#you're violating the hotness law

[red-dead-sakharine]

[gauntletqueen]

Hi Zoey. Asking from a place of ignorance, could you please explain why Threads is dogshit?

Threads is the Hot New Garbagedump by Certified Scum Of The Earth and Facebook/Meta owner Zuckerburg. It is like if twitter was even worse.

There is ONLY a For You page, meaning you can never just see the posts from your followed accounts who, yknow, you followed for the purpose of seeing their posts.You can't see those. you have to see the algorithm's posts ONLY. You also require an instagram to get full access to all the features like Posting Images. You need a separate social media account to properly access this new social media. And once you've done so, the only way to delete your Threads account, is to delete you instagram account. The Whole Thing. For Some Fucking Reason. Not to mention, obviously since it's zuckerburg, the thing syphons your personal information like crazy, worse still than twitter.

Like ALL your data. as much as it can get. (Love that it says "Other Data" btw. Nice subtle way of saying "whatever else we want") ALSO wouldn't you know it? It's fucking banned in the EU because it violates a bunch of fucking privacy laws!! So it's DEFINITELY not safe to use!

It is as predatory and exploitative as can be, created by someone that we collectively agreed Sucks Shit and Has No Empathy For Human Life and Individuality, and nobody should be touching it with a ten foot pole let alone sign up for it. Not even to test the waters or because it's where everyone is heading, or to see how bad it is for yourself. It doesn't matter if you're joining to get an account ready in case the platform ends up the new big thing. You're feeding the statistics. Even if you're not using that account, Zuckerburg can show the number of signups to shareholders and investors to prove to them that it's viable. Instead of jumping on the bandwagon in case it succeeds, inform people why they shouldn't join, to reduce its chance of success! It's like strikes and protests; The more of us get the word out, the more effective it'll be!

[lordsukunas]

best! friend sukuna headcanons

yall, ngl, he's just a red flag. he has his 'nice' moments but he's still an asshole! uh this is bound to be at least a little ooc bc lets bffr being his bff is unrealistic. anyway, pls enjoy! :3

best friend! sukuna who kicks the backs of your legs when you're standing, and then snicker when you crumple to the ground.

best friend! sukuna who skips the line and drags you along with him. he ignores the pathetic bitching and whining from the people who were in front of him. if they wanted their spot so bad, they should've got back in front of him.

best friend! sukuna who takes your phone off of the charger to charge his. and once his is on a hundred, he won't put yours back. you don't need your phone when you're with him anyway.

best friend! sukuna who insists on walking with you to the convenience store. it could be late at night or he could be in the middle of ripping someone's throat out for not giving him his damn money, and he'll still go.

best friend! sukuna who always makes sure you eat. post-sleepover and you're hungry? he's up, getting you something luxurious to eat at ten in the morning, and back at his apartment in a flash. he may have violated several traffic laws to do it, but at least you aren't starving.

best friend! sukuna who, ironically, cannot cook for shit. he always uses too much seasoning or disregards the given temperature from the recipe or doesn't bother with a crucial ingredient because he finds it nasty.

best friend! sukuna who enjoys poetry. it's something calming, peaceful, a stark contrast to all the blood he sheds daily. if you ask him for recommendations, he'll have an entire list engraved in his mind, tailored just to suit your tastes.

best friend! sukuna who eats up all of your snacks. oh, you have a bag of hot chips? he's eating them. the second he hears the rustling of a wrapper from your direction, he's holding his hand out. he knows you'll share. you always do.

best friend! sukuna who claims he only went to college because he was bored. while that does have some truth to it, isn't it convenient he's attending the same college as you? especially when he's never mentioned going or even caring about it, and the waitlist was so long.

best friend! sukuna who only cares for the things that directly interest and benefit him. he lives for him and him alone. you're lucky you've entertained for him as long as you have with that pretty smile, that annoyingly joyous, pure laugh and those endless rambles about the shows you've rewatched more times than he can count on one hand.

best friend! sukuna who hates how his breath catches when you show off a new outfit, how heat creeps up the back of his neck and warms his cheeks when you genuinely thank him, how he wants to cup your face in his massive, rough hands and press a kiss to your forehead.

best friend! sukuna who has never cared to love or be loved, not until he met you.

note: at some point i'll quit changing the way i format these posts... maybe idk. ALSOO i wanna write sumn abt yuuta to combat this post bc hes just a corny romantic n i love him ><

if u saw this w/o the cut... no u didn't.

[kaeso4ka]

You're being stalked. It becomes even more of a problem when you find out who it is

Pairing: yandere Optimus Prime x reader

Oddly enough, it started with a glance. You never suffered from paranoia, but it was impossible to ignore that feeling of constant scrutiny. Someone was peering at your back on the street, staring out your window, and even crossing their eyes with you a couple times, I think.

Jasper was a small town, and you worked at one of the most popular cafes. It wasn't strange that a lot of people knew you by sight and even sometimes recognized you on the streets. But a slight nod from a group of teenagers, to whom you made a discount yesterday by great kindness of heart - it's one thing, but the feeling of persecution - quite another.

During one of your shifts, you found a note on one of the tables, on which someone described your smile and hands in a very poetic and beautiful handwriting. It looked cute and weird in equal measure, so the strange note soon went in the trash and the memory of it went out of your head.

Then strange things started happening more often. Someone attached to the doors of the coffee shop not small notes, but whole letters in which someone addressed to you.

You tried to catch the joker for a long time: you watched the cameras, followed the visitors. But it didn't bring you any closer to an answer. It was as if someone was invisible: he did not meet anyone's eyes, bypassed all the cameras.

The situation began to get out of control at the moment when on the doorstep of your own house you began to find the same notes, but this time with presentations: scarlet roses, food, something that looks like jewelry. Someone continued to correspond with you one-sidedly, confessing their warmest feelings for you.

It sent a chill down your spine.

It wasn't normal.

Someone knew your workplace, your personal address. Someone was following you. Wanted to get you to like them. They were showering you with gifts.

And at one point, even contacted you.

It was an early Saturday: you woke up to the hot desert sun beating down on your face. And the sound of notifications coming in.

Normally, no one bothered you on weekends: your bosses knew you weren't going out on your day off, and everyone else preferred to rest rather than write to you.

And yet someone had broken a glorious tradition.

You frowned, unlocking your phone. Messages came from an unknown number.

“Hello. I apologize for disturbing you. Did I wake you up?”

“Jack, if it's you, I told you, just because you have ballet on Saturdays doesn't mean I'm going to go work a twelve-hour shift for you. Let's go without me somehow, friend.”

“This isn't your work colleague. I'm writing to make sure you liked all the presents. I didn't misjudge your taste?”

Sleep receded into the background soon enough. You sat up abruptly on the bed. Immediately you took screenshots of the correspondence. You weren't five years old, and she knew exactly what to do if you were being followed. At the very least you had to prepare evidence for the police.

“It's understandable. You do know there's still a statute for stalking in our state, right? That's a pretty serious violation of the law.”

“I apologize, there was a misunderstanding between us. I didn't mean to scare you at all. I'm just showing signs of attention.”

“Uh-huh, yeah. Tracked me down at work, at home, even got my personal phone number…. Not stalking at all, huh. If you wanted to meet me, you would have approached me yourself.”

“I can't.”

“What are you, a wheelchair user? Well, you'd drive up.”

You nodded your shoulder, remembering. Did a lot of handicapped people go to your coffee shop…?

“That's not the point. I can't come up to you right now. But I'll be able to soon.”

“You shouldn't bother. I did not like the note with which you began the acquaintance. I do not wish to continue it.”

You didn't wait long: you threw the undecided number on the block and drifted further into sleep. A sense of dread dulled the ironic hilarity.

The gifts and notes were gone. The unknown person didn't try to contact you again, and you exhaled hastily: it's nice when people around you turn out to be strange but understanding.

One shift, a tractor-trailer pulled up to the car food dispensing window. The red-and-blue, expensive-looking Paterbilt looked pretentious against the gray-and-yellow Jasper. Still, truckers often passed through this town on their way to Las Vegas, so you weren't surprised.

“Could you take the order outside?” a pleasant male voice asked quietly and conciliatory. “The booth is very high up. I won't be able to reach the order.”

“Yes, of course,” you nodded into the void, as if the person you were talking to could see you, ”the order will be ready in ten minutes. Wait in the parking lot, don't hold up the line.”

