#you're basically a teenager until you're like 25

[spitblaze]

dunno who needs to hear this but people in the 18-23 age bracket are not 'grown-ass adults'

[mochinomnoms]

Hey so for the small requests thing can we get one with Malleus getting treated like a normal teenager for once and being an in-love loser dork about it with Yuu please

I love little things that make Malleus a more normal guy and not "one of the five strongest mages of the world"!!!

Yes he's a powerful fae, but he's also a rather young fae still, and being young means that your prefrontal cortex doesn't finish developing until you're 25 (or the fae equivalent)! Which means you're prone to make more questionable decisions while still younger!

My favorite thing to imagine with Malleus is him being kinda obvious when it comes to being in love.

In fact, I want him to be like a middle school girl, writing their precious human's name in his notebook with his last name. He's not good with technology, but he's managed to get super blurry pictures of you to hang in a little lovesick shrine like a school girl, kicking his feet and smiling like an idiot.

He's drawing your name in hearts, he's thinking about the names of your future children, he's thinking about the wedding theme. He's basically planned out your entire future down to the minute.

The fantasy is shattered when Lilia asks him, "Have you had a first date with them yet?"

[viamia]

You know, ever since I was a teenager I started having a lot of anxiety attacks, which I still face even today as I get older. I would really like to know how you think Sunny Day Jack and the other guys in the games would react or help if MC had an anxiety attack…

Oh you poor sweet soul, ill happily write this for you. I'm pray that you'll find a way to relax and keep calm.

Snaccpopstudio boys and how they help with your panic attacks

Tw:Mentions of extreme stress, panic attacks, and uncomfortable themes. Leave now if your uncomfortable with any if these topics

Jack: When you start hyperventilating, your body becoming shaky, jack immediately is on high alert and on the dot, making sure your in a quiet area with food and water to help calm your nerve. He whisper sweet nothings to you and just hold you until you calm down.

Ian:Poor baby is panicking and stressing just as much as you. He's trying to figure out how tf to calm you down. He ain't used to this, but he'll try his best to calm you down

Nick:immediately resorts to bringing out his pomeranians. He lets the pomeranians at least calm you down a bit. If that starts to wear down, he steps in and peppers you with kisses and basically spoils you. He lays you down on the couch and covers you a warm blanket, and puts on your favorite movie to help soothe your nerves

Shaun:Similar to Nick, pet to the rescue. Moonpie can tell when you're panicking. The only thing is, the poor girl is blind so Shaun helps to guide her. But instead of letting moonpie calm you down alone, he's there too, he has you in his lap, holding you in his arms as he kisses your head, telling you everything is ok and that's he's there for you.

Bo: when he sees you hyperventilating, he immediately jumps onto you and clings onto in a very tight hug. He's not the best with comfort since he's been in the tomodachi for like, 25 years. But, what I can imagine is him going into feed me mode (yes he'll be wearing pants, I see you people 🤨) so there's basically more for you to hug and more heat to help soothe you.

Taylor:He's trying his best :'). He's not the brightest, in my opinion, but definitely knows when you're having a P.A. he immediately runs off to grab snacks and a blanket. He wraps you in a blanket and holds you like your life depends on it, which, kinda does depending on how severe it is. He's trying his best to make sure your happy and comfortable

Elias: Elias, being a Victorian baby boy, doesn't really know what to do, man ain't used to it. The best he can do is make you some tea and make you your favorite dessert. He's trying his absolute hardest to make you comfortable and calm. He'll ask you questions like if your comfortable or if you need anything, so when your able to calm down, you can explain to him so he'll know what to do next time.

SUPER SUPER sorry that this took way longer then usual. I was tired and was all over the place. I hope you like it tho.

[aspd-culture]

Do you know at what point ASPD is unlikely to reverse in minors (like 17 or 16 but I know 18 is necessary for diagnosis) or if a certain amount of symptoms is unlikely to reduce enough to not be ASPD anymore?

I've heard the 18+ thing is necessary because ASPD can be reduced/reversed before 18 but I'm not sure if it consistently includes 16/17 as ones who can also be reduced if they meet the criteria.

I'm just turning 17 next month and trying to get therapy is difficult because of my provider so I'm worried my ASPD traits are irreversible already (mostly because of how much I experience them, which is relatively a lot compared to prosocials)

So the younger you are, the easier this is, but realistically I wouldn't be surprised if it has wiggle room even going over that 18 year range - which is somewhat arbitrary and is not built with the actual ages of impulsivity and emotional regulation in mind as far as I can tell. It's just that ASPD can only be diagnosed in adulthood, and in the US which is the book I'm reading out of, you're an adult at 18. I don't think it's a hard and fast rule bc the wording is "cannot be diagnosed until 18" not "should be diagnosed if these symptoms persist past 18". It's basically saying that you can't diagnose anyone under that age with it bc it could just be normal teenage behavior.

The things that can reverse the set in of ASPD symptoms are all based in adequate support and ability to heal, so the freshness of the events leading to ASPD would also be important to consider. You're less likely to be able to be helped to recover from this to where it's not diagnosable (meaning you don't have it bc you genuinely do not under any definition fit the criteria - this is what ppl mean when they say with their antidepressants, they're no longer considered diagnosable with depression and are therefore considered successfully treated) if you've spent longer in survival mode. What the support needed to avoid ASPD is based on is getting you out of survival mode in time for your brain to socially develop properly. As the brain doesn't stop developing until around 25, my unprofessional behind would not be surprised if you could, in theory, be given enough respite that you can avoid ASPD for a couple years after that 18 starting line for diagnosis. And the less time you were in survival mode without adequate support to remove you from it, the lower chance antisocial traits would develop in the first place.

It is absolutely worth an attempt if you're able to start trying to get that support, but try to do it outside of the mindset of running from ASPD, bc that will ruin your brain's ability to focus on healing. In the meantime while you're getting that therapy to process, you can also be supplementing your therapy with researching and attempting to understand social cues and dances and all of that. If you're getting help and you're researching this, then even if you do end up having ASPD you'll have done a good amount of the heavy lifting to learn to best cope with it and have more typical relationships and social interactions with those around you.

No matter what, you have all the time in the world to heal to a very significant degree bc ASPD does respond to professional help to mitigate some of it's symptoms, so please don't let turning 18 discourage you from getting help. With or without ASPD, you deserve to heal from whatever trauma you've dealt with.

Plain text below the cut:

So the younger you are, the easier this is, but realistically I wouldn't be surprised if it has wiggle room even going over that 18 year range - which is somewhat arbitrary and is not built with the actual ages of impulsivity and emotional regulation in mind as far as I can tell. It's just that ASPD can only be diagnosed in adulthood, and in the US which is the book I'm reading out of, you're an adult at 18. I don't think it's a hard and fast rule bc the wording is "cannot be diagnosed until 18" not "should be diagnosed if these symptoms persist past 18". It's basically saying that you can't diagnose anyone under that age with it bc it could just be normal teenage behavior.

The things that can reverse the set in of ASPD symptoms are all based in adequate support and ability to heal, so the freshness of the events leading to ASPD would also be important to consider. You're less likely to be able to be helped to recover from this to where it's not diagnosable (meaning you don't have it bc you genuinely do not under any definition fit the criteria - this is what ppl mean when they say with their antidepressants, they're no longer considered diagnosable with depression and are therefore considered successfully treated) if you've spent longer in survival mode. What the support needed to avoid ASPD is based on is getting you out of survival mode in time for your brain to socially develop properly. As the brain doesn't stop developing until around 25, my unprofessional behind would not be surprised if you could, in theory, be given enough respite that you can avoid ASPD for a couple years after that 18 starting line for diagnosis. And the less time you were in survival mode without adequate support to remove you from it, the lower chance antisocial traits would develop in the first place.

It is absolutely worth an attempt if you're able to start trying to get that support, but try to do it outside of the mindset of running from ASPD, bc that will ruin your brain's ability to focus on healing. In the meantime while you're getting that therapy to process, you can also be supplementing your therapy with researching and attempting to understand social cues and dances and all of that. If you're getting help and you're researching this, then even if you do end up having ASPD you'll have done a good amount of the heavy lifting to learn to best cope with it and have more typical relationships and social interactions with those around you.

No matter what, you have all the time in the world to heal to a very significant degree bc ASPD does respond to professional help to mitigate some of it's symptoms, so please don't let turning 18 discourage you from getting help. With or without ASPD, you deserve to heal from whatever trauma you've dealt with.

[detentiontrack]

Oh wow you actually give quite good advice. Got any advice for highschoolers? I just started my freshman year (although probably some advice won’t be terribly applicable since the entire school is 25 people and my class is 4 kids, but it’s worth a shot. Also it might help other people.)

YES! I DO! So I went to a year and a half of high school before moving up to college and I HATED it. Here are some tips that would have made it suck less.

Learn to have a thicker skin. Easier said than done, I KNOW, but if someone says something mean to you, you can't let it bother you forever. Accept that they're just an asshole or are insecure and taking it out on others, and move on. Your worth is not defined by what some 14 year old bitch says about you.

It is not lame to have a good relationship with teachers! Talk to them, hang out with them during lunch, don't care what anyone else thinks.

Pack yourself a lunch every single day. Its healthier and you'll have more time to hang out during lunch.

Get involved! Join clubs, do student government or debate, do cast or crew for the fall musical. I did costumes for my freshman fall musical, and it's how I met one of my best friends who is still my best friend almost 5 years later (if you're reading this, you know who you are. ily <3)

Don't feel pressured to dress a certain way for fashion trends. I was a freshman in 2019/2020 so vsco girl/cottage core/""alt"" (that wasn't even really alternative) were very popular and I basically didn't wear any of my favorite clothes for a while. Just do what makes you happy.

Get a 504 or an IEP (educational/school accommodation plans) if you need one. They're life savers (if anyone wants another post on what was on my 504 for accommodations, lmk!)

Your body is inevitably going to change. Most people gain weight when they're in high school. Despite being a teenager, you are still a CHILD. Your body isn't going to look like an instagram model's. Don't let it get to you.

Always carry around pads or tampons with you. Even if you don't have periods. You never know when you or someone you know will get a surprise period.

Bring deodorant in your backpack every day. You will need it, even if you apply it in the morning.

Don't be that person who puts on heavy perfumes or body sprays in class. Just don't.

