#you'll never know what it means
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Lan Wangji goes to Lotus Pier (No relation to the AU of the same name)
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#poorly drawn mdzs#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangji#wei wuxian#Another split type comic because I decided to be ambitious.#This flashback is currently beating my ass. There are so many timeskips within the flashback! My flow and pacing are wheezing!#I loved how this scene starts with the crowd's point of view. The observations and gossip add a lot.#And it helps reposition us to what the external perspective is on these two. Namely that 'they don't get along.'#Tensions are known! Even here in Nouveau Lotus Pier.#Ah...Lan Wangji never got a chance to see the Lotus Pier of Wei Wuxian's childhood and adolescence...did he?#It's not the same. He's not the same. Call them by the same name and people will know what you mean...#...but the first version - the one with the fond memories - is gone for good.#It's sort of interesting isn't it? How names can hold so much power and still be hollow?#We often get stuck over past versions of things. Be it ourselves or other people or places.#Change is scary but the truth is nothing ever stays the same. It's always moving. You're always moving.#It's okay to mourn the past. Maybe it's people you lost or the person you hoped to be. Let yourself feel the grief.#And then? Then you grow around that pain and keep on going. If you feel like you can't - remember you don't have to do it alone.#A side note: Listening to the tossing flowers extra is so essential for this scene. It's cute and gives us more of [redacted]#What's [redacted]? You'll see in the next comic!
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圣人有情而无累
dihua + 情 | 莲花楼 mysterious lotus casebook
#莲花楼#mysterious lotus casebook#asiandramasource#dailyasiandramas#cdramasource#asiandramanet#cdramagifs#cdramanet#gifshistorical#cdrama#cheng yi#dihua#lhlgifs#jielin's edits#my posts#情 sentiments (not romance or love) / 圣人有情而无累 a sage possesses feelings but is unburdened by it#sgm lxy was described to be cold and unfeeling to the extent he's likened to a ''dead person''#not bc he was above feelings. bc clearly when he was made to face it...it went very badly#so llh ending at the point where he's so composed and at ease despite having to leave everything he cared about behind. yeah.#one would think llh would have been dead from bicha by then. but he's never been more alive tbh#very much a xianxia/cmyth narrative. by the theoretical definitions of xianxia/cmyth#it's a dihua thing to me also since it is them that evoked in one another each of their own ordeals with 情#dfs said to lxy that 你的弱点就是喜欢当英雄. what is good pretending your motivations are so noble#bc dfs had lived his whole life for himself and only himself. he does not pretend to be more than that#and the interesting thing is when it's followed by 一个剑客不该有弱点 as if he's speaking as the 理 of wulin.#being weak is bad and it means you'll lose. that's just the rule of wulin#he is that sort of paradoxical existence...#lxy goes on to prove otherwise as llh. while existing to bring to surface the 情 in dfs#-> just know i do not know what i'm talking about anymore i just have lots of convoluted thoughts about these two im incoherent about#uhhh enjoy some nice gifs!