When the food was ready and stacked, you hurried out from behind your desk. You headed for the parking lot, which was empty except for Paterbilt.

The car door from the driver's seat was ajar, and you hurriedly reached forward with the bag of food, but… There was no one in sight. The cabin was empty.

“What the…?” the moment you reached forward to look for the trucker, who had obviously moved back to where they had a sleeping place, something yanked you forward by the arm. “What the…!”

Paterbilt's door slammed shut exactly as the plugs pulled you inside.

“I can speak to you personally now, my Spark.”

[m-jelly]

Sheriff situation

Levi x fem!reader

Modern AU, fluff, romance, being a couple, silly situation, supportive Levi, funny situation.

Levi gets a noise complaint from your neighbour. Suspecting it's about the noises Levi's get you making in the bedroom, he goes to have an awkward conversation but is shocked to find it's about your two cute wind chimes, one of which he got you. Levi has to stop you from getting too sassy.

@ladycheesington @levisbrat25 @nyxiieluna @li-anne @galactict3a @youre-ackermine @thebobaprincess @2moth-anon2 @cypidity @nbinairyn @bts-spnlvr12 @darkstarlight82 @emilyyyy-08 @notgoodforlife @demonic-bird

"Sheriff?"

Levi lifted his head and gazed at a lady in his contact department. "Afternoon, Angela. Everything okay?"

She smiled at him. "Got an interesting call."

"Oh yeah?"

She read out an address before smiling a little. "Ring a bell?"

It did, it was your neighbour's address. "What's wrong?" Worry and fear surged through him as he rose to his feet. He called your name with love. "Is she okay?"

"I don't know if she will be. The call is a noise complaint."

A deep blush went over his cheeks. "Noise..."

"You been making noise at your girlfriend's place?"

"I'll go and see what's happening." He grabbed his jacket and yanked it on. "I probably won't come back as it is near the end of my shift."

"Have fun."

He gulped hard and ignored the giggles from the ladies who took the calls. The only thing Levi could think about with noise had to be how much he made you moan when you were intimate in the bedroom. It's not like you both were screaming the house down or breaking the bed, but he was sure last night the window was open because it was hot and he was doing so many things to you for so long.

The drive over to your home wasn't long, but Levi's mind was racing with what could possibly be going on. Your safety was his concern. Levi knew how much of an ass your old neighbour was. It all started with his lewd comments about your body when you moved in, along with watching you in your home and complaining that you put up blinds to stop him.

Once you protected yourself from his views, you next had to protect yourself in the garden. It became easy for you when Levi and you dated because you were always over Levi's. As a result of rarely being home, the old man was complaining about every single thing you did.

Levi pulled up and expected to see the old man waiting for him and you hiding in your house, but instead, he saw the two of you at the fence shouting at each other. He was now very concerned for your safety.

Levi jogged over as you shouted at the old man that he was a dirty pervert. "Tch, oi! You two, stop with the shouting. Reduce the anger and talk to me. I need to know what's going on."

The old man pointed at you with his bony finger. "I'm sick of you. You accuse me of terrible things and all you've been doing is torturing me!"

Levi sighed. "How does she torture you."

He pointed. "Those wind chimes! They are too loud! They go on all day and night! Surely there is a law against it!"

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose. "So, you demanded for the sheriff to come because of wind chimes?"

"They're too loud! I know there is a law about excessive noise! She is violating that law!"

Levi groaned. "Sir, no laws are being violated here. Wind chimes don't make excessive noise."

"They do for me!" He huffed. "You're the sheriff! You should support me! I'm an OAP you know! I built this country."

You laughed. "Oh really? What part did you build, huh?"

Levi said your name sternly. "Don't."

You pouted. "Why am I being told off when he's the asshole!"

The old man shook his head. "See what I have to put up with? I was always so nice to her. She's been pushing my buttons and now she has those damn wind chimes. I'm an old sick lonely man."

"Go to the hospital then if you're that sick and maybe call some friends over if you're lonely."

He glared at you. "I have no one!"

You smirked. "Wonder why. Not like your attitude and spying on young women is the issue."

"I want her arrested!"

Levi let out a long sigh. "For what?"

You showed Levi your wrists. "I wouldn't mind you arresting me, sugar."

"Behave."

The old man shook his head. "She should be arrested and locked up! Someone like her should not be in society."

You laughed. "Then who would you try and perv on huh?"

"I am no pervert! You always pick on me and lie. Kids these days are all the same!"

You rolled your eyes. "I'm not a kid! I'm an adult. Plus, you calling a kid makes you perving on me far worse!"

"You just hate old people! You pick on me! Us old people are forgotten about!"

You growled. "Oh please, you get so much shit handed to you. You just like being the victim all the time!"

He pointed at the wind chime. "I want this gone! Both of them."

Levi stepped over and put his arm out. "Sir, don't grab that. Those wind chimes are her property."

"They're terrible things! They're ugly! They need to go!"

"Sir, touch them and you will get into trouble."

The old man poked Levi's chest. "You're taking her side because she's probably polishing your gun! You're sleeping with criminals."

You leaned around Levi and smirked. "You're just jealous that he can get some of this and you never will."

The old man glared. "You'll be begging me to give it to you! When I was younger."

"Yeah, when you were younger, you're not now."

"I will shove those chimes."

You grabbed one and shook it in his face. "Oh no so much noise!"

Levi tried not to laugh at your actions. He softly called your name. "Stop shaking your chimes."

You stopped and mumbled. "Thought you liked it."

"I do." He winked at you making you smile. "How about you put those cute chimes at my place?"

Your eyes sparkled. "Really?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I mean, we've been a couple for two months and I can't get enough of you. So, move in with me and you'll be far away from this man. You can have wind chimes and you can sunbathe in my garden because my home is on the edge of town."

You nodded as tears filled your eyes. "Yes, yes I'd love to."

"Perfect. Now, no more shaking your chimes at other men." He nodded to your home. "Get pack as much of your stuff as you can and I'll drive you home. We'll pack the rest this weekend to move you in."

You kissed Levi's cheek. "Okay!"

Levi turned to the old man. "I know what you've been doing with her. I've been staying over often, so I've seen what you've been up to."

The old man went pale. "Sheriff, I was just...I...uh..."

"I want to drag your ass to a cell, but I lack evidence." He gave the man a look of murder. "Hurt her, touch her, pester her or do anything against her or any woman again and I will be forced to take action. Do not test me."

He nodded. "Y-Yes sheriff!"

"Now, go inside and be a well-behaved citizen of this town. Myself and others in this town of sick of your shit. Now go." Levi watched the man race inside. "Tch, damn pervert." He turned and walked all the way to your side of the fence and into your home. "Darling?"

You pushed your full suitcase down the stairs. "I'm here! I packed clothes and some cuddly toys."

Levi eyed the bag. "You don't need cuddly toys."

You frowned. "Why not? I love them."

"I'm your cuddly toy." He pouted. "You're supposed to hug me, not them."

You giggled as you wrapped your arms around Levi's neck. "You jealous of my cuddly toys?"

"I am." He hugged you tightly. "You're mine." He kissed you and hummed in happiness. "Can't believe you shook your wind chime at him."

You laughed. "Just wanted to make things exciting for you."

He smiled softly. "You're incredible. I love you."

"Love you too."

[lawchwan]

they love me because i'm a woman! (law)

summary: a headcanon on how our beloved law would be as a woman requested: @makemake22 reader: gn!reader disclaimer: law is just being her fine self, suggestive content, the hearts crew are lowkey perverts but its done in a comedic way not in a violating way genre: headcanon, fluff, suggestive a/n: ugh i love fem!law so much. i wanna write another adaptation of this, so if you want a part 2 or a whole fic of this lemme know.

crossposted on ao3

what a woman she would be...

you know that song, Foxy Lady by Jimi Hendrix? I feel like that would be her theme song, not joking.

not to be biased, i feel like she would be a stunner without meaning to, much to her dismay.

she does not want to the symbol of her existence through her beauty or her sexiness.

although she never cared for labels, Law would rather be known as what the government calls her by the surgeon of death than the colloquial and dehumanizing description that men give her—hot tattooed surgeon with tits.

she fits the hot big tiddie goth mommy type, which everyone swoons over, including her own crew.

