#you're the best kobold around

[korcariiwitch]

with: @anderwelt (Tae) time: afternoon location: selunite temple from: this thread

“You know your claim would hold credibility if it came from someone with an IQ higher than a kobold.” Velwyn sniped over her shoulder, eyes scanning for where exactly the goblins were infiltrating from. It wasn’t until she heard a strangled war cry behind her did she turn, noting the rapidly in-bound goblin as it was rather blatantly shoved in her direction and by an all too pleased looking Tae.

Relinquishing the concentration on her hex and with just mere milliseconds to spare, Velwyn quickly pulled her rapier from it’s sheath. With the goblin’s propulsion ushering them forward faster than they could react, it impaled itself along her blade, straight through its heart. The goblin briefly struggled as blood pooled along its mouth before going completely limp.

She didn’t need to look at Tae to be able to sense the elf’s vexation at his little stunt failing faster than it was concocted.

“And you apparently can’t finish one pathetic little goblin on your own.” Velwyn sneered, lips upturned into a thin line. She pulled her rapier from the goblin’s freshly minted corpse, observing in bored interest as its body crumpled pathetically to the ground before her focus turned on Tae. Velywn's mind was alight with the ways in which she could mangle Tae’s flesh and how simple it would be to invent some sob story about the goblins overwhelming them — how she simply had so little choice except to leave him behind. Yet despite whatever dark desires danced through her imagination, they were cut short, as the angered howl of an enormous bugbear reverberated off the walls of the temple.

“ENOUGH! SICK OF NOISE!,” The bugbear bellowed, eyes turning dark as rage flooded through its body. It raised its battle axe high above its head with every intent of cleaving through the pair of them, ending their incessant bickering once and for all.

[ratgrinders]

anyways ivy embra post because on god if she wont get the scenes in canon ill imagine it myself

Ivy and Oisin were friends in middle school. Oisin was still scrawny and hadn't had his growth spurt yet and Ivy hadn't yet gotten her braces taken off. They meet each other in some group project or club or whatever, the setting doesn't matter, but what happens is you have these two children with the inherent shittiness of middle schoolers who maybe haven't had the easiest time making friends because their passive aggressiveness is too aggressive, their barbs not hidden. And they act the same way with this new, kind of nerdy looking stranger they meet and find a kindred spirit. All of a sudden you're 12/13 years old with an outlet for all the shittalking about your classmates you want. You stick together like glue, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you two because they all fuckin suck anyway, and you finally found someone who isn't a wuss and can give as good as they take.

Oisin gets better at hiding it though, being raised by a long family line of evil dragons who have had to hide their connections in plain sight will do that to you. Ivy never lost that edge around her though.

The first day of classes Freshman Year at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy, Oisin's met with this group of randos, they seem competent enough, the tall sad one seems nice enough if a bit of a pushover and the small one with the ponytail seems to have her entire academic career planned out already. She's intent on the name the High Five Heroes, it's a pun, get it? Because there's five of them. But Oisin won't go anywhere without his best friend. He pulls Ivy over, and Ivy isn't having the best luck finding a party (she insults them saying why would she want to join a party with any of these losers anyway, when they're put off by one pointed comment too many). Oisin tells the others they could do well with a fighter, that they're sticking together. The tall one, the gnome, and the kobold don't seem to mind (or don't care), but the halfling seems to have swallowed a lemon. "Well, there's six of us now which throws off the entire point of the name, but that's fine! I don't care!" (she's stubborn and doesn't want to change it).

Ivy and Kipperlilly clash CONSTANTLY. Kipperlilly's specific brand of Type A nerdiness and uptightness clashes horrifically with Ivy's specific attitude of not giving a fuck and chronic need to get under people's skin. And yet, Kipperlilly's barely concealed rage and passive aggression leads that same realization Ivy had back in middle school, of having finally found a kindred spirit. If there's two things Kipperlilly and Ivy have in common, it's their initial impression driving most people away, and their need to externalize this jealousy and bad feelings as hatred and disdain for others. They LOVE gossiping. Ivy's always down to be a hater.

Corsica Jones, the fighter teacher, sees Ivy come in on the first day of classes, bow in hand, and is immediately reminded of the sister she lost, who is still missing. Every time she trains Ivy on her stance, on basic hand-to-hand, she's reminded of the times she taught her sister the very same things. She's worried, because Ivy always seems so closed off and not very engaged, so full of rage. Unfortunately Corsica's attempts to reach out and forge a connection are stopped in their infancy when instead the barbarian teacher takes an interest in her. "Well, at least she has support from someone on the faculty, even if it isn't me."

It's Oisin that kills her. They always go off as a pair anyway, and Oisin may have been acting off recently but who is she to judge a bit of anger. But a quick stab to the back, one Choice later, and all Ivy can think about is rage.

After the Mountains of Chaos, Ivy's disdain becomes Venomous. Suddenly its not fun gossip but outright Hatred, its saying words maximized for cruelty directly to the person's face, because there's a kind of sick vindication in hurting the people who rejected you for so long, even if they may not deserve it. She and Kipperlilly don't get along anymore, snide comments and petty jabs devolving into screaming matches and insults. She proposes the name Rat Grinders with Oisin, because her stubbornness at refusing to change the name isn't endearing anymore, and there are six of them, did you oppose me joining the party that badly? It's a bit funny to see her so worked up over a stupid party name, that kind of earnest childish straightforwardness of the High Five Heroes makes her gag. The Rat Grinders is a funny inside joke, and Ivy is not comfortable engaging anymore without that layer of irony. For some reason, it doesn't feel good in the same way to hurt Kipperlilly like this, it just leave a knot of frustration that rankles in her stomach, because why does she care so much??

When Lucy dies, she doesn't remember much. She remembers the realization at the choice she'd made, and the rage that followed. Afterwards, though, was a deep all consuming bitterness. Of course she wasn't coming back, little miss goody two shoes never had any intentions of following through and left the rest of us with the fallout. She never expected otherwise, and she refuses to mourn someone who did not give enough of a shit about them to come back. She doesn't think about how Lucy helped her bleach her hair, how she braided Lucy's in return. How Lucy's birthday was coming up and she bought her new clothes, how that bag will stay unopened in her room now.

When she dies on the floor of her high school gymnasium, desperately defending every callous insult she's made with her dying breath, her last moments are spent locking eyes with her best friend, who is looking on in horror. She thinks back to a similar scenario, last year, when that same friend saw her dying and did nothing. She thinks back to them in seventh grade, trading childish insults without any real weight. And then she doesn't think anything at all.

[good-wizard]

OKAY OKAY GUYS I TRIED TO GET A PHOTO OF US ALL, I KNOW I MISSED A FEW OF YOU BUT ITS THE BEST I COULD DO PLUMMETING FROM 100,000 FEET WITH TEA, CAKE, PIE, AND WEED BROWNIES ALL FLYING AROUND ME

Thankyou all for showing up now let's get our tea on!!

[I drew everyone's profile pictures, if they didn't have something I could draw I looked at their headers and if those didn't have anything I looked for ocs, I hope you all like it!!!]

[and if you didn't make it just draw yourself in somewhere! I don't mind! We are all invited!!]

Here's a list of everyone I got in the picture:

@the-gnomish-bastard (3rd picture in the center)

@slutty-wizard-council (second picture in the center)

@the-gnomish-bastards-dad (3rd picture upper left)

@combustion-wizard (first picture, upper middle, your teas exploding)

@yourlocalbreadenthusiast (3rd picture behind large beige creature, top right)

@the-better-goblin-union (2nd picture middle right)

@siley-the-wizard (1st picture just off from the center to the left)

@dalob (3rd picture bottom left, next to me)

@circuslemon (your lime is bottom middle, you are off middle top right)

@well-dressed-sewer-rat (3rd picture between the gnomes)

@username-not-registered (3rd picture top middle)

@saul-moleman (3rd picture, middle, to the left, over my arm)

@the-kobold-bastard (next to mole, 3rd picture)

@funny-short-man (3rd picture, right of center Gnomie)

@sluttyambiguouswizard (3rd picture falling right of Gnomie)

@ashen-the-tiefling (2nd picture middle far right, your cat is with you)

@randomfaeriedragon (3rd picture middle right)

@mug-of-shark (3rd picture bottom right corner)

@chaos-familiar (3rd picture top left)

@monsterfucker-research-wizard (top left with clip board that says MFR {Monsterfucker research})

@wizardcrow (1st image middle, I drew you in human form, ig?)

@boxell (2nd image, Misha Collins, middle far left)

@evil-apprentice-wizard (2nd image, very top right corner)

@just-a-cool-wizard (big one eyed apple, 2nd image you can't miss it)

@ayoungfather (2nd image, bottom right, your shirt says something about fatherhood)

@terrencetheshark14 (2nd image bottom right, next to a clown)

@succufaerie (1st image, middle right, next to mirror, I did my best to draw you)

@bowl-of-moss (1st image, bottom middle, slightly to the right)

@barely-living-wizard-apprentice (first image, bottom left, towards middle!)

