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show-us-kaidenshenandoah · 5 months ago

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one of the worst things about re-runs on cable is that sometimes youll see a random episode that you remember, decide "eh, sure" to watching, and one of the details you were ignorant to before now (but not anymore) now haS A SEVERELY DIFFERENT MEANING to the point it makes you do a spit-take

anyway. feel free to share your recent "eYO WHAT" moment of At Least I Know Now; I May Be Shocked But I Cannot Blame Myself For What I Did Not Know That I Didn't Know Before regarding re-watching a piece of media that had some small or big pillar within your life (cable or not, tv show or not). would love to know other people's so i feel less inattentive for having entirely forgotten this or forgot to process this or whatever the most apt term is

i'll go first:

my parents have been watching various cop-shows of the Not-Comedic variety (meaning no "Psych" and no "Brooklyn-99", boo), and the tangential (fireman-shows, paramedics, forensics, etc) and/or their spin-offs, since i was like... 7 years old at the youngest? before i was in middle-school at any rate

and for a long fucking time (for good reason, look how many fucking episodes there are), their favorite go-to was "NCIS". the original one with Gibbs, not one of the spin-offs

and bc i had Muslim friends online, a few in my middle and high school classes, and a few also irl outside of school (who were also kind enough to teach me, which they didn't have to do; but i was very privileged that they did), i was at least moderately aware this show had a ton of loudly rampant anti-Muslim/anti-Middle East/etc propaganda. that's who The Big Bad tended to be. which is frustrating. but it was way harder for it to brainwash me as id inwardly groan that "i dont know enough about this topic to be an expert in any way, but i do know this show is so Islamophobic that i wouldn't be surprised if they made this vitriol up". so i do want to mention that is a very huge Problem Area here

so i knew this huge problem existed in the show. i knew i had blind-spots. but i thought i had a good general awareness of all the propaganda in "NCIS"

...i did not. otherwise, i wouldn't have an "i'll go first" to go first with

bc i always remembered that Ziva David was Jewish, but i never memorized nor before had the context to process what it meant that she was an Israeli Jewish person

bc, since the late 1800s to the early 1900s, Israel has been trying to colonize Palestine and actively commit genocide to the indigenous inhabitants of the lands that were once Palestine, killing Palestinians of all faiths, including Jewish and Muslim Palestinians. so. that detail about Ziva does inform her character, the narrative's message, and makes it all the more obvious what kind of propaganda this show is. bc. uh. i knew i should never trust "NCIS" beforehand bc of its Islamophobic propaganda. did not realize a sizable chunk of that was also in a venn-diagram style overlap with Zionism. wow. okay

and furthermore!! apparently! even though it is 2024!!! and both protestors and allies alike are doing their best to keep Palestine in the news as a ton of people try to fund more Palestinian families to get out of danger!! — it's JUST been announced the networks newest installment within the "NCIS" Connected Universes will be the Paramount+ exclusive spin-off "NCIS: Tony & Ziva". and i am absolutely not going to tell my parents about said annoucement bc wtf

(which anybody who wants to maybe Reblog/Reply/send an Ask to say "that's so mean of you to do your parents": shut the fuck up. alright? focus up. talk shit in meaningful ways instead, like to help donate to Palestinian families in need. okay? okay.)

anyway

(1) uh, sure, feel free to eventually boycott "NCIS: Tony & Ziva" when it comes out, but this show won't be dropping for a while and a half. sO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO THE MORE-PRESSING AND TIME-SENSITIVE THINGS BELOW PLS AND THANKS 🤗💗💕

and (2) feel free to reblog and potentially share your own "eYO WHAT" Didn't Know Back Then What I Didn't Know re-watch stories to better help engage with this post through the tumblr algorithim (all the better if youre funnier than me (shouldnt be hard lol) tho a comedic story isn't a necessity for engaging) and get these Palestinian families Go-Fund-Me accounts in front of people who can afford to donate

and (3)!! i looked for the most recent Go Fund Me link-collection post ive reblogged to have copied down into this post (as someone whose disabilities and lack of wealth means the best i can consistently do is reblog here/repost on tiktok, spread awareness in my irl life, and so on. i irregularly use social media due to how drained my disability + doctor appts make me. i am doing this purely to see if it can help, i do not want attention or to be used as a resource when i cannot reliably be one with my current health situation. instead of me, please go follow (and donate to!!) these families and follow this user to keep the cycle of information and aid going!!)

this vetted collection was originally posted here, by @seance

@anqer - From War to Education: Abdelrahman Resilient Journey

@fatma93gaza - Support Fatima's Family in Gaza After Heartbreaking Tragedy

@emanfamily - Donate to help my family live in peace

@basel-19951995 - Help me evacuate my family and rebuild a new start

@ayaalanqarsblog - Save Gaza: A Brighter Future for Aya and Her Family

@ashraf-family2 - Hope for Gaza: Support Ashraf's Family Rebuild Their Lives

under the read-more is me just Knowing The Internet Can Be Toxic and having further context (about my family + "NCIS") can help curb a few people somewhat. at least it gives me "the autistic sense of peace knowing i have fully explained myself"(TM) so i can more clearly go "that's an unproductive response of pure Bad Faith. blocked". however, i didn't want this post to be longer than it is so as itd have a better chance at ✨️engagement✨️ and $$$ if its not a # Long Post

here's my list of things that clarify some context of this post, but overall dont matter. and also adding any of them Above The Read More would make people less likely to interact and reblog than i already assume people will (bc i dont got a lot of followers lmao c'est la vie, long as i did my best to help), as people either hesitate to reblog or dont reblog Long Posts. so these were all originally a part of the Above The Read More narrative before i thought it overall better to move them down here since i already did not wanna delete them entirely

sorry for any misspellings, im dyslexic and am writing this casually from my phone

like it wasn't until the past 5 or 6 years that my parents got sick of re-watching the "NCIS" re-runs on cable? and i'm 27 as of writing this. so minus 6 years, and that means from sometime before i was in middle school up until i was 21, this was a regular and favorited re-watched show they'd tune in for new episodes of and re-runs of whenever they stumbled on it. and, due to said 5 or 6 years, it's recently accumulated to have been enough time where, if "NCIS" is on now, they aren't AS sick of it anymore? as in, it's not their #1 favorite anymore still, but they will watch it with mild apathy/contentment; especially if it's an episode they still remember the plotline of VS a new episode that they dont. but, overall, even when id be in the room but on my phone or in the next room over and doing my hw: this show was a consistent pillar of my life growing up, at least in the background if not further up close

and, bc i know certain irrational parts of the internet will get mad i ever even dared passively absorb this show: dont be mad at ME bc "NCIS" had funding and viewership, im not a network head nor did i make the choice to have Ziva be Israeli. hell, i couldn't control the TV and refuse to give them viewership; i was a minor, my mom and dad were in charge, and my dad especially let me know him wanting to watch a show mattered more than me not wanting to watch it. he wouldnt change the channel on his favorite show. and though there were times i was invested, and i do have good memories here and there with my parents watching these various shows on/off, i knew also to question every villain they had and do my best to unpack/analyze whatever congrument narrative that was in their show that alligned with a thought i had about Islam as a monolith that i couldn't source back to my Muslim friends or learning about Islam on my own time. im ultimately glad i learned so much from it in that way. and i think that is the better way to go-- to watch whatever, but unpack as needed when you realize your biases-- rather than proverbially "burn the books" of whatever media you dislike and/or deem problematic. which this show is definitely problematic. but im still glad i learned from it in the ways that i have, and that i can use my history with the show to trick the algorithm maybe and get these families some additional attention

my chronic memory loss symptom means i am naturally predisposed to not be able to consistently remember certain things, especially details about people that didn't have emotional weight to me or that didn't come up too often, sometimes including things like a friend's ancestry or ethnicity. but, uh, i guess either none of my past Muslim friends were Palestinian?? or else any that were? they did not have the vocabulary or bandwidth to explain Palestine's fraught history of being oppressed by Israel to me (fair enough)?? i know one of my current Muslim friends definitely is Palestinian, but we met when i was 23 or a bit older (aka: after my parents were already sick of "NCIS", so the show and Ziva David being Israeli didnt come up; we did not know each other during the height of me having Muslim friends in middle and high school kindly helping teach me a few things)

personally, all my Jewish friends are from high school or before. and apparently, i don't have their social media or else they maybe deleted/renamed their accounts bc im not finding them in my Following lists. so i have no idea if any were from Isn'tReal. but i assume not, out of wishful thinking if nothing else. friendly reminder that antisemitism isn't cool, period; and also that calling out Zionism =/= antisemitism

alright then. dont mind me, im just gonna hc that one of my favorite "NCIS" characters is now a Palestinian Jewish person out of spite now. bc that's fucked up, that they made her Israeli on top of all this Islamophobia. and Palestinian people of all faiths are being impacted by Israel, yes, but there absolutely is Islamophobia involved in this genocide. so, like, excuse me, im just gonna casually re-write her in my head; cognitive dissonance is a helluva drug bc, like, you know the thing you like is bad but, like, what if you imagine if it was good lmao rip

unrelated tangent, if anybody was curious: "Bones" has been my stand-out favorite of my parents' rotation. i related to Dr Brennan's autism-coding, the show had good dialog and was largely sincere despite its writers' early-2000s-caused questionable creative-decisions, i find its obvious absurdity funny (wh... why would a museuem ever agree to this, they do FBI crime-work next to dinosaur skeletons, this setting is ridiculous lmao), and it has been the closest to comedy my parents would watch. it's a fun time, with some must-skip episodes, yeah, but it's fun. in my free time, i have also watched "Psych" and "Brooklyn-99" though, and i like them! im not a big fan of cop-shows and its tangential forms regardless though. but yeah, i do not recommend "NCIS". it wore me down over the years, but i do not recommend it. for obvious reasons i have now already fully explained lol

the next bullet point below is the original full form of what i said about "the difference between a protestor versus an ally" before editing my rambling down so i didnt detrack from the post's actual point:

↳ and both protestors and allies alike ("allies" being people who cannot protest for disability and/or safety reasons, but who do spread pro-Palestine news how/when they can and donate if/when it is possible for their wallets) are doing their best to keep Palestine in the news as a ton of people try to fund more Palestinian families to get out of danger!! [edit: i would be unsurprised if people disagreed with me that what i call "allies" is different than a "protestor". but i am keeping the term literal at the moment to give credit where credit is due for these organizers, influencers doing content and outreach to sponsor a family or multiple families, sit-out camp and walking-parade and curbside-standing protestors, and so on and so forth. however, my health and disability makes me specifically only capable of "ally" status; so maybe i am wrong and am doing some form of self-deprecation. i personally doubt it; i think im still right to internally have a dividing line made so literal like this. but i am open to the idea if nothing else. feel free to agree to disagree with my diction, i guess lol]

the next bullet point below is the original full form of what i said about anyone saying "that's so mean of you to do to your parents" before editing my rambling down so i didnt detrack from the post's actual point:

↳ (which anybody who wants to maybe Reblog/Reply/send an Ask to say "that's so mean of you to do your parents": shut the fuck up. okay? my parents don't have an interest in learning how to work streaming services anyway, it's fine. and my mom supports Palestine, so what i said is honestly hyperbole as she'd be down for our household to mostly-intentionally boycott the spin-off anyway. bc, yeah, its SO easily done for us since we dont have any streaming subscriptions, much less Paramount+ specifically. and my dad's early dementia makes his general stance unpredictable, bc it depends what he remembers is happening in the news/in politics, much less in Palestine specifically; he'll be "meh. okay" about being kept out of the loop. okay? focus up. talk shit in meaningful ways instead, like to help donate to Palestinian families in need. okay? okay.)

the next bullet point below is the original full form of what i said about "feel free to eventually boycott 'NCIS: Tony & Ziva' when it comes out" before editing my rambling down so i didnt detrack from the post's actual point:

↳ uh, sure, feel free to eventually boycott "NCIS: Tony & Ziva" when it comes out, since assumedly the networks are not going to ret-con that Ziva David is an Israeli Jewish person (which. her actress' wiki says she herself is neither Israeli or Jewish anyway, so literally no reason for anybody there to dig their heels in about this detail) and there's no reason for us to have ever had, much less have even more Zionism (+ likely still Islamaphobic) propaganda added to our current media landscape. but this show won't be dropping for a while and a half, sO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO THE MORE-PRESSING AND TIME-SENSITIVE [LINKS ABOVE THE READ MORE] PLS AND THANKS 🤗💗💕

the next bullet point below is the original full form of what i said about "here is why i am not a good person to follow to help you keep an eye on Palestine; go follow the families and the person who organized these links instead" before editing my rambling down so i didnt detrack from the post's actual point:

↳ (as someone whose disabilities and lack of wealth means the best i can consistently do is reblog here/repost on tiktok, spread awareness in my irl life, and so on. i irregularly use social media due to how drained i get. i do not have the luxury of energy, esp with all my diagnostic journey medical appointments further tiring me out, to make original posts on a regular basis like Palestinian families deserve and need from their regular backers. i thought of this post idea and worked on it on/off with the bits of energy i have had; i am doing this purely to see if it can help, i do not want attention or to be used as a resource when i cannot reliably be one with my current health situation. instead of me, please go follow these families and this user to keep the cycle going)

#free palestine #save palestine #i stand with palestine #all eyes on palestine #palestine #from the river to the sea #from the river to the sea palestine will be free #palestine 🍉#save 🍉#free 🍉#🍉#ncis #ziva david #ncis: tony & ziva #ncis tony and ziva

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abimee · 7 months ago

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Do you have a Ko-Fi or anything that people could donate to?

i do have one that hasnt been in use for a while, but i HIGHLY RECCOMEND if anybody donates anything to at least give me a prompt to draw in the emssage, a character or a ship or smthn to hastily doodle out because i DO NOT like taking donations without giving stuff back especially as this isnt like a dire emergency compared to the various gofundmes ive been reblogging, just me trying to get my rent situation paid back while i wait for my job hours to be fixed, which is why im trying to offer things like adoptable ocs and such instead of just asking directly for donations

youll probably get back like a quick 5-10 min doodle like this

#locking this as well because i dont want a kofi link of mine reblogged because again this isnt like a dire emergency

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darumadolls · 10 months ago

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wait, i think i kinda wanna like reorganize my tags cuz i barely remember what were the small differences betwen em. and also, i should probably update you with my life cuz it's been a lot of years, anyway:

okay, i think i did it correctly so the post show only a couple of text instead of everything

- 2020 i entered university, i study public administration and am currently in my last year. it feels unreal

- cuz of uni i dont have time for anything omg i barely read, draw, play and all the other fun stuff i used to do. it's been so sad, but i really like my career so i enjoy all the studying but i still miss endless free time and my socials

- during the last year or so, ive been having weird pain in both my arms. ive been anywhere and everywhere, but still no clear diagnosis, currently am being tested for dysautonomia

- speaking of disabilities, i am working for the disability department of my university, ive been there for the last two years. at first i did very minor stuff, and now they assign me really complex task like making documents for the university director like omg. anyway, i love it there it makes me so happy

- on another note, ive been playing genshin impact, started in 2021 i think but as i said, i barely have time so im just halfway through sumeru im so slow. if u play in the american server my uid is 627938359

- am also playing pokemon go, u may add me there too 907722762596 i love postcards

i guess thatll be it, other stuff like my new interests i guess youll find out from my new reblogs and all that

i start uni in less than two weeks, so ill die again, but ill always be more active on instagram so you may follow me there im @/palo_aran i post mostly in spanish cuz its my first tongue but i do post a lot of other stuff in english too

i have a twitter too but im super dead in there but i wanna revive it, im @/AranCTM (i do wanna change the username, but if i do all probably make a post)

#about me #text

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shigarakisslutbag · 3 years ago

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Hey its hyp0dermic! 🐻 thanks for all the reblogs boo, could I maybe request some gross shiggy? I've got a craving for nasty foul greasy evil man

Heyheyhey omg omg. First of all LUV ur writing . Gives me SO many butterflies and i may or may not read that shit over and over 👀👀 sorry i got to this late HOWEVER i hope it gets you in a greasy nasty mood for the man we all love

TW: dom! Shigaraki, stalker behaviour, mentions of cum and knife play if you squint, dirty talk (from reader, but not to shigaraki), and mentions of masturbation (female)

Shigaraki, at first is unassuming at first, ironically, sex life wise or romance

And by romance i mean being a fucking creep. His version of romance, is kidnapping some poor, inncoent girl, he deemed to be his perfect, proper, little slut he could toy with and obsess iver however much he wanted

You had no chance getting away, unfortunately for you, fortunately for him, of course

You were just a frail person. Inside and out. You were so gullible. Your voice squeaked when talking to anyone. So much worry and anxiety in that tiny little body of yours.

The closest thing he had for sympathy for you- was pity

Absolute, pure pity

He had to have you though. This corrupted. Hero filled society didnt even come close to be deserving of you

For months he watched you . He was so patient with you, my love

But god could he not wait to fuck you until you were begging him to stop- just so he could keep fucking your tight little cunny even harder

And he knew it was tight, because every night he'd watch your little slutty self play with your soft, doughy-like pussy like there was no tomorrow. Squirting all over your comforter

He couldnt wait to make you do that when be finally had you. He was gonna make your slutty, disgraceful self sleep in it too

Its what a slut like you deserved

While you were gone to work (you worked part-time at a little bakery- so innocent for a disgusting bitch in heat like yourself) he put in cameras one day. So he could hear you whimper

And holy. Fucking. Shit. Every word that spilled from your mouth was like honey. Honey'd words that he wanted to use to lube up his cock as he shoved inside you and make you wail

"Give me your cock, pretty p-please!!"

"I cant take it anymore! It wont fit!"

"I want your cock in my dripping, soaking wet pussy, so bad. I need it "

All those pretty words he was gonna force out of that tiny little throat of yours

But he was gonna use your throat for more then just screaming for his perfect cock

And fuck would he make it fit if he had to

After about 5 months of relentlessly stalking, a pretty little whore like yourself. He had everything he needed to know

Your address, schedule, hobbies, likes, dislikes, food you liked, kinks you had, your internet search history, the king had it all

He didnt plan on making you a queen though. You had to earn that. You were gonna be his pretty little slave. And you were gonna enjoy every minute and second of it

He snuck into your apartment complex. Waited in the guest room, that you never bothered to go into, until you finished your routine, and fell asleep. Naked as usual. He wouldnt do anything yet though. In that moment the only thing on his mind was taking you to your new forever home

He waited until you fell asleep. And even after he heard your soft snores, he still waited. He wanted to take you home with no interruptions. He would take his dear sweetheart home, and he planned on doing it quickly and efficiently.

Once he deemed you were ready to take, he quietly walked out, even knowing you were quite a deep sleeper. He knows this from all the other times he snuck in to take your panties. But dont worry hun, youll have those back again soon. However you wont get them back how you first had them

(He most likely either came or pissed in them for you to wear instead)

Being a villain has its perks, especially if you have a "special" love interest. Meaning he had all the access to amy drugs he could possibly need. Drugs to paralyze you, knock you out, make you "excited" . But for now he just wanted to put you sleep, gently.

He pulled out a soft, clean rag, and put chorform on it. He rolled you over and stared at you for a minute, admiring how beautiful you were. He could think of many other ways to make you beautiful. Carving his initials into your pretty doll like skin, or covering it in cum. Maybe if you were a good girl hed let you sleep in it. But thats for later

He got on top of you, to make sure if you fought back there was no way of escaping. Dont worry he had his "special" gloves on for good measure.

He noticed you grumbled in your sleep a little bit, but before you could open your eyes, or say a single word of protest, the rag of chloroform was already to your nose and mouth

Your body insantly reacted and, of course, you tried to squirm

"Shhh shhh its okay.. its all gonna be okay. Just breathe- no dont cry. Im going to make everything better, princess"

You couldnt hold your breath any longer, and soon succumbed to the sweet smell of the rag , and went back to sleep

"See was that so hard? You made it a little difficult, but dont worry. We'll work on your obedience"

That night, if someone were unfortunate enough to look out their window, theyd see the infamous villain himself, shoving you in the back of the league of villains van, taking you to what he called your forever home, and what you would soon call, your forever night mare

(Hiii everyone!! Its been a got minute. Some of you were probably expecting mommy kink stuff, and there will be, but other people wanted dominant content, so i will provide hehe. I have some mommy kink content for both shiggy and dabi in the works. Also this WILL have a part two. This is more just a set up for whats about to come. And part 2 will be a lot more disgusting. Thank you so much @hyp0dermic for the request, i will get to the second part very soon:) )

#asks #my asks #tomura shigaraki #shimura tenko #tenkoshimura #tomurashigaraki #mha tenko #my stuff #stuff #shigaraki tomura x reader #yandere! shigaraki #shigaraki x reader headcanons smut #shigaraki x reader #shigaraki headcanons #yandere headcanons #yandere shigaraki #yandere shigaraki headcanons

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just-some-random-blogger · 2 years ago

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Hey honey! I'm anon who sent this and yes you're kind of right (I had the idea some time ago) but after reading "Stone cold" I got the courage to send it and yes you're right when you say about the "write check", I have I want to write and I even have ideas, but I lack confidence ( I'm working on this in therapy, but it's a process… meanwhile I kind of pass my ideas on to more qualified people) And like I said (if I didn't say it, I'm saying now) don't feel pressured to write it. Well, sorry to bother you, just wanted to vent about.

No nonnie it's not a bother at all. I was not bothered by your ask T_T and i dont really feel pressured to write anything because i can always say no or even delete them and act like i never saw it in the first place. I was merely overwhelmed to take on a task of writing someone else's story. honestly, I really enjoyed reading your fic (or your ask)

I was so shocked to wake up to it T_T but dont worry, it was just like "wow someone took time to write all of this for ME, a mere mortal, a mere tumblr gremlin?" i love inbox messages so much you have no idea.

I am so so happy and humbled that my writing sparked your interest, enough for you to not only want to share your idea with me, but also to be entrusted enough to bring it to life.

But honestly you don't need me, you dont have to rely on me to write it (im no more qualified to write than you are girl do i look like george rr martin to you??? NO im 1000x hotter than him please we are not the same ///:)

you already have everything you need to make your story. i hope instead of pushing off the idea to me to make it more real, you'll let me cheer you on from my side of the screen!!!

YOU GOT THIS MY LOVE. I'M SO PROUD OF YOU FOR GETTING THIS FAR, FOR WORKING ON YOURSELF. THERAPY HEAVENS YEAH YASSS PURRR SLAY!!!! GOD AND I ARE SO PROUD OF YOU WE DO THE BOOGIE FOR YOU!!! AND HAVING THE COURAGE TO SEND ME YOUR STORY AND FOR WRITING IT ALL OUT <33333333333333333333333333333333333333 SLAYYYYYYYY

Honestly, if i had an option, I would have replied to you privately because I didn't want to put you on the spot. If you ever wanna send me a private chat or if, no WHEN you get to writing your story, i would love to read it, and if you allow me, i'll reblog and give my in depth comments and reactions.

ILL BE YOUR CONFIDENCE FOR NOW. IM SURE YOULL FIND YOUR STEADY SOURCE OF CONFIDENCE SOON (lol mine is from God) AND I KNOW ITS SO SO NICE TO HAVE A LOT OF PEOPLE READ AND REACT TO YOUR WORK SO FOR NOW, ILL BE YOUR BIGGEST FAN!!!!!!!!

i have a lot of love in my heart and for you i offer, like, half of it

i send you a kiss. irl i am known for giving really great hugs, like its FACTUALLY ACCURATE TO SAY I GIVE THE BEST HUGS. i'll send you one too

#anon ask #ask #my beloved anons #daemon fic #anon loml #i believe in you

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horansqueen · 3 years ago

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Hey, I get it, I feel this way too, and thats probably one of the reasons I stoppes writing. But I’ll be honest, fanfics for me was never really about the likes, they are awesome! But I always did it because I wanted to write a story. And I sometimes published bullshit chapers because back In the day I was posting every week. But for me at least, going into it with an approach that is more: I’ll write what I feel like when I feel like it. That, makes me Much happier. Does it make for messier fics and terrible Updating? Sure. But I figure as a reader, when you like a fic, youll come back to it. So Maybe I only update half a year, but I think it has been a healthy way for me to approach it. Because now likes and stuff are just a bonus and not something that I have to Care about.

im very happy for you if you like it like that, its amazing. but tbh, most of the people who make art want it out in the world, and most of us do it to share it, to get feedback, and for people to enjoy it. wanting feedback, notes, comments and reblogs is not wrong. and i think it would be good if we started to ask readers to open up to the writers instead to ask writers to write "for fun" i mean of course we write because we love it. its a hobby, so when i write, i do it because its the thing i love doing the most in the world. that being said, it doesnt mean i cant also want comments and notes. theyre not mutually exclusive, you know? i update because i want to, i write because i love it, but i still want readers, and i want people to tell me what they like, didnt like, how they felt and that theyre excited for more. and i do not want to feel guilty for wanting that.