She could never deny their loyalty, she loves them as much they love her (which she’ll never admit to), but at times she absolutely can’t stand her crew—especially the male ones—when they would ogle their eyes at her figure until she raised her voice.

"Right, so, you're assigned to bathroom duties—Shachi, stop staring at my chest" Law spoke sternly, her eyes still glued down at the chart in front of her. Shachi jumped from his place, wide-eyed back to her unfazed expression. "what—how'd you know I was looking?!" he protested. Law simply rolled her eyes at him and shook her head, "Because you always do." she sighed before walking away.

Moments like these happen way too often, and if it were not for her love of her crew, she would’ve killed them a long time ago.

Ikkaku has her moments of admiration as well, but she's still the only crew member who understands her pain of being sexualized and not being taken seriously as a woman in a male-dominated field like piracy.

Bepo also gets it, but he doesn't fully grasp the idea as not only is he a mink, but a male at that. Hey, at least he got the spirit.

However, with her being the only female crew, Ikkaku still maintained that respectful captain-crew member boundary and simply looked up to Law, rather than maintaining a closer bond. (although, I'd like to think that fem!Law would have a soft spot for her and look after her like an older sister would since losing her little sister but that's neither here nor there)

Furthermore, she uses Bepo whenever she gets her period, and her cramps are aching her.

That’s just a headcanon for me, which you can disagree with me if you want, but I feel like she’d be extra sensitive on those days, and just would not care at the moment. She almost turns to a whole different person whenever she’s in her menstrual cycle.

Fem!law walks in one day while her male crew were playing in the lounge room, tears welled up and a slight pout coming out of her lips as she approached Bepo. All eyes were on her, as they await any order their strict hot captain would give out. She attempts to maintain her cool but her hormones are acting up. “Bepo… can you please come and cuddle with me? I’m in so much pain.” Law asked, her bangs falling forward as to divert eye contact from her crew. Bepo sympathetically gave her a tight lipped smile and nodded, “yeah, sure, captain, lets go…” he cooed as he got up from his seat and carried her bridal style while she place her head on his shoulder and her arms around her midriff. And that resulted in a roar from the male crew, both swooning over how adorable their captain is and from jealousy, wishing that they could be in the mink’s place instead of him.

Naturally, once the pain wears off and can be on her own, she goes back to her strict self and goes after any of her crew who calls her cute and give them any harsh duty if they speak of these events.

”I liked the old Law better” they would claim.

Fem!law, like the real Law, is cold and aloof, yet the difference is that she happens to be more maternal than she actually seems, especially towards her crew members.

She could be seen scolding them like a mother would.

"Check it out, boys, I finally caught Law's shirt that she wore yesterday—OW!" Penguin's devious choice of words put him into trouble as he felt an aching pinch by the ears as his head was pulled and pushed by the source holding his ears. "How many times have I told you to stop putting my clothes on auction?! I know money's tight, but I'm losing shirts to wear! You cannot keep going like this..." Law scolds him further as her fingers pinched harder making Penguin wince in pain. "Okay, but that would be so hot seeing shirtless around polar tang—OW! OW! I was joking, please! I was only kidding!" Shachi took another pinch as well.

"Law..." Bepo walked into Law's office with a pout. "What, Bepo?" She spoke without looking up. Bepo walked in, simply just showcasing his cut finger. Law simply shook her head as she opened her drawer, "kitchen duties?" "Yes... I cut myself opening a can..." "How the hell did you—Ugh, forget it just give me your finger..."

Now we've touched on how she acts with her crew, let's get into how she'd be when she has a crush.

Fem!Law would be the type to be very hard to read when she has a crush.

Almost like she never wants to admit that she has a crush.

When she took a peep at you, her heart almost skipped a beat, and she didn't know how she would act around you.

Unfortunately, she'll more than likely act really cold towards you. Not her intention, she just simply does not know how to confront her feelings.

That maternal instinct that you heard of made you believe it was a rumor. You felt like she didn't care about you, which hurt you a little bit the longer you stayed.

You began developing feelings and she was pushing you away without her knowing about it.

Meanwhile, fem!Law is going through her own turmoil with you.

Even though she’s cold, the fact that she runs away from any interactions with you pains her to a deep end.

Just like masc!law, she has repressed a lot of her emotions thanks to her trauma and losing her parental role.

she had developed attachment issues that takes time for her to open up.

but that’s something neither of you would open up about and the relationship remain like this for a long time…

characters are owned by oda. i will not tolerate nor accept translation, reposts on other websites, or plagiarism. divider made by mmadeinheavenn.

[hiskillingjar]

Please plspls write sexed up abusive lesbians law x strade 🤞🤞

sorry lesbians, sorry dykes, this is a post for fucked up transfems and quasi-chasers now. sorry :(

4000+ words, cw for slurs, they are the worst grindr hookup in the world and i'm obsessed with themmmmm (this may have a part 2 if the people don't execute me)

also crossposted on ao3 give me attentionnnnnuh

"hey cutie, having a good night?"

Lawrence almost flinched after hearing the foreign notification ‘blllip’ on their phone. 

It was late, they had just gotten home from work and they were sifting through their saved videos (car crashes, open-faced surgery, execution porn and the like) to get to sleep, their body heavy on the mattress, their head heavier with drugged intoxication from a short smoking circle at the warehouse before they left.

They blinked sleepy grey (dead) eyes as they opened the app with a slide of their thumb, the orange-and-black interface unfamiliar, they used it so little.

Right. They downloaded this to buy weed from the new guy at work, didn’t they? 

Did they even have a profile set up? Apparently so, if someone nearby had found them.

They let out a short sigh through their nose, moving onto their back under the heavy, weighted blankets as they typed out a reply to ‘strade 36 verse’.

‘Verse’. What did that even mean?

"Hi."

Lawrence barely had time to rub their eyes before the orange bubble was typing again. 

"hi!"

An instant reply. ‘Strade 36 verse’ must have been online then.

They sat up with another sigh and their lips pursed in a thoughtful pout, wondering if they should respond further, and what to say if they did. 

They didn’t really know the etiquette of most social media, after all. The most exposure they’d had to it was a Tumblr account that was quickly taken down when they posted an especially gory work-in-progress photo of a new sculpture (for “violating community guidelines’ they said when they’d asked), and they’d left it at that, so this was new to them. 

It wasn't like they’d been on something as casual as a dating app before, so they had no prior experience or point of reference on how these kinds of interactions generally played out.

So, in place of another message, they decided to wait for ‘Strade 36 verse’ to reply again, to send the dreaded ‘double text’ or lose interest in their flaky response, before they did anything on their own.

They wouldn’t have to wait long for that, though.

"nice pics, you’re very, very cute." He praised, sending through a winking-face emoji and a blonde angel emoji, referencing the badly taken, but well-cropped mirror selfies on their profile, just so the weed guy knew who they were when they messaged. "are you down for anything tonight?"

Lawrence frowned, idly worrying their bottom lip between their crooked teeth as they pushed a hand into their greasy hair. They’d shower before work tomorrow. Or not.

They weren't entirely sure what ‘down for anything’ meant and weren't sure if they necessarily wanted to know either.

"Thank you.” They typed, well-trained to be polite to compliments. “Down for anything like what, exactly?"

"lol, you're adorable"

"like hooking up? lol"

Lawrence nearly dropped their phone at that.

Their face burned a hot red as they sat upright quickly, pushing aside their weighted blankets and ruminating in silence for several long moments on how to respond to Strade’s outright forwardness.

Was everyone on this app like this?

"I don't know you.” They wrote with another deep frown. “I only really use this app to buy weed. What do you want from me?"

"haha that's hilarious!" Strade wrote back quickly with a series of laughing emojis, which just made Lawrence frown even more. What did he find so funny? "cute pics for a burner account tho. what's that for?~"

They felt their face burning hotter and hotter as they stared at Strade's response, dumbfounded at his capacity to play along with such unwilling prey, before setting the phone down in their lap and pressing the heels of both hands to their eyes, too tired and (frankly) too high to make sense of what this guy was trying to do to them.

‘...cute pics...?’

They took a breath and picked up their phone again, trying to respond as normally as they could without cussing the guy out.

"What do you mean cute? It's just my face."

"it’s a cute face," He sent with a virtual wink.

They took another short moment, trying to collect themself, long, trembling fingers hovering over the keyboard on their phone, before they typed out another response. 