@wayworm (1st image bottom left, with Snoopy and a corn snake)

@jhomikle (1st image, middle left, with succubus, look closely in the mirror, you're holding tea!)

@aileaxthevoidien (1st image bottom left, you're drinking coffee)

@ima-snekk (1st image, with wayworm, bottom left)

@8ball-wizard (you are falling from the sky in the first image, your tea is spilling but you've just received an amazing prophecy)

@fearlessjones (1st image, center bottom)

@bugwizard4lyfe (1st image, bottom left, I think I accidentally combined your persona with someone else, whoops!)

@kobold-sanctuary-buss-island (1st image, center to the left, drinking tea with verylegalwizard)

@profoundmiscasting (2nd image, middle, sitting in chair, next to sluttywizardcouncil representative)

@reiki-tsubetai (second image, far right, top middle on side, you are falling)

@broccoli-bitching (2nd image, middle far left, under my arm)

@evil-wild-lesbian-wizard (1st image, far left, almost very top)

@gavamont (2nd image very center, behind slutty wizard council representative)

@bladlauf (2nd image, top right, beneath the evil apprentice wizard)

@fyriefairy (1st image, super bottom left!!)

@ablasphemyofpoets (2nd image bottom middle, slightly to the left, I didn't do a very good job)

@inkwell-god (2nd image, top middle)

@chaoticz8 (2nd image center, behind purple hooded lady

@slymewizard (2nd image, upper left, behind slutty wizard

@verdan-the-druid (2nd image, middle, In front of slutty wizard)

@vsgroundnet (2nd image top right, your super small but you're there!)

Okay guys my hand is dead, there are so many more of you and I don't have the time to @ you all. So I've devised an idea, @ whoever you reblogged from so they can see the picture,

Don't see yourself in the picture? I give you permission to draw yourself in anywhere you like!

Go crazy go wild, I love you guys this is a great sky tea party!!

Good wizard out! I think it's time for me to enjoy some weed brownies from just-a-cool-wizard

[maxdurden]

i'm a waste of a woman, but i taste like success

read it on ao3 here!

Story: i'm a waste of a woman, but i taste like success

Chapter: 1/1

Characters: Kipperlilly Copperkettle, Lucy Frostblade, Ruben Hopclap, Mary Ann Skuttle, Ivy Embra, Oisin Hakinvar

Summary:

Kipperlilly Copperkettle has never been great with people. She's worse with friends. Forming an adventuring party is like making friends, but with greater stakes and far less time to consider your options. But, it's also a kind of friend making that has structure. And Kipperlilly can work with structure. -- Inspired by these comments by Brennan Lee Mulligan about Kipperlilly and the formation of the High Five Heroes: "There's an indication there of Kipperlilly's focus because yeah, the High-Five Heroes is sweet, but it's also sort of a indication that Kipperlilly is pushing them towards, for lack of a better word, do we have something that we're about? The Bad Kids get their name because they've all been given detention on the first day and it's connected to their story. Whereas you get the sense from the High-Five Heroes that it's not actually describing anything. It's like the person being like, "Our inside joke is going to be high-fives." And you're like, "Well, everyone high-fives." So there's an indication there, for me at least, that Kipperlily is trying to make a comradery right away that is not actually there. It's not based in something that happened to them."

The lunchroom of the Aguefort Adventuring Academy was bustling with excited freshmen. Students shouted across the large space to friends they recognized, throngs of already-formed cliques chittered with exclusive excitement, and groupings of sorcerers and bards scoped out potential parties that still needed their skill sets. Technically, the formation of adventuring parties wasn’t meant to begin until after lunch, but it was immediately clear that those who waited were most likely to be left out. 

A group of kids who clearly all fit the stoner archetype had already gathered around a table, swapping bags of chips and chatting eagerly about systems of control. A few kids hung nervously around the edges of the cafeteria, some on their crystals and others fidgeting nervously as they watched the ruthless game of high school socialization play out in front of them. 

There were a few tables with lone freshmen, either texting friends or digging into their food with little care for the scarcity of resources that were friends and party members. Kipperlilly was one such student, but she had her eyes on the prize. She unwrapped the lunch she had carefully packed for herself, and laid out her bullet journal to review her color coded notes while she waited for Lucy. 

She hadn’t discussed the plan explicitly with her best friend before their first day—and there was nothing Kipperlilly hated more than not having a plan nailed down—but she had faith in Lucy. She would know that they belonged in a party together, naturally. From there, it would just be a matter of constructing the perfect party around them. That would hardly be a challenge when she’d been planning this out for months. She knew exactly the kinds of party members they would need, and had started her scouting early.

A powerful wizard could make or break a party, and Oisin Hakinvar was a perfect candidate. He had gone with them to Oakshield Middle, though they’d never spoken before. Once, in seventh grade, Kipperlilly had watched him give a presentation on his proud dragon heritage—the exact kind of thing that made a great adventurer.

She had a few ideas for fighters and barbarians, but she’d already watched Nixie Humphries, a human fighter she’d had her eye on, and Fog Marrowthirst, a transfer half-orc barbarian, get snatched up by other adventuring parties. She carefully marked them from her list, bouncing her leg impatiently under the table. She looked up from her notes and craned her neck to look for Lucy when a small, kobold girl with an ax strapped to her back sat down at the table several seats away. 

Kipperlilly’s grip tightened on her red pen, but she breathed out slowly through her nose just like the counselor at Oakshield had always suggested she try. Things were not going according to plan, but that didn’t mean all hope was lost. 

“I’m saving these seats for my friends, actually.” She flashed an approximation of a friendly smile across the table.

The kobold girl didn’t look up from her device—It wasn’t a crystal, but some kind of childish looking handheld game. Without taking her eyes off of it, the girl reached around to grab a soda out of the pocket of her backpack.

Kipperlilly cleared her throat. “Excuse me?” She said, a bit louder. “I’m waiting for my friends to sit here with me.” 

Her future friends, that was. Her adventuring party that she would save the world with time and again. For now, they’d just be getting to know each other, but why waste time with half measures? Their lives would be in each other’s hands. They would share in their glory for the rest of their careers. They would be friends, closer than they could imagine eventually. Calling them anything other than friends felt like a slight against that eventual bond. 

It was like the kobold girl wasn’t hearing her at all. Kipperlilly set down her red pen and stood—

“Kip!” Lucy called as she approached. She was dressed in one of her favorite cable knit sweaters, one that she’d only recently reclaimed from Kipperlilly’s theft, and was carrying her tray of creamed corn and cafeteria food. 

Keeping pace next to her was Ruben Hopclap. He was wearing cargo shorts and flip flops, smiling in a way that Kipperlilly could only interpret as smug. 

“Sorry, Ruben and I got held up in the lunch line,” Lucy slid into the seat across from her. She knew Kipperlilly well enough to know that she was brimming with impatience before more than a word had passed between them. “You want to be in our adventuring party, right? I’m so excited!” 

Our adventuring party. As in, Lucy and Ruben’s adventuring party. Heat rose to Kipperlilly’s face. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go at all. It was meant to be our party as in, her and Lucy’s party. Lucy was meant to come find her first. Lunch line or no, why had she sought out Ruben first? 

Hot, angry tears closed up the back of her throat but before they could start to prick at her eyes, Kipperlilly inhaled sharply through her nose. Steadily and slowly inwards, hold, then breathe out at the same pace. She dug her fingernails into her palm under the table for good measure. 

“Yeah, of course.” Now wasn’t the time to pick a fight, even if she’d picked fights over less before. She had to keep her eye on the goal. “Just, forget my plan, I guess.” She muttered, unable to help herself, and marked a large, red ‘x’ over the names of potential bard candidates for their party. Ruben’s name hadn’t been listed there. 

She should have discussed this all with Lucy beforehand. She knew it.

Lucy’s brows pinched together in concern and Ruben huffed out an incredulous breath. They were both familiar with her moods.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had a plan.” Lucy reached across the table tentatively, resting a cold hand on Kipperlilly’s. “Can I see the rest? I’m sure you’ve got good ideas.” 

Always patient. It wasn’t fair. Sometimes, Kipperlilly could manage to goad Lucy into a fight but it was a vanishingly rare thing the older they got. Something about it made the molten rock in her chest feel heavier. 

“Yeah, I had some ideas for who we could ask.” She said, reminding herself that self-pity needed to take a back seat to accomplishing her goal. She’d worked hard to convince her parents to let her attend Aguefort. She’d created a comprehensive, data-backed presentation about the benefits this school could offer that Mumple couldn’t in the first semester of her eighth grade year. A vital part of proving herself right was forming the ideal party. As much as she might have liked to sulk until Lucy had no choice but to admit that she’d been wrong for not seeking her out first, now wasn’t the time.

“Great!” Lucy smiled, pulling the bullet journal toward herself. 

Her eyes were such a deep blue that it was hard to tell their color in some lighting, but under the fluorescent cafeteria lights they were easy to see as she turned her careful attention to the pages in front of her. Her focus was always steady and intentional. At sleepovers and study groups, Kipperlilly would often get distracted just watching her read. 

