule for it.

Weekly letters

Write a letter to yourself every week. I do this and it helps me a lot. Every week I reflect on the previous week and my expectations for the next week. I write my highlights and my low moments and it is such a beautiful emotion to capture. After a while, you will open these letters and reflect on how things changed or lessons you’ve learned.

Confront your inner child/ past

Use writing to confront your inner child. You will have to write like a kindergarten. Don’t overthink it, don’t make it perfect, add some drawings. Sometimes I draw a trash can and write everything habit I needs to get rid off in it. Try to recollect memories of things you were once bad at or good at. Writing isn’t just about following prompts sometimes you’d have to write about something related to you, that only you have experienced. For example:

I remember when I first got my braces, I looked awkward, it’s amazing how much my looks have changed…

I remember when I was 10 and this golden retriever chased me…

My mom didn’t let me go to sleep overs when I was 8, I wonder what it would have felt like…

I first experience bulling in 8th grade, Jessica was really a mean girl, I wonder if bullies eventually change…

I used to be the most popular girl in high school, but in college I feel so overlooked. It’s crazy how things change.

I don’t like how I look in pictures now, I don’t know if it’s just my eyes,

I used to like baking, why did I stop, when did I stop?…

I was mean to the pizza guy, I feel so bad, it was wrong timing, is it possible for the universe to send apologizes on our behalves?…

Be in the present

Being in the present means acknowledging your feelings, processing your emotions as they occur, expressing yourself, being your own cheer leader, and support system.

What was the highlight of my day?

What would I have changed?

What did I procrastinate on?

What am I looking forward to?

What am I grateful for?

Am I better than I was yesterday?

What did I learn today?

Why was I sad/happy?

An optimistic approach

Writing in an optimistic tone will keep you motivated. It will give you the hope you need. You are looking forward to an event, a proposal, an opportunity, or a moment. Optimism gives you enthusiasm to chase your dreams. Examples of writing with optimism includes.

I am looking forward to a great week because…

I can’t wait for Christmas, there’s just so much to celebrate…

I see myself being a successful women even though I’m not sure of my passion…

In the next five years, I want to travel to every state in America.

It only gets better…

Oh, I can’t wait for fall and all the peace it brings…

I’ll be 24 soon, there’s so much to reflect on…

Confronting the elephant in the room

This will be the difficult part of the writing because you will have to be honest with yourself, it’s tough love here, and you’ll have to hold yourself accountable. Here are prompts that can help:

Are you sure you want to accomplish your goals?

Why do you want a change in your life, if you are not willing to improve?

When was the last time to made a to-do list and followed through?

Have you read a book since the last month?

What is your excuse for not doing your self-care routine?

Do you trust yourself?

What have you started but you’re yet to complete?

I’d love to start a writing therapy class, it will be so interesting :)

With love,

Black Pearl

[daphnedauphinoise]

how to stop being addicted to self help contents ?

This is a very valid question and something I struggled with until a while ago. The bottom line is you need to just go out and live life. If you are out living life, you are not mindlessly consuming self-help content. A lot of self-help content is bullshit. It really is just a way to be insecure about things that dont require any of that. I have found that you can't wean yourself off self-help, the promise of a better life is so sweet. Not as nearly as sweet as living a better life so in my opinion, it has to be a cold clean cut away from self-help. At some point you actually have do the routines you have made, check the check lists you have made and all those vision boards.

Why are you consuming self help? Usually it is one of these things:

Your life is shit and you have no clue on how to fix it

You are avoiding fixing your life because lets be honest, work is hard so you rather just keep searching for your magic fix

You are deeply afraid of moving past your shitty current situation because now you have gotten used to it and you do not think yourself as deserving of the life you want. You are scared of the brigh future you can have.

Believe it or not but all of these things are fixable. Those of you who are afraid of the good things in life need to do some soul searching and weed out the root of your misfortunes. If you are avoiding the hard work, then you are doomed. If you are group number one, I will come back to you.

One of my friends has a habit of telling us that anxiety is the stupidest man made concept and I used to look at her weirdly until I finally understood what she meant. She wasn't targeting those with diagnosed anxiety, our friend group knows first hand how delibatating anixety can be. What she means is a lot of our concepts we have about self, we come up with ourselves and those concepts are our downfall. I used to have this horrible notion that I was incapable and i was worth much, guess where my life was? Once I started respecting myself more and flipped that narrative my life has changed so much. Until a couple of months ago I used to go around saying ' i have such bad anxiety', it was an excuse as much as it was a justification. As soon as uni started again and I have been forced to interact, guess whose life has been better? I am not saying my social anxiety has gone but my mental health has improved dramatically. I no longer say I have that anxiety anymore eventhough I do, I dont let that hold me back. Just because I have it, I dont let myself become a victim to it. The things I thought I couldn't do, I do now; all it took was a new outlook and a new mindset. Things do get exponentially better when you actually leave your front door and tackle your problems head on. From my own experience, the more I have labeled myself as an 'anxious' person, the worse my anxiety has gotten. I did a chart and everything and I saw that there was a direct correlation to what I was perpetuating and then how I was feeling and then consequently acting.

Here is how self-help went wrong: people see self-help as the end goal. Making the visualisation board is not the end goal. Making a visualisation board is the start of your journey. I have a board right infront of me now and everyday I wakeup and I look at it and promise myself that I will do something today that will bring me one step closer to one of those pictures. A lot of people who are into manifesting hate actually doing the work but I need you remember Law of Action is literally a universal law. You cannot manifest a schoalarship, if you never apply. You won't meet your billionaire boo if you are at home day in day out. The time to start your journey to your dream life is actually right now! Literally RIGHT NOW. Stop giving yourself excuses and do that 10 minutes of whatever you need to do today. You need to be confrontational with yourself and you need to have self-discipline.

All the girls I know who have had shitty upbringings and me personally, are where we are because we dream hard and work hard. I have seen people leave the wildest pasts behind and move onto the bigger and better. From being abdandoned by her parents to golfing every week and currently she is planning her skiing getaway. I have seen people using their losing deck and win at life. They all work hard. Their work ethic and their dedication to their purpose is a commonality they all share.

daphne xox

[thestandardgirl]

hello

I've been writing since forever. It's the only way I can express myself. When I was about 5 years old and didn’t know how to write, I once took a piece of paper and a pencil and took it to my mother, and I asked her to write down my memoirs like Emília from Sítio do Pica Pau Amarelo (a Brazillian TV show for kids). ''What memories do you have, you're only 5 years old'' was the answer I heard. I think I just wanted to record my life. I needed to write some things down before I forgot what I was thinking about.

so, ever since I learned to write, I have had my diaries and filled them with my anguish. When I was a teenager, I used to write on tumblr, because I was afraid my mother would read my diary (I caught her doing that once, but that's a topic for another day). I love to reread what I was feeling at a certain time in my life. the other day I was reading about how I was suffering from crush on a guy at school, more or less in 2015, and today I don't even remember who that guy was. I don't even remember his name, much less his face. funny how things work. will it be that 10 years from now I'll read in my diary about how I'm grieving for my breakup with my most current ex, and think ''wow, how silly of me, I don't even remember him properly''? I really hope so. because now it seems that this pain will never go away.

but anyway. about me and my writing. I am that person who avoids conflicts as much as possible. I don't know how to talk when it's time to fight, I don't know how to think under pressure, I don't like to talk. if someone yells at me, I cry. I decided to go for the academic route at university precisely for that reason. I like to research and write my findings. if you don't agree, you can write an article refuting me. if I find it pertinent, I write another reply. no face to face, no clash.

and I love to read. my favorite genres are fantasy and romance. 95% of what I read is fiction. I love living other people's lives, falling in love with vampires and fighting epic battles - things I wouldn't have the courage to experience in my real life. it hasn't been long since this desire arose, but I started wanting to write myself. create my own stories and perhaps support someone like my favorite authors support me. but I still don't feel ready for that. I think I still need to grow a lot with my writing. I'm insecure, and I'm afraid of finishing a project like this and not feeling comfortable with the end result - I think I also end up being too much of a perfectionist sometimes.

I'm also not a very creative person in the artistic sense of the word. I don't know how to play any instruments, or draw, or cut paper and create collages. no matter how hard I tried, and took classes in all sorts of activities, my brief dreams of being an architect or fashion designer or actress/singer were always just that: brief and dreams. but with writing it is not like that. I don't need fancy and specific materials, nor a gigantic idea right from the start; I can control and write little by little; I can go back to the beginning and change something without it compromising too much of the rest of the text.

that's why I'm here! I think writing these texts reflecting on my life is a good way to start this writing career - also because this is not my career, so unfortunately I'm not fully dedicated to writing and I have bills to pay…. and anonymity is also something that comforts me. for now, the only way for me to publish anything and not throw up with anxiety of people I know reading it, is under a pseudonym. I'm not ready for people to know me personally, and I'm afraid of possible confrontations for the truths I intend to write about.

in short: I haven't revolutionized anything yet, I haven't had any brilliant ideas to save the world, I haven't even figured out how to deal with my own insignificant problems. but I hope to find all of that. and also to find someone to talk about life.

yours sincerely,

standard girl

[finelinevogue]

you come home drunk and both your siblings Harry and Gemma are home watching a movie

Ur mom Anne is asleep and you snuckrf out to a party and got drunk maybe, and you come and when Harry is like “YN? What r u doing?” And the first thing u say is “I’m not drunk” and just start rambling stuff

sibling!harry isn’t talked about often enough so here we go;

(this turned sad pretty quickly fyi….)

You were flat out drunk.

Pissed. Wankered. Plastered. Hammered. The whole combination of all of them together.

If someone were to ask you to spell your name you would reply with a bunch of letters that didn’t even exist in yours and you knew this because it had just happened.

“You’re so drunk.” Your best friend Hannah giggled, but their was a tone of concern behind her voice. She knew that you were a lightweight, but didn’t keep tabs on you the whole night to keep track of how many drinks you’d had. Turns out, too late, too many.

“No, i’m Y/N dummy!” Your words slurred as you stumbled over on the grass outside of the party you’d just been at.

It had been your good friends Will’s birthday party and it was all very exciting because it was the first big house party for people your age - in your school. Will’s house was massive, too, and it was the talk of the town. Unfortunately your stupid, annoying, over-protective older brother had told you no when you’d asked him if you could go. You’d gone to your mum first, the lovely Anne, and she’d said maybe, but once Harry had twisted his way into her head to describe everything the party wouldn’t be she’d said no.

Luckily for you, your bedroom window was right next to a huge tree - one that you could easily climb onto, up and down. So that’s what you’d done.

As soon as you’d arrived at Will’s you had a drink in your hand. Then another, and another and so on until the point you were at now - wasted. You had originally drunk so much out of spite of Harry, but you ended up trying to the point where you honestly didn’t even notice you were drinking alcohol.

“Y/N get up, c’mon. I need to get you home.” Hannah sighed, looking around to see if anyone was around to help.

“Noooo! Harry will be there and he’ll shout at me.”

“Why? Harry’s nothing but lovely.” Hannah had a not-so-secret secret crush on your brother - as did the whole of your town. And the country. And the world. It was hard living in the shadow of Harry Styles, but you did love him just not when he sucked the fun from the universe.

“That’s what everyone thinks.” You rolled your eyes and kept them shut, just wanting to go to sleep now and the grass seemed comfortable enough.

“You should be so lucky Y/N.” Hannah argued back.

“Sure doesn’t feel like it sometimes.”

“You’re so ungrateful, do you know that?” Hannah scoffed, clearly pissed off with your whining antics, “You know what? You can walk yourself home.”

And with that you were left to the front grass, confused as to what you’d done wrong to make her so pissed off so quickly. You thought you were just sharing feelings and having a heart-to-heart, but clearly Hannah found offence to your words. No doubt she was pissed off at you for being a bitch about Harry, but that’s just the way it was. He was your brother. Your famous older brother who adorned the hearts of billions. Sometimes that’s all you ever feel like - ‘the sister of Harry Styles’ - to the point where you just wanted freedom and release. Sure, this was not the healthiest way for release but it did make you forget who you were just for the day. You often felt misunderstood and it was times like this when you could feel a little better.

“Fuck.” You sighed, knowing you’d just pissed off someone else in your life. Now, you’d have to get yourself home and confront your even more pissed off brother, sister and potentially mother. That’s if they were even up. Or if they cared enough.

You’d always felt left behind.

It was no doubt unintentional, but you felt like you were the least cared about in the family. Harry was the golden angel and could do no wrong and Gemma was just a responsible queen, according to mum. You, well… You were the “irresponsible and reckless” one of the bunch according to most media outlets and even your family. Maybe it was true? You never saw yourself as those things, but you could see how the sneaking out and drinking - and at a young age - could be seen as.

You picked yourself up off the floor, stumbling as your head started spinning fast. You felt sick, tired and cold and you hadn’t noticed your nose runny and eyes teary until now. You tugged the sleeves of your long t-shirt down, silently wishing you’d brought a jacket, and pulled your phone out of your pocket.

No charge. Great.

The walk home didn’t take too long, but completely wasted did not make it easy. You bumped into people and got cat-called by hideous and vile men. You felt unsafe, but you kept yourself together and attempted to get home as quickly as possible.

“Fucking pull yourself together.” You talked to yourself as you stood at the bottom of the tree, climbing it the best you could with a cloudy mind. The branches scratched your arms and your legs felt so fatigued, but you were honestly too exhausted to care anymore.

As you clambered through your window the last thing you expected was to see Harry laying on your bed.

“What the fuck!” You screamed from shock at him being there, stumbling over your own legs and falling onto the floor. Harry sat up immediately.

“What do you mean what the fuck? Y/N? What the fuck?” He threw the question back in your face, throwing his arms up in despair.

“Oh please, save your judgement Harry. I don’t need it today.” You gathered yourself from the floor and walked into your en suite bathroom, after switching on the light.

“Where were you huh?” He didn’t cut his questions.

“Out.” You mumbled, throwing cold water over your red and puffy face. Your hands were freezing and your head pounding, so the last thing you needed was Harry yelling at you at how much of a disappointment you were.

“Are you drunk?” He walked into the bathroom, clearly not understanding the meaning of personal space. “Are yo- are you crying?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Tears started welling up in your eyes again.

“What doesn’t matter? Being drunk, you crying, getting home late, sneaking out?”

“None of it!” You snapped, looking at him with so much sadness. “None of it matters. I- I don’t matter.” You sank down on the cold tiled floor, resting your back against the wall opposite the bath. The tears fell and stung you eyes. You embraced your legs with your arms after pulling your knees up to your chest.

Your whole body language screamed to Harry that you were not okay and he was upset for you.

“Y/N..” Your name came out soft and fragile from Harry’s mouth.

“I’m fine.”

“No you’re not.” Harry sunk down against the wall next to you, not touching you but close enough for you to know he was there for you. He let you cry until you decided you were alone enough to let him comfort you. You brought your head up and let it rest on Harry’s shoulder, to which he responded by putting his head on top of yours.

“I’m just really tired Harry.” You whimpered, using your long sleeve to wipe your nose dry.

“Of what Y/N/N?”

“Being a nobody.”

“You’re not a nobo—”

“Harry I am—”

“No you’re not.” Harry ended the argument quickly, before continuing. “You’re not a nobody Y/N. You’re my sister and bestest friend in the whole world. I care and worry for you more than anyone. I love you more than anyone, just don’t tell Gem or mum that! I’ve never thought of you as anything but my favourite person and someone I can rely on for my happiness, and I apologise if i’ve taken that for granted recently.”

“It’s okay, thank you.”

“You’re my most important person and i’m sorry you’ve been feeling this way, but trust me, Y/N, when I say that drinking away your problems, and even rebelling, is not the way to make things better. It always makes it worse.” Harry spoke from personal experience.

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, I am too.” Harry sighed, kissing the side of your head. “Just worry about you too much to see that sometimes i’m holding you back.”

“I like that you worry about me, it makes me feel important.”

“That’s because you are. Most important person in my life.”

[spocks-evil-godmother]

just some tuvok thoughts

tuvok is my favorite voyager character (sorry seven) and i think he is just great, and specifically i think he is great in how he relates to other people. to maybe give voice to the thing i am thinking of, it is that tuvok is interesting because he is the third iteration of a chief of security and the second vulcan to have a like really central role.

to the latter point, this is very obviously because leonard nimoy as spock was just SO iconic and so defining for TOS that i think it was very fair for TNG especially to avoid adding a vulcan and risk a sense of "redoing" the character (because everyone would hate that) and together with DS9 creating a distinct and fleshed-out universe that didn't necessarily revolve around the same exact themes of TOS. as sequels, not reboots, they could wander into their own territory and make their own way, which meant not looking at vulcans as a very central part of the stories. i get why they waited until VOY.

when it comes to the chief of security part, that is interesting then because finally, we return to vulcans, who have not been people on the main cast since TOS, placed in this bridge officer role that did not exist on TOS. tasha yar was the first COS, then worf, and then odo. in the case of all three characters, i feel like there is something fairly unVulcan about all of them. yar sought out security as a resolution to a chaotic childhood filled with violence; safety is a profoundly emotional experience for her. worf's central arc generally relates to becoming an honorable warrior—though interpersonally worf can be standoffish or brusque, when there is a cultural expectation for emotional display in battle, worf always rises to the occasion. odo, like worf, can be brusque (perhaps even harsh, or cold). i feel like there's something to be said about how perhaps ideally we would read these characters as being fairly unemotional—but then, when I think about how much they display anger (not necessarily inappropriately! just that they are often angry or annoyed) I think that isn't true at all. in fact, between all those characters, i feel like they together make the case that to be a good chief of security (or warrior, or defender of justice) you must be angry, because your anger makes you both powerful and attuned to the needs of those you love, when they need you. worf and odo love BIG.

enter tuvok, who does not experience love (or love, as we might feel it).

though equally impersonal and detached as the others, in some regards, tuvok has none of the big love or big anger that his forerunners have held. he is vulcan, and the last vulcan we've seen on a bridge has shown how well-suited vulcans are to be dispassionate scientists, just the facts please and thank you. what would motivate a logical, unemotional being to become a defender?

and like on a practical level, i don't know. backstory is whatever. but i think if i am asking myself, what does logic bring to the role of protector?, then my answer is evaluation.

obviously i am just ranting and raving about tuvok because i watched the season 2 episode "innocence" today BUT this episode really does encapsulate what i love in him and i think what the writers wanted us to love in him as well. certainly, there is a lot of humor in mr. very serious being confronted with three children who just want to play play play!!! but there is a lot of seriousness there, too. it's very serious that tuvok runs into frightened children and says, i will stay with you and watch over you. it is serious that they tell him there is a monster in the darkness and they are afraid of it, and he says, my sensors do not detect the presence of a monster, but the absence of readings does not confirm the absence of a monster; i will stay with you and watch over you. and it is serious still that when a little girl who is afraid of dying alone asks him to save her, he assures her that he cannot interrupt her natural life cycle but understands that she will only feel safe enough to leave if he is with her; i will stay with you and watch over you.

in no moment is tuvok himself taken over by his emotions. he calmly evaluates every situation. he listens to the children. he soothes them. and, as strange as it seems, he entertains their fears. he admits that he cannot confirm the nonexistence of a monster, but if there is a monster it is not nearby so it's okay to sleep and if it comes nearby he will be awake to chase it away. i think what is the most stunning thing about tuvok is that he is sympathetic to but completely unafraid of the children's emotions. are they like kinda annoying him, sure. but he accepts their emotions as they are—he does not feel pressured by their fear to change his own behavior. and his ability to evaluate it all, the situation, the children, the future, is the thing that creates the sense of safety that ultimately allows the children to die peacefully.

this episode's probably most iconic moment (or maybe i just think about it all the time idk) is when a child asks him if being vulcan means he doesn't love his own children, and tuvok replies, "My attachment to my children cannot be described as an emotion. They are part of my identity, and I am incomplete without them."

we could make a whole post about that, if we wanted, but i gotta go to bed. instead, i would just posit that the same is true for the identity tuvok has built for himself as a chief of security and a defender. his motives in protecting others are not because of an emotion. he is not angry, or sad, or scared, or upset. but it is logical to maintain the safety of a community to maintain to order of a community—and through experience and effort he has learned how to evaluate whether or not something is safe.

and, i think, if you are a little child, and you think, maybe there is a monster going to eat me, and possibly this is the scariest thing that has ever happened to you, the kindest thing a grown-up can do is say "i don't see any monsters, but i am prepared in the event that they show up. i will stay with you and watch over you. good night."

[psychelis-new]

Hey Lys, I'd like to give my two cents on what you said to fs/celeb crush anon because I have THOUGHTS on the way I see a lot of people treat the whole fs concept.

Sometimes it feels like people think about their FS kind of like an arranged marriage: the universe you put this random person in your life and you'll have no choice but to marry them because destiny has chosen it for you. And like, things are not like that at all. Your FS is your FS because you chose them.

You have agency in your life and your FS is simply someone future you thought would be nice to spend their lifes with. If I say that one year from now you'll have waffles for dinner it isn't because destiny will take away all the food in your pantry and waffles will be your only option, but simply because a year from now future you will be like "well I'm kinda craving waffles today" fir whatever reason and choose to eat it.

And, like you said, if it's someone you chose to be with it's because you like their traits, and if you like their traits it's only natural that you'll like other people that seem to have those same traits.

Sorry for ranting in your ask box, I just really feel like we should shift the way we treat this topic.

Agree with you generally BUT let me specify a few things too. I as well say that we're always in charge of our life and destiny, and it can change anytime, anyday, exactly cause we grow according on what we experience, the people we meet, the things we do and learn step by step. But so does everyone around us (not even rocks stay the same all the time, e.g. rain erodes them).

The "destined person/fs" is an energy that may resonate with you at the time of the reading, and it has traits that you are trying to attract in your life at that moment, be it cause of a lesson or as a treat (or traits that you find attractive in that moment of your life). Psychologically speaking, it's not uncommon for us to fall for people that also have traits we find attractive cause of our own hidden traumas (even when we're not aware of them): celebs crushes are the best example for people who have insecurities and abandonment issues, js. Ofc, it doesn't have to be so for everyone: as mentioned in the other ask and by you up here, it's also a matter of recognizing what we like in a person (maybe also confronting our tastes with those of other fans).

Anyway. As I also said, it is not impossible to have a (past life?) connection with someone, or to have a soulmate (not a random person). And okay, you don't have to end up marrying them (cause of free choice being always a chance as you mentioned, cause we're in charge of our life, and cause we cannot predict every single detail that will happen in the future), but it's a soul that somehow, you are supposed to end up meeting. At least at a certain moment of your life (reading time-wise: again, your choices may even change that; but i believe there's a soul for each one of us that we need to meet no matter what. Not sure abt the reason, so don't come at me telling me it's FS. It could be, but it could just be a lesson). This (not the lesson) is what I am talking about when channeling FS readings and when I speak about your "destined person": someone that, as everyone else in this life, experiences things, grows, and who is not supposed to have a fixed energy through their whole life (exactly as you change, and changes what you like or not, they do too. And this change in them may even correspond with you changing your likes and learning lessons through your life, and viceversa. It may not be for everyone, okay, but it could be. And ofc a lot has to say timing in this change and meeting: we may find the right person but something may be off, and it could even be for a reason too - e.g. the lesson above).

Now, this said, people these days are feeling lonely and lost, and because of this, they need to believe that they will meet this person, that they're destined to them and nobody else. That this person is just for them: it may be a toxic view caused by traumas (we have no idea how minds work sometimes), but is it that wrong to believe in this dream of having someone just for them? As long as it helps them feel good and stay hopeful, I don't see anything bad in it. Also cause it could really be the case, as stated above: I am not sure of anything when it comes to 5d, I only believe in fate, and I cannot know everyone's fate. If something has to be, it will be. If someone has a contract with another soul and they won't decide to break it (for any reason)... there's nothing I can say. I'm with you when you say many on here are taking this FS topic a bit too far and treat it as an obsession, but let's also consider the external factors of life nowadays (and also that many minors are here: darlings I'm not saying you're naive or anything bad, quite the opposite). Life is tough, we all have different problems, we heal and sometimes crawl through life, and we need to believe that something good is ahead, we need to believe that it's waiting for us, especially love (of any type: we're humans, we historically live to have relationships). As long as people learn to dream about their person and still balance this dream with living their present life the best they can, taking courage to go out and about and be present, and creating themselves occasions to get in touch with actual people and learn from these real relationships (also about themselves not just others), let's let them. We'll all likely find the FS of our dreams (or almost) this way.

[uwuyangin]

a promise well broken (minho x reader)

✩ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: if anyone was certain of one thing, it would be the fact that both you and minho were a two in one deal. never would somebody see one and not the other. since the beginning of your friendship, you promised each other that no matter what, you would never lie. pinky promises were forever right? that is until you meet hana, the one person that had the potential to tear you and minho apart.

✩ 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐫 + 𝐚/𝐧: this is a request! bff to lovers! plot ahead. cussing as well so be warned. song rec: i hate u, i love u by olivia o’brien & gnash. thank you for requesting this, lovely! 

—

the autumn of twenty-eighteen was the worst year of your life.

why? because that was the start of your first year being a freshman in college. nobody had warned you about the university life, and it always looked so easy. then came week two where you learned the hard way that the readings actually were important. or that you should never leave your laundry in the laundromat without supervision. again, these were things you had to learn as an adult and it sucked.

but, you’ll never forget the day you met him; lee minho. 

you had accidentally spilled coffee all over his white shirt in that over-crowded starbucks down the street from your apartment. he had joked you owe him a new shirt, however he then laughed at his silly remark. hearing that laugh made your heart melt in a way you couldn’t describe. nonetheless, you offered to buy him his drink of choice, to which he denied. instead, he asked for your time and the rest was history.

you two were inseparable ever since. even when you needed to study, minho would drop by and annoy the hell out of you. it had become such a routine that you would be surprised if he didn’t accompany you to anything. in a way, you were dependent on him as he was to you. some would say this was unhealthy, but you admitted to yourself a long time ago that a life without lee minho was not a life wanted. 

however, because life was never perfect, you couldn’t expect your relationship with him to be. because you were utterly in love with someone you never thought you could have. so much so that your heart swelled at just the idea of him and that damn smile. his tsundere personality attracted you the most because that only made the intimate moments more meaningful. like when he would hold your hand in public if you were anxious, or the way he complimented your work ethic. those small, simple gestures filled your stomach with butterflies. as much as you loved him showing you affection, it also broke your heart because it always stirred up false hope. and nothing hurt more than that. 

you wished you could confront him on this. you hated hiding anything from minho. it was your number one rule between each other; no secrets, no lies. he always had a deep-rooted insecurity of being lied to, and you promised him that you would never do that no matter what. you’ll never forget the way he looked at you then; full of trust and happiness. each night when you lay awake in your bed, your chest clenches at the thought of telling him you’ve been surpressing these feelings. would he rejoice or be disappointed? it was a risk that you weren’t willing to take.

that promise meant everything to you. apparently minho thought otherwise.

it had been exactly one month since you met park hana. minho introduced the two of you after walking out of his calculus class. he had made a new friend, which didn’t surprise you because who wouldn’t want to be friends with him? however, at the sight of her, your stomach dropped. she had locks of honey brown, obviously artificial but beautiful nonetheless. her eyes always shone with a light you never thought you’d see. she was outgoing, intelligent, and funny. god, she was so funny that she made minho roll over in laughter at a study session that was supposed to be explicitly between you and him. you envied her. you wanted to love yourself the way she did, but everytime you looked in the mirror, you would only see flaws. what would minho see in you that he wouldn’t see in her? 

you tried to be her friend, you really did. on multiple occasions, you invited hana to coffee or to the movies, and she always declined. if you brought it up to minho, he would only shrug it off that it wasn’t serious. this didn’t cease your uneasiness towards her, though. it could just be your jealousy speaking but you knew yourself better than that. 

you were going to try again, though. if she meant something to minho, then she meant something to you as well. 

you lay on your bed with a small smile, scrolling through your phone to find minho’s number. a simple face time would be fun as you didn’t feel like texting. you also really wanted to see his face. after finding his number, you tapped on it and felt excitement rising in your system. it was only a video call but this is what minho did to you. as the phone rang, you were met with disappointment as you noticed that he wasn’t going to pick up. that wasn’t like him as he typically picked up within the first three rings. 

“what the heck? ugh,” you grunted to yourself, heading over to text message. 

you were tempted to text him alone about your idea of hanging out, but you knew that if you were going to make an effort for hana, you would need to text the group chat. you began to text out your plans, sending it with a large grin. 

you: heyyyyyyyyy bishes! i’m thinking of heading to the mall later today, and i’d love to hang with y’all. what do you say?? maybe we can get dinner as well. i finally don’t have homework lmaoo 

soongiedoongiedori: aw can’t today :( hanging out with sungie

hana: same, i’m busy! maybe next week? 

you: ok :’) </3

releasing a sigh, you felt your excitement deterioriate. you weren’t expecting them to turn you down so quickly, especially minho. you knew it was wrong to be upset at them for being busy but you couldn’t help how you were feeling. hana did suggest next week . . . that would have to do for now. 

as you sighed once again, you heard your door swinging open. you snapped your head up, hoping it was minho pranking you, but you were only met with your roommate, yeri. 

“whoa, calm down. i’m not gonna kill you,” she joked. “i was just checking to see if you’ve eaten today and if i should buy takeout.” 

groaning, you shook her head and hung an arm over your head. this made it clear to yeri that you were upset, making her concerned. you two were close since the beginning of the school year. normally you were a cheerful person. if you were acting like this, then something was definitely up. 