"I don't know about cute...but thanks, I think."

"you're so welcome~"

There was a pause as Strade typed another string of words, punctuated by an orange bubble and animated ellipses.

"if you're not here to hook up, maybe we could just exchange pics hm?"

"Pictures of...what exactly?"

"i'll show you mine if you show me yours," He wrote, punctuated by an eggplant emoji, a peach emoji and…a water spray emoji.

Lawrence didn’t need to be a genius in social media lingo to know exactly what that meant.

They tried to swallow the growing lump in their throat before reluctantly replying.

"What makes you think I'd send you a picture like that? I don't even know what you look like."

"i have a profile pic sweetheart," He wrote with another winking emoji, making Lawrence flush that they hadn’t even taken the time to look at Strade’s profile before they started talking to him. "but fair point! wanna make sure i’m not a catfish, huh?"

'Sweetheart...'

The nickname sent a little chill down Lawrence’s spine, but…not in a wholly unpleasant way.

It might have even been kind of nice to be called that, even if it was from a stranger on a dating app of all places.

There were a few moments of ‘silence’ before their phone ‘blllipped’ with a notification that Strade had sent them a picture, which they quickly opened. 

He looked like...well, he looked like a totally normal guy in his thirties, relaxing on a couch as if he’d just gotten home from work after a hard day. Tan skin, dark stubble, a handsome smile, everything people liked in a man. He was shirtless, showing off a soft chest and the beginnings of a slightly softer stomach, but that was probably the nature of the app.

"You're...very good-looking. Nice muscles." Lawrence typed honestly, a little hesitantly, staring at the picture for a prolonged moment before swapping back to the chat.

"thanks cutie," He wrote with a beating heart emoji, making Lawrence’s own heart tighten in their chest. "how are you looking right now?"

They idly chewed the inside of their cheek and looked down at themself. 

They weren’t anything special and never considered themself to be, wearing a pair of tattered pyjama pants and a loose-fitting top printed with the warehouse’s logo. 

That probably wasn’t the vibe for this interaction, was it?

"I mean, not good like you. I'm wearing pyjamas right now."

"maybe i'll decide what looks good, hm?"

"send me something."

They felt their face flush hotter when the second message popped up, bringing the edge of their phone to their mouth with a shuddering little sigh that fogged up the cracked glass.

This was getting pretty embarrassing, but, at the same time, it was...kind of exciting.

They’d never done anything like this before, certainly not with a stranger, and…Strade had such an authoritative vibe about him without even being in the room.

They felt almost compelled to obey him, even if there was no side effect to not.

Lawrence shifted over the side of the bed and reluctantly lifted the phone for a selfie, reaching up with their other hand to cover their mouth and most of their jaw, keeping the focus on their messy hair, their sleepy eyes, their slender neck, their collar bone, the low collar of their shirt…things that they guessed Strade might like in a conversation partner.

Once they had taken the picture, they sent it over quickly before they could think too long and change their mind.

Strade responded almost immediately.

"awwww~" He wrote, with a heart eyes emoji and another angel emoji. "very cute!"

Oh God, they really weren’t used to being called cute this much.

Their heart was racing as they read the short string of messages, their pale cheeks flushing and their dead eyes fluttering a little as their thighs pressed together tightly.

"You...really think so?"

"i know so~" He complimented again. "you’re such a good girl for listening to me too <3"

'Good girl-!?'

Lawrence's heart was beating even faster now, just from that one little compliment, and they found themself sinking back against the bed and staring at the popcorn, mould-dotted ceiling, feeling all the heat in their body rush right down to their cock.

It seemed kind of...demeaning to be called a 'good girl' in this scenario, but at the same time, it felt...so amazing.

They just hoped that Strade wasn’t getting the wrong idea.

“Thank you…but I’m not a girl though.” They typed when their brain started working again, resting their phone on their chest, their legs trembling and bopping up and down, nervously.

"oh no? apologies for assuming but you do have trans stuff in your bio lol"

"you look pretty enough to be a girl. figuring stuff out?"

The instinct to cringe subsided quickly when they clicked on their profile, noticing the absence of the gender marker that Strade had (‘M’), and their pronouns (‘they/them, any/all’) listed along with their location, the only information they had provided the app, barring their picture.

"That was an accident...I didn't know what it was asking me." They typed out, explaining their mix-up.

‘Pretty enough to be a girl...’ 

They suddenly found themself feeling…warm all over as those words repeated in their head, feeling the sincerity behind them, the authenticity behind them. 

Maybe they weren’t a girl, at least, not a girl they had ever been close to before, but there was the…well, the fact that Strade had assumed their gender incorrectly several times now, and they had done nothing to correct him. 

"happy accidents, eh?" Strade replied quickly with another laughing emoji, though this one felt more fond and affectionate than the others had been. "do you like being a good girl, law?"

They swallowed tightly and managed to type out a response, their hands trembling with excitement.

"Yeah…I mean, yeah I think I do."

"thought so." Another virtual wink. This guy used a lot of emojis. "can i see something else now, angel?" He wrote, like no part of that conversation happened, and even though it was phrased like a question, Lawrence had that good sense that it was not to be taken as one.

They felt their face burning hotter than ever as they typed out a response.

"What do you want me to show you…?”

"show me your body.” 

“do you have a mirror so i can see all of you?"

Lawrence had to stop and close their eyes, knees tightly pressed together as they tried to collect themself and slow the pounding of their racing heart.

They’d never felt like this before. It felt good.

It felt good. 

Why weren’t they used to feeling good?

They took in a deep breath, trying to calm themself down, before they got to their feet and walked over to their bathroom, hesitantly taking a full-body (or, well, as close to full-body as they could manage) picture in the bathroom cabinet mirror, using the phone to cover their face and focus on their body.

They looked so…boring in the reflection, wearing that old, baggy top and those loose-fitting pants. 

Strade can’t really be that interested in them, can he?

"aw, you're so little. like you wouldn't be able to fight me off if i pinned you down <3"

Those immediate words set butterflies fluttering around in their stomach.

They were definitely not tiny by any metric, standing at almost six foot and easily taller than most of the guys in the warehouse, but the idea of being...pinned down by a stranger of all people, was making their brain short circuit.

And fine, they weren’t sure if Strade meant it in an affectionate way or…a creepy way, talking about their body like it was a piece of meat and he was an animal feeding on them, but Lawrence couldn’t think of a reason to be scared of the obvious red flags coming out of their conversation.

They swallowed past the ever-growing lump in their throat as they paced back to their bed, sitting down and trying their best to keep their responses coherent as they typed out another anxious reply.

"Oh yeah..? Think so?"

"i know so..."

God, he was quick.

"mind pulling those pants down?"

They chewed the inside of their cheek again, hesitating for maybe a moment before they began to slowly pull their pyjama bottoms down their skinny hips, exposing their boxer briefs and the bulge of their cock. 

They felt so exposed, like someone could just walk in and see them right now, and yet...

They took another picture and sent it to Strade without a word, feeling the flush spread across their face as they did so.

"those look pretty tight, baby," He wrote after a pause. "like that cute girlcock is desperate for something its not gonna get. too cute <3"

What the fuck, girlcock-?!

Every word of the message made them shiver more and more, making the aching feeling in their chest that much more intense and tight, so tight it was almost painful. 

God, they couldn’t even begin to describe how this fucking stranger was making them feel. 

They were starting to feel desperate, like he said they were, their girlcock stirring and pressing even tighter against the taut fabric of their briefs, denying them anything close to relief.

They swallowed again, their tongue poking out to wet their dry lips as they typed a needy response.

"Please…just keep talking to me like that…”

"you're such a good girl," Strade continued to praise with another beating heart emoji. "spread your legs, make those panties nice and tight for me so i can see your girlcock press up there…"

They had to close their eyes momentarily and take in a deep, shaky breath to calm themself before they even attempted a response.

It was almost hard to type with how worked up they were, how much their fucking girlcock was stirring, how much their hands were shaking. They felt so submissive and helpless, like they wouldn’t even be able to think without Strade telling them to. 

They just wanted to do whatever he told them to do.

Their legs parted as far as they could (while still framed nicely in the camera) and they jutted their hips slightly, making the thick bulge of their cock the focus of the picture. Light blonde hair covered their tummy and thighs, and they almost felt self-conscious about it, for the first time in their life.