“Why are these names crossed out?” She asked, pointing with a long finger to Fog and Nixie’s names. 

“They already have a party.”

The corners of Lucy’s lips crept upwards in a soft, amused smile. She looked up from the list and carefully scanned the cafeteria before her eyes landed on the kobold girl sitting only a few seats away.

“Oh, I’m sorry for ignoring you,” She said, “I’m Lucy Frostblade, what’s your name?” 

The girl still didn’t look up from her game. Watching Lucy get rebuffed was almost enough to make Kipperlilly properly lose her cool, but Ruben suddenly leaned forward to get a better look.

“Is that a Quokki Pet?” He asked. 

Finally, the girl’s head rose. She regarded Ruben with mild interest. “Do you play?”

“I used to have one in middle school, but a teacher took it. My parents wouldn’t buy me a new one.” Now that he mentioned it, Kipperlilly remembered the small handheld game Ruben had clung to for a few months in seventh grade. 

He’d been caught checking it during math class and it was confiscated by Mrs. Nikothoe, who even Kipperlilly had to admit was a nightmare of a woman. While she probably couldn’t be blamed for taking away a distraction from a student, she hadn’t even liked Kipperlilly despite all her efforts. So for once she and Ruben had come down on the same side of an issue. It had been a refreshing change of pace, even if it had only lasted an afternoon. 

“Lame.” The girl responded shortly and her attention started to turn back toward her game. 

Lucy was quick on the draw, though, “You have an ax! Are you a barbarian?” 

“Yes.” Mary Ann seemed slightly bothered by the continued distraction, but humored them for now.

Kipperlilly could see where this was going and very much didn’t like it. She tried to signal Lucy to stop, tapping on the bullet journal that was still in front of her. Sure, her first choices were off the table but there had to be better choices than this girl.

“We’re looking for a barbarian for our party. Do you want to join?” 

The kobold girl looked between the three of them for a moment. Kipperlilly stared back and tried to imagine her going into a rage—tried to imagine what good a two foot tall barbarian could possibly be. She just prayed that they’d be rejected.

“Sure.” No such luck. “I’m Mary Ann.” And with that, her attention was back on that stupid Quokki game. 

“I’m Ruben!” 

“Didn’t ask.”

Kipperlilly was staring at Lucy in disbelief when their eyes met again. What was she thinking? This was a disaster. “We need to find Oisin Hakinvar.” She said, gathering up her things. There was no time to waste. She couldn’t possibly let this go any worse than it already had. 

“Oisin? From Oakshield?” Lucy asked.

“I haven’t finished my creamed corn!” Ruben complained through a mouth full of the stuff. Kipperlilly shot him a dangerous glare. He did not want to get in her way right now.

Lucy rushed to catch up with Kipperlilly as she shoved her things in her bag and made a beeline out of the cafeteria. Oisin may very well have already been out on the quad, where there was an even more concentrated focus on forming parties. It might have been too late. 

“Kip, calm down,” Lucy insisted as they pushed through the front doors of the school together. Ruben and Mary Ann trailed somewhere behind them, the latter with her nose still stuck in her game. “It’ll all work out. There’s no rush.” 

But that just wasn’t true. Kipperlilly didn’t have time to argue the point. Stepping onto the school’s quad, she took careful stock of everyone there. Some girls had gathered around one of the many statues of Arthur Aguefort and were giggling to themselves. A few students had gathered around to watch an elven boy show off his magical prowess. Kipperlilly had to dash through his prestidigitation sparks when she spotted a blue, scaly head behind the base of a nearby statue. 

Lucy followed after her, apologizing to the elf as she passed. Kipperlilly came to stand in front of Oisin Hakinvar. He was sitting at the base of a statue, eating his lunch with a vaguely familiar wood elf girl. If he had a party already, they were nowhere to be seen. He looked up from his food, pushing up his glasses and frowning thoughtfully at the halfling in front of him.

“Can I help you with something?” He asked.

“Yes,” As she spoke, Lucy and the others caught up behind her. “I’m Kipperlilly Copperkettle. We went to middle school together. I’d like you to be the wizard in our adventuring party.” 

“I’m Lucy Frostblade,” Lucy jumped in when Oisin’s hesitation dragged on for a beat too long. “We had history class together last year. I know this is kind of a lot, but you’re really impressive! And we’ve got enough room still for you to join, too, Ivy. Are you a ranger?”

The wood elf girl, Ivy—Kipperlilly noted the shortcomings in her research that she didn’t realize Oisin had someone he wouldn’t join a party without—regarded Lucy with a carefully controlled expression. “Yeah, I am.”

“That’s perfect! I don’t think any of us here are super well versed in the natural world, so you’d be a great help.” Lucy offered a friendly smile, a real one, and Ivy and Oisin exchanged glances. 

“Okay, so you all want us, but why should we want to join you?” He asked after a moment. 

He was considering it. This was good. Kipperlilly could work with this. “We’re impressive in our own right! I’m a rogue, and one day I’ll be the greatest mastermind Spyre has ever seen. I was in student government in middle school; I was the president of four clubs, and the creator of two of those. I’ve never gotten a grade worse than a B in my life. If you stick with me, you don’t have to worry about failing.” And I’d be the perfect leader, was what she didn't say. “And Lucy is a prodigious cleric of Ruvina. She’s worked some serious miracles—”

“I’ll keep you alive.” Lucy interrupted sheepishly. She wasn’t one for bragging, even if Kipperlilly thought she should have been. “That’s what you really want to hear from a cleric, isn’t it? And this is Ruben, he’s a bard and a genuinely talented musician.”

Ruben flashed a proud grin. “I’ve already figured out how to cast healing word, so you doubly won’t die if you stick with us.” He had no problem bragging.

“And this is Mary Ann, we just met but—”

Mary Ann pulled her ax from her back with the hand that wasn’t holding her game. She dropped it into the soft ground with a satisfying thud. “I’m a barbarian.” 

“She’s a barbarian.” Lucy repeated with a grin. 

“Nice elevator pitch. Did you practice it?” Ivy asked, and Kipperlilly honestly couldn’t say if she was intentionally being snarky or not. 

“Doubly not dying is a pretty tempting offer,” Oisin admitted. “One of my friends in middle school was a worshiper of Ruvina,” he addressed Lucy directly, “Pretty cool stuff—No pun intended.” 

Lucy laughed, “Pun appreciated, intentional or not. So, what do you say?”

Again, Oisin and Ivy exchanged some kind of silent communication—Kipperlilly wondered if it was a message spell, or if they really did just have a knack for understanding one another—before either of them spoke. 

“Sounds like a plan. Makes it easier that you guys already have all the other members figured out, too.” 

Ivy joining the team hadn’t been the plan, either. But Lucy was right that a ranger would be helpful and, even if she seemed mean, she had to be better than Ruben or Mary Ann. A small weight lifted off Kipperlilly’s shoulders as she realized she’d succeeded, at least in her first goal of the day. 

She grinned, mostly because she was relieved that this was done, and quickly held up her hand for Lucy to high five. She owed her shared credit, especially for winning Oisin over, even if the improvisation with Mary Ann had been unwelcome.

With a satisfying smack, their hands collided, and Kipperlilly carried on down the line. Ruben seemed confused, but returned her high five nonetheless. Ivy and Oisin seemed equally amused by the offer, but played along. Mary Ann, who was focused entirely on her game, didn’t even look up to see Kipperlilly’s hand hovering in front of her. Kipperlilly paused, and waited, but felt the awkward tension growing the longer she did, and eventually dropped her hand. 

“Look at that! We can call ourselves the High-Five Heroes!” She chimed, trying to power through the way Mary Ann’s snub had robbed her of some of her momentum. She’d prepared for this moment, planned out the name.

It had to land. 

Kipperlilly had never been great with making friends in the past. Lucy was her best friend mostly because Lucy was a wonderful presence and brought joy and light to her life, but there was certainly an element of the fact that Lucy was her only friend, too. Adventuring parties were all best friends. They were bound by blood and trauma and life debts. This was the perfect opportunity for her to finally get things right. And she intended to; She had meticulously planned exactly how she would.

An awkward silence fell over the group. Ivy looked at Oisin with raised eyebrows and Kipperlilly tried desperately to read into the expression. Maybe awkward was the wrong word, maybe it was awed? She fidgeted aimlessly with her hands, feeling the way sweat collected on her palms. 

“Everybody high fives.” Ruben scoffed and Kipperlilly felt her heart drop. This was exactly why he couldn’t be here. He was going to ruin it all, and just to piss her off. 

She silently worked her jaw for a moment, trying to grind out any combination of words that would salvage this.

“I think it’s cool!” Lucy came to her rescue, as always. “We’re going to be heroes!”

It seemed that, at the very least, that was a sentiment they could all get behind. Her suggestion might not have been met with the enthusiasm she’d prefer, but Kipperlilly relished her accomplishment as each member of the group signaled their approval. The High Five Heroes weren’t only going to be heroes, they wouldn’t just be friends—they’d be great. She could feel it.