#msawesomeworld #my fanfics

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alwaysxyou · 4 years ago

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do you have any advice on dealing with self deprecating thoughts? lately i find myself just being so unhappy with who i am as a person, how i look, what i’ve achieved, or lack thereof, etc. it’s like i feel like my life would be so much better if i was just anyone but myself. and i wonder if i’ll ever get the opportunity to feel genuinely happy and confident in who i am as a person. i just wanna be happy. and i wanna be okay. but right now i’m just not and no one in my life sees it

first of all, im sorry youre feeling this way right now. ive been there, and it is one of the worst feelings. and it feels like it’s going to be that way forever. i promise you it isnt. just you clearly wanting to get better and to feel better is a really important first step.

i think what you can do depends on what you respond well to. im very much a planning person, and that’s what i need when something goes wrong or i feel like shit. i need a way for how to start improving things, even if slowly. when i start getting really low, a lot of times my self care and healthy habits are the first to go (which make sense cause they take more effort you know). and then i get even worse and im like “well i hate this, i havent been doing this, etc.” so when im trying to get out of that, i try and plan to move things back into my routine. at my lowest what i needed was to force myself to shower every day/every other day. or brushing my teeth twice a day. when it’s not that low sometimes it’s putting lotion on when i get out of the shower. and works up to trying to work out, or do something healthy for myself. it’s okay to take it one day at a time. a lot of times it’ll help you get back to wanting to do the other stuff. well i showered so i might as well put lotion on while im here. let me change my clothes too. and it can grow to where you’re doing a lot more things that help you feel better.

but that can go for all aspects of life. when i get in the funks of being unhappy with what ive achieved or where i am: what can i do to try and help it. okay ill apply to jobs. doesn’t mean i got the jobs, but i tried. and try and build up a routine. even if for the start it’s find one job a day to apply to. hey im doing something. and as you build the habit up, it’ll get there.

for a more mental aspect. i think there’s a lot of expectations to go from hating to loving about yourself. don’t give yourself that pressure right away. it’s enough to try and combat the bad with just neutral thoughts. if you think for example “oh i hate this part of my body” literally force yourself to counteract the thought. itll be hard at first. but literally go “no. that’s not a good thought.” and that’s enough to start. work up to adding “this is my body, this is how it is. it is fine.” “i havent accomplished anything in life” “thinking that will make me more upset. this is temporary, i wont feel this way forever. i want to do these things. ill figure out how to get there.” sometimes youll be able to have that full processed thought, but it’s okay if it’s also just “okay that’s not a good thought! time to think about the pixar masterpiece cars 3 instead”

you will get there. start incorporating little bits of happiness into your life, things that make you realize how lovely it is to be you. ex if your objective is to be a kinder person, send your fav blog an anon ask telling them you love their blog and you hope theyre having a good day. if you really like how you look when you have bright eyeshadow on, even if you have no where to go put some eyeshadow on and take some selfies and send them to someone to hype you up! watch your favorite movie/listen to your favorite music and post funny posts live blogging them even if no one likes them or reblogs them (me watching twilight or listening to abba)

ive been there. ive been..extremely low and in the same boat you sound like you are. but im not anymore. do i still sometimes have self deprecating thoughts? of course. but not nearly as bad. and i know of ways i can help myself, even if it might not always be the easiest. there are so many aspects of my life i am genuinely happy and so confident in. they outweigh the bad completely. you’ll get there. hang out, do what you can to start helping yourself get there. every bad thing you’re feeling is temporary. there’s a much grander, happier world ready for you when you’re able to make it there. you deserve to be happy and confident.

#and also #if you are able and it's safe #it's always good to seek professional help #they can both provide a listening ear #as well as more personalized approach and coping methods #asking for help or wanting to improve is so brave #and im proud of you for wanting to get better #anon #asks

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ellana-ravenwood · 6 years ago

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Salt, Tequila, Lemon - Jason Todd x Reader

Please read this intro, thank you very much :

So. I posted this yesterday, but after a bug on the Tumblr app on my phone it got deleted. I’m super bummed out because it had over 200 notes and quite a few feedbacks that I never got to read because it was accidentally deleted...If the people that took the time to comment things on the story could take a bit more time to write a little comment again and give me their feedbacks, and also if the people that liked and reblog could do it once more...i’d appreciate the hell out of you <3. So reposting it (thanks god I always have back ups of all my stories now). Written in twenty minutes during my break at work. Bam. Hope you’ll like it :

Also, since Tumblr’s new guidelines and enforcement of it, I DON’T really appear in searches anymore, so the only way for this story to be seen by others than those who follow me is to reblog it. So if you wanna, you can show your support for my writing by doing just that. Thanks very much. You can find my masterlist here : @ella-ravenwood-archives

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Ok. So. Grandma’s remedy against heartbreak ? Oh, right.

Salt. Tequila. Lemon.

Got it. Licking the back of your hand to make the salt stick to it, you pour yourself a massive shot of “To-Kill-Ya” in your coffee mug, not even caring about the fact that there is still some remnant of your cappuccino from last night in it.

You focus on the sound the liquid makes as it fills your cup. Makes you think about something else. Good. Yup. This was totally gonna help right now.

“Cheers”, you exclaim to yourself, your empty apartment echoing your voice.

Salt.

Wincing. Stingy. Salt on its own is gross.

Tequila.

More wincing. Oh my god, it burns. The coffee that was still at the bottom of the cup is an oddly nice touch.

Lemon.

The last of the Wincing.

You spit the piece of lemon you just bit into in the trash and…miss. The yellow fruit falls with a little flat sound on the floor, and you honestly can’t bother to pick it up. Your apartment is a mess anyway, so you just stare at it angrily and pour yourself another drink.

Salt. Tequila. Lemon.

You gulp the last of the citrus and shiver. Miss the trash again.

Damn. This was good.

Well, actually, it was disgusting.

You didn’t like strong alcohol and what the Hell ?! Why did you leave a bit of coffee in your cup ? Now that the aftertaste was kicking in, it was actually really gross. If the tequila itself didn’t make you wanna throw up, the stale coffee taste nearly did. Oh, and the salt and lemon combination was as awful as ever.

You really didn’t like salt, tequila, or lemon.

But it was still good.

Because thanks to all this immediate awfulness, you could slowly feel yourself drift into “haze land”, and forget about your worries.

Forget that your boyfriend of two years just cheated on you with some random woman you worked with. Woman that, by the way, he met at the Christmas “end of the year” party from you work you invited him to…You gave him free champagne and mise-en-bouche and all your love, and he broke your heart.

It wasn’t your thing, to drink your sorrow away. And it wasn’t your thing either to wallow because of a man…But you genuinely thought he was “the one” (oh what a mistake you would soon realize that was).

He was always so nice, treating you like a princess. He complimented you daily, and never forgot an important date. He was affectionate, not to an annoying point. He was the perfectamount of affectionate. He was a gentleman and seemed to love you and yet, he betrayed you.

If a man like him, that was nothing short but sweet and passionate with you, cheated on you, then did that mean you couldn’t trust anyone ?

Because in your eyes right now, he was perfect. Albeit said eyes were slightly clouded by a a few tequila shots.

You were downing a fourth drink starting to slowly sob when…

There’s very few things that can get you out of a drunk state in seconds.

An extremely cold shower could do the trick, for instance. Brings you back to your senses a bit you know ? You wouldn’t magically be sober, but you’d get a clearer mind. Or someone giving you shocking news ! Or like, an event so incredible that your body just forgets how drunk it is for a minute.

And this event, for you, came at the perfect time.

Right when you were entering your “sad drunk” phase, which was between the “lol alcohol does NOTHING to me” phase where you downed most of your drinks, and the “dancing on the bar’s counter” phase (a few more drinks and you would have a one woman dance party in your living room, acting as if you were on a bar’s counter and that your name was suddenly “Britney”).

Right when you were about to wallow times a thousand, and cry, and yell “whyyyyyyy ?!” to the sky, arms in the air (drama queen).

Years later, looking back on that particular event, you’ll start to realize that Destiny HAS to exist. Because come on, it was just too perfect a timing to be a simple coincidence.

You were about to swallow up your fifth drink, launching yourself head first into the “sad phase” when an ear shattering noise rang all around your apartment.

Broken glass.

It was the sound of broken glass. Heightened to the max by your drunkness. You turned on your stool, and…there he was.

It was a guy. That you were sure of because he had no boobs and too much pecs. And that guy…well that guy just flew right through your window, destroying it. How rude.

There was glass everywhere.

How much did a window cost ? Probably a fortune.

You wondered briefly if you could just use aluminium foil and tape the shit up. There was nothing of value to steal in your apartment anyway, and if aluminium foil could keep meals warm, it definitely worked with a house too right ?

You sobered up quite a bit, but you were also very drunk when this event happened, so your mind was still in that cloudy weird phase where your priorities were…interesting.

You worried more about the broken window at first, than about that guy who just launched through it.

A guy.

Not just any guy.

You saw that guy before.

He was one of those night vigilante your crazy hometown was filled with…RED HOOD !!

“Thick thighs”, is the first thing you thought right after you recognized him (priorities).

The second thing you thought was that you needed another drink, and so you downed what was your fifth one, but with that crazy thing happening ended up being on the same level as if it was a second one. You were tipsy, but not “drunk” anymore.

The third thing that came to your mind was…Is he still alive ?

No cause, he was like, just laying there, on your living room’s floor, not moving.

“…Outch.”

Oh. He spoke.

So he ain’t dead. Good, means you can have another drink then, you don’t need a clear mind to call an ambulance or something.

Oddly enough, in your half-drunk half-sober state, this sounded completely reasonable. Nevermind if Red Hood had some internal bleeding or something. He talked. He was probably fine.

A minute passed, and you just sat there, sipping up your tequila in between taking a pinch of salt and biting into a piece of lemon.

Salt, tequila, lemon. Great remedy against heartbreaks.

Wait, were you heartbroken ? Really ? You couldn’t really recall that fact now. But, yeah…it was the reason why you were drinking right ? Because right now, all you could think about was the fact that this Red hood guy had abs for days…

This unforeseen event sobered you up quite a bit, but the two shots you just took kinda brought you back to the same state than you were before.

Well. Not quite. You were drunk as hell again, but seemed to have avoided the “sad phase”. Instead, Red Hood bursting quite literally through your window took you to another road.

The : “Cool, I got a drinking buddy phase”. Well, taking for granted he didn’t have any internal bleeding and wouldn’t die while biting into a lemon wedge.

“Tough day ?”

You ask him, as he slowly sits up and shakes his head, trying to regain his senses. He looks towards you and seem surprised (or at least you think he is, because he wears a mask so…kinda hard to tell).

************

Jason definitely thought he was alone in this place, because no sane person would just sit there, not saying anything, as someone simply jumped through their window. Nope, most people would just freak out. Scream.

He knows, because it’s not the first time he falls through a window during a night on duty. And every single time it happened, people freaked out. Screamed. Threw stuffs at him, or hid away begging for their life to be spared.

And yet here you were, half a bottle of tequila in front of you, surrounded by lemon wedges you bit into, and table salt all over your hand, just staring at him curiously. And did you just say : “tough day” ?

Well, Jason guessed the empty half of the bottle was why you were so chilled about it all. He sat up, and slowly got back to his feet.

Usually, going through a window meant the end of the night for him. He’d go back to one of his secret stash, patch himself up and get some rest. Most of the time, he fell through windows because someone pushed him or threw him there…Though today, he just embarrassingly missed a step and fell by himself.

Of course, no one would ever now he tripped while jumping from one building to another (you lived on the last floor) and went careening into your home (and life). Nope, the official story would be that he fought a fierce enemy and was thrown into that window. Finding fake villains name was easy, given how truly ridiculous some could be.