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out of context acftl spoilers in the form of stock images
#IM GIGGLING#I LOVE STOCK IMAGES#anyway if you've read the book you'll know what these mean#if you haven't idk#tbona#ouabh#jacks prince of hearts#evajacks#the ballad of never after#evangeline fox#jacks x evangeline#caraval#books#stephanie garber#acftl#a curse for true love
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the relationship between the chantry and the mortalitasi in nevarra is SO fucking funny. the carefully politic and civil syncretism of it all. the ‘I’ll refrain from scratching your back to bloody shreds if you refrain from scratching mine :)’. left hand politely averting its eyes from whatever the fuck the right hand is doing merrily up to its elbow in entrails because it usually knows what it’s doing I guess. speak softly, and have an army of the restless dead ready to go banapants horrorshow bonkers if you don’t get to tend to them. We Receive: being able to keep doing our goth thing mostly unimpeded. You receive: us not raising the great majority to protest your unwelcome meddling. render unto the chantry what is the chantry's and unto the watchers what is theirs (or, with all possible courtesy you understand, else…)
#dragon age#nevarra#mortalitasi#a watcher's work is never done#The maker may take the souls but someone still has to care for the graves#the necropolis is such a trump card for the nevarran mages when you think about it -- try to annul the mortalitasi?#soon you'll have some VERY unpleasant things starting to come up from underground and no one who knows how to deal with it#that place has grown and been built upon itself for like a thousand years at this point hope you're good with surprises with no guide#it's not grey wardens in a blight levels of immunity granted but it's up there. thedas realpolitik hits different idk what to tell you#the idea that the ‘higher dead’ are the original souls lingering after death must be getting spicily close to heresy right#even more so than the mortalitasi usually get I mean#Poor Cassandra. Imagine being born a jock among goth nerds no wonder the religion got to her#if her parents had lived she could have been a hotheated dashing noble getting in righteous duels but instead. her uncle. alas.#I jest but I really am so interested in seeing more of nevarra to understand even more of where she's coming from originally#I'm visiting my wife's folks for the first time I'm really excited :) (I do think my adaar would find it fascinating actually so. sry cass)
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you can make fun of felix for sounding dumb when he speaks, he does say some very funny and questionable, somewhat bizarre things at times, but there's a certain point where I am going to judge you for it a little bit <3
#he reminds me of my brother#are either of them particularly graceful in their use of the english language? no. Regardless.#god this is why i can never deal with smartie pants people on this website bc you'll be So omg i support everyone#im so progressive 😌 and then you'll just go and mock someone for struggling with words lmao#youre really not and i know you and your 'I was a gifted student' ass was probably nasty to the kids who had to get extra help at school#like laughing at foon or him saying does chicken have meat in it is legit fine- he has some great stoner lines for a sober guy#but when he uses a slightly awkward turn of phrase but you can still easily understand what he meant and yet youre calling him an idiot?#Uh. I will judge you for that :)#like maybe im sensitive after getting called dumb more than once by literal adults as a child- adults who missed my very obvious and#apparent dsylexia and adhd has made me sensitive but i dont care. some of you are just mean for the sake of being mean#felix might never see your posts but other people who relate to him in that way very well might
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sometimes doing art is a random person coming by u and winking at u and u absolutely do not know what they're doing that about at all. and sometimes they tell u and ur like that's so beautiful that u've found that in my art but I didnt put it in there
#not art#just externalizing some thoughts so I have bandwidth to do things tonite this is not a jab at anyone#one of my deep anxieties abt my art n stories is someone might pick up#something I dont mean to put in there. and then theyll keep coming to me to ask for that thing that I never intended to provide#this is a completely baseless and paranoid anxiety like irl if that happens what I do is I tell them to fuck off lmao#like what's the repercussion there for me? close to nil. people ask things of anyone every day#and they get turned down every day literally nothing apocalyptic abt it. I just have had a few moments of like#oh at a certain level I will be misconstrued and recontextualized. bc where I come from is foreign to a chunk of my audience#this is a reason why I ask people to not edit my art directly#or. yknow. that if you do that then have the courtesy to not show me#but also on a lighter note it is especially funny when someone does this at me abt shipping#like esteemed guest mine. rest assured if I intend something you'll Know#I'm not known for my subtlety lmao
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since i'm back in my stucky feels, i just need to know why they chose "it's been a long long time" to reintroduce bucky to steve. i mean what in the actual fuck were they thinking if they didn't want us to be absolutely unhinged about them?