[90percentstudios]

What D&D classes would the CKC cast play as, and what would be their playstyle?

cody - changeling rogue. he'd get obsessed with trying to ride on the back of a hill giant instead of just freakin' killing it, and would probably forget he can do stuff like shapeshifting/bonus actions/etc 80% of the time. he's pretty deadly when he's locked in though, but it'd take some proof and convincing that an enemy is worthy of death. he'd also doodle while playing, heavily distracting him, but at least by the end of each session there's a bunch of silly drawings his friends can flip through.

mini - changeling cleric. the twins are both changelings cuz of everyone in the series, i think they're the only ones that've achieved being losers, cool kids, gods, averaged, AND banned. she's actually a big fan of making overly complicated plans, whether it's a heist, a jailbreak, you know she's got a dozen pastel gel pens to plan it all out! unfortunately she's got horrific luck, consistently rolling under 10. at least the plan goes well when someone else is carrying it out.

peter - human paladin. he has perfect recollection of all the rules and likes the game to be as immersive as possible, because convincing himself he's really a heroic paladin that people like and respect was his copium as a loser. that being said, post-series pb would have a bit more fun, especially with cody there to involve him in all his crazy antics.

juvie - tiefling barbarian/fighter multiclass. they frequently have to reassure their team they're not a violent psychopath irl, it's just that if you're playing in a world where you can do anything, why WOULDN'T you give every kobold a uniquely gruesome death and decorate your camp with their guts as a show of force? anyway they're very combat focused.

peggy - wood half-elf druid. any chance she has to transform into a unicorn she takes (it's not technically allowed but daniel allows her to turn into a horse that has a horn for flavor). she mostly trots around, eats apples, gives people horsey-rides, makes friends with other animals and often demands that daniel allow them to resurrect their friends (ahem cody) whenever they miraculously die.

holden - human bard. he actually brings his guitar and plays a short tune whenever he uses bard magic, it really adds to the immersion! he's also the party-face, meaning he's in charge of persuading the guards not to imprison everyone just because juvie tested the flammability of the local tavern's liqueurs. after a dozen of these instances he's gotten in the habit of telling guards "i've never seen that tiefling in my life."

daniel - elf wizard, (though he'd focus on dming, he'd probably include his own character in the campaign at peggy's request because "he'd be left out" if he didn't). his character would offer important exposition when it's already too late and punish the others for their reckless shenanigans by not helping them when they're in a bind. "it's better for character growth" he says.

gigi - sorcerer. she'd immediately grasp the rules, min-max the hell out of her character, remind people to use their ability modifiers and always be on the hunt for the best equipment, often getting holden to help bargain for them with his high charisma stat. her gamer-brain's also got a good memory for the lore of the campaign. "where was the grand exchange again?" "it was north east of kragmaw, remember?" "..." "in that cave in the side of the mountain?" "..." "you caused a cave-in that cut the water supply off from the local town, displacing hundreds?" "... ooooh, right."

rhyme - astral elf. would join the campaign a bit later than the others since she'd still be getting used to the friend group and all. everyone would welcome her in and they'd all grow as friends. she's annoyingly good at everything as always, yet somehow whenever she's near, mishap seems to follow. juvie's certain she's up to no good but no one believes them, until some pivotal moment when daniel reveals he'd invited her to play as a double agent on the side of evil and in order to complete the quest they must all fight to the death. when asked why the hell he'd do something like that he says "dammit i told you cody, FOR CHARACTER GROWTH!!" rhyme has stellar acting and everyone fights her with teary eyes, until... i dunno, they find some secret option of exorcising her of evil and completing the quest and no one dies and yadda yadda happy ending. anyway juvie gives a very well-deserved i told you so and rhyme admits her being the secret villain was a bit on the nose but she enjoyed the theatre of it all.

[blackjackkent]

Another BG3 dialogue compilation!

Companion reactions to Tav/Durge eating the rotten spider meat in Yurgir's hideout.

NARRATOR: A well-chewed spider carcass oozes on the ground.

TAV: Give it a lick. DURGE: Indulge in a lick of the raw carrion.

[PassiveRoll] (Constitution, vs 6)

SUCCESS:

NARRATOR: The meat tastes of rot and sour milk. Your stomach lurches, but your loins tingle. Was that arousal...? WYLL: My, my - is it me, or do I see a bit of flush in those cheeks? GALE: If what is happening is what I think is happening, and it's because you licked a dead spider - the time might just have come when you and I should split ways. LAE'ZEL: Reddened cheeks, wild eyes - I know that look. And you best keep this... little problem to yourself. SHADOWHEART: Why are you looking at that dead spider... coquettishly? (Devnote: A bit weirded out. The player is charmed/aroused after licking a dead spider.) KARLACH: Do I smell beef? (Devnote: sniffing the air) ASTARION: Rotten meat? That's what gets you going? Well, to each their own. (Devnote: Player seems aroused after licking some rotten meat) NARRATOR: In amongst the rot is an unmistakable sweetness - succubus spittle. The meat is charmed.

FAILURE:

NARRATOR: You feel hot bile rising in your throat as your body breaks into a sweat. Your vision blurs and your legs threaten to give in. Your groin feels strangely warm. LAE'ZEL: Ugh. Have you considered not tonguing rotten spider-flesh? SHADOWHEART: What the...? You can't just go around licking things, you know. (Devnote: Incredulous. 'WTF did you do that for?') ASTARION: You are absolutely vile. Gods above. (Devnote: Just watched player lick some rotten meat.) GALE: You licked a dead spider. Dead spider. You licked it. That is something that happened. I think we need to get you some air and perhaps have a long talk about unresolved childhood issues. WYLL: What is it they say? Ah yes - 'Curiosity killed the kobold.' KARLACH: Haha! Go on, give us a turn next.

TAV: Lick it again. DURGE: Sup once more upon the flesh.

NARRATOR: Your guts cramp, your stomach churns, and your nerves burn with a pain that would almost be pleasurable were it not so savage. ASTARION: Well, that's what you get for being greedy. (Devnote: Player licked meat again, got poisoned) WYLL: Bad luck. Let's call this... a learning moment. GALE: Stop licking the damn thing! LAE'ZEL: Chk. Once that poison's worn off, remind me to tell you that you had it coming. SHADOWHEART: Honestly, what did you think was going to happen? You'd develop a taste for it? (Devnote: Mildly exasperated. Player won't stop licking a dead spider.) KARLACH: All right there, mate? Yeah, you're all right. (Devnote: Laughing, like taking the piss out of a drunk friend who just puked on their shoes.)

[kragggon]

"So! I was out and about in the mountains near my home city, looking for interesting creatures to take pictures of. I got stopped by a wildling kobold-- much taller, beefier, and more uh... 'traditional'? Cousins to us cityling kobolds. He told me in Scalespeak (thank Sahvriyol I speak it) that I wasn't welcome in their territory, and I may've listened to him and the pike he was whirling around if he wasn't riding a Silver Monster!!

I'd never seen one before, not even in the Phonan zoos, so I begged him for a chance to get some pictures, maybe give it a pet or two? He thought it was funny, and said as long as I turn around and leave right after, he'd allow it. Needless to say, that was the best experience I had that day! His name was Kirasir (the Silver Monster I mean) and he was very friendly and surprisingly photogenic! I don't think I got a single bad picture of him.

Silver Monsters in general are pretty friendly monsters-- they'll only attack if you have 'food' on you. They're a species of Insectoid Arcfauna, and a very close cousin of Rust Monsters who eat tarnish instead of rust: despite the name, they don't eat just silver. Wannabe pathmakers, don't forget to memorize all the metals that tarnish: steel is one of them!

They are social pack monsters, who live as part of a hive in a biiiiig underground network of tunnels that they carve from the earth. They communicate by rubbing their antennae with each other's: certain patterns mean certain things to them. Kirasir tickled my arms quite a few times with his, I'm not sure what he was saying but I hope it was something happy! Due to tarnishable metals being a little rarer than rusting ones, they're a bit smaller than their Rust Monster cousins, so they can eat less. Their carapace is also a bit smoother, since they prefer to run away when threatened: they're incredible burrowers, and they can dig a hole and hide in less than 15 seconds, even in solid stone! Still, it's probably not a good idea to go out and pester them. Silver Monsters will fight back when they have numbers or are cornered, and even if you're not wearing tarnishable armor, their bite is designed to pierce rock, so it'll certainly take a chunk out of you. However, they don't usually fight to kill, and once you back off or can't chase them anymore, they'll probably run away.

Unlike Rust Monsters, which are a bit more aggressive, Silver Monsters make great pets! They're very friendly and they have a surprising amount of personality-- they're even great with kids! However, I implore you to do a ton of research before you go get one. You don't want to be one of the people that has their houses fall down when the braces to your support beams get eaten! However, it's certainly possible if you're wealthy enough to keep them well-fed and you have a large enclosure made out of non-tarnishable, sturdy metal. I hate having to say this so often, but when you're getting a pet, especially an exotic one, do. Your. Homework. However, the groups who have the most unanimous success with Silver Monsters are the wildling kobolds.