Tim and Damian were still after the “Illusive Blue Man” that he totally made up that one time he walked into a poll and had a huge black eye that he couldn’t quite explain…Oh man, he had to stop telling such elaborate lies and just say “I fought with a few guys last night” without more explanation.

But he couldn’t help it. And those kids believed everything he said, it was too tempting…But for now, this wasn’t the issue. Nope.

He did a quick check of his body and knew he wasn’t really hurt (thanks “dad” for the amazing body armor ugh ?), so he was planning on leaving that poor girl’s house and send a mystery check in the mail to pay for the damage (money stolen from a certain Bruce Wayne of course, as if he would pay himself).

Yup. He was just gonna stand up, and go on his way and…somehow, he found himself sitting on the stool opposite side of this mysterious girl, and now she was peppering salt on his hand ?

“Salt”, she says, and she has a cute drunk voice. Jason almost forgets he just went through a window a few minutes ago.

“Tequila”, she continues, downing her drink and pointing at the one she poured him. He doesn’t even care the she poured it in a cereal bowl that she didn’t even seem to have clean…He drunk worst things in worst recipient. He turns away to take off his mask and so that she can’t see his face, and “bottom’s up”.

“Lemon !” she finishes, biting into the sour fruit and spitting it in the direction of the trashcan but missing completely. The lemon wedge goes to lost itself amongst his fallen brothers…

Jason bites into his own lemons, and spits it. Right into the garbage.

There’s a slight pause, where she just stares at the trashcan, and then at Jason, back to the trashcan, and then turns to him again and simply says :

“Wow.”

************

So. This was surreal.

Here you were. In your home. Taking tequila shots. With…Red Hood.

One of Gotham’s night vigilante. The most violent one. But the dude seemed chilled. He was holding his liquor really well.

And now you were talking about your broken heart, telling him the story as if he’d been your friend for years. And he was listening. Intently. And reacting to what you were saying. It had been a LONG time, since you had this kind of talk with anyone, and despite the fact you were drunk, you still noticed how nice it felt to have someone to talk to. Someone that genuinely listened.

“And then he slept with her !” you say angrily.

“Nooooooo !?!”

“Yes, he did ! He slept with…with…what was her name…”

“Nicole. From accounting.”

“Right, Nicole from accounting ! That bitch ! She always just…counts and shit ! And he slept with her ! Nicole from accounting ! Whom he met thanks to me, by the way ! At a partyyyy !! At my wooooork !!”

“What an ass.”

“Right ?! Oh but he had such a good ass though…Quite firm. But whenever he wore jeans, it was super flat.”

“So, not such a good ass in the end then ?”

“I guess not. You have a good ass. Popping right out in this outfit of yours.”

Red Hood chuckles, and the sound of his laughter makes you forget that you just said something incredibly embarrassing. His voice is…nice. Deep. Manly. You like it. You wanna make him chuckle some more, so you say, hoping :

“And it looks very firm. Not just quite firm.”

It works. He snorts and it’s very cute. Oh wow. He can be sexy and cute. Full package. You smile a bit dreamily.

For a second, he’s lost in that smile of yours, and there’s a silence installing itself in the room. A comfortable one. That you break :

“Ok. So now, he’s not that perfect anymore ! He got no ass ! Penalty points ! I never notice how un-assed he was before…”

Jason smiles and damn. He’s hot.

Somewhere along the way, he stopped turning his face away from you whenever he took a shot, and just ended up taking his helmet off. He was probably hoping that you’d black out or something, so you wouldn’t remember his face (or he just didn’t care).

In any case, you were pretty sure you never saw him before. His face kinda reminded you of an old memory. Of someone you saw somewhere long ago, when you were a kid…Which wasn’t really a big help right ?

Right. You had no idea who he was. And in your drunken state, probably couldn’t piece anything together anyway. So even if you did know who he could be, you wouldn’t know in the end anyway…Makes perfect sense right ?

What you knew was : he’s hot.

This white streak in his hair did something to you that you couldn’t explain. And that jawline ? You would love to get cut on that bitch. It could actually cut a bitch, you were sure of it. Those blue eyes ? You’ve never seen someone with such blue eyes. And did you mention to yourself how muscular he was ? Because man you only saw guys like this in magazines !

But beyond his handsome features, he seemed like a nice guy. Like he was listening to you, a total stranger. And this realization suddenly raised your guard up.

You also thought that your ex-cheating-boyfriend was a nice guy. And come to think of it, who the hell just barge in someone’s home like that, and actually stay to drink tequila shots ?! Wait but…in your guts…it’s not like with your ex.

You don’t think he’s a nice guy. You know he is.

************

There’s a visible shift in your mood, after this realization. So far, you talked to him about your broken heart freely, and he listened.

Oddly enough, no words that came out of your (perfect) mouth bored him. Jason wasn’t sure wether it was the alcohol or not, but you captivated him.

But in a split second, and without him knowing why, your features changed. You were now frowning. Like an unhappy little kid. It was kinda cute, but he didn’t like it because…why were you frowning ?

He tries to lighten up the mood and says :

“Well here you go. See, you didn’t loose the perfect guy, his ass was flat in jeans. Can’t work with that, can you ? I bet we can find other flaws. Make you realize he actually was a looser.”

Your guard is up, but you can’t help but smile a bit, plus you were frowning just now because you realized you just knew you could trust that total stranger, and it was so weird….

Besides, no harm in indulging this, because you’re pretty sure it’ll make you feel better to try and see the bad side of your ex-boyfriend, not just his good ones. No one was perfect. And so, still a bit careful, you say :

“Well…He never got any of my Tv shows or movie references.”

“Well, here’s a point to take off of his “perfectness”. Doesn’t get pop culture references. Deal breaker.”

“Yeah…Yeah you’re right. It is. He also used to hate when I made jokes. I like puns ya know ? Terrible ones. Well, he was always embarrassed whenever I made them in public.”

“Ashamed of his girlfriend, doesn’t sound very gentlemanly, right ?”

“Yeah. It doesn’t. Maybe he wasn’t such a perfect gentleman…He also used to not want to go out with me if I didn’t wear any make-up and was dressed just casually.”

“What you mean, he never just went out with you ?”

“We only went out on dates. I had to dress up. I could be casual home though…”

“Well goodie, the man let you be yourself when you were home. Big deal. To be honest, sounds like a douchey move.”

“That was kinda douchey…I never cared what he looked like.”

And it’s true. For you, physical appearance wasn’t everything. And sure you thought your ex was hot and all, but only because you liked his personality too. You liked his jokes, you were never ashamed of anything he said.

And right now, sure that stranger that bursted through your window was hot, but the reason you felt like you could tell him things was because he just made you comfortable by his mere aura. Because he gave you such a good vibe.

You never were fully about appearances. It was always just a bonus for you…So it never occurred to you why your ex would only hang out in public with you if you were pampered. Like he used to hate when you just wore hoodies and no make-up, even if you didn’t need make-up to be beautiful.

Comes to think of it, he was very much about appearances…Uh. Interesting. You never realized that before.

You turn to Red Hood, and the look on your face says it all. You’re slowly realizing maybe you didn’t just lost “the one”. The vigilante says :

“Ok, so : no ass, no humor apparently, doesn’t get pop culture references, and was kind of a jerk when it came to going out with you…”

“He did tell me often that I was beautiful though. Including when I just woke up from a night out, and was awful looking.”

“Yeah, but he never went out with you looking like that. He shouldn’t feel ashamed of hanging out with you looking like that. Just like he shouldn’t feel embarrassed when you joke. He can be exasperated, like if you really make bad puns, sure. And he can think it’s unfunny…But embarrassed ? No.”

“I guess…I never thought about it.”

“Well let me tell you, as someone who does not know neither you nor him personally, he sounds like a bit of a jerk. Let’s not forget he cheated as well. Like, that’s not something good people do. Especially not with…Nicole from accounting.”

“Nicole from accounting…Yeah. They’re together now though.”

“So ? He should’ve broken up with you if he realized he liked her. That’s the right thing to do. Trust me on that, I put villains behind bars for a living, I know what’s right or wrong.”

“I heard you kill criminals.”

“Used to. I used to kill criminals, I had issues. I’ll tell you one day if you wanna. It’s a real tear jerker story. With clowns and crowbars. And I’m telling you that because I’m drunk, right now. Also, if we want to be specific, I don’t actually make a living out of putting villains behind bars. Like, I don’t get paid or anything…”

Jason finds himself ranting about anything that comes to his mind, and though he hears himself claim it’s because of the alcohol he’s saying all this, he realizes maybe there’s something else making him want to talk.

You. A total stranger he walked upon. Or rather, went-through-the-window upon. Who didn’t freak out when he went through said window. And instead, invited him over to have tequila shots.

Because, according to your grandmother, the best remedy to…basically any problems in life, was “salt, tequila, lemon”.

“She was a wise woman.”

He says, and you turn to him, clearly not understanding what he was talking about.

“Who ?”

“Your grandma. For saying that salt, tequila and lemon was a great remedy against heartbreaks and all.”

“Oh. Yeah. I wouldn’t know, I never met her. She died before I was born.”

“Well what she passed on to your parents is great.”

“What ?”

“Well, that “salt, tequila and lemon” thing, I assume she said that to your mom or dad, and then they said that to you, and then it became your grandma’s advice. Right ?”

“…Nah. It’s an excuse I made up. Whenever I need to justify something, I just say “like my grandma said, ain’t no shame in eating an entire tub of ice cream if you want to”, and then people are just like “oh yeah, cool”, because when you say the word “grandma”, then it gives a perspective to your words ya know ?”

Jason had no idea what you were on about, but he loved it. You seemed to be very smart. And witty. And funny. The hell did that guy cheated on you for ? And why was he ashamed of going out in public with you when you weren’t dressed up ?!

You currently wore “Hello Kitty” pyjamas, had absolutely no make up on, and your hair was a mess, and he thought you looked gorgeous.

“Why are you so nice ?”

Your question takes him by surprise, and for a few seconds he doesn’t register it and just says : “ugh ?”

“To me. Why are you so nice to me ? Is it the alcohol ? Does it make you nice ? Or are you just nice to every stranger ? Every girl you destroy the windows of ? Or are you like my ex ? You seem nice, but then you go off and cheat on your girl simply because you like another girl and you’re too cowardly to break up with your current girl ?”

Jason hiccups slightly, and says :

“No, I’m not nice to any girl I met. I’m actually usually kind of a jerk, too “brutally honest”. But you…I don’t know. You give me good feelings. Oh and here’s to add on his flaws list. “Coward”. Can’t even break up with a girl, has to wait to get caught red-handed and break her heart. Cooooward. Bad flaw. Kind of guy who runs in the face of danger, instead of standing by you.”

It’s probably the fact that he said “you give me good feelings” that spurs this in you. That gives you a new clearer perspective on things.

“My heart wasn’t broken.”

It’s a shock, to you. This realization. This sudden feeling jumping in your face. You…are not heartbroken. You’re mad. You’re frustrated. You feel betrayed. You feel a crazy burning anger towards your ex for toying around with you like that. For not having the balls to just break up, after spending two years together.

He was suppose to know you. To be your friend. Things could have turned out better. He could have just come up to you, say the truth, and…You were pretty sure you’d still be friend. Because he really was a great guy.

He really was all the good thing you though about him. He made a mistake, an unforgivable one in your book. But he was a great guy.

He was just…not your great guy. Not anymore at least.

And you realized, there, quite drunk, that…It was ok.

Your heart wasn’t broken.

Your pride was. Your trust was. But your heart ? …Maybe you weren’t completely in love with him. You were best friends, yes, but love ? Maybe it wasn’t love…

Your heart wasn’t broken.

“My heart isn’t broken.”

You tell Red hood, looking at him right in his wonderful ocean blue eyes. And he looks right back at you, and just nods. Just like that. And then he pours you one last tequila shot.

Because like your grandma would say : “When you make great discovery about yourself…Salt, tequila, lemon”.

************

It took you only a few hours with him to realize that you weren’t in love with your ex, and that was kinda scary. Because this realization didn’t come from nowhere.

Nope.

But when he said that your ex broke your heart, you felt obligated to tell him that no. No your heart wasn’t broken. You were sad and angry, yes, but not heartbroken. For you, in that moment, it was important for this total stranger to know you weren’t actually in love.