Take honors/AP classes if you can! They're honestly not that much more difficult and they look great on your record.

Do every single extra credit assignment!

Use google docs for everything

Take notes in every class, even if you already know the subject and notes aren't required.

Learn to study in high school, even if you don't need to. You WILL need to study in college and it's good to already know your studying style.

Take lots of photos! Even if you are insecure. You don't have to look at them, but someday you'll want to have them. I was deeply insecure in high school and have barely any photos of myself, and I deeply regret that.

You know those posts that are like "life may suck but at least I'm not 15 again"? Those posts are real. High school is NOT AT ALL the best years of your life, despite what everyone may tell you. Things can always get better.

Try not to date much in high school. Statistically, you are not going to marry your freshman year partner. Even if you think they're "the one", don't take it super seriously. You both have a lot of developing to do.

DO NOT EVER IN YOUR LIFE DATE A SENIOR AS A FRESHMAN. YOU ARE NOT MATURE FOR YOUR AGE. IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU COOL. THEY ARE NOT DIFFERENT OR SPECIAL. A 17/18 YEAR OLD HAS ABSOLOUTLEY NO BUSINESS DATING A 14/15 YEAR OLD. DO NOT GO THERE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE. EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is a LOT of pressure to lose your virginity in high school. That is bullshit. It's okay to not have sex until later. It's okay to never have sex. Anyone who tries to pressure you or tell you otherwise, is NOT someone you want in your life. The right sexual partner will respect your boundries and not try to pressure you into anything.

[rapha-reads]

IWTV rewatch

Season 1 episode 4 [The Ruthless Pursuit of Blood With All a Child's Demanding] - part 2/2

- [Claudia] "We do like mortals do. We fight, we eat, we laugh, we sleep, we love. And then the phone rang last night. And all the easy times stopped." - ooof. How to destroy familial domesticity: bring back the real world.

I love, love, loooove Louis' coldness and casual cruelty at his mother's wake. And looooove the family solidarity. Oh, Daddy Lou's fighting with his sister? Time to show our fangs and have his back.

- Oooh, a Lestat and Claudia scene! Dad teaching his kid all the true, important ways to make it in the world. And accidentally making her realise some things she'll never get to have, stuck as she is as a young teenager. But the blood kinda makes up for it tho.

- "Uncle Les says I gotta practice killin' both the one and the plus one at the same time, but I came away understanding something else tonight. I can't quite put it into words, but it's like something opened up in my head, in my body. I've been 18 for 7 months now, and it's time I started acting like it."

Aaaaand there it is. Happy hunting indeed. Happy until the reality hits back...

"I've lost my appetite, I can't sleep!" - welcome to hormones. Can't say I know first-hand what you're going through but good luck. Oh, no, but this is waaay too adorable. The giggling and the skipping and the flowers and the staying on the balcony waiting for Charlie to look up...

- "Everyone in my family looks younger than their age." - yeah that's one way to put it I guess.

Aaaand exit Charlie, pursued by a terrified horse. Taking this opportunity to say a lil something about how book!vampires are basically asexual in the way that their desire and pleasure express themselves through the blood, blood drinking and blood sharing. While the show being a visual media for a modern audience decided to make human sexuality also a part of vampire sexuality, all while keeping the blood as this irresistible force and the source of everything. Don't really have an opinion one way or another, except to say, please we need more asexual representation that still shows that ace people can find and express desire and pleasure outside of sexuality.

- Lestat taking on the ugly role of teaching Claudia about control and how it's hard for vampires to make lasting connections with mortals... Parenting's hard.

- [Louis] "Vivid writer, isn't she" - I'm kinda glad we don't get Claudia's own words about Charlie's death, knowing the writers they would have given us another lyrical prose that would have made us all bawl our eyes out.

The way Daniel is visibly impacted and heartbroken reading Claudia's diaries: he is deeply compassionate. And you can't read people and write about them without a certain level of compassion and even empathy. "Anne Frank meets Stephen King" indeed.

- [Louis] "Claudia was... everything." - ouch. Break my heart, won't you. It's the way Louis is physically struggling to talk about her, the way he needs the pebbles of his zen garden beneath his feet to anchor himself solidly enough to talk about her.

- "It's funnier when they fight in French. And diary, you'd think a girl whose mama died in childbirth, whose daddy gave her away to a mean old auntie who beat her 'cause no one said she couldn't, who died in a fire but came back by the blood magic of two demons, well, you'd think that girl wouldn't know what funny was. But you'd be wrong, diary. And if I told you, dumb diary, that that same girl was being raised to kill like her demon parents did, to take two souls a day so she could stay in the same flat-chested, hairless-crotched 14-year-old baby doll body as her mind and spirit turn 19, 20, 25, 63, 358, you dumb, dumb diary, I bet you'd say to anyone who'd listen 'Fun? Fun? How does she even get up in the morning?' Well, let me tell you something, you stuck-up, flower-covered, three-dollar fancy fucking paper diary, I'm doing just fine. And how do I know that? 'Cause the first man I killed called me the devil, and the last boy I killed, the last boy I'll ever love in this world, called me an angel. So that means I'm on the right path. And that means there's so much more fun out there to have. I'm just getting started."

THE INTENSITY, DAMN.

The crescendo of Claudia's voice overlayed by the music and echoed in the angrier and angrier words. Wow, I need a minute.

Between the "losing my mind in the coffin" scene, that "madwoman in the attic walking down from the attic" scene and the "the sun is a deadly laser" scene, someone needs to give Bailey several awards. And the writing team needs these awards too.

Show!Claudia actually has a backstory, not very detailed but still there, a miserable, painful human life, 14 years of misery and pain - she had a life, she had experiences before becoming a vampire; unlike book!Claudia who was 5 when she was turned, told Louis she couldn't remember her human life before being Louis and Lestat's, and doesn't have her own narration in between Louis' recollections.

Here, the addition of the diaries to the way the story is told not only allows a third party, a third perspective that's no more and no less of an unreliable narrator as Louis' voice, but it also, and I think more importantly, allows for Claudia to speak for herself. She isn't anymore just a footnote in the messy romance of Louis and Lestat. She is her own person, in her own narrative, with her own agency and life. And that's a huge difference between the two versions of Claudia: eternally-5-year-old Claudia couldn't have her own agency, no matter that she was really 40 in a child's body, because that child's body was more of a damnation, a cage, than a teenager's body. At 14 and with make-up, fashion, body language and speech, Claudia can make herself look marginally older, and thus can reclaim some of that agency, of that control. Therefore the issue comes not from the fact that Claudia needs at least one adult to have that agency by proxy, but from the fact that she might never pass for older than 18 and will be taken advantage of. As we'll soon see.

Also she was right, last boy she loved, but not last person, we stan a bisexual murder deranged queen.

And I did tell Lestat, that roof window is a structural failure.

Well, welcome to the Claudia show. That was one hell of an entrance. Crowd's seated for the next part, "Claudia goes Wild party in the Mississippi".

episode 1 | episode 2 | episode 3 | part 1 | episode 5 | episode 6 | episode 7

[yelenasdiary]

Read this or don't, that's completely fine. I was going to explain everything in a reply to an ask that I was sent but an anon that has nothing to do with this, they are lovely! I just think a post on its own is more appropriate.

Below the cut I warn you that topics like, Sexual Assault, Physical & Mental abuse are spoken about. Please do not bother to read this if you're not comfortable. I literally do not expect anybody to read this, I am simply posting this because of how I am feeling towards the asks I received before I went to bed last night.

I just want to say that I've been open about certain things in my life on here and that is simply because I want my blog to welcome everybody (within reason). I want those who unfortunately have been through similar stuff to feel seen, heard and know you are loved! I want those who feel alone to know that you're never alone, I am here for you, my blog is here for you.

This isn't the first time I have received asks about my sexual experiences. A month or two ago I received a spam of asks that I never answered because of how disturbing and outright disgusting they were. Now, after last night, I feel that I need post this. I am not asking for anything in return, I just want to make that clear. All I want is for people to understand the hurt I am currently feeling.

I've always been open on here about the fact that I am a virgin. It's nothing that I feel ashamed about, I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I know there are plenty of people like myself who are also virgins. I wish there were more people who are open about being a virgin, if people can be so open about the fact they aren't a virgin, why can't we be open about the fact we are?

So when this anon asked if I was a virgin, I was honest and said yes. My mind was already racing with "oh god, what's next?" and I was just hoping whoever they are was jus being curious. But instead, I feel like they've made me ashamed of the fact I am a virgin, 25 and write smut.

TW; SA, Physical & Mental Abuse Mentioned -

A few of you would already know that unfortunately yes, I am a victim of sexual assault. I was a child and it was something that happened daily for a couple of years. Due to this, I have trauma, PTSD, depression and anxiety. I grew up with little knowledge on the basics of sex because of how triggering it was for me. I couldn't sit in on sexual education classes, I couldn't joke around about penis's with my friends let along look at one. For so long, I genuinely believed what happened to me was normal. I was 12 when I realised it wasn't.

It took me years to even be okay with the topic of sex, to see it in movies or even think of it. My sexuality wasn't something I always questioned, I had a big crush on Bieber during my teen years and there were a few other male celebrities that I found rather attractive, it wasn't until I was 17 that I saw women in a different way and tbh, the feeling I got from thinking about myself in a relationship with a woman was a lot more comforting then it was to thinking of myself with a male.

Did my abuse make me bisexual? Maybe. I don't know. I don't really care. I like women a lot more than I like men, I feel more comfortable talking to women than I do men.

Did my abuse stop me from having 'normal' teenage experiences? Yes. I have never physically been with anybody, I have never kissed anybody nor have I ever been on a date. Is that sad? maybe to some, to me? No.

I have little to no trust in males. Given that my abuser also physically abused me for such little things and mentally, I don't know what it feels like to not have the thoughts I do about myself. This person has ruined so much of my life and has had control over what I do because of the trauma they caused me.

But all that aside for a moment, I am still a human. I am a woman who still feels things. I am learning every day of new things. I have done plenty of research for the things I felt I missed out on in school. I have a best friend who is so fucking patient and understanding with me that he will explain things to me if needed.