I guess I should probably talk about them too, huh? Wildling kobolds live in tribes out in the wilderness-- they would make great insight for all kinds of beasts if they weren't so territorial. They make great smiths, combatants, and beastmasters, making Silver Monsters perfect companions to them: not only can the wildlings feed them well, but they're small enough to ride the Silver Monsters as mounts! Wildling scouts like the ones I met patrol the crags with hooked pikes, designed to grab and pull to make up for their height disadvantage. Coupled with the facts that Silver Monsters can climb on walls and up trees, a skilled wildling kobold rider is an amazing fighter, able to use their environment to gain all kinds of advantages over their opponent.

I'm glad that guy (I forget his name, sorry) thought I was funny, because I admit I was pretty intimidated to see him! He was a pretty relaxed guy once the initial tension died down. I will say, DO NOT DO WHAT I DID. I am a kobold, and even if I am a cityling, wildling kobolds still somewhat see us as 'kin'. They are extremely territorial as I said, and they will not give a non-kobold a second chance. You've been warned! "

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Written by @pyyakelp, slightly edited by me. In case y'all didn't know, we share lore with our stuff.

[calypsotastic]

Some of my favourites and least favourite relationship tropes

Enemies To Lovers:

Even though I'll admit it's kinda overrated, It's one of my favorites. The (often sexual) tension between the two characters and how their detestation for each other develops into sweet caresses and cuddles always catch me off guard. This trope also can apply to many different type of media's and fiction which is why I love it so much.

Star-crossed Lover:

Probably the most underrated trope in my opinions. Even though most people indulge in romance for the fluff rather than the tragedy, The Star-crossed really indulges me by how it captivates the determination to defy logic and fate even if it inevitably fails and it leads to an interesting read

Right Person, Wrong Time:

Same at the previous one, but instead, they were always meant for each other yet couldn't due to special circumstances. I quite enjoy imagining how they could've been if that had more time and met eachother earlier or later throughout the story. Again, tragedy is too underrated and needs more appreciation.

Witch x Witch Hunter:

It's such a niche trope, yet I believe we need more of it and have some gay and saphics ones for once. Usually this trope follows an Enemies To Lovers storyline which I already consume once every 5 hours and add magic and tension between the two and you one fucking masterpiece, why is this trope so niche.

Supernatural Being X Supernatural Being:

One pet peeve I have with fantasy is that whenever there is a relationship there is always atleast one who is a basic ol human being. It frustrates me that it's never something like Elf x Tiefling or Dwarf x Changling or Kobold x Dragonborn or a fucking Lovecraftian squid and a biblically accurate angel , on of the individuals is always a human being.Humans are already fucking narcissist. I want to indulge in unconventional romance, romance which delves you in a fantasy vast away from our plane of our existence. I want to see beings who most perceive as vile and vicious being loving with eachother. For me the less humanoid it is, the more intriguing it is for me.

Last Minute Love Interest:

Don't you detest when you're reading about the intimate relationship between two characters, their woes, hopes and vulnerabilities revealed to eachother, the distance between them tightens closer and closer. THEN FOR FUCKING REASON ANOTHER CHARACTER WHO SUDDENLY BECOMES REVELANT SNATCHES ONE OF THE CHARACTERS AND YOU'RE LEFT FUCKING UNSATISFIED. I'm sorry but this is quite possibly the worst trope of all of literature and just a cheap gag that ruins the point of what I'm reading. If you want me to become invested in a relationship between two characters, you need to develop some time, and give each of them revelancy, NOT JUST SOME LAST MINUTE PLOT TWIST THAT DIMINISHES THE 300 PAGES AND HOURS OF MY MISERABLE LIFE. Half of the time the guy who shows up last second doesn't even look conventionally attractive at all.

Arranged Marriage:

Irl Arranged Marriages are one of the sickening things an individual meant to care for you can commit. I hate that this ship glorifies arranged marriages as 99% you're going to end up with some creepy ass middle man and you're viewed as an doll, incapable of autonomy and useful for economic or political gain rather than an individual who should get to love who they actually love.

The Brother's Bestfriend:

In actuality it's not that bad but I personally find it putrid, if you know anything about siblings, it's that them and their friends are viles and disgusting cretins, scruffling around the house like cockroaches, riddled with cheeto dust. There's also usually the weird age gap and don't you think it's awkward to date someone whose also simultaneously your sibling best friend and worse if they become your ex.

Possessive Boyfriends:

Now I'm not talking about the jealous boyfriend archetype or even the protective one but rather the ones who treat their signicant others as possession rather than individuals. I fucking hate the line "I own you" or "You're mine" because it signifies authority and superiority something I believe shouldn't be prevalent in a relationship. It's worse when the individual won't allow their SO to go out with friends or do their own things cause inevitably at the day its say it with me A B U S E.

[awwordnd]

Hello, Kobold here!

With Episode 4 around the corner and it being Episode 5 overall, I figured now was a great time for an update on everything and a summary of the past few sessions.

To begin with - THANK YOU! The overall response to AWWOR has been so lovely and we are loving all of the art we've been seeing! That being said there's a couple things we should mention! ✨ We would love to hear your feedback but it would be best where we can see it! You can leave feedback on any of our socials, on the koboldkurios discord or here! We have our inbox open, including anonymous submissions for those who are a little shy. We would love to hear from you! (you can also ask us questions!) ✨ A reminder that if you do some art for the campaign and/or it's characters and would like to see it in the art reels at the end of each session - send them through, either here as a submission or to us via email! Make sure to let us know your social @ so we can credit you!

In amazingly exciting news, THE OFFICIAL AWWOR OST IS OUT ON SPOTIFY AND ITUNES!

Composed and created by the wonderfully talented @musicandtings, who has a plethora of additional music AND a podcast for you to check out, the AWWOR ost is a lively soundtrack and will be heard on streams each session! Go check the album out, give his other music a listen to and if you're inclined, consider commissioning him for some music of your own!

Onto some less exciting news, we do have to announce that Sponge who plays Corben will be stepping down. Sponge has some exciting life progressions that will be taking up a majority of their time that they had not expected when initially joining us. We wish Sponge all the best for the future and you may still see them in the stream chat or on the Koboldkurios discord from time to time so don't be afraid to say hi!

With Pride Month coming up, we would like to remind old and new viewers alike that AWWOR supports LGBT+ rights. With the crew being members of the queer community amongst other minority communities ourselves, we encourage a diverse, welcoming community. You are seen, you are loved. ♥

Finally, there is some discussion amongst the AWWOR discord regarding potentially moving to a weekly schedule. If this does indeed come to be, you will all be the first to know so stay tuned!

The past few sessions have been an absolute blast and we are all looking forward to seeing where this story takes us. We hope you enjoy the ride too. Until next time, and onto the summary!

SO FAR ON AWWOR...

The party convened, traveling to the docks of Yallasch to catch their ship. The party is bound for the small swamp village of Oparl which is currently under the effects of a severe illness. Dr Alligan Hue - newly cast out to experience the wider areas of the Border Kingdoms and Faerun by his college - has been assigned to aid the village and he is not alone, accompanied by Ateris, Saffy, Rhaya and Corben who join him for each their own reasons.

While boarding their ship, Ateris spies a ship she has been searching for for 33 years, a ship belonging to Fulgrim Shay - a past lover and father to her missing son. In an eager rush to hopefully see the man, she makes a run for the vessel while Alligan summons his familliar - a weasel named Yauna - to create a distraction by stealing their captain's coinpurse. With Rhaya aiding in the distraction they delay the ship just long enough for Ateris to find one of the crew and have him agree to pass on a message for Fulgrim. With that done, as her own vessel passes on it's way out of the bay, Ateris makes a daring leap and through some aid from the party, manages to land safely on deck.

Once in Dapplegate, the party picks up a horse and cart and a letter from Fulgrim before continuing onward toward Oparl.

The night before reaching the small village, the party sets camp in a sheltered outcropping out of the rain. The party chat a little and tension between Saffy and Alligan shows as the pair have a mild misunderstanding. Tired from travel, they almost miss the sound of being robbed as three kobolds scavenge through their boxes in the cart. The party proceeds to question, threaten and adequately intimidate the kobolds into returning the majority of the items taken, Saffy manages to charm the kobolds enough that they totally aren't making a cult based on the feline.

With the following rest, the party moves onward, travelling through the swamp. Rhaya and Saffy discover the polarising scent of citronella while the two humans in the cart attempt to avoid being eaten by mosquitos. Rhaya also discovers the magical properties of the dragonflies of the region - having adapted over time with the residual effects of the spellplague.

Hearing a scream from further into the swamp, the party jumps to action - coming to help a young person being accosted by a giant toad. Two giant toads, a saffy snack and some newly aquired frog meat later, the party continues on to the village. As they do they have a blunt but reasonably pleasant conversation with their rescued acquaintance, getting some more information on the recent events of the town.