A girl shouldn’t have that there…at least, not a good girl.

"fuck, you're killing me," He wrote with that angel emoji again. "you little tease. what i wouldn't give to have you here now."

Lawrence closed their eyes with a soft moan as they held the pose, trying to imagine what it would be like if he was here instead of just ordering them around over the phone.

They were still trembling but they couldn’t help but smile coyly to themself as they thought out another response.

"What would you do to me if I was there right now?"

"you really want to know, sweetheart?"

They swallowed hard, their grey eyes wide and unnervingly alive, and replied, almost without a thought.

"Yes. Tell me please…I want to know."

…

…

…

"i wouldn't let anyone else even get the chance to look at you, let alone touch you, before i’m through with you, lawrence"

"i'd take you down in my basement and make you scream. hurt you. cut you. fuck you even if you fought me back. ruin that cute little body and torture your girlcock until you begged me to stop."

"and i wouldn't stop <3 even if you screamed and cried and behaved like suuuuch a good girl for me, angel <3"

…

…

…

"You’d do that to me…?"

…

…

…

"yeah. i like ruining pretty things." He wrote. "and you're the prettiest thing i've seen in weeks."

Lawrence could feel themself almost trembling as they stared at their phone, their hands shaking. 

They managed to type out a response, each letter in their reply feeling like a tremendous amount of effort when their fingers were shaking like jelly, just holding onto the phone.

"You really think I’m…pretty…?"

Their heart was pounding as they waited for a reply, waited for those tell-tale orange dots to move again, their once-dead eyes wide and alive and ready for more as their head spun behind them. 

It was like they were experiencing an entirely new high, one more dangerous and more pleasurable than any drug could give them.

They could see themself getting quickly addicted to it, and knew that this addiction was sure to kill them faster than any other vice would.

“haha you're kind of a freak law," Strade seemed to tease when his reply finally popped up, though it was lacking the emojis that typically gave his teasing nature away. "i like that a lot. pretty girls are never usually as filthy as you~"

Their head canted slightly as they read the message, wetting their lips again as they reached down and idly palmed their cock, feeling the hard flesh between their long fingers and wishing that Strade was the one doing the touching instead.

Freak. Filth. Words growing on them like mould grew on spoiled food. 

They were gradually getting infected by whatever disease Strade must have had to enjoy this, and they couldn’t have been happier

They flopped back heavily on the bed with a shaky exhale, that same feeling of twisted pride they got when he called them a “good girl” washing over them.

They managed to respond with one hand occupied (still squeezing their rotten cock that was enjoying every moment of this), their fingers still trembling.

"Yeah, I’m kind of a freak I guess…”

A pretty freak…a pretty girl…

Their cock pulsed hotter.

"yeah.”

“even the most poorly-adjusted tranny has the self-respect not to put up with all of this. what's the matter, law, you don't have any of that?"

They whimpered softly and bit their lip hard (so hard, they could practically taste blood), before rolling onto their side and bringing their knees up to their heaving chest as their cock twitched incessantly between their trembling legs, their slack body shivering all over as they squeezed their thighs tightly together.

Fuck, this was so awful. So, so fucking awful.

Then why was their head pounding, their chest heaving, their cock throbbing harder and harder (and harder and harder), the worse it got?

They swallowed hard, the lump in their throat almost painful to gulp past, as they read the message again, and despite themself, they reached down and started tugging on their cock as they typed, their heart continuing to race at an impossible pace from the mix of excitement and dread at feeling so vulnerable and exposed to this man.

"Why would I want self-respect if it means I can’t talk to you…?”

"good answer <3"

They couldn’t help but smile upon reading the new text, cradling the phone to their shuddering chest with one hand, as the other tightened the hold on their cock, the veins in their wrist pulsating as it jerked up and down their length. 

God, they were just completely hooked on this fucking stranger, addicted to his praise, his threats, his dirty talk (if it could even be called that).

They lay there for a moment, just jerking themself off with wet gasps and shifting skin on skin, trying to even think of what to do next. 

Their mind was so fuzzy and filled with thoughts of Strade, Strade, Strade that they could hardly concentrate, even without the initial fuzz the weed had given them.

It was a perfect sensation.

"what are you doing now, law?"

“I’m…touching myself.”

“show me.”

Like everything else with Strade, it was phrased like a question but Lawrence knew that they didn’t have the luxury of disagreeing with him.

Like they even wanted that luxury to begin with.

They obediently moved backwards, up their bed, lying flat on their back (belly up, like a prey animal offering itself to a rightful predator) and parting their trembling thighs again, wrenching their briefs all the down their legs and taking an awkward picture of their cock in hand, the flushed head and firm length framed by the thin, milky white pillars of their scarred thighs.

They were just glad that this app didn’t have access to their storage and that any pictures exchanged in the chat wouldn’t be saved.

That would have been incredibly fucking embarrassing. 

"haha wtf you're fucking huge," Strade quickly wrote back in response, making fun of them, though, again, the message was lacking his usual emojis (as had many of the previous messages, actually). "talk about wasted potential, eh, law?"

“What do you mean, wasted potential…”

“it means when i fuck you,” When, not if, when, NOT IF. “i'm not letting you top for a single day of the rest of your wretched, little life”

They licked their lips hungrily, eyes wide with anticipation.

“Is…is that a threat…or a promise…?”

"both <3"

God.

GOD. 

They felt like they were going insane.

They just wanted more and more of his words, wanted to take everything this man was saying to them and amplify it, make it worse, make it despicable, diabolical, disgusting, more, more, more-

“God, I hope so…” They typed, the jerking of their wrist faster as heat coiled up, hot and tight, in their belly. “You make me feel like I’m losing my mind…”

"won't need a mind for what i'm planning for you, sweetheart"

“Fuck…” They stammered softly to themself, words falling past their parted lips in a helpless whimper, as they squeezed their cock harder, a thick bead of pre-cum drooling over their bony knuckles. They didn’t touch themself that often, all of their saved videos were no longer able to scratch the itch of their deadened arousal, but now, they were feeling it, so close, so desperate-

“i want you to stop touching yourself now, law”

Their hand stilled instantly, their pale brows knitting together as another typing bubble popped up.

“you don’t work weekends, do you?”

They swallowed hard, typing out a reply while anticipating the next message.

“No, not usually…why?”

“you know the braying mule in town? just next to that new whole foods?” Donkey emoji, beer glass emoji, wilting leaf emoji.

Lawrence took a moment to think about the spot Strade was describing. 

It wasn’t too far from the warehouse, now that they were thinking about it, in a slightly sketchier place in town that was facing a wave of gentrification (hence the Whole Foods that they, unfortunately, did frequent for tea ingredients and discount granola).

“Yeah…?”

“are you gonna meet me there next saturday?”

Once again, phrased like a question but Lawrence knew there was no option to say no.

Like they would have said no.

“I guess I am.”

“good girl.” Angel emoji, beating heart emoji. “and are you going to give yourself anyyyy relief before then?”

He was teasing again, and the praise and indirect order was enough to send another pulse of heat to their cock, making it that much more painful and unsatisfying when they let go of it and lay back on the bed.

“I…guess I’m not.”

“she’s smart for a poorly-adjusted faggot, isn’t she?”

God, he was just so demeaning, and they were absolutely obsessed with it.

That warm, fluttery feeling in the pit of their stomach was back, and it felt even stronger than before. 

They almost had to resist the urge to bite their bottom lip and start jerking off again…and they could only muster the shakiest of responses.

“Yeah…she is.”

“such a good girl, law.” He wrote, and Lawrence could practically see the shit-eating grin on his handsome face. “i’m looking forward to meeting you <3”

“Me too…”

[redflagromance]

Deplorably Devoted to You

HEARTBREAKING: You’re the Worst Person You Know

You're an accomplished event planner- weddings, baby showers, moon abductions- you do it all. In fact, you're so good that your smoking hot eldritch boss Balthazar Grivus just made you his partner at your firm. It’s finally your chance to change the future of evil event planning. The late nights alone perfecting confetti-spewing bear traps as Barry’s apprentice are over, and now your schedule and heart are wide open.

Nefarious plots abound, and you have a bevy of romantic and professional interests to pursue: plan a wedding anniversary, push a rebrand of a struggling majority, prepare a getaway ship, and promote the fortress-warming party of the millennia. 