“what’s wrong?” she asked, sitting beside you on your bed. 

you peeked out from behind your arm only to drop it and sigh for the third time. that’s all you could really do at this point. 

“well, it’s going to sound dumb-”

“no it’s not. stop doubting yourself, now tell me what’s up.” yeri interrupted.

you rolled your eyes but smiled a small smile. “i texted minho and hana to see if they wanted to hang out today but both of them are busy. it just really sucks because i feel like every time i make an effort for hana, she doesn’t make an effort for me. i’ve tried telling lino this but he thinks i’m being dramatic. am i being dramatic?”

yeri hummed at your response, furrowing her eyebrows. you watched in silence as she pondered about the scenario in her mind. this put you on edge because she didn’t immediately reassure you it was nothing. she must’ve seen something fishy as well or else she wouldn’t be thinking about it. or you were assuming the worst.

“they’re both busy?” she checked. 

you nodded, making her shrug. “i wouldn’t think much of it, (y/n). what’s the rule between you and him again? no secrets, no lies or something like that? i don’t think he would lie to you.” 

that was true; nobody took that rule more seriously than minho. for a moment there, you felt guilt because you knew it was wrong to immediately doubt his intentions like that. hana as well. yeri inspected you for a moment as she took in your composure. surely her advice should’ve been enough to warrant ease, however, you were still stiff.

“i’ll go to the mall with you,” she offered. “i was thinking of stopping in sephora or something. i’ve been meaning to go for awhile but never had the excuse.”

you snapped your head her way and bit back a smile, trying not to be too enthusiastic. “really? you’re not just saying that, are you?”

yeri nudged you playfully before standing. “of course not. now get up and ready, or i’ll regret my decision.”

-

“did you really have to buy all three palettes? they look the exact same!” 

yeri rolled her eyes as the both of you exited the store with you holding one bag, and her with two. you had only been there for twenty minutes and you already spent more than you would’ve liked. then again, you didn’t really care because you were looking forward to this for awhile. friends that enable each other stay together, right?

“well, that’s where you’re wrong. this one is peachy nudes, then there’s the golden nudes, and this one is neutral nudes. seriously, (y/n), don’t underestimate the power of nudes.”

the both of you let out a laugh, leaning into each other for support. yeri had made this experience way more fun than you thought it could be. not one thought of minho or hana had entered your mind. the mood was lifted tremendously as you strolled through the mall, window shopping at a few stores until you found the one you wanted to shop in. however, as you were going to enter a store, your stomach did a little growl. 

“whoa, calm down tiger.” joked yeri as she patted your stomach. 

“i guess i forgot to eat today . . . do you wanna stop by the food court before we continue shopping?” you suggested.

she nodded, realizing that she was hungry as well. “i think it’s this way.” 

nearing the corner, you continued on towards the food court with excitement. mall food always had a different vibe to it and you were very much looking forward to devouring some lo mein noodles. as the food court came into view, your walk began to speed up. the excitement that was building up inside of you halted as yeri stopped in her tracks, causing you to run directly into her back. 

“hey-” you started but yeri whipped around, shushing you. her hands grabbed onto your arms and dragged you to the side where you were no longer out in the open.

“what are you doing?” your voice was not loud however it still wasn’t at yeri’s liking as she shushed you again.

“(y/n), look over by mcdonald’s. isn’t that minho . . . and hana?” 

your heart stopped as you heard those words, immediately looking where yeri had instructed you. there sat minho and hana, laughing obnoxiously while sharing a meal. you watched the way she fed him a fry, with him then returning the favor. your heart tugged at the sight because that was something you guys always do to each other. it would then follow with you offering him a bite of your mcflurry and then booping him on the nose with the spoon. the tension grew as you saw him reaching for the spoon of his mcflurry, raising it out towards hana.

“please, please, please. do not pat it on her nose,” you whispered to yourself.

tears welled up in your eyes as you watched the way she took a bite, then giggling as he gently patted her nose with the spoon. that was the icing on the cake and it’s all it took before you turned your body around, rushing to the exit. 

yeri called out to you but you weren’t listening. the scene that played before rewound itself in your mind like a vhs tape. and you would pause at the way he looked at her, like she was so special. those glances were always reserved for you. was he tired of you? did he know how much he meant to you? he broke your one rule, the one thing that meant everything. your friendship was based on this and yet it was now abandoned. your breathing became labored as you tried calming down, staring at the ground with wide eyes and endless tears. never did you think minho would betray you. maybe it was naive to think like that.

“(y/n), wait up!” puffed out yeri as she met up with your figure at the exit. her chest heaved from the run she had to do to catch up.

neither of you spoke as yeri tried to find the words. “i’m sorry.” her voice was soft, almost afraid of breaking you any further.

-

nearly a week had passed since the incident at the mall. and you would be lying if you said you were alright.

every night you were reminded of what minho did to you as he sent you texts relentlessly. the spamming began after day one with him asking if you wanted to come over. when you didn’t respond, he continued to blow up your phone to see if you were okay. all the missed calls and texts drove you insane because you wanted so badly to reply. but you weren’t going to give in so easily. he hurt you in ways you couldn’t describe. it didn’t help that you were helplessly in love with him. seeing him give affection towards another female was inevitable, but you never thought it would hurt like this.

you weren’t surprised when you didn’t get any notifications from hana. you wanted to believe so badly that she was a good person but something felt off. you didn’t want it to be your jealousy speaking but you also didn’t want to be in denial either. this felt wrong because you and minho had never been so separated. but with each passing second, you felt yourself growing further part from him. you continued to drown in your depressed thoughts until a knock on your door interrupted.

“yes?” 

“oh, you don’t sound so excited to see me.” joked a familiar voice as they stepped in, closing  the door behind them.

you grinned, immediately sitting up and opening your arms for your friend, han jisung. the boy wasn’t shy in returning the hug, laughing at your brightened expression.

“sungie! what are you doing here? you didn’t even think to call me?” your voice was nothing but playful, nudging his arm in the process.

jisung took a seat beside you on the bed and chuckled. as he made himself comfortable, he spoke up. “i felt like being spontaneous.”

the air was always light when it came to jisung. he was able to make everyone feel welcomed despite his social anxiety. the contradiction always made you love him more, as a friend of course. you admired him for a moment, feeling somewhat calmer. it was obvious to jisung that something was wrong, though. minho might’ve told him to check up on you because if you were ignoring him, then he knew you wouldn’t let him into your home. but jisung could also tell from your face that you weren’t okay.

“hey, what’s going on? you can tell me.” 

his sudden change from bubbly to concerned shocked you, making you freeze in your spot. you hadn’t even noticed the smallest of tears that were forming in your eyes, finally being able to unleash any form of disappointment that you were holding in. jisung was not prepared to see you falter so quickly as he reached forward, holding your hands in his lap as he let you cry for a moment in silence. as soon as you were ready to catch your breath, you laid the truth on him.

“minho lied to me. and to make matters worse . . . he lied to me with hana.”

jisung was taken aback at those words because minho? lied to you? there’s no way. he snorted, shaking his head as he was in disbelief. however, as he studied your expression again, he noticed that you were still crying. the boy clenched his jaw as he was now visibly angry. he knew how much that rule meant to you and minho, as it meant something to jisung as well. he was there when minho got his heart broken, when he was the one who was lied to. and now minho had completely ignored that because of someone he barely knew. you didn’t deserve this, no one did. 

“(y/n), i’m so sorry.” much like yeri, that’s all he could say. 

because he knew how much this hurt you, and there was nothing that he could say that would change how you were coping. he wanted to ask what happened, but he also didn’t want to push you. 

“why are you sorry? it’s him that should be sorry.” you replied bitterly as you wiped at your eyes. 

you thought you looked pathetic, but jisung thought the opposite. he couldn’t even imagine what you were going through, and he always knew how close you two were. deep down he also knew how you felt about minho. this was more than just your best friend lying to you, no. 

ring ring ring

the sound of your phone ringing made you snap out of it, immediately searching for it so that you could read the caller id. once you had it in your hands, your eyes widened in shock.

“it’s hana . . . should i answer it?” you whispered.

“sure, but i don’t know why you’re whispering.” you reached over and swatted his arm at his sass.

without thinking much of it, you swiped right and pressed the phone to your ear. jisung didn’t think that you would actually do it, considering you had neglected minho’s calls. although he did believe it would be easier to speak with hana as you weren’t as close with her. after holding in your breath for a long second or two, you released out a greeting.

“hello?”

“mhm, (y/n)-ah. i’m glad you picked up. i’ve been meaning to talk to you.” 

something about the way she spoke didn’t sound genuine, and jisung could notice it from a mile away. you furrowed your eyebrows as he pointed at your phone, mouthing the words ‘speaker phone’ to you. you decided to risk it as jisung would be your witness for whatever would go down. you switched it to speaker.

“oh, hi hana. what did you want to speak with me about?” you said straightforwardly. 

there was a chuckle on the other end that sent chills down your spine. “i’m not stupid, (y/n). i know you saw minho and me at the mall together. i don’t blame you for acting the way you are, i would probably do the same.”

both you and jisung looked at each with wide eyes. you didn’t expect her to be so blunt with her thoughts, however you were expecting something bitchy. biting on the inside of your cheek, you listened to her continue.

“i mean, you should be jealous. minho asked me on a date, and he told me he loves me. we are now dating, and we are very happy. he’s very happy. and now that we are together, i’m telling you to stay away from him.”

you could feel the fresh wave of tears pooling in your eyes as you heard her read out your worst nightmare. minho was in love with someone else, and to make matters worse, it was with hana. everything inside of you clenched painfully as you felt your heart sink to your stomach. this was way worse than having minho lie to you. you prayed to any god or deity that the situation couldn’t get any worse than it already was but they refused to listen to you. the universe was against your idea of sharing love with minho as it did everything in its way to tear you two apart. you should’ve kept count of the time you had left with him until he was taken.

but hearing her say that you needed to stay away from him wasn’t an option in your head. you can handle him lying, and being in love with someone else. it hurt, god it hurt so badly, but you could handle it if it meant he was happy. you would rather have minho happy instead of not having him at all. you were passionate in that belief, and you weren’t going to let hana tell you otherwise.

“no.” 

“i wasn’t asking, (y/n).” her tone was more intimidating than before, yet you held your ground.

“i said no. i’m not budging on this, hana. i’m not letting him go.” you protested.

there was another pause in between the conversation, and you thought you had won for a second. but hana was always a step ahead of you, planning her attack head-on like she had rehearsed every possible outcome in her head.

“why are you still holding onto him? you’re just a burden, don’t you see that? he’s only pitying you. now that he has me, he doesn’t need to keep having you around. you should learn to take a hint.” 

she spat her words at you, shooting her venom in your most sensitive spots. for a moment, you had entirely forgotten that jisung was still in the room. you tried not to let her words get to you, but they did. hearing that he was only pitying you sent you over the edge as you hung up the phone, throwing it at the floor angrily. your hands formed into fists as you closed your eyes, trying to catch your breath. but with each inhale, you felt as if you were suffocating. you wanted to wake up from this terror but you knew it was just a twisted reality. you didn’t even notice how your form was shaking from overwhelming emotions until jisung had reached over, pulling you closer into a side hug. he was just as speechless as you, if not more.

he shushed your cries, knowing it was the only thing you could do.

-

a few hours had passed at this point, and you didn’t even notice how you fell asleep with jisung. normally you two would split between the floor or the bed, but it was clear that you were exhausted. the afternoon had turned into nightfall, your open curtains inviting the moon. if you weren’t so out of it, you would’ve admired it’s beauty. you peered over as jisung was curled up beside you under the sheets, one arm wrapped loosely around your shoulders and the other over his face. he was such a good friend that you didn’t know how to thank him. he did not need to stay here by your side yet he did. he would never admit it, but he was incredibly selfless. as you tried adjusting your sight, you realized your eyes were puffy from crying, and it honestly hurt to try and focus in the dark.  you laid your body back down, snuggling deeper into your comforter before trying to head back to rest. without warning, your door swung up to reveal a worried minho.

“what the fuck is this?” 

his voice boomed through the room, causing you and jisung to bolt upright out of bed. your attention turned to a frantic looking minho clutching his phone in his hands. there was a vein popping out on the side of his neck from how stressed out he was, and his hair was disheveled from constantly running his hands through it. anyone would be able to see how fucked up he was over this. not to mention minho was worried sick because you still were not answering your phone, and now jisung wasn’t. when he called yeri to check up on you, she revealed that jisung had slept over. minho was furious, but for what?

“why haven’t you been answering your phone? do you know how worried i’ve been about you, i thought you died!” he started, then pointing his finger at jisung. “and you, what the hell do you think you’re doing in (y/n)’s bed?”

jisung gulped in fear as he avoided eye contact, trying to find the words to reply. never had the older male raised his voice like that at anyone, much less jisung. minho could be scary when mad, but you weren’t going to let behave like this. you believed he didn’t have a right to be so upset. because you weren’t going to let him do this to you, act like he was the victim and that you hurt him. he hurt you first, didn’t he see that? or was he really that blind? 

“first off, i don’t need your permission to have anyone stay the night so don’t talk to him like that. two, i don’t need to answer to you or anyone else but myself.”

minho chewed at the inside of his cheek, a death stare focused on you. “excuse me?”

“i said that i don’t need to answer to you. shouldn’t you be with your girlfriend anyway? it’s obvious you care more about her than you do about your friends. go, we don’t want you here.” you sneered at him, placing your hands on your hips firmly.

“what are you talking about, (y/n)? i don’t have a girlfriend. you’re not making any sense-”

“do not lie to me a second time!” you yelled.

both jisung and minho froze as they heard you raise your voice. minho knew what you could be like when you were furious like this, but he never thought you would be like that with him. it hurt a little as you stared at him like so sternly, so unwelcoming. for once in your friendship, he felt like he was trespassing. that shouldn’t be an issue between you two. minho tried to process his thoughts until he caught your words again, repeating it over and over in his head. guilt began to settle within him as he pursed his lips, thinking of saying something. however, nothing came out. all he could do was stare at the ground with shame digging itself into his skin. you deserved better than this. minho promised you so many things, and he had broken every single one. it was ironic, really, for someone who feared a broken heart. 

“(y/n),” he started hesitantly. “it’s not what it seems. let me explain.” 

you snorted while rolling your eyes. “really? because from what i remember, you promised me. you promised me you would never lie to me, or keep secrets from me. you lied to me!” 

your throat became thick as you tried swallowing any sobs that were bound to come up. you had pent up all of your frustration that this was finally the time you let minho have a piece of your mind. you wanted to scream at him, fight him, and hurt him. but all you could do was unleash the pain you had been holding in. 

“i never thought you would do this to me, minho. i never thought- i never thought you could just give up this friendship to someone who barely knows you! i always pictured you’d be with someone kind and full of love but she is a monster, don’t you see that minho? she is a bitch and-”

“wait, wait, wait. are you talking about hana? why are you saying these things about her? i know you’re upset with me, but don’t pull her into this.” he defended her, folding his arms across his chest.

your heart sank a little further as he didn’t immediately deny the fact that they were dating. instead, he defended her actions, and her role as his girlfriend. you were devastated; so it was true. you should’ve seen it coming, but you never thought it would be this soon. 

“hyung, (y/n) is telling the truth.” jisung tried to interfere, nevertheless, minho glared daggers at him.

“i’m not speaking to you right now. quiet.” he demanded.

his voice was eerily calm, making jisung cower in fear. you were not going to do that, though. you were going to stick up for yourself and the hell that hana had unleashed onto you. there is no way that minho could be so dull to not see the true colors of this girl. or maybe you were far too used to overestimating him.

“why is it that when it’s her word versus mine, you automatically defend her? am i not your best friend? i feel like i mean nothing to you anymore.” 

minho scoffed. “you’re being overdramatic. hana means a lot to me as well-”

“no, it’s obvious she means more to you. do you know what she did to me today, by the way? she told me to stay away from you, to never see you again or else. does that sound like someone you want in your life, lino?” 

you waited to hear reassuring words from your best friend, but instead, all you heard was the love of your life pushing you out of the way. his nostrils flared slightly in anger as he clenched his jaw, and his instinctively formed fists. never had he thought to raise his voice at you, but that was pushed away when the words left his mouth without control.

“you listen to me, and you listen carefully, (y/n). i don’t want you to ever speak of her like that ever again,” he pause to take a deep breath.

“it’s really low of you to be this jealous that you have to tear down the people that matter to me. i thought you were better than that.” he clicked his tongue, giving you a stare of disappointment. 

you couldn’t decide what hurt more, the fact that minho defended her or that he didn’t believe you. jisung wished to speak up and to let his friend know the truth, but he didn’t want to be scolded once more. the silence in the room was chilling, leaving goosebumps to arise on your arms. this had to be fake; this wasn’t the minho you knew and loved. tears had fallen past your eyes and onto your scorched cheeks. that sinking feeling returned to the pit of your stomach as it swallowed you whole. minho stared back with just as much intensity, knowing he hated seeing you cry especially when he was the cause. but he refused to back down from his word. instead he shook his head, turning around to walk out the door. you could hear the slam of the front door from your room, making you jump in fear. you were still unable to move from your spot as shock filled your system. did that really just happen?

you hadn’t even noticed the way jisung chased after his hyung. he pushed his short legs to run faster until he was now out of your apartment and near the parking lot. minho was walking rather fast with his stance intimidating but the younger boy didn’t care. he needed him to know the truth, and to know that you weren’t exaggerating.

minho felt a shove at the lower end of his back, causing him to trip a bit in front of him. when he whipped around to view who it was, a growl slipped his lips.

“yah, do you have a death wish?” jisung was not surprised to hear that.

“no, but do you? do you know what (y/n) has been going through ever since this hana girl entered your life? hm? do you? she’s telling the truth, i was here with her when that call took place.” 

minho chuckled bitterly. “i can’t believe you’re on her side here. i thought you were my friend.”

jisung’s eyes softened, showing just how upset he was over this. minho was not prepared for what came next, however, as the dongsaeng questioned every motive he had. 

“i am. and do you know what i value most in our friendship? no secrets, no lies. isn’t that the same promise you were supposed to keep with (y/n)? and here you are, breaking that promise. trying to validate what you did is inexcusable, man. why would she lie?”

the older of the two was at a loss of words as the guilt he faced earlier returned. it swirled around his body like an uninvited wind, reminding him how cold he felt in the situation. there was no reason for you to lie, so why was it that you would make something up like this? that’s the thing; you would never make this up. the realization was beginning to settle in him as minho came face to face with reality. he had hurt you, and made it out to be your fault. he took the side of someone he barely knew over you. over his best friend. over the love of his life.

“shit,” he muttered while throwing a hand to over his face.

this made jisung smile sadly, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “maybe you should fix this. just maybe.” 

letting out a groan, minho cursed at himself. he had fucked up so badly. jisung was quick, though, to ask a question that was still clearly in his head. “are you really dating hana by the way?”

minho shook his head and scoffed. “no.”

minho glanced up from his solemn expression and nodded.normally he would come back with another scary remark but he didn’t have the energy to do it. he made his way back to your apartment with each step being heavier than the previous one. owning up to his mistakes wasn’t something he was used to. never had he hurt this badly before, so he was bound to face something completely new. taking all the courage he could, minho opened your door to see a vacant front room. yeri must’ve been somewhere else, which he wasn’t complaining about. no doubt she would’ve chewed his ass out. minho continued on until he was right outside your door. as his hand went to turn the golden knob, he heard a heartwrenching sound.

you held a hand over your mouth as you sobbed in your bed, your body curled up to offer any form of comfort it could. the words of your best friend replayed over and over until you could no longer bare it anymore. you were broken into pieces, scattering yourself so that they would be hard to find. but minho had the power to put you back together, despite how long it would take. 

you felt a body weigh down beside you on the bed, immediately reaching its arms around you. as your eyes fluttered open, the sight of him was made aware, making you sob harder. minho shushed you, combing back your hair from your eyes as he held you in place. you didn’t fight him, you didn’t scream at him, no. you let him hold you so that he could mend your broken pieces back together. this was his damage he had caused, it only seemed right to take care of it. 

“i’m sorry. i’m so sorry.” 

you shook your head almost instantly. “you’re just saying that. don’t lie to me-”

“i’m not. hey, look at me,” he whispered.

your eyes met his again, making you shiver. it had been so long since you were this close to him. it felt familiar, like home. because that’s what he was to you. nothing could ever change that, even if he had crossed you. 

“i will never lie to you again. you mean so much to me.” 

unlike his tsundere personality, his voice was soft as it wavered in the air. those words alone made your heart begin to beat again with a sense of excitement you thought you lost. that excitement began to build as he grew closer, his face fearlessly nearing yours. his eyes never left yours, and you felt the overwhelming urge to close the gap between you. and so you did.

your lips molded against each other in a way you couldn’t describe. you were exploring new found territory, having experience something you never deemed possible. it was gentle, but powerful. his hands caressed your lower back as he held you closer to himself, chests up against each other. fireworks were an understatement. it felt like the universe was finally aligning again to ensure your happiness. it was a comforting hug that let you knew everything was going to be alright. it was minho showing you that you were more than hana would ever be. 

as he drew back, he pressed his forehead against yours. he couldn’t help but to say the words he had been holding back on ever since the day you met.

“i love you, (y/n).”

your eyes bulged as you looked at him in disbelief. these were words you were wanting to hear for so long. but were they genuine? or to make you feel better? you grew defensive before letting your heart speak any truth.

“i don’t need you to patronize me, minho. if you’re just saying that . . . “

“i’m not. i sincerely love you, (y/n).” 

“what about hana?” your insecurities were back at it again, and doubting anything that minho had said to you. you heard him chuckle as he responded coolly. “i was never with hana. i love you.”

a smile broke out on your lips. “no secrets, no lies?”

“no secrets, no lies.”

soooooo this is really shitty and im really sorry :/ I’ve been writing this for so many weeks and this is all i got out of it lmao <333 might make a part two with smut HA let me know if y’all want that thanks for the request @minholuvs

[serenailith]

yesterday’s gone (we’ll make it through)—iv

on ao3 here

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Hob wakes to an empty flat, a pounding head, and a mouth that tastes like something’s died in it. He eases himself into a sitting position and scrubs a hand over his face. The world spins as he sways. He really should not have had that last drink.

Or the one before it.

Or any of them, his sleep-addled brain murmurs in a fit of coherency. He remembers—with a bit of a struggle—stumbling up the stairs from the pub around three this morning. Starting to drink was a lot easier to recall than the subsequent hours.

He’d entered the pub in a fog, mind tangled around the events of the day. He had spent nearly ten hours in an uncomfortable chair staring at a being he’s only ever seen once a century. Hob had wondered if Dream’s hospitalisation meant he was human, or if he was still the enigmatic entity he’d always been. Just biding his time until—what? What could Dream possibly be waiting for?

He’d waited for Hob. In that hospital bed, alone but for the nurses, Dream had waited for Hob to show up.

Hob knows, better than he knows himself, that he will always show up. He proved it when he ignored his scheduled lectures to spend the day by Dream’s side. That’s what friends are for, right? Right, he thinks with a snort that sends his head reeling. Friends.

He’s spent the better part of six centuries wanting answers about the Stranger. Now Hob has a name but little else. Hard to call that a friendship.

“I am called Dream, to friends.”

That’s what Dream had said. “To friends.” Friends. That has to mean something.

Hob sighs and flops backwards again, wishing he had another drink.

Deciding finally that it’s far too early to have such deep discussions with himself over the validity of friendships with no names given, Hob rolls out of bed and stumbles to the bathroom in the hallway. Using the toilet and scrubbing his teeth make him feel slightly more human, though his head continues pounding. Nothing some over-the-counter painkillers can’t fix, he knows this from experience.

It’s been a long time since Hob drank as much as he had last night. And for what? What had driven him to drown himself in ale and whisky?

His Stranger. His Friend. Dream. A Dream no longer so haughty and prideful. There had been something in his eyes, deeper than the surface, that screamed of loss, agony and confusion. Loneliness.

“I think you’re lonely.”

“You dare. . .”

“No, look, I’m not saying—”

“You dare suggest one such as I might need your companionship.”

“Yes. Yes, I do.”

“Then I shall take my leave of you and prove you wrong.”

Hob groans at the memory. It’s been over a hundred years, and he will never forget the disdain on Dream’s face, the ice and rage in his voice. If Hob concentrates, he can almost feel the cold rain pouring down, slipping along his skin as he watches Dream stalk away into the night. Hob’s heart still aches at what transpired that night.

Just because Dream’s called on him now, Hob knows it does little to confront the way they left things in 1889.

He’s just finished washing his breakfast dishes when his phone rings. The nurse’s voice is too bright, chipper, as she tells Hob that ‘Murphy’ won’t be released today. Hob wonders if she’s allowed to tell him this—isn’t patient confidentiality a thing? But she doesn’t seem bothered by it, only explains that it will be a few more days before ‘Mister Murphy’ is well enough to be sent home. Hob thanks her for the news and frowns when she ends the call without another word.

As much as he wants to see Dream again—if only to prove their friendship is real no matter what Dream may think—Hob knows he can’t miss another day of lectures. So he sighs, sends a silent apology through the universe to Dream’s ears, and heads to his bedroom to dress for the day. He can always spend tomorrow at Dream’s bedside; there are no classes scheduled, and he’s nearly caught up on marking papers.

His body is willing to pace around the lecture hall as he speaks. His brain, however, is firmly in that hospital room, focused on pale skin beneath wild black hair, grey-blue eyes that hold evidence of pain. Hob can count on one hand the times he’s seen Dream less than perfectly composed, and this is the worst of the two.

Hob tapes a sign to his office door then locks it. Once he’s flipped the switch, the room is doused in as much darkness as possible in the middle of the day, and he drops to sit on the sofa against the wall. After setting an alarm on his phone, Hob lets himself fall sideways, tucks his legs up on the cushions, and closes his eyes.

Rising up before him is the remains of what was clearly a palace at one point in time. Crumbling stone, desolate landscape. Smoke rolls across the ground, low and undulating, and deadened trees are scattered across the lands. Roiling grey clouds ooze across the sky above, threatening a storm. Dry dirt spreads as far as the eye can see.

Hob has never seen this place before, not even in his dreams. And that must be what this is. A dream. He’s back in his office, sleeping on the uncomfortable leather sofa. Not here.

So why does it feel so real? Why can Hob smell the desolation in the air? He can almost taste the decay as he stares around. A trail of cold slithers its way down his spine, and he takes a step closer to the palace. Further past the towering gate.

Each careful step carries him nearer to the detritus. Much like seeing Dream, the sight is worse up close. He shudders in the chill emanating from the ruins, the silence ringing out. A low rumble, thunder then forked lightning, and Hob reaches out a hand. A voice in his head tells him to stop, but he pushes through.

His fingers have barely brushed against the massive door when he sees the shadow. His brows furrow, and he stares at the figure just beyond the entrance. Wire-rimmed glasses glint in the low lighting. Something moves further behind the figure. Before he can say anything, a sharp pain lances through his gut.

Hob bolts upright, panting heavily. A thin sheen of sweat lies cold on his skin, and he shivers though the heating is on. Something had been beyond that door, he knows it. Whether it is benevolent or otherwise, he isn’t as sure. Even now that he’s awake, he can almost feel the heavy gaze still on him.

He swallows thickly and covers his face with his hands.

It’s not the first time he’s dreamed something other than nightmares or memories in over a hundred years, but it certainly has left the most chilling mark on Hob.

Thankfully, it’s almost easy to push the dream from his mind and focus on teaching. To pretend he doesn’t still feel the icy finger of fear and unknown running along his veins. Light glints off gold, and Hob’s head jerks around to catch sight of it. It’s nothing more than midday sunlight streaming through the window, landing on a student’s wedding band.

The longer he speaks, the less nervous he is. The less afraid, because Hob has lived too long to not recognise the stench of fear. He relaxes in his role as professor, until the final lecture ends. Then he gathers up his papers and books while his pupils do the same. They file out, leaving him behind, and he falls into the chair behind his desk as soon as the door closes.

“Get control of yourself,” he mutters, scrubbing a hand over his eyes. It was a dream. He’s had worse. Hell, he’s had worse reality. A dream should have no effect on him, not like this.

“Is everything okay, Professor?”

“Hmm?” He looks up to see one of his best students in the doorway. “Yeah, Jacqueline, I’m fine. Can I help you?”

“I just. . . I was walking by and saw you. You seem upset.”

Hob straightens his spine and forces a smile. “Oh. No, not upset. Well, not at anyone other than myself. I seem to have forgotten my glasses today, so I’m starting to get a bit of a headache.”

There. A simple yet believable lie. She cocks her head, the ends of her braids clacking together, then nods slowly. With a gentle smile, she wishes him a good evening then slips back into the corridors once more. Hob sighs and grabs up his bag. He’s spent long enough here.

He spends the entire trek home debating whether to visit Dream. After all, it’s what friends do, and Dream must be incredibly discombobulated, given his current situation—alone, hurting. . .

Hob has just made the decision to stop in at the hospital when he checks the time. Visiting hours ended twenty minutes ago. So he points his feet toward home and ignores the voice in his head telling him he’s making a mistake.

After a rather unsatisfying dinner of stir-fry, Hob changes into a pair of grey sweats and a ratty T-shirt that’s seen better days before settling in on the couch. He puts on some music—Etta James, again—and begins reading through the essays he’d assigned.

He has just crawled into bed and closed his eyes when his phone rings on the bedside table. Hob hesitates—it’s nearly midnight. It’s far too late for a conversation. But then again, it’s nearly midnight. The only reason someone would phone this late at night is—

Dream.