Entering town, the party finds accomodation and board for their horse and cart. Here, Ateris catches up with the barkeep - familliar from her last journey through the region - and she and Saffy learn of a potential job for the party to take up during their time here. Meanwhile - Rhaya makes his way up to the rooms, avoiding the watchful gaze of a group of individuals who seem to recognise his pin. In an attempt to avoid coming eye-to-eye with them on his way back down he climbs out the window of his room to the roof - which he proceeds to fall off.

The party meet Thiddershins, a wood woad who runs the commissary in the village - though most of the residents seem unsure about his motives. The party proceeds to fall in love with him.

+1 favourite NPC

They then proceed to the village healer - a tiefling woman doing her best within the circumstances. They deliver supplies and Alligan offers to take a look at the patients - discovering that the illness is dire, a remnant of the spellplague and likely bought to the village from a previous adventuring party. While inspecting some of the patients, Ateris spies a glowing sigyl appear on Alligan's forehead before the skeleton of one of the patients tears itself from it's body and proceeds to attack the wizard.

once more the party leaps to action, still reasonably spent from their morning fighting toads. Some close calls later, they succeed but not without Alligan pushing his limited healing spell past it's usual daily use, taking a point of exhaustion.

Reeling from the battle and the resulting adrenaline, the party and healer step out of the healing tent where Alligan and Ateris explain to the rest of the party of a previous experience with what they believe to be an ancient black dracolich and it's potential connection to the skeletal attack.

The party continues to discuss matters with the healer and purchase some supplies from her that aren't needed for the ill as Ateris burns the body just outside town to prevent further spread of the illness, before they make their way back into the village, their destination being their accomodation. However as it happens, they make some stops at some of the businesses within the village.

Our absolutely-not-married-at-all housemates stop by what is essentially an op-shop in search of new travelling clothes for Alligan while the others make their way to the blacksmith, perusing the goods. Saffy additionally makes their way back to the store the ranger and wizard are perusing, striking up conversation with the storekeep and whisking off for some DM whispers in the backroom. Alligan finds some magic items, managing to slip a magical seed they found into the ranger's pocket and through the aid of their rescued aquaintence, they make a deal to pay partially and return with further payment after their job the following day.

The party then, makes their way to the commisary, intending to introduce Corben to their new favourite... person? sentient log. Alligan, curious to find out about the magical seed, asks the wood woad if they know what it is. As soon as Thiddershins touches the seed it glows before seeming to absorb it's very essence - splintering and tearing the wood woad apart.

-1 Favourite NPC

Panicking and not knowing what else to do, they place the seed in the wooden corpse, Ateris additionally placing a hand on the creature. As she does, a thorny branch pierces thoroughly through the hand, seemingly purifying and absorbing the blood it draws before retreating. With that and the magical seed, the body transforms into what appears to be some form of Eladrin-dryad woman, leaving a dumbfounded pair of housemates and shocked party.

"DO YOU HAVE A CHILD NOW?!" - Saffy

[theurgic-necromancer]

Rest has not come easily to you for years now, and this night proves to be no different. Whether it's your persistent insomnia or something else that causes you to break your restless trance, you may never know.

All you do know is that you open your eyes to find Astarion leaning over you, fangs glinting in the dying light of the campfire. His red eyes widen as he realizes you're awake, and he quickly sits back, uttering a quiet "shit" under his breath.

You bolt upright, a grin crossing your face. Astarion hastily springs to his feet, holding his hands up defensively. He still bears the bruises from the unexpectedly difficult fight with the mother spider. But you know now exactly what he is.

"I knew it!" you exclaim excitedly. "I knew you were a vampire!"

"It's not what it looks like, I swear—" Astarion says, backing up a little further.

"You were trying to bite me," you counter. There's no malice in your tone, more amusement.

"I wasn't going to hurt you!" Astarion claims. "I just needed—well, blood."

You raise an eyebrow, not that it's immediately visible with the way your hair falls over your face. "And you couldn't have asked when we were making camp, or any other time before the middle of the night?"

"At best, I was sure you'd say no," Astarion says with a shrug. "More likely, you'd ram a stake through my ribs."

You give him a look.

"All right, maybe not you specifically," Astarion admits, "but the group at large likely wouldn't. Especially given last night's... incident."

Zia's blackout murder, he means. You rub the scars on your neck distractedly.

"I needed you to trust me," Astarion continues. "And you can trust me."

"I do," you assure him. There's a momentary flicker of surprise across his face, so quick you're not sure you even saw it. "Considering you're one of about three vampires—"

"Vampire spawn, technically," Astarion corrects you.

"—I've ever met that weren't gunning for me... yeah, I do."

"Thank you." You're not entirely sure how genuine Astarion's smile is. "Do you think you could trust me just a little further?"

You raise an eyebrow again, fairly certain you know where this is going. Astarion's eyes flick to your neck ever so briefly, confirming your suspicion.

"I only need a taste, I swear," he assures you. "I normally feed on animals—boars, deer, kobolds—whatever I can get."

"Like the boar we saw earlier," you say. Astarion nods.

"Well spotted, by the way. Even I almost didn't see the puncture wounds, and I'm the one who left them."

You shrug. "Once I realized it had been exsanguinated, all I needed to do was look for any wounds on the neck."

"Look at you, breaking out the fancy terms," Astarion teases. You feel your face grow hot. You idly wonder if your face is turning red, or if your blushing shows up differently.

"How much is 'a taste,' anyway?" you ask.

"Oh, you know," Astarion says, waving a hand. "Not enough to harm you."

"So you're not planning on draining me dry like that boar?" you say. "How reassuring."

"I won't," he insists.

You consider how to respond. Even after all this time, the skin around your scars feels rough. You remember what it was like to have your blood taken, used by people who saw you as nothing more than a tool. A convenient repository of divine power. A walking spell component.

But so far, none of the others have made any indication of knowing what you are. And reading between the lines, you're fairly certain Astarion targeted you because your necromancy is a poorly-guarded secret, and not because he's figured out what you are. You wonder if divine blood like yours and Zia's would taste differently than anyone else's.

"Fine," you say, "but only a little."

"Really?" Astarion looks pleasantly surprised. "I—of course. Not one drop more."

"And," you continue, holding up a hand, "if it tastes... odd... you'll stop, got it?"

Astarion raises an eyebrow. "Why would you think your blood would taste odd? It certainly doesn't smell strange from where I'm standing."

That catches you off-guard. "It... doesn't?"

Astarion shrugs. "No, it smells about the same as anyone else's."

You wonder if he's even noticed that your blood looks different. But if he hasn't noticed a difference in scent, then maybe...

"Just don't drain me dry, then," you say.

"I promise you I won't," Astarion says. He then gestures for you to lie back down. "Let's make ourselves comfortable, shall we?"

You lie down again and get comfortable. Astarion leans over you, and you catch a glimpse of his pearly white fangs before they plunge into your neck. It feels like two sharp shards of ice jabbing into your neck, before the pain quickly fades. The sensation is less unpleasant than you remember it being. But then again, all the other times you've been bitten were during battle, which is not exactly the most relaxing of times. You're willing to tolerate the discomfort for now, at the very least.

As you feel the dizziness set in and become more aware of your racing heart, however, unpleasant memories start drifting to the surface of your mind. You need this to stop. Now.

"That's enough," you gasp. You press your hands against his chest and feebly push against him. "Stop."

"Mm?" It takes a moment for Astarion to register the request, but he sits up quickly. "Oh, of course."

You breathe a sigh of relief, reaching for the puncture wound in your neck. You remove your hand to see your black blood smeared across your fingers, as you expect.

"That," Astarion says breathlessly, "that was amazing."

You glance over to see him wiping a trickle of your blood from his mouth, the darkness a stark contrast to his pale skin. You can already see some of his bruises fading as the blood rejuvenates him.

"My mind is finally clear," he remarks. "I feel strong. I feel... happy!"

"Happy, huh," you murmur. He does certainly look a bit more chipper than before, though. You manage to sit up, ignoring the way your head swims for a moment.

"Now, if you'll excuse me," Astarion says, "you're invigorating, but I need something more filling."

You wonder how your blood could possibly fail to be filling. Then again, considering the source of your divinity...

"This is a gift, you know," Astarion calls over his shoulder. He's paused in his stalking off into the forest for one last parting remark. "I won't forget it."

Maybe it's from the blood loss, but you feel your heart skip a beat. You shake it off, before dragging yourself to your feet so you can go clean the blood off before it soaks into your shirt.

[kobold-text]

Dungeon Master Advice!