The Sorceress

The sorceress is a proud, luxury-loving lady of the ‘eye for an eye’ persuasion. Will you help her achieve vengeance and social satisfaction? Or will you disappoint her and doom yourself to eternal sleep?

The Gunslinger

Gene is a creation of his time- to be specific, the 1800s. In and out of jail for various ill-conceived crimes, he is now more comfortable in a prison cell than out of it. Will his zest for life and the finer points of dynamite light up your life, or blow your career out of the water?

The Florist

Your florist is a gentle, caring person with a heart of gold and a devastating fear of dogs. Their plant expertise, professionalism, contacts dedicated to violating the laws of nature, and tendency to not ask questions make them indispensable to you. But will you bloom together, or will they be uprooted?

The Orc

She is a union president, a go-getter, and forklift certified.  She’s also built like a brick house. Can you help her with the image rebrand that her people desperately need in the face of a global morality shift, or will you get eaten alive?

The Space Pirate

They’re fun. They’re spontaneous. And they’re not a felon in this galaxy yet. Their new ship is almost ready for takeoff- is their ship’s maiden voyage destined to shine brightly, or doomed to crumble into stardust?

The Super Hero

He’s big. He’s strong. He’s probably late for his next client at the gym. He’s as rough as the stones he loves to hunt for in his free time, and tougher than most of the criminals he brings in on late nights.

Your world and career are on the brink- but of success, or failure?

Can you have it all while throwing the best worst events of the season and getting the dark lord to notice you?

DEMO HERE:

[mortalscience]

Law and Order Criminal Intent - s01e15 - Semi-Professional Goren: He's paranoid, pathological! Carver: Is that police code for "hot-blooded"? Goren: Well.. well don't put words in my mouth, or some kind of attitude. Carver: If he's involved, why on earth would he sign a search warrant for Mr. Cox? Goren: Because he knew we wouldn't find anything! Carver: That's paranoid! Eames, jumping in: We could throw Sabatelli another hot potato, see how he handles it.  Carver and Goren turn to look at Eames. Eames: Arnie Cox made harassing calls to Emily Trudeau. You charge him with violating his probation. Since he was Sabatelli's defendant, it'll end up in Sabatelli's lap. Goren: If Sabatelli revokes his probation, Arnie goes back to prison for 5-to-10. Carver: If you're right about Sabatelli, he won't want to alienate Mr. Cox. Goren: And if you're right about him, then he won't have a problem locking him up. Carver, to Eames: Very slick, detective.

[tunneldweller]

tw: human rights violations, injuries, death

In early August 2021, asylum seekers started showing up in unusually large numbers in Poland near the border with Belarus. The border area is mostly covered with forests and bogs with farming villages past the woods. It's chock full of gorgeous landscapes, including Europe's largest remaining stretch of primeval forest west of Russia - the Białowieża Forest, a largely pristine ecosystem with so damn much biodiversity. Bison, lynx, three species of shrew, the last remaining European populations of various insects, tons of birds, fungi, mosses, you name it. Scientists and environmentalists love it [and forestry officials want to manage it, but that's a story for another day].

So: asylum seekers. Hungry, filthy, exhausted people from places like Afghanistan or Syria, which incidentally do not share a border with Poland. The locals, being decent folk, started feeding and helping these new arrivals, because that's just what you do when a tattered wraith shows up on your doorstep speaking some weirdass language and making the universal gesture for "I'm hungry". The Border Guard, being in violation of national laws as well as international conventions Poland had ratified, started trucking these asylum seekers back to the border and forcing them to cross back to Belarus, which is called a pushback. The Polish government, elected in part due to vicious anti-refugee propaganda, stated that the border must be reinforced to prevent the entry of "waves of unauthorized persons" participating in "hybrid warfare" and declared a state of emergency along the entire border. These migrants, they said, were extremely dangerous. Culturally foreign.

Why would seeking asylum be considered hybrid warfare? This links back to Europe's last remaining dictator west of Russia: Alaksandr Lukashenka, Supreme Ruler and Deathless Emperor of Belarus. His people allegedly came up with a clever racket: they started selling Belarusian visas in various poorer countries many people want to emigrate from and transporting migrants to the Polish border, claiming that this would be their gateway to a better life in the European Union.

So: asylum seekers. According to Article 14 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, everyone has the right to seek and to enjoy in other countries asylum from persecution. [Incidentally, Poland is a signatory of the UDHR.] Regardless of their country of origin, people crossing over from Belarus have the right to request asylum in Poland. And they do. Every time they get caught. In English, in Polish, in their native languages… Upon hearing a request for asylum the Border Guards are supposed to transport the migrants to a processing center where they would then wait for their application to be reviewed. But because these migrants are extremely dangerous, the Border Guards trash their belongings and dump them on the Belarusian side without shoes, without meds, phones, jackets, in any kind of weather, regardless of any injuries. And there are many. The terrain can be tricky to cross if you're not used to this type of boggy temperate forest. Or if you haven't had your meds in a while. Or if you're six. It won't be easy even if you're a - just like the current government's fearmongering election ads warned a few years ago - healthy young male with a cell phone.

When Belarusian Border Guards come across these ejected migrants, they force them back toward the Polish border. People keep ping-ponging between two walls of armed, uniformed enforcers who are getting more violent with every passing week. Some manage to get through and make it to Germany to request asylum in a law-abiding country. Others don't. 48 bodies were recovered along the border so far. NGO workers creep through the woods handing out hot soup and donated shoes to migrants; according to them, this is a fraction of the real number of casualties and some bodies will simply never be found. Volunteer medics get their tires slashed, aid workers get harassed, detained and charged. But the Border Guards don't kill, yet. Not directly. We're Europeans, after all! We're civilized!

It's a humanitarian crisis and an international shame. And the [abridged] wall of text above provides the necessary context to why I can't schadenfreudenly cackle over the latest government scandal, even though I love to point and laugh when that bunch steps on a rake.

See, earlier this month a Deputy Foreign Minister got fired for helping with a work visa racket. When the border crisis began to unfold, he'd already been ~facilitating procedures~ for like a year. This country needs workers; a significant chunk of the workforce up and emigrated, including many healthy young males, and the national birth rate is still failing even though the government did everything like the Catholic Church said. The deputy minister wouldn't even come up with a list of in-demand jobs; diplomatic missions are slammed with work after other changes he did implement, so he'd personally order consulates in some Asian and African countries to expedite certain applications. And all that time his party has been openly approving of unconstitutional pushback procedures targeting people from similarly "culturally foreign" [read: Muslim] countries. Incidentally, this far-right party is called Law and Justice. Hypocrisy is a virtue and cruelty is the point.

I wanted to end this with a punchy, quotable call for action, but my words ran out. The border crisis is still happening, even though it's clear by now that Poles and Poland can handle an influx of refugees far larger than the groups coming through Belarus. Summer is almost over and the coming months are likely to be cold and rainy. All I can do is signal boost and donate to aid groups.

[sparatus]

Sparatus? 🙂

🥺👉👈

Sexuality Headcanon: painfully bisexual. somebody please stop surrounding this old man with hot people his heart can't take it. also very much not xeno in the slightest

Gender Headcanon: turian gender stuff is complicated and doesn't fit into human binaries, so while he's generally understood to be and is fine with being perceived as a cis man because he's perfectly happy with the body he was born with, a closer approximation is masculine nonbinary, just... not the way humans understand nb to be

A ship I have with said character: i mean. [gestures vaguely to entire internet presence] do i even have to specify teia at this point.

aside from the obvious, sparatus/quentius is also a fave, i do so love boss and loyal dragon dynamics, and the two of them are that plus a flip side out of work where they're just best mean girl friends hanging out being catty old men together. plus for bad end it makes it so much juicier that not only was sparatus quentius's friend but also a sometimes-lover, bad end hurts but it's so so deliciously messy

plus also @thetrashbagswasteland put sparatus/desolas in my head and it bops around from time to time, just like, suave but chaotic military man with the personality of a mob boss "you wanna fuck me so bad it makes you stupid" vs prickly by-the-book law boy "i hate that you're actually as charming as you think you are you charismatic asshole" i think it would be fun okay someday ill write it teia and abrudas can also get in on it for fun or they can bang on the side it's fine