Writing & reading smut over the last year has been really good for me. I don't mean that in a weird way, I mean that in a way it has helped me explore things I didn't know were a thing, it has helped me grow more comfortable with sex and that sex is a normal thing. Don't worry, I know what is written in smut is purely fiction, I know what happens in porn isn't real. I am not stupid.

But I can't sit here and say that smut has been really helpful. Some of you might not understand that and that's okay. But I have come a long way with being comfortable and finally feeling like I can be open about things I enjoy.

Back to this anon.

Yes, I am 25 and never had sex. I have never voluntarily sucked a guy off. i have never voluntarily slept with a male, touched a male or seen a males body. Why any of that is important to you makes no sense to me. You have brought back things that I wish to not think about. You have made me feel triggered and as though I shouldn't be writing such topics because of my lack of experience. You had no consideration whats so ever and I believe found it rather funny.

I am feeling so many feelings and having thoughts that I wish to express but I know you'll most likely see it has a sob story and make matters worse. What I do hope though is that if you have read this that you understand that your words and actions hurt. I am not weak for telling you this, I am not weak for not having any sexual experience, I am not weak for asking you to understand that your thoughtless actions were not called for.

I do not need to have sex to know what I am doing. I do not need to have sex with a cis male to know how to write about dicks. I do not need you to make me feel ashamed of this either.

This is already such a long post and I don't even expect anybody to still be reading this but if you are, please, please remember to always be kind! spread love, support and happiness. You honest have no idea what your words and actions can do to somebody. Be aware and be considerate, you would never want your closest friends to feel that way I am currently feeling.

I am sending love to everybody, if you ever need a friend to talk too my DMS//asks are always open. I will listen and be whoever it is you need 💜

[jeanie-g]

for the autumn mini fic thing, #25 haunted houses and the pairing jamie and trevor?

(i apologize if this isn't one of your pairings)

i'm BACK! and yes ofc they are one of my pairings!! :)) this one took a hot minute, but i didn't forget about you ;) it's also maybe my longest prompt fill lol

also, very slight nsfw

[#25] haunted houses

Jamie's at the stove, cooking breakfast for two. Trevor's sitting with one leg underneath him on a barstool by the island, scrolling through TikToks with his AirPods in. It's a typical Monday morning, the sizzling of egg whites interrupted by Trevor's amused snorts every couple of minutes.

A year ago, he wouldn't have admitted it, but Jamie loves this brand of domesticity. He loves being reminded that he gets to live and work with his boyfriend—his best friend—gets to deflect his shots in practice and cook him food and hear him laugh and kiss his lovely, pretty face whenever he wants. Even when they aren't talking, or doing anything of note, just being in each other's proximity is everything.

As if on cue, Trevor picks his head up, popping out his AirPods. "What are we doing this weekend?"

"Whatever you want," Jamie muses, turning the sausages to brown the other sides.

Trevor seems to know he's caught Jamie in a good mood, bent to capitalize on it, because he smiles innocently and asks, "Can we go to a haunted house?"

And Jamie should have seen this coming.

Jamie hates haunted houses. Not like they're scary or anything—they're just corny and gross (and awkward when he has to interact with any of the actors). He went to enough when he was a teenager and all his friends were obsessed with retro slashers; he doesn't want to put himself through more unnecessary torture.

Trevor, on the other hand, loves them, even though he doesn't have the best track record with horror. Too many times has he crawled into their bed after the newest A24 flick and snuggled up right to Jamie, pleading for him to keep his bed lamp on.

Trevor knows Jamie hates haunted houses, but he's been trying to get him to go to one all month, it being October and all. He keeps saying that Jamie just hasn't been to the "right one" yet, but Jamie's never budged.

"But it's so cool, Jim," Trevor whines. He scrolls through TikToks on his phone that sounds like they're advertising it, audio bits cutting in and out as he leans over the counter to shove his phone in Jamie's face.

Jamie snatches it away and looks for himself. POVs of walkthroughs play, narrated by that annoying robot voice that Jamie loathes. To Trevor's credit, it does look objectively impressive—obviously high budget, with elaborate set pieces and convincing actors with wicked SFX makeup. Still.

He hands Trevor's phone back to him. "It looks cool, Trev, but I'm not going."

Trevor pouts. Jamie shouldn't find it cute; it never ends well.

"You have to come," Trevor says. "It'd be so lame if I went alone."

Jamie turns back to the stove, giving the eggs a few more pokes before plating them. "Why don't you ask Jack to come? Jersey is playing us in, like, a week-and-a-half."

Trevor sighs. "I would, but that'd just turn into Jack bringing Nico, and I'd end up the third wheel—which is objectively worse than going alone."

Jamie chuckles, depositing Trevor's plate in front of him.

"Please?" Trevor asks, basically begs, but Jamie just gives him an eyeful.

Eventually, Trevor gives up, dropping his head with a groan. He picks up his fork and takes a bite. "You're so lame sometimes," he says. "These are really good, though."

Jamie snorts, and plates some food for himself. Drysdale: 1, Zegras: 0.

All Jamie has to do is keep sidelining this until the end of October, and Trevor will finally give it up.

It grows annoying, though, with Trevor slipping this stupid haunted house into almost every conversation they have over the next few days, between them and with the guys.

"Yeah, there's this crazy place downtown that's going mad viral," he says casually to Mason as they gear up before the Avs. "Jimmy here won't go with me, though."

Mason raises his eyebrows, turning his head towards Jamie. "You scared, JD?"

Jamie rolls his eyes. "Yeah, scared of my arm falling off from how tight Trevor'd squeeze it."

Mason laughs and Trevor goes pink. Jamie smirks at him. Two can play at this game.

And Jamie can, until he can't.

Four days later, Jamie gets a hat trick and Trevor is on him the moment they enter the player's parking garage. It isn't long before they're necking in the passenger seat of Jamie's car while Trevor not-so-subtly rolls his hips against Jamie's.

"It's not everyday a defenseman gets a hat trick, Jim," Trevor whispers, his breath tickling Jamie's ear. "That warrants some celebration, don't you think?"

Trevor ducks down to kiss him, and the car is already so hot. It takes all of Jamie's strength to unattach himself from him. "We can't here, Trev. What if someone sees us?"

Trevor shrugs noncomittally. "They're all still showering. Besides, it's more thrilling this way." Trevor accentuates his point by rolling his hips again.

Jamie bucks up into it, cursing his no good having dick.

"Trevor," Jamie scolds, but it sounds weak to his own ears.

Trevor sits back, defiant. "I bet I can make you come in under three minutes."

That throws Jamie off, and he chokes out a laugh.

Trevor seems affronted. "What? You don't think I can?"

And listen, Trevor is hot; Trevor is the best Jamie's ever had, but three minutes?

At Jamie's lack of a response, Trevor's brow furrows—the exact same expression he gets right before a face-off. It makes Jamie's abdomen tighten in a mix of fear and anticipation.

"If I do, you’ve gotta come to the haunted house with me," Trevor says.

That gets another laugh out of Jamie. Trevor doesn't budge though, head pointed quizzically. Jamie meets his eye, and—fuck, he can feel himself filling out. Why does competition have to turn him on so much?

"You know what? Fine. But I don't think you—"

"Set a timer."

And then Trevor's mouth is on his again, he's shifting up to unbuckle Jamie's pants, and he gets a hand on him.

And well, there's a reason Jamie never was a betting man.

* * *

The place is called "Macabre Manor". The marquee looks decent enough—its letters dripping fake blood and ooze while floating over a creepy ghost face—but Jamie's still dragging his feet as he and Trevor approach the line wrapped around the building.

Now, Jamie's a man of his word, and he's here, but never in their agreement did it say he couldn't complain about it.

"How long will it take for us to get in there?" he asks, the two of them joining the end of the line.

"Well, the experience is about 30 minutes—"

"30 minutes?" Jamie shoves his hands into his pockets. "I thought this was gonna be, like, a walkthrough."

"It is, but it's like, guided, or whatever. There's lots of lore."

Trevor has this cute, determined face on. Jamie can't help but poke him. "Are you sure you won't get scared?"

Trevor scoffs. "I'll be fine."

Jamie points behind him. "Because we can go right now..."

Trevor gives him an eyeful. "You cheater. I won fair and square and you know it. Shall I remind you of your stats?"

Jamie flushes pink and drops his hand. He didn't know what it was: the semi-public setting, the competitive aspect, or Trevor's gorgeous mouth as he—

"Fine," Jamie says, putting his hand back in his pocket. "You'll get scared, though. I know you."

Trevor loops him arm into the crook of Jamie's. "Well, I'll have my great protector right there with me."

And Jamie wants to counter that, but his head always gets syrupy whenever Trevor talks like that. Shit.

Despite the ludicrous runtime, the line moves quickly, and they're almost at the front when one of the workers greets them and asks how many are in their party. Trevor excitedly holds up two fingers, and the worker nods.

"The experience is tailored for parties of 4-6, so we're pairing you up with these two," he says, gesturing to the couple in front of them in line—a guy and a girl. "You guys introduce yourselves. You should get to know each other pretty well in there."

The worker ends his spiel with an ominous smirk, and then continues down the line. The two strangers turn to face Trevor and Jamie, a bit thrown off but smiling politely.

"Well, I'll just get the ball rolling then," the girl says, chortling. She's gotta be five feet tall, and her glasses take up half of her face. She’s cute, and seemingly just as excited as Trevor. “I’m Jess."

"I'm Trevor," Trevor greets.

Jamie waves. "Jamie."

Finally, the guy clears his throat, brown hair dusting over his forehead and into his eyes. "I'm Toby."

They seem nice enough, and before he knows it, Trevor's already gabbing with Jess about the cool things they both saw online about this place. Toby, meanwhile, stays quiet. He keeps looking at Jamie, though, smiling and then looking away. The guy is obviously shy—wallflower recognizes wallflower and all that. It's also possible that he recognizes him and Trevor from the Ducks, though that's unlikely this far outside of Anaheim.

Jamie takes the initiative and smiles back at him. It's his duty as a fellow introvert, after all. "You excited for this thing?"

Toby seems spooked at first, like he's surprised Jamie is even talking to him. Then, he chuckles. "Not really, honestly."

Jamie smiles. At least he's honest. He nods towards Jess. "Girlfriend drag you along?"

Oh, we're not dating," he says, eyes bulging. "I—she's just a friend."

"Oh." Jamie says. "Cool."