He scrambles for the phone, knocking it to the floor in his attempts to grab it. His fumbling hand pushes it further beneath the bed, and he curses loudly as he manages to grab hold of the device. His greeting comes out breathless, anxious, his heart thundering in his chest. He swallows thickly, though his mouth has gone dry, as he waits for a response.

“The doctors are keeping me here.”

Hob blows out a breath, clasping a hand to his forehead. “Y-yeah, they told me this morning. How are you doing, Dream?”

“I am stuck here alone. How do you think I am doing, Hob Gadling?”

“Okay, bad question,” Hob concedes with a chuckle. “I, uh, I’m sorry I didn’t get to come see you today. I had classes that I couldn’t skip.”

“Classes?”

And is that genuine intrigue in Dream’s voice? Hob hopes so. Instead of questioning it, he tells Dream how he’d become a professor this time around. It’s one of the more satisfying careers he’s ever had, right up there with the printing press. Dream doesn’t interrupt, but Hob can still hear his inhales, his soft exhales.

Finally, Hob has to know: “Why are you still awake?”

“I am sorry for disturbing your sleep” comes down the line, Dream’s once-imperious voice too small and timid. Hob can’t stand it.

“It’s okay,” he says, though his words are interrupted by a yawn. “Really. I don’t mind. Do. . . Would you like to hear a story?”

There’s the sound of a quiet scoff, and Hob prepares for a rejection. Instead, he gets a quiet “I would rather enjoy that.” So he cards his fingers through his hair and tries to figure out which story would be best. Something from his own life? No, those are best told face-to-face. He wants to see Dream’s expressions when he hears of all that Hob has done since 1889.

It hits him, then. He knows what story he should tell.

Hob clears his throat and begins: “Lorsque j’avais six an j’ai vu, une fois, une magnifique image, dans un livre sur la Forêt Vierge qui s’appelait ‘Histoires Vécues’. Ça représentait un serpent boa qui avalait un fauve. Voilà la copie du dessin.”

There’s nothing but the sound of breathing on the other end, but Hob doesn’t let it discourage him. He only settles further against his pillows and continues reciting the story. He could probably have gone with the English version, but he’s always thought French was a prettier language. English is, after all, little more than a massacre of various languages and dialects.

He tells Dream the story until he can hear the tell-tale sounds of someone in sleep. Smiling to himself, Hob listens to the even cadence of breath for a long moment. He finally exhales slowly.

“Sweet dreams, my Friend.”

why yes, that IS hob gadling reading "le petit prince" to a can't-sleep-and-lonely!dream

[justfandomwritings]

Gosh, I just reread United in fear today and its so good, last time i read it was 2 years ago(maybe 3?) it was still being updated back then, so today I read part 5 for the first time and its so good, your writing is so good.

Just the reader begging infront of Tywin, uffff that scene almost made me cry, it was just so well planned and written. Is there any chance for an epilogue? I got so much into the story I just wished to know how they both finally settled down, but really ofcourse no pressure, this is just a request, I am just so happy that I remembered the story and got to read all the 5 parts together for the first time, it was such an amazing experience, thanks!

Thank you so much dear! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

I'm not really considering rejoining the GoT train and adding a chapter to United in Fear any time soon. As the story developed in my mind, I realized that that was a good stopping point for the series because when I went to write an epilogue I realized the Stark and Lannister story in that universe didn't end there. There was a lot more to it, and I couldn't write an epilogue cause the story wasn't over. I had to choose between making the story 5-8 more chapters or pausing it at a moment where it seemed to end and readers would be satisfied. So there isn't really an epilogue to give you even if I wanted to because the story isn't over.

But if you or anyone else is interested I could tell you what happens next in my mind. I wrote a scene between Lady Catelyn and the reader once, and there are bits and pieces floating around my drafts but not nearly enough to piece together a chapter and it would take several chapter to tell the story I would want to give you if I were to actually commit to it.

So under the cut, I've written a timeline (just the plot outline, not an actual story) of what happens after the end of United in Fear. This is, again, just the plot so it doesn't have any of the cutesy character development scenes of Robb and Lannister falling in love that I would've interspersed. You're welcome to take it or leave it as you wish.

Rob and Lady Lannister get married at the biggest and tensest wedding in Westerosi history at Harrenhal.

At the wedding, Catelyn confronts Lady Lannister and tells her that she will now be a Queen, and as a Queen she will need a Queensguard ala Queen Alysanne. She offers Brienne, who is willing to do this because Catelyn has ordered her to.

Lannister refuses. She's polite and respectful about it, but she doesn't want someone serving her who is more loyal to Catelyn. Lady Lannister gives her Lannister-named children to Tywin as wards after the wedding. Jaime and Cersei are there, and it's clear Cersei isn't happy about this. She never like Lady Lannister as a half sister. She hates that her children get to inherit the Rock when it could fall to Joffrey or Tommen by birth order. Her kids are more Lannister than anyone anyway and they just don't get to claim it.

Tyrion asks to go with her to the North and live in Winterfell. Tywin agrees. He makes it a condition with Robb that both of his children in the North be considered advisors to the King.

Lady Lannister insists Tyrion stay in line. She needs a friend now more than ever, and he was there for her through everything when no one else was. Tyrion promises to change to help her, his only true friend.

Lady Lannister's personal guard is chosen to be the Mountain, at least for now. He will have to return to the West at some point but in the years Lannister is establishing the people's trust, Tywin wants the Mountain guarding her. This makes Cersei even more bitter that her protection was never given this priority.

Months pass in Winterfell with interspersed scenes of the men not trusting her, lords being rude to her when Robb isn't around, people generally trying to break her.

They never do. She never complains to anyone but Tyrion, not even Robb. She won't let him stop the lords bullying her because she doesn't want them to think they're winning.

Lord Umber is the first to break and begin to trust her. She saves one of his nephews lives with some quick thinking when he's lost on a trading run to Skagos. It's not that she's particularly proved herself as a Northwoman, but she IS a Lannister and owns one of the most fertile trading ports in Westeros, so she knows a lot about ships by virtue of being trained to be Lady of the Rock. Her knowledge saves the boy. Lord Umber falls, and the rest of the lords fall into line not long after.

Peace is shortlived. Nonexistent.

It's her children's first name day. Tywin is bringing them north to her to drop them off for a month's visit. The day they're supposed to arrive, no carriage appears.

The next day, she's panicking and is sending out scouts and ravens left and right.

Before she hears back, two riders, alone with no banners, appear on the horizon. She recognizes the horse at once and opens the doors of Winterfell despite Robb's protest.

It's Jaime and Podrick. With a child strapped to each of their chests and another on Jaime's back.

What ensues is a heartbreaking scene of family and loss. Jaime had left King's Landing with Joffrey's permission to come escort the children and visit her and Tyrion. Their carriage was set upon not far North of the Twins. A whole battalions worth had gone against their measley 40 men. Lady Lannister is clutching her children in her arms as Jaime tells the story.

Someone was trying to kill the babies. Jaime had slaughtered the mercenaries them at the expense of the rest of the guard. But he'd recognized a face in the crowd.

Gemma's son, a Lannister puppet and heir to the Twins, had been in the crowd of attackers.

Lady Lannister knows this can only mean one thing: Cersei.

Gemma would never plan this on her own, but Cersei was always her favorite.

Lady Lannister asks the most painful and obvious followup question: 'Where is he?'

Tywin was supposed to bring them.

Jaime reaches in a saddle bag and pulls out Tywin's red sash, marking him as the commander of the Lannister forces. It's stained in a darker red that is so clearly blood.

Lady Lannister slowly, calmly, hands one of her children over to Catelyn, Sansa, and Tyrion respectively. A sign of how far her relationship with the Stark family has come.

She takes the sash in her hand and looks over at Robb. Robb knows what she's asking. She's asking because they're soulmates. Not because they're married. She would never deign to put herself beneath a man, more his equal. Robb knows he can't take this moment from her even though he wants to hide her away in a tall tower and protect her; he knows she would never forgive him if he did. So he nods.

She tells a servant to fetch her other cloak.

She strips off the warm, practical, plain fur cloak she's been wrapped, so common with House Stark. And she lets it fall in the snow. She begins tying the bloody sash around her waist, ignoring the stains rubbing into her light blue dress.

She pulls off a pin from her dress that is a variation of the Hand of the King pin, and she bends down to pin it to Tyrion's coat.

She turns to the rest of the watching lords on Robb's counsel and tells them that it has been an honor to know them and that she hopes she will see them all someday soon.

Then the servant returns with her cloak. Her red Lannister, personal sigil of a roaring lioness. Robb puts it on her.

The Mountain arrives with their horses. He knows when he's needed. Robb kisses her goodbye and promises to follow with what forces the North can spare. It won't be many in the wake of the last war, but he will do what he can for his soulmate.

As they ride off, Brienne turns to Lady Catelyn who tells her to go follow them, swear her sword to Lady Lannister as she was refused to do months before.

Lady Lannister rides to the Rock. Gemma has defected with the Twins, but the rest of the Riverlands are firmly Stark and therefore reluctantly Lady Lannister. Lady Lannister also categorically has Kevan and the rest of the West who are adamantly opposed to the murder of Tywin.

Jaime is reluctantly a member of her side. He cannot forgive Cersei trying to murder her own blood, and he will never forget that Lady Lannister is the one who saved him while Cersei did nothing to try to free him from Robb. He'll never forget which of his sister's cares and which one pretends to. It's hard to turn on Cersei but he keeps reminding himself of Tywin's death and of the men she sent to kill the babies and the fact he would've been collateral damage too.

Robb arrives with a couple thousand men, mostly from House Stark and Umber. Lord Umber has come as well cause he's grown to like the spitfire Lannister. It's nowhere near the force that's turned out enraged by Tywin's murder in the Westerlands, but it helps. (For all his faults, Tywin was a good and fair leader, an asshole, but he kept the money flowing and everyone prospered. He never lived in a way that made anyone think him a flippant lord, and he had respect from even commoners. So his death amasses a large soldier population even in the wake of war).

Lady Lannister has all of the West, chunks of the Riverlands, Robb's men, and some houses in the Crownlands mostly those who backed Stannis and now have an uncertain future.

Cersei has most of the Crownlands and all of the Stormlands, but Dorne and the Reach are holding out on her despite Oberyn and Olenna being in the city.

House Dayne, her mother's house, sends a letter of support to Lady Lannister. She asks them to talk to the Martells on her behalf. She knows they'll never back a Lannister, and she does not mind in the slightest. She just wants to ensure they don't back a Baratheon-in-name-only, who is also really a Lannister. House Dayne thinks that keeping Martells out of a Lannister vs. Lannister fight will be easy. They tell her to be careful though because something is brewing with Doran.

Before much of the war unfolds… Daenerys arrives on their shores, changing everything. The War of the Five Kings gives way to the War of the Three Queens.

Lady Lannister doesn't want the Iron Throne. She wouldn't mind it to be fair, she thinks she'd do the job, but what she really wants is revenge. And she's heard the rumors: dragons. It's not worth the fight.

She calls a conference with Daenerys. She doesn't want a repeat of the Field of Fire.

She agrees that, if House Stark and the North remain independent, the houses under her control bar House Stark and House Umber will all bend the knee. Including House Lannister, provided one of her children sits in House Lannister.

Daenerys is, as she was in the show, disinclined. Robb however is not Jon. And Lady Lannister is not Davos.

Things have gone slightly differently in Essos, and Barristan is there. He advises Daenerys to hear the Starks out. They are nothing if not people of their word, honorable to a fault. And anyone mated to a Stark at the very least has their people's best interest at heart.

Dany is reluctant and says why should she hear out a Lannister, sibling of Jaime who killed her father.

Lady Lannister says 'We are not our brother's sins.' pointedly about Viserys. And then adds that she thinks what Jaime did was right. Not honorable, but right. Those are two different things. He saved more lives than he took that day. 'If I was that mad, I would not fault Jaime, or Robb for that matter, for taking the power to murder innocents out of my hands.'

They're frank with Dany. She's got the power of a conqueror but not the heart. She wants what's best for the people, and the North is so different than the rest of Westeros that what is best for them is a Northern leader, a Stark. They're too different and too far way to be ruled effectively by anyone else. Lady Lannister asks Daenerys if she wants a repeat of the Field of Fire. Because the North frowns on Bran for kneeling, and Robb won't subjugate his people after they've just won their independence. She will have to be a Mad Queen and burn them all alive. They would sooner die. Not because Daenerys doesn't deserve respect but because she isn't a Stark.

Daenerys asks if this is when Lady Lannister tries to proffer one of her children or Robb's siblings to be her new husband.

Lady Lannister spits out that her children are not for sale like broodmares. That they will marry their soulmates or marry for love. They will not be forced upon like I was, like Robb almost was.

She's never talked about it with Robb, and he's surprised but pleased and happily agrees with this statement.

Daenerys is impressed and more willing to hear them out. They talk for a long time about the North, why and how it is ruled by Starks.

Lady Lannister asks Dany's forgiveness but says that it seems like Dany is fundamentally lacking an understanding of the regions of Westeros. It is her throne by birth, but she has never lived among its' people. She calls this her home, but it isn't really. What she needs are allies who understand Westeros, not enemies. She wants to rule the people, not beat and burn them into submission.

Dany introduces them to her dragons. They're both mildly terrified, but Robb and Lady Lannister hide it well. Dany is somewhat impressed by this as well. She tells them they'll talk more later.

Dany comes back after much consult and asks one question. What of the usurper Cersei.

Lady Lannister asks that she get to spill Cersei's blood. 'Whether you think my father deserved what came to him or not, Cersei only killed him on her path to murder my three babies. Rumors tell me you might relate to a sibling trying to kill your child.'

Seeing themselves in each other, Lady Lannsiter and Dany agree to terms. The North and only the north, not the Vale or the Riverlands, will gain independence, provided all of their army fights for her as well. She will also consent to leaving Lady Lannister's children as heirs to the Rock, and to sparring Marcella at least, Tommen if they can as well though he'd be sent to the Wall (for Jaime's sake).

Jaime, who was with the army, is put on trial for his 'crimes'. Dany promises the worst sentence will be the Wall, not death. Jaime explains himself. Dany isn't sure she believes him. Jaime asks for a trial by combat. It's Barristan v. Jaime. It's a throwdown of the Kingsguard, but Jaime wins and spares Barristan in the process.

A Stark, a Lannister, and a Targaryen, in the weirdest combination of allies, march on King's Landing.

Queue a scene of Jaime and Dany having a heart-to-heart about her father, the man Viserys pretended he was and the man he really was. Barristan backs up Jaime's side of the story, and it occurs to Dany that both Jaime was right for what he did and that Barristan may have been in the wrong for just sitting back and watching it happen. It's a moment of trust she didn't expect to have with Jaime of all people.

Cersei dies, killed by Jaime for what she's done. Joffrey is killed in the rush. Tommen and Marcella both survive and are shipped off North to the Starks. A smattering of other casualties including Barristan and Lord Umber, who Lady Lannister genuinely mourns.

In the aftermath, Dany is queen. She asks Jaime to stay on, as head of her Queensguard. She tells him that if he ever sees her father in her he has her permission to do what is right, not what is honorable. Those are the men she wants to surround herself with.

Brienne also stays on. Initially as an ally with the North's interest at heart when things are going on between North and South but then permanently as a Queensguard.

With the threat eliminated, Robb and Lady Lannister return to Winterfell. Lady Lannister manages too much of the Rock's affairs without Tywin gone to see to Winterfell's, and Tyrion did such a great job that he just stays on as Hand to Robb.

With Brienne there as liaison, Lady Lannister persuades Catelyn to send Arya and Sansa back South. Catelyn doesn't know Arya will train with Brienne in secret, and Brienne doesn't know Catelyn doesn't want her to.

Sansa finds her soulmate in Podrick Payne who escorts them back South.

Arya will never find hers, and she is content with that. She has too much of her own life to live to spend it searching for someone else. She has faith the old gods will show them to her in the afterlife.

And when the White Walkers arrive they find a united front of north and south working well together.

Dany finds Jon and finds out his parents. They aren't romantic (cause incest is gross.) but she does name him her heir. He doesn't really want it, but also the White Walkers are gone, and he's not particularly interested in what he's come to realize the Night's Watch is when it's not under threat. He agrees on stipulation that Samwell is also relieved of his vows, as he always wanted to go become a Maester.

Queue cutesy epilogue where all is finally well in Westeros. And Robb is actually a great step dad, but they also are having a kid together.

[smellsfaintlyofvanilla]

hi may i request a mikasa x gn reader soulmates au? maybe the tattoo/marks trope or the visions/dreams trope up to you :) thank you in advance!

Finally some Mikasa, I love her sm

Also, I wasn't super sure what specific tropes you were talking about, so I just kinda took an idea and ran with it, hope you don't mind.

Anyway, this POV follows Mikasa, which is different from what I usually do, a POV of the reader instead lol

Rosebud

(Mikasa Ackerman x Reader)

AU: Canon, soulmates AU (You have a unique tattoo that only you and your soulmate have)

Warnings: None

Category: Fluff

Summary: Mikasa was doubtful of soulmates, but an unexplainable force draws her to her soulmate one day, and Mikasa has no choice but to confront it.

Words: 2.7K

Mikasa never really believed in soulmates.

She thought the idea that everyone had a destined, unchangeable partner was ridiculous. The perfect person just "appearing" whenever the universe decided she needed them wasn't something she understood at all.

And yet, the evidence of her having one was splayed gorgeously across her back. Stretching from shoulder to shoulder, a large, beautiful tattoo was inked on her back. Feathered wings, outstretched and reaching towards nothing, and around them; roses. Red roses and thorned vines wrapping around the wings and budding up at the top, exposing a single rose bud on the nape of her neck. Though, it remained hidden behind the crimson red scarf she adorned.

She had kept it hidden constantly, lest her soulmate notice it and complicate things. For all she cared, she would keep it hidden forever, and her soulmate would be none the wiser.

She stared into her reflection in the mirror, collecting a small amount of water in her cupped palms and splashing it in her face, making sure her body was wide awake for morning training.

She turned around, staring at the tattoo with an indecipherable expression. She was still topless, not having finished dressing yet, giving her the opportunity to observe the art. Whether she believed in soulmates or not, she couldn't deny the absolute beauty of it.

Hesitantly, she slid on her bra and shirt, wrapping her scarf around her neck just enough to cover the rose. It could stay hidden a little longer.

Time came for morning training, and she suited up in her ODM gear. Today was race day; something that came once a week, where, in the morning, they would race through the forest with their gear, and the first to take a flag from Shadis on the other side was declared winner, and got double rations for the week.

Armin geared up next to her, his sleeves riding up his arms, revealing the tattoo on the inside of his forearm—a golden compass, opened and facing North. The glass covering the needle was adorned with small droplets of water, and foam, presumably from some body of saltwater, surrounded the accessory.

She looked away, choosing to ignore the way it made her heart twinge. Sometimes, rarely, she would indulge in the idea of having a soulmate. She hoped that, say it be true, her soulmate would truly understand her and care for her, and, most importantly, love her, something she unfortunately didn't experience a lot of in her childhood.

A shrill whistle startled her out of her thoughts—the first whistle. It signified 30 seconds until the start of the race, where he would blow it three times in short succession to start the chaos.

She lined up on the white line, drawn in the dirt with chalk, and stretched her arms over her head, releasing the tension in her body before the race started.

Finally, after a tense silence between the soldiers, the whistle blew, and all the Cadets instantly took off, whirring and spinning into the darkness of the forest.

Mikasa shot off, easily finding her place in the top three. Reiner was to her left, and, despite his large build, he managed to carry himself effortlessly, flying through the air like an eagle. And, to her right, the three week reigning champion—you.

Your hair blew behind your face as you pierced through the air, dodging the thick tree trunks and jutting branches as you flew towards the goal.

You turned your head, eyes meeting hers with a competitive smirk, wordlessly challenging her, temping her, even.

Mikasa perfected her form, leveling her body and shooting the hooks of her gear into just the right places to give her the highest momentum. She easily slipped past you, eyes set straight forward towards the goal as she stole the first place spot.

You swore under your breath, immediately thinking of how you were going to pull ahead of Mikasa during the home stretch.

You aimed your ODM gear at a tree in the distance, seeing if you could use the momentum to slingshot yourself forwards and towards the goal.

But, as soon as the hook buried itself into the wood, the wire twisted and stretched, clearly going on beyond it's limits. Still, you decided that would be a problem for the next gear inspection. For now, you could stand to damage your gear a little bit to pull ahead of Mikasa.

Mikasa watched, jaw slightly agape, as you sped in front of her, easily gaining a ten meter lead on her. Her daze lasted only a slight moment, as a loud screeching noise drew her attention away from your sudden lead.

She searched around for a moment for the source of the sound, until she located it right in your direction. Her eyes widened in realization—your ODM wire was strained, and started the fray as it twisted and stretched.

You seemed to notice your peril shortly after, but there was nothing you could do at that point. The last metal strand of the wire strand snapped, and it gave out instantly, still dug into the tree.

Panic immediately shot up your spine, bracing yourself for impact as your previous momentum shot your face first towards the forest floor.

Mikasa's eyes wandered involuntarily towards your stranded form, watching in horror as you collided with the dirt, kicking up a cloud of dust laying limply in the shrubbery.

Part of her just wanted to finish the race—since she was now in first—and claim her rations. But, a sudden, external force drew her to you, her body moving on its own as she rushed to your side.

Soldiers flew past her overhead, the buzzing and whirring in her ears making it difficult to tell just how fast her heart was beating all of the sudden.

She dug through the grass and shrubs for a moment, searching your limp figure. Once she found you, she pulled you up and out of the dirt. You were awake, but somewhat lethargic, staring up at her with droopy eyes. Blood trickled down your forehead and over your cheeks, dripping from your chin.

"Shit, Y/n...!" She cursed under her breath, scanning your body for any other injuries, letting out a heavy sigh of relief once she realized there were none.

"Are you alright? Does your head hurt? Can you walk?" She bombarded you with questions, pulling your body into her lap. She had no idea why she was so concerned with you all of the sudden, but the urge to make sure you were okay was absolutely overpowering.

"I..." You raised your hand the gash in your head, pulling it away and gazing at the blood coating your fingers. "...could be better, but I think I'm alright." You sighed, resting an arm over your chest out of exhaustion. "Hurts like a bitch, though."

Mikasa sighed, brushing the loose strand of hair from your face.

"Mmm..." She hummed, rubbing her temple as the roots of a headache started to form in her head. Terrible timing, though it was inevitable considering the sudden stress this situation brought her. "Still, I should bring you back. You don't look so great right now."

You sighed, nodded your head slowly, the pain of your fall seeping its way into your aching body as the adrenaline started to wear off.

You stood up, slowly starting to walk back to the barracks, but found your legs suddenly unable to support your body weight as you stumbled and collapsed forward. Luckily, Mikasa dashed to your side, wrapping one arm around your shoulders and the other over your stomach to support you and prevent your fall.

"Hang on." She muttered, moving in front of your to slink her arm underneath you, picking you up and slowly carrying you towards the barracks.

You immediately buried your nose in the crook of her neck, the head injury clearly clouding any sense of shame momentarily. You inhaled her subtle, yet sweet aroma, slowly dozing off in her warm embrace.

It took Mikasa a good few minutes to realize you had fallen asleep, once she had asked you a question for the third time and didn't get a response. Once she realized, though, she just moved the arm that wasn't supporting you up to your head, keeping your head in its place. For some odd reason, she found comfort in its being there.

Small twigs snapping and grass rustling, plus your soft snoring, were the only audible noises at this point, the other soldiers far too far away to hear. Even if the two of you were close enough, even the person in last place should've crossed by now. She paused to wonder if Shadis would mind both of your absences, but dismissed the thought. At least somebody had to have seen you fall.

She sighed, gazing up at the sky.

"What am I doing right now?" She wondered aloud, now that there was no one to listen. "Why am I helping you?" Her slender hand brushed through your hair, trying to make you as comfortable as possible while you slept.

She had no clue, honestly. She had always been a close friend to you, but to go to such lengths to comfort you, she wasn't sure why. And she wasn't sure, either, why your gentle breathing against her was so calming to her. Really, she had no reason to be feeling this way.

Her feet slowed to a stop in front of the main building of the Trainee Regiment. Slowly, she pushed the door open and walked down the corridor towards the nursing room.

Gently, she set you down on the bench, stirring you awake as you opened your eyes, scanning the new environment with confusion.

"Where are w-"

"The medical office." She cuts you off without thinking, rummaging through the nearby cabinet for bandages, or something to wrap your head in.

Finding the small, white roll tucked away in the back, she turns back to you, unraveling some of the bandages and slowly wrapping them around your head.

"It really isn't that bad, Mikasa." You stated, yet made no effort to stop her.

"Liar. You passed out on the way here." She deadpanned, finally finishing the bandages. Grabbing a small cloth and running it under the sink, she dabbed it across your face, cleaning off the dried blood.

"I didn't pass out." You huffed out, stubbornly.

"You were asleep almost the whole walk."

"Just a power nap." You concluded, making her giggle.

"Whatever you say, just... be more careful. You probably already have a concussion, we don't need more than one TBI per month." She joked, smiling bashfully as you laughed at her quip. Mikasa wasn't a jokester by any means, so to see her so comfortable around you was a shock.

Mikasa pulled the cloth away from your face, examining for any missed spots. She almost put the rag away, satisfied with her work, until she saw a little dash of red across your nape.

"Turn around. You have blood on your neck." She whispered, and you obeyed silently, turning around.

She outstretched her hand, preparing to wipe the crimson off your neck, until she noticed. That's not blood at all.

It was a rosebud.

She blinked once, twice, making sure it wasn't just her imagination. It was identical to the one she had of the back of her nape as well—she knew it far too well, she saw it every other morning.

Without thinking, she grabbed the head hole of your shirt, pulling the cloth down to your mid-back to get a closer look.

"Ack—! Mikasa what are-" You sputtered, confused by her sudden forcefulness, contrasting her previous gentle behavior.

She paid no mind to your protests though, gazing in amazement and bewilderment. It was the exact same as the one she had, a perfect replica.

Clearly, she had never thought to take in the beauty of it until now. Now that it was inked into your back and not hers, she could see just how marvelous of a drawing it is.

"Y/n..." She exhaled, so quiet that she was surprised the sound even passed her lips coherently.

"Mikasa, what's gotten into you?" You inquire, turning around to face her, pulling your shirt back up over your shoulders in the meantime.

The second your eyes meet hers, she throws herself around you, wrapping her arms so tight around your chest that you swore you couldn't breathe.

Tears threatened to prick at her eyes. No matter how much she didn't believe in it, the stories were true. The stories of how you'd feel when you first connect with your soulmate. And, guessing by the way your breathing faltered and your mouth hung agape, you could feel it too.

She pulled away, leaving you confused, but also a little colder without her body pressed so close to yours.

With no explanation, she raised her arms and slid her shirt over her head, causing you to flush bright red and start to panic.

"Mikasa, seriously, what the hell is going on-"

"Look." She turned around, and the winged tattoo was on full display. It matched yours completely.

"Mikasa, I..." You tried to think of something to say, but no words fell out. You didn't expect to meet your soulmate, not this early, not her.

She didn't know what to do, either. She never expected to meet her soulmate, and not in a place like the Cadet Corps. Though, she couldn't deny that she felt attracted to you, not just emotionally, but almost spiritually, like something unknown tethered the two of you together.

Slowly, she brought you into a more gentle embrace, slinking down in your lap and wrapping her arms around your neck, leaning into the crook of your shoulder. You instantly wrapped your arms around her in return, and you swore you had never felt more at home than in this moment.

Her hand moved to your back, skimming it back and forth over the spot where your tattoo laid—she knew it was there, even if she couldn't see it.

The two of you stayed there in comfortable silence for what felt like eternity, being so close to someone as important as a soulmate brought immeasurable relief and tranquility to the both of you. The dull throbbing in your head died down at the sensation of the warm, comfortable woman tucked in your arms.

But, the moment was cut off by the distant shouting and clamoring of soldiers, signifying their return from the race.

"We should get up." You muttered, not wanting your intimate moment ruined by sudden company.

Mikasa sighed, reluctantly shuffling out of your lap and onto her feet. "What about Shadis?" She inquired, sliding her shirt back over her head.

"I'll just say it's about the head wound, and that you're staying behind to help me." You smile, dusting more of the dried dirt off your uniform. "He'll understand."

"I doubt that." She sighed bluntly, stretching her stiff limbs over her head. "But still, I wouldn't mind spending a little time off with you." She admitted, grabbing the cloth of her scarf and covering her mouth in an attempt to mask her flushed face.

"Good." You push through the door to the medical office, making your way to your dorm room—which, by coincidence, you shared with Mikasa.

You plopped down on the cozy linen sheets, stretching your body out before yawning, patting the space next to you and inviting Mikasa over. She took the offer silently, placing herself on the mattress, sitting up and facing the wall away from you.

"You know, when I said to watch over me, that was only an excuse for Shadis." You muttered, wrapping your arms around her waist in an attempt to pull her down to cuddle. "I just wanted to snuggle a little bit."

She sighed. Not moving from her position, upright and facing the wall. "I know, I know soulmates should do romantic things like this, I'm just... very new to this." She muttered, embarrassed.

"That's fine." You yawn, arms retreating from her waist as you bury your face in a pillow, sleep already taking hold. "We have plenty of time."

She nodded wordlessly, even you were unable to see—sleep had already taken hold of you.

"That's okay," She turned around, stroking your hair and brushing a few loose strands away from your face. "I think I love you already."

Bleh, I'll proofread this in the morning.

Edit: I did not proofread this in the morning.