Hell, you didn’t even know yourself you weren’t that in love before you talked to him. It just came as a sudden, yet utterly true revelation.

Because, and this wasn’t the alcohol speaking…You felt incredibly attracted to that guy. To Red Hood. Not just because of the white streak in his hair, and the eyes, and smile, and voice, and abs, and thick thighs. That too, sure, but not only…Nope.

Nope. Not because of this.

But because he had a tough day (he said so himself, explaining to you how he went through the window…he was fighting a super-villain when he got flung through your window, tough tough time ahem), and yet he sat with a crazy lady that peppered salt on his hand and practically forced him to take a tequila shot…

Because you could see in his eyes, and felt in your guts that he didn’t have an easy life…and yet he took a break from whatever he was doing to just sit with you and listen to you. He didn’t even make sense, that you trusted those feelings so fiercely. And yet, you did. Because he listened to you.

He saw you were struggling and he stayed. And though you felt you couldn’t trust anyone at that time…You oddly felt like he was ok.

Like he wouldn’t be the kind of guy to cheat, or run in the face of danger, leaving you all alone to fight off demons.

In a few short hours, you fell for this guy more than you ever fell for your ex.

What did that say about you uh ? …That was pretty pathetic…

************

Jason didn’t think that you were pathetic at all.

On the contrary. If he went to seat with you, and drink with you, is because he was instantly mesmerized by you.

And though he didn’t know at first why, now he was sure of it.

It’s because you didn’t freak out. And something told him it wasn’t only because you were a bit drunk (he fell in drunk people’s home before…none reacted like you).

Nope. It was because you were special. He just knew it. Special in every way. Funny. Beautiful. Genuinely listening to him when he was speaking.

He peppered his own problems within your story, as you told him. And you listened. Hell, even referenced a few things he said early on, way later, while you were crazy drunk. You listened.

You gave a total stranger that seemed to have a tough day some salt. And tequila. And lemons.

And then you cared. You asked him a thousand times if he was ok, and he basically had to take off his armor to prove it so (to your eyes’ greatest pleasure…mm mm mm those muscles).

Captivated. He was captivated by you. It was strange, and though he knew it was because you were special, he still was unclear as to why his feelings were that strong.

For someone he just met. And barely knew. And only knew while drunk.

You were just…Special.

************

It was surreal. The all thing.

What started as a night where you planned on wallowing your pain and drinking…ended up changing your life.

And no one could convince you that it wasn’t Fate. Because what were the odds that Red Hood would fall through YOUR window after tripping (yeah you didn’t buy that “fighting super-villains thing” at all) ?

What were the odds of his timing being so perfect, arriving just before you started to cry ? Because there was no doubt in your mind that if he had come a few seconds later, he wouldn’t have stayed.

He would have found a crying mess, and maybe he would have tried to confort you but…You wouldn’t have answered. In your “sad phase”, you only cry and whine. He would have eventually left. And the wonderful talk you’d just have, would never have happened.

But instead. He came right before your lips touch that fatal shot of tequila that would have brought you into the “sad phase”. And took your drunkness down a notch. Rerouted your evening.

You weren’t wallowing anymore, you were ranting.

Sharing your anger and frustration.

And he helped you realize that your ex wasn’t that perfect…That maybe it was just not meant to be…After all, he cheated on you.

Uh. What a shame. You didn’t even know his name…”Red Hood”…

You wished you knew his name.

************

The morning lights were rising, and the bottle of tequila was long gone.

There were still salt and lemons though. For some reason, you decided to buy the entire grocery store’s stock of lemons.

Red Hood stood up, and said he had to go.

He was nice about it. Said it was a pleasure to have spend the night with you. You both laughed about the innuendos that ensued.

You were exactly on the same page. And he understood all your joke referencing to pop culture…

But it was time for him to go. And he apparently had no intention of telling you his real name. He didn’t hint either at ever coming back to see you again.

And there was that. Just a nice night, spend talking to a genuine friend that you’ll never see again.

A genuine friend that you didn’t even know a few hours before.

Maybe it was the alcohol speaking. Maybe not.

And even if you ended up never seeing him again, this evening truly changed your life…At least, it saved you from a heartbreak. Made you realize it wasn’t that.

Though, now, as he climbs out of the window again (he couldn’t possibly use the front door), you feel like the actual heartbreak is starting.

Grandma’s remedy against heartbreak ? Right.

Salt, tequila, lemon…

But the tequila is all gone.

“I’ll send someone to fix that window…Sorry again about that. …Bye.” are his last words, and then he’s out.

And the tequila is all gone.

************

…

Days pass by in a blur.

Salt. Tequila. Lemon.

Ugh. But you don’t want to this time. You don’t want to get drunk to forget.

You don’t want to forget him. And you know it’s ridiculous to get that worked up over a guy you met one night and that will never come back. That you didn’t even know the name of.

This entire night was weird anyway.

Getting drunk with a dangerous night vigilante. Pouring your heart out to him, and him doing the same. The hell were you even thinking ?

Salt. Tequila. Lemon.

That would be a good idea to do this right now, because man…your heart hurt. More than when you discovered your ex sleeping with Nicole. From accounting. But you can’t resolve yourself to drink. To forget. Nope. Instead you…

*Knock knock knock*.

Uh ? You take a quick look at your clock in the kitchen.10 pm. Who the hell is coming at 10 pm ?! It can only be bad news. Especially in Gotham…You peep into the eyehole and…

WHAT ?!

You open your door quickly, and…

“Told you I’d send someone to fix your window.”

It’s him. It’s Red hood. But in…civilian clothes.

His ass doesn’t look flat in jeans.

He’s holding a window wrapped in cardboard, and there’s a toolbox at his feet.

“Yeah, you did…come in.”

************

Jason Todd.

That’s his name. And connections are fast to be made in your brain. Jason Todd. Bruce Wayne’s adopted son. That supposedly died…ten years ago.

And is Red Hood now. Oh. It makes sense. Even his little “killing criminals” thing while Batman never killed. You easily put two and two together.

Red Hood. Jason Todd. Bruce Wayne.

Wow. Can’t believe you never guessed that before. Of course Bruce Wayne is Batman. He’s got the motive, the means, the excuses…It’s so obvious. And yet, you never realized. And no one else in Gotham ever realized.

Jason Todd.

Now you know his name.

And he’s fixing your window. Nobody ever fixed windows for you before (even those who broke it).

Um. To add to the “perfect man” list : “Handy”.

Jason Todd.

He quickly works the window up, and then he turns to you. While he was working you talked, as if you knew each other for years. Joking around. Like old friends. Like old extremely good and close friends.

It fits. It clicks. It’s natural. You and him, him and you.

Barely knowing each others, and yet knowing each others the best.

Jason. Todd.

He turns to you now, and with a smirk, he says :

“Ya know, my grandma always say that when something good happens to you, you need to celebrate. And I feel like this, right now, you and I, though I have no idea what we’re doing and where it’s going…Well it’s still something to celebrate. And she always says, my grandma, that to celebrate perfectly you need…”

You smile.

Yeah. You don’t know where this thing between you two is going, but you do know that you never met someone who so fully understood you.

And in such a short span of time. And you know you’re not mistaking. It’s a feeling too strong to be a mistake.

He came back to fix your window for god’s sake. And trusted you enough to tell you his actual name. Without a second thought. Which meant everything. Especially since from all the hint he let slip through last time you saw each others, about his father, well…let’s just say telling people his real name wasn’t really something he was used to.

But it just works. It fits. It clicks. It’s not like with your ex, because you don’t think you know it does. It just does. The fact that you say those next few words in perfect sync finishes to convince you :

(“…And she always says, my grandma, that to celebrate perfectly you need…”)

“Salt, tequila, and lemons.”

______________________________________________

I’m so mad the Tumblr app crashed and I deleted the original post...Y’all were great and reblogged the hell out of it ! Which is why it got so many notes in such a short span of times. And feedbacks. I haven’t had that many feedbacks on a story in a long time. So just one last time and I won’t bother you with that again : Please, if you enjoyed this story, don’t hesitate to reblog it and share it with others. People who don’t follow me can’t really find my stories anymore so...you’re a big help by spreading them. It’s always very encouraging.

And if you got the time, feedbacks are always hella appreciated and always make my day a little brighter <3.

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fan-dumb-trash · 6 years ago

Text

REMILE PART TWOOOOOOOOO

Part One! Part Three! Part Four

*confetti canon* YASSSS FINALLYYYY I HAVE FINISHED THIS!

Sorry for the wait! And also sorry if this isn’t as good as the first one... but I needed to establish some things in order to make Remiles relationship make sense ya know? I’m planning on making at least one, maybe more of these so buckle up sis! Thank you guys for your reblogs and comments and stuff it’s really sweet XD I’m glad to provide some decent Remile content.

Now without further ado, lets get the gay going!

Warnings: Unhealthy Household mention, Kissing, Crying. Violence mention- or lack theorf. Some self deprecation in Remys part. If I missed anything let me know!

Kay so we left off with the boys at the start of their sophomore year oh yeah boi.

I forgot to tell you everyone's ages so HERE WE GO

Patton and Roman are juniors now and Virgil Logan Emile and Remy are the same age. Sloane and Corbin are seniors and Kai and Elliot are freshmen.

Remy has accumulated a girlfriend named Clarimonde whos a badass and we love her she's really cool actually. Her and Roman have spanish together and they are both fluent so they chat to their teachers delight

Once her and Patton saw Elliot getting bullied and she scared the living heck out of those neanderthals without punching and Patton was impressed

Everyone likes her- so Emilie tells himself he has no reason to dislike her because he doesn't have feelings for Remy anymore. No sir.

Now it isn't difficult for Remy and Emile to pass each other in the halls. When Clarimonde chats with Roman, Emile can make small talk Remy without dying inside, but he's slightly more quiet.

Remy still doesn't understand the pang he gets in his chest whenever someone mentions cartoons.

Clarimonde starts to pay attention the Emile because “hey he seems like a sweetheart! how did you meet him Rem?”

Remy tells her that they were close in middle school and left it at that. She stayed suspicious but dropped it after two days.

As I mentioned before, Emilie is a total mom friend even to the seniors and juniors. He notices Logan perk up whent Patton makes a dad joke or laughs. He notices Patton stare a bit too much at Logan's subtle freckles or his electric blue eyes as he rants about biology and chemistry.

He notices Roman and Virgil warm up to each other finally (they didn’t get along much. Romans a bit of an airhead and said some not nice things to Virgil in middle school)

They find out they actually have common interests! They talk about music and writing amd smile because someone finally understands!!! Wow!!!

Emilie promises himself he's going to try to help his friends be happy together. because he feels a bit better when he sees his friends happy in love. And in good mental health (which leads into his counseling career!!! Wohooo!!!)

AND NOW- INTRODUCINGGGGG *drum roll* MR THOMAS SANDERS *confetti cannon* and his assistants Joan and Talyn who are lit college students trying to get degrees in the arts. they need to community service so (plus they love Thomas and the kids like aww their babies)

Thomas is the theater teacher/director of the arts department. Roman took all the theater classes available because he’s an extra boi. so he hung out in Mr Sanders class and soon it became the hangout spot for the gang!

Emile saw Roman and Patton in the school play last year. Most of the cast were seniors and now all the thespians are gone and nobody wants to do the shows and take the classes (minus the loot of kids who need their arts requirement to graduate) and it's a PROBLEM

Remy takes Mr Sanders drama class for the arts requirement in order to graduate! But he has a D… Honestly he thought the class would be easier than ceramics because he could just doze off as Thomas rambled about shakespeare but NOPE they have to do pair scenes and monologues and Remy IS NOT HAVING IT LET ME TELL YAH

He thinks acting is stupid (ironic because his personality at school is mostly to mask his pain so TEA) and that there's no point in trying.

this attitude carries over to a lot of his other classes because it's not like his family can afford sending him off to college anyways and it's not like he's smart or worth teaching anyways right?

And Thomas notices Remy walk home alone and take off his shades and stare at the sky a bit longer than usual. Thomas sees Remy's smile fade as people talk about their parents and siblings and he sees Remy's grades slip.