Toby shrugs. "Uh, but yeah, she dragged me along. I'm not a big horror fan."

"Me neither." He leans in conspiratorially. "I was dragged here, too. But we're in this together, right?"

Jamie winks and Toby goes scarlet. "Yeah. For sure."

"So, do you know anything about this place?"

"Nothing at all."

Jamie laughs, and then Toby laughs, and just like that, they’re talking like old friends. Toby turns out to be pretty cool, though he's weirdly dismissive of Trevor, offering one-word responses whenever he buds into their conversation. Maybe Trevor's too energetic for him; Jamie doesn’t pay it much mind. Trevor looks like he's having a blast with Jess, and Jamie's content to hang back with Toby. He doesn't wanna make him the third wheel, after all.

It's only another twenty minutes until they're at the front of the line, being paraded in by workers dressed like bell hops at the Tower of Terror. A particularly droll-looking one tells them the rules, rambling them off like an automaton.

"No running, no fighting, no drinking, no assaulting the actors, and no lallygagging."

Toby chuckles, leaning over to whisper to Jamie, "Bad news for the Tunnel of Love folks."

Jamie snorts, earning a dead look from the bell hop, which might just be his natural state. Sorry, Jamie mouths.

The bell hop guides them inside, where they're met with a dark, dingy-looking foyer with a set of double doors.

"Have fun," the bell hop chides, and then he's closing their door to the outside, and it begins.

It's not as corny as Jamie thought it would be, all things considered. It seems to be set up into stages, the first being a walkthrough of some sort of murder house. It kind of reminds him of Resident Evil. As they walk through it, small lights illuminating their paths, it's sufficiently spooky. Sure, most of the jump scares are predictable as hell, but some actually make Jamie jump. When one of the actors pops up on his left and taps him on the shoulder, he full on slams into Toby's side, who just chuckles and bumps him back.

Once they reach the next section, the actors start talking to them and expecting answers back. Jamie has to admit it’s kind of fun. The actors are really into it, taking on the personas of various twisted relatives telling them about the “family business”. Trevor and Jess ask them silly questions from the TikToks Trevor showed him. It makes Jamie remember something in those videos about having to “escape” at the end. He mentions this to Toby, who theorizes that it’ll turn into an escape room.

“Should we ask them about it?” Jamie asks.

Toby shrugs. “Wouldn’t hurt.”

They come up with a few questions about what to expect moving forward, and ask the grandmother actress milling about. She just grins, telling them to “look out for the silver key.”

“As cryptic as that sounds, at least it’s a start,” Toby muses.

Jamie brings a hand to his chin, pondering. “Yeah. I doubt it’s something as easy as they key to the exit door, but…”

“Honestly, it could be. Maybe she just wants us to move on so she can go on her lunch."

They laugh, and Toby puts a hand on Jamie's arm. It’s a quick thing, there and gone, but Jamie still clocks it. He smile. He's really glad that he can make Toby feel comfortable—even with a virtual stranger like him.

After this section is another small walkthrough, modeled to look like the house’s backyard. It’s actually impressive as fuck—it really looks like they’re outside, with small, twinkling stars above them and everything. It’s also pretty eerie, nary an actor in sight. The path guides them into a large garden shed, and when Jamie, at the caboose of the group, walks past the doorframe, the door slams shut behind him, making all four of them jump.

“Oh, Jesus Christ,” Trevor cries, abandoning Jess to run back and grab Jamie’s arm, his whole right side flush with Jamie’s left.

It threw Jamie, too, but Trevor can’t know that. “Getting cold feet, Z?” he asks.

Trevor scoffs, unconvincingly, and doesn’t move an inch. “What are talking about? This is where the fun begins.”

Jamie rolls his eyes, but uses his other hand to stroke his arm soothingly. Toby is weirdly silent beside him, striding across the room to start looking around. Jamie catches Trevor watching him, a glint in his eye that Jamie can’t name.

The room itself is maybe the size of a conservative hotel room, with odd relics on display. In one corner is a dilapidated baby grand piano, and in another is a small, slanted treasure chest sits with a large anvil (?) on top of it, hooked into some sort of pulley system.

Turns out Jamie was right on the money with the whole ‘escape room’ thing, as it's only a few seconds later when a digital clock on the far wall (that Jamie is just now seeing) starts counting down. Whatever it is they have to do, they have fifteen minutes to do it.

Jess and Trevor immediately light up. Jamie can’t help but smile, too. He likes escape rooms, though the only other one he’s been to with Trevor they lost miserably because they ate up half their time making out against the bookcase (don’t ask).

It starts out easy enough. Lights shine on or around objects in the room, and they have notes beside them with riddles. When one is solved, the objects deposit weighty steel beads, which they have to load into a scale in the corner of the room. Every amount offsets the weight of the aforementioned anvil crushing the chest. They need to answer enough riddles to get enough weight off the chest, where Jamie guesses this silver key is.

The four of them (though Jess is undoubtedly carrying) decode each riddle thrown at them, laughing and shouting over each other to say the right answer to one of the many microphones in the room. Some of them are themed to areas of the haunted house, while others are darkly funny or crude.

With four minutes left on the clock, Trevor deposits the last amount of beads needed to lift the anvil. They all cheer, and Toby rushes forward to unlatch the chest and lift up its cover.

When he does, the four of them eagerly poke their heads in to see the bounty. Only confusion remains at the sight of its only occupants—seven small keys, each marked by a different letter, A to G. Taped to the inside of the lid is a note, scrawled in cursive.

You’ve done well, and had your fun

Now pick a key, but only one

All will fit, but have it known

Unless it clicks, you shan't go home

“Okay,” Jess says. “We just pick a key. Simple enough.”

“Yeah, but we can’t just pick a random one,” Trevor argues. “Only one will unlock the door."

"I know that," Jess says, a bit snippy. She's competitive, like Trevor—Jamie's picked up on that at least. "It says here, we only get one shot.”

“Well, how will we know which key it is?” Toby asks.

Jamie frowns. They’re all brass—not one of them silver like the grandmother said to look out for.

“Everyone, fan out and look for clues,” he says. “There’s gotta be something around here that has a letter etched into it or something.”

They break, turning over objects and crouching under paintings to spot any clues. Minutes pass, and they’ve got nothing. Soon enough, only sixty seconds remain.

“Let’s just pick a random one,” Trevor suggests desperately. “We’ve got a one in seven chance, right?”

Jess and Toby murmur in assent, heading for the chest. Jamie doesn’t want to give up so easily, though. He bites his lip and makes another lap around the room, walking past the piano and plinking the keys aimlessly. That’s when he sees it. One of the keys is painted ever-so-slightly silver. Jamie’s eyes bulge. He pictures the scale in his head...

“It’s F!” he cries, heading back towards the chest. “Pick F. Hurry!”

“What?” Toby asks, but Trevor reaches in and grabs it without hesitation, running to the door and jamming it into the lock. Lo and behold, it turns, clicks, and unlocks. The clock freezes with ten seconds left, and then the door opens before them.

“You did it!” Trevor cries, bounding over to Jamie, taking his face in his hands and kissing him square on the mouth. Jamie, on instinct, starts to kiss him back before he realizes where he is. He pulls back, but Trevor (ever shameless) is just giggling, eyes alight. Jamie can’t help but puff his chest with pride.

“Nice one, dude,” Jess says, coming up beside them. She raises her hand to high-five him. He accepts it, chuckling. Her and Trevor bounce their way to the exit, Jamie in tow. Then, he slows.

Toby’s over by the piano, pressing down on the F6 key. He turns as Jamie approaches, smiling small. “‘Watch out for the silver key,’” he quotes. “Clever.”

“Thank the piano lessons my mom forced on me when I was a kid.”

Toby laughs, turning fully to face Jamie. He stuffs his hands in his pockets. “So, I wouldn’t be wrong to assume that you’re taken, huh? I was holding out hope that you two were just really close roommates.”

Jamie goes pink.

Toby chortles mirthlessly. “Thought so. It was nice meeting you, though. I had fun."

Jamie opens his mouth, but closes it. Toby was…Toby liked him?

“See ya around." Toby says.

Jamie blinks a couple times and shakes his head, but before he can say anything, Toby’s out the door.

***

“So, did you have fun?” Trevor asks. They’re on their way home, Trevor driving with one elbow out the window, the latest Billie Eilish song playing softly through the speakers.

“I did, yeah,” Jamie admits. “It was…cool.”

“Ha! Told you. You just had to find the right one." He sticks his tongue out. "Though I bet it helped that you were being flirted with the whole time.”

"What?!" Jamie sputters.

Trevor just laughs. "You didn't think I would notice someone else trying to pick up my man?"

"No! I mean, yes. I mean..." Jamie scrubs his face. "I didn't even know he was flirting with me."

"I figured as much. You're oblivious, babe. About halfway through, I looked over and Toby was watching you like my mom's dog watches a tuna can."

Jamie wrinkles his nose. "Gross." Then, it dawns on him. "Wait, is that why you kissed me?"

Trevor shrugs, but his grin only widens. "Had to show 'em who you belonged to."

Jamie isn't proud of the way he flushes immediately, blood going towards his face (and other regions).

And if he makes Trevor pull over onto an access road so they can finish what he started back there, well, that's no one's business but their own.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas!!

im gonna rant at you for a bit if you dont mind :)

Im a minor that lives in a super tight night, close minded community. Super religious, super homophobic transphobic ect. Seeing as im a teenage girl whose questioning their gender and is definitely attracted to women thats kinda problematic lols. Honestly idek how to explain the situation without a bunch of details, but basically, theres a fifty-fifty chance of me being sent to conversion therapy or just cut off from any internet access (and i mean ANY. i have a flip phone for fucks sake.)if my fam finds out im queer, i have no support system outside of some internet friends who know nothing about my situation, and within the next few years(so like once i turn 20ish, thats in like 4 years but whatever) my family is going to expect me to get married to a man and start popping out babies asap. Btw thats whats expected of me in this community, marriage under the age of 25, have like as many kids as physically possible and god forbid higher education. And im not okay with that . Ffs i want to go to college, major in fine arts, meet a person i like and fall desperately in love or maybe not just have a bunch of close platonic relationships i want cats and a dog and a cute studio in a big city where i can dye my hair whatever color i want aand get an obsene amount of piercings, i want to wear pants!! I just want to live. Without expectations or limits or people who love me hating everything they dont know about me. Is that truly so much to ask for?