[hermitcraftheadcanons]

Hermitopia AU Conclusion

The last ask has been answered, the masterposts are complete, and (although art, writing, and Discord discussion are still accepted and encouraged) it is finally time to officially wrap up the Hermitopia AU! Because this was such a massive event - and no small thing to moderate - there will be a pause in blog activity for a day or so before the inbox will open for regular headcanons again. I apologize in advance for the wait!

In the mean time, I would just like to say: I am so, so thankful to everyone who participated in the AU. Your ideas and your creativity have made this blog a better place, whether you sent in one headcanon or dozens, and I am constantly in awe of the energy and enthusiasm of this community. Thank you, all of you, for making this universe we’ve created as vast and as interesting as it turned out to be.

Below are a collection of my own ideas, for those of you who like a satisfying (but still not entirely closed-ended) ending. These events take place as many days, months, or years into the future as you need them to make your own ideas work, and none of them are set in stone. You can take all of them, some of them, or none of them as truth if you want to...but either way, it has been an honour to build on a project like this one alongside you all.

And with that...the Hermitopia AU concludes! Finished, or barely begun, like so many good projects are. Have a great day everyone, and happy headcanoning!

- Mod Shade

"People of Hermitopia."

The man on the screen shifts, running a nervous hand across his bald head and squaring his shoulders. The broadcast quality is unstable, but it's more than enough for every citizen in the city to recognize who's speaking.

"This is your Concorp Branch Director, Cub. As I'm sure you are aware, I am the head of Project VEX in this city. You all know the VEX initiative as groundbreaking, life-saving, a shining success and a step towards a new era for humanity...and some of you may even see me as a hero for creating it.”

He closes his eyes, a brief look of pained remorse crossing his face. For a moment, he looks utterly defeated, almost small in the face of his impromptu audience of thousands...but finally, he fixes the camera with a steady gaze once more and begins the great unravelling.

“Maybe it was all those things, in the beginning. Maybe *I* was, once. But today, after far too long, I have some confessions to make...."

~

- For years, Cub had been desperately scrambling to hold the tatters of his life’s work together. Project VEX had started so well, and he had poured so much of himself into it, that when the failed experiments and rebellions became more and more frequent he was unable to accept a change of course. He covered up the project’s failings to maintain funding and public image, but mostly to maintain his own image to himself - that he was still the hero he’d set out to be and create at the project’s start. However, his denial was wearing on him heavily, and eventually he had a breakdown and decided to go public rather than keep drowning the city in lies.

- This breakdown was prompted by xB, who after his own moral breakthrough, confronted Cub and urged him to stop withholding knowledge and truth. xB also informed Cub of his own unknown truth - that the unintended power of his presence was the thing that was keeping the experiments successful when Cub was around. This was the final straw in breaking through Cub’s denial

- Along with Cub’s broadcasted speech, files were released to the media containing proof against most if not all of Concorp’s falsehoods. Many names were cleared of crimes that had been pinned on them, including Beef, Impulse, Doc, Cleo, and the majority of the other Unrestrained and Unaffiliated former VEX trainees that the company had tried to cast away

- Understandably, it took a very long time for the chaos to die down and all that information to be processed by society and the justice system. It may be years before the community can see some of their heroes in the proper light again, but at least they are now free to begin rebuilding their reputation without being labeled as villains and traitors.

- Those who actually did commit villainous acts are given a fair trial, with consideration for their motives and the new Concorp information as extra evidence

- The VEX program is withdrawn by Cub’s superiors and put under a strict review. It is reborn after a massive restructuring, with a new director, new limitations on what experiments can and cannot be attempted, and a greatly extended screening and training program to reduce the chances of graduates becoming villains. The new project will produce far fewer heroes with much subtler powers at first...but if that is the cost for the safety and stability of the city, then most people would agree that it is a small price to pay.

- Cub is not permitted to work on the new Project VEX in a management role, ever again. It’s a harsh blow for him, to have to watch his dream from the sidelines...but he knows he gave up the right to guide it when he abused the control that it gave him. At least his superiors allowed him something to do while he awaits trial: he is present (although guarded) at every new VEX trainee’s first experiment, lending his power to increase their chances of success.

- Mayor Scar resigned willingly. Nobody had enough evidence to accuse him of anything, and he didn’t plan on giving them a reason to look by trying to stay in office. Instead he chose to make his exit from both Concorp and government matters complete, at last. Or so he thinks. Who knows? Maybe he’ll learn what most of the people he’s helped to manipulate have already found out: that connections and old grudges don’t easily lose their grip.

- Scar is replaced by TFC, voted in by almost unanimous community support and funded by donations from all the people he’s saved over the years

- The greater Convex company offers a choice to the survivors of the old program: Come to work under their new, more honorable system, or take a generously large settlement and be free to build new lives

- Team ZIT declines the job offer, pooling their payment and using it to buy a shiny new base together for their independent hero venture. There are still a handful of real villains to fight, after all, and there are bound to be more once people start successfully copying Concorp technology. Now that Impulse is back at their side, they wouldn’t give up their roles saving the community for anything - but they’re done with being used by some guy behind a desk. From now on, justice and bravery will be their only guides!

- ...justice, bravery, and TFC, that is. He isn’t their boss by any means, but the more experienced hero does drop by often between his mayoral duties to make sure the youngsters stay out of trouble and in one piece.

- The nHo, according to all official records, took their settlements and split up, leaving Hermitopia far behind. However, Team ZIT suspects that the vigilante life hasn’t left them so easily. They’d be the last ones to report the odd sighting of a whipping vine or a distant masked figure, though - unregulated as they are, the nHo’s shady methods for a good cause prove useful from time to time. (And their base has really good tea. Okay, maybe it’s a little bit more than “the occasional sighting”...)

- Ren settles back into his meadow cabin, but after that massive release of info and a long, LONG period of processing, he now has Iskall, Stress, and Cleo as regular visitors. Every morning he wakes up and forgets for a moment that it’s real, that they’re really alive and with him again...but they are, and he is happier than he ever thought he would be again.

- Jevin and Mumbo visit the cabin occasionally. It took a while for Mumbo to get his memory back, but he now remembers all of his friendship with Iskall and Grian, and they come together for fun and shenanigans regularly with the rest of the cabin crew.

- Grian still spends his time looking for his clones, but honestly, he doesn’t mind. The adventure always did hold more meaning than the conclusion for him, and now, he has friends to help out!

- False disappears into thin air to wait out the fallout of Concorp’s information release. She snags herself a quiet job and a small apartment on the outskirts of town, fully intending to return to her mercenary work just as soon as the dust has settled...next week, maybe. Or the week after that. Or maybe, once the garden has been fully planted. She’s really enjoying having time for stuff like that now...but she’ll get back to work, really, she will! Soon.

- Joe and Cleo tearfully reunite through xB, and Joe becomes another frequent visitor to the cabin. Cleo also visits Joe’s base in the time exclusion zone, but she really prefers the cabin. Time skips are disorienting, and they make her want to sneeze.

- Keralis and Void come to an agreement. Xisuma isn’t entirely clear on what that agreement is - something to do with an allowance of cookies from Biffa’s bakery in exchange for not killing anyone - but he’s more than happy to be less sore and tired all the time.

Hermitopia is making progress. Real progress, this time - not just the breaking of humanity’s limitations, but breaking them with true heroic care, with the good of everyone in mind. There are some hurts that will never fully heal, mistakes that can be learned from but not undone, and yet...now there is a path, a way forward. It won’t be easy, but a kind and gentle future waits for them, welcome and well deserved. They will figure it out, together.

And together, they will step forward, into the new world that each of them has helped to create.

[namluve]

↳ right on tide | seokjin x reader | 16.5k | oneshot | 18+  genre: smut, crack, angst & a little fluff, e2l, coworker au warnings: near death experiance (drowning), oral sex (m+f), fingering, swearing, praise 

❝ as a passionate surfer instructor at one of the most glamour’s vacation resorts there were two things you hated. bad weather and kim seokjin. jin always steals your summer hook ups, leaving you in a dry spell for the whole summer each year the two of you work on the resort. this time, you decided things would be different, this time, you would get revenge. ❞

note: this is my late bangtan boardwalk fanfic finally seeing the light. I want to thank everyone who encouraged me and a speciall thank you to @spicykoreantatertots​, Hannah, who helped me beta read it. without you, this would have been a hot mess. enjoy! 

Laying on the beach, you listen as the waves hit the shore, the sound comforting as you try to relax. Kim f-ing Seokjin was arriving at the island today, two weeks after everyone else because, why not? As far as you're concerned, this just meant two weeks of not having to deal with his ass.

Being passionate about surfing, you were blessed to be able to have a job as a surfing instructor during the summer. A nice break from the rest of the year that was spent at university. The summer was the highlight of every year because you were able to share your passion with others. Teaching beginners how to surf as well as giving more experienced surfers tips. Your workplace was a famous vacation resort set by the beach, surrounded by small islands. Attracting all kinds of people, but mostly middle aged singles looking for a good time. 

These first two weeks of your summer, however, had been a little different. With Jin gone, you had to step in and cover some of his shifts, which you honestly didn’t mind. Diving had always been something you’d find relaxing. You loved to be able to watch the ocean underneath the waves as well as on top of them. Seeing entire ecosystems flourish and live peacefully, even if there was a storm raging on the surface. It always seemed to be quiet down in the sea.

That’s why you didn’t mind taking some of Jin’s shifts. Having missed diving and seeing the ocean from below, it was a win. Well, besides all the extra workouts you got from working double shifts. Your body, that was happy whenever you walked instead of taking the bus, was untrained and not ready for such intense exercise. Your muscles were sore, and you thanked God for the waves being too high to ride today. Giving you a day to rest and recover. To let go of your worries. 

This year, you wouldn’t let Kim Seokjin ruin your summer. That you were sure of. You had packed all of your most daring outfits. Swallowing all of your insecurities, this year would be the year that Jin wouldn’t get in the way of your hook ups.

He was always so shameless about it, stealing them right in front of your eyes. The first few times he had done it, you were convinced the boy was gay. So, you went after a girl that, just like the guys, eventually left your side to go with him.

What was annoying about it though, was that he always waited until the end of the evening before making his move. Stealing them at the very last minute. Not giving you a chance to find someone else.

This year, however, you had a plan. A plan to ruin your enemy’s mischiefs for good. This year, your dry summer spell will end. This year, you will get revenge.  

Jin’s first week back, things are as usual. He flirts with and gets together with everyone, leaving you to feel like a plastic bag that’s just floating in the air while nobody cares about the environment. So, you just keep on floating, never getting picked up.

In all fairness, you barely tried. Too tired after work and your mood was instantly brought down at the sight of Jin. Why did someone so handsome have to be so cruel to you? 

You were even convinced that one time he brought you a drink at the last party was some kind of apology for being dick. Only for him to scare away the cute girl you were talking to.

“What? She obviously had a boyfriend. I really did you a favour.” Was his response when you confronted him about it. What a dick. 

“Please don’t ever come near me again. I don’t even want to breathe the same air as you right now!” You angrily shouted as you stomped your foot before walking away from him. 

Jin chuckled as you walked away. God his crush was a maniac. He could have chosen to like literally anybody else. Yet, every summer he came back, he couldn't help but to be drawn towards you. More and more so for every time you annoyingly rolled your eyes at him. He couldn't help but to think you were adorable.

After the first month of the summer had passed, your boss gathered around all team leaders for a quick meeting. Wanting to check the progress of each department. Making sure things were going smoothly. Your boss was not at any fault for having these meetings, but it did mean you had to spend time with Jin. Which… you weren’t excited about it, considering how mad you were at him for his behaviour at the last party. 

“Y/n! how is it going for our new guests?” Your boss asks, all eyes shifting towards you. You glance over at Jin. A coy smile on his lips. You wanted to gag at the sight, turning your attention towards your boss. 

Jin was probably really happy about being in the same room as you. Especially when last time you spoke to him, you said you didn’t want to breathe the same air as him. Only to be forced to be in the same room as him four days later. 

“Good. Most of them really have a talent for it. I’m fully booked for the next two weeks.” 

“I’m glad to hear. Jin,” the focus shifts to Jin and as you look at him, your eyes meet. His eyes had never seemed to shift their focus from you. Not until your boss spoke again and he turned towards him. “How is it going for our new recruit?”

Had the diving team gotten another employee? While you and Taehyung were on your knees with how overbooked you were? This had to have been Jin’s doing. He probably knew about your department's situation and got another recruit for the laughs of it.

“It’s going well but it is going to take some time until he can swim out with a team of his own. Together we can keep track of two more people so that’s been a relief.” He speaks and you scoff., rolling your eyes at his words. So their new recruit couldn’t even handle a team on his own? Useless to hire him in the first place, you thought.   

“Something you wanna say y/n?” Jin asks and suddenly all eyes are on you again. That fucker. A smirk on his lips. His prolonged plan to make your boss hate you going really well right now you thought. If looks could kill, Jin would’ve dropped dead on the floor.

“Nothing.” You quietly said, the kind warming smile on your bosses’ face turned towards you. You turned towards him, your face softening. The glares you had been sending Jin gone the moment you turned your eyes away from his. 

Your boss could be, at times, hard to read. He wanted to hear improvements that could be made to the resort. Well... as long as he didn’t have to put any time or money into it. Complaining about your work hours would probably not make a difference. Your boss milked out as much as he could from your department each year. 

“Come on y/n, you know you can speak your mind freely here. We want everyone to be a part of the meeting and voice their concerns.” Your boss tried and you thought, well… When he puts it like that…

“We could really use another person on my team.” You begin hesitantly. “As I said, I am fully booked for the coming two weeks and Taehyung is as well. In between that, I somehow need to find time for my paperwork. And also time to clean all the equipment.” You explained, seeing the cogs turn in your bosses’ head at your words. “We could just really use some help…”

A silence was left in the room as your boss was thinking. Jin still had a smile on his face. You thought it was because he was taunting you, but really, he was proud to see you standing up for yourself. Speaking up about the issues you so loved to talk about with your colleagues. He actually wanted for you to have some free time, to not have to work overtime everyday. 

“You’re right,” Your boss suddenly says. Surprised to hear him say those words, you looked at him confused, “since Jace can’t dive on his own with tourists yet, he can help out with cleaning and organizing all the surfboards at the end of the day. Gives you more time with the paperwork, sounds fair?”

You nod, never having expected to get anywhere with your comment. Happy that finally, you might not have to stress everyday to make sure everything stays afloat. Your boss was probably pleased with the solution, not having to hire another worker and just moving around the ones he has. Like he usually does in any situation ever. You wouldn’t be surprised if he threw you around the departments this summer as well, despite your busy schedule. Oh well, you guess you’ll just have to wait and see.

The meeting went on as usual. You looked at Jin a final time before you ignored him for the rest of the meeting. He still had that stupid smile on his face. In a way, it was his push that led you to get some extra help in your department. Never in your life would you admit that though. You would never give credit to Jin.

As the end of the day slowly approached, you decided to sit down and look over your paperwork. There was much more paperwork to your job than you initially thought. Having to look over the next day's bookings, plan out lessons, keep track of the weather and make sure everyone paid.

Yesterday’s meeting was forgotten, the stress of today’s work wearing heavy on you. Your shoulders tense, legs sore and skin almost burning. Of course you wore sunscreen when you were outside but sadly, that didn’t always help. Today was one of those days.

You didn’t even notice when the door to your little hut opened. Jin stepped in, looking around the place. This was where it all began for him. He started his career as a surfing instructor before it got boring and he moved on to diving.

He knew the passion you held for the sport, always looking so happy out on the waves. He knew you held some kind of grudge against him, and he kind of knew why. Jin honestly just liked to deny it. Stealing your crush’s dates maybe wasn’t the best way to get them to like you, but it sure got their attention.

Also, you looked super cute mad. Brows furrowed together, jaw clenched, eyes piercing through him with rage. Often placing your hands on your hips as you scold him. In all honesty, Jin didn’t even listen to half the things you were saying while you were shouting at him. He was just happy to be able to see you eye to eye. You couldn’t ignore him when you were mad at him.

Jin had already sent off Jace to help Taehyung, he really didn’t have to go inside the hut but he wanted to see you. Concentrating on your work, you huffed the strand of hair that had fallen down onto your face. Trying your best to piece together the schedule. A new family booking three lessons last minute, screwing over your entire schedule.

It wasn’t until Jin started walking towards you that you noticed his presence, sighing in annoyance. Looking at him as he stood in front of you. A white t-shirt clinging slightly to his chest, dirty blond hair still a little wet, beige shorts going down just above his knees. He had probably just ended his shift while yours was on for at least another hour. Yet another petty thing you could be mad at him about.

“I cannot deal with you today.” You tell him, rolling your eyes and he laughs. Showing off his white teeth as he smiles brightly.

“In all fairness, you say that to me everyday.”

“And I mean it every time.” You snapped back and Jin sighed. Well, he wasn’t getting anywhere closer to you with this conversation. Looking at the papers splayed out around the table. Your work computer open with the booking tab, Jin sensed there was something more to your attitude today.

“Tell me what’s really bugging you,” Jin said, a seriousness and caring tone to his voice, “I know there is more to this.”

“Well…” You began, contemplating whether to open up to Jin or not. Looking up at him through your tired eyelids, you decide what the hell. You had no problem complaining to all the other employees, why not to your arch nemesis. “There’s just this family who booked some lessons last minute, screwing up my plans completely.”

“I see...” Jin said, looking like he was thinking. Holding his chin between his thumb and pointer finger. “Have you tried seeing if the family has any previous surfing experience?” He asks and you sigh. Of course Jin wouldn’t be of any help, just mock you with the most basic questions.

“It’s the first thing I check, they haven’t written anything in their booking.”

“Not that, but the database that stores all bookings. So… you can check those made a long time ago.” There was a database for it? Wow, you thought, this really showed how poorly your boss had educated you before throwing you into the job. You had almost been completely independent already on day one.

“Should I have?” You ask, feeling suddenly small and not so bold against Jin anymore. There was just something about his relaxing nature, never stressing about things, knowing quite a lot about the resort and how it works. Yes, you were willing to bury the hatchet for a little while if that meant your job would get easier.

“I mean… I could show you if you want?” Jin quietly suggested and you nodded, sliding your chair to the right so Jin would have space to work on the computer. He walked over. Even though you had moved your chair, Jin still had to bend down over your shoulder. His chin almost resting on your shoulder as he began typing something on the computer.

You closed your eyes for a moment, Jin’s scent completely taking over you. His perfume was sweet, but with a hint of musk in it. The warmth of his body makes your cheeks heat up. Suddenly, you felt like a highschool girl about to get her first kiss.

“Y/n.” Jin said your name, snapping you out of your thoughts. As he turned his head towards you, you were suddenly painfully aware of how close his lips were to yours. Ears red, you answered him, “yes?”

“The family that’s coming are pro surfers, they just don’t know how to book the surfing boards without adding the lessons.” He speaks and you look at him, stunned. Hypnotized by his beauty, never seen him this up close.

Tilting your head to the side, you allow yourself to be drawn to him as you ask. “How do you know that?”

“I taught them how to surf many years ago, they are pro surfers and friends with one of the managers.” Jin’s words were what got you out of your trance. No way would you play into his little games.

“What do you mean you taught them?” For as long as you could remember, the four years you had been working at the resort you hadn’t seen Jin surf, not even once. He was probably just playing with you right now, as usual. Jin sensed your change of tone, realizing you were probably going to be annoyed with him in a few seconds again.

“I started out as a surfing instructor, before I moved on to diving.” Jin explained and you scoffed.

“Why? Was loch ness calling you back to your home?” Jin was a bit taken aback by your words. For some reason they sounded harsher than usual. He shook his head, exhaling a deep breath as he stood up. Disappointed in himself for thinking he had the smallest of chance with you. 

“What?” You questioned, confused by Jin’s reaction. He wasn’t teasing you back and it made you feel weird. You couldn’t describe it, but it was almost as if you felt bad for him. Jin began walking towards the door, having to intention to stay any longer in your presence.

“And here I thought you would be nice for five minutes.” Jin almost spit out, a clear anger behind the tone of his voice. “Not even a thanks for the help.”

And with that Jin left. Leaving you alone with your paperwork. The room almost felt cold despite the heat that radiated from the sun outside. Your stomach twisting and turning, feeling as if there was a lump in your throat. Jin had just helped you, and you had, what? Been nothing but a dick to him. Your rivalry aside, he wasn’t that bad of a person, and you knew that.

Your colleagues telling stories about how nice and helpful he was would often make you want to gag. But matter of fact, Jin was a nice and helpful person, you were just too caught up to notice it most of the time. Never thanking him when he opened a door for you, made sure you always had water at the meetings. Leaving his leftovers at your door when he knows you're working all the time.

The first few times he’d done it, you thought it was to poison you or something. When you tasted his food for the first time however, you were blown away with how good it tasted. A smile on your lips each time you found a container outside your door. Not sending him a glare the next time you’d see him after he’d left some food. Jin noticed it of course. It was one of the few things he knew wouldn’t get on your nerves. 

Now he was helping you with work, and you did nothing besides be a dick to him. Sighing, you tried to go back to your paperwork. Ignoring the bad feeling that was upsetting your stomach. Your schedule, more or less saved thanks to Jin. Now, you just had to pull through the rest and do some cleaning, then you’re good to go.

“We’re all done!” Taehyung chimed in as you closed your laptop, finally being done with the paperwork after an hour. Confused, you looked at the bright smiling boy who most of the time looked like a lost puppy.

“We?” You question and Taehyung just nodded, smiling brightly.

“Yeah, Jin left Jace with us so he helped me out. Once you’re done with the paperwork we can head back.” Your mood was now drastically lifted, a wide smile on your face as you packed your things. The first day ever since you got here this summer that didn’t end in overtime.

Taehyung packed up his things as well and once the two of you were out the door, you locked it. Feeling the warmth of the sun as you step outside. Even thought the sun was setting,the warmth from it almost burned your feet as you walked over to the apartment complex with Taehyung. 

As you walk down the hall, you glance at Jin’s door, wondering for a second what he was up to. Was he mad at you? Was he sad? You couldn’t exactly go up to his door and ask so you decided to do the next best thing.

After cooking dinner for yourself, you wrapped a box up for Jin as well. You left a note on top of the plastic container, writing ‘thank you’ on it. Would Jin even know it was you? I mean, yes it was your iconic yellow dotted containers he would receive the food in, but how would he know for sure?

Deciding to write your name in the bottom corner, you head outside of your apartment, and take the few strides it takes to walk over to Jin’s door. Placing the container on his doormat. Hopefully, he will accept your apology. Hopefully, you might have a chance to make things right with him.

There were parties essentially every night at the single resort you were working at. Tonight, however, the resort would host one of their more famous ones. This meant a lot of people would attend it. since the weather would be bad tomorrow, you didn’t have to get to work that early. You had the best conditions that could’ve been given you to get revenge.With your makeup on point. Eyeliner so sharp you hoped it would cut into Jin’s perfect face. You looked at yourself one last time in the mirror before you made your way down to the beach.

Your dress shimmering in the moonlight as you stepped outside. Following the stonepath on the ground, you make your way over to the party tents. What if Jin was still mad at you? You hadn’t really seen him after you tried to apologize to him with your cooking. He must have gotten over it, he usually did when you were rude to him. You’d never know why though, especially when you didn’t deserve it most of the time.   

As you arrived, you thankfully accepted the welcoming drink. Shaking a little as you grabbed it. Most of your friends were not up to the party, meaning, you were on your own. As you sipped on it, you spotted Jin. Talking with two girls, he looked perfect as usual. Laughing at some joke one of the girls probably told him. The feeling that set in your stomach at the sight could only be described as green. Luckily, you were already wearing it on your face, the green makeup showing your true colours unintentionally. 

Jin was dressed as Eric as far as you could see. A dashing prince. The two girls around him looked stunning as well, although, they didn’t put in as much effort as you and him to the masquerade bit. Wearing simple dresses and nude makeup, they didn’t stand out quite as well as the two of you did. You’d overheard Jin telling Taehyung how excited he was for the party because he loved to dress up. Why was he spending his time with people who didn't even put in half the effort he did?  

Jin was wearing Prince Eric’s signature white loose shirt. A red scarf that it seemed like he diy’d into looking like Eric’s belt. Dark blue loose trousers with almost knee high black boots. To top it all off, he’d changed his hair colour into black. Probably spraying it with some wash off colour, same as you with your red. Your green dress that barely covered your butt went well with the green and blue makeup you’d put on your face. Using fishnet stockings to create a fishscale pattern on your face to finish it all off, you were ready for tonight. 

This year, it was time to switch things up. This year, you would take his conquests from him. Not the other way around. You decided to finish your glass of champagne in one go, hoping it would give you a boost of confidence as you started walking towards Jin. You had one goal in mind, ruin Seokjin’s chances with those two girls. 

As you made your way down the beach, Jin noticed you. Eyes locked on yours for a second before they trailed your body up and down. It was most certainly a win on your part. You had checked Jin out as well, but he didn’t know that. Jin’s mouth was slightly open, his reaction more obvious with the three glasses of champagne in his body. He most certainly thought you’d never looked better.

Jin had let go of all the anger he felt towards you when he had gotten your apology meal. You had tried after all, and he couldn’t be mad at you for that. Especially considering this was the first time you had even tried to apologize to him, Jin thought that he might have a chance now. If not at pursuing you, at least at becoming your friend.

“My prince,” you announced as you reached him, and the girls took half a step back. Thinking that the two of you might be a couple of some sort. Well, you did wear matching outfits after all. A smirk on your lips as they did. Your plan was going as planned.

“Princess,” Jin answered, bowing down before you overdramatically. One hand behind his back, one foot in front of the other before he stood up again. His hand reaching forward, you hesitated before you placed your hand in his. Remembering what you’d told yourself earlier. You weren’t going to let him have an affect on you at all. You couldn’t be thrown off by a little hand holding. Besides, it would probably increase the chances of the two girls to leave. 

He took hold of it, never breaking eye contact as he placed a kiss upon it. It shouldn’t affect you at all, but the way he was looking at you got you feeling butterflies in your stomach. You’d forgotten why you walked over in the first place. Forgotten about how this was not supposed to affect you at all. Forgotten how this was all just a chance for you to get revenge.

The girls had left by now, not really understanding what was happening and left for some more drinks. A little sad that the dashing prince was already taken by you.

“You look stunning Ariel.” Jin complimented and you felt your cheeks heat up. Happy that the green makeup probably covered it. Keep it together, you thought to yourself. 

“So do you Eric.” Two could play this game, you thought. Jin looked surprised by your words, well, most often you only called him names and was angry at him. This surely was a nice change.

“Care for a dance?” He asked, knowing he was probably risking it. You could turn at any given moment. Get mad at him. Scold him, as you have done for years but you shrugged your shoulders. A ‘sure’ leaving your lips even though you were far from sure. Your mission was already completed, then why did a tiny voice in your head tell you to dance? 

These were uncertain waters you had never explored before. Sure, Jin had flirted with you a few times before but that was just to annoy you, right? Like that time he’d shamelessly checked you out when you were by the swimming pool the first summer you worked at the resort. Sending a wink your way when your eyes meet. The two of you didn’t know each other back then and as the summer went on, your annoyance for Jin continued to grow. 

At the first party you ever attended at the resort, Jin stole your date for the first time. You’d gathered courage to talk to the cute guy that had brought you ice cream earlier that week. Only to have Jin swoop in and steal him right under your nose, take him to his room and spend the night with him. 

As he led you out to the dancefloor, your coworker started looking at your direction. Ready to call 911 in a second, knowing how heated you could be at times. You got self conscious under their stares. Jin looked at where your eyes were directed. Seeing the hesitant look on your face. How could someone so confident in front of him feel so small in other people’s company? You took half a step closer to him, searching for safety without realizing it. Jin was more than happy to provide it. 

Taking your hand, he placed it on his shoulder, and you took the hint. Placing your other hand on top of his shoulders as well. As you turned your eyes to meet his, your surroundings suddenly seemed to disappear. His hands moved to rest on your hips. Swaying to the music, his eyes almost burning through yours and you feel the need to look away. Flustered at having him so close to you.

“Don’t shy away from me now princess.” Jin chuckled and you thought, how could I not? Besides the fact that you hated him, you couldn’t deny that Jin was handsome. Stunning even. If it wasn’t for the fact that he was infuriating, you would have jumped his bones a long time ago. Whenever Jin wasn't making you mad, he was always making you feel things you couldn’t quite understand. It had always been easier to just hate him.  

But right now, you and Jin were in the situation you were in. For years dancing around each other to finally dance with each other. You had to admit it, it was nice. Not to be angry, not being on your toes around him. Just enjoying his company. Just being.

Jin had a hard time believing this was all real. He knew you hated him. He just didn’t know why. I mean yeah, he teased you a lot, but he didn’t know how else to catch your attention. To have you practically in his arms, flustered, not being able to look him in the eyes was a blessing. He never wanted it to end. 

“This is quite nice,” Jin said and you finally looked at him again. Muttering a ‘what?’ as you had been too deep in your own thoughts to acknowledge what he’d said.

“I said it’s quite nice, dancing like this. Not fighting.” Jin spoke again and as he did, he felt your hands clench, your whole body stiffening. He knew his moment with you was over.

“Well it’s not my fault we began fighting, is it?” You snapped back and Jin couldn’t read your expression one bit. It seemed as if you were in a conflict with your own thoughts and words. Wanting one thing and saying another. 

“So, who started the fighting?” Jin asked, wanting your honest thoughts. Wanted to know what he did to make you hate him so much. You were already looking for your escape by then. You wanted nothing more than to just be alone and swallow your feelings. This was exactly why you didn’t allow yourself to be nice around Jin. Things got messy. 