Thomas pulls Remy says something like “Sup Mr Sanders. Did somebody fail their test because they spent the class period staring at me instead of their answer sheet?” And Thomas would usually laugh at this but he's stern

“I'm going to give it to you straight. You're failing almost all your classes and i've talked to your teachers and they know you have potential but you don't try. I don't understand why, but i'm sure you have your reasons but i just wanted to tell you… You're enough, Remy. Just being you. Just because you dont think youll be perfect or good enough doesn't mean you have to turn you back on the world. There's people who will care if you let them in and-”

Remy begins to cry because nobody has told him that in a year and a half. And Thomas gives him tissues and pats him on the shoulder.

Remy agrees to participate in the after school show for extra credit to raise his grade. The credits will carry over to the monologue and pair scene he did poorly on and count for the history of plays unit test which he bombed.

Remy is grateful, but asks how all those assignments fit in on play if he's just gonna do tec??? Or say a shakespearean monologue and be done.

Thomas smiles and says “Well Remy, we are doing Rent- a musical. And Joan and Talyn handle the tec stuff just fine.”

AND BOOM THEY'RE DOING RENT NOW I LOVE THIS SO MUCH ACKKKKKKKKK SO THEY AUDITION! THE GANG AND REMY AND CLARIMONDE AND TOBY AND ITS WONDERFUL

Patton convinces Logan to do the show (puppy dog eyes owo) and it's all set. Clarimonde joins because why not. Emilie was hesitant at first- but Dot and Larry told him it would be a good way to break out of his shell because Emilie is a bit awkward around people he doesn’t know well…

Auditions go good! Virgil, Roman, Elliot, and Emilie are the best singers while Clarimonde,Remy, Logan, and Patton are dorky/sassy/and confident actors.

Thomas had them all sing Seasons Of Love and then he just puts them in scenes with each other as characters he wanted to see them as! After the first round he moved people around accordingly. It’s an unorthodox way of doing things but it’s such a smol group it wasn’t a hassle to do.

Remy and Emile weren’t really considered for any of the leads because Thomas wasn’t sure of their acting ability… so just to give them something to do, he had them do dialogue when Angel and Collins first meet! Remy is Angel and Emile is Collins cause why not!

For those of you who don’t know much about Rent, basically what happens in that scene is that Collins gets mugged and beat up and he’s bleeding in an alleyway and then Angel finds him and they talk a bit.

Of course it was awkward at first because why wouldn’t it be… but Remy said “You know Em, this is just a giant case of Deja Vu… remember when I found you in the field after you gots scraped up from climbing up that tree? Your glasses were broken and everythin’. And you wanted to act all tough but you were crying and I didn’t know what to do-“ and Emile laughed because yes, he remembers. They got ice cream after and it was one of the best days of his childhood.

And it gets better from there. And it’s like they get to meet again for the first time- but Emile is the broken one and Remy is lending a hand. They have really good chemistry and the scene is actually really genuine!

They do the scene for Thomas and he’s intrigued! He writes notes with a small smile on his face.

But the spell is broken after that for a while...

but when the cast list is posted there's some issues cause uhm

Mimi is Roman- Rodger is Virgil

Mark is Patton, and Benny is Logan

Joanne is Elliot and Maureen is Clarimonde!

BUT THE TEA IS THE CASTING CHOICE OF EMILIE PLAYING COLLINS AND REMY PLAYING ANGEL!!! Romans a little salty because he wanted to be a cool drag queen who played drums but he got over it.

BUT SWEET REMY DIDN'T GOOGLE THE SYNOPSIS BEFORE HE AUDITIONED! BUT WHEN HE DID HE THE NIGHT AFTER, HE REALIZED HE DIGS ANGEL LIKE HELL YEAH HE’LL DO THAT SHIT IN A HEARTBEAT BUT EMILIE IS HIS BOYFRIEND?????

Same issue for Roman and Virgil because I have to be in love with my crush/ex enemy? Oh nooooooooooo.

The whole situation is wild and I love it.

But yeah that’s how the fake dating and stage kids element come into play if you were here from the VERY VERY beginning when I was bored out of my mind and made some weird prompts for people to choose.

BUT YEAH ROMAN AND EMILE ARE FREAKING OUT BECAUSE.OLD FEELINGS ARE RESURFACING AND THEY ARE TEMPTED TO MARCH UP TO THOMAS AND DEMAND HE EXPLAIN WHY HE DID THIS BUT THEY DON'T AND POOR PATTON HAS TO CALM TWO ANXIOUS BOYS AND VIRGIL IS HAPPY BECAUSE HE WANTED RODGER BUT LIKE NOW SHITS GETTING GAY AND HE DOESN'T KNOW IF HIS CRUSH ON ROMAN IS GONNA START GETTING OBVIOUS OR NOT AND LOGAN DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DOOOOO

Patton and Logan start to talk even more to help their bffs Roman and Virgil get their shit together and then Patton and Logan start to get close in the process and it's amazing.

But rehearsal happens and Emile and Remy are really awkward at first. And Emilie wants to slap Remy because weren’t they They don't talk about the abrupt and unexplained ending of their friendship and Emile doesn't explain how Remy broke his heart. But the eyes are the window to the soul and they both know there's words that need to be said that aren't being said…

But communication? In my christian household? Neverrrrrrrrrr

So it continues. And life goes on.

Virgil and Roman start dating because when Virgil was over at Romans house “rehearsing lines”, Roman got a bit too close when he sang “oh won't you light my candle~” and whoops know they're making out

Oh well life happens i guess

But back to Remile. It's about 2 weeks into rehearsal and they're starting blocking of Act 1 and it's going as one expects. Smooth and Rocky and back and forth and SLOW.

Most people are fitting into their roles pretty normally except for two people- you can guess who.

For the life of them, Remy and Emile can't get it together. Remy can dance and sing like nobody's business and he's been practicing in heels and it literally is giving Emilie a heart attack cause HOT DAMN IM GAY AS FUCK BUT I GOTTA KEEP IT TOGETHER REEEEE

But the second Remy makes eye contact with Emile he drops character. Emile is chill and fun like Collins. His scenes with Patton and Virgil? Gold. The second Angel comes on stage he gets more tense.

And Thomas doesnt say anything because its not the end of the first month but he notes it.

Emile is obviously upset. It’s kinda draining him being dragged around emotionally by Remy and Patton Roman and Dot and Larry are starting to get worried… it’s like the mental state he had in the summer is coming back and he’s closing himself off.

Clarimonde notices these things too because she’s not stupid… she asks Roman about it during Spanish. He says it isn’t his place because he knows Emilie's Side of the story- but not Remy's. and he doesn’t want to say anything he isn’t supposed to.

His answer gives Clarimonde all the clarification she needs because obviously Roman knows something big and it has to be that Emilie had feelings for Remy at some point and Remy cut their friendship and broke his heart.

But she doesn’t know what to do so she keeps her relationship with Remy because it’s not like he likes Emilie back. Right?

But deep down she knows he’s just scared of commitment because he never wants to go to her house and meet her parents. She barely knows anything about Remy's family or hopes and dreams. But what can she do but wait for him to open up? But he never does. And it nags at her.

I realize that I haven’t really talked to much about Remy… So here we go.

It’s complicated. Remy got scared. Of trusting one person so much that it could hurt him. Divorces can jack kids up especially if they go down ugly like it did for Remy's parents. He didn’t really believe in love. He didn’t believe in trust that didn’t come without a price.

But he forgot those worries when he was with Emile years before. He felt loved and cared for and he felt he could be himself.

But over the summer when Emile and Remy stopped hanging out… it’s because things got worse. Remy's mom started to blame the divorce on him. She said her father left because she couldn’t handle Remy and his lil brother Ethan who screamed and cried all the time. She started to go out for long points of time and come home with bloodshot eyes. She would scream at tell Remy that love never lasted and he needed to grow up and stop crying cause his dad never called.

And Remy was beside himself.Because seeing Emile just reminded him of all the stuff he couldn’t have. The carefree normal life he would never have.

So Remy threw up his walls and stopped talking to Emile. He shoved down his guilt and left him alone because Remy felt he didn’t need Emile or his warm light.

Remy wanted to grow up so he wouldn’t feel this pain and yearning for a childhood he’d never receive.

And that’s why he and Emile stopped being friends. That’s why Remy is fake.

Remy can’t pinpoint when it happened… but

as Angel he can be confident but it doesn’t feel like an act. He can dance around with a purpose. And when he sings his duet with Emile for the first time, and they hold hands, he feels a bit like the kid he was in elementary school again.

And he becomes thankful Thomas gave him the chance to do this show because it’s showing off. He’s coming out of his shell. And Emilie notices it and smiles more.

Because Emile feels happy when Remy can talk to him and not look like his walking on crackling ice.

Emile had time to mature and heal while Remy was out of his life but now he feels secure because he doesn’t have to be attached to his romantic feelings and they can just be friends. They do their scenes and it’s great. Remy can hold his hand on stage and dance and Emilie is accomplished because Remy looks so… free. Not holding anything back. Not being fake. He’s being his authentic self through Angel and he finds that beautiful.

Thomas smiles when the duo are onstage and realizes he made the right casting choice.

But one day Remy and Clarimonde walked out hand and hand after practice as Emilie waited for his parents to pick him up. Remy was smiling but then Remy was kissing her and there were hands and hair and Emile felt like he was on fire and ran. Because he can't handle this.

Remy has to pretend to be in love with him and it's going to destroy Emilie because ITS NOT REAL.

Clarimonde opens her eye for a split second and damn. She knows. She sees Emile run.

A part of her feels sad, because she has feelings for Remy, but she feels like she’s in the way of Emile and Remy. So she lets go. She breaks up with him because shes “not feeling the relationship anymore”, but she still wants to be friends. And yeah, Clarimonde hurts- but she smiles through it and knows its for the best. Even if it ain’t fair.

And Emile is calling Patton crying, curled up in a ball, wanting to rip his heart out. He can’t take it anymore and says so over and over. It’s Friday so Dot and Larry drive him over to Patton’s. Roman comes over and brings ice cream and they watch Adventure Time but then Marceline shows up and Emile starts crying because REMY BAGAHAHAHAS sO they switch to avatar.

And they all cuddle and are buried under tons of blankets and it’s great.

Roman offers to punch Remy and Patton whacks him upside the head. It’s funny.

And Emile still feels like crap but at least he knows he has good friends. He isn’t alone this time.

Taglist:

@mmd-ask-italy

@thestrangedino

@dreams-palette

@unring-this-bell

@nerdqueenkat

@iloveeverytjing123

@superwholocked-for-life

@ab-artist

@spaceless-void

@sevencrashing

@i-have-n0-idea-what-im-d0ing

@absolutesandersidestrash

@geronimo-scamander-spd

@romansleftshoulderpad

@prplzorua

@patchworkofstars

If you don’t want to be added- please let me know! If you DO want to be added- go ahead and leave a comment because that’s easiest for me!

#remyxemile #remy sanders #ts remy #cartoon therapy fic #cartoon therapy #dr picani #ts emile #prinxiety #logicality #remile bullet point fic #My writing #ray writes

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yeoldontknow · 5 years ago

Note

I finally made my own tumblr and i feel pretty happy bcuz im finally letting others see my writing but i wanted to know what you did for your stories to like, “get out there?” Btw i LOVE your stories im a new fan of EXO and ur stories r amazing keep it up!!

hi there. welcome to tumblr! thats so exciting! i hope youre enjoying your time here! im going to preface everything i say by advising a few things.

firstly that i dont consider myself an ‘out there’ blog. im exceptionally proud of the amount of followers i have, even though the number itself is different depending on perspective. to some, this number is remarkably small. to others, this number is enormous. and the amount of readership that occurs on my fics really doesnt match up the to the numbers the way you think it would. so when you say ‘out there’ just keep in mind this is really...dependent on so many factors and depends on your own personal definition of what that means.

second, the things i list that were part of my experience may not work for you or match up to your experience. theres really no algorithm or formula anyone can give. so again, you can take all of this with a grain of salt.