And im incredibly dramatic cuz i literally have the dream life. My family loves me, my parents are upper middle class, theyve never hurt me before(besides for all the anti everything rants haha) i literally have a full sized bed, which for some reason i see as the peak of being spoiled idk why. I go to school, not even public, a private religious school that prob costs thousands of dollars, i have friends(who are all part of this community btw and id bet my entire savings that most of them think gay is only a word that ppl use to mean happy lol) close ones even!! I have adorable neices and nephews(my 3 sisters all were married by the age of 20, so i have 11 niecesand nephews while my oldest sister is 31) im living the dream life. But i hate it and i have no way out. No hope of college to get on my feet and find someway out, no people that'll help me fucking run away or some bullshit like that, hell ive considered it and then felt like shit, cuz what am i even running from? Im probably attracted to men it wont kill me to marry one. And i like kids, i wouldnt mind having any either. But.... i dont want to be trapped anymore. Cuz ill be honest thats what i am.if some one asked me to run away with them rn i would, no hesitation.

God im a mess😭😭 anyway this was me ranting in my notes app, im just apologizing for dumping this on a complete stranger(we're moots actually!!) albeit a very kind one :) i dont know what im looking for, but ill take whatever your comfortable giving ig.

I love and appreciate you<333

And hey this has been oddly cathartic so lmk if its okay for me to do this again sometime :))

"im living the dream life. But i hate it and i have no way out."

Hon, you're not living the dream life...there's a difference between financial privilege and being happy, you know? It's pretty clear that this isn't what you want.

I'm not sure if you're asking for my advice here, or if you just want to vent. But I care about you, and if you want me to research some things to try to help you, I'm more than willing to (that way it's not on your search history.) Just say the word!

Until then, you are ALWAYS allowed to vent to me.

I'm naming you venting anon in case you write again!

[thisgirlnamedblusy]

Hello! I wanted to request a Laurel Gates x fem reader where reader was a former student and is currently a teacher at Nevermore and was Morticia’s lover when they were students before she gets with Gomez. (Basically she’s Morticia’s ex). A few months after teaching at Nevermore, she and Laurel start dating.

The whole thing takes place at Parents Weekend when Morticia approaches her again, flirts with her, and asks if she’d be interested in an affair. She declines, but flirts back with Morticia to make Laurel jealous, she knows the redhead is watching from across the quad.

Laurel punishes reader that night for the stunt she pulled with Morticia. You can turn the ending to smut, dom Laurel sub reader. Go nuts on the kinks, it’s Laurel Gates we’re talking about.

thank u so much!!

Yess, here it is!!! I hope you like it!! Sorry about the language mistakes.

Now you belong to me

Pairing: Marilyn Thornhill/ Laurel Gates x Fem, Teacher! Reader, Morticia x Reader (Mentioned)

Warnings: Smut, jealousy, strap on, strong language

Word count: 2,718

Summary: Morticia was your love some time ago, but now you heart belongs to Laurel, and she’s gonna make it clear to you…

N/A: Requests are open!!! Sorry about the delays, I’m working hard on your requests. I love you all!!!

“You're incredible, (Y/N),” the redhead told you, catching her breath. You smiled satisfied, stealing a quick kiss on her lips.

Many years had passed, but there you were again, at Nevermore. Now you were no longer a student, you would have to prevent those teenagers from behaving like you. It was hard work, but you had experience, a lot, even if your face didn't look more than 25 years old.

“Mmm,” you muttered, your mind far away from the room. You were distracted that night, and you couldn't help it. The next day would be one with many emotions.

“You're not very talkative, huh?” She told you, shaking you a little. You looked at her and nodded without paying much attention.

Of all the people you imagined meeting there, there was one in particular that surprised you too much. She told you that her name was Marilyn Thornhill, that she came from far, far away. You didn't believe her.

You were barely 19 years old when it all happened. That infernal Rave'n dance, in which a normi from the town died, at the hands of Morticia, or Gómez, you weren't very sure. You knew who that boy was, Garrett Gates, Morticia's stalker. The entire school was moved by that horrible death, as was all of Jericho too.

You remember being at that funeral, and being glad that they accused Gómez, taking him away from the woman you loved, and who precisely changed you for him. You remember the cold, the rain, your faces, being forced to attend that macabre act.

But if there was something that you remembered perfectly, it was a sad girl, holding her mother's hand without being able to stop crying. It was the little Laurel Gates, that poor wretch's sister. You didn't know anything else about that family, just that they tragically disappeared. One by one.

When you met that seemingly innocent redhead, you had no doubts. She was the little Laurel, you'd never forget that face. She denied it, denied it constantly, until she had no choice but to admit that she was that sad girl, that she faked her death, and she swore revenge. You were about to give her away, but you inadvertently began to feel attracted to her, as if she were something dangerous, something forbidden.

Everyone deserved to be forgiven, and in her case, she deserved something more, some love. Your relationship grew strong, and you soon fell head over heels in love. It was a strange love, but love after all.

“Oh, I was just thinking…” You whispered, snapping back to reality. She looked at you curiously.

“What were you thinking?” She asked. You might think it was a simple question, but you knew better. “You were thinking of something else while we were making love?”

“What? Oh, no, no,” You said, defending yourself and trying to get out of the mess you had just gotten yourself into.

“(Y/N), don't lie to me.”

“I'm not lying to you, Laurel. I was just distracted,” you said with a conciliatory tone. Big mistake.

“So you were distracted... It won't have anything to do with the students' parents coming tomorrow, right?” It was quite obvious that she would ask that question.

“Um… No,” you sighed, shaking your head. “Why I would be thinking of that?”

“Don't play dumb with me. Addams' mother is coming tomorrow…. Morticia,” she said ironically, with a terribly poisonous voice.

“Oh, yes… Sure,” you said reluctantly, knowing that you had just started another terrible jealousy show.

“You know that she and her stupid husband were responsible for my brother's death,” she hissed.

“Is that what bothers you? Because I don't think so...” She said firmly, getting up. “I think you're just jealous.”

“Jealous, me?” She said indignantly, as if you had said a sovereign stupidity.

“Yes, Laurel, you. I never should have told you,” you said, looking for your clothes on the bed.

“Ah, were you thinking of hiding it from me? It sound much better.”

“You're talking nonsense. That happened many, many years ago. And it won't happen again. I already suffered enough,” you said, putting on your clothes.

“The most intense loves are those that make you suffer. Remember that it is her fault that you are like this.”

“And that bothers you? I thought you loved that I looked like this so I could play your little games better, didn't you? Mommy?” You hissed.

“If you could, you would go back to her without hesitation.”

“That's not true… Look, Laurel. It's late, and I'm not in the mood to put up with another little act of yours. Good night,” you said, while you left her room.

Her jealousy was unbearable. Deep down you liked that she wanted you just for herself, but there were times when her paranoia was so absurd that you didn't even feel like making fun of it a bit, plus you were tired.

You could have gotten angrier, defended your honor. You were a faithful girl, you had never cheated on anyone, and you kept repeating it to her. For once, her accusation wasn't so absurd. Yes, she was right. The idea of seeing  who one day was the love of your life again was disturbing and uncomfortable. You gave everything for her, but she preferred Gomez.

You made many sacrifices to keep her love, but nothing worked. Morticia used to tell you that you would spend eternity together, that this was her dream, to grow up, grow old, and die by your side. Those words made you make a decision, the worst you ever made….

The next day…

A lot of cars came to the academy. You stood proud, without apologizing, and without saying a word to your lover. She looked at you, with sad eyes, but furious at the same time. Laurel had the disturbing ability to do that.

You were very stubborn, and she may have been right, but you didn't mean to give it to her. Soon the grotesque Addams Family appeared in your field of vision. You swallowed hard at the sight of your former lover. Her presence was still the same, only the subtle passage of time could make a difference compared to the last time you saw her.

The redhead was looking at you, sitting at a far away table. You could feel chills when you noticed those eyes judging you.

“(Y/N), I can't believe it... It's you...” A familiar voice sounded behind you. Your heart began to beat very quickly and you turned slowly.

“Mo, Morticia,” you whispered, your voice cracking.

There she was, as slim as ever, and with that look that made her unmistakable. She gave you a tender and sensual smile, while she looked you up and down.

“You are exactly the same as the last time I saw you…” She told you with that sensual tone that melted you years ago.

“It's funny, if I'm like this it's because of you,” you said, with an evil smile.

“I didn't force you to drink that potion…” Morticia replied.

It was true. She didn't force you, rather the love you felt did. You were young, you didn't think clearly, and one night you decided to steal a potions book from the library. You weren't looking for something to be stronger, or smarter, but something that would make the love you felt eternal. It was difficult to interpret the pages of that ancient book and of course, you misread.

It was not eternal love that caused that concoction, but eternal youth. It wasn't quite eternal really. By drinking that serum prepared by your inexperienced hand, you spent three weeks in the infirmary. They even came close to expelling you from the academy. They did what they could to reverse the effects, but they didn't achieve much. Instead of staying young forever, just you aged much more slowly than the others. 30 years had passed since then, but for you it had barely been 3.

That was without a doubt the dumbest thing you ever did. And that was the moment when your love for Morticia began to fade.

“Let's leave the past behind... Now we are in the present, reuniting with each other,” she said, getting closer to you.

The woman looked back at her family and she crouched down to speak into your ear.

“I'm sure you remember the library store, I'm sure it's still as abandoned and lonely as ever. Do you feel like remembering good times?”

She certainly wasn't one to beat around the bush. From that moment you were clear about your answer. Laurel could be jealous, possessive, but you loved her and were sure of your feelings.

“I, I'm sorry Tish, but I can't, now I'm dating someone… And I'm in love…” You confessed, looking for the redhead with your eyes. She was there, in the distance, looking at you discreetly. You had told the truth, Morticia was a past thing, but a terrible idea came to your mind.

“Although I would have liked to remember…” You whispered, taking the taller woman's hand. She smiled fondly and stroked your hand with her thumb. You looked back warily and felt Laurel's accusing gaze on you. It was just what you wanted.

That night you were walking down the hall calmly. Laurel didn't seem to exist, she didn't come near you all day. You knew her behavior, and the possible consequences of your "inappropriate" behavior with your old girlfriend.