#HAVE YOU EVEN LISTENED TO THE LYRICS????#THEY MAKE ME INSANE#'NEVER THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD BE / STANDING HERE SO CLOSE TO ME'#'THERE'S SO MUCH I FEEL THAT I SHOULD SAY / BUT WORDS CAN WAIT UNTIL SOME OTHER DAY'#'HAVEN'T FELT LIKE THIS MY DEAR / SINCE I CAN'T REMEMBER WHEN'#'YOU'LL NEVER KNOW HOW MANY DREAMS / I'VE DREAMED ABOUT YOU / OR JUST HOW EMPTY THEY ALL SEEMED WITHOUT YOU'#anyway#ANYWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY#i mean it's been what? ten years? whenever that fucking movie came out#AND I STILL THINK ABOUT WHAT A DELIBERATE CHOICE THAT SONG WAS#fuck meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee#anYWAYyyyy#stucky#captain america#marvel#steve x bucky#bucky barnes#steve rogers#catws
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"BECAUSE YOURE WORTH SOMETHING!" "THEN I DONT WANT TO BE WORTH SOMETHING! AND ESPECIALLY NOT TO YOU!" "WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?" "EXACTLY WHAT I FUCKING SAID!" Giyuu stared down at him, contempt rising in his expression- but Sabito could feel the hurt behind the anger, both boiling over into a moment of shock. Pain bloomed on his cheek as his head was knocked sideways, he snarled and struck back- yelling vaguely filled his ears aside the pounding of his own heart. His throat hurt though he couldnt hear his own screaming over the adrenaline and tension, it- ..it hurt. His cheek, forehead, he could taste blood- but what hurt the most was seeing the same on Giyuu. That he was inflicting. The same pain in his eyes he knew his own echoed. All of it a desperate plea, their bared teeth and glares wavering for a moment.
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"What happened to Tomioka-san and Urokodaki-san?" "They got in a fight." "They did..? Why are they holding hands?" "They get upset when they fight." "Uwaa.... Thats so cute!" "I dont think Urokodaki-san's busted lip is very cute, nor Tomioka's black eye, Kanroji-san." "Ah!! I didn't mean it like that!-"
(Sabito gently smoothed his thumb over previously bloodied knuckles, since patched up and cleaned. He felt Giyuu's hand tighten around his own, resolved and firm. He huffed a sigh and rested his head in his other hand, the ache subsiding.)
#tomioka giyuu#kny sabito#sabigiyuu#giyuu#sabito#sabito lives au#loserboy giyuu posting#fratboy sabito posting#neros art tag#small thing i thought of when i was trying to nap#something something argument abt their self-sacrificing (& giyuu's self-worth) problems and they both lost it a bit#sabito saying 'i dont want to be worth anything to you if it means you'll get yourself killed for my sake'#giyuu not wanting to come to terms with the fact sabito's just doing the same thing *he* is#and how he only has a problem with it when its sabito's life on the line as well- exact opposite of what he wanted#they just care about eachother with their entire beings. hurting themselves hurts eachother in a horrible loop of pain they want to#relieve eachother from but dont know how. despite it all never taking eachother's existance *together* for granted#sabito's unspoken apology & giyuu's instant acceptance#theyre both big boys- a bit of pain isnt anything more than a little annoyance#but their bleeding hearts are a different story entirely#also giyuu had tackled him to the ground beforehand and shook him a bit- getting physical but not actually hurting him#but then everything exploded and a few others had to pull them apart#oh yeah Fortress(pinback) 'days with the light off freezing - you and i uneasy livid'
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I just had a whole actual married, mother of two adult woman be the first person older than about 21 to actually accept the fact that I don't want to get married and be willing to talk through what that means for me, instead of trying to convince me that I'll change my mind as I get older. I'm going to fucking cry
#I told her I'm lonely and why. and I told her that part of it is because I never want to get married#and so as the people I love move on to new seasons in their life I will always be left behind. because I don't ever want marriage#and she was just like ''okay. that just means you have to figure out what YOUR milestones are going to be#because that's going to look different than most of the people around you.''#I've never had an adult woman. especially not a church one. just accept it before#it's always been ''ok but everyone feels that way at your age [a blatant lie. most of the people I knew in high school#got married RIGHT out of high school] you'll feel differently in a few years''#or ''well don't shut yourself off from the possibilities!'' or ''oh but you'll meet The One''#so it's like. earthshattering for someone like this to just accept that I know my own heart in it and help me figure out what that means#for the future#like. I'm going to cry. I'm literally in tears.#Lu rambles#sorry for swearing. it's for emphasis. I'm very emotional rn
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I actually find it really sad that people's response to missing some allusion in fiction is to say the story did a bad job of explaining it rather than to think "maybe I should read closer next time" or "maybe the target audience for this piece has some context that I don't and it's worth my time to gain some of that context before reading more stories like these". And I mean sad, not in a condescending way, but in an "it genuinely hurts my heart and I wish I could help" way.