Spotting Kyle, your colleague that you didn’t exactly get along with either, you made your exit.

“I’m just gonna check on Kyle,” you said letting go of Jin, moving past him. He took hold of your arm before you could move out of his personal space. His eyes pleading as you looked back at him.

“Please just tell me what I did,” he begged, and you harshly pulled your arm from his grasp. Looking in his eyes for one more second before you headed straight towards Kyle. Your feet moved on your own as you moved past him and started walking back to the resort.

You didn’t need this. Not at all. You were supposed to make him feel bad, not the other way around. As you reached the lobby, you were met with a handsome face. The brown haired tall boy looking at you up and down as you walked over to him.

“Wanna be my distraction for the night?” You asked him and he nodded. Taking out his hand so you could shake it.

“I’m Matt,” he introduced himself and you shook his hand, introducing yourself.

“Nice to meet you, what’s a beautiful lady like you doing running from the party like that?” He asked and you shrugged.

“Just avoiding my co-worker really. Care to show me to your room?” Matt nodded and you small talked on your way over. Finally, you had managed to get a hook-up of your own without Jin interrupting.

Spending the night in Matt’s room you were treated to adequate sex. You know the one that’s not bad but doesn’t leave you quite satisfied? Yeah, that one. You woke up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep because of Matt’s snoring, so you decided to head back to your room.

Walking with your heals in your hand down the halls, going to the staff area, you passed Jin’s door. Wondering who had been the lucky lady or guy to follow him back to his room tonight. Could have been you if you weren’t so stubborn. Jin had his eyes set on you.

Walking over to your door that was almost at the end of the hall, you unlock your door. Going inside, you threw your heels to the side and took off your dress. Finally getting to remove your makeup and put on your softest pyjamas. Climbing in under the covers, you fell asleep quickly. Dreaming of dancing with Jin.

You woke up because of loud knocking on your door. Looking at the clock, you realized it was only seven in the morning. Your first day off in what felt like forever as well. What a joke your life suddenly seemed to be.

Grunting, you got up. The lack of sleep gives you a headache that is pulsating, making it feel like your head was about to explode. Your limbs were still asleep as you dragged yourself across the floor to your door.

Opening it, you were met with an equally tired very familiar face.

“What do you want Jin?” You snared, not quite happy about being awoken so early. Jin looked down at your pyjamas, smiling. Finding it cute.

“Boss said we need to dive and check on one of the reefs,” he explained, and you scoffed. A week was all it took before your boss started moving you around as usual. You didn’t expect it to be in Jin’s team, however. It was probably because you covered for Jin those first two weeks that he missed. Where was he those weeks anyway?

Being reminded of his absence, you grew even more annoyed at the situation. “Does he know about the storm-“ 

“Yes he does, and he doesn’t seem to care, he wants us to do it before the storm comes.” Jin interrupted, seeming burdened as the words left his mouth, obviously agreeing with you. It was dangerous to go out on the waters when there is a possibility of a storm. It wasn’t even a possibility today, it was well known along the whole coast that the storm would come.

“It’s a reef close to one of the new living areas that’s opening in a few days. Apparently, some fishers did some damage to it…” You saw the sadness in Jin’s eyes. You knew how much he cares about the ocean, just as much as you. “…and we need to check on it.”

He continues explaining and you nod. Of course, your boss cared the most about his precious resort more than anything. More than his summer employees. But still, you cared about the ocean too, having a deep respect for the waters and the animals living in it. It contributes to you being able to carry out your sport.

So, you agreed to help Jin. You didn’t really have a choice in the matter. You just hoped that you could be done just in time to miss the storm. Scared of what would happen if you didn’t make it back in time. 

Out on the boat, the waves had already started getting worse since the crew got out on the water. The two old men driving the boat hadn’t said a word to you or Jin since you sat down in the boat. Probably not that happy about being out on the water today and you totally understood that.

Looking over to your right, you focused on Jin for a while. He looked good in the diving suit, you had to admit that. Almost more so than the prince Eric costume if you’re being honest. The wetsuit clinging to his body in the most appealing way it probably could. Showing off his toned body.

“Yah… if you’re going to stare at me, you have to make it a little less obvious.” Jin suddenly spoke, turning to you. Your ears and cheeks turned red as you kept eye contact with him. You were not going to let him make you feel flustered this year, no.

“I was just thinking about if I should throw you off the boat or not… It’s really moving towards ‘yes’ right now.” Jin laughed at your comeback. Muttering a ‘sure’ under his breath as he began to look at the ocean again. The island where the reef was located got closer with every second as the boat traveled across the waters.

“You know all the signals, right?” Jin suddenly asked, mostly just to have a conversation with you, but also as part of his routine. You wouldn’t be able to speak under water of course, you would have to rely on being able to signal things with your hands to one and another.

You scoffed at his question. “Do you even know who took care of your shift while you were gone doing God knows what?” Jin never meant to question your abilities but he quickly realized he hit a sensitive spot. You were probably the most overworked employee. He knew that because you knew the place inside and out. The boss of course loved to use that, throwing you around wherever he needed you.

He sighed, turning his head towards you. Looking at you with a pleading face, asking you to drop the hatchet for just a moment. Just for a bit so you really understood that he meant every single word.

“I’m thankful for that. I know you didn’t really have a choice, but I want you to know that it meant a lot to me.” Jin’s words caught you off guard, his genuine appreciation making you stutter over your next words. Wanting nothing else than for the conversation to be over.

“Wha… Whatever… Let’s just get th-this over with…” You almost mumble, looking down at the bright wooden floor on the boat. Kicking your legs as you sit restlessly for the rest of the ride. Avoiding a conversation with Jin at all cost. The sun was still out. Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad out on the waves today after all?

Jin was smiling the rest of the boat ride, happy to have finally caught you off guard and made you flustered. Maybe things could finally change between the two of you. Maybe, just maybe… you being forced to spend time with him had a positive effect this summer. The last two summers had only drifted you further apart.

This year it seemed like the waves were crashing in, the ocean’s current too strong for you to fight against it. Drawing you closer to Jin, making you see him from a new perspective. And the view was surprisingly nice. When you allowed yourself to look, instead of turning a blind eye to it. Appreciating what had been in front of you this entire time. What had always been there and what you had never noticed. Yeah, maybe the view wasn’t so bad after all?

“Here it is, in you go kids. Don’t stay out too long or we’ll leave your asses here.” The captain of the boat said as he turned off the engine. You wanted to scold him for saying such a thing but Jin beat you to it.

“You’ll stay put here for as long as we want you to. Wouldn’t want the boss finding out his best instructors somehow went missing because of a moron?” You smiled. Best instructors, so Jin did admit you were good at your job? It was a nice feeling, being recognized for your hard work.

The captain muttered a ‘whatever’ waving Jin off. Jin turned to you as he shook his head, scoffing. All that was left for Jin to put on was his goggles. His eyes soften the moment they meet yours.

“You ready?” He asked and you nodded. “Let’s go then.”

You take a sitting position on the edge of the boat, falling backwards into the ocean. Your oxygen tank feelt lighter the second it was submerged into the water. Taking your breather in between your lips, you took a deep breath. Testing so it all works before you dive deeper into the ocean. Your legs made slow kicking motions to keep you close to the surface.

Looking at Jin, you saw his thumbs up and you gave him one back. At the reassuring signal that everything was alright, you and Jin began swimming further down, quickly reaching the ocean floor where the coral reef flourished. You followed Jin’s lead as he knew the area better than you. Enjoying your quiet time in the ocean. Allowing yourself to spend time with Jin without arguing. Yeah… you could actually get used to this.

You and Jin went around and checked on the coral reef for about an hour. Luckily, where the boat had hit the reef it was mostly just big rocks that nothing really lived on. The reef was lucky this time. A while ago, you noticed the light getting darker but didn’t think much of it, too focused on your task at that very moment. It was not until you and Jin began to swim towards the surface that you realized why it had gotten darker.

When you reached the surface, the wind made the waves crash over you. You tried to keep your head above water level, searching for the boat, trying to find your ticket back to safety. As you looked around, you couldn’t see the boat anywhere. You started to panic. Had they really left you and Jin in the middle of the fucking ocean? In the middle of a storm?

Jin was mad, beyond furious but he put all his feelings aside the moment he saw you. Struggling to keep your head afloat, waves crashing over you as the rain poured down. He had to think of something. He had to think of a plan real fast. Otherwise, the two of you could actually die, the realization made Jin sick to his stomach. His body filled with fear as he thought about the options he had.

While you were still panicking, looking around frantically, occasionally screaming your lungs out for help, Jin got an idea. The new living area on the island was close to the coral reef.

Looking around, Jin was able to find the island pretty quickly. A barrier of rocks surrounded it. Of course the fishers had damaged the reef on the opposite side of the beach and pier of the island. It would take too long to swim around the island. The currents were too strong, and you could in worst case die out of exhaustion trying to make it. If only there was some other entrance…

The caves. The underwater caves leading to the lagoon, the island's future main attraction. If he could only navigate the two of you there. He knew the entrance was around here somewhere. He had, after all, been here last week to check on the cave system.

He swam over to you. One hand taking hold of your shoulder to gain your attention. Stopping you right before you were going to scream for help again. Jin’s touch felt comforting, but left you all too soon. Removing his hand once your eyes met, he knew he had your attention.

“Follow me!” He screamed. The wind made so much noise that you could just barely hear him. As Jin made a down motion with his hand, you understood what he meant. Giving him a nod. When Jin dived back into the calm waters below the waves, you followed. He brought out his flashlight to light the path in front of him, and you did the same. 

You swam close to the rock walls and you quickly realized Jin was searching for something. Matter of fact, he found it within a minute. Doing a ‘follow me’ motion with his hand, he started swimming into a hole in the wall. You followed him closely. The cave system was a little too narrow for your taste really, but you didn’t really have a choice in the matter.

Jin swam slowly, following the air bubbles. Air that desperately tried to find the closest way to the surface. In other words, leading to the lagoon. As you took a deep breath, you suddenly heard a beep. Indicating you only had five breaths left before your tank would run out of oxygen. Shit.

You tapped Jin on the foot and he stopped in his tracks. The space in the tunnel was big enough that he could almost stand as he turned around. You took a breath, pointing towards your oxygen mask and then showing him four fingers.

Shit, Jin thought as well. He forgot you weren’t as an experienced diver as him. He nodded. He could give you his air if needed. Pointing towards his tank and then towards you, you got his message. Relieved, you swam after Jin as he began swimming again.

Jin stopped after a little while, taking his mouthpiece towards your mouth and you breathed in. You still had four in yours and was grateful for Jin giving you some of his. He probably had a lot left you thought, he was more experienced after all.

The smile that Jin had as he saw your relieved face when you took a breath of his oxygen died quickly. As he took a breath, he heard the beep. You had four breaths left and Jin was now left with five. The situation got more deadly in a matter of seconds. Jin ignored it. He had to make it, he had to get you two to safety, no matter the cost.

With each breath both you and Jin grew more paranoid. As you took your final breath that was left from the tank, you suddenly saw light. The surface was close and Jin knew this as well. One final breath was left in his tank as he swam out of the cave. Looking behind him once he reached the lagoon, he saw you struggle.

You needed more air, muscles straining and working against you as you looked up towards the surface, desperate to reach it. Your vision started to darken, you felt a mouthpiece being pressed against your lips. You took a deep breath, finally having enough oxygen in your body to swim above the surface. You looked at Jin for a second before you swam as fast as you could.

Reaching the surface, you breathed heavily. Trying to catch your breath, you almost started to cry out of happiness. You made it. You were in some random cave, but you made it. Looking behind you, ready to throw yourself at Jin, you noticed he wasn’t anywhere to be found.

On his way up, Jin inhaled water just before he reached the surface. The lack of oxygen shutting his brain down as his lungs begged him for something. Upon your realization, you quickly dived down, finding Jin’s limp body sinking towards the cave floor. No. You would not allow this. Throwing your thousand dollar equipment off your body as fast as possible.

You reach Jin in a matter of seconds, throwing his tank off him as well. The weight of the metal made the oxygen tank sink as you grabbed hold of him and swam towards the surface as quickly as possible. Your body found an immense amount of strength, propelling you towards the edge of the lagoon. You had done this a few times with your students, swam with them to safety on the beach. It had always ended up well. So why were you worried to death all of the sudden?

Dragging Jin’s body up on the hard rock floor, you checked his breathing. Your mind was completely focused on the task. You had to save him. When you couldn’t feel him breathing, you checked for his pulse. Your middle and pointing finger applying pressure on the artery vein on his neck. He had a pulse. You just needed to get him breathing again.

You pinched his nose, restricting his airflow, and tilted his head upwards. After taking a deep breath, you placed your lips over his, filling Jin’s lungs with air. When nothing happened, you placed your lips over his again. Filling his lungs with air one more time.

Jin finally began coughing and you quickly let go of him. Your worried hands brushed the hair out of his face, watching for the life that was returning to his eyes.. Jin was trying to breathe while also coughing up all the water that he had taken into his lungs. Water was coming up with each cough, but eventually his lungs cleared.

When he started breathing normally, you threw your arms around him. Having no strength left in his body to support the two, Jin fell backwards with you clinging to his chest. He winced as his body hit the cold, rock hard cave floor. He wanted to complain, his head hurting from the fall, but he stopped himself. Your arms squeezing even tighter around him as you start to sob into his chest.

“I thought you were gone…” You choked out and Jin felt a sting of pain in his heart. Hearing you so heartbroken and scared… He placed his arms around you. With one around your body, he brought you closer to him. While the other hand softly petted your head, reassuring you.

“Shh, it’s okay. We’re alright.” Jin whispered and you allowed yourself to relax. Exhaustion quickly overcomes your body. Jin felt you relax, your body going limp as you started falling asleep.

He let you sleep. Allowing himself the moment. To finally have you in his arms. To finally have you look at him with concern and not hate. For you to care about him. Yeah, all Jin could wish for really was to live that moment for a little longer. His body tired, mind empty, he fell asleep as well shortly after you.

You both laid there sleeping for almost two hours before you woke up. Confused, you looked around the cave. Not quite remembering where you were at first. Not until you became aware that you were sleeping on Jin. His chest rising as he takes a deep breath. His mouth was slightly open, eyes effortlessly, beautifully closed.

He looked so peaceful like this, so beautiful. As if he had been sculpted by the God Poseidon himself. His beauty was remarkable. His dirty blond hair was still slightly wet. Skin a little paler than usual, probably from the lack of oxygen. Lips red and puffy.

His lips. You look at them for a while. They looked way too inviting. Your hand moved up to your lips. Two fingers tracing your lips as you were reminded, they had touched Jin’s. Sure, it was because you were trying to save him, and you couldn’t really remember much of it. But you wanted to. Wanted to know how his lips felt. How they tasted.

As Jin let out a slight snore, you were brought back to reality. Almost throwing yourself backwards and away from his body. What were you thinking? This is your arch nemesis. The reason for your dry summer spell. Well, you did break it this year, but Matt barely counted. Not when he couldn’t even fully satisfy you.

Okay focus, you told yourself, you needed to figure out what to do next. So, you went through the facts. You were stuck in a cave with Jin. A cave that was… where exactly? Had Jin just told you to follow him into a random cave? Shivers going down your spine as you felt a slight breeze. Your body instantly started to shake.

Great, you were in a random cave, with Jin, and you were freezing. Your day couldn’t get much better. Looking over at Jin, you realized you had to wake him up. You needed to know where the hell you were.

You approached him, slightly shaking his body. Your hand gripping his arm. He just grunted and you sighed. No way were you just going to let him sleep peacefully while you were freezing. It was his fault anyway that the two of you went out into the ocean in the first place. He should have stood up to your boss, you thought.

You shook his arm more violently, Jin finally opened his eyes. A confused look on his face as he sat up. Looking around the cave slightly before his gaze looked onto yours.

“Where are we?” He asked, still half asleep and very much confused about the situation. You slowly shook your head, scoffing. You slap his arm lightly, trying to get him to focus. Jin whines, confused as to why you’d hit him.

“Oh, but shouldn’t you know that? It was your brilliant plan to take us here, after all.” At your words, Jin is reminded of what had happened. Reminded where you guys were. Reminded that everything was back to the way it was before. 

“Yah… I brought you here, to safety, so you wouldn’t drown… I almost drowned in the process, and this is how you thank me?” He questioned and you were suddenly filled with guilt. Jin was right but you didn’t have a chance to apologize before he spoke again. “We are in the new resort islands lagoon, meaning we can get out of here and spend the night at the new houses built on the Island.”

No words could describe the feeling in your stomach. You were sickened by your behaviour. How selfish of you to think that Jin would do anything but bring the two of you to safety. You wanted to say something, anything that could make the situation better. To let Jin know you were sorry.

“I should have just left you in the ocean.” Jin muttered as he pushed himself up from the cave floor. It wasn’t meant for you to hear. He’d just said it out of anger, but you couldn’t help the sadness that washed over your body. So, as he started walking, clearly familiar with the place, you followed him. Like a stray puppy, looking for someone to bring them in. Anyone to give them shelter.

You didn’t say a single word as Jin led you up towards the surface, the storm still raging on. You could hear it in the caves, more and more so the closer you came to the surface. Nothing could have prepared you for the real deal however.

The rain was lashing down on the island. The water pressure in your shower was like a slow drip compared to this. The force it struck down was enough to make it hurt when it hit your skin. The wind took hold of the trees, making it look like they could snap in half at any second. You needed to find shelter, fast. 

Jin looked to his left, instantly finding what he was looking for. One of the guest houses stood only 10 meters from  the cave. He turned toward you, sighing, and roughly grabbed your hand. He didn’t say anything, still clearly upset with you. He had every reason to be, but still, he didn’t want to risk losing you out in the storm.

He started sprinting, his free hand held over his face, shielding him from the lashing rain and wind. You did the same, covering your face as you followed him closely. 

When you reached the house. Jin lifted the mat in front of the front door to reveal a key laying under it. He unlocked the door, a sigh of relief leaving his lips. He opened the door and waited for you to get in before he closed it. The sound of the storm could still be heard inside the house and you were both thankful to have a roof over your head. Especially with night time approaching. 

While trying to catch your breath, you began looking around at your temporary shelter. The decoration of the house had a modern style mixed with tropical vibes. The white fabric of the couch matched the curtains and the frames on the paintings that covered the walls. The furniture in the living room and adjoining dining space were made of bamboo. The walls of the open concept room had oak paneling, giving the place a rustic island vibe.. Green plants were placed around the house to give it a pop of colour. Your mouth was slightly agape, it was much more beautifully decorated than the guest rooms on the main island. 

While you were busy looking at the house, Jin was busy exploring it. Checking the kitchen for food and water first. Not much there besides a welcoming basket and some food the construction worker must have left behind. The toilet was plain and simple, toilet,sink, and shower. The bedroom only had one double bed. Why couldn’t any of the big family houses have been any closer? Jin let out an annoyed sigh.

He now had to fight you over the bed. There was no way your stubborn ass was just going to hand it over to him. You started walking around the house quietly, looking into the bedroom and Jin braced himself. Ready for an argument that he had to win. No way was he going to sleep on the small couch with his wide shoulders and suffer all night.

“You can take the bed. I’ll take the couch.” You suddenly announced, walking past Jin to get to  the bathroom. You were freezing and you needed to change into something warmer. Dragging your cold soaking wet wetsuit down your body, you placed it on the shower floor. Your bikini following suit. Taking the white kimono that was hanging beside the shower to wrap around your body. The white silk felt expensive and breezy around your body. Probably made for the beach under the hot glazing sun.

While you had been changing, Jin had taken off his wetsuit as well. Going around in his swim trunks as he tried to make sense of you. Almost shaking his head at himself for not having his priorities straight. He needed to eat and drink. His basic human needs that were somehow overthrown by you. He couldn’t help it. He just couldn’t make any sense of you.

One minute, you are screaming at him, telling him that you don’t even want to breathe the same air as him. Next, you are dancing with him, well, you could have been drunk out of your mind that time actually. Arguing again but for some reason agree the next morning to help him? To throw yourself in his arms and later on, shout at him again.

And now, you had just given him the bed. Without a fight, without anything. Jin couldn’t understand anything. He couldn’t understand you at all. So, he decided to do something he did understand and knew how to handle. Cook some dinner for the two of you, well, with whatever he could find in the kitchen. 

It would be an early dinner, but he didn’t think you would complain. You did go out on the waters with him without eating any breakfast, wanting to get out on the water as soon as possible in fear of the storm. And later on, sleeping through lunch in the caves. 

As you walked out of the bathroom, you were blessed with the sight of Jin shirtless in his swimming trunks. Hanging low, so low you could see the beginning of his v-line. You wanted to get closer. Wanted to know what he would feel like against your skin. To have his body move against yours.

He was cooking something on the stove. The faint smell of vegetables reached your nose as you took a deep breath. Your mouth salivated at the thought of finally eating something. Jin hummed as he stirred the two pots. You wanted to know what he was cooking and so, you walked up to him.

He didn’t notice you until you stood next to him. As he looked down on your body, he could see the outline of your boobs through the thin fabric. His cock instantly twitched at the delicious sight that was now in front of him.

Jin was quickly drawn from his thoughts when one of the pot’s contents started to boil, the hot drop of water landing on his arm. He jumped back, his reflexes doing all the work for him. His other hand pressed against the area where he’d burned himself.

“Are you okay?” You hadn’t quite understood what had happened, but your instinct told you to take hold of Jin’s arm. With your small hands compared to Jin’s, you moved his hands away. Examining the area where the water drop had hit. A little red but otherwise than that, it was fine.

At your sudden caring nature, Jin was caught off guard. He was supposed to be mad at you, but how could he be when you held his arm so tenderly? With your fingertips that grazed over his skin so lightly, checking for any bruising.

Pulling his arm back from you he muttered ‘I’m fine’ before he went back to cooking.The house, just like every house on the island, where stored with canned food. In case of an emergency or storm. Canned beans, rice and some sauce was enough for Jin to make a stew for the both of you. 

Jin took the pots of the stove. You blinked a few times, confused at Jin’s sudden outburst before you heard him say- “Dinner’s ready.” 

The two of you eat in silence. It wasn’t as uncomfortable as you thought it would be. Jin’s cooking skills were really good, given the few ingredients he had, he managed to make something really tasty. For that, you were grateful.  

When you finished eating your dinner, you waited for Jin to finish his. Sitting at the dinner table, you looked out of the big window. Rain poured down, wind catching the trees of the island. Making them sway. Oh, how you were thankful at this very moment to be inside with a roof over your head.

Jin watched you, when your focus was somewhere else, he could admire your beauty. If only that beauty could match your personality. He knew you weren’t as cold as you tried to be towards him. You were one of the most liked workers on the resort, your bright caring personality being behind it. So, why were you so hell bent on hating Jin?

“Why do you hate me?” Jin spoke, breaking the silence. You looked at him confused, not catching what he said at first.

“Why do you hate me?” He repeated. You gulped as you looked down on the floor.

“Why is that important now?” You asked, and he scoffed.

“Don’t I deserve to know after I saved your life? Come one y/n, you always dodge this question whenever I ask you. Just be honest for once.” Jin had a point. You did always avoid the question. Most often, you got mad because he didn’t already know. Well, maybe it was time for you to just tell him.

“The first summer I worked here…” you began, looking away as you could not look him in the eyes. “You stole my date.”

“Your date?” Jin questioned, trying to think about what you could have meant by that. You quickly grew annoyed.

“Yes, my date, the boy I was with all night at the beach party. The boy you stole from me and took back to your room doing God knows what.” At your words, Jin started laughing hysterically.

“What?!” You questioned. The boy shook his head, fighting tears coming out of his eyes from laughing to hard.

"You are not gonna believe me when I tell you. This is so funny.” He said and you waited for him to continue. Wanting to know what he meant by that.

“You flirted with my friend Sam, who happened to have a girlfriend at the time.” He explained and an ‘ohh’ left your lips.

“So yeah… I took him back to my room so he could sleep it off. I knew he had been fighting with his girlfriend that night and didn’t want you to get caught up in anything.” Well, that did explain a lot, you thought. Still, it didn’t explain why Jin started to steal your hook ups after that.

“Okay, I get that…” you started, “but why did you continue to steal my hook ups over the years?”

“Would you believe me if I said I was jealous?” Jin’s sudden honesty surprised you. It would make sense yes, but why would he be jealous? Unless…

“I’m just gonna head to the bathroom, be back soon.” Jin announced as he left the dinner table, leaving you alone with your thoughts. Focus y/n, there is no way Jin liked you, you thought. Standing up from the table as well, you took both yours and Jin’s empty bowls to the kitchen. As you placed them in the sink you quickly realized you needed to do something to distract yourself. Anything to take your mind off the fact that Jin might like you.

You tried to brush your fingers through your hair, fingers instantly getting stuck in it. You sighed. You hadn’t had enough time to brush your hair before getting out in the ocean. Your hair now a mess. In true little mermaid spirit, you opened the first drawer. Taking a fork, you sat down on the couch, trying your best to detangle your hair.  

The sight of you brushing your hair with a fork made Jin chuckle as he opened the bathroom door. His mood instantly lifted. Watching you from afar as you struggled, the fork getting stuck with each stroke.

“You are really taking the Ariel thing to the next level.” He chuckled as he approached you. As you looked towards him, the fork got stuck in your hair. Wincing, you tried pulling it away to no avail.

“Let me help you.” Jin said as he saw how you struggled. He sat down next to you, placing his hand over yours. You removed your hand, allowing him to hold the fork. He sat there for a little while. Removing the hair strands that had gotten stuck around it. 

“What’d you try to do? Brush your hair?” He asked and you muttered a ‘yes’. You felt stupid now. To have Jin baby you like this. When you felt the fork being removed, you tried to stand up. Only to have Jin place his hand on your shoulder, pushing you back down.

“Sit still.” He’d order you, and you’d listen. Feeling your ears turning red as carefully separated your hair into smaller sections with his hands. Working his way through it with his fingers, separating what had gotten tangled up earlier today. Skilful hands that worked quickly, but carefully.  

Eventually, you started to lean into his touch. Jin’s hands moved over to massage your scalp once they were done untangling your hair. You let out a quiet moan as you took a deep breath. The sound made Jin want to bend your over this couch right here, right now.

He stopped massaging your hair, ready to move away from you before he wouldn’t be able to resist those urges. Before he could move, you’d already turned your head. As you looked him in the eyes, head tilted upwards, you wanted nothing more than to have him closer. Jin felt the same as unknown forces pushed you together. No longer able to deny the obvious.

You looked down, staring at his lip. Oh, how you wished you could just taste them. You bit your lip, silencing the whine coming from your mouth at the thought of it. As Jin looked where your focus was, he couldn’t hold himself back any longer.

Grabbing your face with one hand, he roughly placed his lips over yours. You were surprised for a second but quickly melted into the fierce kiss, kissing him back with even more desire. Taking hold of your hair with his other hand, Jin pulled your head to the side. Your lips disconnected as he started working his way down your neck, kissing every part of it.

“This okay?” He’d ask as he placed a sweet kiss just below your ear. You hummed and that was all Jin needed to continue working on his art. He wanted to mark you. To let everyone know you were his. You let out a moan when his lips brushed over your sweet spot. Jin smirked against your neck before he sucked roughly on your sweet spot. Earning yet another moan from you.

“You like it princess? Like it when I mark you up so everyone knows who you belong to?”

“Yes Jin.” You moaned, allowing lust to completely take over your body. As Jin continued to mark you up, leaving hickey’s wherever he pleased, his hands started to trail your body.

“Let me know if you want me to stop.” You trusted him, knowing you could stop at any time. But hearing those words made you feel butterflies in your stomach.  You felt reassured, happy and safe.

Jin’s hands moved to slip under your kimono, your nipples already hard as he began playing with them. Circling, twisting and pulling, Jin took his time with them. You could feel your arousal when you shifted your legs, desperately trying to find any friction that could relieve your aching core.

Jin noticed how you squirmed, and he could barely believe it. He had you all to himself now, squirming under his hands. Your body moved on its own accord. Breathless moans and whines leaving your mouth that only made Jin harder. You could feel him now. As you pressed your backside backwards, you could feel his hard cock against your butt cheek.

He wanted to devour you and he couldn’t wait any longer. You started growing impatient, complaining as Jin started to move away from you.

“What’s taking you so long?” You whined only to hear him scoff. As you turned your head around, you were met with his burning gaze.

“I don’t remember Ariel being able to speak on her vacation to the surface. I think we need to change that.” Jin spoke and you were reminded of the movie, how the princess voice was taken away from her in exchange for her to be able to walk on land. You couldn’t believe he was still referencing it. “On your knees princess.”

You did as you were told. Jin parted his legs, allowing you to sit in between them. You got down on your knees, looking up at him with pleading eyes. You were, however, not short on your snarky comebacks.

“Now what?”  

“Now… we put that mouth to better use. Open up.” Opening your mouth, you waited while Jin took off his swimming trunks. The second his half hard cock springed out, your pussy clenched at the sight. It wasn’t the biggest you’d ever seen but it was definitely above average. Your mouth watering at the thought of having him inside any of your holes. 

His hand grabbing hold of your hair, this time not as roughly as he guided you to his cock. With your lips wrapped around it you teased the tip for a bit before Jin pulled you further down on it. The feeling so heavenly that you closed your eyes. Still holding your hair, Jin bobbed your head up and down his length. Your moans muffled by the cock in your mouth.

“It seems like we solved our little problem. Your voice seems to be gone princess.” You only moaned more at Jin’s dirty talk. Feeling your arousal drip down your thighs at this point as there was no underwear to stop it. The kimono being your only piece of clothing. Your pussy clenched at the thought of being so wet that you were leaking down on the floor. 