You heard a noise behind you and smiled to yourself, counting backwards from three.

“Three... Two... One...” You murmured, before feeling how someone grabbed you roughly from behind.

“Did you think I wasn't going to notice?” Laurel told you threateningly, covering your mouth with her hand.

“I don’t know what are you talking about,” you said how you could, trying to escape from her grasp, pretending, of course.

“You told me that it was over, and I see you flirting with that brat's mother…” She said with a dark voice, making you walk forward, in the direction of her room. You smiled, knowing that she was jealous, and that you were surely going to enjoy it.

“Come in, stupid girl,” Laurel told you, pushing you into her room. You felt some relief when you felt her hand out of your mouth, but you were cornered, now you couldn't escape… And you didn't want to either.

“I think you're exaggerating a bit,” you said with a cocky and defiant attitude. “I just took her by the hand and...” You couldn't continue. The redhead advanced on you and grabbed your chin tightly.

“You liar...” She whispered. You winced, but her grip didn't loosen. “You know that mommy doesn't like girls who lie…”

That tone and those words confirmed to you that she was having one of those fits of jealousy that was a bit different from the usual ones. If she couldn't convince you by talking, she would do it another way, showing you that you were hers.

“I do not lie. She's just a friend…” You said, feigning innocence.

“A friend…” She said, relaxing for a moment. It was a fleeting moment, as right after she smacked you hard on the cheek. “Don't you dare to tell me she's just a friend!” She yelled, perhaps too loud.

“Don't hit me… I'll be good… Mommy… Please…” You said, rubbing the affected area. Your face showed supplication, but your eyes revealed an unbearable lust.

“Mommy doesn't like to hit you, honey. But you must learn once and for all that no one can touch you, no one can want you like I do. I'll repeat it over and over again…” She told you with a disturbing tone, while she unbuttoned your shirt. “But it seems that you forget it, (Y/N)”

“I'm sorry, it won't happen again... I... I love you,” you said, putting on a good face. She looked at you questioningly, and without warning she kissed you passionately and hungrily. At that time she couldn't dominate you, nor you dominate her. It was desire that dominated both of you completely.

“Do you love me, honey?” She asked, moving away from you, while she bit your lip. “I don't believe you,” she sneered, carelessly taking off your shirt. “That's not worth it. Your lies are worthless to me. I have to punish you for your actions. You get it, right?”

You nodded feigning pouting, peeling off your bra.

“That's it… I see you understand…” She hissed, grabbing one of your breasts.  “You are so beautiful… No wonder everyone wants to possess you. It's too bad for them. You belong to me,” she said furiously, pulling your hair.

“You, I belong to you, mommy,” you said, moving your head so that the pull wouldn't hurt so much.

The redhead smiled with mischievous tenderness and she released you, gently caressing your cheek.

“Very good, (Y/N)… Good girl,” she said, kissing you softly. “Undress and get on your knees.”

You obeyed, biting your lip. You no longer had any clothes, and your knees brushed the room’s carpet.

Laurel disappeared from your sight for a moment, and returned with an accessory that she always used in such situations. Something to dominate you, to possess you in a more intense way.

“Come here, suck it like the cheap whore you are,” she ordered, putting that object in front of your mouth. You agreed. You were tremendously excited, and you would do anything she asked, anything. You took the dildo to your mouth, feeling weak and submissive, your favorite feeling.

“Look at you. Surely with that whore you couldn't do this. You have a natural talent, (Y/N).”

You were like that for a while, taking that object to the bottom of your mouth, almost causing you to gag. You knew that somehow, that turned the redhead on a lot. She had you where she wanted, despite the fact that you were the one who devised that absurd plan to push her to the limit of her jealousy.

“Enough,” she said, gently pushing you back. “Climb on the bed and let me show you who you belong to, and who you will always belong to.”

You obeyed with a leering look, now getting on all fours on the bed. It didn't take long for you to notice that strap on right at your slippery entrance.

“You're so anxious. Your pathetic pussy is begging to be fucked,” she said amused, giving you a spanking.

“Please... I want you to make me yours, Laurel... I, I need you,” you begged, enduring the terrible excitement you felt at that moment.

“No, honey. I won't until you swear to me that you're mine, and that you won't go near that woman again. Swear to me.”

While she was saying those horrible things to you, she was stroking your back gently, almost gently.

“I, I swear,” you said, moving your hips to get more contact.

“Say it right, my love...”

“I swear, mommy... I'm yours, only yours...” You said pleading. As you spoke, you felt the silicone slide into you gently at first, only to slide all the way moments later, causing you to widen your eyes.

“Mine... You're mine,” the redhead said, ignoring your discomfort and moving quickly, grabbing your hips so she could handle you better.

“Oh, fuck,” you moaned, feeling how she possessed you, how she took over all your senses.

Her thrusts were intense, and she knew exactly how to make you squirm with pleasure. She was a very skilled woman. Not even all your experience could compete with her skill.

“I'm going… I'm going… I'm going to…” You moaned, while your body trembled with each movement. You knew you were about to reach your limit, and you thought you would. “Yes please…. Oh… I, I…”

A piercing moan, along with some involuntary movements, confirmed that you were in total ecstasy, letting yourself be carried away by all your desire. She didn't say anything, nor did she move, staying inside you while she kissed your back.

“Honey, I don't want to have to punish you again….”

“You won't have to, Laurel…” you said, catching your breath. The redhead moved away from you, making you still feel some pleasure.

“You're mine, (Y/N),” she said, removing the accessory from her.

“I'm yours….”

[burritosandpeppermint]

UUUUGGGGGHHHHH

uuuuggggghhhhh

I'm not 100% sure how we got back here, folks, but I'm 100% obsessing over music and guitars for the first time since I was a teenager.

Guys...it's bad.

And for those who've known me for a long time here you may be hearing about this for the first time, but I could not get enough of playing guitars, reading about guitars, and listening to as much guitar music as I could when I was a teenager.

Could I actually play? Not really. I mean, not if you're talking about any lessons at all or trying to learn from a book or anything. I just kind of picked it up and kept playing around for years, just laying down riff after riff and playing with solo after solo. Just fucking around.

And then, eventually, I needed money and didn't have space anymore and I had to sell everything. I thought that door was closed by the time I was in my early 20's, starting to really work for a living and trying to live an adult's life. I looked back on those years a bit wistfully but with a real feeling that I had left childish things behind me...

Until the last month or so. I think I can point the finger squarely at us attending the Guns N' Roses show. Even with 100° F heat and me wishing that I had brought my earplugs I got swept away with it all, specifically with Slash. He'd change guitars regularly, usually for something that I was familiar with him playing. After the show I got curious and looked up his gear online to discover the web pages devoted to his guitars and his playing in general. Then I started Googling some guitars to see if they're still around, and any variations...and how have amps changed in the last 25 years...oh, emulators sure have come a long way...and they're fairly affordable...and while Fender's lineup has changed significantly since the 90s they still have a lot of decent guitars at reasonable prices...

All the while I'm also getting back into bands and songs I haven't heard in up to decades, just gorging myself on all the 90s rock I also "put away" at some point in my 20s, like one of my favorite bands, Hum, and getting into groups I could have really dug at the time, like My Bloody Valentine, and exploring newer stuff like finally getting more into Red Fang's discography...and then new bands and sounds spiraling off of those listens and searches...

And guys...GUYS...since I was into guitars this whole internet thing exploded, so I can hear guitars and amps and pedals and interviews that simply weren't available to me when I was previously obsessed. I can get a far better sense for things than driving an hour away to the nearest Guitar Center only to keep my hands in my pockets as I look at gear and equipment, too afraid to do anything in public, eventually going home and noodling by myself for a while.

And did you know that there are a ton of free or paid online classes where you don't have to interact with a human if it makes you feel self-conscious or anxious? And did you know that the Fender Mustang Micro Amp can fit in your pocket, has some EQ and preset sound options, a headphone jack, and can plug directly into your computer? And it's only $120 for an amp that's more versatile than the one I had 30 years ago AND it can help you can basically use it as a direct-to-computer recording device? And, holy crap, but GarageBand, while simple, is still a very competent recording suite and it's just free, right there on my Mac and everything?

Okay, breathing.

Because this is how it goes for me. I get all interested in something, all wound up, and I imagine how cool things can be, what I'll do, how things will turn out, all with an overactive imagination, until I'm just done with it and I move on. Except I don't know if I move on because I never follow through or if it's because I just fixate on things in a capricious manner. If it's because I never follow through then I should change that by following through (hello, writing ideas from five months ago that turned into nothing). But if it's because I'm capricious then I should just let it be and it'll ride itself out.

Now: how can I tell the difference without a lot of time, money, and effort? That's the question.

But it's been kinda fun as a weird hobby, just looking and reading and watching and listening. Maybe the fear of disappointment will be enough to keep me away from actually doing it, which isn't great, and maybe I should pursue more things that I think will bring me joy, even if I never truly get into it or keep it going for long, because life is short and pursuing happiness should be one of life's goals.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello, 16yo girl here. I had been questioning what my MBTI type was between ENTP and INTP for quite a long time - I had known that Ti and Ne were always at the top of my stack, but not which one was stronger... until yesterday, when I reflected back on my sheltered upbringing and I came to the conclusion that I was an ENTP, just one with very marked introvert tendencies and possible developmental delays due to combination of a stifled dominant function and possibly autism.

That stifling of Ne is also probably why I have only become more reclusive as time went on - I spent most of my time as a child either at school, the same small private school I've been going to since 1st grade, or at home, mostly on my computer. While in the surface my time on the internet allowed me to have easy access to novelty, it is still doing the same thing over and over again on a grander scale.

Meanwhile, I never managed to truly "fit in" at school, and after starting to make amends with my old friends at the end of sixth grade the pandemic happened, which pretty much meant that the only thing I'd be doing for two years was basically staring at screens all day. Once I returned back to school, I started feeling 'othered' again, and even as I found out it was partially over my own immaturity, I still feel like I will not actually become part of the group right now, that I should just grind it out until it ends, that college, due to the new environment and size will be the time I'll truly begin to shine - further proven by how excited I was when I went to one of the unis I was considering's open day recently.

Meanwhile, my ISTJ mother won't stop comparing me negatively to my brother and on how he was so similar to her in personality compared to me, always implying that I turned out "off" in some way or another, even if she's usually well-meaning.