- make use of tags and tag appropriately. when youre starting from 0 (as everyone on this website does) the first and primary way you get any of your writing out to the public (beyond...posting it lmao) is tagging. only the first five tags show up in searches when youre tagging on tumblr, so keep that in mind when you consider how many networks (ill discuss those later) you want to join. keep your tags relevant to what youve written, things like ‘member smut’ or ‘member fluff’ usually draws in a crowd. when i first started hero, i was tagging with ‘chanyeol x reader’ and ‘chanyeol scenario’ and those pulled in a bunch of readers too (that was 2 years ago tho, so idk how much a scenario tag pulls in anymore)

- post in multiple places. i have an AO3 and a tumblr. most writers cross post to ao3 and tumblr, but others also have an asian fan fics account or a wattpad account (this is usually to prevent people plagiarizing on there). but most writers i know (tbh i think all) post in at least two separate places.

- join a network. networks are so great for getting your work out there when you dont have a lot of followers or are new and dont have a lot of readership. theres so many out there you can join - some are specific to band and others are multi-fandom and only require that you be writing for kpop. my recommendation is to join two or three, because these networks will always require you use their tag in the first five. this is because the only way they will find your work to reblog it is by searching it, so tagging for two main tags and two networks is a surefire way to get your writing to the right people.

- talk to other writers/blogs. send asks, play ask games with them, tag them in things you know they like (example, even if i dont follow you but you tag me in something related to chanyeol i will always respond). leave feedback on their work. reblog their work and tag it well - either with your keysmash reaction, your thoughts, or your feelings. whatever you give into the community will come back to you.

***HOWEVER, i will say that dont be discouraged if writers dont reply right away. sometimes tumblr eats asks, deletes messages, or doesnt let them show up until the person can get to a computer. furthermore, most writers on here have regular jobs or families, so the time theyre on tumblr is very limited. and even more than that, theres a big question of age. for me personally, if i can tell a person is quite young or under the age of 18, i am less likely to fully go back and forth in banter with them because i am considerably older than that and thats inappropriate. im just pointing this out because i dont want you sending messages and getting discouraged if someone doesnt reply. theres a lot of reasons someone might not reply, and it may have nothing to do with you or be relate to something within your control.

- if youre a new writer, join a beta network. theres networks out there where people willingly volunteer to beta writing, and you can also apply to be a beta. this helps improve your writing, which will help draw more readers, and will also create a community/friendship around you and your beta team.

- make a masterlist, even if you only have 1 written item. masterlists help people new to your blog see what you have written, find it, and read it OR see what you want to write. example: if youre writing for exo and you have a list for the entire band, ill assume that at some point youll write for chanyeol even if you only have a link for jongdae. make a masterlist and link it in your bio for easy access.

ok so thats...bare minimum how you get your writing out and circulating and possibly generating a community for you to engage with. but its really important for me to say the following:

if you are walking into this with an expectation that you will soon receive recognition or feedback or a large amount of notes, please please restructure this. in my years on this site, i have seen so many writers come and go because they start writing solely for the notes or the feedback. thats not a sustainable goal and it will suck the pleasure out of writing really really quickly. its so easy to get discouraged if you dont think youre achieving some arbitrary number that tumblr itself messes with just by changing rules or guidelines or the way posts show up on a dash.

instead, challenge yourself to write things that interest you or to write different things within your stories. things like ‘i want to write a fantasy’ ‘i want to write a 5 part mini series’ ‘i want to write an angsty drabble.’ when you approach writing from this perspective, it keeps you consistent and motivated with your goals. and it also, believe it or not, make your writing come from a genuine place of love rather than a place of wanting interaction. readers can tell when someone genuinely loves what they write and when someone is just checking boxes they think will bring in feedback.

also - please know that getting your writing out there is very much a ‘rome wasnt built in a day’ kind of vibe. ive been on this website for 2 years and there have been months where my notes and follower count is barely moving, and others where i feel like i get 200 followers in a week or hundreds of notes on something id posted a year ago. you cannot predict how long it will take for people to see your work, the only thing you can predict is that it will take time. honestly, again ive been here for two years and im still a pretty small blog. theres no magic formula to this.

i hope all this helps!

#writing advice #zaralax

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pickupafteryourselves · 6 years ago

Text

@pigfartsss

Hey. I’m making a new post instead of reblogging yours because I don't keep track of who's blocked me yet and I’m too lazy to bother checking heh.

In case you were asking for real (and in case you can still see this), here goes mine:

Because "CC believers" take to any outlet they can to directly harrass Darren and Chris and their friends and family. That's where we inevitably see your conspiracy theories and their harmful effects.

On a small scale, this hinders my fandom experience.

On a much larger scale, these people are spreading misogyny, homophobia and transphobia among other nasty things. This isn't about anyone "believing" anything about Darren (people who are not conspiracy theorists simply accept what he tells us about his own private personal life because why the hell wouldn't we? It's his business).

I know what you're going to say: "I have never addressed the actors directly on social media" and "not ALL ccers" etc

It doesn't matter. CCers who don't tweet hate at people still foster those attitudes here on tumblr and do so in the hopes of roping more people into it. You believing whatever doesn't concern us until you start acting on those beliefs to the detriment of others.

You've possibly never posted a single hateful word and simply delight in reading RPF and daydreaming. In that case, anti-CT posts are not for you, they are for the people who promote the terrible attitudes I mentioned. But you asked why some people were bothered by what CCers say, so I took it to mean you were asking fans. If you wanted to know instead why “Miarren stans” send CCers insults, then sorry for butting in :P (I don’t know any Miarren stans, I can’t answer for them). Tbh that practice seems to me like old, nasty ship wars and it’s something usually both sides feed (though I can’t really offer input in, as I don’t partake in RPS, nor do I stan anyone. I don’t endorse these practices and generally disencourage shippers from behaving like this).

CCers could also take their own advice: If they’re so sure Darren goes home to Chris every night, they could relish in that certainty without the need to use their public blogs to throw insults at their fave’s female partner (including whore and alcoholic, which btw gives you a glimpse into what kind of people they are), who they have CHOSEN to assign the role of villain to in their theories out of entirely subjectively disliking her. What they are certain are mere “PR stunts” shouldn’t ultimately bother them. But they want to hate Mia more than they want to just believe Darren and Chris are holding hands out there somewhere. They’re not the only ones. It’s a defining trait in tinhats across fandoms (Supernatural, Outlander, One Direction, Prince Harry, Twilight, Benedict Cumberbatch, Game of Thrones, Lord of the Rings and sadly so many others - you’ll find they use practically the same arguments, lore, “evidence” and insults).

And it’s nice that you say that proven wrong you’d just accept it. It is. Problem is I don’t know what you guys think will prove you wrong if from the very beginning Darren outright said specifically who he was and you decided he was lying. After that, there really is nothing he could ever say with his own mouth or otherwise that would prove you wrong. The words “Chris and I are not dating” have been uttered. Clearly a wedding doesn’t do it for you (it only makes your theories all the more convulted and outlandish). I know for sure that having kids wouldn’t prove it to you either (see those other fandoms for fake baby theories). Your reasons for dismissing his words are 0% objective. Because you think their wedding attires were awful? Plenty of people without bias would agree and plenty would disagree. I fail to see how one’s personal taste in fashion is confirmation of anything. You want to take snapshots, moments in time, in which Darren is being photographed with neutral expressions while going about his business and call them proof? Still being 0% objective, because you are adding your own (wild) interpretations to them (not to mention if people simply walked down the street with a smile on their face, they would look deranged). And with those methods you could “prove” myriad ridiculous statements. There already is a compilation of Darren looking miserable while holding instruments and you haven’t said he hates music. There is a compilation of Lea Michele and Chris Colfer looking and acting and posing like actual lovers. Why aren’t we stating that they are in love as if it were a fact? This could be endless. Whether you think somebody has chemistry or not is ultimately just that, an opinion. Opinions are not facts. You personally hating the color yellow doesn’t make the color yellow universally shit. So, while you may label the wedding as “trashy” and think “well, if it was trashy, it must be fake,” there actually are people out there who thought it looked great. And you would both be correct in your assessments, because they are opinions. The things is, neither opinion has any correlation to the veracity of the event. Zero.

If someone you don't even know personally one day tells you something about themselves like "So my favourite color is yellow" and you go "Fine. Good for you, I guess," instead of deciding it's a lie and then trying to cling on to anything that could however remotely back up your already solidified conclusion, you'd probably be less stressed out whenever they wore yellow sneakers.

There are plenty of contexts in which skepticism is vital, but people’s sexual orientations are not it. And battling homophobia is very important, but making an unwilling participant your champion for it is completely inappropriate. CCers keep talking about how outing someone is bad. But are their blogs not an effort in doing exactly that? If all they wanted to do was vent amongst themselves, they would have passworded these blogs. But they’ve been trying to make these conspiracy theories spread for ages, because that is what conspiracy theorists do.

#pigfartsss

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wistfulcynic · 6 years ago

Text

Another Brick In The Wall: Chapter 8

a/n: Effusive thanks to @hollyethecurious for the artwork! I love it so much! Thanks also to everyone for reading, commenting, kudos-ing, and reblogging! I'm so pleased by the way people have been engaging with this story. Love you all xxx

Summary: Emma Swan, sheriff’s daughter, mayor’s niece, quarterback’s girlfriend, is the undisputed princess of Storybrooke High. She is smart and confident and used to getting what she wants. What she wants is Killian Jones, the new boy in school. But Killian is not easily manipulated, and reluctant to allow the dark secrets in his past to touch the girl he is rapidly falling in love with.

Rating: T

Tags for: @darkcolinodonorgasm @jennjenn615 and @resident-of-storybrooke

Chapter 8:

Killian was out of school for a week, for a “mental health break” he called it with a chuckle, apparently a term he’d gotten from Dr Hopper. He saw the psychiatrist daily during this break and spent the rest of his time at the harbour with Liam, working on their boat, reading, playing his guitar, and talking with his brother about everything that had happened.

“We’ve hashed it all out in excruciating detail,” he told Emma as they sat together in the boat’s cabin, she working on her college essays while he practiced a new song. “It’s such a relief to be able to really talk to Liam again. There was a time when we had no secrets between us. He showed me all the information he had collected on Milah and her situation. Apparently her divorce is almost finalised and next month she’s starting a job teaching English in Japan.” He smiled. “She’ll like that, a chance to travel. What she always wanted.”

“Hmmmph,” said Emma, glaring at the screen of her laptop as she typed rapidly.

“Swan,” he admonished, giving her a mock scowl as he strummed a chord at her.

Emma slammed her hands down on the keyboard. “Killian, I just don’t know how you can be so forgiving after what she did to you.”

He set the guitar aside and his expression became serious. “I have to be, don’t you see?” he asked, looking at her intently. “I can’t hold on to my anger or it will eat me alive. I didn’t even realise how angry I was until Dr Hopper helped me see it, and how by not acknowledging it, allowing myself to feel it, and then letting it go, I was only hurting myself. Besides, I did genuinely care about Milah, and I’m glad she’s finally in a place where she can be happy.”

“Hmmmmph.” Emma concentrated on deleting the gibberish she’d produced by her attack on the keyboard.

“A place that doesn’t include me,” said Killian brightly, picking up the guitar again and plucking out a cheery tune. “That’s good, isn’t it Swan?”

“I suppose so,” she grumbled. “Though I’d still prefer if the place was dark and scary and full of nettles.” He laughed heartily at that and she couldn’t hold back an answering smile. “Hey, I’m nearly done with this, will you read it over and make sure it’s okay? Just check my grammar and punctuation and stuff.”

“Of course, love, though I’m sure it’s already brilliant.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Freed from the weight of his worry and guilt, Killian gradually began to smile more easily, and his witty, teasing nature (“cheeky git,” Liam called him, his voice irritated but with a relief so profound it bordered on joy in his eyes) came more readily to the fore. When he returned to school the following Monday, he moved through the halls with a swagger that Emma had never seen on him before. Unlike the arrogant, bullying one that Neal always had Killian’s evoked a simple self-assurance that she had to concede looked really good on him. Despite how much emotional baggage he still had to work through he clearly wasn’t burdened by shame anymore, and equally clearly did not intend to take any crap from anyone.

This made itself evident that morning when he shut his locker and turned towards his first class, only to find himself confronted by Felix and Rufio.

“Really, chaps?” he said, raising an eyebrow at them. “You couldn’t even wait until after school so you could chuck me into the bins, like proper high school bullies?”

This mockery went clean over the other boys’ heads, and they continued to block his path, trying to look intimidating while also trying not to be intimidated by Killian’s calm demeanor and his amused expression.

Felix, the sligtly cleverer of the two, suspected he was being laughed at but couldn’t put his finger on why. He didn’t like it.