“Can’t talk with your mouth stuffed with cock, now can you?” As he mocked you, you swirl your tongue around his tip. A firm grip with your hand around the base, pumping what you couldn't fit in your mouth. Earning a moan from Jin, his head thrown backwards against the couch. His eyes closed as he breathlessly asked you. "Can you take it deeper princess?"

You responded by taking him further down. The tip of his dick resting at the beginning of your throat. Taking a deep breath, you tried taking him further, only for your gag reflex to kick in. 

Gagging on his dick, you pulled him out. Still holding your hand firmly around his dick. Pumping his length as you rested your mouth and throat for a while. Jin sat up, stroking your hair before tilting your head upwards. His hand resting on your chin as he did. 

When you met his eyes, you saw that they were filled with concern. His gaze soft as he looked into your tear filled eyes.

"Hey, hey… You don't have to…" He reassured, but you shook your head. His hand letting go of your face as you did. 

"I want to." You wanted so badly to take his dick down your throat. To watch him fall apart because of you. You weren't even in the mood to tease him. You just wanted to make him cum. 

It just that it had been a while since you… well… had given anyone a blowjob. Too busy studying at university and Jin cockblocking you all summer. He wasn’t exactly small either.

Determined, you tried again. You almost choked at first, suppressing the feeling as you heard Jin groan. This time, you took him down your throat a little further than the first time. Taking a deep breath through your nose, holding it in. The sounds that came out of his mouth were more than enough to encourage you. 

This time, you could almost take all of him down, bobbing your head up and down his length. His cock grazing your throat each time, your cheeks hollow. Wanting Jin to cum, wanting him so desperately to be at your mercy. To be the only one who could pleasure him like this. 

“Oh fuck, just like that…” Jin moaned and you felt his cock twitch as you repeated the action. Sucking in your cheeks as much as you could. Hearing his breathing getting more and more ragged the closer to the edge he got. His hands gripping your hair desperately to hold onto anything as he got right to the edge. 

“So close… gonna cum…” He warned and you backed away a little, focusing on swirling your tongue around his tip as you let your hands take care of the rest of his girth. Jin cumming inside your mouth as you squeeze his dick a little harder, milking his cum into your mouth. Letting him ride out his orgasm as you sloppy kept one of your hands on his dick, moving slowly up and down. Jaw tired from all the work you had to do. 

As Jin slumped down onto the couch, you let go of him completely. Swallowing his cum as you slumped down on the floor as well. Exhausted, you allowed yourself to close your eyes and rest for a bit. 

Well, that’s until you felt Jin take hold of you, his hands firmly placed on the side of your boobs as he lifted you up on the couch. Laying you down on the couch as he climbed on top of you. 

“Don’t you dare think for one second I’m done with you.” He growled as he wrapped his lips around your niple, sucking on it while he played with the other one with his hand. Taken completely by surprise, you moaned at the sensation. Jin switched between sucking and circling your nipples with his tongue. Occasionally, grazing them with his teeth. Always giving attention to the other nipple that he didn't have his mouth on with his hand. 

Your pussy aching to be touched by now, your legs rubbing together to try and create any friction for your neglected clit. Jin noticed it right away, a smirk on his lips as you started to whine. 

“Please Jin…” You pleaded, asking for anything at this point. Taking hold of one of your legs, he hoisted it up on the couch backrest. His other hand taking hold of the other leg, pushing it towards you, spreading you wide open for him. Your pussy clenching and leaking as he kissed your thighs with feather like kisses. 

"Don't worry princess, I'll take care of you." His voice deeper as he cooed you. His eyes looked up only to see your glistering pussy, groaning at the sight. The sweet smell of it made him want to taste you even more and stop teasing you. 

Giving in, he dived in, parting your legs even further. Spreading you out for even more as he put two of his fingers between your folds, separating them. His tongue vibrated against your clit as he moaned when he finally wrapped his lips around it.

You cried out. Throwing your head back as one of your hands desperately took hold of his hair. Any other day Jin would scold you for ruining his hair but today he couldn’t care less. Not when it felt so good everytime you tugged at it every time he would suck a little harsher, lick a little faster on your clit. The sounds you made, God, you sounded like an angel that was brought down from heaven for him and him only. The sound was like music to his ears. 

You truly felt as if you were in heaven. Your orgasm approaching quickly thanks to Jin’s skillful mouth and your general absence from sex. It had been way too long someone had treated you this good. And just when you thought it couldn’t get any better, you felt Jin tease a finger at your entrance. Tracing it with circle motions, but never entering you. 

“Please Jin… just give it to me…” You pleaded and Jin stopped working on your clit. A whine leaving your lips. Bucking your hips into his face in a desperate attempt to get him back where you wanted him. A smirk on his lips as he watched your naked body, the sight of your breasts moving up and down as you breathed heavily. His finger still teased your entrance as you tried to get it, moving your hips. 

“Why? So you can rip my hair out even more?” At Jin’s words, you looked down on him. His hair being a mess with your hand gripping it tightly. His dirty blond strands were all over the place. When did you even grip his hair? You thought as you let go of it. 

“Sorry…” You mumbled, brushing through it with your hand in an attempt to make it better. Jin only smiled sweetly at you. His lips even more plump, glistering with your wetness. Eyes full of mischief and care. 

“It’s okay… You close princess?” The endearing nickname making butterflies fly around in your stomach. You nodded, not trusting your words as Jin was still teasing your entrance. 

“Hmm… What else could I do for my princess to make her feel good?” Jin asked playfully and just as you were about to answer him, he slipped his finger inside you. The unsuspected action making you moan. Moving his finger in and out of you slowly. 

“Oh maybe that?” Jin playfully said, one of his eyebrows raised as he observed you. A smile on his lips as you kissed your thigh harshly, a whine leaving your lips as he did. Looking up again once he was done with leaving another mark. His finger still moving in and out at a slow pace. 

“It’s better where it’s wetter, isn’t it princess?” Jin joked. Of course he would make a fucking ‘the little mermaid’ refrence as he was fingering you, you thought. Wishing he could just stop teasing you and make you cum. 

“Bet I could just slip in two… or even three fingers right now… You’d like that princess, wouldn’t you? To feel full?” Jin spoke as he let another finger enter you. You arched your back at the sensation as Jin continued. “Fuck you’re wet, you’re taking my fingers so well princess. Could you handle another?”

You chanted out ‘yes, yes, yes’ as you wanted was more of Jin. More of him. He added a third finger and you clenched around them, loving how full you felt. Moaning when Jin curled his fingers inside you, finding your g-spot. 

“Does it feel good like this?” He asked and you responded by moaning, a satisfied smile on his lips. Happy with your response. “Just you wait until I finally get to fuck you and you’ll feel my dick inside you. Oh what I would do to be inside you right now.” 

The thought of Jin being inside you was too much, you almost came at the thought of it. How he would probably put you in whatever position he pleased, anywhere and everywhere he wanted. Fucking you so deep and hard you wouldn’t be able to walk for days. 

“Please… Just make me cum… I can’t…” You pleaded, asking Jin to have mercy on you as your legs started to tremble. Feeling as your eyes started to water. The overstimulation was almost too much for you. 

“Shh princess, I got you. You can let go whenever.” He cooed before going down on you again. Speeding up his fingers just a little as he wrapped his lips around your clit. Taking you over the edge the moment he started sucking on it. Slowing down his fingers and kitty licking your clit as you rode down your high quite literally. Bucking your hips as you tried to get away from Jin, your oversensitivity quickly kicking in once you came down. 

Jin pulled out his fingers as he continued eating you. Long strokes with his tongue as he collected all your wetness, savouring the taste of you. Cleaning you up until you started pushing him away due to the slight pain coming with your oversensitivity. 

“Alright, alright.” Jin laughed, getting up from the couch. Standing in front of you, he held out his hand for you to take. 

"Want to join me in the shower?" With the wonderful bliss that you felt after your orgasm still lingering in your body, you nodded. You had just seen him naked and he had seen you. There was no harm in it, right? 

Taking his hand, you followed him into the bathroom. Jin had already turned on the water in the shower as you entered the bathroom. Both of you stepped into the shower once the water was hot enough. The water soothing against your burning skin. Still hot from all your previous activities. You closed your eyes for a moment. 

While you were standing there, content, Jin observed you. Watching as the water dropped down your body. Making your skin look like it glowed. A sigh of relief leaving your lips as you brushed your hand through your detangled hair. Jin thought he was the luckiest man on earth.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispered, and you opened your eyes. His gaze was soft and you felt safe under it. As if he was some angel sent to watch over you, to make sure you were safe. Despite the near death experience and the storm raging on outside, you did feel safe. Because of him. His presence, caring nature and genuine concern for you. 

Who were you to deserve a man like that? Your thoughts started to spiral, the smile you had on your face faded. A sigh of disappointment leaving your lips, and Jin noticed it. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“I just need some space, some time… I’ll just go to sleep and we’ll talk about it tomorrow?” You quietly said, biting your lip. Holding in the tears that so desperately wanted to roll down your cheeks. Jin didn’t deserve your crap, and you certainly didn’t deserve him. 

“Yeah… of course.” His voice, equally quiet as yours. Jin didn’t know where all of this came from, but he wasn’t going to push you. Much had happened in the last 12 hours after all. Maybe you didn’t have any feelings for him. Maybe he was just imagining it all. A bitter truth that Jin was beginning to accept as you nodded at his response before you left the shower. Leaving him alone with his thoughts.

As you laid on the couch, covered in a blanket that barely gave you any heat, you waited for Jin to go to bed. He spent more time in the shower than you thought he would. Holding in your tears, hiding underneath the blanket as you waited for Jin to go to sleep. 

When you heard the bedroom door close, you let all of your feelings out. Sobbing into the blanket, your body shaking from all the sadness it had been filled with. You wanted to let it all out. Pouring your heart out as the storm drowned out your cries. 

You didn’t deserve him. The moment he had called you beautiful, you couldn’t help but to think it was all unreal. It was just a dream. A moment the two of you had shared. Nothing more, nothing less. Tomorrow, when the building crew that is working on the island comes to work, you’ll be saved. Everything will go back to the way it was. Right? 

But how were you supposed to hate him when you… No. There was no way you had fallen for Jin. Kim Seokjin who made it his life mission to make your life as difficult as possible. Who always stole your hook-ups for selfish reasons. Yeah, there was no way you were falling for him. 

But if you weren’t, then why did it hurt so much? Why did it hurt so much to see him disappointed in you? See him sad, see him hurt, see him almost dying. Why did your body ache at the thought of not being good enough for him? Why did you feel as if you wanted to throw up when you thought about all the hurtful things you’d told him for years. Jin was right about one thing, he should have left you in the ocean. 

You said you wanted space which was the only reason Jin didn’t leave the bedroom to console you. Hearing your cries made his heart ache, but he began to understand why you’d said you needed space. It was all probably very overwhelming for you. While he might have had a crush on your for years now, this was most likely all new to you. Or so he’d like to think. Why else were you crying on the couch right now instead of joining him on the bed? 

Two sleepless hours of crying later and you admitted defeat. You wouldn’t be able to ever fall asleep, at least not like this. You needed to make things right with Jin. How else were you supposed to be able to wake up tomorrow? To face him? 

You threw off the blanket and got up from the couch. With goosebumps on your skin, just the thin kimono covering your body, you made your way over to the bedroom. You dragged your feet across the floor, head hanging low knocking lightly before opening the door. Jin was laying on his side underneath the covers. His hair splayed out on the pillow, looking like an angel from what you saw in the dark. The occasional flashes from the lightning giving you a glimpse of his features. Almost asleep as you quietly made your way over to the bed. 

He opened his eyes to see you awkwardly standing beside the bed. Looking for the right words to say as you twiddled with your thumbs. Looking down as you took a deep breath, not daring to look Jin in the eyes. 

“I’m sorry…” You begin with, unsure what you were apologizing for really but you knew you had a lot of apologizing to do. “... for the things I’ve said… and done… I just-”

“Shh it’s alright.” Jin interrupts you, taking hold of the covers, pulling them aside. “Just come here, we’ll talk about it tomorrow.” 

He invited you to his bed, despite everything, without hesitation. You really didn’t deserve him, you thought as you climbed into the bed. Laying down next to him, he pulled the covers over the both of you. His arm sneaking around your body to pull you closer to him. You almost let out a yelp out of surprise but quickly relaxed in his embrace. His body flushed against yours. 

“I’m so sorry Jin, for-” 

“I know, I know y/n… You’re forgiven, I promise... Just try and get some sleep okay?” Jin promises and you respond with a quiet ‘okay’. Jin rarely said your name and so, you felt that his promise to you was genuine. Finally, you were able to breath without it feeling as if someone was sitting on your chest. Closing your eyes, you moved your head around a little before finding a comfortable position to sleep in. 

“Good night y/n.” 

“Good night Jin.” 

The following morning, you woke up in Jin’s arms. Hearing him snoring slightly behind you. You chuckled, your chest vibrating, waking Jin up. Groaning, he pulled you even closer to him, almost squeezing you. 

“Don’t even think about leaving the bed for another hour.” He warned, voice hoarse and you snorted. 

“As if, you’re so warm and the rest of the house is so cold.” As the words leave your mouth, Jin let’s go of your body a little. His voice being more steady now as he starts to tease you. 

“Yah… are you using me for my warmth? I’m deeply hurt.” You chuckled and Jin couldn’t help but to smile as he felt your whole body being filled with joy. 

“Maybe…” You teased back. You hadn't felt so happy in several months as you did right in this moment. With Jin beside you, the sun suddenly wasn’t as bright. Jin’s warmth was brighter than anything you had ever felt before. 

“That’s it.” You heard Jin say before he attacked you. Strong arms gripping around your body to give him all the leverage he needed to tickle you. His hands skillfully drawing out high pitched screams from you as he tickled your stomach. Your legs and arms fly everywhere as you try to get away from him. 

“JIN... NO... PLEASE…” You managed to say in between laughs. Being the gentleman he is, he stopped at last. Growing tired of holding you still enough for him to be able to tickle you. 

You weren't convinced that he was done however, thinking you finally somehow escaped his embrace. One idea came to mind. You climbed on top of him. Taking hold of his wrists to either side of his face. His goofy smile shined back at you. 

“Pinning me down first thing in the morning. If you wanted me that bad you should have just told me princess.” He teased, knowing you would be embarrassed. With your ears now red you looked away from him. Letting go of his wrists as you bit your lip. Suddenly thinking of last night's thoughts. 

“Aww… and I thought we were just about to get kinky...” Jin whined and you ignored him, too caught up in your own thoughts. Suddenly painfully aware your core was right above his dick. You needed to have a discussion about this, about what the two of you are before you could do anything else. You needed to focus. 

You turned your head towards him, meeting Jin’s eyes. “Can you have a serious conversation with me, even though I’m sitting on top of you?” 

“Is that even a question?” He snorted and you slapped him lightly on the arm. Offended, Jin rubbed the area where you’d just slapped him with his other hand. Letting out a sigh as he sees you crossing your arms. Ignoring how delightful your boobs looked underneath the thin kimono as you did so. Reminded of last night's events suddenly.

“Yes I can.” He said, knowing you probably had things you wanted to say. Considering he didn’t let you last night. 

You think for a few seconds before you begin. “Jin… You’re so much more than I ever thought. So much better than whatever villain version I was painting up in my head and I’m sorry for the way I treated you. I probably don’t deserve you or this, whatever this is and I’m honestly scared…” You confessed. As you had started speaking, Jin had soothening rubbed circles on your things. Looking into his eyes as you continued. 

“I think I want something… But that’s only of course if you want something... Maybe this was just a one time thing for you…” You started to ramble and Jin takes you by surprise as he sets up.His face being only inches away from yours. Staring deeply into your eyes, he caressed your face.

“Of course I want something with you.” He soothed and you let out a breath of relief. 

“Okay that’s good… Well… I guess what I wanted to say was… Can we take it slow? Figure it all out before we move further?” 

“What’s further than my dick down your throat and my tongue inside your pussy? Me inside you? Assplay?” Jin joked and you shook your head out of disbelief. Though you couldn’t help that the thought of it awoke a certain type of need in you. 

“I seriously can’t with-” Before you could finish your sentence, Jin had already pressed his lips against yours. Softly and playfully kissing you as you giggled into the kiss. Annoyed that you weren’t able to focus on him, only laughing in his face (literally) he moved onto your neck. Pressing feather light kisses to it. Only a man could stop himself for so long when he had a beautiful girl confessing she wanted something with him, half naked on his lap. He wanted you, and he wanted you now.  

You were both interrupted by loud noises coming from the outside. As you tried to listen, you suddenly heard your name being shouted followed by Jin’s. The rescue team was here. You almost threw yourself off the bed in surprise. Jin groaning as you left his lap, his head thrown back. 

“Really? We are about to be saved from being stranded, and you’re complaining?” You questioned and Jin scrunched his face shaking his head lightly. 

“Yah, why do you have to say it like that? I wouldn’t exactly mind if they came an hour later or so. That’s all.” Jin said as he got up from the bed. Stretching his back as he yawned with his arms up in the air. You laughed, shaking your head before you replied to him. 

“Come on now… let’s go home.” 

The rest of the day was spent in meetings with your boss and other people higher up at the resort. They apologized profusely for what you and Jin had to go through. Offering you a week off to just enjoy your time at the resort. Jin had denied the offer quickly, saying you will work as usual and that they will be contacted by his lawyer regarding the incident. 

You’d left the meeting earlier than Jin, he reassured that he would take care of it. It was enough for your exhausted body to give in and go back to your apartment. You wanted nothing more than to rest for a little while, to let your sore muscles heal.

As you changed into something a little more comfortable, you couldn’t help but to think back to the last 24 hours. You and Jin had almost drowned. You were stranded on an island. Well, inside a fancy hotel resort condo but nonetheless still stranded. You’d spend so much time with Jin. Seeing a different side of him as you finally allowed yourself to open up to him. 

With your mind filled with blissful thoughts of Jin, you fell asleep. Not even bothering to pull down the blinds as the sun shined through your window. Exhausted, you allowed yourself to relax and sleep. To heal from all the bad that came with all the good. 

You were woken up from your nap by a knock on the door. Looking at the clock, you realized several hours had gone by and it was suddenly evening. Your room was dark, the sun had gone down already. You were confused as to who could want something from you at this hour, so you dragged yourself out of bed to look. Opening the door, you were met with Jin. A bright smile on his lips as he held two containers of food in his hands. The beginning of something new. 

From that point on, Jin didn’t leave the containers outside your door. The two of you always ate dinner together. Making new routines, getting acquainted with the idea of being something other than enemies. Something sweeter. Something more joyful. The best part? You had two months left of the summer to spend together. Two more months of just you and Jin. Bound together by tides that just happened to be right on time.

[hongism]

mists of celeste ➻ twenty-one

➻ pairing: ??? x fem reader ➻ genre: space au, pirate au, space pirate!ateez, angst, smut ➻ word count: 7.2k ➻ rating: M ➻ warnings: language, fighting, smut ➻ summary: Sneaking aboard the ship of a renowned space pirate may not have been the best idea, but you’ll have to make do with what fate has handed to you

⇐ previous | next ⇒ | masterlist

act three ➻ part three  ​​

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“I said keep your leg straight!”

“It is straight,” you counter, huffing through your teeth as Yunho smacks the underside of your calf yet again. It’s probably the fourth time he’s done so in the past twenty minutes, and he tells you to straighten your leg each time even though it’s already perfectly straight.

“You need to get your eyes checked, because that is most definitely not straight.” Yunho pulls away from the bed you’re lying back on, and you let your leg fall back to the mattress so you can sit up and glare at the back of his head.

“You’re the doctor here, so why don’t you check them if you think there’s an issue?”

“Your attitude is the issue here.”

“Hey, aren’t you supposed to be nice to me? Is that any way to talk to your patient?”

“If you did your exercises properly, maybe I would be nicer!” Yunho chastises, coming back to the edge of the bed with arms crossed over his chest. You resist the urge to roll your eyes but fall back to the mattress anyway and start doing the exercises again.

“I am doing them properly,” you grumble. Seonghwa laughs from off to the side. He leans up against the wall, arms crossed like Yunho’s, and in all honesty, you had forgotten that he was standing there all this time. You don’t quite understand why he’s on the ship today; the only thing you were told is that it was per Hongjoong’s request. The captain took Yeosang with him to the city instead of Seonghwa, and San went along again as well. Based on Seonghwa and Yunho’s exchanged whispers that ceased when you came into the medbay, it has something to do with you. You want to ask about it, but Yunho interrupts your train of thought by speaking again.

“I wish Hongjoong would let me off the damn ship for one day. Just one.” He glances over at Seonghwa and plops down on his rolling stool that he’s left near your bed. “I haven’t been back here in years.”

“Can I stop yet?” You interject, a slight whine to your words. Yunho pays you no mind though, so you just continue to do the exercises while he speaks to Seonghwa.

“It’s wintertime on Kebos, which means winter festivals! And snow! When do we ever get to see snow?” Yunho slaps his palms against the bed. You jolt a little, whipping your chin to look at him. “Do you remember me telling you about it, Y/N?”

“W-What?”

“The winter festivals on Kebos?”

“I – no, I don’t remember us ever having that conversation.”

Yunho sighs and sits up straight again. He leans forward to tap your knee. For a moment, you think he’s going to tell you to do the exercises properly again, so you prepare to smack him, but he doesn’t.

“That’s enough for today. I can’t wear you out too much before you go spar.”

“Thank goodness,” you mutter, falling back to the mattress with a deep heave.

“Okay, but back to the festival thing – we’re near the capital Reinig. Literally at the town right outside Reinig. I could take a day trip to the city to see the festival! But no, no, no. Not allowed. The healer has to stay on the ship even when there’s no one to heal!” Yunho waves his hand through the air before bringing it to his pale locks. Seonghwa offers a smile that’s filled with fondness. His arms fall away from his chest, and he blinks over at you for a few seconds then turns back to Yunho.

“Maybe Hongjoong can slow down for a day,” Seonghwa suggests. “Let everyone have some time for themselves to do… anything they want to do. That way you could go to the festival. Maybe you could bring Wooyoung along? You’d have to take Yeosang as well, but that might not be so bad.”

“Hm, that would be nice.” Yunho hums and thumbs over his chin as he considers Seonghwa’s offer. “Wooyoung doesn’t get to see many nice or relaxing things, so the festival might be a good opportunity for him to take a step back. Yeosang is just – well, he’s Yeosang. He hates everything.”

Seonghwa releases a loud snort. “You’ve never been more accurate.”

“If we did that, I would want to bring you along, Y/N.” You snap your chin back towards Yunho, eyes narrowing in a second. You don’t want to shoot the idea down, but Yunho is well aware of your desire to stay on the ship where it is safe and sound. Away from the military and the idea of being in such a dangerous sector of the universe. Out the corner of your eye, you spot Seonghwa opening his mouth as well, and he seems ready to refuse the suggestion for you. Yunho lifts a hand to stop him before he can talk. “Listen to what I have to say as the healer of this crew. One way to confront emotional and mental trauma is through trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy. You know what that is?”

You blink away from Yunho, lips parted and expression contorted in a confused manner. Seonghwa is in a similar predicament, and when you lock gazes, he shrugs a little.

“Yeah, of course, we don’t, Yunho. You’re the doctor here.”

“It’s like talking to two brick walls, I swear.”

“Are we at least good-looking brick walls?” You tease with a cheeky grin.

“No comment, you little shit.” Yunho jabs his index finger at your face, so you take that answer as a ‘yes’ and pull yourself into a sitting position with a more pleased smile now. “Anyway, the process involves gradually exposing yourself to feelings and situations that remind you of a trauma and replacing distorted and irrational thoughts about the experience with a more balanced picture. So the idea is to expose you to a place that brings you discomfort and is tied to bad memories. Once exposed, we would try to replace those emotions with good ones and reshape your perception of the place, while breaking down some of the trauma you’ve faced. Overcome trauma, alleviate some of your pain and distress, and have a good time. Make sense now?”

“Aye, aye, Captain.” Seonghwa nods, eyes trailing over your form.

“Okay, so now you see why I want you to come with. As much as I want you to come with though, I want you to make the final decision. If Hongjoong allows it, that is.” Yunho’s gaze returns to Seonghwa, and he looks up at the lieutenant with a hopeful gleam in his dark eyes. Seonghwa shakes his head ever so slightly, but his smile persists even as he pushes away from the wall and walks closer to where Yunho is sitting. He punches the healer’s arm, swing light, and Yunho laughs in response.

“It’s up to Hongjoong and Y/N then.”

“Perfect!” Yunho grins. It quickly dissolves as he begins to make shooing motions towards Seonghwa. “Go wait in the hall for a few minutes now. I gotta ask some private doctor questions that you don’t need to be around for.”

Seonghwa rolls his eyes but steps closer to the door. He stops to look back at you, a slight smile playing at his lips. “Yell if he starts acting weird.”

“Oh, quit it! Get out before I smack you.” Seonghwa has to dodge Yunho’s weakly swung arm, but he doesn’t get away completely unscathed as he runs into the doorframe on his way out, and you have to stifle your laughter along with Yunho until he’s completely gone. “Okay, okay,” Yunho exhales through a chuckle. “Now that we have some privacy let’s talk about how you’ve been mentally and emotionally. How are you sleeping? Flashbacks, nightmares, anything like that?”

“No,” you utter without thinking twice, and Yunho blinks back in surprise. You hesitate before correcting yourself. He’s told you already that you don’t need to be embarrassed about things not working or going well, that it’s part of the process, and there will be slip-ups along the way, but it still feels like you’ve failed in some way. Your old squad from the military – predominantly Jisung – has been haunting your dreams and intruding on your thoughts without rest. Even Yunho’s medications do nothing to cease their presence. Yet whenever one comes along, you can’t push it out or ignore it, which is probably what you should be doing. You just let yourself slip into the memories and be consumed by them. The only relief you get is when you talk to someone because that provides an ample amount of distraction for a while.

“Y/N?” Yunho snaps his fingers in front of your face. You shake your head a little and look him in the eye. “You spaced out on me. All good?”

“Y-Yeah, um, the medications aren’t working,” you admit. Yunho’s lips press into a delicate frown, but he doesn’t seem surprised at all by the information. “I haven’t been sleeping well, and it’s hard to get rest when I do sleep. I just… constantly have nightmares of my time in the military. Some flashbacks during the day as well.” Yunho nods at your words, then he hums to himself for a moment.

“Is that the only thing you’ve been struggling with?” He asks next.

“I mean, talking to San helped clear the air a lot about t-that whole issue. Not completely. Something still feels off and wrong, but thinking about it doesn’t make me as afraid as it used to.”

“That’s really good, Y/N. Even small steps are progress. I’m glad to hear it. As for sleeping issues, I can adjust your dosage and have the new medicine ready by tonight. We can test it out and see how well it works. Not a permanent solution, but something for now.”

“Okay, yeah, we can do that.”

“Now concerning your memories of the military… where do you think that’s coming from? Has it started since we entered Aurum, or is it something else? Is Kebos a source of trauma for you as well?” Yunho has that all too familiar tablet in his hands, and you resist the urge to clam up and panic at the thought of him having all your weaknesses written down in it.

“Um, no, Kebos isn’t.”

“I want to move back to Kebos once I retire from the military.”

You can’t keep the memory from slipping through. Your jaw stutters as you try to recover from the sudden lapse in speech, and if Yunho notices, he doesn’t comment on it. Instead, he settles for patiently waiting for you to continue your thought.

“It’s j-just Aurum. Uh, sorry, it’s Eros. The idea of being near Eros stresses me out. Makes me remember my time in the military and the things I experienced while there.” You look up to the ceiling as to avoid Yunho’s piercing gaze. The heat of his stare lingers on you. Silence envelops the air between you for what feels like hours. Then, Yunho pipes up again with another question.

“What is your earliest memory, Y/N?”

“My – my what?” You stammer. The question is random, the last thing you were expecting for him to ask, but Yunho just repeats himself without seeing the oddness of his inquiry.

“Your earliest memory. As far as you can remember.”

“I, um, I don’t really know,” you trail off, shaking your head a bit as you speak. It’s all honesty on your part for once, because you truly don’t recall much about your childhood or life before the military. Everything is hazy as though there is a film over your vision up until the moment you joined the military. “I remember… voices and, uh, people telling me things while growing up, but I can’t picture it or see it in my mind. I don’t know who the people talking are, I just hear their voices. Occasionally I think I remember an old man from my childhood, but he seems to be more of an extension of my dreams. I only see him there but have no memories of him. The earliest thing I remember is joining the military.”

Yunho’s hand hesitates over the tablet. “How old were you when you joined?”

“Around fourteen.”

“Ah…” Yunho’s voice dies almost immediately, expression crumbling a little. “Fourteen.” You don’t want to look at him, but you can hear what sounds like pity in his voice. “Do you remember anything at all about the first fourteen years of your life?”

“I have vague recollections of water. Flowing water and crashing waves and foggy skies. But I really can’t remember more than that,” you say after a slight pause.

“That’s strange,” Yunho mutters back. “No recollection of the first fourteen years of your life. How old are you again?”

“U-Uh, twenty-one.”

“So, two-thirds of your life are empty memories.”

“I’ve never really thought too much about it. Figured that what I went through in the military was enough to block it out.”

“Hm, I suppose that’s a possibility. Do you any happy or – or fond memories? A person or a place that brings you joy?”