Thoughts?

-----------------------

I don't guess at type. You've only speculated about one possible function, which is nowhere near enough info to draw any kind of sound conclusion. I generally won't comment on type assessment unless people follow the instructions on the contact page to submit a proper profile of themselves. In short, I won't have any "thoughts" if you don't give me enough to analyze.

You've basically described typical adolescent adjustment issues that anyone of any type can suffer. It is not uncommon for teens to have trouble fitting in. Why? Because they are still in the process of learning good social skills. When you're at the "beginner" level of learning anything, your ideas tend to be very primitive or crude. Thus, from the teenage perspective, socializing often boils down to the idea of "approval", which is taken to mean EITHER be like everyone else OR be an outsider.

Either/or thinking is a form of illogical thinking that creates a false dichotomy, essentially reducing your world to only two possibilities. You said that not being able to find your group right now, maybe it would be better to just leave it until college - once again, your world only has two possibilities. This kind of oversimplified thinking is normal in children and teens, but it is considered a sign of cognitive immaturity in adults (as their thinking hasn't evolved since adolescence). It's not something for you to be concerned about but, rather, something to be aware of and gradually improved upon.

When compared to full-formed adults, young people (<25) are limited in several ways:

They lack life experience, so they haven't had enough time to learn all the knowledge and skills they need to live life well.

They lack cognitive resources to understand complexity because the brain hasn't reached physical maturity yet.

They lack emotional resources to cope with difficulty because the brain is still feeling the effects of changes that began in puberty.

They might also lack confidence due to too many environmental factors being out of their control.

They might also lack direction due to not having access to enough learning resources they need for self-development.

They might also lack purpose due to not having enough access to positive role models, guides, or mentors to help them see the bigger picture of life.

I mention these things not to make teens feel shamed and ashamed for what they naturally lack, but to make them aware of where their potential lies. Your "weaknesses" are just as important for realizing your greater human potential as your "strengths". Weaknesses make plenty of room for learning, development, change, growth, evolution, and transformation... BUT this is assuming you know how to confront weaknesses in the right way. So, reflect: How have you responded to your weaknesses, as signaled through your mistakes and failures?

How do you respond to lack of life experience? Do you keep it that way by locking yourself away? Do you waste your time with trivial experiences? Do you seek out meaningful learning experiences?

How do you respond to lack of cognitive resources for understanding complexity? Do you just reduce everything into oversimplistic ideas? Do you avoid complex situations? Do you study them to grow your understanding? Do you get help for understanding them?

How do you respond to lack of emotional resources for handling difficulty? Do you numb yourself? Do you run or escape from negative feelings? Do you seek appropriate help and support? Do you set out to learn healthy coping skills and strategies?

How do you respond to lack of confidence? Do you shit-talk yourself more and more? Do you write off your future? Do you assert more independence? Do you take more control whenever possible? Do you improve your knowledge, skills, and capabilities?

How do you respond to lack of direction? Do you give up on yourself? Do you resign yourself to the status quo? Do you learn how to make better decisions for yourself? Do you learn how to set and achieve more fulfilling goals?

How do you respond to lack of purpose? Do you settle for less? Do you resign yourself to being small? Do you ignore existential pain? Do you seek answers? Do you set higher aspirations? Do you commit yourself to greater ideals?

Adjustment issues are very likely to get expressed through auxiliary development problems. Since you're unsure about your type, the most I can say is that healthy Ti encourages people to 1) analyze and learn from mistakes/failures, and 2) identify and acquire the knowledge/skills required to eventually succeed. If your response to failure is dismissal, evasion, withdrawal, or avoidance, it means you are choosing to get stuck at a low level of competency indefinitely.

If you are able to get past the beginner level in socializing, you'll start to realize the false dichotomy and how self-sabotaging it really is. Socializing is much more nuanced and complex than "insider vs outsider", and there are more options available than "conform vs rebel". This raises the question of what other options are available to you - it is a question for your Ne to answer.

Yes, it's true that you can't be friends with everyone. But you don't need to be friends with everyone, do you? You only need a handful of close friends who understand you in order to have a satisfying social life. They don't have to come from school or the usual places. They can come through other activities. They can come from all demographics or backgrounds.

Growing up in a small environment puts you in danger of thinking too small all the time. The key is you have to recognize that the world is a big place, so you have to start putting yourself out there to find the friends of best fit. The more people you meet, the more you increase your odds of success. Whether you try now or later isn't the right point to focus on. You're not going to find what you're looking for as long as: you don't actually get up to look, you have absolutely no system or plan for proceeding, and/or you don't have the skills to keep relationships even when you do find good people. You need real-life social experience if you want to improve your social skills. The sooner you get started, the better. It's unrealistic to think that you'll magically be great at relationships just because you started college.

I know options can be limited at your age but 16 is generally the age when teens really start to venture out into the world on their own (without parents/guardians). In many places, you can drive and work at 16. You can start exploring places you've never been to around town. You can join more extracurricular activities/clubs that would put you in contact with people beyond your school. I shouldn't have to tell an ENTP to go out and explore, as you should simply follow your natural Ne motivation. If that motivation is absolutely nowhere to be found, then perhaps reconsider your type.

[pbandjesse]

While this blog has always been about documenting my days and years, when something big happens in the world I have always tried to at least make a note about it. And today is one of those days.

At 130 last night a container ship lost power and struck the Francis Scott Keys bridge. Which caused it to collapse like it was made of tooth picks. At first they were saying 20 people could be dead. But right now 6 are missing. And putting that to the side for a moment, this bridge handles 25% of harbor traffic. And the boats in the harbor are trapped. No one in and no one out. The economic toll on the city is going to be outrageous.

So this was on my mind a lot today obviously. Jess would give me updates, since she was at her desk. But today was not all about the tragedy. It was honestly a pretty good day. I was able to be removed enough from what was happening.

I very very much did not sleep well. I struggled hardcore because my hands and arms hurt so much. I don't know if it's arthritis or carpal tunnel. But it was radiating pain from my shoulders down. And it was horrible. I was able to get some sleep but I woke up a lot. So when my alarm went off I wanted to cry. I was struggling. I would give myself an extra half hour and James wasn't pushing me on that. They were tired too.

When I finally got up I went to get washed and dressed. I started feeling a lot better. I went to my desk to do my makeup and that's when I picked up my phone and saw my Aunt Renee texted me to ask if I was okay. And I was like yeah?? And she was the one to tell me what 20 minutes from my house, that a bridge has collapsed. That people were dead. I was horrified.

James would drive me to work so they could have the car. I tried to not spend the entire drive looking at tiktoks about what was happening. But it was hard. And poor James was so tired. We got me to camp safe and James headed to go do laundry. They would come back for me later.

The morning would be spent at my desk. Just working through my lesson plans for the summer. I have the basic frameworks already from the fall, but now I'm filling out the forms they want me to use. And now that all the original info is in there I can start filling them in with more detailed instructions. Which will take a while but that's okay. I'm excited to have solid plans.

We had a lot happening at camp today. Groups that were renting spaces throughout camp. But we would only have programming with one of them. And not until the afternoon. But that didn't stop me from having interactions with them.

I was the only one in the office for a bit so I was fielding people coming to ask for directions. And later someone came to ask where the dumpsters were and they were already struggling to carry the very full trash bag. So I offered to get the gator and drive it over for them. And they were like. Oh my God you're so nice. I offered to get it in the morning too so they didn't need to worry. And plus I like driving the gator to fast.

I would go and take the trash and drive to fast and had music going and it was really nice. Like I just felt like things were good. My body still hurts but I was happy.

I would hang at my desk and eat lunch. And slowly people started coming for the field trip. Nick and Rachel. I took the gator to go set up slow ropes. And eventually everyone else went to set up their own areas.

Around 115 I went up to the hacienda to meet the group. I chatted with some of the adults. They said sleeping was really tough. Fair. The beds kind of suck. But I think they were still having fun, even if they were sore and sleepy.

And the kids were so nice. Sometimes with teenagers I am nervous but this group was so lovely. Like this could be have been really tough but they were great.

I walked them up to ground elements. My first group was small, 5 teens and 2 adults. And we started with whale watcher and they were pretty good at it. They made it for a minute and a half. Next we did the team walk and they did really good on that too. And finally we did low ropes itself and because they were such a small group we just did everything together and they did great. The werde silly and spoke in slang but a lot of fun.

With all the groups today I took them over to the horses for the last ten minutes. And they were so excited. Most of them had never seen a horse before and it was so cute. Every time I brought them over we had 3 or 4 different horses to pet and talk to and I got bumped in the head by some big horse snoots but it was more funny than anything.

I chatted with the adults and a few of them had ridden horses before! And wanted to know about trail rides and I gave them the info I knew. But I hope they come back. The one guy said he wants to take his friend for his birthday. That's so sweet.

The second group was much bigger. Ten kids and two adults. But we did the program the same way. They struggled more with the whale watcher because there were two boys who kept yelling at everyone. But it was fine. They got 25 seconds.

Team wall went good. My cheeks were hurting from laughing so hard. And when we got to low ropes I let them self direct and mostly supervised and that was good. Even if a few times the spotters let their people fall on the ground. Thankfully no one was seriously hurt.

The last group was the rowdiest but was really fun. And their adult was great. They did amazing on whale watcher and they got 3 minutes.

Team wall went okay. Except two of the boys were just very big. And the one did try but was not comfortable getting pulled up and I didn't want him to get hurt so I said he could step away. Even though their adult wanted him to push through, we agreed in the end that he didn't have to.

Ropes went fine. And the boys were having fun. When we were walking to the horse field they discovered I graduated in 2009 and they gasped and went "that's auntie age." Very forlornly. It was hilarious to me. They also did not understand what was "under the horse" and I was like. What? And they point again and I'm like. His bits?? And they were like you cut it off???? And I'm like what no! Horses bits are inside until needed, very discreet. And the boy goes. "He's just like me for real." Teenagers are hilarious.

As we were finishing names had texted me that they were at the office. I let them know where I was but they got a little confused and went to the Glen because apparently that is where low ropes used to be! I didn't know! Elizabeth called me on the walkie to let me know and we had silly banter about how James couldn't pass up the opportunity to see her and how she's a ray of sunshine. Silly.