#like sometimes stories *are* bad at explaining#but 99% of the time you'll see three people saying “the author never explained this!!”#just for someone a comment down to be like “I loved how well this was foreshadowed and how well it landed” like#I get this a lot in terms of beta/editorial feedback too#three beta readers will comment that they loved how well X was explored#meanwhile an editor will say “this was never addressed or touched on at all”#it's okay to miss things. i miss A LOT especially on a first go which is why i like to revisit things that are really complex#but the assumption that it's always *the work* that failed and never you as the reader makes it impossible for you to grow#you just go around hating everything you read instead of ever just growing the skill you need to have a better experience each time#and that means you'll never be able to enjoy stories that go beyond what you already know#or that are curated toward audiences who are differently educated or perceive information differently than you#and that's really sad to me#writing#reading#media analysis#media literacy#fiction
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arshatta dum — arshatta lam — arshatta lamdumbona
#you'll never know what this means unless you've had english in class 11 cbse :)#desiblr#desi studyblr
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Burning Rotten Bridges
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#mianmian#nie mingjue#jin guangyao#JGY is nothing but outwardly calm and carrying on his duties as the chair for the meeting#but in that small pause after Nie Mingjue commemorates Mianmian for leaving...you can feel the tension.#Because Nie Mingjue comes from a place of privilege. He's always been in a position where his legitimacy and political standing-#-were never challenged. He didn't have to fight for respect. He was born into this world respected.#For people like Mianmian and JGY who clawed their way up from the bottom...this is a huge deal.#Truth be told I have a lot of things to say about what it means and feels to be in a position where leaving is messy.#There are times where the situation is bad but to leave means that those years of your life will have been for nothing.#That all the other suffering incurred will be fruitless. So you just *keep going*. Because it *has* to be worth it.#Because going back to what you were before is even more terrifying than the hell you are boiling in.#My concrete example for this is post-grad academia.#Because that cohort will have spent over a decade pursuing a goal and leaving means...well...it means throwing away those years.#It means losing (likely nearly all) your connections. It means going into debt you'll never pay off.#It means putting up with some pretty heinous abuse from your supervisor because what are you suppose to do? Leave?#Leaving is for those with the privilege to have options.#And even if you do have options...#Ultimately we would rather love the pain we know than risk the unknown. Hoping it's worth it one day.#With that mindset established; never say JGY should have just left like Mianmian. He couldn't. This was what he dedicated his life to.#He never had the option. Even if it seemed like he did - no he did not. He never conceived this ending ever happening for himself.
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"your father thinks it's all my fault, your sister thinks it's all my fault, you think it's all my fault" okay at a certain point you have to look inward and ask yourself "am i making life difficult for everyone around me?"
#told my mother some things. well i cried about them. and her response was ''this is why it's so important that you go to therapy''#or you could. try to become a better person. that's also something to consider#at a certain point i have to think ''what is WRONG with you''#imagine your child telling you that they're afraid of you because they never know what you'll be like in 5 minutes#because even if you're happy and loving one moment it could all turn around in 5 minutes.#and you say ''this is why you need to see a therapist every week instead of every two weeks''#WHAT. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU#HOW INSENSITIVE CAN YOU *BE*#''i don't understand what you mean. i care about you so much.'' then don't act like i'm just there for you to take your anger out on????#what the fuck am i still doing here man#persimmon's rambles
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what was your first favorite transformers character when you were new to the franchise? are they your favorite still, or did your thoughts change?
Ratchet, followed closely by Optimus. And they are definitely still my favourites for sure. I'm happy ratchet is one of the more consistent and recurring characters in tf media because I <3 him and every characterization of him except you bayverse fuck you fuck you fuck you penis blast of which I did not know when I had only watched tfp because, well, I had no idea about any of the other media except the movies and g1.