When making a Huge City there are 2 ways to do so. Way 1 is to map out the city in it's entirety and then to decide which buildings are important and you can accurately give players directions to their location. This works best for games that take place in massive cities where traveling the city is the majority of the travel the players do. However if you're new or you want the players to go to multiple cities then there is a much more simple option! Simply list out the important locations of the city I.E. large churches, taverns, important characters homes, shops, and other special locations. Then simply think/write up a description of traveling the streets such as whether they are bustling and mercantile, dull and shifty, full of streamers or quiet and lit by street lamps! this will allow players to fill in the blanks with their imagination and allows you to pick your city with a lot more interesting location with a lot less work! This is allows you to get to playing quicker and simplifies travel around the city. (sometimes players don't write notes so they don't remember all the street names you came up with.) That is this Kobolds Dungeon master tip for today! Talk to you later!

[eggedbellies]

idea

Dragon Slayer to dragon layer. 

Finally bested by a dragon,  and upon your defeat shackles are placed on you.  Encrusted with scales. 

Sent to live in the tower, in the coming weeks as you become more and more dragon. 

The heat is taking over,  but thankfully the wonderful Kolbolds keep you company.  You didn't even know you could take such big things. 

Was thinking it goes from human->anthro-> full on dragon

Get a little period where you're a rapid kobold egg layer,  to pay back for your kobold slaying. 

Yesss excellent love this, nobody warned you what the true danger around dragons were - they were addictive. And their magic made everyone who fell to them into kobolds, dragon servants. You just didn't realise quite what it meant to be a dragon's slave until you were straining and moaning around an egg, with promises that your next clutch would be bigger all it took for you to cum

[sorcerous-caress]

Yes! Give me a Dwarf monk with a beard that can make the whole party green with envy! Way of the Long Death ( if we're using mods, Alternative monk is a wonderful mod btw) Would be perfect for a dwarf, very difficult to kill, and allows the Monk to serve as a defender more easily. A friend that will gladly brush off that waraxe for you.

Honestly, it's the only dwarf companion I can remember being treated well during recent times is Varric Tethras from Dragon Age ( Psst, It's the chest hair)

Theoretically? Hmm, I'd create a Kobold sorcerer of the Aberrant Mind variety. To play off the goblin rivalry within act 1 and to tie into psionics that will be inevitably thrown around via tadpoles. Hell, if you don't use the tadpoles, the sorcerer could be a way not to miss out on some abilities, albeit weaker.

A KOBOLD! MY BELOVED!!!

I would start a fanclub for that sorcerer kobold, first to recruit off of the gates even if he's stashed away at the end of the world. My lvl1 Tav would power walk their way through everything and ignore all other companions to reach him, after securing him only then does the game starts.

And omfg that dwarf monk, god. Something about imagining them has me twirling my hair and kicking my feet in the air. Like a powerful strong buff dwarf with the best beard ever that has charms and braids.

Imagine how easily it'd be for the dwarf to pick you up like you were a couple of grapes. Maybe the party is crossing some muddy swamp and the dwarf chatter is offering to hold you up so you don't get mud on your clothes, my heartttt.

The hearty deep laugh, the devotion and the effortless charm. A dwarf is basically humanity's standards of butch/masc and it would make anyone swoon. Also women with beards are like so pretty and breathtaking <33333 AAAAA

Imagine them offering you a drink but telling you to slow it down because your pretty little human head probably can't handle their alcohol. Or at the end of their romance, they gift you a crafted sword/weapon with gems to show their love.

The thing about dwarves is how effortlessly badass they are while playing it off, yk? Like they're that cool older mentor who always includes you in stuff and sneaks you a drink or a snack during training but making sure you're safe and protected. They have strong believes that they take to heart but also are surprisingly open minded and never assume malic. Like when humanity copied their city designs and dwarves took it as a compliment and helped the humans build it.

I haven't played dragon age yet but I searched him up and oh my- we get all of that cleavage show for free? God is not dead after all.

[theenpcbracket]

Seeding Round: Poll 5

Image IDs included! Click the images to see the full character please!

More about each NPC below the cut!

Character Descriptions are in the order of their appearance in the poll!

Character 1

Name: Kevin Party: GATEGATE Relationship to party: Familiar, general menace

What makes them the best NPC: We used speak with animals on him one time and it was so funny we just decided he could talk the whole time. Canonically he's a familiar because he got arrested in the Feywild and this is his community service. He's not only useless but actively antagonistic to the party. He eats exclusively raw meat hand-rolled in birdseed and hates everyone. His sheer glee at seeing the rest of us miserable was powerful enough to protect us from the effects of the Shadowfell. His two attacks are (a) shitting on people and (b) necklace of fireballs. He is my horrible son and I love him very much. He gets consulted on every decision and his response is always some variation of (horrible screechy voice) "you're all stupid and I hope you die I'm going back to sleep".

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Character 2

Name: Mercurial Party: The Fosters Relationship to party: Friend, ally, strategist, arcane scientist

What makes them the best NPC: Mercurial is a drow divination wizard who loves his girlfriend and studying magic very much. He’s so incredibly anxious and semi-unintentionally goofy at all times, but he ultimately has a steel will and the determination to back it. His girlfriend and he helped lead a drow rebellion against the high elven monarchists, and they’re both currently elbows-deep in helping to set up a more equitable but still stable government to replace the emperor. He’s a skilled diviner and she’s an incredible tactician, so they’re incredible strategists.

He is both so incredibly cool and just some guy. He'll do just about anything you ask. Once, a PC told him to go get "as many lemons as [he could]" and he brought back hundreds. Every time we drop in on him, he ends up nervously making like, French toast or bruschetta or something. He’s also an incredibly competent wizard who is going for his arcane PhD. He got into biochemistry when one of our PCs (an old friend of his and his girlfriend’s) asked him to do some blood analyses. When he realized one of the party NPCs's blood would confirm a hypothesis he had but she wouldn’t give it to him, he (for the first time) used his unassuming and nervous demeanor to trick her into letting her guard down enough that he could stab, grab, and run like hell away with the blood. He talks like Eeyore. I love him so much.

Quote: "Wait, don't tell her, I don't want her to be more mad at me than she already is..." -Mercurial, after tricking the party NPC.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Character 3

Name: Selûne Party: THE FACE SMASHERZ! Relationship to party: Goddess of the moon, patron of paladin Sorbet Lemonbalm (Sorbet is her champion)

What makes them the best NPC: Do YOU want a base-game goddess taken to the next level? Are YOU a fan of big buff war veteran elves with moon-shaped tit windows? Do YOU want a polyamorous queen canonically married to her champion who also has a girlfriend ????

SELUNE SELUNE SELUNE !!!!

Selune in our game is more than just a base-game goddess. She's one of our prominent party gods, given that our campaign centers around godslaying and the power imbalances that follow. Top three Selune moments in our campaign are:

3. When she got summoned to help aid our party in a massive fight and ripped off her sleeves and hiked up her dress to beat the shit out of interlopers in one of her last temples. 2. That time she faked out her champion into thinking she was killing her in order to save a little baby Kobold from the Corruption with the last of her essence. And lastly... [drumroll] 1. THE TIME MID-FIGHT WITH THE FEY QUEEN WHEN SORBET, HER CHAMPION, GOT MADE INTO THE NEW SUMMER FEY KING AND THE FIRST THING SHE DID WAS PROPOSE TO SELUNE AND SHE SAID YES + BLESSED IT, THUS MAKING THE SUMMER COURT SELUNE'S BY POLITICAL MARRIAGE BECAUSE OUR GIRL SORBET HAD NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH THIS NEW POWER (Also this broke our DM) (in a good way)

Vote Selune: Our Lady Silver, Fey-King Consort, and our Lover of Ladies ;)

Quote: "...She cherishes every star, on the ground and in the sky, no matter how great or small. I used to hear hearth stories growing up about Selune and her herd of celestial rams, always making sure she had every starry lamb accounted for each night..." - Sorbet, telling young kobolds about Selune

[lowlevelkoboldadventures]

Hi Tally!

Im curious, how do kobolds like to relax? Do they go on vacations?

The best rock-ards,

-Mynt

Hi Mynt!!! "Rock-ards" XDDD love it...

Hmmm... it's hard to say definitively what a kobold finds relaxing honestly! All kobolds are their own unique individuals so I can never speak for everybody, but here's some things that I do see to be common!

Many I know I think would agree with dragon cuddles. Those are pretty much an instant hit if you're a more dragon-centric kobold!

There's some kobolds I know with a resistance to heat, and many of them can be found spending some leisure time in pools of magma or basking on coal embers too!

There are many scents that kobolds often like, with some popular scent makers I see around the most being coins, dragon's breath, rock polish, and concrete! Candle and incense making isn't too common a trade amongst kobolds, but those who do are VERY well off considering how high demand is!

Some kobolds also are fond of big cuddle piles! Just a whole bunch of kobolds all nestled up together! I hear your worries all just wash away as you're surrounded by fellow kin who all respect and adore you like that. I'm not too big a fan myself tho, it gets to be a little overstimulating at times. Cuddles in smaller groups are still very very nice in my books 😊

And of course, spending time with your hoard is a very wonderful way to relax as well. There's many practices when it comes to enjoying your hoard, but my method is that I take an object I've collected and hold it like I'm experiencing it for the first time! I look at every little detail, what does it smell like? What is its texture? What do I like about it? What makes it special from all the others? Then I go through my hoard one by one and repeat that process! It's a very zen and almost meditative experience for me, I highly recommend giving it a try with objects YOU enjoy too! When was the last time you really looked at something like that?