I was really happy to see James. I was up on the ladder taking the ropes down. James would help me wrap them up and move the ladder. Which is my least favorite part so I appreciated that. And they filled me in on more updates about the boat. It is really hard to wrap your head around.

We walked back to the office, hand in hand. I felt tired, but really happy. James had gotten me a donut for the drive home. And I could see how tired they were and I insisted on me driving home.

And that was fun. After we got back to the office and I collected my stuff and James chatted with Heather and Nick and I told them about how good the groups were, me and James went home.

And it was a fun drive. James yelled at me for going to fast around trucks. I had music going very loud. And I was just happy being with my husband.

We got home and we were both tired. I would get changed and went to lay down. And James went to do their podcast.

At 7 I got up and started working on dying the dress I want to wear for Paul and Sam's wedding. I would also do some cleaning of snail eggs in the frog tank. I found this one piece of plastic in there that was coated in eggs??? Disgusting. I cleaned that thoroughly.

I got a little frustrated when James was still recording at 8. But I tried not to be mad even if I was a little. We were texting about it because it was mainly the other guys just talking about their guys for to long. Like I get it but I cannot imagine their partners are happy about how long they spend on these things. James is going to try and push for the. To have a shorter recording.

James would come down at 830 and made me a salad. They changed the kitty litter. And we talked and hung out at the island. And now we are in the couch. And I think soon it will be shower time and then sleep.

Tomorrow I hope to continue to work on lessons. And in the evening we are going the Fulwilers to see a classic film. Which I think will be fun. I hope me and James can be more rested.

I hope the families of the people who were lost in the bridge disaster are finding support in those around them. The road crew and their co workers. I really hope that we can have more clarity and the state can rally around the city and not treat Baltimore like a punchline.

I love you all. Be careful out there. Until next time.

[pretentiousactress]

i'm barely past 25 (27 going on 28) but i've been seeing 18-24 people with heightened reactions to certain things, it makes me remember myself at those ages

i've always thought on it even when i wasn't as mentally healthy, when i was really insecure, when i was that age. I still recognized certain ages as just not as developed. bc they're not! but same with teenagers, or even tweens, lord forbid you tell them they're still baby LMAO

They're really just teenagers with adult privileges and responsibilities. But they're still immature, growing, developing. They still want to be treated like an adult with adult communication, but most will still just react immaturely until they get the tools, skills, and experience for an adult response (hopefully). Just bc your hormones are done doesn't mean the rest of you is! I was probably worse then than when i was a teen in high school tbh!!

You're not "fully developed" until you're 25. I don't think people should be considered "adults" with full responsibilities. 18-24 should be your adult trial run stage. Which in a way sounds like that should be college!! but it really isn't LOL

That time should be spent as a proper transition period to learn how to exist as a member of society. Taxes, appointment making, money handling, resume formatting, housing contracts, insurances, coping strategies--these are things that should be really learned during that time on at least a simple and basic level!!! but no!!!! The government and society is just built on the labor of the uninformed to make it easier to pray upon and leech any money that they can

and honestly it deeply saddens me.

[kiwiana-writes]

hellooooooo MJ! while I await your return to the future times, please allow me to tell you just how goddamn fucking talented you are ❤️

can you please tell us about the first time you dyed your hair and what colour you did, how you styled it etc??

I’ve been back in the future for a whole 28 hours, but my body hasn’t quite got the memo yet, hence the stupidly early (for me) reply to this ask.

Stop being nice to me, what the fuck. I will NOT allow this. You’ve seen the behind the scenes now; you know it’s all smoke and mirrors 😂

I have been dyeing my hair since I was 11! Literally two thirds of my life. My husband of a decade has only ever seen my natural hair colour at the root because these days I shave my head every four weeks and re-dye it 😅 BUT you’re not asking about now, you’re asking about when I started!

So, yeah. I was eleven, which I know seems wildly young, but my mum struck the deal with me early: I could dye my hair whatever nonsense I wanted, and get whatever piercings I wanted, as long as I didn’t get any tattoos until I was eighteen. Which I am WILDLY grateful for now, because I wanted some tacky-ass ink at fifteen/sixteen. (We did end up negotiating one tattoo at seventeen but that’s because my uncle died and I wanted his initials lol. No regrets about that one.)

Anyway! I started dyeing my hair because I was ginger as fuck and kids are assholes. (This was like… 2001. The Southpark ‘ginger kids have no soul’ ep came out while I was in high school. You’ll be shocked to hear it was also not a supportive environment for baby queer MJ either 😂) And because it was literally twenty-fucking-two years ago, I don't remember what colour it was; some sort of box something, probably just like a basic chestnut hahaha. I had long hair then -- I grew it out until it was down to my hips when I was like 16 and then I had a tantrum and hacked it off into a bob and dyed it a like purpley-black -- so I doubt I styled it or anything.

If you're curious about the bright colours I live in now, that didn't start permanently until I was 25-ish. I went through a pretty extensive goth/punk phase as a teenager so through the back half of school it was always blue-black or red-black or purple-black, those blacks that have a hint of something else in the light. I'd occasionally do bright colours in a very temporary way, those wash out in 2-3 wash spray type things, for like, school sports days and shit, or I'd do bright red streaks or dip dyes or similar (it was the early 2000s shut up). Then after I left school I was working for the government or adjacent for a long time, and they had lots of "natural colours only" rules so I stuck to the chestnuts and the chocolate browns. Then I changed government departments and mentioned this in passing to my boss, in a "ugh wish I could" kinda way, and she was like "that rule is stupid and you're a great employee and I'll back you up if necessary". So... I went and brought two different bright blues and mixed them together and bleached and dyed my hair that weekend. Rocked up to work on Monday and she just high-fived me.

Nothing that's been on my head since is a colour you'll see naturally growing out of someone's head 🤣

It used to be a whole production of stripping out the old dye when I wanted to change colours, but I started rocking the buzz cut a few years ago and now it doesn't matter what was on there before, it's all gone and I can start again from scratch lol. Weirdly, when I shave my head these days the roots come in REALLY dark brown, so idk if my hair colour has shifted over the hairs (when I was born my hair was BLACK, by the time I was 3 it was blonde ringlets, then settled into ginger by the time I started school) or if I would just have dark roots and if I let it grow out it would still be ginger when it was longer... but I fucking love the buzzcut for Gender Euphoria reasons and also Oh God My Hair Is So Thick And Heavy reasons, so... we'll probably never find out 😜

[neuroprincess]

Just a rant here...

I was just talking about a subjetc that triggered many memories of when I was a teenager, WHY THE FUCK DO WE NOT TALK MORE ABOUT SEXUAL PREDATORY WOMEN? As a teenager I fell into the trap of "you look too mature for your age" or "you're so smart, so this and that, etc", not phrases spoken by men but women, I was just a 14/15 year old girl finding out about my sexuality and thinking I was in love with a 24 year old woman because she was the only one who "validated" me. So I ended up in tears feeling like shit when she got tired of me, then along came 24, 28 and even 33 women who used the same clichéd phrases, giving me some attention and I really felt special about it (mostly because I was a child prodigy and thought no one my age understood me, yes, I was a teen shit), they reinforced. At 16 I deprived myself of several things of being a teenager because according to the woman I was with "this is not mature", are psychological reinforcements for the shit that I already faced from the teenage crisis. Male teen predators suck as hell, but I think female predators have more emotional manipulation over teenagers, easily.

I also largely blame the fanfic media tsc tsc especially wattpad tsc tsc, teenagers read this, fanfics that basically romanticize female teachers with much younger students, mature women sleeping with girls. I wasn't the only one who find such a story while researching lgbt+ history, was I? In 2016 it was the theme that had the most in this niche, the stories are still there and have new ones. And unfortunately there are still stories, fanfics and the like that normalize this. And it's all very beautiful, romanticized... Protective, for being with a woman. When not so. It becomes a relationship about power when there is a big difference in age and one is an adult and other not. I'm going to have to use myself as an example again, sorry, but I was 16 and I was with someone aged 24 (almost 25) who always used her age in her favor, like "I know I'm doing it and telling you to do it because you're just a teenager and I'm an adult, don't do shit" and acted as "boss" in the relationship in every way because she was the "mature" one. It was about her being able and I not, about her knowing I wasn't, it was about how she attacked my self-esteem with small and big things, and I know a lot of girls go through something similar. I am very afraid of those who use their gender to get away with this type of psychological abuse (and other types of abuse) in same-sex relationships with teenagers. It's not talked about enough, about women looking for teenagers who don't know what they're doing or are in fragile moments for their own pleasure (and sense of power). Making it clear that I am talking about the age difference between ADULTS AND TEENAGERS, age difference between adult people is totally okay when are healthy and don't have this question of power. It pisses me off that there are still female writers who normalize this shit, I think I've seen three or four one shots with Wanda or Natasha with teenage readers, girl, TOTALLY NOT. And even though it has some dark tags, it can still be considered fucking pedophilia, it's a 16 teenager being coerced by adults to have sex. Dude, it's ok to write dark (I respect those who do, I'm not judging, everyone has their own tastes), but at least don't put teenagers in it. And damn, this content is so accessible to minors on multiple platforms, I bet there's a 1Xs year old reading this and thinking "Oh, an adult can be interested in me like this? Okay, sounds... Interesting?", sometimes they just get into things like that and don't experience anything healthy until adulthood. I have a friend 3 years younger and at 17 she was with someone almost 30, she read these fanfics/stories, idealized a mature and experienced woman as in what she read, at the end of the relationship that bitch stalked and used her until I had to intervene. Now she's having to recover from all the shitty emotional abuse.

Idk, I'm just rambling, but in conclusion I condemn anyone who puts and fetishizes teenagers and children (I love and hate AO3 at the same time), who normalizes relationship between women and underage girls as if it's something beautiful, just tell the truth, they are sexual predators as well as older men who prey on teenagers. Internet is a trap, there is no control, we just have to guide and protect these kids. Sorry for the rant, but I just got mad when I realized it still happens and hardly anyone talks about this shit. If you're a fucking teenager, don't think that's normal, they are adults wanting to take advantage of you just like men. If you have a teen sibling or relative or friend watch out for female predators too, not just males. They are still not fully formed people and need protection, especially lgbt+, we don't know their reality, how they see themselves or see the world, in the end they can be really fragile prey for these women.