#which in hindsight is crazy#that I managed to not know about literally any of it at all#like truly had no idea there were other shows#or comics#or anything#when its rivals DC for its amount of random one offs and shows and comics and fractured storylines#like how did I do that#I say knowing full well I'll do it again#they call me the unknower. and well. you'll never believe what I don't know#though recently I met my match#one of my coworkers who's a real movie critic was talking to me about the MCU.. specifically the spiderman movies#and when I started talking about the origins of Spiderman. how Stan lee first got the comic published etc#he was like Stan Lee didn't write the comics?? he's a movie director#and I was like BOY DO I HAVE SOME INFO FOR YOU#it was crazy#it was so crazy. I mean he did say he's not a comic reader. or a cartoon watcher. so I suppose it makes sense he was only interested in#stan lee's career as the director of the earlier marvel movies#but like.... holy shit man#where have you been. how#how did you manage to not know that#a kindred spirit....
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pata hai i was looking through your chats on whatsapp to find your vdn ka address and i found a text ss from him that i sent you and it was something like unfortunately i'm not there but i do love you and i read that and had to sprint across the living room after reading that i can't believe it still affects me wtffffff when will it be overrrrrr i blocked him in august it should be over by now right
oh no😭 it's only been 3 months babe aur time lagega he was your childhood friend na and ahem
#your first kiss too and like first love i guess? i mean i know you don't call it love but#bohot saare mahino tak it will feel like what the fuck this is too much im never going to move on and then suddenly it'll be months#and you will have not thought about him and you'll see something that reminds you of him and you won't feel that stab in chest#you'll just feel bittersweet fondness#believe taylor if not me dancing to i forgot that you existed in the shower is like sooooooo healing#saumyuuuuuu#you won't believe it but i JUST opened tumblr to post about something like this wait
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idk man, the epilogue is like this really deep...exploration of interpersonal connections and wants and desires interlaced with the complexity of circumstance and consequence and regret and guilt. and I started it as a like "haha, this is what I want! I want two monkeys being gay, haha!"
but it's so. fucking tragic, actually.
just in chapter 1, we see how defeated Macaque is, how lost he is. how he hesitates and flip flops constantly. how he says or thinks something with certainty, but then goes back on that. he tries so hard to commit to one path, but he truly is fluctuating and has no clue what to do
and wukong is just...certain of himself. he's certain of his wants and desires now after Constellations. He wants to maintain connections and put in the effort no matter what. and that..juxtaposition of them...is just so raw and hurtful in chapter 1 because we see that wukong notices that in Macaque because he knows him better than anyone.
And Macaque admits he's a little lost. he doesn't know what he wants. but he keeps walking. he wants to make his own choices. he wants to think for himself. he wants to see the truth for himself.
and as the days go by, as the weeks and months pass...as they grow and change, it's just sad. because it's not
the epilogue is not this "will they? won't they?" shadowpeach thing.
look at them as individuals. that's why i finally decided to change the perspective. because we needed to see macaque's thoughts. I've shown you wukong's; please give macaque that same level of attention.
when people write romance or relationships, they often misstep when it comes to the characters that are in the relationship. in order for that relationship to be believable and relatable and enjoyed by the audience, you have to develop the characters independently and together.
we cannot have shadowpeach until we know, with certainty, who macaque and wukong are.
#constellations fic#constellations spoilers#i know it's stupid for me to ask people to read stuff a certain way#partly bc they're never going to do that and also#that goes against sharing artwork as a whole. the different interpretations are key to that but i just#i just want people to understand what i'm doing here#and i feel like a lot of my intent is lost#like i don't know how else to emphasize how...the interpersonal aspect of these two characters is what interests me#like hell yeah i want them to kiss and bone but like#their conversations. how close they are. how far apart they are...#i love all those things too#and idk. i want others to fall in love with them to#because that means no matter what AU i write with wukong and macaque#you'll understand that you're gonna have a good time#because if nothing else? i know who these two fucking characters are#and as a result. the shadowpeach i write is going to be messy and broken and terrible#but you shouldn't be surprised. i've shown you that from the start
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