Bright eyes and a round smile come to mind in an instant. It isn’t just Jisung this time though; everyone in your unit makes an appearance at the forefront of your mind. The oldest of your group, Hyunwoo, with his broad shoulders and towering persona that always felt so intimidating despite how harmless he was with you all. Jisung’s closest friend, Juyeon, with his dark blue hair and clear laugh that was always resounding through every room he stepped through. Soojin, the only other girl on the squad, as deadly as she was charming and beautiful. And Ash, barely older than you – maybe only a few weeks older at best – who always looked up to Jisung like he held the universe in his hands. If the universe was your ragtag group of neglected recruits, then perhaps Jisung did hold it in his hands. At one time, each and every single one of them brought you joy and happiness. Made you feel warm, comforted, and wanted.

How did it all end so badly?

You can only feel cold and desolate as you think about them now. Guilt eats away at your gut, and you frantically try to push the memories aside before it consumes you and sends you into a frenzy.

“N-No,” you rush to answer Yunho’s initial question. “No, none at all.”

A frown paints his lips, one that is painful to look at, so again, you avoid his face in favor of looking at the ceiling.

“Well, I want to try to make some happy memories for you then. And maybe show you that you have people here now who can bring you joy and comfort. Hopefully, Hongjoong will let us go down to Reinig for a day in the very least.” A sigh passes through Yunho’s lips, then the sound of him tapping away at his tablet resounds shortly after. “You’re free to go spar with Seonghwa now.”

“Thanks,” you mutter, swinging your legs over the edge of the bed and getting to your feet. Yunho stops you before you move for the door though. He latches a hand around your wrist and blinks up at you all of a sudden.

“You’re doing well with the physical therapy, Y/N. Staying on top of it and putting in effort. I can tell you’re taking it seriously this time, and I’m proud of you for that. Not just as your doctor, but as a friend too. You’re doing well.”

The words shouldn’t hit you as hard as they do. You manage a weak nod and shaky smile, then step around Yunho’s chair to step through the door. His words linger like a bad taste on your tongue. You can’t tell whether they make you feel good or not; there was almost an ulterior meaning to what he said that causes your gut to twist and coil. Pushing out of the medbay, you heave a deep sigh and find Seonghwa standing just outside the door. He’s leaned up against the wall, arms back over his chest, and the second he sees you, he pushes himself into an upright position.

“Are you still up for some sparring?”

“Yeah, let’s do it,” you mutter. Falling into step beside him, you press your hands against your sides, nails digging into your palms. Thinking about the squad was a bad idea, because now you can’t get them out of your mind. Jisung alone was bad enough, but you know where this train of thought is headed, and it’s going to take you straight to those tall brick walls and public execution again. The broad shoulders of the man under a black hood with chains around his wrists.

“You’re getting closer with Jongho and Wooyoung,” Seonghwa cuts through your impeding thoughts with his clear tone, almost sensing your sudden distress and pushing it to the side like it’s nothing. “I’m glad to see it.”

“If this is an attempt at small talk, you’re awful at it,” you tease. Seonghwa huffs a laugh through his nose and shakes his head, but he obviously isn’t too bothered by your comment. “But yes, I am. They don’t ask questions incessantly like some people do.”

“Is that a dig at me?” Seonghwa scoffs, clutching his chest as though offended.

“That’s for you to figure out, pretty boy.”

“It’s also nice to see that you haven’t forgotten your little nickname for me, princess.” Seonghwa rolls his eyes a little, punching at the keypad outside the training room. You smile in response. The memories of Jisung and your old squad are slowly fading away and leaving you with a new sense of peace, at least for the time being. “Do you need to warm up?”

“I’ll just do some stretches,” you answer, moving for the mat while Seonghwa heads for the cabinets to retrieve the tape as he always does. You plop down on the mat, a small oof leaving you. “By the way, how did things go yesterday?”

Seonghwa glances back at you, rifling through the cabinet, and he doesn’t answer right away. You keep your eyes on him while you stretch. His movements are languid even as he wraps the tape around his wrists and hands.

“Everything went well,” he says at last, coming to join you on the mat. He lingers at the edge and tosses the tape onto your lap before starting to stretch a bit himself. “Not much progress yet, but Hongjoong thinks it will take upwards of a week to take care of everything. He has to meet with several other captains of pirate crews while here – discuss business over the inventory in the cargo hold as well as figure out positions of military ships and units, those sorts of things. I’ll be joining him again tomorrow as we have some treaties to negotiate with a couple of crews concerning free travel. It isn’t free to fly around after all. We need to restock some basic necessities too. Food, drink, medical supplies, clothes. Hongjoong will be looking into bringing on some new crew members as well. And of course – Siren hunting.”

You exhale a huff. “He’s a busy man. I’m surprised. I figured he just didn’t give a flying fuck about anything other than Sirens.” Grabbing the tape from your lap, you pull yourself into a sitting position then start to wrap the material around your hands like Seonghwa did. He smiles at your words.

“Hongjoong takes care of many things and manages a lot as the captain. It may not seem like it at times because of his focus on Sirens, but he’s not a captain for nothing.”

You pull yourself up to your feet once you finish wrapping your wrists, not bothering to respond to Seonghwa’s comment, and kick your shoes off the side of the mat.

“Let’s go, pretty boy,” you tease, falling into an offensive stance. Seonghwa’s lips quirk further up as he mimics your position, his own shoes thrown off to the side as well.

“Someone is more confident than usual.”

You answer with a swift kick swung into Seonghwa’s side, and he’s caught off-guard by your haste and power. He rolls out of the way before you can hit him, a quiet laugh leaving his lips as he dodges you. Your moves are more confident and powerful, but only because of Yunho’s incessant urgings that you do your physical therapy and exercises so often. You haven’t sparred with Seonghwa in around a week; Jongho has been taking his place in recent days. Seonghwa would kill you if you said it out loud, but Jongho is a much harder opponent.

“You’re getting your strength back, I see.” Seonghwa catches your next swing, twisting you around, and you have to hook a foot around his ankle to maintain your balance. “Give it a few weeks and you’ll be better than ever.”

“You haven’t seen the half of it yet,” you laugh as you pull your arm out of his tightening grip. You slide back across the mat to put some more distance between the two of you, gaging his movements carefully.

“Oh, then I’d love to see the full thing.”

“Don’t get your hopes up, pretty boy.” He steps left, more weight on his left foot than his right. “You’ll lose your footing if you do.” You lunge forward and throw your right foot into his. The impact, along with his unbalanced weight, causes him to stumble backward. He nearly tumbles to the ground but catches himself at the last second.

“How about we make it a competition then?” He asks through a clear laugh. “Two of three falls. Five seconds down, just like we did during our first spar.”

You stand up straight and tap at your chin. “There’s no incentive for me to win.”

“Maybe I’ll let you pin me down if you win. Last time you tried it was cute.”

You roll your eyes at his cheeky comment. If it’s an effort to get you riled up and agree to the challenge, then it works quite well because now you really want to plant his ass on the mat and win. Thus, you drop your hands to your hips and tilt your head at the man across from you.

“Okay, if I win then… you get to clean up dinner dishes all by yourself. I normally do it with either Jongho or Wooyoung, and we get no help from anyone else. So, you deserve to do it alone for once. For fairness. You should know what it feels like. And it would be awfully amusing to see the Lieutenant of Death doing dishes.”

Seonghwa clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth in response to your terms. “It’s a good thing that I am going to win then.”

“What do you want if you win?” He doesn’t answer right away; instead, he tilts his head from side to side a few times before letting his sharp gaze settle back on you.

“You’ll find out when I win.”

“You’re too cocky.”

Seonghwa takes the aggressive stance you had before, and he barely lets you finish speaking before he’s crossing the mat. You swing your arms up to block the oncoming attack. Despite the intensity in his moves, they are still quite simple and easy to read. You slip out of his way time and time again, but in your haste, you neglect to watch his feet. Seonghwa slides a foot between yours right as he swings a jab at your hip. You try to sidestep to avoid the attack, and your foot catches on his. The impact sends you to the ground, Seonghwa goes down with you, and a second later, you find yourself pinned to the mat. Seonghwa leans over you, a cocky smirk painting his lips. You struggle against his grip, but he’s too strong for you to escape in this awkward position.

“Five seconds. One for me. Zero for you.”

Seonghwa rolls off of you and gets to his feet. You stay down, however, pushing yourself up onto your elbows, and glare up at him. He extends a hand towards you, which you nearly take, but at the last second, you get an idea and shift your weight on the mat. Taking his hand, you wait for him to shift all his weight into his forward leg then yank hard. He stumbles and almost lands on top of you. You duck out of the way just before he hits you. Your grip on his hand persists, and you twist his arm behind his back and swing a leg over his back. Without the use of both arms, you have Seonghwa successfully pinned to the mat, your weight keeping him down with ease. Seonghwa manages to huff out a laugh as you bend at the waist to taunt him.

“That’s five seconds,” you whisper close to the shell of his ear. Releasing his wrists, you sit back and climb off Seonghwa’s body to let him get up properly. Before you have the chance to get to your feet, a sudden force hits you square in the chest, and you fall back to the mat. “Fuck.” Seonghwa’s weight is back on you a moment later. His knees press against your hips so hard that you can’t even try to wiggle out of the hold, and he keeps your wrists planted firmly on the mat.

“You were saying?”

“That’s a cheap trick, Park Seonghwa.”

“You played that card first, princess.”

“I’m at a disadvantage.”

“How so? Because you’re a girl? Weaker than me? No. You aren’t at a disadvantage because we’re equals in the ring and outside the ring. It’s only fair that I treat you as my equal no matter what.”

Your chest heaves as you try to catch your breath. Seonghwa knocked most of the air out of your lungs when he sent you down to the mat again, but you’re also a bit worked up from the exercise. Seonghwa is in a similar predicament; sweat drips down the side of his face, a few stray drops hitting the mat near your head. Your body reacts before your mind does, but you blame the close proximity and intimate fighting for how you’re feeling.

“But anyway… I won, princess.”

“What do you want then?” Seonghwa dips his chin to his chest, a small laugh reverberating before he looks back into your eyes.

“I want no one else to be on the ship right now because I would love to fuck you into the mat.” You choke on your saliva, teeth clattering as you snap your lips together. The boldness of his words is shocking enough, but what he actually said has you getting flustered within a second. “But, I suppose I can settle for a kiss instead.”

“Y-You – you can’t just… say stuff like that,” you stammer, blinking away from his face. His gaze persists though, and even out the corner of your eye, you can see the way his stare lingers on your lips.

“Can I kiss you, Y/N?” The question is whispered, but it sounds so loud in your ears. You bring your chin forward again and look Seonghwa in the eye. He doesn’t move, watching and waiting for a sign of approval or denial from you.

“Please,” you whisper back. Seonghwa closes the already minimal distance between your lips. They’re just as soft as you remember them to be, but there’s a bit more hunger when he kisses you this time. He doesn’t let the touch stay sweet and innocent for long, tongue swiping over your bottom lip. A small whine slips through as you part your lips for him, and his tongue meets yours in a sudden clash for dominance. He hums against you, the grip on your wrists tightening ever so slightly, and you lean into his touch without second thought. His lips leave yours too soon for your liking. “W-We – we shouldn’t do th-this here.”

Seonghwa’s eyes drag over your face as he nods. “My room is closer than yours.” Again he hesitates, waiting for you to give some sort of response, and he alleviates the pressure on your wrists to sit back on his heels.

“Hurry up and take me there then before we get caught.” That’s all the permission Seonghwa needs. His hands dart down to your thighs, pulling them around his waist, and you let him hoist you up. He’s stronger than he looks, you have to give him that because the lithe form and lean muscles do not look like he should be able to lift you and stand up with the added weight with such ease. He manages to do it without batting an eye. “What if someone is in the corridor?” You ask under your breath, bringing a finger up to trace over his rosy lips.

“Do you want me to put you down already?”

“Not really but – but you probably should just to be safe.” Seonghwa’s lips twitch into a smile, and he helps you untangle from around his waist.

“Lead the way then, princess.” His smile is teasing as you turn towards the door. Then, the flat of his hand comes down on your ass, and you gasp, whipping your head back towards him. “You don’t know where my room is though, so I’ll take the lead.”

“I hate you,” you grumble, cheeks burning with embarrassment as he steps past you and leads the way out of the training room.

“Say that after I fuck you into the mattress.” The comment has you choking on your spit again, and you nearly trip over the threshold of the door. The walk to his room is both brief and awkward. He walks a little ways in front of you, and even though you’re trying to avoid looking suspicious, you think that your motives are quite obvious. Especially as you reach his room and he taps at the keypad to open the door. You follow his steps as closely as you can without stepping on his heels. Once you’re both in his room, the air of awkwardness is dispelled. His hand finds the back of your neck, the other traveling to your hip, and he pushes you back against the cool metal door. You meet him halfway, lips crashing together in a mess of skin and teeth.

He kisses you with a bruising force, hands slipping away to press against the door instead. You hum against him and loop your own hands around his back to pull him flush against your body. Both of your movements are frantic and rushed, a stark difference compared to last time’s slow ministrations. You fumble for the hem of his shirt, trying and failing to grab at it. Seonghwa pulls back from your lips and gasps for air. He simultaneously yanks his shirt up and off his body. The only noise you can make in response is a startled moan, then his hands return to your body, grabbing the hem of your shirt. Your hands move by instinct to cover his and stop him from pulling it off of you.

“We can stop if you want,” Seonghwa whispers. His forehead falls against yours, and you could cry at the gentleness of his tone and actions. Instead, you shake your head slowly.

“N-No, I don’t want to stop. I… I want you,” you reply, voice equally as quiet. You know you should talk this through with him first, especially after the first time you had sex, but you’ve already made up your mind about this. Something about Seonghwa makes you trust him, and his visual and sexual appeal is very tangible. Still, you aren’t much of the type to go for one-night stands or quick fucks. With Seonghwa, it feels different from a one night stand, as though there is some sort of connection between the two of you that spurs you to do this. His lips brush against yours as his hands find yours. Your fingers intertwine, the kiss growing deeper and deeper by the second.

Seonghwa doesn’t say anything else; he stumbles back to pull you towards the bed. He falls to the mattress when his knees hit the edge. You bring your legs up to the bed, straddling his lap without breaking the soft kiss. You pull your hands away from his to grab at the edge of your shirt, and Seonghwa sits back to look at you fondly as you peel the material off your sweat-slick skin. There is a sudden shyness to your movements, and Seonghwa picks up on it in an instant. He brings his hands to your bare sides, tracing small circles against the skin as a form of encouragement. You swallow around nothing and reach around your back to peel the band around your chest off as well.

Seonghwa’s gaze never wavers, eyes peering so intently into yours that your breath hitches a little. It’s only when you drop the band to the floor that he moves, and his lips find yours in an instant. The pads of his fingers trail goosebumps along your skin as he drags them upwards. You gasp into his mouth when his thumbs ghost over your perked nipples, and he pinches them lightly. He pinches them again with a bit more force, causing you to throw your head back and release a throaty moan that’s far too loud. Seonghwa takes it as an opportunity to let his lips trail down to your neck. He sucks softly at the skin, and you know that he’s leaving marks as he goes lower and lower, but you can’t find it in you to care.

The bulge in his pants is pressing hard against the inside of his thigh, straining painfully against the fabric around it, and you stretch a hesitant hand down to palm him through his pants. Seonghwa moans around your nipple, lips parting around the skin. The noise spurs you on, and you hasten your movements to press hard against his concealed member. It’s enough to cause Seonghwa to shift, and he suddenly gets to his feet with you still wrapped around him. He twists in and instant and places you flat on your back against the bed as gently as he can.

When he stands up straight, you whine at the loss of contact and warmth, but you understand why a moment later because he fiddles with the button of his pants. You mimic his movements and tug at your own pants. Seonghwa grabs your ankles before you can fully get them off though. His pants are gone and forgotten on the floor, and he focuses all his attention on you, slowly pulling the material off to completely expose you to him. He moves to kneel on the bed, but you extend a hand and press it against his hip, a sudden boldness to your actions.

“C-Can I… can I suck you off?” You ask, tone so quiet you can barely hear yourself over the sound of your racing heart. Seonghwa’s jaw stutters a little, but he nods nonetheless and lets you guide him back into a sitting position on the edge of the bed. He groans as you slip off the mattress and between his legs. One hand trails over your forehead and brushes a few loose strands of hair out of the way. Now that you’re face to face with his member, you’re doubting yourself. You don’t do this often for obvious reasons; in fact, you think this might be only the second or third time to do this. Seonghwa keeps brushing over your skin with such gentle and soft touches that it pushes the insecurities to the side for the time being. You reach up to grip his member at the base then lean in to lick a long stripe up his cock.

A hiss leaves Seonghwa at the contact, and you repeat the motion once more before hesitating over his tip. You quickly blink up at him with fluttering lashes. His cheeks are already flushed, and sweat glistens on his skin. Still, his gaze is gentle on you, and you maintain that sweet eye contact as you begin to take his cock into your mouth. Seonghwa breaks the eye contact as your wet heat sinks down further. He throws his head back with a shaky groan, hand falling away from your head to grip the edge of the mattress tight. You hasten your bobs along his cock. His reaction spurs you along, the pretty string of moans escaping him like music to your ears. His hips twitch and jerk, but you can tell he’s holding back and trying to keep from fucking up into your mouth.

“H-Hold on, hold on, princess,” he stammers out, one hand returning to brush through your hair. You pull off him with a lewd pop and curious eyes. “I don’t wanna cum yet.”

“Oh,” you exhale and let your hand fall away from his hard cock. Seonghwa brings his fingers to your chin. You lean into the soft touch and bring yourself up again, Seonghwa’s hands guiding you to straddle his lap once more. Your lips brush over his, hot breath fanning your face as he exhales.

“Do you need me to prep you?” He whispers.

“I j-just want you to fuck me, please,” you plead and drape your arms over the man’s shoulders. He nods against you then reaches a hand down between your hips. You instinctively tighten your grip on him as he guides his cock to your entrance. Your gut coils a little when he pushes against you, but you do your best to relax your muscles to make it easier for the both of you.

“Relax, princess,” Seonghwa murmurs. His lips ghost over the shell of your ear before traveling lower to nip at the sensitive spot on your neck. He sinks further into you when your body relaxes around him. He bottoms out a moment later, and a breathy whine leaves you. “I’ve got you, princess. You’re okay.”

There’s so much warmth in his tone, the fire of his presence consuming you, and you shift your hips to bring him deeper in you.

“Fuck me, please.”

Seonghwa attaches his lips to your neck again, hands guiding your hips up and down along his cock. You try to help him a bit by bouncing a little on him, but the sensation of him being so deep in you is enough to have you slumping against his body like jelly after a minute. He doesn’t seem to mind one bit though; he just continues to nip and kiss your neck. Every once and a while, he’ll whisper soft praises against your skin. Each word sends shivers down your spine, and you clench around him at the sound of the praise.

You know you won’t last long like this, but Seonghwa doesn’t seem to be in a better predicament as he was already close before fucking you. You reach around the back of his head to tug at his hair. He pulls off your neck at the touch and looks you in the eye, brows furrowed in concentration as he continues to thrust into you. Your words die in your throat when you meet his gaze. Instead of speaking, you just lean in and press your lips to his. The gentle touch and soft prodding of his tongue against yours sends an orgasm crashing over you. You whine into his mouth, and Seonghwa just eats the sound up, thrusting into you only two more times before he cums as well. Your muscles fail you in that moment, but you cling to Seonghwa like he’s the only thing you have and ride out your orgasm with him. His lips are on your ear again, whispering and muttering sweet praises, but you can’t hear them through your pleasure.

You don’t know how long the two of you remain like that, clinging to each other and sucking in deep breaths of air with foreheads pressed together. The haze finally passes though, and you can hear his words clearly again.

“Do you want a shower?” Seonghwa asks, chest heaving from the exertion. You’re too fucked out to think straight, let alone speak, so you can only manage a few nods. “Am I going to need to carry you over there too?”

His teasing remark gives you just enough energy to slap his bicep. He tightens his arms around you and lifts you with ease though, and you settle into his touch as he carries you to the bathroom. You have to reassure him multiple times that’s you’ll be fine showering on your own, but he eventually lets you be and shuts the door to the bathroom to give you a bit of privacy. You don’t take too much time showering, only enough to get the rest of his cum out of you and wash the sweat off your body. Seonghwa left an impressive trail of marks from your collarbone down to your right hip. They vary in shade and color, but are quite visible nonetheless. A slight laugh escapes you as you trail a finger over them, then you shut the water off and step out to grab a towel from the rack. Only once you’ve fully dried off do you realize that he brought in a shirt and pants for you. They’re far too big for you, but it’ll do for the time being or at least until you get back to your own room later.

That might be much later than you anticipated, however, because when you step back into Seonghwa’s bedroom, you’re greeted by a sight that has you so stunned that you choke on air. The man – the supposed Elitist at that – has his back to you, and he’s pulling a shirt over his head when you step out. It gives you just enough time to trail your eyes over his bare back and spot a column of black tattoos lining his spine. Directly between his shoulder blades resides an insignia of flames. Aside from that, each and every tattoo is identical to the ones that decorate your own back.

“Holy fuck, no way–” Your voice fails you at the last second, but it’s loud enough for Seonghwa to hear you. He whips around, tugging the shirt all the way down as he looks back at you with wide eyes. “Y-You’re – you – holy shit, y-you’re–”

Seonghwa cuts you off, which is probably a good thing because you can’t come up with a coherent thought anyway.

“A Siren. Just like you.”

✧✧✧ a/n: okay okay OKAY i did it im 5 minutes late but i DID it jfc i didn’t expect it to be so long ;-; but in any case i hope you guys enjoy let me know what you think of this chapter it isn’t my best work but aslkdfjlkdsjf i tried and it’s crucial to the story ;-; so yeehaw woo i would love to hear your thoughts on this one!

if you would like to, you can take the survey here! you can take it at any point or again if you wanna or you’ve changed your mind, it’s up to you really laskdfjlkdf 

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[softyoongiionly]

Fear and Dumplings: Chapter Sixteen Point Five

Confronting your fears for a final grade sounds unappealing but, with Yoongi as your partner, things might not be so bad.

Summary: You’re in your final semester at University when your Abnormal Psychology professor assigns you a partnered project surrounding your greatest fears. Lucky for you, your partner just so happens to be a cute boy named Min Yoongi.

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Underground Rapper! Yoongi, Soft!!! Yoongi, Fluff!!!, College! Yoongi, Sub! Yoongi

Word Count: 6.5k

A/N: this is nothing but pure fluff and smut because, LISTEN I NEED SOME EMOTIONAL SUPPORT FND YOONGI IN MY LIFE. I hope you do too! This chapter takes place after the ending scene of chapter 16 :)

NOTE: ALL BOLDED WORDS INDICATE WHEN CHARACTERS ARE SPEAKING KOREAN

Warnings for this Chapter: language, slight slight slight angst,  LOVE, like an excessive love, smut, mentions of a spider

Chapter Sixteen Point Five: More and More

“Yah-” You hear Yoongi call from the other room, the sound of his voice bringing a smile to your lips, “I’m getting cold.”

The latter part comes out as a whine and it broadens your smile as you sprits a bit of perfume onto your wrists.  

“I’m sorrryyyy. This is the first time I’ve been able to do my bedtime routine at your house.” You point out, giggling as zip up your toiletries bag. “I’m coming right now.”

Quickly, you pad across the bit of tile between Yoongi’s bedroom and the bathroom before rounding the corner to peek at your boyfriend.  

He’s cozied up beneath the covers, his arms tucked behind his head, brows furrowed as he focuses on the tv.  He’s drowning in the excess fabric of his hoodie and although he isn’t yet aware of your presence, he is still wearing the remnants of the smile that your laughter caused.  

“You look cute.”

Yoongi jumps, his fingers tensing against the duvet as your presence alarms him.

“Aish- you scared me.” He pouts but as soon as he gets a look at what you’re wearing, his expression shifts, “Are you wearing pants?”

Giggling, you shake your head and turn slightly, lifting up your oversized t-shirt, “Nope.” And as you respond, you show off your ass to him.

He arches a brow, a smirk playing on his lips, “Oh ok- yeah that’s a good idea you know, pants are really restricting. You’ll be a lot more comfortable...”

“Oh you think so?” Tilting your head, you slowly make your way towards the bed whilst your fingers toy with the ends of your shirt, “Should I not wear the shirt then either? You know- if were talking about comfort here, I may as well just sleep naked.”

His smirk fully develops, his eyes following your every move, “You m-might get cold but, I mean I could just like- yah! Why do you insist on saying shit that you know is going to fluster me? Get your ass in bed.” He smacks the space beside him, brown eyes widening with incredulity.

At the end of his mini out burst, your head falls back against your shoulders with the much louder bit of laughter that leaves your lips.

Yoongi laughs along with you, his heart singing at the sound of your amusement, “Now!” He pushes out the command through his laughter, yanking the duvet back and jerking his chin towards the empty space.  

Rather than tease him further, you scamper over to the bed and shimmy your way beneath the covers, immediately cuddling up into his side.

His warm and he smells like amber and the bonfire from earlier.

A hum comes from his chest as he pulls you close, kissing the top of your head.

“Thank you...be nice to me...”

His voice rumbles at the base of his throat; it shouldn’t have a taste but it lingers in the air and it suddenly makes you want to turn off all the lights and listen to him speak forever.

“I’m always nice...” You retort, peeking up at him in time to see his brow arch, “I am!”

His teeth peek out as he smiles, his arms tightening around you, “I wouldn’t necessarily say that you’re ALWAYS nice. You can be mean if you want to be.”

“Meeeaaan????? How am I mean?”  

He flops against the pillow, kitten fangs on full display, his laughter dancing above the bed.

“You know exactly how you are mean, c’mon jagi, let’s be honest with each other.”  

Pushing your fingers against his cheeks, you use his face as leverage to hoist yourself up over top of him, “Ohhhh are you talking about the edging and the pain play? The kinks my boyfriend most definitely possesses that I, being the loving girlfriend that I am, willingly fulfill?”

He blushes, “Yeah exactly...those things.”  

You smush his cheeks together again, pecking the rounded tip of his nose, “Ok fine, we don’t have to do those things anymore, I’ve actually heard celibacy has it’s benefits.”

His face wrinkles in disgust as he jerks his head up to smush his lips against yours, “You’re so fucking funny you know that? You should do stand up.” He mumbles against your lips and although it’s a bit off topic, you can actually feel the difference between you and Yoongi.

He’s different now.

You don’t sense any hesitation anymore.

He is completely vulnerable and you love it.  

The trust has increased tenfold.  

“I’ll let my advisor know.” You retort, brows raising playfully, pecking against his lips

“AIYAAAAA....” He groans, smiling brightly, “Throwback.”

You feel butterflies in your stomach as you think of all the events leading up this particular moment.  

Falling in love has been really fun.

“I still can’t believe I left your house like that, that night. I felt like such an idiot.”

You giggle, “I told Jimin about that the next day, I thought you hated me- I would have never guessed it was because I made you hard.”

He smirks, his cheeks reddening slightly, “I definitely didn’t hate you. I was just annoyed because, I was three months away from graduation and, I really wasn’t expecting to be bombarded with- you.”

“Bombarded?” You raise your brows, a smile lingering on your lips, “Is that how you remember falling in love?”

You feel his hands slide up the backs of your thighs before they settle on your hips as he shrugs, his expression unchanging, “Honestly yeah. I was very annoyed with it all for a long time. I knew I liked you but, I had already resigned to the fact that you wouldn’t like me back. I was also uninterested in getting into a relationship with anyone. Plus, I had to accept that I would have to keep seeing you because, we were paired up. To me, it just felt like another disappointment waiting to happen.”

At his admission, you pout and brush your thumb over his rosy cheek, “I’m sorry that you felt that way. I can understand why you did but, you and I definitely had different experiences...”

The slight disappointment in your tone isn’t intentional but, Yoongi’s keen observation skills pick up on it anyway. His beautiful features twitch slightly as he returns your pout, “I’m not saying that I didn’t enjoy it, I was just stubborn...” His eyes flit over you, a flurry of emotions swirling within them, “What was it like for you?”

Rolling off of him, you position yourself comfortably at his side, feeling a bit of apprehension coming over you, “It was great- for me at least, I don’t know. It’s kind of silly honestly.”

Yoongi pushes himself up, tugging you with him so that both of you are propped up against the headboard. He uses his free hand to tilt your chin up towards him, “It’s not silly at all. I want to know.”

Suddenly, you feel very small underneath his gaze. It’s not in an uncomfortable way but, it’s certainly not something you’re used to. Thus far, you were used to being Yoongi’s safe space, his protector, his rock but, you were no stranger to insecurity either. Yoongi may view you as a confident woman, with a steady head on her shoulders and, he was right to do so.  

You’ve overcome a lot.  

The woman you are today has always been within you but her emergence is recent and, you’re fairly confident that Yoongi doesn’t know that.

“I didn’t think you liked me either. You are easily the hottest man I have ever seen in my entire life and, given the fact that I’ve been rejected so many times throughout my life, I kind of assumed that we would just be friends.  Most of the guys I’ve liked have only ever saw me that way. It became a running scenario in my head that I would grow old with a bunch of cats and, a bunch of really great friends but, I never really believed that I was the type of person someone would fall in love with. So when we had that conversation on the Ferris Wheel, I felt validated in a way. Here was this super attractive, interesting man who just admitted that he wanted to ‘kiss me everywhere’...I was elated. Even though I didn’t think things would go anywhere between us, I was still on cloud nine. Then we ended up kissing and then the night in your car- I guess this was a little more fairytale-like for me. I understand things were different for you though, especially after everything you’ve told me today.”

You’re not sure why this is suddenly making you so emotional but, you don’t force it away.

Yoongi did say he wanted to know everything about you and, conversations like these aren’t exactly something you plan.