Bristling, he sneered at Killian. “Bet you think you’ve won,” he snarled. “Now that Neal’s in jail and out of the way. Now you can move in on Emma like you did on that—” he broke off as Killian stepped into his space. There wasn’t much difference in height between them, but somehow Felix had the impression of Killian towering over him, his face calm but his eyes darkly furious, and for once in his life he felt a stab of genuine fear.

“I’m only going to say this once,” growled Killian in the new, lower register his voice had taken on more often of late, “So you’d better listen carefully. Your mate Neal is a criminal, and not even a good one. He’s in jail because he’s stupid, and that’s nothing to do with me. I have no doubt it’s where he’d always have ended up eventually. Bit of advice: If you’re going to steal confidential information, don’t take pictures of the evidence on your phone, and definitely don’t then show those pictures to the sheriff’s daughter. Neal got what he deserved. I now consider this matter closed, and if you or anyone else—” he raised his voice so that the rapidly assmbling crowd of onlookers could all hear, “—tries to take it any further, you will not care for the repercussions.”

Felix wasn’t sure what “repercussions” were, but the hint of repressed violence in Killian’s manner made him keen not to find out. He had always been content to follow Neal, less out of respect for the other boy than a simple unwillingness to make a thing out of Neal’s belligerent insistence that he should be the one in charge, but he’d always sensed that there wasn’t much substance underneath Neal’s bluster. Killian however didn’t bluster. He simply stated facts, and Felix could tell that he was not the sort of person to make a threat he couldn’t back up with action. Perhaps it was time to step out of Neal’s shadow, thought Felix, and take over leadership of their little gang. He certainly couldn’t do a worse job of it than Neal had, and escalating a pointless conflict with a guy who looked prepared to fight dirty if necessary was much more Neal’s style than Felix’s. He nodded at Killian, and stepped back. Rufio looked surprised but followed his lead.

Killian nodded back then transferred his glare to the crowd of onlookers, which had grown considerably in the past thirty seconds and now included Emma and Ruby, he could see out of the corner of his eye. “As for what you may have heard about me,” he said, loudly enough for all to hear. “It’s all true.” He smirked for a moment as a gasp went through the crowd, then his expression hardened. “It’s also no one’s business but mine, and those in whom I choose to confide. This is all I have to say on the subject. Now, if you’ll all excuse me I don’t wish to be late for class.” He slung his satchel over his shoulder and headed down the hall, turning his head briefly to shoot Emma a wink. People moved aside to let him pass and as soon as he had turned the corner furious whispering erupted in his wake.

Ruby pursed her lips. “I may have underestimated him,” she remarked.

Emma’s heart was pounding, a familiar occurrence where Killian was concerned, but this time it felt different. She’d been worried about how he would react to the ineveitable curiosity and questions from their classmates, but this smooth handling of a potentially explosive situation instead of calming her fears instead filled her with the wild desire to run after him, to fling herself into his arms and kiss them both breathless.

“He’s just so wonderful,” she sighed, and Ruby laughed.

“Down, girl,” she teased. “I’ll grant you this one’s worth your time, unlike the douchemaster general, but remember we’re in school. No one wants to see that.”

Emma rolled her eyes and gave her friend a shove, but the butterflies continued rhumba-ing around her insides, this time accompanied by an odd, hollow sort of ache as she remembered her resolution not to pursue Killian anymore. She was now all but certain that she loved him, that beyond the hot, tingly sensation she always felt in his presence lay a profound devotion. She would do anything for him, sacrifice anything to give him what he needed, and that terrified her. For the first time in her life Emma felt vulnerable, exposed, as though her chest were torn open and her heart lain bare to the mercies of fate and one gorgeous, troubled boy. She hated it. Even knowing that Killian would never intentionally hurt her was no consolation when the truth was that he could hurt her simply by caring deeply for her as a friend. If that was all she could ever have from him she would take it, she knew, without pushing for more, but it would be a wound on her heart that would never heal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“He’s a bully,” shrugged Killian at lunchtime, when Emma, this time accompanied by a very inquisitive Ruby, found him in the library. “Bullies are just cowards at their core, and cowards are easy to intimidate. He won’t do anything because he won’t want to call my bluff. I might not be able to back it up but he’ll be too scared to risk finding out.”

“And what would you have done if he had called your bluff?” inquired Ruby.

Killian shrugged again. “Probably got the shit kicked out of me.”

“Would you have, though?” Ruby pressed, watching him through narrowed eyes.

He returned her stare with a look of wide-eyed innocence. “There were two of them to only one of me. Seems inevitable.”

“Does it?” Ruby’s disbelief was almost palpable, and having fenced with Killian for months now Emma shared her friend’s suspicion that he was deliberately underplaying his fighting skills.

“Let’s hope we never have to find out,” said Killian with a small smile, in a tone of voice that made it clear he would answer no more questions on the subject. “I quite like my face arranged the way it is.”

“It is a nice face,” said Ruby with a wolfish grin that widened as Killian’s ears turned pink. “But I didn’t come here just to flatter you. Victor asked me to ask you if he could have your phone number.”

“My number?” Killian blinked in surprise.

“Yeah, there’s some concert in Portland and he doesn’t have anyone to go with and he thought you might be interested.”

“Um, sure, I guess.” Killian rattled off the number and Ruby sent Victor a text. A minute later his phone buzzed and he looked at it, snorting as he read the message. “Bit of a wanker, your boyfriend,” he remarked to Ruby.

“I don’t know what that is but I’m somehow sure that Victor is one,” smirked Ruby. “Is that gonna be a problem?”

“Not at all, I’m rather fond of wankers,” said Killian absently as he typed his reply. “My brother is one, after all.” His phone buzzed again almost instantly and he raised an eyebrow at what he read on it.

“Ems, I think maybe we should leave the boys to their chat,” said Ruby, and as much as she hated to sacrifice free time with Killian, from the way he was fixated on his phone, his expression almost gleeful as he typed rapidly, Emma had to admit she was probably right.

“Okay,” she said. “See you in class in a few minutes, Killian. And maybe hang out after school?”

“Hmmm? Oh, I have an appointment with Dr Hopper at four, but I can text you when I’m done.”

“Okay.” She smiled at him but his attention was back on his phone, so she followed Ruby out of the library trying not to feel too disgruntled. Killian should have other friends, she told herelf firmly, male ones who shared his interests. That was normal, and he could use some normal in his life right now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the next few weeks, things at school settled back into a routine, albeit one that was markedly different than it had been. Neal had been officially arrested after David’s investigation, charged with burglary, theft, and theft of a medical record, and was facing up to five years in prison. His parents had put up their house as collateral to pay his bail, but weren’t allowing him to return to school.

“Not much point when he’ll just go straight back to the slammer after he’s sentenced,” said Ruby viciously. “So much for that football scholarship he was so cocky about.”

Emma tried to find some compassion for Neal and what was basically the wreck and ruin of his future, but couldn’t dredge up a single particle of it. He had committed several felonies for no other reason than to stick it to Killian for outsmarting him and for becoming her friend, and he’d committed them flagrantly and with no thought to the consequences. He’d probably thought there wouldn’t be any consequences. Killian was right: Neal deserved everything that was coming to him, if only for being so colossally, arrogantly stupid.

People still whispered about Killian as he walked through the halls but true to character he paid little attention. He did, however, gradually began to open up more and allow more of himself to show through his defences, willingly participating in classes and talking to people other than Emma and Ruby. By the time finals week arrived had actually made a few friends.

Killian reflected wryly that in a twisted sort of way Neal had done him a favour. With all his secrets now out on the open he was free to embrace the opportunity for a new life he’d found in Storybrooke. Not that there had been anything particularly wrong with the old life, at least since his father had finally left. He’d been a mean old drunk, Brennan Jones, and by the time he’d been forced to flee his creditors for good, stealing a boat from Bristol harbour and melting into the offshore underworld, his sons had been glad to see the back of him. Killian thought about what he himself had been like back then, before Milah, and even though it had only been about a year since he’d first become involved with her so much had changed both in his circumstances and in himself, he feared that hopeful, enthusiastic boy was lost forever. Who exactly had taken his place was the question Killian had asked himself daily for weeks now, and he still wasn’t sure how to answer it. He’d become so used to holding everything in, to keeping such a tight rein on his thoughts and feelings that letting them out, accepting that it was okay to express them had become almost unbelievably difficult. The only person he felt even remotely comfortable being fully himself with aside from Liam was Emma, whose support and friendship remained unwavering as he bumbled and struggled thorough the reclamation of his life, and he remained intensely grateful for it.

Only one thing about Emma troubled him-- that she no longer seemed to be interested in anything beyond his friendship. All the little hints and cues she had been giving him since they’d met were suddenly gone, and while he was relieved to be free of the added stress of constantly resisting something that part of him desperately wanted, he couldn’t help wondering if there was a darker motivation for this abrupt about-face. Perhaps, whispered an evil little voice in his head, Emma was actually more disgusted by his past than she let on and was simply too kind to tell him directly. Maybe the thought of him touching her turned her stomach now. He certainly couldn’t blame her if it did.

“What do you want from your relationship with Emma?” asked Dr Hopper one afternoon, after Killian had finally brought himself to mention the change in her behaviour. “Do you want it to be romantic?”

Killian frowned, struggling to sort through the complex tangle of his feelings about and for Emma. “I don’t want a romantic relationship with anyone,” he said finally. “I still feel too messed up for anything like that. But I— I’m still really attracted to her. I think about her all the time, about how we kissed at her party, and I want to kiss her again pretty much constantly, but then I remember Milah and how I thought I felt about her, and I just—”

“You don’t trust your judgement.”

“Yeah.”

“Killian, it’s important for you to remember that you have a much more equal relationship with Emma than you ever did with Milah.”

“Equal, with Emma?” Killian snorted. “You have met her, right?”

Dr Hopper smiled patiently. “I understand that you feel she’s beyond your reach, and that’s a separate issue, but what I mean by equal is that she’s your age and at your stage of life. With Milah you were constantly struggling to relate to her life and her experiences, and when you couldn’t you attempted to make up for that by offering her the affection and sexual attention she craved. You forced yourself to offer these things even though you didn’t genuinely feel them because you feared the consequences of not offering them. But with Emma there is no need to manufacture anything. She is placing no demands on you and therefore any attraction and affection you feel for her is genuine.”

“But what should I do about it?”

“Why should you have to do anything? You said you’re not ready for a romantic relationship, and that’s fine. Let yourself heal. The process is slow and frustrating, but believe me you are making progress. Let your feelings for Emma and your relationship with her develop at a pace that is comfortable for you. From what you’ve said it sounds like she will still be there when, if, you’re ready for more.”

“It’s more than likely she no longer wants more. And even if she did, what happens when she meets someone who isn’t so hopelessly fucked up? Then where does that leave me?”

“Why don’t you worry about that if —not when— it happens?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the last day before winter break, Emma nervously approached Killian’s locker and handed him an invitation to her parents’ annual Christmas party addressed to him and Liam.

“It’s just a thing they do every year for their friends and our neighbours,” she began to ramble as he examined the card, certain he would refuse and wanting to delay that painful moment. “My mom loves to entertain, and my dad says it’s good for building a rapport between law enforcement and the community, and—”

“Swan,” interrupted Killian, giving her that soft, indulgent look that said he knew exactly what she was thinking. “I’m sure we’d love to attend. Thank you for inviting us.”

The butterflies soared in a grand jeté, and she felt like she was flying with them. “Great,” she said trying to keep her voice calm, “I guess I’ll see you then.”

Her delighted smile made his breath catch, and his answering grin set her heart galloping. Their eyes met and held, and as the end of semester chaos whirled around them they stood a breath apart, swathed in frustrated yearning and brittle tension, the only two people in the world.

Then the final bell rang, and they leapt apart, Emma smoothing her skirt with shaking hands while Killian ran his own trembling fingers through his hair.

“So, onion rings at Granny’s?” ventured Emma, wanting to kick herself for making him nervous again, after all her resolutions, hoping desperately he wouldn’t pull away.

Killian sighed in relief, tinged with a hint of disappointment. Granny’s was safe. “Sounds perfect, love,” he said.

#cs au ff #high school au #teenage captain swan #captain duckling #lieutenant duckling #another brick in the wall #profdanglaisstuff

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