Anyways, thank you so much for the ask!!! I wish you a very relaxing day out there, thanks for stopping by!!! ✨🙏😋✨

[dzamie-oc]

Voretober 22 - Captive

Length: 1800 words Vore type: M/? oral vore, unwilling prey, digestion Fandom: None Other info: dragon/human, multiple prey, implied vore Summary: A well-fed dragon returns to his captive princess for some nice belly rubs. She does her best to think about anything other than what (or rather, who) is on the other side of those scales.

Princess Japhei flipped a page in her book, trying to shut out the sounds of a fight just down the hall from where her bed lay. Shouts of effort, a ferocious roar, the clash of claws against steel… she shook her head and groaned in frustration, staring harder at the story of a young man mysteriously transported to a realm of beasts and in the body of one. At one word, she squinted, tried to sound out what it might be, and ultimately just beckoned to the small lizard at the other end of the bed.

The scaly creature set down the tiara he had been polishing and crawled over to her. Japhei held the book open and pointed at the troublesome word. His slit-pupil eyes flicked over the page before landing where she pointed; soon after, he nodded. "That one's "deception,"" he said, "it means-"

Japhei cut him off with, pushing his head back with a hand. "I know what it means, Zechir. I just know it from speaking," she reminded him, "besides, when one day I am to take my father's place, I certainly can't hold a court without knowing deception inside and out."

Before Zechir could reply, heavy footsteps drew both of their attentions to the chamber entrance. Red scales gleamed and glittered in the magical torchlight, the pride of Arzenn the Ruthless. "You really ought to exchange that "when" for an "if,"" he rumbled. Though he bore scars from older fights, Japhei noticed he had no new ones, and despite his visibly full belly, there was no blood around his muzzle. The nausea she used to feel on realizing the implications of such details was barely present, and she wasn't sure how to feel about that. Still, she could at least be disappointed by the latest band of so-called rescuers; while she no longer awaited Arzenn's death, that they did not scratch his hide, let alone give him cause to kill them with claws and fangs indicated… substandard skills.

While Zechir had quickly prostrated himself before his master, Japhei remained reclined on the bed - but she did shut her book. "There are yet two weeks out," the princess pointed out.

Arzenn huffed, small wisps of smoke trailing from his nostrils. "And six weeks in, for a sum which small villages pay in three, and for but a baker's daughter. If your father's actions do not offend you, I shall be offended on your behalf." He strode closer to the bed, but laid on his side; as he showed off his belly, Japhei could see slight but sudden movement in his scales - he had not even simply battered the fighters unconscious, but overwhelmed them while they still remained in the waking world. "Both of you, attend me. Zechir, first set out a rug and cushion for the princess to sit upon."

The kobold yipped and quickly set about his task, but Japhei remained where she was. "And why, pray tell, should I?" she asked with a smile. "After all, you will not burn or even scratch me so long as your promise to return me in "fine condition" stands."

The dragon gave a deep sigh and rolled his eyes. "Must we go through this each time?"

"When they still draw breath? Absolutely. It is barbaric, and I demand some small measure of your misery for my own."

At this, he grinned. "Ah, but once unmoving, you've no quarrel?" By his side, Zechir leaned against his master's belly scales, pressing his hands into him.

The princess sat up and crossed her arms. "At least then, I may think of it as cattle sacrificed from such an aforementioned village. Not men of my own kingdom." She raised her book in one hand, waving it in a vaguely threatening manner. "Now out with it, or I shall simply return to my studies."

"You're better at negotiations than your father," Arzenn said. He spared a quick word of praise to an immediately-beaming Zechir, then addressed Japhei once again, "once these two weeks are up, you are mine to keep. You will no longer be a princess, and will instead be either food or a kobold - in title if not in body. Should you wish to meet the latter fate, such physical affection and digestive aid both ingratiates me to you to avoid an early death, and provides important practice for more frequent kobold duties." His stomach puncuated this with a loud gurgle, and a spirited Zechir threw himself against the dragon's gut; Japhei could not hear him but suspected he was purring.

With a sigh, the princess set her book down and stepped carefully along the deployed rug to kneel on the pillow. She took a deep breath, steeled her nerves, and pressed her own hands to his belly-scales. As usual, the dragon was hot to the touch - not painful, but far more than herself or any of her maidservants - and surprisingly soft, at least compared to the thick, tough scale armor protecting most of his body. She pushed one hand in, then the other, doing her best to simply focus on the movement, rather than-

Just then, she ran into some resistance, or rather, some resistance threw itself against her hands. It was faint, subtle, but for even that much to reach her, whatever poor soul was trapped in there must still have a fair bit of strength and energy remaining. Japhei had to keep her mind off of what was on the other side of those scales. "I can't help but notice you come from battle utterly untouched," she ventured, "this was not the case earlier in my captivity. Perhaps keeping me alive and a target has bettered your fighting skills?"

Arzenn scoffed at this, thumped the tip of his tail against the stony floor, and scowled at the far wall. "Bah," he grumbled, "the first one - Sir Avi or whatever - I had to kill to save myself from injury. The past few fights I ate or let flee depending merely on hunger or boredom."

The princess grimaced, even as she settled into a rhythm of kneading one hand, then the other, up and down. "And this cannot be the result of, as I put forth, a rapid increase in skills?"

"If I could treat such a fighter as Avi to such an effortless defeat as the trio currently in there-" as Arzenn spoke, Japhei withdrew with a shudder, "- well, I reckon I could walk through the entire kingdom, eating who I please, without fear of so much as a bloodied wing. No, little Japhei, anyone skilled at fighting is either otherwise occupied or has already fallen at my claws."

The red dragon's stomach growled again; Japhei did her best to pretend that all the movement she saw was its own, and once again she started to rub at his underside. It felt softer now, with less firm spots and barely any movement that the princess couldn't tell herself was just his body. "You surely cannot believe that," she said, "or you could simply fly back in and take my ransom ten times over."

Arzenn went quiet, forepaw to his chin, and stared off into the distance. "You will make a fine kobold," the dragon eventually settled on, "but the point of this is not in the having, but the getting." He smiled at her, displaying his fangs. "You saw my assault on your tower; do you not think it would have been easier for me to break into the royal vault? You are far more fragile than a pile of gold and gems- Zechir, control yourself."

Reflexively, Japhei turned to look at the kobold. Judging by how he'd wrapped his tail around his hips and now had his feet much further from Arzenn than when he was hugging the dragon's gut, she was quite glad she had not turned faster. Cheeks burning with an unwanted mental image, the captive princess returned to her task; luckily, by this point, naught of his… meal remained, so it was as though she was simply massaging him.

After some silence, she turned back to meet the dragon's eyes with an angry glare. Just as she started to say something, he turned his head and muffled a burp behind his paw. There was a metallic clang, and a steel helmet clattered out from behind his paw before rolling to a stop against the wall. "Ah, excuse me," he said, "I believe that means your job is done. You are free to remain, but I will not demand it."

Once she was able to tear her eyes away from the acid-worn and bloody helmet, Princess Japhei leapt to her feet, shielded her eyes from it with her hand, and climbed back onto the bed, quickly covering her head with a nice, soft, and, most importantly, opaque pillow. "I will NEVER get used to… to that!" she shouted.

There was a scraping of metal on stone, then an audible gulp from the direction of the dragon. She knew the grotesque sight was gone, but also very much did not want to think about it. "A shame, that," Arzenn remarked, "I'd hope you could learn, but perhaps I will have to assign you differently. Or assign you to my stomach more directly. For now, though… Zechir, remain guarding and aiding her."

Heavy footsteps once again reached her ears, this time diminishing. Then, smaller ones approached. The bed sank as the kobold climbed on and laid next to her, himself pillowless. "Hey," his voice came, "since it's us two again, do you wanna-"

"Not on your life, dirty lizard." Her words came out sharper than she'd intended, what with the visceral reminder of her citizens' deaths she'd just seen and participated in.

However, Zechir just laughed. "Don't flatter yourself; I'm not human, remember, and you don't have horns, scales, or even a tail." There was a bit more pressure on her head as the kobold leaned against the pillow. "I still want to hear what's going on in that story… and besides, it'll give you something better to think about."

Japhei sighed and pushed herself up, throwing the lizard off, then grabbed the book, pointedly making sure not to look at where the helmet had been. "I hope that ransom comes soon," she muttered, flipping through the pages to find her spot.

"I don't!" called Zechir from the spot on the floor he'd fallen to. "Because if it doesn't, either Arzenn will have another kobold he so definitely deserves, or I'll get to rub his belly again once he's gulped you down!"

Japhei glared at him, but he kept smiling, so she instead looked at the book. She pointed at the unfamiliar word once more. "That's "deception," right? Then I should be here…"