A BROTP I have with said character: sparatus & quentius, for reasons listed above. the more i dabble around the more sparkyteia and quentilea are becoming just a platonic polypile, oopsie, they're all good friends. also quite fond of sparatus & saren, because saren is very well-trusted and the council's golden boy and not every spectre is going to have shepard's experience with the council so it only makes sense for saren to have that sort of loyal right hand kinda dynamic with sparky. sparatus & valern is also fun for my usual political intrigue reasons but we don't have time to get into the complicated bullshit fueling the turian-salarian alliance rn

A NOTP I have with said character: sparatus/shepard, for reasons i should hope are obvious by now. guys idk how to explain this but sometimes characters just hate you without secretly wanting to fuck you. he has legitimate criticisms of shepard and ill die on this hill, there's no ust he isn't into you and mad about it he just doesn't like your fucking attitude. and you can't convince me your shepard somehow turns it around into genuine love, i don't fucking believe you, it's ooc some characters will simply never grow to truly Like you more than respecting your ability and that's fucking okay and normal

also sparatus/saren, because while i adjust saren's age in my work to bring him up to 70 in me1 (and closer to sparky, 76) the main works i know of for that ship have sparatus more than twice his age (in his 60s while saren was EIGHTEEN) and taking advantage of the age gap and saren's emotional turmoil after his brother's death to groom him into the perfect partner, which... oh my god no. and it was presented as romantic! as saren's first real love before nihlus!! i am calling the police!! and pretty much everyone ive seen who talks about that ship got it from that fic so. yeah that author is my parasocial enemy

A random headcanon: despite how closely they have to work together, and sparky being a prosecutor pre-politics (thus allegedly on the side of the cops), he and pallin have a rather... antagonistic relationship, mostly because of how sparky responds to pallin's complaints about spectres ("i'll let them know" which usually means nothing will be done and the spectres will continue treating civil misdemeanors and traffic violations like a game) but also because sparky himself has personal beef with like 7 different prominent cops, is from a "fuck the cops they're imperial shills we can police ourselves" background, and is so so good at being pedantic and annoying when he's feeling petty which is any time pallin isn't talking about an actual serious issue. he wants pallin to stop bothering him about traffic stops. pallin wants to fuck the smug look off his face. they're not allowed to have face-to-face meetings without quentius present because they WILL go straight to childish squabbling.

General Opinion over said character: he's my grandpa. he's Me. nobody in this fandom deserves him y'all need to remove the main character pov blinders and think about shit from his perspective and stop just assuming he's racist and stupid because he tells you no. the man has his position for a reason, and if you listen to what he's actually saying he's DEEPLY empathetic and concerned with how the public at large will be affected, he fucking cares about people it's canon it's canon it's CANON he literally goes behind his colleagues' backs to try to help you save palaven and stop the war right away that's not what a selfish heartless bureaucrat who only cares about his own small circle does i have ESSAYS dammit

.... oops i care about this old man So Much

send me a character

[jeanjauthor]

Writers, if you're going to write a courtroom scene...attend a courtroom session. Most trials, you can actually do that. In fact, a lot of lawyers do that, and law students are encouraged to do so as well.

Be RESPECTFUL of the court, don't talk loudly, don't chew gum & pop bubbles, slurp a drink, etc. Wear nice office-acceptable clothes, make sure you bathe, don't play music, and turn off your phone ringer, all the usual courtesies plus a few more. (If you disrupt a courtroom, you can be fined or even imprisoned depending on the severity of the situation--also be mindful of what you bring to a courthouse; leave the pocket knives at home!)

Also: NEVER RECORD A TRIAL IN PROGRESS.

You don't have permission to do so, and in many cases, such recordings are prohibited by the judge...and violating that prohibition can land you in seriously hot water.

But you can actually attend many trials. Just BE MINDFUL that the other people in attendance may be witnesses, or there to provide expert testimony, etc, and this means you aren't supposed to talk with them. DO NOT MESS WITH THE CASE.

If anyone questions you as to why you are there before the trial begins (and you will have to check with the courtroom staff to get inside in the first place), you can tell them that you are a writer trying to get a better idea of how courtroom proceedings work, and that you understand you are not to talk with anyone about what you heard or saw while the trial is underway, nor will you talk to any of the jurors, or anyone of defense or prosecution, etc. (Seriously, just don't. You'll be far more likely to be allowed in to watch if you agree to these rules.)

If you are turned away? ACCEPT IT POLITELY AND GO AWAY.

You can try again another day. You might get turned away because it's a Sensitive Subject. You might get turned away due to lack of room from all the witnesses, experts, and/or others expected to be inside. You might get turned away because the place is going to be packed with news reporters...and if that's the case, you really don't want to record (audio or video) anything going on in that trial. There Are Rules About Recording Court Cases, and you don't have the "protection of the 4th Estate (journalism)", and even they don't have a LOT of protection.

This, by the way, is why you see so many sketches of a courtroom proceeding, and not photographs, let alone video or audio recordings. It is seriously A Big Deal, and you don't want to wind up in court because of something you did while merely attending a court case.

...Alternatively, if you can afford the hourly wages, you can request to pay for some time with a courtroom lawyer (barrister as opposed to solicitor, in British terms) to ask them questions about what they'd like to see done right in a story you'll be writing about a courtroom situation. Be mindful that they might end up telling you your original story ideas are Very Wrong, Sorry, That Won't Work...and if this happens, ACCEPT IT POLITELY.

You can also just hire and tell them what you would like to see happen in your story in terms of going into the initial situation that winds up in the courtroom and what you want to have as the fallout or consequences / results of said lawsuit, and ask THEM if they can tell you how such a case could be handled, etc.

But again, if you are told It Doesn't Work That Way, you might need to shelve that idea...or save it for a story set in a created world with a created culture and its own created legal system where it could work that way.

[bitesize-astrology]

Redirection

Thursday - April 4, 2024

Venus is a planet that helps you redirect aggression aimed at you. Because Venus is assigned the qualities of creativity and artistry (though the planet itself is a hot mess!) you may assume that Venus redirects via kindness and accommodation. Sometimes she does, but many times she does not.

Venus isn't afraid to use the sword of plain (but kind) talk, strategic placement of energy (without violating the laws of energy), and putting in place a hard "NO" if necessary. When Librans (who are ruled by Venus) finally tire of always giving away their needs in favor of others, they can be staunchly protective of their world. They redirect energy just by the sheer force of their NO.

At midnight (eastern time) Venus moves into Aries, its opposing sign, and the sign of power, action and movement. And it does so on a day in which the Sun conjuncts the North Node in Aries at 15°, a degree which Venus rules.

Some may use that Aries power in ways that will cross your internal fire, and that's a NO-NO. And you're going to have to redirect that unwanted energy, and for the 49 days you'll have the power of Venus helping you. And in ways you haven't utilized before.

Be smart about how you wield such power (says Saturn moving to 14° Pisces) because with great power comes great responsibility.

[mermaidsirennikita]

least favorite recent trend is people calling exclusively-smut (or just romance period) readers p0rn addicts. like no, smut will never ever ever ever ever even come close to be on the same level as p0rn. worse yet it's coming from supposed left-leaning people. like way to agree with right wingers on this issue goddd

Hmm, I get where you're coming from, and I totally agree that the conservatives have weaponized, essentially, good intentions to flip young progressives/libs into spouting conservative talking points. But I will say:

A) Some romance novels? Are kinda really close to porn, lol. And I'm not talking erotica--I'm talking books wherein the sex is not necessarily the point of the story or the crux, but it is kinda why you read. Either to be turned on, or to gawk at something utterly absurd (and sometimes funny). Which is why people watch porn, mostly; to be aroused and/or shocked or amused or grossed out.

Like, I'm thinking of books like Vera Valentine's Squeak. It's about a woman who falls in love with two balloon animal shifters, and they fall in love with her right back. Are you reading that because it's good literature? Not really. Or like, the shorty KU books where the plot is kinda thin but the sex is bomb. I mean, people absolutely read books to masturbate, just as they do with porn ("one-handed reads"); and those books are often romance novels. I mean, I have watched porn that legitimately has better emotional plotting than some of the sillier romances I read. And that's not knocking those romances--just as I don't think a "my first massage with the hot masseur lady" porno is meant to give you this deep story. Nor are those books; and they both accomplish their goals.