He has been watching you intently during your explanation and during certain parts, you could feel his grip tightening on you slightly.

By the time you’re done, he sighs and shakes his head, “I’m sorry.”

“Why?” You cock your head, draping an arm across his stomach

“I’m sorry you ever had to face rejection or that you ever had to feel like you wouldn’t receive the type of love you deserve.” He runs a hand through his hair, “I’m also realizing that the way I described falling in love with you was fucking stupid and, I made it sound like it was this painful and frustrating process. Why do you even put up with me when I’m literally an idiot??”

The tension in your face starts to melt away and you start giggling by the end of his sentence, burrowing your face against his chest.  

He throws an incredulous look your way, tilting his head in different directions to try and shove his face towards yours, “Hm?? Tell me huh? Why do you put up with me???” He demands, tickling at your sides, his own smiling appearing at the sound of your laughter, “Yah! Laughter tells me nothing! How did someone so intelligent and beautiful settle down with me???”

His tickling should force you away from him but, you curl into him more, still giggling as you try and grab at his hand.

“You’re not an idiot!”

He stops his motions, tilting your chin up towards him again, his eyes still playful but sincere, “I am though. I just described the best months of my life as annoying. I used the words uninterested and disappointed, that’s something only an idiot would do.”

“Don’t forget ‘bombarded’...” You point out, smirking slightly as you rest your chin on his finger.

“Yahhh see?” He shakes his head, leaning down towards your lips, “Pabo...”

You kiss him, letting yourself linger there for a moment before pulling away, “Have they really been the best months of your life?”

At your question, Yoongi smiles softly, “Of course they have. I didn’t mean that falling in love with you hasn't been magical. It has. I just meant that initially, I was so resistant because I was afraid of getting hurt. I should have said it like that, instead of being an asshole about it.”

“You weren’t being an asshole.” You counter

“I was though.  You are the most important in the world to me and, I need to stop coating all of my emotions for you in 50 layers of irony just because, I have a fear of being vulnerable. You’re my everything- the love of my life and, I’m so grateful for you. I know that you don’t need me, I know you are complete without me and that you’ve overcome so much on your own but, I need you to know  that you can always count on me and that I feel everything you feel. I’m sorry if I ever made you think any different, even if it’s unintentional or even if you like my sarcasm or whatever, it’s still no excuse to continuously avoid telling you how I truly feel. Especially not after everything you’ve done for me.”

You’re a little captivated by his words and, you don’t speak just yet but you allow a smile to say what words cannot as he speaks again.

“I want to take care of you too. I want you to feel safe with me. Sometimes I feel like our relationship has been very one-sided in terms of you always making time for my feelings and, I don’t want that. I’ve just spent so much time admiring your outlook on life that I didn’t take enough time to consider where it came from. You are always working so hard to take care of everyone around you and, I feel like it’s because you might not have always felt taken care of yourself. I hope you know that you never have to feel that way with me, I’m here for you and- sorry I’m not even making sense anymore.” His rickety laughter makes an appearance as your smile widens, “I just really love you like- fuck...”

You burst out into a fit of giggles and practically tackle him as you hop on his lap again, pulling him in for a kiss, “You’re literally the sweetest man alive and the only thing ironic about you as the fact that you constantly wonder whether or not you are in fact, a good person or a good boyfriend. You are both and I really really really really love you too.”

His gums peek. out at your sudden outburst, his smile adding 10 years to your life whilst his hands grip your hips, “I love you...” He repeats again, “I’m sorry we’ve had several conversations like this, there’s just a lot to work through I guess and, I feel like I don’t ever say enough or say the right things...”

“Don’t apologize. You’re completely right. We are both trying to navigate through some pretty intense shit. I’m glad we can have these conversations; it means that we are continuing to learn how to communicate with one another.” You assure him, kissing the tip of his nose.

“That’s a good point. You make a lot of good points.” He notes playfully, kissing your cheek this time, nibbling there, relishing in the sound of your laughter once again. “I know we’ve said it a dozen times now but, I love you...”

“I love you too.” You murmur before wrapping your arms around him.

After a rather sporadic and emotional conversation, you and Yoongi decide to put on a comedy special to lift the bit of heaviness from the atmosphere. You really wanted to enjoy each other’s company before the stressful few days ahead.

You knew it wasn’t going to be easy for him to go back to his hometown and, you also knew that it would be nerve wracking for you for a myriad of reasons.  

Either way, you’d endure it together and meet the conflicts as they came.

Right now however, your mind is occupied with a completely different objective.  

You’d been laying on Yoongi’s chest for the last hour or so whilst he rubbed tenderly along your back.

He traced your spine, gently pinched at the base of your neck and occasionally massaged at your scalp.

Altogether, you felt content, fuzzy, on the edge of arousal but not quite that there yet.  

You’re touching him too now, your hand was resting on his stomach but you’ve started rubbing at his side, slowing and softly dragging your nails over his hoodie.

The thing is, you had been getting to each other for some time now but, there was no reason to rush into anything more.

You just wanted to touch each other, simple as that.  

Your hand moves to the bottom of his hoodie, tracing the stitching before slipping underneath it.

As soon as you do, Yoongi’s hand stalls on your back as he sighs.

“Why do you have to go there?”

His tone is playful and accusatory and it causes you to giggle.

“I’m not going anywhereeeee.” You insist, tickling your fingers over his lower abdomen

“Y-yah jagiyaaa- you know what that does to me.”  

His voice stutters a bit whilst you continue your motions, tickling back and forth above the band of his boxers, admiring how soft his skin is.  

“Do you want me to stop?”

He smirks to himself, resuming his touch against your back, “No- but if you plan on getting me hard, you should probably come up here and start kissing me.”

You smirk too now, pushing up his hoodie to allow you better access to the rest of his stomach, admiring the goosebumps that start appearing on his skin.

“Maybe I wanna watch you get hard...”

You hear him sigh again, his chest heaving with the sound.

“Fuck, ok.” He chuckles to himself, “Fair enough.”

Sure enough, you get to watch the show you desperately wanted to see because, as you trace over the band of his boxers, his dick jumps to life beneath the cotton.

A satisfied grin plays on your lips and you take the opportunity tickle just beneath his belly button, prompting another bout of twitching from his dick.  

“You know...” You murmur casually, continuing your teasing, “You’ve still never came in my mouth before.”

You feel the bluntness of his nails press into the skin of your back at your comment, another unstable sigh coming from him once again, “I haven’t.”

Slowly you sit up, finally turning to face him, resting your hand on his stomach.

You smirk down at him, his head pushed back into the pillow, a smile playing on his lips.

“Can we change that?”

He’s going all shy at the thought of being in your mouth again and he can’t figure out why.

You notice the blush on his cheeks and the timid gummy smile on his lips and, you decide to call him out on it.

“Why do you look so nervous??” You giggle, pinching his cheek

A bout of laughter bubbles past his lips like a bottle of soda that’s been shaken too much as he attempts to answer you.

“I don’t know!” He buries his face into the side of your arm, “It’s embarrassing...”

Fondness blooms in your chest and you immediately lay back down with him, pulling the covers over the two of you.

You wrestle around a bit, tucking yourself against him once more, the two of you giggling like two kids at a sleepover.

Yoongi kisses the side of your face, his own hot with arousal and embarrassment.

“Baby, you’ve literally let me tie you to the headboard...”

“Mm, I sure have...that was a good night.” His voice is deeper now as he starts kissing down your neck, “a really good night.”

“Do you not like it?”

He smirks against your neck, sucking lightly at the spot below your earlobe, sending a wave of arousal between your legs, “Are you really asking me whether or not I like getting my dick sucked?”

“WEeellll.” You laugh, relishing in the way his attention feels, slowly getting distracted by his lips on your skin, “You never let me do it for you. I’m just trying to understand why.”  

Before he can answer, a screeching voice comes from the other room, “HYUNG-AHHH!!”

Yoongi’s eyes widen in alarm as he immediately maneuvers his way out of the covers and rushes out the door, tugging his hoodie down in an attempt to conceal his hardened length beneath his boxers.

“What, What’s wrong?! Where are you?”

You’re following after him frantically, your heart pounding wildly in your chest. Yoongi’s shouting in Korean and you’re trying your best to follow him up the stairs without tripping over your own feet.

“Here! Oh god, please hurry!”

Yoongi’s playing a thousand horrible scenarios in his head, trying desperately to locate Hoseok before he spots the light on in the hallway bathroom, “What’s wrong? Did you fall? Are you hurt???”

You can’t understand Yoongi but, his tone tells you everything you need to know: he’s terrified.

“There! Hyung oh my god, do you see it? It’s so big and hairy! Kill it please, I’m gonna throw up!”

Hoseok is rushing out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel around his hips and pure panic on his face.

Yoongi’s expression shifts from terrified to utterly disgusted in record time as he backhands Hoseok across the bicep, “YAH! What is wrong with you huh?! You made me think you snapped your neck up here or something! Are you seriously screaming over a spider right now? You’re 26 years old.”

Hoseok seems unphased by Yoongi’s words and points frantically at the bathroom, “Hyung I don’t care, just please kill it. You know how much I hate bugs, I almost had a heart attack.”

Yoongi is actively trying to conceal whatever seems to be transpiring but, the curiosity gets the better of you and you rush over to look in the direction Hoseok is pointing only to be met with the grossest, hairiest, BIGGEST spider you’ve ever seen.

“Yoongiiiii.” You whine, hiding behind him, your heartrate doing the impossible and increasing in your chest, “Oh my god, please get rid of it...”

Yoongi groans audibly, shaking his head at Hoseok, “You idiot, she’s terrified of spiders. We were literally about to- fuck nevermind just stay right here, I’ll go get a jar.”

He turns around, chuckling slightly at the almost childlike expression on your face, “I’m gonna get don’t worry. Do you want to come downstairs with me while I get a jar for it?”

Wide eyed, you grab his hands haphazardly, “Mhm...”

“Ok...” He leans down to peck your cheek, smirking fondly “Let’s go.”

“Yah what about me huh? What am I supposed to do?!” Hoseok returns to English now, eyeballing the bathroom in horror

Yoongi rolls his eyes, “Just stay there and try and summon some dignity. I’ll be right back.”

Hoseok scoffs and leans against the wall, “I have enough already thanks-” He insists before his eyes widen again, “Hyung please hurry it’s moving!!!!!”

Yoongi chuckles and shakes his head, interlocking his fingers with yours as he leads the two of you downstairs.

The two of you are back in a flash and you quickly take your place behind Hoseok as your boyfriend completes the task of scooping the spider into the jar and rushing it outside.

As he trudges back up the stairs he extends his hand out to you, which you eagerly accept.

Hoseok had already calmed down by this point and was attempting to make smooth small talk with you as if his (justified) outburst had never happened.

“Well uh” Hoseok laughs, throwing finger guns towards the bathroom, “Thanks hyung, so sorry to interrupt the lovemaking, I’m just gonnnnaaa head into the shower now-”

“Ah- no you aren’t. You’re going to apologize to my girlfriend for scaring the shit out of her and then you’re going to promise me that you’ll never scream for me like that again unless you are in mortal danger.” Yoongi shoots him a pointed look but there is still a bit of softness in his eyes and a smile threatening his lips.

“I’m so sorry Y/N, I had no idea you had a phobia of spiders.  That was definitely my bad. And hyung,” He shoots a brilliant smile in his direction, throwing up a finger heart, “I love youuuuuuu. Thanks for saving my life.”

“Don't be sorry; I literally would have done the same thing.” You vow, giggling nervously, furthering retreating into Yoongi’s side.

Yoongi snorts, wrapping an arm around you and sending Hoseok on his way before he gently pinches your side, “Are you ok?”

“Absolutely not.” You affirm, “But, I will heal as time goes on...”

He snickers, shaking his head whilst he leads you back downstairs.

“I swear he almost gave me a heart attack.” He shakes his head, placing his free hand on his chest, “Feel- it’s still beating so fast...”

You push your head against his chest, causing him to laugh again, not expecting the method you chose but he allows it none the less.

His chest is thrumming with the evidence of commotion still and you turn your head quickly to press a kiss to his chest.

“Me too- look...”  

As the two of you come back into his room, you guide his hand to your chest in order to demonstrate your fast paced heartbeat.

Yoongi shakes his head, “I’m sorry about him, he’s ridiculous.”

You nod, glancing down at Yoongi’s boxers which no longer display the evidence of his arousal and, you whine, keeping his hand in place on your chest.

“You’re not hard anymoreeeee.” You complain, slumping against the wall near the bathroom. Yoongi laughs, his gums peeking out whilst you guide his hand over your breast, “Squeeze-” You giggle, indulging in your immaturity for a moment, “We’ll bring it back...”

He laughs harder, his beautiful face wrinkling in amusement as he obliges, squeezing your breast.

“Are you hard yet???” You ask through your laughter, tugging him closer to you, tilting your head towards his lips.

“Oh yeah-” He nods to his dick, still laughing, “Rock solid...”

He kisses you then, keeping his hand in place as he smiles into your lips.

The giggling between the two of you slowly fades as Yoongi tucks his mouth betwixt your own. He kisses you tenderly, his free hand curving around your waist and securing you to him. The hand on your breast massages you gently for a moment before he feels around for your nipple. Once he locates it, he begins teasing it between his thumb and his forefinger, smirking into your mouth when you sigh at the sensation. The two of you press further into one another, getting lost in the moment before you decide to resume your earlier mission.

“Can I pleaaaase make you cum in my mouth now?” You murmur against his lips, giggling when he blushes again, attempting to hide his face in your neck. “Babyyyyy what is it? Why are you hiding?”

His arms wrap around your waist now, sandwiched between your body and the wall. He shakes his head, pressing kisses into the crook of your neck whilst he tries to figure out the best way to answer your question.

“Nervous.” He mumbles and you can feel him smirk into your skin.

Your heart is exploding with adoration at how fucking cute your boyfriend can be literally out of nowhere.

His duality gives you whiplash sometimes.

“Why are you nervous?”

His grip tightens on you as you attempt to coax his face out of your neck, snickering when you try to pinch his cheek.

“I’m gonna cum too fast.” He confesses, finally pulling away to make eye contact with you, his black hair disheveled atop his head.

You giggle, smoothing out his messy onyx tendrils before bringing his lips down to yours.

“So what?” You murmur against them, “It doesn’t matter how quickly you cum, I just want to make you feel good...”

Yoongi feels a sharp pang of arousal in the pit of his stomach at the sultry tone of your voice, his dick twitching to life between his legs.

“I just feel like you don’t get anything out of it though...I want you to feel good too.” He protests, sighing out through his nose when you slip your hand beneath his hoodie.

You smirk, tickling over his sensitive skin, “Do you really think I don’t get anything out of having you in my mouth?”

Peppering kisses down his neck, you continue to gently roam your hands over his hips and stomach, ensuring that your motions are slow and deliberate.

“I’m really second guessing getting head right now aren’t I? I’m actually overthinking getting a blowjob, I’m fucking ridiculous...” He laughs now, hugging you to his body, his smile widening when you giggle along with him.

Pulling back away from his neck, you nudge his nose, delighting in the sparkle within his eyes before pecking at his lips, “Do you want it? If you’re feeling weird about it, it’s ok. We don’t have to do it.”

He smirks, his hands sliding down your back to rest against your ass, “No, no I want it. I really do, I’m just being...myself.”

His honesty makes you laugh again.

You’re so grateful for it though.

The comfort level between the two of you is off the charts and, it makes you so incredibly happy.  

From the lecture hall to the bedroom; the two of you really have come so far.

“Go lay down then...” You urge him, still smiling as he eagerly rushes towards the bed.

He flops back against the pillows, folding his arms behind his head and immediately tucking a lip between his teeth. His breathing is already unstable due to all the kissing but, he knows he’ll have to actively calm himself in order to last.

You place your knees on the bed between his legs and maneuver yourself closer to the seam of his boxers. You don’t feel the need to try and be sexy or dramatic, the intimacy floating between the two of you is more than enough to turn you both on.  

However, in the spirit of making your boyfriend feel good, you still want to put on a little bit of a show for him.

“Comfy?” You grin and he immediately rolls his eyes, his lip still tucked between his teeth

“Sure.” He throws a half smirk your way and although it’s not his intention to do so, it spurs you on further.

There’s never a bad time to fluster your boyfriend...

Wordlessly, you grasp the hem of your oversized t-shirt before tugging it over your head, leaving you in nothing but a pair of black boy shorts.

Yoongi’s eyes widen ever so slightly and his chest expands to fit the deep breath he just took, the breath he lets out slowly and shakily.

“So am I.” You smirk, sitting back on your knees to give him the full view of your body. The air of Yoongi’s bedroom is crisp and slightly cooler than you’d like it to be and it causes your nipples to harden, aching for the warmth of his touch. With your hand lingering on your inner thigh, you sigh, “My panties are ruined already-” You pout, “That’s really annoying...they’re going to be drenched by the time you cum.”

Yoongi squeezes his eyes shut whilst he lets out an audible groan, “Ok- what the fuck? You’re not even giving me a chance to last at this point...” He laughs humorlessly, his eyes opening and going straight between your thighs, “Let me see.”  

You smirk at his bout of laughter, delighting in how flustered he looks before honoring his request.

Dipping your hand beneath the band of your underwear you slide your fingers over your clit, which is honestly a terrible idea because now it’s throbbing with the need to be played with and,  swipe your fingers over viscous arousal collecting at your entrance.

Yoongi watches you like a hawk, eagerly awaiting the evidence supporting your previous statement.

He isn’t disappointed when you remove your fingers from your panties to show him the stringy, slippery arousal connecting your digits together. The amount of wetness actually surprises you and the way Yoongi looks at you, only worsens the situation between your legs.

Yoongi sits up suddenly, grasping your wrist with both of his hands, eyeing the moisture on your fingers like a man deprived before sucking both of them into his mouth. You feel his tongue lick between them, collecting you, the sensation quickly mirroring itself in your panties. Eyes fluttering close, you allow him to suck on you for longer than necessary, your heartrate quickening as he groans softly against your skin.

He pulls off of you, allowing his lips to linger on the tips of your fingers, his cat-like eyes flitting up to yours. Wordlessly, he brings his hand off the bed and quickly slips it into your underwear. Before you even register what’s occurring, the pads of his fingers are brushing past your clit and tucking themselves inside of you. Your lips part in shock, your hands coming out to brace against his shoulders as he curls them up against your g-spot.

Wide eyed, you meet your boyfriends smug expression as he starts rocking his fingers upwards inside of you.  

“Yo-Yoongi...” You grunt, as the pleasure latches on to the pit of your stomach, the sensation unlike anything you’ve ever felt before.

“Mhm, I know- it's good huh?” He chuckles, using his free hand to brace itself against your back, pushing your body against his hand working between your thighs, “You thought I’d just have a little taste and that was it? That’s all I would want?”

“Fuck...” You whimper, your head slumping against his shoulder, leaving his lips at your ear to say whatever filthy things come to mind.

He quickens his pace and the pleasure is so intense that you have a half a mind to tell him to stop because you kind of feel like you’re going to pee yourself but, the next wave of sensations quickly sends that thought to the trash.

“Have you ever squirted before baby?” He croons into your ear, holding you tightly

Your head shakes rapidly, your eyes squeezing shut as you bury your face into his neck, “N-Not with anybody...”

You’ve certainly made yourself squirt before but it was unintentional and definitely didn’t compare to the way Yoongi was making you feel.

He grins, nibbling on the shell of your ear, his breath sending a shiver down your spine, “I think you’re about to, I can feel how tight you are around my fingers. Do you want to cum all over my hand jagiya?”

“Mhm-” You whimper, tucking both of your lips between your teeth as you try your hardest not to moan, “Yoongi...”

Yoongi can feel how hard he is now, his swollen dick nearing the edges of pain from neglect but, his focus is entirely on you and making sure you get yours before he thinks of himself.

“Are you gonna say my name when you cum beautiful?” He whispers, quickening his pace once again, his grin broadening when you nod rapidly in his neck, your legs spreading further to the point where he’s having to fight against the mattress to keep at it.

“On your dick- please? Please can I cum on your dick?” You plead, sucking on his neck now, not fully coherent because all you can think about is cumming.

“Oh my fucking god.” He groans, shaking his head

He’s never heard you ask for his dick like that before and, who is he to deny his perfect girlfriend the throne she so aptly deserves?

“Come get it baby.” He pleads, pulling back to look into your eyes, “Come take it, it’s yours, use it...”

You’re on him seconds later and his fucking up into you with everything he has, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood so he doesn’t wake his roommates.

With your hand over your mouth, you whine into your palm as your orgasm approaches. Yoongi smirks proudly at you, saying everything you need to hear to push you over the edge.

“Beautiful...you’re so beautiful.”

“Please cum for me...”

“Cum all over me.”

“I love you...”

Yoongi’s successful in his plan to make you squirt and by the time he finishes inside of you, you’re a proper mess.

The orgasm he’s given you is intense and for once, you’re the one shaking in his arms, trying to get your wits about you. Lovingly, Yoongi places kisses all over your face and the side of your head, his big hands massaging gently into your back as he helps you come down, even though he’s attempting to relax after his own orgasm.

“D-damn you, that was not the plan.” You mutter, playfully nibbling on his shoulder

He chuckles warmly, still kissing on you, “It wasn’t a part of your plan but, let’s just assume that my plan will forever involve making you cum like that, that was- shit that was really hot.”

“Yoongiiiiii....” You whine, feeling very needy and slightly embarrassed, “You made me ruin the sheets though, I feel bad.”

You hear him scoff incredulously, “Yoongiiiiiii I’m so sorry my beautiful body just had a powerful orgasm all over your sheets, how rude of me, I’m so disrespectful.” He imitates your voice playfully, chuckling louder as you wack him against the shoulder, still hiding away in his neck.

“Shut uppppppp.”

“You are always the one making me cum so hard that I question my sanity. After everything you’ve been through with me today, I wanted to return the favor. You did exactly what you deserved to do; if we didn’t have a flight to catch tomorrow, I’d have my hand in your panties all over again.”

Yoongi's bedroom is dark now as the TV has turned itself off due to lack of activity but, despite the absence of light, you can still feel how wet the sheets are beneath your bodies.

It has you all shy for some reason, reminding you that although you usually take the dominant role in the bedroom, you still have a desire to be small, to be held, to be taken care of...

It felt good to let him do that.

“Thank you.” You murmur, wrapping your arms around his back, pecking the side of his neck, “It was amazing, you’re amazing.”

He smiles in the darkness, “You deserve it.” He thumbs across the cheek that isn't hidden away in his neck, “Are you going to let me take care of you more often? Have I proven myself worthy mistress?”

The nickname isn’t something he’s used before and it both amuses you and intrigues you all at once. You laugh, nodding in agreement, kissing his skin again, “Mhm, more than worthy.”

Yoongi knows he has to change the sheets.

He knows the two of you need to get some sleep.

But for the moment, he wants to stay still.

He wants to love on you and make you feel all the things you make him feel.  

He wants to do everything you’ve done for him.

He’s in this for the long haul and he knows it.  

This is that forever kind of love.

That I want to marry you kind of love.

That I adore every inch of you kind of love.

He’s found it, it’s all his and he wants to spend the rest of life proving to you how grateful he is.

...how in love he is.

….how lucky he is.

“I love you.” He whispers

“I love you too.”

[ninaleewrites]

Apartment 301C – Lee Felix {Part 5}

MEMBER: Felix

GENRE: Dystopian, AU, Smut, Fantasy, Psychological, Conspiracy Theories, Angst

WARNINGS: dealing with death, suicide, dark themes, explicit language, confronting scenes, significant trauma, murder, rape, supernatural themes, violence, sexual content, nudity, alcohol & substance abuse, kinks,

The content within this book may not be suitable for certain audiences. Reader discretion is advised.

This book is a work of fiction. This is an AU fanfiction which means that it is an alternate universe, therefore all characters, names, behaviours, events and incidents are completely fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events are purely coincidental. I do not know StrayKids, what I decide to do with the characters within this book, should have no effect on the members or alter your perception of them.

Chapter 5

There was a brief moment of silence between us before Felix’s deep voice slices through the silence like a butter knife, “Are you even real?” Felix asks as he takes a step closer.

“I am,” I state as I put my hand out for him to shake – if only to stop him from getting any closer, after all he is a stranger. Felix stops in his tracks and takes my outstretched hand in his and grips it tightly as he shakes it.

“If I’m being honest, I’ve been struggling with his death; he was a close friend and I feel helpless.” Felix says as he still tightly grips my hand.

“I can imagine.” I state. I squeeze his hand as reassurance, I’ve known an unexpected loss and it hurts knowing you had unfinished business and that you couldn’t help them or prevent it.

“So, you can see ghosts?” Felix loosens his grip on my hand before altogether dropping it.

“No, well,” I pause and shake my head in disbelief.

“I’ve had paranormal experiences before, but I’ve never seen a full body, flesh and all apparition like I did today. I could have sworn he was flesh and bones.” I shrug as I look to my immediate left and right. I was standing right where I saw him, I wonder if he was here right now listening to our conversation.

“Was he standing right here?” Felix broke my thoughts with his question. I look him in the eye and simply nod my head.

“I think he was leaving your apartment, that’s why I thought he was the tenant living here.” I gesture to Felix who is standing in his open doorway. I look past him and notice the state of his apartment. From what I could see, it was a tip. The poor man has had a hard time coping with his friend’s death and it seems no one has offered him help – or they have but he hasn’t taken them up on their offer.

“Would you be up to grab a coffee sometime?” I ask.

I can tell it’s taken Felix by surprise. He probably hasn’t left his apartment since his friend’s death, I would completely understand if it was too much for him to handle at this stage, especially since I’m still a stranger who’s told him I’ve seen his dead friend leaving his apartment earlier this evening.

“Uh,” he stutters.

“Please don’t feel obliged to accept my offer, I understand I’m a stranger that’s spoken about some strange things. I understand if it’s overwhelming.” I take a step back to give him some more physical space but within a second he recovers that space by taking one step forward.

I furrow my brow as I look at him.

“No, no, um,” he stumbles over his words. I stay silent allowing him to find his words.

“Thank you, I would love to grab a coffee.” He nods his head and averts his gaze to the floor between us. “Sorry, I um, haven’t really talked to many people in a while.” He seems a little embarrassed, but he shouldn’t be.

“No, don’t worry. I understand.” I offer a small smile.

“It’s nice to know I’m not alone in thinking he’s been here since he died. I just want some closure really; I want answers and I want to help him find peace.” I may not have known Felix longer than the five minutes we’ve been chatting at his door, but I somehow feel as though I need to stay and help him.

I can’t explain the feeling, I’m empathetic for sure, especially to those I care for, but I’ve never gone truly out of my way to help a stranger in this way or any way really. I guess it’s my downfall in life, but maybe the reason I have this urge to help him is because I know what it’s like not getting answers when a loved one dies unexpectedly.

I rummage through my handbag and pull out my wallet. I can feel Felix’s gaze on me again and it’s intense even when he isn’t trying to be. A small part of me hopes I’m not being foolish and getting myself into some weird conspiracy or that Felix turns out to be some freak and I end up running for my life.

I open up my wallet and pull out one of my business cards and hand it over to him. “Call me.” I state.

“So, we can set up that coffee date.” I add.

“A date?” Felix raises his eyebrow as he inspects the contents on my card.

“Not a date, date.” I clarify. I can’t help the panic in my voice, but it makes Felix laugh. A proper belly laugh, something I wasn’t sure if he remembered how to do.

“What’s so funny?” I chuckle nervously.

“You,” he laughs.

“I knew what you meant, don��t worry. I was just teasing you.” He gives me a big boyish grin and it makes me smile fully too, it wasn’t a ‘I’m sorry for you’ smile and it wasn’t a ‘polite smile to a stranger’ he made me smile like I’d known him my whole life. I felt comfortable.

“Right, well, I better leave you now. I’ve spent far longer than I thought I would in this building.” I gesture to my surroundings and smile. I didn’t regret it one bit, but I did need to go home and walk my dog.

“Right, well, I’ll give you a call about setting up that date then.” Felix winked at me and it made me feel things I never thought I would. I’m not the type to fall for ‘tall, dark and handsome’ or the type to get involved with a stranger but I had to admit that although he looked a little rough due to his current situation, he was damn good looking, nonetheless.

It was nice to see him start to perk up and make small jokes, especially when five minutes ago he probably was losing the will to live. “Alright then,” I chuckled as I turned to find Randy.

Randy was sat by a bay window between the two apartments on the other side of where we were standing. It was kind of him to stick around and wait for us to finish chatting. He probably has a million other things to do but chose to stay. “Thanks Randy for waiting.” I say as I approach him.

He looks up from his phone and gives me a small smile. “Of course, I’m glad you had a good chat with him. It’s the liveliest I’ve seen him since,” Randy doesn’t finish his sentence instead he stands up and puts his phone back in his pocket and walks over to the lift. I notice it has stopped raining since I started talking to Felix.

I turn around to head to the lift and I see Felix still standing there looking at me. I furrow my brow and cock my head to one side like a dog.

“I give you my blessing,” Felix calls out.

“Huh?” I shake my head.

“To move into his apartment. I give you my blessing.” He gestures to apartment 301C. I turn to look at the oak wood door and a small smile creeps onto the corners of my mouth. I didn’t see Eric’s apparition again, but I somehow felt his presence and it was peaceful and calm. Almost like he’s been waiting for Felix to say those words since he passed.

I’d almost completely forgotten that was the reason I wanted to talk to Felix. I nod my head and follow Randy into the lift. I give Felix one last glance and I notice his facial expression is lighter, almost like a small weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.