To compare, I'd say that Tiffany Reisz's Original Sinners books, which are somewhere between erotic romance and erotica depending on the installment... Are nowhere near being porn. The plots revolve around sex. The sex is explicit and very adventurous--CNC, blood play, pegging, bondage, group sex, daddy kink, priest kink, extreme sadism and masochism, needles, and it goes on and on. But the sex is the framework for serious character development and growth and confronting some heavy issues. It's not anywhere close to the kind of content porn typically offers.

The biggest differentiator between sexually explicit, sex-heavy books and porn is the ways in which the products are crafted and the risk components. Both can create unrealistic expectations surrounding sex and relationships (we talk a lot about boys having porn brain, but if you see some of the shit teen girls think is normal after reading certain romance novels--well). Both can do the opposite. And for both, it's seriously not their problem; content is not responsible for educating the kids. The kids' support systems (parents, guardians, teachers) are. Or should be.

B) Porn is not bad; and therefore, it's not bad to compare those books to porn. It is true that porn can be exploitative and harmful to performers. However, that is the sex industry in general--any industry in general. Companies across the world violate child labor laws every day. American employees regularly work themselves to the point of exhaustion, go to work sick and get sicker/infect their coworkers, and have nervous breakdowns due to overwork--and don't make ends' meet. We culturally focus more on how sex workers can be harmed because 1) it's more shocking because sex 2) it's more direct, at times, because sex workers deal with very intimate services that can involve physical risk 3) the harm that occurs is used by politicians and the media to justify why sex work should be outlawed. When in reality, if sex work was decriminalized we'd be able to offer sex workers safe harbors and resources without fear of legal consequences.

But anyway--porn is not bad inherently. If porn is made ethically, which it absolutely can be, there is nothing wrong with people consenting to sexual acts performed on camera... and as long as nobody is getting hurt, everyone is of age and consenting, and there aren't any animals (because animals cannot consent ever lol) involved, theoretically that's fine. Do a lot of people abuse this system? Absolutely, but I'd say that they're more able to abuse it because of the stigma surrounding porn. Though it's legal and theoretically regulated, the regulations aren't often meant to work for performers, they're meant to "protect" the people who might stumble across porn online.

And because we shame people for watching porn and shame porn as a concept, nobody talks about what ethically made porn is, and how different types of porn affect people differently as they grow up. Because most of them? Will watch porn either way. But perhaps if teens felt free enough to discuss the things they saw in porn with sex educators... they would learn more about what is real and what isn't.

I also think that porn can be interesting and artistic (it often isn't, but erotic cinema used to be more common--would recommend the documentary "Skin" to explore more about it), and like I said above, romance novels can be--and like porn, sometimes they aren't. And romance novels, while they may not be as directly harmful as bad porn can be to performers, can be harmful on a broader level. For example, there is som racist porn out there; and there are some racist romance novels out there.

So I guess my thing is--as someone who reads a lot of romances of many degrees of quality, and had also watched my fair share of porn... I don't see a huge difference between some books and porn, lol. And that's not a bad thing. If the worst romances or erotica novels are just as bad as porn on a whole, that's fine, because porn on its own isn't a bad thing. The argument really shouldn't be "romance novels/erotica are better than porn", imo, because the people coming after one are going to come after the other either way. Sex negativity usually takes a universal approach. Nothing is spared; nothing is "good enough". When Spoutible banned sex workers from sharing content, they also banned romance novelists from sharing content, as one example. Romance novelists were no different from people literally having sex for money in that sense, and I honestly think that as the conservative movement becomes more extreme, their personal perception of what is and isn't sex work will also become more extreme. And tbh? The line is blurry. A phone sex operator is not actually selling sex--they're selling a fantasy, woven from their own minds. They just have a more direct connection to the person enjoying the product than authors and other artists do.

It's complicated, and we're all affected, so we've kinda gotta work together here, imo.

[tortoisesshells]

for the FIC ask Game C, F, & N please and thank!

C: What character do you identify with most?

It's cliche at this point, but: Lucy Muir from The Ghost and Mrs. Muir. Have a tendency towards isolation and a monochrome wardrobe, will travel.

F: Share a snippet from one of your favourite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

James Norrington pinched the bridge of his nose, and sighed, and followed – claiming the weather-side and banishing Lieutenant Hardy to the quarterdeck with a glance. He paced for a few moments, scraping his conversation together. “I will entertain the outlandish possibility,” he started, “that your compass somehow violates every natural law I have learned. How – why does it point to the Black Pearl?”

“ ‘Cause I want it to, Commodore.”

Norrington scoffed.

“It’s what it does. Sold five years’ worth of dreams and a piece of Ponce de León’s map of the road to Bimini to a powerful witch for the damn thing,” Sparrow said, “A bargain, really; dreamless sleep’s a blessing when you get where I’ve got.”

“Your broken compass is – you expect me to believe your compass is enchanted?"

“I don’t expect it. Curious if you will believe it, though.”

“I don’t,” said Norrington, who was starting to feel ridiculous for even having this conversation out loud.

“Ah. How dull. And I suppose you believe Charleton, that the Morgana of the Messina Strait is just the crystal bits and bobs of the sand and antimony in the Sicilian hills and that hot sun of the Med making the sky a mirror?”

“A more likely explanation than a fairy queen of England conjuring Palladian cities off Sicily,” Norrington shot back.

Sparrow, irksome as ever, merely shrugged. “The compass points to the Pearl because I want it to, Commodore. Simple as that.”

From Suffer A Sea Change - & I love it because:

1. writing Jack Sparrow terrifies me on an atomic level, because there's infinite ways to make him seem like an actual idiot or the theme park version of himself (ironic for a theme-park-ride-movie character but there you are), and I'm not too upset with how his voice turner out; 2. Love it when Jack Sparrow goes from lying outrageously about something (the origins of the compass) to proving he is perhaps the most intelligent person in any given room (the current-to-the-early-18th-c explanation for the Fata Morgana). 3. James Norrington having a bad time is like. a solid 75% of my fic output.

N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?

Quite salty I cannot just beam the rest of Customs down onto the page, fully realized, without me fiddling with the details and secure in the knowledge that all of Nellie's choices from here on out make sense.

Fic Ask Game!

[redflagromance]

Deplorably Devoted To You: DEMO RELEASE

Valentine’s Day Release! Demo now up here !~

HEARTBREAKING: You’re the Worst Person You Know

You're an accomplished event planner- weddings, baby showers, moon abductions- you do it all. In fact, you're so good that your smoking hot eldritch boss Balthazar Grivus just made you his partner at your firm. It’s finally your chance to change the future of evil event planning. The late nights alone perfecting confetti-spewing bear traps as Barry’s apprentice are over, and now your schedule and heart are wide open.

Nefarious plots abound, and you have a bevy of romantic and professional interests to pursue: plan a wedding anniversary, push a rebrand of a struggling majority, prepare a getaway ship, and promote the fortress-warming party of the millennia. 

The Sorceress

The sorceress is a proud, luxury-loving lady of the ‘eye for an eye’ persuasion. Will you help her achieve vengeance and social satisfaction? Or will you disappoint her and doom yourself to eternal sleep?

The Gunslinger

Gene is a creation of his time- to be specific, the 1800s. In and out of jail for various ill-conceived crimes, he is now more comfortable in a prison cell than out of it. Will his zest for life and the finer points of dynamite light up your life, or blow your career out of the water?

The Florist

Your florist is a gentle, caring person with a heart of gold and a devastating fear of dogs. Their plant expertise, professionalism, contacts dedicated to violating the laws of nature, and tendency to not ask questions make them indispensable to you. But will you bloom together, or will they be uprooted?

The Orc

She is a union president, a go-getter, and forklift certified.  She’s also built like a brick house. Can you help her with the image rebrand that her people desperately need in the face of a global morality shift, or will you get eaten alive?

The Space Pirate

They’re fun. They’re spontaneous. And they’re not a felon in this galaxy yet. Their new ship is almost ready for takeoff- is their ship’s maiden voyage destined to shine brightly, or doomed to crumble into stardust?

The Super Hero

He’s big. He’s strong. He’s probably late for his next client at the gym. He’s as rough as the stones he loves to hunt for in his free time, and tougher than most of the criminals he brings in on late nights.

Your world and career are on the brink- but of success, or failure?

Can you have it all while throwing the best worst events of the season and getting the dark lord to notice you?